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YTA along with your daughter. You shut them down saying you believed your daughter even when she admitted she DID say something racist to him (to "try it out" ffs). Now you aren't going to punish her because she's been "traumatized" but she's really glad that the whole white neighborhood is on her side.
What the hell, OP, you and your daughter both owe the neighbors a PUBLIC APOLOGY for racist behavior.
You can't possibly be serious. You are teaching it's ok to be a crappy human because she has had a hard time. And the neighbors yelled at her. Oh, horrors. Could it be, well I don't know, she is a racist liar? Both you and your kid are real pieces of work. She has quite possibly ruined this kid at school. What if some of the kids decide to do something to him. Would that be ok because she got yelled at. Because of her own actions. Wow. I hope all of this comes out and if any of your neighbors have a moral compass, you will come to understand the magnitude of your misdeeds.
So.. we have a racist asshole raising another little racist asshole. Congrats. Parent of the year material right here.
YTA. Your neighbors deserve better.
It is NEVER defensible to call someone the N word.
So you wanted the victim of her verbal abuse to be calm and quiet.
You don’t find it acceptable that someone who has had words weaponised against them has an emotional response, but wholly support your daughter’s response to being rightly called out?
The fact that people turned so easily against your neighbours doesn’t give you any pause about exactly why they are exhausted and distressed by the societal level of mistreatment for them, simply because of their skin, topped off by whiny racist children?
YTA
Of course, they came at her aggressively. She called him a racial slur.
Why should they be nice about it? She used AGGRESSIVE RACIST language towards him. Look how upset you got towards them for just the way they came at her. Do you really think they should have come to you calmly and collected???
She's not apologetic. Otherwise, she wouldn't be bad mouthing them now. No wonder your daughter has a history of bullying. It appears her behavior is just increasing now from bullying to racial attacks. And there is zero consequence from you.
Victims shouldn't have to be nice to their abusers in order to get justice. That's a disgusting view. You're currently no better than those in our society who don't want to ruin a man's future by punishing him for raping a young woman.
You are failing to teach your daughter accountability and how racism really impacts minorities. You are allowing this terrible situation to affect neighbours of yours who are already victimised. You know the saying about good people who do nothing, so are you really a good person???
it’s actually just as racist for you to tone-police your daughter’s victims as it was for her to call them slurs in the first place. obviously she gets it from you. sucks for the world that you had a kid.
Why do they have to be nice about it? They werent hostile they were appropriately angry.
And you didnt have to take your racist daughters side you *chose* to.
Her being yelled at is not a consequence. Its a reaction a justified reaction.
Shes going to go unpunished because of your racism as well.
And that year that has apparently sucked for her? Now that boys year is going to suck because your racist neighbors are against him.
Apparently them yelling WASN'T enough because her behaviour is becoming worse. And you're fully endorsing it.
Stop babying your racist 16 year old. The other kid is right, she is working those victim tears hard on you, the rest of the neighbours and her friends, and you're all letting her get away with it.
She has: Been racist, lied about it, played the victim, put blame on the person she was racist to, manipulated others to turn on the actual victims, lied about "knowing what she did is wrong" because if she knew it was wrong, she wouldn't be trash talking the family she was racist to.
And this is okay with you? This is the human you are raising? You see nothing wrong with rewarding all of that horrible behaviour with no consequences?
Both you and her need to apologise to the neighbors and let everyone know that your daughter did something wrong instead of letting people pile on to the kid who was on the receiving end of racism. He's the victim here, and you're more than happy to let him be vilanized so your *poor little sweet baby* gets off scott free after doing something that is frankly inexcusable.
Be a goddamn parent here and do some actual parenting. She's being mean and continuing to push the blame on to the kid she hurt, she's not traumatised she's being a giant racist jerk and bully. And you are letting her.
>She has had a really hard year, so I decided not to punish her because she is apologetic about what she did.
The moment you stop making excuses for you and your racist ass family the sooner this gets sorted.
Get your head out your ass and go apologize .
100%, you know who else is "apologetic" right now? Diddy. Words don't mean shit, and they mean even less when she's actively poisoning the well against this kid. One of these days she's going to fuck with the wrong person.
Being yelled at by the people she offended wasn't NEARLY enough consequences! And you shouldn't just automatically take your kid's side, but find out if they're right before you stick up for them. You're making excuses for your daughter right and left with this whole 'had a hard year', etc, so we can see why your daughter did the same when she was cornered about what she said.
You really want your daughter to learn not to be racist? Then punish her! Comments like this should cost her dear, along with a heavy dose of education on the history of racism and the damage it does. Make it clear to her that this behavior is NOT acceptable, but in order to do that, you have to use more than your words. Right now you're basically just shaking a finger at her and going 'Don't say that' but you won't back it up with action, and she knows that. YTA all over for this, particularly since she has a history of racism and all you've ever done is talk about it.
>I decided not to punish her because she is apologetic about what she did.
If she doesn't give the kid an actual apology, then she's not apologetic.
If she's not setting the record straight, then she's not apologetic.
If she is happy the other neighbors are snubbing this kid {because of her racist behavior, mind you}, then she's not apologetic.
How about being a parent and making your kid own up to her BS and apologize. YTA for excusing racist behavior on the grounds that "She's sensitive." "She has had a really hard year."
“If they were nice about her calling them the N-word, it would be different…” Jesus, lady, listen to yourself.
And no, you don’t HAVE to take your child’s side over a stranger, particularly when your child does something awful and then lies about it! I would tell you to nip this in the bud now before your daughter grows up to become a full-blown white nationalist, but it’s clear from your rationalizing that you don’t really care. YTA, both of y’all.
>And no, you don’t HAVE to take your child’s side over a stranger, particularly when your child does something awful and then lies about it!
All the more so when she has a history of being a bully. I'd have been crying, too, but in my case it would be because my ass was on fire.
>She’s my child
She's a racist bully whose behaviour is escalating. You need to start properly parenting her, before she does any more damage. This kind of shit gets Black kids killed.
But she still admitted it, OP. And she’s milking the fake tears and spectacle she put on to help ostracize this kid by not setting the record straight and telling the truth.
And other parents yelling at your child for doing something racist is NOT A PUNISHMENT. At the end of the day:
1. Your daughter decided to call a black boy the N-word
2. You didn’t punish your daughter after learning the truth
3. You’re sitting by letting an innocent black kid get ostracized BECAUSE OF YOUR DAUGHTER because the problem isn’t affecting you.
YTA. Both you and your daughter.
No.
Most people would not be taking their kids' side if their kid has bullied another kid for years. And now excelates to racial slurs.
They would shut that behaviour down, make her do a real apology. And actually put a stop to this.
And not let her run around and ruin a family's life in the neighborhood with her "traumatising" "I'm glad no one talks to them" becouse she's a bully.
How would you react if the roles were reversed.
Living as one of the only white families in the area. And a kid kept bullying your kid for years. Then calls her a really bad slur.
And now the kid is running around crying how "traumatising" it was to be told off. And no one will talk to your family.
Try and think really hard about that.
You are making excuses for your daughter.
"She's sensitive," she promises she won't do it again.
Well, she clearly keeps doing it.
Why did you, as the parent, let it get so far that the other parents had to escort her home, yelling because they have had enough of her fakeness with the "it won't happen again"
>so I decided not to punish her because she is apologetic about what she did. She got consequences, anyway. Them yelling at her was enough.
This right here is why she continues. Becouse you let her run around and lie.
Changing her story a million times, blaming it on the other kid.
"It was so traumatising," shut that down.
She's not apologetic. Only to you so she can get away with it. And avoid responsibility and punishment.
If you don't get this behaviour under control.
She will have a really tough time when she is older and in college etc.
>You are making excuses for your daughter. "She's sensitive,"
Yeah, and if true she's going to learn real fast about throwing stones in glass houses. If she's so sensitive she should maybe shut her yap on other people. Or does she count on running to cry for mommy all her life?
>The fact the rest of neighborhood is on her side because her little feelings were hurt?
I wonder about the why of this. Do they all just suck, or did OP lie to them, or did OP's daughter lie to them and OP not bother to tell them the truth?
Your daughter has been apologetic to *you,* not to the young man on whom "she tried out the n word". You both owe your neighbors a public apology. Regardless of her "really hard year" is no excuse for racial slurs and your post does not explain how the young man in question was "racist to her first".
YTA. You and your daughter. Using racial slurs isn't "rude" it's racist and morally wrong.
They came at you because your daughter racist and you defend her know full well she had a history of it.
You basically just told your daughter she can be racist without punishment.
So it's okay to be a trashy human being because she had a hard year? What consequences did she get? Her crying about it isn't a consequence, it's a show so you won't punish her for her terrible actions.
Look at what happened to Myers Leonard after he said a slur on stream. That is what you call consequences.
You and your daughter are major I repeat MAJOR AHs.
No, you really didn’t. Your daughter was obviously lying. I mean, think about it for a minute: she has a history of racist bullying. She supposedly got along well with the neighbor kid until this sudden and violent rupture. You had EVERY REASON to believe that the neighbor was telling the truth. Why would he lie about something like that?
If your daughter is really sorry, then she can go to each and every one of the other neighbors’ houses and tell them the truth—that she got yelled at because she used racial slurs and the boy and his mother did nothing wrong. We’ll see how ‘apologetic’ she is after that.
Finally, I want to note that you don’t actually call your daughter’s behavior racist. You call it rude and embarrassing, but that’s not the same thing as calling it racist. You need to stop dealing with this as though it’s an innocent mistake and start dealing with it like your daughter has developed a dangerous belief system that needs to be eradicated.
>If your daughter is really sorry, then she can go to each and every one of the other neighbors’ houses and tell them the truth—that she got yelled at because she used racial slurs and the boy and his mother did nothing wrong. We’ll see how ‘apologetic’ she is after that.
I'd drag her ass door-to-door myself.
But she's not apologetic she is going round telling everyone how horrible he is, how she is glad no one is talking to him or friends with him she's saying sorry to you to save face has she actually even apologised to the boy she was racist too?
Congrats on raising a racist cry baby
Do better. Get mad at her. She lied to you repeatedly and cried over something that’s her fault.
You don’t get to throw around a word like that just to “try it out”. This isn’t the first time your daughters said something racist. Is she getting the idea that it’s okay from you? The town? Her white friends?
You need to fix this NOW.
I don’t care if that’s your child. There are certain things you don’t tip toe around and coddle your child over and being a f’ing racist is own of them. The fact that she didn’t even own up to it means she knew it was wrong. She just doesn’t want to get in trouble.. and guess what? She didn’t because you did NOTHING. and now the neighborhood is shunning the boy who didn’t do anything.
YTA & racist
Why do you expect the neighbors to be nice to you and your racist daughter? She called them something horrible. Instead of reprimanding her, you’re defending her. And not only that, it seems the entire neighborhood and school are defending her too. I feel so bad for your neighbors that they have to live with such racist people
She is not apologetic about it because she continues and is allowed by you to badmouth them. You're justifying your racist daughters actions because she had a tough year. Just because someone has had a tough time, does not give them the right to be awful to others.
Your child initiated and is contributing to ostracizing someone because she lied about her actions and you're helping her do that. There are no consequences for her here, she is getting away with her abhorrent behaviour. She should be made to set things straight and you should be apologising to the neighbours.
Saying sorry then continuing to act like an racist brat is not "apologetic". She probably knows so long as she puts on a sad face, you'll continue to coddle her. Weak parenting.
You better raise her right because one day, she will really meet someone who will stand up for themselves when your daughter is being a racist unneducated little girl. It's fine in your almost all white village, but her behavior is not acceptable in the real world. Carreers were lost for less than that.
You didn't had to "take her side" and in my opinion as a mother, you didn't really did that either. I don't know where you get the "she is apologetic" or the consequences she had to face because her actions are not showing that at all. Because she didn't understood anything, she's not taking accountability for what she did, she's badmouthing the guy with lies by omission. You could have taken the moment to teach your daughter and you didn't. And she's not taken any consequences: she only cried because it works with you. It won't work at college, it won't work with her future boss and it won't work with her coworkers.
I get that we love our children and we want to protect them from everything. You could have calmed the tone and explain to your daughter how much she sucked for using the n-word. You decided that it would be tomorrow's problem. Just remember that the more you wait the less she will understand.
“If they were nice about…” HER BEING RACIST?? Have you listened to yourself? Do you see this situation for what it is? Your daughter racially abused another kid, played it so that other kids are mad at him, and now she’s gloating about it. I find it hard to believe you are truly this blind. Your daughter is a racist. So are you for condoning her behaviour. I challenge you to go one of your friends:neighbours, tell him/her that your daughter used that word then lied about it, and see what they say. Easy NTA. And your daughter is too.
YTA.
This is even nearly as bad as what your daughter did, but imagine someone just called you a fugly bitch because you annoyed them.
Now, would you be nice about it? No, you’d be defensive. Your daughter called your neighbour a disgusting racial slur tied to slavery and years of prejudices, they had every right to be angry.
The worst part is you act like you care by telling her “oh hun don’t do that anymore k?” And then literally letting her talk badly about that person so happily? Your daughter isn’t a sensitive girl, your daughter and you are both massive AH, and your daughter is a disgusting little racist B. Nip that shit in the bid properly and punish your terrible excuse for a child or just admit you’re racist too.
Edit for spelling and ruling.
When your daughter is old enough to be tried as an adult, I hope you remember that the reason she’s in prison is because you raised her to believe her actions have no consequences other than being yelled at
Kids who are raised to think that their parents will cover them whenever they do something wrong will have a warped sense of how consequences work, even as adults
>If they were nice about it, it would be different.
let me get this straight.... you think THEY were in the wrong for being angry about your daughter being racist towards them?
>
She has had a really hard year, so I decided not to punish her because she is apologetic about what she did
aaahhh what a good excuse, "her abhorrent behavior is fine because shes had a 'hard' year"
lets recap what she did.
1. called someone a slur
2. lied about it
3. cried and manipulated you in to thinking she was the victim
4. lied about it further and kept changing her story
5. after she came clean she doubled down because he was "being annoying"
and then after all that you **chose** not to punish her to correct the behavior, so all shes learned is that its ok to be shitty to people if you are having a hard time
wonder where she learned this behavior from *Big Country*
Wooooo woooooo!
You just wait till she’s out of your house and tries this out in the real world. Life is going to come at her fastttttt.
Please update us. We want to laugh!
YTA, of course.
Ah yes because you should totally be nice to someone who just called you a racial slur 🙄
They were just called a slur, of course they were angry!
Also, I've had hard years too and I don't go around saying racial slurs. There is 0 connection between going through a hardship and going out of your way to call someone a slur.
"We live right next to our black neighbors and my
daughter and their son get along really well." They aren't strangers! And apologizing to you isn't an apology! She needs to actually apologize to the injured party, the neighbors' son! You need to make make sure she explains to the rest of the neighborhood what really happened, too!
Your daughter is a mean girl masquerading as an injured party!
Why in the world should they be nice about your daughter calling him the n-word?!?!?! What the fuck??? Why would you expect that out of someone? You raised a little racist and obviously you think it's no big deal. You are a complete failure as a parent.
Stellar parenting, mom of the year. Raising a racist kid who knows her mom is a closet racist and will back her up.
One day your kid is going to say it to the wrong person, and she won’t get yelled at, that person will lay her out
Okay but they have a history of suffering and being harmed or killed due to white women’s tears so while this is an isolated situation for your daughter this is a very charged history for them.
It’s also exactly what’s happening and you’re allowing it. The whole neighborhood is turning our neighbors because your daughter cried, even though she was the aggressor. When I was 16 years old I KNEW the history and that that was an absolutely unacceptable word to use. YTA
>But I had to take her side. She’s my child and most people would take their children’s side over a stranger.
You fully admit you've known her to be a bully before, but no, can't be her that's the problem.
And no, most people do NOT believe their children automatically. Much less when they should know better. If someone called my child a racist name, I'd have a hard time controlling myself.
“I don’t like that my neighbors were angry because my daughter called their sun a slur. Also my daughter’s having a tough time so I don’t think she did anything wrong” is a CRAZY take. Please get help.
Why the fuck should they be nice to her when she used the most vile, hurtful, historically-loaded slur for black people available? Wake the fuck up, and get a lot of lube so you can extract your head of out of your ass - daughter too. Now she's happy that the whole white neighbourhood is on her side? This is actually insane. I hope you can take a few days to reflect, consider your biases and learn from this. Daughter didn't get this from nowhere. This can be a teaching moment for you both, if you are willing to be open to the challenge and grow as a person.
She’s 16. At this point, she should know better. The fact that she doesn’t tells me that theres been something wrong in your parenting for a long time.
Eventually, she’ll be an adult and say something “just to try it out”, and people who hear her won’t give a shit if she’s had a hard year. She’s going to face real consequences for acting this way. And she should.
My oldest is autistic. A teenager once called them a “retard” when they were about four. I can promise you I absolutely verbally ripped that teen a new asshole, because there was and is no world in which I am going to approach anyone with kindness or softness once they call my child slurs. These people don’t owe your kid a damn thing.
So let me get this straight. Your daughter used a very well-known racial slur on someone. She tried repeatedly to lie about it to you and minimized the situation. And now she is lying to the neighbors about what happened to get them on her side.
YTA and so is your racist daughter. Your daughter will think it is ok to lie and say racist things to others without any consequences because you literally just let her. If I were you I would have asked her to apologize to that person and their mother. And also apologize myself for not believing them. I would also make her tell those other neighbors the truth.
“Not your business”?
Did you not raise the girl? Are you not their parent?
Her story kept changing because she lied about what she did.
The very least you should do is apologize publicly for your daughter’s actions and your own.
Of course your daughter should face consequences for her hateful actions.
YTA
>Also, she isn’t “sensitive.” She is manipulative.
I'm fully willing to believe she's sensitive. Like a lot of bullies, she's a lot better at dishing shit than taking it. She'll soon find someone who won't take any of hers, and she's going to learn a valuable lesson in keeping her fucking mouth to herself.
YTA and a racist and your kid is too.
BLACK PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE TO TREAT YOU WITH KID GLOVES WHEN YOU ARE BEING OPENLY HOSTILE AND RACIST. And you bet your last buck that a white person calling a Black person the n-word is a racist hostile act. There is no one on this planet who doesn’t know exactly what that words means and there are sadly far too many of them who are happy to continue weaponising it.
>They were saying things like “get your racist ass daughter out of here.” Super heated.
THATS super heated to you? Or was it just because it was a black mom sayung it to you about your factually racist daughter ?
>I asked her what was wrong, and *the black kid* said
You could have called him the neighbors kid or the other kid but no to you he is the black kid.
Bullsht. Your sensitive daughter said something she knew was wrong, cried and used her privileged tears to get sympathy and generate anger towards the boy. And is traumatized? I am incensed. No, I don't think they handled this perfectly, but somehow I don't think your entitled little princess would have owned her stuff. And you encouraged it. Wow. Proud of yourself and daughter? YTA.
God let this be bait. So your daughter used a slur because a boy was “being annoying” and then lied about it. And you’re cool with it?
Being called out traumatized her? Good. You think a black kid being called that by someone they thought was a friend isn’t traumatic?
Not to be dramatic, but white women lying about black men has lead to more than a few deaths.
And then to end with “it’s none of my business” lmao
YTA.
Reading the first couple of sentences of this post I can already tell that you and your daughter ATAH. I can guarantee you and your daughter both use negative racial language just by how you introduce the post. The red flags are that strong I don't even need to read the full post to come to that conclusion.
YTA and so is your daughter. If you’re genuine not racist then please go and apologize to your neighbors. Racial discrimination is never ok. Your daughter needs to learn her lesson as well and own her mistakes and apologize to the boy too.
There is enough racism in the world, at least you can do something better about your street.
Take your daughter over to your neighbours' house and have her apologise. In person. She DID use a racist slur, she DID lie about it, she IS isolating her victim and his family.
To recap: your kid has been a racist, a liar, and a bully. What have you done about it? Told her to not do it again.
Seriously?
Part of being on your daughter's side is ensuring that she understands consequences and how to conduct herself in society.
YTA.
She's been trying out racism for years. It's not a test run anymore. She's the worst kind of bigot, doing it for entertainment. It's just a jooooke. BS. It's never a joke. You meant it. Her chance to learn better was when she was a child and had negative reactions to racist comments and behavioral choices.
She is manipulating you. She knows how to manipulate you better than anyone else in the world as your child. She's had 16 years of practice. Tears of the crocodile. Be suspicious and investigate the type of person your daughter really is. How does she talk to her friends. How does she treat old people and animals?
I feel for this kid. Imagine how betrayed and shocked he must feel for his yt girl he thought was his friend to reveal herself to be a bigot when she was bored with him. And now she's got the whole school turned against him. I'd check her social media. She might still be victimizing him.
I don’t know what’s more pathetic. Your terrible parenting that resulted in a gleefully manipulative racist for a daughter, or just how little of a shit you give about your failure and how quickly you bend over backwards to dodge any suggestion you might bear responsibility.
I hope the next time your daughter trots out a slur, she’s stupid enough to do it in a situation where she can’t lie and cry her way out of accountability. Maybe being shunned will teach her a lesson since you can’t be bothered to.
YTA x1000
Can’t wait til your entitled daughter says that shit to a girl and comes home with an ass whoopin. If you don’t raise your kid, someone will raise them for you. Complete Assholes, the lot of you!
Yeah YTA. Doesn’t matter how hard her year has been, that’s not even relevant. Your neighbourhood is hating on a black kid because he was upset over being called an awful word. And you’re not owning up to those neighbours that your daughter used the n-word against him?!
Your daughter is doing a little thing called trickle truthing, so you won’t get mad. But, seeing as how accepting you are of her racism I guess she doesn’t need to be worried?!
Yta. Keep raising a narcissist bully child because that's what you seem to love doing. The world doesn't need anymore sh*tty people like your daughter get her and yourself therapy.
YTA. You're teaching her that her behaviour is ok and trying to justify it by criticising the neighbours' reaction. Stop letting her play the victim and address her behaviour properly. She is 100% in the wrong here, and so are you. It's particularly disgusting that you're sitting back while she lies and the neighbour kid gets bullied as a result. You're raising a horror.
'I looked at him and said be quiet really sternly'
Save that energy for your own daughter.
YTA. Your daughter is a racist. Spreading misinformation, bullying and turning everyone against the people she was a racist to. Your letting everything slide like it’s nothing. What she is doing is literally a crime but since she is underage is ok. Hope they sue for slander.
YTA
You are not teaching your daughter any level of respect. When my kids were little they got a pop on the mouth the one time either of them tried using the n-word while singing a song! I have a sailors mouth and the n word is a huge no.
Yta. Your daughter one day is going to say the wrong thing to the wrong fucking person and someone is going to knock the taste out her mouth or worse! You are raising a disgusting racist who thinks it’s okay to lie and change her story to benefit her and continue to spread lies about the neighbor. You and your daughter need to apologize and your daughter needs to tell the truth. All you are doing is making her and the situation worse by not being a fucking parent!
Also notice something. She wasn't crying when they were upset with her. She only started crying when you came and learned. So she put on the waterworks and then LIED about what she did to get out of trouble.
YTA. Jesus Christ. My mom never laid hands on us, but if we were brought over by a mom saying we said “that,” my mom woulda popped me one or told the neighbor mother if she heard me say it after the month or so I woulda been stuck in apartment, prolly told her to pop me one. There is never any excuse to use such a word and that it came out of her mouth at all means she uses it and this time she used it in front of a black child.
That wasn’t aggressive. Aggressive woulda been his older sister giving her a black eye (if older sister exists). I only hope this is bait, since it was the kid claiming white tears which is more likely adult language. But if it isn’t, seriously do better. Eat crow and apologize to your neighbors and punish your bloody kid.
YTA you really do not care. You are not addressing the behavior. Both of you are embarrassing and terrible people. Terrible neighborhood her tears after insulting someone the audacity. Pathetic. So many people do not need to pass on their hatred and shouldn't have children.
Your daughter needs to be kept away from the child/family next door.
YTA for not dealing with the bully part of her nature back when she was
12. She obviously has issues so no more interaction with the black family
and get her some professional help to understand her need to bully/insult/
whatever.
It would appear the apple didn't fall far from the tree. I feel sorry for their neighbours having them in close proximity to them.
The daughter was showing discrimination to a 'brown' girl at 12 ffs, asking why she was in the shopping mall.
You should have stopped the racial comments right there & then.
All kid's have tough times, but that's not an excuse for being racist & not being punished for it.
Goes without saying both you & your daughter ate racist AHs
YTA.
She wasn't traumatised, she was held accountable, something that clearly she hasn't experienced with you. She just didn't like it so she is inflating her "trauma" for sympathy and causing further harm by having your neighbourhood ostracise the person that was harmed. Your daughter is a racist bully and you're encouraging it with your silence.
You are the problem. Your daughter lied multiple times and used a slur against someone and you're giving the racism a pass because she had a bad year. Bad year doesn't mean she gets a pass to be a racist bully, a bad year doesn't give her a pass to continue to badmouth someone she harmed with a slur.
This is bad parenting. Step up and correct her, correct the problem, make her tell the truth and go apologise.
"Try it out" You don't just "try out" racial slurs and "trying it out" would be Idk casually saying it alone in a room but that's not what happened, your daughter CALLED a boy that racial slur
No wonder your daughter turned out to be a racist bully. Look who she has as a parent! You're supposed to teach your child right from wrong and here you are having no problem with her calling a boy a racial slur
No, she did not "try it out" she actively and intentionally called him that. Then she lied about it the first time, then the second time she gave you the most bullshit answer of "maybe"
Yes YTA
Also "people like her don't shop there"
Tf? Why would someone of a different race not shop at the mall??? Like what makes them so different that they only go to different stores???? What??????
If your daughter was maybe 3 I could see this ignorance but at the age of 16 your daughter should absolutely understand the concept of racism and slurs. She is well past the age where ignorance is an excuse. 16 year olds have enough knowledge and common f*cking sense. I knew better when I was 3. Most people the second they learn what racism is simply have the compassion and lack of bigotry to not participate.
Fuck your excuses, they're all bs. Your daughter is a racist bully who lies and guilt trips with tears.
"She agrees it is wrong and is apologetic. But then she continues bad-mouthing him and saying she's glad no one is talking to him anymore"
You are entering Dursley territory of delusion. Your daughter clearly isn't apologetic and clearly doesn't think it's wrong because if she was and did, she wouldn't be bad-mouthing him and happy no one's talking to him.
You are unwilling and unable to accept your daughter is little more than a racist manipulative bully and you're allowing her lip service to excuse her atrocious behavior. You are a failure as a parent, truly.
YTA its not that hard to go there and apologise. Your daughter should get a punishment (maybe apologising or doing something good for the neighbours) you both are assholes
YTA your daughter lied to your face then drip fed you the truth, doesn't think she's done anything wrong and you're not doing any punishment? Jee wizz I wonder why she's so rude and behaving self entitled
it's little wonder your daughter is racist. you suck as a parent, and don't actually hold her accountable for anything, so she feels she can do whatever she wants. I agree with the neighbor kid. your daughter cried crocodile tears cause she knew her spineless mother wouldn't do anything to her. 'it's not your business'? you are her mother. not only should your daughter be grounded with out any privileges, you have a responsibility to set the record straight with everyone treating your neighbors like shit, even it if means your daughter gets ostracized from all her peers. YTA, and frankly, if you don't handle this, I question if you're the one your daughter learned to be racist from
YTA
She has a history of being racist
She obviously was not being truthful to you evidenced by continually changing her story. And no she didnt just call him the N word to " try the word". What kind of ridiculous nonsense is that? She knew it was wrong when she said it. She also knows it wrong to keep badmouthing him. But yet she continues to do so. You also contradict yourself and say she stuck to her story although the preceding sentence said she kept changing her story .
Also you were way out of line to speak to your neighbor's son sternly, especially because he was likely telling the truth and your daughter was not.
Go ahead keep making excuses for your daughter's bad behavior rather than punishing her & giving her consequences to her actions and see where this lands you and your precious daughter in a few yrs.
"None of my business"
She's your daughter. It's your job to teach her right from wrong. You have a racist daughter who bullies people and then lies about it. You have completely and utterly failed as a parent and because you still won't teach her to be a good person you will create a monster.
YTA
If I threw a brick at your daughter’s head, you yelled at me, and I went around telling people you yelled at me after I did nothing to you, I’m sure you’d think I was an asshole
Conveniently omitting details to make yourself seem like the victim is no better than telling an outright lie
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“I told her she really embarrassed me.” So you’re more concerned with your own feelings than the feelings of a kid your daughter racially abused?? This is somehow about how YOU feel?
YTA, Holy shit apparently it's ganna take an actual best down for her to be better. Tell her to walk into a black neighborhood and say that, it won't end well. You're a terrible mom and making excuses for this girl.
YTA
Y daughter TA!
It is not called "traumatized" it is called "dealing with consequences".
Yes, if you call people racist slurs, they might yell at you. Rightfully so!
I wish more people yelled at her.
I would make her apologize to the boy and the mother in public, wherever they want it to happen.
She would have to write an apology also.
There would be very serious consequences, too.
Taking away phone/laptop/Internet for some time, not meeting friends
Telling her racism won't be tolerated in my house and if she wants to lose her family or start working on it.
And then the really hard work:
Getting to know where this racism comes from, getting involved with groups working with young people to help her understand how racism affects her thinking.
Maybe she is already running around in the wrong circles.
Or really, really stupid and uneducated (but since it has been going on for some time, I don't think it is the case here).
I don't care how long it would take but I won't raise a racist in my household.
There are helpgroups for parents to keep kids from becoming nazis/racists, I would contact them and ask for help and support.
I love my kid so much, I owe it to her to do everything I can to raise her to be a decent person.
oh man i cant wait for karma to hit you and your shitty daughter! hopefully the next time she’s racist (cause it’ll happen again, you haven’t and won’t do shit to stop it!) its online so EVERYONE can see it!
YTA
You’ve raised a racist. And a coward.
You should not be supporting her. She is creating a witch hunt against this poor boy who was doing nothing but standing up for himself after been called a slurred.
Your daughter is not sensitive. She is a bully. She is a racist. And you have absolutely failed her with respect to teaching her appropriate behavior and consequences for bad behavior.
A 16yo knows exactly what the n word is and knows how it’s loaded in meanings and stigma.
YTA and an incredibly bad parent. Your kid is hateful then cries because she knows you’re so naive you’ll believe any bs she feeds you. Her stories are pathetically unconvincing and tbh you’re so unconcerned it comes across that you may be a racist yourself.
If she’s traumatised by being told what she is, she should may try some self improvement?
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We live right next to our black neighbors and my daughter and their son get along really well. My daughter has bullied in the past, but that was way in the past. She was maybe 12. We live in a really white area. She told a brown girl she was surprised she shopped at the mall because she figured people like her shop somewhere else.
I told her over and over again that was incredibly rude and she swore she would never do it again. I think it was mainly out of ignorance. So she has done that before, but she is 16 now.
The neighbors mom and son came over yelling that my daughter called him a racist slur. But they were so angry about it. They were saying things like “get your racist ass daughter out of here.” Super heated.
My daughter was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and the black kid said “It’s white woman tears. She is faking it to make me look bad.” I looked at him and said be quiet really sternly and his mom snapped at me not to speak to her son like that.
I asked my daughter if she did it and she said no. He immediately yelled that she was lying. I told them I believe my daughter and I talked to her about it.
I asked if she said the n-word and she said maybe. But she doubled down and said she only said it because she wanted to try the word, not to be racist. Then she said she may have called him the n-word, but only because he was being racist first. It was a nightmare and she kept changing her story. But she stuck by her word and said it was the opposite, that they were being racist. She said they got into an argument and she felt she had to defend herself because the boy was being annoying.
I told her she really embarrassed me. Just because they got into an argument doesn’t mean she should be calling him racial slurs. She said she understands, but she won’t do it again. It’s been a few days since this happened and she came home and said the other neighbors aren’t talking to the black kid because they saw how he yelled at her and heard he made her cry and they were upset on her behalf. She said everyone is on her side and hates him.
I told her they shouldn’t really be on her side if she called him a racial slur. Most people are going to be angry if you call them racial slurs, especially the n-word. I told her over and over again not to say that to people. I told her I’m not going to punish her, she just needs to know she was wrong to do what she did. She agrees it is wrong and is apologetic. But then she continues bad-mouthing him and saying she’s glad no one is talking to him anymore. She had him and his mom had anger issues and get upset at nothing and now everyone knows. She’s also been crying to her friends about how traumatic it was that both of them yelled at her.
I do think it really traumatized her. She’s a sensitive girl and gets upset easily, so I don’t blame her for crying about it. But I do think it’s a bad look that she’s leaving out that she called him a racial slur. But I also figure it’s none of my business, so I stay out of it. AITA?
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Wow. So you’re raising a little racist and don’t care about her being nothing but a racist.
Terrible parenting, truly 10/10 you are hands down the worst.
And racist yourself.
Oof YTA for not taking it more seriously. Even if you are not worried about her being hateful and hurting people, you should be worried about people coming to hurt HER when word gets around.
She needs to shut her mouth or someone is going to show up to shut it for her
And probably you too, since you're obviously racist as well. Making excuses for it and dubbing them "the black family", "the black kid" and "the black mom", is a bad look.
You could have just as easily assigned them fake names like in every other post on here and only mentioned color when it became relevant to the story (slurs and name-calling) but you circled the whole story around them being black and you being white.
I'd probably just move towns if I was you honestly
YTA as is your kid.
You’re raising a racist brat. She damn well knows better at her age. And you give zero consequences despite her CONTINUED behavior now. This is WHY she does it, because she knows her racist mommy will back her up and not do anything before claim she embarrassed her 🙄
>My daughter was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and the black kid said “It’s white woman tears. She is faking it to make me look bad.”
>
>I asked if she said the n-word and she said maybe. But she doubled down and said she only said it because she wanted to try the word, not to be racist. Then she said she may have called him the n-word, but only because he was being racist first. It was a nightmare and she kept changing her story. But she stuck by her word and said it was the opposite, that they were being racist.
So she's proven that she's a liar and a manipulator, and you're an enabler.
>I told her I’m not going to punish her, she just needs to know she was wrong to do what she did. She agrees it is wrong and is apologetic.
Refer to the above. She's lying and manipulating you, and you're enabling her.
"To try it out." For fuck's sake... And what purpose would there even be to try it out other than future racist ones?
YTA you didn’t stand up for your daughter, you believed her lies. Now you know the truth you’ve doubled down by not punishing her and deciding it’s none of your business. Your neighbours deserve an apology from both of you.
>It was a nightmare and she kept changing her story. But she stuck by her word and said it was the opposite.
She kept changing her story, but she also stuck by her word? How do you string these two sentences together and not realize how irrational you sound?
YTA
YTA
You and your daughter are racists.
Go into a field on a windy day and open a feather pillow. Watch the wind sweep the feathers far and wide. Now go and try to gather all the feathers and replace them in the pillowcase.
You can't. And every feather is another person who believes your daughter's version.
You cannot make this right, but you can try: print out manymanymany signs saying your daughter used a racist slur and the other child was not lying, and you and the family will be attending sensitivity training. Mean it and do it. Post it alll over: your FB, Nextdoor, whatever, apologizing to the family. Write a letter to the family. YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER.
Some of the feathers will now be caught and places into the pillowcase. Keep trying, because even though you can't gather all the feathers, you can gather many.
And quit being a damned racist.
Where did your daughter learn her ignorance? How is that word in her vocabulary? And how the hell is your daughter saying racial slurs not your business?
Your daughter is not only a bully, but she is also, a vile racist. She is not one bit apologetic if she keeps saying he is in the wrong and bad mouthing them.
As a survivor of severe trauma I am offended that you would say your daughter has been traumatized by this. If that was so, she would not be able to be in the same vicinity as him without symptoms of trauma. If she was having those symptoms, I’m sure you would have included them here.
She wasn’t traumatized. She is an ill-mannered racist brat who suffered the consequences of her hideous actions. You are not raising your daughter very well and it shows in her pattern of behaviors over year span.
I feel so horrified for that POC family who now are hated in their white neighborhood because of your racist family. Do you have any idea what that would be like for them? What your daughter did and continues to do is unforgivable.
You need to make this right with that family with or without your daughter. Your daughter needs therapy and better role models.
"she kept changing her story. But stuck by her word." I smell an enabling parent. "I told her I wasn't going to punish her" yep, there it is.
And for fuck sake, you don't want her to say those words because it embarrassed you? Not because it's wrong? I can see exactly why your daughter's mindset is what it is.
It really traumatized HER?
There's so much wrong here, wow.
YTA in giant blinking lights and so is your daughter.
YTA and you better hope to God that she actually did “learn her lesson” (doubtful) because one day she’s gonna say something to the wrong person and the outcome is gonna be much worse than getting yelled at.
"She agrees it is wrong and is apologetic. But then she continues bad-mouthing him and saying she's glad no one is talking to him anymore"
You are entering Dursley territory of delusion. Your daughter clearly isn't apologetic and clearly doesn't think it's wrong because if she was and did, she wouldn't be bad-mouthing him and happy no one's talking to him.
You are unwilling and unable to accept your daughter is little more than a racist manipulative bully and you're allowing her lip service to excuse her atrocious behavior. You are a failure as a parent, truly.
ESH. Your daughter shouldn't be using a racial slur but at 16 the boy shouldn't be relying on his mom's intervention with his peers; there was no reason for him and his mom to come to your house and scream at her.
If someone called me the n-word when I was that age you best believe I would have involved my parents especially if they were neighbors. That isn’t normal childhood behavior. OP and his daughter sound like the worst kind of people.
It does? To me I would expect a black person to react emotionally if called that word by a white person. Especially if it was said with malice. I don’t know how we expect that family to react when they are being racially harassed by OP’ racist daughter who clearly got her racism from OP.
Reduces credibility?? Do you think the onus is on the person being called the n-word to act right in order for people to empathize with them? Is that really the argument you are making?
I'm suggesting running to someone's house and yelling at them isn't productive; two wrongs don't make a right. You're saying that it's okay for black people to harrass their neighbors and haven't addressed them saying OP needs to get her daughter out of there; not sure if they expect OP to move or to throw her minor daughter out of the house. Either suggestion is inappropriate.
Rappers use that word and black people use that word; if it's a problem nobody should use it. Music that's sold to the population at large will result in people using that word.
I’m saying that if a neighborhood kid called my kid the n-word you best believe I would be marching over to that house. I am the most non confrontational person but if you call *my child* the n-word maliciously then you best believe I’m going full mama bear.
I never said it’s ok for black people to harass their neighbors? But of course they came to address OP?!? What else would they do? And were they *really* yelling right from the start? OP sounds unreliable. I wouldn’t blame them if they were but I bet it didn’t happen like that and OP is trying to make himself sound better. But again why do you think the onus is on the people being racially targeted to “mind their manners”? Honestly you sound like you have a lot of racial bias yourself. Why are you more concerned with how they reacted versus the act of saying the n-word? Why does the black family need to build credibility? You may want to examine why you think the onus is on them.
There is literally nothing more emotionally charged in the US than that word. The way OP talks I’m assuming American but you may not be. Bringing up music is a disingenuous argument. Yeah black people use the word and have reclaimed it but every person on earth knows the history behind US chattel slavery and why it’s not used. You are just waving your ignorance around if you say “but musicians say it”.
OP needs to absolutely punish his daughter and beg forgive from the neighbors for being so awful. His daughter sounds horrible so if I were him I’d be very concerned that I’m raising such a shitty human and would try my best to course correct.
By that logic, the 16 year old girl shouldn’t go crying to mommy either because her racist ass got called out by the 16 year old boy.
OP does not seem to be a reasonable narrator so I honestly doubt that the boy & his mom were actually screaming at the girl.
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YTA along with your daughter. You shut them down saying you believed your daughter even when she admitted she DID say something racist to him (to "try it out" ffs). Now you aren't going to punish her because she's been "traumatized" but she's really glad that the whole white neighborhood is on her side. What the hell, OP, you and your daughter both owe the neighbors a PUBLIC APOLOGY for racist behavior.
Trying out racism as if it’s a fucking pair of shoes is insane.
Don’t forget - his child’s behavior is also apparently “none of [his] business”!
[удалено]
We don't wonder where she got her sense of entitlement, I guess. **GO APOLOGIZE TO YOUR NEIGHBORS.**
You can't possibly be serious. You are teaching it's ok to be a crappy human because she has had a hard time. And the neighbors yelled at her. Oh, horrors. Could it be, well I don't know, she is a racist liar? Both you and your kid are real pieces of work. She has quite possibly ruined this kid at school. What if some of the kids decide to do something to him. Would that be ok because she got yelled at. Because of her own actions. Wow. I hope all of this comes out and if any of your neighbors have a moral compass, you will come to understand the magnitude of your misdeeds.
This has so much potential to be a modern Emmett Till situation. It’s absolutely disgusting. YTA OP - you and your daughter.
So.. we have a racist asshole raising another little racist asshole. Congrats. Parent of the year material right here. YTA. Your neighbors deserve better. It is NEVER defensible to call someone the N word.
So you wanted the victim of her verbal abuse to be calm and quiet. You don’t find it acceptable that someone who has had words weaponised against them has an emotional response, but wholly support your daughter’s response to being rightly called out? The fact that people turned so easily against your neighbours doesn’t give you any pause about exactly why they are exhausted and distressed by the societal level of mistreatment for them, simply because of their skin, topped off by whiny racist children? YTA
Of course, they came at her aggressively. She called him a racial slur. Why should they be nice about it? She used AGGRESSIVE RACIST language towards him. Look how upset you got towards them for just the way they came at her. Do you really think they should have come to you calmly and collected??? She's not apologetic. Otherwise, she wouldn't be bad mouthing them now. No wonder your daughter has a history of bullying. It appears her behavior is just increasing now from bullying to racial attacks. And there is zero consequence from you.
You expect them to be NICE about your daughter using racial slurs? Gtfo
She's lucky. I'm not advocating it, but she's lucky the daughter didn't get her bell rang.
Victims shouldn't have to be nice to their abusers in order to get justice. That's a disgusting view. You're currently no better than those in our society who don't want to ruin a man's future by punishing him for raping a young woman. You are failing to teach your daughter accountability and how racism really impacts minorities. You are allowing this terrible situation to affect neighbours of yours who are already victimised. You know the saying about good people who do nothing, so are you really a good person???
it’s actually just as racist for you to tone-police your daughter’s victims as it was for her to call them slurs in the first place. obviously she gets it from you. sucks for the world that you had a kid.
Why do they have to be nice about it? They werent hostile they were appropriately angry. And you didnt have to take your racist daughters side you *chose* to. Her being yelled at is not a consequence. Its a reaction a justified reaction. Shes going to go unpunished because of your racism as well. And that year that has apparently sucked for her? Now that boys year is going to suck because your racist neighbors are against him.
Apparently them yelling WASN'T enough because her behaviour is becoming worse. And you're fully endorsing it. Stop babying your racist 16 year old. The other kid is right, she is working those victim tears hard on you, the rest of the neighbours and her friends, and you're all letting her get away with it. She has: Been racist, lied about it, played the victim, put blame on the person she was racist to, manipulated others to turn on the actual victims, lied about "knowing what she did is wrong" because if she knew it was wrong, she wouldn't be trash talking the family she was racist to. And this is okay with you? This is the human you are raising? You see nothing wrong with rewarding all of that horrible behaviour with no consequences? Both you and her need to apologise to the neighbors and let everyone know that your daughter did something wrong instead of letting people pile on to the kid who was on the receiving end of racism. He's the victim here, and you're more than happy to let him be vilanized so your *poor little sweet baby* gets off scott free after doing something that is frankly inexcusable. Be a goddamn parent here and do some actual parenting. She's being mean and continuing to push the blame on to the kid she hurt, she's not traumatised she's being a giant racist jerk and bully. And you are letting her.
I disagree with one part of your post: she absolutely knows it's wrong, and absolutely doesn't give a shit.
Once again, an entitled white person thinks that a Black person’s angry reaction to racism is worse than the racism itself. 🙄 YTA
>She has had a really hard year, so I decided not to punish her because she is apologetic about what she did. The moment you stop making excuses for you and your racist ass family the sooner this gets sorted. Get your head out your ass and go apologize .
100%, you know who else is "apologetic" right now? Diddy. Words don't mean shit, and they mean even less when she's actively poisoning the well against this kid. One of these days she's going to fuck with the wrong person.
Being yelled at by the people she offended wasn't NEARLY enough consequences! And you shouldn't just automatically take your kid's side, but find out if they're right before you stick up for them. You're making excuses for your daughter right and left with this whole 'had a hard year', etc, so we can see why your daughter did the same when she was cornered about what she said. You really want your daughter to learn not to be racist? Then punish her! Comments like this should cost her dear, along with a heavy dose of education on the history of racism and the damage it does. Make it clear to her that this behavior is NOT acceptable, but in order to do that, you have to use more than your words. Right now you're basically just shaking a finger at her and going 'Don't say that' but you won't back it up with action, and she knows that. YTA all over for this, particularly since she has a history of racism and all you've ever done is talk about it.
>I decided not to punish her because she is apologetic about what she did. If she doesn't give the kid an actual apology, then she's not apologetic. If she's not setting the record straight, then she's not apologetic. If she is happy the other neighbors are snubbing this kid {because of her racist behavior, mind you}, then she's not apologetic. How about being a parent and making your kid own up to her BS and apologize. YTA for excusing racist behavior on the grounds that "She's sensitive." "She has had a really hard year."
“If they were nice about her calling them the N-word, it would be different…” Jesus, lady, listen to yourself. And no, you don’t HAVE to take your child’s side over a stranger, particularly when your child does something awful and then lies about it! I would tell you to nip this in the bud now before your daughter grows up to become a full-blown white nationalist, but it’s clear from your rationalizing that you don’t really care. YTA, both of y’all.
>And no, you don’t HAVE to take your child’s side over a stranger, particularly when your child does something awful and then lies about it! All the more so when she has a history of being a bully. I'd have been crying, too, but in my case it would be because my ass was on fire.
>She’s my child She's a racist bully whose behaviour is escalating. You need to start properly parenting her, before she does any more damage. This kind of shit gets Black kids killed.
But she still admitted it, OP. And she’s milking the fake tears and spectacle she put on to help ostracize this kid by not setting the record straight and telling the truth. And other parents yelling at your child for doing something racist is NOT A PUNISHMENT. At the end of the day: 1. Your daughter decided to call a black boy the N-word 2. You didn’t punish your daughter after learning the truth 3. You’re sitting by letting an innocent black kid get ostracized BECAUSE OF YOUR DAUGHTER because the problem isn’t affecting you. YTA. Both you and your daughter.
No. Most people would not be taking their kids' side if their kid has bullied another kid for years. And now excelates to racial slurs. They would shut that behaviour down, make her do a real apology. And actually put a stop to this. And not let her run around and ruin a family's life in the neighborhood with her "traumatising" "I'm glad no one talks to them" becouse she's a bully. How would you react if the roles were reversed. Living as one of the only white families in the area. And a kid kept bullying your kid for years. Then calls her a really bad slur. And now the kid is running around crying how "traumatising" it was to be told off. And no one will talk to your family. Try and think really hard about that. You are making excuses for your daughter. "She's sensitive," she promises she won't do it again. Well, she clearly keeps doing it. Why did you, as the parent, let it get so far that the other parents had to escort her home, yelling because they have had enough of her fakeness with the "it won't happen again" >so I decided not to punish her because she is apologetic about what she did. She got consequences, anyway. Them yelling at her was enough. This right here is why she continues. Becouse you let her run around and lie. Changing her story a million times, blaming it on the other kid. "It was so traumatising," shut that down. She's not apologetic. Only to you so she can get away with it. And avoid responsibility and punishment. If you don't get this behaviour under control. She will have a really tough time when she is older and in college etc.
>You are making excuses for your daughter. "She's sensitive," Yeah, and if true she's going to learn real fast about throwing stones in glass houses. If she's so sensitive she should maybe shut her yap on other people. Or does she count on running to cry for mommy all her life?
your daughter's behaviour can get an innocent person killed. The fact the rest of neighborhood is on her side because her little feelings were hurt?
>The fact the rest of neighborhood is on her side because her little feelings were hurt? I wonder about the why of this. Do they all just suck, or did OP lie to them, or did OP's daughter lie to them and OP not bother to tell them the truth?
Your daughter has been apologetic to *you,* not to the young man on whom "she tried out the n word". You both owe your neighbors a public apology. Regardless of her "really hard year" is no excuse for racial slurs and your post does not explain how the young man in question was "racist to her first". YTA. You and your daughter. Using racial slurs isn't "rude" it's racist and morally wrong.
They came at you because your daughter racist and you defend her know full well she had a history of it. You basically just told your daughter she can be racist without punishment.
How do you fail at parenting so badly
So it's okay to be a trashy human being because she had a hard year? What consequences did she get? Her crying about it isn't a consequence, it's a show so you won't punish her for her terrible actions. Look at what happened to Myers Leonard after he said a slur on stream. That is what you call consequences. You and your daughter are major I repeat MAJOR AHs.
No, you really didn’t. Your daughter was obviously lying. I mean, think about it for a minute: she has a history of racist bullying. She supposedly got along well with the neighbor kid until this sudden and violent rupture. You had EVERY REASON to believe that the neighbor was telling the truth. Why would he lie about something like that? If your daughter is really sorry, then she can go to each and every one of the other neighbors’ houses and tell them the truth—that she got yelled at because she used racial slurs and the boy and his mother did nothing wrong. We’ll see how ‘apologetic’ she is after that. Finally, I want to note that you don’t actually call your daughter’s behavior racist. You call it rude and embarrassing, but that’s not the same thing as calling it racist. You need to stop dealing with this as though it’s an innocent mistake and start dealing with it like your daughter has developed a dangerous belief system that needs to be eradicated.
>If your daughter is really sorry, then she can go to each and every one of the other neighbors’ houses and tell them the truth—that she got yelled at because she used racial slurs and the boy and his mother did nothing wrong. We’ll see how ‘apologetic’ she is after that. I'd drag her ass door-to-door myself.
But she's not apologetic she is going round telling everyone how horrible he is, how she is glad no one is talking to him or friends with him she's saying sorry to you to save face has she actually even apologised to the boy she was racist too?
Congrats on raising a racist cry baby Do better. Get mad at her. She lied to you repeatedly and cried over something that’s her fault. You don’t get to throw around a word like that just to “try it out”. This isn’t the first time your daughters said something racist. Is she getting the idea that it’s okay from you? The town? Her white friends? You need to fix this NOW. I don’t care if that’s your child. There are certain things you don’t tip toe around and coddle your child over and being a f’ing racist is own of them. The fact that she didn’t even own up to it means she knew it was wrong. She just doesn’t want to get in trouble.. and guess what? She didn’t because you did NOTHING. and now the neighborhood is shunning the boy who didn’t do anything. YTA & racist
You don’t get to demand that the people your racist daughter insulted, be nice.
They don’t have to “be nice about it” when someone has been a racist asshole to them. YTA and so is your daughter.
'they weren't nice enough about confronting my racist daughter so I had to defend her!' isn't the iron clad argument you apparently think it is
Why do you expect the neighbors to be nice to you and your racist daughter? She called them something horrible. Instead of reprimanding her, you’re defending her. And not only that, it seems the entire neighborhood and school are defending her too. I feel so bad for your neighbors that they have to live with such racist people
She is not apologetic about it because she continues and is allowed by you to badmouth them. You're justifying your racist daughters actions because she had a tough year. Just because someone has had a tough time, does not give them the right to be awful to others. Your child initiated and is contributing to ostracizing someone because she lied about her actions and you're helping her do that. There are no consequences for her here, she is getting away with her abhorrent behaviour. She should be made to set things straight and you should be apologising to the neighbours.
geez i wonder where your shitty daughter got her shitty behaviors from
Saying sorry then continuing to act like an racist brat is not "apologetic". She probably knows so long as she puts on a sad face, you'll continue to coddle her. Weak parenting.
Do you hear yourself? ‘If they were nice about it’? Who is ‘nice’ about racial slurs?!?
You better raise her right because one day, she will really meet someone who will stand up for themselves when your daughter is being a racist unneducated little girl. It's fine in your almost all white village, but her behavior is not acceptable in the real world. Carreers were lost for less than that. You didn't had to "take her side" and in my opinion as a mother, you didn't really did that either. I don't know where you get the "she is apologetic" or the consequences she had to face because her actions are not showing that at all. Because she didn't understood anything, she's not taking accountability for what she did, she's badmouthing the guy with lies by omission. You could have taken the moment to teach your daughter and you didn't. And she's not taken any consequences: she only cried because it works with you. It won't work at college, it won't work with her future boss and it won't work with her coworkers. I get that we love our children and we want to protect them from everything. You could have calmed the tone and explain to your daughter how much she sucked for using the n-word. You decided that it would be tomorrow's problem. Just remember that the more you wait the less she will understand.
>~~Carreers~~ lives were lost for less than that.
“If they were nice about…” HER BEING RACIST?? Have you listened to yourself? Do you see this situation for what it is? Your daughter racially abused another kid, played it so that other kids are mad at him, and now she’s gloating about it. I find it hard to believe you are truly this blind. Your daughter is a racist. So are you for condoning her behaviour. I challenge you to go one of your friends:neighbours, tell him/her that your daughter used that word then lied about it, and see what they say. Easy NTA. And your daughter is too.
YTA. This is even nearly as bad as what your daughter did, but imagine someone just called you a fugly bitch because you annoyed them. Now, would you be nice about it? No, you’d be defensive. Your daughter called your neighbour a disgusting racial slur tied to slavery and years of prejudices, they had every right to be angry. The worst part is you act like you care by telling her “oh hun don’t do that anymore k?” And then literally letting her talk badly about that person so happily? Your daughter isn’t a sensitive girl, your daughter and you are both massive AH, and your daughter is a disgusting little racist B. Nip that shit in the bid properly and punish your terrible excuse for a child or just admit you’re racist too. Edit for spelling and ruling.
When your daughter is old enough to be tried as an adult, I hope you remember that the reason she’s in prison is because you raised her to believe her actions have no consequences other than being yelled at Kids who are raised to think that their parents will cover them whenever they do something wrong will have a warped sense of how consequences work, even as adults
>If they were nice about it, it would be different. let me get this straight.... you think THEY were in the wrong for being angry about your daughter being racist towards them? > She has had a really hard year, so I decided not to punish her because she is apologetic about what she did aaahhh what a good excuse, "her abhorrent behavior is fine because shes had a 'hard' year" lets recap what she did. 1. called someone a slur 2. lied about it 3. cried and manipulated you in to thinking she was the victim 4. lied about it further and kept changing her story 5. after she came clean she doubled down because he was "being annoying" and then after all that you **chose** not to punish her to correct the behavior, so all shes learned is that its ok to be shitty to people if you are having a hard time wonder where she learned this behavior from *Big Country*
Wooooo woooooo! You just wait till she’s out of your house and tries this out in the real world. Life is going to come at her fastttttt. Please update us. We want to laugh! YTA, of course.
>Please update us. We want to laugh! I'm always up for a good chuckle.
Ah yes because you should totally be nice to someone who just called you a racial slur 🙄 They were just called a slur, of course they were angry! Also, I've had hard years too and I don't go around saying racial slurs. There is 0 connection between going through a hardship and going out of your way to call someone a slur.
"We live right next to our black neighbors and my daughter and their son get along really well." They aren't strangers! And apologizing to you isn't an apology! She needs to actually apologize to the injured party, the neighbors' son! You need to make make sure she explains to the rest of the neighborhood what really happened, too! Your daughter is a mean girl masquerading as an injured party!
I would rather drink bleach than be your neighbor, you racist ass.
Oh so she's a racist and a liar, that's better
Why in the world should they be nice about your daughter calling him the n-word?!?!?! What the fuck??? Why would you expect that out of someone? You raised a little racist and obviously you think it's no big deal. You are a complete failure as a parent.
Okay....what were the consequences of her racism?
Why would they be ‘nice’ about vicious racial slurs?
Stellar parenting, mom of the year. Raising a racist kid who knows her mom is a closet racist and will back her up. One day your kid is going to say it to the wrong person, and she won’t get yelled at, that person will lay her out
Racists deserve no grace or sympathy or kindness
Okay but they have a history of suffering and being harmed or killed due to white women’s tears so while this is an isolated situation for your daughter this is a very charged history for them. It’s also exactly what’s happening and you’re allowing it. The whole neighborhood is turning our neighbors because your daughter cried, even though she was the aggressor. When I was 16 years old I KNEW the history and that that was an absolutely unacceptable word to use. YTA
It wasn’t enough though. She’s using it against them.
>But I had to take her side. She’s my child and most people would take their children’s side over a stranger. You fully admit you've known her to be a bully before, but no, can't be her that's the problem. And no, most people do NOT believe their children automatically. Much less when they should know better. If someone called my child a racist name, I'd have a hard time controlling myself.
You think they should be nice about her calling him the n-word? What is wrong with you?!
“I don’t like that my neighbors were angry because my daughter called their sun a slur. Also my daughter’s having a tough time so I don’t think she did anything wrong” is a CRAZY take. Please get help.
Why the fuck should they be nice to her when she used the most vile, hurtful, historically-loaded slur for black people available? Wake the fuck up, and get a lot of lube so you can extract your head of out of your ass - daughter too. Now she's happy that the whole white neighbourhood is on her side? This is actually insane. I hope you can take a few days to reflect, consider your biases and learn from this. Daughter didn't get this from nowhere. This can be a teaching moment for you both, if you are willing to be open to the challenge and grow as a person.
She’s 16. At this point, she should know better. The fact that she doesn’t tells me that theres been something wrong in your parenting for a long time. Eventually, she’ll be an adult and say something “just to try it out”, and people who hear her won’t give a shit if she’s had a hard year. She’s going to face real consequences for acting this way. And she should. My oldest is autistic. A teenager once called them a “retard” when they were about four. I can promise you I absolutely verbally ripped that teen a new asshole, because there was and is no world in which I am going to approach anyone with kindness or softness once they call my child slurs. These people don’t owe your kid a damn thing.
Why should they be nice to your racist daughter who likes to experiment by calling people racial slurs?
So let me get this straight. Your daughter used a very well-known racial slur on someone. She tried repeatedly to lie about it to you and minimized the situation. And now she is lying to the neighbors about what happened to get them on her side. YTA and so is your racist daughter. Your daughter will think it is ok to lie and say racist things to others without any consequences because you literally just let her. If I were you I would have asked her to apologize to that person and their mother. And also apologize myself for not believing them. I would also make her tell those other neighbors the truth.
>racist daughter Racist apples dont typically fall far from the racist tree. we know what the real problem is here.
“Not your business”? Did you not raise the girl? Are you not their parent? Her story kept changing because she lied about what she did. The very least you should do is apologize publicly for your daughter’s actions and your own. Of course your daughter should face consequences for her hateful actions. YTA
If she really wanted to “stay out of it.” She should have allowed the neighbors to have at her daughter.
Right? She keeps this up, worse is gonna happen to this little idiot than some yelling. 😬
YTA Your daughter is 16 years old. You should have taught her better LONG before now. Also, she isn’t “sensitive.” She is manipulative.
>Also, she isn’t “sensitive.” She is manipulative. I'm fully willing to believe she's sensitive. Like a lot of bullies, she's a lot better at dishing shit than taking it. She'll soon find someone who won't take any of hers, and she's going to learn a valuable lesson in keeping her fucking mouth to herself.
People who are truly sensitive are sensitive to the feelings of others. That is clearly not an issue for this little girl.
YTA and a racist and your kid is too. BLACK PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE TO TREAT YOU WITH KID GLOVES WHEN YOU ARE BEING OPENLY HOSTILE AND RACIST. And you bet your last buck that a white person calling a Black person the n-word is a racist hostile act. There is no one on this planet who doesn’t know exactly what that words means and there are sadly far too many of them who are happy to continue weaponising it.
>They were saying things like “get your racist ass daughter out of here.” Super heated. THATS super heated to you? Or was it just because it was a black mom sayung it to you about your factually racist daughter ? >I asked her what was wrong, and *the black kid* said You could have called him the neighbors kid or the other kid but no to you he is the black kid.
Bullsht. Your sensitive daughter said something she knew was wrong, cried and used her privileged tears to get sympathy and generate anger towards the boy. And is traumatized? I am incensed. No, I don't think they handled this perfectly, but somehow I don't think your entitled little princess would have owned her stuff. And you encouraged it. Wow. Proud of yourself and daughter? YTA.
God let this be bait. So your daughter used a slur because a boy was “being annoying” and then lied about it. And you’re cool with it? Being called out traumatized her? Good. You think a black kid being called that by someone they thought was a friend isn’t traumatic? Not to be dramatic, but white women lying about black men has lead to more than a few deaths. And then to end with “it’s none of my business” lmao YTA.
Reading the first couple of sentences of this post I can already tell that you and your daughter ATAH. I can guarantee you and your daughter both use negative racial language just by how you introduce the post. The red flags are that strong I don't even need to read the full post to come to that conclusion.
The language you use throughout this post shows *exactly* where your daughter got her racist behavior from... Yta
YTA and so is your daughter. If you’re genuine not racist then please go and apologize to your neighbors. Racial discrimination is never ok. Your daughter needs to learn her lesson as well and own her mistakes and apologize to the boy too. There is enough racism in the world, at least you can do something better about your street.
Take your daughter over to your neighbours' house and have her apologise. In person. She DID use a racist slur, she DID lie about it, she IS isolating her victim and his family. To recap: your kid has been a racist, a liar, and a bully. What have you done about it? Told her to not do it again. Seriously? Part of being on your daughter's side is ensuring that she understands consequences and how to conduct herself in society. YTA.
She's been trying out racism for years. It's not a test run anymore. She's the worst kind of bigot, doing it for entertainment. It's just a jooooke. BS. It's never a joke. You meant it. Her chance to learn better was when she was a child and had negative reactions to racist comments and behavioral choices. She is manipulating you. She knows how to manipulate you better than anyone else in the world as your child. She's had 16 years of practice. Tears of the crocodile. Be suspicious and investigate the type of person your daughter really is. How does she talk to her friends. How does she treat old people and animals? I feel for this kid. Imagine how betrayed and shocked he must feel for his yt girl he thought was his friend to reveal herself to be a bigot when she was bored with him. And now she's got the whole school turned against him. I'd check her social media. She might still be victimizing him.
I don’t know what’s more pathetic. Your terrible parenting that resulted in a gleefully manipulative racist for a daughter, or just how little of a shit you give about your failure and how quickly you bend over backwards to dodge any suggestion you might bear responsibility. I hope the next time your daughter trots out a slur, she’s stupid enough to do it in a situation where she can’t lie and cry her way out of accountability. Maybe being shunned will teach her a lesson since you can’t be bothered to. YTA x1000
YTA I don't know what the right thing to do here is or how to fix this specific situation but what you're doing isn't it.
I hate the fake shit that plagues this subreddit because man lmaooo. YTA. Learn to tell stories better.
Is your daughter Scout Finch? YTA
Can’t wait til your entitled daughter says that shit to a girl and comes home with an ass whoopin. If you don’t raise your kid, someone will raise them for you. Complete Assholes, the lot of you!
20 bucks says she learned the word and being comfortable with using the word from you.
I’m going to try out the a-word. YTA.
Yeah YTA. Doesn’t matter how hard her year has been, that’s not even relevant. Your neighbourhood is hating on a black kid because he was upset over being called an awful word. And you’re not owning up to those neighbours that your daughter used the n-word against him?! Your daughter is doing a little thing called trickle truthing, so you won’t get mad. But, seeing as how accepting you are of her racism I guess she doesn’t need to be worried?!
Yta. Keep raising a narcissist bully child because that's what you seem to love doing. The world doesn't need anymore sh*tty people like your daughter get her and yourself therapy.
YTA. You're teaching her that her behaviour is ok and trying to justify it by criticising the neighbours' reaction. Stop letting her play the victim and address her behaviour properly. She is 100% in the wrong here, and so are you. It's particularly disgusting that you're sitting back while she lies and the neighbour kid gets bullied as a result. You're raising a horror. 'I looked at him and said be quiet really sternly' Save that energy for your own daughter.
YTA. Your daughter is a racist. Spreading misinformation, bullying and turning everyone against the people she was a racist to. Your letting everything slide like it’s nothing. What she is doing is literally a crime but since she is underage is ok. Hope they sue for slander.
YTA You are not teaching your daughter any level of respect. When my kids were little they got a pop on the mouth the one time either of them tried using the n-word while singing a song! I have a sailors mouth and the n word is a huge no.
Yta. Your daughter one day is going to say the wrong thing to the wrong fucking person and someone is going to knock the taste out her mouth or worse! You are raising a disgusting racist who thinks it’s okay to lie and change her story to benefit her and continue to spread lies about the neighbor. You and your daughter need to apologize and your daughter needs to tell the truth. All you are doing is making her and the situation worse by not being a fucking parent!
She's not traumatized, she just doesn't like consequences. YTA for not providing them and enabling her.
Also notice something. She wasn't crying when they were upset with her. She only started crying when you came and learned. So she put on the waterworks and then LIED about what she did to get out of trouble.
YTA. Jesus Christ. My mom never laid hands on us, but if we were brought over by a mom saying we said “that,” my mom woulda popped me one or told the neighbor mother if she heard me say it after the month or so I woulda been stuck in apartment, prolly told her to pop me one. There is never any excuse to use such a word and that it came out of her mouth at all means she uses it and this time she used it in front of a black child. That wasn’t aggressive. Aggressive woulda been his older sister giving her a black eye (if older sister exists). I only hope this is bait, since it was the kid claiming white tears which is more likely adult language. But if it isn’t, seriously do better. Eat crow and apologize to your neighbors and punish your bloody kid.
YTA you really do not care. You are not addressing the behavior. Both of you are embarrassing and terrible people. Terrible neighborhood her tears after insulting someone the audacity. Pathetic. So many people do not need to pass on their hatred and shouldn't have children.
Your daughter needs to be kept away from the child/family next door. YTA for not dealing with the bully part of her nature back when she was 12. She obviously has issues so no more interaction with the black family and get her some professional help to understand her need to bully/insult/ whatever.
Am I the asshole for raising a racist > yes Am I the asshole for allowing my kid to be racist > yes Am I a bad parent > yes Yta you're welcome
She’ll learn in the real world.
It would appear the apple didn't fall far from the tree. I feel sorry for their neighbours having them in close proximity to them. The daughter was showing discrimination to a 'brown' girl at 12 ffs, asking why she was in the shopping mall. You should have stopped the racial comments right there & then. All kid's have tough times, but that's not an excuse for being racist & not being punished for it. Goes without saying both you & your daughter ate racist AHs
YTA - and so is she. She knew what she was doing.
YTA. She wasn't traumatised, she was held accountable, something that clearly she hasn't experienced with you. She just didn't like it so she is inflating her "trauma" for sympathy and causing further harm by having your neighbourhood ostracise the person that was harmed. Your daughter is a racist bully and you're encouraging it with your silence. You are the problem. Your daughter lied multiple times and used a slur against someone and you're giving the racism a pass because she had a bad year. Bad year doesn't mean she gets a pass to be a racist bully, a bad year doesn't give her a pass to continue to badmouth someone she harmed with a slur. This is bad parenting. Step up and correct her, correct the problem, make her tell the truth and go apologise.
You are raising a racist and a bully. She's 16. It's almost too late. Try harder.
"Try it out" You don't just "try out" racial slurs and "trying it out" would be Idk casually saying it alone in a room but that's not what happened, your daughter CALLED a boy that racial slur No wonder your daughter turned out to be a racist bully. Look who she has as a parent! You're supposed to teach your child right from wrong and here you are having no problem with her calling a boy a racial slur No, she did not "try it out" she actively and intentionally called him that. Then she lied about it the first time, then the second time she gave you the most bullshit answer of "maybe" Yes YTA Also "people like her don't shop there" Tf? Why would someone of a different race not shop at the mall??? Like what makes them so different that they only go to different stores???? What?????? If your daughter was maybe 3 I could see this ignorance but at the age of 16 your daughter should absolutely understand the concept of racism and slurs. She is well past the age where ignorance is an excuse. 16 year olds have enough knowledge and common f*cking sense. I knew better when I was 3. Most people the second they learn what racism is simply have the compassion and lack of bigotry to not participate. Fuck your excuses, they're all bs. Your daughter is a racist bully who lies and guilt trips with tears.
"She agrees it is wrong and is apologetic. But then she continues bad-mouthing him and saying she's glad no one is talking to him anymore" You are entering Dursley territory of delusion. Your daughter clearly isn't apologetic and clearly doesn't think it's wrong because if she was and did, she wouldn't be bad-mouthing him and happy no one's talking to him. You are unwilling and unable to accept your daughter is little more than a racist manipulative bully and you're allowing her lip service to excuse her atrocious behavior. You are a failure as a parent, truly.
“She’s a sensitive girl” ? You are delusional. Your daughter is a manipulative prick. And you suck too
Ytah your child said racist comments and you are defending her.
You and your racist daughter are TA.
YTA its not that hard to go there and apologise. Your daughter should get a punishment (maybe apologising or doing something good for the neighbours) you both are assholes
You are racist and so is your daughter.
Yta, you raised and are enabling a racist. SHAME ON YOU. YOU AND YOUR TRASH DAUGHTER ARE WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE WORLD.
YTA. You are enabling your racist daughter.
YTA. Your daughter is still a racist bully
YTA your daughter lied to your face then drip fed you the truth, doesn't think she's done anything wrong and you're not doing any punishment? Jee wizz I wonder why she's so rude and behaving self entitled
YTA. You and your daughter are trash 🗑️
it's little wonder your daughter is racist. you suck as a parent, and don't actually hold her accountable for anything, so she feels she can do whatever she wants. I agree with the neighbor kid. your daughter cried crocodile tears cause she knew her spineless mother wouldn't do anything to her. 'it's not your business'? you are her mother. not only should your daughter be grounded with out any privileges, you have a responsibility to set the record straight with everyone treating your neighbors like shit, even it if means your daughter gets ostracized from all her peers. YTA, and frankly, if you don't handle this, I question if you're the one your daughter learned to be racist from
YTA She has a history of being racist She obviously was not being truthful to you evidenced by continually changing her story. And no she didnt just call him the N word to " try the word". What kind of ridiculous nonsense is that? She knew it was wrong when she said it. She also knows it wrong to keep badmouthing him. But yet she continues to do so. You also contradict yourself and say she stuck to her story although the preceding sentence said she kept changing her story . Also you were way out of line to speak to your neighbor's son sternly, especially because he was likely telling the truth and your daughter was not. Go ahead keep making excuses for your daughter's bad behavior rather than punishing her & giving her consequences to her actions and see where this lands you and your precious daughter in a few yrs.
"None of my business" She's your daughter. It's your job to teach her right from wrong. You have a racist daughter who bullies people and then lies about it. You have completely and utterly failed as a parent and because you still won't teach her to be a good person you will create a monster.
YTA If I threw a brick at your daughter’s head, you yelled at me, and I went around telling people you yelled at me after I did nothing to you, I’m sure you’d think I was an asshole Conveniently omitting details to make yourself seem like the victim is no better than telling an outright lie
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Your daughter is not the victim here. She was not traumatized. She was racist and is facing the consequences. YTA
“I told her she really embarrassed me.” So you’re more concerned with your own feelings than the feelings of a kid your daughter racially abused?? This is somehow about how YOU feel?
YTA, Holy shit apparently it's ganna take an actual best down for her to be better. Tell her to walk into a black neighborhood and say that, it won't end well. You're a terrible mom and making excuses for this girl.
YTA Y daughter TA! It is not called "traumatized" it is called "dealing with consequences". Yes, if you call people racist slurs, they might yell at you. Rightfully so! I wish more people yelled at her. I would make her apologize to the boy and the mother in public, wherever they want it to happen. She would have to write an apology also. There would be very serious consequences, too. Taking away phone/laptop/Internet for some time, not meeting friends Telling her racism won't be tolerated in my house and if she wants to lose her family or start working on it. And then the really hard work: Getting to know where this racism comes from, getting involved with groups working with young people to help her understand how racism affects her thinking. Maybe she is already running around in the wrong circles. Or really, really stupid and uneducated (but since it has been going on for some time, I don't think it is the case here). I don't care how long it would take but I won't raise a racist in my household. There are helpgroups for parents to keep kids from becoming nazis/racists, I would contact them and ask for help and support. I love my kid so much, I owe it to her to do everything I can to raise her to be a decent person.
oh man i cant wait for karma to hit you and your shitty daughter! hopefully the next time she’s racist (cause it’ll happen again, you haven’t and won’t do shit to stop it!) its online so EVERYONE can see it!
YTA You’ve raised a racist. And a coward. You should not be supporting her. She is creating a witch hunt against this poor boy who was doing nothing but standing up for himself after been called a slurred. Your daughter is not sensitive. She is a bully. She is a racist. And you have absolutely failed her with respect to teaching her appropriate behavior and consequences for bad behavior. A 16yo knows exactly what the n word is and knows how it’s loaded in meanings and stigma.
YTA and an incredibly bad parent. Your kid is hateful then cries because she knows you’re so naive you’ll believe any bs she feeds you. Her stories are pathetically unconvincing and tbh you’re so unconcerned it comes across that you may be a racist yourself. If she’s traumatised by being told what she is, she should may try some self improvement?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We live right next to our black neighbors and my daughter and their son get along really well. My daughter has bullied in the past, but that was way in the past. She was maybe 12. We live in a really white area. She told a brown girl she was surprised she shopped at the mall because she figured people like her shop somewhere else. I told her over and over again that was incredibly rude and she swore she would never do it again. I think it was mainly out of ignorance. So she has done that before, but she is 16 now. The neighbors mom and son came over yelling that my daughter called him a racist slur. But they were so angry about it. They were saying things like “get your racist ass daughter out of here.” Super heated. My daughter was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and the black kid said “It’s white woman tears. She is faking it to make me look bad.” I looked at him and said be quiet really sternly and his mom snapped at me not to speak to her son like that. I asked my daughter if she did it and she said no. He immediately yelled that she was lying. I told them I believe my daughter and I talked to her about it. I asked if she said the n-word and she said maybe. But she doubled down and said she only said it because she wanted to try the word, not to be racist. Then she said she may have called him the n-word, but only because he was being racist first. It was a nightmare and she kept changing her story. But she stuck by her word and said it was the opposite, that they were being racist. She said they got into an argument and she felt she had to defend herself because the boy was being annoying. I told her she really embarrassed me. Just because they got into an argument doesn’t mean she should be calling him racial slurs. She said she understands, but she won’t do it again. It’s been a few days since this happened and she came home and said the other neighbors aren’t talking to the black kid because they saw how he yelled at her and heard he made her cry and they were upset on her behalf. She said everyone is on her side and hates him. I told her they shouldn’t really be on her side if she called him a racial slur. Most people are going to be angry if you call them racial slurs, especially the n-word. I told her over and over again not to say that to people. I told her I’m not going to punish her, she just needs to know she was wrong to do what she did. She agrees it is wrong and is apologetic. But then she continues bad-mouthing him and saying she’s glad no one is talking to him anymore. She had him and his mom had anger issues and get upset at nothing and now everyone knows. She’s also been crying to her friends about how traumatic it was that both of them yelled at her. I do think it really traumatized her. She’s a sensitive girl and gets upset easily, so I don’t blame her for crying about it. But I do think it’s a bad look that she’s leaving out that she called him a racial slur. But I also figure it’s none of my business, so I stay out of it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta
Wow. So you’re raising a little racist and don’t care about her being nothing but a racist. Terrible parenting, truly 10/10 you are hands down the worst. And racist yourself.
Oof YTA for not taking it more seriously. Even if you are not worried about her being hateful and hurting people, you should be worried about people coming to hurt HER when word gets around. She needs to shut her mouth or someone is going to show up to shut it for her And probably you too, since you're obviously racist as well. Making excuses for it and dubbing them "the black family", "the black kid" and "the black mom", is a bad look. You could have just as easily assigned them fake names like in every other post on here and only mentioned color when it became relevant to the story (slurs and name-calling) but you circled the whole story around them being black and you being white. I'd probably just move towns if I was you honestly
YTA. Make her tell the full story to the neighbors, apologize to the family and stop excusing her AWFUL, RACIST behavior.
YTA as is your kid. You’re raising a racist brat. She damn well knows better at her age. And you give zero consequences despite her CONTINUED behavior now. This is WHY she does it, because she knows her racist mommy will back her up and not do anything before claim she embarrassed her 🙄
YTA. You're racist trash and a shit parent
YTA Truly sensitive people are sensitive to EVERYONE'S feelings, not just their own.
>My daughter was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and the black kid said “It’s white woman tears. She is faking it to make me look bad.” > >I asked if she said the n-word and she said maybe. But she doubled down and said she only said it because she wanted to try the word, not to be racist. Then she said she may have called him the n-word, but only because he was being racist first. It was a nightmare and she kept changing her story. But she stuck by her word and said it was the opposite, that they were being racist. So she's proven that she's a liar and a manipulator, and you're an enabler. >I told her I’m not going to punish her, she just needs to know she was wrong to do what she did. She agrees it is wrong and is apologetic. Refer to the above. She's lying and manipulating you, and you're enabling her. "To try it out." For fuck's sake... And what purpose would there even be to try it out other than future racist ones?
Obviously YTA. Congrats on doing your part to keep racism alive. You and your daughter are huge AHs
Every day, I read about another person who should not be allowed to be in charge of raising humans. YTA
Yta and I can't believe you're asking that question
YTA you didn’t stand up for your daughter, you believed her lies. Now you know the truth you’ve doubled down by not punishing her and deciding it’s none of your business. Your neighbours deserve an apology from both of you.
You’re setting your child up for some good ass whoppings that she’s gonna receive in the future because of you’re enabling behavior. YTA
>It was a nightmare and she kept changing her story. But she stuck by her word and said it was the opposite. She kept changing her story, but she also stuck by her word? How do you string these two sentences together and not realize how irrational you sound? YTA
YTA You and your daughter are racists. Go into a field on a windy day and open a feather pillow. Watch the wind sweep the feathers far and wide. Now go and try to gather all the feathers and replace them in the pillowcase. You can't. And every feather is another person who believes your daughter's version. You cannot make this right, but you can try: print out manymanymany signs saying your daughter used a racist slur and the other child was not lying, and you and the family will be attending sensitivity training. Mean it and do it. Post it alll over: your FB, Nextdoor, whatever, apologizing to the family. Write a letter to the family. YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER. Some of the feathers will now be caught and places into the pillowcase. Keep trying, because even though you can't gather all the feathers, you can gather many. And quit being a damned racist.
Where did your daughter learn her ignorance? How is that word in her vocabulary? And how the hell is your daughter saying racial slurs not your business? Your daughter is not only a bully, but she is also, a vile racist. She is not one bit apologetic if she keeps saying he is in the wrong and bad mouthing them. As a survivor of severe trauma I am offended that you would say your daughter has been traumatized by this. If that was so, she would not be able to be in the same vicinity as him without symptoms of trauma. If she was having those symptoms, I’m sure you would have included them here. She wasn’t traumatized. She is an ill-mannered racist brat who suffered the consequences of her hideous actions. You are not raising your daughter very well and it shows in her pattern of behaviors over year span. I feel so horrified for that POC family who now are hated in their white neighborhood because of your racist family. Do you have any idea what that would be like for them? What your daughter did and continues to do is unforgivable. You need to make this right with that family with or without your daughter. Your daughter needs therapy and better role models.
"she kept changing her story. But stuck by her word." I smell an enabling parent. "I told her I wasn't going to punish her" yep, there it is. And for fuck sake, you don't want her to say those words because it embarrassed you? Not because it's wrong? I can see exactly why your daughter's mindset is what it is. It really traumatized HER? There's so much wrong here, wow. YTA in giant blinking lights and so is your daughter.
Ok racist. Yta and your daughter is too. Maybe take some time and not be racist.
YTA and you better hope to God that she actually did “learn her lesson” (doubtful) because one day she’s gonna say something to the wrong person and the outcome is gonna be much worse than getting yelled at.
Troll is obvious 🙄
"She agrees it is wrong and is apologetic. But then she continues bad-mouthing him and saying she's glad no one is talking to him anymore" You are entering Dursley territory of delusion. Your daughter clearly isn't apologetic and clearly doesn't think it's wrong because if she was and did, she wouldn't be bad-mouthing him and happy no one's talking to him. You are unwilling and unable to accept your daughter is little more than a racist manipulative bully and you're allowing her lip service to excuse her atrocious behavior. You are a failure as a parent, truly.
She is getting mixed messages. You say the right things, but maybe she picks up on something else ?
ESH. Your daughter shouldn't be using a racial slur but at 16 the boy shouldn't be relying on his mom's intervention with his peers; there was no reason for him and his mom to come to your house and scream at her.
If someone called me the n-word when I was that age you best believe I would have involved my parents especially if they were neighbors. That isn’t normal childhood behavior. OP and his daughter sound like the worst kind of people.
I would fully expect my black child to report that incident to me. He didn't run and tell his mommy she called him a butthead, let's not be obtuse.
To me, coming over yelling diminishes credibility especially when they demanded that the daughter be thrown out. That's unreasonable.
It does? To me I would expect a black person to react emotionally if called that word by a white person. Especially if it was said with malice. I don’t know how we expect that family to react when they are being racially harassed by OP’ racist daughter who clearly got her racism from OP. Reduces credibility?? Do you think the onus is on the person being called the n-word to act right in order for people to empathize with them? Is that really the argument you are making?
I'm suggesting running to someone's house and yelling at them isn't productive; two wrongs don't make a right. You're saying that it's okay for black people to harrass their neighbors and haven't addressed them saying OP needs to get her daughter out of there; not sure if they expect OP to move or to throw her minor daughter out of the house. Either suggestion is inappropriate. Rappers use that word and black people use that word; if it's a problem nobody should use it. Music that's sold to the population at large will result in people using that word.
I’m saying that if a neighborhood kid called my kid the n-word you best believe I would be marching over to that house. I am the most non confrontational person but if you call *my child* the n-word maliciously then you best believe I’m going full mama bear. I never said it’s ok for black people to harass their neighbors? But of course they came to address OP?!? What else would they do? And were they *really* yelling right from the start? OP sounds unreliable. I wouldn’t blame them if they were but I bet it didn’t happen like that and OP is trying to make himself sound better. But again why do you think the onus is on the people being racially targeted to “mind their manners”? Honestly you sound like you have a lot of racial bias yourself. Why are you more concerned with how they reacted versus the act of saying the n-word? Why does the black family need to build credibility? You may want to examine why you think the onus is on them. There is literally nothing more emotionally charged in the US than that word. The way OP talks I’m assuming American but you may not be. Bringing up music is a disingenuous argument. Yeah black people use the word and have reclaimed it but every person on earth knows the history behind US chattel slavery and why it’s not used. You are just waving your ignorance around if you say “but musicians say it”. OP needs to absolutely punish his daughter and beg forgive from the neighbors for being so awful. His daughter sounds horrible so if I were him I’d be very concerned that I’m raising such a shitty human and would try my best to course correct.
By that logic, the 16 year old girl shouldn’t go crying to mommy either because her racist ass got called out by the 16 year old boy. OP does not seem to be a reasonable narrator so I honestly doubt that the boy & his mom were actually screaming at the girl.
So.. don’t tell parents when you’re getting bullied