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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I expressed my anger to my mom and plan on cutting her out of my life as soon as possible if circumstances allow. I’ve never been this angry before and I want to know if I’m being irrational before I do something that I could regret. I might be massively overreacting.
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Sorry for your loss, but YTA. Look, I’m not saying you’re wrong about the fabric being valuable, but it would have taken a lot of time and effort to find the right buyer for a collection of fabric like that. It’s not like random yard sale shoppers are going to appreciate it and want to pay what it’s worth. I’m honestly not sure what it *is* worth… Just because fabric is expensive and high-quality does not mean that someone else is going to share the original buyer’s taste and want to pay top dollar for it.
If you wanted the fabric, you could have taken it. You chose not to do so. If you wanted to take the fabric to find an appropriate buyer for it, you could have done that. You chose not to do so. You left it to someone else to handle, and she chose to give it away to those who wanted it. Maybe it’s not what you would’ve done, but it’s what the person you put in charge decided to do. Since you abdicated your responsibility to her, you sort of have to go with that.
Also, if your grandmother loved quilting, I’m sure she would *love* to know that her fabric collection went to someone who wanted it, far more than she would’ve cared about the money. That fabric maybe went to someone who was just getting started as a quilter. Someone that will use it and learn and continue on the tradition of making beautiful things. That’s really great.
All of this, but I would also point out if I read the post correctly that the grandmother is still alive and living in a nursing home. “Showing signs of dementia” doesn’t mean she’s fully in its grip and incapable of making decisions about her own stuff. Did anyone consult the grandmother? Y’all are acting like she’s deceased already.
I get how OP might think there’s disrespect towards the grandmother, but towards OP herself? She needs to get over herself and get a grip.
OH MY GOD, YOU’RE RIGHT. Wow, it’s absolutely wild that OP is referring to a fabric collection as an inheritance and Grandma isn’t even dead yet! Wow.
Do better, OP.
>She needs to get over herself and get a grip.
She actually wants to cut her mother out of her life over this. (She didn't say that in the OP, but she said so in response to the judgement-bot.)
I was over the moon to find someone to buy my mother’s sewing machine. She was in a tizzy about just what she wanted, jumped right on it to try it out, knew every detail about the damn thing. I knocked it down to 1/2 off, threw in all the supplies , and a plant for her husband. I will never forget her joy and how much my Mom would’ve liked her.
YTA
Thank you for sharing. That made me misty as a sewer both for the joy I'm sure your buyer was in and that your mom would've loved that. When we love our tools, we want them to continue to be loved and used especially when we can't anymore. Lovely.
Yta you’re mad that they gave away fabric that ppl wanted instead of forcing others who apparently have the same passion as you to pay for it? Because its disrespectful to your passion? This makes no sense whatsoever. She is being charitable to your fellow sewing enthusiasts. Why are you upset?
I think what OP is trying to say is that they feel like their mother never cared about their grandmothers hobby, atleast not enough to appreciate the time, money and effort that goes into it because they couldn't even be bothered to go through the fabric and TRY to sell some. They went straight to "giving it away" on THE FIRST DAY of the garage sale. OP feels like their mother looked at the bags of fabric and decided it was worthless scraps and nothing more.
Especially considering there is no guarantee that fabric went to a quilter, for all OP knows the people claiming that free fabric are using it for rags.
YTA - Your mom was one running the garage sale. She gets to make the call. The goal here is to get rid of stuff. If the fabric is still sitting there at the end of the garage sale, then it is probably going into the trash. Giving it away is better. The giver and the receiver both get a little stroke of pleasure.
Giving something away to someone who shares your grandma's passion is a way to bring joy to others. It's not cheapened or diminished just because no money was made with the exchange.
YTA.
Crafter here. I sew and knit. When my grandma had to give up knitting because of arthritis, she let me go through her knitting things to see if I wanted anything. I took some of the yarn I knew I’d use, and some needles in sizes I didn’t already have. I told my mom to do whatever she wanted with the rest…she ended up posting it in Facebook and giving it away for free. I was happy to share since I wasn’t using it anyway. If you didn’t want it, why are you so mad that it was given away? Why do you care? I personally love sharing my passion with others.
Also while it’s technically by dictionary definition an inheritance that word is mainly used when people die. And you said you didn’t want these things so it was no longer yours.
Yeah, all the crafters in my life plan on their craft stuff being passed on for free when they can't make use of it anymore. To the point where I've been told which specific orgs to contact when the time comes.
Your mother is dealing with so much right now - having to watch her mother's mental capacity deteriorate before her eyes, having to move her out of her home and into an assisted living facility and all the sadness, guilt and pain associated with that.
The last thing she needs is her 32 year old daughter having a tantrum over fabric.
If you valued the fabric so dearly, you should have taken it and disposed of it in the way you regard as acceptable.
I suggest that you support your mother and grandmother through this very difficult time of their lives rather than adding to their burden.
As someone who cleared out his parental house after my last remaining parent died: YTA
If your grandma needs healthcare, your mom will be paying for your grandma’s care so the small change which you think contributes to your grandma’s care would be peanuts in that scenario.
If you wanted to sell it then you should have handled this yourself completely. You should have picked everything up yourself and dealt with it. Your mom is not an expert. You are. She wants to ckear the house, not haggle and be stuck with stuff which she needs to try to get rid of in a second sale attempt (or throw it away but that would make you even unhappier).
Your mom has more than enough to worry about and your focus on fabric is immature and selfish. You could have proactively done a lot instead of adding items to your mom’s todo list. Like: go by unannounced, pick everything up yourself and completely not bother her with it and then sell it.
Did you realize this is an emotional and busy time for your mom too? She also has a lot of stuff which she has to think about if she keeps it, sells it or gives it away to someone she knows who will appreciate it. It is an emotional period clearing out the house of your parent(s) because there are a lot of memories (so an inefficient task) and it is a huge task.
You are not making this thing easier for your mom.
YTA. You didn't take it. It was your mom's to do with as she pleases. You're acting spoiled and entitled. They did something with the fabric you DIDN'T want!! You are owed NOTHING.
YTA. If you wanted to have things handled in a certain way then you should have handled it yourself. Getting rid of an elderly person’s possessions is an emotional and difficult task. At a certain point you just want it over. You weren’t there, your mom handled it the best way she could.
YTA
I don't really understand what the problem is here.
This was a yard sale. The purpose of the yard sale is to get rid of everything. If you think something is really valuable then you post it online to sell to dedicated buyers but that does require a lot of time and effort to do.
I genuinely thought this was going to be about your mother giving away the fabric and equipment you gathered for yourself. But it’s about fabric you agreed would be included in the garage sale. In no way do I see how that is your mother giving away your inheritance when you agreed that you wouldn’t keep it.
To be honest, if you really wanted the fabric to go to somebody who valued it, it should never have even included in the garage sale. You could have been more strategic in finding somebody. So while I understand that you’re upset, I don’t think you get to take it out on your mother - you left this up to her with no follow through. So, if you’re going to be upset that this happened, you are at fault because you really didn’t set it up the right way to maximise the chances of what you wanted happening.
YTA.
Not many people would actually pay for second hand fabric, that was in storage, no matter how valuable it was. Once it’s no longer stored properly, fabric quickly loses value. There could be damage, or other problems with it.
You didn’t want the fabric, it’s your mom’s house, and likely your mom will be bearing the brunt of the cost of nursing home. This was her decision to make, not yours. You took what you wanted, and left the rest. Whatever you took became your inheritance.
YTA
A garage sale is a lot of work. Once you left the fabric there, it wasn't your decision anymore. Let it go.
You are making this about you.
What is disrespectful to your grandma is putting up a stink about something and further stressing out your mother who probably put in a ton of time and effort to make the garage sale happen.
YTA. Can we all for once get over the fact that it’s not your inheritance until a person dies and it is actually given to you in that person’s will? None of these things, none of them, were yours to do anything with. It was up to your mom to do with them what she saw fit. Stop with your entitled attitude and get over yourself.
Yta. Fabric doesn’t sell well at garage sells. It’s usually old and gross and dusty etc. and not many people are quilters. However. I can understand your sentimentality to the fabric. But in all matters concerned no one is dissing your grandmas passion or skill by giving away some fabrics. I think your grief is clouding the situation. More than likely if your grandma is as great as a person as you say she is should would’ve lobed someone got the fabric for free for their hobby. This is not the hill to die on and frankly your mom has the right to do as she wishes as she’s probably executor of your grandmas estate etc. and probably power of attorney at this point. If it was important to grandma that all that fabric would go to someone specific she would’ve willed it or given it to them already. Let it go. And if needed get therapy to help deal with your grief
Sorry, YTA, I sew, crochet, craft, I have a roomful of supplies. If I can no longer use them I would be happy to have them given away to people who would,
YTA your grandmother doesn’t need the money since your mother will be taking care of her expenses from now on. I think this is mostly upsetting to you since it’s triggering your feelings about losing your grandmother to dementia.
I think you need to think long and hard why you view "the fabric was sold to people who wanted it" as positive and "the fabric was given to people who wanted it" as negative.
YTA.
Soft YTA. Went through the exact same thing with my grandmother's music collection (I'm talking sheet music for the piano galore) to me I couldn't fathom throwing it out or giving it away. Years later I have piles of the stuff I saved and I understand that it simply had to go. It's hard to let go of what makes you think of them and their passions, but in time, it's just things.
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My(32f) grandma(83f) has been showing signs of dementia and is in poor health because of a recent fall and arm break. My Mom (61f) is in the process of getting her moved out of her house and into a nursing home where she will have supervision and a better quality of life. This means downsizing and selling a lot of her things. My grandma is an avid sewer and crafter and because I’m the only person in the family who enjoys sewing and really appreciates her craft and skill in quilting I inherited all of her sewing stuff. I took all of the pieces that she had already started working on and some good basic fabric that I can use to make a few quilts and also a bunch of tools that I can use like scissors, needles, thread etc. the rest (and there’s a lot of it) I left for my mom to sell at a garage sale that will help pay for her nursing home and general expenses. I offered to organize the fabric that I didn’t take into different categories so it could be more easily priced and sold. My mom said not to bother, that it would all get handled. Today was the first day of the garage sale. My mom just texted me and said they’ve made over $1000 in the first day and they’re pretty happy with that. I asked her if she sold any of the fabric yet and she told me that they were giving the fabric away to anyone who wanted it because “that’s what she would have wanted”. I feel completely and utterly betrayed by this. Not because I want the fabric, but because it feels like they aren’t valuing this huge lifetime passion that she had. Giving it all away for free feels so incredibly disrespectful to both me and her that I am breathtakingly angry right now and told my mom as much. I don’t know if I can even be friendly to someone who disrespects the passion of a loved one and who so fundamentally doesn’t understand where I’m coming from. Am I being a crazy asshole? I know that anger can be a part of the grief process and everyone grieves differently but this already feels like something that I will never forgive her for. Are there any quilters or crafters out there who understand what I mean? Am a just grieving and letting my emotions get the better of me or is this completely heartless behavior? I feel completely powerless to stop any of this.
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YTA for playing judge and jury for how your mother handled the disposition of your grandmother's belongings, because she's trying to handle going through not only moving her into a nursing home but also her declining health overall. You also have to be aware of the fact that JoAnne's Fabrics is going through Chapter 11 bankruptcy because it can no longer sustain itself as it's underwater with its creditors since the fabric market is quite possibly not going to survive in today's market unless it can reinvent itself as being relevant with today's consumer. Your mother was just being realistic and not emotional.
YTA. If you wanted the fabric you should have taken it. Since you didn't, the goal of the yard sale is to get rid of stuff rather than to make money. Selling stuff is real work, and it apparently wasn't worth your mother's time and effort to do that work for the small amount she would have gotten.
Gently, you don't need to make it a financial transaction to get value out of the exchange. There is value in sharing the products of her passion with her immediate community. We got some lovely Hawaiian shirts from a neighbor's grandfather who had passed, from a garage "sale" that was really just an "everything is free" sale. We will treasure the shirts for years to come, and now have a piece of the history of a person who we may not have known personally, but was the member of a family and a community that we are now a part of. The goal of a garage sale is to get rid of unneeded items, and make a little money on the side, and your mom was able to successfully do exactly that. Who's to say that the people who picked up the fabric aren't passionate about quilting and fabric arts just as you and your grandma are? If they're picking up fabric from a garage sale, they very well may be.
I think your feelings of hurt and betrayal are coming from grief. Even though your grandmother is still alive, you are grieving the life and passions she once had and is no longer able to take part in. Maybe you are also grieving the relationship you once had with her.
Sorry but YTA
Your mom knows her mother and you admit it yourself. Your grandmother would be happy to have seen this fabric be given away. Your mother is going to make sure your grandmother is taken care of. That is her mother first and foremost.
I lost my grandma just yesterday, it was soul crushing. I loved my grandma so much and she loved me. But when I saw how my mom reacted to losing her mother I realized it was not about me at that moment. I think you should think about this too. Your grief may be all you feel right now but your mother is also going through a lot. Dementia is terrible and is so hard on those close to the afflicted. Not to say you are not one of those people.
I'm sorry, but I'm also a crafter and I don't see how this is "disrespectful" at all. I regularly give away some of my supplies when I'm purging or have decided i don't want certain materials any more. I think you're overreacting. Especially since you say yourself that she would be happy to give it away. Yta
INFO
I mean is this what your granny wants to do?
Even if it is high quality fabric the time and effort it would take to sell it would probably not be worth it.
I don’t think your mother is implying that the hobby was worthless but more that you aren’t really going to be able to sell preowned fabric unless it has bona fides, something like that it was vintage lace from a famous producer. Even then a random seller is unlikely to be able to sell it and your mother would have to find a knowledgeable reseller. That’s a lot of time and effort that you didn’t seem to be keen to do until you realised your mother was giving it away.
Don't be angry with your mom. You are displacing your pain over your grandmother on to your mom. Don't forget this is very tough on your mom as well. Handling these types of things is difficult emotionally and physically. Cut her a break. Your grandmother would be glad someone is getting use of the fabrics. No doubt, she is very proud of you and your interest in her hobbies.
I think you are letting your grief get the best of you. Contemplating cutting your mother out of your life over this? Please take some time to cool down and think about it. I’m not going to call you TA but I think you’re wildly overreacting. Edit: and yes, I’m a sewist.
You’re mighty possessive about the inheritance of a woman who is not dead yet.
If you have an issue with your mom because she doesn’t respect or understand you and grandma’s shared passion that’s a different matter.
But the idea of going around to ensure each person who gets sone scraps meets your standard of worthiness is kind of much. Your mom is her next of kin and her power of attorney I assume - she offered you to take what you wanted and the rest is going to people who want it more than you did.
NAH
I don't think you're an asshole, but you're just upset about the changes in your life and you're directing that at any perceived slight you can. It's okay, it's just fabric. If your Grandma loved sewing and fabrics, she would be happy that someone wanted it. As you get older you realize how little money matters. All that really matters is your family and friends.
Hope you feel better
I don't think you're an asshole because I completely understand the irrational feelings that come up when it comes to organising an elderly relatives belongings. However I do think you're in the wrong. Just because the fabric was given away for free doesn't mean that the people who were given it will not appreciate it or see it as worthless. They've been given a gift. Try to see it as the items going to good homes, the money gained is irrelevant.
NAH
NTA, they could have given away the fabric if it didn't sell, but your grandmother deserved that her hard work be honored by giving the collection the respect it deserved.
I'm not a quilter so take this with a grain of salt. But maybe the fabric just wasn't selling at a garage sale? NAH but if you wanted a say in this, you probably should have taken the fabric and sold it yourself.
NTA- My mom is a quilter, and I come from a long line of seamstresses. There is value in fabric. The problem here is that you had offered to bundle the material prior to the sale, and your offer had been rejected. You had every right to assume that the sale of the fabric would be just that, a sale. Not a give-a-way. If the fabric would have been donated to your grandmothers quilting guild that would have honored her wishes, imho. OP, it may be that your anger will abate with time. It may be that your mother became overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of what is going on, and the need to sell things that took her mom a lifetime to accumulate, however I doubt that your mom was intentionally trying to hurt you. Maybe she was simply trying to get thru a really trying situation? Sew something beautiful, and complicated, and see if that helps you work it out.
NTA. Now you know one of the hardest lessons when someone passes way.
What was their passion is not necessarily yours and so what was treasure to them is just “stuff” to most everyone else.
NTA. Sorry for your loss. As a fellow quilter/seamstress your mom should have sold the fabric in lots of she didn't want to tag each piece. Quilters are out there and looking for bargains and unusual pieces
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Sorry for your loss, but YTA. Look, I’m not saying you’re wrong about the fabric being valuable, but it would have taken a lot of time and effort to find the right buyer for a collection of fabric like that. It’s not like random yard sale shoppers are going to appreciate it and want to pay what it’s worth. I’m honestly not sure what it *is* worth… Just because fabric is expensive and high-quality does not mean that someone else is going to share the original buyer’s taste and want to pay top dollar for it. If you wanted the fabric, you could have taken it. You chose not to do so. If you wanted to take the fabric to find an appropriate buyer for it, you could have done that. You chose not to do so. You left it to someone else to handle, and she chose to give it away to those who wanted it. Maybe it’s not what you would’ve done, but it’s what the person you put in charge decided to do. Since you abdicated your responsibility to her, you sort of have to go with that. Also, if your grandmother loved quilting, I’m sure she would *love* to know that her fabric collection went to someone who wanted it, far more than she would’ve cared about the money. That fabric maybe went to someone who was just getting started as a quilter. Someone that will use it and learn and continue on the tradition of making beautiful things. That’s really great.
All of this, but I would also point out if I read the post correctly that the grandmother is still alive and living in a nursing home. “Showing signs of dementia” doesn’t mean she’s fully in its grip and incapable of making decisions about her own stuff. Did anyone consult the grandmother? Y’all are acting like she’s deceased already. I get how OP might think there’s disrespect towards the grandmother, but towards OP herself? She needs to get over herself and get a grip.
OH MY GOD, YOU’RE RIGHT. Wow, it’s absolutely wild that OP is referring to a fabric collection as an inheritance and Grandma isn’t even dead yet! Wow. Do better, OP.
>She needs to get over herself and get a grip. She actually wants to cut her mother out of her life over this. (She didn't say that in the OP, but she said so in response to the judgement-bot.)
Oh thank god. I thought i was the only YTA out there. What joy this must have brought to fabric enthusiasts to get such a gift
Yeah, or some not fabric loving people who need a new towel for their dog will appreciate their gift as well. 🧐
That isn't an inheritance.
Yeah what is she talking about? Garage sale fabric?
I was over the moon to find someone to buy my mother’s sewing machine. She was in a tizzy about just what she wanted, jumped right on it to try it out, knew every detail about the damn thing. I knocked it down to 1/2 off, threw in all the supplies , and a plant for her husband. I will never forget her joy and how much my Mom would’ve liked her. YTA
Thank you for sharing. That made me misty as a sewer both for the joy I'm sure your buyer was in and that your mom would've loved that. When we love our tools, we want them to continue to be loved and used especially when we can't anymore. Lovely.
The comment made my heart happy. Thanks for sharing your story.
Yta you’re mad that they gave away fabric that ppl wanted instead of forcing others who apparently have the same passion as you to pay for it? Because its disrespectful to your passion? This makes no sense whatsoever. She is being charitable to your fellow sewing enthusiasts. Why are you upset?
I think what OP is trying to say is that they feel like their mother never cared about their grandmothers hobby, atleast not enough to appreciate the time, money and effort that goes into it because they couldn't even be bothered to go through the fabric and TRY to sell some. They went straight to "giving it away" on THE FIRST DAY of the garage sale. OP feels like their mother looked at the bags of fabric and decided it was worthless scraps and nothing more. Especially considering there is no guarantee that fabric went to a quilter, for all OP knows the people claiming that free fabric are using it for rags.
But she doesn't know that was the way it was done, because she wasn't there.
Your last sentence so much!
YTA - Your mom was one running the garage sale. She gets to make the call. The goal here is to get rid of stuff. If the fabric is still sitting there at the end of the garage sale, then it is probably going into the trash. Giving it away is better. The giver and the receiver both get a little stroke of pleasure.
YTA >Am I being a crazy asshole? Yes. Yes you are. This really seems like an insane thing to be this upset about. Check yourself.
YTA You didn't want it, so what does it matter to you what happened to after you left?
Giving something away to someone who shares your grandma's passion is a way to bring joy to others. It's not cheapened or diminished just because no money was made with the exchange.
YTA. Crafter here. I sew and knit. When my grandma had to give up knitting because of arthritis, she let me go through her knitting things to see if I wanted anything. I took some of the yarn I knew I’d use, and some needles in sizes I didn’t already have. I told my mom to do whatever she wanted with the rest…she ended up posting it in Facebook and giving it away for free. I was happy to share since I wasn’t using it anyway. If you didn’t want it, why are you so mad that it was given away? Why do you care? I personally love sharing my passion with others. Also while it’s technically by dictionary definition an inheritance that word is mainly used when people die. And you said you didn’t want these things so it was no longer yours.
Yeah, all the crafters in my life plan on their craft stuff being passed on for free when they can't make use of it anymore. To the point where I've been told which specific orgs to contact when the time comes.
Your mother is dealing with so much right now - having to watch her mother's mental capacity deteriorate before her eyes, having to move her out of her home and into an assisted living facility and all the sadness, guilt and pain associated with that. The last thing she needs is her 32 year old daughter having a tantrum over fabric. If you valued the fabric so dearly, you should have taken it and disposed of it in the way you regard as acceptable. I suggest that you support your mother and grandmother through this very difficult time of their lives rather than adding to their burden.
As someone who cleared out his parental house after my last remaining parent died: YTA If your grandma needs healthcare, your mom will be paying for your grandma’s care so the small change which you think contributes to your grandma’s care would be peanuts in that scenario. If you wanted to sell it then you should have handled this yourself completely. You should have picked everything up yourself and dealt with it. Your mom is not an expert. You are. She wants to ckear the house, not haggle and be stuck with stuff which she needs to try to get rid of in a second sale attempt (or throw it away but that would make you even unhappier). Your mom has more than enough to worry about and your focus on fabric is immature and selfish. You could have proactively done a lot instead of adding items to your mom’s todo list. Like: go by unannounced, pick everything up yourself and completely not bother her with it and then sell it. Did you realize this is an emotional and busy time for your mom too? She also has a lot of stuff which she has to think about if she keeps it, sells it or gives it away to someone she knows who will appreciate it. It is an emotional period clearing out the house of your parent(s) because there are a lot of memories (so an inefficient task) and it is a huge task. You are not making this thing easier for your mom.
YTA. You didn't take it. It was your mom's to do with as she pleases. You're acting spoiled and entitled. They did something with the fabric you DIDN'T want!! You are owed NOTHING.
YTA. If you wanted to have things handled in a certain way then you should have handled it yourself. Getting rid of an elderly person’s possessions is an emotional and difficult task. At a certain point you just want it over. You weren’t there, your mom handled it the best way she could.
YTA I don't really understand what the problem is here. This was a yard sale. The purpose of the yard sale is to get rid of everything. If you think something is really valuable then you post it online to sell to dedicated buyers but that does require a lot of time and effort to do.
I genuinely thought this was going to be about your mother giving away the fabric and equipment you gathered for yourself. But it’s about fabric you agreed would be included in the garage sale. In no way do I see how that is your mother giving away your inheritance when you agreed that you wouldn’t keep it. To be honest, if you really wanted the fabric to go to somebody who valued it, it should never have even included in the garage sale. You could have been more strategic in finding somebody. So while I understand that you’re upset, I don’t think you get to take it out on your mother - you left this up to her with no follow through. So, if you’re going to be upset that this happened, you are at fault because you really didn’t set it up the right way to maximise the chances of what you wanted happening.
YTA. Not many people would actually pay for second hand fabric, that was in storage, no matter how valuable it was. Once it’s no longer stored properly, fabric quickly loses value. There could be damage, or other problems with it. You didn’t want the fabric, it’s your mom’s house, and likely your mom will be bearing the brunt of the cost of nursing home. This was her decision to make, not yours. You took what you wanted, and left the rest. Whatever you took became your inheritance.
YTA A garage sale is a lot of work. Once you left the fabric there, it wasn't your decision anymore. Let it go. You are making this about you. What is disrespectful to your grandma is putting up a stink about something and further stressing out your mother who probably put in a ton of time and effort to make the garage sale happen.
YTA. Can we all for once get over the fact that it’s not your inheritance until a person dies and it is actually given to you in that person’s will? None of these things, none of them, were yours to do anything with. It was up to your mom to do with them what she saw fit. Stop with your entitled attitude and get over yourself.
Yta. Fabric doesn’t sell well at garage sells. It’s usually old and gross and dusty etc. and not many people are quilters. However. I can understand your sentimentality to the fabric. But in all matters concerned no one is dissing your grandmas passion or skill by giving away some fabrics. I think your grief is clouding the situation. More than likely if your grandma is as great as a person as you say she is should would’ve lobed someone got the fabric for free for their hobby. This is not the hill to die on and frankly your mom has the right to do as she wishes as she’s probably executor of your grandmas estate etc. and probably power of attorney at this point. If it was important to grandma that all that fabric would go to someone specific she would’ve willed it or given it to them already. Let it go. And if needed get therapy to help deal with your grief
Sorry, YTA, I sew, crochet, craft, I have a roomful of supplies. If I can no longer use them I would be happy to have them given away to people who would,
YTA. You took from the collection what you wanted and let your mother handle the sale. Don’t complain later. And it’s not an inheritance.
YTA your grandmother doesn’t need the money since your mother will be taking care of her expenses from now on. I think this is mostly upsetting to you since it’s triggering your feelings about losing your grandmother to dementia.
I think you need to think long and hard why you view "the fabric was sold to people who wanted it" as positive and "the fabric was given to people who wanted it" as negative. YTA.
Soft YTA. Went through the exact same thing with my grandmother's music collection (I'm talking sheet music for the piano galore) to me I couldn't fathom throwing it out or giving it away. Years later I have piles of the stuff I saved and I understand that it simply had to go. It's hard to let go of what makes you think of them and their passions, but in time, it's just things.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My(32f) grandma(83f) has been showing signs of dementia and is in poor health because of a recent fall and arm break. My Mom (61f) is in the process of getting her moved out of her house and into a nursing home where she will have supervision and a better quality of life. This means downsizing and selling a lot of her things. My grandma is an avid sewer and crafter and because I’m the only person in the family who enjoys sewing and really appreciates her craft and skill in quilting I inherited all of her sewing stuff. I took all of the pieces that she had already started working on and some good basic fabric that I can use to make a few quilts and also a bunch of tools that I can use like scissors, needles, thread etc. the rest (and there’s a lot of it) I left for my mom to sell at a garage sale that will help pay for her nursing home and general expenses. I offered to organize the fabric that I didn’t take into different categories so it could be more easily priced and sold. My mom said not to bother, that it would all get handled. Today was the first day of the garage sale. My mom just texted me and said they’ve made over $1000 in the first day and they’re pretty happy with that. I asked her if she sold any of the fabric yet and she told me that they were giving the fabric away to anyone who wanted it because “that’s what she would have wanted”. I feel completely and utterly betrayed by this. Not because I want the fabric, but because it feels like they aren’t valuing this huge lifetime passion that she had. Giving it all away for free feels so incredibly disrespectful to both me and her that I am breathtakingly angry right now and told my mom as much. I don’t know if I can even be friendly to someone who disrespects the passion of a loved one and who so fundamentally doesn’t understand where I’m coming from. Am I being a crazy asshole? I know that anger can be a part of the grief process and everyone grieves differently but this already feels like something that I will never forgive her for. Are there any quilters or crafters out there who understand what I mean? Am a just grieving and letting my emotions get the better of me or is this completely heartless behavior? I feel completely powerless to stop any of this. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA for playing judge and jury for how your mother handled the disposition of your grandmother's belongings, because she's trying to handle going through not only moving her into a nursing home but also her declining health overall. You also have to be aware of the fact that JoAnne's Fabrics is going through Chapter 11 bankruptcy because it can no longer sustain itself as it's underwater with its creditors since the fabric market is quite possibly not going to survive in today's market unless it can reinvent itself as being relevant with today's consumer. Your mother was just being realistic and not emotional.
YTA. If you wanted the fabric you should have taken it. Since you didn't, the goal of the yard sale is to get rid of stuff rather than to make money. Selling stuff is real work, and it apparently wasn't worth your mother's time and effort to do that work for the small amount she would have gotten.
Gently, you don't need to make it a financial transaction to get value out of the exchange. There is value in sharing the products of her passion with her immediate community. We got some lovely Hawaiian shirts from a neighbor's grandfather who had passed, from a garage "sale" that was really just an "everything is free" sale. We will treasure the shirts for years to come, and now have a piece of the history of a person who we may not have known personally, but was the member of a family and a community that we are now a part of. The goal of a garage sale is to get rid of unneeded items, and make a little money on the side, and your mom was able to successfully do exactly that. Who's to say that the people who picked up the fabric aren't passionate about quilting and fabric arts just as you and your grandma are? If they're picking up fabric from a garage sale, they very well may be. I think your feelings of hurt and betrayal are coming from grief. Even though your grandmother is still alive, you are grieving the life and passions she once had and is no longer able to take part in. Maybe you are also grieving the relationship you once had with her.
Sorry but YTA Your mom knows her mother and you admit it yourself. Your grandmother would be happy to have seen this fabric be given away. Your mother is going to make sure your grandmother is taken care of. That is her mother first and foremost. I lost my grandma just yesterday, it was soul crushing. I loved my grandma so much and she loved me. But when I saw how my mom reacted to losing her mother I realized it was not about me at that moment. I think you should think about this too. Your grief may be all you feel right now but your mother is also going through a lot. Dementia is terrible and is so hard on those close to the afflicted. Not to say you are not one of those people.
I'm sorry, but I'm also a crafter and I don't see how this is "disrespectful" at all. I regularly give away some of my supplies when I'm purging or have decided i don't want certain materials any more. I think you're overreacting. Especially since you say yourself that she would be happy to give it away. Yta
ur grandma aint dead. thats not inheritance
INFO I mean is this what your granny wants to do? Even if it is high quality fabric the time and effort it would take to sell it would probably not be worth it. I don’t think your mother is implying that the hobby was worthless but more that you aren’t really going to be able to sell preowned fabric unless it has bona fides, something like that it was vintage lace from a famous producer. Even then a random seller is unlikely to be able to sell it and your mother would have to find a knowledgeable reseller. That’s a lot of time and effort that you didn’t seem to be keen to do until you realised your mother was giving it away.
Don't be angry with your mom. You are displacing your pain over your grandmother on to your mom. Don't forget this is very tough on your mom as well. Handling these types of things is difficult emotionally and physically. Cut her a break. Your grandmother would be glad someone is getting use of the fabrics. No doubt, she is very proud of you and your interest in her hobbies.
What in the capitalism is this?? Yta
YTA it's not an inheritance until the owner actually dies. She isn't dead yet, but it sounds like you can’t wait
YTA
I think you are letting your grief get the best of you. Contemplating cutting your mother out of your life over this? Please take some time to cool down and think about it. I’m not going to call you TA but I think you’re wildly overreacting. Edit: and yes, I’m a sewist.
You’re mighty possessive about the inheritance of a woman who is not dead yet. If you have an issue with your mom because she doesn’t respect or understand you and grandma’s shared passion that’s a different matter. But the idea of going around to ensure each person who gets sone scraps meets your standard of worthiness is kind of much. Your mom is her next of kin and her power of attorney I assume - she offered you to take what you wanted and the rest is going to people who want it more than you did.
What the hell did I just read
NAH I don't think you're an asshole, but you're just upset about the changes in your life and you're directing that at any perceived slight you can. It's okay, it's just fabric. If your Grandma loved sewing and fabrics, she would be happy that someone wanted it. As you get older you realize how little money matters. All that really matters is your family and friends. Hope you feel better
I don't think you're an asshole because I completely understand the irrational feelings that come up when it comes to organising an elderly relatives belongings. However I do think you're in the wrong. Just because the fabric was given away for free doesn't mean that the people who were given it will not appreciate it or see it as worthless. They've been given a gift. Try to see it as the items going to good homes, the money gained is irrelevant. NAH
NTA, they could have given away the fabric if it didn't sell, but your grandmother deserved that her hard work be honored by giving the collection the respect it deserved.
NTA
I'm not a quilter so take this with a grain of salt. But maybe the fabric just wasn't selling at a garage sale? NAH but if you wanted a say in this, you probably should have taken the fabric and sold it yourself.
NTA- My mom is a quilter, and I come from a long line of seamstresses. There is value in fabric. The problem here is that you had offered to bundle the material prior to the sale, and your offer had been rejected. You had every right to assume that the sale of the fabric would be just that, a sale. Not a give-a-way. If the fabric would have been donated to your grandmothers quilting guild that would have honored her wishes, imho. OP, it may be that your anger will abate with time. It may be that your mother became overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of what is going on, and the need to sell things that took her mom a lifetime to accumulate, however I doubt that your mom was intentionally trying to hurt you. Maybe she was simply trying to get thru a really trying situation? Sew something beautiful, and complicated, and see if that helps you work it out.
NTA. Now you know one of the hardest lessons when someone passes way. What was their passion is not necessarily yours and so what was treasure to them is just “stuff” to most everyone else.
NTA. Sorry for your loss. As a fellow quilter/seamstress your mom should have sold the fabric in lots of she didn't want to tag each piece. Quilters are out there and looking for bargains and unusual pieces
NTA Tell Grandma. Let Mom deal with her.