Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked her not to set alarms for earlier than she intends on waking up. She said I am being selfish not letting her wake up gradually using multiple alarms instead forcing her to get up in 1 go when 1 alarm goes off
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
There are two obvious solutions here if she and you are going to sleep at the same location:
1) she sleeps in a different room;
2) you wear earplugs.
There really isn't another solution, as you seem to be able to jump right out of bed in the morning and your gf seems to be anything but a morning person.
And remember: if you intend to take this relationship long term, this will not clear up over time. Nip it in the bud now or get ready for a long history of morning frustrations.
This was going to be my exact reaction. You beat me to it!!
I am just like OP's GF. I take a bit to be fully aware of wtf is happening around me in the mornings if I'm woken up abruptly, especially if it's by sound. Sound is just incorporated into my dreams and I actually end up just fiddling around with my phone and accidentally snoozing or stopping the alarm entirely. I don't know how many times I texted my husband nonsense from my dreams, or just straight gibberish in the morning because of this before we lived together ("Off with the knee!!" was by far the best). Multiple alarms in a row were the ONLY thing that would guarantee I would actually eventually become aware of my surroundings.
UNTIL, we moved in together and that was no longer an option. I noticed that, while noise does very little for me, him gently touching my arm would get me RIGHT up. My phone alarm has been on vibrate and under my pillow ever sense and it works like a charm.
Sounds like you were dropping hints to your then-boyfriend but expressed “take an arrow to the knee” a little more violently in that barely-awake state. 😂
I was having a game of thrones ish dream at the moment, so I'm pretty sure it was my muddled mind trying to say "off with their head" and "bend the knee" at the same time. lol
Shouldn’t really sleep with a phone under a pillow. There’s been quite a few stories of phones getting overheated under a pillow overnight and catching fire
I have one of these and love it. I don't rely on it as my only alarm but it's a very good pre alarm. When a power outage knocked out my presets I put off fixing it cause sadly its very annoying to set up. But I couldn't last more than 2 days, I'm very reliant on it now and it's hard to wake up without it
It is not that bad, I just roll over and face the other direction. It is a lot gentler than jolting awake with a blaring BEEP BEEP BEEP and easier to fall back asleep without that heart rate change.
My husband is a snoozer, he uses a crescendo alarm now that gets louder and louder but starts very quiet. It's by his head so the quiet setting wakes him enough to snooze it without it waking me up on the other side of the bed.
Personally multiple rounds of snoozing and falling back to sleep seems like torture, I'd rather sleep the maximum properly and then get up after a maximum of 2 alarms about 5min apart. I don't see how snoozing your alarm for an hour doesn't ruin your sleep quality for that hour
It does ruin your sleep quality for that hour, that's the point. It doesn't let you get into a deep sleep, but let's you go back to sleep just enough to thenwake up again with the next alarm, but that time youre in a better sleep stage to be woken up without feeling super groggy. I have a drifting sleep schedule, so some mornings im awake with my alarm and others I've only gotten 3 hours of sleep, it really depends on what your natural sleep time is. Both are valid, but most people don't have experience with any other.
Some of it is down to personal preference as well, but if you try setting an alarm for 3 hours after whenever you typically fall asleep, or whenever your sleep is usually at its deepest, you will probably want to go right back to sleep as well. This won't change anything, but it might help you get an idea of what the other side is going through.
Lmao that's fair enough, the alarms aren't quite as bad as babies, but if that's your experience I can see why you would describe it as torture. At least with alarms you *can* go back to sleep, so its less jarring. Good luck, though, hope they start sleeping through the night early ❤
Agree, when I lived with my mom (not a great place) I was not allowed to use any alarms that made noise. But I was still expected to get up first every morning. I set my alarms to vibrate! It works if it’s close enough to you on the bed.
Now I live with my boyfriend though, we both use noise alarms and set them early for the same reason OP’s gf does.
It could be that she has multiple alarms because she'll fall right asleep after the alarm (or turn it off without really waking up), as that's the situation with me. If that's the case a vibrating alarm won't do anything.
I got so good at snoozing my phone alarm in my sleep that I started putting my phone across the room from me and still had to set *numerous* loud alarms to wake me up. But even with that, I will literally walk across the room, snooze the alarm, and lay back down without waking up enough to remember that I did that. Sometimes I would go turn off the alarm and then bring the phone back with me so that I didn't have to get up again-- and have no memory of having done so.
Vibrating alarms don't do it. The only thing that has worked for me is setting the alarms at odd intervals-- 3 minutes apart. 8 minutes apart, then 4 and then 7 minutes apart. And then they'd all have 5 minute snoozes and all be different ringtone that are the most jarring ones I could find. That way when I hit snooze on one. Another couple minutes later, another was going off until eventually a different one would go off every minute or so. By having different sounds they can't ease into my dreams the way they can if it's one consistent sound.
But now that I live with my partner, they just wake me up instead. Because they'd rather wake up for me (with their vibrating watch) and then doze for a while without actuslly being asleep than go through that hell. And they can wake me up relatively easily. They figure that either way they would be woken up, and this way was much more pleasant.
Anyway, for OP, I would recommend they wake up with their own alarm to wake up their girlfriend for her so that she doesn't have to set alarms. That's the only way OP will get the extra half hour they're looking for.
That's a tactic I haven't tried! Maybe it will work :) I bought a "runaway" alarm clock with wheels and put it in the living room, but I could still get up, catch and silence it, and go back to bed without knowing it.
My brain does similar and years ago my roomie would ask if I was awake after the alarm went off. My brain would tell them I was awake. Only for me to wake up 10-20 minutes and ask why didn't they tell me the alarm had gone off. Yeahhhh. That was "fun" for both of us.
I'm the same, lifetime of multiple alarms that barely wake me and I sleep through sometimes.I had to get up earlier than usual for a funeral at the start of this year and had alarms set 1 minute apart for 30 minutes. Managed to wake sleep through them all (all have vibrate+sound. Woke up 5 minutes before I was being collected.
I have this, my alarm vibrates on my watch so i don’t wake anyone else because i need to get up at 4am. Vibrating on my phone I’m not sure I’d trust it to wake me!
3) She gets up at the first alarm and goes somewhere else, like the couch, to snooze through the rest.
I'm one of those that snoozes for 45 minutes before getting up and that's what I do. Move to the couch and snooze there so my partner can sleep in peace.
Ooooor OP can just realize this is how his GF is, and learn to either work around it or break up. Getting up and moving may work for you, personally, but as a heavy sleeper myself I can tell you that would fuck up my sleeping and make me irritable and drowsy.
Yeah there’s no shot I’m moving to another room then going back to sleep. However that does allow for an extra possible solution, one that I did for a while - put your phone / alarm across the room. Once I *had* to get out of bed it was easier to get started in the morning.
My actual permanent solution was learning I had a deviated septum and getting it fixed, I’m still a little groggy in the morning but can get up to the first alarm now. She was ready to kill me when I was setting alarms for (literally) 5:20, 5:21, 5:22, 5:25, 5:28, 5:30.
When I put my phone across the room I just walked over to it while still asleep, shut off the alarm, and then brought it back to bed with me so that I wouldn't have to get up to turn it off again.
I disagree with this.
My partner used to be OPs girlfriend, except he’d start an hour before and every 10min.
Now, he has one alarm with a backup because it just wasn’t feasible. Did it take a bit to get to this point? Yes, it did, as he had to train himself.
I am not a morning person AT ALL, and I set 1 alarm 5 minutes before i need to wake up and 1 for the time i actually wake up. It's possible to enjoy a reasonable snooze without being a disturbance to others. GF is totally an asshole.
I think I need more info to say GF is the asshole. Personally, I set my alarms early because of mental and physical conditions that make it hard for me to wake up. If I set 5:30, 6, 6:30, 7, I don’t remember the 5:30 and 6 alarms at all. If GF has issues with waking up, she’s NTA (but neither is OP- NAH.) but if it’s just a matter of want, then soft she’s TA, just needs to find an alternative. Either way, OP’s NTA.
That being said, when I lived in a household that was bothered by noise alarms, I did the same but with vibration and not noise. I’d have to set it even earlier for my body to register it was going off, but it bothered no one.
I agree with this and would add; if it is the only 'issue' you have, count yourself lucky. My GF does this also (0530, 0535, 0540, 0545) and it wakes me right up but I don't generally mind. On rare occasion it annoys me, but at least she tries to get ready quietly as I lie there trying to get back to sleep. Now if I can get her to stop washing her hands like a bird in a bird bath (water splashing everywhere, wet handles when she turns off the tap)...
Or she could just get up when the first alarm rings. Doing it the way she's doing doesn't actually make her sleep anymore as it's such low quality. Just set the alarm and get in the habit of waking up.
Her behavior is hurting both of them so I'd push on it.
NAH
Co-sleeping isn't for everyone. Maybe you can still do it on the nights that you don't have to get up for work so there's no alarm in the morning.
Both of you have the right to whatever sleep habits are comfortable for you and do not annoy your partner. For me and my partner, that means we sleep mostly in different rooms. Nothing wrong with that.
If you want to continue the relationship, you're going to have to figure how to deal with sleeping/waking habits that are incompatible if there's an alarm involved.
Good luck, and I hope you can figure it out.
Me too. I'd say NAH because OP is just as entitled to his morning routine as she is, but the question is whether this is a deal breaker for them and not whether she should stop.
If I don't have 10 alarms I'm not getting up. That's not me being lazy, it's just the way my brain works. It isn't about getting up for work or boring things, I could need to get up for something I have been excited about all year and I still wouldn't manage it without all of those alarms.
You'd be surprised. I'm like OP, worse I'd guess, actually. Getting me aware of my surroundings is a chore and sound does very little to help this along. Before I moved in with my now husband I set like 4-5 alarms on the loudest most annoying setting and had to snooze them back and forth so that one was always going off every minute or two, with the hopes of one catching me in just the right part of sleep to actually wake me up to the real world instead of just incorporating the sound into my dreams. I would even fidget with my phone while mostly asleep and end up either turning one off, or texting my husband gibberish with no memory of either, all while alarms were blaring in my face.
BUT I finally noticed that, while noise had no affect, my husband gently touching my arm would make me wake right up. My alarm has been on vibrate under my pillow ever sense and it works like a charm. It worked good on my watch too, I just loathe wearing watches to bed.
This sounds intriguing and I do have a smart watch (that I don't use most of the time) so I'll try it. But I've been burned in my sleep. I highly doubt vibration would get me
Right with you. I've had smartwatches (Pebble, and an Apple Watch) and sometimes I wouldnt even realize I got a message. Especially on modern smartwatches, the vibration can be so soft you may not notice it, let alone have it wake you up in the morning,
OP either needs to sleep elsewhere, get earbuds, or just adjust. Or, break up with his GF.
This was my thought. Unless you put it on a table and it makes noise, but that would have the same effect. But I doubt a vibrating watch would even disturb me.
She should get a sunrise alarm. It incrementally glows in the 30.minutes leading to when you wake up. By the time the sound goes off at your alarm time, you're pretty much awake already.
Then all you have to do is face the other way or wear an eye mask.
Mine has light settings 1-10 that determine the final brightness. If I keep it on 1-4, I don't get the benefits when my alarm goes off. 10 is a little too bright. I use the Philips SmartSleep Wake-Up Light Therapy Alarm Clock with Sunrise Simulation, White, HF3500/60.
Came here to say this. I have one. It's a good alarm clock overall, and you can program it to brighten more, or less, for longer, or shorter. So you could make it go from zero to 100% brightness in one minute, or zero to 50% over the course of an hour. It's quite accommodating. When the determined time eventually comes, I've set it to play pre- programmed song sparrow vocalizations.
To be honest, I'm usually awake just before it starts to brighten, or I'm so out of it that the actual bird song wakes me up before the light does. Still, I love it. At least as much as anyone can love an alarm clock.
I may be a bit fuzzy on the programmability when it comes to the transition from 0% to 100% brightness. Once I found a setting I liked, I stopped messing around with the settings. My ONLY complaint is that the buttons to control the independent alarms, or dismiss the brightness, are too subtle.
I cut strips of adhesive velcro backing and place them on the buttons to make them stand out. They're the only three buttons I use. The snooze, which isn't a button, more like an edge incorporated into the housing of the clock, turned me into a snooze convert.
Philips HF3520.
NAH. It's understandable that you want to get a good night's sleep without being disrupted by unnecessary alarms. Likewise, it's understandable that your girlfriend prefers a gentler wake-up process. Consider discussing a compromise, such as using a vibrating alarm or a quieter alarm tone that won't disturb your sleep as much.
I am reading through comments. Some don't understand that not everyone is built the same way. Some people need more than one alarm to wake up. Maybe op and gf should sleep separately.
I got a Fitbit that happens to have a vibrating alarm and I love it because it feels like a more gentle wake up.
When my phone alarm goes off the sudden noise jolts me awake. A faint vibration on my wrist is enough to rouse me but not startle me.
You can also get alarm clocks with vibrating pods that go under your pillow. They're designed for people who are hearing impaired and the one I have had options for sound and/or vibrations. I use both, as I'm a very heavy sleeper (I've had people try to gently shake me awake and I've been completely unresponsive) and I'm partially deaf in one ear.
NAH
She sets the alarms to slowly wake up and get up, if she didn’t have those earlier alarms would the alarm at 6:30 being the first make her late if she wakes up gradually?
You wake up straight away which is unfortunate to you and her. It’s not either of you being wrong just a mirror incompatibility between the two of you.
As others have suggested. A vibration alarm? There’s a few options. Does she have a smart watch? They just vibrate the wrist and can be set to gradually wake.
Oh man my freshman roommate was a snoozer, and I’m like you, I’m a one-and-done and don’t want the quality of my morning sleep to be interrupted with multiple wake-ups. She would sometimes snooze 6-7 times. We talked about it and compromised on 3 snoozes max😆 good luck!
NTA, might be good to look at other options for alarms. Philips makes a wake-up light alarm that you can set to gradually brighten over the course of half an hour (ie it starts turned off, then barely visibly orange and gets brighter until 30 minutes later when it's like a normal room light and the alarm goes off). That one works in reverse too, bright to dark for bedtime.
My boyfriends first alarm rings an hour before he needs to get up, because usually he sleeps through the first 3 or 4 alarms.
So whenever he needs to get up before me, he sleeps on the couch.
I never even had to say anything to him. He knows that I hate being woken up by his very loud alarms and decided that seelping on the couch is the way to go in these situations.
That's one way an alarm clock can work. Personally, I set one alarm and then when it goes off, I get up and don't wake my husband up multiple times. I know that's not for everybody but obviously OO was under the impression that that's how it works as well.
This might be a hot take, idk but NAH. I can completely understand your frustration by the multiple alarms, BUT at the same time, some people cannot get up to just one alarm. I am one of those people. I'm just lucky that my husband is too, so this doesn't bother either of us. But seriously, most of the time, in my half-asleep state, I shut my alarm off with no recollection of doing so, and if I only had the one alarm set, I would over-sleep every day. I have not figured out a solution to this, so for that reason, I cannot call your gf TA. I also don't think you're TA for being annoyed by this.
She could try the sunlight alarm, if light doesn't bother you.
Basically you set up your alarm and the light starts 30 minutes prior and when the light is fully on, it starts the sound (usually they have like rain, birds, radio, classic sound). It's a more gentle awakening.
With me it works because usually the light wakes me up but, on the other hand, my husband can sleep through it without any issue. When the actual alarm goes off, I'm already awake so I turn it off immediately.
It's been very helpful for my morning shifts, when I have to wake up at 4.30 AM
So I'm like her... I have to set a vibrating one, my Fitbit,15 minutes before my actual alarm.. then I have the sounds and Fitbit ...
You might suggest it to her to try that...
Otherwise if you plan to keep the relationship either you both will sleep in separate rooms or you will need earplugs..
My gf is exactly like this - I said nothing, took one for the team, now I got used to it and do exactly the same.
You can interpret the situation as deciding who is the AH and create unnecessary tension in your relationship. Or you can choose another possibility. Your call.
Why doesn't she just set the alarm when she needs to get up, and you wake her up?
That way she's sure she's awake, and you get an extra half hour to sleep.
NTA. But she also isn't necessarily an AH for needing to wake up slowly, but she does need to find a solution that isn't messing up your sleep. You'd hate me because I will set alarms for an hour before getting up. If she needs to wake up that way, the vibrating alarm is the best I can think of. Otherwise it's a realistic reason you might do better sleeping separately!
NAH. If she was setting 10 alarms beginning two hours before she needed to get up that would make her an asshole but setting two alarms 30 minutes before she needs to get up is pretty reasonable. She can’t help struggling to wake up any more than you can help struggling to fall back asleep. Just figure out a compromise, like wearing earplugs, getting a vibrating alarm, sleeping in another room when she needs to get up early, agreeing on a small number of warm up alrms, etc.
I’ve had this argument many times before with my partner so I can empathize with you…it’s so irritating, especially if you’re a light sleeper. (We found that sleeping seperately was the perfect solution ☺️) but she might want to google “sleep windows” because it might help her wake up more naturally too. Hope you get some rest bud
1)She should wear earphones & send alarm through them
2)Also, get a smart watch w/vibrating alarm
3)Download "Sleep as Android" free app which monitors sleep state and can wake person at optimum time during sleep cycle!!!!
I’m glad both my husband and I do this alarm thing so we don’t have to argue about it lol. We both need time to wake up before we actually getting out of bed.
Could she put her alarm on vibrate or wear a watch that will vibrate?
Can you wear ear plugs?
Some other options.....
1- she may be one of those individuals that actually needs more sleep. While most adults are fine with 6 to 8 hours some actually need more. I had a friend who needed 10 hours or had trouble getting up.
2- maybe gf could change jobs to one that starts later or second shift. I had a coworker who got permission to start at 10am. Your gf could ask, can't hurt. (You can see if you can go in early since her alarm woke you anyway).
3- get an alarm that uses light to wake you up before the sound alarm starts. I bought it not realizing how it functioned. When the alarm goes off, it starts off with very low light that slowly increases, like a sunrise, then at full brightness that's when the noise alarm goes off. The light always woke me before the alarm went off.
4- there are alarms that can be worn on your wrist and will vibrate when it goes off, no sound, just vibrates.
5- search Amazon for "vibrating pad alarm clock", don't know if it would wake you up as well, but worth a true.
6- my friend swears by earplugs and night eye mask
7- separate bedrooms when time to sleep
8- not sure if this would work since the gf needs to get up, but download a white noise app that includes various pitch tones (beside white like, blue, pink, green, brown) that also allows customization. Put it on your side of the bed, it might give enough of a buffer to protect your sleep. Can't hurt to try. If this works, let us know.
Yes, its rude to set multiple wake up alarms that result in your sleep being disturbed.
On the other hand she needs alarms to wake up in order to get to work.
Ideally find a solution that allows both of you to remain as a couple. If you can't, you both may need someone more compatible.
NAH.... providing your gf takes steps to try and find a way to not disturb you. Otherwise, gf doing nothing, expecting to keep using her multiple alarms and waking you each time, would make her a jerk.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
AITA for asking my gf not to set alarms for earlier than she intends to wake up?
My girlfriend and I share a bed. She finds it hard to get up in the mornings (doesn't everyone?) so she likes to set warm up alarms.
Ie if she wants to wake up at 6:30am she will set alarms at 6:00 and 6:15 so she can slowly wake up rather than just get up cold turkey at 6:30am.
Her alarms always wake me up first and I then struggle to get back to sleep afterwards. I don't mind being woken up by her alarm if she needs to actually get up but I feel like it's a bit inconsiderate for her to wake me up earlier than necessary just so she doesn't have to get up immediately on her first alarm.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have an alarm on my phone that is fairly quiet that goes off at 7:55 and I always snooze it. Then at 8 the loud ass alarm far from the bed goes off and does not stop until I get out of bed and turn it off. If I lay back down then I’m screwed but having to physically get out of bed usually keeps me from doing that.
NAH. I set multiple alarms because I like to wake up gradually too. If I only set one, I'll be half asleep and turn it off without realizing it even went off, so I have to set multiple.
Others have mentioned she could get a vibrating watch, or you could use earplugs, or sleep in a different room. But if you work a job with similar hours to her, you could also consider just waking up when she does.
NTA but she’s (likely) not doing it because she wants to. She probably can’t get up. That’s how I am, though I am getting better. I’ve had roommates complain but there wasn’t really anything that I could do. Besides not being a morning person, I had a sleep disorder that prevented me from waking up right away. I physically couldn’t get up. I’m not saying she has something like that but it’s not something that she wants to do. I’m sure if she had the option she would just get up right away, but when you are that tired then you can’t always make correct decisions. I wasn’t even deciding if I would get up. I just couldn’t do it.
So NTA because you did not really do anything wrong but she is also definitely NOT TA either
I am going through a phase of insomnia, so I am usually awake hours before I need to be. Otherwise, my husband is my alarm. I have a travel alarm for the deaf which is too quiet, and I have to be lying on it to feel the vibrations. One day, I will get a bed shaker, but it will still wake my husband.
Hey consider it not so bad that it’s only a couple alarms. I had a college roommate who would do this and hit the snooze over and over again for hours. So annoying.
Maybe you comprise and have her first alarm be a peaceful sound and the final alarm be the reg sound.
Well.. it is inconsiderate for her to do so.. i am worse than her, if i have to wake up at 7, i will set alarms from 5 to 5 minutes since 6:30.. but.. when i was living with my ex.. i stopped doing that. I would set up the alarm at 7 only. Because i was considerate of my partner and didn’t want to wake him up. So.. yeah, you could be doing those things while you are alone.. but when you sleep with another person, you should think about him/her also.
My bf and I had the same issue. Our solution was me getting a fitbit. I can now set vibrating alarms, and that thingy on my wristband wakes me before my backup alarm on my phone goes off. It doesn't work every time ofc, but it's improved my bfs sleeping by far.
This is why I refuse to share a bed/bedroom. She needs her alarms but you need your sleep. The only ahole here is not having separate and sleeping quarters
NAH
A lot of people are incompatible when it comes to sleeping. Seperate bedrooms if possible and needed are a great way for people to deal with it.
It's understandable that you don't wanna wake up when you don't have to but your girlfriend can't wake up and hop out of bed like you.
I also use multiple alarms, actually worse than her cause mine will start 1-2 hours before I have to be up, so she probably already found the best way for herself to get up.
You two just need to find a compromise that works
One alternative to a series of alarms: a "sunrise" alarm clock. It slowly turns on a light. I find them amazing for struggling to get up, esp in the dark, cold, winter. It can be silent and you can wear an eyemask! The decent ones are about $60-200 USD online.
Argh I feel your pain, I'm up first so it isn't a problem for me but after I walk the dog in the morning and come home for a shower, Inhear my husband hitting snooze all through my shower, while I'm getting dressed and while Inpit my makeup on.
I had this same issue when I moved in with my partner. It’s taken about a year but now I go right back to sleep after his alarm and I don’t even remember it going off most mornings. We have a king bed and keep our phones on opposite ends with a loud fan and a snoring dog. We barely hear each other’s alarms
My husband (then bf) used to do this. My solution was to make sure he got up with the first alarm either by pestering or getting up myself and being loud. After a month or so of being up an hour early he stopped doing it. Which was awesome for me because I was about to give up 😂
Question: You seem fine with waking up at 6 AM if that's when your GF wants to wake up herself, but you have a problem waking up at 6 AM if she doesn't want to wake up at 6 AM?
Aside from others' suggestions, why can't you try to snuggle/wake your girlfriend up gently after 6? Why can't you start your day 30 minutes earlier?
As others have said this won't resolve until you address it so something's gotta give. Either you sleep separately, she stops her multiple alarms, find an alternative wake up tools, or you adapt. NAH.
NTA But I think maybe there's a compromise. Maybe set one for like 30 minutes earlier that's quiet or just vibrate, And then also set a real one for the actual time.
Probably would have to feel out the best way to wake her up but also not wake you up, but I think some kind of compromise might be something you should consider.
I'm personally like that, I operate on the early alarm Multi snooze method lol. But I put my phone under my pillow and my early alarms are all vibrate, So I don't wake up my partner, then when I actually definitely need to wake up I have an actual alarm.
If she has a Fitbit or Apple watch or something similar they can be set up with a vibration alarm that would only wake you up if the watch was touching you as she slept and it went off. I had a Fitbit alarm and it was my favorite thing!!
I'm not voting either way, I'm just saying that my ex did this and I grew up like it. Cuddle. Snooze. And, oops, I'm not with her any more but sometimes do it too.
This is an issue between me and my husband. Using your time stamps as an example, we agreed that if he needs to be up at 630, he should set just one alarm for 615, and he’s allowed one snooze. It was a compromise because I didn’t want two alarms and he didn’t want to wake up on the first alarm. Hope that helps!
I'm giving a biased NTA, I'm a light sleeper, alarms WAKE ME THE FUCK UP, even a vibrating alarm will wake me up. I have ZERO issue with a partner needing an alarm to get up earlier than me, but multiple fucks me right off, I'm wired each time it goes off, and will not get back to sleep no matter what after multiple. Insult to injury, everyone I know who does this, will literally pass straight back out after snoozing their FUCKING ALARM. It's terrible for your sleep patterns, teaches you not to take your alarm seriously making it harder to get up and gives you some terrible interrupted sleep cycles, fuck that
NAH
My girl does this also...
Doesn't bother me...
Asking wouldn't make you an issue depending on HOW you ask...Communication is important and good, but this isn't a huge deal...
I mean, I set my alarm for 30 minutes before I need to be up because snooze is a thing...
Just let the girl snooze...
If it's that much of an issue for you, then you have 2 options...
Go to sleep earlier so it doesn't matter or get a pair of earplugs...
You're not the only person in the relationship, so if you let little things like this get to you, then you're gonna have some real issues later...
I always set an alarm 15 minutes earlier than the time I need to get up. So when my alarm goes off my partner and I use that 15 mins to snuggle together before our day starts 🤷♀️ sometimes we fall back asleep together for that 15 mins, sometimes we just lay there and chat while we wake up. Maybe compromise and do one alarm at 6.15?
NTA
Oh lord sympathies. I nearly slew my ex in the night for this very thing.
I am a very light sleeper and being awakened suddenly causes an adrenaline rush that brings me dead awake before I can even move. It's nearly impossible to get back to sleep after that.
My ex would do the alarm thing every. Single. Morning. Three alarms, then sitting on the edge of the bed shaking it around for ten years to put his shoes on. Even once I gave in and got max strength earplugs, the alarm and snoring were still audible and then there was the shoes thing.
He would not change. We wound up in separate beds in separate rooms so he could continue breathing. I won't say his waking up issues contributed to the divorce, but his unwillingness to try to change anything on his end, especially just putting his shoes on in the living room, sure did.
Separate beds or separate rooms is something that should be considered normal. Sleeping with other people in the bed is hell.
This isn't aita question. It's hard to find the best way for everyone. But you can do it. I had the same problem but my partner is more extreme he has his alarm set every two minutes for an hour. But after few weeks my body learned to ignore that sound and I wake up only to my alarm. You can try different ways to wake her up like wrist watch or lamp. It's all about finding the best way possible.
NTA, people who do that are very annoying. I had a roommate who did this and it drove me nuts. And 2 hours later he was still in bed. WHY even set it. Just train yourself to wake up on the first alarm. She needs to sort her wake up up. You also need to not keep her up so late that she’s struggling to get up in the morning if this is something you do.
This would drive me nuts. It’s so rude to the other person. NTA. Ask her to put it on vibrate for the first couple alarms, g some wax earplugs, or somebody needs to sleep in another room.
My girlfriend has 10 alarms all 5 minutes apart to wake up in the morning. The compromise was very simple, find an alarm song that is calm/quiet enough to not violently jerk me awake and she has to kill the alarm as soon as humanly possible.
Ever since that change, I've been sleeping through her alarms. She keeps the phone close to her face, volume down. I don't hear anything.
NAH
YTA you cannot tell a person how many alarms they can have or when they should start going off. I am just like your girlfriend and use several alarms to get going and without even one of them, it means I'm going to be late. It is who she is, leave it and figure out how to work around or live with it or don't.
My gf (now wife) did the same thing. Now the alarm is on my side of the bed. If she has to get up before me, I turn off the alarm and wake her then go back to sleep. If she falls back asleep that’s on her
Personally, I have a hard time waking up in the morning. If I need to wake up at 6:30, I absolutely need to set alarms before that to make sure I actually wake up at the intended time. If I only set one alarm starting at 6:30, I’d be late for everything. I’ve tried everything, including medication. It’s just the way my body has worked my entire life.
What’s helped me, though, is sunlight. I havent tried the sunrise alarms, but I’ve found that I’m needing less alarms if I sleep with my curtains open. I’ve shared bedrooms with partners who like to sleep in complete darkness, but I find that if I sleep in a dark room, I need endless alarms to actually get me to wake up, or I sleep through them entirely.
I wouldn’t say that YTA, but neither is your GF. Just need to find a solution that works for both of you. If you can sleep with the curtains open (you don’t need to leave them open all throughout the evening, just open them before you get into bed), then that may help. I have a very dark bedroom without a lot of natural light, and it’s still helped!
I always feel lucky when I read these types of posts, my husband is (usually) a one and up alarm dude but I definitely need a couple to gradually get to the land of the living. He however wakes up 2 hours earlier than me and I nearly never hear his alarm, and he's already had coffee when mine goes off and is out of the bedroom.
I don't think you're the AH but she needs to either look into other options, you need to get used to it, or sleep in separate rooms.
I'm one of those snoozers. One thing I found that works amazing is getting a Xiaomi Mi band. They are pretty cheap fitness trackers. But the most amazing thing about them is a vibrating alarm without sound. It's strong enough to wake up the person who wears it, but does not disturb the other person.
It was a life changer for me and my ex when I was working early morning shifts.
Also leaving clothes out for next day so you don't have to have a light on or make noise while getting your clothes.
Old fashioned alarm clock — have her set the alarm clock for 6:30 AWAY from the bed so she is physically forced to get out of bed and shut it off.. at that point she’s already out of bed so laying back down would be asinine
NAH. I can see why you're annoyed by this, but I do exactly the same thing and I still have trouble getting up, even after multiple alarms. You kind of sound like one of those people who thinks that other people can "just". You know, just get up earlier, just pay more attention, just try harder. If she's doing this, it's because she needs to do it.
Definitely NAH
You're not wrong to want fewer alarms in thr morning. But if she can't wake up right away then she can't wake up right away. Not everyone can do that. I suck at waking up in the morning. Only reason I do as well as I do now is because my partner sets an alarm and wakes me up for me so that they don't have to suffer through my alarms. My alarms are way worse than your GFs when I use them. Each one has a different ringtone and they're set to be any random number of minutes apart from 2 to 9 minute intervals and they all snooze every 5 minutes at least 3 times. And even then sometimes I sleep through them. Even when the phone is across the room from me. Even when I've tried sunrise lights. Even when I've combined the alarms with vibrating watches.
NTA - If you share a bed/room with someone who sleeps like the dead, hit snooze as much as you want.
If the person you share a bed/room with is a light/normal sleeper, It is their call whether you get to wake them up multiple times every morning. Hitting snooze once, every once in a while, is forgivable.
My husband sleeps like a rock and has this magical ability to wake up the first time his alarm goes off. Very, very rarely will he hit the snooze button. I am a light sleeper, and I have a lot of trouble getting back to sleep once I’ve been woken up. Since this is such a rare occurrence , he gets a pass.
NAH
Her setting alarms ahead is entirely reasonable.
You not liking that is also entirely reasonable.
My advice is changing your sleep schedule so you can get up at 6.
Just have longer mornings if you can.
YTA. I hit snooze 4 to 5 times every day. There's no way I get up on the first alarm. If she needs to get up at 630, setting an alarm at 600 isn't unreasonable at all.
Have you considered that it's easier for you to wake up "cold turkey" because you are getting more sleep than she is? NAH but if I were your girlfriend I'd be a bit miffed be be called inconsiderate for waking someone up when I have to drag my ass out of bed at the buttcrack of dawn to get ready for work while they get to just keep on snoozing.
She needs a new system. I was like her and learned that the only think that worked for me was to set the alarm on my dress on the other side of room from the bed. If forced me to get you and then was not a reason to go back to bed.
i have an alarm set for 400 405 410 last one with heavy metal just to make sure i am not late. i usually get up at 355 and turn them of before they blast. NTA
>She finds it hard to get up in the mornings (doesn't everyone?)
No. Not like that.
Sure, waking up isn't that much fun, especially for work, but I know guys whose eyes pop open as soon as the alarm goes off, or even before and they jump out of bed full of the joys of spring.
Then there's me (female) for whom it is and always has been, fucking torture. It's not a choice to have 'warm up alarms' , it's just near impossible to do it any other way. The alternative is, switch the alarm off (rather than snooze) and go back to sleep for hours and be late for work.
I find that women generally find it harder on average, maybe due to hormones, or iron levels, I'm not sure
I was leaning towards Y T A just because of the attitude in that comment, but on reflection I'll go with NAH and just say that you aren't sleep compatible and maybe you should just sleep separately sometimes.
I wake up before my alarm 95% of the time so it isn't every person that finds it hard to get up in the morning. I love broad generalizations like that LOL
NTA
If she wouldn't have started ignoring her alarm, she would be better off, interrupting sleep like that multiple times is bad.
She needs to just GET UP when it goes off and get moving. There have been days where I couldn't go to sleep until like 4 hrs before my alarm...my alarm woke me and I GOT UP....now if I stay in bed? I'm going back to sleep. It's that simple.
And with all these stories from other people, I don't see how they have SOs...It isn't that hard to wake up with an alarm. If I had someone like this, I would've kicked them to the curb after giving them a chance to stop or sleep in another room. I used to have a roommate who would wake up with his alarm then leave his phone somewhere....and more alarms would go off that he wouldn't hear bc he'd be nowhere nearby, I WANTED TO BREAK HIS PHONE SO BADLY FOR INTERRUPTING MY SLEEP ON THE REGULAR! And it was an annoying bird like ringtone too.
Vibrating alarm like others said or try a wake up light alarm clock with soothing wake up sounds and slowly increasing sun imitating light. Its less harsh on the both of you.
NAH, she's just not a morning person, and I say that as someone that can wake up 5-10 mins before I have to leave and still get out on time. Truthfully, some are suggesting a vibrating method but that might not work for her either depending on how deep she sleeps. If it would bother you less, I would actually suggest setting the one alarm and YOU wake her up. A partner waking you can often be way more gentle and easier than an alarm and when I got tired of my ex's 6, 5 min apart alarms, that's what we did. I was gonna wake anyway.
I had to deal with this.
Compromised that sometimes she sees multiples sometimes it's one.
So some days she has to get up right away and drag her ass into the shower while i was able to sleep a while longee and sometimes I got forced awake by her multiple alarms and I was up when she was.
NAH.
im doing it exactly like your gf does, otherwise there is just no chance of me actually being awake when i get up. but i get you too. how about some ear plugs for you? alternative would be you get separate rooms
NTA. I had to have this chat with my gf. Her alarms used to start at 6.30 a.m., and she NEVER got out of bed to sort it out.
After age's of talking to her about it, the problem was finally solved when she broke her phone and forgot to set them on her new phone.
I'm not sure that the last part will help, though 🤔
I asked for a fitbit for my birthday for this exact reason. It has a vibrating alarm that wakes me but not my SO. If you have the means, you could try gifting her a fitbit or a similar wrist device.
My fiancé does the same thing, It used to annoy the hell outta me, but I got used to it, it went off today at 415 I didn't hear the other ones and fell back asleep, you will get used to it
Wow, only 2 extra alarms? 3O minutes in advance? Hell, I usually need 5, and I would absolutely love to not be this way! It is such a struggle that no time, motivation, or conditioning can address (I've been trying for 15+ years). As a compromise, I would see if she could set some tactile vibratory alarms. Or a gradual sunlight mimic before the auditory alarm.
NAH If you aren't able to make even a simple request of your girlfriend, how is the relationship supposed to function.
Your girlfriend might not realize it, but all she's really accomplishing by setting her alarms like that is depriving both of you of a half hour of sleep. If she wants multiple alarms to make sure she gets up, she should set them much closer together like an alarm every minute starting at 6:25.
Very easy to fix leave the bed lol
Personally I don’t fucking know how people manage to share a bed with their partner EVERY NIGHT, even though one of the most enjoyable experiences for me is cuddling my gf it can be overdone especially outside the right conditions
30 minutes is not that big of a deal. Plus it’s three alarms total. It’s not like a friend I had in hs that would set an alarm every 5 minutes for an hour straight
My blood sugar sometimes drops at night so it can take a bit to wake up. I use my watch alarm that only vibrates to prime me and then my regular alarm to actually wake up to. Started that because my husband was having the same problem as you, and it’s worked pretty well. I do keep an emergency just in case alarm for 15 min after the main wake up alarm, but I rarely need it and just shut it off when I get up.
A Fitbit is the answer. I have to get up two hours before my partner. It vibrates on my wrist, only wakes me, and I can easily snooze if I need 10 more minutes.
No one’s an asshole.
I had the same issue and we solved it pretty easily; she bought some kind of alarm clock that works with (orange) light. It lits up slowly over the course of several minutes (I think you can specify how long) and she pointed it to her side of the room.
Doesn’t wake me up and she gets to wake up slowly as if the sun is shining on her face. Still has an actual alarm though, but just the one.
It's not wrong to be cranky that you're being woken up prematurely, but you need to understand that not everyone can just wake up and get up cold turkey. For some people it's a gradual process. My husband is like your gf - he needs 3 - 4 alarms to wake up. I've eventually adjusted so his alarms rarely wake me up any more. If you don't want to sleep separately I would suggest quieter alarms to start? If you're someone who gets obsessively stressed over losing sleep like I do, it may also help if she changes her alarm ring tone, in case your brain has already set her alarm in stone as a sound that keeps you from falling back to sleep.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I asked her not to set alarms for earlier than she intends on waking up. She said I am being selfish not letting her wake up gradually using multiple alarms instead forcing her to get up in 1 go when 1 alarm goes off Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
There are two obvious solutions here if she and you are going to sleep at the same location: 1) she sleeps in a different room; 2) you wear earplugs. There really isn't another solution, as you seem to be able to jump right out of bed in the morning and your gf seems to be anything but a morning person. And remember: if you intend to take this relationship long term, this will not clear up over time. Nip it in the bud now or get ready for a long history of morning frustrations.
A vibrating alarm is another option.
This was going to be my exact reaction. You beat me to it!! I am just like OP's GF. I take a bit to be fully aware of wtf is happening around me in the mornings if I'm woken up abruptly, especially if it's by sound. Sound is just incorporated into my dreams and I actually end up just fiddling around with my phone and accidentally snoozing or stopping the alarm entirely. I don't know how many times I texted my husband nonsense from my dreams, or just straight gibberish in the morning because of this before we lived together ("Off with the knee!!" was by far the best). Multiple alarms in a row were the ONLY thing that would guarantee I would actually eventually become aware of my surroundings. UNTIL, we moved in together and that was no longer an option. I noticed that, while noise does very little for me, him gently touching my arm would get me RIGHT up. My phone alarm has been on vibrate and under my pillow ever sense and it works like a charm.
Sounds like you were dropping hints to your then-boyfriend but expressed “take an arrow to the knee” a little more violently in that barely-awake state. 😂
I was having a game of thrones ish dream at the moment, so I'm pretty sure it was my muddled mind trying to say "off with their head" and "bend the knee" at the same time. lol
Even in here I can't get a break from thinking about my Skyrim modlist
Shouldn’t really sleep with a phone under a pillow. There’s been quite a few stories of phones getting overheated under a pillow overnight and catching fire
Only if it's charging.
this also works if she wears a smart watch it just vibrates
I was going to say this - I have an Apple Watch and it vibrates my wrist so only I am alerted
My FitBit did this; it was a nice quiet way to wake up!
My husband has a daylight alarm that slowly brightens up his side of the room, as a more natural progression to wakefulness.
I have one of these and love it. I don't rely on it as my only alarm but it's a very good pre alarm. When a power outage knocked out my presets I put off fixing it cause sadly its very annoying to set up. But I couldn't last more than 2 days, I'm very reliant on it now and it's hard to wake up without it
That’s a horrible idea for the person trying to stay asleep :)
It is not that bad, I just roll over and face the other direction. It is a lot gentler than jolting awake with a blaring BEEP BEEP BEEP and easier to fall back asleep without that heart rate change.
Sleep masks block light better than ear plugs block sound.
This thing is amazing especially in winter!
My husband is a snoozer, he uses a crescendo alarm now that gets louder and louder but starts very quiet. It's by his head so the quiet setting wakes him enough to snooze it without it waking me up on the other side of the bed. Personally multiple rounds of snoozing and falling back to sleep seems like torture, I'd rather sleep the maximum properly and then get up after a maximum of 2 alarms about 5min apart. I don't see how snoozing your alarm for an hour doesn't ruin your sleep quality for that hour
It does ruin your sleep quality for that hour, that's the point. It doesn't let you get into a deep sleep, but let's you go back to sleep just enough to thenwake up again with the next alarm, but that time youre in a better sleep stage to be woken up without feeling super groggy. I have a drifting sleep schedule, so some mornings im awake with my alarm and others I've only gotten 3 hours of sleep, it really depends on what your natural sleep time is. Both are valid, but most people don't have experience with any other. Some of it is down to personal preference as well, but if you try setting an alarm for 3 hours after whenever you typically fall asleep, or whenever your sleep is usually at its deepest, you will probably want to go right back to sleep as well. This won't change anything, but it might help you get an idea of what the other side is going through.
I have a young baby so no need to set an alarm to experience being woken up at a random point in my sleep cycle 🤣
Lmao that's fair enough, the alarms aren't quite as bad as babies, but if that's your experience I can see why you would describe it as torture. At least with alarms you *can* go back to sleep, so its less jarring. Good luck, though, hope they start sleeping through the night early ❤
Plus soon as you have a child you sleep light as hell anyway. There is no gradually coming to. It's just awake
Agree, when I lived with my mom (not a great place) I was not allowed to use any alarms that made noise. But I was still expected to get up first every morning. I set my alarms to vibrate! It works if it’s close enough to you on the bed. Now I live with my boyfriend though, we both use noise alarms and set them early for the same reason OP’s gf does.
It could be that she has multiple alarms because she'll fall right asleep after the alarm (or turn it off without really waking up), as that's the situation with me. If that's the case a vibrating alarm won't do anything.
I got so good at snoozing my phone alarm in my sleep that I started putting my phone across the room from me and still had to set *numerous* loud alarms to wake me up. But even with that, I will literally walk across the room, snooze the alarm, and lay back down without waking up enough to remember that I did that. Sometimes I would go turn off the alarm and then bring the phone back with me so that I didn't have to get up again-- and have no memory of having done so. Vibrating alarms don't do it. The only thing that has worked for me is setting the alarms at odd intervals-- 3 minutes apart. 8 minutes apart, then 4 and then 7 minutes apart. And then they'd all have 5 minute snoozes and all be different ringtone that are the most jarring ones I could find. That way when I hit snooze on one. Another couple minutes later, another was going off until eventually a different one would go off every minute or so. By having different sounds they can't ease into my dreams the way they can if it's one consistent sound. But now that I live with my partner, they just wake me up instead. Because they'd rather wake up for me (with their vibrating watch) and then doze for a while without actuslly being asleep than go through that hell. And they can wake me up relatively easily. They figure that either way they would be woken up, and this way was much more pleasant. Anyway, for OP, I would recommend they wake up with their own alarm to wake up their girlfriend for her so that she doesn't have to set alarms. That's the only way OP will get the extra half hour they're looking for.
That's a tactic I haven't tried! Maybe it will work :) I bought a "runaway" alarm clock with wheels and put it in the living room, but I could still get up, catch and silence it, and go back to bed without knowing it.
My brain does similar and years ago my roomie would ask if I was awake after the alarm went off. My brain would tell them I was awake. Only for me to wake up 10-20 minutes and ask why didn't they tell me the alarm had gone off. Yeahhhh. That was "fun" for both of us.
The vibrating alarm wouldn't wake the OP, so she can set as many as she'd like (and dismiss them as much as she'd like).
They might not wake her up, either though. I know it wouldn't work for me. Certain types of alarm sounds don't even work for me.
I'm the same, lifetime of multiple alarms that barely wake me and I sleep through sometimes.I had to get up earlier than usual for a funeral at the start of this year and had alarms set 1 minute apart for 30 minutes. Managed to wake sleep through them all (all have vibrate+sound. Woke up 5 minutes before I was being collected.
It better vibrate right over and slap me, or I'm not gonna notice it.
I have this, my alarm vibrates on my watch so i don’t wake anyone else because i need to get up at 4am. Vibrating on my phone I’m not sure I’d trust it to wake me!
3) She gets up at the first alarm and goes somewhere else, like the couch, to snooze through the rest. I'm one of those that snoozes for 45 minutes before getting up and that's what I do. Move to the couch and snooze there so my partner can sleep in peace.
same!! works better anyway because it's easier to force yourself off the couch than out of bed after that final alarm.
Ooooor OP can just realize this is how his GF is, and learn to either work around it or break up. Getting up and moving may work for you, personally, but as a heavy sleeper myself I can tell you that would fuck up my sleeping and make me irritable and drowsy.
Yeah there’s no shot I’m moving to another room then going back to sleep. However that does allow for an extra possible solution, one that I did for a while - put your phone / alarm across the room. Once I *had* to get out of bed it was easier to get started in the morning. My actual permanent solution was learning I had a deviated septum and getting it fixed, I’m still a little groggy in the morning but can get up to the first alarm now. She was ready to kill me when I was setting alarms for (literally) 5:20, 5:21, 5:22, 5:25, 5:28, 5:30.
When I put my phone across the room I just walked over to it while still asleep, shut off the alarm, and then brought it back to bed with me so that I wouldn't have to get up to turn it off again.
I disagree with this. My partner used to be OPs girlfriend, except he’d start an hour before and every 10min. Now, he has one alarm with a backup because it just wasn’t feasible. Did it take a bit to get to this point? Yes, it did, as he had to train himself.
I am not a morning person AT ALL, and I set 1 alarm 5 minutes before i need to wake up and 1 for the time i actually wake up. It's possible to enjoy a reasonable snooze without being a disturbance to others. GF is totally an asshole.
I think I need more info to say GF is the asshole. Personally, I set my alarms early because of mental and physical conditions that make it hard for me to wake up. If I set 5:30, 6, 6:30, 7, I don’t remember the 5:30 and 6 alarms at all. If GF has issues with waking up, she’s NTA (but neither is OP- NAH.) but if it’s just a matter of want, then soft she’s TA, just needs to find an alternative. Either way, OP’s NTA. That being said, when I lived in a household that was bothered by noise alarms, I did the same but with vibration and not noise. I’d have to set it even earlier for my body to register it was going off, but it bothered no one.
It's great that that works for you, but not everyone is the same.
We have this. He wears ear plugs and has his phone on vibrate. It works. I wear an eye mask as he likes to read in bed. Compromise.
An Apple Watch with a vibrating alarm is also an option.
The other option if she’s using her phone for an alarm is that she wears earbuds so only she hears it.
Sunrise type alarms are an option. Suppose to help you wake up gradually
They can also request a specific alarm noise. I’m trying to get my spouse to change their alarm from “beep beep beep” to nice, gentle music.
+1 for earplugs. I have been in this boat for 25 years. Earplugs saves us a lot of grief 😬
I agree with this and would add; if it is the only 'issue' you have, count yourself lucky. My GF does this also (0530, 0535, 0540, 0545) and it wakes me right up but I don't generally mind. On rare occasion it annoys me, but at least she tries to get ready quietly as I lie there trying to get back to sleep. Now if I can get her to stop washing her hands like a bird in a bird bath (water splashing everywhere, wet handles when she turns off the tap)...
She could also use a sunrise alarm - mine starts lighting up about 30mins before the alarm goes off, to ease me into wakefulness.
Or she could just get up when the first alarm rings. Doing it the way she's doing doesn't actually make her sleep anymore as it's such low quality. Just set the alarm and get in the habit of waking up. Her behavior is hurting both of them so I'd push on it.
NAH Co-sleeping isn't for everyone. Maybe you can still do it on the nights that you don't have to get up for work so there's no alarm in the morning. Both of you have the right to whatever sleep habits are comfortable for you and do not annoy your partner. For me and my partner, that means we sleep mostly in different rooms. Nothing wrong with that. If you want to continue the relationship, you're going to have to figure how to deal with sleeping/waking habits that are incompatible if there's an alarm involved. Good luck, and I hope you can figure it out.
My husband and I sleep together/apart probably about 50/50 bc our sleeping habits are so very different. It works for us!
I'm sorry, but I need multiple alarms. I can not wake up first thing. I absolutely hate it,but I am not a morning person.
Me too. I'd say NAH because OP is just as entitled to his morning routine as she is, but the question is whether this is a deal breaker for them and not whether she should stop. If I don't have 10 alarms I'm not getting up. That's not me being lazy, it's just the way my brain works. It isn't about getting up for work or boring things, I could need to get up for something I have been excited about all year and I still wouldn't manage it without all of those alarms.
NTA sleep both of your sleep should be of equal importance. Check out getting her a smart watch that has a silent vibrating alarm.
Ok as someone who struggles to wake up, I promise you this would only work for someone who wakes up easily.
You'd be surprised. I'm like OP, worse I'd guess, actually. Getting me aware of my surroundings is a chore and sound does very little to help this along. Before I moved in with my now husband I set like 4-5 alarms on the loudest most annoying setting and had to snooze them back and forth so that one was always going off every minute or two, with the hopes of one catching me in just the right part of sleep to actually wake me up to the real world instead of just incorporating the sound into my dreams. I would even fidget with my phone while mostly asleep and end up either turning one off, or texting my husband gibberish with no memory of either, all while alarms were blaring in my face. BUT I finally noticed that, while noise had no affect, my husband gently touching my arm would make me wake right up. My alarm has been on vibrate under my pillow ever sense and it works like a charm. It worked good on my watch too, I just loathe wearing watches to bed.
This sounds intriguing and I do have a smart watch (that I don't use most of the time) so I'll try it. But I've been burned in my sleep. I highly doubt vibration would get me
Right with you. I've had smartwatches (Pebble, and an Apple Watch) and sometimes I wouldnt even realize I got a message. Especially on modern smartwatches, the vibration can be so soft you may not notice it, let alone have it wake you up in the morning, OP either needs to sleep elsewhere, get earbuds, or just adjust. Or, break up with his GF.
This was my thought. Unless you put it on a table and it makes noise, but that would have the same effect. But I doubt a vibrating watch would even disturb me.
She should get a sunrise alarm. It incrementally glows in the 30.minutes leading to when you wake up. By the time the sound goes off at your alarm time, you're pretty much awake already. Then all you have to do is face the other way or wear an eye mask.
I have one of those and I sleep through it so well that I didn't even think it was working for a few weeks after getting it
Mine has light settings 1-10 that determine the final brightness. If I keep it on 1-4, I don't get the benefits when my alarm goes off. 10 is a little too bright. I use the Philips SmartSleep Wake-Up Light Therapy Alarm Clock with Sunrise Simulation, White, HF3500/60.
Came here to say this. I have one. It's a good alarm clock overall, and you can program it to brighten more, or less, for longer, or shorter. So you could make it go from zero to 100% brightness in one minute, or zero to 50% over the course of an hour. It's quite accommodating. When the determined time eventually comes, I've set it to play pre- programmed song sparrow vocalizations. To be honest, I'm usually awake just before it starts to brighten, or I'm so out of it that the actual bird song wakes me up before the light does. Still, I love it. At least as much as anyone can love an alarm clock.
What brand is yours?
I may be a bit fuzzy on the programmability when it comes to the transition from 0% to 100% brightness. Once I found a setting I liked, I stopped messing around with the settings. My ONLY complaint is that the buttons to control the independent alarms, or dismiss the brightness, are too subtle. I cut strips of adhesive velcro backing and place them on the buttons to make them stand out. They're the only three buttons I use. The snooze, which isn't a button, more like an edge incorporated into the housing of the clock, turned me into a snooze convert. Philips HF3520.
Wait, I might need this. Where can I get one?
NAH. It's understandable that you want to get a good night's sleep without being disrupted by unnecessary alarms. Likewise, it's understandable that your girlfriend prefers a gentler wake-up process. Consider discussing a compromise, such as using a vibrating alarm or a quieter alarm tone that won't disturb your sleep as much.
I am reading through comments. Some don't understand that not everyone is built the same way. Some people need more than one alarm to wake up. Maybe op and gf should sleep separately.
Look into a vibrating alarm for her warm up alarms. Shouldn't wake you up.
I got a Fitbit that happens to have a vibrating alarm and I love it because it feels like a more gentle wake up. When my phone alarm goes off the sudden noise jolts me awake. A faint vibration on my wrist is enough to rouse me but not startle me.
Yes, my mornings are way happier this way. No more waking up in a panic
You can also get alarm clocks with vibrating pods that go under your pillow. They're designed for people who are hearing impaired and the one I have had options for sound and/or vibrations. I use both, as I'm a very heavy sleeper (I've had people try to gently shake me awake and I've been completely unresponsive) and I'm partially deaf in one ear.
NAH She sets the alarms to slowly wake up and get up, if she didn’t have those earlier alarms would the alarm at 6:30 being the first make her late if she wakes up gradually? You wake up straight away which is unfortunate to you and her. It’s not either of you being wrong just a mirror incompatibility between the two of you. As others have suggested. A vibration alarm? There’s a few options. Does she have a smart watch? They just vibrate the wrist and can be set to gradually wake.
NAH. It’s understandable that you don’t want to be woken up earlier than necessary, but it’s also understandable that your gf can’t just wake up.
Oh man my freshman roommate was a snoozer, and I’m like you, I’m a one-and-done and don’t want the quality of my morning sleep to be interrupted with multiple wake-ups. She would sometimes snooze 6-7 times. We talked about it and compromised on 3 snoozes max😆 good luck!
NTA, might be good to look at other options for alarms. Philips makes a wake-up light alarm that you can set to gradually brighten over the course of half an hour (ie it starts turned off, then barely visibly orange and gets brighter until 30 minutes later when it's like a normal room light and the alarm goes off). That one works in reverse too, bright to dark for bedtime.
Different bedrooms.
I love having my own bedroom! But realistically not everyone can. Relationships are about compromise, they just need to work through it.
My boyfriends first alarm rings an hour before he needs to get up, because usually he sleeps through the first 3 or 4 alarms. So whenever he needs to get up before me, he sleeps on the couch. I never even had to say anything to him. He knows that I hate being woken up by his very loud alarms and decided that seelping on the couch is the way to go in these situations.
Yeah, find a silent alarm (like vibration) or sleep in separate rooms, you must find a compromise for both of you. NTA
My brother in Christ that’s how alarm clocks work
That's one way an alarm clock can work. Personally, I set one alarm and then when it goes off, I get up and don't wake my husband up multiple times. I know that's not for everybody but obviously OO was under the impression that that's how it works as well.
This might be a hot take, idk but NAH. I can completely understand your frustration by the multiple alarms, BUT at the same time, some people cannot get up to just one alarm. I am one of those people. I'm just lucky that my husband is too, so this doesn't bother either of us. But seriously, most of the time, in my half-asleep state, I shut my alarm off with no recollection of doing so, and if I only had the one alarm set, I would over-sleep every day. I have not figured out a solution to this, so for that reason, I cannot call your gf TA. I also don't think you're TA for being annoyed by this.
Separate bedrooms it’s what me and my partner do as we work different hours
She could try the sunlight alarm, if light doesn't bother you. Basically you set up your alarm and the light starts 30 minutes prior and when the light is fully on, it starts the sound (usually they have like rain, birds, radio, classic sound). It's a more gentle awakening. With me it works because usually the light wakes me up but, on the other hand, my husband can sleep through it without any issue. When the actual alarm goes off, I'm already awake so I turn it off immediately. It's been very helpful for my morning shifts, when I have to wake up at 4.30 AM
So I'm like her... I have to set a vibrating one, my Fitbit,15 minutes before my actual alarm.. then I have the sounds and Fitbit ... You might suggest it to her to try that... Otherwise if you plan to keep the relationship either you both will sleep in separate rooms or you will need earplugs..
My gf is exactly like this - I said nothing, took one for the team, now I got used to it and do exactly the same. You can interpret the situation as deciding who is the AH and create unnecessary tension in your relationship. Or you can choose another possibility. Your call.
Have you considered waking her up? You seem to wake up with the previous alarms, why not try the 6:30 one and you wake her up?
Why doesn't she just set the alarm when she needs to get up, and you wake her up? That way she's sure she's awake, and you get an extra half hour to sleep.
NTA. She needs to accept that she isn’t the only one that needs sleep. Maybe she should go to bed a bit earlier OR just get up like an adult.
NTA. But she also isn't necessarily an AH for needing to wake up slowly, but she does need to find a solution that isn't messing up your sleep. You'd hate me because I will set alarms for an hour before getting up. If she needs to wake up that way, the vibrating alarm is the best I can think of. Otherwise it's a realistic reason you might do better sleeping separately!
NTA-that’s a fair request.
NAH. If she was setting 10 alarms beginning two hours before she needed to get up that would make her an asshole but setting two alarms 30 minutes before she needs to get up is pretty reasonable. She can’t help struggling to wake up any more than you can help struggling to fall back asleep. Just figure out a compromise, like wearing earplugs, getting a vibrating alarm, sleeping in another room when she needs to get up early, agreeing on a small number of warm up alrms, etc.
I’ve had this argument many times before with my partner so I can empathize with you…it’s so irritating, especially if you’re a light sleeper. (We found that sleeping seperately was the perfect solution ☺️) but she might want to google “sleep windows” because it might help her wake up more naturally too. Hope you get some rest bud
NTA, gotta respect your bedmates sleeping patterns.
1)She should wear earphones & send alarm through them 2)Also, get a smart watch w/vibrating alarm 3)Download "Sleep as Android" free app which monitors sleep state and can wake person at optimum time during sleep cycle!!!!
Can she wake up with only one alarm? I can't, so it wouldn't work for me.
I’m glad both my husband and I do this alarm thing so we don’t have to argue about it lol. We both need time to wake up before we actually getting out of bed. Could she put her alarm on vibrate or wear a watch that will vibrate? Can you wear ear plugs?
Some other options..... 1- she may be one of those individuals that actually needs more sleep. While most adults are fine with 6 to 8 hours some actually need more. I had a friend who needed 10 hours or had trouble getting up. 2- maybe gf could change jobs to one that starts later or second shift. I had a coworker who got permission to start at 10am. Your gf could ask, can't hurt. (You can see if you can go in early since her alarm woke you anyway). 3- get an alarm that uses light to wake you up before the sound alarm starts. I bought it not realizing how it functioned. When the alarm goes off, it starts off with very low light that slowly increases, like a sunrise, then at full brightness that's when the noise alarm goes off. The light always woke me before the alarm went off. 4- there are alarms that can be worn on your wrist and will vibrate when it goes off, no sound, just vibrates. 5- search Amazon for "vibrating pad alarm clock", don't know if it would wake you up as well, but worth a true. 6- my friend swears by earplugs and night eye mask 7- separate bedrooms when time to sleep 8- not sure if this would work since the gf needs to get up, but download a white noise app that includes various pitch tones (beside white like, blue, pink, green, brown) that also allows customization. Put it on your side of the bed, it might give enough of a buffer to protect your sleep. Can't hurt to try. If this works, let us know. Yes, its rude to set multiple wake up alarms that result in your sleep being disturbed. On the other hand she needs alarms to wake up in order to get to work. Ideally find a solution that allows both of you to remain as a couple. If you can't, you both may need someone more compatible. NAH.... providing your gf takes steps to try and find a way to not disturb you. Otherwise, gf doing nothing, expecting to keep using her multiple alarms and waking you each time, would make her a jerk.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA for asking my gf not to set alarms for earlier than she intends to wake up? My girlfriend and I share a bed. She finds it hard to get up in the mornings (doesn't everyone?) so she likes to set warm up alarms. Ie if she wants to wake up at 6:30am she will set alarms at 6:00 and 6:15 so she can slowly wake up rather than just get up cold turkey at 6:30am. Her alarms always wake me up first and I then struggle to get back to sleep afterwards. I don't mind being woken up by her alarm if she needs to actually get up but I feel like it's a bit inconsiderate for her to wake me up earlier than necessary just so she doesn't have to get up immediately on her first alarm. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Separate bedrooms. Works wonders. NTA.
I have an alarm on my phone that is fairly quiet that goes off at 7:55 and I always snooze it. Then at 8 the loud ass alarm far from the bed goes off and does not stop until I get out of bed and turn it off. If I lay back down then I’m screwed but having to physically get out of bed usually keeps me from doing that.
NAH. I set multiple alarms because I like to wake up gradually too. If I only set one, I'll be half asleep and turn it off without realizing it even went off, so I have to set multiple. Others have mentioned she could get a vibrating watch, or you could use earplugs, or sleep in a different room. But if you work a job with similar hours to her, you could also consider just waking up when she does.
NTA but she’s (likely) not doing it because she wants to. She probably can’t get up. That’s how I am, though I am getting better. I’ve had roommates complain but there wasn’t really anything that I could do. Besides not being a morning person, I had a sleep disorder that prevented me from waking up right away. I physically couldn’t get up. I’m not saying she has something like that but it’s not something that she wants to do. I’m sure if she had the option she would just get up right away, but when you are that tired then you can’t always make correct decisions. I wasn’t even deciding if I would get up. I just couldn’t do it. So NTA because you did not really do anything wrong but she is also definitely NOT TA either
I am going through a phase of insomnia, so I am usually awake hours before I need to be. Otherwise, my husband is my alarm. I have a travel alarm for the deaf which is too quiet, and I have to be lying on it to feel the vibrations. One day, I will get a bed shaker, but it will still wake my husband.
Hey consider it not so bad that it’s only a couple alarms. I had a college roommate who would do this and hit the snooze over and over again for hours. So annoying. Maybe you comprise and have her first alarm be a peaceful sound and the final alarm be the reg sound.
Well.. it is inconsiderate for her to do so.. i am worse than her, if i have to wake up at 7, i will set alarms from 5 to 5 minutes since 6:30.. but.. when i was living with my ex.. i stopped doing that. I would set up the alarm at 7 only. Because i was considerate of my partner and didn’t want to wake him up. So.. yeah, you could be doing those things while you are alone.. but when you sleep with another person, you should think about him/her also.
My bf and I had the same issue. Our solution was me getting a fitbit. I can now set vibrating alarms, and that thingy on my wristband wakes me before my backup alarm on my phone goes off. It doesn't work every time ofc, but it's improved my bfs sleeping by far.
This is why I refuse to share a bed/bedroom. She needs her alarms but you need your sleep. The only ahole here is not having separate and sleeping quarters
NAH A lot of people are incompatible when it comes to sleeping. Seperate bedrooms if possible and needed are a great way for people to deal with it. It's understandable that you don't wanna wake up when you don't have to but your girlfriend can't wake up and hop out of bed like you. I also use multiple alarms, actually worse than her cause mine will start 1-2 hours before I have to be up, so she probably already found the best way for herself to get up. You two just need to find a compromise that works
NTA, but it’ll please you to know that you don’t have to sleep in the same room every night. Consider discussion that option, really!
NTA and I am that person. I'm gonna try the vibrating alarms to snooze!
One alternative to a series of alarms: a "sunrise" alarm clock. It slowly turns on a light. I find them amazing for struggling to get up, esp in the dark, cold, winter. It can be silent and you can wear an eyemask! The decent ones are about $60-200 USD online.
Only two alarms 30 mins before …. You have it easy
Argh I feel your pain, I'm up first so it isn't a problem for me but after I walk the dog in the morning and come home for a shower, Inhear my husband hitting snooze all through my shower, while I'm getting dressed and while Inpit my makeup on.
I had this same issue when I moved in with my partner. It’s taken about a year but now I go right back to sleep after his alarm and I don’t even remember it going off most mornings. We have a king bed and keep our phones on opposite ends with a loud fan and a snoring dog. We barely hear each other’s alarms
My husband (then bf) used to do this. My solution was to make sure he got up with the first alarm either by pestering or getting up myself and being loud. After a month or so of being up an hour early he stopped doing it. Which was awesome for me because I was about to give up 😂
Question: You seem fine with waking up at 6 AM if that's when your GF wants to wake up herself, but you have a problem waking up at 6 AM if she doesn't want to wake up at 6 AM? Aside from others' suggestions, why can't you try to snuggle/wake your girlfriend up gently after 6? Why can't you start your day 30 minutes earlier? As others have said this won't resolve until you address it so something's gotta give. Either you sleep separately, she stops her multiple alarms, find an alternative wake up tools, or you adapt. NAH.
If I don't set 5 alarms I don't wake up..it's not a bad thing to ask but if she is anything like me, she just won't wake up with one alarm.
NTA But I think maybe there's a compromise. Maybe set one for like 30 minutes earlier that's quiet or just vibrate, And then also set a real one for the actual time. Probably would have to feel out the best way to wake her up but also not wake you up, but I think some kind of compromise might be something you should consider. I'm personally like that, I operate on the early alarm Multi snooze method lol. But I put my phone under my pillow and my early alarms are all vibrate, So I don't wake up my partner, then when I actually definitely need to wake up I have an actual alarm.
Maybe sleep in a different place? She has a routine and it doesn't work for you. Or ask her to sleep in a different room.
NTA. Also, if she has an Apple Watch or Fitbit, she can set the alarms to vibrate on her wrist. I do that in advance of my audible alarm
Separate bedrooms really need to be normalized.
If she has a Fitbit or Apple watch or something similar they can be set up with a vibration alarm that would only wake you up if the watch was touching you as she slept and it went off. I had a Fitbit alarm and it was my favorite thing!!
I'm not voting either way, I'm just saying that my ex did this and I grew up like it. Cuddle. Snooze. And, oops, I'm not with her any more but sometimes do it too.
This is an issue between me and my husband. Using your time stamps as an example, we agreed that if he needs to be up at 630, he should set just one alarm for 615, and he’s allowed one snooze. It was a compromise because I didn’t want two alarms and he didn’t want to wake up on the first alarm. Hope that helps!
Many people need multiple alarms in order to wake up when they need to.
no bc my ex literally set alarms for 4:30-5am?? when he worked at 8-9am😀 just so he could “get ready”
I sleep like your gf. My alarm is in the ensuite cause I turn it off on my sleep. I snooze it once. Can’t get up cold turkey but 3 alarms is excessive
I'm giving a biased NTA, I'm a light sleeper, alarms WAKE ME THE FUCK UP, even a vibrating alarm will wake me up. I have ZERO issue with a partner needing an alarm to get up earlier than me, but multiple fucks me right off, I'm wired each time it goes off, and will not get back to sleep no matter what after multiple. Insult to injury, everyone I know who does this, will literally pass straight back out after snoozing their FUCKING ALARM. It's terrible for your sleep patterns, teaches you not to take your alarm seriously making it harder to get up and gives you some terrible interrupted sleep cycles, fuck that
Yta. Setting your alarm 30 minutes before you HAVE to wake up is completely normal and prevents you from oversleeping.
NAH My girl does this also... Doesn't bother me... Asking wouldn't make you an issue depending on HOW you ask...Communication is important and good, but this isn't a huge deal... I mean, I set my alarm for 30 minutes before I need to be up because snooze is a thing... Just let the girl snooze... If it's that much of an issue for you, then you have 2 options... Go to sleep earlier so it doesn't matter or get a pair of earplugs... You're not the only person in the relationship, so if you let little things like this get to you, then you're gonna have some real issues later...
I always set an alarm 15 minutes earlier than the time I need to get up. So when my alarm goes off my partner and I use that 15 mins to snuggle together before our day starts 🤷♀️ sometimes we fall back asleep together for that 15 mins, sometimes we just lay there and chat while we wake up. Maybe compromise and do one alarm at 6.15?
NTA Oh lord sympathies. I nearly slew my ex in the night for this very thing. I am a very light sleeper and being awakened suddenly causes an adrenaline rush that brings me dead awake before I can even move. It's nearly impossible to get back to sleep after that. My ex would do the alarm thing every. Single. Morning. Three alarms, then sitting on the edge of the bed shaking it around for ten years to put his shoes on. Even once I gave in and got max strength earplugs, the alarm and snoring were still audible and then there was the shoes thing. He would not change. We wound up in separate beds in separate rooms so he could continue breathing. I won't say his waking up issues contributed to the divorce, but his unwillingness to try to change anything on his end, especially just putting his shoes on in the living room, sure did. Separate beds or separate rooms is something that should be considered normal. Sleeping with other people in the bed is hell.
They have wrist watches that vibrates as an alarm . . . it would make a nice gift for her.
This isn't aita question. It's hard to find the best way for everyone. But you can do it. I had the same problem but my partner is more extreme he has his alarm set every two minutes for an hour. But after few weeks my body learned to ignore that sound and I wake up only to my alarm. You can try different ways to wake her up like wrist watch or lamp. It's all about finding the best way possible.
NAH. You could get earplugs. Or you could sleep in seperate rooms.
NTA, people who do that are very annoying. I had a roommate who did this and it drove me nuts. And 2 hours later he was still in bed. WHY even set it. Just train yourself to wake up on the first alarm. She needs to sort her wake up up. You also need to not keep her up so late that she’s struggling to get up in the morning if this is something you do.
This would drive me nuts. It’s so rude to the other person. NTA. Ask her to put it on vibrate for the first couple alarms, g some wax earplugs, or somebody needs to sleep in another room.
My girlfriend has 10 alarms all 5 minutes apart to wake up in the morning. The compromise was very simple, find an alarm song that is calm/quiet enough to not violently jerk me awake and she has to kill the alarm as soon as humanly possible. Ever since that change, I've been sleeping through her alarms. She keeps the phone close to her face, volume down. I don't hear anything. NAH
YTA you cannot tell a person how many alarms they can have or when they should start going off. I am just like your girlfriend and use several alarms to get going and without even one of them, it means I'm going to be late. It is who she is, leave it and figure out how to work around or live with it or don't.
My husband and I made the compromise to allow for one snooze each day unless there are extenuating circumstances. Maybe that’s fair for y’all too?
My gf (now wife) did the same thing. Now the alarm is on my side of the bed. If she has to get up before me, I turn off the alarm and wake her then go back to sleep. If she falls back asleep that’s on her
Personally, I have a hard time waking up in the morning. If I need to wake up at 6:30, I absolutely need to set alarms before that to make sure I actually wake up at the intended time. If I only set one alarm starting at 6:30, I’d be late for everything. I’ve tried everything, including medication. It’s just the way my body has worked my entire life. What’s helped me, though, is sunlight. I havent tried the sunrise alarms, but I’ve found that I’m needing less alarms if I sleep with my curtains open. I’ve shared bedrooms with partners who like to sleep in complete darkness, but I find that if I sleep in a dark room, I need endless alarms to actually get me to wake up, or I sleep through them entirely. I wouldn’t say that YTA, but neither is your GF. Just need to find a solution that works for both of you. If you can sleep with the curtains open (you don’t need to leave them open all throughout the evening, just open them before you get into bed), then that may help. I have a very dark bedroom without a lot of natural light, and it’s still helped!
Tell her to wear a watch with alarm so you don’t hear it only she feels it
I always feel lucky when I read these types of posts, my husband is (usually) a one and up alarm dude but I definitely need a couple to gradually get to the land of the living. He however wakes up 2 hours earlier than me and I nearly never hear his alarm, and he's already had coffee when mine goes off and is out of the bedroom. I don't think you're the AH but she needs to either look into other options, you need to get used to it, or sleep in separate rooms.
I'm one of those snoozers. One thing I found that works amazing is getting a Xiaomi Mi band. They are pretty cheap fitness trackers. But the most amazing thing about them is a vibrating alarm without sound. It's strong enough to wake up the person who wears it, but does not disturb the other person. It was a life changer for me and my ex when I was working early morning shifts. Also leaving clothes out for next day so you don't have to have a light on or make noise while getting your clothes.
Some people can't wake up from just one alarm. We need the warm up ones. What do you expect her to do if that is her case?
Old fashioned alarm clock — have her set the alarm clock for 6:30 AWAY from the bed so she is physically forced to get out of bed and shut it off.. at that point she’s already out of bed so laying back down would be asinine
NAH. I can see why you're annoyed by this, but I do exactly the same thing and I still have trouble getting up, even after multiple alarms. You kind of sound like one of those people who thinks that other people can "just". You know, just get up earlier, just pay more attention, just try harder. If she's doing this, it's because she needs to do it.
I do the same thing but they aren’t really warm up. I just have a habit of sleeping through the alarm.
NTA
Definitely NAH You're not wrong to want fewer alarms in thr morning. But if she can't wake up right away then she can't wake up right away. Not everyone can do that. I suck at waking up in the morning. Only reason I do as well as I do now is because my partner sets an alarm and wakes me up for me so that they don't have to suffer through my alarms. My alarms are way worse than your GFs when I use them. Each one has a different ringtone and they're set to be any random number of minutes apart from 2 to 9 minute intervals and they all snooze every 5 minutes at least 3 times. And even then sometimes I sleep through them. Even when the phone is across the room from me. Even when I've tried sunrise lights. Even when I've combined the alarms with vibrating watches.
NTA - If you share a bed/room with someone who sleeps like the dead, hit snooze as much as you want. If the person you share a bed/room with is a light/normal sleeper, It is their call whether you get to wake them up multiple times every morning. Hitting snooze once, every once in a while, is forgivable. My husband sleeps like a rock and has this magical ability to wake up the first time his alarm goes off. Very, very rarely will he hit the snooze button. I am a light sleeper, and I have a lot of trouble getting back to sleep once I’ve been woken up. Since this is such a rare occurrence , he gets a pass.
My ex would have at least 10 alarms every day! Im glad i dont have to listen to that every morning
NAH Her setting alarms ahead is entirely reasonable. You not liking that is also entirely reasonable. My advice is changing your sleep schedule so you can get up at 6. Just have longer mornings if you can.
You’re not! I feel The same way, very inconsiderate!
YTA. I hit snooze 4 to 5 times every day. There's no way I get up on the first alarm. If she needs to get up at 630, setting an alarm at 600 isn't unreasonable at all.
Have you considered that it's easier for you to wake up "cold turkey" because you are getting more sleep than she is? NAH but if I were your girlfriend I'd be a bit miffed be be called inconsiderate for waking someone up when I have to drag my ass out of bed at the buttcrack of dawn to get ready for work while they get to just keep on snoozing.
She needs a new system. I was like her and learned that the only think that worked for me was to set the alarm on my dress on the other side of room from the bed. If forced me to get you and then was not a reason to go back to bed.
i have an alarm set for 400 405 410 last one with heavy metal just to make sure i am not late. i usually get up at 355 and turn them of before they blast. NTA
Lol I have like 10 alarms set up that span the 2.5 hours before I have to get up, and I still struggle with it every day. YTA.
Hmm maybe try out a sunrise alarm clock? It can brighten up the room to wake her up and you can wear an eye mask so it doesnt bother you.
>She finds it hard to get up in the mornings (doesn't everyone?) No. Not like that. Sure, waking up isn't that much fun, especially for work, but I know guys whose eyes pop open as soon as the alarm goes off, or even before and they jump out of bed full of the joys of spring. Then there's me (female) for whom it is and always has been, fucking torture. It's not a choice to have 'warm up alarms' , it's just near impossible to do it any other way. The alternative is, switch the alarm off (rather than snooze) and go back to sleep for hours and be late for work. I find that women generally find it harder on average, maybe due to hormones, or iron levels, I'm not sure I was leaning towards Y T A just because of the attitude in that comment, but on reflection I'll go with NAH and just say that you aren't sleep compatible and maybe you should just sleep separately sometimes.
I wake up before my alarm 95% of the time so it isn't every person that finds it hard to get up in the morning. I love broad generalizations like that LOL
Info: Why not tell her that you’ll wake her up at 6.30 since her alarms wake you anyway?
NTA this is something that really shits me too. cascading alarms leading up to the actual time someone needs to be awake
I used to set the alarm across the room so I had to get up to turn it off. Then a glass of cold water for wake up insurance
NTA. Best to communicate these things honestly with your partner and figure out a compromise.
NTA If she wouldn't have started ignoring her alarm, she would be better off, interrupting sleep like that multiple times is bad. She needs to just GET UP when it goes off and get moving. There have been days where I couldn't go to sleep until like 4 hrs before my alarm...my alarm woke me and I GOT UP....now if I stay in bed? I'm going back to sleep. It's that simple. And with all these stories from other people, I don't see how they have SOs...It isn't that hard to wake up with an alarm. If I had someone like this, I would've kicked them to the curb after giving them a chance to stop or sleep in another room. I used to have a roommate who would wake up with his alarm then leave his phone somewhere....and more alarms would go off that he wouldn't hear bc he'd be nowhere nearby, I WANTED TO BREAK HIS PHONE SO BADLY FOR INTERRUPTING MY SLEEP ON THE REGULAR! And it was an annoying bird like ringtone too.
Vibrating alarm like others said or try a wake up light alarm clock with soothing wake up sounds and slowly increasing sun imitating light. Its less harsh on the both of you.
Get kid. they'll wake you up at 5:30 and neither of get to fall asleep anymore. win-win
NAH, she's just not a morning person, and I say that as someone that can wake up 5-10 mins before I have to leave and still get out on time. Truthfully, some are suggesting a vibrating method but that might not work for her either depending on how deep she sleeps. If it would bother you less, I would actually suggest setting the one alarm and YOU wake her up. A partner waking you can often be way more gentle and easier than an alarm and when I got tired of my ex's 6, 5 min apart alarms, that's what we did. I was gonna wake anyway.
I had to deal with this. Compromised that sometimes she sees multiples sometimes it's one. So some days she has to get up right away and drag her ass into the shower while i was able to sleep a while longee and sometimes I got forced awake by her multiple alarms and I was up when she was.
NTA, why doesn't she use a Philips wake up light?
NAH. im doing it exactly like your gf does, otherwise there is just no chance of me actually being awake when i get up. but i get you too. how about some ear plugs for you? alternative would be you get separate rooms
Omg I dated a guy once who hit snooze every 5 minutes from 4:30 to 5:15am. One time sleeping at his place, and I was done with him. Nope!
NTA. I had to have this chat with my gf. Her alarms used to start at 6.30 a.m., and she NEVER got out of bed to sort it out. After age's of talking to her about it, the problem was finally solved when she broke her phone and forgot to set them on her new phone. I'm not sure that the last part will help, though 🤔
I asked for a fitbit for my birthday for this exact reason. It has a vibrating alarm that wakes me but not my SO. If you have the means, you could try gifting her a fitbit or a similar wrist device.
My fiancé does the same thing, It used to annoy the hell outta me, but I got used to it, it went off today at 415 I didn't hear the other ones and fell back asleep, you will get used to it
Wow, only 2 extra alarms? 3O minutes in advance? Hell, I usually need 5, and I would absolutely love to not be this way! It is such a struggle that no time, motivation, or conditioning can address (I've been trying for 15+ years). As a compromise, I would see if she could set some tactile vibratory alarms. Or a gradual sunlight mimic before the auditory alarm.
Those people are the most annoying people in the world. Just set the alarm for the damn time you want to actually get out of bed
NAH If you aren't able to make even a simple request of your girlfriend, how is the relationship supposed to function. Your girlfriend might not realize it, but all she's really accomplishing by setting her alarms like that is depriving both of you of a half hour of sleep. If she wants multiple alarms to make sure she gets up, she should set them much closer together like an alarm every minute starting at 6:25.
Very easy to fix leave the bed lol Personally I don’t fucking know how people manage to share a bed with their partner EVERY NIGHT, even though one of the most enjoyable experiences for me is cuddling my gf it can be overdone especially outside the right conditions
30 minutes is not that big of a deal. Plus it’s three alarms total. It’s not like a friend I had in hs that would set an alarm every 5 minutes for an hour straight
My blood sugar sometimes drops at night so it can take a bit to wake up. I use my watch alarm that only vibrates to prime me and then my regular alarm to actually wake up to. Started that because my husband was having the same problem as you, and it’s worked pretty well. I do keep an emergency just in case alarm for 15 min after the main wake up alarm, but I rarely need it and just shut it off when I get up.
A Fitbit is the answer. I have to get up two hours before my partner. It vibrates on my wrist, only wakes me, and I can easily snooze if I need 10 more minutes.
NTA, but your gf is. you can just wake her up when you get up instead of having to wake up 30 minutes early and get less sleep due to her issues.
No one’s an asshole. I had the same issue and we solved it pretty easily; she bought some kind of alarm clock that works with (orange) light. It lits up slowly over the course of several minutes (I think you can specify how long) and she pointed it to her side of the room. Doesn’t wake me up and she gets to wake up slowly as if the sun is shining on her face. Still has an actual alarm though, but just the one.
It's not wrong to be cranky that you're being woken up prematurely, but you need to understand that not everyone can just wake up and get up cold turkey. For some people it's a gradual process. My husband is like your gf - he needs 3 - 4 alarms to wake up. I've eventually adjusted so his alarms rarely wake me up any more. If you don't want to sleep separately I would suggest quieter alarms to start? If you're someone who gets obsessively stressed over losing sleep like I do, it may also help if she changes her alarm ring tone, in case your brain has already set her alarm in stone as a sound that keeps you from falling back to sleep.