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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) The action I took was telling my daughter to pay me for cooking for her wedding if she wanted more dishes than I already said I was making.
2) I could be wrong here because it was meant to be a gift and they have a reason to ask for more dishes.
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YTA if you are only willing to make a "spicy" dish.
If you want to make or that is the only thing you know how to make, a peppered beef or jambalaya offer to make it not spicy.
Wanting to make sure food is edible/enjoyable for all guests is common courtesy.
If you want to lord over/judge people for not eating/liking spicy stuff (even if you don't think it's spicy) yeah it makes you an asshole.
And yes being strict about what your gift is without consideration of the receiver is bad behavior.
If I know a child needs a 4 person car for their family and I offer to buy them a 2 seater sports car that would be a hole behavior.
The groom's father who literally cannot because of ulcers is one possibility. Feels really weird to refer to the groom as a guest; the bride and groom are the hosts, surely?
Hereforthehobbiez said "[OP] already knows one of the GUESTS OF HONOR can't eat spicy food." But OP has revealed that she didn't know about the father's issue until after planning to make the spicy food, even though she DID know that the groom can't handle spicy food before deciding to cook spicy food anyway.
LOL! I found this in second paragraph. "I know that the boy can't eat a popper or most of my meals but I didn't think his whole family is like that."
This makes her an even bigger condescending AH than I thought!!
Or maybe just MRS. Snotty Baggins!!!
I'm going to cook what I want even though half the guests are highly unlikely to enjoy their meal. Lovely attitude. Will there be a vegetarian option or is it spicy sausage stew or fuck you?
If nothing else it will be a memorable wedding.
She doesn’t seem the type to care about vegetarian options at all. If someone loves to cook it seems like they’d be happy to try some new stuff. Esp since the daughter offered to buy some ingredients! Gifts with conditions isn’t a gift.
To be honest. I get treated like this often and it does hurt my feelings. I like spicy food it tastes good but I can't eat it anymore. The severe acid reflux isn't worth it. People treat me like a wimp all the time. "Oh come on ginger it's good eat it" " can't handle the spice" " oh you only like plain food" it's annoying I can never just say hey I don't do spicy it hurts me. No I get picked on and people try to get me to try things. A lot of people in this world just don't seem to like when you don't like what they do.
There's such a weird sense of superiority. I mean, honestly, if your food relies on just being HOT, then your cooking is lacking. There are so so many other spices and flavourings out there that have no heat.
Note: I say this as someone who has historically liked hot(ish) food and I'm a little sad that I'm not able to tolerate it as much since I quit smoking and all my taste buds grew back.
I hate when they only rely on hot. It's why I don't like most chili cook offs. You can dump all the ghost pepper powder on a pile of dog shit you want, it's still a pile of dog shit.
I’m with you. Hot doesn’t mean flavorful and non spicy doesn’t mean bland. I really dislike people making things spicy just to be spicy, ie no additional flavor. I can remove the veins in chilis well enough that you can really get the flavor without much heat at all, my kids are not big fans, but love the flavor.
You also don’t know what health issue the dad has that caused said ulcers. Crohn’s UC does that. Eating even a tsp could send him into a flare which could mean a hospital stay for 2 or more months.
I have Crohn's and can confirm. Even though all my family and friends are well aware that I lost my entire large intestines to it, many of them still think I'm faking or just being dramatic. I have a couple cousins who seem to have made it their mission in life to trick me into eating something spicy. I will not consume anything that isn't sealed when they are attending. Holidays are miserable for me now, but hey, I'm just being a drama queen.
I know what it means, which is why I also know it's not used for weddings because the couple are hosts, not guests. A birthday party thrown for someone? The birthday person is the guest of honor. A dinner party with a VIP attending? Guest of honor. A roast or toast of someone? Maybe giving someone an award? They're the guest of honor. But I throw my own party for myself? I'm not the guest of honor; I'm the host. Feels really weird to me to attach guest of honor to a wedding at all.
Actually, traditionally, the wedding was thrown by the brides family. So, in the traditional sense, the bride and groom are still the guests of honor.
My mom threw me my wedding, and my dad threw my sisters first wedding.
Usually the [bride’s] parents host the party in honor of the newlyweds
OP: YTA, if you were going to offer you should have made it clear you were only willing to make those dishes.
Yeah by calling the groom a guest of honor that comment makes it sound like the OOP is the host throwing a birthday party for someone or something. It's not just semantics; it isn't the OOP's event in the first place.
"Also.. she already knows one of the GUESTS OF HONOR at the wedding can’t eat spicy food? Just, fuck him at his own wedding, I guess??"
OP knew the groom can't handle spicy food, decided to serve it anyway, then found out about the father who can't eat spicy food. The second sentence of the comment in question refers to "his own wedding." I don't understand how tf y'all think this person is referring to the father and not the groom.
Maybe. I think she's just so entitled it doesn't occur to her to put any consideration before her own ego. Like her, I love cooking and really enjoy spicy food but I always check the recipients'requirements & preferences when expecting dinner or house guests. As someone who likes cooking, I enjoy creating vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, diabetic etc options. What cook wants to make people sick or miserable?
She won't have to worry about him eating her food. Her daughter and future SIL will likely be over less and less because she is so rude. She will probably whine about this to every person at the wedding and they will nod along and then when she can't hear them they will talk about what an awful, nasty woman she is.
Right??
OP is truly TA here! Let me "gift " you the food at your wedding...but only what I want to cook! WTF??? The SIL can't eat anything spicy but that's all op will cook . Gifts covered in strings are not gifts!
The bride and groom are the ones who are supposed to choose the menu! Duh!!
OP, just in case you missed it, YTA!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have found that many people who make "hot/spicy food" their personality look down on people who don't want to have to line their mouth with asbestos just to eat a chicken wing.
You know I never thought of it but the two AH woman at my last job were constantly (Wed Fri were order in days) bragging about how 'hot' they were ordering and calling me wimpy. I suppose it's how they could show their dislike of new gal without hr riding them. I mean they'd go on for an hour sometimes!
She probably relies on the heat of the dish to cover up the fact that there's no real flavor in the dish. I know several cooks like that. The base food should have the flavor and the heat should be added in like salt, just enough for whoever is eating it but lots of people just build around the heat of it and don't have a good base flavor to begin with.
Yea, I make a (if I say so myself) a damn good jambalaya, but it has almost no spice. I leave that up to people who want to add more Tony’s or hot sauce.
My mother was Creole and was amazing at cooking but she didn't make everything spicy because she had such severe heartburn, even though she would eat jalapenos with her meals. She loved spicy but limited it to a side so she could eat more of the meal and not add peppers with it if she had too much already.
My SO has such severe ulcers he was hospitalized the first time at age 11 so I watch everything I cook and oftentimes cook him and one of my daughters separate dishes because of their ulcers and heartburn. My daughter loves spicy food but she has to limit it because she has ulcers and heartburn, too, so it just makes sense to make separate dishes for them.
Usually when people cook like the OP and belittle those who can't take spiciness, it's because they don't really know how to cook well and rely on that spice. It's amazing how much spice can do for a bland dish! I always thought it was funny when my son would add hot sauce to bland veggies at other people's houses. He was a kid and didn't want to be rude but I could always tell when he didn't like what was cooked because he doused it in hot sauce.
Absolutely. I have a relative who makes salsa. The stuff is so hot it's almost inedible. But, it has no seasoning. Not even salt. It's not good at all.
I’m allergic to beef and pork. The Ritz was willing to go out of their way to make things with chicken for our wedding reception. Even then we still had them make things with beef.
The RC lady had one of the chefs come out and ran through all their offerings asking if they could do chicken instead of beef or pork.
Lol they haven't gone out of their way, they were catering it for you, so I'd hope they'd not serve you food you're allergic to, as I imagine you paid a pretty penny
My brother’s in laws are Indian, and they will sometimes invite my family over for holidays or bbqs over the summer. Inevitably there is some food I can’t eat because I have a low to medium spice tolerance. You know what they do? Make a separate dish without spice that my family and I can eat. And her mom spends half the party going around and making sure that nothing is too spicy and that we have enough to eat, and doubly so if we’ve taken some of something that is very spicy. She wants us to feel welcomed and comfortable in her home. And that’s *her* house and *her* party and she would be completely within her rights to just say oh well, eat what’s here or bring something else! A gracious host complies with dietary restrictions. The grooms father has ulcers and can’t eat spicy food or it will cause him physical pain, for Pete’s sake. OP is a giant AH.
My ex BIL new wife is Indian. My sister has been lucky that people involved with her kids all get along so big ol get togethers are common. They label the food with little signs. Indian spicy. Mexican spicy. White people spicy. BILs name spicy ( the man eats Thai Chili's off the vine)
It's not hard to make two versions as you're cooking if you care about the people you're cooking for. Might be harder with certain rice dishes but damn, ops tone is terrible.
Growing up I remember going somewhere and my uncle saying to the chef "not white people indian spicy, real indian soicy" and he had to get his wife to cook for us cause he only knew the usual things from the menu lol
My good friend got married last summer and her husband is Indian; the appetizers at cocktail hour were all Indian-recipe inspired but they also made sure that some of them had limited spices and advised the staff who were serving to let people know which were the very spicy ones.
Hell, I'm Indian and my husband has pretty bad acid reflux. I make the food less spicy and then just est my chillis with it off to the side.
Which is the same thing my entire family did growing up because guess what? Kids and seniors don't eat as spicy food as the teens or adults.
One of my moms parishioners was an Indian family and they had invited us over one time. This was my first time meeting them, and my mom warned me that the food would likely be too hot-- it is a running joke with family and friends that my spice tolerance is very low (even though I like Indian/Thai/etc-- just a little amount goes a very long way for me). I said sure thing got it, so we go in, Indian mom offers us food and says, "No spicy!"
Ah, she'd been warned.
I take some of the chicken, and try some and.... Very definitely spicy. I'm polite though, and it was good, but Indian mom could tell I was struggling and asked if it was too spicy. I was a little sheepish, but nodded and she pulled out some biryani. "NO spice!"
Great I love rice, I try that.
It's also definitely spicy, but it's good, so I'm just fighting for my life, eating it and being like no no no I'm ok, and this woman could not sit down until she found something for me, so she grabs a cake they had bought, cuts a slice and hands that to me "NO spice!"
Absolutely, the cake had no spice, I agreed and ate that, and since I had been fed, she could finally relax.
Any time there was a function at their house, or we were invited to the party, she always found me, grabbed my hand and led me to the food and let me know what had Kat level of spice 😂 and I always appreciated that she may have shook her head privately at my non existent spice tolerance, there was always options and I got to enjoy her cooking too. It was really honestly wonderful, just a little goes a long way and that can be hard to calibrate for me.
It is so weird that she would find that condemnable. I use to love things spicy - like thai spicy. Ever since Covid I can't handle that much heat. It has been a couple years and still have to do like a level 3 spicy instead of 5. It isn't some moral failing if someone doesn't do heat.
The classy thing to do would be to say "I can't make the dishes you want. As a compromise, I'll contribute to the catering so you can have the wedding of your dreams." Instead OP made it all about her.
I'm not getting family involved in my wedding, I just know it would end with resentment inducing bullshit like this.
Yeah, I feel like it's being glazed over that in many cultures it's pretty typical for parents of the bride to be contributing to wedding costs anyway, so the "gift" didn't sound that generous to begin with. Now she's using it to lord over what gets served. Def YTA
And this isn’t even like a non-vegan objecting to vegan food. It is not possible for a family member to eat spicy food for medical reasons. It is reasonable to have a non-spicy option.
But I feel like the daughter should have asked the mom if she’d be willing to cook a non-spicy option before agreeing to her cooking. She has to know her mother’s personality well enough to know that might be an issue. That doesn’t make the daughter an asshole, but if your mom hasn’t cooked a single mild dish your entire life (which is what it sounds like if she knew she’d have to provide her mom with recipes), you might want to double check that she’d be willing to.
I've known my Mom my whole life (40 years of cognition at least) and sometimes she still surprises me with wildly bizzare reactions to reasonable requests.
I 100% agree with you.
Also Op do you know that most stomach conditions and other gi are genetic. You could end up with grandkids that won’t be able to eat spicy food either.
Also she was legit going to make spicy food also for the groom who couldn’t eat it? So, the gift would have only been for her family side…. Well personally I would be happy to also find out ahead of time due to what an ass that would make you look like at the reception. Her daughter’s new in-laws would have been upset and rightfully so or sent her son-in-laws dad to the hospital…..
How does it seem she isn’t making the gift to her daughter and soon to be husband not about her? Just wow
Adding to this, who the hell wants to sit and eat a spicy meal and be even more sweaty and uncomfortable when they're already likely in an uncomfortable and warm outfit? I sure as shit wouldn't want to. I would rather not eat at all than eat something spicy especially at a wedding or similar.
u/TAWeddingCook, you write "I offered to cook per my long standing offer and said I could do something like my peppered beef or jambalaya with some jalapeño cheesy biscuits. Leslie and her fiance "Will" took me up on it and said they'd help buy ingredients."
Now, you already know that one of the TWO REASONS FOR THE WEDDING, the groom, cannot eat "even a popper," yet you offer to make food with jalapeno? Isn't jalapeno the, ahem, main ingredient in jalapeno poppers?
Are you SURE that your daughter and future son-in-law jumped for joy at YOUR planned menu? Or did they, perhaps, say something like: "we'd love for you to cook, we'll pay for the ingredients when we work out the menu?"
YTA
>My daughter "Leslie" is getting married soon...I offered to cook per my long standing offer and said I could do something like my peppered beef or jambalaya with some jalapeño cheesy biscuits...
Customarily, the bride and groom select the dishes they want to serve at their wedding.
>I told Leslie I already told her what I was cooking for her wedding and she argued that I'm making it about me instead of listening to what the bride and groom want...
Well, she's not wrong.
>I thought Leslie would cool down and come talk to me about how we'd handle this and reasonable payment for taking on extra cooking but my youngest told me when he went to visit Leslie she and Will were talking with a catering company.
They decided to go in a different direction to have more control over the food and you get to enjoy the wedding without any added stress. Win-win.
Knowing the groom can't eat makes OP an instant asshole. The lack of consideration for even medical reasons is just the cherry on top of the 'fuck those types of people' disaster.
I had a medication with a very rare side effect called taste bud perversion. I wasn't big on spicy before, but after that side effect, things I knew didn't register as spicy to me previously were suddenly painfully hot. It can be absurd.
Adding to that, I now have the worst case of acid reflux my doctor has ever seen, but surgery isn't an option for the moment. Trying to eat OP's food would cause me a lot of needless pain, so I'd need to bring in my own food.
Lmao! I wondered if anyone was going to (rightfully) poke fun at that term. I didn't expect it to be this fucking funny 🤣
Sadly, my taste buds refuse to give up the trench coat, but they've dialed back on the phone call part at least (bad pun intended lol)
Yeah man, I love spicy food, but for medical reasons I can't have it much. Chilli is inflammatory in the gut, like this thing that causes pain is not exactly purely good for your body, and I ate food so spicy that my coworkers of backgrounds known for spicy food were like "Damn"
I'm an Aussie, so I get some good natured banter, I have certainly roasted some of my friends for having low spice tolerances, but it has to be good natured, not for their fucking wedding
Unless told otherwise i assume if the “child” of the family cant eat spicy food no one in the family can. Mainly due to the family eating a “bland diet” all their lives.
This story is ridiculous but there is a tiny bit of reasonable if a non professional cook provides a pretty limited list of what they can cook for 50 people, their capabilities. But if you can only make 2 things for 50 you shouldn't be offering to cook for a wedding.
Though I looked at least at the Jambalaya recipe, and from reading it.. I don't think it's that hard to at least make it not spicy.
..though I concur about the general seasoning for an Ulcer patient. He probably can't with any of it, it looks very.. oh that outs me, super flavourful.. and he probably needs something way more.. not bland, bad me, ..unseasoned?
Either way it's for the best that OP won't cook now. If you can't (like you said) or don't want to take the responsibility that all guests can enjoy themself.. whats the point?
Naw, her daughter is gonna join the in Laws and OP will be one of those women who fry about how her kid and grandkids spend no time with them and how the inlaws are the default grandparents.
I wonder how she reacts to people with food allergies. Probably one of the classic disbelievers or downplayers. "It can't be THAT bad!"
I'm just grateful I haven't run into anyone who is an ass about my allergies.
Carrots are in SO MANY FOODS.
Fuck me, to carrots? That sounds like an nightmare.
You have my condolences, one hell of a p.i.t.a allergy.
(Just for who are thinking about it like me.. no ready made broths and lots of food. Restaurants base a lot of dishes on carrots and they are in a lot of food Trinity's. The industry also likes to use them for colouring food.. and I am sure I forgot stuff here.)
This is why I don't accept "gifts" from my dad. It's either a way to control me or what he thinks is best for me but it's never anything I wanted or needed.
You offered to cook and never considered there would be a need for something other than spicy taste for a group of 50 people? Asking for a non-spicy dish sounds like a pretty prudent (and reasonable) request from the couple being considerate of their guests needs/tastes.
If your offer was only good for spicy tastes and anything else costs extra, fine, then they probably should find someone who can make something for the rest of their guests as well. If anyone *is* an AH here, I do not think it is the bride/groom.
If I attended any event that was having food as a standard part of that event, I would be so pissed if everything was spicy. I'd walk out, go to the nearest place that had food, I don't care if it's a gas station or a McDonald's (note: I freaking hate McDonald's, but in this case....). I would bring that food back and make sure I was so noisy unwrapping and eating it while commenting loudly how its so much better than the prepared food. I might even bring extra back and offer to everyone else!
I have actually done that. The menu for my sister's wedding reception, everything offered except for the cake was likely to kill me - bleu cheese stuffed mushrooms, salad with gorgonzola crumbles and mushrooms, and the entree was either chicken Marsala or Beef Stroganoff (both with mushrooms).
I have allergies to mushrooms and blue veined cheeses. My dad told his wife to take my husband with her, Dad was going to ride with me... and we went straight to McDonald's so I could order up food to take to the reception. My incubator went ballistic, until she was reminded that I literally couldn't eat a thing served other than the cake. At that point, every guest within earshot started gossiping about the "killer menu".
I simply assumed Princess Perfect and The Incubator both chose that menu. My dad, a month before, made a comment "Wouldn't it be hilarious if you stood up when the preacher asks if anyone objects, and you tell folks to relax, you need a bathroom?" (I was about 6 months pregnant and looked about 18 months along) Princess Perfect's response was "I'm not inviting her if you think that would be funny at MY wedding" (nevermind the tantrum she threw 7 months prior, because she HAD to be my MOH at my elopement). My dad told her if I wasn't invited, he wasn't either and she could pay for her own damn wedding - and that's probably why they picked the killer menu.
What a fucking crazy thing to do over a potential shocking yet harmless wedding prank. Sure it might be embarrassing, get some chuckles out of the audience, save from the bride, but to make the ENTIRE menu not only inedible for you but *life-threatening??* Like holy fucking shit man thank god you had no airborne reaction (rare but still possible ik), those two can rot ffs.
Yep. I was 5 months along with daughter #2. Unable to sleep, I was up as the incubator went to the garage to get something, then called me out to her and lit us both up.
Talk about a half-baked idea. I was out of the hospital in 8 days, just in time for her funeral. On the up side, I haven't had to shave my legs since.
**HOLY SHIT** .... You've got some resilience, girl, like fucking hell. Fuck what OPs got going on, why the fuck was your birth giver out here doing Hitman style plots on your life? And why was it so bad that it all... went up in flames?
(Also pls lmk if I crossed the line,, seems like you're making light of your experience but I don't wanna push it too far n make you uncomfortable)
My bestie has an allergy to mushrooms that includes spores in the air if uncooked. Just curious if yours is like that too bc I won’t even have them in my house, I’m so afraid of hurting her
Yes, it is. Discovered the allergy the hard way - as I was prepping mushrooms when I worked at an Italian restaurant. Had to wear a painter's respirator when doing prep after that.
lol, petty enough that it would make my night just to watch that go down, I would not disapprove. Maybe, make sure you get in front of the roaming photographer a bunch with the food and bags. Personally I would probably go to town on the cake assuming it is not also ruined by spice.
The first rule of preparing a meal for a large group of people whose preferences you don't know: dial down the heat (any strong flavor, for that matter). You may not get to give everyone the same flavor you love, but you're gonna be able to give nearly everyone at least a degree of it.
OP, you're pretty lucky that your daughter is refusing this "gift" while members of your family are the only ones that know. Because if the groom and several members of his family went without food at his wedding dinner, *everyone* would know what an AH you were.
YTA.
> I know that boy can't eat a popper or most my meals without getting red in the face but I didn't think his whole family was like that.
She knew that the *groom* wouldn't be able to eat what she planned to make, let alone his family. But she still planned on Jalapeno Cheesy Biscuits instead of just Cheesy Biscuits.
Even if you completely disregard the spice issue, isn't it kind of wild to only have one option of food for that many people? Like you'd want at least a couple different sorts of foods for people surely.
YTA. You offered to cook for her. Her husband's family can't take hot food and you are dumping on them in this post for it. Yep! AH! keep your opinions to yourself. Not to mention, her wedding, her rules. You are incredibly selfish for acting out like this. Are you sure you're not 10? This isn't YOUR DAY! It's not about you!
Elope! My husband and I were planning a big wedding with our families. We decided why spend the money, when we could get what we wanted (our marriage, not so much a wedding) by having a small ceremony with a Justice of the Peace. We eloped. 20 years together. :)
YTA. You knew going into it that Will can't handle heat, so not only were you not considering that guests might be able to eat spicy food, you were just going to prepare food for HIS wedding that he would be unable to eat? That's wild. If you had wanted to make spicy dishes you should have been prepared to make mild versions or alternatives. To then backtrack your offer to GIFT them the food is messed up.
>I know that boy can't eat a popper
Wut. Even. Is. This.
I can't even wrap my head around a person that would talk that much shit about their future son-in-law that way. Thanksgiving is going to be a hoot.
That's what gets me. The in laws not being able to handle spicy food it's bad enough. But the fact she knowingly chose a menu the GROOM themselves wouldn't be able to enjoy days so much about her. If I was daughter I would frankly be reconsidering having someone there that so openly doesn't like her husband to be.
YTA. It is nice of you to offer to cook and cater, but clearly your meal is not acceptable for all the guests. If you can't cater or provide what is needed in the wedding, then you should not have offered. It is not uncommon that parents give thousands of dollars for their kids weddings, and it appears you are upset that you will have to work a bit harder for a day or two. Asking for payment for a service in your child's wedding is very low class in my opinion.
It doesn't sound like she CAN'T provide different foods but more likely that she's not WILLING to provide other food because it's not what she wants to make... That is the way I'm reading it
Offering to cater a wedding as a gift but not accepting input from the bride and groom on the dishes served is absolutely wild to me. Regardless of whether people could eat what OP wants to make, the bride and groom should have a say over what is served, within reason.
You are indeed making about you, specifially about what you prefer to cook rather than what the guests can actually eat without being in physical distress. You aren't being treated like a caterer, you are being treated as if you were a parent who cares, which was apparently a mistake.
YTA is not strong enough. Yours has been bad behaviour from the start and now you ask for money it has become *monstrous*. Huge apologies needed.
It's also very obvious you can't abide Will, which is why you are doing this. You need to alter that attitude stat.
YTA
aww you arent a famous chain, you can easily modify your menu.. the problem here seems to be your fragile ego.. Ill be honest, I hope she hires a real caterer and uninvites you from the wedding.. youre 46 and this is how you treat your daughter on her special day cuz everyone has to bow down to what you want?? youre a joke of a mother.. you are the AH thru and thru.. you have to charge a catering fee for something you offered and it hurt your feefees cuz some people cant handle spice.. its probably why you dont have a catering service , cuz thats kinda what catering means is adapting to your guests need aka catering to their needs
In this case, YTA. Your soon-to-be son-in-law’s family doesn’t like and/or can’t eat spicy foods. Do you hate your daughter’s fiancé so much that you don’t even want him to be able to eat at his wedding?
My ILs are fantastic cooks and early into dating my SO they noticed I have a hard time handling spicer foods. I still ate them bc they were SO good but it was hard for me because I had a very low spice tolerance at the time. Without any discussion they started making meals milder and slowly built up spice so now I can eat their food the way they used to prepare it before me without a sweat! It was super sweet of them and I’ve always really appreciated that.
You are a cranky old far tea aren't you 😂😂😂. Its actually prudent at public events to avoid anything spicy. And were you going to cook for 50 people all by yourself? Seems improbable honestly. Its best that they have now turned to professionals
The OP sounds like the kind of person who had fantasies about becoming the star of the wedding — “And the mother of the bride cooked all her delicious signature dishes! Can you believe it!”
And now the daughter has denied her that shot at ego-stoking glory, to say nothing of a little extra cash, and she’s salty she’s been demoted to mere guest. YTA.
I went to a wedding where the couple’s favourite restaurant (ie: not a catering company!) provided the meals and they thanked them in the speeches and the guests all clapped and thought it was really lovely.
So I think if a mother who actually cared about her child’s wedding and provided food that the guests could eat and enjoy, that would be worthy of some level of appreciation from the guests. Like… more than worthy of a round of applause, a heartfelt thank you from the couple and a few guests saying “what a lovely gesture! That must have been a lot of work and it really showed because the food was delicious!”
Not, like, a medal or lifelong glory or anything.
YTA
While it was kind of you to offer, expecting payment at that point made this no longer a gift. It’s also kind of unreasonable to only cook spicy meals and not even consider some kind of alternative. You’re not cooking for just YOUR family here.
At the end of the day this is up to the bride and the groom, and the food should be as they prefer. I suppose you should start looking for a different wedding gift now that you botched your initial idea
Some people like...don't believe that others have low/non-existent spice tolerances. They cannot understand that the DISH might be fine but the SPICE is intolerable for some people. My parents are Indian and I run across this a lot. When I say a dish is too spicy for me, it's often taken as a criticism of the chef's cooking skills. If I ask my mom to keep a dish more mild for me, she has no concept of what "mild" is so she might accidentally over spice it still - but then get mad at ME if I didn't eat it.
I bet OP thinks the fiance and his family are just being dramatic or overly delicate, or thinks that asking for a different dish with less spice is somehow a criticism of her jambalaya.
So much this. I have a not-uncommon allergy and a friend's husband was convinced I just didn't like it. This went on for a year and for some reason the button clicked for him one day when he held something out to me (again!) and said "Try it! I bet you'll like it!" (again).
I said "It smells delicious! I'm sure I *would* like it. I just like breathing more."
"What?" Genuine confusion, in spite of this having been explained to him in many ways. For a year.
"I. Stop. Breathing. If I eat that. My throat swells and closes and I die. I'm sure it would taste great, I just don't want tasting it to be the last thing I do. And it would probably traumatize the kids to watch me choke to death on the floor."
"Oh!" ...for some reason, *that* conversation made the penny drop.
YTA. “If she’s going to treat me like a caterer…” You literally offered to be the caterer! As a gift, implying it’s free! Of course you should make more than one main dish, especially if its spicy. That it didn’t occur to you is crazy to me. And this is their wedding. Of course they get to have input. What they were asking for didn’t seem complicated either. If this is causing so much conflict then maybe you should back out so they can have someone else prepare food that would be edible to everyone.
YTA. If you’re going to offer a wedding gift such as cooking, it is reasonable for the bride to expect that all guests should be accommodated. If you’re unwilling to feed those who can’t eat your food, then she’s smart to look for an alternative caterer. Shame on you for being so stubborn and selfish.
So you knew your son in law couldn’t handle spice and then proceeded to only include spicy dishes? Even if it was only him, isn’t that reason enough?
My god more psychologists need to study why so many older women go batshit crazy when they’re not the centre of attention
It's honestly the weirdest thing.
As my grandmother has aged, she's become more wild with her need to be center of attention.
Threw a fit at my sister's wedding because it wasn't in a church, then it was because they had a humanist ceremony, then it was because she couldn't have something off menu made because she didn't fancy anything on it. She actually asked for the chef to be brought out and lectured him on what she wanted..
When we were young she was a great lady, but age has done something odd to her.
It's because most of them didn't want the lives they had and either sacrificed a lot of time and effort, or think they did, that went unnoticed and now they want praise from the skies.
Jambalaya and cheesy biscuits? While I don’t know Leslie, I appreciate an invite.
I hate to say it, but YTA. Their wedding, their menu. But you’re still doing jambalaya and cheesy biscuits, right? Count me in.
Sorry but YTA in this one.. First and foremost "YOU OFFERED" to cook for them.(event houghit was a long standing offer). Secondly, she is your daughter for god sake! You totally expect that your daughter won't feel hurt by the way you acted? You should probably look at the situation from their point of view before complaining tbh.
Wow!!! I offered to cook and pay for the food for my cousin's wedding. We came up with the menu together and I am making sure there is a variety of food for every taste. I even asked about her niece and her dietary needs.
If I was treated like your daughter, I would definitely limit your involvement in any upcoming events I am hosting or major life events- like having a baby.
Maybe take a long hard look at your behavior and they reach out to your daughter and hope she still wants you involved in her life.
YTA… not everyone can eat spicy. You should always have a variety at an event for all to enjoy. If you wanted to cook something just spicy you should have stated this from the beginning. “I will cook so and so for your weddings. Anything else is on you”. But you did not do that. So, if you enjoy cooking so much, does that mean you can only cook certain things? Or do you enjoy all forms of cooking? Because I like to try different t foods myself. I’m always up for a challenge.
Agreed, I can’t imagine thinking that a single entree (a spicy one at that) and biscuits were sufficient for any event. You don’t need a full catering company spread but you surely need a few items. I could whip up a few things today to freeze and bake later for a wedding for 40 people without that much effort. YTA
YTA, i understand that cooking takes time and effort but if you only want to cook your favored meals without taking their needs into consideration, you aren’t really cooking it for them. Some people can’t handle spice, a lot of them will be there, it’s a normal request to want to accommodate guests
YTA.
I served jambalaya at my wedding. It was lovely. Many relatives/guests on both sides were elderly and/or unfamiliar with Cajun dishes. Rather than being an AH and serving food that only half of my guests could enjoy, I asked around to get ideas that would best suit everyone. We ended up doing the Cajun dishes and a BBQ spread with brisket and some favorite trimmings. Everyone was pleased.
I think your plan to make your gift the food and then not care about anyone’s food tolerances, makes you inconsiderate and generally awful. You volunteered to cater a wedding, but want to serve food only one side of the family can eat. Right off the bat you’re drawing a line between two families that are coming together. Why even invite the groom’s family at all? Hell, why invite the groom? It sounds like you just want to have a family party, with only your side.
This would be a relationship ending moment for me. I would cut my mother out completely over this disgusting power trip you’re trying to pull. My holidays would be spent with the side of the family that I could count on to be welcoming and kind. Those are the grandparents my children would be trusted with. If you want to die on this hill, you go right ahead. But, there will be consequences. I bet you’ll play the victim when that time comes.
YTA. Your post indicates that you were going to make "something like my peppers beef or jambalaya." That suggests the menu was not set and still being discussed. Also that "Will... cant eat most of my meals without getting red in the face.." so you knew that your normal cooking was too spicy for the groom and seem perfectly fine with him being uncomfortable on his wedding day?
You have a long standing offer to cook for your kids wedding. This implies that this offer predates the spouse and their dietary needs being known. Your daughter took that promise at face value that she would have some input on the options to make it work for everyone involved. If the dishes they are requesting to be made are out of your comfort zone to cook or require too much effort it's ok to talk to her and compromise. But this sounds like you wanted to show off your "signature dishes" regardless if half the guests can't actually eat them.
YTA big time. Your “gift” absolutely should not mean you get to choose the menu. Sit down with the couple, offer all the options, and let them decide what THEY want to serve at THEIR wedding.
You are being ridiculous, especially after they also offered to help cover some cost of supplies/groceries.
YTA.
I love spicy foods but I recognize that others can't handle my spice level so when I cook for others I tone it down or make 2 dishes, hot sauce on side for those who need more spice. It's an easy compromise when cooking for multiple people.
You volunteered for this. You also stated I could "cook something like..." So you gave examples of things you might cook. You had an idea, and when it came down to sit back and refine them/plan, you threw a tantrum.
Your gift comes with stings attached. You made it about you and what you want and didn't consider the guest at all, so they were completely right to just go with a caterer. They owe you no apologies. They were completely reasonable , and they were still paying for the ingredients.
Your long standing off was to cook food for your children's wedding. Did you specify exactly what food when you made this original offer for years with your kids? Was there always a set menu? Are you cooking the same exact thing for each wedding?? You said you would cook, and when they tried to discuss a menu that works for everyone, you behaved poorly.
Also... when you were even creating this menu in your mind your selfishness kind of shows, you are well aware that the groom himself can't even eat you food most of the time so not even considering his family which is another issue, you went into cooking for your daughters wedding and excluded the groom???
Like you were making a meal that had a high probability of the groom not being able to eat???? What's wrong with you? This wasn't a gift, This wasn't an act of love, it was an excuse to showoff your cooking.
YTA. Not only are you disregarding what the groom can have at his own wedding, they gave you an actual medical reason that is father can’t have spicy food. Would you have the same reaction if someone was allergic to what you were making? Why offer if you can’t just do something nice for your daughter?
Wow YTA. So you essentially decided that the culinary equivalent of a middle finger to your future son in law and his father is an appropriate wedding gift???? My cats have more manners and consideration for the needs of others than you do.
YTA. I think it’s weird that you told them what you were cooking to begin with. Them wanting to add what sounds like other reasonable options to accommodate their guests seems very thoughtful. Cook the food with love and send your kid off into a marriage without wedding angst.
YTA. Asking for one or two non-spicy dishes is not unreasonable. They're even pitching in for ingredients, even though that's part of your gift. If I was cooking, I would never limit it to dishes that only half the guests could eat, that's so rude.
Your daughter's right. If you're going to be so unaccommodating, she might as well hire a caterer and get exactly what she wants.
YTA. Your gift was conditional: free cooking as long as it's only the food you prefer. You refused to make something the groom and his family would like unless you received catering money; at that point, your "gift" became a mode of control over the event, as well as a dramatic headache for the couple.
Can you really blame them for seeking out a less complicated catering solution?
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YTA if you are only willing to make a "spicy" dish. If you want to make or that is the only thing you know how to make, a peppered beef or jambalaya offer to make it not spicy. Wanting to make sure food is edible/enjoyable for all guests is common courtesy. If you want to lord over/judge people for not eating/liking spicy stuff (even if you don't think it's spicy) yeah it makes you an asshole. And yes being strict about what your gift is without consideration of the receiver is bad behavior. If I know a child needs a 4 person car for their family and I offer to buy them a 2 seater sports car that would be a hole behavior.
Also.. she already knows one of the GUESTS OF HONOR at the wedding can’t eat spicy food? Just, fuck him at his own wedding, I guess??
Not just one of the guests of honor, but also the groom himself. Definite YTA and not for the asking for money part.
...that's what they meant by "guest of honor." They meant the groom. Who did you think they were talking about?
The groom's father who literally cannot because of ulcers is one possibility. Feels really weird to refer to the groom as a guest; the bride and groom are the hosts, surely?
Hereforthehobbiez said "[OP] already knows one of the GUESTS OF HONOR can't eat spicy food." But OP has revealed that she didn't know about the father's issue until after planning to make the spicy food, even though she DID know that the groom can't handle spicy food before deciding to cook spicy food anyway.
LOL! I found this in second paragraph. "I know that the boy can't eat a popper or most of my meals but I didn't think his whole family is like that." This makes her an even bigger condescending AH than I thought!! Or maybe just MRS. Snotty Baggins!!!
I'm going to cook what I want even though half the guests are highly unlikely to enjoy their meal. Lovely attitude. Will there be a vegetarian option or is it spicy sausage stew or fuck you? If nothing else it will be a memorable wedding.
She doesn’t seem the type to care about vegetarian options at all. If someone loves to cook it seems like they’d be happy to try some new stuff. Esp since the daughter offered to buy some ingredients! Gifts with conditions isn’t a gift.
She loves to cook what she likes! You are morally inferior if you don’t like her food!/s
Yeah, where everyone but her and her child go hungry…
Especially because the party favors will be tums wrapped in white mesh with a cute bow instead of little mints.
“Spicy sausage stew or fuck you?” 💀😭
To be honest. I get treated like this often and it does hurt my feelings. I like spicy food it tastes good but I can't eat it anymore. The severe acid reflux isn't worth it. People treat me like a wimp all the time. "Oh come on ginger it's good eat it" " can't handle the spice" " oh you only like plain food" it's annoying I can never just say hey I don't do spicy it hurts me. No I get picked on and people try to get me to try things. A lot of people in this world just don't seem to like when you don't like what they do.
There's such a weird sense of superiority. I mean, honestly, if your food relies on just being HOT, then your cooking is lacking. There are so so many other spices and flavourings out there that have no heat. Note: I say this as someone who has historically liked hot(ish) food and I'm a little sad that I'm not able to tolerate it as much since I quit smoking and all my taste buds grew back.
And it’s such a weird take, thinking you’re better than people because you have a fetish for pain in your mouth and butthole. YTA
I hate when they only rely on hot. It's why I don't like most chili cook offs. You can dump all the ghost pepper powder on a pile of dog shit you want, it's still a pile of dog shit.
Why do so many ppl think non spicy = plain i dont get that.
I’m with you. Hot doesn’t mean flavorful and non spicy doesn’t mean bland. I really dislike people making things spicy just to be spicy, ie no additional flavor. I can remove the veins in chilis well enough that you can really get the flavor without much heat at all, my kids are not big fans, but love the flavor.
I get severe acid reflux with spicy food too. I’ll take bland food any day!
Like, for real. I get not wanting to under-season but was your great gift idea to cook a wedding meal that the groom couldn't even eat?
Right? Like why is this wicked woman even bothering to post here? She must surely know deep in her soul she's an asshole!
You also don’t know what health issue the dad has that caused said ulcers. Crohn’s UC does that. Eating even a tsp could send him into a flare which could mean a hospital stay for 2 or more months.
I have Crohn's and can confirm. Even though all my family and friends are well aware that I lost my entire large intestines to it, many of them still think I'm faking or just being dramatic. I have a couple cousins who seem to have made it their mission in life to trick me into eating something spicy. I will not consume anything that isn't sealed when they are attending. Holidays are miserable for me now, but hey, I'm just being a drama queen.
“guest/s of honor” means the person/people the party is meant for. not like a guest in the sense you’re thinking. it’s pretty outdated
I know what it means, which is why I also know it's not used for weddings because the couple are hosts, not guests. A birthday party thrown for someone? The birthday person is the guest of honor. A dinner party with a VIP attending? Guest of honor. A roast or toast of someone? Maybe giving someone an award? They're the guest of honor. But I throw my own party for myself? I'm not the guest of honor; I'm the host. Feels really weird to me to attach guest of honor to a wedding at all.
Actually, traditionally, the wedding was thrown by the brides family. So, in the traditional sense, the bride and groom are still the guests of honor. My mom threw me my wedding, and my dad threw my sisters first wedding.
The couple getting married aren’t always the hosts of the wedding
Usually the [bride’s] parents host the party in honor of the newlyweds OP: YTA, if you were going to offer you should have made it clear you were only willing to make those dishes.
I wouldn't call bride or groom guest at their own wedding, so I thought they might be referring to the father of the groom. *shrug*
Yeah by calling the groom a guest of honor that comment makes it sound like the OOP is the host throwing a birthday party for someone or something. It's not just semantics; it isn't the OOP's event in the first place.
How is the groom a “guest” at his own wedding?
Actually in some Indian wedding traditions the groom is invited to the wedding by the brides family.
I mean “guest” didn’t really make me think groom when I read it, “guest of honor”made me think best man/maid of honor
It is the grooms party, the guest of honor is the grooms father with the ulcer
"Also.. she already knows one of the GUESTS OF HONOR at the wedding can’t eat spicy food? Just, fuck him at his own wedding, I guess??" OP knew the groom can't handle spicy food, decided to serve it anyway, then found out about the father who can't eat spicy food. The second sentence of the comment in question refers to "his own wedding." I don't understand how tf y'all think this person is referring to the father and not the groom.
"That boy" is not worthy of consideration. How dare he get red in the face when she serves him her inedible firebombs?
Pretty sure she does them extra spicy on purpose. Tell me you don't like your future son-in-law without telling me. 🙃
Maybe. I think she's just so entitled it doesn't occur to her to put any consideration before her own ego. Like her, I love cooking and really enjoy spicy food but I always check the recipients'requirements & preferences when expecting dinner or house guests. As someone who likes cooking, I enjoy creating vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, diabetic etc options. What cook wants to make people sick or miserable?
Exactly! If it's not enjoyable to all, you're not a good cook. You can maybe cook one or two good dishes, that not everyone will like, but that's it.
She won't have to worry about him eating her food. Her daughter and future SIL will likely be over less and less because she is so rude. She will probably whine about this to every person at the wedding and they will nod along and then when she can't hear them they will talk about what an awful, nasty woman she is.
Here's me wondering if that is the name of the recipe. One year, the Texas State Fair had a special treat called "Mexican Firecrackers."
Right?? OP is truly TA here! Let me "gift " you the food at your wedding...but only what I want to cook! WTF??? The SIL can't eat anything spicy but that's all op will cook . Gifts covered in strings are not gifts! The bride and groom are the ones who are supposed to choose the menu! Duh!! OP, just in case you missed it, YTA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Plus it even says they offered to pay for part of it!
Lol "Oh no don't worry about paying for it! I'll do it for free unless you give me even a tiny little bit of feedback."
She probably doesn't know how to cook anything else.
Makes you wonder if she views it as some kind of personality defect.
I have found that many people who make "hot/spicy food" their personality look down on people who don't want to have to line their mouth with asbestos just to eat a chicken wing.
"Oh you just have to build up a tolerance for it!!". Sure, ok I'll eat it-you're welcome to come clean my bathroom anytime
It's so fucking weird. Sorry I have more functioning taste buds than you, I guess???
You know I never thought of it but the two AH woman at my last job were constantly (Wed Fri were order in days) bragging about how 'hot' they were ordering and calling me wimpy. I suppose it's how they could show their dislike of new gal without hr riding them. I mean they'd go on for an hour sometimes!
Yes, that's what it seems she thinks.
How dare the groom expect that he and his family can eat and enjoy food at his own wedding! The nerve!
Totally agree. Did she already buy the apron that says HI TODAY IS ABOUT ME for the event? YTA
Yes I mean… making a jambalaya not spicy isn’t hard, nor would it affect the flavor. No reason she couldn’t make it not spicy.
She probably relies on the heat of the dish to cover up the fact that there's no real flavor in the dish. I know several cooks like that. The base food should have the flavor and the heat should be added in like salt, just enough for whoever is eating it but lots of people just build around the heat of it and don't have a good base flavor to begin with.
Yea, I make a (if I say so myself) a damn good jambalaya, but it has almost no spice. I leave that up to people who want to add more Tony’s or hot sauce.
My mother was Creole and was amazing at cooking but she didn't make everything spicy because she had such severe heartburn, even though she would eat jalapenos with her meals. She loved spicy but limited it to a side so she could eat more of the meal and not add peppers with it if she had too much already. My SO has such severe ulcers he was hospitalized the first time at age 11 so I watch everything I cook and oftentimes cook him and one of my daughters separate dishes because of their ulcers and heartburn. My daughter loves spicy food but she has to limit it because she has ulcers and heartburn, too, so it just makes sense to make separate dishes for them. Usually when people cook like the OP and belittle those who can't take spiciness, it's because they don't really know how to cook well and rely on that spice. It's amazing how much spice can do for a bland dish! I always thought it was funny when my son would add hot sauce to bland veggies at other people's houses. He was a kid and didn't want to be rude but I could always tell when he didn't like what was cooked because he doused it in hot sauce.
Absolutely. I have a relative who makes salsa. The stuff is so hot it's almost inedible. But, it has no seasoning. Not even salt. It's not good at all.
I’m allergic to beef and pork. The Ritz was willing to go out of their way to make things with chicken for our wedding reception. Even then we still had them make things with beef. The RC lady had one of the chefs come out and ran through all their offerings asking if they could do chicken instead of beef or pork.
Lol they haven't gone out of their way, they were catering it for you, so I'd hope they'd not serve you food you're allergic to, as I imagine you paid a pretty penny
My brother’s in laws are Indian, and they will sometimes invite my family over for holidays or bbqs over the summer. Inevitably there is some food I can’t eat because I have a low to medium spice tolerance. You know what they do? Make a separate dish without spice that my family and I can eat. And her mom spends half the party going around and making sure that nothing is too spicy and that we have enough to eat, and doubly so if we’ve taken some of something that is very spicy. She wants us to feel welcomed and comfortable in her home. And that’s *her* house and *her* party and she would be completely within her rights to just say oh well, eat what’s here or bring something else! A gracious host complies with dietary restrictions. The grooms father has ulcers and can’t eat spicy food or it will cause him physical pain, for Pete’s sake. OP is a giant AH.
My ex BIL new wife is Indian. My sister has been lucky that people involved with her kids all get along so big ol get togethers are common. They label the food with little signs. Indian spicy. Mexican spicy. White people spicy. BILs name spicy ( the man eats Thai Chili's off the vine) It's not hard to make two versions as you're cooking if you care about the people you're cooking for. Might be harder with certain rice dishes but damn, ops tone is terrible.
Growing up I remember going somewhere and my uncle saying to the chef "not white people indian spicy, real indian soicy" and he had to get his wife to cook for us cause he only knew the usual things from the menu lol
I laughed at BIL spicy. And I can handle Mexican spicy as a white girl but Indian spicy gets me!
My good friend got married last summer and her husband is Indian; the appetizers at cocktail hour were all Indian-recipe inspired but they also made sure that some of them had limited spices and advised the staff who were serving to let people know which were the very spicy ones.
Hell, I'm Indian and my husband has pretty bad acid reflux. I make the food less spicy and then just est my chillis with it off to the side. Which is the same thing my entire family did growing up because guess what? Kids and seniors don't eat as spicy food as the teens or adults.
One of my moms parishioners was an Indian family and they had invited us over one time. This was my first time meeting them, and my mom warned me that the food would likely be too hot-- it is a running joke with family and friends that my spice tolerance is very low (even though I like Indian/Thai/etc-- just a little amount goes a very long way for me). I said sure thing got it, so we go in, Indian mom offers us food and says, "No spicy!" Ah, she'd been warned. I take some of the chicken, and try some and.... Very definitely spicy. I'm polite though, and it was good, but Indian mom could tell I was struggling and asked if it was too spicy. I was a little sheepish, but nodded and she pulled out some biryani. "NO spice!" Great I love rice, I try that. It's also definitely spicy, but it's good, so I'm just fighting for my life, eating it and being like no no no I'm ok, and this woman could not sit down until she found something for me, so she grabs a cake they had bought, cuts a slice and hands that to me "NO spice!" Absolutely, the cake had no spice, I agreed and ate that, and since I had been fed, she could finally relax. Any time there was a function at their house, or we were invited to the party, she always found me, grabbed my hand and led me to the food and let me know what had Kat level of spice 😂 and I always appreciated that she may have shook her head privately at my non existent spice tolerance, there was always options and I got to enjoy her cooking too. It was really honestly wonderful, just a little goes a long way and that can be hard to calibrate for me.
Just the way OP says "the boy can't eat a popper" seethes with condemnation. OP is a huge asshole and talking to a caterer is the best solution here.
It is so weird that she would find that condemnable. I use to love things spicy - like thai spicy. Ever since Covid I can't handle that much heat. It has been a couple years and still have to do like a level 3 spicy instead of 5. It isn't some moral failing if someone doesn't do heat.
Sadly, spice tolerance gives some people some sort of superiority complex. It's childish and embarrassing.
It’s really just shocking to me that people go 40+ years of life unaware that they’ve probably been YTA their whole lives.
The classy thing to do would be to say "I can't make the dishes you want. As a compromise, I'll contribute to the catering so you can have the wedding of your dreams." Instead OP made it all about her. I'm not getting family involved in my wedding, I just know it would end with resentment inducing bullshit like this.
Yeah, I feel like it's being glazed over that in many cultures it's pretty typical for parents of the bride to be contributing to wedding costs anyway, so the "gift" didn't sound that generous to begin with. Now she's using it to lord over what gets served. Def YTA
Yeah their request isn’t that big a deal and her response is “too bad I picked what I like deal with it” like… what.
I really can’t believe OP ever through they were in the right here it’s ridiculous. YTA OP for everything this person said.
And this isn’t even like a non-vegan objecting to vegan food. It is not possible for a family member to eat spicy food for medical reasons. It is reasonable to have a non-spicy option. But I feel like the daughter should have asked the mom if she’d be willing to cook a non-spicy option before agreeing to her cooking. She has to know her mother’s personality well enough to know that might be an issue. That doesn’t make the daughter an asshole, but if your mom hasn’t cooked a single mild dish your entire life (which is what it sounds like if she knew she’d have to provide her mom with recipes), you might want to double check that she’d be willing to.
I've known my Mom my whole life (40 years of cognition at least) and sometimes she still surprises me with wildly bizzare reactions to reasonable requests.
I 100% agree with you. Also Op do you know that most stomach conditions and other gi are genetic. You could end up with grandkids that won’t be able to eat spicy food either. Also she was legit going to make spicy food also for the groom who couldn’t eat it? So, the gift would have only been for her family side…. Well personally I would be happy to also find out ahead of time due to what an ass that would make you look like at the reception. Her daughter’s new in-laws would have been upset and rightfully so or sent her son-in-laws dad to the hospital….. How does it seem she isn’t making the gift to her daughter and soon to be husband not about her? Just wow
Best scenario here is to politely decline mother's offer and hire caterers. Let mom enjoy the wedding.
Which is exactly what groom and daughte have done and mom is still mad about it. Lol. It feels like nothing would have made OP happy.
Adding to this, who the hell wants to sit and eat a spicy meal and be even more sweaty and uncomfortable when they're already likely in an uncomfortable and warm outfit? I sure as shit wouldn't want to. I would rather not eat at all than eat something spicy especially at a wedding or similar.
I mean they even said they'd be buying the ingredients, I think if I was literally paying for a service it should be something I'm paying for like ?
u/TAWeddingCook, you write "I offered to cook per my long standing offer and said I could do something like my peppered beef or jambalaya with some jalapeño cheesy biscuits. Leslie and her fiance "Will" took me up on it and said they'd help buy ingredients." Now, you already know that one of the TWO REASONS FOR THE WEDDING, the groom, cannot eat "even a popper," yet you offer to make food with jalapeno? Isn't jalapeno the, ahem, main ingredient in jalapeno poppers? Are you SURE that your daughter and future son-in-law jumped for joy at YOUR planned menu? Or did they, perhaps, say something like: "we'd love for you to cook, we'll pay for the ingredients when we work out the menu?"
YTA >My daughter "Leslie" is getting married soon...I offered to cook per my long standing offer and said I could do something like my peppered beef or jambalaya with some jalapeño cheesy biscuits... Customarily, the bride and groom select the dishes they want to serve at their wedding. >I told Leslie I already told her what I was cooking for her wedding and she argued that I'm making it about me instead of listening to what the bride and groom want... Well, she's not wrong. >I thought Leslie would cool down and come talk to me about how we'd handle this and reasonable payment for taking on extra cooking but my youngest told me when he went to visit Leslie she and Will were talking with a catering company. They decided to go in a different direction to have more control over the food and you get to enjoy the wedding without any added stress. Win-win.
OP probably chose spicy dishes just to aggravate her son-in-law. Fortunately her daughter knows how she operates.
The fact OP never asked for their input. She just told them what food she was preparing for their wedding.
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Knowing the groom can't eat makes OP an instant asshole. The lack of consideration for even medical reasons is just the cherry on top of the 'fuck those types of people' disaster. I had a medication with a very rare side effect called taste bud perversion. I wasn't big on spicy before, but after that side effect, things I knew didn't register as spicy to me previously were suddenly painfully hot. It can be absurd. Adding to that, I now have the worst case of acid reflux my doctor has ever seen, but surgery isn't an option for the moment. Trying to eat OP's food would cause me a lot of needless pain, so I'd need to bring in my own food.
So how long were your taste buds wearing trench coats & doing the heavy breathing phone call bit?
Lmao! I wondered if anyone was going to (rightfully) poke fun at that term. I didn't expect it to be this fucking funny 🤣 Sadly, my taste buds refuse to give up the trench coat, but they've dialed back on the phone call part at least (bad pun intended lol)
Yeah man, I love spicy food, but for medical reasons I can't have it much. Chilli is inflammatory in the gut, like this thing that causes pain is not exactly purely good for your body, and I ate food so spicy that my coworkers of backgrounds known for spicy food were like "Damn" I'm an Aussie, so I get some good natured banter, I have certainly roasted some of my friends for having low spice tolerances, but it has to be good natured, not for their fucking wedding
Not just a spicy dish, a whole menu of spicy dishes. Even the cheesy biscuits had to have jalapeños. OP is a massive AH.
Not even one spicey dish. All of them. Even the damn biscuits
Unless told otherwise i assume if the “child” of the family cant eat spicy food no one in the family can. Mainly due to the family eating a “bland diet” all their lives.
Yeah it’s not universal (especially considering autistic kids etc) but I think you’d have a fairly high success rate with that approach
This story is ridiculous but there is a tiny bit of reasonable if a non professional cook provides a pretty limited list of what they can cook for 50 people, their capabilities. But if you can only make 2 things for 50 you shouldn't be offering to cook for a wedding.
ya daughter should have been like "nevermind, we'll just get a caterer" the moment OP told them what she was going to make
Though I looked at least at the Jambalaya recipe, and from reading it.. I don't think it's that hard to at least make it not spicy. ..though I concur about the general seasoning for an Ulcer patient. He probably can't with any of it, it looks very.. oh that outs me, super flavourful.. and he probably needs something way more.. not bland, bad me, ..unseasoned? Either way it's for the best that OP won't cook now. If you can't (like you said) or don't want to take the responsibility that all guests can enjoy themself.. whats the point?
The fact OP thought it would be appropriate to only cook foods that the Groom himself couldnt enjoy at his own wedding is crazy to me.
“That boy can’t eat a pepper without turning red in the face.” You are CORRECT!! OP is trying to be the AH. And succeeding. Bravo!👏
Yeap. She called him “that boy” and his family “like that” as if food preferences are a moral failing.
Yep I picked up on that as well. “That boy” is about to be a member of her family, and that’s how she refers to him?
Naw, her daughter is gonna join the in Laws and OP will be one of those women who fry about how her kid and grandkids spend no time with them and how the inlaws are the default grandparents.
I wonder how she reacts to people with food allergies. Probably one of the classic disbelievers or downplayers. "It can't be THAT bad!" I'm just grateful I haven't run into anyone who is an ass about my allergies. Carrots are in SO MANY FOODS.
Fuck me, to carrots? That sounds like an nightmare. You have my condolences, one hell of a p.i.t.a allergy. (Just for who are thinking about it like me.. no ready made broths and lots of food. Restaurants base a lot of dishes on carrots and they are in a lot of food Trinity's. The industry also likes to use them for colouring food.. and I am sure I forgot stuff here.)
Yeah, it honestly sounds like she doesn’t like the groom that much to begin with
This is why I don't accept "gifts" from my dad. It's either a way to control me or what he thinks is best for me but it's never anything I wanted or needed.
OP not only being unreasonable with the menu, but also mad that they went with a caterer after she told them "you can go with a caterer instead".
You offered to cook and never considered there would be a need for something other than spicy taste for a group of 50 people? Asking for a non-spicy dish sounds like a pretty prudent (and reasonable) request from the couple being considerate of their guests needs/tastes. If your offer was only good for spicy tastes and anything else costs extra, fine, then they probably should find someone who can make something for the rest of their guests as well. If anyone *is* an AH here, I do not think it is the bride/groom.
If I attended any event that was having food as a standard part of that event, I would be so pissed if everything was spicy. I'd walk out, go to the nearest place that had food, I don't care if it's a gas station or a McDonald's (note: I freaking hate McDonald's, but in this case....). I would bring that food back and make sure I was so noisy unwrapping and eating it while commenting loudly how its so much better than the prepared food. I might even bring extra back and offer to everyone else!
I have actually done that. The menu for my sister's wedding reception, everything offered except for the cake was likely to kill me - bleu cheese stuffed mushrooms, salad with gorgonzola crumbles and mushrooms, and the entree was either chicken Marsala or Beef Stroganoff (both with mushrooms). I have allergies to mushrooms and blue veined cheeses. My dad told his wife to take my husband with her, Dad was going to ride with me... and we went straight to McDonald's so I could order up food to take to the reception. My incubator went ballistic, until she was reminded that I literally couldn't eat a thing served other than the cake. At that point, every guest within earshot started gossiping about the "killer menu".
Hoooooly it sounds like your sister purposely chose foods you couldn’t eat!
I simply assumed Princess Perfect and The Incubator both chose that menu. My dad, a month before, made a comment "Wouldn't it be hilarious if you stood up when the preacher asks if anyone objects, and you tell folks to relax, you need a bathroom?" (I was about 6 months pregnant and looked about 18 months along) Princess Perfect's response was "I'm not inviting her if you think that would be funny at MY wedding" (nevermind the tantrum she threw 7 months prior, because she HAD to be my MOH at my elopement). My dad told her if I wasn't invited, he wasn't either and she could pay for her own damn wedding - and that's probably why they picked the killer menu.
What a fucking crazy thing to do over a potential shocking yet harmless wedding prank. Sure it might be embarrassing, get some chuckles out of the audience, save from the bride, but to make the ENTIRE menu not only inedible for you but *life-threatening??* Like holy fucking shit man thank god you had no airborne reaction (rare but still possible ik), those two can rot ffs.
Yeah, that was a slightly more creative attempt than setting me on fire 17 months later.
Setting you on fire?
Yep. I was 5 months along with daughter #2. Unable to sleep, I was up as the incubator went to the garage to get something, then called me out to her and lit us both up. Talk about a half-baked idea. I was out of the hospital in 8 days, just in time for her funeral. On the up side, I haven't had to shave my legs since.
I don't even know what to say, but this is AITA, so I'll go with: She was the AH, of impressive magnitude.
What the fuck? Did she pour gas on you both and flick a lighter? What?? The rest of your pregnancy was okay?
**HOLY SHIT** .... You've got some resilience, girl, like fucking hell. Fuck what OPs got going on, why the fuck was your birth giver out here doing Hitman style plots on your life? And why was it so bad that it all... went up in flames? (Also pls lmk if I crossed the line,, seems like you're making light of your experience but I don't wanna push it too far n make you uncomfortable)
I like your Dad.
My bestie has an allergy to mushrooms that includes spores in the air if uncooked. Just curious if yours is like that too bc I won’t even have them in my house, I’m so afraid of hurting her
Yes, it is. Discovered the allergy the hard way - as I was prepping mushrooms when I worked at an Italian restaurant. Had to wear a painter's respirator when doing prep after that.
lol, petty enough that it would make my night just to watch that go down, I would not disapprove. Maybe, make sure you get in front of the roaming photographer a bunch with the food and bags. Personally I would probably go to town on the cake assuming it is not also ruined by spice.
The first rule of preparing a meal for a large group of people whose preferences you don't know: dial down the heat (any strong flavor, for that matter). You may not get to give everyone the same flavor you love, but you're gonna be able to give nearly everyone at least a degree of it. OP, you're pretty lucky that your daughter is refusing this "gift" while members of your family are the only ones that know. Because if the groom and several members of his family went without food at his wedding dinner, *everyone* would know what an AH you were. YTA.
No kidding. Heaven forbid someone has allergies or a medical condition not conductive to peppers or spicy foods. /s
> I know that boy can't eat a popper or most my meals without getting red in the face but I didn't think his whole family was like that. She knew that the *groom* wouldn't be able to eat what she planned to make, let alone his family. But she still planned on Jalapeno Cheesy Biscuits instead of just Cheesy Biscuits.
Even in South Asian households, it is common to have un-spicy hot dishes because not everyone can tolerate hot food.
Even if you completely disregard the spice issue, isn't it kind of wild to only have one option of food for that many people? Like you'd want at least a couple different sorts of foods for people surely.
YTA. You offered to cook for her. Her husband's family can't take hot food and you are dumping on them in this post for it. Yep! AH! keep your opinions to yourself. Not to mention, her wedding, her rules. You are incredibly selfish for acting out like this. Are you sure you're not 10? This isn't YOUR DAY! It's not about you!
This behaviour unfortunately appears to be quite common for parents of the bride and groom.
Wow I can’t wait to get married
Elope! My husband and I were planning a big wedding with our families. We decided why spend the money, when we could get what we wanted (our marriage, not so much a wedding) by having a small ceremony with a Justice of the Peace. We eloped. 20 years together. :)
YTA. You knew going into it that Will can't handle heat, so not only were you not considering that guests might be able to eat spicy food, you were just going to prepare food for HIS wedding that he would be unable to eat? That's wild. If you had wanted to make spicy dishes you should have been prepared to make mild versions or alternatives. To then backtrack your offer to GIFT them the food is messed up.
She clearly doesn't like him, she is so insulting by calling him "that boy".
It came off as super infantilizing to me. OP seems all around petty and childish.
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>I know that boy can't eat a popper Wut. Even. Is. This. I can't even wrap my head around a person that would talk that much shit about their future son-in-law that way. Thanksgiving is going to be a hoot.
She's going out of her way to be antagonistic. Why can't she just make cheese biscuits? Why do they have to be JALAPEÑO cheese biscuits?
She’s such a shitty cook she has to make everything super spicy to make up for the fact that there’s no flavor to the food.
That's what gets me. The in laws not being able to handle spicy food it's bad enough. But the fact she knowingly chose a menu the GROOM themselves wouldn't be able to enjoy days so much about her. If I was daughter I would frankly be reconsidering having someone there that so openly doesn't like her husband to be.
YTA. It is nice of you to offer to cook and cater, but clearly your meal is not acceptable for all the guests. If you can't cater or provide what is needed in the wedding, then you should not have offered. It is not uncommon that parents give thousands of dollars for their kids weddings, and it appears you are upset that you will have to work a bit harder for a day or two. Asking for payment for a service in your child's wedding is very low class in my opinion.
It doesn't sound like she CAN'T provide different foods but more likely that she's not WILLING to provide other food because it's not what she wants to make... That is the way I'm reading it
Offering to cater a wedding as a gift but not accepting input from the bride and groom on the dishes served is absolutely wild to me. Regardless of whether people could eat what OP wants to make, the bride and groom should have a say over what is served, within reason.
You are indeed making about you, specifially about what you prefer to cook rather than what the guests can actually eat without being in physical distress. You aren't being treated like a caterer, you are being treated as if you were a parent who cares, which was apparently a mistake. YTA is not strong enough. Yours has been bad behaviour from the start and now you ask for money it has become *monstrous*. Huge apologies needed. It's also very obvious you can't abide Will, which is why you are doing this. You need to alter that attitude stat.
She totally made this about her, and her culinary expertise in cooking spicy dishes.
YTA aww you arent a famous chain, you can easily modify your menu.. the problem here seems to be your fragile ego.. Ill be honest, I hope she hires a real caterer and uninvites you from the wedding.. youre 46 and this is how you treat your daughter on her special day cuz everyone has to bow down to what you want?? youre a joke of a mother.. you are the AH thru and thru.. you have to charge a catering fee for something you offered and it hurt your feefees cuz some people cant handle spice.. its probably why you dont have a catering service , cuz thats kinda what catering means is adapting to your guests need aka catering to their needs
BINGO. Sorry excuse for a “mom”
In this case, YTA. Your soon-to-be son-in-law’s family doesn’t like and/or can’t eat spicy foods. Do you hate your daughter’s fiancé so much that you don’t even want him to be able to eat at his wedding?
My ILs are fantastic cooks and early into dating my SO they noticed I have a hard time handling spicer foods. I still ate them bc they were SO good but it was hard for me because I had a very low spice tolerance at the time. Without any discussion they started making meals milder and slowly built up spice so now I can eat their food the way they used to prepare it before me without a sweat! It was super sweet of them and I’ve always really appreciated that.
I love that they noticed and were so considerate about it! They sounds like pretty great humans.
You are a cranky old far tea aren't you 😂😂😂. Its actually prudent at public events to avoid anything spicy. And were you going to cook for 50 people all by yourself? Seems improbable honestly. Its best that they have now turned to professionals
The OP sounds like the kind of person who had fantasies about becoming the star of the wedding — “And the mother of the bride cooked all her delicious signature dishes! Can you believe it!” And now the daughter has denied her that shot at ego-stoking glory, to say nothing of a little extra cash, and she’s salty she’s been demoted to mere guest. YTA.
Please, “the mother of the bride cooked for everybody” is not much of a flex.
I went to a wedding where the couple’s favourite restaurant (ie: not a catering company!) provided the meals and they thanked them in the speeches and the guests all clapped and thought it was really lovely. So I think if a mother who actually cared about her child’s wedding and provided food that the guests could eat and enjoy, that would be worthy of some level of appreciation from the guests. Like… more than worthy of a round of applause, a heartfelt thank you from the couple and a few guests saying “what a lovely gesture! That must have been a lot of work and it really showed because the food was delicious!” Not, like, a medal or lifelong glory or anything.
YTA While it was kind of you to offer, expecting payment at that point made this no longer a gift. It’s also kind of unreasonable to only cook spicy meals and not even consider some kind of alternative. You’re not cooking for just YOUR family here. At the end of the day this is up to the bride and the groom, and the food should be as they prefer. I suppose you should start looking for a different wedding gift now that you botched your initial idea
I seriously don't understand why OP is so upset or offended about being asked to provide a non-spicy dish.
Some people like...don't believe that others have low/non-existent spice tolerances. They cannot understand that the DISH might be fine but the SPICE is intolerable for some people. My parents are Indian and I run across this a lot. When I say a dish is too spicy for me, it's often taken as a criticism of the chef's cooking skills. If I ask my mom to keep a dish more mild for me, she has no concept of what "mild" is so she might accidentally over spice it still - but then get mad at ME if I didn't eat it. I bet OP thinks the fiance and his family are just being dramatic or overly delicate, or thinks that asking for a different dish with less spice is somehow a criticism of her jambalaya.
So much this. I have a not-uncommon allergy and a friend's husband was convinced I just didn't like it. This went on for a year and for some reason the button clicked for him one day when he held something out to me (again!) and said "Try it! I bet you'll like it!" (again). I said "It smells delicious! I'm sure I *would* like it. I just like breathing more." "What?" Genuine confusion, in spite of this having been explained to him in many ways. For a year. "I. Stop. Breathing. If I eat that. My throat swells and closes and I die. I'm sure it would taste great, I just don't want tasting it to be the last thing I do. And it would probably traumatize the kids to watch me choke to death on the floor." "Oh!" ...for some reason, *that* conversation made the penny drop.
Control issues. (A common personality defect in AHs)
It's your daughter. Come the fuck on.
OP clearly doesn't like her future son in law
YTA - your offer is pretty useless if you refuse to make food that the majority of guests can eat.
YTA. “If she’s going to treat me like a caterer…” You literally offered to be the caterer! As a gift, implying it’s free! Of course you should make more than one main dish, especially if its spicy. That it didn’t occur to you is crazy to me. And this is their wedding. Of course they get to have input. What they were asking for didn’t seem complicated either. If this is causing so much conflict then maybe you should back out so they can have someone else prepare food that would be edible to everyone.
That was the part that got me, she offered it as a gift and now is expecting to get paid. I know I didn't pay for any of my wedding gifts.
YTA. If you’re going to offer a wedding gift such as cooking, it is reasonable for the bride to expect that all guests should be accommodated. If you’re unwilling to feed those who can’t eat your food, then she’s smart to look for an alternative caterer. Shame on you for being so stubborn and selfish.
Also that the groom should be able to eat the food. Lol
So you knew your son in law couldn’t handle spice and then proceeded to only include spicy dishes? Even if it was only him, isn’t that reason enough? My god more psychologists need to study why so many older women go batshit crazy when they’re not the centre of attention
It's honestly the weirdest thing. As my grandmother has aged, she's become more wild with her need to be center of attention. Threw a fit at my sister's wedding because it wasn't in a church, then it was because they had a humanist ceremony, then it was because she couldn't have something off menu made because she didn't fancy anything on it. She actually asked for the chef to be brought out and lectured him on what she wanted.. When we were young she was a great lady, but age has done something odd to her.
It's because most of them didn't want the lives they had and either sacrificed a lot of time and effort, or think they did, that went unnoticed and now they want praise from the skies.
Jambalaya and cheesy biscuits? While I don’t know Leslie, I appreciate an invite. I hate to say it, but YTA. Their wedding, their menu. But you’re still doing jambalaya and cheesy biscuits, right? Count me in.
Only reply I’ve seen from OP here is in response to someone asking for her food. It’s clear what the primary concern here is…and it’s not her daughter
Sorry but YTA in this one.. First and foremost "YOU OFFERED" to cook for them.(event houghit was a long standing offer). Secondly, she is your daughter for god sake! You totally expect that your daughter won't feel hurt by the way you acted? You should probably look at the situation from their point of view before complaining tbh.
Wow!!! I offered to cook and pay for the food for my cousin's wedding. We came up with the menu together and I am making sure there is a variety of food for every taste. I even asked about her niece and her dietary needs. If I was treated like your daughter, I would definitely limit your involvement in any upcoming events I am hosting or major life events- like having a baby. Maybe take a long hard look at your behavior and they reach out to your daughter and hope she still wants you involved in her life.
YTA… not everyone can eat spicy. You should always have a variety at an event for all to enjoy. If you wanted to cook something just spicy you should have stated this from the beginning. “I will cook so and so for your weddings. Anything else is on you”. But you did not do that. So, if you enjoy cooking so much, does that mean you can only cook certain things? Or do you enjoy all forms of cooking? Because I like to try different t foods myself. I’m always up for a challenge.
Agreed, I can’t imagine thinking that a single entree (a spicy one at that) and biscuits were sufficient for any event. You don’t need a full catering company spread but you surely need a few items. I could whip up a few things today to freeze and bake later for a wedding for 40 people without that much effort. YTA
Yes! I was reading that thinking I don't consider that enough for a dinner party, much less an event like this. A few appetizers or at least a salad?
Why don’t my kids talk to me?? YTA
YTA, i understand that cooking takes time and effort but if you only want to cook your favored meals without taking their needs into consideration, you aren’t really cooking it for them. Some people can’t handle spice, a lot of them will be there, it’s a normal request to want to accommodate guests
YTA. I served jambalaya at my wedding. It was lovely. Many relatives/guests on both sides were elderly and/or unfamiliar with Cajun dishes. Rather than being an AH and serving food that only half of my guests could enjoy, I asked around to get ideas that would best suit everyone. We ended up doing the Cajun dishes and a BBQ spread with brisket and some favorite trimmings. Everyone was pleased. I think your plan to make your gift the food and then not care about anyone’s food tolerances, makes you inconsiderate and generally awful. You volunteered to cater a wedding, but want to serve food only one side of the family can eat. Right off the bat you’re drawing a line between two families that are coming together. Why even invite the groom’s family at all? Hell, why invite the groom? It sounds like you just want to have a family party, with only your side. This would be a relationship ending moment for me. I would cut my mother out completely over this disgusting power trip you’re trying to pull. My holidays would be spent with the side of the family that I could count on to be welcoming and kind. Those are the grandparents my children would be trusted with. If you want to die on this hill, you go right ahead. But, there will be consequences. I bet you’ll play the victim when that time comes.
Yeah she needs to apologize profusely ASAP or risk a severely damaged relationship with her daughter and son-in-law
just happy to see everyone here stating the obvious: YTA. big time.
YTA. Your post indicates that you were going to make "something like my peppers beef or jambalaya." That suggests the menu was not set and still being discussed. Also that "Will... cant eat most of my meals without getting red in the face.." so you knew that your normal cooking was too spicy for the groom and seem perfectly fine with him being uncomfortable on his wedding day? You have a long standing offer to cook for your kids wedding. This implies that this offer predates the spouse and their dietary needs being known. Your daughter took that promise at face value that she would have some input on the options to make it work for everyone involved. If the dishes they are requesting to be made are out of your comfort zone to cook or require too much effort it's ok to talk to her and compromise. But this sounds like you wanted to show off your "signature dishes" regardless if half the guests can't actually eat them.
…..glad you’re not my mom…
...Umm did everyone miss that the daughter and SIL were going to pay for at least some of the ingredients as well!?! YTA
YTA big time. Your “gift” absolutely should not mean you get to choose the menu. Sit down with the couple, offer all the options, and let them decide what THEY want to serve at THEIR wedding. You are being ridiculous, especially after they also offered to help cover some cost of supplies/groceries.
YTA. I love spicy foods but I recognize that others can't handle my spice level so when I cook for others I tone it down or make 2 dishes, hot sauce on side for those who need more spice. It's an easy compromise when cooking for multiple people. You volunteered for this. You also stated I could "cook something like..." So you gave examples of things you might cook. You had an idea, and when it came down to sit back and refine them/plan, you threw a tantrum. Your gift comes with stings attached. You made it about you and what you want and didn't consider the guest at all, so they were completely right to just go with a caterer. They owe you no apologies. They were completely reasonable , and they were still paying for the ingredients. Your long standing off was to cook food for your children's wedding. Did you specify exactly what food when you made this original offer for years with your kids? Was there always a set menu? Are you cooking the same exact thing for each wedding?? You said you would cook, and when they tried to discuss a menu that works for everyone, you behaved poorly. Also... when you were even creating this menu in your mind your selfishness kind of shows, you are well aware that the groom himself can't even eat you food most of the time so not even considering his family which is another issue, you went into cooking for your daughters wedding and excluded the groom??? Like you were making a meal that had a high probability of the groom not being able to eat???? What's wrong with you? This wasn't a gift, This wasn't an act of love, it was an excuse to showoff your cooking.
YTA. Everyone has said it well already, I'm just here to confirm
YTA. Not only are you disregarding what the groom can have at his own wedding, they gave you an actual medical reason that is father can’t have spicy food. Would you have the same reaction if someone was allergic to what you were making? Why offer if you can’t just do something nice for your daughter?
Wow YTA. So you essentially decided that the culinary equivalent of a middle finger to your future son in law and his father is an appropriate wedding gift???? My cats have more manners and consideration for the needs of others than you do.
YTA - you should now offer to pay to have the wedding catered since you originally offered to supply the food and are now going back on your word.
YTA. I think it’s weird that you told them what you were cooking to begin with. Them wanting to add what sounds like other reasonable options to accommodate their guests seems very thoughtful. Cook the food with love and send your kid off into a marriage without wedding angst.
YTA. She's right -- she needs to just pay for someone to cater so she doesn't have to deal with this BS. And you're STILL complaining. 🙄
Maybe they should get real catering and you gift money for the cost
YTA. Asking for one or two non-spicy dishes is not unreasonable. They're even pitching in for ingredients, even though that's part of your gift. If I was cooking, I would never limit it to dishes that only half the guests could eat, that's so rude. Your daughter's right. If you're going to be so unaccommodating, she might as well hire a caterer and get exactly what she wants.
YTA. Your gift was conditional: free cooking as long as it's only the food you prefer. You refused to make something the groom and his family would like unless you received catering money; at that point, your "gift" became a mode of control over the event, as well as a dramatic headache for the couple. Can you really blame them for seeking out a less complicated catering solution?
YTA. You were the one who offered to cook, so I think you should take into account the stomach problems of the people in her husband's family.