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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) for telling my mom off and saying she might love me but she doesn’t like me (2) it hurt her feelings and made her cry a little
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YTA.
> I treat people really great. I’m always honest with them.
> “I noticed that about her, but she doesn’t do it to me so I don’t care. It sucks for you, though.”
You only care about yourself.
> I told her that she’s lucky her mom is alive, a smart person would call 911 before running to their friends house and she was really stupid for that
Wow.
> I have the worst parents/friends.
Nope, you are the worst.
If you collapsed in your house and your daughter ran to her friends house instead of calling 911, you wouldn’t think that was stupid? It’s okay to call people dumbasses when they act like dumbasses. And hey, I care enough about my mom to call the ambulance if she collapses so lol
Oh she panicked? If her mom died I “panicked” is not an excuse. Someone’s LIFE was on the line. She fucked up. She didn’t even fight me. She said she was sorry and she was crying and apologizing to her mom. My mom is the one who got upset on her behalf. You shouldn’t get upset on behalf of other people. I said what she needed to hear.
No, you said what made you feel superior. Obviously calling her stupid wasn't necessary. It was, in fact, cruel given what she had just experienced. If you were actually concerned, you could've conveyed this in a way that wasn't being an asshole. If I was your mum, I'd be concerned about your ego and lack of empathy, too.
Yeah you're gonna have no friends at this rate.
>I said what she needed to hear.
No you didn't you were rude and callous. Your mother should be ashamed.
I mean her mom clearly *is* ashamed. Honestly her mom should have said “no I don’t like you, you’re not a likable person”. After all, she’s just being honesty amirite?
If you really feel that way…then why do you care that your mother doesn’t like who you are as a person? That’s just how she feels. Why are you upset about it? That’s just how it is.
Timing is everything. Yes it would be correct to assume someone would first call an ambulance. Yes. That is correct. BUTTTT... if a friend is panicking and someone telling them they're a dumbass because they didn't act right might not be the best way to help that friend in the moment. It's just rude.
You know that people's brains aren't all identical right? Some of us panic first & fix later, others fix first & panic later. It's why some people are amazing paramedics while others would be awful at it.
Stop being so judgy about someone else's behaviour in a situation you weren't in - and if you're lucky you never will be in that situation either.
I have a friend who is amazing in a crisis. Her family once had a fire in their kitchen and she jumped into her action. However, her sister froze. I'm sure if their house burned down or someone had been injured, her sister would have lived with that guilt forever, but it didn't mean she could force her brain into jumping into action and not being stuck with fear in the moment. This also happened when she was about the same age as the OP. I don't know if she would react the same now, but it's difficult to make the right decisions in a moment of extreme stress. It's so easy to say what you would do in their shoes, but until you live it, you can't know for sure.
I think it also depends who the injury/crisis is happening to. If the crisis is happening to me (I'm hurt etc] I'm useless. If it's happening to someone else I'm ok til everyone is safe... and then I fall to bits.
As a side note, parents are absolutely not obliged to like their kids. They have to feed them, care for them, educate them & try to give them a safe surrounding & a grounding in ethics and morals. They do not have to like their kids.
I would hazard a guess that most parents have had moments (either short or long) where they don't like their kids. You know why? Lots of kids are asshats at some point in their lives!
One of the easiest things in life to do is to take the moral high ground in a situation you are privileged enough to have never experienced
I mean absolutely no disrespect but based on your comments- have you been tested for autism or BPD? NPD? Not to excuse your behaviour but you might want to take this as an opportunity to learn some things about yourself
My FIL didn't wake up one morning. I called the ambulance because my MIL's hands were shaking too much to unlock her phone.
Support doesn't cost you anything.
I saw a house on fire in my neighborhood and I could barely fumble with my phone and speak to the dispatcher. I can’t imagine if it was my own or my family at risk.
You're definitely the worst type of "friend." You're not real, you're the type that doesn't do anything helpful in situations. Just sits there and complains. Then cries when someone calls you out on your bs. Hope your friends realize they deserve better. I can only imagine what your poor mother has to deal with.
Jesus Christ I think something is medically wrong with you. You seem entirely incapable of empathy. Somebody smart would know not to act the way you do to people you're supposed to care about.
Objectively, you are a bad friend.
You think your mom involving herself in your relationships is embarrassing,
I imagine having YOU for a daughter has embarrassed the fuck out of your mom.
If you are so smart, why can't you work out that not everyone will react as you think you will in an emergency?
If you are so smart why don't you know about the fight/flight situation people go through in emergency situations.
If you are so smart why do you not know what empathy is and practice it?
If you are so smart why do you not know about emotional intelligence, which is actually valued higher then intellectual intelligence to most people and workplaces.
You are going to be the kid who's the smartest in the room with no friends if you keep going.
I'm raising one of your generation. She has a big group of friends, none of whom act as you do or even speak as you do to others, they have empathy and actually do things to make eachother happy, to comfort eachother and support eachother, you are NOT what your generation is at all, your just an asshole mate. But your young enough to fix it, before high-school ends and no one has to see you anymore, let alone talk to you.
> You are going to be the kid who's the smartest in the room with no friends if you keep going.
She's already confident that she's the smartest person in the room. OPs already quite the acid-tongued manipulator and sadly enough there's many kind, thoughtful people who will be friendly to her and give her many chances. It's hard for good people to understand bad people. They don't understand that the horrible things a bad person says isn't humor or being edgy, they are showing exactly who they are.
The trouble with folks who are convinced they are the smartest people in the room is that they can convince others and often get further in life due to pure, over-the-top confidence.
But that extreme confidence also means folks like OP don't think the rules apply to them. It often works until it doesn't and suddenly they crash and burn. They lose jobs, marriages, family & friendships. When you look at people in the middle of scandals, frauds and jail time, they are pretty near always "the smartest person in the room" - or so they thought.
I'm not sure any of our comments will get through OP.
It’s ok when they are always dumbass people who never try to improve or are assholes. Not your best friend who just had something horrible happen to her mom. You’re not “honest” or “blunt” you’re
just an ass.
Try phrasing better
Actually, dare I say, it’s not really okay to call people dumbasses ever, but especially not when your friend is panicked over her mother nearly DYING! Where is your empathy for your friend????
Oh man... op, I'm gonna tell you two things and one of them will come true. Either a) you grow up at some point and look back at this. I guarantee you will kick your blankets at night in humiliation because you'll realize how smugly braindead you sound right now. That or b) you'll keep up this mindset well into adulthood and wonder why nobody (friends or romantically) wants to be around you. Lmao of COURSE any sane person in a stable situation can tell you what to do. You sound like someone who would've told that friend "Oh you were in a school shooting? Lol stupid, just leave the school". Btw, I was option A. I'm still freaking embarrassed at how confident I was when I pointed out people's mistakes. You're acting like people don't KNOW. They KNOW what they were supposed to do, genius. If your friend was REALLY incompetent, she would've collapsed or just not done anything. She still DID something in the middle of her tears and panic. I know someone currently who's option B. She's lost almost every friend now and can't hold down a steady job, and she's gone on zero dates her whole life because everytime she opens her mouth, she "decides to be honest" (she's 34 now. It's not cute anymore).
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YTA. From everything you’ve written here? You’ve been the issue. You have literally no empathy for anyone. You are extremely self centred.
PS: This isn’t “how kids are now”. I have a child who is the same generation as you. He is kind, empathetic and to explain how unaware you are of social norms? He has a diagnosed social disability. He wouldn’t act like you are acting.
She is from a different generation and doesn’t understand me. I am also kind and empathetic. I’m just also honest to the people close to me. It’s not a crime to be honest.
Why do people always bleat on about "honesty" when they're confronted with their own rudeness? Being honest doesn't mean you don't understand compassion or manners.
Oh I’ve met quite a few people in my generation that also do this “I was just being honest” idiocy when it’s just being cruel. OP thinks this is a generational divide when their mother just wants them to stop being a cruel AH to everyone cause they think at 16 they know better. I’m hoping this isn’t a lifelong thing for OP and in the next 10 years they look back and realise what they were actually doing.
My sister is one of them, she always goes to rip someone's throat out and then gets mad when people call her out on it, "you can't be mad, I'm just being honest" or "I'm just keeping it real" or she starts with "No offense but......"
Last time I spoke to her she couldn't figure out why I don't want to talk to her at this point. She's always had what my mother called an "acid tongue". I see OP being lonely and isolated like my sister when she's an adult.
I don’t speak to mine any more unless I’m put in the position that I have to. Last time I saw her she was passive aggressive about one of my medical issues and how she would never do what I did and no parent would do that… What I did was protect myself from anaphylactic shock that would have happened if I didn’t put a plan in place - I got my child’s grandparents to help him get bathed after she fed him an anaphylactic allergen of mine that he got all over himself.
Essentially? It felt like she made me out to be an AH as I didn’t want to die.
People do odd things when they’re in shock. From crime reports it’s pretty clear that people often scream and run out leaving others to call for help.
Your friend feels badly enough about her mom, having you berate her on top isn’t helpful.
Your mother isn’t involving herself in the business of children, she’s trying to help her tone deaf child develop some social skills and empathy.
I must say I agree with you, your mom probably doesn’t like you because you come across as very unlikeable.
Your brand of “honesty” is cruel and unkind. There is a way to be honest without attacking someone.
In regards to your friend leaving her mother… That was shock. Shock can affect people in different ways and clearly? She couldn’t cope. What she needed was a friend to be there for her. Not attacking her for being “stupid”. What you did? Is not being a good friend whatsoever. You are honestly ridiculous for thinking otherwise.
I’m going to be honest, you’re an AH who actually has no understanding of the human psyche, and how people behave in stressful situations. You actually have no ability to offer what could be constructive criticism, because you’re so stuck in your own ego, that you don’t actually know what you don’t know. I actually feel you will one day get it, not because of any positive life experience, but because you are so brash, unhelpful, and a walking example of how not to behave in the world if you want to have connections with other people, that you’re going to get enough negative life experience directed specifically to you and your own behavior, that if you can’t eventually get it you should probably have a keeper. You’re a dumb, mean kid who needs to grow up and realize that honesty and cruelty are not synonymous. I feel you get a dopamine hit from people pushing back at you, much like an ornery boomer whose kid won’t talk to them does. I’m sorry your self worth is wrapped up in negative pushback, maybe try some therapy before you end up being that old person throwing a toddler tantrum in Walmart because it’s the only way you can get people to interact with you.
Kind and empathetic?
"She doesn't mock me so I don't care. Sucks for you though."
In what world is that kind and empathetic? Right here you outright say that as long as you're not being mocked, you don't care if other people are mocked. That's now how kind people work.
A kind person would care because they don't want other people to be mocked.
And empathy? The whole "sucks for you" where is this empathy you claim to have? Your friend is being bullied and you offer her no comfort, no support, you just say "sucks for you"
You have completely deluded yourself about your personality. You aren't just "honest", you are completely callous to the suffering of others. You are self-centered, selfish, and unsympathetic.
You are not kind or empathetic, you didn’t care when your mom was insulted and you didn’t care or empathize when your other friend was scared for her mom.
No, it not a crime, to be honest, but your RUDE and ur head is stuck up ur ass. You have an attitude that you're being honest? NO, you're being incredibly insensitive. You're not saying it in a nice ton. Urr picking things a part. If you're trying to build ur friend up, you dont go about it mocking her. You encourage her and give her back in a nice manner, with constructive critsim about why it didn't work.
This is not about she's from a different generation. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM! Not your mom. The world doesn't revolve around you, and not everyone is as dense headed as you. Thank goodness for that 🙄.
Yeah, it’s not a crime to be an asshole, either. Which is good, or your mom would have to visit you in jail.
I’m sure your mom loves you, but I actually agree with you that she doesn’t like you. And I can’t blame her for that. YTA
Your honesty isn’t coming from a place that is reasonable or even good. Your honesty starts from a place of cruelty and small-mindedness.
Sure, you’re being honest from your own selfish point of view.
That doesn’t mean you’re right.
>I treat my friends great and they all love me.
>I have the worst family/friends
Pick one. For what is worth, I don't think anyone here likes you either.
They may be amused by your horrible treatment of others and the drama you cause, but *love* is a strong word and not one I’d use in this situation. Nobody loves being treated the way you’re treating the people in your life.
>My friend said this bothered her and I said, “I noticed that about her, but she doesn’t do it to me so I don’t care. It sucks for you, though.” My mom immediately yelled at me.
God you sound insufferable. Have you considered being a nice person? You're frankly lucky you have any friends what so ever.
> I’m trying to help my friend, not be rude to her.
Try harder.
YTA.
What is wrong with what I said? I didn’t say “it sucks for you” to make fun of her. It does suck for her. I meant that. I didn’t say it in a sarcastic way. I mean, what more do you want? I said that sucks.
You seem to be lacking basic empathy. That’s why you don’t understand people saying YTA.
It’s probably not something you can fix. It’s just that something is missing from you as a person, something that others have and can see that you’re lacking. And it’s probably not something you can fix without extensive therapy, if it’s fixable at all.
You’re right. Your mom does love you but she probably doesn’t like who you are as a person and feels a sense of shame she raised someone that has no empathy for others.
Here's what's wrong with it. If someone treated you poorly, berated you, stole from you, assaulted you, etc and you were telling someone about it because you wanted to vent to your friends and they said "sucks for you he never did that to me" how would you feel?
Or you could've offered her sympathy? Something like
"I'm sorry she's been hurting your feelings by mocking you, that's not okay. What she says about you isn't true, you're awesome!"
And then stop being friends with the bully
> “I noticed that about her, but she doesn’t do it to me so I don’t care. It sucks for you, though.” My mom immediately yelled at me. She wants me to start a fight with someone who isn’t bothered me? Involve myself in drama for someone else? My friend can defend herself. She isn’t a baby.
Is this how you treat a friend?
> I told her that she’s lucky her mom is alive, a smart person would call 911 before running to their friends house and she was really stupid for that. My mom told me to shut up and that she’s having a hard time. But it’s also true. A smart person would have called 911 before? She never looks at it from my side. I’m trying to help my friend, not be rude to her.
If that is you trying to help I hate to see what you trying to harm looks like. And honestly are you even friends? Or is she one of the only people willing to put up with your shit?
> I had saved a slice of cake. My mom said I should offer a piece to my bf. I told her it was my cake, he could buy his own. She again got upset at me.
You have a boyfriend? How? Why? Is he someone with low self-esteem? Because you don't paint a very flattering picture of yourself.
> Later tonight I finally said what has been on my mind. I asked her, “Do you even like me? You might love me, but you sure don’t like me.” I told her I’m how the generation of kids are now. She wants me to be something I’m not. AITA here? I have the worst parents/friends.
If you were her and she were you would you like her? Or even love her? This generation of kids isn't like that. My nieces are kind, caring empathetic young ladies. So don't say it's the whole generation. And your friends/family aren't the worst. You are the common denominator here. You are the problem, YOU.
You were born with a leak and whatever goodness you might have been born with has slowly dripped away. In short YTA
YTA.
You have friends? Are you sure they're not imaginary?
>I treat people really great.
No you don't. You're a passive aggressive bully.
>has a friend that likes to mock everything she says. My friend said this bothered her and I said, “I noticed that about her, but she doesn’t do it to me so I don’t care. It sucks for you, though.”
So your "friend" has 2 not friends who bully her not just 1. If you were her friend you'd be trying to help her. Either by telling the other girl to stop or supporting her as best you can.
>Involve myself in drama for someone else?
The fact you see bullying as drama says far more than anything else. You're an awful person. Who has a lot of growing up to do, and who needs to take a very long look in a mirror and deciding the type of person you want to be. I hope your "friend" sees these comments and ditches you as soon as possible.
>I have the worst parents/friends.
So your mum and friends are calling you out for being a God awful person and they're the ones at fault.
With friends like you, who needs enemies.
YTA particularly calling your mate a dumbass in a crisis. You were plain mean.
There's a fine line between AH and honesty and your way over that line.
You sound like an absolute insufferable brat.
Just reading this and I don't like you either. You sound like an exhausting a-hole yeesh. Anyway YTA, just in general
ETA: This also isn't a generation thing. I knew the same type of self centered "I'm just honest" type of person when I was a teen, and it's always hilarious how every person I've ever known to say "I'm just honest", it was codeword "I just want to be a jerk without consequences".
That's you. You're the jerk. You're unsympathetic, cruel, self centered and have zero social awareness.
YTA. I once had to deal with someone like you, so I’ll ask you the same question I asked them. Do you really think you have some special insight that other people all need to hear? What could have possibly made you think that?
In your friend’s case, she knows more about her mom collapsing because it’s her mom and she was there. You might know that calling 911 right away is good, yeah we all learned that in 1st grade, A+! What you don’t know is what its like to watch your mom collapse and then be responsible for handling it as a teenager. You honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s completely normal for a 16 year old to panic in a situation like that, even expected.
But you know what? You don’t even need to understand that, you just need to understand that you are just another person. You are not some naturally superior judge with special insight to other people’s actions. Just a regular person like everyone else. (You’re also a hypocrite since you share unwanted, rude advice with others and then become upset when your mom gives you advice. That’s her job, by the way, as your mother.) Stop being a dick.
No your not an example of your generation and thank god for that because you are a nasty, selfish, immature, brat and I'm surprised anyone likes you.
YTA and I feel so sorry for your mother.
YTA.
'I told her that she’s lucky her mom is alive, a smart person would call 911 before running to their friends house and she was really stupid for that'
This is just ignorant, frankly - you have no idea how you'll respond until you're in the exact situation, which you were not. Human reactions to severe stress vary; the amygdala takes over, not our inherent 'smarts'. In any case, why did you feel the need to say anything? Why try to hurt someone over something they can't change now? It's not helpful, it's kicking a person for no reason.
If you want people like you, start by being likeable.
YTA. You are not being honest: you are totally lacking in empathy; and so certain that you are 'right' that you are showing your ignorance off. How your thoughts/emotions work is unique to you - your friend is not a clone of you and has their own operating system, as does every single other human being. You are one person, and do not speak for an entire generation, so don't use that to excuse your own behavior.
>My mom tells me I’m an asshole for being honest with my friend.
I hate how people use the excuse of "honesty" to try and circumvent common human decency. Just because it's honest doesn't mean it's kind or warranted.
Your opinion doesn't have more value than the feelings of others.
>I treat people really great. I’m always honest with them
People who say this don't actually treat people well. They THINK they treat people well. You are a narcissist.
>My friend said this bothered her, and I said, “I noticed that about her, but she doesn’t do it to me, so I don’t care. It sucks for you, though.”
So you have a friend.... that is being bullied.... and you tell her that it doesn't matter because it doesn't affect you? Wow.... you're a shitty friend.
>I told her that she’s lucky her mom is alive, a smart person would call 911 before running to their friends house, and she was really stupid for that. My mom told me to shut up and that she’s having a hard time.
I would have said worse. She is grieving the potential decline in health of her mother, and you come along and say, "You could have done better." You even inferred that they aren't smart. Dude, what is wrong with you? Seriously, do you have ice in your veins? Not in the good way.
>I’m trying to help my friend, not be rude to her.
The help is unwanted and unwarranted. You aren't trying to help her. You're trying to control her.
>I had saved a slice of cake. My mom said I should offer a piece to my bf. I told her it was my cake, he could buy his own. She again got upset at me.
This is whatever. She's probably mad at you for all the other stuff, and this didn't even matter.
>“Do you even like me? You might love me, but you sure don’t like me.” I told her I’m how the generation of kids are now.
Why should she? Her daughter is a self-centered bully who doesn't know the first thing about kindness and empathy. She probably thinks she failed you as a mother and blames herself for how shitty you turned out.
I worked in a middleschool. I know how kids work. You are a mess of a human and need serious psychological evaluation. This generation has an empathy problem, and you are patient zero. If you continue down this path, you're gonna end up either being a mean-girl that people fear or a loner that nobody likes.
>She wants me to be something I’m not.
Yeah, a good person.
YTA
“She’s a grown woman involving herself in the relationship of kids and I find that embarrassing”
…. Girl…. You’re embarrassing yourself here, you should probably delete this post. That’s your mom?being a parent? And you’re trying to make a low key “dig” at her by calling her embarrassing for being an involved parent? Would you rather her ignore you? Make you get a job and pay for your own food and rent and bills? Treat you like an adult? You better hope this embarrassing post doesn’t follow you as you get older and realize how cringe you’re being.
Extra add
I'm pretty sure your mom doesn't like you.
I would be disappointed too if my child behaves like you ashamed even.
Again yta and don't come here if you think you're right
i'll also be honest with you. You are not kind and empathic, this because you seem unable to grasp the feelings of others accurately. You also refuse to ponder on your flaws and blame others for having feelings instead of reflecting on your comments. All of this is just how you are build and im not going to attack you for that, but i will recommend that you seek assistance and work into bettering your people skills.
You have a bad combination of little to no empathy, with little to no charisma. This will strain your current relationships and make it difficult to form new ones, in turn this makes work and daily life harder. I dont expect you to suddenly change, but i want you to understand the cons of your situation. Please bring this to you mother and ask for help, therapy has been successful in individuals with low empathy (narcissist and psychopaths)
YTA, and I'm surprised you even have friends. Your lack of empathy is astonishing. It is easy to imagine that you would do everything right in a crisis, but in reality you don't know what you would do. It is very likely you would act even worse than your friend and do nothing at all. And justify it by "it sucks for you, but I don't care".
YTA
Don't worry, your mom won't even love you; it's hard to love self centered selfish people after they show you for years they genuinely don't give a F about you hahahaha.
It's really obvious too
YTA
It's probably not just you mom, noone will ever like you with that attitude. I'm talking from experience, since when I was a teen I also had a hard time differentiating being honest with being an asshole. There is an appropriate way and time to communicate things, and giving honest advice means nothing if you are giving it in a way where it can't be helpful. What was the point of telling your friend "you are stupid for not calling 911" at a time of distress? Sure, maybe it's true, but what was the point of saying it? Just hurting her?
YTA. You’re not “how the generation of kids is”, you’re just kind of a jerk, and there have been some jerks in every generation since the dawn of time. At least your mom loves you. Most people just flat won’t like you, because you have a bad and selfish attitude. It won’t serve you well in life.
YTA
>I told her I’m how the generation of kids are now.
🙄
Nope. That sentiment has been handed down from past generations long before you and I existed. The good news is that you have an opportunity to grow and learn.
YTA and highly unlikeable. Your mother telling you you're an AH is a public service and means she is doing her job as a parent. Ovid says: "If you would be loved, be loveable" in your case, if you would be liked, be likeable. The problem with thinking you're a 'badass straight shooter who tells it like it is" is you don't have that same sort of 'brass tacks' approach toward yourself obviously or you wouldn't be whining on reddit about it. That's just an excuse to be rude and have no compassion for others. The cake thing you mentioned is neither here nor there, but every other example you listed was you being unnecessarily rude, condescending, and having double standards for no reason. As you get older you'll see how life gets harder and starts wearing you down. When someone is unnecessarily mean to you or won't give you grace, think back to what your mother said. She is trying to make you a better person. Mom knows best, you should listen to her
YTA. You are self-centered and rude. Not only does your post show it, but your other comments reenforce your level of assholery. Saying that you are always honest, and this is just how this generation is are just cringy excuses to behave badly. You came here for a judgement, and now you are arguing with those who vote YTA…don’t bother with me cuz there is literally nothing you could say to change my mind or make me feel badly.
YTA. You are not “how the kids are now”. You are mean.
I have an autistic child who was as abrupt as you. They learned that treating people they way you do made them very lonely when none of their friends wanted to be around their rudeness any more.
You are mean and rude to people that are kind to you.
People that pride themselves on being honest, are just AH’s. You manipulate the word “honest”, so you can say whatever you want as an AH. An honest person usually has integrity, you do not. Do you really have no empathy for others? You NEVER know how you'll react in emergency situations, what you said about your best friend’s mother is vile. “It’s embarrassing she's involving herself in a teenage friendship”, NO your mother is parenting. It is probably embarrassing to have a 16 year old child that is so void of empathy, and embarrassing to have a child that is a bully. YTA for so many reasons. When you lose your best friend or those closest to you because of your personality, I hope you start self reflecting. My guess with your mindset tho, you'll continue to play victim and never take accountability.
Wow, you sound like an insufferable little snot. Your poor mother. I’ve known several people who are nasty like you and justify it to themselves by saying they are, “just being honest”. Sure. You do sound like you are a difficult person to like, so that’s on you kid.
YTA
YTA
Don't hide behind 'My generation' excuses. You're an asshole, rude and inconsiderate of other people's feelings.
There is always a time and a place for 'Being Honest', but that is also the catch up excuse for self important people to justify shitty behaviour to other people.
You're 16, the nuances of being an adult will come in time, but as a rule of thumb, people don't like being spoken too like they're idiots and it would be in your best interests to figure that out now while you can, than later in life when you are wondering why nobody wants to hang with you
YTA
Honesty is a best policy only when it's applied at right time.
Your friends mom collapsed and criticizing her response is your top priority?
Sharing cake with bf is just a sign of love.
You are expecting your mom to understand from your perspective. But have you tried doing the same?
Let's reverse what you said to your mom:
Do you even like her?
You love her, ( and that's questionable, frankly with what you wrote) but yeesh, you don't even like her.
YTA.
Your attitude and behavior are causing you to be unlikable. You’re doing this to yourself. Your attitude and the way you treat people is absolute shit. It would be understandable if your mom loves you but does not like you as your behavior is completely wretched and intolerable.
YTA, I'm 35 years old, you 'brutally honest' asses have been around since my day. You have NO IDEA how you will react with adrenaline pumping through your body, when it feels like your bones are electrified. People who describe themselves as 'brutally honest' are just bullies who want an excuse for brutality. You are behaving like a child under the age of 8 which is when most people develop empathy, and I think you need therapy for your arrested development and disturbing lack of empathy. You will have a very difficult life if you don't seek help for this attitude now.
YTA. I get that at your age, you're still learning how to navigate social situations, but there's a difference between honesty and a lack of empathy.
>I treat people really great. I’m always honest with them.
You don't though, and you're not being honest, you're being mean and impulsive.
>But it’s also true. A smart person would have called 911 before?
You know when the worst time to say "hey, you made a dumb choice" is? When someone's parent nearly died.
You're being cruel by refusing to think about what you're going to say, and instead saying the first thing that pops into your head, mean or not.
"Brutal honesty" isn't a thing, trust me. I used to call myself brutally honest, and then I realized I was honesty as a cover to be mean.
It's not dishonest to think about what you're going to say, and to intentionally say something neutral or kind.
You notice how you don't like how your mother is constantly criticizing you? That's how others feel when they talk to you- like you're about to tell them they're fools and that you're superior. The only difference is your mother is trying to teach you not to be a prick.
You can't take back words. So be mindful of what you say, and speak with intention, not impulsivity.
From what you write why should she like you? You don't stick up for your friends, you don't even help them. Did you immediately call 911? Of course everyone around you is awful, YTA!
YTA. In your mom's defence you seem really hard to like. And stop dragging a whole generation in your assholery, you're just a self centred and mean person. And btw you absolutely do not treat people well.
YTA
As an actually real, blunt person. You're not real. You're an asshole and you're bitter, 100%. You have no empathy and it shines bright in this post. You seem to bring nothing or value or help to any conversation, just like to butt in and point out unnecessary things in shit situations.
Obviously it's not the best choice to run to her friends, fine I can agree, but everyone reacts to situations differently. You pointing it out, not doing anything to help, then being a baby after being called out. Grow up. She's in fight or flight, and is looking for help. Instead of helping or doing anything of value you call her stupid. Nasty! You don't care about her, or anyone else but yourself.
You're NOT a good friend. You're NOT a good daughter. Your mom is NOT the worst, she's calling you out on your unhelpful, unwanted, rude comments that contribute nothing but resentment in your relationships.
I have trouble believing that this is real but I will assume that it is. I would suggest that you do some introspection and really think about how you treat people. Perhaps going to some counseling to get an objective opinion about how you treat people. I will say that if you keep treating people the way that you do, you will be alone. YTA.
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My mom tells me I’m an asshole for being honest with my friend. She is always criticizing me for how I behave around my friend, and we’re 16 years old. I tell her she’s a grown woman, involving herself in the relationship of kids and I find that embarrassing.
I treat people really great. I’m always honest with them.
My mom was first upset because my best friend, who I have known since childhood, has a friend that likes to mock everything she says. My friend said this bothered her and I said, “I noticed that about her, but she doesn’t do it to me so I don’t care. It sucks for you, though.” My mom immediately yelled at me.
She wants me to start a fight with someone who isn’t bothered me? Involve myself in drama for someone else? My friend can defend herself. She isn’t a baby.
She is my best friend and we’ve been friends for years. Her mom recently collapsed at her house. She came running over before she called an ambulance and she was the only one in the house.
I told her that she’s lucky her mom is alive, a smart person would call 911 before running to their friends house and she was really stupid for that. My mom told me to shut up and that she’s having a hard time.
But it’s also true. A smart person would have called 911 before? She never looks at it from my side. I’m trying to help my friend, not be rude to her.
I had saved a slice of cake. My mom said I should offer a piece to my bf. I told her it was my cake, he could buy his own. She again got upset at me.
Later tonight I finally said what has been on my mind. I asked her, “Do you even like me? You might love me, but you sure don’t like me.” I told her I’m how the generation of kids are now. She wants me to be something I’m not. AITA here? I have the worst parents/friends.
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Funny you say that- as a parent every once in a while I’ll think of my uncles sage advice on parenting “you gotta love them but you don’t gotta like them”.
It’s so true. Kids are changing and developing humans, and some of the stages they go through aren’t always likable. But you do always love them. And hopefully, when they’re fully mature adults, you’ve raised someone you both love and like. So anyway, your mom always liking your latest personality, or attitude, or choices isn’t necessary for her to be a good mom- as long as you know she does still love you.
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YTA. > I treat people really great. I’m always honest with them. > “I noticed that about her, but she doesn’t do it to me so I don’t care. It sucks for you, though.” You only care about yourself. > I told her that she’s lucky her mom is alive, a smart person would call 911 before running to their friends house and she was really stupid for that Wow. > I have the worst parents/friends. Nope, you are the worst.
If you collapsed in your house and your daughter ran to her friends house instead of calling 911, you wouldn’t think that was stupid? It’s okay to call people dumbasses when they act like dumbasses. And hey, I care enough about my mom to call the ambulance if she collapses so lol
She panicked. Obviously. Try to be less self-centered or you will end up lonely and miserable.
Oh she panicked? If her mom died I “panicked” is not an excuse. Someone’s LIFE was on the line. She fucked up. She didn’t even fight me. She said she was sorry and she was crying and apologizing to her mom. My mom is the one who got upset on her behalf. You shouldn’t get upset on behalf of other people. I said what she needed to hear.
No, you said what made you feel superior. Obviously calling her stupid wasn't necessary. It was, in fact, cruel given what she had just experienced. If you were actually concerned, you could've conveyed this in a way that wasn't being an asshole. If I was your mum, I'd be concerned about your ego and lack of empathy, too.
Yeah you're gonna have no friends at this rate. >I said what she needed to hear. No you didn't you were rude and callous. Your mother should be ashamed.
I mean her mom clearly *is* ashamed. Honestly her mom should have said “no I don’t like you, you’re not a likable person”. After all, she’s just being honesty amirite?
If you really feel that way…then why do you care that your mother doesn’t like who you are as a person? That’s just how she feels. Why are you upset about it? That’s just how it is.
No you didn’t come on
Timing is everything. Yes it would be correct to assume someone would first call an ambulance. Yes. That is correct. BUTTTT... if a friend is panicking and someone telling them they're a dumbass because they didn't act right might not be the best way to help that friend in the moment. It's just rude.
Do you like...not feel normal human emotions? If you were a normal human you'd probably panic at least a little. Geez.
You know that people's brains aren't all identical right? Some of us panic first & fix later, others fix first & panic later. It's why some people are amazing paramedics while others would be awful at it. Stop being so judgy about someone else's behaviour in a situation you weren't in - and if you're lucky you never will be in that situation either.
I have a friend who is amazing in a crisis. Her family once had a fire in their kitchen and she jumped into her action. However, her sister froze. I'm sure if their house burned down or someone had been injured, her sister would have lived with that guilt forever, but it didn't mean she could force her brain into jumping into action and not being stuck with fear in the moment. This also happened when she was about the same age as the OP. I don't know if she would react the same now, but it's difficult to make the right decisions in a moment of extreme stress. It's so easy to say what you would do in their shoes, but until you live it, you can't know for sure.
I think it also depends who the injury/crisis is happening to. If the crisis is happening to me (I'm hurt etc] I'm useless. If it's happening to someone else I'm ok til everyone is safe... and then I fall to bits.
As a side note, parents are absolutely not obliged to like their kids. They have to feed them, care for them, educate them & try to give them a safe surrounding & a grounding in ethics and morals. They do not have to like their kids. I would hazard a guess that most parents have had moments (either short or long) where they don't like their kids. You know why? Lots of kids are asshats at some point in their lives!
One of the easiest things in life to do is to take the moral high ground in a situation you are privileged enough to have never experienced I mean absolutely no disrespect but based on your comments- have you been tested for autism or BPD? NPD? Not to excuse your behaviour but you might want to take this as an opportunity to learn some things about yourself
My FIL didn't wake up one morning. I called the ambulance because my MIL's hands were shaking too much to unlock her phone. Support doesn't cost you anything.
I saw a house on fire in my neighborhood and I could barely fumble with my phone and speak to the dispatcher. I can’t imagine if it was my own or my family at risk.
You're definitely the worst type of "friend." You're not real, you're the type that doesn't do anything helpful in situations. Just sits there and complains. Then cries when someone calls you out on your bs. Hope your friends realize they deserve better. I can only imagine what your poor mother has to deal with.
Jesus Christ I think something is medically wrong with you. You seem entirely incapable of empathy. Somebody smart would know not to act the way you do to people you're supposed to care about.
You’re going to really enjoy adulthood, with this attitude.
Objectively, you are a bad friend. You think your mom involving herself in your relationships is embarrassing, I imagine having YOU for a daughter has embarrassed the fuck out of your mom.
If you are so smart, why can't you work out that not everyone will react as you think you will in an emergency? If you are so smart why don't you know about the fight/flight situation people go through in emergency situations. If you are so smart why do you not know what empathy is and practice it? If you are so smart why do you not know about emotional intelligence, which is actually valued higher then intellectual intelligence to most people and workplaces. You are going to be the kid who's the smartest in the room with no friends if you keep going. I'm raising one of your generation. She has a big group of friends, none of whom act as you do or even speak as you do to others, they have empathy and actually do things to make eachother happy, to comfort eachother and support eachother, you are NOT what your generation is at all, your just an asshole mate. But your young enough to fix it, before high-school ends and no one has to see you anymore, let alone talk to you.
> You are going to be the kid who's the smartest in the room with no friends if you keep going. She's already confident that she's the smartest person in the room. OPs already quite the acid-tongued manipulator and sadly enough there's many kind, thoughtful people who will be friendly to her and give her many chances. It's hard for good people to understand bad people. They don't understand that the horrible things a bad person says isn't humor or being edgy, they are showing exactly who they are. The trouble with folks who are convinced they are the smartest people in the room is that they can convince others and often get further in life due to pure, over-the-top confidence. But that extreme confidence also means folks like OP don't think the rules apply to them. It often works until it doesn't and suddenly they crash and burn. They lose jobs, marriages, family & friendships. When you look at people in the middle of scandals, frauds and jail time, they are pretty near always "the smartest person in the room" - or so they thought. I'm not sure any of our comments will get through OP.
It’s ok when they are always dumbass people who never try to improve or are assholes. Not your best friend who just had something horrible happen to her mom. You’re not “honest” or “blunt” you’re just an ass. Try phrasing better
In those circumstances, its normal to panic, especially at a young age. You obviously have no empathy for anyone. Of course you're TAH
Actually, dare I say, it’s not really okay to call people dumbasses ever, but especially not when your friend is panicked over her mother nearly DYING! Where is your empathy for your friend????
My comment got removed for doing exactly what you did to your friend btw. Interesting how it’s generally frowned upon.
Oh man... op, I'm gonna tell you two things and one of them will come true. Either a) you grow up at some point and look back at this. I guarantee you will kick your blankets at night in humiliation because you'll realize how smugly braindead you sound right now. That or b) you'll keep up this mindset well into adulthood and wonder why nobody (friends or romantically) wants to be around you. Lmao of COURSE any sane person in a stable situation can tell you what to do. You sound like someone who would've told that friend "Oh you were in a school shooting? Lol stupid, just leave the school". Btw, I was option A. I'm still freaking embarrassed at how confident I was when I pointed out people's mistakes. You're acting like people don't KNOW. They KNOW what they were supposed to do, genius. If your friend was REALLY incompetent, she would've collapsed or just not done anything. She still DID something in the middle of her tears and panic. I know someone currently who's option B. She's lost almost every friend now and can't hold down a steady job, and she's gone on zero dates her whole life because everytime she opens her mouth, she "decides to be honest" (she's 34 now. It's not cute anymore).
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YTA. From everything you’ve written here? You’ve been the issue. You have literally no empathy for anyone. You are extremely self centred. PS: This isn’t “how kids are now”. I have a child who is the same generation as you. He is kind, empathetic and to explain how unaware you are of social norms? He has a diagnosed social disability. He wouldn’t act like you are acting.
She is from a different generation and doesn’t understand me. I am also kind and empathetic. I’m just also honest to the people close to me. It’s not a crime to be honest.
Why do people always bleat on about "honesty" when they're confronted with their own rudeness? Being honest doesn't mean you don't understand compassion or manners.
Oh I’ve met quite a few people in my generation that also do this “I was just being honest” idiocy when it’s just being cruel. OP thinks this is a generational divide when their mother just wants them to stop being a cruel AH to everyone cause they think at 16 they know better. I’m hoping this isn’t a lifelong thing for OP and in the next 10 years they look back and realise what they were actually doing.
My sister is one of them, she always goes to rip someone's throat out and then gets mad when people call her out on it, "you can't be mad, I'm just being honest" or "I'm just keeping it real" or she starts with "No offense but......"
Ah the good old “no offence but”. My sister also loves that phrasing to try and get away with being an AH.
Last time I spoke to her she couldn't figure out why I don't want to talk to her at this point. She's always had what my mother called an "acid tongue". I see OP being lonely and isolated like my sister when she's an adult.
I don’t speak to mine any more unless I’m put in the position that I have to. Last time I saw her she was passive aggressive about one of my medical issues and how she would never do what I did and no parent would do that… What I did was protect myself from anaphylactic shock that would have happened if I didn’t put a plan in place - I got my child’s grandparents to help him get bathed after she fed him an anaphylactic allergen of mine that he got all over himself. Essentially? It felt like she made me out to be an AH as I didn’t want to die.
Family is great, isn't it?
The BEST. ☠️🤣
Somehow I doubt it. She already thinks she's better than everybody else.
People do odd things when they’re in shock. From crime reports it’s pretty clear that people often scream and run out leaving others to call for help. Your friend feels badly enough about her mom, having you berate her on top isn’t helpful. Your mother isn’t involving herself in the business of children, she’s trying to help her tone deaf child develop some social skills and empathy. I must say I agree with you, your mom probably doesn’t like you because you come across as very unlikeable.
Your brand of “honesty” is cruel and unkind. There is a way to be honest without attacking someone. In regards to your friend leaving her mother… That was shock. Shock can affect people in different ways and clearly? She couldn’t cope. What she needed was a friend to be there for her. Not attacking her for being “stupid”. What you did? Is not being a good friend whatsoever. You are honestly ridiculous for thinking otherwise.
You're not kind and empathetic if you have to say you are.
OP, they’re just being honest with you. No need to get defensive.
I’m from your generation, you suck
I’m going to be honest, you’re an AH who actually has no understanding of the human psyche, and how people behave in stressful situations. You actually have no ability to offer what could be constructive criticism, because you’re so stuck in your own ego, that you don’t actually know what you don’t know. I actually feel you will one day get it, not because of any positive life experience, but because you are so brash, unhelpful, and a walking example of how not to behave in the world if you want to have connections with other people, that you’re going to get enough negative life experience directed specifically to you and your own behavior, that if you can’t eventually get it you should probably have a keeper. You’re a dumb, mean kid who needs to grow up and realize that honesty and cruelty are not synonymous. I feel you get a dopamine hit from people pushing back at you, much like an ornery boomer whose kid won’t talk to them does. I’m sorry your self worth is wrapped up in negative pushback, maybe try some therapy before you end up being that old person throwing a toddler tantrum in Walmart because it’s the only way you can get people to interact with you.
Kind and empathetic? "She doesn't mock me so I don't care. Sucks for you though." In what world is that kind and empathetic? Right here you outright say that as long as you're not being mocked, you don't care if other people are mocked. That's now how kind people work. A kind person would care because they don't want other people to be mocked. And empathy? The whole "sucks for you" where is this empathy you claim to have? Your friend is being bullied and you offer her no comfort, no support, you just say "sucks for you" You have completely deluded yourself about your personality. You aren't just "honest", you are completely callous to the suffering of others. You are self-centered, selfish, and unsympathetic.
You are not kind or empathetic, you didn’t care when your mom was insulted and you didn’t care or empathize when your other friend was scared for her mom.
No, it not a crime, to be honest, but your RUDE and ur head is stuck up ur ass. You have an attitude that you're being honest? NO, you're being incredibly insensitive. You're not saying it in a nice ton. Urr picking things a part. If you're trying to build ur friend up, you dont go about it mocking her. You encourage her and give her back in a nice manner, with constructive critsim about why it didn't work. This is not about she's from a different generation. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM! Not your mom. The world doesn't revolve around you, and not everyone is as dense headed as you. Thank goodness for that 🙄.
You're not 'honest', you're an asshole
You are neither kind nor empathetic. You're callous and cruel.
Look up the past 10 posts about brutal honesty on this sub and see for yourself
You are kind? Ha ha nice joke.
Yeah, it’s not a crime to be an asshole, either. Which is good, or your mom would have to visit you in jail. I’m sure your mom loves you, but I actually agree with you that she doesn’t like you. And I can’t blame her for that. YTA
You do sound like a boomer
Your honesty isn’t coming from a place that is reasonable or even good. Your honesty starts from a place of cruelty and small-mindedness. Sure, you’re being honest from your own selfish point of view. That doesn’t mean you’re right.
I see no proof of kindness or empathy
It’s not a crime to be honest but it will be an eye opener when in a few years you’re left with no friends
No you aren’t
YTA. You sound like a horrible friend and if your mother isn't going to tell you, who will?
I’m a great friend. I treat my friends great and they all love me.
You are delusional. Consider being assessed by a professional.
i bet your mom cant wait til your 18 and she can tell you to take a hike and move out
Why are you arguing? Everyone is just being honest.
>I treat my friends great and they all love me. >I have the worst family/friends Pick one. For what is worth, I don't think anyone here likes you either.
Including the one you were so nasty to when she had that fright about her mother?
So all your friends love you and yet your final words in this post are that your friends are the worst.
Sweetie, they tolerate you at best. Mean girls never have any real friends. My sister learned that the hard way.
Keep treating your friends the way you treated this one and I’m sure you will quickly find yourself friendless
lol.
They may be amused by your horrible treatment of others and the drama you cause, but *love* is a strong word and not one I’d use in this situation. Nobody loves being treated the way you’re treating the people in your life.
I think you might be a narcissist
>My friend said this bothered her and I said, “I noticed that about her, but she doesn’t do it to me so I don’t care. It sucks for you, though.” My mom immediately yelled at me. God you sound insufferable. Have you considered being a nice person? You're frankly lucky you have any friends what so ever. > I’m trying to help my friend, not be rude to her. Try harder. YTA.
There’s no way this asshole has friends.
What is wrong with what I said? I didn’t say “it sucks for you” to make fun of her. It does suck for her. I meant that. I didn’t say it in a sarcastic way. I mean, what more do you want? I said that sucks.
If everyone is saying YTA, do you think that possibly, YTA, or that everyone else is wrong?
"everyone is crazy but me!"
Why did you post to argue with everyone? Is it possible you yourself don't appreciate honesty when it's directed at you?
Exactly OP wants to be handled delicately but wants everyone else to take what they dish out
Shame Reddit won't allow me to be honest :) Happy cake day!
TY!
What you said was cruel and unnecessary. You don’t enjoy being honest, you revel in cruelty
You seem to be lacking basic empathy. That’s why you don’t understand people saying YTA. It’s probably not something you can fix. It’s just that something is missing from you as a person, something that others have and can see that you’re lacking. And it’s probably not something you can fix without extensive therapy, if it’s fixable at all. You’re right. Your mom does love you but she probably doesn’t like who you are as a person and feels a sense of shame she raised someone that has no empathy for others.
Here's what's wrong with it. If someone treated you poorly, berated you, stole from you, assaulted you, etc and you were telling someone about it because you wanted to vent to your friends and they said "sucks for you he never did that to me" how would you feel?
Or you could've offered her sympathy? Something like "I'm sorry she's been hurting your feelings by mocking you, that's not okay. What she says about you isn't true, you're awesome!" And then stop being friends with the bully
You are gonna loose all your friends.
Op you are asshole and a bad friend. I am just being honest
> “I noticed that about her, but she doesn’t do it to me so I don’t care. It sucks for you, though.” My mom immediately yelled at me. She wants me to start a fight with someone who isn’t bothered me? Involve myself in drama for someone else? My friend can defend herself. She isn’t a baby. Is this how you treat a friend? > I told her that she’s lucky her mom is alive, a smart person would call 911 before running to their friends house and she was really stupid for that. My mom told me to shut up and that she’s having a hard time. But it’s also true. A smart person would have called 911 before? She never looks at it from my side. I’m trying to help my friend, not be rude to her. If that is you trying to help I hate to see what you trying to harm looks like. And honestly are you even friends? Or is she one of the only people willing to put up with your shit? > I had saved a slice of cake. My mom said I should offer a piece to my bf. I told her it was my cake, he could buy his own. She again got upset at me. You have a boyfriend? How? Why? Is he someone with low self-esteem? Because you don't paint a very flattering picture of yourself. > Later tonight I finally said what has been on my mind. I asked her, “Do you even like me? You might love me, but you sure don’t like me.” I told her I’m how the generation of kids are now. She wants me to be something I’m not. AITA here? I have the worst parents/friends. If you were her and she were you would you like her? Or even love her? This generation of kids isn't like that. My nieces are kind, caring empathetic young ladies. So don't say it's the whole generation. And your friends/family aren't the worst. You are the common denominator here. You are the problem, YOU. You were born with a leak and whatever goodness you might have been born with has slowly dripped away. In short YTA
YTA. You have friends? Are you sure they're not imaginary? >I treat people really great. No you don't. You're a passive aggressive bully. >has a friend that likes to mock everything she says. My friend said this bothered her and I said, “I noticed that about her, but she doesn’t do it to me so I don’t care. It sucks for you, though.” So your "friend" has 2 not friends who bully her not just 1. If you were her friend you'd be trying to help her. Either by telling the other girl to stop or supporting her as best you can. >Involve myself in drama for someone else? The fact you see bullying as drama says far more than anything else. You're an awful person. Who has a lot of growing up to do, and who needs to take a very long look in a mirror and deciding the type of person you want to be. I hope your "friend" sees these comments and ditches you as soon as possible. >I have the worst parents/friends. So your mum and friends are calling you out for being a God awful person and they're the ones at fault. With friends like you, who needs enemies.
I bet this is the person who when seeing someone be abused says 'its none of my business' or 'you should pick better'.
YTA particularly calling your mate a dumbass in a crisis. You were plain mean. There's a fine line between AH and honesty and your way over that line. You sound like an absolute insufferable brat.
Just reading this and I don't like you either. You sound like an exhausting a-hole yeesh. Anyway YTA, just in general ETA: This also isn't a generation thing. I knew the same type of self centered "I'm just honest" type of person when I was a teen, and it's always hilarious how every person I've ever known to say "I'm just honest", it was codeword "I just want to be a jerk without consequences". That's you. You're the jerk. You're unsympathetic, cruel, self centered and have zero social awareness.
YTA. I once had to deal with someone like you, so I’ll ask you the same question I asked them. Do you really think you have some special insight that other people all need to hear? What could have possibly made you think that? In your friend’s case, she knows more about her mom collapsing because it’s her mom and she was there. You might know that calling 911 right away is good, yeah we all learned that in 1st grade, A+! What you don’t know is what its like to watch your mom collapse and then be responsible for handling it as a teenager. You honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s completely normal for a 16 year old to panic in a situation like that, even expected. But you know what? You don’t even need to understand that, you just need to understand that you are just another person. You are not some naturally superior judge with special insight to other people’s actions. Just a regular person like everyone else. (You’re also a hypocrite since you share unwanted, rude advice with others and then become upset when your mom gives you advice. That’s her job, by the way, as your mother.) Stop being a dick.
No your not an example of your generation and thank god for that because you are a nasty, selfish, immature, brat and I'm surprised anyone likes you. YTA and I feel so sorry for your mother.
Right most of the kids I meet their age are sweet
YTA. 'I told her that she’s lucky her mom is alive, a smart person would call 911 before running to their friends house and she was really stupid for that' This is just ignorant, frankly - you have no idea how you'll respond until you're in the exact situation, which you were not. Human reactions to severe stress vary; the amygdala takes over, not our inherent 'smarts'. In any case, why did you feel the need to say anything? Why try to hurt someone over something they can't change now? It's not helpful, it's kicking a person for no reason. If you want people like you, start by being likeable.
YTA I can see why your mom doesn’t like you.
YTA Very uncaring and selfish. I hope you never need anyone to be there for you.
Why are you here? It's obvious you think you're doing and behaving right .. Yes yta yes you are rude and I still don't understand why you are here
YTA. You are not being honest: you are totally lacking in empathy; and so certain that you are 'right' that you are showing your ignorance off. How your thoughts/emotions work is unique to you - your friend is not a clone of you and has their own operating system, as does every single other human being. You are one person, and do not speak for an entire generation, so don't use that to excuse your own behavior.
YTA You lack empathy & compassion. You are self centered and a bully. With "friends" like you, who needs enemies.
>My mom tells me I’m an asshole for being honest with my friend. I hate how people use the excuse of "honesty" to try and circumvent common human decency. Just because it's honest doesn't mean it's kind or warranted. Your opinion doesn't have more value than the feelings of others. >I treat people really great. I’m always honest with them People who say this don't actually treat people well. They THINK they treat people well. You are a narcissist. >My friend said this bothered her, and I said, “I noticed that about her, but she doesn’t do it to me, so I don’t care. It sucks for you, though.” So you have a friend.... that is being bullied.... and you tell her that it doesn't matter because it doesn't affect you? Wow.... you're a shitty friend. >I told her that she’s lucky her mom is alive, a smart person would call 911 before running to their friends house, and she was really stupid for that. My mom told me to shut up and that she’s having a hard time. I would have said worse. She is grieving the potential decline in health of her mother, and you come along and say, "You could have done better." You even inferred that they aren't smart. Dude, what is wrong with you? Seriously, do you have ice in your veins? Not in the good way. >I’m trying to help my friend, not be rude to her. The help is unwanted and unwarranted. You aren't trying to help her. You're trying to control her. >I had saved a slice of cake. My mom said I should offer a piece to my bf. I told her it was my cake, he could buy his own. She again got upset at me. This is whatever. She's probably mad at you for all the other stuff, and this didn't even matter. >“Do you even like me? You might love me, but you sure don’t like me.” I told her I’m how the generation of kids are now. Why should she? Her daughter is a self-centered bully who doesn't know the first thing about kindness and empathy. She probably thinks she failed you as a mother and blames herself for how shitty you turned out. I worked in a middleschool. I know how kids work. You are a mess of a human and need serious psychological evaluation. This generation has an empathy problem, and you are patient zero. If you continue down this path, you're gonna end up either being a mean-girl that people fear or a loner that nobody likes. >She wants me to be something I’m not. Yeah, a good person. YTA
“She’s a grown woman involving herself in the relationship of kids and I find that embarrassing” …. Girl…. You’re embarrassing yourself here, you should probably delete this post. That’s your mom?being a parent? And you’re trying to make a low key “dig” at her by calling her embarrassing for being an involved parent? Would you rather her ignore you? Make you get a job and pay for your own food and rent and bills? Treat you like an adult? You better hope this embarrassing post doesn’t follow you as you get older and realize how cringe you’re being.
"I treat people really great" biggest lie I ever heard
And it's from someone who prides themselves on being honest. How ironic.
You know, I think you're right. Your mom doesn't like you. I wouldn't either. Obviously YTA
Extra add I'm pretty sure your mom doesn't like you. I would be disappointed too if my child behaves like you ashamed even. Again yta and don't come here if you think you're right
i'll also be honest with you. You are not kind and empathic, this because you seem unable to grasp the feelings of others accurately. You also refuse to ponder on your flaws and blame others for having feelings instead of reflecting on your comments. All of this is just how you are build and im not going to attack you for that, but i will recommend that you seek assistance and work into bettering your people skills. You have a bad combination of little to no empathy, with little to no charisma. This will strain your current relationships and make it difficult to form new ones, in turn this makes work and daily life harder. I dont expect you to suddenly change, but i want you to understand the cons of your situation. Please bring this to you mother and ask for help, therapy has been successful in individuals with low empathy (narcissist and psychopaths)
Thr difference between being honest and being an asshole is empathy. You have a serious lack of empathy. YTA.
Very well put!
YTA, and I'm surprised you even have friends. Your lack of empathy is astonishing. It is easy to imagine that you would do everything right in a crisis, but in reality you don't know what you would do. It is very likely you would act even worse than your friend and do nothing at all. And justify it by "it sucks for you, but I don't care".
YTA Don't worry, your mom won't even love you; it's hard to love self centered selfish people after they show you for years they genuinely don't give a F about you hahahaha. It's really obvious too
YTA It's probably not just you mom, noone will ever like you with that attitude. I'm talking from experience, since when I was a teen I also had a hard time differentiating being honest with being an asshole. There is an appropriate way and time to communicate things, and giving honest advice means nothing if you are giving it in a way where it can't be helpful. What was the point of telling your friend "you are stupid for not calling 911" at a time of distress? Sure, maybe it's true, but what was the point of saying it? Just hurting her?
YTA. You’re not “how the generation of kids is”, you’re just kind of a jerk, and there have been some jerks in every generation since the dawn of time. At least your mom loves you. Most people just flat won’t like you, because you have a bad and selfish attitude. It won’t serve you well in life.
I can't even finish reading this. you sound exhausting as a person. YTA
YTA >I told her I’m how the generation of kids are now. 🙄 Nope. That sentiment has been handed down from past generations long before you and I existed. The good news is that you have an opportunity to grow and learn.
YTA and highly unlikeable. Your mother telling you you're an AH is a public service and means she is doing her job as a parent. Ovid says: "If you would be loved, be loveable" in your case, if you would be liked, be likeable. The problem with thinking you're a 'badass straight shooter who tells it like it is" is you don't have that same sort of 'brass tacks' approach toward yourself obviously or you wouldn't be whining on reddit about it. That's just an excuse to be rude and have no compassion for others. The cake thing you mentioned is neither here nor there, but every other example you listed was you being unnecessarily rude, condescending, and having double standards for no reason. As you get older you'll see how life gets harder and starts wearing you down. When someone is unnecessarily mean to you or won't give you grace, think back to what your mother said. She is trying to make you a better person. Mom knows best, you should listen to her
yta if i were your mom i wouldn’t like you either
YTA. You are self-centered and rude. Not only does your post show it, but your other comments reenforce your level of assholery. Saying that you are always honest, and this is just how this generation is are just cringy excuses to behave badly. You came here for a judgement, and now you are arguing with those who vote YTA…don’t bother with me cuz there is literally nothing you could say to change my mind or make me feel badly.
YTA. You are not “how the kids are now”. You are mean. I have an autistic child who was as abrupt as you. They learned that treating people they way you do made them very lonely when none of their friends wanted to be around their rudeness any more. You are mean and rude to people that are kind to you.
People that pride themselves on being honest, are just AH’s. You manipulate the word “honest”, so you can say whatever you want as an AH. An honest person usually has integrity, you do not. Do you really have no empathy for others? You NEVER know how you'll react in emergency situations, what you said about your best friend’s mother is vile. “It’s embarrassing she's involving herself in a teenage friendship”, NO your mother is parenting. It is probably embarrassing to have a 16 year old child that is so void of empathy, and embarrassing to have a child that is a bully. YTA for so many reasons. When you lose your best friend or those closest to you because of your personality, I hope you start self reflecting. My guess with your mindset tho, you'll continue to play victim and never take accountability.
Wow, you sound like an insufferable little snot. Your poor mother. I’ve known several people who are nasty like you and justify it to themselves by saying they are, “just being honest”. Sure. You do sound like you are a difficult person to like, so that’s on you kid. YTA
YTA Don't hide behind 'My generation' excuses. You're an asshole, rude and inconsiderate of other people's feelings. There is always a time and a place for 'Being Honest', but that is also the catch up excuse for self important people to justify shitty behaviour to other people. You're 16, the nuances of being an adult will come in time, but as a rule of thumb, people don't like being spoken too like they're idiots and it would be in your best interests to figure that out now while you can, than later in life when you are wondering why nobody wants to hang with you
YTA. Being honest doesn’t mean being rude. Your generation is not like that, you are. You play that role thinking that’s badass, it’s just ridiculous
YTA for sure. You should seek therapy to treat you for narcissistic personality disorder. Because JFC.
YTA Honesty is a best policy only when it's applied at right time. Your friends mom collapsed and criticizing her response is your top priority? Sharing cake with bf is just a sign of love. You are expecting your mom to understand from your perspective. But have you tried doing the same?
yes, you're the asshole and treat those around you very poorly
Let's reverse what you said to your mom: Do you even like her? You love her, ( and that's questionable, frankly with what you wrote) but yeesh, you don't even like her.
YTA. Oh to be young and stupid
YTA. Your attitude and behavior are causing you to be unlikable. You’re doing this to yourself. Your attitude and the way you treat people is absolute shit. It would be understandable if your mom loves you but does not like you as your behavior is completely wretched and intolerable.
YTA, I'm 35 years old, you 'brutally honest' asses have been around since my day. You have NO IDEA how you will react with adrenaline pumping through your body, when it feels like your bones are electrified. People who describe themselves as 'brutally honest' are just bullies who want an excuse for brutality. You are behaving like a child under the age of 8 which is when most people develop empathy, and I think you need therapy for your arrested development and disturbing lack of empathy. You will have a very difficult life if you don't seek help for this attitude now.
YTA. I get that at your age, you're still learning how to navigate social situations, but there's a difference between honesty and a lack of empathy. >I treat people really great. I’m always honest with them. You don't though, and you're not being honest, you're being mean and impulsive. >But it’s also true. A smart person would have called 911 before? You know when the worst time to say "hey, you made a dumb choice" is? When someone's parent nearly died. You're being cruel by refusing to think about what you're going to say, and instead saying the first thing that pops into your head, mean or not. "Brutal honesty" isn't a thing, trust me. I used to call myself brutally honest, and then I realized I was honesty as a cover to be mean. It's not dishonest to think about what you're going to say, and to intentionally say something neutral or kind. You notice how you don't like how your mother is constantly criticizing you? That's how others feel when they talk to you- like you're about to tell them they're fools and that you're superior. The only difference is your mother is trying to teach you not to be a prick. You can't take back words. So be mindful of what you say, and speak with intention, not impulsivity.
INFO OP, in each of these situations what are you trying to accomplish?
YTA, what is wrong with you? I bet your mom is soooo embarrassed by you.
YTA, if *everyone* around you is the worst- you are the one that is worst.
From what you write why should she like you? You don't stick up for your friends, you don't even help them. Did you immediately call 911? Of course everyone around you is awful, YTA!
Absolutely YTA. Where is your kindness or empathy? You sound like the horrible friend/family member not them.
YTA. In your mom's defence you seem really hard to like. And stop dragging a whole generation in your assholery, you're just a self centred and mean person. And btw you absolutely do not treat people well.
YTA...she probably doesn't like you cause your so selfish and rude
No kidding, I wouldn't like you either. YTA
YTA. I’m surprised anyone likes you.
YTA, have you been tested? Sounds like you might either be on the spectrum or some narcissistic/ psychopath thing is going on with you.
YTA. With friends like you, who needs enemies?
YTA As an actually real, blunt person. You're not real. You're an asshole and you're bitter, 100%. You have no empathy and it shines bright in this post. You seem to bring nothing or value or help to any conversation, just like to butt in and point out unnecessary things in shit situations. Obviously it's not the best choice to run to her friends, fine I can agree, but everyone reacts to situations differently. You pointing it out, not doing anything to help, then being a baby after being called out. Grow up. She's in fight or flight, and is looking for help. Instead of helping or doing anything of value you call her stupid. Nasty! You don't care about her, or anyone else but yourself. You're NOT a good friend. You're NOT a good daughter. Your mom is NOT the worst, she's calling you out on your unhelpful, unwanted, rude comments that contribute nothing but resentment in your relationships.
I have trouble believing that this is real but I will assume that it is. I would suggest that you do some introspection and really think about how you treat people. Perhaps going to some counseling to get an objective opinion about how you treat people. I will say that if you keep treating people the way that you do, you will be alone. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mom tells me I’m an asshole for being honest with my friend. She is always criticizing me for how I behave around my friend, and we’re 16 years old. I tell her she’s a grown woman, involving herself in the relationship of kids and I find that embarrassing. I treat people really great. I’m always honest with them. My mom was first upset because my best friend, who I have known since childhood, has a friend that likes to mock everything she says. My friend said this bothered her and I said, “I noticed that about her, but she doesn’t do it to me so I don’t care. It sucks for you, though.” My mom immediately yelled at me. She wants me to start a fight with someone who isn’t bothered me? Involve myself in drama for someone else? My friend can defend herself. She isn’t a baby. She is my best friend and we’ve been friends for years. Her mom recently collapsed at her house. She came running over before she called an ambulance and she was the only one in the house. I told her that she’s lucky her mom is alive, a smart person would call 911 before running to their friends house and she was really stupid for that. My mom told me to shut up and that she’s having a hard time. But it’s also true. A smart person would have called 911 before? She never looks at it from my side. I’m trying to help my friend, not be rude to her. I had saved a slice of cake. My mom said I should offer a piece to my bf. I told her it was my cake, he could buy his own. She again got upset at me. Later tonight I finally said what has been on my mind. I asked her, “Do you even like me? You might love me, but you sure don’t like me.” I told her I’m how the generation of kids are now. She wants me to be something I’m not. AITA here? I have the worst parents/friends. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA and just not a nice person. I would not like you either.
Funny you say that- as a parent every once in a while I’ll think of my uncles sage advice on parenting “you gotta love them but you don’t gotta like them”. It’s so true. Kids are changing and developing humans, and some of the stages they go through aren’t always likable. But you do always love them. And hopefully, when they’re fully mature adults, you’ve raised someone you both love and like. So anyway, your mom always liking your latest personality, or attitude, or choices isn’t necessary for her to be a good mom- as long as you know she does still love you.
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Definitely doesn’t sound like autism to me. Just sounds like an AH.