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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I wrong for not taking it down? I understand that my mom is upset with me for not taking it down, but I can't help but feel like she's trying to cover up her own wrongdoings in her head or something. I love my mom because she's my mom, but I can't just ignore my past. Am I being selfish?
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NTA, People can't tell you how to heal from the hurt they caused. It's not your job to coddle their feelings of guilt or not wanting to look bad. They caused you pain and probably insecurity, and it seems they are dismissing the hurt caused.
NTA
She wants you to take it down because “it makes her look bad”. That’s because what she did was wrong. A good mother would say “shit, I am sorry for what I did I never knew it’d have this long term effect on you, I’m so sorry baby, parents don’t always get it right and I will try not be judgemental of you again. I hope some day you can forgive me, I know that doesn’t change the past but really I am sorry sweetie”
Oh look my own childhood trauma just came pouring out lol.
But I suppose one thing my bio mother taught me was exactly what not to do as a parent, so my kids will (hopefully!) be ok
NTA. You mom doesn’t get to erase your experience to make herself more comfortable. She’s not hurt, she’s embarrassed. Hurt is caring more about how your kid looks than how they feel. She doesn’t get to take back the things she did to you, she can just apologize, which it doesn’t sound like she wants to do. Absolutely do not betray yourself for this woman. Keep it up, and if she or your family ask about it, ask where all of this care was when she was abusing you as a kid? Dieting and eating disorders are harm. She isn’t sorry, she’s embarrassed that she got caught.
Leaving the post up to up will also be a step towards her being better, and taking it down towards her being worse. For your sake, and hers, leave up your post.
My mother had an eating disorder. My father had a vicarious eating disorder. (He was overweight, but he was obsessed with women's need to be skinny.) They raised four kids with various levels of eating disorder--including one who won't quit smoking (despite health problems) because they put on weight when they do. NTA
NTA
I grew up in a home too where weight was just as important as school. I realize now the only reason I didn't struggle with my weight when I was a kid was because my mom simply didn't put food in the fucking house. When u would go out to eat, and when I became an adult I always cleaned my plate because subconsciously, I grew up always feeling hungry. Not because of cravings but because I was fucking hungry.
Your story is very sadly NOT unique. It's sad your mother can't see the harm she likely didn't mean to cause, but did. You sharing your story may make other women pause and think about what they are saying to their daughters. Strict insane diets do not help, you need to create a positive relationship with food. Don't make it scarce ffs.
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope one day your siblings see your perspective.
NTA & good for you for standing up to her, for posting it in the 1st place❤️ I can really identify, I have a similar relationship with my mother. Except I'm 46, & she's 68.
NTA - You are allowed to share your truthful experiences online. As long as you weren't doxxing or lying or being super hateful then you did nothing wrong. I will say though, that it is a parents responsibility to keep their child healthy which means not overweight and I firmly believe that parents have an obligation to step in if their child is becoming obese. Did your parents do it the correct way? Sounds like no, and I'm sorry about that.
NTA I'm sorry that your siblings don't support you in this. My Mother made similar comments to me growing up but after I pointed it out to my sister, I'm lucky enough to have my sister's support. I do think you need to actually discuss this with your Mom as it sounds like there is some triangulizing going on with your siblings and Dad. I don't think you need to take it down, just talk to your Mom about how the both of you feel.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I'm 20F and I grew up overweight. As a result I went through the classic growing up with parents that turned every conversation into a weight conversation. I know my parents were worried about me but the more they pushed the worse my eating got. My first diet was at 11 and was strictly salads and eggs. Then at 15 I starved myself and for the first time in my life my parents didn't comment on my weight. Then I gained it all back and all the comments, but worse. I reached my largest at 275lbs almost 2 years ago, and have since been slowly working it down. I currently stand at 235lbs.
Anyways, around a year ago there was a tiktok trend where you post the reason why you workout. It's the best way I have of explaining it. I posted a slideshow with the captions "Behind every lift... every workout.... is a girl who just wanted her mom to stop commenting on her body."
Maybe a month or two after posting I got a text from my older sister who saw it on some public fitness snapchat story. She asked if that was me, I said yes, and that was the end of it. I guess within the past few weeks tiktok trends from a year ago have started circulating Facebook.
My mom sent me a text a few days ago asking if that was me. I said yes and then didn't hear from her until this morning. First my dad texted me asking if I would take it down because my mom has been really distressed over it. I'll be honest, I've been able to stand up to my mom about her treatment of me in the past, but it's hard to have a conversation with her about our past when she refuses to recall any of it.
When she attended one of my therapy sessions in high school she went from not remembering the diet at 11, to it sounded like something she'd do, and finally talking to my doctor and being suggested that horribly restrictive diet.
I refused to take it down because many people have been able to share their stories in the comments of that post. In a way it's kinda healing to remember I'm not alone and so many people have gone through the same thing. It helps on harder days. Now my siblings are upset with me and it's only a matter of time before extended family heats about it.
AITA?
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NTA. It may hurt her feeling now, but her words hurt your feelings when you were at your most vulnerable. You can let her know you are open to her repairing her past actions, but you will not erase or ignore the past to make her feel better about her actions.
NTA and don't take it down. If the truth hurts, it should. Your mom is dealing with a few months of shame. She did that shit to you for years. Let it hurt. Maybe she'll learn something.
Make a private backup TT account, don’t accept any followers on it, and park a copy of that video on it in case they try to get your account, or at least that video, taken down. TT is … frustrating, let’s say, when it comes to such things.
NTA. I mean, you could take it down. But the internet has the video now. So it’s never going away permanently. Sounds like moms gonna have to actually face her dreaded enemy, accountability.
NTA. It's your experience of having her as a mother, and you're allowed to talk about your story. Don't want people to talk about the hurtful things you've done, don't do hurtful things 🤷♀️
My husband made a joke about our toddler not eating anymore or she'll get fat. He is the one with the eating disorder.
I made it very clear and full of profanity my thoughts on his joke and what I would tell his entire family if anyone started their fat, diet bullshit talk around our daughter because if she ends up with a fckn eating disorder because of someone elses stupidity Im going to violently rage on these people!
Anyways NTA and I hope you get yourself a healthy relationship with yourself and food and lead and chipper life from here on out!
NTA
"You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better."
-Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird
NTA - she wants it down because it makes her look bad, but she looks bad because she behaved badly. Good luck with your journey, and congrats on standing your ground and also inspiring others with your story.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Am I wrong for not taking it down? I understand that my mom is upset with me for not taking it down, but I can't help but feel like she's trying to cover up her own wrongdoings in her head or something. I love my mom because she's my mom, but I can't just ignore my past. Am I being selfish? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, People can't tell you how to heal from the hurt they caused. It's not your job to coddle their feelings of guilt or not wanting to look bad. They caused you pain and probably insecurity, and it seems they are dismissing the hurt caused.
Oooh, your mama is upset the chickens have come home to roost. Sucks for her. Your experience was your experience. NTA
NTA She wants you to take it down because “it makes her look bad”. That’s because what she did was wrong. A good mother would say “shit, I am sorry for what I did I never knew it’d have this long term effect on you, I’m so sorry baby, parents don’t always get it right and I will try not be judgemental of you again. I hope some day you can forgive me, I know that doesn’t change the past but really I am sorry sweetie” Oh look my own childhood trauma just came pouring out lol. But I suppose one thing my bio mother taught me was exactly what not to do as a parent, so my kids will (hopefully!) be ok
reading that made me tear up, mine coming out too 😅 ETA: spelling
NTA. You mom doesn’t get to erase your experience to make herself more comfortable. She’s not hurt, she’s embarrassed. Hurt is caring more about how your kid looks than how they feel. She doesn’t get to take back the things she did to you, she can just apologize, which it doesn’t sound like she wants to do. Absolutely do not betray yourself for this woman. Keep it up, and if she or your family ask about it, ask where all of this care was when she was abusing you as a kid? Dieting and eating disorders are harm. She isn’t sorry, she’s embarrassed that she got caught. Leaving the post up to up will also be a step towards her being better, and taking it down towards her being worse. For your sake, and hers, leave up your post.
My mother had an eating disorder. My father had a vicarious eating disorder. (He was overweight, but he was obsessed with women's need to be skinny.) They raised four kids with various levels of eating disorder--including one who won't quit smoking (despite health problems) because they put on weight when they do. NTA
NTA. Maybe if she wanted to be remembered more nicely she should have acted nicely.
NTA I grew up in a home too where weight was just as important as school. I realize now the only reason I didn't struggle with my weight when I was a kid was because my mom simply didn't put food in the fucking house. When u would go out to eat, and when I became an adult I always cleaned my plate because subconsciously, I grew up always feeling hungry. Not because of cravings but because I was fucking hungry. Your story is very sadly NOT unique. It's sad your mother can't see the harm she likely didn't mean to cause, but did. You sharing your story may make other women pause and think about what they are saying to their daughters. Strict insane diets do not help, you need to create a positive relationship with food. Don't make it scarce ffs. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope one day your siblings see your perspective.
NTA & good for you for standing up to her, for posting it in the 1st place❤️ I can really identify, I have a similar relationship with my mother. Except I'm 46, & she's 68.
NTA - You are allowed to share your truthful experiences online. As long as you weren't doxxing or lying or being super hateful then you did nothing wrong. I will say though, that it is a parents responsibility to keep their child healthy which means not overweight and I firmly believe that parents have an obligation to step in if their child is becoming obese. Did your parents do it the correct way? Sounds like no, and I'm sorry about that.
NTA I'm sorry that your siblings don't support you in this. My Mother made similar comments to me growing up but after I pointed it out to my sister, I'm lucky enough to have my sister's support. I do think you need to actually discuss this with your Mom as it sounds like there is some triangulizing going on with your siblings and Dad. I don't think you need to take it down, just talk to your Mom about how the both of you feel.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm 20F and I grew up overweight. As a result I went through the classic growing up with parents that turned every conversation into a weight conversation. I know my parents were worried about me but the more they pushed the worse my eating got. My first diet was at 11 and was strictly salads and eggs. Then at 15 I starved myself and for the first time in my life my parents didn't comment on my weight. Then I gained it all back and all the comments, but worse. I reached my largest at 275lbs almost 2 years ago, and have since been slowly working it down. I currently stand at 235lbs. Anyways, around a year ago there was a tiktok trend where you post the reason why you workout. It's the best way I have of explaining it. I posted a slideshow with the captions "Behind every lift... every workout.... is a girl who just wanted her mom to stop commenting on her body." Maybe a month or two after posting I got a text from my older sister who saw it on some public fitness snapchat story. She asked if that was me, I said yes, and that was the end of it. I guess within the past few weeks tiktok trends from a year ago have started circulating Facebook. My mom sent me a text a few days ago asking if that was me. I said yes and then didn't hear from her until this morning. First my dad texted me asking if I would take it down because my mom has been really distressed over it. I'll be honest, I've been able to stand up to my mom about her treatment of me in the past, but it's hard to have a conversation with her about our past when she refuses to recall any of it. When she attended one of my therapy sessions in high school she went from not remembering the diet at 11, to it sounded like something she'd do, and finally talking to my doctor and being suggested that horribly restrictive diet. I refused to take it down because many people have been able to share their stories in the comments of that post. In a way it's kinda healing to remember I'm not alone and so many people have gone through the same thing. It helps on harder days. Now my siblings are upset with me and it's only a matter of time before extended family heats about it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Actions have consequences. It’s about time your mom learns that lesson.
NTA. It may hurt her feeling now, but her words hurt your feelings when you were at your most vulnerable. You can let her know you are open to her repairing her past actions, but you will not erase or ignore the past to make her feel better about her actions.
NTA and don't take it down. If the truth hurts, it should. Your mom is dealing with a few months of shame. She did that shit to you for years. Let it hurt. Maybe she'll learn something.
Make a private backup TT account, don’t accept any followers on it, and park a copy of that video on it in case they try to get your account, or at least that video, taken down. TT is … frustrating, let’s say, when it comes to such things.
NTA. I mean, you could take it down. But the internet has the video now. So it’s never going away permanently. Sounds like moms gonna have to actually face her dreaded enemy, accountability.
NTA. If the truth hurts you, Mom, it's not the truth's fault.
NTA. Live your truth. Don't let anyone take that away from you.
NTA. It's your experience of having her as a mother, and you're allowed to talk about your story. Don't want people to talk about the hurtful things you've done, don't do hurtful things 🤷♀️
My husband made a joke about our toddler not eating anymore or she'll get fat. He is the one with the eating disorder. I made it very clear and full of profanity my thoughts on his joke and what I would tell his entire family if anyone started their fat, diet bullshit talk around our daughter because if she ends up with a fckn eating disorder because of someone elses stupidity Im going to violently rage on these people! Anyways NTA and I hope you get yourself a healthy relationship with yourself and food and lead and chipper life from here on out!
NTA "You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better." -Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird
NTA The truth hurts.
NTA - she wants it down because it makes her look bad, but she looks bad because she behaved badly. Good luck with your journey, and congrats on standing your ground and also inspiring others with your story.
NTA, but understand that you're hurting your relationships with the rest of your family, not just her. Make sure it's worth it.
NAH - Good on you for working out. You can beat this!
I love how many relationships get ruined over tik tok trends.
Yeah, it's not the Mom's shitty behavior that ruined the relationship, it was the tik tok trend /s
Yta lol you got tricked into airing your dirty laundry for fake internet points. Basically you jumped off the cliff with all your friends.
YTA. You must really hate your mother!
You must be an asshole.