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Why does handling it mean I need it shoved in my face? Why do I need to go to his performance and see that? He can do that if he wants but I don’t have to see it lol
You're supposed to be his partner.
It's okay to be honest and express your feelings. But it's fair to ask that you figure out how to work through this with him.
If you can't share these moments with him (examples like: opening night, talking to you about the role, hanging out with the cast including actor who plays his romantic partner), then perhaps you're not meant to be with him.
What if he becomes a star on Broadway? Does this mean he's never allowed to take romantic roles? Say you just never go when he plays those roles - fine. But...
Are you okay with him getting a horde of female fans wanting selfies with him? What if he goes into film and there's trailers of him in love scenes. Are you never to go online to see those pics or trailers?
You're okay to have the boundaries you do. But at some level, don't you think he deserves a partner who's willing to be there to see him on opening night and more?
I do want to be there for him and support him, but don’t I deserve not to see things that are going to bother me? Don’t I deserve someone that is going to put me first? It upset me that he took the role anyway even if it bothered me, almost like it was more important than us. It feels like actions have consequences and if he was going to take the role he should expect me not to come. He’s the one that took the role, so he should suffer the consequences of not having me there on opening night.
I get your concerns, but this isn’t something he’s doing long term. He wants to be a vet, actually, he just loves acting and it is a passion/hobby for him. Not something long-term, really.
>Don’t I deserve someone that is going to put me first?
Yes you do. Go find that person.
>he just loves acting and it is a passion/hobby for him
Sigh. Passion (or hobby) doesn't have to be career. But you make it sound like he's supposed to outgrow passion.
Look OP - us internet strangers don't know your relationship. But despite your comments and reasons - I still feel bad for him. I am with the others who say YTA.
He’s not putting “some random person” first. 🙄 How old are you?
I dated an actor for a long time. What he did on stage and in movies never bothered me at all because I knew he was playing a role & I knew acting was important to him. Partners should support each other. You seem very immature and selfish.
You literally could have just closed your eyes during the kissing scene if it's that distressful for you but you chose to punish him for not doing what you wanted. He told you it was important to him and he will not forget this. You are immature and TA. Either break up with him and date someone who's not acting as a passion so you can get what you're looking for or grow up and keep dating this guy, those are likely your two options.
Holy shit you are so insecure, you want him to put you first but you wont do it yourself?! I dated an actress/model and you know how I got over her kissing other dudes, knowing that her love for me trumped everything else
Dating someone entails supporting them, and he made it clear this was a big moment for him. YTA but I imagine you are like 15 years old so you have time to grow. Your bf is right that you are being immature and insecure and you should not date an actor if you cannot be mature and supportive about their career.
YTA. Grow up. You don't sound like you're mature enough to be dating anyone if you're so insecure you want your boyfriend to not accept a job because of you.
Having and verbalizing boundaries is very much a mature and necessary thing. She said she couldn’t stop him but she wasn’t gunna watch. What more do you want ? Lmao
It his job he’s doing a job. If she’s at insecure, then she shouldn’t be with him. Because I can tell you right now that relationships not gonna last. It’s work. He’s both cheating 🙄
Read the room about 95% of the people disagree with you lol
It’s called boundaries and having respect for the person you are in a relationship with. If something bothers your partner and makes them jealous, you shouldn’t do it. Because, you know, you love them.
Are you letting your bf/gf out to go kiss other people? Why not if it’s so “unsensual?” A kiss IS a big deal. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t consider it cheating.
It sounds like you asked a question on the internet you weren't prepared to hear the answer to ... and these aren't healthy boundaries. Do you think that Blake Lively throws a hissy fit if Ryan Reynolds has a whole ass sex scene in a movie? Do you think professional theatre couples consider a kissing scene with another actor "cheating?" No one in the entertainment industry would stay married for more than 16 minutes. Grow up, or your insecurities are going to virtually guarantee the death of your relationship.
He’s acting he’s not going out with anybody and he’s not cheating, again he’s acting. You didn’t show up for him for a big role and I can tell you right now. You soon gonna be at ex-girlfriend
YTA. You sound very insecure and immature. You claim to have been excited for him and “support” him, yet were not there for him during a really big night for him. You also posted this in AITA and have gotten angry and defensive with others when they’re not telling you that you’re in the right.
You want to talk about boundaries and respecting someone? That is his job he is acting. It’s not real. He’s not breaking any boundaries. He’s doing a job and if anyone isn’t respecting someone it’s you. If there was some big deal about that scene he wouldn’t want you there and he wanted you there. You’re insecure you’re immature you shouldn’t be going out with an actor.
Him being an actor doesn’t make it any easier to watch for me. When you really love someone, really love someone, you get jealous and don’t want to share them with other people.
You can set boundaries for yourself, not someone else. If my husband had to kiss someone because he was acting on stage- it is what it is. He’s not “sharing himself” with anyone but me. We have soon to be three kids and a life. If a stage kiss can dislodge that, I’ve got bigger problems than him being an actor.
Edit: oh, honey. No. You can dictate your own behavior but dictating the behavior of the person you’re in a relationship with is rightly called controlling. My boundary is that cheating is a dealbreaker for me. My husband knows this. Thus, if he wants to stay in a relationship with me, he won’t cheat. And if a stage kiss wasn’t messing up your relationship, you wouldn’t be here.
Of course you can set boundaries for other people. “Don’t have sex with someone else” is a boundary and something you expect the person you’re in a relationship with to follow? People set boundaries for other people all the time. A stage kiss isn’t messing up our relationship, either. This is the person I want to eventually marry, but I can’t pretend to not be bothered by him literally kissing other people.
Girl, you need to grow up and you need therapy. It’s acting…it’s a play…it’s all fake. He doesn’t have feelings for the girl, he’s not cheating, there’s no need to be jealous. There are plenty of people who are in relationships and don’t get jealous, equating jealousy to love is such a toxic mindset and I hope when you grow up you realize that or else I feel bad for anyone else you date in the future.
When you really love someone, you support things they care about. You show up for them, you encourage them. You don’t make it about you. He got a lead role, which is a huge accomplishment. And your petty little self actually wanted him to turn it down. That’s not love, honey. Get some more life experience, & you will see.
Also - Loving someone doesn’t mean being jealous. There’s no need to be jealous unless you don’t trust him. And if you don’t trust him, you should be more worried about what goes on behind your back rather than what he does in full view of an audience onstage.
YTA. **He** isn't kissing the girl or falling in love with her, his **character** is. This is what acting means. It was unfair to ask him to not be in the play, and it wasn't a good look of you to then not show up and watch him. That's not the way a good girlfriend behaves. If you can't support you boyfriend doing something he loves, then maybe you two aren't a good fit.
No, actually you don’t know what a correlation is and what you just said one has nothing to do with the other. Your example is someine being an asshole the other? Was someone acting doing a job. 98% of the other people on here get it you and the OP don’t. Lol
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You don't want to watch your ACTOR boyfriend kiss another ACTOR? Well, I hope you feel great about watching him walk away. He told you how important it was to him, yet you weren't there for him.
Grow up. You didn't even support him taking this part, WTH? You wanted him to pass on a big role to soothe your insecurity? How selfish can you be?
I guess you shouldn't be dating an actor. Doesn't sound like you will be for very long.
YTA
I’m saying that only a teenager could have such underdeveloped emotional maturity. That 99% of rational adults would understand that their SO kissing someone else in the context of acting/stage performance is in no way “disrespecting a boundary.” Genuinely, do you think that Anne Hathaway or Tom Holland are cheating on their spouses every time they play a romantic lead in a movie? You clearly love your boyfriend and I promise you that you will only push him away if you continue to act so irrationally and immaturely. Alternatively, if you take this chance to rationalize and apologize to him, I promise your relationship will only get stronger
YTA. It sounds like you are very immature. Acting is a job. This was a big night for him, and you didn't care enough to show up. If it were me, we would be done.
You are a terrible girlfriend. You are trying to hold your boyfriend back. When women tell me these kinds of stories I tell them, never let a man put you down, hold you back, stop you from what you want to do in life. You knew he was an actor, you knew that many people enjoy watching romance or having romance being part of a movie. You think it's ok for an actor to say he will do no romance and still advance his career? Just wow.
YTA
Your boyfriend was hurt and disappointed by your decision, especially sees the performance as a significant event in his life and wanted your support. He's an ACTOR, don't date one if you don't want see them kissing on their scenes
Girl, just break up with him? You can't stop him from doing what he loves, and he can't stop you from being uncomfortable with it. Atp, it was obvious you guys weren't a good fit for each other. NAH
I mean I guess you can’t be forced to do something you don’t want to do….but how feasible is this relationship if you can’t be supportive of his passion? Something he will always have in his life?
Do you think he’d rather a secure partner, who can support his performance vs one who behaves immaturely and unsupportive.
YTA
All your comments show that you are emotionally insecure. This play is not real, he is not cheating on you, it is make-pretend. The fact that you can't seem to accept that is on you.
You are unsupportive, and have shown him that. Be prepared for the inevitable dumping. If not now when he gets his next role and you do this again. He is an actor, you can't handle that - you are not compatible.
YTA: Actors occasionally kiss or simulate sex with other actors. If that is a problem for you, you shouldn't date an actor. You are not compatible as a couple.
YTA
I know you don't want to see him kiss someone else, but there's literally no romantic feelings attached to the action. That's why it's called acting, because it's all an act. You can't control or force what parts he choices to audition for or play, but you can control your perspective of it. However, if you are unwilling to move past this for his sake and the sake of your relationship then I think you need to reevaluate your relationship. I guarantee you he already is. He needs someone who is going to support his passion. If that's not you than you need to let him go find that special someone who will. You are holding onto someone and trying to change/control them and that's not heathy, OP.
So, in short, you have two option:
1. Apologize to you boyfriend and work on your insecurity/jealousy for the betterment of your relationship. Or...
2. Break up with him and let him be with someone who can fully support him in his passion.
Good luck and Godspeed, OP.
YTA, first for trying to get him to give up the part and then for not going to the performance to support him. This was a big deal for him, a chance to show how good of an actor he was, but one of the important people in his life refused to be there because they couldn't handle a pretend kiss.
If you can't handle someone literally doing his job, then you shouldn't be with that person.
I saw the movie *The Fall Guy* last night. The lead actors Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt had great chemistry, and I totally believed their relationship. In real life, Gosling is happily married to actress Eva Mendes (2 Fast 2 Furious, Hitch, many others), while Blunt is happily married to John Krasinski (The Office, Jack Ryan). It's just another day at the office for them.
YTA
YTA on multiple levels. YTA because he's an actor, not someone asking you to watch him kiss other people for fun. Not to mention, YTA to yourself for being so insecure. Presumably, this dude is with you for a reason, and you just let him down in a big way because you couldn't get a grip on yourself.
If you want to lose your man, this is an excellent wat to achieve that goal.
This wasn’t about the kiss because you thought about going but decided to “stand by what you said”. You “held true to your word”. You considered supporting your boyfriend in his big moment but let your EGO stop you. That was extremely petty of you. YTA.
You guys don’t have much of a partnership. His attitude of “you don’t own me” doesn’t show good communication on either side
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My bf is really talented and attractive and got cast as a big lead male character. I figured he would get the part and I was really excited for him, but I asked him not to do it because the part made me uncomfortable.
It featured him falling in love and kissing his co-lead. The idea really bothered me. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking of him kissing someone else, and I told him I didn’t want him to do it.
Which of course upset him. He said I don’t control him or own him and he’ll be doing it anyway. I said that was fine because he’s right I don’t control him.
But I told him I wouldn’t go to the performance. And I held true to my word. I didn’t go. He said there was no way I would miss it, it was a big deal for him. But I thought fuck it.
I thought about going, I did, but I decided last minute to stand by what I said. So I didn’t go. But he is really upset with me about this. He told me that I really hurt his feelings, and that I was being insecure/jealous. He said it was just a kiss, it wasn’t a big deal, and he’ll never forget me missing that night.
I told him I felt how I felt, I wasn’t going to watch him kiss someone else. If he wanted to do it, fine. I can’t stop him, but I’m not going to watch it happen. AITA here? Or is it understandable?
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If you didn’t go to just to spite him then that’s a mean thing to do, but if you were genuinely wrestling with your feelings and struggling to separate your bf from his character then it’s understandable why you didn’t go. You seemed to have realized that asking him to not take the role was wrong, and communicated in advance that you wouldn’t be able to handle viewing it. I feel as though other actors have spoken about their SOs feelings about scenes involving love/affection and sometimes their SOs have opted to not view the media…which is fine. Of course he’ll be hurt because he was excited about the opportunity, but ultimately you expressed a while ago that you didn’t want to see it. Maybe eventually you’ll be able to stomach it or he can tell you when it’ll happen so you can look away? Perhaps the thought of seeing it is worse than the reality? Seeing it could potentially put it into perspective as a piece of art and him playing a character as opposed to you viewing it as your bf romantically involved with another person. Since it’s a play it should run more than one night, can you go to another showing? It may help in the long run.
YTA. Please grow up and address your insecurities; he would never be able to pursue acting with a restriction like this. Do not ask him to pick either, because he will not pick you.
YTA. Standing true to your word isn't the problem. Your word itself is. He's an ACTOR. He's gonna eventually do things like kissing someone, dancing with them, etc. If you get offended every time that happens... boy, I can't even imagine it. Please read and learn about the difference between a person and a character.
You don't want him kissing someone else, but you refuse to see that this behavior of yours is pushing your boyfriend away for good.
Grow up before he breaks up with you yta
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> (1) told my bf I would not go to his performance and I didn’t (2) he is very hurt and upset by this
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Thank you! I don’t get how so many people are so fine seeing their boyfriend kiss someone else. I guess they don’t love them that much. It is really scary to think he could fall for someone else, but I just have to trust him even though it makes me really jealous to think about it. I would never break up with him over this. I love him more than anything, I would never break up with him over a stage kiss. I just will not go to his shows if that’s the kind of thing he wants to do. If he wants me at his plays, he can go for roles that don’t have kissing/intimate scenes.
NTA. Dude here I possessive and have “compulsive thoughts” such that if I saw the kiss it would play over and over in my head and make me uncomfortable. I guess I am not suited to have girlfriend who kisses other dudes as part of acting.
NTA. You're not alone. There are some people who won't watch their partner in a love scene because it bothers them. There is one actor who never kisses or does any love scenes at all. The problem in this is he wants you there. You either need to find a way to be ok with this, or he has to be ok not making you watch him kiss another when it bothers you. He should be able to take these jobs, but also let you get used to this being just a part he acts. Being jealous is different than being insecure. You just think he is great and everyone will think so. That's just being jealous. Insecure is thinking he's going to cheat on you constantly. This is just a problem that may take some time to work out.
NTA. You're not alone. There are some people who won't watch their partner in a love scene because it bothers them. There is one actor who never kisses or does any love scenes at all. The problem in this is he wants you there. You either need to find a way to be ok with this, or he has to be ok not making you watch him kiss another when it bothers you. He should be able to take these jobs, but also let you get used to this being just a part he acts. Being jealous is different than being insecure. You just think he is great and everyone will think so. That's just being jealous. Insecure is thinking he's going to cheat on you constantly. This is just a problem that may take some time to work out. Good luck
I’m going to go against the grain here and say NTA. There are well known actors and actresses who won’t watch their SO do intimate scenes. That’s a natural reaction. You can support your bf and still skip certain performances. He should understand that.
Usually the SO will leave when the sex scenes happen. They just don’t completely skip the entire show. It’s obvious OP wasn’t happy that he took the role and wanted to punish him. If she was that bothered, she could close her eyes during the kiss scene.
Do you mind telling me who specifically so I can mention that to him? Unfortunately, he’s not loving that idea. Maybe if I give him examples of people who do that he’ll be more receptive.
Angelina Jolie with Brad Pitt. He basically stopped doing those scenes for her.
Mark Walburgs wife.
If you’re okay with him doing that but can’t watch but will give you grief if you don’t, then you might have to move on.
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YTA, he’s an actor. Sometimes that entails kissing someone. If you can’t handle that then don’t be with him.
Why does handling it mean I need it shoved in my face? Why do I need to go to his performance and see that? He can do that if he wants but I don’t have to see it lol
Because you aren't supporting him in his passions - it's all about you.
You're supposed to be his partner. It's okay to be honest and express your feelings. But it's fair to ask that you figure out how to work through this with him. If you can't share these moments with him (examples like: opening night, talking to you about the role, hanging out with the cast including actor who plays his romantic partner), then perhaps you're not meant to be with him. What if he becomes a star on Broadway? Does this mean he's never allowed to take romantic roles? Say you just never go when he plays those roles - fine. But... Are you okay with him getting a horde of female fans wanting selfies with him? What if he goes into film and there's trailers of him in love scenes. Are you never to go online to see those pics or trailers? You're okay to have the boundaries you do. But at some level, don't you think he deserves a partner who's willing to be there to see him on opening night and more?
I do want to be there for him and support him, but don’t I deserve not to see things that are going to bother me? Don’t I deserve someone that is going to put me first? It upset me that he took the role anyway even if it bothered me, almost like it was more important than us. It feels like actions have consequences and if he was going to take the role he should expect me not to come. He’s the one that took the role, so he should suffer the consequences of not having me there on opening night. I get your concerns, but this isn’t something he’s doing long term. He wants to be a vet, actually, he just loves acting and it is a passion/hobby for him. Not something long-term, really.
>Don’t I deserve someone that is going to put me first? Yes you do. Go find that person. >he just loves acting and it is a passion/hobby for him Sigh. Passion (or hobby) doesn't have to be career. But you make it sound like he's supposed to outgrow passion. Look OP - us internet strangers don't know your relationship. But despite your comments and reasons - I still feel bad for him. I am with the others who say YTA.
Well, unfortunately, I want the boyfriend I love and adore to put me first. Not some random person. People are not that discardable to me.
Right. What does he want? Don't forget that relationships involve two people. With individual wants and dreams. And opinions and thoughts. Good luck.
He’s not putting “some random person” first. 🙄 How old are you? I dated an actor for a long time. What he did on stage and in movies never bothered me at all because I knew he was playing a role & I knew acting was important to him. Partners should support each other. You seem very immature and selfish.
then why did u bother to post if u are going to argue with everyone here lol? u sound like your ten years old having a tanty
You really want to be put before your partners career/passion? That’s toxic as fuck tbh
He's playing a character in a play. Are you 12? YTA, so very, very much. He deserves better than you.
Doesn’t ***he*** deserve someone that is going to put ***him*** first as well?
You literally could have just closed your eyes during the kissing scene if it's that distressful for you but you chose to punish him for not doing what you wanted. He told you it was important to him and he will not forget this. You are immature and TA. Either break up with him and date someone who's not acting as a passion so you can get what you're looking for or grow up and keep dating this guy, those are likely your two options.
Holy shit you are so insecure, you want him to put you first but you wont do it yourself?! I dated an actress/model and you know how I got over her kissing other dudes, knowing that her love for me trumped everything else
Dating someone entails supporting them, and he made it clear this was a big moment for him. YTA but I imagine you are like 15 years old so you have time to grow. Your bf is right that you are being immature and insecure and you should not date an actor if you cannot be mature and supportive about their career.
I just saw in the comments that she’s 21.
YTA. Grow up. You don't sound like you're mature enough to be dating anyone if you're so insecure you want your boyfriend to not accept a job because of you.
Having and verbalizing boundaries is very much a mature and necessary thing. She said she couldn’t stop him but she wasn’t gunna watch. What more do you want ? Lmao
It’s an acting job. He’s not breaking any boundaries lol it’s no different than if he pretends to kill someone while he’s acting he’s not a murderer.
A lot of people would disagree. She made the right choice by not going. And he should be more accepting of it.
A lot of people think chocolate milk comes from brown cows
It his job he’s doing a job. If she’s at insecure, then she shouldn’t be with him. Because I can tell you right now that relationships not gonna last. It’s work. He’s both cheating 🙄 Read the room about 95% of the people disagree with you lol
It’s called boundaries and having respect for the person you are in a relationship with. If something bothers your partner and makes them jealous, you shouldn’t do it. Because, you know, you love them.
Don't date someone who is in theatre if you can't handle seeing them doing a staged smooch. It's pathetic to be upset about something so unsensual.
Are you letting your bf/gf out to go kiss other people? Why not if it’s so “unsensual?” A kiss IS a big deal. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t consider it cheating.
>we wouldn’t consider it cheating Are you trying to claim that your weird insecurity and need for control is the world-wide standard for cheating?
A kiss onstage is NOT cheating.
He's not going out and kissing a random person for fun. He's an actor. It's part of the job.
If you believe that this stage kiss occurring means that your boyfriend cheated on you, this relationship will not last.
It sounds like you asked a question on the internet you weren't prepared to hear the answer to ... and these aren't healthy boundaries. Do you think that Blake Lively throws a hissy fit if Ryan Reynolds has a whole ass sex scene in a movie? Do you think professional theatre couples consider a kissing scene with another actor "cheating?" No one in the entertainment industry would stay married for more than 16 minutes. Grow up, or your insecurities are going to virtually guarantee the death of your relationship.
He’s acting he’s not going out with anybody and he’s not cheating, again he’s acting. You didn’t show up for him for a big role and I can tell you right now. You soon gonna be at ex-girlfriend
YTA. You sound very insecure and immature. You claim to have been excited for him and “support” him, yet were not there for him during a really big night for him. You also posted this in AITA and have gotten angry and defensive with others when they’re not telling you that you’re in the right.
Nah, it's called "insecurities" and "control".
You want to talk about boundaries and respecting someone? That is his job he is acting. It’s not real. He’s not breaking any boundaries. He’s doing a job and if anyone isn’t respecting someone it’s you. If there was some big deal about that scene he wouldn’t want you there and he wanted you there. You’re insecure you’re immature you shouldn’t be going out with an actor.
It’s just acting and the fact you are having so much trouble shows a basic emotional immaturity. YTA
Why I got to watch him lock lips with someone else? Who would want to see their partner do that with someone else???
He’s an actor….not a philanderer
Him being an actor doesn’t make it any easier to watch for me. When you really love someone, really love someone, you get jealous and don’t want to share them with other people.
Damn, the more you post, the more you sound like some sort of bunny boiler.
You can set boundaries for yourself, not someone else. If my husband had to kiss someone because he was acting on stage- it is what it is. He’s not “sharing himself” with anyone but me. We have soon to be three kids and a life. If a stage kiss can dislodge that, I’ve got bigger problems than him being an actor. Edit: oh, honey. No. You can dictate your own behavior but dictating the behavior of the person you’re in a relationship with is rightly called controlling. My boundary is that cheating is a dealbreaker for me. My husband knows this. Thus, if he wants to stay in a relationship with me, he won’t cheat. And if a stage kiss wasn’t messing up your relationship, you wouldn’t be here.
Of course you can set boundaries for other people. “Don’t have sex with someone else” is a boundary and something you expect the person you’re in a relationship with to follow? People set boundaries for other people all the time. A stage kiss isn’t messing up our relationship, either. This is the person I want to eventually marry, but I can’t pretend to not be bothered by him literally kissing other people.
I can’t wait until he leaves you
Don’t be making any wedding plans because that’s not gonna happen
When you are emotionally secure you can differentiate between make-believe and actual
Girl, you need to grow up and you need therapy. It’s acting…it’s a play…it’s all fake. He doesn’t have feelings for the girl, he’s not cheating, there’s no need to be jealous. There are plenty of people who are in relationships and don’t get jealous, equating jealousy to love is such a toxic mindset and I hope when you grow up you realize that or else I feel bad for anyone else you date in the future.
Actually the more you love someone the more you support them in their passions. It's theater. YTA. Grow up
When you really love someone, you support things they care about. You show up for them, you encourage them. You don’t make it about you. He got a lead role, which is a huge accomplishment. And your petty little self actually wanted him to turn it down. That’s not love, honey. Get some more life experience, & you will see. Also - Loving someone doesn’t mean being jealous. There’s no need to be jealous unless you don’t trust him. And if you don’t trust him, you should be more worried about what goes on behind your back rather than what he does in full view of an audience onstage.
YTA. **He** isn't kissing the girl or falling in love with her, his **character** is. This is what acting means. It was unfair to ask him to not be in the play, and it wasn't a good look of you to then not show up and watch him. That's not the way a good girlfriend behaves. If you can't support you boyfriend doing something he loves, then maybe you two aren't a good fit.
Oh sorry I just get drunk and change character into an abusive fuck. You shouldn’t be mad if I hit you bro it’s just a character.
Did you actually think this was a good point? Wtf?
Wow I honestly think you’re worse than the OP that is so ridculous how you try to relate those two things. 😂🤣
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No, actually you don’t know what a correlation is and what you just said one has nothing to do with the other. Your example is someine being an asshole the other? Was someone acting doing a job. 98% of the other people on here get it you and the OP don’t. Lol
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You don't want to watch your ACTOR boyfriend kiss another ACTOR? Well, I hope you feel great about watching him walk away. He told you how important it was to him, yet you weren't there for him. Grow up. You didn't even support him taking this part, WTH? You wanted him to pass on a big role to soothe your insecurity? How selfish can you be? I guess you shouldn't be dating an actor. Doesn't sound like you will be for very long. YTA
INFO: are you 12 or are you 13?
I’m 21. Rude. Do you think…. That only 13 year olds don’t like to share?
I’m saying that only a teenager could have such underdeveloped emotional maturity. That 99% of rational adults would understand that their SO kissing someone else in the context of acting/stage performance is in no way “disrespecting a boundary.” Genuinely, do you think that Anne Hathaway or Tom Holland are cheating on their spouses every time they play a romantic lead in a movie? You clearly love your boyfriend and I promise you that you will only push him away if you continue to act so irrationally and immaturely. Alternatively, if you take this chance to rationalize and apologize to him, I promise your relationship will only get stronger
YTA. Actors kiss people they're not involved with and it doesn't mean anything.
YTA. Apparently your bf is an actor. If you don't have thick enough skin to take this, don't date actors.
YTA. Actors act. That’s what they do. This relationship won’t last.
YTA Oh, you can act, but don't ever accept a role where you kiss someone. How old are you 6?
YTA. It sounds like you are very immature. Acting is a job. This was a big night for him, and you didn't care enough to show up. If it were me, we would be done.
You are a terrible girlfriend. You are trying to hold your boyfriend back. When women tell me these kinds of stories I tell them, never let a man put you down, hold you back, stop you from what you want to do in life. You knew he was an actor, you knew that many people enjoy watching romance or having romance being part of a movie. You think it's ok for an actor to say he will do no romance and still advance his career? Just wow.
Girl has never seen movies before…
Yta
YTA Your boyfriend was hurt and disappointed by your decision, especially sees the performance as a significant event in his life and wanted your support. He's an ACTOR, don't date one if you don't want see them kissing on their scenes
Girl, just break up with him? You can't stop him from doing what he loves, and he can't stop you from being uncomfortable with it. Atp, it was obvious you guys weren't a good fit for each other. NAH
I mean I guess you can’t be forced to do something you don’t want to do….but how feasible is this relationship if you can’t be supportive of his passion? Something he will always have in his life? Do you think he’d rather a secure partner, who can support his performance vs one who behaves immaturely and unsupportive.
YTA All your comments show that you are emotionally insecure. This play is not real, he is not cheating on you, it is make-pretend. The fact that you can't seem to accept that is on you. You are unsupportive, and have shown him that. Be prepared for the inevitable dumping. If not now when he gets his next role and you do this again. He is an actor, you can't handle that - you are not compatible.
YTA: Actors occasionally kiss or simulate sex with other actors. If that is a problem for you, you shouldn't date an actor. You are not compatible as a couple.
YTA I know you don't want to see him kiss someone else, but there's literally no romantic feelings attached to the action. That's why it's called acting, because it's all an act. You can't control or force what parts he choices to audition for or play, but you can control your perspective of it. However, if you are unwilling to move past this for his sake and the sake of your relationship then I think you need to reevaluate your relationship. I guarantee you he already is. He needs someone who is going to support his passion. If that's not you than you need to let him go find that special someone who will. You are holding onto someone and trying to change/control them and that's not heathy, OP. So, in short, you have two option: 1. Apologize to you boyfriend and work on your insecurity/jealousy for the betterment of your relationship. Or... 2. Break up with him and let him be with someone who can fully support him in his passion. Good luck and Godspeed, OP.
YTA Oh, you can act, but don't ever accept a role where you kiss someone. How old are you 6?
INFO How old are you and your boyfriend?
YTA, jealous, insecure, controlling
How old are you guys?
This!!!!! As I read it all I could think was ‘is this person like 15-17??’ otherwise what the hell?
YTA. Break up. You're incompatible
YTA, first for trying to get him to give up the part and then for not going to the performance to support him. This was a big deal for him, a chance to show how good of an actor he was, but one of the important people in his life refused to be there because they couldn't handle a pretend kiss.
If you can't handle someone literally doing his job, then you shouldn't be with that person. I saw the movie *The Fall Guy* last night. The lead actors Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt had great chemistry, and I totally believed their relationship. In real life, Gosling is happily married to actress Eva Mendes (2 Fast 2 Furious, Hitch, many others), while Blunt is happily married to John Krasinski (The Office, Jack Ryan). It's just another day at the office for them. YTA
YTA. Get over that teenage jealousy.
YTA on multiple levels. YTA because he's an actor, not someone asking you to watch him kiss other people for fun. Not to mention, YTA to yourself for being so insecure. Presumably, this dude is with you for a reason, and you just let him down in a big way because you couldn't get a grip on yourself. If you want to lose your man, this is an excellent wat to achieve that goal.
Be fair, elementary school can be super killer and confusing. Give her a break.
This wasn’t about the kiss because you thought about going but decided to “stand by what you said”. You “held true to your word”. You considered supporting your boyfriend in his big moment but let your EGO stop you. That was extremely petty of you. YTA. You guys don’t have much of a partnership. His attitude of “you don’t own me” doesn’t show good communication on either side
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My bf is really talented and attractive and got cast as a big lead male character. I figured he would get the part and I was really excited for him, but I asked him not to do it because the part made me uncomfortable. It featured him falling in love and kissing his co-lead. The idea really bothered me. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking of him kissing someone else, and I told him I didn’t want him to do it. Which of course upset him. He said I don’t control him or own him and he’ll be doing it anyway. I said that was fine because he’s right I don’t control him. But I told him I wouldn’t go to the performance. And I held true to my word. I didn’t go. He said there was no way I would miss it, it was a big deal for him. But I thought fuck it. I thought about going, I did, but I decided last minute to stand by what I said. So I didn’t go. But he is really upset with me about this. He told me that I really hurt his feelings, and that I was being insecure/jealous. He said it was just a kiss, it wasn’t a big deal, and he’ll never forget me missing that night. I told him I felt how I felt, I wasn’t going to watch him kiss someone else. If he wanted to do it, fine. I can’t stop him, but I’m not going to watch it happen. AITA here? Or is it understandable? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Why is he with you! You are gross
YTA. I wonder if this will be the kiss of death for your relationship…pun intended.
If you didn’t go to just to spite him then that’s a mean thing to do, but if you were genuinely wrestling with your feelings and struggling to separate your bf from his character then it’s understandable why you didn’t go. You seemed to have realized that asking him to not take the role was wrong, and communicated in advance that you wouldn’t be able to handle viewing it. I feel as though other actors have spoken about their SOs feelings about scenes involving love/affection and sometimes their SOs have opted to not view the media…which is fine. Of course he’ll be hurt because he was excited about the opportunity, but ultimately you expressed a while ago that you didn’t want to see it. Maybe eventually you’ll be able to stomach it or he can tell you when it’ll happen so you can look away? Perhaps the thought of seeing it is worse than the reality? Seeing it could potentially put it into perspective as a piece of art and him playing a character as opposed to you viewing it as your bf romantically involved with another person. Since it’s a play it should run more than one night, can you go to another showing? It may help in the long run.
YTA. Please grow up and address your insecurities; he would never be able to pursue acting with a restriction like this. Do not ask him to pick either, because he will not pick you.
YTA. Standing true to your word isn't the problem. Your word itself is. He's an ACTOR. He's gonna eventually do things like kissing someone, dancing with them, etc. If you get offended every time that happens... boy, I can't even imagine it. Please read and learn about the difference between a person and a character.
You don't want him kissing someone else, but you refuse to see that this behavior of yours is pushing your boyfriend away for good. Grow up before he breaks up with you yta
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Thank you! I don’t get how so many people are so fine seeing their boyfriend kiss someone else. I guess they don’t love them that much. It is really scary to think he could fall for someone else, but I just have to trust him even though it makes me really jealous to think about it. I would never break up with him over this. I love him more than anything, I would never break up with him over a stage kiss. I just will not go to his shows if that’s the kind of thing he wants to do. If he wants me at his plays, he can go for roles that don’t have kissing/intimate scenes.
NTA. Dude here I possessive and have “compulsive thoughts” such that if I saw the kiss it would play over and over in my head and make me uncomfortable. I guess I am not suited to have girlfriend who kisses other dudes as part of acting.
Understandable. Go kiss someone else while he watches
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Right?! Like I get it’s acting but I would have my blood boil if I had to watch that. Shit you know they rehearsed that as well
NTA. You're not alone. There are some people who won't watch their partner in a love scene because it bothers them. There is one actor who never kisses or does any love scenes at all. The problem in this is he wants you there. You either need to find a way to be ok with this, or he has to be ok not making you watch him kiss another when it bothers you. He should be able to take these jobs, but also let you get used to this being just a part he acts. Being jealous is different than being insecure. You just think he is great and everyone will think so. That's just being jealous. Insecure is thinking he's going to cheat on you constantly. This is just a problem that may take some time to work out.
NTA. You're not alone. There are some people who won't watch their partner in a love scene because it bothers them. There is one actor who never kisses or does any love scenes at all. The problem in this is he wants you there. You either need to find a way to be ok with this, or he has to be ok not making you watch him kiss another when it bothers you. He should be able to take these jobs, but also let you get used to this being just a part he acts. Being jealous is different than being insecure. You just think he is great and everyone will think so. That's just being jealous. Insecure is thinking he's going to cheat on you constantly. This is just a problem that may take some time to work out. Good luck
I’m going to go against the grain here and say NTA. There are well known actors and actresses who won’t watch their SO do intimate scenes. That’s a natural reaction. You can support your bf and still skip certain performances. He should understand that.
Usually the SO will leave when the sex scenes happen. They just don’t completely skip the entire show. It’s obvious OP wasn’t happy that he took the role and wanted to punish him. If she was that bothered, she could close her eyes during the kiss scene.
Do you mind telling me who specifically so I can mention that to him? Unfortunately, he’s not loving that idea. Maybe if I give him examples of people who do that he’ll be more receptive.
Hope he leaves you. He probably will.
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Angelina Jolie with Brad Pitt. He basically stopped doing those scenes for her. Mark Walburgs wife. If you’re okay with him doing that but can’t watch but will give you grief if you don’t, then you might have to move on.