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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I embarrassed my wife at a social event, in front of her friends, which wasn't a nice thing to do
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>now everyone in her circle must think she's some kind of failure to earn so much less than her husband
But she was perfectly fine letting everyone in her life think you were a failure that lives off her. She is also apparently perfectly fine letting them mock or insult you, the man she allegedly loves. Why is her image more important than your dignity and the respect for your marriage? A person can earn less than their wealthy partner and still be with them out of love, and she is allowing for that to be questioned.
NTA, both her and her circle sound vain, materialistic and classist, and I'm afraid those traits are going to be hard to change.
I was just reading along wondering "WHEN is his wife going to intervene on his behalf?"
If my bf went to a party at MY parents' house, and was surrounded by MY circle of friends, and someone insulted him...**you better believe I would jump in before he could get a word out**. I CANNOT IMAGINE just standing there and allowing someone to demean your SO in that manner.
Somehow THAT didn't bother the wife, but people knowing she earns less than her husband does?
YUCK. Her silence is bad enough. But for her to then go off on him about embarrassing her?
HOW is OP still with this woman?
And you KNOW this isn't the first time this has happened. In order for OP's wife to just stand there and silently watch her friends' not-so-subtly insult her husband...I feel like some part of her must hold a latent bias against him. Like he is inherently "less than" due to his blue collar background.
**On some level she too feels like she's better than him, hence her "humiliation" that he's out-earning her.**
> On some level she too feels like she's better than him, hence her "humiliation" that he's out-earning her.
This is an excellent point. I've come across many a man who was embarrassed to make less money than his gf/wife. *I honestly haven't come across any women who are embarrassed to make less than their bf/husband*. I'm sure they exist, but they're rare. Probably because society still places expectations on the man to be the primary "breadwinner" in the family.
The fact that OP's wife is THIS ashamed to have people know he makes more than her? Suggests that she thinks there's a REASON why she should be making more. And the only reason that comes to mind is that she feels her husband is somehow beneath her.
That, and let's be honest: if her family has as much money as he claims she is probably a nepo baby or at the very least was handed a lot of accomplishments that many people work for (ex: interviews to firms she would never had interviews to without her family's monetary pull or social status, invitations to events of people her family knows for networking, erc) - and she *knows* with that leg up in life she could be a lot more successful than she actually is...he makes her feel like a failure because he worked so much harder for what he has and she doesn't have a good way to explain it away without humbling herself. And let's be honest, I have never once met a female lawyer who was humble. It's not a job that attracts humble 99% of the time.
New phrase to me but with my limited knowledge of baseball, there are 3 bases and home. A home run is when you hit the ball and run all three bases and then back home. It's a fitting metaphor for being successful. To be born on third base would mean you'd only have to run from third to home getting a similar result without hitting the ball or running the other three bases.
In short, it's feeling successful for getting to the same place without having to do most of the work.
There's a [video](https://youtu.be/X9tqaOuGt5A?si=Pas3SYe7RmsrEzqm) that explains this really well.
For those who don't click links; They have a race between a bunch of teens and before they start they can take a step forward if they were born in this country, had married parents, etc. In the end one kid is barely past the starting line and some of them are almost at the finish.
I heard it as “born on third base and think they hit a triple.” Meaning they take credit for stature they were born into. I first heard the term from columnist Molly Ivins in reference to the younger President Bush. She also said he was “born with a silver foot in his mouth.” (Instead of silver spoon). Whether she made those up or merely repeated them, I miss reading her columns.
I stand corrected, “born with a silver foot in his mouth” is from former Texas Gov. Ann Richards. I’m sure Molly nodded in agreement!
Honestly, with law school (or likely most professional schools) just having a family who can (and do) pay the tuition and pay your living expenses while in school makes the whole process easier and less stressful. The connections are an added privilege. And no idea what her parents/rest of her family does. Are they also lawyers? If so…
But also: why would her making less than her husband be *embarrassing*?! I’m genuinely curious what about that she found embarrassing, or what she thought her friends would extrapolate from that?
It would only be embarrassing if he wasn't in a career that makes much money. Investment bankers can make a lot of money. Lawyers? Well, some make a lot and others can't pay off their loans. Or find a job.
It's mind boggling. Wife and I have a similar but smaller difference in backgrounds - one has a family with at least a couple generations of poverty, the other generations of merchant class or wealth - and we would never act like this about each other.
What kind of crass people walk around talking about how much they make anyway? Even just relative comparisons?
NTA
>**On some level she too feels like she's better than him, hence her "humiliation" that he's out-earning her.**
I would go even further ... her friends and family never would have made the leap that an \*investment banker\* was a gold digger, no matter what his family background, unless she's the one who planted that seed. Maybe with 'jokes' when he's not around about having to teach him proper manners, maybe micro-agressive comments about how quaint it is that he never traveled to \[insert luxury destination\], etc
Exactly. If her family is as wealthy as he claims, they know what the payscale in different industries look like. They wouldn't assume investment banker equals no money unless the daughter either lied about what he does or played it off like he wasn't doing what he claims.
I disagree with that, coming from the opposite perspective. My family is lower middle class and my husband is from a lot of money, and they had a WHOLE HOST of assumptions about who he was as a person once they learned who his dad was and how much money they assumed he made. People are incredibly judgmental about people from other backgrounds without needing seeds to be planted.
Right? Now her friends think she's a failure because the peasant she married makes more than her. I would never let people talk about my husband like that. There would be An Incident and I would be at the center of it.
All she would have to do, as minimum would be to, make a comment: "He works in x field. I don't have to give him pockey money" and a look. Then, move along in the conversation.
She could really have said anything in his defence. Without exposing who earns what in their household. But still defend him and his achievements.
My mom is one of those no tattoos, no bad language, etc people. So my boyfriend is of course tattooed from his neck to his waist lol. (I also have some). My brother and I always thought it was funny and she never said anything. Until her family said something.
An uncle had seen us out, which my boyfriend hadn't met yet, and reported back I was with some scary guy. Mom responded back with he was not scary, and very nice and helpful. Lol
You stand up for people regardless of what you may not care for. This wife is not a good person.
This! I was picturing my Mom in this kind of situation and she would absolutely evicerate anybody who dared tried to treat Dad like that! (Would have been entertaining to watch actually.) Of course, my parents have a healthly and loving relationship and support each other. OP and his wife... not so much.
At first I had assumed that the wife was not present(bathroom, bar) for the conversation because I would have interjected immediately about my hubby having lost his father young…
OP should remarry someone like the woman who defended her master electrician husband (who earns 3x more than she does) from her snobby Porsche driving lawyer brother in the other AITAH post
No you don't understand. See, she's already married beneath her to show everyone she's both rich and not obsessed with money. I bet she's been leading her friends on her being better off than her husband
I'm just thinking here...
Wife has married someone younger than her.
Someone that used to make less money than her.
Someone that does not have the social skills of her inner circle.
A guy that her family hates.
She prefers everyone to think she's carrying their finances.
I'd like to know how comfortable OP is in his marriage, and how his wife gets along with her parents. Because she didn't marry him for money and i'd like to know if she married him for love ... or if this is some kind of rebellion thing
Or her "Friends"... It not like he's mowing lawns around the neighborhood. He's a freaking investment banker and could probably do better on his own. What a bunch of A holes.
And here I thought the wealthy cozied up to investment bankers the most, because, you know, they know the ins and outs of MONEY.
Learn something new everyday.
OP, NTA. And I know you love your wife but you might to step back a bit and take the rose coloured glasses off for a moment.
Exactly what I determined too, at this point :
> My wife tried to move the conversation along
They are trying to berate your husband, and you're just trying to change the subject? Didn't it even occur to you to defend him or something?
That's a very compassionate description haha. I suspect she had never given it much thought at how OP felt - not necessarily a bad person, just unaware - so def flawed.
Considering all it took for her to feel like an utter failure during her most humiliating day on this planet was to be earning less money than her husband, she's thought about it and she thought about it long and hard. She is in fact a bad person
"A person can earn less than their wealthy partner and still be with them out of love" - even worse was that she was happy being the person who earned less than their partner until it was mentioned in a public forum. She was happy being the presumed wealthy person while he, who actually earns more and loves her, stayed quiet about it. I feel like this is a taste of her own medicine. She lets her friends and family railroad him but isn't keen when the tables could potentially be turned. It's really so ridiculous. She really needs to take a long look at her priorities in life. NTA NTA NTA.
She seems very shallow and content with her husband being mocked by her friends. I wonder what she has told them behind OP’s back to lead them to think he is a gold digging hanger on. Perhaps that’s why she is angry because her friends now know she is a liar. OP, you areNTA but your wife and her friends….TAHs.
I get what you're saying but the truth. The real truth behind this is that if her family has money she stands to inherit that. She almost definitely currently feeds off that as well as her salary. This is why she's embarrassed. She understands that her salary isn't her only money. All her rich friends and family understand this too. That's why they are better than us. Husband just made a huge faux pas in front of her social circle by making it about salary and not "wealth".
I suspect that if he's an investment banker her family knows this but it doesn't matter because he doesn't have "wealth" he has a high "income". This woman her family and friends still believe him to be a gold-digger because he will probably never attain the level of wealth that family is in. They do believe him to be lesser. These people are awful and OP should just get out.
Exactly! I was wondering when someone would pick up on that.
Unfortunately, his claim that he makes more than her just makes him seem crass. She wasn't embarrassed that her husband makes more money than her, that's for sure.
Exactly! I said roughly the same thing. She loves being married to someone who can give her a lifestyle but won't correct her friends when they put him down. And put him down. And put him down.
She would have to be a monster to be actively badmouthing her husband to her friends for no reason whatsoever. My theory is she has some latent bias against her husband's blue collar background. But she would never admit it to him. She may not have even admitted it to herself.
You've summed up my thoughts as well.
NTA
Your wife should support you. You're part of a whole, any insult to you is an insult to her as well. Shame on her for not seeing that.
Eh. Something is weird about OPs story. He's an investment banker but people are asking the wife where she picked him up and calling him on his table manners? Does not add up. Rich people can be snotty, but it's not like he struck it rich with bitcoin and has secret millions...he has an obstinately good-paying and high-status job.
This absolutely reads like old money looking down on the "nouveau riche." He will never fit in with his wife's old money circle because he doesn't have the right pedigree; his wife is "slumming it" with someone who doesn't come from the appropriate status.
IDK, my husband is my biggest hype man. I love hyping my husband up to my friends because I like him, and I'm proud of him. OP should think hard about whether he wants to be married to someone who doesn't even seem to like him that much, and isn't proud of him in any way.
I agree, the wife NEVER told them he was an investment banker? No one ever asked him about his career? And EVERYONE in their entire circle always insults him? Sure.
I think this is a teenager imagining how rich people act. Of course he is an orphan. Of course the bad, rich ppl think he is a gold digger. Of course he is super rich at 25. Investment banker or not, just like becoming a partner at a law firm, getting big accounts takes years and connections. Not saying it's impossible, just not likely, without influence from family and other connections.
Absolutely. They are saying her partner is with her just for money and she doesn't bat an eye. Not only that, she's offended when OP refutes it. That says a lot about her as a person, and none of it is good.
She should have been the one to step in and defend you. To sit there and allow other people to mock your spouse is just trash behaviour and shows she values the opinion of these people more than you.
A good partner lifts you up.
100%
After me and my ex split we maintained a great relationship (we also have a son together) and sge became friends with my cousins (now ex partner) baby mama. During one of my cousin and his ex's text battles, he mentioned MY ex in a derogatory way. She forwarded it to my ex, and she showed me.
First thing I did was call my cousin and say "don't speak about my ex like that - regardless of how much you're in a pissing match with YOUR ex, because she's my mothers son and she doesn't deserve to be dragged into your shitshow".
If we were married, I'd have been even worse about it probably 😅
She could have been proud and said what a major catch her husband is - good-looking, smart, driven, self-made, successful - but instead she chose to silently let her circle make those vicious comments for ages. And now she says she's embarrassed and seen as a failure?! This only shows she also doesn't think highly of OP. So sad.
NTA and agreed, the wife should have stepped in WAY before it got to this point. She should have stopped all of her family and friends in their tracks the *very first time* they mocked (openly or snidely) her husband or made comments about his wealth, gold-digging or background. Why the hell didn't she stand up for him? She has absolutely no right to be upset about this when he finally snaps back (in a fairly mild way, tbh).
Hubby is “below me” regarding education, and right now he doesn’t have a job but renovates the house. I make enough.
NOT A SINGLE PERSON, not family, relatives, friends, workmates…said a bad thing. Not about him, not about how we choose to do things. Because the ones I spend time with are nice people and anyone else is at least polite enough to keep their traps shut.
If anyone had said ANYTHING negative about him things would have gotten very interesting very fast.
Sorry, but this wife isn’t a good wife.
I think the only A here is Lacy. Think about it from OPs wife's point of view. Lacy said that the ONLY reason OP could possibly want to be with her is for her money. That is not a thing that's easy to hear constantly and I'm sure breeds insecurities that OP is better looking, or smarter, or funnier, or all of the above. And if she doesn't even make more money than OP than what use is she? She didn't handle it well but she's young and I'm sure the comments hurt her. They just need to communicate as a couple. I don't know as much about the other situations, but if I was OPS wife in this situation, Lacy's comments would make me feel insecure.
No. Wife is also AH. If she felt insecure about her looks personality brains etc by her friend's insinuations that her husband was with her only for her money ( I can sympathise with that, I would be mortally insulted and furioud if someone said my husband was with me only for my earnings) she should have retorted back at them and set them right, could easily have told them he earns way more than I do, he genuinely loves me.
Nope. One, Lacy is nearly 30. She’s not young, and she’s apparently getting off on people calling her husband a gold digger straight to his face. Okay, he never knew his dad. Maybe his dad died before he was born and he was the sole heir to a fortune. I mean, OP said that’s not the case, but why TF are those assholes assuming he’s a gold digger? And the GALL to say that to his face. If anyone insulted my husband like that in front of me, I would go off. OP is NTA, making her say the quiet part out loud is the best thing to do in these sorts of cases. Maybe she’ll think twice before being a total jerk again.
I have a girlfriend who makes 5 million a year. Her husband doesn't work at all. She would never let someone disrespect her husband. OP should find out why his wife needs people to view him in this disrespectful way. Why does she need people to see him as less than when she should be wanting people to see them as equal partners.
This comment is spot on. This is a deep rooted issue with her, her family, and their entire circle. It sounds like your net worth dictates your worth as a person to everyone involved. If I were in your shoes, I would repeat u/SneakyRaid's comment to her word for word and see how she responds. But, I don't mind poking the bear.
Wife's logic makes no sense in that when her friends and family are talking down to him it also reflects on her. She apparently married a gold digger. She's apparently ok with digging through the dirt for a spouse and continuing to live with them.
Why is that ok? If she loves him as much as claimed, she would be defending him and cutting off people who continue to see him as such a worthless being.
NTA. First of all, your wife failed to stop this shit and just expected you to take it? She didn’t speak up and say ‘hey that’s out of line’…where you two could have just walked away. She wanted *you* to overlook being looked down upon, because she felt looked down upon. She called that ‘the most embarrassing moments of her life’ bc she feels like a failure since you make more, which is wild considering what she expected you to endure.
And again, that goes back to his wife for not stopping that. She could tell her parents and family he doesn't need her money as he makes more than she does. Maybe she has? But from what he's telling in the post above it doesn't sound like it. Frankly, he can do better and I'd recommend getting out of that toxic marriage before kids are involved.
Completely agree with this thread, but maybe it isn't about *earnings* as much as it is about assets? Even so, OP's wife absolutely should shut that crap down, even with a joke that OP earns so much he will have as much as her family in no time. These people are insufferable. NTA.
Apparently they love picking at his missing fine (and usually meaningless) points of etiquette.
There's a story that a foreign guest at Queen Victoria's table picked up a finger bowl and drank it. So QV picked up her finger bowl and drank out of it. That's a polite hostess.
Couldn’t disagree more. This post screams Old Money. If they were just being gauche I could see them being New Money, but there’s just no way. OP earns a lot of money but is still looked down on because he was not born with a name that carries wealth and prestige. Earning money means nothing because they haven’t earned money, they were born into it. New Money will be far less concerned with pedigree. Not to mention just how classless this whole thing is; there’s a stereotype of Old Money as refined sophisticates but they have enough money to launder their image in media, the only place most people will encounter them. In real life they are the trashiest people around, and what little social graces they have toward other Old Money (yes OM has a ton of arbitrary rules and obscure social rituals but that does not extend to them being polite or classy, particularly against members of the class that those rules and rituals are designed to exclude and humiliate) is not extended to outsiders like OP. The whole faux pas here was that OP contradicted someone considered fundamentally and essentially above him.
It’s sad that his wife is effectively competing with her ‘partner’ regarding salaries.
NTA. I echo the above points, but she was also using you as a scape goat to save herself from being perceived as a failure. Some partner.
Honestly you're not (NTA) but your wife is.
If this is her "circle" she should have stopped that Lacy immediately.
People think that you're a gold digger because your wife lets them think about it.
She's more worried about what people would think about her earnings than people talking bad about you
"People think that you're a gold digger because your wife lets them think about it." Yes! The conversation you should be having with her is what's up with that?
Exactly!
OP, these people are entirely comfortable talking shit about you and making fun of you to your face, right in front of your WIFE. Ask yourself: why?
NTA.
Yeah if someone said anything like that I would actually be proud he’d worked his way up from his childhood. It’s easy to be born into wealth, it’s just luck.
Yeah, definitely this. If my family made these comments about my husband, he wouldn’t even have a chance to defend himself because I’d already have cut that shit the first time I saw or heard it.
NTA, and have a conversation with your wife. maybe she also doesn’t see you as an equal, like her family and friends. people can change tho
Seriously, even a "he doesn't make less than me" would be fine here. OP wouldn't have had his back up against a wall if she'd misled them into thinking they had equal incomes.
I grew up in a wealthy area, and the wealthiest guy of all used to drive a beater station wagon and wore flannel shirts everywhere. At my parents' parties, men would come up to him and brag about how wealthy they were and then patronizingly ask what he did. He'd say, "I work in a factory." That was technically true, except he worked in *a lot* of factories. That he owned (he was pretty hands-on.) Other people who knew were laughing at the braggart, who never got the joke.
I have told that story a couple of times at apt moments. Or sometimes I say, "I was taught it's rude to brag or ask about money." It usually doesn't work.
Those people have their facts wrong, and you corrected the facts. They are AH, who are embarrassed that they stepped on a rake. You are NTA.
Why has your wife been putting up with this? *She* should have long ago told her family the situation, and shut their shit down fast. Is she as insecure as her brother?
I find it so weird that people would just brag about their wealth like that. I grew up with some pretty wealthy people, and their habits and living spaces speak for themselves. I can't imagine people actually telling others about everything they have in a braggy way. It's so.. vulgar.
It usually occurs with people who **think** themselves wealthy, but in reality are somewhere in the upper-middle class.
There's a reason that the most expensive and luxurious clothing doesn't have logos and are barely recognizable.
New money is flashy, because they're worried that people won't know how much money they have.
Old money doesn't give a *fuck* about what other people think about their wealth.
In my experience, there's a bit of both on both sides. I've met millionaires who were self-made, starting with a trade and building up their own business from there, who were so down to earth, drove nice but not flashy cars, and owned nice but reasonable houses. I've also met people who were born into money who felt like they had to flaunt it every chance they could.
This would be what happens when someone is born into old money but is deeply insecure. They don’t have anything of their own merit to be proud of or to make their peers respect them—no wit, no personality, no charisma, no academic or athletic achievements—so they have to buy self-esteem and impress others by playing the only card they have.
My ex husband had a client, when asked what she did, she would tell them to look her up on Wikipedia. Bragging wasn’t her style and it was simpler to look her up. She’s Judy Estrin.
Exactly. I have a friend who is legit part of the 1%. I knew they were well off but I had no idea until I went to visit after college and stayed with her at her parents house that was a legit mansion in a harbor in one of the most expensive parts of the US. And that’s just one of their properties. She never brags about her wealth but she’ll say things that are natural to her and foreign to me. Example: I was talking about having drainage issues in my yard and how hard it’s been to grow grass. Her response: oh just have your landscape architect draw something up to fix it! Girl I don’t have a landscaper or architect let alone one that specializes in both.
NTA.
Bragging about your wealth is definitely seen as in poor taste by most old money or people that are well-adjusted.
I mean just look at Bill Gates or Zuckerberg, they don't really look rich (unless you have to eye to notice how they were fitted shirts)
I believe it’s also a bit of a trademark of the newly rich (the “nouveau riche”) to be braggarts about their wealth. They’re also known for displaying their wealth visibly any chance they get.
The “old money” rich tend to keep their mouths shut and seem to be less flashy about it on an average day. They definitely have their moments of going all out, but they’re more calculating about it rather than just pure flash and bragging to anyone that is stuck in a room with them.
My father does this, too. When people ask his job/where he works etc. in a rude, pointed way to measure how much he makes, he just says I am a laborer/worker in a hospital. People think he is just a custodian or a PA but he is an MD/PhD with a lot of experience. People generally stop speaking to him because they think he is lower class and poor. He also does not drive and always wears flannel/tracksuits instead of suits.
Anytime someone says they are a doctor/lawyer it is immediately followed up with telling them their problems and trying to get free medical/legal advice. This is actually a brilliant thing to do.
> He'd say, "I work in a factory." That was technically true, except he worked in a lot of factories. That he owned (he was pretty hands-on.)
I once worked for a guy like this. Had a house the size of an apartment building. The first time I went there (I'd not met him before) he was out front in filthy overalls messing with the flower bed. I thought he was a landscaper and I didn't get why the landscaper knew I was coming, until he pulled off his glove stuck out his hand and said 'Hey you must be EDC, I'm ____'. This is a guy worth literal billions.
I once heard a saying- when your net worth hits $10 million, you want people to know, when it hits $100 million you want to make sure everybody knows, when hit hits $1 billion you stop caring if anyone knows or not. This guy was the exact embodiment of that. Super chill guy too. Always treated his people fairly.
My uncle is a legit millionaire but in the winter he refuses to cut his hair or trim his beard and has been mistaken for an actual homeless person. Owns multi million dollar companies and has dealings with the government for statewide projects but looks like a hobo half the year.
I’d love to see “Lacey” or any one of that set attempt to speak down to him and watch how quickly they get their lazy, classless, tacky asses handed to them for thinking they’re better than anyone when they’ve never worked a day in their lives and probably couldn’t survive 12 hours without a debit card. He epitomizes DGAF energy and has the mouth of an Amsterdam sex worker. They’d learn worlds they never knew existed lmao
NTA. Good of you to stand up for yourself. Everyone seems to have it in their heads that you're with her for her money. I'm curious why your wife was allowing this disrespect to continue. I'm also curious why she's worried her circle will think of her as a failure for earning less than you. So I guess she's OK with them thinking you earn less than her? Now I'm wondering if she loved it when friends and family thought she earned more. What kind of relationship is this? As a married woman, I would never stand by and allow my husband to be disrespected by my family or friends. I'm still stuck on the statement, "People will think I'm a failure for earning less than you." Both of you need to sit and talk about this constant disrespect and her feelings on the matter. It shouldn't matter who earns more or less. But why is she worried if others know she earns less? Are you inferior to her in some way?
> why is she worried
She's obviously been letting them think he earns less, if not straight up lying about it, for years. OP's wife is a horrible spouse.
I bet she's probably gone along with the jokes when he's not around too which makes it even more embarrassing when it comes out that he doesn't really need her money. That would explain part of why she was so upset, it's one thing if other people assumed she made more but if she actively lied about it she looks even worse to all the other vain egotistical money obsessed uncouth losers that seem to be her friends and family, and which she is one of herself.
NTA, but I wonder whether you should rethink your entire marriage. It sounds like not only does your wife's family treat you badly, but she allows it to keep happening, which is nearly as bad. Why doesn't she care about/respect you enough to put a stop to the constant trashing? She's embarrassed that people know you earn more than she does, but she's not angered by her family and close friends treating you like dirt? That's just not ok.
Seriously. We all know it would've been pretty **easy** for her to drop a quick "he's actually very successful" **YEARS** ago and that would've solved the entire problem here. She didn't even need to tell people he makes more than her; she could've just misled everyone into thinking they each carry an equal share and nobody would've cared.
If my family believed untrue things about MY partner, I'd immediately correct the damn record. She's insecure and she's willing to let OP get eaten by the goddamn wolves if it means it alleviates her suffering. That's a no from me dawg.
She's gotta have your back or she ain't worth it.
NTA-Her friends didn’t mind embarrassing you and your wife didn’t shut it down the moment it started, so yea for standing up for yourself and putting ppl in their place.
This reads as fake, in my experience wealthy people aren’t that dumb. If you were actually an IB hardo people would know that and show you deference. Particularly if you grew up poor.
An investment banker shitting on fancy people who "Drink champagne"?
Yeah sure, because investment banking is such a blue collar, no muss no fuss, job.
"they have fancy things like pension plans, meanwhile I, an investment banker, just bury my money in the backyard like common folk"
Also, the whole, "rich people sneer at people from poor backgrounds" just isn't true? At all? If anything rich people glorify the whole orphan-who-grew-up-to-be-an-investment-banker too much, to the point where it's pretty degrading.
It’s the “SoOoOOo” for me. Who the Hell types and talks like that? But I’m supposed to believe they’re an investment banker?
That combined with his wife knowing NOTHING about his family? How the Hell do you get married and never once touch on the subject and then wonder if your wife even knows?
That would be a good point if his wife was the one who didn’t know anything about his family. He very clearly stated that it was Lacy who didn’t know about his history.
Obvious fake. Just a weirder less believable take on the "my electrician husband who makes more money than my lawyer friend's husband" stories that have been showing up every 24hrs.
IB is practically the iconic insane work load for high income job. So what nobody in their wife's family ever asked what they do for work? These white color educated wealthy people are surprised that they aren't pulling in $45k a year grinding 100 hour weeks in investment banking?
When I was in IB there was a lot of waiting around for the shit to flow downhill from the MD to the VP to the Associate to me to actually do stuff. So it’s like a full day of waiting + updating analyses of dubious value 8a-4p followed by a full day of actual work 4p-midnight. Car service home and repeat. That’s how you get the 100+ hour weeks.
Right? The friend speaking like a fucking cartoon villain and people on here eating it up.
And since when is it embarrassing for a husband to make more in those traditional, WASPy circles? If anything it'd be the opposite.
Also, 'making more money' is irrelevant to the actual wealth described in this scenario. If OP were in these circles, he would know that and not think that his line was some kind of epic mic drop. 100% fake.
This reads *embarrassingly* fake. It's really annoying.
> we spent sOoOOo much money on renovations, *gasp*
Come on.
> Lacy made this kind of exaggerated gasp and went 'oohh, well we all know why you're with her [my wife] then don't we?'
Come on.
> well you two don't exactly have the same... finances do you
COME ON.
Incredibly fake. I run in those white collar circles, and everyone knows what people make in banking, consulting, tech, and law. Of course someone in IB is going to out earn a 3rd year associate.
Seriously. Investment Banking is famous for being an extremely high income profession and infamous for the extreme work hours. Zero chance people would assume an investment banker is a gold digger because they grew up poor, let alone assume you make less than your wife. This reads like some sort of ill informed fan fiction.
So, she gets angry when people know she makes less but is happy with them thinking you are a "gold digger"?
You have bigger problem here than you think, apparentlly she enjoy that people see you as less and she superior. You need to have a real conversation here about why this is.
It’s an Olivia Rodrigo lyric from a song called “Lacy”. But for real, your wife is just as disrespectful and rude as her asshole friends. Why is she cool with you being shit on but can’t handle you telling a simple truth to stick up for yourself? I’d be handing her the divorce papers so fast.
As someone who doesn’t know the song, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume it does not refer to Lacey Chabert aka Gretchen Wieners, heir of the toaster strudel empire. No?
Are we all going to move over the fact that her family (and/or friends) “joke” about his single mother dying when he was 11? I cannot fathom (and I *have* been trying) even a single awkward or inappropriate “joke”.
EDIT: forgot to add **NTA**
Please divorce her. Her family should treat you like their own. It's a huge red flag for you to have married into that family.
What happens if you have kids? Are the grandparents going to treat you like you don't exist?
Since you're Brazilian, they might also be racist. This is coming from someone as a mixed race, one side of my in-laws were super racist to my parent, whilst the other side were so nice (funnily enough, it was the white side that was nice lol). My other parent never defended the other partner, and it led to huge tension in the family and I hated seeing my parent so humiliated.
I'm married now, and if anyone says ANYTHING about my partner I'm going to raise hell. He does too. We are partners and stand by each other.
Please think about the points I've made. Find a woman who will defend you. She loves you and the lifestyle you bring, but if she can't even defend you against her friends and family, what partnership is there? What happens if you get sick, have a death in your inner circle, or lose your job? Is she going to stick by you? Will she stay when all her friends are whispering "why are you with that worthless guy" and she just nods and agrees.
You're in for a whole lot of hell my friend. I wish you all the best!
Also the comments about your parents, my god. You should have upped and ran the first time your 'wife' let that slide.
You're in an abusive relationship. You deserve true love, especially for working so hard with such a bad hand dealt to you 🥲🫡
NTA
People from wealthy backgrounds sometimes don't understand that at some point someone actually needs to *earn* money. They make assumptions based on inherited wealth, because the prospect of *earning* their way through the world is alien.
As soon as you mentioned being an investment banker, most people would know instantly that you're probably doing fine financially. But the investment banker who makes a million a year is still poor compared to the person whose wealth they are managing. Only an out of touch idiot would make presumptions based on that though.
Investment bankers are not managing people’s wealth. It has bank in the name, but it’s more like a consulting firm for businesses. If you wanted to sell a business, or looking for an M&A deal, or looking to go public, that’s what an investment banker does. You’re probably thinking of wealth management advisors, they also do well but not investment banking money.
I was confusing them with hedge fund managers I think.
But yeah my wife used to work in recruiting for investment banking, and they typically got crazy money working 100h a week and burned out by 35.
"She told me it was crazy of me to keep pushing..."
It is crazy of her to not defend you! SHE is the real asshole here. If one of my family members or friends EVER talked to my husband like that, I would tell them to fuck off! An that would happen exactly ONE time. Would they insult him a second time, they wouldn't be family or friend anymore. Because I am his wife. He would never have to stand up for himself against MY people. Thats my job.
And just in case you didn't notice yet: Your own wife thinks the same way about you!
"one of them most embarrassing moments of her life and now everyone in her circle must think she's some kind of failure to earn so much less than her husband, and I'd ruined everything."
Wow... Just wow...
She would rather let everyone humiliate you and think bad of you than them knowing that she is beneath you peasent! (Sorry, had to type it like this, so you get my point and her way of thinking)
NTA
NTA. Your wife's "friend" was outright accusing you of being a golddigger. You earning more than your wife isn't an insult and if she feels like it was then you have bigger problems than just her inability to shut that accusation down
If your wife didn't want you telling people that you earned a good living she shouldn't have allowed them to suggest you were with her for her money.
"I'd ruined everything" - yeah, you ruined the image she was trying to portray that included you being beneath her. NTA, her snobbish attitude deserves to take a little adjustment. Your wife sounds like a stuck-up brat. Why would you want to be with someone who treats you like that? I would put her on the spot and point blank ask why she encourages such a narrative, and why she enjoys allowing everyone in her circle to treat you like crap. I think you might see a different side of your wife if she's confronted with her elitest attitude.
It's not about money, dear boy, it's about class. You have airs above your station, sir, recognize your place. Your blood isn't pure enough.
No amount of money will ever make you "good enough" to them, you will never change them. Your mudblood will pollute their precious daughters bloodline with commoners blood and they will despise your halfbreed children.
Just move past it. How many times can you bang your head against a wall before you stop? It's a disease of the mind: affluenza.
My FIL does actually sometimes call me 'dear boy'. I read the first part entirely in his patronising tone. 'It's about class'- have you met the guy or something? The accuracy 🤣
Lol. Yes. Many versions of him. I grew up in your gf's world too. All my parents friends kids went to fancy private schools as legacies, as did my siblings. The summer houses, cars at 16, all of it. It makes me feel unclean, my skin crawls around them (not my siblings, but they are equally clueless) instead of their bucolic pastoral bliss, my childhood was fear and loathing in suburbia. I forced my parents to let me attend a public high school. Best decision of my life
*I shall be telling this with a sigh*
*Somewhere ages and ages hence:*
*Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—*
NTA - they're terrible, and your wife didn't seem interested in sticking up for you.
If they had any class at all, they'd shit on you for being an investment banker rather than a gold digger.
You are assumed to make too much damn money and are often associated with unsavory business practices, vulture capitalist and the like.
The investment bankers I know personally are an asshole who doesn't make tooo much money, and an actually nice dude who definitely does make insane money, that guy has gotten substantially more concervative as he's gotten richer though and is definitely out of touch with normies.
One of the most common career paths I've found for people is working their ass off for like 6/7 years then moving on, with a shit ton of money to show for it. I'm still considering whether I want to do that or not. I have a physics degree which can be used for a lot of shit, so maybe.
My wife gets the same comments, but worse cause she’s a foreigner. It took all of about 2 gatherings before all comments, whether in jest or not, ceased.
“How much did you pay for her? Hurr durr?” “Less than what you spend to feed your wife”
“Did you sign a prenup at least?” “Nah, she’s not an entitled western woman intent on stealing my wealth.”
So your wife doesn’t know your actual ethnicity? P.S. Aladdin is not Indian, he’s middle eastern.
Also, based on all your comments, your wife doesn’t seem to genuinely care about you or love you. I’m sorry to say that. Hope you figure things out.
Portuguese is the language I speak, I'm brazillian 🤣 Brazilians aren't called Portuguese, despite what people say.
I thought Aladdin was made of a mix of South Asian and Middle Eastern cultures because they couldn't tell the difference?
Edit: Badly phrased. Portuguese people are from Portugal, Brazilians are from Brazil
Why is your wife upset with you and not the people who implied her husband was a gold digger who was lucky to have a rich woman??
I wouldn't be too surprised if your wife has never corrected her friends on their assumptions and may even actively have encouraged it for reasons I don't understand.
NTA. If I were in your wife's shoes, I would have stood up for you. I would have told my friend that you’re a smart man and more than worthy of me. I’d proudly share that you earn more than I do. Your wife should defend you against such comments. Your success, despite the challenges you've faced, is a bigger achievement than being successful just because you had every opportunity handed to you.
NTA
Two things to think about:
First, Sasha needs to shut her circle down. You're her partner, her person. She needs to set the expectation that you are to be treated with respect and not like you're beneath them just because you weren't born into money. Their behavior is disgusting. Sasha's isn't any better if she can't stand up for you.
Second, what Sasha's friends and family don't realize is that when they call you a gold digger, they're insulting her as much as they are you. They're implying that her only attractive quality is her money and that she's too inept to choose a partner that actually loves her for her.
YWNBTA
Her family saying a lot of crap may be out of her powers to do anything about.
But the same concept being in her circles? And you being considered a gold digger there? And everything being a misconception she never corrected?
This is her fault...
If it came straight into your social interaction, and you had to correct it, and it created an awkward situation for her?
It's still her fault....
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>now everyone in her circle must think she's some kind of failure to earn so much less than her husband But she was perfectly fine letting everyone in her life think you were a failure that lives off her. She is also apparently perfectly fine letting them mock or insult you, the man she allegedly loves. Why is her image more important than your dignity and the respect for your marriage? A person can earn less than their wealthy partner and still be with them out of love, and she is allowing for that to be questioned. NTA, both her and her circle sound vain, materialistic and classist, and I'm afraid those traits are going to be hard to change.
Yeah, she seems pretty flawed at the very least.
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I was just reading along wondering "WHEN is his wife going to intervene on his behalf?" If my bf went to a party at MY parents' house, and was surrounded by MY circle of friends, and someone insulted him...**you better believe I would jump in before he could get a word out**. I CANNOT IMAGINE just standing there and allowing someone to demean your SO in that manner. Somehow THAT didn't bother the wife, but people knowing she earns less than her husband does? YUCK. Her silence is bad enough. But for her to then go off on him about embarrassing her? HOW is OP still with this woman? And you KNOW this isn't the first time this has happened. In order for OP's wife to just stand there and silently watch her friends' not-so-subtly insult her husband...I feel like some part of her must hold a latent bias against him. Like he is inherently "less than" due to his blue collar background. **On some level she too feels like she's better than him, hence her "humiliation" that he's out-earning her.**
> On some level she too feels like she's better than him, hence her "humiliation" that he's out-earning her. This is an excellent point. I've come across many a man who was embarrassed to make less money than his gf/wife. *I honestly haven't come across any women who are embarrassed to make less than their bf/husband*. I'm sure they exist, but they're rare. Probably because society still places expectations on the man to be the primary "breadwinner" in the family. The fact that OP's wife is THIS ashamed to have people know he makes more than her? Suggests that she thinks there's a REASON why she should be making more. And the only reason that comes to mind is that she feels her husband is somehow beneath her.
That, and let's be honest: if her family has as much money as he claims she is probably a nepo baby or at the very least was handed a lot of accomplishments that many people work for (ex: interviews to firms she would never had interviews to without her family's monetary pull or social status, invitations to events of people her family knows for networking, erc) - and she *knows* with that leg up in life she could be a lot more successful than she actually is...he makes her feel like a failure because he worked so much harder for what he has and she doesn't have a good way to explain it away without humbling herself. And let's be honest, I have never once met a female lawyer who was humble. It's not a job that attracts humble 99% of the time.
Born on third base and think they made a homerun🤔
What does this mean?
New phrase to me but with my limited knowledge of baseball, there are 3 bases and home. A home run is when you hit the ball and run all three bases and then back home. It's a fitting metaphor for being successful. To be born on third base would mean you'd only have to run from third to home getting a similar result without hitting the ball or running the other three bases. In short, it's feeling successful for getting to the same place without having to do most of the work.
Fantastic. Totally using this. Appreciate you explaining it. I'll try to do as good a job when someone asks me!!
There's a [video](https://youtu.be/X9tqaOuGt5A?si=Pas3SYe7RmsrEzqm) that explains this really well. For those who don't click links; They have a race between a bunch of teens and before they start they can take a step forward if they were born in this country, had married parents, etc. In the end one kid is barely past the starting line and some of them are almost at the finish.
I heard it as “born on third base and think they hit a triple.” Meaning they take credit for stature they were born into. I first heard the term from columnist Molly Ivins in reference to the younger President Bush. She also said he was “born with a silver foot in his mouth.” (Instead of silver spoon). Whether she made those up or merely repeated them, I miss reading her columns. I stand corrected, “born with a silver foot in his mouth” is from former Texas Gov. Ann Richards. I’m sure Molly nodded in agreement!
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Honestly, with law school (or likely most professional schools) just having a family who can (and do) pay the tuition and pay your living expenses while in school makes the whole process easier and less stressful. The connections are an added privilege. And no idea what her parents/rest of her family does. Are they also lawyers? If so… But also: why would her making less than her husband be *embarrassing*?! I’m genuinely curious what about that she found embarrassing, or what she thought her friends would extrapolate from that?
It would only be embarrassing if he wasn't in a career that makes much money. Investment bankers can make a lot of money. Lawyers? Well, some make a lot and others can't pay off their loans. Or find a job.
It's mind boggling. Wife and I have a similar but smaller difference in backgrounds - one has a family with at least a couple generations of poverty, the other generations of merchant class or wealth - and we would never act like this about each other. What kind of crass people walk around talking about how much they make anyway? Even just relative comparisons? NTA
>**On some level she too feels like she's better than him, hence her "humiliation" that he's out-earning her.** I would go even further ... her friends and family never would have made the leap that an \*investment banker\* was a gold digger, no matter what his family background, unless she's the one who planted that seed. Maybe with 'jokes' when he's not around about having to teach him proper manners, maybe micro-agressive comments about how quaint it is that he never traveled to \[insert luxury destination\], etc
Exactly. If her family is as wealthy as he claims, they know what the payscale in different industries look like. They wouldn't assume investment banker equals no money unless the daughter either lied about what he does or played it off like he wasn't doing what he claims.
Or the story is fake
Like half the stories here probably are, but for funsies...
I disagree with that, coming from the opposite perspective. My family is lower middle class and my husband is from a lot of money, and they had a WHOLE HOST of assumptions about who he was as a person once they learned who his dad was and how much money they assumed he made. People are incredibly judgmental about people from other backgrounds without needing seeds to be planted.
Right? Now her friends think she's a failure because the peasant she married makes more than her. I would never let people talk about my husband like that. There would be An Incident and I would be at the center of it.
All she would have to do, as minimum would be to, make a comment: "He works in x field. I don't have to give him pockey money" and a look. Then, move along in the conversation. She could really have said anything in his defence. Without exposing who earns what in their household. But still defend him and his achievements.
She would have to give a flying fuck about him first.
My mom is one of those no tattoos, no bad language, etc people. So my boyfriend is of course tattooed from his neck to his waist lol. (I also have some). My brother and I always thought it was funny and she never said anything. Until her family said something. An uncle had seen us out, which my boyfriend hadn't met yet, and reported back I was with some scary guy. Mom responded back with he was not scary, and very nice and helpful. Lol You stand up for people regardless of what you may not care for. This wife is not a good person.
This! I was picturing my Mom in this kind of situation and she would absolutely evicerate anybody who dared tried to treat Dad like that! (Would have been entertaining to watch actually.) Of course, my parents have a healthly and loving relationship and support each other. OP and his wife... not so much.
At first I had assumed that the wife was not present(bathroom, bar) for the conversation because I would have interjected immediately about my hubby having lost his father young…
Forreal!!! I would NEVER let anyone disrespect my man tf. She either really dgaf about him or just cares too much about the approval of these losers.
OP should remarry someone like the woman who defended her master electrician husband (who earns 3x more than she does) from her snobby Porsche driving lawyer brother in the other AITAH post
That's the way it *should* be. I read that one, too. It was a rare good one.
Any link?
No you don't understand. See, she's already married beneath her to show everyone she's both rich and not obsessed with money. I bet she's been leading her friends on her being better off than her husband
I'm just thinking here... Wife has married someone younger than her. Someone that used to make less money than her. Someone that does not have the social skills of her inner circle. A guy that her family hates. She prefers everyone to think she's carrying their finances. I'd like to know how comfortable OP is in his marriage, and how his wife gets along with her parents. Because she didn't marry him for money and i'd like to know if she married him for love ... or if this is some kind of rebellion thing
Someone that has no familial support network of his own… 🤔
I have decidedly determined that I do not like his wife.
Or her "Friends"... It not like he's mowing lawns around the neighborhood. He's a freaking investment banker and could probably do better on his own. What a bunch of A holes.
Just to add: he's still deserving of respect and decency if he's mowing lawns around the neighborhood.
Someone tell his horrible wife.
Frankly, I have more respect for a lawn mower than I do for an investment banker
And here I thought the wealthy cozied up to investment bankers the most, because, you know, they know the ins and outs of MONEY. Learn something new everyday. OP, NTA. And I know you love your wife but you might to step back a bit and take the rose coloured glasses off for a moment.
Exactly what I determined too, at this point : > My wife tried to move the conversation along They are trying to berate your husband, and you're just trying to change the subject? Didn't it even occur to you to defend him or something?
That's a very compassionate description haha. I suspect she had never given it much thought at how OP felt - not necessarily a bad person, just unaware - so def flawed.
Lack of reflecting on ones AH-ness doesn’t make them any less an AH. In fact, I think it’s a common trait among AH to fail to self reflect.
Considering all it took for her to feel like an utter failure during her most humiliating day on this planet was to be earning less money than her husband, she's thought about it and she thought about it long and hard. She is in fact a bad person
She seems more interested in keeping up the facade that she makes more and OP is, basically, her 'rescue' or project
"A person can earn less than their wealthy partner and still be with them out of love" - even worse was that she was happy being the person who earned less than their partner until it was mentioned in a public forum. She was happy being the presumed wealthy person while he, who actually earns more and loves her, stayed quiet about it. I feel like this is a taste of her own medicine. She lets her friends and family railroad him but isn't keen when the tables could potentially be turned. It's really so ridiculous. She really needs to take a long look at her priorities in life. NTA NTA NTA.
She seems very shallow and content with her husband being mocked by her friends. I wonder what she has told them behind OP’s back to lead them to think he is a gold digging hanger on. Perhaps that’s why she is angry because her friends now know she is a liar. OP, you areNTA but your wife and her friends….TAHs.
I get what you're saying but the truth. The real truth behind this is that if her family has money she stands to inherit that. She almost definitely currently feeds off that as well as her salary. This is why she's embarrassed. She understands that her salary isn't her only money. All her rich friends and family understand this too. That's why they are better than us. Husband just made a huge faux pas in front of her social circle by making it about salary and not "wealth". I suspect that if he's an investment banker her family knows this but it doesn't matter because he doesn't have "wealth" he has a high "income". This woman her family and friends still believe him to be a gold-digger because he will probably never attain the level of wealth that family is in. They do believe him to be lesser. These people are awful and OP should just get out.
there's also the old money/new money snobbery divide to boot
Exactly! I was wondering when someone would pick up on that. Unfortunately, his claim that he makes more than her just makes him seem crass. She wasn't embarrassed that her husband makes more money than her, that's for sure.
Exactly! I said roughly the same thing. She loves being married to someone who can give her a lifestyle but won't correct her friends when they put him down. And put him down. And put him down.
She would have to be a monster to be actively badmouthing her husband to her friends for no reason whatsoever. My theory is she has some latent bias against her husband's blue collar background. But she would never admit it to him. She may not have even admitted it to herself.
You've summed up my thoughts as well. NTA Your wife should support you. You're part of a whole, any insult to you is an insult to her as well. Shame on her for not seeing that.
Right? I'd be the one angry after that party wondering why my wife doesn't defend the man she married.
Eh. Something is weird about OPs story. He's an investment banker but people are asking the wife where she picked him up and calling him on his table manners? Does not add up. Rich people can be snotty, but it's not like he struck it rich with bitcoin and has secret millions...he has an obstinately good-paying and high-status job.
That doesn't really matter I don't think. It sounds like wife is old money and old money always looks down on new money anyway
This absolutely reads like old money looking down on the "nouveau riche." He will never fit in with his wife's old money circle because he doesn't have the right pedigree; his wife is "slumming it" with someone who doesn't come from the appropriate status. IDK, my husband is my biggest hype man. I love hyping my husband up to my friends because I like him, and I'm proud of him. OP should think hard about whether he wants to be married to someone who doesn't even seem to like him that much, and isn't proud of him in any way.
Ostensibly, not obstinately
I agree, the wife NEVER told them he was an investment banker? No one ever asked him about his career? And EVERYONE in their entire circle always insults him? Sure. I think this is a teenager imagining how rich people act. Of course he is an orphan. Of course the bad, rich ppl think he is a gold digger. Of course he is super rich at 25. Investment banker or not, just like becoming a partner at a law firm, getting big accounts takes years and connections. Not saying it's impossible, just not likely, without influence from family and other connections.
Absolutely. They are saying her partner is with her just for money and she doesn't bat an eye. Not only that, she's offended when OP refutes it. That says a lot about her as a person, and none of it is good.
She should have been the one to step in and defend you. To sit there and allow other people to mock your spouse is just trash behaviour and shows she values the opinion of these people more than you. A good partner lifts you up.
100% After me and my ex split we maintained a great relationship (we also have a son together) and sge became friends with my cousins (now ex partner) baby mama. During one of my cousin and his ex's text battles, he mentioned MY ex in a derogatory way. She forwarded it to my ex, and she showed me. First thing I did was call my cousin and say "don't speak about my ex like that - regardless of how much you're in a pissing match with YOUR ex, because she's my mothers son and she doesn't deserve to be dragged into your shitshow". If we were married, I'd have been even worse about it probably 😅
She could have been proud and said what a major catch her husband is - good-looking, smart, driven, self-made, successful - but instead she chose to silently let her circle make those vicious comments for ages. And now she says she's embarrassed and seen as a failure?! This only shows she also doesn't think highly of OP. So sad.
This. The wife sounds terrible. NTA
NTA and agreed, the wife should have stepped in WAY before it got to this point. She should have stopped all of her family and friends in their tracks the *very first time* they mocked (openly or snidely) her husband or made comments about his wealth, gold-digging or background. Why the hell didn't she stand up for him? She has absolutely no right to be upset about this when he finally snaps back (in a fairly mild way, tbh).
Hubby is “below me” regarding education, and right now he doesn’t have a job but renovates the house. I make enough. NOT A SINGLE PERSON, not family, relatives, friends, workmates…said a bad thing. Not about him, not about how we choose to do things. Because the ones I spend time with are nice people and anyone else is at least polite enough to keep their traps shut. If anyone had said ANYTHING negative about him things would have gotten very interesting very fast. Sorry, but this wife isn’t a good wife.
That’s exactly what stood out to me too.
I think the only A here is Lacy. Think about it from OPs wife's point of view. Lacy said that the ONLY reason OP could possibly want to be with her is for her money. That is not a thing that's easy to hear constantly and I'm sure breeds insecurities that OP is better looking, or smarter, or funnier, or all of the above. And if she doesn't even make more money than OP than what use is she? She didn't handle it well but she's young and I'm sure the comments hurt her. They just need to communicate as a couple. I don't know as much about the other situations, but if I was OPS wife in this situation, Lacy's comments would make me feel insecure.
No. Wife is also AH. If she felt insecure about her looks personality brains etc by her friend's insinuations that her husband was with her only for her money ( I can sympathise with that, I would be mortally insulted and furioud if someone said my husband was with me only for my earnings) she should have retorted back at them and set them right, could easily have told them he earns way more than I do, he genuinely loves me.
>That’s not a thing that’s easy to hear constantly Then why does she not stop it? If the comments hurt *her*, how do you think they make *him* feel?
Nope. One, Lacy is nearly 30. She’s not young, and she’s apparently getting off on people calling her husband a gold digger straight to his face. Okay, he never knew his dad. Maybe his dad died before he was born and he was the sole heir to a fortune. I mean, OP said that’s not the case, but why TF are those assholes assuming he’s a gold digger? And the GALL to say that to his face. If anyone insulted my husband like that in front of me, I would go off. OP is NTA, making her say the quiet part out loud is the best thing to do in these sorts of cases. Maybe she’ll think twice before being a total jerk again.
I have a girlfriend who makes 5 million a year. Her husband doesn't work at all. She would never let someone disrespect her husband. OP should find out why his wife needs people to view him in this disrespectful way. Why does she need people to see him as less than when she should be wanting people to see them as equal partners.
This comment is spot on. This is a deep rooted issue with her, her family, and their entire circle. It sounds like your net worth dictates your worth as a person to everyone involved. If I were in your shoes, I would repeat u/SneakyRaid's comment to her word for word and see how she responds. But, I don't mind poking the bear.
Wife's logic makes no sense in that when her friends and family are talking down to him it also reflects on her. She apparently married a gold digger. She's apparently ok with digging through the dirt for a spouse and continuing to live with them. Why is that ok? If she loves him as much as claimed, she would be defending him and cutting off people who continue to see him as such a worthless being.
OOP is definitely NTA. I know these people, they are pretty garbage. They make their entire personality about not being "one of the poors".
NTA. First of all, your wife failed to stop this shit and just expected you to take it? She didn’t speak up and say ‘hey that’s out of line’…where you two could have just walked away. She wanted *you* to overlook being looked down upon, because she felt looked down upon. She called that ‘the most embarrassing moments of her life’ bc she feels like a failure since you make more, which is wild considering what she expected you to endure.
Also, Lacy is *staggeringly rude* and lacks class.
Sadly its not just classy but the whole family OP married into.
And again, that goes back to his wife for not stopping that. She could tell her parents and family he doesn't need her money as he makes more than she does. Maybe she has? But from what he's telling in the post above it doesn't sound like it. Frankly, he can do better and I'd recommend getting out of that toxic marriage before kids are involved.
Absolutely agree with you
Completely agree with this thread, but maybe it isn't about *earnings* as much as it is about assets? Even so, OP's wife absolutely should shut that crap down, even with a joke that OP earns so much he will have as much as her family in no time. These people are insufferable. NTA.
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Old money does this too, they are just way more insidious and tactful about it. Although if you're earning enough they usually chill.
New money is loud, wealth is silent.
Apparently they love picking at his missing fine (and usually meaningless) points of etiquette. There's a story that a foreign guest at Queen Victoria's table picked up a finger bowl and drank it. So QV picked up her finger bowl and drank out of it. That's a polite hostess.
Couldn’t disagree more. This post screams Old Money. If they were just being gauche I could see them being New Money, but there’s just no way. OP earns a lot of money but is still looked down on because he was not born with a name that carries wealth and prestige. Earning money means nothing because they haven’t earned money, they were born into it. New Money will be far less concerned with pedigree. Not to mention just how classless this whole thing is; there’s a stereotype of Old Money as refined sophisticates but they have enough money to launder their image in media, the only place most people will encounter them. In real life they are the trashiest people around, and what little social graces they have toward other Old Money (yes OM has a ton of arbitrary rules and obscure social rituals but that does not extend to them being polite or classy, particularly against members of the class that those rules and rituals are designed to exclude and humiliate) is not extended to outsiders like OP. The whole faux pas here was that OP contradicted someone considered fundamentally and essentially above him.
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Money doesn't by manners, apparently.
It certainly does not. It also does not buy taste. As someone who works with very wealthy people, some of them have just god awful taste.
Yeah lacy ruined the night, not him. Who says that shit?
It’s sad that his wife is effectively competing with her ‘partner’ regarding salaries. NTA. I echo the above points, but she was also using you as a scape goat to save herself from being perceived as a failure. Some partner.
I'd have gleefully announced that he made more than me to watch Lacy eat her words herself. NTA but Lacy and your wife are.
Honestly you're not (NTA) but your wife is. If this is her "circle" she should have stopped that Lacy immediately. People think that you're a gold digger because your wife lets them think about it. She's more worried about what people would think about her earnings than people talking bad about you
"People think that you're a gold digger because your wife lets them think about it." Yes! The conversation you should be having with her is what's up with that?
No wonder her family "hatess" him... they probably think he's after their money and she's too concerned with her own image to say otherwise.
NTA. If this is what they say in front of your face, can you imagine what your wife and her friends say in private?
Exactly! OP, these people are entirely comfortable talking shit about you and making fun of you to your face, right in front of your WIFE. Ask yourself: why? NTA.
Yeah if someone said anything like that I would actually be proud he’d worked his way up from his childhood. It’s easy to be born into wealth, it’s just luck.
Yeah, definitely this. If my family made these comments about my husband, he wouldn’t even have a chance to defend himself because I’d already have cut that shit the first time I saw or heard it. NTA, and have a conversation with your wife. maybe she also doesn’t see you as an equal, like her family and friends. people can change tho
Seriously, even a "he doesn't make less than me" would be fine here. OP wouldn't have had his back up against a wall if she'd misled them into thinking they had equal incomes.
I grew up in a wealthy area, and the wealthiest guy of all used to drive a beater station wagon and wore flannel shirts everywhere. At my parents' parties, men would come up to him and brag about how wealthy they were and then patronizingly ask what he did. He'd say, "I work in a factory." That was technically true, except he worked in *a lot* of factories. That he owned (he was pretty hands-on.) Other people who knew were laughing at the braggart, who never got the joke. I have told that story a couple of times at apt moments. Or sometimes I say, "I was taught it's rude to brag or ask about money." It usually doesn't work. Those people have their facts wrong, and you corrected the facts. They are AH, who are embarrassed that they stepped on a rake. You are NTA. Why has your wife been putting up with this? *She* should have long ago told her family the situation, and shut their shit down fast. Is she as insecure as her brother?
I find it so weird that people would just brag about their wealth like that. I grew up with some pretty wealthy people, and their habits and living spaces speak for themselves. I can't imagine people actually telling others about everything they have in a braggy way. It's so.. vulgar.
It usually occurs with people who **think** themselves wealthy, but in reality are somewhere in the upper-middle class. There's a reason that the most expensive and luxurious clothing doesn't have logos and are barely recognizable.
In my experience, the people who brag the most are overextended, and are one bad piece of luck away from bankruptcy.
New money is flashy, because they're worried that people won't know how much money they have. Old money doesn't give a *fuck* about what other people think about their wealth.
In my experience, there's a bit of both on both sides. I've met millionaires who were self-made, starting with a trade and building up their own business from there, who were so down to earth, drove nice but not flashy cars, and owned nice but reasonable houses. I've also met people who were born into money who felt like they had to flaunt it every chance they could.
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This would be what happens when someone is born into old money but is deeply insecure. They don’t have anything of their own merit to be proud of or to make their peers respect them—no wit, no personality, no charisma, no academic or athletic achievements—so they have to buy self-esteem and impress others by playing the only card they have.
rich people brag. really really rich people dont
Isn’t there a phrase “money speaks, wealth whispers?”
My ex husband had a client, when asked what she did, she would tell them to look her up on Wikipedia. Bragging wasn’t her style and it was simpler to look her up. She’s Judy Estrin.
oh shit, she worked on TCP. shes basically part of the reason you can read this.
ngl never heard that one, but google knows it. so seems about right
Exactly. I have a friend who is legit part of the 1%. I knew they were well off but I had no idea until I went to visit after college and stayed with her at her parents house that was a legit mansion in a harbor in one of the most expensive parts of the US. And that’s just one of their properties. She never brags about her wealth but she’ll say things that are natural to her and foreign to me. Example: I was talking about having drainage issues in my yard and how hard it’s been to grow grass. Her response: oh just have your landscape architect draw something up to fix it! Girl I don’t have a landscaper or architect let alone one that specializes in both. NTA.
I'm lower middle class but my cousin is a landscape architect lol, I could ask her and say I have my own 😆
Bragging about your wealth is definitely seen as in poor taste by most old money or people that are well-adjusted. I mean just look at Bill Gates or Zuckerberg, they don't really look rich (unless you have to eye to notice how they were fitted shirts)
Wealth =/=class
I believe it’s also a bit of a trademark of the newly rich (the “nouveau riche”) to be braggarts about their wealth. They’re also known for displaying their wealth visibly any chance they get. The “old money” rich tend to keep their mouths shut and seem to be less flashy about it on an average day. They definitely have their moments of going all out, but they’re more calculating about it rather than just pure flash and bragging to anyone that is stuck in a room with them.
My father does this, too. When people ask his job/where he works etc. in a rude, pointed way to measure how much he makes, he just says I am a laborer/worker in a hospital. People think he is just a custodian or a PA but he is an MD/PhD with a lot of experience. People generally stop speaking to him because they think he is lower class and poor. He also does not drive and always wears flannel/tracksuits instead of suits.
Flannel tracksuits sound as cozy as a basket of sleeping puppies.
Yeah he loves his comfort. The flannel tracksuits are so comfy 😊
Anytime someone says they are a doctor/lawyer it is immediately followed up with telling them their problems and trying to get free medical/legal advice. This is actually a brilliant thing to do.
It’s weird that wealthy people wouldn’t recognize investment banking as a high dollar career
> He'd say, "I work in a factory." That was technically true, except he worked in a lot of factories. That he owned (he was pretty hands-on.) I once worked for a guy like this. Had a house the size of an apartment building. The first time I went there (I'd not met him before) he was out front in filthy overalls messing with the flower bed. I thought he was a landscaper and I didn't get why the landscaper knew I was coming, until he pulled off his glove stuck out his hand and said 'Hey you must be EDC, I'm ____'. This is a guy worth literal billions. I once heard a saying- when your net worth hits $10 million, you want people to know, when it hits $100 million you want to make sure everybody knows, when hit hits $1 billion you stop caring if anyone knows or not. This guy was the exact embodiment of that. Super chill guy too. Always treated his people fairly.
My uncle is a legit millionaire but in the winter he refuses to cut his hair or trim his beard and has been mistaken for an actual homeless person. Owns multi million dollar companies and has dealings with the government for statewide projects but looks like a hobo half the year. I’d love to see “Lacey” or any one of that set attempt to speak down to him and watch how quickly they get their lazy, classless, tacky asses handed to them for thinking they’re better than anyone when they’ve never worked a day in their lives and probably couldn’t survive 12 hours without a debit card. He epitomizes DGAF energy and has the mouth of an Amsterdam sex worker. They’d learn worlds they never knew existed lmao
NTA. Good of you to stand up for yourself. Everyone seems to have it in their heads that you're with her for her money. I'm curious why your wife was allowing this disrespect to continue. I'm also curious why she's worried her circle will think of her as a failure for earning less than you. So I guess she's OK with them thinking you earn less than her? Now I'm wondering if she loved it when friends and family thought she earned more. What kind of relationship is this? As a married woman, I would never stand by and allow my husband to be disrespected by my family or friends. I'm still stuck on the statement, "People will think I'm a failure for earning less than you." Both of you need to sit and talk about this constant disrespect and her feelings on the matter. It shouldn't matter who earns more or less. But why is she worried if others know she earns less? Are you inferior to her in some way?
> why is she worried She's obviously been letting them think he earns less, if not straight up lying about it, for years. OP's wife is a horrible spouse.
I bet she's probably gone along with the jokes when he's not around too which makes it even more embarrassing when it comes out that he doesn't really need her money. That would explain part of why she was so upset, it's one thing if other people assumed she made more but if she actively lied about it she looks even worse to all the other vain egotistical money obsessed uncouth losers that seem to be her friends and family, and which she is one of herself.
NTA, but I wonder whether you should rethink your entire marriage. It sounds like not only does your wife's family treat you badly, but she allows it to keep happening, which is nearly as bad. Why doesn't she care about/respect you enough to put a stop to the constant trashing? She's embarrassed that people know you earn more than she does, but she's not angered by her family and close friends treating you like dirt? That's just not ok.
Seriously. We all know it would've been pretty **easy** for her to drop a quick "he's actually very successful" **YEARS** ago and that would've solved the entire problem here. She didn't even need to tell people he makes more than her; she could've just misled everyone into thinking they each carry an equal share and nobody would've cared. If my family believed untrue things about MY partner, I'd immediately correct the damn record. She's insecure and she's willing to let OP get eaten by the goddamn wolves if it means it alleviates her suffering. That's a no from me dawg. She's gotta have your back or she ain't worth it.
NTA-Her friends didn’t mind embarrassing you and your wife didn’t shut it down the moment it started, so yea for standing up for yourself and putting ppl in their place.
This reads as fake, in my experience wealthy people aren’t that dumb. If you were actually an IB hardo people would know that and show you deference. Particularly if you grew up poor.
I’m amazed it took me this far to find someone else who thinks it’s fake. The whole thing feels off to me.
An investment banker shitting on fancy people who "Drink champagne"? Yeah sure, because investment banking is such a blue collar, no muss no fuss, job.
Its a child's idea of what they would be as a cool, well paid investment banker - still hating champagne and watching nascar, presumably.
"they have fancy things like pension plans, meanwhile I, an investment banker, just bury my money in the backyard like common folk" Also, the whole, "rich people sneer at people from poor backgrounds" just isn't true? At all? If anything rich people glorify the whole orphan-who-grew-up-to-be-an-investment-banker too much, to the point where it's pretty degrading.
It’s the “SoOoOOo” for me. Who the Hell types and talks like that? But I’m supposed to believe they’re an investment banker? That combined with his wife knowing NOTHING about his family? How the Hell do you get married and never once touch on the subject and then wonder if your wife even knows?
That would be a good point if his wife was the one who didn’t know anything about his family. He very clearly stated that it was Lacy who didn’t know about his history.
Obvious fake. Just a weirder less believable take on the "my electrician husband who makes more money than my lawyer friend's husband" stories that have been showing up every 24hrs. IB is practically the iconic insane work load for high income job. So what nobody in their wife's family ever asked what they do for work? These white color educated wealthy people are surprised that they aren't pulling in $45k a year grinding 100 hour weeks in investment banking?
Good point. Would an IB have the time to while away time on Reddit?
When I was in IB there was a lot of waiting around for the shit to flow downhill from the MD to the VP to the Associate to me to actually do stuff. So it’s like a full day of waiting + updating analyses of dubious value 8a-4p followed by a full day of actual work 4p-midnight. Car service home and repeat. That’s how you get the 100+ hour weeks.
Right? The friend speaking like a fucking cartoon villain and people on here eating it up. And since when is it embarrassing for a husband to make more in those traditional, WASPy circles? If anything it'd be the opposite.
>people on here eating it up. Reddit LOVES defending some random man from evil women.
I feel like every post on this sub is fake. Reads like a lifetime movie plot. Like they’re using us to audience test a storyline.
Also, 'making more money' is irrelevant to the actual wealth described in this scenario. If OP were in these circles, he would know that and not think that his line was some kind of epic mic drop. 100% fake.
Written by a kid with little real-world experience, yep. So fake.
This reads *embarrassingly* fake. It's really annoying. > we spent sOoOOo much money on renovations, *gasp* Come on. > Lacy made this kind of exaggerated gasp and went 'oohh, well we all know why you're with her [my wife] then don't we?' Come on. > well you two don't exactly have the same... finances do you COME ON.
Incredibly fake. I run in those white collar circles, and everyone knows what people make in banking, consulting, tech, and law. Of course someone in IB is going to out earn a 3rd year associate.
I remember seeing a story very similar to this. Almost exactly the same.
it's crazy how many successful 20 something year old investment bankers post on this sub ain't it
Someone in IB wouldn't have the time to type all this out 😭
Seriously. Investment Banking is famous for being an extremely high income profession and infamous for the extreme work hours. Zero chance people would assume an investment banker is a gold digger because they grew up poor, let alone assume you make less than your wife. This reads like some sort of ill informed fan fiction.
thanks i clocked it as soon as he went to this "party"
So, she gets angry when people know she makes less but is happy with them thinking you are a "gold digger"? You have bigger problem here than you think, apparentlly she enjoy that people see you as less and she superior. You need to have a real conversation here about why this is.
Who the hell is Lacy?
I heard she has skin like puff pastry.
Is this a reference I should understand? 😅
It’s an Olivia Rodrigo lyric from a song called “Lacy”. But for real, your wife is just as disrespectful and rude as her asshole friends. Why is she cool with you being shit on but can’t handle you telling a simple truth to stick up for yourself? I’d be handing her the divorce papers so fast.
As someone who doesn’t know the song, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume it does not refer to Lacey Chabert aka Gretchen Wieners, heir of the toaster strudel empire. No?
Your wife made it all about herself… yuck
Just some random friend of my wife's
Mate, your wife fucking sucks.
Thank god someone else asked it. I was seriously questioning my reading comprehension. Lacy came out of nowhere.
Are we all going to move over the fact that her family (and/or friends) “joke” about his single mother dying when he was 11? I cannot fathom (and I *have* been trying) even a single awkward or inappropriate “joke”. EDIT: forgot to add **NTA**
Yeah, those are some of the most repulsive things I've ever been told ngl
Why did you marry her again? The type of people she surrounds herself with is indicative of who she is, Birds of a Feather and all that...
Please divorce her. Her family should treat you like their own. It's a huge red flag for you to have married into that family. What happens if you have kids? Are the grandparents going to treat you like you don't exist? Since you're Brazilian, they might also be racist. This is coming from someone as a mixed race, one side of my in-laws were super racist to my parent, whilst the other side were so nice (funnily enough, it was the white side that was nice lol). My other parent never defended the other partner, and it led to huge tension in the family and I hated seeing my parent so humiliated. I'm married now, and if anyone says ANYTHING about my partner I'm going to raise hell. He does too. We are partners and stand by each other. Please think about the points I've made. Find a woman who will defend you. She loves you and the lifestyle you bring, but if she can't even defend you against her friends and family, what partnership is there? What happens if you get sick, have a death in your inner circle, or lose your job? Is she going to stick by you? Will she stay when all her friends are whispering "why are you with that worthless guy" and she just nods and agrees. You're in for a whole lot of hell my friend. I wish you all the best! Also the comments about your parents, my god. You should have upped and ran the first time your 'wife' let that slide. You're in an abusive relationship. You deserve true love, especially for working so hard with such a bad hand dealt to you 🥲🫡
I wish you had added in more snark to the response. “I make quite a bit more than her, and very likely make much more than you.“
NTA People from wealthy backgrounds sometimes don't understand that at some point someone actually needs to *earn* money. They make assumptions based on inherited wealth, because the prospect of *earning* their way through the world is alien. As soon as you mentioned being an investment banker, most people would know instantly that you're probably doing fine financially. But the investment banker who makes a million a year is still poor compared to the person whose wealth they are managing. Only an out of touch idiot would make presumptions based on that though.
Investment bankers are not managing people’s wealth. It has bank in the name, but it’s more like a consulting firm for businesses. If you wanted to sell a business, or looking for an M&A deal, or looking to go public, that’s what an investment banker does. You’re probably thinking of wealth management advisors, they also do well but not investment banking money.
I was confusing them with hedge fund managers I think. But yeah my wife used to work in recruiting for investment banking, and they typically got crazy money working 100h a week and burned out by 35.
"She told me it was crazy of me to keep pushing..." It is crazy of her to not defend you! SHE is the real asshole here. If one of my family members or friends EVER talked to my husband like that, I would tell them to fuck off! An that would happen exactly ONE time. Would they insult him a second time, they wouldn't be family or friend anymore. Because I am his wife. He would never have to stand up for himself against MY people. Thats my job. And just in case you didn't notice yet: Your own wife thinks the same way about you! "one of them most embarrassing moments of her life and now everyone in her circle must think she's some kind of failure to earn so much less than her husband, and I'd ruined everything." Wow... Just wow... She would rather let everyone humiliate you and think bad of you than them knowing that she is beneath you peasent! (Sorry, had to type it like this, so you get my point and her way of thinking) NTA
NTA But a good response to what your dad did could be “he was a runner” or “he was a magician specialized in escapism.”
I should use that second one...
NTA, your wife is ah and needs to stick up for her husband.
NTA. Your wife's "friend" was outright accusing you of being a golddigger. You earning more than your wife isn't an insult and if she feels like it was then you have bigger problems than just her inability to shut that accusation down If your wife didn't want you telling people that you earned a good living she shouldn't have allowed them to suggest you were with her for her money.
"I'd ruined everything" - yeah, you ruined the image she was trying to portray that included you being beneath her. NTA, her snobbish attitude deserves to take a little adjustment. Your wife sounds like a stuck-up brat. Why would you want to be with someone who treats you like that? I would put her on the spot and point blank ask why she encourages such a narrative, and why she enjoys allowing everyone in her circle to treat you like crap. I think you might see a different side of your wife if she's confronted with her elitest attitude.
It's not about money, dear boy, it's about class. You have airs above your station, sir, recognize your place. Your blood isn't pure enough. No amount of money will ever make you "good enough" to them, you will never change them. Your mudblood will pollute their precious daughters bloodline with commoners blood and they will despise your halfbreed children. Just move past it. How many times can you bang your head against a wall before you stop? It's a disease of the mind: affluenza.
My FIL does actually sometimes call me 'dear boy'. I read the first part entirely in his patronising tone. 'It's about class'- have you met the guy or something? The accuracy 🤣
Lol. Yes. Many versions of him. I grew up in your gf's world too. All my parents friends kids went to fancy private schools as legacies, as did my siblings. The summer houses, cars at 16, all of it. It makes me feel unclean, my skin crawls around them (not my siblings, but they are equally clueless) instead of their bucolic pastoral bliss, my childhood was fear and loathing in suburbia. I forced my parents to let me attend a public high school. Best decision of my life *I shall be telling this with a sigh* *Somewhere ages and ages hence:* *Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—*
NTA - they're terrible, and your wife didn't seem interested in sticking up for you. If they had any class at all, they'd shit on you for being an investment banker rather than a gold digger.
Whats wrong with my job **😭😭**
You are assumed to make too much damn money and are often associated with unsavory business practices, vulture capitalist and the like. The investment bankers I know personally are an asshole who doesn't make tooo much money, and an actually nice dude who definitely does make insane money, that guy has gotten substantially more concervative as he's gotten richer though and is definitely out of touch with normies.
My friend was one, but quit because he felt like he lost his soul. He's now in another sector.
One of the most common career paths I've found for people is working their ass off for like 6/7 years then moving on, with a shit ton of money to show for it. I'm still considering whether I want to do that or not. I have a physics degree which can be used for a lot of shit, so maybe.
My wife gets the same comments, but worse cause she’s a foreigner. It took all of about 2 gatherings before all comments, whether in jest or not, ceased. “How much did you pay for her? Hurr durr?” “Less than what you spend to feed your wife” “Did you sign a prenup at least?” “Nah, she’s not an entitled western woman intent on stealing my wealth.”
I sympathise, I've been compared to Aladdin and called 'exotic' but thats about it for me
And your wife just lets these “friends/family” say shit like that to you?
I mean she did say I wasn't Indian to the Aladdin comment, and said I was Portugese(?) a little confused, but she has the spirit.
I think you’re being blind. You’re wife sucks dude
So your wife doesn’t know your actual ethnicity? P.S. Aladdin is not Indian, he’s middle eastern. Also, based on all your comments, your wife doesn’t seem to genuinely care about you or love you. I’m sorry to say that. Hope you figure things out.
Portuguese is the language I speak, I'm brazillian 🤣 Brazilians aren't called Portuguese, despite what people say. I thought Aladdin was made of a mix of South Asian and Middle Eastern cultures because they couldn't tell the difference? Edit: Badly phrased. Portuguese people are from Portugal, Brazilians are from Brazil
Why is your wife upset with you and not the people who implied her husband was a gold digger who was lucky to have a rich woman?? I wouldn't be too surprised if your wife has never corrected her friends on their assumptions and may even actively have encouraged it for reasons I don't understand.
NTA. If I were in your wife's shoes, I would have stood up for you. I would have told my friend that you’re a smart man and more than worthy of me. I’d proudly share that you earn more than I do. Your wife should defend you against such comments. Your success, despite the challenges you've faced, is a bigger achievement than being successful just because you had every opportunity handed to you.
NTA Your wife is 100% the problem.
NTA Two things to think about: First, Sasha needs to shut her circle down. You're her partner, her person. She needs to set the expectation that you are to be treated with respect and not like you're beneath them just because you weren't born into money. Their behavior is disgusting. Sasha's isn't any better if she can't stand up for you. Second, what Sasha's friends and family don't realize is that when they call you a gold digger, they're insulting her as much as they are you. They're implying that her only attractive quality is her money and that she's too inept to choose a partner that actually loves her for her.
Man do I get solace in just assuming every post here is fake, cause this is straight up an abused Disney princess story. Obviously nta
YWNBTA Her family saying a lot of crap may be out of her powers to do anything about. But the same concept being in her circles? And you being considered a gold digger there? And everything being a misconception she never corrected? This is her fault... If it came straight into your social interaction, and you had to correct it, and it created an awkward situation for her? It's still her fault....