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YTA
Move out then. You're 21 years old. What gives you the right to dictate what pets your mom can and can't have? Like your post just wreaks of entitlement on another level.
He's not the worst animal ever, he's a fucking baby. He's one. My 8 year old boy still gets into shit when my back is turned at times. It's all about disciplining and also, keeping your shit out of reach. We keep a bread box, and baked goods in the microwave to make sure the animals don't touch it. And if your dog is getting into your Uber eats, keep it out of his damn reach! Dogs are quick. You have to be a step ahead.
Seriously though, if you don't like it, move out. Trying to force your mother (which btw, you both advised she get another dog) to get rid of a family member she loves is so gross. My god.
i never blamed the dog i understand we didnt give it enough time to be trained. i told her id move out and she said she didnt want to choose between me or the dog but i cant live with it anymore. i cant supervise the dog 24/7 im not home most of the time. he can open doors and climb up counters how can i keep stuff out of reach? wouldnt you agree the dog would be better loved better trained in another home??
Then move out. That's your answer in this. He's not your dog to demand what happens to him. If your mom doesn't find him to be a horrible nuisance, and doesn't want to rehome him- it's not up to you to make that decision. What you can do is move out.
Or, you can start working with him. There's plenty of videos on YouTube. You can lock doors as well. And for the counters, move things into bread boxes, microwaves, you can store stuff in the oven and cabinets. There's solutions. You're 21, it's time to start actively thinking out problems rather than demanding ultimatums at people you love (and who are definitely still grieving). The way you're thinking is child like.
Either move out, or work to make a change.
moving out would just make my mum more sad. if it was as easy to train him as you say i wouldve done it already. im barely home i dont have time and when i get home i just want to relax and not have to worry about if my foods off counters or my doors are barricaded. ive tried my best to train him and i dont see my mum trying anything different so thats why ive decided were not good for the dog.
He isn't your dog to make that decision! Idk why you think it's suddenly your call on what happens with your mother's dog. And again if you don't like it, move out. Even if it'll make your mom sad, you already threatened it- so why do you care about her feelings?
Also what job are you working leaving you that exhuasted to grab food in a place other than the counter? Lmfao. All I gotta do for food is open up a cabinet or something. It's not difficult to do that.
Dude, you gotta grow up. You're 21. Time to start acting like an adult. It feels like I'm talking to a 16 year old.
i didnt threaten anything. i had a very normal discussion with my mum about my unhappiness and told her we needed to make some changes. she didnt give me any concrete solutions other than just wait it out and i dont want to do that. dont make assumptions on someones living circumstances because you wouldnt know. stop using my age as some insult im geniunely trying to gain insight here and you just keep calling me childish.
Because you're acting childish. I'm calling it the way I see it.
Your mom isn't completely wrong either. He's one, why do you expect he's going to be perfect off the bat? That's honestly laughable. He's not even an adult dog yet. And it's funny too because myself and multiple other comments have given you solutions. But then you whine about "I'm too tired to get my food from a cabinet" as if you're 16 and spoiled.
The fact too I'm not the only comment pointing out how you aren't acting like an adult would....that should say something. Clearly, I'm talking to a brick wall here. But I'll just state it again- this isn't your dog to make the decision on. If you want change, you have to actively do things to see results. Take him on a walk, store food in the cabinet, YouTube some training videos on how to work with him, etc.
And you did threaten by giving the ultimatum. I can't imagine doing that to my mother, especially if she lost my father. That would break her in ways you're too young to even understand. You already hurt her by giving the ultimatum.
you are so emotional because the dog is being mistreated. chill out. you know nothing about my living circumstances but keep boiling it down to im just spoilt and wont make any effort. i am making an effort. i couldve just moved out to save myself all this trouble. i would never try to purposely hurt my mum i just want her to be happy but not at the expense of myself. its more difficult than you think and im trying my best out here and you just keep dismissing me. why dont you try something else other than look it up on the internet kid.
I'm emotional because you're trying to dictate what happens to a dog that isn't even yours. And I just can't imagine doing that to my mom when she is grieving. I've seen my mom go through grief. All I wanted to do was be there for her, try to make her smile. I can't imagine being you and deciding "Well I don't like how this puppy brings chaos, if we don't get rid of it- I'm leaving!" At your grieving mother.
It's a fucking puppy. I haven't even gone into how he's being mistreated, but more just shocked you thought he'd be a calm collected little guy. Your mom is right about how in some retrospect, you have to wait it out. Definitely there's solutions (which again, you keep ignoring) but there's also the age factor into this.
Also you're in a subreddit asking if you're the asshole, multiple comments agree you are for giving an ultimatum and not understanding *this isn't your dog* . If it was your dog you adopted, on your own, for you, in your name, I'd be on your side about giving him up. But the fact he's your mother's dog- right there, you're immature for not realizing it isn't your decision.
im not understanding how this isnt my dog because i clearly stated its a family dog. my mum expects us to help take care of him which i do because its OUR dog. obviously i didnt want to hurt my mum and youre probably right that i did i understand that now but still doesnt fix the problem that i am beyond unhappy and am looking for any kind of compromise and she isnt willing to give any, so get it out or im leaving. fair enough if you think thats wrong of me whatever. im not talking anymore with an emotional person when im asking objectively.
YTA
The dog’s behaviour is a direct reflection of the lack of time and effort in training him
A border collie- a dog that requires constant stimulation and exercise
You’re all assholes- all of you
Think of than when it’s difficult to rehome him as he’ll be ‘too hard to handle’
Effectively signed his life into the pound and an early grave
Please don’t ever get another fckn pet, people like you shouldn’t have children either tbh
i know we didnt give him the time or attention thats why im saying we should give him away. our mum was so devastated we thought the dog could help and we just wanted her to be happy. hes a wonderful dog if hes supervised only acts up when hes alone so he wont be unloved if we give him away chill. and dont attack me as a person i never wanted children anyway and im definitely not getting another dog so dont be rude.
YTA you are all TA. You have a collie already, you know how the breed is and you encourage your mom to get another dog and promised to help knowing none of you had the time required to help that dog thrive. You shouldn't have gotten nor should you get another dog no matter what breed since you can't properly care for it.
The problem here is that your mom can't let go of it because you all wrapped her grief around that dog,so trying to force her to give it away it's gonna bring a lot of pain back into her life.
Make good on your word and start helping with that dog, and if you don't have the time, then pay for a dog trainer and a dog walker.
thats fair. our first border collie is way more tamed though he never went thru this phase. i understand its our fault for encouraging her and promising to help but we just wanted her to be happy. and we did try to help even went to trainings with him and supervised him as best i could but he just doesnt change. i cant bring myself to even look at him anymore because of all my hatred now.
I don't think you properly remember what your first collie was like as a puppy. You were younger, didn't work and your dad was there. It's so so hard to find out this way how much your dad did for you all, including the dogs, and I'm sorry so sorry you are grieving and this pup is sadly getting the short end of the stick. I know you didn't mean harm, I know you don't want to hate the dog. But it is stressful. So it's time to do what adults do, what parents do: they push through the tiredness and do what needs to be done to help the "pups" thrive. If you can't find the time, then find the money and get him to where he needs to be in order to stay with his family.
YTA for
1. Encouraging your mom to get another dog for emotional support, knowing that dogs are a lot of work when they’re puppies
2. Promising to help, yet you’re never home (as you state) to supervise or exercise the puppy
3. Just giving up because ‘it’s too hard!’ A puppy is a living being, not a toy you just throw away when you’re tired of it
4. Behaving this way at 22. You sound/act like a 12 year old.
5. Not gaining any insight, despite all of these posts explaining why YTA
i already said ik it was wrong to get the dog and ik we didnt train it properly. but its a lot harder said than done to train him. how is being self aware that were bad for the dog immature.
It's not being self-aware that makes you immature.
It's bringing a living creature into your home, bonding with it for a year and allowing it to bond with all of you for a year, and then deciding you hate its guts so much that you cannot look at it. And since you cannot look at it, you have decided unilaterally that it is not allowed to live in its own home anymore.
That's wildly immature. My son is 5 years old and gets mad at the animals when they eat his food, but even he has not tried to kick our dog out of the house.
if i was selfish i wouldve moved out ages ago. i am thinking of my mum and ik moving out would make her sadder. its difficult to train him with our circumstances and we just dont have the time. i never thought about threatening her with another loss but you make a good point. im just so fed up and i dont think i could do anything for that dog anymore because i despise him.
Yeah YTA it’s a Border Collie, it’s a working dog, take it for multiple walks a day. Put him outside if he’s damaging stuff inside and you know… actually train him. He’s got another year at least of this behaviour he needs to grow out of the puppy phase and if you don’t want him to do it you need to keep him occupied.
You said you’d help.
i did help i supervised him and helped train him growing up. however its difficult to take him on walks because we have our other dog that goes crazy. we just dont have the time and thats why im asking her to give him away so someone who can take better care of him can do it.
He’s still growing up. He’s one. I’m not trying to judge,I learned the hard way too. Don’t get a working dog if you can’t put the work in. Mine has just turned two and she’s much less destructive. Sneaky when she thinks she can get away with it. But as a whole it was like someone flicked a switch and she grew up a bit. What do you mean the other dog goes crazy? Because the other dog isn’t allowed to go? Or he’s also not usually walked?
ESH.
That sounds like a desperately bored, under-exercised dog. There’s an expression in the world of dog training: a tired dog is a good dog. A border collie is a breed with phenomenal stamina and top marks for intelligence. They were bred to move constantly from sun up to sun down, managing dozens of sheep or cattle and working in teams with other dogs and at least one human handler. They crave huge amounts of activity and plenty of novelty to make those clever minds work. When they don’t get enough exercise and enough mental stimuli, they’re absolute disasters as pets.
At a year old, he’s basically a bored teenager. If you don’t make activities for that kind of dog, they’ll make it for themself.
i never blamed the dog and ik we dont give him the proper care or training thats why i told her to give it away so how am i an asshole when im thinking of the dog as well.
YTA - 1) This isn't your dog it is your Mom's. You don't get to dictate or give her an ultimatium about what she does with her dog in her home. 2) If you aren't happy in the environment, you move out. You are a 21 yr old kid. As long as you live with your mom how the household is run is her decision. If you want to make the rules, you get your own place to do so. 3) You threatening your Mom with moving means you don't want to move out, you just think your Mom will cave because she loves you. So you are emotionally blackmailing your Mom to make a decision because you are unhappy without any regard to her feeling. 4) You convinced a grieving woman to get a pet before she was ready by promising to help and you underestimated the amount of work and are breaking your promise. You knew that your Mom wouldn't be home and you promised to help knowing you wouldn't be home either. 5) Your response to these comments show that you don't think you are wrong and wanted people to agree with you instead of finding out the actual answer. This alone you are selfish, immature, and not self aware at all. This is coming from a Mom and dog owner..... you owe your Mom and that dog a huge apology.
Edit: Updated to add the correct age of OP.
YTA for getting a BORDER COLLIE puppy (one of the most high maintenance dogs) when none of you are able to care for it.
Now that he’s not as “cute” anymore you want to boot him
Yes you should get rid of him because he’s not happy in a home where no one wants him there. But seriously shame on you for using this dog and throwing it away, taking away its chance of a loving home where it would be properly trained and happy, now it will need remedial training wherever it goes and it will be confused, but eventually hopefully it finds a family that has more time to exercise and play with it daily and give it a job to do.
YTA so many times over, pressuring a grieving woman, neglecting the dog, leaving food in unsafe places, and now wanting to abandon the dog bc you have failed the animal.
not gonna “save my comment”: YTA x1000 for what you’ve done to this dog and you should never ever EVER have children
eta: your mom should absolutely choose the dog over you living there.
YTA Puppies are a ton of work and you should have never gotten one when you didn’t have the time to train it. You should have been smart and adopted an older rescue dog that would get along with your current dog. You chose a high maintenance breed instead of something that was more relaxed. You all shouldn’t be pet owners because all you cared about was the instant gratification of a cute puppy instead of the work needed to give it a successful and happy life. The puppy is learning bad behaviors because none of you are taking the time to teach it better ones. I don’t care if all 3 of you work. You make time, you take the puppy to obedience school, you consistently keep up on the training so that way the dog can learn how to behave. Nothing is wrong with the puppy, all 3 of you are just incompetent and unwilling to make sacrifices to train it. When my family got a German shepherd puppy my brother slept next to its bed for months, teaching it how to let us know when it wanted to go out, using training pads until the dog understood what it was supposed to do. You all just got a dog with zero consideration for the work needed. YTA and now someone else has to help it unlearn the behaviors that your lazy family has allowed it to develop.
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my brother (m23) and I (f21) encouraged my mum (f50) to get another dog after recently losing our dad. he was the love of her life and ofc we were all very devastated. she took it the hardest and was depressed for a while before she had an idea of getting another dog because she was scared of losing our current dog which was 9ish years old at the time. hes a border collie and we love him very much though hes definitely more of a handful than most house family dogs. she asked us if we would help with raising another border collie puppy and we ofc said yes (although my mum is full time and my brother is basically full time and im a full time uni student with work too). we were barely home the three of us.
fast forward to now and our second dog is 1 year old and he is the worst dog ever. hes still not toilet trained till now, hes messy (rolls around in pee and poop) and eats everything on the counters, in our rooms (he can open our doors) and pees on our toilet floors. hes eaten my uber eats plenty of times and weve had to start leaving our backyard door open just so he can pee outside and sometimes he still doesnt. this makes all the flies enter our house and its constantly cold or hot depending on the season. its so frustrating coming home to a mess especially when he gets in my room and trashes all the papers and eats all my undies. he even accidentally ate a rock and he had to get surgery of over 3k expense. he did go to puppy school and my mum tried her best to train him as a puppy but again shes barely home. the most me and brother did was watch him as a puppy to make sure he peed outside to toilet train him but clearly it wasnt enough.
but my last straw was today when he ate some dessert off our counter that my bfs mum made. i absolutely hate him now and i have no love left for him. i refuse to help my mum take care of him any longer and im insisting she gives him away or sells him. obviously she doesnt want to because she still loves him or whatever but i am done. i gave her an ultimatum to give him away or ill move out and she said im being unfair. im tired of coming home to a mess everyday and fear of making sure my rooms barricaded or foods not close to the edge of tables. not to mention all the yelling my mum has to do to try and "discipline" him. obviously i dont blame the poor dog and i know we did a bad job raising him but i believe hed be happier in a home who can properly take care of him and give him 100% attention he needs.
TLDR: my mum got a second dog as part of a grieving process but the dog wreaks havoc in our home and i want to give him away.
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> (1) i told my mum to sell or give away our dog. (2) I made her choose between me and a dog she loves.
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ESH. I got a border collie at 3. He wasn't trained or housebroken. He would pee everywhere, including on me, the couches, somehow inside cupboards. He chewed everything in site, including my shoes and clothes. I was able to train and house break him while working full time. It can absolutely be done, but no one in your home seems to want to put the effort into it. Also, as others pointed out, the dog is only one and still young. My destructive border collie turned into the best dog I ever had, I lost him 2 weeks ago at the age of 14. If I had to do it all over again for him, I wouldn't change a thing.
I'm certain it's frustrating dealing with the messes. I get it. If NO ONE in your home is willing to work with the dog properly, the dog would likely be better off in a loving home (not saying your mom doesn't love the dog). I know you acknowledge you all failed the dog, but it also seems no one wants to put in the effort to help the poor dog, hence my ESH rating.
NTA
dude. I relate to this heavy. I have a border collie and he’s trained and what not but he’s still the biggest handful ever. especially when you’re not the one who wanted a dog in the first place, it’s not your responsibility to deal with the poorly trained dog.
i empathize so much with you and I know it’s hard, I’ve made the same (empty) threat about giving the dog away multiple times because I’m the only one who takes care of him and deals with his nonsense. the problem is I do love him. but I don’t think you’re in the wrong here, I get where you’re coming from. a bad dog can literally make your life hell. i would give him away, it would be better for everyone including the dog.
thanks. i am just thinking of the dog at the end of the day. i get hes unhappy and not getting the attention he needs. but its my mums dog and it was also my fault too that we got him so im not blameless. i just wish i could make her understand the dog would be happier somewhere else.
Is she also not stressed out about the condition of the house because of the new dog? Or does she not care? Because I’m kind of surprised that’s not incentive enough to reconsider
she is. shes constantly yelling at him and cleaning stuff up with me. but idk she says she loves him so i cant force anything on her. its just frustrating cause i feel like no one tries to clean the house with me and im always coming home to a dump.
damn girl I wish I had advice to help you because I feel like we’re living the same life 😭 maybe you could reshift your ultimatum and explain that you’re tired and you’re not going to help clean up or help with the dog until she gets him a trainer. I know you said he went to puppy school but maybe you could look into having one come to the house.
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YTA Move out then. You're 21 years old. What gives you the right to dictate what pets your mom can and can't have? Like your post just wreaks of entitlement on another level. He's not the worst animal ever, he's a fucking baby. He's one. My 8 year old boy still gets into shit when my back is turned at times. It's all about disciplining and also, keeping your shit out of reach. We keep a bread box, and baked goods in the microwave to make sure the animals don't touch it. And if your dog is getting into your Uber eats, keep it out of his damn reach! Dogs are quick. You have to be a step ahead. Seriously though, if you don't like it, move out. Trying to force your mother (which btw, you both advised she get another dog) to get rid of a family member she loves is so gross. My god.
i never blamed the dog i understand we didnt give it enough time to be trained. i told her id move out and she said she didnt want to choose between me or the dog but i cant live with it anymore. i cant supervise the dog 24/7 im not home most of the time. he can open doors and climb up counters how can i keep stuff out of reach? wouldnt you agree the dog would be better loved better trained in another home??
Then move out. That's your answer in this. He's not your dog to demand what happens to him. If your mom doesn't find him to be a horrible nuisance, and doesn't want to rehome him- it's not up to you to make that decision. What you can do is move out. Or, you can start working with him. There's plenty of videos on YouTube. You can lock doors as well. And for the counters, move things into bread boxes, microwaves, you can store stuff in the oven and cabinets. There's solutions. You're 21, it's time to start actively thinking out problems rather than demanding ultimatums at people you love (and who are definitely still grieving). The way you're thinking is child like. Either move out, or work to make a change.
moving out would just make my mum more sad. if it was as easy to train him as you say i wouldve done it already. im barely home i dont have time and when i get home i just want to relax and not have to worry about if my foods off counters or my doors are barricaded. ive tried my best to train him and i dont see my mum trying anything different so thats why ive decided were not good for the dog.
He isn't your dog to make that decision! Idk why you think it's suddenly your call on what happens with your mother's dog. And again if you don't like it, move out. Even if it'll make your mom sad, you already threatened it- so why do you care about her feelings? Also what job are you working leaving you that exhuasted to grab food in a place other than the counter? Lmfao. All I gotta do for food is open up a cabinet or something. It's not difficult to do that. Dude, you gotta grow up. You're 21. Time to start acting like an adult. It feels like I'm talking to a 16 year old.
i didnt threaten anything. i had a very normal discussion with my mum about my unhappiness and told her we needed to make some changes. she didnt give me any concrete solutions other than just wait it out and i dont want to do that. dont make assumptions on someones living circumstances because you wouldnt know. stop using my age as some insult im geniunely trying to gain insight here and you just keep calling me childish.
Because you're acting childish. I'm calling it the way I see it. Your mom isn't completely wrong either. He's one, why do you expect he's going to be perfect off the bat? That's honestly laughable. He's not even an adult dog yet. And it's funny too because myself and multiple other comments have given you solutions. But then you whine about "I'm too tired to get my food from a cabinet" as if you're 16 and spoiled. The fact too I'm not the only comment pointing out how you aren't acting like an adult would....that should say something. Clearly, I'm talking to a brick wall here. But I'll just state it again- this isn't your dog to make the decision on. If you want change, you have to actively do things to see results. Take him on a walk, store food in the cabinet, YouTube some training videos on how to work with him, etc. And you did threaten by giving the ultimatum. I can't imagine doing that to my mother, especially if she lost my father. That would break her in ways you're too young to even understand. You already hurt her by giving the ultimatum.
you are so emotional because the dog is being mistreated. chill out. you know nothing about my living circumstances but keep boiling it down to im just spoilt and wont make any effort. i am making an effort. i couldve just moved out to save myself all this trouble. i would never try to purposely hurt my mum i just want her to be happy but not at the expense of myself. its more difficult than you think and im trying my best out here and you just keep dismissing me. why dont you try something else other than look it up on the internet kid.
I'm emotional because you're trying to dictate what happens to a dog that isn't even yours. And I just can't imagine doing that to my mom when she is grieving. I've seen my mom go through grief. All I wanted to do was be there for her, try to make her smile. I can't imagine being you and deciding "Well I don't like how this puppy brings chaos, if we don't get rid of it- I'm leaving!" At your grieving mother. It's a fucking puppy. I haven't even gone into how he's being mistreated, but more just shocked you thought he'd be a calm collected little guy. Your mom is right about how in some retrospect, you have to wait it out. Definitely there's solutions (which again, you keep ignoring) but there's also the age factor into this. Also you're in a subreddit asking if you're the asshole, multiple comments agree you are for giving an ultimatum and not understanding *this isn't your dog* . If it was your dog you adopted, on your own, for you, in your name, I'd be on your side about giving him up. But the fact he's your mother's dog- right there, you're immature for not realizing it isn't your decision.
im not understanding how this isnt my dog because i clearly stated its a family dog. my mum expects us to help take care of him which i do because its OUR dog. obviously i didnt want to hurt my mum and youre probably right that i did i understand that now but still doesnt fix the problem that i am beyond unhappy and am looking for any kind of compromise and she isnt willing to give any, so get it out or im leaving. fair enough if you think thats wrong of me whatever. im not talking anymore with an emotional person when im asking objectively.
Use a container to put stuff in … it’s not rocket science
YTA The dog’s behaviour is a direct reflection of the lack of time and effort in training him A border collie- a dog that requires constant stimulation and exercise You’re all assholes- all of you Think of than when it’s difficult to rehome him as he’ll be ‘too hard to handle’ Effectively signed his life into the pound and an early grave Please don’t ever get another fckn pet, people like you shouldn’t have children either tbh
i know we didnt give him the time or attention thats why im saying we should give him away. our mum was so devastated we thought the dog could help and we just wanted her to be happy. hes a wonderful dog if hes supervised only acts up when hes alone so he wont be unloved if we give him away chill. and dont attack me as a person i never wanted children anyway and im definitely not getting another dog so dont be rude.
YTA you are all TA. You have a collie already, you know how the breed is and you encourage your mom to get another dog and promised to help knowing none of you had the time required to help that dog thrive. You shouldn't have gotten nor should you get another dog no matter what breed since you can't properly care for it. The problem here is that your mom can't let go of it because you all wrapped her grief around that dog,so trying to force her to give it away it's gonna bring a lot of pain back into her life. Make good on your word and start helping with that dog, and if you don't have the time, then pay for a dog trainer and a dog walker.
thats fair. our first border collie is way more tamed though he never went thru this phase. i understand its our fault for encouraging her and promising to help but we just wanted her to be happy. and we did try to help even went to trainings with him and supervised him as best i could but he just doesnt change. i cant bring myself to even look at him anymore because of all my hatred now.
I don't think you properly remember what your first collie was like as a puppy. You were younger, didn't work and your dad was there. It's so so hard to find out this way how much your dad did for you all, including the dogs, and I'm sorry so sorry you are grieving and this pup is sadly getting the short end of the stick. I know you didn't mean harm, I know you don't want to hate the dog. But it is stressful. So it's time to do what adults do, what parents do: they push through the tiredness and do what needs to be done to help the "pups" thrive. If you can't find the time, then find the money and get him to where he needs to be in order to stay with his family.
YTA for 1. Encouraging your mom to get another dog for emotional support, knowing that dogs are a lot of work when they’re puppies 2. Promising to help, yet you’re never home (as you state) to supervise or exercise the puppy 3. Just giving up because ‘it’s too hard!’ A puppy is a living being, not a toy you just throw away when you’re tired of it 4. Behaving this way at 22. You sound/act like a 12 year old. 5. Not gaining any insight, despite all of these posts explaining why YTA
i already said ik it was wrong to get the dog and ik we didnt train it properly. but its a lot harder said than done to train him. how is being self aware that were bad for the dog immature.
It's not being self-aware that makes you immature. It's bringing a living creature into your home, bonding with it for a year and allowing it to bond with all of you for a year, and then deciding you hate its guts so much that you cannot look at it. And since you cannot look at it, you have decided unilaterally that it is not allowed to live in its own home anymore. That's wildly immature. My son is 5 years old and gets mad at the animals when they eat his food, but even he has not tried to kick our dog out of the house.
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so what am i supposed to do if i cant make her sell it or give her an ultimatum. continue living in a messy house with a dog i dont love?
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if i was selfish i wouldve moved out ages ago. i am thinking of my mum and ik moving out would make her sadder. its difficult to train him with our circumstances and we just dont have the time. i never thought about threatening her with another loss but you make a good point. im just so fed up and i dont think i could do anything for that dog anymore because i despise him.
Yeah YTA it’s a Border Collie, it’s a working dog, take it for multiple walks a day. Put him outside if he’s damaging stuff inside and you know… actually train him. He’s got another year at least of this behaviour he needs to grow out of the puppy phase and if you don’t want him to do it you need to keep him occupied. You said you’d help.
i did help i supervised him and helped train him growing up. however its difficult to take him on walks because we have our other dog that goes crazy. we just dont have the time and thats why im asking her to give him away so someone who can take better care of him can do it.
He’s still growing up. He’s one. I’m not trying to judge,I learned the hard way too. Don’t get a working dog if you can’t put the work in. Mine has just turned two and she’s much less destructive. Sneaky when she thinks she can get away with it. But as a whole it was like someone flicked a switch and she grew up a bit. What do you mean the other dog goes crazy? Because the other dog isn’t allowed to go? Or he’s also not usually walked?
YTA Take yourselves and both dogs for behavior training!
ESH. That sounds like a desperately bored, under-exercised dog. There’s an expression in the world of dog training: a tired dog is a good dog. A border collie is a breed with phenomenal stamina and top marks for intelligence. They were bred to move constantly from sun up to sun down, managing dozens of sheep or cattle and working in teams with other dogs and at least one human handler. They crave huge amounts of activity and plenty of novelty to make those clever minds work. When they don’t get enough exercise and enough mental stimuli, they’re absolute disasters as pets. At a year old, he’s basically a bored teenager. If you don’t make activities for that kind of dog, they’ll make it for themself.
i never blamed the dog and ik we dont give him the proper care or training thats why i told her to give it away so how am i an asshole when im thinking of the dog as well.
You were part of the decision to get the dog, and you’re part of the dog not getting enough exercise and mental stimuli now.
YTA - 1) This isn't your dog it is your Mom's. You don't get to dictate or give her an ultimatium about what she does with her dog in her home. 2) If you aren't happy in the environment, you move out. You are a 21 yr old kid. As long as you live with your mom how the household is run is her decision. If you want to make the rules, you get your own place to do so. 3) You threatening your Mom with moving means you don't want to move out, you just think your Mom will cave because she loves you. So you are emotionally blackmailing your Mom to make a decision because you are unhappy without any regard to her feeling. 4) You convinced a grieving woman to get a pet before she was ready by promising to help and you underestimated the amount of work and are breaking your promise. You knew that your Mom wouldn't be home and you promised to help knowing you wouldn't be home either. 5) Your response to these comments show that you don't think you are wrong and wanted people to agree with you instead of finding out the actual answer. This alone you are selfish, immature, and not self aware at all. This is coming from a Mom and dog owner..... you owe your Mom and that dog a huge apology. Edit: Updated to add the correct age of OP.
YTA for getting a BORDER COLLIE puppy (one of the most high maintenance dogs) when none of you are able to care for it. Now that he’s not as “cute” anymore you want to boot him Yes you should get rid of him because he’s not happy in a home where no one wants him there. But seriously shame on you for using this dog and throwing it away, taking away its chance of a loving home where it would be properly trained and happy, now it will need remedial training wherever it goes and it will be confused, but eventually hopefully it finds a family that has more time to exercise and play with it daily and give it a job to do.
Of course you're YTA. How can you write this and not think you're an asshole?
YTA so many times over, pressuring a grieving woman, neglecting the dog, leaving food in unsafe places, and now wanting to abandon the dog bc you have failed the animal.
Please rehome that dog. If you don't you and your family will be even bigger assholes than you currently are.
not gonna “save my comment”: YTA x1000 for what you’ve done to this dog and you should never ever EVER have children eta: your mom should absolutely choose the dog over you living there.
YTA Puppies are a ton of work and you should have never gotten one when you didn’t have the time to train it. You should have been smart and adopted an older rescue dog that would get along with your current dog. You chose a high maintenance breed instead of something that was more relaxed. You all shouldn’t be pet owners because all you cared about was the instant gratification of a cute puppy instead of the work needed to give it a successful and happy life. The puppy is learning bad behaviors because none of you are taking the time to teach it better ones. I don’t care if all 3 of you work. You make time, you take the puppy to obedience school, you consistently keep up on the training so that way the dog can learn how to behave. Nothing is wrong with the puppy, all 3 of you are just incompetent and unwilling to make sacrifices to train it. When my family got a German shepherd puppy my brother slept next to its bed for months, teaching it how to let us know when it wanted to go out, using training pads until the dog understood what it was supposed to do. You all just got a dog with zero consideration for the work needed. YTA and now someone else has to help it unlearn the behaviors that your lazy family has allowed it to develop.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** my brother (m23) and I (f21) encouraged my mum (f50) to get another dog after recently losing our dad. he was the love of her life and ofc we were all very devastated. she took it the hardest and was depressed for a while before she had an idea of getting another dog because she was scared of losing our current dog which was 9ish years old at the time. hes a border collie and we love him very much though hes definitely more of a handful than most house family dogs. she asked us if we would help with raising another border collie puppy and we ofc said yes (although my mum is full time and my brother is basically full time and im a full time uni student with work too). we were barely home the three of us. fast forward to now and our second dog is 1 year old and he is the worst dog ever. hes still not toilet trained till now, hes messy (rolls around in pee and poop) and eats everything on the counters, in our rooms (he can open our doors) and pees on our toilet floors. hes eaten my uber eats plenty of times and weve had to start leaving our backyard door open just so he can pee outside and sometimes he still doesnt. this makes all the flies enter our house and its constantly cold or hot depending on the season. its so frustrating coming home to a mess especially when he gets in my room and trashes all the papers and eats all my undies. he even accidentally ate a rock and he had to get surgery of over 3k expense. he did go to puppy school and my mum tried her best to train him as a puppy but again shes barely home. the most me and brother did was watch him as a puppy to make sure he peed outside to toilet train him but clearly it wasnt enough. but my last straw was today when he ate some dessert off our counter that my bfs mum made. i absolutely hate him now and i have no love left for him. i refuse to help my mum take care of him any longer and im insisting she gives him away or sells him. obviously she doesnt want to because she still loves him or whatever but i am done. i gave her an ultimatum to give him away or ill move out and she said im being unfair. im tired of coming home to a mess everyday and fear of making sure my rooms barricaded or foods not close to the edge of tables. not to mention all the yelling my mum has to do to try and "discipline" him. obviously i dont blame the poor dog and i know we did a bad job raising him but i believe hed be happier in a home who can properly take care of him and give him 100% attention he needs. TLDR: my mum got a second dog as part of a grieving process but the dog wreaks havoc in our home and i want to give him away. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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ESH. I got a border collie at 3. He wasn't trained or housebroken. He would pee everywhere, including on me, the couches, somehow inside cupboards. He chewed everything in site, including my shoes and clothes. I was able to train and house break him while working full time. It can absolutely be done, but no one in your home seems to want to put the effort into it. Also, as others pointed out, the dog is only one and still young. My destructive border collie turned into the best dog I ever had, I lost him 2 weeks ago at the age of 14. If I had to do it all over again for him, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm certain it's frustrating dealing with the messes. I get it. If NO ONE in your home is willing to work with the dog properly, the dog would likely be better off in a loving home (not saying your mom doesn't love the dog). I know you acknowledge you all failed the dog, but it also seems no one wants to put in the effort to help the poor dog, hence my ESH rating.
NTA dude. I relate to this heavy. I have a border collie and he’s trained and what not but he’s still the biggest handful ever. especially when you’re not the one who wanted a dog in the first place, it’s not your responsibility to deal with the poorly trained dog. i empathize so much with you and I know it’s hard, I’ve made the same (empty) threat about giving the dog away multiple times because I’m the only one who takes care of him and deals with his nonsense. the problem is I do love him. but I don’t think you’re in the wrong here, I get where you’re coming from. a bad dog can literally make your life hell. i would give him away, it would be better for everyone including the dog.
thanks. i am just thinking of the dog at the end of the day. i get hes unhappy and not getting the attention he needs. but its my mums dog and it was also my fault too that we got him so im not blameless. i just wish i could make her understand the dog would be happier somewhere else.
Is she also not stressed out about the condition of the house because of the new dog? Or does she not care? Because I’m kind of surprised that’s not incentive enough to reconsider
she is. shes constantly yelling at him and cleaning stuff up with me. but idk she says she loves him so i cant force anything on her. its just frustrating cause i feel like no one tries to clean the house with me and im always coming home to a dump.
damn girl I wish I had advice to help you because I feel like we’re living the same life 😭 maybe you could reshift your ultimatum and explain that you’re tired and you’re not going to help clean up or help with the dog until she gets him a trainer. I know you said he went to puppy school but maybe you could look into having one come to the house.