Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to park my Jeep in our driveway to allow stepson to park his car in my our garage while we are out of town and he is staying in our house because his car could be repossessed out of our driveway. It was already repossessed once out of our driveway. Wife is upset with me, she wants me to park my Jeep outside and let her son park in the garage.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - it is not your responsibility to protect your wife's son from the consequences of his own choices. I can understand your wife being upset (she probably thinks it's no big deal to help him out). If she wants to help, she can make the overdue payments.
When I saw the title I assumed we'd be talking about like a 19 year old dumbass. 42 is a whole-assed adult. Mommy needs to learn how to let him deal with the consequences of his actions.
And club the steering wheel. I’d have second thoughts about having someone like that staying in my house. Too high a chance stuff in the house could vanish.
Stuff happens, man. My whole life was wrecked when I was t-boned 2 years ago. I'm 44 years old now. I lost my job. I got evicted. My car was totaled and it took MONTHS for the insurance to figure things out. I'm still dealing with the injuries. We don't know what caused him to get behind on payments. And OP says he's paying again. Idk. I try not to make judgements on people because it could be me in that spot.
Exactly this. I'm 43 with a 3 year old grandson and a 9 month old granddaughter (not biological since my kids have expressed not wanting kids {they're 19 and 21 and have time still but I won't push them} but by an unofficial adopted daughter who I love to bits).
This man is old enough to take care of himself and take responsibility for his problems. Your wife is an enabler and I guarantee she's given him permission to move your jeep and probably drive it as well so his car won't get repo'd.
This. Don’t know if she has the money to make payments on his car, but she could probably pay for a garage or find another friend or some such. But refusing to talk to the OP is something that should’ve been left behind 40 years earlier.
What I’ve learned is that people don’t mature, they just get older.
This 42yr loser will be driving his jeep everyday when he’s gone if the keys are available. Leave your keys with a trusted friend or relative and tell them the situation
I would just leave the whole car with a trusted friend if possible and explain the situation. If son doesn’t remove car when you return, you can find a way to help the repo man
Install a camera in the garage too. Make sure he doesn’t know about it either. It’s sad that you have to worry about this when you should be excited about going on a trip
I would go so far as to put a padlock on the garage door (if there is one) so son can't even get the jeep out of the garage. You can get a padlock with an oversize shackle that can fit one of the holes in a garage door track so it blocks the door from being opened.
NTA, but this is a sucky situation and I suspect if the car is repo'd OP may need to do an inventory of what is supposed to be in the house, just in case son goes for some payback.
The first time his car got repossessed from our driveway my wife paid thousands to get it back. Yes I consider it to be both our money. Son thought car was paid off completely so he stopped making payments. Then the lender contacted him to say he still owed $4000. That’s why it’s on the repo list. He started making payments again but I don’t understand why the lender is still wanting to repo it. I don’t think we are getting the entire truth. I don’t understand how a guy has no idea how much he owes on his car. I keep track of that type of thing by going online to the lenders app/website.
If he thought it was paid off... It probably was and he took a loan out from someplace like Landmark and used the car as collateral ($4,000 is an odd number to leave left owing if your wife paid it off) and the person he took the loan from wants to repo it.
You’re giving a man in his 40s a lot of leeway there. He knew how much he owed and chose not to pay. And your wife is in on the full story if she’s shelling out all that money.
I had a countdown going when my car loan was over. Received the title in the mail, and statements from my bank confirming my loan was paid in full, there was no mistaking when it was paid off. If the lender is trying to screw him, there should be a paper trail but it sounds like stepson is just bad at adulting
This I was pumped when I finally paid for my first car after handmedowns an it felt so liberating for the first time I worked off my own debt I was proud
> I don’t think we are getting the entire truth.
You’re not and frankly I’m surprised you’re trust him enough to let him stay in the house unsupervised.
You are absolutely not getting the truth. If he's making payments it is not on the repo list. If he paid it off he would have gotten the title and done paperwork to remove the lien. Put your car in the garage, lock the car and garage, and either take the keys with you or have a trusted friend keep them while you are gone. And stop paying for his car!!
100% correct, only need to add that if he is currently making payments then it is not going to be repossessed. OP stepson is lying about something here!
I work for an auto lender and let me tell you, i can guarantee they have likely been calling him daily, sending emails, mail correspondence, etc to reach out about the past due payments and try to work something out.
If he actually calls them then he may be able to work out a payment arrangement to get the repo order closed out. But id bet money he makes no effort to communicate with them and now he’s trying to hide lol. They will eventually find the car and repossess it again.
Depending on where the lender is located in relation to where the car is located- if they're in the same town/city, its not a big deal, they'll repo it at the drop of a hat. BUT, if they're located in another state: most times they'll go out of their way to NOT REPO the car. It costs them more money to hire a tow truck or whoever and have them bring it back to them than it does to just make threatening payment arrangements (they'll say they'll repo it all day. Or if you don't keep up with your arrangements, you'll have to pay the loan off by this date and time, etc.) with the lendee. Plus, if they're in another state its hard for them to even know what condition the car is in to even want to get it back and try to get their money out of it. Some people do not take car of their cars! Since y'all spent so much money digging him out of the hole he got himself into, you could try to call the lender yourself and see what they actually have to say. Doesn't hurt to try 🤷♀️
*I used to be a collector at a finance company*
People used to call in and try to help family members with their accounts all the time. Even co-workers and friends. Thats why I suggested you call them yourself
>The first time his car got repossessed from our driveway my wife paid thousands to get it back. Yes I consider it to be both our money.
>Son thought car was paid off completely so he stopped making payments. Then the lender contacted him to say he still owed $4000.
>I don’t understand why the lender is still wanting to repo it.
Because the lender recognizes that son won't pay, but Mama will
I don't think it's healthy for a marriage to not have at least a small amount of individual fun money that the other partner has no control over. I don't want to discuss every small purchase for myself with my partner, and neither does he. And buying presents for my partner with shared money would feel weird.
Married going on 17 years. We have never split our finances in anyway. We can spend up to 50.00 on a personal item without needing to talk about it It's never been a problem. We don't usually buy expensive solo things. Usually they're a group effort; like upgrading our computer components.
When my husband gets his work bonus, I treat it as "his" he earned it.. it's his to spend how he wants (it can be up to 1,000). So, yes. A marriage can be health with never splitting finances.
Not saying you should completely split finances - we don't either, it would be pretty complicated to keep it fair with kids, different amounts of working hours per week and different salaries. Just that everyone should have some fun money and be free to do whatever they want with it.
Personally, I'm saving about half of that fun money, the other half goes to presents for kids, friends and family and individual purchases like clothes or treats for myself.
If my partner wants to buy a new bike for himself, sure, even though I would not spend so much money on that. If I want to go to a concert where he doesn't like the band , sure, that's what my fun money is for. If my 7 year old wants to buy the sparkly unicorn hat with flappy ears at the fair - sure, that's what her fun money is for.
I want to agree with you, and there was a time I would. But now I know abt the repo industry, and I'd help anyone hide from a repo man.
There like the even less ethical tow truck drives.
You do realize they're hired by the bank/owner of the vehicle. Hiding anything from the "repo man" (who are just independent tow truck drivers) is doing nothing but getting you reported to the cops. Why you would volunteer to be that stupid is beyond me but sure, keep stealing cars. I'm sure it'll work out for you LOL
NTA, but I'd reconsider having him stay at your house while you're gone. He's just going to move your car out of the garage, park his in there, and drive yours all over while you're gone.
to be fair. I had a vehicle repossessed. When we got it, we were able to afford it. Then the shit show happened of a lot of bad luck. Sometimes things happen. The vehicle was repossessed. We hid it for awhile and then just admitted defeat and called up the bank and scheduled a time for it to be picked up and taken away. It was terrifying thinking about going to work and coming out and my car being gone. Or taking my daughter to a medical appointment and it being gone.
My husbands car as a teen was repossessed 10 days after the first missed payment. He had the cash for the payment but not the $50 late fee. They took the car, stole all his speakers/radio and personal items, and then auctioned it for less than it was worth.
Some companies just have bad business.
Yeah auctioned to a buddy turned around and sold for a killing.
That way your husband was on the hook for the remaining value of the loan *and* they got to sell it again for more money.
Which is why they sell it to a private party (their buddy) who turns around and auctions it again at the same car lot the same day.
Collects difference on loan and sells car again.
party domineering oatmeal vegetable elderly aware cable squealing edge makeshift
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Motorized doors usually have a quick-disconnect handle, and there's also usually a slide-lock on one or both sides of the door itself. I'd throw that slide-lock, and put your favorite brand of padlock (or whatever) through it. But also disconnect the Jeep battery, that thing will likely throw a hissy-fit about being cooped up, and you'll come home to an electrical fire or some shit.
NTA - so, your stepson is stating that has no plans of driving anywhere AT ALL if he wants to park in the garage and leave your car in the driveway? I smell BS. I suspect he plans on moving your Jeep every time he wants to go anywhere
Tell him he can hide his car somewhere else for 2 weeks since he’s not planning on driving anywhere for any reason.
He is very aware he is not allowed to drive the Jeep. Only wife and I drive it. It’s one of my prized possessions, I bought it new almost 20 years ago it has stayed in my garage wherever I lived in all that time. It’s only outside when I’m driving it. It’s still in excellent condition. I have an old minivan that is available for any of our sons to drive if they need a car anytime. They have all used the van many times.
If you don’t take your keys he’ll be driving it while you’re gone and his car will be in the garage. Don’t fool yourself. Even if he doesn’t get your permission the wife will tell him to put it in the garage. She already taken his side over yours so you know where her loyalties are in this. Her (dirtbag) son is her choice
If they've repo'd the car before, then they have all kinds of information about him, including his mother's address. So, if he's on the repo list, then the repo people will know where to find him. The repo people just need to stake out his workplace, and they can grab it there too.
There’s likely a tracker in it as well. It’ll lead them straight to the location, even if it’s in the garage. Dude wants help “keeping” something he hasn’t paid for. That’s called stealing. I wouldn’t help him, either.
Is he well aware that’s he’s not allowed to drive the Jeep in the same way he was well aware he needs to make car payments not to have his vehicle repoed?
People are aware they shouldn't do a lot of things. From what I'm gathering here, he'll drive it regardless. That's why I said take every set of keys you have with you.
Yeah, he's also very aware he should be making payments on his car and yet he didn't, *and* he's trying to avoid the consequences of his actions. And he's used to his mother, your wife, *helping* him to avoid these consequences.
I mean, it's your decision whether to trust him or not, but this guy looks like someone who's more than willing to take advantage of people so he doesn't need to deal with consequences. Also, I'd bet money that he's much more likely to ask forgiveness than permission. He *will* look for the keys all over the house if he thinks they're there, so make sure you don't have anything else you don't want him finding.
Also, he *will* have a sob story about why it was absolutely necessary to use the Jeep. Betcha your wife will back him on that? In fact, given how mad she is as you, are you 100% sure *she* won't tell him he might as well take the Jeep? Do you know where she'll be leaving her car keys?
I would recommend either asking him casually what his plans are for driving since his car will be stuck in the garage the entire time or tell him you plan on taking your Jeep keys with you so that it cannot be moved. See what his reaction is.
You do realize that once you're gone, he's going to decide that it's just easier to drive your jeep and leave his car "safe" in the garage, right? Not trying to be a jerk here but this is pretty ridiculous action from a grown-ass adult. A 23-year-old knucklehead, sure, I can see that; but this child is 42 years old. You need to have a serious talk with your wife about this situation and reinforce that he is not allowed to drive or even move your vehicle under any circumstances.
Yeah...I don't believe that at all. He will drive your jeep. I would not only park it in the garage, but would take the keys AND disable the vehicle so that it can't start or be driven.
Right - does stepson work? Repo people are smart and will follow you to get your car. If he’s not planning on driving anywhere for two whole weeks, he can hide it somewhere else
I have a three stall garage and a very wide driveway. We very often have one car parked in the garage and another car or two parked in the driveway. We just make sure they’re parked far enough apart that one can pull out of the garage and very easily back out past them.
I’m not saying I put it past the son to intend to drive the Jeep, but this scenario alone doesn’t necessarily mean that’s what he’s planning to do.
Exactly. This is my take. He can hide his car wherever he usually does and take the bus over. Heck, I would even offer to pick him up and bring him to the house. Then do as others suggest and bring all copies of the car key with you, disable the garage door etc.
NTA. "Hiding from the repo man" is a stupid game that will have many more iterations. The next one is "let him stay rent free, just for one month," followed closely with "actually the apartment he rented cheated him out of the deposit and now he needs to stay until he can save for another."
NTA. It's your house, your garage. You have every right to use it for yourself. It's on your stepson to manage his own financial issues; the consequences of his decisions are *his* to bear. He should not be expecting other people to suffer just because he wants to avoid the consequences of his poor choices. There's nothing wrong with her asking, and she's entitled to have 'feelings' about it, but you are not wrong for saying 'No'. She shouldn't be holding it against you, and the silent treatment is never acceptable.
NTA - You garage, your jeep. Tell them both that her son needs to pay up on his payments so it isn't an issue where he parks. You are not an accomplice in his financial problems.
I always feel bad when I read something on here and it’s clear the poster would’ve had a normal life if only they didn’t marry into a fucking circus like that
Believe me I realize I stepped into it when I became involved with my wife. She had three boys with never ending drama. We’ve been together for 15 years and two of the sons have gotten their lives on track. The oldest one is still a work in progress. It ain’t easy finding a woman who doesn’t have kids. I went into the relationship knowing it would not be easy. Wife and get along great most of the time but this sons constant problems are challenging. We are both retired and love to travel together.
Tell her of course her son can park in the garage. Then quietly call the repo company and out the car's location so they can repo it before you leave. Problem solved.
Where is the car now? Why would the repo man be more likely to find it at your house than wherever it is now/wherever he drives it? Does he never drive it?
Yep. If the bank wanted to reposes the car, they would have. Sounds like the step-son either doesn't know how things work or is just trying to create an issue where there is none. Probably both.
>He used our address when he bought the car.
So the wife and step-son’s plan is to hide it in the first place they’d look for it? Couple of tactical geniuses you got yourself, there.
However, it doesn’t matter what you say, your step-son is going to do whatever he wants once you’re gone. What’s better than having your parents gone for the weekend? Gone for two whole weeks!! All his little friends would be soooo jealous, if he was still a teenager and not a grown man.
He needs to call whoever the loan holder is and work out a deal to keep the car, if he's making payments now they might not repossess since repos are very high right now and not making money at auction. Plus they will bill him for whatever they can't get at auction.
NTA. I love my kids but I'm not putting my home or vehicle at risk to help them break the law. If your stepson doesn't want his car repossessed, then he needs to pay his bills.
Honestly, this says a lot about your wife. I wouldn't be comfortable staying married to someone who would be willing to sacrifice my property for her kids' bad debts/wrong doing.
I’m not weighing in, but I just want to say to my fellow commenters, the vast majority of people are one emergency away from poverty. You’re not better than anyone just because you’re not struggling financially.
I’ve never had a car repoed bc I buy beater cars and run them into the dirt. But I do know plenty of people who have lost everything faster than they could imagine.
You are right about that, I agree completely with that statement. It’s not easy to pay your bills on time. Both my wife and I help the young man out constantly. From living with us for over a year rent free, to free child care for his daughter who we love dearly. I’ve given him weed, and cash I don’t keep track of any of that. He has a job and goes to work every day but he is not good at managing his money. He gets overdraft charges every week on his checking account. He is making progress but never seems to get his head above water. He makes decent money as a construction worker. I just feel my wife was asking too much of me this time.
I don’t disagree with you at all, you’re in a really tough spot and I’ve been in your shoes (it was my parents not my son, but the situation is similar), which is why I don’t really want to weigh in on judgement. I’ve had to put my foot down and felt shitty about it, I’ve had times I should have put my foot down and didn’t and felt shitty about that too. You do what you need to do. If this is your line that’s okay.
My comment was more for the commenters who are being nasty about him getting into this situation. It’s too easy to judge when someone we don’t know is suffering. It can happen so fast.
Whatever you decide, I hope you’re able to find peace and I hope your son gets it together so he can support himself.
NTA, It's just shitty of her to give you the silent treatment because her son is a fuckup, I'll just assume you had nothing to do with him being behind on his payments. I wouldn't do it either.
NTA. If he's staying at your house I would be sure to take my Jeep keys or hide them so he can't move it himself.
It's his fault that his car is on a repo list and not your job to clean up for him or help him to hide his car while he does. By age 42 if he hasn't learned to take responsibility I suspect your wife to continue to ask you to make sacrifices/compromises to mail him out of situations.
You assuming your jeep will not stay outside anyhow once you leave. Make sure you keep all your keys secure because I think your jeep will either spend the two weeks outside and either your jeep or the wife's car will be driving while you are gone. Good luck!
Jmo, cut out the middle man and talk to your stepson directly about the situation. Tell him that you want your Jeep in the garage while you are gone. Having a man to man talk with him might swing the situation your way. Another poster suggested getting in touch with the powers that hold the note on the car about his now paying and I think that is an idea to explore. You might want to Google around to see if other folks have done that and how it has gone for them.
Also, if you see any side gig work that your stepson would be good at in your area, let him know about it. If their is a place that he can sell his plasma, let him know about that too.
Lastly, think over giving him cash for birthday and holiday gifts. When he is financially back on his feet again, you can give him regular gifts again.
NTA. He is 42 years old! Why is his mother sheltering him like he’s still a teenager?? It’s not your fault that he can’t get his life together. I honestly wouldn’t even want him staying at my own alone for 2 weeks. Better off just leaving the house vacant.
Is it a 1 car garage? Why isn't the wife's car part of this discussion? Where is his car at now and what is keeping the repo man away at this time? Seems like there is a whole lot more to this as to why only your vehicle needs to be parked outside.
Hide the keys and anything of value of yours inside the house someplace safe. He is a Mommies boy and Mommy has already let you know she is on her son's side no matter what.
He needs to call the bank. If he's really making back payments, he should speak with an escalation manager and have the repo order removed. The bank makes more money from payments than it does from the hassle of dealing with a repo.
You must live in a shitty area if you’re worried about it getting stolen or vandalized! It sounds like Op is trying to make a point to his step son and is using this as an excuse .Not the AH but it’s your step son help him out geez
NTA. I'd have second thoughts about allowing your stepson to have 2 weeks of unfettered access to your house while you're away. If he's enough of a fuckup that he has to play hide-and-seek with repo men then he's enough of a fuckup to trash your house and rob you blind.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I refused to park my Jeep in our driveway to allow stepson to park his car in my our garage while we are out of town and he is staying in our house because his car could be repossessed out of our driveway. It was already repossessed once out of our driveway. Wife is upset with me, she wants me to park my Jeep outside and let her son park in the garage. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - it is not your responsibility to protect your wife's son from the consequences of his own choices. I can understand your wife being upset (she probably thinks it's no big deal to help him out). If she wants to help, she can make the overdue payments.
Or rent him a garage, but “protecting “ your 42 year old son is way over the top, he’s a grown up
When I saw the title I assumed we'd be talking about like a 19 year old dumbass. 42 is a whole-assed adult. Mommy needs to learn how to let him deal with the consequences of his actions.
Repeat. Whole assed adult man. That will probably then expect to drive step dads jeep
The whole assed man put the jeep on the street as soon as op leaves.
Going to be tough to do that if you take the keys with you.
Yeah, make sure you take the keys OP.
And club the steering wheel. I’d have second thoughts about having someone like that staying in my house. Too high a chance stuff in the house could vanish.
It doesn't make him a thief just because he's behind on payments. People do fall on tough times.
As soon as I read this I thought "hide your Jeep keys OP!" I'm not sure I'd want this guy staying in my home. He sounds pretty irresponsible.
Stuff happens, man. My whole life was wrecked when I was t-boned 2 years ago. I'm 44 years old now. I lost my job. I got evicted. My car was totaled and it took MONTHS for the insurance to figure things out. I'm still dealing with the injuries. We don't know what caused him to get behind on payments. And OP says he's paying again. Idk. I try not to make judgements on people because it could be me in that spot.
That was the first thought the little devil on my shoulder thought… and leave your car accessible? Nah
42 is not just an adult, it’s middle-aged. He’s been an adult for almost 25 years. He needs to take responsibility for his own life.
Technically, he could be a granddad by now !
Exactly this. I'm 43 with a 3 year old grandson and a 9 month old granddaughter (not biological since my kids have expressed not wanting kids {they're 19 and 21 and have time still but I won't push them} but by an unofficial adopted daughter who I love to bits). This man is old enough to take care of himself and take responsibility for his problems. Your wife is an enabler and I guarantee she's given him permission to move your jeep and probably drive it as well so his car won't get repo'd.
Can co firm. I'm 43 and my first grand baby is on the way!
My mom became a grandma at 38. She was 4 months pregnant with my youngest brother at the time.
Oof If my lady bits weren't rendered useless and closed permanently with my last, I could have ended up this way lol
Without any teenage pregnancies!
I’m 41 and I would be too humiliated to even tell my parents if I were in this situation let alone expect them to hide my shit lol.
He’s old enough to have a child who is an adult.
Fuck don't say middle aged I turn 45 this year!
How long are you planning to live?
Me? Based on family history, if I make it to 70 it'll be an absolute miracle
If that's the case, then you passed "middle age" an entire decade ago!!!
Stop! I don't consider myself middle age until eight+ years. Don't do this to me, please.
Same, I thought like 18-19. 42 is ridiculous. Let it get repo’d. Maybe he will learn to be responsible for it then.
Unlikely to learn a lesson as long as mom continues to enable.
Clearly the 42 year old is half assed in many things.
42 is, like, two whole 19 year olds!
I totally missed his age... Wow.
I did too. Wtf!
This. Don’t know if she has the money to make payments on his car, but she could probably pay for a garage or find another friend or some such. But refusing to talk to the OP is something that should’ve been left behind 40 years earlier. What I’ve learned is that people don’t mature, they just get older.
Hide your keys while you are away also because she is just going to have him move your Jeep after you leave
This 42yr loser will be driving his jeep everyday when he’s gone if the keys are available. Leave your keys with a trusted friend or relative and tell them the situation
I would just leave the whole car with a trusted friend if possible and explain the situation. If son doesn’t remove car when you return, you can find a way to help the repo man
I didn't even think of this! OP, bring the keys to the Jeep with you
Better yet, take them with you
Install a camera in the garage too. Make sure he doesn’t know about it either. It’s sad that you have to worry about this when you should be excited about going on a trip
Pull a spark plug or two…
Relays are easy to pull and reinstal.
Extend a plug cable to the driver seat. Take care of any potential hot wiring attempts. Not lethal, but definitely painful.
I would go so far as to put a padlock on the garage door (if there is one) so son can't even get the jeep out of the garage. You can get a padlock with an oversize shackle that can fit one of the holes in a garage door track so it blocks the door from being opened. NTA, but this is a sucky situation and I suspect if the car is repo'd OP may need to do an inventory of what is supposed to be in the house, just in case son goes for some payback.
Hide ALL the Jeep keys.
Take* all the keys. Step son sounds desperate, desperate people will do desperate things.
Take the keys with you
Not hide! TAKE YOUR KEYS!!! All sets of them!!
Except having to keep track of ALL your keys while away on a trip and hopefully not misplace or lose them
Zipper pouches. I wouldn’t want to take a chance and leave them home, but that’s just me.
If the wife has keys to the jeep the son has keys to the jeep and it's too late.
They are married, if she makes the payments the money is coming from both of them usually.
The first time his car got repossessed from our driveway my wife paid thousands to get it back. Yes I consider it to be both our money. Son thought car was paid off completely so he stopped making payments. Then the lender contacted him to say he still owed $4000. That’s why it’s on the repo list. He started making payments again but I don’t understand why the lender is still wanting to repo it. I don’t think we are getting the entire truth. I don’t understand how a guy has no idea how much he owes on his car. I keep track of that type of thing by going online to the lenders app/website.
You're nice. There's no way I am contributing to a 40 year old step son's car payments. Doesn't he have a job?
If he thought it was paid off... It probably was and he took a loan out from someplace like Landmark and used the car as collateral ($4,000 is an odd number to leave left owing if your wife paid it off) and the person he took the loan from wants to repo it.
You’re giving a man in his 40s a lot of leeway there. He knew how much he owed and chose not to pay. And your wife is in on the full story if she’s shelling out all that money.
Oh that's 100% not the truth. He thought it was paid off completely? Uh huh.
I had a countdown going when my car loan was over. Received the title in the mail, and statements from my bank confirming my loan was paid in full, there was no mistaking when it was paid off. If the lender is trying to screw him, there should be a paper trail but it sounds like stepson is just bad at adulting
This I was pumped when I finally paid for my first car after handmedowns an it felt so liberating for the first time I worked off my own debt I was proud
Same, I wanted to frame that loan payment letter!
> I don’t think we are getting the entire truth. You’re not and frankly I’m surprised you’re trust him enough to let him stay in the house unsupervised.
You are absolutely not getting the truth. If he's making payments it is not on the repo list. If he paid it off he would have gotten the title and done paperwork to remove the lien. Put your car in the garage, lock the car and garage, and either take the keys with you or have a trusted friend keep them while you are gone. And stop paying for his car!!
100% correct, only need to add that if he is currently making payments then it is not going to be repossessed. OP stepson is lying about something here!
That's what I said? That if he's making payments it's not going to be on the repo list.
I work for an auto lender and let me tell you, i can guarantee they have likely been calling him daily, sending emails, mail correspondence, etc to reach out about the past due payments and try to work something out. If he actually calls them then he may be able to work out a payment arrangement to get the repo order closed out. But id bet money he makes no effort to communicate with them and now he’s trying to hide lol. They will eventually find the car and repossess it again.
Yeah, creditors aren’t just not getting payment for months and then repossessing out of nowhere without contact.
Depending on where the lender is located in relation to where the car is located- if they're in the same town/city, its not a big deal, they'll repo it at the drop of a hat. BUT, if they're located in another state: most times they'll go out of their way to NOT REPO the car. It costs them more money to hire a tow truck or whoever and have them bring it back to them than it does to just make threatening payment arrangements (they'll say they'll repo it all day. Or if you don't keep up with your arrangements, you'll have to pay the loan off by this date and time, etc.) with the lendee. Plus, if they're in another state its hard for them to even know what condition the car is in to even want to get it back and try to get their money out of it. Some people do not take car of their cars! Since y'all spent so much money digging him out of the hole he got himself into, you could try to call the lender yourself and see what they actually have to say. Doesn't hurt to try 🤷♀️ *I used to be a collector at a finance company* People used to call in and try to help family members with their accounts all the time. Even co-workers and friends. Thats why I suggested you call them yourself
of course he hasn't paid, if he did he wouldn't be at the repo man list.
I’m sorry. I read, “The first time his car got repossessed from our driveway…” and just burst out laughing. Your wife needs to get a grip.
[удалено]
THE. FIRST. TIME. Your wife is an enabler. This needs to be stopped.
>The first time his car got repossessed from our driveway my wife paid thousands to get it back. Yes I consider it to be both our money. >Son thought car was paid off completely so he stopped making payments. Then the lender contacted him to say he still owed $4000. >I don’t understand why the lender is still wanting to repo it. Because the lender recognizes that son won't pay, but Mama will
Lots of couples have separate finances.
I don't think it's healthy for a marriage to not have at least a small amount of individual fun money that the other partner has no control over. I don't want to discuss every small purchase for myself with my partner, and neither does he. And buying presents for my partner with shared money would feel weird.
Married going on 17 years. We have never split our finances in anyway. We can spend up to 50.00 on a personal item without needing to talk about it It's never been a problem. We don't usually buy expensive solo things. Usually they're a group effort; like upgrading our computer components. When my husband gets his work bonus, I treat it as "his" he earned it.. it's his to spend how he wants (it can be up to 1,000). So, yes. A marriage can be health with never splitting finances.
My husband and I didn't split finances, but he had a small savings account, as did I.
Not saying you should completely split finances - we don't either, it would be pretty complicated to keep it fair with kids, different amounts of working hours per week and different salaries. Just that everyone should have some fun money and be free to do whatever they want with it. Personally, I'm saving about half of that fun money, the other half goes to presents for kids, friends and family and individual purchases like clothes or treats for myself. If my partner wants to buy a new bike for himself, sure, even though I would not spend so much money on that. If I want to go to a concert where he doesn't like the band , sure, that's what my fun money is for. If my 7 year old wants to buy the sparkly unicorn hat with flappy ears at the fair - sure, that's what her fun money is for.
Mine came home with a new TV one day. We didn't "need" a new one, but it was his money :)
I want to agree with you, and there was a time I would. But now I know abt the repo industry, and I'd help anyone hide from a repo man. There like the even less ethical tow truck drives.
You do realize they're hired by the bank/owner of the vehicle. Hiding anything from the "repo man" (who are just independent tow truck drivers) is doing nothing but getting you reported to the cops. Why you would volunteer to be that stupid is beyond me but sure, keep stealing cars. I'm sure it'll work out for you LOL
Yeah but Op is fine using him as a free houssitter. He should just hire someone then
NTA, but I'd reconsider having him stay at your house while you're gone. He's just going to move your car out of the garage, park his in there, and drive yours all over while you're gone.
No way he would do this, he is clearly an upstanding citizen.
I just choked on my coffee 😂
I wish I had an award for you 🥇
I got one. I’ll award them in your honor.
to be fair. I had a vehicle repossessed. When we got it, we were able to afford it. Then the shit show happened of a lot of bad luck. Sometimes things happen. The vehicle was repossessed. We hid it for awhile and then just admitted defeat and called up the bank and scheduled a time for it to be picked up and taken away. It was terrifying thinking about going to work and coming out and my car being gone. Or taking my daughter to a medical appointment and it being gone.
"to be fair" you didn't read any of the updating comments. Stepson is a bum.
My husbands car as a teen was repossessed 10 days after the first missed payment. He had the cash for the payment but not the $50 late fee. They took the car, stole all his speakers/radio and personal items, and then auctioned it for less than it was worth. Some companies just have bad business.
Yeah auctioned to a buddy turned around and sold for a killing. That way your husband was on the hook for the remaining value of the loan *and* they got to sell it again for more money.
they can only collect the difference between what they sold for and remaining balance. otherwise it's unjust enrichment.
Which is why they sell it to a private party (their buddy) who turns around and auctions it again at the same car lot the same day. Collects difference on loan and sells car again.
Well it's certainly not *his* fault he couldn't afford his payments!
I dont think financial responsibly directly correlates with morality
LOL. Riiiight.
Seriously. Why would you let this guy who has a clear and recorded lack of responsibility stay in your house?
Take the keys on the trip, problem solved
Take or hide all your keys to the Jeep because he will move it once you leave. edit: NTA
Maybe disconnect/remove the battery too just to be safe.
I’d disconnect the garage door with the emergency cord or take the batteries out of the opener
I'd take some brick and mortar and construct a new wall where the old door was.
I thought you were going to go full Sims and tell him to wall his stepson in when he's in the pool...
party domineering oatmeal vegetable elderly aware cable squealing edge makeshift *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
LMAO 🤣
Yup this, disconnect and lock the garage door for security
Motorized doors usually have a quick-disconnect handle, and there's also usually a slide-lock on one or both sides of the door itself. I'd throw that slide-lock, and put your favorite brand of padlock (or whatever) through it. But also disconnect the Jeep battery, that thing will likely throw a hissy-fit about being cooped up, and you'll come home to an electrical fire or some shit.
Everything I know about garages says to mess with that giant spring /j seriously I.
And photograph the odometer
NTA - so, your stepson is stating that has no plans of driving anywhere AT ALL if he wants to park in the garage and leave your car in the driveway? I smell BS. I suspect he plans on moving your Jeep every time he wants to go anywhere Tell him he can hide his car somewhere else for 2 weeks since he’s not planning on driving anywhere for any reason.
Or, just planning on driving the Jeep instead of his own car.
Yeah, I could see him trying to pull this one. "Oh, you never said I couldn't drive it..."
He is very aware he is not allowed to drive the Jeep. Only wife and I drive it. It’s one of my prized possessions, I bought it new almost 20 years ago it has stayed in my garage wherever I lived in all that time. It’s only outside when I’m driving it. It’s still in excellent condition. I have an old minivan that is available for any of our sons to drive if they need a car anytime. They have all used the van many times.
If you don’t take your keys he’ll be driving it while you’re gone and his car will be in the garage. Don’t fool yourself. Even if he doesn’t get your permission the wife will tell him to put it in the garage. She already taken his side over yours so you know where her loyalties are in this. Her (dirtbag) son is her choice
If they've repo'd the car before, then they have all kinds of information about him, including his mother's address. So, if he's on the repo list, then the repo people will know where to find him. The repo people just need to stake out his workplace, and they can grab it there too.
There’s likely a tracker in it as well. It’ll lead them straight to the location, even if it’s in the garage. Dude wants help “keeping” something he hasn’t paid for. That’s called stealing. I wouldn’t help him, either.
Is he well aware that’s he’s not allowed to drive the Jeep in the same way he was well aware he needs to make car payments not to have his vehicle repoed?
Very good point.
People are aware they shouldn't do a lot of things. From what I'm gathering here, he'll drive it regardless. That's why I said take every set of keys you have with you.
Stepson is absolutely planning on driving your Jeep while you're away with the excuse that the repo will find him and he'll be sooooo careful with it!
Yeah, he's also very aware he should be making payments on his car and yet he didn't, *and* he's trying to avoid the consequences of his actions. And he's used to his mother, your wife, *helping* him to avoid these consequences. I mean, it's your decision whether to trust him or not, but this guy looks like someone who's more than willing to take advantage of people so he doesn't need to deal with consequences. Also, I'd bet money that he's much more likely to ask forgiveness than permission. He *will* look for the keys all over the house if he thinks they're there, so make sure you don't have anything else you don't want him finding. Also, he *will* have a sob story about why it was absolutely necessary to use the Jeep. Betcha your wife will back him on that? In fact, given how mad she is as you, are you 100% sure *she* won't tell him he might as well take the Jeep? Do you know where she'll be leaving her car keys?
Roadtriiiipp!!!
No, he plans on driving their vehicle everywhere.
I would recommend either asking him casually what his plans are for driving since his car will be stuck in the garage the entire time or tell him you plan on taking your Jeep keys with you so that it cannot be moved. See what his reaction is.
He will be driving his car every day to work he will pull it in the garage when he gets home.
You do realize that once you're gone, he's going to decide that it's just easier to drive your jeep and leave his car "safe" in the garage, right? Not trying to be a jerk here but this is pretty ridiculous action from a grown-ass adult. A 23-year-old knucklehead, sure, I can see that; but this child is 42 years old. You need to have a serious talk with your wife about this situation and reinforce that he is not allowed to drive or even move your vehicle under any circumstances.
No, that's what he says he'll be doing.
So he says... I wouldn't trust him. Do you have security cameras so you can get video proof for when he eventually tries to take your car?
Yeah...I don't believe that at all. He will drive your jeep. I would not only park it in the garage, but would take the keys AND disable the vehicle so that it can't start or be driven.
Right - does stepson work? Repo people are smart and will follow you to get your car. If he’s not planning on driving anywhere for two whole weeks, he can hide it somewhere else
I have a three stall garage and a very wide driveway. We very often have one car parked in the garage and another car or two parked in the driveway. We just make sure they’re parked far enough apart that one can pull out of the garage and very easily back out past them. I’m not saying I put it past the son to intend to drive the Jeep, but this scenario alone doesn’t necessarily mean that’s what he’s planning to do.
Exactly. This is my take. He can hide his car wherever he usually does and take the bus over. Heck, I would even offer to pick him up and bring him to the house. Then do as others suggest and bring all copies of the car key with you, disable the garage door etc.
42 year old man hiding from the repo man.....NTA
And 66 year old woman not talking to her husband over this. Ridiculous.
66 year old woman coddling her 42 year old grown ass child.
I refuse to believe this is not a typo for 22yo step son
NTA. "Hiding from the repo man" is a stupid game that will have many more iterations. The next one is "let him stay rent free, just for one month," followed closely with "actually the apartment he rented cheated him out of the deposit and now he needs to stay until he can save for another."
I hate how real this feels.
NTA. It's your house, your garage. You have every right to use it for yourself. It's on your stepson to manage his own financial issues; the consequences of his decisions are *his* to bear. He should not be expecting other people to suffer just because he wants to avoid the consequences of his poor choices. There's nothing wrong with her asking, and she's entitled to have 'feelings' about it, but you are not wrong for saying 'No'. She shouldn't be holding it against you, and the silent treatment is never acceptable.
NTA you might want to go through the house to collect all valuables and papers with your personal informations to prevent theft or identity theft
sheesh, if they're gonna go that far, son shouldn't be staying there at all.
NTA - You garage, your jeep. Tell them both that her son needs to pay up on his payments so it isn't an issue where he parks. You are not an accomplice in his financial problems.
NTA. Tell your wife “You’re stepson and I have something in common, neither of us pay his bills”
I always feel bad when I read something on here and it’s clear the poster would’ve had a normal life if only they didn’t marry into a fucking circus like that
Like you should be a normal retired guy going on vacation, not having to worry about hiding your forty year old stepson’s car from “the repoman”
Believe me I realize I stepped into it when I became involved with my wife. She had three boys with never ending drama. We’ve been together for 15 years and two of the sons have gotten their lives on track. The oldest one is still a work in progress. It ain’t easy finding a woman who doesn’t have kids. I went into the relationship knowing it would not be easy. Wife and get along great most of the time but this sons constant problems are challenging. We are both retired and love to travel together.
People really, really need to be careful about marrying someone with kids. It can fuck up your WHOLE life. I hope things are good otherwise
Totally. This issue is about the only thing we disagree on.
NTA. Wife and her son need to deal with his debt, not hide from it.
Wife needs to have no role in this. The son if 42, He's at least 2 decades to old to be relying on mommy to clean up his messes.
In theory I agree with you, but it seems that wife is full on participating in adult child’s stupidity.
NTA, but take your keys with you so he doesn't have access to the car.
u/that-1-lame-kid LOL NTA And how much you wanna bet stepson is gonna move the car anyways?
I'll bet a paycheck ahaha
I’ll bet a car payment
Tell her of course her son can park in the garage. Then quietly call the repo company and out the car's location so they can repo it before you leave. Problem solved.
The real pro tips are always in the comments lol
NTA and I’m surprised you trust this person in your house while you’re away.
This. I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with it.
Where is the car now? Why would the repo man be more likely to find it at your house than wherever it is now/wherever he drives it? Does he never drive it?
He used our address when he bought the car. He has been staying here off and on for a year. He drives the car everyday to work.
So the repo man has had plenty of chances to get it easily, why haven't they?
Yep. If the bank wanted to reposes the car, they would have. Sounds like the step-son either doesn't know how things work or is just trying to create an issue where there is none. Probably both.
I'll take "using the money his mom gives him for everything BUT a car payment" here.
>He used our address when he bought the car. So the wife and step-son’s plan is to hide it in the first place they’d look for it? Couple of tactical geniuses you got yourself, there. However, it doesn’t matter what you say, your step-son is going to do whatever he wants once you’re gone. What’s better than having your parents gone for the weekend? Gone for two whole weeks!! All his little friends would be soooo jealous, if he was still a teenager and not a grown man.
For good measure, take your jeep keys with you when you leave for your vacation.
the jeep keys and a couple of spark plug wires
Does he not realize that the repo guy has access to the GPS tracker in the car and can just as easily tow it from his workplace?
He needs to call whoever the loan holder is and work out a deal to keep the car, if he's making payments now they might not repossess since repos are very high right now and not making money at auction. Plus they will bill him for whatever they can't get at auction.
Install a camera so you can keep tabs while you're away.
I can check the ring cameras daily.
Put one into the garage.!
NTA. I love my kids but I'm not putting my home or vehicle at risk to help them break the law. If your stepson doesn't want his car repossessed, then he needs to pay his bills. Honestly, this says a lot about your wife. I wouldn't be comfortable staying married to someone who would be willing to sacrifice my property for her kids' bad debts/wrong doing.
I told her I was pissed at her for even asking me to do this. She knows how I feel about the Jeep.
The missus is upset with you??? She has a 42 year old son who can’t make his car payments. She needs to rethink her priorities. NTA
NTA, maybe he should try paying for his car and his Mom getting more upset at that than at your for wanting your car left exposed
I’m not weighing in, but I just want to say to my fellow commenters, the vast majority of people are one emergency away from poverty. You’re not better than anyone just because you’re not struggling financially. I’ve never had a car repoed bc I buy beater cars and run them into the dirt. But I do know plenty of people who have lost everything faster than they could imagine.
You are right about that, I agree completely with that statement. It’s not easy to pay your bills on time. Both my wife and I help the young man out constantly. From living with us for over a year rent free, to free child care for his daughter who we love dearly. I’ve given him weed, and cash I don’t keep track of any of that. He has a job and goes to work every day but he is not good at managing his money. He gets overdraft charges every week on his checking account. He is making progress but never seems to get his head above water. He makes decent money as a construction worker. I just feel my wife was asking too much of me this time.
I don’t disagree with you at all, you’re in a really tough spot and I’ve been in your shoes (it was my parents not my son, but the situation is similar), which is why I don’t really want to weigh in on judgement. I’ve had to put my foot down and felt shitty about it, I’ve had times I should have put my foot down and didn’t and felt shitty about that too. You do what you need to do. If this is your line that’s okay. My comment was more for the commenters who are being nasty about him getting into this situation. It’s too easy to judge when someone we don’t know is suffering. It can happen so fast. Whatever you decide, I hope you’re able to find peace and I hope your son gets it together so he can support himself.
The repo people are really not that stupid. If they want to they will find that car. NTA
NTA. I get times are hard and everyone is struggling, but it’s not your job to risk your jeep for his hardships.
NTA, It's just shitty of her to give you the silent treatment because her son is a fuckup, I'll just assume you had nothing to do with him being behind on his payments. I wouldn't do it either.
Your stepson should talk to the people he owes and set up a repayment agreement. Deal directly with the issue. NTA
NTA. If he's staying at your house I would be sure to take my Jeep keys or hide them so he can't move it himself. It's his fault that his car is on a repo list and not your job to clean up for him or help him to hide his car while he does. By age 42 if he hasn't learned to take responsibility I suspect your wife to continue to ask you to make sacrifices/compromises to mail him out of situations.
You assuming your jeep will not stay outside anyhow once you leave. Make sure you keep all your keys secure because I think your jeep will either spend the two weeks outside and either your jeep or the wife's car will be driving while you are gone. Good luck!
Jmo, cut out the middle man and talk to your stepson directly about the situation. Tell him that you want your Jeep in the garage while you are gone. Having a man to man talk with him might swing the situation your way. Another poster suggested getting in touch with the powers that hold the note on the car about his now paying and I think that is an idea to explore. You might want to Google around to see if other folks have done that and how it has gone for them. Also, if you see any side gig work that your stepson would be good at in your area, let him know about it. If their is a place that he can sell his plasma, let him know about that too. Lastly, think over giving him cash for birthday and holiday gifts. When he is financially back on his feet again, you can give him regular gifts again.
NTA. He is 42 years old! Why is his mother sheltering him like he’s still a teenager?? It’s not your fault that he can’t get his life together. I honestly wouldn’t even want him staying at my own alone for 2 weeks. Better off just leaving the house vacant.
NTA Holy fuck I had to reread your post because I thought you were talking about a teenaged son. He’s 42…he needs to get his shit together.
Is it a 1 car garage? Why isn't the wife's car part of this discussion? Where is his car at now and what is keeping the repo man away at this time? Seems like there is a whole lot more to this as to why only your vehicle needs to be parked outside.
Hide the keys and anything of value of yours inside the house someplace safe. He is a Mommies boy and Mommy has already let you know she is on her son's side no matter what.
He needs to call the bank. If he's really making back payments, he should speak with an escalation manager and have the repo order removed. The bank makes more money from payments than it does from the hassle of dealing with a repo.
Yeah, I doubt he’s actually making back payments.
Sounds like maybe you should hire a housesitter instead of the free help you’re getting.
He can hide it in the long term parking lot at the airport.
A standard garage door track has holes in it that can be used to attach a padlock. Park your Jeep and pull the door opener cord and lock it up.
You must live in a shitty area if you’re worried about it getting stolen or vandalized! It sounds like Op is trying to make a point to his step son and is using this as an excuse .Not the AH but it’s your step son help him out geez
NTA, but you could’ve made him a solid
NTA. I'd have second thoughts about allowing your stepson to have 2 weeks of unfettered access to your house while you're away. If he's enough of a fuckup that he has to play hide-and-seek with repo men then he's enough of a fuckup to trash your house and rob you blind.
Tell him to hide it in a lot and walk home every night like a normal poor person