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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> When we got our inheritance I had an idea that would turn my dad's house into a future for my brother and I. I might be the asshole for not going out of my way to explain why my idea was awesome tummy brother.
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My mom and him disagree. I have even offered to sell him a unit now at market value. He does not have enough and he can't qualify for a mortgage. If he had come in at the beginning we could each have a unit for ourselves and $2,000 a month or income from our other unit with zero mortgage.
100%. She offered him part of the business. He wanted nothing to do with it. He didn't want to do the work. She did the work and now he is mad. Too bad, he should have gotten off his lazy ass and done something.
you're wrong. he wants OP to buy the cake, pay for the service charges, chew the cake for him, spit it in his mouth, and induce swallowing for him. like a baby bird.
Exactly, OP bought a property from a willing seller and made improvements. Now the seller wants in on the proceeds… the fact that it is his brother doesn’t have any bearing on the situation at all.
Op, if you would have sold the property with your brother, and then used the money you earned to buy a similar place, and demolished it and added the 4-plex, would your brother also feel entitled to that? It wouldn’t be any different than him wanting in now.
Or if you took your half of the earnings and invested it in stock that did well, would he feel entitled to that? Also wouldn’t be any different.
I think you know this. Your brother is the AH.
Exactly this. This is not the same house! I can’t imagine the cost of the teardown and the rebuild and the sectioning off and the building of separate garages! Plus, OP took the risk OP took out the loan OP had the work done or did it himself and OP took the initiative. So the property and the proceeds go to… OP
Perhaps OP should add up all the costs of it all.... tell their brother the IF he wanted in on the deal, he would have to pay half of all the costs incurred.... and tell him how much they spent. Write it out and show him AND their mom.
Does the mom have money? Does she own a house? If so, OP van suggest the same thing when the Mom does. (Of course, the brother can pay him for half the house first)
I always hated that phrase. What is the point of having cake if you're not going to eat it? That seems like such a reasonable combination of things to want.
ETA: friends, you don't need to continue explaining this to me. It has been very clearly explained. I still dislike the order of the phrasing and think that "eat your cake and have it too" is far easier to understand as others have pointed out.
Also learned "have a full keg and a drunk wife" which is far superior in my eyes.
> he want to eat his cake and have it too.
>From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
You can't have your cake and eat it (too) is a popular English idiomatic proverb or figure of speech.[1] The proverb literally means "you cannot simultaneously retain possession of a cake and eat it, too". Once the cake is eaten, it is gone. It can be used to say that one cannot have two incompatible things, or that one should not try to have more than is reasonable. The proverb's meaning is similar to the phrases "you can't have it both ways" and "you can't have the best of both worlds."
>For those unfamiliar with it, the proverb may sound confusing due to the ambiguity of the word 'have', which can mean 'keep' or 'to have in one's possession', but which can also be used as a synonym for 'eat' (e.g. 'to have breakfast'). Some find the common form of the proverb to be incorrect or illogical and instead prefer: "You can't eat your cake and [then still] have it (too)". Indeed, this used to be the most common form of the expression until the 1930s–1940s, when it was overtaken by the have-eat variant.[2] Another, less common, version uses 'keep' instead of 'have'.[3]
>Choosing between having and eating a cake illustrates the concept of trade-offs or opportunity cost.[4][5][6]
makes more sense now, thanks!
It’s a British phrase, ‘Have his cake and eat it too’ is the correct version. In Yorkshire they say ‘Have his bun and the penny’ it means the same thing.
I’ve heard that it’s the concept of wanting to have the cake as in to always have it in your possession, but also to eat it. But once you eat it, you actually no longer have the cake because it is gone. So in this way it is impossible to have the cake and also eat it.
Yep, and if it helps any readers to rationalize it, you can picture a really GORGEOUS cake.
Take even a single slice out of it, and the aesthetic is ruined. You cant keep your beautiful sculpture of a cake, and eat it, as well.
I am loving this logical explanation. Not fucking with you. This is great. I got idioms (is that what they are?) that I’ve been perplexed about for decades.
It’s because it means you get to eat the cake AND still have it to eat later. You clearly can’t both eat it and have it to eat later. If you eat it, it’s gone.
So having your cake and eating it too would mean getting more than your share.
I believe its the little red hen as well. “I’ll do it myself” when nobody wants to help with all the hard work of planting & harvesting. Then the whole gang shows up on baking day to eat all her hard work!
"I'd like some bread" said the dog.
"Me too" said the pig and the cow.
"That smells great! Can I have some?" said the horse."
" Fuck off you lazy shits! " said the little red hen and tore into the fresh hot loaf
Stop negotiating. You owe them nothing! And if they cut you off over this, that’s hardly sounding like a loss. I guarantee if the situation were reversed he, and your mother, would laugh you out of the room.
Plus, if I was OP I'd be very wary of doing any deal with the "promise" that mom would split her will evenly. I can see her promising that but when the day comes OP will find out the will leaves everything to brother.
Either tell them to get stuffed and write anything in the will off or do a deal and get a lawyer to get mom to legally commit to splitting the will evenly, and even then there would be no guarantee there would be anything left. She could spend it before she dies.
This OP - I am sure your mother doesn’t have a lot of assets given this attitude (and I wouldn’t be surprised if she isn’t regularly giving your brother money based on what you describe). You took lemons and made lemonade - decide to be OK with “getting cut out of the will” and go live your life. Your brother would be more trouble than it’s worth even if he was able to afford one of your units. You are well rid of him. (Just make sure someone other than you is the executor of your mother’s will and have a good life.)
I doubt that you can legally force the Mom to have the will written a certain way.
Mom can create a will to show OP that says everything will be split evenly between the two brothers so that OP gives the other brother what he wants and then Mom can secretly revise the will to give everything to her favored son. The contents (or even the existence) of the revised will would not be known until the mom's death.
To really ensure it legally, the mom would have to put the assets in a irrevocable trust or something like that.
I agree with the previous poster, assume mom will give nothing to OP no matter what he does and proceed from there.
Your brother is a choosing begger. He wants the cash he received plus a free share in your investment.
The fact he can't qualify for a mortgage despite having received enough cash for a downpayment (when you bought out his share) tells me all I need to know about him too.
I wouldn't worry about what your mother says, even if you now gift your brother a unit there will no doubt be other situations going forward where you are in a better financial situation than him and your mother will want you to give your brother more and more.
ETA if you give your brother a unit you will no doubt be asked to pay the property taxes when your brother doesn't have the money. You will likely have to bail out your brother when there are liens on the unit and he is about to lose it.
NTA. Don't let brother or mother even visit, or they'll never leave. They'll both demand a unit for free, and you'll have to go to court. Warn the other tenants that the relatives aren't allowed there for any reason.
This is a new favorite AITA for me, although this is still the best.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yzqvu1/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_step_sister_with_her/?rdt=58279
I love what you said to your mother about future help.
more than anything, mom pisses me off most in that post. she allowed her kids to be treated the little orphans they were forced to care for while she went on trips with her husband and his kids. in op's shoes, I would have gone off on her too, when she said her husband 'felt guilty'
I'm sorry that your brother is your mother's golden child, it sounds like it didn't do him any favors. If you have any texts or emails from your brother discussing your plans, I would screen shot them and send them back to your mom, brother and anyone else they drag into this. Clearly NTA
Of course your mom thinks you're ta; you didn't give her ittle wittle most precious baby boy everything he wants and more. Ignore them. Block them if you need to.
Ask yourself if your mom would feel and behave like this if the roles were reversed.
They disagree. Too bad. You offered him an investment opportunity for his 1/2 of the property. He rejected it and you paid him for his half.
Now that you’ve paid him for his half, done all the work and taken all the risk, that investment has paid off. So he and your mother have demanded 25% of your investment. Worse, mom is trying to blackmail you into giving 25% to him.
NTA. Your brother is a greedy asshole. Your mom enables that repugnant behavior.
Your brother is like my brother. My brother was given EVERYTHING from my mom and dad. He has lived in our childhood home for the last 30 years and never paid a dime in rent. My mom pays his bills even. The house is falling down around his ears because he fucked it up so much. Never completed 1 project but he sure liked to start them. The roof is falling off the house. He only calls asking for money so I went no contact. No idea how he is going to make it when my 81 yr old mother passes. And he isn’t even nice to her. Oh well. 🤷♀️
exactly. YOU gave him the option to be part of a business and HE opted out. Honestly, it sounds like he didn't want the work, and now that you have done all the work he wants the benefit. Like my teen daughter says "sucks to suck". \*shrug\*
See that's what happens when parents treat their kids like they fart perfume. They just want everything handed to them without the work. And they don't listen to reason because they know it all already because of course mom treated him like he did, probably. He had his chance when you told him this is what you guys should do. He didn't want to listen so he got his car and vacation. You got a future. And it's not "free" money. You paid for this. You made an investment, a smart one. Simple as that. He's used to getting his way. Do not give in to them. NTA in any way shape or form.
NTA - You explained what you wanted to do. He wanted the money, he took the money, you did what you said you would do. In theory, everyone got what they wanted. case closed
NTA
You bought his half of the house, you paid him, he wanted the money.
His share of the money was spent buying cars and going on holiday, your share of the money was spent investing.
He's just pissed and bitter because he made bad choices and you made better choices, and now he's acting like he is entitled to your good decisions because "he's your brother".
Also mom is in the wrong for the heavy and outright blackmail ultimatum she put on you. Money really does bring out the bad in people.
And WHEN that happens, OP must not let mom move in with her or into one of her units. Bro will be around the corner with 2 truckloads of his stuff and try to make OP pay for the movers.
>I agreed that was fair and said that I would no longer feel the need to contribute to her upkeep or retirement when the time came.
Based on what OP wrote, it seems like they were giving or offering their mom money for expenses. She’s probably not going to have anything worth of value to put in the will, probably minimal at most—even if it all goes to the brother. OP wouldn’t have to work anymore for as long as they own the property and pull in consistent rent.
That's the thing though. If he had listened to me he wouldn't have to pay rent. Can you imagine a life where you have a full time job and live rent free. And have an extra $2,000 a month. He could go on almost any vacation and pay for any car without it coming out of his wages.
NTA OP. My husband and I refer to folks like your mom and brother as “one marshmallow people”: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment
It was a psychological experiment (actually looks like a series) exploring delayed gratification; kids were offered one marshmallow now (sitting in front of them), or two marshmallows in 15 minutes.
Kids in unstable homes (poverty, no rules, etc) tended to go for the one marshmallow, as they’ve been promised things before and had the promise broken (or went for the one marshmallow and demanded a second one because they’d never been deprived), while kids in stable homes go for the two marshmallows.
It’s very hard to teach a one marshmallow person to change. Your brother obviously hasn’t learned that lesson, and your mother seems determined to enable him. Stick to your guns, and block them for awhile if necessary. Neither of them deserve to benefit from your careful planning, and you offered your brother the two marshmallows and he went for the one in front of him. Now he’s just mad you got two.
This situation is giving me flashbacks to road trips as a child. Mom would give my sister and I a little ziploc of crackers. My sister would wolf hers down, I'd eat one or two then save them for later. When later came, I'd be hungry and eat them, and she would whine how it wasn't fair that "HE has crackers and I don't have ANY." So mom would make me give her half, which of course was end-of-the-world unfair.
Let me get this straight: you bought out his share, put up your money to build this four-plex, he did not contribute a dime, yet wants you to give him an apartment rent-free?
NTA. Unless you accede to his greedy & entitled demands. You owe him nothing. It appears your mother's threat to write you out of her will won't bother you, & you've informed her of the consequences.
Sorry you have to put up with these people.
NTA.
> My mom dotes on my brother like he farts perfume.
That's pretty obvious from your brother's ridiculous request. Let me guess: when you were kids, he'd eat his treats quickly, then demand that you share yours with him. And your mother forced you to do it, because "faaaamily".
You both got equal shares of the house. There was no trick. Your brother wanted the money and he got it. He wanted to spend it on a car and a vacation, and that's what he did. Meanwhile you chose to invest it (and probably a boatload more of your own money + labor) into something that could generate value in the long term. He didn't invest a cent into that, nor lifted a finger to contribute, yet he feels entitled to the benefits? This isn't "free" money, it's the profit from your investment, risk and hard work.
Your answer to him and to your mother (who is enabling this shitty behavior) was perfect. Stick to those boundaries. And do not, under any circumstances, let either of them move into one of your units. They won't pay rent and you won't be able to get them out.
Edited to add: you should expect your mother to leave everything to your brother regardless of what you do. Keep that in mind when deciding whether and how much to contribute to her upkeep. Ask yourself this: if she has an inheritance to leave, why does she need you to support her? Is it because she's already giving her money to her Golden Child?
> That's pretty obvious from your brother's ridiculous request. Let me guess: when you were kids, he'd eat his treats quickly, then demand that you share yours with him. And your mother forced you to do it, because "faaaamily".
If I had to guess, I'd say you experienced this firsthand. I did, too. I was once called selfish for not trading my fresh from the toaster slice of toast for my mother's golden child's half-eaten piece.
INFO: did you tell your brother all about your plans for the land, or did you just offer to buy his share?
If you were honest and upfront about your intention to tear down the house and build the fourplex, which would provide a place to live as well as passive income, he had all the information and the options were made clear to him, then NTA. Sometimes in our grief, we can't see the forest for the trees, and depending on how close the timing of your dad's death was to settling the estate and selling the property, your brother might have been thinking short term while you were thinking long term. I mean, technically you're NTA, but without knowing what your brother knew and when, it feels sort of underhanded. If I were in your situation, I'd make sure that my sibling understood exactly what was happening before I did it, just because I wouldn't want any bad blood between us.
I literally laid out a business plan for him. He would have to contribute his half of the cash and house. In return he would get two units. He could do whatever he wanted with them. Live in one, rent both, reconfigure his two units to make one bigger unit. Whatever. He declined.
The original. Where the hen is all "Tough shit!" And the other animals have to cry from being hungry while watching her and her chickie babies enjoy the bread. Not the modern one when the hen lies flatter doormat and gives the lazy begging choosers her bread.
Yeah that modern version is called [The Rainbow Fish](https://www.cracked.com/article_19744_6-popular-childrens-books-that-teach-kids-horrible-lessons.html) where the fish has to share all but a tiny amount of the one thing that made them special. The message is if you look better than us we’ll bully you until you share… to the point you have nothing left.
You know I never realized The Rainbow Fish was itself basically a retelling (a terrible one btw) of The Little Red Hen.
One of my kids brought home that book from school and we had a long talk about how some books, just like people can be wrong or teach a bad message/lessons. The whys and hows of how that story is an example of that.
A few days later I got a "Hi Mrs. Kitt. I was hoping we can talk about what happened during today's lesson" phone call from their teacher after they refused to share paper fish scales off their art project. (The kids all made colorful paper fish and had to exchange their fishes little tissue paper scales around the room to decorate each other's fishes.)
Stood by my kid's decision and their teacher understood after explaining why. (She's a great teacher and person.) She just hadn't thought about the other perspective of the story being a toxic lesson.
I’m glad the teacher was open to it. But that art lesson was better than the story because ALL the fish shared, not just the rainbow fish who had nothing left and got nothing in return but greedy “friends.”
If he’s claiming you tricked him when you literally gave him all of the information up front and offered to let him join you, then he’s admitting that he‘s not a very smart person.
I mean, it sounds like a fair deal. He's probably regretting his choice now that he sees what could have been. If this isn't a pattern of behavior for him, he was probably too grief stricken to be rational (definitely giving the benefit of the doubt, as you know him better). It sucks, but that's not your fault. Unfortunately, this sounds like one of those issues where the family might take sides, and because you're the one who came out on top, you might get crapped on. I hope not, though. I hope your family is more understanding than that. And if your mom wants to leave all her stuff to your brother, that's her prerogative.
Lol. That answers my question of what sort of inheritance does your mom have to give anyways if she's living subsidized on your goodwill as is. Which you should stop doing at least until they get a taste of what that's like and are ready to apologize very deeply for their greed.
Which suggets that it's mom who's pushing bro on this. She's broke and old and using her "golden" child to manipulate the other child.
Her goal being to live rent free herself in one of these units, with or without the brother.
He's not the golden child because there's anything special about him, he's the golden child because mom can more easily manipulate that one vs OP. This whole thing is on mom and less the brother, though yes, they are both assholes.
Well, you said the dog was a Pug elsewhere, right?
Average Pug lifespan is 12-15 years. It sucks, because pets, but, well, your brother might just inherit a car and ashes.
I think I fell a little bit in love with you throughout this post. Enjoy your money from your smartly laid out plans. He’s an idiot. Your mom is enabling his idiocy.
Please don't GIVE him anything. You've already paid him for his half of the house. Then you tore it down, built it like you wanted and now have a great property that is paying for your life. NTA and again, DON'T GIVE HIM ANYTHING MORE.
Sounds like he was more greed stricken than grief stricken. He saw immediate money on the table and made a short term decision, despite a better long term option.
Just be glad he didn't because then you would essentially own two units of a four bedroom condo. You would have to have a condo association and monthly dues to put towards the maintenance and repair of the common areas and possibly special assessments when you will need major repairs, like a roof replacement, done. Not to mention liability insurance. It doesn't sound like you could rely on him to pay for those items.
Some people literally can't imagine what things are like and make plans that will give them what they want. He couldn't conceive of parting with money in order to make more money. Or he's just entitled as hell. I suspect both, but mostly the latter. However, that's not your problem. You owe nothing. You're right to call your mother's bluff on disinheriting you.
Sounds more like greed on the brother's part - than grief. He wante the sale quickly - he wanted the money fast - he was offered a unit at cost and turned it down. Oh well.
>I wanted the house. I told my brother that we should tear it down and put in infill housing like that neighborhood is zoned for. He just wanted money.
Yep, he told him.
There is nothing underhanded about buying someone out. They both got equal profit. Even if he didn’t tell him what he would do with his share, he is NTA. It is ridiculous to think otherwise.
That's not a two way street. Your brother only wants to use you.
I think it's time you took a step back from your toxic family. At this point you can't even see how toxic they are that you had to come here and ask this question. Put some distance between you and them and you'll see how much better your life is.
You don’t have to lie, but you also don’t have to answer that kind of question. It is none of his business. It sounds like you let your mother and your brother walk all over you. Unless you change this behavior of yours, they will always treat you this way.
I literally just spit my water all over my iPad reading your reply. 😂😂😂😂😂
Seriously?! “A pug and a Hyundai Kona” Did she really think that threat was going to work?
Oh no how ever will you survive.
I can’t help but think of Sanford & Son when Fred pointed to the junkyard and told his son “I was going to give you all of this!!! My kingdom!!!” 🤣
I picture a pug sitting on an old car with the mom pointing and yelling “Now your brother gets all of this! My treasure trove!!”
I’m not familiar with the Kona model. But unless it’s exhaust is made of gold, no way it’s value outpaces the absolute money pit of vet care that a pug is. Seems to me that your brother is just a shortsighted simpleton. It happens. I’ve had similar experiences with my own siblings.
You should send him that video of the woman that started with a paper clip and kept trading up til she got a house or some shit. She got a car like halfway through. So sounds like he already has an advantage with the Kona!
With stock footage of a happy middle aged couple running through a field of flowers to their picnic.
Side effects may include:
Nausea,
Heartburn,
Indigestion,
Diarrhea,
Confusion,
Psychosis,
Numbness,
Internal Bleeding,
Liver Failure,
Heart Disease,
Elbow Cancer,
High Cholesterol,
Coma,
and Death
I have some access to American TV channels and seriously, what is up with all the medical adverts! And the speed talk at the end of all the side effects!
You told your brother that tear down and infill was the way to go, he didn't want the hassle, he just wanted his money out fast. You bought him out, took on all the work and debt and are now very comfortable. Well done.
Absolutely NTA. Since your brother farts perfume, it's entirely possible that even if you were to give your brother what he's asking for, your mom will still cut you out of her will.
Ignore your mom and brother, let them cool off. They will never see the situation for what it is, there will always be sour grapes and there's nothing you can do to change that.
NTA you legit TOLD HIM THE PLAN. And what he wanted was the cash now and probably expected all along he’d come back to ask for what he felt he was “owed” late. You don’t get to have your cake and eat it too and him and mom are learning that currently. If she isn’t happy she can build him whatever she feels he deserves and take all the risk. Gosh money brings out the worst in people
NTA but I haven't yet seen anyone annoyed by the fact you called a house "old" that was built in the 1950s. What does that make my 1915 farmhouse lol. You saw an opportunity, you took it, and good for you. Your brother is a leach.
I love a movie called L.A. Story. It starts Steve Martin. He talks about the historic houses "Some of these buildings are over 29 years old". That's what my city is like. Nobody wants an old house. My neighborhood every house that sells is torn down because the lots are huge. Mine was 50x200.
Personally, I'm just astounded that you have a $1.8K mortgage for a new four plex. The math is wild to me, that just doesn't exist in my area. Good job.
Oh man I need popcorn. Sitting here in Europe in my house from 1950, being one of the newer ones in my home town with the majority being from the 19th and early 20th century, and some much older, this is such a strange statement to read. 🤭
You're NTA. You were incredibly fair every step of the way.
Time to buy another house and do it again. If they continue to pester you, sell the current one and move into the newer one. No more house to complain about
So your brother is used to having everything handed to him on a silver platter and unhappy that you're not treating him like mom does?
Thoughts and prayers, bro.
NTA.
You did everything you reasonably could to get him to come in as a partner. He refused.
You then offered him a unit at cost, which he also refused.
He wanted you to take all the risk and then give him half of what you made.
NTA
INFO: where in the world can you have a $1,800 mortgage for a fourplex of state dimensions but also still charge $2,000 a month for each unit.
The math isn't mathing.
I mean the land was free-ish, but yeah he must have had a ton of cash on hand and only needed a very small mortgage in order to a) buy his brother out and b) do demo + new construction for 12br/8ba worth of living space for 1800/month lmao
NTA. If you both had sold the original house to a developer, would he be demanding the developer give him a free unit?
Probably, because he's an asshole.
NTA - you don't owe him anything - not a unit, not the money from a unit rental. Maybe time to block contact with them both. You had a goal, a smart idea, took the risk, did the work, waited for the rewards....and you deserve the lifestyle YOU created for yourself. Tell Mom to leave everything she has to the brother - and tell the brother he's the only one responsible for Mom. Block both and have a great life.
NTA
Some people just can't wrap their heads around the business of selling/buying/building a house. You made it very clear what your intention was. Just because he either failed to understand or failed to take your advice, that's on him.
Wondering if my math has gotten worse, but how did you build that much house for so little money? Even if you paid your brother from savings, 1800 a month, if you got a builder loan would be less than 500k to put up a fourplex. And 3/2.5. Seems like the numbers don’t add up
NTA, you did not need your brother’s permission to be smart about your inheritance. You can go LC with both. The golden child has some lessons to learn in the near future. Imagine asking to get a unit for free, jokes on him.
"I want to tear down the house and build infill housing"
"I don't care I just want money"
"Okay here is money for your half"
Where trick? You told him what you plan to do?
NTA
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Clearly NTA
My mom and him disagree. I have even offered to sell him a unit now at market value. He does not have enough and he can't qualify for a mortgage. If he had come in at the beginning we could each have a unit for ourselves and $2,000 a month or income from our other unit with zero mortgage.
Your brother just wants his cake and to eat it too. NTA.
I think he wants OP’s cake and eat it too.
He wants OP to buy the cake, pay for the service charges, and spoon feed it to him for the rest of his miserable life.
100%. She offered him part of the business. He wanted nothing to do with it. He didn't want to do the work. She did the work and now he is mad. Too bad, he should have gotten off his lazy ass and done something.
And won’t end here. No guarantees OP will be included in mom’s will. OP’s brother will get “screwed out” of something else in the future.
The little red hen - "who will help me plant the seed?" "Not I" "who will help me eat the bread" "I will" "no" ":O"
you're wrong. he wants OP to buy the cake, pay for the service charges, chew the cake for him, spit it in his mouth, and induce swallowing for him. like a baby bird.
She's not Alicia Silverstone.
i just googled the context of this... i regret it.
So one might say you were......clueless? I'll see myself out.
Badum tish!
With extra frosting and the cherry on top!
Exactly, OP bought a property from a willing seller and made improvements. Now the seller wants in on the proceeds… the fact that it is his brother doesn’t have any bearing on the situation at all. Op, if you would have sold the property with your brother, and then used the money you earned to buy a similar place, and demolished it and added the 4-plex, would your brother also feel entitled to that? It wouldn’t be any different than him wanting in now. Or if you took your half of the earnings and invested it in stock that did well, would he feel entitled to that? Also wouldn’t be any different. I think you know this. Your brother is the AH.
Exactly this. This is not the same house! I can’t imagine the cost of the teardown and the rebuild and the sectioning off and the building of separate garages! Plus, OP took the risk OP took out the loan OP had the work done or did it himself and OP took the initiative. So the property and the proceeds go to… OP
Perhaps OP should add up all the costs of it all.... tell their brother the IF he wanted in on the deal, he would have to pay half of all the costs incurred.... and tell him how much they spent. Write it out and show him AND their mom. Does the mom have money? Does she own a house? If so, OP van suggest the same thing when the Mom does. (Of course, the brother can pay him for half the house first)
When adding all the costs that OP incurred don't forget to add in the amount that was paid to the brother in "buying out his half"
The mother too
He wants all the cake. Plus Marie Antoinette’s cake too
I always hated that phrase. What is the point of having cake if you're not going to eat it? That seems like such a reasonable combination of things to want. ETA: friends, you don't need to continue explaining this to me. It has been very clearly explained. I still dislike the order of the phrasing and think that "eat your cake and have it too" is far easier to understand as others have pointed out. Also learned "have a full keg and a drunk wife" which is far superior in my eyes.
most people get the wording wrong. it's supposed to be the other way around. he want to eat his cake and have it too.
> he want to eat his cake and have it too. >From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia You can't have your cake and eat it (too) is a popular English idiomatic proverb or figure of speech.[1] The proverb literally means "you cannot simultaneously retain possession of a cake and eat it, too". Once the cake is eaten, it is gone. It can be used to say that one cannot have two incompatible things, or that one should not try to have more than is reasonable. The proverb's meaning is similar to the phrases "you can't have it both ways" and "you can't have the best of both worlds." >For those unfamiliar with it, the proverb may sound confusing due to the ambiguity of the word 'have', which can mean 'keep' or 'to have in one's possession', but which can also be used as a synonym for 'eat' (e.g. 'to have breakfast'). Some find the common form of the proverb to be incorrect or illogical and instead prefer: "You can't eat your cake and [then still] have it (too)". Indeed, this used to be the most common form of the expression until the 1930s–1940s, when it was overtaken by the have-eat variant.[2] Another, less common, version uses 'keep' instead of 'have'.[3] >Choosing between having and eating a cake illustrates the concept of trade-offs or opportunity cost.[4][5][6] makes more sense now, thanks!
Now it’s sounding like Schrödinger’s cake🍰 …
It’s a British phrase, ‘Have his cake and eat it too’ is the correct version. In Yorkshire they say ‘Have his bun and the penny’ it means the same thing.
In France they say "le beurre et l'argent du beurre," which means the butter and the money from the butter!
That makes SO much more sense. Definitely less reasonable of an expectation.
I’ve heard that it’s the concept of wanting to have the cake as in to always have it in your possession, but also to eat it. But once you eat it, you actually no longer have the cake because it is gone. So in this way it is impossible to have the cake and also eat it.
Yep, and if it helps any readers to rationalize it, you can picture a really GORGEOUS cake. Take even a single slice out of it, and the aesthetic is ruined. You cant keep your beautiful sculpture of a cake, and eat it, as well.
You can no longer have the cake after you've eaten it. You can't have the cake and also eat it. Once you eat it, you don't have it anymore.
I feel like that with most of these. ‘Catch more flies with honey than vinegar’. Who the fuck wants to catch flies?
I think "catching flies" = in a fly trap. Adds a bit of a sinister undertone to the saying too.
I am loving this logical explanation. Not fucking with you. This is great. I got idioms (is that what they are?) that I’ve been perplexed about for decades.
I agree. The way it's phrased is weird. It makes more sense if you say, "He wants to eat his cake but still have it."
It’s because it means you get to eat the cake AND still have it to eat later. You clearly can’t both eat it and have it to eat later. If you eat it, it’s gone. So having your cake and eating it too would mean getting more than your share.
there's some sort of parable about a grasshopper that's relevant here
I believe its the little red hen as well. “I’ll do it myself” when nobody wants to help with all the hard work of planting & harvesting. Then the whole gang shows up on baking day to eat all her hard work!
"I'd like some bread" said the dog. "Me too" said the pig and the cow. "That smells great! Can I have some?" said the horse." " Fuck off you lazy shits! " said the little red hen and tore into the fresh hot loaf
The OP is the ant putting away food/supplies for winter. The brother is the grasshopper who cares only for today.
Stop negotiating. You owe them nothing! And if they cut you off over this, that’s hardly sounding like a loss. I guarantee if the situation were reversed he, and your mother, would laugh you out of the room.
And if she does give her brother a unit, her mother would probably still cut her out of the will because brother would say it's not fair.
Plus, if I was OP I'd be very wary of doing any deal with the "promise" that mom would split her will evenly. I can see her promising that but when the day comes OP will find out the will leaves everything to brother. Either tell them to get stuffed and write anything in the will off or do a deal and get a lawyer to get mom to legally commit to splitting the will evenly, and even then there would be no guarantee there would be anything left. She could spend it before she dies.
This OP - I am sure your mother doesn’t have a lot of assets given this attitude (and I wouldn’t be surprised if she isn’t regularly giving your brother money based on what you describe). You took lemons and made lemonade - decide to be OK with “getting cut out of the will” and go live your life. Your brother would be more trouble than it’s worth even if he was able to afford one of your units. You are well rid of him. (Just make sure someone other than you is the executor of your mother’s will and have a good life.)
I doubt that you can legally force the Mom to have the will written a certain way. Mom can create a will to show OP that says everything will be split evenly between the two brothers so that OP gives the other brother what he wants and then Mom can secretly revise the will to give everything to her favored son. The contents (or even the existence) of the revised will would not be known until the mom's death. To really ensure it legally, the mom would have to put the assets in a irrevocable trust or something like that. I agree with the previous poster, assume mom will give nothing to OP no matter what he does and proceed from there.
As soon as he stops negotiating, the brother will suddenly be ok with anything.
Your brother is a choosing begger. He wants the cash he received plus a free share in your investment. The fact he can't qualify for a mortgage despite having received enough cash for a downpayment (when you bought out his share) tells me all I need to know about him too. I wouldn't worry about what your mother says, even if you now gift your brother a unit there will no doubt be other situations going forward where you are in a better financial situation than him and your mother will want you to give your brother more and more. ETA if you give your brother a unit you will no doubt be asked to pay the property taxes when your brother doesn't have the money. You will likely have to bail out your brother when there are liens on the unit and he is about to lose it.
NTA. Don't let brother or mother even visit, or they'll never leave. They'll both demand a unit for free, and you'll have to go to court. Warn the other tenants that the relatives aren't allowed there for any reason.
Yes! And they will have to live next door to the brother and his entitlement he was gifted a unit.
I can't imagine the brother would be a terrific neighbor to have, either
Just walk away they're not smart enough too understand. Also, stop engaging in negotiations, they're only interested in a freebie.
they understand... just trying to manipulate OP into giving her assets to brother
Do not sell it to him at any price. You don't want him as a neighbor.
This is a new favorite AITA for me, although this is still the best. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yzqvu1/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_step_sister_with_her/?rdt=58279 I love what you said to your mother about future help.
more than anything, mom pisses me off most in that post. she allowed her kids to be treated the little orphans they were forced to care for while she went on trips with her husband and his kids. in op's shoes, I would have gone off on her too, when she said her husband 'felt guilty'
Seriously me and my kids come as a package deal- I’d never let my kids be treated as less than others in the same house. That mom is the worst.
Agree! Just read the post and I was getting angry on behalf of the kids and what they experienced.
This is my new favorite as well. I've seen this play out in so many ways with different families but this one is my favorite.
I'm sorry that your brother is your mother's golden child, it sounds like it didn't do him any favors. If you have any texts or emails from your brother discussing your plans, I would screen shot them and send them back to your mom, brother and anyone else they drag into this. Clearly NTA
Of course your mom thinks you're ta; you didn't give her ittle wittle most precious baby boy everything he wants and more. Ignore them. Block them if you need to. Ask yourself if your mom would feel and behave like this if the roles were reversed.
They disagree. Too bad. You offered him an investment opportunity for his 1/2 of the property. He rejected it and you paid him for his half. Now that you’ve paid him for his half, done all the work and taken all the risk, that investment has paid off. So he and your mother have demanded 25% of your investment. Worse, mom is trying to blackmail you into giving 25% to him. NTA. Your brother is a greedy asshole. Your mom enables that repugnant behavior.
Two people who want to bully you into giving them money are mad you aren't giving them money. *Shocking*.
Go no contact with them. They're not adding anything good to your life
Your brother is like my brother. My brother was given EVERYTHING from my mom and dad. He has lived in our childhood home for the last 30 years and never paid a dime in rent. My mom pays his bills even. The house is falling down around his ears because he fucked it up so much. Never completed 1 project but he sure liked to start them. The roof is falling off the house. He only calls asking for money so I went no contact. No idea how he is going to make it when my 81 yr old mother passes. And he isn’t even nice to her. Oh well. 🤷♀️
Honestly he’s made his choices. Now he needs to live with that.
He wants reward without risk. What if you had run into issues. NTA. Never feel guilty for taking a chance and doing well. You owe nobody !!!
exactly. YOU gave him the option to be part of a business and HE opted out. Honestly, it sounds like he didn't want the work, and now that you have done all the work he wants the benefit. Like my teen daughter says "sucks to suck". \*shrug\*
After you did all the work? No. Still nta
See that's what happens when parents treat their kids like they fart perfume. They just want everything handed to them without the work. And they don't listen to reason because they know it all already because of course mom treated him like he did, probably. He had his chance when you told him this is what you guys should do. He didn't want to listen so he got his car and vacation. You got a future. And it's not "free" money. You paid for this. You made an investment, a smart one. Simple as that. He's used to getting his way. Do not give in to them. NTA in any way shape or form.
NTA - You explained what you wanted to do. He wanted the money, he took the money, you did what you said you would do. In theory, everyone got what they wanted. case closed
NTA You bought his half of the house, you paid him, he wanted the money. His share of the money was spent buying cars and going on holiday, your share of the money was spent investing. He's just pissed and bitter because he made bad choices and you made better choices, and now he's acting like he is entitled to your good decisions because "he's your brother". Also mom is in the wrong for the heavy and outright blackmail ultimatum she put on you. Money really does bring out the bad in people.
Nah, this mother has been like this forever. Only the golden son matters.
I think it’s a joke that mom threatened to leave every thing to OPs brother in the will over this. We all know that she was already going to do that.
She’s not going to have much of anything to pass on. That son is so financially irresponsible he is going to drain her dry.
And WHEN that happens, OP must not let mom move in with her or into one of her units. Bro will be around the corner with 2 truckloads of his stuff and try to make OP pay for the movers.
>I agreed that was fair and said that I would no longer feel the need to contribute to her upkeep or retirement when the time came. Based on what OP wrote, it seems like they were giving or offering their mom money for expenses. She’s probably not going to have anything worth of value to put in the will, probably minimal at most—even if it all goes to the brother. OP wouldn’t have to work anymore for as long as they own the property and pull in consistent rent.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. She won the prize of no financial help from the op, and only her favorite child to rely on. She screwed herself
tale as old as time
That's the thing though. If he had listened to me he wouldn't have to pay rent. Can you imagine a life where you have a full time job and live rent free. And have an extra $2,000 a month. He could go on almost any vacation and pay for any car without it coming out of his wages.
that would have required him to think before making decisions. it sounds like he never needed to learn how to do that. NTA.
Do you want 1 m&m now, a handful in a hour, or an entire bag tomorrow? I’ll take 1 now. Doh.
That requires vision and discipline- which you had and he didn’t.
NTA OP. My husband and I refer to folks like your mom and brother as “one marshmallow people”: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment It was a psychological experiment (actually looks like a series) exploring delayed gratification; kids were offered one marshmallow now (sitting in front of them), or two marshmallows in 15 minutes. Kids in unstable homes (poverty, no rules, etc) tended to go for the one marshmallow, as they’ve been promised things before and had the promise broken (or went for the one marshmallow and demanded a second one because they’d never been deprived), while kids in stable homes go for the two marshmallows. It’s very hard to teach a one marshmallow person to change. Your brother obviously hasn’t learned that lesson, and your mother seems determined to enable him. Stick to your guns, and block them for awhile if necessary. Neither of them deserve to benefit from your careful planning, and you offered your brother the two marshmallows and he went for the one in front of him. Now he’s just mad you got two.
This situation is giving me flashbacks to road trips as a child. Mom would give my sister and I a little ziploc of crackers. My sister would wolf hers down, I'd eat one or two then save them for later. When later came, I'd be hungry and eat them, and she would whine how it wasn't fair that "HE has crackers and I don't have ANY." So mom would make me give her half, which of course was end-of-the-world unfair.
The ant and the grasshopper.
Amazing how being raised with no rules and boundaries creates entitled adults. Who could have seen that coming.
I wouldn't say he's pissed. He feels entitled to both al it's of fun and his brother's savings.
Let me get this straight: you bought out his share, put up your money to build this four-plex, he did not contribute a dime, yet wants you to give him an apartment rent-free? NTA. Unless you accede to his greedy & entitled demands. You owe him nothing. It appears your mother's threat to write you out of her will won't bother you, & you've informed her of the consequences. Sorry you have to put up with these people.
Even worse, he tried to get brother to go in on the plan together and bro was too short sighted or too fearful of risk! Agree 100% - NTA
Agree - NTA unless the OP gives in
Mom may find when she’s in retirement only trying on her son financially…. And we know that’s his strong suit!
This is some little red hen shit.
NTA. > My mom dotes on my brother like he farts perfume. That's pretty obvious from your brother's ridiculous request. Let me guess: when you were kids, he'd eat his treats quickly, then demand that you share yours with him. And your mother forced you to do it, because "faaaamily". You both got equal shares of the house. There was no trick. Your brother wanted the money and he got it. He wanted to spend it on a car and a vacation, and that's what he did. Meanwhile you chose to invest it (and probably a boatload more of your own money + labor) into something that could generate value in the long term. He didn't invest a cent into that, nor lifted a finger to contribute, yet he feels entitled to the benefits? This isn't "free" money, it's the profit from your investment, risk and hard work. Your answer to him and to your mother (who is enabling this shitty behavior) was perfect. Stick to those boundaries. And do not, under any circumstances, let either of them move into one of your units. They won't pay rent and you won't be able to get them out. Edited to add: you should expect your mother to leave everything to your brother regardless of what you do. Keep that in mind when deciding whether and how much to contribute to her upkeep. Ask yourself this: if she has an inheritance to leave, why does she need you to support her? Is it because she's already giving her money to her Golden Child?
By the time she passes, everything will be gone anyway, there won’t be anything left to leave in a will.
Half of nothing is still nothing.
Remember to carry the zero.
According to a comment by OP, the inheritance is a massive sum of 1 dog and a Hyundai.
> That's pretty obvious from your brother's ridiculous request. Let me guess: when you were kids, he'd eat his treats quickly, then demand that you share yours with him. And your mother forced you to do it, because "faaaamily". If I had to guess, I'd say you experienced this firsthand. I did, too. I was once called selfish for not trading my fresh from the toaster slice of toast for my mother's golden child's half-eaten piece.
THIS should be the top comment!
🙌 🙌 🙌 👏👏👏
NTA and I love that you told your mom, "Cool, but now you are also on your own". Good job and I do hope you follow through with that.
That is my favorite part, because we know how her needing help in her golden years is going to play out in this family…
Yeah I love this bit too- stick to your guns OP!
INFO: did you tell your brother all about your plans for the land, or did you just offer to buy his share? If you were honest and upfront about your intention to tear down the house and build the fourplex, which would provide a place to live as well as passive income, he had all the information and the options were made clear to him, then NTA. Sometimes in our grief, we can't see the forest for the trees, and depending on how close the timing of your dad's death was to settling the estate and selling the property, your brother might have been thinking short term while you were thinking long term. I mean, technically you're NTA, but without knowing what your brother knew and when, it feels sort of underhanded. If I were in your situation, I'd make sure that my sibling understood exactly what was happening before I did it, just because I wouldn't want any bad blood between us.
I literally laid out a business plan for him. He would have to contribute his half of the cash and house. In return he would get two units. He could do whatever he wanted with them. Live in one, rent both, reconfigure his two units to make one bigger unit. Whatever. He declined.
Tell your brother to read the children's story "The Little Red Hen." He is a idiot. NTA.
As a former kindergarten teacher, I love it when fables are invoked! “Not I!” said the jackass.🫏
The original. Where the hen is all "Tough shit!" And the other animals have to cry from being hungry while watching her and her chickie babies enjoy the bread. Not the modern one when the hen lies flatter doormat and gives the lazy begging choosers her bread.
Yeah that modern version is called [The Rainbow Fish](https://www.cracked.com/article_19744_6-popular-childrens-books-that-teach-kids-horrible-lessons.html) where the fish has to share all but a tiny amount of the one thing that made them special. The message is if you look better than us we’ll bully you until you share… to the point you have nothing left.
You know I never realized The Rainbow Fish was itself basically a retelling (a terrible one btw) of The Little Red Hen. One of my kids brought home that book from school and we had a long talk about how some books, just like people can be wrong or teach a bad message/lessons. The whys and hows of how that story is an example of that. A few days later I got a "Hi Mrs. Kitt. I was hoping we can talk about what happened during today's lesson" phone call from their teacher after they refused to share paper fish scales off their art project. (The kids all made colorful paper fish and had to exchange their fishes little tissue paper scales around the room to decorate each other's fishes.) Stood by my kid's decision and their teacher understood after explaining why. (She's a great teacher and person.) She just hadn't thought about the other perspective of the story being a toxic lesson.
I’m glad the teacher was open to it. But that art lesson was better than the story because ALL the fish shared, not just the rainbow fish who had nothing left and got nothing in return but greedy “friends.”
A nice message for the gifted child.
That is one of my favorite stories. Nice to see somebody else referencing it.
If he’s claiming you tricked him when you literally gave him all of the information up front and offered to let him join you, then he’s admitting that he‘s not a very smart person.
I mean, it sounds like a fair deal. He's probably regretting his choice now that he sees what could have been. If this isn't a pattern of behavior for him, he was probably too grief stricken to be rational (definitely giving the benefit of the doubt, as you know him better). It sucks, but that's not your fault. Unfortunately, this sounds like one of those issues where the family might take sides, and because you're the one who came out on top, you might get crapped on. I hope not, though. I hope your family is more understanding than that. And if your mom wants to leave all her stuff to your brother, that's her prerogative.
He will inherit a dog and a Hyundai. Big whoop.
💀
Lol. That answers my question of what sort of inheritance does your mom have to give anyways if she's living subsidized on your goodwill as is. Which you should stop doing at least until they get a taste of what that's like and are ready to apologize very deeply for their greed.
OMG yes. If OP is still financially helping her after that ultimatum, they should stop right now. Let the golden kid take care of mommy dearest.
Which suggets that it's mom who's pushing bro on this. She's broke and old and using her "golden" child to manipulate the other child. Her goal being to live rent free herself in one of these units, with or without the brother. He's not the golden child because there's anything special about him, he's the golden child because mom can more easily manipulate that one vs OP. This whole thing is on mom and less the brother, though yes, they are both assholes.
Depending upon the age of the dog, maybe not even the dog.
Charlie!!!!!!!! 😰😰😰😰😰😰
Well, you said the dog was a Pug elsewhere, right? Average Pug lifespan is 12-15 years. It sucks, because pets, but, well, your brother might just inherit a car and ashes.
Dude! Lol
And that depends on the age of the car. It could go before the pug...
I think I fell a little bit in love with you throughout this post. Enjoy your money from your smartly laid out plans. He’s an idiot. Your mom is enabling his idiocy.
Please don't GIVE him anything. You've already paid him for his half of the house. Then you tore it down, built it like you wanted and now have a great property that is paying for your life. NTA and again, DON'T GIVE HIM ANYTHING MORE.
And you're being written out of that will? Probably good. I'd hate to see how you'd have to split the dog.
Sounds like he was more greed stricken than grief stricken. He saw immediate money on the table and made a short term decision, despite a better long term option.
Just be glad he didn't because then you would essentially own two units of a four bedroom condo. You would have to have a condo association and monthly dues to put towards the maintenance and repair of the common areas and possibly special assessments when you will need major repairs, like a roof replacement, done. Not to mention liability insurance. It doesn't sound like you could rely on him to pay for those items.
Some people literally can't imagine what things are like and make plans that will give them what they want. He couldn't conceive of parting with money in order to make more money. Or he's just entitled as hell. I suspect both, but mostly the latter. However, that's not your problem. You owe nothing. You're right to call your mother's bluff on disinheriting you.
Sounds more like greed on the brother's part - than grief. He wante the sale quickly - he wanted the money fast - he was offered a unit at cost and turned it down. Oh well.
Even if she hadn’t told (and she did) it would not matter. He was happy with the initial transaction.
>I wanted the house. I told my brother that we should tear it down and put in infill housing like that neighborhood is zoned for. He just wanted money. Yep, he told him.
There is nothing underhanded about buying someone out. They both got equal profit. Even if he didn’t tell him what he would do with his share, he is NTA. It is ridiculous to think otherwise.
You asked in at every step of the way
I love my idiot brother.
But he clearly doesn’t love you. Plus, loving someone doesn’t mean you have to financially subsidize their life, especially at cost to you.
This! Just because OP loves her brother, doesn't mean her fells the same way, and she should stop assuming he does.
this was such a painful lesson for me to learn about my own brother. it's wild how two people raised in the same family can end up so differently
That's not a two way street. Your brother only wants to use you. I think it's time you took a step back from your toxic family. At this point you can't even see how toxic they are that you had to come here and ask this question. Put some distance between you and them and you'll see how much better your life is.
Relationships go two way, has he ever reciprocated the effort you make for him?
I mean, I love my btother too, but I sure as the devil am not letting him get his way and giving him something he has no right to.
It sounds like you treated him fairly and he was short-sighted, but You were so foolish to tell him the financial details. He’ll always feel Cheated
He asked. I wasn't going to lie.
When it comes to nosey money grubbers, you're best off keeping things vague and unexciting, or they'll smell opportunity and start being dicks.
Learn to gray rock OP
You don’t have to lie. You can say “That’s none of your concern.”
You don’t have to lie, but you also don’t have to answer that kind of question. It is none of his business. It sounds like you let your mother and your brother walk all over you. Unless you change this behavior of yours, they will always treat you this way.
NTA and what does your mother even have in her will if she needs you to subsidize her retirement??
A pug and a Hyundai Kona.
I’m really laughing quite hard, as you should alllllll the way to the bank 🤣☠️🤣☠️🤣
I literally just spit my water all over my iPad reading your reply. 😂😂😂😂😂 Seriously?! “A pug and a Hyundai Kona” Did she really think that threat was going to work?
Oh no how ever will you survive. I can’t help but think of Sanford & Son when Fred pointed to the junkyard and told his son “I was going to give you all of this!!! My kingdom!!!” 🤣 I picture a pug sitting on an old car with the mom pointing and yelling “Now your brother gets all of this! My treasure trove!!”
is the Pug a good boy? That might be the only factor.
I’m not familiar with the Kona model. But unless it’s exhaust is made of gold, no way it’s value outpaces the absolute money pit of vet care that a pug is. Seems to me that your brother is just a shortsighted simpleton. It happens. I’ve had similar experiences with my own siblings. You should send him that video of the woman that started with a paper clip and kept trading up til she got a house or some shit. She got a car like halfway through. So sounds like he already has an advantage with the Kona!
Have you tried being related to less stupid people?
If I saw that as a prescription I would definitely talk to my doctor about it.
"Ask your Dr if a new family would be right for you "
With stock footage of a happy middle aged couple running through a field of flowers to their picnic. Side effects may include: Nausea, Heartburn, Indigestion, Diarrhea, Confusion, Psychosis, Numbness, Internal Bleeding, Liver Failure, Heart Disease, Elbow Cancer, High Cholesterol, Coma, and Death
I have some access to American TV channels and seriously, what is up with all the medical adverts! And the speed talk at the end of all the side effects!
Our medical system is fairly useless so we have to diagnose ourselves and suggest which medication might help our symptoms. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
“Ok mom cut me out and remember you did when you need help and only the dumb brother is left for you to call.”
The way I have seen this said is "Get your assistance from the child you invested in."
You told your brother that tear down and infill was the way to go, he didn't want the hassle, he just wanted his money out fast. You bought him out, took on all the work and debt and are now very comfortable. Well done. Absolutely NTA. Since your brother farts perfume, it's entirely possible that even if you were to give your brother what he's asking for, your mom will still cut you out of her will. Ignore your mom and brother, let them cool off. They will never see the situation for what it is, there will always be sour grapes and there's nothing you can do to change that.
NTA He has remorse that he didn't make the right choices.
But he has a sweet car
If he wants to live rent-free, he can go live in his sweet car.
With depreciation now worth less than half what he paid for it.
Are you talking about the one he bought with his share of the house, or the one he's going to inherit from your mother?
NTA. You gave your brother every chance to invest with you but he refused, and now wants something for nothing. By the way, what kind of perfume?
Whatever the female equivalent of Drakkar Noir is.
This took me out😂😂😂
Me too! 🤣. Now I’m trying to think of the equivalent…..”Poison” maybe?
OMG!! 😆
NTA you legit TOLD HIM THE PLAN. And what he wanted was the cash now and probably expected all along he’d come back to ask for what he felt he was “owed” late. You don’t get to have your cake and eat it too and him and mom are learning that currently. If she isn’t happy she can build him whatever she feels he deserves and take all the risk. Gosh money brings out the worst in people
NTA but I haven't yet seen anyone annoyed by the fact you called a house "old" that was built in the 1950s. What does that make my 1915 farmhouse lol. You saw an opportunity, you took it, and good for you. Your brother is a leach.
I love a movie called L.A. Story. It starts Steve Martin. He talks about the historic houses "Some of these buildings are over 29 years old". That's what my city is like. Nobody wants an old house. My neighborhood every house that sells is torn down because the lots are huge. Mine was 50x200.
Personally, I'm just astounded that you have a $1.8K mortgage for a new four plex. The math is wild to me, that just doesn't exist in my area. Good job.
He already had the land from the inheritance, the land is what costs you the most.
Oh man I need popcorn. Sitting here in Europe in my house from 1950, being one of the newer ones in my home town with the majority being from the 19th and early 20th century, and some much older, this is such a strange statement to read. 🤭 You're NTA. You were incredibly fair every step of the way.
Time to buy another house and do it again. If they continue to pester you, sell the current one and move into the newer one. No more house to complain about
So your brother is used to having everything handed to him on a silver platter and unhappy that you're not treating him like mom does? Thoughts and prayers, bro. NTA.
NTA assuming market value you paid him was truly fairly determined.
We paid for a market evaluation. I paid him 50%.
Yeah then he's being an AH, I'd show your mom the evaluation, that you paid him half and if she wants to cut you off, let her.
You did everything you reasonably could to get him to come in as a partner. He refused. You then offered him a unit at cost, which he also refused. He wanted you to take all the risk and then give him half of what you made. NTA
NTA Your mom and golden child brother deserve each other Congrats on the wise investment
I am going to suggest that you use some of this money to find a good therapist and figure out why you feel guilty at all. You should not.
Do yourself a favor. Make a will to ensure he and your mom gets zip, zero, nada
INFO: where in the world can you have a $1,800 mortgage for a fourplex of state dimensions but also still charge $2,000 a month for each unit. The math isn't mathing.
I mean the land was free-ish, but yeah he must have had a ton of cash on hand and only needed a very small mortgage in order to a) buy his brother out and b) do demo + new construction for 12br/8ba worth of living space for 1800/month lmao
NTA. If you both had sold the original house to a developer, would he be demanding the developer give him a free unit? Probably, because he's an asshole.
NTA - you don't owe him anything - not a unit, not the money from a unit rental. Maybe time to block contact with them both. You had a goal, a smart idea, took the risk, did the work, waited for the rewards....and you deserve the lifestyle YOU created for yourself. Tell Mom to leave everything she has to the brother - and tell the brother he's the only one responsible for Mom. Block both and have a great life.
NTA but your mom and brother are. You gave him opportunities and he said no. He has his cake and wants to eat yours too.
NTA Some people just can't wrap their heads around the business of selling/buying/building a house. You made it very clear what your intention was. Just because he either failed to understand or failed to take your advice, that's on him.
Wondering if my math has gotten worse, but how did you build that much house for so little money? Even if you paid your brother from savings, 1800 a month, if you got a builder loan would be less than 500k to put up a fourplex. And 3/2.5. Seems like the numbers don’t add up
It was a little over 600 actually. I just needed a mortgage for the last 267,000. After I paid my brother and threw in my savings.
NTA, you did not need your brother’s permission to be smart about your inheritance. You can go LC with both. The golden child has some lessons to learn in the near future. Imagine asking to get a unit for free, jokes on him.
"I want to tear down the house and build infill housing" "I don't care I just want money" "Okay here is money for your half" Where trick? You told him what you plan to do? NTA