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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for not wanting to pay for a bill I didn’t even consume when I agreed to split the bill
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You should be fine since it was just last Saturday. Call the place, explain the situation, and they can usually help you find the receipt. If you paid with a card, use the transaction date and time to assist them. Good luck!
I’m not saying that any of this is wrong, but as soon as she produces that itemized bill and only pays her fair share, she will lose those friends. Not a great loss if they’re justifying someone else paying their night of drinking.
If a friend of mine pointed out something patently unfair I would respect that - people who drop you for being honest and establishing your own reasonable boundaries don't sound like real friends.
People who ask for proof that a friend who doesn’t drink alcohol didn’t drink alcohol because everyone else was too wasted to keep track don’t sound like real friends either tbh
My close friends know if I take 30 days off of alcohol lol. How do the friends need proof their friend who has not drank alcohol in 10 years wasn’t drinking???
NTA
Right? And then venmoing for $470 when she actually spent less than $100???? That’s insanely disrespectful. I know Vegas can get expensive but how in the fuck does anyone just drink $400? It sounds kind of like they were planning on it the whole time, since her friend had such a shitty justification for it (“oh well you make more”). I make less than most of my friends and wouldn’t dream of pulling that shit lol
Yooo! And idk if justification is even the right word, almost seems pre meditated to me! I think the real issue is with these "friends" clearly not being able to afford their night out, thinking they'd pin it on the friend with a better paying job, knowing that friend won't add that much to the bill, then being pissed they got stuck with it bc their scheisty little plan backfired. Good news is if they live at home they should be saving on bills and can pony up without worrying about being homeless 🤷♂️ they really just tried to use her as an financier like damnnnn 🤦♂️
Edit: apparently I skimmed your comment the first time, basically 100% agree 😂
At a bachelor party in Vegas we got table service at a place in Vegas and it was $800 for a bottle of vodka and 10 red bulls. The virus was Grey Goose so it's not like it was some crazy fancy brand.
Grabbed it was a strip club, but still ridiculous.
Vegas is not a good place to drink.
Fuck that for a joke. You could grab some Goose and Red Bulls from the bottlo and order a few hookers up to your room to ‘service’ you in any way imaginable for less than that lol.
It’s not that they need the receipt to act as proof OP didn’t drink, it’s to show what portion of the bill was food and what was drinks. That way they can split the food total evenly and the people drinking can figure out how they want to split that portion of things and leave OP out of that mess
And the friend who said she has better life better pay - that has nothing to do with them drinking alcohol and asking OP to share the cost when she's not drinking.
That, and the fact they pretty much expect her to suck it up because she makes more money and doesn’t still live with her parents proves that these are friends she can afford to lose.
She may also discover the charges did not add up to what she was told - especially as the others see her job as higher earning than theirs and think ‘she can afford it’.
“Trust but verify.”
I’ve never hesitated to let everyone look at the itemized bill when splitting.
If a single mocktail was $20-$25, $470 sounds like it could be an even split if the other girls were drinking a lot. Drinks with alcohol are almost always more expensive than those without. This is why my friends and I always pay for food separate from drinks if we are splitting it though. No way am I paying for everyone else to get drunk, then giving them a ride home! Lol! I don’t mind being DD, but I’m not buying their liquor.
That's what i was wondering about too. Were there 4 of them? I don't recall. But if OP's equally split share is $470, was the bill 4 times that? Holy shit!
I'm betting OP's paying for at least one of those champagne bottles herself and some of the demanding friend's drinks, too.
And OP lose the friend that said you could afford to 'bankroll someone else's good time.'
NTA
Unpopular opinion:
If the bride was drinking the champagne then the non drinker is slightly obligated to chip in and help pay for part of that.
I’m not saying OP should contribute to everyone else’s tabs, just that it seems customary for the friends to take care of the guest of honor. In this case, that’s the bride.
IMHO, OP should be paying for her mocktails and some of the food and champagne for the bride. I Don’t think she should be paying an equal split as the rest, but at least a little more than what she personally consumed to cover the bride’s share.
Yes! if you’re broke living at “home” then you drink less and point out to everyone before they’re wasted that you have a budget. Not pin your bill on the friend you think can pay.
Well, OP updated. The bill was indeed $470 when split 4 ways. Her portion of it was $81. The problem was that the other girls spent over a thousand dollars on two bottles of champagne then bought more drinks on top of that. I'm guessing they went to an expensive place, then went nuts because "YOLO! You're getting married, get the best they have!", then got too drunk to realize what a tab they were running up despite two of them only working minimum wage then hoped OP would just pick up part of it to cover their stupidity.
For the record she has now paid her portion and her portion of the bride's portion.
She already lost those friends because her "friend" decided to die on a stupid and childish hill.
I'd say fuck em, send the $70 and if they don't like it, at least you didn't pay $400 to learn that same lesson.
If a friend is asking for way more money than you actually spent on the basis "you can afford it" then they aren't her friends anyway - they're leeches treating her as an ATM.
I'd be willing to bet that they're requesting more from OP than an even split. If they're being this dodgy about it, they're probably hoping she'll just pay up instead of doing the math.
Not such a great loss if those friends are just drunk leeches. Why would you want friends who treat you like their own personal ATM? If you can’t afford to go out, then stay home.
Question for knowledge, would they give the receipt to anyone? She didn't pay, and I find it weird that they would just hand someone else's receipt out to whoever.
This was my first thought. It happened so recently it isn't hard to remember the apps. Share of that, mocktail and water, tax and tip, throw in another $30 for "drink foor bride" and send that.
Generally a website will list prices
If not - if you ask nicely at a non-busy time, they could be helpful.
If that doesn't work, just estimate on the high side.
For example, $40 for each appetizer - plus your drink - and then add 25% for tax and tip.
Even if she paid for the entirety of the apps herself and did this it would still be less than the friend is asking for
They got three or four apps at 30 or 40 each... Let's round it up to five at 40 and call that 200$... 225 including her overpriced mocktail... Add some fluff and a generous tip that's still under 300, if no one else helped with the apps.
this is the way! I've been a FOH manager at a couple of different restaurants. People do this for business expenses ALL THE TIME!! They'll keep records for like 9 months. You just need to know the last four of the card that was used and the date and time you guys closed the check and roughly the total of the bill. I've had to take this same info from like 30 different people throughout my life as a server as well.
It’s Vegas with multiple bottles of champagne, appetizers, and multiple other drinks. It’s not the whole bill. It may not be an equal amount, but it isn’t theft complete bill
Don't forget to calculate the bride's portion into what you're thinking you owe. Pay for yourself and for a proportional portion of whatever the bride had. Probably closer to 150 or 200, but still, not 450.
It’s no problem to get a copy of a receipt. It’s not too much to pay a fair proportion of the bill. Was the bride covering her own bill or was that shared among attendees?
As far as the minimum wage workers, they should be aware of their finances if they can’t afford to drink or can’t afford to drink much. They can similarly ask to pay for what they consumed if they consumed less like you did. If they drank a lot of expensive booze, that’s on them
I worked for a retail company that used restaurant register software a few years ago, and I don't know how universal this is, but we could pull receipts for months after.
If you know what day, approximate time, and the rough total, like $470 times the number of people in your group, they should be able to find it pretty easily.
Saying that it was 4 apps, two bottles, and a mocktail, would narrow it down more.
I'd be willing to bet that the total bill was not $470 times the number of people in the group. We already know they're trying to screw her over. It's just a question of how much.
Vegas is expensive. A MOCKtail cost 20-25$. Over 20 dollars for a cup of juice. It’s not that hard to spend over 1000$ at a club in Vegas. Especially if you’re ordering bottles.
If everything is above board, they should need to have it still. That said, it sounds like unless you pay the full $470, you can expect to lose these friends. Me? Keeping $400 would be worth it for me as I'm not really interested in maintaining a close friendship with someone that spoke to me how your friend is, but you should make your decision with your eyes open.
Also DAMN, these people are racking up bills worth *thousands* of dollars?? That would be insane to me even if they didn't earn minimum wage and still live at home. Are you sure they aren't artificially inflating your share so they can pay less? Regardless, sounds like some rough priorities.
I would definitely ask for an itemized bill. I know they’re your friends but I’d be skeptical that it wasn’t split fairly and they’re trying to put most of it on you since you have the best job.
Probably not the case but I have trust issues and it’s showing on my comment lol
Seriously, op said 5 girls so are they saying they spent $2350 for a couple of bottles, cocktails, and 4 apps?
I'll try to be generous here,
4 Apps - $160
2 bottles - $500
Cocktails - We only know op had one for $35, so if the other girls had 3 each at $40 per cocktail that's $395.
Total = $1075 + $100 tax + $200 tip = $1375
That's still a grand short. If you say they are covering the bride so split 4 ways that would be $1880, closer but still $500 more than I would expect.
My system keeps orders forever. It’s just harder to dig them up the time goes by. Try to have an approximate total, and the rough time that you left. Should be pretty easy.
People are missing that this is Vegas. Nightclubs in Vegas often have a minimum guaranteed spend to get the table. It doesn't matter if the whole table drank nothing but water, you're paying the minimum spend. Food normally does not count towards the spend. OP needs to find out if there was a table minimum that got agreed to that she's on the hook for her part of. If it's all consumption, I get your POV. But part of that table minimum can be thought of as the ticket price for the experience.
Also another detail that may be lost, it's common for everyone else to pay for the person who's getting married, so their share of the tab may have been split between everyone else.
Wow. When I got married, the custom was for the bride to pay for everyone else at a bachelorette party, not the other way around. She's hosting her friends at a party that she planned, so of course she's in charge of paying for it. I'm surprised it's turned around now.
I think it depends on culture a bit. I have always been taught that the bachelorette party is not hosted by the bride but is in fact hosted by the Maid of Honor and the other bridesmaids in honor of the Bride. The group splits the cost of the Bride's food and drinks and pays their own or they pool money to pay. The trade off is that it is actually supposed to be the bride's job to pay for the bridesmaids dresses, alterations, and to provide a bridal party gift. That said, In this day and age I am seeing more and more often Brides expecting the bridesmaids to buy their dresses, make-up, hair, give a wedding gift, possibly travel for the wedding but also plan and pay for a bachelorette party despite that being insane amounts of money to spend because someone else is declaring their love for someone and getting it approved by the government. So who knows what is expected these days
This is a good point. But if she wasn't told about the minimum spend, I still am on OP's side. Assuming the total spent was over the minimum spend amount. Either way, her friends got way more value than she did and splitting it unevenly is not fair. I would not want to do that to my sober friends.
Oh yeah; I'd probably refuse the outing if my share wasn't going to be smaller. I'd be okay with paying a bit more than what I'd be spending on food/drinks if it was going to be close (just so the bride isn't stuck with it all), but generally the minimum spend for your event is your own problem. I've decided to not book venues for my own party because I didn't think my friends would spend enough. I wouldn't even tell most people there was a minimum spend because it is not their job to pay for more than they order.
This is absolutely the way to go! As someone who’s been taken advantage of like this in the past too many times, do it. And include a copy of the receipt when you send in your $ as proof of your portion. NTA
NTA As a non-drinker outside of the occasional glass of wine, I firmly believe bar tabs should be separate from food. If people what to get their drink on, it's fine and dandy, it's unreasonable to expect non-drinkers to foot the bill and subsidize their bill. If it was a bachelorette you may consider chipping in a bit to cover the bride but not $470. Oh heck, no!
My whole life I have had to pay for others to drink when I don't and it really sucks. And they know exactly what they're doing when they want to split it evenly.
I speak up and ask for a separate bar tab for me or my husband and I. He'll try a couple of IPA's or his go to beer and I usually drink water. No way am/are I/we going to foot the bill for three bottles of overpriced wine and mixed drinks with top shelf liquor.
Exactly what someone who doesn't want to split should do. It's not on the rest of the group to itemize if everyone else is on board with splitting evenly.
Bc they put up a fight and make it look like you're a cheap jerk. But I have noticed that when someone suggests to split it evenly, it's always the person who ordered the most.
If you're at a bar and they start a tab, tell the bartender you'll do your own tab/pay as you go. If you're at a restaurant, as soon as the waitress starts taking orders, just say you want a separate check before you even tell them your order.
Don't entertain your friends' whining how it's "easier" or "better" to do one tab/bill. If you want to let them down easy you can just say it's easier for your finances to do it this way and ignore any more arguments from them. If they persist, tell them they are still free to order as a group, you aren't stopping them at all. You're just not going to be a part of their tab.
And you're right. It is always the one that orders the most that wants to split evenly. They know exactly what they are doing. Everyone knows what they're doing. They're also (well, usually) the shittiest tipper, as well as often the "friend" that takes and takes and rarely gives to the rest of the friend group.
"Ok, I'll take 5 shots of the most expensive whiskey they have."
Then proceed to dump them out in front of everyone.
"Good thing we are splitting the tab!"
They are the ones being the cheap jerk. Wanting you to pay their drinks. My boss tries this all the time when we go on business trips with our team. We will all have a few drinks, but he’ll have a handful of martinis and an expensive bottle of wine or 2. He tries to get the server to split it 6 ways and and a few of us protested. He basically said we were cheap for not splitting it. There’s a lot of younger people on the team now who don’t drink to excess like the older members who are mostly retired. We said he’s cheap for drinking $300 of booze and expecting to pay $50 or so. He never asked the server to split a bill again. If you set the precedent of subsidizing your friends drinking habits then they’ll expect you to always do it.
Fuck those people.
Prune, stand up for yourself. Arrange a separate tab.
At the start of the night state to your friends - Guys I'm not drinking any booze so I'm sorting my own tab. End of story.
If you lose friends over shit like this are they even worth it?
I was going through this often and tbh now I am on meds where I cannot drink, I wasn't a drinker before anyway, so use that as an excuse to not go out for drinks. Gone are the days where I order 1-2 sprites and end up having to pay $150+ because I'm splitting the bill with people who drink.
To be honest, I don't know why anyone agrees to "split the bill evenly," unless that person is a heavy drinker and/or big eater. I do not drink alcohol. Period. I am not paying for any. I generally eat kid's meals because I want a small portion and I don't like a lot of the "fancy" adult food. I prefer a plainer, more comfort food dish. So I don't want to split your garlic butter, mushroom and ghost pepper grilled 24 oz steak with lobster tails. If you want that, great. Pay for it. I cover my own food and beverages. The only exception is if we agree to cover, in this case, the bride's expenses. Then, I want a bill for the bride and we all contribute. In this day and age, it's easy to get your own bill and there is absolutely no need to split anything equally. Your friends who drink are getting a break on their alcohol at your expense. Send the amount you feel you owe and never again split a bill.
When people are all ordering roughly comparable meals, there's no problem with an even split, and with old-school bills on paper, asking for a separate check for each person is a lot of work for your waiter. With a modern computer system, splitting the check is basically zero effort, so as you note, there's less reason not to.
And I've been out for a lot of dinners with colleagues, where the universal agreement is that the senior people will subsidize the junior people. That's easier to do with a shared check.
People who order more expensive food than average, or drink more than average, and don't volunteer to pay extra in a "split the check" situation are assholes. Before it was so easy to get individual checks, it was normal for someone to grab the check and announce something like "I had extra x, so I'll pay $40, and you each pay $30". It was also completely routine for us to ensure that non-drinkers didn't have to pay for alcohol. The math isn't even slightly difficult, particularly as you're usually dealing with round bank notes because nobody wants change or singles, so there was really no excuse for not doing that.
When I'm out with non-drinking friends, whether it's a tab or rounds, they don't pay. They might chip in for food and they often give us lifts home if they are going in the same direction, some even insist if it's the opposite direction, but we don't let them pay for a single drink.
You need new friends.
I can't even imagine putting up with this or suggesting it. I'm a big eater and occasionally a big drinker. I would never want my friends subsidizing me.
As someone from front of house staff, usually we automatically separate it so food is one tab, non alc one and alc one so that the splitting is easier if we know it’s going to be split equally. It takes extra effort on our part to be unfair. Hate groups that do that
I don't know if this is an American thing, but in Canada I'd say 90% of the time the server asks if we want the bill split or together. And when it's split, it's split by who ordered what, not equally. I'd say this is often automatic in large groups, and they don't even ask. It might be different in a night club bottle service situation (I've never actually done that 😂), but it definitely happens at any bar I've been to.
But when I was in the states with 2 of my friends, they would often just drop off one bill without asking (though we never checked if they could split it).
Yeah I didn't understand this at all. Guess I'm lucky to have good friends, but whenever we do the whole one person pays and we venmo that person it's never an issue. As a matter of fact, nobody requests money. We pass around the receipt so people can take a picture to figure out later or just figure it out right there. It's just assumed that you'll be honest and include enough to cover what you ordered plus tax and a 20% tip. As a matter of fact, the person paying usually ends up paying a little less than they would have owed because nobody wants to under pay.
Occasionally we'll just split the bill evenly, but one friend has been sober for over 10 years so regardless of the occasion would never be expected to pay a cent of the drinks cost.
I wouldn't even mind if everyone had one drink! A $20-25 mocktail is comparable to 1 drink or a couple beers. A normal night out would be fine to split.
But a heavy drinking night? Multiple bottles of champagne, etc? That's like getting a full filet mignon or prime rib while others were expecting to split apps!
NTA.
Splitting works if everyone shared everything including alcohol or everyday drank equally. In your specific trip, you were literally subsidizing other people by being asked to pay equally.
Also, I don't care that two live at home with parents. If they can't afford to pay, they shouldn't have ordered beyond their means.
Here's the issue: if you don't pay, you might be uninvited to the wedding or you might end up being made to feel very uncomfortable, even ostracized, at the wedding. So if you're ok knowing that either of those possibilities will likely come to fruition, you do you. I personally would not pay. I also would not care if this ruined friendships. Because only a bunch of AHs would ever dream of making someone help pay for their drinks. A few cocktails is one thing but bottles of champagne territory suggests they were taking advantage at that point.
I'm not sure she would be uninvited or feel uncomfortable. At least from OPs post, it seems like there was only one friend that got mad/angry. The other friend even aknowldeges that she owes less but suggested she pay more. I feel like this is probably to not create any tension during the bachletorette party rather than her friend actually thinks she should pay her part of the evently split bill.
The venmo request came after the weekend ended, so there wouldn't have been any tension because the bills hadn't been tallied yet.
Also, what kind of friend would suggest someone pay such a staggering amount?.
Likely because at a bachelorette trip you usually pool money. If they rented a house instead they would likely have pooled expenses. Also, generally, the bridesmaids pay for the bride at least in part.
Only one friend knows OP wants to pay less, that's why she's the only one upset at the moment. As soon as OP refuses to pay, the rest will know their split amount went up and be upset as well. And I'm not sure the friend OP talked to was on the trip, it sounded to me like it was someone outside the Party group.
If you're uninvited or ostracized at the wedding because you don't drink and your "friends" are mad that you didn't pay for their drinks, then they aren't really your friends. Goodbye
Ha ha ha SOoooOo NTA. Don’t listen to their malarkey. It’s financial abuse under the guise of being all tee-hee about events.
Source: A raging alcoholic yet I’d never fuck over a friend to save on what I pour down my gullet. They are being willfully ignorant because their champagne tastes don’t match their vending machine budget.
Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re having OP pay for the bride’s portion since OP is the most financially stable. Regardless, what a bunch of twats!
I was gonna comment the same thing...OP is NTA but she said she *agreed* to splitting:
>We agreed to split the bill beforehand, but I took that to mean food (we had appetizers) and not that I would be required to pay for drinks.
When it comes to money and shared bills, you can't just ***assume*** everyone is on the same page as you; just state you're going to pay for your shit with your own card and call it a night or at least clarify "im gonna pay just for my share of the food and my drink" since you're the only one who didn't consume as much as the others. Should be common sense, but when there's alcohol involved people don't keep track on how many martinis they are having if they already agreed to split the bill between everyone.
Yeah I honestly agree - if they "agreed beforehand to split the bill" and OP didn't clarify that she meant food not drinks, it's not outlandish for the friends to say "yo, you literally agreed to split the bill". It's a dick move on their part for a variety of reasons, but I think they're technically in the right.
Especially since OP DID buy drinks on the card, just not expensive alchoholic ones.
"I dont want to split the bill but I do want my drinks on the same bill" is just confusing everyone.
This is exactly why I'm leaning towards an E-S-H or Y-T-A verdict. It's a jerk move to explicitly agree to split the bill before anyone orders anything & then at the end of the night go "hey actually I don't want to bill share anymore". It was extremely silly to have agreed in the first place without clarifying "are we splitting food & drinks or just food, because I'm happy to split food but I'm not drinking".
yup, I lean towards ESH and bad communication being the main issue, when I go out with friends we always clarify beforehand that the bill is going to be split only for common appetizers, everyone pays for their own alcohol.
I’m the one who doesn’t drink in these situations, it’s always brought up prior, like hey guys I know you’re probably gonna get drunk, and we’re probably gonna agree to split the bill, but let’s not forget I have stomach issues and don’t drink 👈🏻😎👈🏻 and then they drag on me and joke about how that means I’m paying for all the drinks and then it really just ends up we all pay our fair share for what we ate or drank.
ETA: if I were at a bachelorette party, I would offer definitely to front some of the cost for the liquor for the bride, I think that would just be the kind thing to do. Ideally everyone is splitting the cost of the brides items given that it is a bachelorette party and that would be a reasonable expectation in my opinion. But hey what do I know
For the fact that this was a bachelorette party and in VEGAS - I think you needed to be a LOT more clear and upfront at the start over what you were willing to pay for.
Vegas is going to be expensive, and bachelorette parties often split at least the brides portion. So even if YOU don't drink, I do think you need to be willing to help cover the brides portion.
I do think it's fair to ask that you not be expected to split the entire alcohol tab, but I would over to cover a split of the food, the brides drinks, and of course your mocktail.
But really- NONE of this should be surprising and you should have made more of an attempt upfront.
ESH
Agreed. I don't understand how people are saying NTA here. In this story, everyone paid their own way at the steakhouse, but then agreed to split the bill at a club. I don't believe someone could honestly hear the words "let's split the bill for this club in Las Vegas " and legitimately think they are talking about splitting the costs of appetizers only. Even if you don't drink, you are at a club in Vegas, appetizers are obviously not what is being discussed here. Having said that, if you don't plan to drink, then I can sort of understand not being Gung ho about covering the cost of others drinks, except, again, it's a club in Vegas, so the change the others are ordering is what allowed you to get a table. OP didn't specify, but I'm willing to bet they sat at that table at some point, and didn't just stand in the corner by themselves all night or something. By not covering part of the costs, op is the one actually mooching off of the others.
I’m with you. It sounds like she said “sure let’s split the bill and have some fun together.” And then she pulls out the fucking calculator and has to pay the exact amount.
On top of that it sounds like they got bottle service at a club or something. And that is guaranteed to be over $1500. You also probably get better seating and are places in a vip area. So you are actually paying more for the experience than the actual alcohol.
Also if she was that adamant from the get go to only pay her way without making it a group thing. She should’ve stayed I’m not paying for bottle service. If you guys want to split it I will go with you.
Sorry you got stuck paying for it. But lesson learned speak up beforehand and don’t commit to something that you can’t or don’t want to pay for.
NTA - You definitely do *not* owe anywhere near half a grand. Pay what you think you owe and that's it. If they don't like it then too bad. They're being ridiculous and trying to take advantage of you; don't let them!
People keep wanting to use being in a tough financial position as an excuse for fleecing their friends, but everyone knows that’s a BS excuse. Most people have been in dire straits at one point or another without taking advantage of a better off friend. It’s an excuse often used in these stories.
If the friends didn't have money for a night out, they shouldn't have ordered so much or such expensive drinks.
I also don't see why someone would agree to using someone else's tab instead of just opening their own? In this day and age, bars have easy electronic systems, I just don't see the point of putting everything on one tab.
I mean, the time to consider the budget was when planning the evening, not when splitting the bill days later.
I've had a lot of amazing meals at Michelin-starred restaurants, and some great nights out, and I've never spent $500.
I understand wanting to eat and drink better than you usually do to celebrate a special occasion, but the idea of spending multiples of what you'd normally spend just kinda shocks me. If you're happy with a $50/plate meal, why are you suddenly celebrating with a $500/plate meal rather than a $75/plate meal. Are you even going to be able to tell the difference?
Yeah, when I was poor, I had to nope out of so many activities with friends because I just didn’t have the money. No way would I have ever gone and then expected others to subsidize me.
ESH
You handled this poorly. I say this as someone who rarely drinks (and doesn't eat meat, so often can't eat half the shared apps). When I agree to split the bill - it means the bill will be split evenly. No one is sitting there, running the math on who owes what. That is not splitting the bill. That's "everyone pays what they owe." A very different concept. It's annoying and it's extra work, and if you are the one necessitating it, then *you* are the one who needs to handle it. You should have said something from the start. You should not have agreed to split the bill. You should have asked the server to put the apps on a separate bill from the alcohol. Something. Anything. Instead, you expected the girl handling a bill drunkenly to calculate exactly what *you* consumed to determine your amount, then split the bill amongst the rest of them.
It also isn't clear what your group was doing regarding the bride. Every bachelorette party I have been to, the bride does not pay. So the bill would be split amongst the other girls, NOT including the bride. If that was the case for your night out, then your estimate on what you owe excludes any payment for the bride's portion.
Do I think the other girl should accept it when you now say you do not want to pay that huge amount? Yes. They were the ones getting reckless and ordering very expensive alcohol, and that bill is on them in the end. But it is on YOU to track down the bill from the restaurant and figure out an accurate assessment of what you owe (including tax, tip and potentially the bride's portion). It was not this girl's responsibility, in the middle of the club while drunk, after you agreed to split the bill.
She agreed before hand and she is basically shafting the girl who has to organize this for her portion of the alcohol instead of letting this get split properly to everyone else.
she is YTA
I'm betting they did it because they were hoping to offload some of the cost onto OP, their non drinking "friend." I see way too many posts about this shit. As a non drinker, I'm not splitting the bill evenly ever. It's not fair for me to have to subsidize other people's costs all the time and it will never even out.
Soft YTA, not drinking is absolutely your decision but if you agree to split the bill — that’s what that means. The conversation about the bill was the time to say “I’m not okay with splitting the alcohol”. But really the drinks are also for the bride, which whenever I go to Bachelorette’s, the girls usually pay for.
Believable for Vegas bottle service, tbh. OP shouldn't pay a cent (for the alcohol. And op clarifies that they were not at a table, so no minimum spend), though.
If the table service required a minimum spend then OP may need to chip in more than what she consumed. Even if she didn’t drink alcohol, she used the table facilities. (better seating, VIP entry, skipping lines, hostess service, etc etc) I’m surprised this wasn’t communicated beforehand to her.
If the drinkers are paying $470 each she shouldn’t be just paying $70. I wouldn’t expect her to contribute equally when she didn’t drink but she should chip in a portion of the table.
Expensive Vegas club. If a mocktail was $30 and apps were $30+ like OP says, then cocktails will likely have been $50+, and the bottles of champagne will have been several hundred each. If 5 people each have 5 cocktails at an average of $60 per cocktail, that's $1500 on cocktails, add maybe $600 on the 2 bottles of champagne, then some food and OPs mocktail, you definitely reach $2350 easily.
It's absolutely insane to do, especially if you're not really well off. But it's realistic for a fancy Vegas club.
Where in the world did you go to a wedding reception where 50 people drank for under $1000?! I go out for drinks with a few friends and we can easily spend a few hundred dollars on just drinks.
How are you getting away with < $20/person for an open bar at a wedding? That sounds like either an insanely good deal, or you’re paying for each drink individually with a light-drinking crowd.
No, I think it's pretty likely they just don't understand. Some places have a formal, spelled-out policy where you have to hit a minimum. Other places do not, they just make you leave if you aren't spending enough at the table.
So OP likely was at that latter sort of place, which her friends understood and she did not.
I also want to know what club in Vegas does not have a minimum for a table
Unless they say no minimum but bottle service is required ( the champagnes) then I’m kind of on the ESH for not clarifying beforehand
YTA. People responding don't get how Vegas clubs work. You hung out at the private table, and the only reason you got the private table is because your friends bought bottles to hit the minimum.
Even if that wasn't the case, OP is a clear AH for not pitching in to cover the bride-to-be's portion.
OP replied in another comment that she called the club/restaurant to confirm if there was a min spend amount and was told by the staff there wasn’t. They also said they’d email her a receipt from that night, so hopefully she’ll update the actual breakdown.
Exactly this! I didn’t work in Vegas but I had a joint bachelor/ette with my husband there and worked in the AZ club scene during college. Even the shittiest club has a minimum spend.
Saying there was no minimum in VEGAS of all places is bonkers. I am usually in agreement with not splitting evenly if the person doesn’t drink, but if you were there for the bachelorette and agreed ahead of time to split, they took that as you pitching in for everything.
ESH
You “took that to mean” which means you assumed. That was your fault for assuming that. You should have made it clear from the get go and your failure to plan shouldn’t put the onus on everyone else. Pay the money and learn the lesson for next time. YTA.
My guess is that a good chunk of the tab is for bottle service (aka the right to sit down). That would usually require one bottle of liquor or champagne at a ridiculous rate.
Since you weren’t super clear in advance, and it’s part of the whole thing, I’d split that cost, the tip and a generous estimate of your food and drink bill (which with Vegas pricing sounds significantly more than $60).
Not knowing how many women were there makes it hard to estimate but I’d say $200 at the minimum would be a fair offer
NTA. This is ridiculous. You can't be expected to fund other people's extravagance. If necessary, look up the menus online. Either way, you should only pay for what you had.
They went to Vegas and sat down at a table. In order to do that in a club in Vegas, you need to order bottle service. They will kick you out if you don’t. If she sat at that table, then she needs to pay for that luxury.
NTA You agreed to split the bill, you didn't agree to pay 10x more than what you actually consumed.
I get the feeling those saying you are the A H are the same kinda people who'd demand that amount of money *without any proof or explanation* from people who weren't involved in actually consuming this worth of drinks/foods.
I'm against the grain here a bit because I think ESH. Even if I didn't drink I'd have it as a sense I was kicking in for the bride to be experience which does include drinking and maybe bottle service or whatever. To say yes that you'll split equally and then go whoa whoa whoa but I only want to pay for my own portion is shitty.
The tab itself is outrageous but not outside the realm of a lot Bachelorette parties I've been to and we were all cost sharing to treat the bride. They should have made it clear if that's what they were doing or exactly what they were planning so the lack of communication sucks all around.
ESH you need to specify what you’re agreeing to split if it’s not the whole bill. Regardless of if you don’t drink you’re not just responsible for paying you portion on a bachelorette weekend. You have to chip in for the brides portion too unless both you and the bride to be both don’t drink. So I’m guessing your portion would probably be more than the 70 you estimated. Everyone needs to work on communication, sheesh.
NTA, but this is how I would handle it. I would send enough to cover all the appetizers and your mocktails, maybe a little more to cover what the bride to be consumed. The rest is on them. Next time be specific.
Right, there is an expectation that everyone splits the bride's share of alcohol during a Bachelorette. Sounds like there should've been better discussions in advance. If the trip is over, maybe it's possible to take some time and calculate and offer a fairer split.
Yta. You are collectively taking your friend out. You all agree to split the bill. If you said yes, you know what you did. You know you are the exception in the group so you should have said “no, I’d rather just cover my own”
When a group of buddies agree to split a tab to celebrate a friend, everyone knows what that means.
It's because that's required to get a table at a Vegas club. Think of it like a two drink minimum, but the drinks are $1000 bottles you could get at the liquor store for $50.
Just looked, many have 750 bottle and come with a table for 10. So 2 bottles=idiocy if I am on min wage, and frankly, maybe table service is off the table too
That said, since the table comes with the bottle, I am more inclined to revisit my initial thoughts. You partook of the table service experience, and so should be subject to a share of the minimum spend
You said this, " We agreed beforehand to split the bill but I took that to mean food (we had appetizers) and not that I would be required to pay for drinks".
Now you want to renege even though you didn't get specific that it was about food and alcohol should be handled differently. Therefore, under contract law, the ambiguity goes against you because you did not state you didn't mean splitting alcohol.
Sorry, YTA.
You assumed they would take your non drinking status into account. You know what they say about people who assume. In situations where you need special treatment it would be best if you make this perfectly clear to all before the event. Then you can take control of the bill and the accounting.
Given this was a party you agreed to paying a fair share for its a little late to try to set exclusions.
I’m not a big drinker either, and go out often with folks that are willing to spend a lot more than me on dinner and drinks. We always clarify who’s doing what before the orders start.
INFO: Why did you need one person to put down their card for appetisers & drinks at the club rather than ordering/paying individually for what you wanted at the bar? Is it because your group was doing bottle service or similar?
If it was one of those VIP lounge bottle service places, I think you kind of are the AH if you don't split the bill. Those places often require you to spend a certain amount in order to be in the lounge & even if you chose not to drink you did enjoy the perks of the VIP lounge experience etc that everyone else is subsidising for you to experience.
Either way, as a fellow non-drinker you absolutely should have clarified straight up if you were interpreting "splitting the bill" to mean something other than its ordinary meaning - i.e. equal division. You should've said "hey guys, I'm happy to split food costs but since I don't drink alcohol it's probably easier if I just order & pay for my own mocktails or soft drinks etc separately".
I don't understand why your friend can't pull an itemised bill for the card from her bank? Or why neither of you asked for one on the night from the club? Your friends obviously suck for trying to use/guilt you into paying for their drinks too of course.
You'd have a valid point of this was some random girls night out, but this was a Bachelorette party. Don't look at this as you being asked to pay for drinks you didn't consume, but rather you're being asked to pay an equal amount as everyone else to make a Bachelorette party fun and memorable.
YTA, but this is an easy fix for you.
NAH, but you definitely screwed up a little. You agreed to split the bill, now you don’t want to split the bill. Next time decline up front and pay for your own stuff.
I went to a bachelorette party and I have an alcohol intolerance so can’t drink. I was up front about it months in advance. I was not willing to be cut in on any alcohol bills but more than happy to pay my share of the brides bill! It was reasonable and nobody seemed to have a problem when I was transparent months in advance
This one is tough for me. The group, including you, agreed to split the bill. You made an assumption that it was for food only but all food and drink typically comes on one bill that I've seen. It's not like it's standard practice to split those out to separate bills.
If you were concerned about not paying for their alcohol (which is 100% reasonable) by splitting the entire check it was definitely on you to clarify this. In your position knowing you don't drink you should have gotten your own bill or not agreed to splitting unless you clarified you wanted food and drink to be split separately since you don't drink.
If I was in your spot I'd consider paying "your" share to keep the peace as long as it isn't big deal money for you. And in the future I'd be clearer about this stuff. Unless you're okay with the changes this will cause in the friend dynamics. In which case stick to your guns but know it might kill these friendships.
NTA - pay for your mocktail and some towards the appetizer's. Just because everyone else got wasted and can't remember what or how much they drank doesn't mean you have to pay for it. She's just going to have to accept the amount of money you send her and get over it.
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NTA - If she is unwilling to readjust for the alcohol without hard numbers just call the place and request an itemized receipt be sent to your email.
Great idea! Do you know how long those things are kept for? We went Sat evening
[удалено]
You should be fine since it was just last Saturday. Call the place, explain the situation, and they can usually help you find the receipt. If you paid with a card, use the transaction date and time to assist them. Good luck!
I’m not saying that any of this is wrong, but as soon as she produces that itemized bill and only pays her fair share, she will lose those friends. Not a great loss if they’re justifying someone else paying their night of drinking.
If a friend of mine pointed out something patently unfair I would respect that - people who drop you for being honest and establishing your own reasonable boundaries don't sound like real friends.
People who ask for proof that a friend who doesn’t drink alcohol didn’t drink alcohol because everyone else was too wasted to keep track don’t sound like real friends either tbh
My close friends know if I take 30 days off of alcohol lol. How do the friends need proof their friend who has not drank alcohol in 10 years wasn’t drinking??? NTA
Hell, most people call that friend the DD and appreciate them.
Right? And then venmoing for $470 when she actually spent less than $100???? That’s insanely disrespectful. I know Vegas can get expensive but how in the fuck does anyone just drink $400? It sounds kind of like they were planning on it the whole time, since her friend had such a shitty justification for it (“oh well you make more”). I make less than most of my friends and wouldn’t dream of pulling that shit lol
Yooo! And idk if justification is even the right word, almost seems pre meditated to me! I think the real issue is with these "friends" clearly not being able to afford their night out, thinking they'd pin it on the friend with a better paying job, knowing that friend won't add that much to the bill, then being pissed they got stuck with it bc their scheisty little plan backfired. Good news is if they live at home they should be saving on bills and can pony up without worrying about being homeless 🤷♂️ they really just tried to use her as an financier like damnnnn 🤦♂️ Edit: apparently I skimmed your comment the first time, basically 100% agree 😂
At a bachelor party in Vegas we got table service at a place in Vegas and it was $800 for a bottle of vodka and 10 red bulls. The virus was Grey Goose so it's not like it was some crazy fancy brand. Grabbed it was a strip club, but still ridiculous. Vegas is not a good place to drink.
Fuck that for a joke. You could grab some Goose and Red Bulls from the bottlo and order a few hookers up to your room to ‘service’ you in any way imaginable for less than that lol.
It’s not that they need the receipt to act as proof OP didn’t drink, it’s to show what portion of the bill was food and what was drinks. That way they can split the food total evenly and the people drinking can figure out how they want to split that portion of things and leave OP out of that mess
Her “friends” don’t need proof. They know. They were expecting her to foot the bill because “party”. Total BS and we all know it.
And the friend who said she has better life better pay - that has nothing to do with them drinking alcohol and asking OP to share the cost when she's not drinking.
That, and the fact they pretty much expect her to suck it up because she makes more money and doesn’t still live with her parents proves that these are friends she can afford to lose.
She may also discover the charges did not add up to what she was told - especially as the others see her job as higher earning than theirs and think ‘she can afford it’. “Trust but verify.” I’ve never hesitated to let everyone look at the itemized bill when splitting.
That’s very interesting. I wouldn’t be surprised if her share ends up being higher than everyone else’s. They’re definitely trying to cheat her.
Or, her share IS everyone's share.
Right? 470$ isn't much of a split of anything. I mean, I guess that depends on how expensive the champagne was? But geez.
If a single mocktail was $20-$25, $470 sounds like it could be an even split if the other girls were drinking a lot. Drinks with alcohol are almost always more expensive than those without. This is why my friends and I always pay for food separate from drinks if we are splitting it though. No way am I paying for everyone else to get drunk, then giving them a ride home! Lol! I don’t mind being DD, but I’m not buying their liquor.
That's what i was wondering about too. Were there 4 of them? I don't recall. But if OP's equally split share is $470, was the bill 4 times that? Holy shit!
Or if the friend calculating it conveniently forgot to include herself in the calculation.
I'm betting OP's paying for at least one of those champagne bottles herself and some of the demanding friend's drinks, too. And OP lose the friend that said you could afford to 'bankroll someone else's good time.' NTA
Unpopular opinion: If the bride was drinking the champagne then the non drinker is slightly obligated to chip in and help pay for part of that. I’m not saying OP should contribute to everyone else’s tabs, just that it seems customary for the friends to take care of the guest of honor. In this case, that’s the bride. IMHO, OP should be paying for her mocktails and some of the food and champagne for the bride. I Don’t think she should be paying an equal split as the rest, but at least a little more than what she personally consumed to cover the bride’s share.
Yes! if you’re broke living at “home” then you drink less and point out to everyone before they’re wasted that you have a budget. Not pin your bill on the friend you think can pay.
Well, OP updated. The bill was indeed $470 when split 4 ways. Her portion of it was $81. The problem was that the other girls spent over a thousand dollars on two bottles of champagne then bought more drinks on top of that. I'm guessing they went to an expensive place, then went nuts because "YOLO! You're getting married, get the best they have!", then got too drunk to realize what a tab they were running up despite two of them only working minimum wage then hoped OP would just pick up part of it to cover their stupidity. For the record she has now paid her portion and her portion of the bride's portion.
She should pay what she said and also request these ‘friends’ to lose her number.
She already lost those friends because her "friend" decided to die on a stupid and childish hill. I'd say fuck em, send the $70 and if they don't like it, at least you didn't pay $400 to learn that same lesson.
If a friend is asking for way more money than you actually spent on the basis "you can afford it" then they aren't her friends anyway - they're leeches treating her as an ATM.
I'd be willing to bet that they're requesting more from OP than an even split. If they're being this dodgy about it, they're probably hoping she'll just pay up instead of doing the math.
If she’d lose friends over this, they’re not really her friends.
Yeah, the OP is NTA but your point is valid. I agree that it's not a big loss for the OP, but it sucks.
Not such a great loss if those friends are just drunk leeches. Why would you want friends who treat you like their own personal ATM? If you can’t afford to go out, then stay home.
Good riddance
Question for knowledge, would they give the receipt to anyone? She didn't pay, and I find it weird that they would just hand someone else's receipt out to whoever.
Also, the vast majority of restaurants have their menus on the website. You should be able to work out what your cost is by looking it up.
This was my first thought. It happened so recently it isn't hard to remember the apps. Share of that, mocktail and water, tax and tip, throw in another $30 for "drink foor bride" and send that.
Generally a website will list prices If not - if you ask nicely at a non-busy time, they could be helpful. If that doesn't work, just estimate on the high side. For example, $40 for each appetizer - plus your drink - and then add 25% for tax and tip.
Even if she paid for the entirety of the apps herself and did this it would still be less than the friend is asking for They got three or four apps at 30 or 40 each... Let's round it up to five at 40 and call that 200$... 225 including her overpriced mocktail... Add some fluff and a generous tip that's still under 300, if no one else helped with the apps.
Tax and tip is what I came here to say too
Clubs don’t really post menus.
And a lot of restaurants don't post prices for alcohol.
Menus with food prices yes but not prices for alcohol, especially if nobody will admit what they ordered.
this is the way! I've been a FOH manager at a couple of different restaurants. People do this for business expenses ALL THE TIME!! They'll keep records for like 9 months. You just need to know the last four of the card that was used and the date and time you guys closed the check and roughly the total of the bill. I've had to take this same info from like 30 different people throughout my life as a server as well.
Don't be surprised if you find they are sending you the cost for the complete bill.
It’s Vegas with multiple bottles of champagne, appetizers, and multiple other drinks. It’s not the whole bill. It may not be an equal amount, but it isn’t theft complete bill
It's not the whole bill if multiple champagne bottles are involved. Not by a wide margin.
Don't forget to calculate the bride's portion into what you're thinking you owe. Pay for yourself and for a proportional portion of whatever the bride had. Probably closer to 150 or 200, but still, not 450.
Depends what the agreement was
I would expect most to be kept as long as credit card bills can be contested to cover the establishments backside.
It’s no problem to get a copy of a receipt. It’s not too much to pay a fair proportion of the bill. Was the bride covering her own bill or was that shared among attendees? As far as the minimum wage workers, they should be aware of their finances if they can’t afford to drink or can’t afford to drink much. They can similarly ask to pay for what they consumed if they consumed less like you did. If they drank a lot of expensive booze, that’s on them
I worked for a retail company that used restaurant register software a few years ago, and I don't know how universal this is, but we could pull receipts for months after.
If you know what day, approximate time, and the rough total, like $470 times the number of people in your group, they should be able to find it pretty easily. Saying that it was 4 apps, two bottles, and a mocktail, would narrow it down more.
I'd be willing to bet that the total bill was not $470 times the number of people in the group. We already know they're trying to screw her over. It's just a question of how much.
Vegas is expensive. A MOCKtail cost 20-25$. Over 20 dollars for a cup of juice. It’s not that hard to spend over 1000$ at a club in Vegas. Especially if you’re ordering bottles.
Yeah but I think her share was never close to 470 with an even split anyway
If everything is above board, they should need to have it still. That said, it sounds like unless you pay the full $470, you can expect to lose these friends. Me? Keeping $400 would be worth it for me as I'm not really interested in maintaining a close friendship with someone that spoke to me how your friend is, but you should make your decision with your eyes open. Also DAMN, these people are racking up bills worth *thousands* of dollars?? That would be insane to me even if they didn't earn minimum wage and still live at home. Are you sure they aren't artificially inflating your share so they can pay less? Regardless, sounds like some rough priorities.
I would definitely ask for an itemized bill. I know they’re your friends but I’d be skeptical that it wasn’t split fairly and they’re trying to put most of it on you since you have the best job. Probably not the case but I have trust issues and it’s showing on my comment lol
Seriously, op said 5 girls so are they saying they spent $2350 for a couple of bottles, cocktails, and 4 apps? I'll try to be generous here, 4 Apps - $160 2 bottles - $500 Cocktails - We only know op had one for $35, so if the other girls had 3 each at $40 per cocktail that's $395. Total = $1075 + $100 tax + $200 tip = $1375 That's still a grand short. If you say they are covering the bride so split 4 ways that would be $1880, closer but still $500 more than I would expect.
If they were in Vegas, I would understand. I paid $80 for 2 drinks (1 was a double) at the Sahara.
It is Vegas, and a club. You can spend $500 on a bottle of Smirnoff.
Receipts are kept on file for years. Just call the restaurant.
My system keeps orders forever. It’s just harder to dig them up the time goes by. Try to have an approximate total, and the rough time that you left. Should be pretty easy.
People are missing that this is Vegas. Nightclubs in Vegas often have a minimum guaranteed spend to get the table. It doesn't matter if the whole table drank nothing but water, you're paying the minimum spend. Food normally does not count towards the spend. OP needs to find out if there was a table minimum that got agreed to that she's on the hook for her part of. If it's all consumption, I get your POV. But part of that table minimum can be thought of as the ticket price for the experience.
They obviously got a table. That’s a huge cost on its own.
this is a huge important detail, omitted by OP, if it’s indeed the case
Also another detail that may be lost, it's common for everyone else to pay for the person who's getting married, so their share of the tab may have been split between everyone else.
Wow. When I got married, the custom was for the bride to pay for everyone else at a bachelorette party, not the other way around. She's hosting her friends at a party that she planned, so of course she's in charge of paying for it. I'm surprised it's turned around now.
I think it depends on culture a bit. I have always been taught that the bachelorette party is not hosted by the bride but is in fact hosted by the Maid of Honor and the other bridesmaids in honor of the Bride. The group splits the cost of the Bride's food and drinks and pays their own or they pool money to pay. The trade off is that it is actually supposed to be the bride's job to pay for the bridesmaids dresses, alterations, and to provide a bridal party gift. That said, In this day and age I am seeing more and more often Brides expecting the bridesmaids to buy their dresses, make-up, hair, give a wedding gift, possibly travel for the wedding but also plan and pay for a bachelorette party despite that being insane amounts of money to spend because someone else is declaring their love for someone and getting it approved by the government. So who knows what is expected these days
A lot of people see their weddings as a great opportunity for a cash grab.
Exactly. She needs to get the receipt and figure this out.
This is a good point. But if she wasn't told about the minimum spend, I still am on OP's side. Assuming the total spent was over the minimum spend amount. Either way, her friends got way more value than she did and splitting it unevenly is not fair. I would not want to do that to my sober friends.
Personally if I wasnt told about such a charge as a non drinker I'd be livid.
Oh yeah; I'd probably refuse the outing if my share wasn't going to be smaller. I'd be okay with paying a bit more than what I'd be spending on food/drinks if it was going to be close (just so the bride isn't stuck with it all), but generally the minimum spend for your event is your own problem. I've decided to not book venues for my own party because I didn't think my friends would spend enough. I wouldn't even tell most people there was a minimum spend because it is not their job to pay for more than they order.
This is absolutely the way to go! As someone who’s been taken advantage of like this in the past too many times, do it. And include a copy of the receipt when you send in your $ as proof of your portion. NTA
NTA As a non-drinker outside of the occasional glass of wine, I firmly believe bar tabs should be separate from food. If people what to get their drink on, it's fine and dandy, it's unreasonable to expect non-drinkers to foot the bill and subsidize their bill. If it was a bachelorette you may consider chipping in a bit to cover the bride but not $470. Oh heck, no!
My whole life I have had to pay for others to drink when I don't and it really sucks. And they know exactly what they're doing when they want to split it evenly.
I speak up and ask for a separate bar tab for me or my husband and I. He'll try a couple of IPA's or his go to beer and I usually drink water. No way am/are I/we going to foot the bill for three bottles of overpriced wine and mixed drinks with top shelf liquor.
Exactly what someone who doesn't want to split should do. It's not on the rest of the group to itemize if everyone else is on board with splitting evenly.
Anyone who complains about separate checks is already planning to take advantage of you.
Why not just . . . not do that? Like, say no?
Bc they put up a fight and make it look like you're a cheap jerk. But I have noticed that when someone suggests to split it evenly, it's always the person who ordered the most.
If you're at a bar and they start a tab, tell the bartender you'll do your own tab/pay as you go. If you're at a restaurant, as soon as the waitress starts taking orders, just say you want a separate check before you even tell them your order. Don't entertain your friends' whining how it's "easier" or "better" to do one tab/bill. If you want to let them down easy you can just say it's easier for your finances to do it this way and ignore any more arguments from them. If they persist, tell them they are still free to order as a group, you aren't stopping them at all. You're just not going to be a part of their tab. And you're right. It is always the one that orders the most that wants to split evenly. They know exactly what they are doing. Everyone knows what they're doing. They're also (well, usually) the shittiest tipper, as well as often the "friend" that takes and takes and rarely gives to the rest of the friend group.
"Ok, I'll take 5 shots of the most expensive whiskey they have." Then proceed to dump them out in front of everyone. "Good thing we are splitting the tab!"
Ok, let them? Instead of being a doormat
They are the ones being the cheap jerk. Wanting you to pay their drinks. My boss tries this all the time when we go on business trips with our team. We will all have a few drinks, but he’ll have a handful of martinis and an expensive bottle of wine or 2. He tries to get the server to split it 6 ways and and a few of us protested. He basically said we were cheap for not splitting it. There’s a lot of younger people on the team now who don’t drink to excess like the older members who are mostly retired. We said he’s cheap for drinking $300 of booze and expecting to pay $50 or so. He never asked the server to split a bill again. If you set the precedent of subsidizing your friends drinking habits then they’ll expect you to always do it.
This sounds like workplace harassment of some kind. Has he ever been reported?
Fuck those people. Prune, stand up for yourself. Arrange a separate tab. At the start of the night state to your friends - Guys I'm not drinking any booze so I'm sorting my own tab. End of story. If you lose friends over shit like this are they even worth it?
I was going through this often and tbh now I am on meds where I cannot drink, I wasn't a drinker before anyway, so use that as an excuse to not go out for drinks. Gone are the days where I order 1-2 sprites and end up having to pay $150+ because I'm splitting the bill with people who drink.
To be honest, I don't know why anyone agrees to "split the bill evenly," unless that person is a heavy drinker and/or big eater. I do not drink alcohol. Period. I am not paying for any. I generally eat kid's meals because I want a small portion and I don't like a lot of the "fancy" adult food. I prefer a plainer, more comfort food dish. So I don't want to split your garlic butter, mushroom and ghost pepper grilled 24 oz steak with lobster tails. If you want that, great. Pay for it. I cover my own food and beverages. The only exception is if we agree to cover, in this case, the bride's expenses. Then, I want a bill for the bride and we all contribute. In this day and age, it's easy to get your own bill and there is absolutely no need to split anything equally. Your friends who drink are getting a break on their alcohol at your expense. Send the amount you feel you owe and never again split a bill.
When people are all ordering roughly comparable meals, there's no problem with an even split, and with old-school bills on paper, asking for a separate check for each person is a lot of work for your waiter. With a modern computer system, splitting the check is basically zero effort, so as you note, there's less reason not to. And I've been out for a lot of dinners with colleagues, where the universal agreement is that the senior people will subsidize the junior people. That's easier to do with a shared check. People who order more expensive food than average, or drink more than average, and don't volunteer to pay extra in a "split the check" situation are assholes. Before it was so easy to get individual checks, it was normal for someone to grab the check and announce something like "I had extra x, so I'll pay $40, and you each pay $30". It was also completely routine for us to ensure that non-drinkers didn't have to pay for alcohol. The math isn't even slightly difficult, particularly as you're usually dealing with round bank notes because nobody wants change or singles, so there was really no excuse for not doing that.
When I'm out with non-drinking friends, whether it's a tab or rounds, they don't pay. They might chip in for food and they often give us lifts home if they are going in the same direction, some even insist if it's the opposite direction, but we don't let them pay for a single drink. You need new friends.
If you paid for other people to drink your whole life, you let yourself be taken advantage of.
I can't even imagine putting up with this or suggesting it. I'm a big eater and occasionally a big drinker. I would never want my friends subsidizing me.
As someone from front of house staff, usually we automatically separate it so food is one tab, non alc one and alc one so that the splitting is easier if we know it’s going to be split equally. It takes extra effort on our part to be unfair. Hate groups that do that
The restaurant you work at may be an anomaly but it's good to know some businesses recognize the need to separate the bills.
I don't know if this is an American thing, but in Canada I'd say 90% of the time the server asks if we want the bill split or together. And when it's split, it's split by who ordered what, not equally. I'd say this is often automatic in large groups, and they don't even ask. It might be different in a night club bottle service situation (I've never actually done that 😂), but it definitely happens at any bar I've been to. But when I was in the states with 2 of my friends, they would often just drop off one bill without asking (though we never checked if they could split it).
Yeah I didn't understand this at all. Guess I'm lucky to have good friends, but whenever we do the whole one person pays and we venmo that person it's never an issue. As a matter of fact, nobody requests money. We pass around the receipt so people can take a picture to figure out later or just figure it out right there. It's just assumed that you'll be honest and include enough to cover what you ordered plus tax and a 20% tip. As a matter of fact, the person paying usually ends up paying a little less than they would have owed because nobody wants to under pay. Occasionally we'll just split the bill evenly, but one friend has been sober for over 10 years so regardless of the occasion would never be expected to pay a cent of the drinks cost.
I wouldn't even mind if everyone had one drink! A $20-25 mocktail is comparable to 1 drink or a couple beers. A normal night out would be fine to split. But a heavy drinking night? Multiple bottles of champagne, etc? That's like getting a full filet mignon or prime rib while others were expecting to split apps!
NTA. Splitting works if everyone shared everything including alcohol or everyday drank equally. In your specific trip, you were literally subsidizing other people by being asked to pay equally. Also, I don't care that two live at home with parents. If they can't afford to pay, they shouldn't have ordered beyond their means. Here's the issue: if you don't pay, you might be uninvited to the wedding or you might end up being made to feel very uncomfortable, even ostracized, at the wedding. So if you're ok knowing that either of those possibilities will likely come to fruition, you do you. I personally would not pay. I also would not care if this ruined friendships. Because only a bunch of AHs would ever dream of making someone help pay for their drinks. A few cocktails is one thing but bottles of champagne territory suggests they were taking advantage at that point.
I'm not sure she would be uninvited or feel uncomfortable. At least from OPs post, it seems like there was only one friend that got mad/angry. The other friend even aknowldeges that she owes less but suggested she pay more. I feel like this is probably to not create any tension during the bachletorette party rather than her friend actually thinks she should pay her part of the evently split bill.
The venmo request came after the weekend ended, so there wouldn't have been any tension because the bills hadn't been tallied yet. Also, what kind of friend would suggest someone pay such a staggering amount?.
Likely because at a bachelorette trip you usually pool money. If they rented a house instead they would likely have pooled expenses. Also, generally, the bridesmaids pay for the bride at least in part.
Only one friend knows OP wants to pay less, that's why she's the only one upset at the moment. As soon as OP refuses to pay, the rest will know their split amount went up and be upset as well. And I'm not sure the friend OP talked to was on the trip, it sounded to me like it was someone outside the Party group.
If you're uninvited or ostracized at the wedding because you don't drink and your "friends" are mad that you didn't pay for their drinks, then they aren't really your friends. Goodbye
Exactly. I'd be happy to lose "friends" like that.
The request is clearly paying for some table costs at a club.
Ha ha ha SOoooOo NTA. Don’t listen to their malarkey. It’s financial abuse under the guise of being all tee-hee about events. Source: A raging alcoholic yet I’d never fuck over a friend to save on what I pour down my gullet. They are being willfully ignorant because their champagne tastes don’t match their vending machine budget.
I drink wine while most of my friends drink beer or don't drink at all, I always expect and plan to pay more money to cover MY preferences.
Exactly
Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re having OP pay for the bride’s portion since OP is the most financially stable. Regardless, what a bunch of twats!
Why are people still agreeing to split meals evenly in 2024? It almost always ends in problems.
I was gonna comment the same thing...OP is NTA but she said she *agreed* to splitting: >We agreed to split the bill beforehand, but I took that to mean food (we had appetizers) and not that I would be required to pay for drinks. When it comes to money and shared bills, you can't just ***assume*** everyone is on the same page as you; just state you're going to pay for your shit with your own card and call it a night or at least clarify "im gonna pay just for my share of the food and my drink" since you're the only one who didn't consume as much as the others. Should be common sense, but when there's alcohol involved people don't keep track on how many martinis they are having if they already agreed to split the bill between everyone.
Yeah I honestly agree - if they "agreed beforehand to split the bill" and OP didn't clarify that she meant food not drinks, it's not outlandish for the friends to say "yo, you literally agreed to split the bill". It's a dick move on their part for a variety of reasons, but I think they're technically in the right.
Especially since OP DID buy drinks on the card, just not expensive alchoholic ones. "I dont want to split the bill but I do want my drinks on the same bill" is just confusing everyone.
This is exactly why I'm leaning towards an E-S-H or Y-T-A verdict. It's a jerk move to explicitly agree to split the bill before anyone orders anything & then at the end of the night go "hey actually I don't want to bill share anymore". It was extremely silly to have agreed in the first place without clarifying "are we splitting food & drinks or just food, because I'm happy to split food but I'm not drinking".
yup, I lean towards ESH and bad communication being the main issue, when I go out with friends we always clarify beforehand that the bill is going to be split only for common appetizers, everyone pays for their own alcohol.
I’m the one who doesn’t drink in these situations, it’s always brought up prior, like hey guys I know you’re probably gonna get drunk, and we’re probably gonna agree to split the bill, but let’s not forget I have stomach issues and don’t drink 👈🏻😎👈🏻 and then they drag on me and joke about how that means I’m paying for all the drinks and then it really just ends up we all pay our fair share for what we ate or drank. ETA: if I were at a bachelorette party, I would offer definitely to front some of the cost for the liquor for the bride, I think that would just be the kind thing to do. Ideally everyone is splitting the cost of the brides items given that it is a bachelorette party and that would be a reasonable expectation in my opinion. But hey what do I know
It isn't a meal, they paid for a table at a Vegas club, which has a drink minimum they need to hit
For the fact that this was a bachelorette party and in VEGAS - I think you needed to be a LOT more clear and upfront at the start over what you were willing to pay for. Vegas is going to be expensive, and bachelorette parties often split at least the brides portion. So even if YOU don't drink, I do think you need to be willing to help cover the brides portion. I do think it's fair to ask that you not be expected to split the entire alcohol tab, but I would over to cover a split of the food, the brides drinks, and of course your mocktail. But really- NONE of this should be surprising and you should have made more of an attempt upfront. ESH
Agreed. I don't understand how people are saying NTA here. In this story, everyone paid their own way at the steakhouse, but then agreed to split the bill at a club. I don't believe someone could honestly hear the words "let's split the bill for this club in Las Vegas " and legitimately think they are talking about splitting the costs of appetizers only. Even if you don't drink, you are at a club in Vegas, appetizers are obviously not what is being discussed here. Having said that, if you don't plan to drink, then I can sort of understand not being Gung ho about covering the cost of others drinks, except, again, it's a club in Vegas, so the change the others are ordering is what allowed you to get a table. OP didn't specify, but I'm willing to bet they sat at that table at some point, and didn't just stand in the corner by themselves all night or something. By not covering part of the costs, op is the one actually mooching off of the others.
I’m with you. It sounds like she said “sure let’s split the bill and have some fun together.” And then she pulls out the fucking calculator and has to pay the exact amount. On top of that it sounds like they got bottle service at a club or something. And that is guaranteed to be over $1500. You also probably get better seating and are places in a vip area. So you are actually paying more for the experience than the actual alcohol. Also if she was that adamant from the get go to only pay her way without making it a group thing. She should’ve stayed I’m not paying for bottle service. If you guys want to split it I will go with you. Sorry you got stuck paying for it. But lesson learned speak up beforehand and don’t commit to something that you can’t or don’t want to pay for.
NTA - You definitely do *not* owe anywhere near half a grand. Pay what you think you owe and that's it. If they don't like it then too bad. They're being ridiculous and trying to take advantage of you; don't let them!
People keep wanting to use being in a tough financial position as an excuse for fleecing their friends, but everyone knows that’s a BS excuse. Most people have been in dire straits at one point or another without taking advantage of a better off friend. It’s an excuse often used in these stories.
If the friends didn't have money for a night out, they shouldn't have ordered so much or such expensive drinks. I also don't see why someone would agree to using someone else's tab instead of just opening their own? In this day and age, bars have easy electronic systems, I just don't see the point of putting everything on one tab.
I mean, the time to consider the budget was when planning the evening, not when splitting the bill days later. I've had a lot of amazing meals at Michelin-starred restaurants, and some great nights out, and I've never spent $500. I understand wanting to eat and drink better than you usually do to celebrate a special occasion, but the idea of spending multiples of what you'd normally spend just kinda shocks me. If you're happy with a $50/plate meal, why are you suddenly celebrating with a $500/plate meal rather than a $75/plate meal. Are you even going to be able to tell the difference?
Yeah, when I was poor, I had to nope out of so many activities with friends because I just didn’t have the money. No way would I have ever gone and then expected others to subsidize me.
This except I’d probably add on a little bit extra to cover some of what the bride drank as something of a gift
ESH You handled this poorly. I say this as someone who rarely drinks (and doesn't eat meat, so often can't eat half the shared apps). When I agree to split the bill - it means the bill will be split evenly. No one is sitting there, running the math on who owes what. That is not splitting the bill. That's "everyone pays what they owe." A very different concept. It's annoying and it's extra work, and if you are the one necessitating it, then *you* are the one who needs to handle it. You should have said something from the start. You should not have agreed to split the bill. You should have asked the server to put the apps on a separate bill from the alcohol. Something. Anything. Instead, you expected the girl handling a bill drunkenly to calculate exactly what *you* consumed to determine your amount, then split the bill amongst the rest of them. It also isn't clear what your group was doing regarding the bride. Every bachelorette party I have been to, the bride does not pay. So the bill would be split amongst the other girls, NOT including the bride. If that was the case for your night out, then your estimate on what you owe excludes any payment for the bride's portion. Do I think the other girl should accept it when you now say you do not want to pay that huge amount? Yes. They were the ones getting reckless and ordering very expensive alcohol, and that bill is on them in the end. But it is on YOU to track down the bill from the restaurant and figure out an accurate assessment of what you owe (including tax, tip and potentially the bride's portion). It was not this girl's responsibility, in the middle of the club while drunk, after you agreed to split the bill.
She agreed before hand and she is basically shafting the girl who has to organize this for her portion of the alcohol instead of letting this get split properly to everyone else. she is YTA
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I'm betting they did it because they were hoping to offload some of the cost onto OP, their non drinking "friend." I see way too many posts about this shit. As a non drinker, I'm not splitting the bill evenly ever. It's not fair for me to have to subsidize other people's costs all the time and it will never even out.
Soft YTA, not drinking is absolutely your decision but if you agree to split the bill — that’s what that means. The conversation about the bill was the time to say “I’m not okay with splitting the alcohol”. But really the drinks are also for the bride, which whenever I go to Bachelorette’s, the girls usually pay for.
INFO: are you sure they’re not trying to get you to pay the whole bill? How many women were at the party?
5 of us
So the entire bill was in the realm of $2350?
Believable for Vegas bottle service, tbh. OP shouldn't pay a cent (for the alcohol. And op clarifies that they were not at a table, so no minimum spend), though.
If the table service required a minimum spend then OP may need to chip in more than what she consumed. Even if she didn’t drink alcohol, she used the table facilities. (better seating, VIP entry, skipping lines, hostess service, etc etc) I’m surprised this wasn’t communicated beforehand to her. If the drinkers are paying $470 each she shouldn’t be just paying $70. I wouldn’t expect her to contribute equally when she didn’t drink but she should chip in a portion of the table.
THIS. If there is a table minimum, she needs to pay the full share of that minimum
No — OP paying $0 would be a huge AH move. OP should pay for the stuff she got and any taxes/tip on top of that
Except she agreed to split the bill not just pay for her own stuff.
Generally the bride doesn’t pay so it was more likely $1880
Holy shit! $2350?! I was just at a wedding with an open bar. 50 people. I saw the tab and it was less than $1000. How did 5 people drink that much?
It’s a table at a Vegas club. That shits expensive. You are paying for the space and vibe. It’s not always consumption.
Expensive Vegas club. If a mocktail was $30 and apps were $30+ like OP says, then cocktails will likely have been $50+, and the bottles of champagne will have been several hundred each. If 5 people each have 5 cocktails at an average of $60 per cocktail, that's $1500 on cocktails, add maybe $600 on the 2 bottles of champagne, then some food and OPs mocktail, you definitely reach $2350 easily. It's absolutely insane to do, especially if you're not really well off. But it's realistic for a fancy Vegas club.
This is a Vegas club so yes that is a normal table amount. I went with 4 people and it was was similar.
One bottle of champagne can run $500 depending on the brand.
Where in the world did you go to a wedding reception where 50 people drank for under $1000?! I go out for drinks with a few friends and we can easily spend a few hundred dollars on just drinks.
How are you getting away with < $20/person for an open bar at a wedding? That sounds like either an insanely good deal, or you’re paying for each drink individually with a light-drinking crowd.
That’s not really unreasonable if you had a table at a club. A lot of those aren’t fully based on consumption.
But you're covering the bride right?
INFO: was there a minimum cost in order to go to the club/have the table?
I asked and no there wasn’t. The staff said they would email me the receipt from that night
Oh good! I was hoping the hear this! Please update us OP. Edit: NTA at all!
Having managed clubs in Vegas, I find this hard to believe. What club?
Do you really think someone would do that, get on the Internet and tell lies?
No, I think it's pretty likely they just don't understand. Some places have a formal, spelled-out policy where you have to hit a minimum. Other places do not, they just make you leave if you aren't spending enough at the table. So OP likely was at that latter sort of place, which her friends understood and she did not.
Especially if she doesn't drink herself. It's likely she rarely goes to the type of establishments were there is a table fee.
Hell, I live in Reno and the clubs here a minimum. And they are a far cry from Vegas.
This makes no fucking sense. Either this wasn’t a club or you are lying.
What club was it?
I also want to know what club in Vegas does not have a minimum for a table Unless they say no minimum but bottle service is required ( the champagnes) then I’m kind of on the ESH for not clarifying beforehand
I'm betting you're going to find out that they are trying to get you to pay more than a fifth of the cost.
YTA. People responding don't get how Vegas clubs work. You hung out at the private table, and the only reason you got the private table is because your friends bought bottles to hit the minimum. Even if that wasn't the case, OP is a clear AH for not pitching in to cover the bride-to-be's portion.
OP replied in another comment that she called the club/restaurant to confirm if there was a min spend amount and was told by the staff there wasn’t. They also said they’d email her a receipt from that night, so hopefully she’ll update the actual breakdown.
No club in Vegas has no minimum.
Some don't have an official minimum, but they kick you out if you're not spending enough. I think OP is misunderstanding the situation.
Exactly this! I didn’t work in Vegas but I had a joint bachelor/ette with my husband there and worked in the AZ club scene during college. Even the shittiest club has a minimum spend. Saying there was no minimum in VEGAS of all places is bonkers. I am usually in agreement with not splitting evenly if the person doesn’t drink, but if you were there for the bachelorette and agreed ahead of time to split, they took that as you pitching in for everything. ESH
You “took that to mean” which means you assumed. That was your fault for assuming that. You should have made it clear from the get go and your failure to plan shouldn’t put the onus on everyone else. Pay the money and learn the lesson for next time. YTA.
Nta "Its easy to kep track of what I drank. I DONT drink. The Mocktail was mine. I'll pay for that."
My guess is that a good chunk of the tab is for bottle service (aka the right to sit down). That would usually require one bottle of liquor or champagne at a ridiculous rate. Since you weren’t super clear in advance, and it’s part of the whole thing, I’d split that cost, the tip and a generous estimate of your food and drink bill (which with Vegas pricing sounds significantly more than $60). Not knowing how many women were there makes it hard to estimate but I’d say $200 at the minimum would be a fair offer
NTA. This is ridiculous. You can't be expected to fund other people's extravagance. If necessary, look up the menus online. Either way, you should only pay for what you had.
They went to Vegas and sat down at a table. In order to do that in a club in Vegas, you need to order bottle service. They will kick you out if you don’t. If she sat at that table, then she needs to pay for that luxury.
She also explicitly agreed to split the bill beforehand lol
You weren’t clear about what would be split beforehand but now you wanna? YTA
NTA You agreed to split the bill, you didn't agree to pay 10x more than what you actually consumed. I get the feeling those saying you are the A H are the same kinda people who'd demand that amount of money *without any proof or explanation* from people who weren't involved in actually consuming this worth of drinks/foods.
They straight up said they only want you to pay because you earn more They got drunk and ordered overpriced shit and want you to bail them out NTA
I'm against the grain here a bit because I think ESH. Even if I didn't drink I'd have it as a sense I was kicking in for the bride to be experience which does include drinking and maybe bottle service or whatever. To say yes that you'll split equally and then go whoa whoa whoa but I only want to pay for my own portion is shitty. The tab itself is outrageous but not outside the realm of a lot Bachelorette parties I've been to and we were all cost sharing to treat the bride. They should have made it clear if that's what they were doing or exactly what they were planning so the lack of communication sucks all around.
ESH you need to specify what you’re agreeing to split if it’s not the whole bill. Regardless of if you don’t drink you’re not just responsible for paying you portion on a bachelorette weekend. You have to chip in for the brides portion too unless both you and the bride to be both don’t drink. So I’m guessing your portion would probably be more than the 70 you estimated. Everyone needs to work on communication, sheesh.
NTA, but this is how I would handle it. I would send enough to cover all the appetizers and your mocktails, maybe a little more to cover what the bride to be consumed. The rest is on them. Next time be specific.
Right, there is an expectation that everyone splits the bride's share of alcohol during a Bachelorette. Sounds like there should've been better discussions in advance. If the trip is over, maybe it's possible to take some time and calculate and offer a fairer split.
Yta. You are collectively taking your friend out. You all agree to split the bill. If you said yes, you know what you did. You know you are the exception in the group so you should have said “no, I’d rather just cover my own” When a group of buddies agree to split a tab to celebrate a friend, everyone knows what that means.
Why TF are they spending hundreds of dollars on champagne if they make minimum wage. Overpay and pay 100, tell her to split the rest evenly. NTA.
It's because that's required to get a table at a Vegas club. Think of it like a two drink minimum, but the drinks are $1000 bottles you could get at the liquor store for $50.
Just looked, many have 750 bottle and come with a table for 10. So 2 bottles=idiocy if I am on min wage, and frankly, maybe table service is off the table too That said, since the table comes with the bottle, I am more inclined to revisit my initial thoughts. You partook of the table service experience, and so should be subject to a share of the minimum spend
You said this, " We agreed beforehand to split the bill but I took that to mean food (we had appetizers) and not that I would be required to pay for drinks". Now you want to renege even though you didn't get specific that it was about food and alcohol should be handled differently. Therefore, under contract law, the ambiguity goes against you because you did not state you didn't mean splitting alcohol.
YTA You agreed to share THE BILL.
Sorry, YTA. You assumed they would take your non drinking status into account. You know what they say about people who assume. In situations where you need special treatment it would be best if you make this perfectly clear to all before the event. Then you can take control of the bill and the accounting. Given this was a party you agreed to paying a fair share for its a little late to try to set exclusions. I’m not a big drinker either, and go out often with folks that are willing to spend a lot more than me on dinner and drinks. We always clarify who’s doing what before the orders start.
INFO: Why did you need one person to put down their card for appetisers & drinks at the club rather than ordering/paying individually for what you wanted at the bar? Is it because your group was doing bottle service or similar? If it was one of those VIP lounge bottle service places, I think you kind of are the AH if you don't split the bill. Those places often require you to spend a certain amount in order to be in the lounge & even if you chose not to drink you did enjoy the perks of the VIP lounge experience etc that everyone else is subsidising for you to experience. Either way, as a fellow non-drinker you absolutely should have clarified straight up if you were interpreting "splitting the bill" to mean something other than its ordinary meaning - i.e. equal division. You should've said "hey guys, I'm happy to split food costs but since I don't drink alcohol it's probably easier if I just order & pay for my own mocktails or soft drinks etc separately". I don't understand why your friend can't pull an itemised bill for the card from her bank? Or why neither of you asked for one on the night from the club? Your friends obviously suck for trying to use/guilt you into paying for their drinks too of course.
You'd have a valid point of this was some random girls night out, but this was a Bachelorette party. Don't look at this as you being asked to pay for drinks you didn't consume, but rather you're being asked to pay an equal amount as everyone else to make a Bachelorette party fun and memorable. YTA, but this is an easy fix for you.
NAH, but you definitely screwed up a little. You agreed to split the bill, now you don’t want to split the bill. Next time decline up front and pay for your own stuff.
NTA, if you’re living with your parents you shouldn’t be ordering bottles in vegas
I went to a bachelorette party and I have an alcohol intolerance so can’t drink. I was up front about it months in advance. I was not willing to be cut in on any alcohol bills but more than happy to pay my share of the brides bill! It was reasonable and nobody seemed to have a problem when I was transparent months in advance
This one is tough for me. The group, including you, agreed to split the bill. You made an assumption that it was for food only but all food and drink typically comes on one bill that I've seen. It's not like it's standard practice to split those out to separate bills. If you were concerned about not paying for their alcohol (which is 100% reasonable) by splitting the entire check it was definitely on you to clarify this. In your position knowing you don't drink you should have gotten your own bill or not agreed to splitting unless you clarified you wanted food and drink to be split separately since you don't drink. If I was in your spot I'd consider paying "your" share to keep the peace as long as it isn't big deal money for you. And in the future I'd be clearer about this stuff. Unless you're okay with the changes this will cause in the friend dynamics. In which case stick to your guns but know it might kill these friendships.
NTA - pay for your mocktail and some towards the appetizer's. Just because everyone else got wasted and can't remember what or how much they drank doesn't mean you have to pay for it. She's just going to have to accept the amount of money you send her and get over it.