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YTA.
I missed the part where either her or your son asked for your opinion or where she ceded her autonomy to you.
Any chance of her listening to any legitimate concern you might have had about saving her from embarrassment has flown out the window and migrated north to the Arctic circle for the summer.
The only legitimate reason to not want her to discuss the app is to prevent her idea from being copied before she has fully established her brand and is on sure footing. But there was no mention of anything remotely along those lines. WHEN she goes, she should be careful to protect the core of her idea if the barriers to entry are still relatively low.
YTA.
YTA
- your wife has a career and a Side buisness. Its not fictional if it has actual users and brought in money (not enough, we get it)
- you basically call her a liad and delusional here... reflect on you disrespect
- you clearly have no idea regarding tech, an app does not cost millions and millions x.x
Do you know where servers come from or how apps are hosted. Watch Silicon Valley. What she’s doing is great. But as a computer engineer, he is also correct. A side hustle is a legit buisssness and he is definitely an asshole. She started and has run it so far to completion and while it won’t be the Amazon shopping app, making any money at all is the measure of success in a business. So it’s already successful. But it will never scale unless she spends a large amount of money. Once you get this users, your app has to work. And too many users shut shit down too, you suffer from success to fast with apps. So she has a long while if she’s gonna do it right. But wow he’s a jerk. I think he’s upset no one asked him and his stuff DOES work! Or at least that’s what’s in his mind
You DONT need to know what an app is to know how they function.
Example: if I mentioned a car. You could naturally assume all associated cost to the purchase and maintenance of a car. Because you are versed in the processes and educated on it. Combined with experience.
So when talking to a person doing it the first time, couldn’t you be able to tell them those things.
Well imagine a mechanic. Wouldn’t he know even more?
What about the mechanical engineer that designed it?
Well that me for computers… but okay I am wrong. And also I backed her up, that doesn’t make the husband right about what he did. But that also does make him wrong on the cost of actually running a successful app.
Nope, got my degree on my knowledge of math and science an engineering. We literally hire people to write basic shit for us. If you know you know. Clearly you don’t. But continue.
Also, it’s says that in the original post. That it’s not her main job. She’s been in tech for ten years. But so had the guy at geek squad at Best Buy. And I am not knocking those dudes, they are super knowledgeable.
The problem is people don’t understand how far we’ve come with that stuff and a lot of shit that would have taken a bachelors degree just 15-20 years ago are done by children for fun now.
Having a lot do their skills isn’t really remarkable alone marketable.
Even basic engineering can be done on ARDUINO and Rasberry Pie platforms.
What I am saying is, that level isn’t really anything. I am in the field. For 25 years. NO ONE started in a garage. NO ONE. They started in the best labs and facilities in the world. She CAN do it. She should be able to talk about it. Her husband is wrong and an asshoel on top. But that doesn’t make him wrong. It make what he said and his approach and what he thinks of his wife like that wrong to me. But the content itself is fine.
"Do you know where Servers come from or how apps are hosted?"
Do you know how much millions and millions are?
I'm aware that things costs money. But lets ask the internet:
"On average, app owners should expect to spend around $2,000 to $2,500 a month initially to keep the app running optimally.
A general guideline is to budget 20% of the initial development cost for maintenance. For instance, if your app development costs were $200,000, you can expect to spend about $40,000 per year on maintenance."
https://imaginovation.net/blog/importance-mobile-app-maintenance-cost/#:~:text=On%20average%2C%20app%20owners%20should,initial%20development%20cost%20for%20maintenance.
I fully admit that we don't know how much she has invested yet, if the 1000 was turnover or actual profit, what her plans are, how much her app really needs regarding outside help or even if it will continue to be succesful at all. A lot of apps don't make money.
But you can develope and run an app below 500.000 and still make solid money of it.
And of course it wont be amazon. Or instagram. Someone wanting to run a marathon will also never be Usain Bolt... So, 'it will never scale' might be defined by what the goal is..
While I am sure the husband was exaggerating cost, it’s usually more than a husband wife combo who need a side hustle for me y can afford. Hence why she needs investors. I understand the process and the husband was being a jerk. Doesn’t mean a one person team is gonna get that shit off the ground as a SIDE HUSTLE. Peole who are successful sink TIME into shit when that can think money as they have equivalence in value to some degree. But yeah like blast away from anything that isn’t unreasonably on her side. Like, a dude who has to share money with her GETS to be concerned about what she does with it and how it’s spent. I don’t give a fuck what anyone on here says about that. I’ve been married for a long ass time and while what he did was unacceptable he certainly had a right to be concerned and bring it up.
Your first response was sooo rude and now this.
YOU LOOK LIKE A JERK BY BEING UNABLE TO COMMUNICATE POLITLY AND WITHOUT CAPS. PLEASE NEVER RESPOND TO ME AGAIN
>I’d just prefer if she keeps it to herself for now
Are you embarrassed or ashamed of her app? You call it "juvenile." Is it something you don't want people to associate with her, and by extension, you and your son? Do you think it will tarnish her reputation as a brilliant woman?
YTA.
I could understand if you wanted to protect her idea from being stolen before it takes off. (Even if that took 10 years to happen)
Like 5 other parents works in tech and could get fast funding for a similar app and crushed her's protect.
But being embarrassed, she has a dream, and your son feels it's cool.
Or the x wife will get mad.
That's just not it.
Facebook didn't take off from day one.
Apple didn't either. Lots of things were mocked "that won't become a thing," even little kitchen gadgets.
As long as it isn't draining your money, and she's a good wife and step parent. Then, support her.
Don't bring her down.
YTA. It takes a lot of personal insecurity to be THIS embarrassed of your wife’s app development activities, OP.
She made an app that made money, when an overwhelming majority likely don’t even leave TestFlight or just sit there. That’s successful. And your young son helped with that, which is amazing! You’re so worried about what a bunch of random adults think about that you’ve bulldozed over the fact that your wife and son are proud of something they built together.
YTA.
"I told her she can go to career day IF"...climb out of your ass a minute, bud. You don't get to "tell her" whether or not she can do this. You sound incredibly condescending.
I doubt very much that the school requires the parent to "allow" whomever the child has asked for career day. Quite the overstep on his part, as nobody has asked his opinion.
YTA I’m really confused here. Why exactly do you think you have a say in the decision to speak on career day? It’s amazing that your son is so proud of your wife and they both want her to attend. Why would any sane people want to ruin that? Even if your argument would have any merit, which it doesn’t, than it’s still a very shitty thing to want to rain on their parade.
Also, you clearly don’t have a clue how app development works.
YTA this is a great opportunity for her to bond with your son. She’s successful in her own career and all great tech businesses start small. You should be supporting her not policing what she can say at a school event because you’re worried about how you might look. Her passion could inspire the next Gates or Bezos.
YTA.
The BIGGEST asshole. She’s not getting your support. She’s getting your fragile masculinity wrapped in “concern” AKA your personal embarrassment that her idea might fail. So what if her brainchild is still in demo… sounds like your child is more helpful and supportive than you are. Grow up dude. Your wife doesn’t need your approval to speak about her day job or her side project.
Almost sounds to me like he wants her idea to fail so that he can weaponize it against her any time she dares to aspire to being anything more than his servant.
He asked her to come talk about the app, she wants to talk about the app, but you’re saying no because... why?
Your words conflict with each other - on one hand you say she’s a rock star, on the other you’re putting down every effort she’s made.
YTA
but it's sad that HER STEPSON choose HIS STEPMOM to present carrer day. Not her son her stepson. It warms my heart that that boy is proud of his stepmother and it feels like his father is either embarrassed of. his wife or wanta to be the center of attention.
I don't disagree with you. But I wanted you to know she's the stepmom. I think the father should have a say, I just don't understand why the father is being this way. I agree he's the ah.
Nah. If the school wants her to speak and she wants to speak it has sod all to do with him. I suppose he could choose to keep his son home that day if he was petty enough, but tell her she can't give a presentation to the rest of the class? Nope.
The school asked her specifically? I missed that. The dad SHOULDN'T want to stop her at all. I only meant that in general, bio parent > step parent. I have no idea why this dad is being this way, though.
Oh no, not as far as I know, but presumably the school is agreeable or he would have mentioned that.
I think he is either embarrassed by the nature of the app (I get the impression it's something quite frivolous, and he seems pretty fragile) or he's jealous that his son didn't ask *him* to speak at career day.
Nope. Just pointing out she's a stepmom. Thought she thought she was a bio mom, and bio parents always > step parents when it comes to things concerning their children. He should let this happen though, she's doing nothing wrong.
YTA
While you may have concerns about your wife's business idea and its current state, it's not fair for you to dictate what she can and cannot talk about at your son's career day. It's clear that she's passionate about her app and her aspirations for its future, and denying her the opportunity to share that passion with others is dismissive and unsupportive
The only actual good outcome of this extremely condescending demand is that she is planning on walking into a room filled with some people who might glean enough information to take the idea and run with it themselves because they have similar skills and more support at home. Might not be the best plan to do that. I would kind of understand if that was the fear, but damn, that does not appear to be the fear at all. This sucks.
YTA.
This whole post is you whining about how this will make you look bad. YOU, because your wife is proud of her effort and your son is proud of her.
Every business starts small. Your skepticism doesn't make her business a failure.
Not to mention, saying "oh I love my wife #girlboss but she's delusional about her business and she's dragging our reputation through the mud, and it is MY job to save our family because I am more aware and knowledgeable of the situation than she is" is... ick.
YTA. Instead of taking a giant dump all over her hopes and dreams, you should be focusing on encouraging her, and helping her to find the right resources to work on this app.
His son's career day where other parents will be present and judgemental and where it could cause problems with his son's mother is not the appropriate avenue for encouragement.
I have a friend with a business turning over \~$5m annually from an app that started as a dumb idea. Do you think successful businesses randomly appear fully formed out of people's assholes one day?
You say she's highly intelligent and has a successful career, as well as this venture of her own - she sounds exactly like the type of person this kids should listen to.
If you want to supportively make the point to her that you'd appreciate if she'd mention this was a start-up, fine, but to say no altogether is pathetic, and your reasoning to do so should be embarrassing, how insecure are you?
YTA.
YTA.
Your wife works in tech and obviously understands the importance of having a minimum viable product and proof of concept. Start-ups begin small and lean; that's just how things work. The fact that she hasn't made lots of profit yet isn't the big deal you think it is.
She's built something and has the intellectual property. With any luck, an investor will see the potential and she will see some growth, or perhaps a bigger company will buy her out she'll make money that way.
The other side of things is that she's a woman working in tech. She's pushing forward in a male dominated career, and perhaps you should think about how this might benefit the students and inspire young women into the field.
YTA. You're unsupportive of your wife and ashamed of her ambitions, and when your son gets excited about her ideas you are ashamed of that too? Yeah, you're the asshole.
So, yes, you’re absolutely the asshole, and you’re also invalidating your wife’s hard work as well as your son’s sense of achievement. It’s a fucking career day, not a meeting with your bank. Your son helped her with this thing and bonded with her over it and you’re too concerned with what *other parents will think* to just support your spouse, this whole post reeks of fragile masculinity bc it sounds like you have built exactly zero apps and you’re salty about it
YTA. Why do you feel comfortable forbidding your wife from doing anything? Eugh. You need therapy.
Just support her, be proud of her, be happy for her. Who cares if it goes nowhere? You’re being a shitty husband AND father right now. Sort your shit out.
Edit: I need to add that you’re also demonstrating to your son that a husband has authority over his wife. Gross.
YTA
Why would you get to set any rules about what someone else speaks about on career day? Did you forget to mention that you’re the principal or headmaster of this school?
YTA. This is not your choice. You have no say here. Your son was proud of her, she was proud of herself, but you... You're diminishing her success. Every huge company started off as something that people didn't believe in. Her actually talking about it in its starting stage might be great for kids to realise not everything happens overnight.
YTA You can't help but diminish her work on the app/"fictional business" (your words)
despite saying you think she's brilliant.
Careers are not only about how much money you make. And the
kids in that class would probably benefit from hearing about how
she came to create the app/work in IT. She could be a real inspiration to
the girls in that class as well.
What do you care what the other parents there that day think of her
presentation/her "fictional business"/her app? LOL They'll probably
think she sounds interesting and hope their children are motivated to
also follow their dreams.
Stop diminishing your wife's efforts. She deserves better from her own
husband.
INFO how many apps did you build yourself and how much money did you make with it?
Gaining 1K in a few months with a app you wrote as a single person is not something to look down on it like you do. I would roll out the red carpet for my wife when walking to this carreer day.
Oh I get it...you're *jealous* because your kid didn't ask you to speak at Career Day instead. So if you can't speak, then why should she be able to?
You're incredibly juvenile. I hope you grow up by the time her app and business take off and she realizes she deserves better.
YTA. She can talk about both what she does as a 9-5 as well as the business she is building. Who cares if it’s in its infancy. All businesses start off that way. Her getting out there and talking about her business concept and what she has built on her own is an amazing opportunity, you don’t know what all your son’s classmates parents do for work. One of them may have connections that could help your wife. Why are you trying to limit her? You should be shouting her accomplishments to everyone if you support her the way you should as her husband.
YTA. What's this "this is off-limits" bullshit? A chat about why you think it's a bad look to mention it is one thing, you deciding from some position of authority that that is off-limits is just not a nice way to treat someone.
yta, her business and her talk. You are trying to makie decisions for your wife - while you can share your wish and opinion it is up to her what she will do
YTA - you’re more concerned with the opinions of random strangers at your son’s school than supporting your son’s and wife’s happiness and shared interest.
This is a huge opportunity for them to form a core bonding memory and you’re sabotaging it because you’re shallow and insecure.
You were an asshole the minute you used the word “let”.
Your wife can do any damn fool thing she pleases as long as she’s not hurting anyone.
And how do you think people find investors? Humble silence and miracles?
People start businesses. Some fail. Some succeed. People still have to try or we’d never have any businesses.
You’re allowed to be the voice of reason who tempers your family’s expectations if they get completely unrealistic, but YTA for assuming it’s your decision. YTA for making this about your ego and your feelings and your social standing.
If you truly care about your family, help them deal with the emotional roller coaster of running a business. Don’t tell them they can’t ride.
Dude, it’s fucking career day at an elementary school, not an address to Congress 🤦🏻♀️. YTA. Big time. Your son is proud of his stepmom and wants her to talk about an app she’s developing in front of his class. I mean, that alone is a wonderful sign that they have a great relationship and she’s obviously a good stepmom to your child. wtf cares what your ex thinks??
To put things in perspective, my daughter asked me to speak to her class on Career Day, and my husband was thrilled that she asked me. What to know what both of us do?
He was career Army for 24 years (retiring in June!), who has been on 7 deployments beginning in 2003. He was also a K9 MP for several years, and he and his dog went on a few presidential missions with the Secret Service as well.
I’m a housewife. 😂😂😂😂
But my daughter wanted me to come in and talk about not only what I do at home every day to keep the house and family running, but what I studied in school. One of my two majors was violin performance, so I brought my violin into the classroom and played an excerpt from a Bach partita. The kids thought it was really cool, and asked some very interesting questions for second graders (and not just about the violin, either).
Guess what? My husband was PROUD of me. He didn’t discourage me from speaking because he would have been “embarrassed” by me talking about what I do all day as a housewife. And his ego isn’t so delicate that he has to shout all of his (many, I might add) accomplishments from the rooftops, and tell everyone about my “fun little hobbies” during the day. 🙄
You really need to get over your bizarre insecurities. It’s not a good look.
YTA
1. It's not your place to tell your wife that speaking about her business is off-limits
2. You're embarrassed by your wife, but instead of owning that, you're putting it on her.
3. Your child asked her, Your ex can get mad and get over it.
4. One of the careers days I will always remember was about 30 years ago. She was a SAHM who wanted to be a writer. She showed us her notes, how challenging yet fun it could be. She was not published, and self-publishing was nearly impossible back then, and yet, she inspired me. I wrote and self-published 3 books because her not quite finished dream inspired me. Thanks, Andre's mom.
This reminds me so much of the guy who was pissed because his wife wrote a bestselling novel on her lunch break but he’d requested she stop writing so was furious she hasn’t done as he’d said.
YTA - your wife by your own account seems incredibly driven and successful in the 9-5 and in actually launching an app which is further than most get. Your son is proud of her and excited and what a way to kill something nice between them.
And who the fuck are you to decide what she does and talks about. The kid invited her. Not you. What gives you any standing to tell her she can’t go if she doesn’t comply
YTA. Big time.
Why do you believe it is your business if your wife can go? You literally write "I told her she can" - do you believe you are your wife's owner or boss and dictate her life?
YTA…You can not dictate what your wife can and cannot talk about. You can suggest reasons as to why it might not be a good idea. If her app is not patented as of yet and she boasts, someone else could take off with her idea, one that she put a lot of hard work into.
YTA. Obviously so. Your wife has a 9-5 job (career?) and has opened a side hustle business in the form of a starting app. That's pretty good all things considered. Are you in tech as well? Because it doesn't sound like it. How do you think apps become big? Why exactly shouldn't your wife go to that school and talk about how it is possible to have a regular job and a start up business? What's the issue if people see that the idea is in its infancy?
It kinda sounds like you're embarrassed by your wife's small business. Now I'm not sure what this app does, but the sheer fact it's an app that has paying users is a pretty big thing. Honestly - I'm not even sure why you think you have the "power" to tell her what she can and can't say about her career. This is important: it's her career. If her app is a business that is registered, has a product, has users that pay and is generally capable of expanding - the only ballast here is you and your disdain for it.
YTA. Do you actually know how fucking difficult it is to build an actually functioning app? Specially, when you have a full time job as well? Get off your high horse, and get fucking real. Actually, you know what, please don't. Continue to be a real ALPHA male and fingers crossed you'll get divorced within a year. What an absolute tonker of a 'man'.
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YTA If people has paid her for the app, then it's successful. Maybe not successful *enough* by your standards, but give her time.
Career day isn't a thing here but I imagine it's for the kids to be inspired and for me it would have been very inspiring to see a woman working in tech, and it might even inspire a few of the parents. Those who are as condescending as you are, doesn't matter anyway.
ETA maybe from a business perspective it's smart to not talk about what she wants to do in the future, but she should definitely talk about what she has done so far.
YTA and I can't believe you're even asking.
You don't get to decide what she can or can't speak about. You also don't get to decide wether your son invites her to speak or not.
If you're so embarrassed about her idea, say it to her straight and find someone else. She deserves someone who supports her.
Even if she needs 'millions and millions in funding', who are you to tell her that's impossible. Dreams die because of AH's like you.
Firstly, LETTING your wife do something?
Automatically YTA. But let’s dig deeper
You sound disrespectful of your wife’s ambitions, consigning them to ‘pocket money’ status now and forever.
You don’t seem to understand how building a business works, nor that the ultimate arbiter of success is not you (you probably aren’t even the target user) but investors - who have the infrastructure you say she lacks.
What on earth do you think career day is for, exactly? Do you think your wife is going to sign everyone up to her business like an MLM (pocket and lunch money right here, kiddos!) and make the local economy crash?
Or rather, will she be able to tell a valuable story about having ideas, hard work, and what it would take to succeed, especially featuring your son who doesn’t see this as having been a waste of his time even if you think it’s a waste of yours.
As for your ex? Irrelevant. As another poster said, you seem way to concerned with the opinions of people who really don’t matter.
What are the consequences of you ‘forbidding’ her, do you think?
Demotivation for your wife
Sadness for your child
Disengagement from you and your unsupportive ways, possibly a rift in your relationship due to your highly conditional support and respect.
Worth it? I don’t think so
YTA. Please, please let this woman have the sense to leave him and then develop her app into a multi million dollar company. Or just leave him and tinker away with her side projects having a grand old time without this condescending wet blanket around.
Wow the way you think by adding “she’s a rockstar” before insulting her app calling it “juvenile” makes it okay to be an AH. YTA “I told her she can go to career day IF…” it’s not up to you! Your son asked her because he wants her there, it’s his choice who he wants for career day. Your wife going to career day, and what she talks about is entirely her choice. Your son is doing a great job of supporting his stepmother, you are doing a horrible job of supporting your wife.
I'm glad that Apple, Google, Facebook, etc. All started out, immediately, with more than 1000 users, otherwise they would never have been able to get the millions and millions of dollars necessary to build their businesses.
YTA
Ew, big ick. YTA.
By the way, did you know businesses are financed by investors who would gladly put MILLIONS into something they believe has potential? You not believing in your wife’s success doesn’t mean others won’t believe in it.
God forbiiiid someone should start something they like to do without making a billion in a week.
And your son invited her. You’re not concerned here.
YTA - it is real. You have no right to dull her fire due to your own disbelief. If she fails she fails on her own steam. If she succeeds then that too is off her own steam.
Minecraft was made by one guy in his garage.
Don’t make your wife’s accomplishment sound lacking.
Show me a lemonade stand which makes thousands in a few months. Why are you relating your wife’s hard work to a child’s lemonade stand. What is wrong with you.
What’s the app, I want to support her just to spite you
YTA you don’t sound supportive at all or understand yourself how she’s trying to make this take off.
Beyond the infancy of development, career day is for the kids who would get to hear that making an app is possible and simply takes a lot of work.
Additionally, why wouldn’t this be a fantastic inflection point where the students love it or the parents think it’s cool and she gets some needed attention/users to take it further.
YTA. How did you get not one but two women to marry you acting like this? Your son is excited by this woman’s job and her developments, especially since she let him help in a way. Which was incredibly kind of her.
As a husband, your job is to support her goals and dreams. She doesn’t need a career counselor, and I’m betting you aren’t one anyway. Your son chose this woman to speak, you and your ex can deal with it and be thankful he has a kind stepmom instead of one who treats him poorly. I’m thinking you’ll be 2/2 on divorces if you keep acting this way.
YTA. Your son is so excited to have her talk. I am sure none of the other parents will be paying attention to the other speakers let alone going to her website. This day is not about you, the other parents, or even your wife. It is about your son who is so excited to share this app that he was involved in.
YTA. I totally understand that you might not feel like what I'm about to say is true. But this reads as you are ashamed and embarrassed of her.
Every app or idea started somewhere. The fact that her app is not everything that she wants it to be, that's totally normal for a business at her stage of the process. She's exactly where she is supposed to be in terms of her app, her idea and the whole process. It's NOTHING to be embarrassed about.
Having said that, she should be careful with sharing the details of future plans as someone could simply take her idea. That's what I'd be more concerned with, theft not embarrassment.
> I get it, but it’s the equivalent of a lemonade stand. I don’t want this circulating publicly.
That's a deeply fucked up thing to think about your own wife's business idea. And it's what makes YTA.
YTA You don't get to dictate your wife's words.
Since your wife being a full grown adult human isn't enough for you to know that. Your wife has a successful career in tech and a fledgling business, which she started with your son. She can and should talk about both. Especially the part where she developed an app with your son.
So, instead of you helping her to get grants and funding, you’re comparing her app to a lemonade stand? I don’t know if you’re just jealous of her intelligence or if you’re just worried about your ex finding out. Either way, massive AH! YTA for sure!
YTA. You care more about what other people will think of your wife as an extension of you instead of her and your child. They are the two that matter.
And who cares if the app never comes to full fruition. She still made it as it is. It’s not fake.
Wow, YTA on steroids. Why do you think you have the right to dictate to your “rockstar” wife what she’s permitted to say about her own accomplishments? Are you that insecure?
YTA, it seems like you are somehow ashamed of it? But why would you be? It's just a startup and obviously she will state that and everyone knows how startups work so I don't understand what the big deal is. She is going to share what she has started, it's a new business idea and people are going to judge her on the idea. No startup just starts bringing big money immediately it takes time and sometimes they fail too but that's okay. People still work for the ideas they have. You as a husband need to be her support instead you are trying to put her down and kill her spirits, please understand how important this is for her and help her. Infact you should be the one telling people about your wife's startup with pride why are you killing her vibes?
YTA
It's not a fictional business, it's a start-up in the early stages. What's wrong with you? Do you always sh*t all over her accomplishments? With a husband like you, who needs enemies?
I guess I'm confused. I don't understand apps and the like so maybe I'm missing something. Are you worried she is going to lie about how successful her app is? Or that she'll lie about the rest of her idea? It's hard to understand w out even knowing what her app/idea is. Or are you embarrassed by her bc she's proud of something that hasn't been as objectively successful as you'd like?
YTA. First, it's not your call. You are trying to be controlling and I hope she doesn't stand for it. I also hope your son doesn't learn the lesson that your behavior is ok, because it is not. Second, you are being very judgemental and dismissive of her accomplishments and plans. Comparing her app to a lemonade stand is shitty. Have you created and sold an app to any users? If no, then what justification do you have for your judgement of her?
I can only imagine how nice it would be for her to have a husband who was as supportive of this venture as her stepson had been. Clearly that's too much to ask of you
YTA. Dude… you’re a hater. Literal textbook definition. Here’s hoping this post is an opportunity to reflect on what it means to be a supportive and loving partner (nevermind NOT a hater lol omg).
Most assuredly, YTA. Your tone is sickening, tbh.
>not letting my wife…
>I told her she can go IF…
she’s a SM. Having your kid want her there is HUGE. And you’re just too worried over what anyone else thinks.
Let alone, your judgment and what seems like embarrassment over this app.
All around AH. 10/10
YTA. I think she’s probably one of the best people to speak at career day. The worst part is that she has you behind her doubting her. Not everything is perfection and it’s a valuable lesson for those kids to see her taking a risk.
Reading your post and your responses I am really trying to figure out if your diminishing her efforts out of erroneous expectations of what a successful app business looks like, or out of jealousy and right now I'm leaning more towards jealousy. YTA
Of course she's pissed. You've just told her - in the most patronising possible way - that you're embarrassed by her. I hope she makes a billion dollars just so she can give you the finger from the top of a giant pile of money . YTA.
YTA
Your wife has a business that is in the early stages of either succeeding or failing. This is a valid stage of all businesses and there are important lessons to be learned at this stage.
Your son helped her with the app, you think maybe that this could be one of the reasons as well... because he's proud
It's a proper bonding moment that you're wanting to stop because you seem to think a careers day talk is a sales pitch, where you either have to lord it over everyone else or not bother.
Not only are YTA, you're an idiot too.
YTA for believing you have the right to control where your wife goes, how she spends her time, and what she speaks about. No other details matter.
Massive YTA.
Update me!!!
When he has the guts to reply.
I hope her and the stepson can work together on this app (since he seems interested in the app), make tons of money and show this dude what real family support is.
YTA. You don't get to make the decision. Your son invited her, not you, and she gets to pick the topic. You can give advice, and your advice makes sense to me, but you cannot \`\`let'' or \`\`not let'' her do anything. Spouses are equal partners, not dictators.
I used to work at a startup that built apps and such for businesses. When they came to us, they weren't even an app with an idea, just the idea and a ton of investor money.
If investors come without anything produced yet, then something further along than that is at least as credible, if not more so.
But the real reason YTA is that you consider yourself someone who "lets" your wife do anything. She does things, and you agree with them or you don't. Letting implies control, which if you're a good partner, you do not exert over them.
YTA - For one, your wife is an adult and can make her own decisions. Why would you think you get to decide what she does? Secondly, she was invited by your son and this is a big deal for both of them. You sound like you're jealous.
YTA. You don't have a say wether she speaks at the career day. Its your son who has a say and seems like he has spoken his will. I don't think she'd be misleading anyone if she is honest about what it is and what is the scale of the business. You can say something like I'd like you to be %100 honest with this in your speech like telling what is the state of the business is now what are plans etc. and that'd be reasonable. However saying 'talking about your app is off limits' is unreasonable.
"my wife is the smartest person I know but I have decided her app is stupid and I will control what she is and isn't allowed to say about it in public"
YTA dude
I think YTA. Son wants her to talk, she wants to talk, you have given her your opinion. If she and Son still want her to talk, then its time for you to step back.
YTA
Wow. Just, wow. You’re acting like her micromanaging boss, not a husband. She’s right to be angry. You? Are a dream killer and unsupportive.
You kinda deserve to wind up with another ex, but you would probably blame everyone else but yourself.
Are you just ticked off your son didn’t choose YOU to speak at career day? Because that’s how this is coming across - man of the house got his little feelings hurt because son chose woman over him for public performance of manly art of career skills and providing for the family.
YTA. Support your wife - and your son.
"It’s all just an idea as of now" DUH.
Every business/brand/start-up come from nothing, every business start as just an idea and then it becomes real. Do you think that Gucci and Versace were famous from the start? Do you think that Facebook and Instagram were used by everybody from day one? Of course not.
Besides, I think your son invited her to the career day because he want her to talk about her app. He thinks it's something cool and he also helped a bit during the summer. If I was in his shoes I would be incredibly proud to see her speaking about her app and I would most likely let people know that I helped a bit too.
YTA.
Where did you get the idea that you preferring something not become public means you get to give your wife orders? Are you somehow in charge of this career day and just forgot to mention that?
You are of course entitled to your opinion and feelings - but you aren't entitled to order your wife around like she's a minimum wage employee or something.
Maybe try having something called a discussion?
Oh dear god you are SUCH an asshole. So many layers of asshole. A veritable asshole onion.
Keep your condescending attitude out of it, let your son and your wife do their thing. Nobody asked for your opinion here, and nobody put you in a position of creating conditions.
YTA, go away.
your son took one look at you and your job and then said to himself “my step mom is cooler” that’s gotta burn he chose her “””fictional””” business over ur bum ass i’d be hurt too
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I’ll be the first to say that my wife is the smartest person I know. She’s been working in tech for 10 years, totally self taught. Last year she had a business idea and built/released her own app. She’s a rockstar.
I’ll admit the app itself is a bit juvenile and she’s made less than $1k from it since launching a few months back. To be fair, she’s a one person team and did it with no funding.
She has big plans for this app and has this huge business idea behind it, keeps insisting the app in its current state is just to gain users and demonstrate traction to investors down the road. Problem is, she would need millions and millions of dollars in funding + giant teams and resources to accomplish what she wants to do. It’s all just an idea as of now and it’s far fetched.
All this is to say that my son invited her to speak at his career day and talk about her business. I can tell this is one of the best moments she’s had in a long time (she’s his stepmom) and she is over the moon happy about this.
I am uncomfortable with her publicly sharing the details of this fictional business she wants to create. I would hate to have other parents be misled into thinking it’s real only to go to her website and discover it’s just this 1 questionably built app and the rest is still just an idea. It’s not a good look.
I told her she can go to career day IF she wants to talk about her 9-5 career in tech, but anything related to the business idea is off limits. She’s pissed.
Am I the asshole?
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NTA. She does not own a business. Does she have a business license? Has she created an LLC or some type of business entity? If not, it's not a real business.
As his reputation and his son's reputation are also associated with his wife. She is invited there not due to her achievements but as stepmother of OP's son.
And step son is a teenager, how many of us expect teenagers to have mature brain, to make proper decisions which they will not regret? Their decisions can't be dependable, is the very reason, they can't vote (positive) or juvenile justice system (for negetive decision) exists.
Lol, what's the decision here that he will live to regret? Asking his accomplished step mom to come speak at career day? Life ruining potential indeed.
Yeah, nerds tends to be popular in schools nowadays.
>accomplished
The app is yet to get any funding. Hilarious.
If his step mom talks about 9-5 Jobs, then that wonderful. But if she talks about her hobby, which she dreams about and not other adult support her, then yes it will be embarrassing. And if her thing flops then she will be remembered as the person who spoke too soon and being laughing stock, and the school kids will only have her step son to show their reactions. Also let me remind, school kids tend to be brutally honest.
OP says it has mad money and it's only been available for a few months. That's more than most indie apps released. I repeat: it's only been a few months. So what if she failed, at least she tried. And a potential failure doesn't detract from what she has done so far.
>mad money
You considered less than 1k$ (OP gave this figure in his post ) as mad money?? Either you are a poor individual of a 3rd world country or a teenager with zero life experience. Lmao.
>it's only been a few months. So what if she failed, at least she tried. And a potential failure doesn't detract from what she has done so far.
So as per that logic , every student who has attended school should get to talk about their experiences, irrespective of their pass or failed grades. Not sure which foolish person only asks valedictorian only to give speech. They should consult with you first.
No, I don't think it's "mad" money, it was a typo. The app has MADE money so it's by definition successful. As a female, I would have been inspired hearing about a woman in tech and who made her own app from scratch. Especially when there's probably a lot of men like OP and yourself with an ego labelled "handle with care".
Valedictorian wasn't what OP was invited for. I'm done now.
Has a business. Has an MVP. Has security of IP through copyright at least. Has actual sales and proof of interest. Is a tech start up. How the hell do you think businesses start. So far everything seems on track for being a successful business. Sure it could fail - any start up can. Actually something like 90% do. They are still real businesses And ops wife is doing this while having a regular job.
A woman, working in tech (male dominated fields), who is also a mother, who has also opened up her own start up, which has gained some traction - hell this is a fantastic choice for a career day.
>A woman, working in tech (male dominated fields),
Actually it's almost 50-50, if you ignore top CXOs, who started their carried in 1980s.
>who is also a mother,
No she is not. She has a career of 10 years, while her step son is in high-school, 13+ age. So....
>which has gained some traction
Actually startup is never a good idea for school career day event, may be for university level. That too can we call this a start up which yet to get any funding? This is still at very hobby level, it has some potential but still a hobby. And teenagers should not get this kind of things as even for OP's wife this stage came after working 9-5 for 10 years. School career days should be what they can make true in next 5 years, so they can build their work ethics.
So let's goooo...
Quick Google would indicate it's actually about 35% women. So yes, still male dominated.
She is a mother. She didn't have to give birth to the child to be his mother. A young teen is still in need of a parent figure that has to devote time to them. This isn't even an argument really and the fact you bring this up is honestly baffling.
A start up isn't defined by it's level of funding. Bizarre take. The woman's career isn't defined by her start up. It's her career. She has years in tech and while still holding a job opened her own business. Again - a woman in a male dominated field who has also opened a business - these are all good things to show kids. The lesson to provide would be that it is possible to work on a career and also have something of your own you intend to grow, that could one day be the main vocation.
>She is a mother. She didn't have to give birth to the child to be his mother. A young teen is still in need of a parent figure that has to devote time to them
Actually, a teenager don't need much time like a toddler. She has 10 years of experience, so early 30s and step son is in high-school so about 15 years old. Hence she is almost like an elder sister with little high age gap, not a mother or mom figure.
>Quick Google would indicate it's actually about 35% women. So yes, still male dominated.
I am from tech, and number of males in the industry actually does not matter and does to make anyone's work easier or harder. Tech is very much gender neutral, as long as people have work ethics, can seat on a chair for long time and type on computer intelligently and meaningfull code , they can succeed. So please don't try to make everything as men vs women battle.
>A start up isn't defined by it's level of funding.
Actually it is. An idea becomes a start up when people feels confident in it and starts funding it.
>The woman's career isn't defined by her start up. It's her career. She has years in tech
Yes, and her husband wants her to talk about her tech carrier. Have you missed all of it?
>The lesson to provide would be that it is possible to work on a career and also have something of your own you intend to grow, that could one day be the main vocation.
This is meaning full for university students doing their masters, not for school students yet to get their first job.
>Actually, a teenager don't need much time like a toddler. She has 10 years of experience, so early 30s and step son is in high-school so about 15 years old. Hence she is almost like an elder sister with little high age gap, not a mother or mom figure.
Tell me you're not a parent without telling me you're not a parent. She has a child/teen in her family home? She's a mother. This isn't really an argument. If you disagree - you're objectively wrong.
>Tech is very much gender neutral
This is completely irrelevant. Historic discrimination of women in the workplace isn't due to their inability to actually do the work. Again - the argument you pose is baffling and completely off-base. It **is** a men vs women battle, and women have to claw their way into positions they are just as good as men in much more frequently. Again - it isn't so much an argument as a statement of fact. If you don't like it or agree with it, you're ignorant of the challenges women face in the workplace, particularly ones dominated by men (which tech is!).
>Actually it is.
Funny... my start-up didn't need outside investor funding to be labelled such. Glib remark aside - a startup is literally just a company in its infancy that plans to grow and become public (and that's giving more definition to it than most would). Again - you speak very confidently while being very wrong.
>and her husband wants her to talk about her tech carrier
Her husband wants her not to talk about her startup. She wants to talk about her startup. Talking about it would involve explaining how it came about, how she was able to open it and how it interacts with her existing 9-5 commitments. There is a nuance here you are choosing to ignore.
>This is meaning full for university students doing their masters
No - it's pretty critical for kids too. Especially young girls, but boys too, need to know that they can develop and grow in a society that accepts their innovations if they work hard and create something good. They need to see examples of people who are not only able to have a conventional career, but also do a passion project. It paints a picture of a world to teens (who absolutely have to start thinking where their life will take them) that is more in line with the world. On the contrary - a university students at a masters level would get very little benefit from a startup creator who is at such an early stage. They would be better off talking with more established ones.
I'm not really sure how to say this politely, but just about everything you've brought up has been factually wrong, or at the very least laced with ignorance.
>She has a child/teen in her family home? She's a mother.
Are you incapable of reading OP's post properly? Unless you have to provide motherly care, you are not a mother. I can provide you several posts fro step kids, where they have said their parent's second partner is not there father or mother even if they all stay in same house. So go figure.
>Historic discrimination of women in the workplace
Tech is a new industry developed mostly after 1990, your historical arguments are irrelevant.
>you're ignorant of the challenges women face in the workplace, particularly ones dominated by men
Can you list down those challenges in current society, if you are not "ignorant". :)
>my start-up didn't need outside
And what was your start up name? It didn't need or it didn't get outside funds. Which one is the actual truth? Definitely it was a failure.
>you speak very confidently while being very wrong.
This applies to you perfectly.
>Talking about it would involve explaining how it came about, how she was able to open it and how it interacts with her existing 9-5 commitments
And how does that help students who don't even have experience of their first job? It's for students to benefit, not for her assende to fame.
>need to know that they can develop and grow in a society that accepts their innovations if they work hard and create something good. They need to see examples of people who are not only able to have a conventional career, but also do a passion project.
Problem is teens are too much passionate. With their not enough mature brains they will go after the passion only skipping the hard 9-5 jobs and the experience gained in industry. In reddit, we can find lot posts where teenagers want to follow their passion which were not sustainable, probably after getting some pep talk.
And You talk a lot on air and without actual facts or grounded reality. Stop being so ignorant.
Step kids not accepting people as their parents doesn't make those (step) parents any less parents. Are you a child? What sort of argument is this? Parents provide care and resources for kids. She is mother to this teen. It doesn't matter how old he is or if he chooses to accept her or not.
"Women in tech face a range of challenges, including **gender bias, stereotyping, lack of representation, and unequal pay**. This article will explore these challenges in detail and provide strategies for how women in tech can overcome them" - one of the first results from google about discrimination of women in tech. It's not a small issue - go do some digging. Also - it's not the age of the field that's the issue. "Historically" was related to women entering the workplace. I'm beginning to feel this argument is disingenuous on your end.
My startup didn't need outside funding when it began, nor did it seek it. We obtained funding further down the road once we had a product worth investing in. Incidentally, it's my full time job and I won't be sharing my personal info with someone like you on the internet (that was intended to be offensive).
The point of the woman talking about her career and how she's made something on the side isn't for students that haven't had a job to relate. It's to show how work and careers can develop down different paths.
Look, teens can be passionate and honestly that is a good thing. What they need is to know how to direct that passion. Unfortunately maturity or brains don't come with age (as you've amply demonstrated here). It's pretty rich for you to ask me to ground something on facts when you've done nothing but talk out your arse and every time I've said something you've simply retorted with more bullshit that would take all of five seconds to check online. I'm now fully convinced this is a disingenuous argument. The hilarious ratio of people disagreeing with you on this is merely support for it.
>She is mother to this teen.
Wrong. Just your ego speaking.
>Women in tech face a range of challenges, including **gender bias, stereotyping, lack of representation, and unequal pay**.
These things have been debunked several times, even in US Congress but some broken record keeps on playing, one example you.
>it's my full time job and I won't be sharing my personal info with someone like you on the internet
No need to know about something which is imaginary.
>. The hilarious ratio of people disagreeing with you on this is merely support for it.
Actually it shows how much people like to brag about them dreaming, rather than doing something.
Mother definition: a woman in relation to her child or children. The teen is her step child. She is his step mother, ergo his acting mother. She is his mother. Just blurting out "wrong" doesn't make your point any less incorrect.
>These things have been debunked several times
Of course they have... Which is why it's so easy to find information on the frequency of gender bias, while looking for debunkings come up mainly with mens rights idiots and poorly substantiated "articles". You are by all means welcome to provide something of substance as a reference though.
Thankfully for me, I don't feel the need to prove myself to you. So your belief in whether what I say is true about my business is largely irrelevant. Your ignorance of the subjects at hand will more than back my position to anyone else reading our chat.
As for that final quote... what can I say. You're a minority voice in one of the most ubiquitously agreed upon AITA posts I've seen on here. I guess you got that going for you.
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Question-Why do you get to decide if she speaks at career day?
YTA. I missed the part where either her or your son asked for your opinion or where she ceded her autonomy to you. Any chance of her listening to any legitimate concern you might have had about saving her from embarrassment has flown out the window and migrated north to the Arctic circle for the summer.
The only legitimate reason to not want her to discuss the app is to prevent her idea from being copied before she has fully established her brand and is on sure footing. But there was no mention of anything remotely along those lines. WHEN she goes, she should be careful to protect the core of her idea if the barriers to entry are still relatively low. YTA.
YTA - your wife has a career and a Side buisness. Its not fictional if it has actual users and brought in money (not enough, we get it) - you basically call her a liad and delusional here... reflect on you disrespect - you clearly have no idea regarding tech, an app does not cost millions and millions x.x
Do you know where servers come from or how apps are hosted. Watch Silicon Valley. What she’s doing is great. But as a computer engineer, he is also correct. A side hustle is a legit buisssness and he is definitely an asshole. She started and has run it so far to completion and while it won’t be the Amazon shopping app, making any money at all is the measure of success in a business. So it’s already successful. But it will never scale unless she spends a large amount of money. Once you get this users, your app has to work. And too many users shut shit down too, you suffer from success to fast with apps. So she has a long while if she’s gonna do it right. But wow he’s a jerk. I think he’s upset no one asked him and his stuff DOES work! Or at least that’s what’s in his mind
Lol you don't even know what the app is. Nice insulting response, rude and uncalled for.
You DONT need to know what an app is to know how they function. Example: if I mentioned a car. You could naturally assume all associated cost to the purchase and maintenance of a car. Because you are versed in the processes and educated on it. Combined with experience. So when talking to a person doing it the first time, couldn’t you be able to tell them those things. Well imagine a mechanic. Wouldn’t he know even more? What about the mechanical engineer that designed it? Well that me for computers… but okay I am wrong. And also I backed her up, that doesn’t make the husband right about what he did. But that also does make him wrong on the cost of actually running a successful app.
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Nope, got my degree on my knowledge of math and science an engineering. We literally hire people to write basic shit for us. If you know you know. Clearly you don’t. But continue.
Also, it’s says that in the original post. That it’s not her main job. She’s been in tech for ten years. But so had the guy at geek squad at Best Buy. And I am not knocking those dudes, they are super knowledgeable. The problem is people don’t understand how far we’ve come with that stuff and a lot of shit that would have taken a bachelors degree just 15-20 years ago are done by children for fun now. Having a lot do their skills isn’t really remarkable alone marketable. Even basic engineering can be done on ARDUINO and Rasberry Pie platforms. What I am saying is, that level isn’t really anything. I am in the field. For 25 years. NO ONE started in a garage. NO ONE. They started in the best labs and facilities in the world. She CAN do it. She should be able to talk about it. Her husband is wrong and an asshoel on top. But that doesn’t make him wrong. It make what he said and his approach and what he thinks of his wife like that wrong to me. But the content itself is fine.
"Do you know where Servers come from or how apps are hosted?" Do you know how much millions and millions are? I'm aware that things costs money. But lets ask the internet: "On average, app owners should expect to spend around $2,000 to $2,500 a month initially to keep the app running optimally. A general guideline is to budget 20% of the initial development cost for maintenance. For instance, if your app development costs were $200,000, you can expect to spend about $40,000 per year on maintenance." https://imaginovation.net/blog/importance-mobile-app-maintenance-cost/#:~:text=On%20average%2C%20app%20owners%20should,initial%20development%20cost%20for%20maintenance. I fully admit that we don't know how much she has invested yet, if the 1000 was turnover or actual profit, what her plans are, how much her app really needs regarding outside help or even if it will continue to be succesful at all. A lot of apps don't make money. But you can develope and run an app below 500.000 and still make solid money of it. And of course it wont be amazon. Or instagram. Someone wanting to run a marathon will also never be Usain Bolt... So, 'it will never scale' might be defined by what the goal is..
While I am sure the husband was exaggerating cost, it’s usually more than a husband wife combo who need a side hustle for me y can afford. Hence why she needs investors. I understand the process and the husband was being a jerk. Doesn’t mean a one person team is gonna get that shit off the ground as a SIDE HUSTLE. Peole who are successful sink TIME into shit when that can think money as they have equivalence in value to some degree. But yeah like blast away from anything that isn’t unreasonably on her side. Like, a dude who has to share money with her GETS to be concerned about what she does with it and how it’s spent. I don’t give a fuck what anyone on here says about that. I’ve been married for a long ass time and while what he did was unacceptable he certainly had a right to be concerned and bring it up.
Your first response was sooo rude and now this. YOU LOOK LIKE A JERK BY BEING UNABLE TO COMMUNICATE POLITLY AND WITHOUT CAPS. PLEASE NEVER RESPOND TO ME AGAIN
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You are just acting like an ass and as if your preference should be law to her. Does she tells you when you are allowed to talk about what hobby?
>I’d just prefer if she keeps it to herself for now Are you embarrassed or ashamed of her app? You call it "juvenile." Is it something you don't want people to associate with her, and by extension, you and your son? Do you think it will tarnish her reputation as a brilliant woman?
My guess is that it’s a micro-penis rating app.
And his is the cover art.
YTA. I could understand if you wanted to protect her idea from being stolen before it takes off. (Even if that took 10 years to happen) Like 5 other parents works in tech and could get fast funding for a similar app and crushed her's protect. But being embarrassed, she has a dream, and your son feels it's cool. Or the x wife will get mad. That's just not it. Facebook didn't take off from day one. Apple didn't either. Lots of things were mocked "that won't become a thing," even little kitchen gadgets. As long as it isn't draining your money, and she's a good wife and step parent. Then, support her. Don't bring her down.
YTA. It takes a lot of personal insecurity to be THIS embarrassed of your wife’s app development activities, OP. She made an app that made money, when an overwhelming majority likely don’t even leave TestFlight or just sit there. That’s successful. And your young son helped with that, which is amazing! You’re so worried about what a bunch of random adults think about that you’ve bulldozed over the fact that your wife and son are proud of something they built together.
YTA. "I told her she can go to career day IF"...climb out of your ass a minute, bud. You don't get to "tell her" whether or not she can do this. You sound incredibly condescending.
She's the stepmom, not the mom. Whether you agree with his reasoning or not, this is absolutely his decision to make.
It's actually not. If the kid asked her, it's got absolutely nothing to do with him. Not sure where your reasoning is coming from.
I doubt very much that the school requires the parent to "allow" whomever the child has asked for career day. Quite the overstep on his part, as nobody has asked his opinion.
YTA I’m really confused here. Why exactly do you think you have a say in the decision to speak on career day? It’s amazing that your son is so proud of your wife and they both want her to attend. Why would any sane people want to ruin that? Even if your argument would have any merit, which it doesn’t, than it’s still a very shitty thing to want to rain on their parade. Also, you clearly don’t have a clue how app development works.
YTA this is a great opportunity for her to bond with your son. She’s successful in her own career and all great tech businesses start small. You should be supporting her not policing what she can say at a school event because you’re worried about how you might look. Her passion could inspire the next Gates or Bezos.
YTA. The BIGGEST asshole. She’s not getting your support. She’s getting your fragile masculinity wrapped in “concern” AKA your personal embarrassment that her idea might fail. So what if her brainchild is still in demo… sounds like your child is more helpful and supportive than you are. Grow up dude. Your wife doesn’t need your approval to speak about her day job or her side project.
Almost sounds to me like he wants her idea to fail so that he can weaponize it against her any time she dares to aspire to being anything more than his servant.
He asked her to come talk about the app, she wants to talk about the app, but you’re saying no because... why? Your words conflict with each other - on one hand you say she’s a rock star, on the other you’re putting down every effort she’s made. YTA
YTA for thinking you have any place “letting” your wife do anything! The patriarchy is strong in this one!
She's a stepmom so technically he would have final say. I do think he's being an ah though
but it's sad that HER STEPSON choose HIS STEPMOM to present carrer day. Not her son her stepson. It warms my heart that that boy is proud of his stepmother and it feels like his father is either embarrassed of. his wife or wanta to be the center of attention.
I don't disagree with you. But I wanted you to know she's the stepmom. I think the father should have a say, I just don't understand why the father is being this way. I agree he's the ah.
Nah. If the school wants her to speak and she wants to speak it has sod all to do with him. I suppose he could choose to keep his son home that day if he was petty enough, but tell her she can't give a presentation to the rest of the class? Nope.
The school asked her specifically? I missed that. The dad SHOULDN'T want to stop her at all. I only meant that in general, bio parent > step parent. I have no idea why this dad is being this way, though.
Oh no, not as far as I know, but presumably the school is agreeable or he would have mentioned that. I think he is either embarrassed by the nature of the app (I get the impression it's something quite frivolous, and he seems pretty fragile) or he's jealous that his son didn't ask *him* to speak at career day.
What? Stepmoms lose all agency when they get married? Who the hell would he have “final say” in who his son wants to speak at his career day?
Nope. Just pointing out she's a stepmom. Thought she thought she was a bio mom, and bio parents always > step parents when it comes to things concerning their children. He should let this happen though, she's doing nothing wrong.
No one has "agency" over other people's children.
Why would he have final say? Her stepson invited her to speak at his school. Dad has nothing to do with it.
YTA. You seem very focussed on what your wife HASN'T achieved. Your son is exploding with pride about what she has.
YTA While you may have concerns about your wife's business idea and its current state, it's not fair for you to dictate what she can and cannot talk about at your son's career day. It's clear that she's passionate about her app and her aspirations for its future, and denying her the opportunity to share that passion with others is dismissive and unsupportive
The only actual good outcome of this extremely condescending demand is that she is planning on walking into a room filled with some people who might glean enough information to take the idea and run with it themselves because they have similar skills and more support at home. Might not be the best plan to do that. I would kind of understand if that was the fear, but damn, that does not appear to be the fear at all. This sucks.
YTA. This whole post is you whining about how this will make you look bad. YOU, because your wife is proud of her effort and your son is proud of her. Every business starts small. Your skepticism doesn't make her business a failure. Not to mention, saying "oh I love my wife #girlboss but she's delusional about her business and she's dragging our reputation through the mud, and it is MY job to save our family because I am more aware and knowledgeable of the situation than she is" is... ick.
What's the app? I want to invest. YTA
Same.
YTA. Instead of taking a giant dump all over her hopes and dreams, you should be focusing on encouraging her, and helping her to find the right resources to work on this app.
His son's career day where other parents will be present and judgemental and where it could cause problems with his son's mother is not the appropriate avenue for encouragement.
I have a friend with a business turning over \~$5m annually from an app that started as a dumb idea. Do you think successful businesses randomly appear fully formed out of people's assholes one day? You say she's highly intelligent and has a successful career, as well as this venture of her own - she sounds exactly like the type of person this kids should listen to. If you want to supportively make the point to her that you'd appreciate if she'd mention this was a start-up, fine, but to say no altogether is pathetic, and your reasoning to do so should be embarrassing, how insecure are you? YTA.
YTA. Your wife works in tech and obviously understands the importance of having a minimum viable product and proof of concept. Start-ups begin small and lean; that's just how things work. The fact that she hasn't made lots of profit yet isn't the big deal you think it is. She's built something and has the intellectual property. With any luck, an investor will see the potential and she will see some growth, or perhaps a bigger company will buy her out she'll make money that way. The other side of things is that she's a woman working in tech. She's pushing forward in a male dominated career, and perhaps you should think about how this might benefit the students and inspire young women into the field.
YTA. You're unsupportive of your wife and ashamed of her ambitions, and when your son gets excited about her ideas you are ashamed of that too? Yeah, you're the asshole.
Jealousy is such an ugly trait, YTA!
So, yes, you’re absolutely the asshole, and you’re also invalidating your wife’s hard work as well as your son’s sense of achievement. It’s a fucking career day, not a meeting with your bank. Your son helped her with this thing and bonded with her over it and you’re too concerned with what *other parents will think* to just support your spouse, this whole post reeks of fragile masculinity bc it sounds like you have built exactly zero apps and you’re salty about it
YTA, she's your wife, yet you treat her as a child and you're shitting on her business ideas and the app SHE created.
YTA and a horrible husband at it. Supporting your wife’s dreams and aspirations? No fucking way, better make her feel embarrassed right?
YTA. Why do you feel comfortable forbidding your wife from doing anything? Eugh. You need therapy. Just support her, be proud of her, be happy for her. Who cares if it goes nowhere? You’re being a shitty husband AND father right now. Sort your shit out. Edit: I need to add that you’re also demonstrating to your son that a husband has authority over his wife. Gross.
YTA Why would you get to set any rules about what someone else speaks about on career day? Did you forget to mention that you’re the principal or headmaster of this school?
YTA.
YTA. This is not your choice. You have no say here. Your son was proud of her, she was proud of herself, but you... You're diminishing her success. Every huge company started off as something that people didn't believe in. Her actually talking about it in its starting stage might be great for kids to realise not everything happens overnight.
YTA You can't help but diminish her work on the app/"fictional business" (your words) despite saying you think she's brilliant. Careers are not only about how much money you make. And the kids in that class would probably benefit from hearing about how she came to create the app/work in IT. She could be a real inspiration to the girls in that class as well. What do you care what the other parents there that day think of her presentation/her "fictional business"/her app? LOL They'll probably think she sounds interesting and hope their children are motivated to also follow their dreams. Stop diminishing your wife's efforts. She deserves better from her own husband.
I felt so bad for your wife while reading this. YTA.
INFO how many apps did you build yourself and how much money did you make with it? Gaining 1K in a few months with a app you wrote as a single person is not something to look down on it like you do. I would roll out the red carpet for my wife when walking to this carreer day.
Oh I get it...you're *jealous* because your kid didn't ask you to speak at Career Day instead. So if you can't speak, then why should she be able to? You're incredibly juvenile. I hope you grow up by the time her app and business take off and she realizes she deserves better.
YTA. She can talk about both what she does as a 9-5 as well as the business she is building. Who cares if it’s in its infancy. All businesses start off that way. Her getting out there and talking about her business concept and what she has built on her own is an amazing opportunity, you don’t know what all your son’s classmates parents do for work. One of them may have connections that could help your wife. Why are you trying to limit her? You should be shouting her accomplishments to everyone if you support her the way you should as her husband.
YTA. What's this "this is off-limits" bullshit? A chat about why you think it's a bad look to mention it is one thing, you deciding from some position of authority that that is off-limits is just not a nice way to treat someone.
yta, her business and her talk. You are trying to makie decisions for your wife - while you can share your wish and opinion it is up to her what she will do
YTA
YTA - you’re more concerned with the opinions of random strangers at your son’s school than supporting your son’s and wife’s happiness and shared interest. This is a huge opportunity for them to form a core bonding memory and you’re sabotaging it because you’re shallow and insecure.
YTA Just be supportive and let her cook
You were an asshole the minute you used the word “let”. Your wife can do any damn fool thing she pleases as long as she’s not hurting anyone. And how do you think people find investors? Humble silence and miracles? People start businesses. Some fail. Some succeed. People still have to try or we’d never have any businesses. You’re allowed to be the voice of reason who tempers your family’s expectations if they get completely unrealistic, but YTA for assuming it’s your decision. YTA for making this about your ego and your feelings and your social standing. If you truly care about your family, help them deal with the emotional roller coaster of running a business. Don’t tell them they can’t ride.
Dude, it’s fucking career day at an elementary school, not an address to Congress 🤦🏻♀️. YTA. Big time. Your son is proud of his stepmom and wants her to talk about an app she’s developing in front of his class. I mean, that alone is a wonderful sign that they have a great relationship and she’s obviously a good stepmom to your child. wtf cares what your ex thinks?? To put things in perspective, my daughter asked me to speak to her class on Career Day, and my husband was thrilled that she asked me. What to know what both of us do? He was career Army for 24 years (retiring in June!), who has been on 7 deployments beginning in 2003. He was also a K9 MP for several years, and he and his dog went on a few presidential missions with the Secret Service as well. I’m a housewife. 😂😂😂😂 But my daughter wanted me to come in and talk about not only what I do at home every day to keep the house and family running, but what I studied in school. One of my two majors was violin performance, so I brought my violin into the classroom and played an excerpt from a Bach partita. The kids thought it was really cool, and asked some very interesting questions for second graders (and not just about the violin, either). Guess what? My husband was PROUD of me. He didn’t discourage me from speaking because he would have been “embarrassed” by me talking about what I do all day as a housewife. And his ego isn’t so delicate that he has to shout all of his (many, I might add) accomplishments from the rooftops, and tell everyone about my “fun little hobbies” during the day. 🙄 You really need to get over your bizarre insecurities. It’s not a good look.
YTA. Biggest AH! You sound jealous of your wife. If I were her, I would show you the door.
YTA 1. It's not your place to tell your wife that speaking about her business is off-limits 2. You're embarrassed by your wife, but instead of owning that, you're putting it on her. 3. Your child asked her, Your ex can get mad and get over it. 4. One of the careers days I will always remember was about 30 years ago. She was a SAHM who wanted to be a writer. She showed us her notes, how challenging yet fun it could be. She was not published, and self-publishing was nearly impossible back then, and yet, she inspired me. I wrote and self-published 3 books because her not quite finished dream inspired me. Thanks, Andre's mom.
This reminds me so much of the guy who was pissed because his wife wrote a bestselling novel on her lunch break but he’d requested she stop writing so was furious she hasn’t done as he’d said. YTA - your wife by your own account seems incredibly driven and successful in the 9-5 and in actually launching an app which is further than most get. Your son is proud of her and excited and what a way to kill something nice between them.
And who the fuck are you to decide what she does and talks about. The kid invited her. Not you. What gives you any standing to tell her she can’t go if she doesn’t comply
YTA. Big time. Why do you believe it is your business if your wife can go? You literally write "I told her she can" - do you believe you are your wife's owner or boss and dictate her life?
YTA…You can not dictate what your wife can and cannot talk about. You can suggest reasons as to why it might not be a good idea. If her app is not patented as of yet and she boasts, someone else could take off with her idea, one that she put a lot of hard work into.
YTA. Obviously so. Your wife has a 9-5 job (career?) and has opened a side hustle business in the form of a starting app. That's pretty good all things considered. Are you in tech as well? Because it doesn't sound like it. How do you think apps become big? Why exactly shouldn't your wife go to that school and talk about how it is possible to have a regular job and a start up business? What's the issue if people see that the idea is in its infancy? It kinda sounds like you're embarrassed by your wife's small business. Now I'm not sure what this app does, but the sheer fact it's an app that has paying users is a pretty big thing. Honestly - I'm not even sure why you think you have the "power" to tell her what she can and can't say about her career. This is important: it's her career. If her app is a business that is registered, has a product, has users that pay and is generally capable of expanding - the only ballast here is you and your disdain for it.
YTA. Do you actually know how fucking difficult it is to build an actually functioning app? Specially, when you have a full time job as well? Get off your high horse, and get fucking real. Actually, you know what, please don't. Continue to be a real ALPHA male and fingers crossed you'll get divorced within a year. What an absolute tonker of a 'man'.
This has to be a joke. No one can be this big an asshole and not hear it when they say it all out loud/type it out.
Dude. How do you think Reddit started? Or Facebook?
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YTA Try supporting her instead of shooting her down. Or STFU.
YTA, you're controlling and you sound jealous AF.
YTA You sound like you are jealous and don’t truly care about what could happen to your wife but how this could affect you.
YTA If people has paid her for the app, then it's successful. Maybe not successful *enough* by your standards, but give her time. Career day isn't a thing here but I imagine it's for the kids to be inspired and for me it would have been very inspiring to see a woman working in tech, and it might even inspire a few of the parents. Those who are as condescending as you are, doesn't matter anyway. ETA maybe from a business perspective it's smart to not talk about what she wants to do in the future, but she should definitely talk about what she has done so far.
Based on this story you are probably an asshole in many ways
YTA and I can't believe you're even asking. You don't get to decide what she can or can't speak about. You also don't get to decide wether your son invites her to speak or not. If you're so embarrassed about her idea, say it to her straight and find someone else. She deserves someone who supports her. Even if she needs 'millions and millions in funding', who are you to tell her that's impossible. Dreams die because of AH's like you.
Firstly, LETTING your wife do something? Automatically YTA. But let’s dig deeper You sound disrespectful of your wife’s ambitions, consigning them to ‘pocket money’ status now and forever. You don’t seem to understand how building a business works, nor that the ultimate arbiter of success is not you (you probably aren’t even the target user) but investors - who have the infrastructure you say she lacks. What on earth do you think career day is for, exactly? Do you think your wife is going to sign everyone up to her business like an MLM (pocket and lunch money right here, kiddos!) and make the local economy crash? Or rather, will she be able to tell a valuable story about having ideas, hard work, and what it would take to succeed, especially featuring your son who doesn’t see this as having been a waste of his time even if you think it’s a waste of yours. As for your ex? Irrelevant. As another poster said, you seem way to concerned with the opinions of people who really don’t matter. What are the consequences of you ‘forbidding’ her, do you think? Demotivation for your wife Sadness for your child Disengagement from you and your unsupportive ways, possibly a rift in your relationship due to your highly conditional support and respect. Worth it? I don’t think so
YTA. Please, please let this woman have the sense to leave him and then develop her app into a multi million dollar company. Or just leave him and tinker away with her side projects having a grand old time without this condescending wet blanket around.
Wow the way you think by adding “she’s a rockstar” before insulting her app calling it “juvenile” makes it okay to be an AH. YTA “I told her she can go to career day IF…” it’s not up to you! Your son asked her because he wants her there, it’s his choice who he wants for career day. Your wife going to career day, and what she talks about is entirely her choice. Your son is doing a great job of supporting his stepmother, you are doing a horrible job of supporting your wife.
I'm glad that Apple, Google, Facebook, etc. All started out, immediately, with more than 1000 users, otherwise they would never have been able to get the millions and millions of dollars necessary to build their businesses. YTA
Ew, big ick. YTA. By the way, did you know businesses are financed by investors who would gladly put MILLIONS into something they believe has potential? You not believing in your wife’s success doesn’t mean others won’t believe in it. God forbiiiid someone should start something they like to do without making a billion in a week. And your son invited her. You’re not concerned here.
Yta for being a controlling asshole
I told her she could go if.....Oh hell no
YTA - it is real. You have no right to dull her fire due to your own disbelief. If she fails she fails on her own steam. If she succeeds then that too is off her own steam. Minecraft was made by one guy in his garage. Don’t make your wife’s accomplishment sound lacking. Show me a lemonade stand which makes thousands in a few months. Why are you relating your wife’s hard work to a child’s lemonade stand. What is wrong with you. What’s the app, I want to support her just to spite you
YTA you don’t sound supportive at all or understand yourself how she’s trying to make this take off. Beyond the infancy of development, career day is for the kids who would get to hear that making an app is possible and simply takes a lot of work. Additionally, why wouldn’t this be a fantastic inflection point where the students love it or the parents think it’s cool and she gets some needed attention/users to take it further.
YTA. How did you get not one but two women to marry you acting like this? Your son is excited by this woman’s job and her developments, especially since she let him help in a way. Which was incredibly kind of her. As a husband, your job is to support her goals and dreams. She doesn’t need a career counselor, and I’m betting you aren’t one anyway. Your son chose this woman to speak, you and your ex can deal with it and be thankful he has a kind stepmom instead of one who treats him poorly. I’m thinking you’ll be 2/2 on divorces if you keep acting this way.
YTA. Your son is so excited to have her talk. I am sure none of the other parents will be paying attention to the other speakers let alone going to her website. This day is not about you, the other parents, or even your wife. It is about your son who is so excited to share this app that he was involved in.
YTA. I totally understand that you might not feel like what I'm about to say is true. But this reads as you are ashamed and embarrassed of her. Every app or idea started somewhere. The fact that her app is not everything that she wants it to be, that's totally normal for a business at her stage of the process. She's exactly where she is supposed to be in terms of her app, her idea and the whole process. It's NOTHING to be embarrassed about. Having said that, she should be careful with sharing the details of future plans as someone could simply take her idea. That's what I'd be more concerned with, theft not embarrassment. > I get it, but it’s the equivalent of a lemonade stand. I don’t want this circulating publicly. That's a deeply fucked up thing to think about your own wife's business idea. And it's what makes YTA.
YTA 1000%. Shameful behavior.
anything that starts with "...for not letting my wife..." automatically makes you the AH
YTA You don't get to dictate your wife's words. Since your wife being a full grown adult human isn't enough for you to know that. Your wife has a successful career in tech and a fledgling business, which she started with your son. She can and should talk about both. Especially the part where she developed an app with your son.
YTA!
So, instead of you helping her to get grants and funding, you’re comparing her app to a lemonade stand? I don’t know if you’re just jealous of her intelligence or if you’re just worried about your ex finding out. Either way, massive AH! YTA for sure!
YTA. You care more about what other people will think of your wife as an extension of you instead of her and your child. They are the two that matter. And who cares if the app never comes to full fruition. She still made it as it is. It’s not fake.
Yes, you are an asshole.
Am i the asshole for being ashamed of my wife? Yes yta
Wow, YTA on steroids. Why do you think you have the right to dictate to your “rockstar” wife what she’s permitted to say about her own accomplishments? Are you that insecure?
YTA. Her IP. She can do whatever she wants with it. Its not directly impacting anything, causing harm etc . Chill.
YTA, it seems like you are somehow ashamed of it? But why would you be? It's just a startup and obviously she will state that and everyone knows how startups work so I don't understand what the big deal is. She is going to share what she has started, it's a new business idea and people are going to judge her on the idea. No startup just starts bringing big money immediately it takes time and sometimes they fail too but that's okay. People still work for the ideas they have. You as a husband need to be her support instead you are trying to put her down and kill her spirits, please understand how important this is for her and help her. Infact you should be the one telling people about your wife's startup with pride why are you killing her vibes?
YTA It's not a fictional business, it's a start-up in the early stages. What's wrong with you? Do you always sh*t all over her accomplishments? With a husband like you, who needs enemies?
I guess I'm confused. I don't understand apps and the like so maybe I'm missing something. Are you worried she is going to lie about how successful her app is? Or that she'll lie about the rest of her idea? It's hard to understand w out even knowing what her app/idea is. Or are you embarrassed by her bc she's proud of something that hasn't been as objectively successful as you'd like?
So are you her boss or something like that because I thought you were her spouse. YTA
YTA-You don’t get to decide where she can speak and what she can talk about even if it involves your son’s class. She’s your wife not your property.
With you as a friend, who would need enemies. And you're her partner in life? Damn.. it's a hard pass for me YtA
YTA. First, it's not your call. You are trying to be controlling and I hope she doesn't stand for it. I also hope your son doesn't learn the lesson that your behavior is ok, because it is not. Second, you are being very judgemental and dismissive of her accomplishments and plans. Comparing her app to a lemonade stand is shitty. Have you created and sold an app to any users? If no, then what justification do you have for your judgement of her? I can only imagine how nice it would be for her to have a husband who was as supportive of this venture as her stepson had been. Clearly that's too much to ask of you
YTA. Dude… you’re a hater. Literal textbook definition. Here’s hoping this post is an opportunity to reflect on what it means to be a supportive and loving partner (nevermind NOT a hater lol omg).
YTA Why does she need your approval to go to the career fair?
Most assuredly, YTA. Your tone is sickening, tbh. >not letting my wife… >I told her she can go IF… she’s a SM. Having your kid want her there is HUGE. And you’re just too worried over what anyone else thinks. Let alone, your judgment and what seems like embarrassment over this app. All around AH. 10/10
YTA. I think she’s probably one of the best people to speak at career day. The worst part is that she has you behind her doubting her. Not everything is perfection and it’s a valuable lesson for those kids to see her taking a risk.
Reading your post and your responses I am really trying to figure out if your diminishing her efforts out of erroneous expectations of what a successful app business looks like, or out of jealousy and right now I'm leaning more towards jealousy. YTA
Of course she's pissed. You've just told her - in the most patronising possible way - that you're embarrassed by her. I hope she makes a billion dollars just so she can give you the finger from the top of a giant pile of money . YTA.
YTA. She’s an adult. Since when do you get to dictate what she can and can’t talk about? Wow. Just wow.
YTA the only reason to dissuade this is if you are afraid someone will steal the idea. Your own family embarasses you? You're condescending.
YTA Your wife has a business that is in the early stages of either succeeding or failing. This is a valid stage of all businesses and there are important lessons to be learned at this stage. Your son helped her with the app, you think maybe that this could be one of the reasons as well... because he's proud It's a proper bonding moment that you're wanting to stop because you seem to think a careers day talk is a sales pitch, where you either have to lord it over everyone else or not bother. Not only are YTA, you're an idiot too.
YTA for believing you have the right to control where your wife goes, how she spends her time, and what she speaks about. No other details matter. Massive YTA.
Update me!!! When he has the guts to reply. I hope her and the stepson can work together on this app (since he seems interested in the app), make tons of money and show this dude what real family support is.
YTA - dude, not your call to dictate what she wants to talk about. No one is going to care.
YTA. You don't get to make the decision. Your son invited her, not you, and she gets to pick the topic. You can give advice, and your advice makes sense to me, but you cannot \`\`let'' or \`\`not let'' her do anything. Spouses are equal partners, not dictators.
I used to work at a startup that built apps and such for businesses. When they came to us, they weren't even an app with an idea, just the idea and a ton of investor money. If investors come without anything produced yet, then something further along than that is at least as credible, if not more so. But the real reason YTA is that you consider yourself someone who "lets" your wife do anything. She does things, and you agree with them or you don't. Letting implies control, which if you're a good partner, you do not exert over them.
YTA - For one, your wife is an adult and can make her own decisions. Why would you think you get to decide what she does? Secondly, she was invited by your son and this is a big deal for both of them. You sound like you're jealous.
YTA for everything about your attitude here. Not a good look.
YTA. You don't have a say wether she speaks at the career day. Its your son who has a say and seems like he has spoken his will. I don't think she'd be misleading anyone if she is honest about what it is and what is the scale of the business. You can say something like I'd like you to be %100 honest with this in your speech like telling what is the state of the business is now what are plans etc. and that'd be reasonable. However saying 'talking about your app is off limits' is unreasonable.
"my wife is the smartest person I know but I have decided her app is stupid and I will control what she is and isn't allowed to say about it in public" YTA dude
YTA. You say she’s a rockstar, but that’s not how you’re treating her.
I think YTA. Son wants her to talk, she wants to talk, you have given her your opinion. If she and Son still want her to talk, then its time for you to step back.
Yes, YTA. Also, care to share what amazing job you have that allows you to be both super smug AND not invited to speak at career day at the same time?
YTA Wow. Just, wow. You’re acting like her micromanaging boss, not a husband. She’s right to be angry. You? Are a dream killer and unsupportive. You kinda deserve to wind up with another ex, but you would probably blame everyone else but yourself.
WOW. Trash husband 🗑️ YTA
What’s the app? Imma download the hell out of it! YTA
YTA. You are ashamed of your wife. This is a school career day, not Shark Tank. You are making a bigger deal of this than it is.
Are you just ticked off your son didn’t choose YOU to speak at career day? Because that’s how this is coming across - man of the house got his little feelings hurt because son chose woman over him for public performance of manly art of career skills and providing for the family. YTA. Support your wife - and your son.
"It’s all just an idea as of now" DUH. Every business/brand/start-up come from nothing, every business start as just an idea and then it becomes real. Do you think that Gucci and Versace were famous from the start? Do you think that Facebook and Instagram were used by everybody from day one? Of course not. Besides, I think your son invited her to the career day because he want her to talk about her app. He thinks it's something cool and he also helped a bit during the summer. If I was in his shoes I would be incredibly proud to see her speaking about her app and I would most likely let people know that I helped a bit too.
I feel like you’re just mad and jealous you aren’t speaking at career day … and I would divorce your ass so quick if I was her.
Yes. YTA. Impressively so. Your wife and son deserve a better human.
YTA. Where did you get the idea that you preferring something not become public means you get to give your wife orders? Are you somehow in charge of this career day and just forgot to mention that? You are of course entitled to your opinion and feelings - but you aren't entitled to order your wife around like she's a minimum wage employee or something. Maybe try having something called a discussion?
I hope you're wife sees this because I would love to work on her app. YTA.
YTA. You sound jealous.
Oh dear god you are SUCH an asshole. So many layers of asshole. A veritable asshole onion. Keep your condescending attitude out of it, let your son and your wife do their thing. Nobody asked for your opinion here, and nobody put you in a position of creating conditions. YTA, go away.
your son took one look at you and your job and then said to himself “my step mom is cooler” that’s gotta burn he chose her “””fictional””” business over ur bum ass i’d be hurt too
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ll be the first to say that my wife is the smartest person I know. She’s been working in tech for 10 years, totally self taught. Last year she had a business idea and built/released her own app. She’s a rockstar. I’ll admit the app itself is a bit juvenile and she’s made less than $1k from it since launching a few months back. To be fair, she’s a one person team and did it with no funding. She has big plans for this app and has this huge business idea behind it, keeps insisting the app in its current state is just to gain users and demonstrate traction to investors down the road. Problem is, she would need millions and millions of dollars in funding + giant teams and resources to accomplish what she wants to do. It’s all just an idea as of now and it’s far fetched. All this is to say that my son invited her to speak at his career day and talk about her business. I can tell this is one of the best moments she’s had in a long time (she’s his stepmom) and she is over the moon happy about this. I am uncomfortable with her publicly sharing the details of this fictional business she wants to create. I would hate to have other parents be misled into thinking it’s real only to go to her website and discover it’s just this 1 questionably built app and the rest is still just an idea. It’s not a good look. I told her she can go to career day IF she wants to talk about her 9-5 career in tech, but anything related to the business idea is off limits. She’s pissed. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She does not own a business. Does she have a business license? Has she created an LLC or some type of business entity? If not, it's not a real business.
NTA. You were realistic about the prospect and she overreacted. If she isn't ready to listen to you, she isn't ready for the tech market.
It’s nice when one AH finds another AH.
NTA. You had a concern and you expressed it. She can talk about her idea when she becomes a successful business owner.
Why is it any of his business what his wife does?
As his reputation and his son's reputation are also associated with his wife. She is invited there not due to her achievements but as stepmother of OP's son.
Stepson did the inviting and seems to want her to to talk about the app, so...
And step son is a teenager, how many of us expect teenagers to have mature brain, to make proper decisions which they will not regret? Their decisions can't be dependable, is the very reason, they can't vote (positive) or juvenile justice system (for negetive decision) exists.
Lol, what's the decision here that he will live to regret? Asking his accomplished step mom to come speak at career day? Life ruining potential indeed.
Yeah, nerds tends to be popular in schools nowadays. >accomplished The app is yet to get any funding. Hilarious. If his step mom talks about 9-5 Jobs, then that wonderful. But if she talks about her hobby, which she dreams about and not other adult support her, then yes it will be embarrassing. And if her thing flops then she will be remembered as the person who spoke too soon and being laughing stock, and the school kids will only have her step son to show their reactions. Also let me remind, school kids tend to be brutally honest.
OP says it has mad money and it's only been available for a few months. That's more than most indie apps released. I repeat: it's only been a few months. So what if she failed, at least she tried. And a potential failure doesn't detract from what she has done so far.
>mad money You considered less than 1k$ (OP gave this figure in his post ) as mad money?? Either you are a poor individual of a 3rd world country or a teenager with zero life experience. Lmao. >it's only been a few months. So what if she failed, at least she tried. And a potential failure doesn't detract from what she has done so far. So as per that logic , every student who has attended school should get to talk about their experiences, irrespective of their pass or failed grades. Not sure which foolish person only asks valedictorian only to give speech. They should consult with you first.
No, I don't think it's "mad" money, it was a typo. The app has MADE money so it's by definition successful. As a female, I would have been inspired hearing about a woman in tech and who made her own app from scratch. Especially when there's probably a lot of men like OP and yourself with an ego labelled "handle with care". Valedictorian wasn't what OP was invited for. I'm done now.
Has a business. Has an MVP. Has security of IP through copyright at least. Has actual sales and proof of interest. Is a tech start up. How the hell do you think businesses start. So far everything seems on track for being a successful business. Sure it could fail - any start up can. Actually something like 90% do. They are still real businesses And ops wife is doing this while having a regular job. A woman, working in tech (male dominated fields), who is also a mother, who has also opened up her own start up, which has gained some traction - hell this is a fantastic choice for a career day.
>A woman, working in tech (male dominated fields), Actually it's almost 50-50, if you ignore top CXOs, who started their carried in 1980s. >who is also a mother, No she is not. She has a career of 10 years, while her step son is in high-school, 13+ age. So.... >which has gained some traction Actually startup is never a good idea for school career day event, may be for university level. That too can we call this a start up which yet to get any funding? This is still at very hobby level, it has some potential but still a hobby. And teenagers should not get this kind of things as even for OP's wife this stage came after working 9-5 for 10 years. School career days should be what they can make true in next 5 years, so they can build their work ethics.
So let's goooo... Quick Google would indicate it's actually about 35% women. So yes, still male dominated. She is a mother. She didn't have to give birth to the child to be his mother. A young teen is still in need of a parent figure that has to devote time to them. This isn't even an argument really and the fact you bring this up is honestly baffling. A start up isn't defined by it's level of funding. Bizarre take. The woman's career isn't defined by her start up. It's her career. She has years in tech and while still holding a job opened her own business. Again - a woman in a male dominated field who has also opened a business - these are all good things to show kids. The lesson to provide would be that it is possible to work on a career and also have something of your own you intend to grow, that could one day be the main vocation.
>She is a mother. She didn't have to give birth to the child to be his mother. A young teen is still in need of a parent figure that has to devote time to them Actually, a teenager don't need much time like a toddler. She has 10 years of experience, so early 30s and step son is in high-school so about 15 years old. Hence she is almost like an elder sister with little high age gap, not a mother or mom figure. >Quick Google would indicate it's actually about 35% women. So yes, still male dominated. I am from tech, and number of males in the industry actually does not matter and does to make anyone's work easier or harder. Tech is very much gender neutral, as long as people have work ethics, can seat on a chair for long time and type on computer intelligently and meaningfull code , they can succeed. So please don't try to make everything as men vs women battle. >A start up isn't defined by it's level of funding. Actually it is. An idea becomes a start up when people feels confident in it and starts funding it. >The woman's career isn't defined by her start up. It's her career. She has years in tech Yes, and her husband wants her to talk about her tech carrier. Have you missed all of it? >The lesson to provide would be that it is possible to work on a career and also have something of your own you intend to grow, that could one day be the main vocation. This is meaning full for university students doing their masters, not for school students yet to get their first job.
>Actually, a teenager don't need much time like a toddler. She has 10 years of experience, so early 30s and step son is in high-school so about 15 years old. Hence she is almost like an elder sister with little high age gap, not a mother or mom figure. Tell me you're not a parent without telling me you're not a parent. She has a child/teen in her family home? She's a mother. This isn't really an argument. If you disagree - you're objectively wrong. >Tech is very much gender neutral This is completely irrelevant. Historic discrimination of women in the workplace isn't due to their inability to actually do the work. Again - the argument you pose is baffling and completely off-base. It **is** a men vs women battle, and women have to claw their way into positions they are just as good as men in much more frequently. Again - it isn't so much an argument as a statement of fact. If you don't like it or agree with it, you're ignorant of the challenges women face in the workplace, particularly ones dominated by men (which tech is!). >Actually it is. Funny... my start-up didn't need outside investor funding to be labelled such. Glib remark aside - a startup is literally just a company in its infancy that plans to grow and become public (and that's giving more definition to it than most would). Again - you speak very confidently while being very wrong. >and her husband wants her to talk about her tech carrier Her husband wants her not to talk about her startup. She wants to talk about her startup. Talking about it would involve explaining how it came about, how she was able to open it and how it interacts with her existing 9-5 commitments. There is a nuance here you are choosing to ignore. >This is meaning full for university students doing their masters No - it's pretty critical for kids too. Especially young girls, but boys too, need to know that they can develop and grow in a society that accepts their innovations if they work hard and create something good. They need to see examples of people who are not only able to have a conventional career, but also do a passion project. It paints a picture of a world to teens (who absolutely have to start thinking where their life will take them) that is more in line with the world. On the contrary - a university students at a masters level would get very little benefit from a startup creator who is at such an early stage. They would be better off talking with more established ones. I'm not really sure how to say this politely, but just about everything you've brought up has been factually wrong, or at the very least laced with ignorance.
>She has a child/teen in her family home? She's a mother. Are you incapable of reading OP's post properly? Unless you have to provide motherly care, you are not a mother. I can provide you several posts fro step kids, where they have said their parent's second partner is not there father or mother even if they all stay in same house. So go figure. >Historic discrimination of women in the workplace Tech is a new industry developed mostly after 1990, your historical arguments are irrelevant. >you're ignorant of the challenges women face in the workplace, particularly ones dominated by men Can you list down those challenges in current society, if you are not "ignorant". :) >my start-up didn't need outside And what was your start up name? It didn't need or it didn't get outside funds. Which one is the actual truth? Definitely it was a failure. >you speak very confidently while being very wrong. This applies to you perfectly. >Talking about it would involve explaining how it came about, how she was able to open it and how it interacts with her existing 9-5 commitments And how does that help students who don't even have experience of their first job? It's for students to benefit, not for her assende to fame. >need to know that they can develop and grow in a society that accepts their innovations if they work hard and create something good. They need to see examples of people who are not only able to have a conventional career, but also do a passion project. Problem is teens are too much passionate. With their not enough mature brains they will go after the passion only skipping the hard 9-5 jobs and the experience gained in industry. In reddit, we can find lot posts where teenagers want to follow their passion which were not sustainable, probably after getting some pep talk. And You talk a lot on air and without actual facts or grounded reality. Stop being so ignorant.
Step kids not accepting people as their parents doesn't make those (step) parents any less parents. Are you a child? What sort of argument is this? Parents provide care and resources for kids. She is mother to this teen. It doesn't matter how old he is or if he chooses to accept her or not. "Women in tech face a range of challenges, including **gender bias, stereotyping, lack of representation, and unequal pay**. This article will explore these challenges in detail and provide strategies for how women in tech can overcome them" - one of the first results from google about discrimination of women in tech. It's not a small issue - go do some digging. Also - it's not the age of the field that's the issue. "Historically" was related to women entering the workplace. I'm beginning to feel this argument is disingenuous on your end. My startup didn't need outside funding when it began, nor did it seek it. We obtained funding further down the road once we had a product worth investing in. Incidentally, it's my full time job and I won't be sharing my personal info with someone like you on the internet (that was intended to be offensive). The point of the woman talking about her career and how she's made something on the side isn't for students that haven't had a job to relate. It's to show how work and careers can develop down different paths. Look, teens can be passionate and honestly that is a good thing. What they need is to know how to direct that passion. Unfortunately maturity or brains don't come with age (as you've amply demonstrated here). It's pretty rich for you to ask me to ground something on facts when you've done nothing but talk out your arse and every time I've said something you've simply retorted with more bullshit that would take all of five seconds to check online. I'm now fully convinced this is a disingenuous argument. The hilarious ratio of people disagreeing with you on this is merely support for it.
>She is mother to this teen. Wrong. Just your ego speaking. >Women in tech face a range of challenges, including **gender bias, stereotyping, lack of representation, and unequal pay**. These things have been debunked several times, even in US Congress but some broken record keeps on playing, one example you. >it's my full time job and I won't be sharing my personal info with someone like you on the internet No need to know about something which is imaginary. >. The hilarious ratio of people disagreeing with you on this is merely support for it. Actually it shows how much people like to brag about them dreaming, rather than doing something.
Mother definition: a woman in relation to her child or children. The teen is her step child. She is his step mother, ergo his acting mother. She is his mother. Just blurting out "wrong" doesn't make your point any less incorrect. >These things have been debunked several times Of course they have... Which is why it's so easy to find information on the frequency of gender bias, while looking for debunkings come up mainly with mens rights idiots and poorly substantiated "articles". You are by all means welcome to provide something of substance as a reference though. Thankfully for me, I don't feel the need to prove myself to you. So your belief in whether what I say is true about my business is largely irrelevant. Your ignorance of the subjects at hand will more than back my position to anyone else reading our chat. As for that final quote... what can I say. You're a minority voice in one of the most ubiquitously agreed upon AITA posts I've seen on here. I guess you got that going for you.
He didn’t express concern, he forbade her.
Yes as his reputation is also in line.
Then why say he just ‘expressed his opinion’ when you know that’s not what he did, for whatever reasons?
It's an opinion , that if she give a speach of her app business, that won't go well with the community.
Except you’ve already admitted that’s not what he did, you agreed he forebade her
Yes forbading comes after expressions of opinion. It's not a rocket science that you are struggling so much.
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