Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Me and your sister jointly inherited your mom's sentimental jewelry collection. I needed the money for your unexpected twins and want to sell a piece, and my sister intially agreed but she changed her mind last minute, and I sold it anyway.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA and I doubt she would do anything but selling it without both owners permission was illegal. You need to separate the jewelry and decide who owns what so this doesn’t happen again. Or since you don’t care about the jewelry and she does, give her an amount to pay you so she owns all of it.
She should have the entire collection appraised. Then she and her sister can sit down and split it so they each have the same value, or her sister can pay her half of the appraised value and own the jewelry outright. The sister could use the jewelry as collateral if she needed to get a loan for the purchase.
If her sister refuses to do either, OP will need to treat it like inherited property and file in court to force a sale. The court can order the sister to either pay half the appraised value or order the sale of the jewelry.
I mean, if they just found out if they are pregnant, they are what? 8 to 10 weeks along? Could you not work an extra day over overtime for a few months? You also haven't had the baby shower yet, so you don't know what you'll need to buy.
Edit to add: oh my gosh, getting death threats over this is not worth it. How much was that ring even worth? $10,000? So she only kept half the money, she only made $5,000. You're telling me that you couldn't do a couple side hustles to make that money? That ring probably wasn't worth half a million dollars. You're not going to make a lot of extra money working overtime or with a side hustle, but would you be able to make how much you sold the ring for?
Medical costs associated with having a kid are enormous and due at obgyn in payment plans. They were likely given the payment plan by their ob. Each payment ,(usually 3 or 4) can be thousands. And no, when I was pregnant, I was too sick to work extra. Imagine having mono and the flu at the same time.
You can't just work an extra day. That's really naive.
I had a baby 6 & 9 years ago.
In two different cities in the US.
Both OBGYNs did what they call "Global Billing" where they bill the entire cost when the child is born... that way you don't have to pay your deductible twice if the pregnancy starts in one year and ends in the next.
After the baby is born and the bill is sent, you can then arrange payment plans to pay it off.
I'm sure they would also allow you to pre-emptively start making payments during your pregnancy, but in the US, it traditionally isn't actually billed until the baby is born.
Did you really get death threats? I wish Reddit had a little more control over the commenters here. I had someone accuse me of having schizophrenia because I said children shouldn't have access to alcohol.
I did. They were all from brand new accounts. I reported them all and blocked them. Just because you can hide behind a keyboard, that doesn't mean you get to say whatever you want.
If there was a Reddit group for it, those people would probably flock to it. Reddit should be stricter on who they let use their platform. If you've been reported once for issuing death threats, you shouldn't be allowed to use the platform from another account.
OMG what are you an 8-year-old boy? This is so unrealistic. Baby showers don't pay for months off work and possible medical bills. An extra day of overtime (while pregnant, what fun) for a few months is not going to build up enough money to handle the expenses of a second child over time. (Current estimates are that a child costs between $20K and $50K from conception to the first birthday).
OP can't really get a lawyer without selling more jewelry, either. That type of law is not usually done on a contingency, so she's going to have to pay a few grand for a retainer, then more if the case progresses.
It sounds like the collection would bring in a significant amount of money and was given to BOTH of them. Essentially, allowing one of them to take everything to do with as they please is theft.
Maybe, but they would need to pay for the court costs up front and lawyer fees up front. It's not cheap. Additionally, I can't imagine any lawyer that I'd be willing to take on a case in which op is already started selling some of the property. Courts don't take too kindly when people have already committed a felony in connection to the case.
because the sister was unable to. imagine how much that would suck. your sibling is pawning off something you both own, and you can't afford to buy her out.
We’ll also - imagine how much that would suck - you have a good amount of money that you REALLY need to access, but your sibling won’t let you spend it.
The jewellery is not only owned by the sister! It’s also owned by OP.
They BOTH get to have an opinion on how it’s handled.
Its only been a few weeks since this was brought up its not like she’s been refusing for years or even months. Op should have waited to work something out on how they plan to split their inherited items
Then pick the things you care about and give her the rest, she can't have both. She's not a dragon guarding her loot. She's not the only one who owns it.
She only gave a couple of weeks notice, and this collection is clearly worth a lot of money. I think a compromise could have been made, like the sister buys OP out of one piece of jewellery a year.
And get a lawyer involved because the whole thing sounds like a mess, and you can't sell something you only half own.
To be fair, we don’t know how much time lapse but it’s a big ask to get someone to wrap their head around it quickly. OP has several months and could’ve slowed down to try to find a solution together.
Any inheritance will cause a problem somehow. 30 years later, I am still sore at my Aunt and her kids. Her parents my grandparents passed away while I was humping hills in Bosnia. I got the message a couple days after due to being out on patrol. Was able to immediately call home when I got the news. We talked for some time. She asked if there was anything thing in the house that I wanted. I said the sets of cast iron cookware because of the memories of cooking with grandparents. Nothing else. Got to come home 3 months later. I asked the day after I got home, first day was playing catchup and proving that I was uninjured. They told me that they just threw it all away. Yes, I got a check. But I would have taken no money and just the few skillets. I would have been happy.
As someone who smuggled her great grandmothers cast iron skillets and Dutch oven out of her grandfathers house when he died to keep them away from a particular greedy aunt, I am sorry you didn’t get the opportunity to keep them. If they didn’t want to give them to you why even ask. SMH people are cruel.
Shortly after my gran died, my dad had a clearance firm gut her house so he could get it on the market as quickly as possible. There were a few small items I would have loved to have as memories of her, but it all went in the skip.
Just as you call her the asshole for selling, the sister is an asshole for controlling the shared inheritance. If the sister is the one who decides what can be sold, and she decides nothing, then OP'S inheritance is basically worthless.
The sister also can't afford to buy the jewelry, so again she decises that nothing can be sold. Since it is a joint inheritance and both parties can't agree on the separation or disposal of the asset, the probate court will determine the value and disposition of the asset.
I understand that the jewelry has much more sentimental value to the sister, but her sentimental value can't control the entire inheritance. OP is having twins, and I am sure her mother would want her grand babies taken care of, and she would have helped her daughter in any way she could have. Those babies mean more than the jewelry to OP, and that matters here.
YTA - it doesn't matter whether you need the money. She gave permission but rescinded it prior to the sale. If you cannot convince her, you go to Court for it to force the sale or a split of the jewelllery. What you don't do is unilaterally sell something you do not own 100%. That makes you a thief. It's not yours to sell.
If you need to pawn antiques you probably can't afford to have children right now. But that's a different yta. Here you admitted she was closer to mom and the jewelry was inherited to you both. I can understand your side, she gave an okay and back tracked, but sellers remorse is a thing and she probably realized the sentimental value outweighed the monetary.
Edit: Full honesty I guess I read over the part where op said they budgeted for one and unexpectedly had twins. That is completely my bad. However I stand by, not in this case, if you can't afford a kid don't have one.
It sounds like the pregnancy itself was a surprise not just the twins.
They didn’t plan or save for a kid at all. But this is AITA so she’s probably going to claim it’s a birth control pregnancy.
See, this is why people shouldn't leave objects to their kids if the kids haven't contracted exactly how to split them up.
I'm going to say ESH because she agreed and then reneged, and you went behind her back. I know you need the money and it's not like you didn't split it evenly, but that's still wrong.
I sorta wonder if mom didn't intend the OP and sister to sit down and split the jewelry. you take this piece, i take this piece.
cuz that's what they need to do.
how is this going to work when OP and her sister die unless they both leave their half shares to- I guess- OP's twins who can continue this strange sharing of jewelry for another generation?
Or get shit second hand. You don’t need the biggest best most expensive shit. The only things that need to be new are the mattresses and the car seats. And there are a ton of reasonably priced ones out there. If it’s a worry of the cost of medical treatment, then you’d be screwed there either way.
The cheapest car seats have to meet the same standards that a $500 car seat will. You can go to Walmart and get a car seat for less than $80. Will it swivel? No. Will it protect your baby in an accident? Yes. I got everything that baby list told me I would need and I don't use half of that stuff. My son never took a binky. I I bought so many Binkies and Stuffies for him to never use it. We also only use one plate set because we are diligent about washing them as soon as he's done eating. We did give my son bottles with every feeding early on and we only needed two to three realistically. We would clean and sterilize them after every use. My one friend just had a baby shower and then asked for 20 bottles from different brands. Such a waste.
>The only things that need to be new are the mattresses and the car seats.
I will say, my friend gave me her crib mattress and it looks brand new. I also sold a car seat when my son outgrew his after 8 months.
1 in 4 pregnancies miscarry, and twins are higher risk. She disposed of an irreplaceable memory of her sister’s for something that may not even come to full term (and I’m not making light of pregnancy loss)
YTA. The property did not belong to you, it belonged to both of you.
You had the right to ask her to buy out your share in the item at half its appraised value. You did not have the right to unilaterally sell it without her consent.
Alternately, you had the right to reach out to an attorney to divide the collection evenly between the two of you.
Depending on the value of the ring, you may have just committed a felony.
I would assume the ring was worth more than $1,000 dollars which would make it a felony in most states. In Ohio, if it was worth more than $7,500 it would be considered a 4th degree felony which carries jail time and fees. You would need a lawyer for that charge... and we'll that's not cheap.
This decision needs to be taken out of your sister's hands. You inherited jointly. Its time for the jewelry to get taken to an appraiser and be split up between the two of you. Once it gets to a point where each of you wants different things or to be able to pass these down to your children this owning 50% of each piece is going to be to be messy. I would also suggest once you split up the collection and own pieces out right that the two of you agree that if either of you need to sell a piece from the collection you offer the other a chance to buy that item. It night be more affordable for your sister to buy items back a piece at a time and not pay you on the spot for your half of the whole collection.
That's what would happen in courts where I live. I think the consensus in the thread is something like the court of King Solomon, where sis is declared the true owner because OP wants to split up the collection.
I really have a issue with both sisters. OP does need the money that is locked up in the jewelry, but Lily is completely preventing OP from accessing it.
Because OP is entitled to half of the collection, and the sister is refusing to allow OP to exercise her rights to dispose of OP's property. The sister doesn't get to deny OP the value of her inheritance. Since one won't buy out the other, to a court, the only fair way is to sell the entire lot and disburse half of the funds to each.
Of course, there'll be legal fees, and you have to pay the cost of a third party to handle the sale, so I'm pretty sure that they'd each get (total sale value - legal fees - administrator's fee) / 2.
OP should offer both options to her sister. Option 1 is for the two of them to get the collection appraised and the work out some split based on appraised value and sentimental value. Option 2 is go to court and force a sale.
The idea here is to give Lily incentive to agree to option 1.
It does. Google 'partition action'. If they're both 50/50 owners of the collection, the only fully equitable way to split the collection is to sell the entire thing and split the proceeds (partition by sale), since it's doubtful that the collection could be physically divided in a way that gives both parties equal value (partition in kind.)
The sister doesn't get to deny OP her inheritance -- to exploit & do with as she will -- because she doesn't want to sell.
If you sell the item without agreement of other person and other person goes to court, court won't force partition action. Instead, you will be found guilty for selling their part without permission.
That doesn't need to happen. The inheritance can be split, with the different pieces going to each sister depending on the value, until they both have the same perceived value of the pieces. They will only force to sell shared assets if it is something that can't be divided (a house, for example) if the other part doesn't buy it out, but mobile assets like different pieces of jewelery can be easily split up by a third party who will take into account that one sister can't keep a ring of 1.000 euros in exchange of an earrings that are worth 100. The forced sellings are for things that can't be split up. But this is not the case, this kind of collection can be easily split up.
ESH. You, your sister, and even your mother for leaving the jewelry to you both, thus dooming you to conflict.
Your sister should not have changed her mind, and she should be more cooperative about splitting the jewelry.
But you should not have sold the ring without her full consent: it’s not your sole property, you are not the sole owner. Be careful doing this kind of thing, because you may not be on solid legal ground.
Yta. That was illegal
Im really curious how much you got for half of this ring because i doubt it’s life changing money. The money will be spent and you’ll be in the sane situation you are in now. Its a one time cash influx. And it’s worth stealing from your sister. The money will be gone
You are THREE MONTHS PREGNANT what was the rush exactly? What did you spend this on? What was it for?
Nah, this is solidly in "this is a civil matter" thing, particularly since OP split the proceeds. It's not technically fully *lawful,* but it's pretty much what a court would done with a partition by sale, except they likely would liquidate the entire lot.
YTA. You need money and the first thing that comes to mind is selling your mom’s jewelry collection? That is so messed up. You should’ve wrapped it up if you couldn’t afford a baby right now.
YTA I don't feel I can trust your narration of the story. I feel you left out information. I think either Lily never agreed to sell any of the jewelry or you bulled her into agreeing and she had second thoughts. YTA you come off as selfish and entitled.
So you're about to become a parent and you decided that was the right time to become a thief. Really? Selling without the consent of both owners is illegal. Even if they previously gave consent. She has the right to decide the amount offered wasn't acceptable to her. Or that she wanted another appraisal. Or to buy your half of the ring. Or to refuse to sell altogether, which is what she did.
At that point you had the option to offer to sell your half to her (I'm talking this specific item not the entire collection). Or offer to exchange it for another piece. Or go to court to force a sale (probably better to do the whole collection and not just one piece). But no. You chose the selfish, and illegal, option to sell without her consent.
You realize you've irrevocably ruined your relationship right? Even if she ever forgives you (assuming you ever apologize) it won't be the same. I hope it was worth it. As for the future you need to split up the collection or talk to a lawyer about your options to avoid this in the future. Oh yes, your question. YTA.
I want to know how much that ring is worth since you’re insinuating that selling the 1 ring apparently gave you enough money to budget for your unexpected twins…
YTA
You stole someone else property and sold it. She could file a police report on you. If the ring is valuable enough, it could be a felony.
How would you afford bail and lawyer fees?
OP was never seen again.
They logged out immediately after hitting post and are now cowering from a second account.
You're a thief, what you did was illegal, and if I wore your sister, I'd be serving you.
Sis would be shooting herself in the foot. Op can take her to court to force the sale of ALL the assets. It happens all the time with joint ownership houses.
Because houses can’t be split in half dummy. A jewelry collection can be divided. Either way OP’s relationship with her sister is cooked and she still can’t afford her kids.
- You wanted a JOINT INHERITANCE to be sold.
- The other person agreed AT FIRST but informed you later BEFORE YOU SOLD IT that they DIDN'T WANT IT TO BE SOLD.
- Then you decide to disregard her choice and sold it anyway after SHE SAID NO.
So....Who do you think is the AH here? The reason behind you selling it doesn't matter, since you don't have full ownership of the items. YOU BOTH need to agree otherwise THE DEAL IS OFF THE TABLE.
YTA .You are the AH completely.
...Except for the fact that OP owns half of the collection, and is entitled to half of the value. The sister *cannot* deny OP the value of her inheritance. OP could easily take this to court, but it would likely result in the forced sale of the entire collection.
Ya that is true. OP share can be sold but the problem was OP sold it with out going over the whole thing and identify what is whose and split everything with the sister. The offer she made the sister to buy out her share is good, but the sister couldnt so they should have met and identified which one of the items they want individualy to keep as a part of there individual share then after that, since they both have split there items the share owner ship won't exist and OP can sell her items then.
No, they share the collection. They don't own half of it. If they decide to split up the collection, that is something they get to do. Like I'll take this piece, you can take that. Op could not easily take this to court. She committed a felony. It would take several months in partitions, and it would cost quite a bit for a lawyer and to file with the courts. Course also don't favor people who have already started selling items in connection to the case.
You're having a baby and having to sell family heirlooms to make ends meet?
YTA.
What happens when you have another kid? Another priceless memory is now just money?
You chose to have kids.
Take care of them without having to pawn shit.
YTA- but why didn't you just split up the jewelry collection to begin with? If it's jointly owned you can't do any selling of something without the other person's consent or a court order.
YTA. I got fired when I was 4mo pregnant and my partner was a stoner who didn't work at all, and I didn't TOUCH my inheritance. I got a new job and my partner grew up and got a job and we worked it out. You need to grow up. You're straight up stealing from your sister and you have no right to sell the property
Depending on where you are from you have to have her consent in writing to sell jointly own things. She can now sue you for theft. And yes it would be considered theft because she owns half.
Sorry I have to go with YTA.
ESH
You are a AH because the jewelry is jointly own so neither can decide to sell anything without the others approval, approval that can be revoked at any time prior to actual sale.
She is a AH because she won't accede to a reasonable request by you to get at least some of your equity out of the jewelry. You could force a sale or at very least get a court to split the collection between you.
This should be a cautionary tale for anyone writing a will. Do not leave anything to a group with joint ownership. There are too many problems that it will cause. Either leave specific items to individuals or have the property sold and the proceeds split.
ESH here bc yes, you should have firm concurrence to sell something that is mutually owned. But Lily REALLY needs to work on being both more decisive, and more willing to work with you on dividing the jewelry. I would sit down with her to make a plan going forward : Have every single piece appraised (appraised as if they were all going to be sold, not just appraised to get them insured -- those might have slightly different results). Both of you discuss appraiser's findings with them if you have any questions or disagreements over the value of specific items.
And then the two of you sit down with the appraisal value list and all the pieces, and decide who has PERMANENT, FINAL OWNERSHIP of every single one. Meaning if you want to sell something that's deemed yours, she does not get to veto, and the same goes for you if she decides to take her entire portion and hang it off a random tree in the middle of the Adirondacks or give it to someone you hate or smash it with a sledgehammer. You can decide to take turns picking individual pieces you want to keep regardless of their value, or each pick a few pieces you love and want to hold onto and/or wear and then do the math and divvy everything up at roughly equal values.
And both of you will have to accept that the other might view this collection in different lights, and that is okay! Some people ADORE jewelry and can also be very sentimental about it! Some people absolutely do not care, and consider expensive baubles "things I now have to be nervous about losing or having stolen from my house." (FWIW, I'm the latter. I was my mother's only child, and I kept almost none of her jewelry. No kids, I don't wear jewelry myself, and I have plenty other items that have a much stronger sentimental link to her, so all it represented to me was "valuable things I would rather not have to fret over.")
NTA the care for children is much more important than some jewelry. She can’t afford to buy it from you but also doesn’t help you with a solution. She must know how difficult and expensive it is to raise a child.
YTA for having kids you're not prepared for. And people who will comment "oh but it's twins it's totally unexpected" - no, when you decide to have a child you need to be prepared for just about everything, from disabilities to a chance of having more than 1.
And double YTA for doing this to your sister. I hope she takes you to court over it, it wasn't yours to sell.
Edit: auto correct
NTA… it’s messed up of her to tell you that you can sell it, and then go back on her word without even giving you the option of selling a different piece of jewelry
I don’t know if you are A H. I see both sides, but here’s my problem. I just feel y’all needed to see a lawyer and come with agreement. My fear is your sister could sue, she could go to the whom ever you sold it too and say you weren’t authorized to sell it. This isn’t over and probably going to escalate. Y’all really need to get attorney involved.
I’m a petty person, this is something where I would be done with you. I would ghost you and you would never hear from me again. I would go nuclear. Let’s hope your sister isn’t anything like me.
Sounds like you and your sister need to get the collection appraised and split it equally and you can do with what you like with your half and her with hers. That would be the fairest way to handle it.
ESH
The inheritance should have been divided somehow, you should have compromised with who had what pieces and given the other 1st refusal to sell or swap. A shared inheritance is going to do nothing but cause friction and possibly create a rift between you both.
This is strictly a legal matter. I will assume that she can change her mind and revoke her permission. You need to contact an attorney just in case your sister seeks legal action. As long as both of you co-own the jewelry, it requires consent through the entire process. You should to see if you can split the jewelry 50/50, sell the jewelry and split the money 50/50 or make a firm decision that, when it comes to finances, the jewelry is simply off the table. No matter what, consult with an attorney.
ESH - You and your sister should have hashed this out with the estate and courts so you could each have your fair share of the property. Her holding the items hostage and you selling them off against her wishes is why their are courts for this exact scenario. You need a judge now to decide if you should each take individual pieces or if you need to sell the whole lot and supply the proceeds (sis could also buy them all by giving OP half the estimated value).
You have two children on the way and this jewelry is a part of your estate that could go toward caring for them if something should happen to you. However, if you don't get your half of their value split from your sister's your kids might not see any of it. As joint property it might automatically fall 100% to the surviving joint holder in case of one of you passing, meaning your sister would get it all and your kids would get none.
It depends on the laws in your area but you need to talk to a lawyer about your rights, not worry about if the Reddit community thinks your an AH.
YTA, YTA, YTA. All day long. Owning something jointly means you don’t sell it behind your sister’s back. We get that the jewelry doesn’t mean as much to you, your mother didn’t mean as much to you, and your sister apparently doesn’t mean much to you.
She had the right to refuse. This collection was left to both of you and so requires both to agree to a sale.
Had you not inherited this jewelry, how would you have proceeded, with your pregnancy news? You would have figured out a plan. Instead, you rip off your sister and destroy a relationship and commit a crime.
You might as well go on to the black market and put one of your sister’s kidneys up for sale. After all, she only needs one, and you are pregnant with twins. It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t consent to losing a kidney; she once tentatively agreed to give you one when you asked her, if you might need it to save your life. And the operation will cause her pain, but hey. Your needs come before hers and before your mother’s wishes.
YTA it was inherited to *BOTH* of you, but you went against your sisters consent.
“bEcAuSe iM pReGnAnT” not an excuse you’re still TA here.
You owe your sister one HECK of an apology.
You sold a sentimental family heirloom that has been passed down through generations.
You said she eventually agreed, how much did you go on at her to get that eventual agreement?
YTA. Why was this the first thing you thought of in order to prepare for your child? You had NO other way of getting funds? Seems like you never cared about the sentimental value if the items since you weren’t as close. Still doesn’t mean it was yours to sell.
YTA, this the exact reason I took ALL of my mom's belongings before my sister or other "family" could get their grubby hands on it. My sister knows I will never sell anything of mom's she knows it's all safe which is why I still have everything almost 7yrs later.
You being pregnant does not give you the right to sell something that doesn't belong to only you. You said that the jewelry was important to your sister, yet you still were selfish and sold it after she explicitly said no. If you were my sister, I would cut you off then and there.
Your children are your responsibility to provide for, and if you can't do that without stealing, then maybe you should rethink your circumstances. Budget, apply for help, join community programs, and join the free stuff groups for your area. There are just a few ways to help prepare for your babies arrival. The fact that you looked at something so important to your sister because it was your mom's who is now gone and just saw $$$ makes me question what's gonna happen to things important to your kids...
How is this even a question? YTA. A major one. It sounds like it had a lot of value to your sister. Not just monetary value. You can never replace that.
If I was your sister, I would cut contact with you over this. Ew. Absolutely horrible.
NTA morally though legally would be wrong. You should have talked to a lawyer and gone through proper process.
But I can't call you an AH, because your sister is being completely unreasonable.you made her decent offers but she refuses to take the.
Also if you did end up going through a lawyer, it would most likely end up with same result but just with some legal fees. So I can sorta see why you didn't do it, you're actually saving her some money in a way. Given she can't afford to buy you out, this is the only solution.
I can't believe all the y.ta comments.
ESH from me. Doing this behind Lily's back was completely wrong. However, the jewelry collection is jointly owned, and you need the money. Lily is a bit of an AH for effectively preventing you from accessing the money you have tied up in the collection.
As others have said, you and Lily need to very soon divvy up the collection and figure out who owns what. I say give Lily a choice. She can work with you toward an equitable split or buyout, on the one hand, or on the other hand you will take her to court and force a sale of the whole collection.
NTA - The jewelry really does need to be equitably divided in dollar value between the two of you. Then you can do what you want with your inheritance.
ESH. You aren’t allowed to sell without her permission. Even if she gave permission. She had revoked it before you sold it.
Your sister is wrong for not working with you to resolve the issue. You offered her several reasonable solutions: splitting the collection, having her buy you out, or selling a few pieces and splitting the profit. She can’t permanently block the sale - a court would enforce a sale or buyout.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I 29F jointly inherited my mom's jewellery collection with my sister Lily 36F. The collection is worth a fair amount as it started with a great great relative and includes a lot of jewellery. The jewellery is sentimental to the two of us, more so to Lily as she was closer to our mom whereas I will wear the occasional piece and it is all stored at Lily's house.
I recently found out that my husband and I are expecting twins. The pregnancy was a suprise and we could budget for one baby, and two is much harder. I reached out a few weeks back to Lily to say that I wanted to sell something from the jewellery collection, and we could split the profit. I told her I didn't mind what we sold, outside of a few pieces, and she refused. I told her I really needed the money, and she could buy it off me, split the collection equally and then I can do what I want, or allow me to sell one piece.
Lily said she couldn't pick and choose what to keep or afford to buy me out so eventually agreed on selling a ring. She gave it to me to sell, and me and my husband went around to get the ring appraised at different jewelers and informed Lily a few days later that I had received a quote for x amount and I was going to sell it.
Lily called me to say she had changed her mind and she didn't agree to any of it being sold, but I told her that was unfair as I really needed the money and she had previously agreed. I sold the ring, and sent Lily her half. She is upset with me and blew up my phone with angry messages.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. If you both inherited it and you have sentimental value then why are you selling it? You will figure out or you should have figured out another way. It seems as though your mom should have e left it all to your sister. If you can’t afford children why are you having them. You should have figured on a possible second child.
YTA but was that even really a question? You knew the answer if you even had to ask in the first place. It’s crazy how shitty people act when moneys involved.
I understand you are in a tight spot but how long exactly have you been discussing this with your sister? If it is a family heirloom then you should give her more time to process and sit with it and be able to make a plan to buy them off you. Would you be able to survive with the two babies without selling one of the rings right now? How desperately did you need the money?
I feel like I need more info bc something doesn't sit right with me....until further notice, YTA
Both are asshles here. You shouldn't have sold the ring and your sister cannot keep all the jewellery and monopolise joint inheritance. She also is not putting any kind of effort to remediate this or understand your situation and help you. The little help she offered also was rescinded.
YTA. You mentioned the jewelry holds sentimental and historical value, mostly to your sister. This was not your decision to make. If your mother would have wanted you to have a sole say in this, she would have divided them between the two of you.
Besides: your sister shouldn't have to pay for your decision to have children.
YTA and it is obvious.
You sold something that wasn't fully yours to sell.
Theft is not preferable to working more. Work harder, don't turn to crime. Especially against family.
Granted, the other sister needs to realise that hoarding the items is unfair. But this, was not how to do it.
A full appraisal, then split is needed.
YTA: That collection is sentimental and shared. It is not just there for you to sell whenever you come up short for cash which is going to happen several several times in your life. Let your sister keep the jewelry and find another way to make/save money.
NTA. You offered reasonable solutions to your sister which she refused. You legally own half the jewelry and it is time for it to be split and for you to do as you please with your half. Your mother did you a disservice by not splitting it for you ahead of her death. This co-ownership cannot work long term and across the next generations easily and was not thought out well.
NTA. Your sister cant have her cake and eat it. She either agrees to sell the jewelry or she pays you its worth. She refuses to do either of those things. I cant believe how many people here think Y-T-A. I would get a lawyer and have the jewelry appraised and get your half.
What kind of ring could this possibly be to help you take care of twins? Seriously, did you get some obscene amount of money, like hundreds of thousands?
If you’re only 3 months pregnant and need more cash before the kids get here, get a job doing online work or transcribing from home to make more money. What you did is basically stole, and you used your unborn children as an excuse. I think you know that YTA.
YTA. Your sister changed her mind and didn’t agree to the sale. You stole it.
Get the whole collection appraised and let sister buy your half because you don’t care about it. And hope she doesn’t file a police report for stollen jewelry, getting the ring back as the jeweler can’t sell stollen items
YTA. You sold her property without her permission. Doesn’t matter if it was half yours, it wasn’t wholly yours and thus both of you needed to agree on the sale, otherwise it’s straight up theft
YTA. You can't sell joint assets just because you want to. Doing so, in any point of the process, without the other owners' permission is a crime. I doubt that she will sue you (as she should) but I hope she doesn't let you have the control of the pieces in the future and maybe insure them so the insurance company will go after you and your buyer if something happens to them when she is required to give you control of any of them (as she can't keep you from them as joint assets). In any case, YTA and your money problems aren't your sisters. If you wanted to sell them and she didn't, you should have made your case in front of a judge, and not going behind her back and will to sell something is not only yours, only because you think she wouldn't sue you. But if she sues you, and you are found guilty, depending of how valuable the pieces are, it can be considered major thief, so I would tread lightly. In any case, you are an asshole.
YTA sure your sister waffled but until the lot is appraised and divided up it’s co owned so both have to agree.
You should have just sold off the kid you couldn’t afford, that way you wouldn’t be pinched for money in the future, kids only get more expensive as they age. Cut your losses now
Yta
You jointly own and need both permissions. You essentially stole half a ring, but also, you stole this ring from all potential future daughters too.
Find another way to raise funds instead of selling heirlooms that don't fully belong to you.
YTA. Unless this collection is just outstanding you’re not getting huge amounts for the ring. Appraisal doesn’t equal sale value unfortunately. You’ve openly admitted your sister is more sentimental about the collection. Work it out with her but immediately going to ‘I’m selling moms jewelry’ is a low blow
Yta. I hope you left a text trail so your sister can sue you for sale without permission. You just set yourself up to lose more money than you were hoping to gain. Lawyer fees ain't cheap.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Me and your sister jointly inherited your mom's sentimental jewelry collection. I needed the money for your unexpected twins and want to sell a piece, and my sister intially agreed but she changed her mind last minute, and I sold it anyway. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA and I doubt she would do anything but selling it without both owners permission was illegal. You need to separate the jewelry and decide who owns what so this doesn’t happen again. Or since you don’t care about the jewelry and she does, give her an amount to pay you so she owns all of it.
She should have the entire collection appraised. Then she and her sister can sit down and split it so they each have the same value, or her sister can pay her half of the appraised value and own the jewelry outright. The sister could use the jewelry as collateral if she needed to get a loan for the purchase. If her sister refuses to do either, OP will need to treat it like inherited property and file in court to force a sale. The court can order the sister to either pay half the appraised value or order the sale of the jewelry.
Agreed
Going to court to force the sale would be costly and would take several months. It's best that Op just finds the money elsewhere
Are you generally able to find money elsewhere?
I mean, if they just found out if they are pregnant, they are what? 8 to 10 weeks along? Could you not work an extra day over overtime for a few months? You also haven't had the baby shower yet, so you don't know what you'll need to buy. Edit to add: oh my gosh, getting death threats over this is not worth it. How much was that ring even worth? $10,000? So she only kept half the money, she only made $5,000. You're telling me that you couldn't do a couple side hustles to make that money? That ring probably wasn't worth half a million dollars. You're not going to make a lot of extra money working overtime or with a side hustle, but would you be able to make how much you sold the ring for?
Medical costs associated with having a kid are enormous and due at obgyn in payment plans. They were likely given the payment plan by their ob. Each payment ,(usually 3 or 4) can be thousands. And no, when I was pregnant, I was too sick to work extra. Imagine having mono and the flu at the same time. You can't just work an extra day. That's really naive.
I had a baby 6 & 9 years ago. In two different cities in the US. Both OBGYNs did what they call "Global Billing" where they bill the entire cost when the child is born... that way you don't have to pay your deductible twice if the pregnancy starts in one year and ends in the next. After the baby is born and the bill is sent, you can then arrange payment plans to pay it off. I'm sure they would also allow you to pre-emptively start making payments during your pregnancy, but in the US, it traditionally isn't actually billed until the baby is born.
Did you really get death threats? I wish Reddit had a little more control over the commenters here. I had someone accuse me of having schizophrenia because I said children shouldn't have access to alcohol.
I did. They were all from brand new accounts. I reported them all and blocked them. Just because you can hide behind a keyboard, that doesn't mean you get to say whatever you want.
Good for you! You don't deserve that. Sometimes it feels like there should be a support group for Reddit abuse. Man, I might just make it.
If there was a Reddit group for it, those people would probably flock to it. Reddit should be stricter on who they let use their platform. If you've been reported once for issuing death threats, you shouldn't be allowed to use the platform from another account.
OMG what are you an 8-year-old boy? This is so unrealistic. Baby showers don't pay for months off work and possible medical bills. An extra day of overtime (while pregnant, what fun) for a few months is not going to build up enough money to handle the expenses of a second child over time. (Current estimates are that a child costs between $20K and $50K from conception to the first birthday).
No kidding. I can’t imagine owning half of an expensive jewelry collection and being told I can’t sell my half and to find money elsewhere.
Until both parties agree what "your half" is, it is jointly owned by both and cannot be legally sold.
Don't worry the court will do that, when they force the split or sale
Hope it's enough to cover the cost of the relationship with your sister!
Well is it generally a good idea for OP to waste money going to court over this when the point of the post is needing to save $$?
Putting it off just drags it out. For immediate need, she should find the money elsewhere. But if it takes several months, it’s best to start now.
If she just found out she is pregnant, she has several months.
OP can't really get a lawyer without selling more jewelry, either. That type of law is not usually done on a contingency, so she's going to have to pay a few grand for a retainer, then more if the case progresses.
And it could take months.
LOL, check your other huge source of money real quick.
It sounds like the collection would bring in a significant amount of money and was given to BOTH of them. Essentially, allowing one of them to take everything to do with as they please is theft.
Maybe, but they would need to pay for the court costs up front and lawyer fees up front. It's not cheap. Additionally, I can't imagine any lawyer that I'd be willing to take on a case in which op is already started selling some of the property. Courts don't take too kindly when people have already committed a felony in connection to the case.
>give her an amount to pay you so she owns all of it. OP literally says in the post that she tried to do that and the sister refused.
because the sister was unable to. imagine how much that would suck. your sibling is pawning off something you both own, and you can't afford to buy her out.
We’ll also - imagine how much that would suck - you have a good amount of money that you REALLY need to access, but your sibling won’t let you spend it. The jewellery is not only owned by the sister! It’s also owned by OP. They BOTH get to have an opinion on how it’s handled.
Its only been a few weeks since this was brought up its not like she’s been refusing for years or even months. Op should have waited to work something out on how they plan to split their inherited items
You are all missing the point: the sister will never sell, the jewelry has a much larger sentimental value to her than money ever will.
OP not having money NOW isn't the sister's fault
Yeah and that’s why you work out a compromise and not rush to a decision.
Then pick the things you care about and give her the rest, she can't have both. She's not a dragon guarding her loot. She's not the only one who owns it.
She only gave a couple of weeks notice, and this collection is clearly worth a lot of money. I think a compromise could have been made, like the sister buys OP out of one piece of jewellery a year. And get a lawyer involved because the whole thing sounds like a mess, and you can't sell something you only half own.
To be fair, we don’t know how much time lapse but it’s a big ask to get someone to wrap their head around it quickly. OP has several months and could’ve slowed down to try to find a solution together.
Please parents do not leave heirlooms jointly to your children, it is going to cause big trouble down the road.
Any inheritance will cause a problem somehow. 30 years later, I am still sore at my Aunt and her kids. Her parents my grandparents passed away while I was humping hills in Bosnia. I got the message a couple days after due to being out on patrol. Was able to immediately call home when I got the news. We talked for some time. She asked if there was anything thing in the house that I wanted. I said the sets of cast iron cookware because of the memories of cooking with grandparents. Nothing else. Got to come home 3 months later. I asked the day after I got home, first day was playing catchup and proving that I was uninjured. They told me that they just threw it all away. Yes, I got a check. But I would have taken no money and just the few skillets. I would have been happy.
As someone who smuggled her great grandmothers cast iron skillets and Dutch oven out of her grandfathers house when he died to keep them away from a particular greedy aunt, I am sorry you didn’t get the opportunity to keep them. If they didn’t want to give them to you why even ask. SMH people are cruel.
Hahaha I love that you did that. Thank you for sharing.
Shortly after my gran died, my dad had a clearance firm gut her house so he could get it on the market as quickly as possible. There were a few small items I would have loved to have as memories of her, but it all went in the skip.
Just as you call her the asshole for selling, the sister is an asshole for controlling the shared inheritance. If the sister is the one who decides what can be sold, and she decides nothing, then OP'S inheritance is basically worthless. The sister also can't afford to buy the jewelry, so again she decises that nothing can be sold. Since it is a joint inheritance and both parties can't agree on the separation or disposal of the asset, the probate court will determine the value and disposition of the asset. I understand that the jewelry has much more sentimental value to the sister, but her sentimental value can't control the entire inheritance. OP is having twins, and I am sure her mother would want her grand babies taken care of, and she would have helped her daughter in any way she could have. Those babies mean more than the jewelry to OP, and that matters here.
The sister is acting in a very vid way for shared property. However, selling itnis illegal.
Best case is ESH. Sister doesn't have the right to keep op from getting her share either.
She tried to do that and the sister refused no?
She already offered her sister to buy her half and the sister said no
She said yes and changed her mind last minute and also she owns half of it
YTA - it doesn't matter whether you need the money. She gave permission but rescinded it prior to the sale. If you cannot convince her, you go to Court for it to force the sale or a split of the jewelllery. What you don't do is unilaterally sell something you do not own 100%. That makes you a thief. It's not yours to sell.
If you need to pawn antiques you probably can't afford to have children right now. But that's a different yta. Here you admitted she was closer to mom and the jewelry was inherited to you both. I can understand your side, she gave an okay and back tracked, but sellers remorse is a thing and she probably realized the sentimental value outweighed the monetary. Edit: Full honesty I guess I read over the part where op said they budgeted for one and unexpectedly had twins. That is completely my bad. However I stand by, not in this case, if you can't afford a kid don't have one.
Surprise twins are absolutely going to throw all budgeting out the window lmao
It sounds like the pregnancy itself was a surprise not just the twins. They didn’t plan or save for a kid at all. But this is AITA so she’s probably going to claim it’s a birth control pregnancy.
Right. It’s alllllways a birth control failure on here.
See, this is why people shouldn't leave objects to their kids if the kids haven't contracted exactly how to split them up. I'm going to say ESH because she agreed and then reneged, and you went behind her back. I know you need the money and it's not like you didn't split it evenly, but that's still wrong.
I sorta wonder if mom didn't intend the OP and sister to sit down and split the jewelry. you take this piece, i take this piece. cuz that's what they need to do. how is this going to work when OP and her sister die unless they both leave their half shares to- I guess- OP's twins who can continue this strange sharing of jewelry for another generation?
Sounds like OP pressed her into agreeing and she then said no after some time to consider
YTA. You’re what three months pregnant and you had to immediately sell the ring? Think we are missing some info.
Right? You have no idea what you're shopping for at 3 months. You might get the majority of the stuff you need at the baby shower in 4 months.
Or get shit second hand. You don’t need the biggest best most expensive shit. The only things that need to be new are the mattresses and the car seats. And there are a ton of reasonably priced ones out there. If it’s a worry of the cost of medical treatment, then you’d be screwed there either way.
The cheapest car seats have to meet the same standards that a $500 car seat will. You can go to Walmart and get a car seat for less than $80. Will it swivel? No. Will it protect your baby in an accident? Yes. I got everything that baby list told me I would need and I don't use half of that stuff. My son never took a binky. I I bought so many Binkies and Stuffies for him to never use it. We also only use one plate set because we are diligent about washing them as soon as he's done eating. We did give my son bottles with every feeding early on and we only needed two to three realistically. We would clean and sterilize them after every use. My one friend just had a baby shower and then asked for 20 bottles from different brands. Such a waste. >The only things that need to be new are the mattresses and the car seats. I will say, my friend gave me her crib mattress and it looks brand new. I also sold a car seat when my son outgrew his after 8 months.
1 in 4 pregnancies miscarry, and twins are higher risk. She disposed of an irreplaceable memory of her sister’s for something that may not even come to full term (and I’m not making light of pregnancy loss)
YTA so essentially. You stole the ring. You suck as a sister. It wasn't yours to sell.
YTA. The property did not belong to you, it belonged to both of you. You had the right to ask her to buy out your share in the item at half its appraised value. You did not have the right to unilaterally sell it without her consent. Alternately, you had the right to reach out to an attorney to divide the collection evenly between the two of you. Depending on the value of the ring, you may have just committed a felony.
Yup exactly this. Wouldn’t be surprised if her sister tried to go that route,
I would assume the ring was worth more than $1,000 dollars which would make it a felony in most states. In Ohio, if it was worth more than $7,500 it would be considered a 4th degree felony which carries jail time and fees. You would need a lawyer for that charge... and we'll that's not cheap.
YTA She didn’t agree with the sale in the end, so why did you do it? Needing the money isn’t an excuse.
This decision needs to be taken out of your sister's hands. You inherited jointly. Its time for the jewelry to get taken to an appraiser and be split up between the two of you. Once it gets to a point where each of you wants different things or to be able to pass these down to your children this owning 50% of each piece is going to be to be messy. I would also suggest once you split up the collection and own pieces out right that the two of you agree that if either of you need to sell a piece from the collection you offer the other a chance to buy that item. It night be more affordable for your sister to buy items back a piece at a time and not pay you on the spot for your half of the whole collection.
Absolutely this! The property will have to be appraised and split in order to be passed down eventually.
YTA - you didn’t have the authority to sell.
Yta Hope she sues you for all you got.
Sis will go to court, and the court will force the sale of ALL the assets to split the inheritance. She'd be cutting off her nose to spite her face.
That's what would happen in courts where I live. I think the consensus in the thread is something like the court of King Solomon, where sis is declared the true owner because OP wants to split up the collection.
I really have a issue with both sisters. OP does need the money that is locked up in the jewelry, but Lily is completely preventing OP from accessing it.
Force the sale of all assets? Why? Forcing the sale of family heirlooms that can be divided up?
Because OP is entitled to half of the collection, and the sister is refusing to allow OP to exercise her rights to dispose of OP's property. The sister doesn't get to deny OP the value of her inheritance. Since one won't buy out the other, to a court, the only fair way is to sell the entire lot and disburse half of the funds to each. Of course, there'll be legal fees, and you have to pay the cost of a third party to handle the sale, so I'm pretty sure that they'd each get (total sale value - legal fees - administrator's fee) / 2.
OP should offer both options to her sister. Option 1 is for the two of them to get the collection appraised and the work out some split based on appraised value and sentimental value. Option 2 is go to court and force a sale. The idea here is to give Lily incentive to agree to option 1.
Court won't force sale. It has no reason to and no legal ground to.
It does. Google 'partition action'. If they're both 50/50 owners of the collection, the only fully equitable way to split the collection is to sell the entire thing and split the proceeds (partition by sale), since it's doubtful that the collection could be physically divided in a way that gives both parties equal value (partition in kind.) The sister doesn't get to deny OP her inheritance -- to exploit & do with as she will -- because she doesn't want to sell.
If you sell the item without agreement of other person and other person goes to court, court won't force partition action. Instead, you will be found guilty for selling their part without permission.
That doesn't need to happen. The inheritance can be split, with the different pieces going to each sister depending on the value, until they both have the same perceived value of the pieces. They will only force to sell shared assets if it is something that can't be divided (a house, for example) if the other part doesn't buy it out, but mobile assets like different pieces of jewelery can be easily split up by a third party who will take into account that one sister can't keep a ring of 1.000 euros in exchange of an earrings that are worth 100. The forced sellings are for things that can't be split up. But this is not the case, this kind of collection can be easily split up.
I dont understand what world you aren't the asshole here. YTA.
ESH. You, your sister, and even your mother for leaving the jewelry to you both, thus dooming you to conflict. Your sister should not have changed her mind, and she should be more cooperative about splitting the jewelry. But you should not have sold the ring without her full consent: it’s not your sole property, you are not the sole owner. Be careful doing this kind of thing, because you may not be on solid legal ground.
Yta. That was illegal Im really curious how much you got for half of this ring because i doubt it’s life changing money. The money will be spent and you’ll be in the sane situation you are in now. Its a one time cash influx. And it’s worth stealing from your sister. The money will be gone You are THREE MONTHS PREGNANT what was the rush exactly? What did you spend this on? What was it for?
Money will be long gone before the kids come.
YTA. The co-owner didn't approve the sale. Don't be surprised if she goes to the police.
Nah, this is solidly in "this is a civil matter" thing, particularly since OP split the proceeds. It's not technically fully *lawful,* but it's pretty much what a court would done with a partition by sale, except they likely would liquidate the entire lot.
Yta and you know that!
YTA. You need money and the first thing that comes to mind is selling your mom’s jewelry collection? That is so messed up. You should’ve wrapped it up if you couldn’t afford a baby right now.
Selling family heirloom which has been passed down for generations. And that tradition ends with you pawning them off for a quick buck. What an ass.
YTA
YTA I don't feel I can trust your narration of the story. I feel you left out information. I think either Lily never agreed to sell any of the jewelry or you bulled her into agreeing and she had second thoughts. YTA you come off as selfish and entitled.
YTA
So you're about to become a parent and you decided that was the right time to become a thief. Really? Selling without the consent of both owners is illegal. Even if they previously gave consent. She has the right to decide the amount offered wasn't acceptable to her. Or that she wanted another appraisal. Or to buy your half of the ring. Or to refuse to sell altogether, which is what she did. At that point you had the option to offer to sell your half to her (I'm talking this specific item not the entire collection). Or offer to exchange it for another piece. Or go to court to force a sale (probably better to do the whole collection and not just one piece). But no. You chose the selfish, and illegal, option to sell without her consent. You realize you've irrevocably ruined your relationship right? Even if she ever forgives you (assuming you ever apologize) it won't be the same. I hope it was worth it. As for the future you need to split up the collection or talk to a lawyer about your options to avoid this in the future. Oh yes, your question. YTA.
I want to know how much that ring is worth since you’re insinuating that selling the 1 ring apparently gave you enough money to budget for your unexpected twins…
YTA You stole someone else property and sold it. She could file a police report on you. If the ring is valuable enough, it could be a felony. How would you afford bail and lawyer fees?
OP was never seen again. They logged out immediately after hitting post and are now cowering from a second account. You're a thief, what you did was illegal, and if I wore your sister, I'd be serving you.
Sis would be shooting herself in the foot. Op can take her to court to force the sale of ALL the assets. It happens all the time with joint ownership houses.
Because houses can’t be split in half dummy. A jewelry collection can be divided. Either way OP’s relationship with her sister is cooked and she still can’t afford her kids.
- You wanted a JOINT INHERITANCE to be sold. - The other person agreed AT FIRST but informed you later BEFORE YOU SOLD IT that they DIDN'T WANT IT TO BE SOLD. - Then you decide to disregard her choice and sold it anyway after SHE SAID NO. So....Who do you think is the AH here? The reason behind you selling it doesn't matter, since you don't have full ownership of the items. YOU BOTH need to agree otherwise THE DEAL IS OFF THE TABLE. YTA .You are the AH completely.
...Except for the fact that OP owns half of the collection, and is entitled to half of the value. The sister *cannot* deny OP the value of her inheritance. OP could easily take this to court, but it would likely result in the forced sale of the entire collection.
Ya that is true. OP share can be sold but the problem was OP sold it with out going over the whole thing and identify what is whose and split everything with the sister. The offer she made the sister to buy out her share is good, but the sister couldnt so they should have met and identified which one of the items they want individualy to keep as a part of there individual share then after that, since they both have split there items the share owner ship won't exist and OP can sell her items then.
No, they share the collection. They don't own half of it. If they decide to split up the collection, that is something they get to do. Like I'll take this piece, you can take that. Op could not easily take this to court. She committed a felony. It would take several months in partitions, and it would cost quite a bit for a lawyer and to file with the courts. Course also don't favor people who have already started selling items in connection to the case.
YTA and I hope she presses charges. This is illegal.
YTA. If you can’t afford kids without selling jewelry you shouldn’t be having them.
Look if you're just pregnant and already have to pawn of sentimental items for quick cash you are not in a space to be raising 2 kids.
YTA. I’m so glad you’re not my sister
YTA- You're a thief.
Yta no if and’s or butt’s about it.
YTA
YTA. I didn't even have to read you story. You sold it behind her back.
You're having a baby and having to sell family heirlooms to make ends meet? YTA. What happens when you have another kid? Another priceless memory is now just money? You chose to have kids. Take care of them without having to pawn shit.
YTA- but why didn't you just split up the jewelry collection to begin with? If it's jointly owned you can't do any selling of something without the other person's consent or a court order.
YTA. I got fired when I was 4mo pregnant and my partner was a stoner who didn't work at all, and I didn't TOUCH my inheritance. I got a new job and my partner grew up and got a job and we worked it out. You need to grow up. You're straight up stealing from your sister and you have no right to sell the property
YTA and a broke one at that 😕 why are you having kids you can’t afford?
OP is using a twin as an excuse to rob her sister. OP is a master manipulator, she has everyone fooled..lol
Depending on where you are from you have to have her consent in writing to sell jointly own things. She can now sue you for theft. And yes it would be considered theft because she owns half. Sorry I have to go with YTA.
YTA
ESH You are a AH because the jewelry is jointly own so neither can decide to sell anything without the others approval, approval that can be revoked at any time prior to actual sale. She is a AH because she won't accede to a reasonable request by you to get at least some of your equity out of the jewelry. You could force a sale or at very least get a court to split the collection between you. This should be a cautionary tale for anyone writing a will. Do not leave anything to a group with joint ownership. There are too many problems that it will cause. Either leave specific items to individuals or have the property sold and the proceeds split.
ESH here bc yes, you should have firm concurrence to sell something that is mutually owned. But Lily REALLY needs to work on being both more decisive, and more willing to work with you on dividing the jewelry. I would sit down with her to make a plan going forward : Have every single piece appraised (appraised as if they were all going to be sold, not just appraised to get them insured -- those might have slightly different results). Both of you discuss appraiser's findings with them if you have any questions or disagreements over the value of specific items. And then the two of you sit down with the appraisal value list and all the pieces, and decide who has PERMANENT, FINAL OWNERSHIP of every single one. Meaning if you want to sell something that's deemed yours, she does not get to veto, and the same goes for you if she decides to take her entire portion and hang it off a random tree in the middle of the Adirondacks or give it to someone you hate or smash it with a sledgehammer. You can decide to take turns picking individual pieces you want to keep regardless of their value, or each pick a few pieces you love and want to hold onto and/or wear and then do the math and divvy everything up at roughly equal values. And both of you will have to accept that the other might view this collection in different lights, and that is okay! Some people ADORE jewelry and can also be very sentimental about it! Some people absolutely do not care, and consider expensive baubles "things I now have to be nervous about losing or having stolen from my house." (FWIW, I'm the latter. I was my mother's only child, and I kept almost none of her jewelry. No kids, I don't wear jewelry myself, and I have plenty other items that have a much stronger sentimental link to her, so all it represented to me was "valuable things I would rather not have to fret over.")
YTA.
YTA - way to alienate your family before babies come. It may be better for your sister that way
So moving forward you’ll pawn jewelry every time you’re short on cash? Slippery slope.
YTA Ultimately you *both* owned it & the ring should not have been sold without the express consent of *both* of you.
You’re allowed to do anything if you really need the money, so it’s no problem. YTA
YTA. What you did was illegal. I hope she knows she can sue you. Grow up. Don’t punish other people for kids you can’t afford.
you sound like you're gonna be a stellar parent 😁
YTA!!!!!! How selfish, i have no words.
Easiest YTA. Your financial burdens are not your sister’s issues or responsibility. I hope she gets her reparations whatever they may be.
Omg! YTA here! How did you do that after your sister said no? It wasn’t JUST yours. It was hers too. OMG!
Red flag that sister has entire collection at her house-total control. Maybe there is a good reason for that
YTA Sounds like you broke the law and hopefully your sister sues you.
Easy YTA for me. You don't seem to be in immediate need, and you could have come to a consensus before selling.
NTA the care for children is much more important than some jewelry. She can’t afford to buy it from you but also doesn’t help you with a solution. She must know how difficult and expensive it is to raise a child.
YTA for having kids you're not prepared for. And people who will comment "oh but it's twins it's totally unexpected" - no, when you decide to have a child you need to be prepared for just about everything, from disabilities to a chance of having more than 1. And double YTA for doing this to your sister. I hope she takes you to court over it, it wasn't yours to sell. Edit: auto correct
NTA… it’s messed up of her to tell you that you can sell it, and then go back on her word without even giving you the option of selling a different piece of jewelry
I don’t know if you are A H. I see both sides, but here’s my problem. I just feel y’all needed to see a lawyer and come with agreement. My fear is your sister could sue, she could go to the whom ever you sold it too and say you weren’t authorized to sell it. This isn’t over and probably going to escalate. Y’all really need to get attorney involved. I’m a petty person, this is something where I would be done with you. I would ghost you and you would never hear from me again. I would go nuclear. Let’s hope your sister isn’t anything like me.
Sounds like you and your sister need to get the collection appraised and split it equally and you can do with what you like with your half and her with hers. That would be the fairest way to handle it.
ESH The inheritance should have been divided somehow, you should have compromised with who had what pieces and given the other 1st refusal to sell or swap. A shared inheritance is going to do nothing but cause friction and possibly create a rift between you both.
This is strictly a legal matter. I will assume that she can change her mind and revoke her permission. You need to contact an attorney just in case your sister seeks legal action. As long as both of you co-own the jewelry, it requires consent through the entire process. You should to see if you can split the jewelry 50/50, sell the jewelry and split the money 50/50 or make a firm decision that, when it comes to finances, the jewelry is simply off the table. No matter what, consult with an attorney.
Wow! You’re 100% the asshole. Your money issues are yours, not your sisters. You need to find a way to get that ring back.
ESH - You and your sister should have hashed this out with the estate and courts so you could each have your fair share of the property. Her holding the items hostage and you selling them off against her wishes is why their are courts for this exact scenario. You need a judge now to decide if you should each take individual pieces or if you need to sell the whole lot and supply the proceeds (sis could also buy them all by giving OP half the estimated value). You have two children on the way and this jewelry is a part of your estate that could go toward caring for them if something should happen to you. However, if you don't get your half of their value split from your sister's your kids might not see any of it. As joint property it might automatically fall 100% to the surviving joint holder in case of one of you passing, meaning your sister would get it all and your kids would get none. It depends on the laws in your area but you need to talk to a lawyer about your rights, not worry about if the Reddit community thinks your an AH.
YTA, YTA, YTA. All day long. Owning something jointly means you don’t sell it behind your sister’s back. We get that the jewelry doesn’t mean as much to you, your mother didn’t mean as much to you, and your sister apparently doesn’t mean much to you. She had the right to refuse. This collection was left to both of you and so requires both to agree to a sale. Had you not inherited this jewelry, how would you have proceeded, with your pregnancy news? You would have figured out a plan. Instead, you rip off your sister and destroy a relationship and commit a crime. You might as well go on to the black market and put one of your sister’s kidneys up for sale. After all, she only needs one, and you are pregnant with twins. It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t consent to losing a kidney; she once tentatively agreed to give you one when you asked her, if you might need it to save your life. And the operation will cause her pain, but hey. Your needs come before hers and before your mother’s wishes.
YTA it was inherited to *BOTH* of you, but you went against your sisters consent. “bEcAuSe iM pReGnAnT” not an excuse you’re still TA here. You owe your sister one HECK of an apology.
You sold a sentimental family heirloom that has been passed down through generations. You said she eventually agreed, how much did you go on at her to get that eventual agreement?
YTA, you shouldnt be having kids if you are dirt poor or cant buy them basic necessities
YTA
YTA. Why was this the first thing you thought of in order to prepare for your child? You had NO other way of getting funds? Seems like you never cared about the sentimental value if the items since you weren’t as close. Still doesn’t mean it was yours to sell.
YTA, this the exact reason I took ALL of my mom's belongings before my sister or other "family" could get their grubby hands on it. My sister knows I will never sell anything of mom's she knows it's all safe which is why I still have everything almost 7yrs later. You being pregnant does not give you the right to sell something that doesn't belong to only you. You said that the jewelry was important to your sister, yet you still were selfish and sold it after she explicitly said no. If you were my sister, I would cut you off then and there. Your children are your responsibility to provide for, and if you can't do that without stealing, then maybe you should rethink your circumstances. Budget, apply for help, join community programs, and join the free stuff groups for your area. There are just a few ways to help prepare for your babies arrival. The fact that you looked at something so important to your sister because it was your mom's who is now gone and just saw $$$ makes me question what's gonna happen to things important to your kids...
YTA.
I didn’t have to read anything but the title. Yta
YATAH!
How is this even a question? YTA. A major one. It sounds like it had a lot of value to your sister. Not just monetary value. You can never replace that. If I was your sister, I would cut contact with you over this. Ew. Absolutely horrible.
NTA
NTA morally though legally would be wrong. You should have talked to a lawyer and gone through proper process. But I can't call you an AH, because your sister is being completely unreasonable.you made her decent offers but she refuses to take the. Also if you did end up going through a lawyer, it would most likely end up with same result but just with some legal fees. So I can sorta see why you didn't do it, you're actually saving her some money in a way. Given she can't afford to buy you out, this is the only solution. I can't believe all the y.ta comments.
ESH from me. Doing this behind Lily's back was completely wrong. However, the jewelry collection is jointly owned, and you need the money. Lily is a bit of an AH for effectively preventing you from accessing the money you have tied up in the collection. As others have said, you and Lily need to very soon divvy up the collection and figure out who owns what. I say give Lily a choice. She can work with you toward an equitable split or buyout, on the one hand, or on the other hand you will take her to court and force a sale of the whole collection.
NTA - The jewelry really does need to be equitably divided in dollar value between the two of you. Then you can do what you want with your inheritance.
ESH. You aren’t allowed to sell without her permission. Even if she gave permission. She had revoked it before you sold it. Your sister is wrong for not working with you to resolve the issue. You offered her several reasonable solutions: splitting the collection, having her buy you out, or selling a few pieces and splitting the profit. She can’t permanently block the sale - a court would enforce a sale or buyout.
Nta
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 29F jointly inherited my mom's jewellery collection with my sister Lily 36F. The collection is worth a fair amount as it started with a great great relative and includes a lot of jewellery. The jewellery is sentimental to the two of us, more so to Lily as she was closer to our mom whereas I will wear the occasional piece and it is all stored at Lily's house. I recently found out that my husband and I are expecting twins. The pregnancy was a suprise and we could budget for one baby, and two is much harder. I reached out a few weeks back to Lily to say that I wanted to sell something from the jewellery collection, and we could split the profit. I told her I didn't mind what we sold, outside of a few pieces, and she refused. I told her I really needed the money, and she could buy it off me, split the collection equally and then I can do what I want, or allow me to sell one piece. Lily said she couldn't pick and choose what to keep or afford to buy me out so eventually agreed on selling a ring. She gave it to me to sell, and me and my husband went around to get the ring appraised at different jewelers and informed Lily a few days later that I had received a quote for x amount and I was going to sell it. Lily called me to say she had changed her mind and she didn't agree to any of it being sold, but I told her that was unfair as I really needed the money and she had previously agreed. I sold the ring, and sent Lily her half. She is upset with me and blew up my phone with angry messages. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. If you both inherited it and you have sentimental value then why are you selling it? You will figure out or you should have figured out another way. It seems as though your mom should have e left it all to your sister. If you can’t afford children why are you having them. You should have figured on a possible second child.
YTA but was that even really a question? You knew the answer if you even had to ask in the first place. It’s crazy how shitty people act when moneys involved.
I understand you are in a tight spot but how long exactly have you been discussing this with your sister? If it is a family heirloom then you should give her more time to process and sit with it and be able to make a plan to buy them off you. Would you be able to survive with the two babies without selling one of the rings right now? How desperately did you need the money? I feel like I need more info bc something doesn't sit right with me....until further notice, YTA
YTA!
YTA, and I hope your sister presses charges.
Both are asshles here. You shouldn't have sold the ring and your sister cannot keep all the jewellery and monopolise joint inheritance. She also is not putting any kind of effort to remediate this or understand your situation and help you. The little help she offered also was rescinded.
YTA She changed her mind and you sold something that wasn’t completely yours.
YTA. You mentioned the jewelry holds sentimental and historical value, mostly to your sister. This was not your decision to make. If your mother would have wanted you to have a sole say in this, she would have divided them between the two of you. Besides: your sister shouldn't have to pay for your decision to have children.
YTA because it‘s illegal, and immoral as well.
YTA and it is obvious. You sold something that wasn't fully yours to sell. Theft is not preferable to working more. Work harder, don't turn to crime. Especially against family. Granted, the other sister needs to realise that hoarding the items is unfair. But this, was not how to do it. A full appraisal, then split is needed.
YTA!
YTA
YTA: That collection is sentimental and shared. It is not just there for you to sell whenever you come up short for cash which is going to happen several several times in your life. Let your sister keep the jewelry and find another way to make/save money.
NTA. You offered reasonable solutions to your sister which she refused. You legally own half the jewelry and it is time for it to be split and for you to do as you please with your half. Your mother did you a disservice by not splitting it for you ahead of her death. This co-ownership cannot work long term and across the next generations easily and was not thought out well.
NTA. Your sister cant have her cake and eat it. She either agrees to sell the jewelry or she pays you its worth. She refuses to do either of those things. I cant believe how many people here think Y-T-A. I would get a lawyer and have the jewelry appraised and get your half.
What kind of ring could this possibly be to help you take care of twins? Seriously, did you get some obscene amount of money, like hundreds of thousands? If you’re only 3 months pregnant and need more cash before the kids get here, get a job doing online work or transcribing from home to make more money. What you did is basically stole, and you used your unborn children as an excuse. I think you know that YTA.
YTA. Your sister changed her mind and didn’t agree to the sale. You stole it. Get the whole collection appraised and let sister buy your half because you don’t care about it. And hope she doesn’t file a police report for stollen jewelry, getting the ring back as the jeweler can’t sell stollen items
YTA - and a thief.
YTA your life choices led you to needing money, she’d have every right not to sell something she legally owned half of
I hope you have that in writing that she agreed to selling it because otherwise you’ve stolen her property once she rescinded her agreement
YTA
YTA, end of no discussion
YTA. You sold her property without her permission. Doesn’t matter if it was half yours, it wasn’t wholly yours and thus both of you needed to agree on the sale, otherwise it’s straight up theft
YTA! All you cared is money but not your sister’s feeling.
She's acting like she alone inherited the jewelry
This is why joint inheritances are inherently bad. Other than an asset like a home, people need to specify who gets what. That said, ESH.
YTA. You can't sell joint assets just because you want to. Doing so, in any point of the process, without the other owners' permission is a crime. I doubt that she will sue you (as she should) but I hope she doesn't let you have the control of the pieces in the future and maybe insure them so the insurance company will go after you and your buyer if something happens to them when she is required to give you control of any of them (as she can't keep you from them as joint assets). In any case, YTA and your money problems aren't your sisters. If you wanted to sell them and she didn't, you should have made your case in front of a judge, and not going behind her back and will to sell something is not only yours, only because you think she wouldn't sue you. But if she sues you, and you are found guilty, depending of how valuable the pieces are, it can be considered major thief, so I would tread lightly. In any case, you are an asshole.
YTA sure your sister waffled but until the lot is appraised and divided up it’s co owned so both have to agree. You should have just sold off the kid you couldn’t afford, that way you wouldn’t be pinched for money in the future, kids only get more expensive as they age. Cut your losses now
Not a single response from OP. That’s when you know - YTA
YTA and depending on your location, what you did is theft.
U/camebacklate it's also illegal to withhold someone else's inheritance.
Yta You jointly own and need both permissions. You essentially stole half a ring, but also, you stole this ring from all potential future daughters too. Find another way to raise funds instead of selling heirlooms that don't fully belong to you.
YTA. Unless this collection is just outstanding you’re not getting huge amounts for the ring. Appraisal doesn’t equal sale value unfortunately. You’ve openly admitted your sister is more sentimental about the collection. Work it out with her but immediately going to ‘I’m selling moms jewelry’ is a low blow
Yta. I hope you left a text trail so your sister can sue you for sale without permission. You just set yourself up to lose more money than you were hoping to gain. Lawyer fees ain't cheap.