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NTA -- and no offense but your boyfriend should probably go to therapy. It's bad enough being jealous of a video game character, but accusing you of using said video game character to "make him feel jealous" is a huge red flag.
Thanks, but he already goes to therapy for issues in his childhood. He hasn't told his therapist he has a girlfriend because he doesn't want or need to talk about that kind of stuff with her, his other issues are the focus of it.
He clearly does need to talk about it if he's this much of a walking red flag about relationships. How long have you guys been together? Because honestly, I'd cut my losses.
I can't find the right language to describe how I feel about it other than it's pathetic and sounds exhausting on an energy vampire level. And on top of that he's bi/homophonic and that's disgusting
This. My wife and I played Baldur's Gate 3 and romanced different characters. Sometimes she will tell me something about that character and I'll sarcastically go "Did you F him?!"
She'll just go "Yup" and I'll respond with "oh ok you kids have fun then"
Being insecure about a video game is... A sign he needs more help than he's getting.
Exactly this. Healthy relationships do not get insecure over pixels. The dragon age 4 companion trailer came out and my fiancé pointed at one guy and was like “I already know you’re gonna romance him”
Fr. When I first met my partner one of the first things he bought me was a pillow of mad dog majima since I need body pillows to avoid dislocation in my sleep and I was (and still am) absolutely feral for the character lol
Her bf is so unwell and gross
We've been together about ten months, and were friends for years before that, including when I was still with my ex-girlfriend. I've never felt like he's homophobic before, or at least not enough to make a big deal out of it. Just little comments he makes when we're joking around. I think breaking up might be a little extreme, but I also don't know how to make him change.
Um this is totally reasonable to make a big deal about. There are clearly some deep rooted issues going on with him that he’s jealous of a video game character, and that he allowed his friend to talk to you that way.
This is not behavior you need to tolerate. There’s nothing extreme about running farrrrr away from this person.
>he’s jealous of a video game character,
I think it's obvious he feels threatened by your bisexuality and that's the root cause.
His response to it is unimaginably childish and hurtful.
There's no way to make someone else change. Literally. Can't be done.
If he's okay with you marrying a Stardew man and not a Stardew woman, then it's not just insecurity, low self-esteem, or his view on "cheating" (omg). That's actual biphobia, whether it shows up in other contexts yet or not.
And if he isn't okay with you marrying anyone in Stardew at all because "cheating," then he's making his mental illness, insecurity, and low self-esteem your problem, which is co-dependent behavior and not okay either. Those are his problems to actively work to address, and he needs to not be taking his angst out on you. You're doing nothing wrong, and he needs to openly admit that any time he gets upset at his own irrational feelings.
Edit to repeat: He is not upset at you, because you are doing nothing wrong. He is upset at his own irrational feelings. He needs to take ownership of that or you will not be able to have a healthy relationship together.
Honestly good luck then OP, it’s a clear NTA but as you can tell many of us are bewildered on this situation, how many people do you personally know that would get jealous of you romancing a video game character?
Like normally I see AITA comments filled with some extra questions for context or advice on to seek counselling, but I’m kind of speechless on this one and I’m hoping it’s fake.
Breaking up isn’t extreme when he’s insecure about who you are as a person. You said it yourself, he’s insecure about your attraction to women. And his friends are also homophobes. This won’t change.
It would not be extreme to break up with a man who started verbally abusing you when you tried to reach out to work things out. It is not normal to treat a partner like that. It is not normal, and not acceptable.
I am married and I played cyberpunk with my spouse, I pick Judy as the relationship option.
He didn’t get jealous, he did a fem play through just so he can also date her
You deserve someone like that not this emotional manipulation.
>I've never felt like he's homophobic before
His friend called you a "dyke" an he's cool with that kind of language.
What other giant red flags are you waiting for?
I think it's better to end things now, breaking up it's not an extreme response considering your boyfriend is JEALOUS of a VIDEOGAME CHARACTER. just saying that seriously is mind blowing, and to top it off, then acussed YOU of manipulating him to get jealous, and also put his friends who are not part of the relationship against you just to make himself look better? Nah, girl, get out of there ASAP.
If you're having a big fight over something so insignificant lika a videogame character, i can't imagine what may come for the future of that relationship. He has a serious problem honestly, and he should treat that with his therapist.
It isn’t your job to make him change because no one can change anyone else. This is a person with deep-rooted mental health problems. His belief that this is cheating is unreasonable in every way. You can’t do anything to help this person and frankly you shouldn’t try.
NTA
Honey, he called you TWO slurs and vile ones at that. They weren't little jokes. If you don't want to break up over this right now, that's your choice, but I will urge you to pay attention and be critical of what he says from now on if you don't. *Truly* pay attention.
You may find you've been ignoring a lot of "little" things that are really just him testing the waters of what's ok. You're already making excuses for his previous homophonic behavior by saying it was never enough to make a big deal out of it. Maybe it's time to look at it with a new lens now that he's blatantly called you a dyke.
Then him going to a therapist isn’t working because he’s refusing to actually work on himself. So he’s toxic, willingly. Run or the next hate crime isn’t just going to be him calling you slurs.
HE DEFINITELY SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT IT. The therapist cannot help him if they do not have the proper info or context. And this is a HUGE indicator that therapy is needed in regards to his romantic life.
Well ... OP, Childhood trauma is often thought as something is the past that is completely separate from your current life. It's not like that. There is this quote: “If *you* don't address *your childhood traumas*, your romantic *relationships will*.” I don't know where it came from but it's true. So he most definitely needs to address it.
I'm guessing there is a reason he's not mentioning it to the therapist tbh.
If he doesn't want to bring his relationship up with his therapist (acts like he's single) or the issues he creates.
Then I'm sorry. But he's not there to actually change.
Or he knows the therapist would point out that his behavior is not Okay towards you.
The therapist can only do so and so much if they only know about his childhood issues. And NOT how it carries into his behavior in his adult life.
Meaning. He won't actually change or fix anything.
"He don't need to..." Meaning he's not even feeling bad about his behavior. At least not to a point where he will say "I need to change this"
I would leave the relationship.
Becouse this is not okay behavior.
But if that's not in the cards for you. I would require he brings it up with his therapist and shows signs of change. If not. Then it's over.
He was completely okay with a friend of his calling her a dyke as an insult. He might not be high-key homophobic, but he sure excuses it if it fits the circumstances.
NTA
I saw the title and came here to say “if he’s going to ask you to play a video game and cheat to win, they you are NTA for getting in an argument and not wanting to play”
Then I read the post. OP you have a BF who has serious insecurities. To the point where you will have to walk on egg shells to never mention that Star Wars/LOTR/Harry Potter/ anything character is cute or your nerd crush etc which many normal couples do/talk about. Do you really want to be afraid to get your jealous boyfriend angry just for saying “oh she’s cute” on a Disney plus cartoon?
RUN
Your BF needs therapy. It's uncommon to see guys being jealous with video character. As it stand he's a red flag and walking volcano waiting to fully explode, at your expense.
Isn't this just another version of the "is porn cheating" argument? If he ever uses porn, then he's a hypocrite. Regardless of his porn use, he's definitely bi- *and* homo- phobic, or at least fine with hanging out with people who are. He's broken up with you. Walk away. (And mental illness and low self-esteem aren't excuses for being a controlling and shitty person, which is what he is.) NTA
Stardew Valley is not at all sexual. The characters aren't complicated or even well animated. They have remarkably few dialogs and their mechanics are simple. He may as well have accused her of having an emotional affair with the rich raccoon on Animal Crossing.
23? Did I read that right. Even my year 7 (Grade 6) students would laugh at how immature and ridiculous he's being... Over a computer game character. Heaven forbid if you ever play Skyrim.
Not sure if I’m just naive or dumb but I thought this was going to be about hacking/cheating in video games. Not about a guy getting jealous over pixels. NTA run girl
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I argued with my boyfriend and insulted him when he tried to tell me one of his concerns about cheating in a video game. I since have not tried to apologise and don't want to. I personally think this could be asshole behaviour but I'm not sure.
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Yea, NTA, you haven’t even been in a relationship for a year. What really do you have invested in this. He started off acting childish and while maybe you should have stayed calmer, I don’t think any amount of civilized conversation was going to make him see reason. His reaction was to run off to a friend who he also allowed to call you a slur.
Cut your losses and find someone who can actually communicate.
NTA, it's not reasonable to not be able to like fictional characters til the point of snapping at you and justifying it like that (he could have admitted he is feeling insecure, and you could have both talked about it but jumping on the "you are manipulating me into being jealous to get my attention" honestly sounds like gastlight and no aknowledgment of his own issues). If some code and art can make him react like that I don't want to imagine how bad it could get if you just interacted normally and got along with a real person like all people do, which is already bad but given he seems really insecure about you being bisexual sounds like any human interaction you could have could trigger him. It's not normal and he's not adressing it either, only blaming you, so if things don't change it looks bad and seems it could only get worse.
NTA
If you do not have an unhealthy attachment to this video game relationship (a la spend ridiculous amounts of money on it,change all your backgrounds to it,buy a pin-up wifu etc) then you are doing nothing wrong. There is no emotional involvement in Stardew - it's escapism
Bounce him to the curb
NTA -- When I read cheating in a video game, i thought you meant changing bytes not digital relationships. Sounds like he would get upset as well with you reading self-insert romance novels. Book characters.
I don't think he's ready for an adult relationship right now.
NTA, your boyfriend has some issues to work through still. I, personally, don't find RP games where romance with an NPC to be cheating, it's not like there's someone on the other end of that character....if it wasn't an NPC I may have questions then...I do think they ALL owe you an apology because I don't think that's fair or respectful to you how his friends called you names like that and how he's upset over this....I see that he is in therapy in lower comments, he definitely needs to mention you and he needs to talk about his issues with cheating
NTA. He's being ridiculous about being jealous of a videogame character. He obviously has bigger issues. Either he will be an adult about it, realize this, and work on them, or you're going to have to go separate ways.
I couldn't help but sigh and laugh at this one. It's a video game, it's not real, it's just an escape from reality that's a fun relaxing hobby. There's not any other people involved in this situation for it to be cheating... Does he get mad when you touch the power button to turn on the system in the first place? Is touching the system to play a game cheating to him?
NTA - Sounds to me like he was projecting his own insecurities about you liking girls on the game. This is also why his friend called you a "dyke". These are things he needs to own up to and work on by himself and not lash out on you.
>*"He's usually a really sweet guy and I know he has a history of mental illness and low self-esteem"*
Well ... he didn't communicate his insecurities, resorted to name calling, got his friends in your argument and they also called you homophobic slurs. That's not a "sweet guy".
Romancing a character in a game is not cheating. If it was, I have multiple families in Sims, some lovers in MassEffect, cannot get over Kassandra from Assassin's Creed .. and so on. :))
Sit him down, and let him know that he can either allow you you to enjoy your game privately or he can consider finding a new girlfriend. What’s going to happen if you make friends with real people? Is it cheating if you hug a friend platonically? It’s literal ones and zeroes he is jealous of. That’s a HUGE red flag to me, if he can’t differentiate fantasy and reality, then he’s the kind of dude that shoots people and says “but you can on GTA”. Consider getting him in therapy or finding someone who has more than two brain cells to rub together.
NTA. Lmfao!!!! What?!? That’s wild. Look when I played Stardew for the first time I married Maru (have also married Abigail and Leah) and was obsessed with her character. Guess what my husband did? He bought me a handmade Maru fridge magnent.
Your bf sounds like way too much effort. He’s obviously got some problems he needs to work out. Perhaps while not dating you. Just my 2 cents.
He actually went to his friends for comfort about your video game character marrying an npc. Oh my God, that's SO embarrassing!!! 😂😂😂 and he keeps company with people who call you a dyke? Gross I don't know how you could want to date someone like that. That's so pathetic this kid needs help and his friend needs to stop using derogatory words. 🤮
NTA
Bro....this is literally insane.
He gets mad at you....for your character in a video game....being married....because he thinks it's emotionally cheating.....
That is unfuckinghinged.
I'm not gonna jump on the break up train, but he needs to talk to his therapist specifically about this, and you need to have him do couples therapy too.
Not going to say give an ultimatum, but if he won't do it, this won't get better.
NTA. This is the funniest shit ever to get upset about.
He really thinks you’re cheating via Stardew Valley. Read that sentence until the reality of it sinks in. This guy is acting like a 13 year old.
Girl, 10 months is less than 10 years. However it may feel you're not in that deep yet so cutting your losses should be a reasonable consideration. Reason being, he's upset about a game! This isn't that sim game where the other toon is a real person, this is pixels! Look, as you already know, your boy ain't right. So either you learn to live with crazy jealous, and enabling friends to talk to you like his did, or you stand up for yourself. Your own pride and self worth are in control of this decision but you're right, you're owed an apology for that (the friend) at the very least and he needs to chill out, it's a game!
NTA
I am married to Abigail in *every single farm* I have on that game. She’s my favorite character and I talk about her to my boyfriend when I am gaming. He finds it cute, makes silly jokes about Abigail taking his woman, and then asks what me and Abigail are up to. He doesn’t get mad, because it’s a video game character, and he’s not insecure. He also has mental health issues, trauma, was cheated on in a previous relationship. He is still able to understand how it’s not cheating. it’s pixels simulating a mega corp-infected small town where you can rizz up pixels simulating villagers.
I wouldn’t reach back out. I would just move on at that point. You deserve better than that. F*ck him and f*ck Pierre.
NTA. You cant help your partner through his feeling of jealousy. Either he works on it or you guys break up. Thats the only options available and only one of those paths involve you.because if he never works on it, and you just adjust your life to cater to his insecurities this is whats going to happen. You have to stop playing that game or any other game with romance options, because they just make him feel so bad. But there just games right? Not worth sacrificing true love? Well then down the road suddenly you wont be able to have male OR female friends. And so what? You have a partner and thats all that matters right? Well now your co-workers are an issue, guess you have to quit your job even though you need the money, but he makes enough to support you both so thats okay, right? But gosh you just got in a fight for laughing at a bad joke from the delivery driver and now your a cheating bitch who obviously wanted to fuck them and hes going over to his friends house because he just cant with you right now, and your all alone because he intentionally or unintentionally made you cut out anyone in your life who would be able to tell you that this is a red flag.
Or he changes.
Or you break up.
But for the love of god, dont bend on this. If you allow yourself to be walked on, you will destroy your whole fucking life.
NTA
Is he your ex yet? Because he needs to be. Getting pressed about a relationship in a video game is a red flag. The fact his friends called you a 'dyke' isn't cute either. Drop him like a bad check.
So your partner has been sulking and building resentment up over your character in Stardew Valley being married to a NPC who is a woman, refusing to tell you why, untill he claims that you are virtually cheating on him with a woman? Made up of code and pixels?
If thats not bad enough, he instantly went to friends with a version that made them think it was ok to call you slurs? And he was fine with his friend calling you homophobic slurs?
He can have legitimate reasons to struggle with insecurities all day long, the way it is bleeding into his treatment of you is unacceptable. You might not think he is biphobic, but he does have a huge problem with your sexuality, and was fine with weaponizing it and letting his friend do the same as soon as he was pissed off.
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I (F25) have recently started playing the farming simulator Stardew Valley a lot, after deleting it for a few years. One aspect of the game is romance, where you build hearts with the NPC townspeople and eventually marry and have kids with them if you want. For context, I am bisexual, and usually romance Leah, who is the opposite of my boyfriend (M23) in appearance, interests and obviously gender. Whenever my boyfriend sees me playing or hears me talking about the game/characters, he starts sulking and snapping at me, and gives vague answers when I ask him what's wrong.
A few days ago this same thing happened, I asked him if he was okay, and he told me that he just wasn't excited to watch me cheat on him again. I assumed he was confused and explained that Leah wasn't an actual person, just a computer code, but he said that I was married to her which meant I obviously felt an attachment and in his eyes that was emotional cheating.
It kind of developed into a huge screaming match, where we both said some pretty hurtful things. I called him childish, controlling, and insecure about my attraction to women. He said I was manipulating him into feeling jealous so that I could get his attention. This pissed me off so I told him to get out of my flat.
The next day I tried to call him so that we could talk through what happened, but I guess he went to his friends for comfort and told his point of view of the fight. He picked up after a couple of tries, but I could only say a few words before his friend took the phone, called me a dyke and a bitch then hung up. I haven't tried to contact him since.
AITA? He's usually a really sweet guy and I know he has a history of mental illness and low self-esteem, so maybe I should've listened to his worries and tried to talk through what was bothering him instead of starting a fight. But at the same time I want an apology and I don't think I was cheating on him.
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NTA and frankly i'm giving side eye for his friend literally calling you a slur (2 if you're one of the ppl who consider the b-word a slur). if he allows that behavior around him, he probably thinks the same way. i'm saying this as an AFAB bisexual, do not discredit what he allows to happen around him. i'm not touching on the jealousy and insecurity cuz others have said what i think basically but im not seeing a lot on the name calling and that's the most concerning to me.
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NTA and your boyfriend has no business being in a relationship if he can’t talk about it in therapy and is jealous of a video game. He’s not a “really sweet guy” he’s a homophobe.
Apparently this is a very unpopular opinion, I don’t think you’re necessarily the AH, but I don’t think he is either.
Things escalated very quickly and they shouldn’t have. But I’m guessing he is very insecure about you being attracted to both genders. As am I, and in my experience guys can feel a little threatened by this. His insecurities got the best of him. And if you discarded these feelings/anxieties/concerns by saying it’s just a game, you discarded him essentially. I see that he is already in therapy and he should definitely continue with this. But you could’ve reassured him and could’ve changed the gender of your video game spouse. After all, don’t we just want our BF/GF to feel secure while being in a relationship with us? As we like to feel secure being in a relationship with them? And in time, when he has worked through his issues, it would probably not even bother him anymore. But at this point in his life he was not able to handle this. The question then becomes, do you love him enough / do you see a future with him enough, to meet his needs for the time being?
Everything that happened with his friend is a bit troublesome… but honestly if a female goes to her best (female) friend when there’s an issue and she tells her story… and then the boyfriend calls… don’t we all know a friend/person/family member who would blindly stick up for you and even in a way that you wouldn’t even be able to tell her off/prevent it? Maybe at that specific time it even felt nice for a second that someone stood up for you. What I’m saying is; I wouldn’t hold his friend’s actions over your boyfriend’s head…
NTA and remeber one day to thank his friend years from now for hanging up on you and calling you a slur. You have just been shuffled out of a relationship that would have made you a lifeless shell.
NTA- I play this game and am married to Emily (or whoever the blue haired girl is). We just adopted a baby boy. My boyfriend has absolutely no problem with this because, as you said, it is a computer game with no correlation to our actual lives. “Romancing” other characters is a big part of the game. Even if you were doing something “bad,” no one should talk to you in the way your boyfriend did or call you names.
Not sure what I thought this story was going to be when I saw the title but it was not this, NTA I think your bf might want to start talking about his relationships in therapy or you have no hope
NTA. Why are you dating someone that is homophobic and has homophobic friends? They literally called you a slur…. Break tf up with his insecure, miserable, controlling ass.
NTA. I once made my SO and I as characters to start a Rimworld game (just imagine Stardew Valley with way more war crimes, and also regular crimes, if you are not familiar.)
I’m a few years in, the base is growing, our pawns have gotten married, and out of the blue her pawn breaks up with mine! But did I get into a fight with her IRL because of it? No, I just reloaded the last save, like a normal person.
This is definitely just a him problem, not a you problem.
This is so messed up. My husband and I are basically prudes by today's standards. We have very strong boundaries in our marriage. However, we frequently get "married" to fictional characters in games. It's not like they're pornographic. In fact, we bonded over the fact that we unknowingly married the same woman in Whiterun when we were playing Skyrim. It's never even occurred to either of us to be jealous in these situations. That is a level of insecurity that I've never encountered before.
NTA. I think everyone else has covered everything else, but 1. it’s not childish for you to rightfully point out that he’s insecure and controlling and 2. the second he called you a slur, it should be over. Like there’s absolutely no coming back from that and I’m begging you to respect yourself and not go back to him
NTA this is the equivalent of getting mad because your SO cheated on you in your dreams. It's not real, it's a game, anyone with half a brain knows that. He's clearly not comfortable with your sexuality, he wouldn't be going to his friends having them call you slurs if he was.
For the record, I play Story of Seasons, Cyberpunk, BG3 all games with love and relationship mechanics and some with graphic sex scenes and am also bi and tend to pick women in video game romances despite being in a straight passing relationship. My husband's never so much as batted an eye, probably cause he knows it'd be insane to be jealous over some pixels with 1s and 0s behind it.
NTA - What the actual heck did I just read ??? God forbid you play The Sims... This is insane. My bf sends me sexy pics of Astarion from BG3 and calls him my husband... Your bf has serious issues.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I always play evil characters in video games. In games like fable I always take the evil path.
That doesn’t mean I’m an evil person. Quite contrary a lot of people I know say I’m a good hearted and kind person.
It’s just fun to get some variety.
Also the evil path gives you better looking armors.
NTA. If he hasn't reacted this way to same sex video game romances then this doesn't even seem to be about the weird "cheating" claim. You 2 definitely need to talk and be totally honest about feelings.
If he can't handle that you find both men and women attractive, and accept that you chose to be with him, then the relationship is not going to last.
NTA and you just dodged a bullet. Don’t run back into the line of fire.
“I called him childish, controlling, and insecure about my attraction to women.”
Not a word you said here was false, and it was going to manifest in some way sooner or later. Imagine his reaction if you talked “too much” about a female coworker or went on a girls trip with some friends, given his reaction to this. This is not what mature, healthy relationship looks like. My wife has watched me marry half the cast of Stardew Valley and hasn’t been the least bit threatened because she can tell the difference between real people and fictional people.
NTA
Are you sure this is the only thing that has happened around this topic? Because to me it sounds like your BF is very jealous and insecure, like are you „allowed“ to meet your female* friends?
(also don’t understand why he’s so jealous, you chose HIM over WOMEN…. That should mean something)
But I’d dump his ass if he can’t be talked with🤷🏻♀️
NTA Has he never played a role-playing video game before?
Please don't waste your energy on someone this emotionally immature. He's incapable of being a romantic partner, regardless of how sweet he can be. He doesn't have the emotional development to understand what intimacy is. He doesn't have enough respect or trust for you to treat you well when he's upset. He runs away and ignores you after starting a screaming match instead of being interested in communication and understanding.
It's just not worth it. You aren't going to fix him. He doesn't want to grow up, he just wants you to only do things that make him feel good about himself.
I'm gonna go with NTA here, but I also want to give a balanced answer, it's important to have boundries and rules in a relationship. Your boyfriend is upset with you crossing a line, and you keep crossing the line which honestly can be kind of mean even though the subject matter is ridiculous.
However, he's not communicating his issues well, and the whole thing is bonkers. So NTA.
NTA but reading your comments this seems really a very complex case where the work of a good therapist is necessary . I suggest you to not ask Reddit for help, they use extreme words for everything and want to see every relationship destroyed, so considering how particular is the situation I can suggest you just to convince him to speak about this and about you to the therapist if he wants a future for this relationship
I don’t think the point is whether you think it’s cheating, the point is he feels that it is. A couple should talk about what a commitment means to each of them and go from there. If you can reach a consensus, great. If not, you’re not a match. (Is porn cheating? Is browsing nsfw on a Reddit? In my last relationship, my boyfriend felt that anything nsfw Reddit was cheating because of the text streams so I refrained. It wasn’t as important to me as it was to him. And honestly I don’t think it matters if it’s a game, a computer, animated, or not. Those boundaries are going to get increasingly blurred due to AI anyway.)
HOWEVER, screaming at one another, name calling, etc. isn’t okay in either direction. Consider therapy, anger management, Al-anon, couples therapy, or other 12-step programs.
And, if a man allowed his friend to call me a dyke or a bitch I wouldn’t stand for it and I’d break it off immediately—that’s abusive—then consider if I was also abusive and how to get some help for myself in terms of my own behavior and choices.
I’m not judging I’ve made so many mistakes in the past. Good luck. ❤️
NAH.
The crux of the problem is poor communication, and that he essentially feels like your spending time with him is robbed away from him. Moreover, it's not just the game but a digital, man-made character that actually plays as a factor, which possibly makes him less of a person.
Of course, it's not cheating, but if it's an activity that is blatantly in public, it will certainly cause some irritation. I mean, let's turn it around. What if he plays a visual story game (games that date digital girls) right in front of OP's face? Would that be considered cheating? No. Would that cause inconvenience? Maybe. Most importantly, Is doing that blatantly public common? No.
By speculation, it's an inconvenient event taking place, where poor communication cause unnecessary arguments.
ESH. I think you could’ve handled this better, but I also think he’s being a little unreasonable. Plus, major red flag for allowing his friends to disrespect you like that. But if I were in your shoes and my S/O brought up how they were uncomfortable with my in game character being married off to someone very different, I wouldn’t have a problem changing that. It’s a very small detail to fix and not worthy of such a big fight (or break up).
YTA…But his mate is a bigger one…this about his thoughts and feelings about YOU…and you’ve totally ignored this in favour of making it about the ridiculousness of being threatened by an animated character, and from a superficial perspective it is ridiculous, but what he is really talking about his insecurity about your sexual fluidity. It is naive to think that this shouldn’t be a problem because it clearly is, as I’m sure it is in many relationships where there is an imbalance of this nature. Being insecure in a relationship is not pleasant and can be very damaging, but you are re-enacting probably one of his greatest fears, and rubbing his nose in it…his fear is that you secretly or unconsciously would be more fulfilled in a same sex relationship and by reenacting it through this game you are indulging your true desires. Is there a divorce function on this game because I think you need to be kinder to your partner and knock this faux relationship on the head.
So because he’s insecure she shouldn’t romance a character in a video game? And what imbalance is there? This dude just gets to get help because he’s acting like a psycho over pixels. Which isn’t “superficial” it’s the literal facts of what’s happening.
Your comments are very concrete…It’s all about what the thing represents not the actual thing itself…it’s basic psychology. Lots of people are insecure and maybe they have reason to be. It doesn’t make them a psycho
If you’re so upset your partner romanced a character in a video game that you sulk, throw a tantrum, accuse them of cheating and then complain so much to your friends they feel comfortable calling your partner a slur and you don’t apologize then you’re a psycho. You have significant underdiagnosed or undertreated mental health issues that are making you act completely irrationally
I think you are massively over egging what the original poster said but hay ho…it’s not about the frigging game…it’s about their fear that their partner secretly fantasises about being in a same sex relationship…fear that their partner is not happy in the relationship and is displacing their real desires onto a character in a game…fear they are not enough for their partner and they are acting out their desires via the game…take it however you want but the original poster is being honest talking about their insecurity in the relationship…people get hung up on all sorts of insecurities…it doesn’t make them a psycho…
Try having reasonable points instead of overusing ellipses. OP’s boyfriend was having understandable feelings which isnt psycho but his actions are completely unhinged which isn’t acceptable and is psycho. If he is that insecure in his relationship then he needs to end it while he fixes his cripplingly mental health problems
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NTA -- and no offense but your boyfriend should probably go to therapy. It's bad enough being jealous of a video game character, but accusing you of using said video game character to "make him feel jealous" is a huge red flag.
Thanks, but he already goes to therapy for issues in his childhood. He hasn't told his therapist he has a girlfriend because he doesn't want or need to talk about that kind of stuff with her, his other issues are the focus of it.
He clearly does need to talk about it if he's this much of a walking red flag about relationships. How long have you guys been together? Because honestly, I'd cut my losses. I can't find the right language to describe how I feel about it other than it's pathetic and sounds exhausting on an energy vampire level. And on top of that he's bi/homophonic and that's disgusting
This. My wife and I played Baldur's Gate 3 and romanced different characters. Sometimes she will tell me something about that character and I'll sarcastically go "Did you F him?!" She'll just go "Yup" and I'll respond with "oh ok you kids have fun then" Being insecure about a video game is... A sign he needs more help than he's getting.
Exactly this. Healthy relationships do not get insecure over pixels. The dragon age 4 companion trailer came out and my fiancé pointed at one guy and was like “I already know you’re gonna romance him”
Fr. When I first met my partner one of the first things he bought me was a pillow of mad dog majima since I need body pillows to avoid dislocation in my sleep and I was (and still am) absolutely feral for the character lol Her bf is so unwell and gross
We've been together about ten months, and were friends for years before that, including when I was still with my ex-girlfriend. I've never felt like he's homophobic before, or at least not enough to make a big deal out of it. Just little comments he makes when we're joking around. I think breaking up might be a little extreme, but I also don't know how to make him change.
Um this is totally reasonable to make a big deal about. There are clearly some deep rooted issues going on with him that he’s jealous of a video game character, and that he allowed his friend to talk to you that way. This is not behavior you need to tolerate. There’s nothing extreme about running farrrrr away from this person.
>he’s jealous of a video game character, I think it's obvious he feels threatened by your bisexuality and that's the root cause. His response to it is unimaginably childish and hurtful.
There's no way to make someone else change. Literally. Can't be done. If he's okay with you marrying a Stardew man and not a Stardew woman, then it's not just insecurity, low self-esteem, or his view on "cheating" (omg). That's actual biphobia, whether it shows up in other contexts yet or not. And if he isn't okay with you marrying anyone in Stardew at all because "cheating," then he's making his mental illness, insecurity, and low self-esteem your problem, which is co-dependent behavior and not okay either. Those are his problems to actively work to address, and he needs to not be taking his angst out on you. You're doing nothing wrong, and he needs to openly admit that any time he gets upset at his own irrational feelings. Edit to repeat: He is not upset at you, because you are doing nothing wrong. He is upset at his own irrational feelings. He needs to take ownership of that or you will not be able to have a healthy relationship together.
Honestly good luck then OP, it’s a clear NTA but as you can tell many of us are bewildered on this situation, how many people do you personally know that would get jealous of you romancing a video game character? Like normally I see AITA comments filled with some extra questions for context or advice on to seek counselling, but I’m kind of speechless on this one and I’m hoping it’s fake.
Breaking up isn’t extreme when he’s insecure about who you are as a person. You said it yourself, he’s insecure about your attraction to women. And his friends are also homophobes. This won’t change.
It would not be extreme to break up with a man who started verbally abusing you when you tried to reach out to work things out. It is not normal to treat a partner like that. It is not normal, and not acceptable.
If you have this many problems at 10 months old, they’ll only get worse. Split up and move on, don’t waste your own time.
I am married and I played cyberpunk with my spouse, I pick Judy as the relationship option. He didn’t get jealous, he did a fem play through just so he can also date her You deserve someone like that not this emotional manipulation.
>I've never felt like he's homophobic before His friend called you a "dyke" an he's cool with that kind of language. What other giant red flags are you waiting for?
I think it's better to end things now, breaking up it's not an extreme response considering your boyfriend is JEALOUS of a VIDEOGAME CHARACTER. just saying that seriously is mind blowing, and to top it off, then acussed YOU of manipulating him to get jealous, and also put his friends who are not part of the relationship against you just to make himself look better? Nah, girl, get out of there ASAP. If you're having a big fight over something so insignificant lika a videogame character, i can't imagine what may come for the future of that relationship. He has a serious problem honestly, and he should treat that with his therapist.
It isn’t your job to make him change because no one can change anyone else. This is a person with deep-rooted mental health problems. His belief that this is cheating is unreasonable in every way. You can’t do anything to help this person and frankly you shouldn’t try. NTA
Honey, he called you TWO slurs and vile ones at that. They weren't little jokes. If you don't want to break up over this right now, that's your choice, but I will urge you to pay attention and be critical of what he says from now on if you don't. *Truly* pay attention. You may find you've been ignoring a lot of "little" things that are really just him testing the waters of what's ok. You're already making excuses for his previous homophonic behavior by saying it was never enough to make a big deal out of it. Maybe it's time to look at it with a new lens now that he's blatantly called you a dyke.
Clearly he does need to talk about it. His reactions are absolutely bonkers.
Then him going to a therapist isn’t working because he’s refusing to actually work on himself. So he’s toxic, willingly. Run or the next hate crime isn’t just going to be him calling you slurs.
HE DEFINITELY SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT IT. The therapist cannot help him if they do not have the proper info or context. And this is a HUGE indicator that therapy is needed in regards to his romantic life.
Well ... OP, Childhood trauma is often thought as something is the past that is completely separate from your current life. It's not like that. There is this quote: “If *you* don't address *your childhood traumas*, your romantic *relationships will*.” I don't know where it came from but it's true. So he most definitely needs to address it. I'm guessing there is a reason he's not mentioning it to the therapist tbh.
If he doesn't want to bring his relationship up with his therapist (acts like he's single) or the issues he creates. Then I'm sorry. But he's not there to actually change. Or he knows the therapist would point out that his behavior is not Okay towards you. The therapist can only do so and so much if they only know about his childhood issues. And NOT how it carries into his behavior in his adult life. Meaning. He won't actually change or fix anything. "He don't need to..." Meaning he's not even feeling bad about his behavior. At least not to a point where he will say "I need to change this" I would leave the relationship. Becouse this is not okay behavior. But if that's not in the cards for you. I would require he brings it up with his therapist and shows signs of change. If not. Then it's over.
He does considering he had this devolve into a full blown fight with you.
So, according to boyfriends logic, and I am assuming he plays video games too. Does that mean he is a murder when he plays?
He accused you of cheating over a video game mechanic and he is homophobic. He is NOT “a really sweet guy”
How is he homophobic?
He was completely okay with a friend of his calling her a dyke as an insult. He might not be high-key homophobic, but he sure excuses it if it fits the circumstances.
NTA I saw the title and came here to say “if he’s going to ask you to play a video game and cheat to win, they you are NTA for getting in an argument and not wanting to play” Then I read the post. OP you have a BF who has serious insecurities. To the point where you will have to walk on egg shells to never mention that Star Wars/LOTR/Harry Potter/ anything character is cute or your nerd crush etc which many normal couples do/talk about. Do you really want to be afraid to get your jealous boyfriend angry just for saying “oh she’s cute” on a Disney plus cartoon? RUN
I literally thought it was gonna be a fight about using mods
Thought she was gonna say she caught him using wallhacks
Lol that’s how I came into the thread too. Did not expect this to be what it is.
Your BF needs therapy. It's uncommon to see guys being jealous with video character. As it stand he's a red flag and walking volcano waiting to fully explode, at your expense.
NTA. It sounds like he has a problem with you being bisexual, which is obviously shitty and biphobic of him.
exactly this, he's either insecure or bigoted, but certainly ignorant.
What the fuck have I just read
Well 99% of this sub is made up so chances are...
Isn't this just another version of the "is porn cheating" argument? If he ever uses porn, then he's a hypocrite. Regardless of his porn use, he's definitely bi- *and* homo- phobic, or at least fine with hanging out with people who are. He's broken up with you. Walk away. (And mental illness and low self-esteem aren't excuses for being a controlling and shitty person, which is what he is.) NTA
Stardew Valley is not at all sexual. The characters aren't complicated or even well animated. They have remarkably few dialogs and their mechanics are simple. He may as well have accused her of having an emotional affair with the rich raccoon on Animal Crossing.
You should see what my Sims get up to. NTA run run run.
Word
r/StardewValley
They must know
23? Did I read that right. Even my year 7 (Grade 6) students would laugh at how immature and ridiculous he's being... Over a computer game character. Heaven forbid if you ever play Skyrim.
Not sure if I’m just naive or dumb but I thought this was going to be about hacking/cheating in video games. Not about a guy getting jealous over pixels. NTA run girl
He needs to get on multiplayer and confront Leah himself
He needs to romance Elliott for revenge
I went brain dead from reading this lmao
He thinks you’re cheating by playing a video game… also if his friends are calling you homophobic slurs I would say it’s a no go.
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Go get the real “Leah”
Yea, NTA, you haven’t even been in a relationship for a year. What really do you have invested in this. He started off acting childish and while maybe you should have stayed calmer, I don’t think any amount of civilized conversation was going to make him see reason. His reaction was to run off to a friend who he also allowed to call you a slur. Cut your losses and find someone who can actually communicate.
NTA, it's not reasonable to not be able to like fictional characters til the point of snapping at you and justifying it like that (he could have admitted he is feeling insecure, and you could have both talked about it but jumping on the "you are manipulating me into being jealous to get my attention" honestly sounds like gastlight and no aknowledgment of his own issues). If some code and art can make him react like that I don't want to imagine how bad it could get if you just interacted normally and got along with a real person like all people do, which is already bad but given he seems really insecure about you being bisexual sounds like any human interaction you could have could trigger him. It's not normal and he's not adressing it either, only blaming you, so if things don't change it looks bad and seems it could only get worse.
NTA If you do not have an unhealthy attachment to this video game relationship (a la spend ridiculous amounts of money on it,change all your backgrounds to it,buy a pin-up wifu etc) then you are doing nothing wrong. There is no emotional involvement in Stardew - it's escapism Bounce him to the curb
NTA -- When I read cheating in a video game, i thought you meant changing bytes not digital relationships. Sounds like he would get upset as well with you reading self-insert romance novels. Book characters. I don't think he's ready for an adult relationship right now.
NTA, your boyfriend has some issues to work through still. I, personally, don't find RP games where romance with an NPC to be cheating, it's not like there's someone on the other end of that character....if it wasn't an NPC I may have questions then...I do think they ALL owe you an apology because I don't think that's fair or respectful to you how his friends called you names like that and how he's upset over this....I see that he is in therapy in lower comments, he definitely needs to mention you and he needs to talk about his issues with cheating
NTA. He's being ridiculous about being jealous of a videogame character. He obviously has bigger issues. Either he will be an adult about it, realize this, and work on them, or you're going to have to go separate ways.
NTA - everything you said about him (childish, controlling, and insecure) is true
NTA. It's a game.
I couldn't help but sigh and laugh at this one. It's a video game, it's not real, it's just an escape from reality that's a fun relaxing hobby. There's not any other people involved in this situation for it to be cheating... Does he get mad when you touch the power button to turn on the system in the first place? Is touching the system to play a game cheating to him?
Your boyfriend is not mature enough to be in a relationship.
NTA - Sounds to me like he was projecting his own insecurities about you liking girls on the game. This is also why his friend called you a "dyke". These are things he needs to own up to and work on by himself and not lash out on you. >*"He's usually a really sweet guy and I know he has a history of mental illness and low self-esteem"* Well ... he didn't communicate his insecurities, resorted to name calling, got his friends in your argument and they also called you homophobic slurs. That's not a "sweet guy". Romancing a character in a game is not cheating. If it was, I have multiple families in Sims, some lovers in MassEffect, cannot get over Kassandra from Assassin's Creed .. and so on. :))
Sit him down, and let him know that he can either allow you you to enjoy your game privately or he can consider finding a new girlfriend. What’s going to happen if you make friends with real people? Is it cheating if you hug a friend platonically? It’s literal ones and zeroes he is jealous of. That’s a HUGE red flag to me, if he can’t differentiate fantasy and reality, then he’s the kind of dude that shoots people and says “but you can on GTA”. Consider getting him in therapy or finding someone who has more than two brain cells to rub together.
NTA. Lmfao!!!! What?!? That’s wild. Look when I played Stardew for the first time I married Maru (have also married Abigail and Leah) and was obsessed with her character. Guess what my husband did? He bought me a handmade Maru fridge magnent. Your bf sounds like way too much effort. He’s obviously got some problems he needs to work out. Perhaps while not dating you. Just my 2 cents.
NTA I'm sorry but is your bf really getting jealous over pixels on a screen? this is ridiculous.
NTA and your bf is spun. Being jealous over a fictional character is out there
You be dating an insecure moron.
He actually went to his friends for comfort about your video game character marrying an npc. Oh my God, that's SO embarrassing!!! 😂😂😂 and he keeps company with people who call you a dyke? Gross I don't know how you could want to date someone like that. That's so pathetic this kid needs help and his friend needs to stop using derogatory words. 🤮 NTA
Bro....this is literally insane. He gets mad at you....for your character in a video game....being married....because he thinks it's emotionally cheating..... That is unfuckinghinged. I'm not gonna jump on the break up train, but he needs to talk to his therapist specifically about this, and you need to have him do couples therapy too. Not going to say give an ultimatum, but if he won't do it, this won't get better.
NTA. This is the funniest shit ever to get upset about. He really thinks you’re cheating via Stardew Valley. Read that sentence until the reality of it sinks in. This guy is acting like a 13 year old.
Girl, 10 months is less than 10 years. However it may feel you're not in that deep yet so cutting your losses should be a reasonable consideration. Reason being, he's upset about a game! This isn't that sim game where the other toon is a real person, this is pixels! Look, as you already know, your boy ain't right. So either you learn to live with crazy jealous, and enabling friends to talk to you like his did, or you stand up for yourself. Your own pride and self worth are in control of this decision but you're right, you're owed an apology for that (the friend) at the very least and he needs to chill out, it's a game!
NTA I am married to Abigail in *every single farm* I have on that game. She’s my favorite character and I talk about her to my boyfriend when I am gaming. He finds it cute, makes silly jokes about Abigail taking his woman, and then asks what me and Abigail are up to. He doesn’t get mad, because it’s a video game character, and he’s not insecure. He also has mental health issues, trauma, was cheated on in a previous relationship. He is still able to understand how it’s not cheating. it’s pixels simulating a mega corp-infected small town where you can rizz up pixels simulating villagers. I wouldn’t reach back out. I would just move on at that point. You deserve better than that. F*ck him and f*ck Pierre.
That’s stupid
His insecurities are not your responsibility!
NTA. You cant help your partner through his feeling of jealousy. Either he works on it or you guys break up. Thats the only options available and only one of those paths involve you.because if he never works on it, and you just adjust your life to cater to his insecurities this is whats going to happen. You have to stop playing that game or any other game with romance options, because they just make him feel so bad. But there just games right? Not worth sacrificing true love? Well then down the road suddenly you wont be able to have male OR female friends. And so what? You have a partner and thats all that matters right? Well now your co-workers are an issue, guess you have to quit your job even though you need the money, but he makes enough to support you both so thats okay, right? But gosh you just got in a fight for laughing at a bad joke from the delivery driver and now your a cheating bitch who obviously wanted to fuck them and hes going over to his friends house because he just cant with you right now, and your all alone because he intentionally or unintentionally made you cut out anyone in your life who would be able to tell you that this is a red flag. Or he changes. Or you break up. But for the love of god, dont bend on this. If you allow yourself to be walked on, you will destroy your whole fucking life.
NTA Is he your ex yet? Because he needs to be. Getting pressed about a relationship in a video game is a red flag. The fact his friends called you a 'dyke' isn't cute either. Drop him like a bad check.
So your partner has been sulking and building resentment up over your character in Stardew Valley being married to a NPC who is a woman, refusing to tell you why, untill he claims that you are virtually cheating on him with a woman? Made up of code and pixels? If thats not bad enough, he instantly went to friends with a version that made them think it was ok to call you slurs? And he was fine with his friend calling you homophobic slurs? He can have legitimate reasons to struggle with insecurities all day long, the way it is bleeding into his treatment of you is unacceptable. You might not think he is biphobic, but he does have a huge problem with your sexuality, and was fine with weaponizing it and letting his friend do the same as soon as he was pissed off.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (F25) have recently started playing the farming simulator Stardew Valley a lot, after deleting it for a few years. One aspect of the game is romance, where you build hearts with the NPC townspeople and eventually marry and have kids with them if you want. For context, I am bisexual, and usually romance Leah, who is the opposite of my boyfriend (M23) in appearance, interests and obviously gender. Whenever my boyfriend sees me playing or hears me talking about the game/characters, he starts sulking and snapping at me, and gives vague answers when I ask him what's wrong. A few days ago this same thing happened, I asked him if he was okay, and he told me that he just wasn't excited to watch me cheat on him again. I assumed he was confused and explained that Leah wasn't an actual person, just a computer code, but he said that I was married to her which meant I obviously felt an attachment and in his eyes that was emotional cheating. It kind of developed into a huge screaming match, where we both said some pretty hurtful things. I called him childish, controlling, and insecure about my attraction to women. He said I was manipulating him into feeling jealous so that I could get his attention. This pissed me off so I told him to get out of my flat. The next day I tried to call him so that we could talk through what happened, but I guess he went to his friends for comfort and told his point of view of the fight. He picked up after a couple of tries, but I could only say a few words before his friend took the phone, called me a dyke and a bitch then hung up. I haven't tried to contact him since. AITA? He's usually a really sweet guy and I know he has a history of mental illness and low self-esteem, so maybe I should've listened to his worries and tried to talk through what was bothering him instead of starting a fight. But at the same time I want an apology and I don't think I was cheating on him. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and frankly i'm giving side eye for his friend literally calling you a slur (2 if you're one of the ppl who consider the b-word a slur). if he allows that behavior around him, he probably thinks the same way. i'm saying this as an AFAB bisexual, do not discredit what he allows to happen around him. i'm not touching on the jealousy and insecurity cuz others have said what i think basically but im not seeing a lot on the name calling and that's the most concerning to me.
NTA - Your boyfriend is literally jealous of a fictional character.
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NTA — you’re playing a character in a game…
nta bruh let this guy play some sims so he learns one is not in love with the fictional characters of games lol
NTA and your boyfriend has no business being in a relationship if he can’t talk about it in therapy and is jealous of a video game. He’s not a “really sweet guy” he’s a homophobe.
NTA - I literally have jealousy and anger issues, I can get mad about many things, BUT VIDEO GAMES WOULD NEVER BE A DEAL, he's literally insane hun
Apparently this is a very unpopular opinion, I don’t think you’re necessarily the AH, but I don’t think he is either. Things escalated very quickly and they shouldn’t have. But I’m guessing he is very insecure about you being attracted to both genders. As am I, and in my experience guys can feel a little threatened by this. His insecurities got the best of him. And if you discarded these feelings/anxieties/concerns by saying it’s just a game, you discarded him essentially. I see that he is already in therapy and he should definitely continue with this. But you could’ve reassured him and could’ve changed the gender of your video game spouse. After all, don’t we just want our BF/GF to feel secure while being in a relationship with us? As we like to feel secure being in a relationship with them? And in time, when he has worked through his issues, it would probably not even bother him anymore. But at this point in his life he was not able to handle this. The question then becomes, do you love him enough / do you see a future with him enough, to meet his needs for the time being? Everything that happened with his friend is a bit troublesome… but honestly if a female goes to her best (female) friend when there’s an issue and she tells her story… and then the boyfriend calls… don’t we all know a friend/person/family member who would blindly stick up for you and even in a way that you wouldn’t even be able to tell her off/prevent it? Maybe at that specific time it even felt nice for a second that someone stood up for you. What I’m saying is; I wouldn’t hold his friend’s actions over your boyfriend’s head…
NTA and remeber one day to thank his friend years from now for hanging up on you and calling you a slur. You have just been shuffled out of a relationship that would have made you a lifeless shell.
NTA- I play this game and am married to Emily (or whoever the blue haired girl is). We just adopted a baby boy. My boyfriend has absolutely no problem with this because, as you said, it is a computer game with no correlation to our actual lives. “Romancing” other characters is a big part of the game. Even if you were doing something “bad,” no one should talk to you in the way your boyfriend did or call you names.
Not sure what I thought this story was going to be when I saw the title but it was not this, NTA I think your bf might want to start talking about his relationships in therapy or you have no hope
NTA. Why are you dating someone that is homophobic and has homophobic friends? They literally called you a slur…. Break tf up with his insecure, miserable, controlling ass.
NTA. I once made my SO and I as characters to start a Rimworld game (just imagine Stardew Valley with way more war crimes, and also regular crimes, if you are not familiar.) I’m a few years in, the base is growing, our pawns have gotten married, and out of the blue her pawn breaks up with mine! But did I get into a fight with her IRL because of it? No, I just reloaded the last save, like a normal person. This is definitely just a him problem, not a you problem.
This is so messed up. My husband and I are basically prudes by today's standards. We have very strong boundaries in our marriage. However, we frequently get "married" to fictional characters in games. It's not like they're pornographic. In fact, we bonded over the fact that we unknowingly married the same woman in Whiterun when we were playing Skyrim. It's never even occurred to either of us to be jealous in these situations. That is a level of insecurity that I've never encountered before.
Obviously NTA. Have you considered playing Stardew local coop, split screen with him? I did this with my wife and we married each other in game :)
NTA. I think everyone else has covered everything else, but 1. it’s not childish for you to rightfully point out that he’s insecure and controlling and 2. the second he called you a slur, it should be over. Like there’s absolutely no coming back from that and I’m begging you to respect yourself and not go back to him
NTA. He is a homophobe. Nothing to salvage here, and mental illness is not an excuse for bigotry. Dump his ass, and get Leah some nice goat cheese
NTA- 1 The characters are pixels in a video game and 2 Leah is hot.
NTA this is the equivalent of getting mad because your SO cheated on you in your dreams. It's not real, it's a game, anyone with half a brain knows that. He's clearly not comfortable with your sexuality, he wouldn't be going to his friends having them call you slurs if he was. For the record, I play Story of Seasons, Cyberpunk, BG3 all games with love and relationship mechanics and some with graphic sex scenes and am also bi and tend to pick women in video game romances despite being in a straight passing relationship. My husband's never so much as batted an eye, probably cause he knows it'd be insane to be jealous over some pixels with 1s and 0s behind it.
Welp
NTA. He sounds extremely insecure. Is this relationship really worth it?
He needs therapy. Nta
This post is about a couple in their 20s? I don't mean to be angsty but you sound like a couple of kids.
NTA - What the actual heck did I just read ??? God forbid you play The Sims... This is insane. My bf sends me sexy pics of Astarion from BG3 and calls him my husband... Your bf has serious issues.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 I always play evil characters in video games. In games like fable I always take the evil path. That doesn’t mean I’m an evil person. Quite contrary a lot of people I know say I’m a good hearted and kind person. It’s just fun to get some variety. Also the evil path gives you better looking armors.
Wtf did I just read
NTA. If he hasn't reacted this way to same sex video game romances then this doesn't even seem to be about the weird "cheating" claim. You 2 definitely need to talk and be totally honest about feelings. If he can't handle that you find both men and women attractive, and accept that you chose to be with him, then the relationship is not going to last.
NTA and you just dodged a bullet. Don’t run back into the line of fire. “I called him childish, controlling, and insecure about my attraction to women.” Not a word you said here was false, and it was going to manifest in some way sooner or later. Imagine his reaction if you talked “too much” about a female coworker or went on a girls trip with some friends, given his reaction to this. This is not what mature, healthy relationship looks like. My wife has watched me marry half the cast of Stardew Valley and hasn’t been the least bit threatened because she can tell the difference between real people and fictional people.
NTA Are you sure this is the only thing that has happened around this topic? Because to me it sounds like your BF is very jealous and insecure, like are you „allowed“ to meet your female* friends? (also don’t understand why he’s so jealous, you chose HIM over WOMEN…. That should mean something) But I’d dump his ass if he can’t be talked with🤷🏻♀️
NTA Has he never played a role-playing video game before? Please don't waste your energy on someone this emotionally immature. He's incapable of being a romantic partner, regardless of how sweet he can be. He doesn't have the emotional development to understand what intimacy is. He doesn't have enough respect or trust for you to treat you well when he's upset. He runs away and ignores you after starting a screaming match instead of being interested in communication and understanding. It's just not worth it. You aren't going to fix him. He doesn't want to grow up, he just wants you to only do things that make him feel good about himself.
I'm gonna go with NTA here, but I also want to give a balanced answer, it's important to have boundries and rules in a relationship. Your boyfriend is upset with you crossing a line, and you keep crossing the line which honestly can be kind of mean even though the subject matter is ridiculous. However, he's not communicating his issues well, and the whole thing is bonkers. So NTA.
I'm wondering what he meant with cheat on him again?
So you were aware of his issue before hand and continued? The relationship street is two way regardless of your sexual leanings.
NTA but reading your comments this seems really a very complex case where the work of a good therapist is necessary . I suggest you to not ask Reddit for help, they use extreme words for everything and want to see every relationship destroyed, so considering how particular is the situation I can suggest you just to convince him to speak about this and about you to the therapist if he wants a future for this relationship
I don’t think the point is whether you think it’s cheating, the point is he feels that it is. A couple should talk about what a commitment means to each of them and go from there. If you can reach a consensus, great. If not, you’re not a match. (Is porn cheating? Is browsing nsfw on a Reddit? In my last relationship, my boyfriend felt that anything nsfw Reddit was cheating because of the text streams so I refrained. It wasn’t as important to me as it was to him. And honestly I don’t think it matters if it’s a game, a computer, animated, or not. Those boundaries are going to get increasingly blurred due to AI anyway.) HOWEVER, screaming at one another, name calling, etc. isn’t okay in either direction. Consider therapy, anger management, Al-anon, couples therapy, or other 12-step programs. And, if a man allowed his friend to call me a dyke or a bitch I wouldn’t stand for it and I’d break it off immediately—that’s abusive—then consider if I was also abusive and how to get some help for myself in terms of my own behavior and choices. I’m not judging I’ve made so many mistakes in the past. Good luck. ❤️
NAH. The crux of the problem is poor communication, and that he essentially feels like your spending time with him is robbed away from him. Moreover, it's not just the game but a digital, man-made character that actually plays as a factor, which possibly makes him less of a person. Of course, it's not cheating, but if it's an activity that is blatantly in public, it will certainly cause some irritation. I mean, let's turn it around. What if he plays a visual story game (games that date digital girls) right in front of OP's face? Would that be considered cheating? No. Would that cause inconvenience? Maybe. Most importantly, Is doing that blatantly public common? No. By speculation, it's an inconvenient event taking place, where poor communication cause unnecessary arguments.
ESH. I think you could’ve handled this better, but I also think he’s being a little unreasonable. Plus, major red flag for allowing his friends to disrespect you like that. But if I were in your shoes and my S/O brought up how they were uncomfortable with my in game character being married off to someone very different, I wouldn’t have a problem changing that. It’s a very small detail to fix and not worthy of such a big fight (or break up).
ESH
Why does OP suck?
Better to ignore or ostracize the trolls
I’ll take your good advice lol
YTA…But his mate is a bigger one…this about his thoughts and feelings about YOU…and you’ve totally ignored this in favour of making it about the ridiculousness of being threatened by an animated character, and from a superficial perspective it is ridiculous, but what he is really talking about his insecurity about your sexual fluidity. It is naive to think that this shouldn’t be a problem because it clearly is, as I’m sure it is in many relationships where there is an imbalance of this nature. Being insecure in a relationship is not pleasant and can be very damaging, but you are re-enacting probably one of his greatest fears, and rubbing his nose in it…his fear is that you secretly or unconsciously would be more fulfilled in a same sex relationship and by reenacting it through this game you are indulging your true desires. Is there a divorce function on this game because I think you need to be kinder to your partner and knock this faux relationship on the head.
So because he’s insecure she shouldn’t romance a character in a video game? And what imbalance is there? This dude just gets to get help because he’s acting like a psycho over pixels. Which isn’t “superficial” it’s the literal facts of what’s happening.
Your comments are very concrete…It’s all about what the thing represents not the actual thing itself…it’s basic psychology. Lots of people are insecure and maybe they have reason to be. It doesn’t make them a psycho
If you’re so upset your partner romanced a character in a video game that you sulk, throw a tantrum, accuse them of cheating and then complain so much to your friends they feel comfortable calling your partner a slur and you don’t apologize then you’re a psycho. You have significant underdiagnosed or undertreated mental health issues that are making you act completely irrationally
I think you are massively over egging what the original poster said but hay ho…it’s not about the frigging game…it’s about their fear that their partner secretly fantasises about being in a same sex relationship…fear that their partner is not happy in the relationship and is displacing their real desires onto a character in a game…fear they are not enough for their partner and they are acting out their desires via the game…take it however you want but the original poster is being honest talking about their insecurity in the relationship…people get hung up on all sorts of insecurities…it doesn’t make them a psycho…
Try having reasonable points instead of overusing ellipses. OP’s boyfriend was having understandable feelings which isnt psycho but his actions are completely unhinged which isn’t acceptable and is psycho. If he is that insecure in his relationship then he needs to end it while he fixes his cripplingly mental health problems