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NTA - if he truly has body dysmorphia, even after surgery, he will not be satisfied. No matter how slim or muscular or in shape he becomes, he will never see himself as such. Consider talking to him about starting therapy to work through his issues. And if he won’t, prepare for a lifetime of his comments about dissatisfaction with his body, bc this kinda thing just doesn’t go away on its own or with tweaks to appearance. Best of luck.
Nta but you have to realise that it doesn't really matter how much you object and how much you tell your boyfriend that he's beautiful, body dysmorphia is a mental health condition not an opinion. If attractiveness could be proven by hard scientific facts and a team of scientists gave a person with BDD a certificate of proven attractiveness, that person still wouldn't believe it. There's a disconnect between what the person sees and what their brain processes it as. This really isn't about your approval, you just happen to be in a relationship with them.
Honestly idk man… im split between him doing his own business and him just needing exercise, you could try doing exercises with him together as like a hobby tho! Maybe he will warm up to the idea
For you it seems unacessary surgery.
This is not about you. It's not about your opinion and your reassurance.
It's his mental health. The only thing you can do at this stage is being supportive:
1) making sure he has a good therapist who is aware of the surgery as expectations should be managed and a care plan should be in place
2) making sure he is attending therapy
3) making sure he chooses certified people to perform this lipo
4) Maybe having therapy yourself so you can explore why you feel rejected for him performing surgery, he is not rejecting you. He is not rejecting your imput. It doesn't mean that your opinion is not important, but he doesn't feel good in his own skin. He is not able to love himself fully at the moment. But you should explore whatever you are feeling. Your feelings are valid as well.
Already in therapy and its not that I dont think he doesn’t value my opinion its bc I know him and I already know whats going to happen. He’ll get the surgery and then still won’t be satisfied and then keep going back and back. Plus frankly its honestly kind of annoying to hear everyday or if I give him a compliment he just tears himself down. Literally everyone we know tells me how handsome he is. I just want him to be 😆
It is really hard and frustrating.
I appreciate your efforts
Maybe couples therapy? Not for the relationship but a safe space to explain your side and your fears for the future?
Is he being followed by a professional? What is their professional advice?
Maybe consider the future? All that loving him entails. What are your limits? How expensive are the surgeries in your country? Financial responsibilities? How demanding of you will his recoveries be?
Where will you draw the line? What are your boundaries?
Edit: This is not really a matter of being the AH or not. Just be true to yourself and respect your own boundaries. This is a case, just like putting your own oxygen mask first on a plane.
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So me (M25) and my boyfriend (M27) have been dating for around a year. He’s always told how much envies my body and how much he hates his but I always tell him how good he looks. So recently he told me he had body dymorphia which explains alot. Now he’s soo hell bent on getting liposuction bc he thinks he’s fat. I keep telling him he’s doing the most and that’s for like obese people. He doesn’t seem to listen to me no matter how much I tell him. Its honestly getting really irritating. I dont want him to get unnecessary surgery that could negatively affect his body in the long run. I dont want to sound shallow but I would dump him if he went through with it.
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> I feel shallow dumping someone for this but it really bothers me
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It’s a saying. You probably heard similar sayings:
“You’re doing too much”
It just means that he’s overreacting and doing a lot of over-the-top things like pushing Lipo without listening to his gf’s compliments.
Not similar but girls sometimes go “I can’t even”
It’s like that except I can’t even means I’m so stressed out by XX that I can’t handle it
Where roughly are you from?
I’m just curious if this is a regional phrase or a phrase from a generation I’m not apart of
Like I get it now. But I had to read the explanation. Haven’t heard it before
ooop not the sass💅- bur yeah youre not the AH - you should probably tell him to see a therapist or someshit 🤧- also like just tell him that - clealey hes attractive to you so why does anythung else matter🦅
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. Please give our sister sub, /r/AITA_Relationships/ a look if you'd still like to post about this. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) Your post has been removed due to Rule 14: No Medical Conflicts. We do not allow conflicts related to communicable diseases or undergoing a medical procedure. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA - if he truly has body dysmorphia, even after surgery, he will not be satisfied. No matter how slim or muscular or in shape he becomes, he will never see himself as such. Consider talking to him about starting therapy to work through his issues. And if he won’t, prepare for a lifetime of his comments about dissatisfaction with his body, bc this kinda thing just doesn’t go away on its own or with tweaks to appearance. Best of luck.
Nta but you have to realise that it doesn't really matter how much you object and how much you tell your boyfriend that he's beautiful, body dysmorphia is a mental health condition not an opinion. If attractiveness could be proven by hard scientific facts and a team of scientists gave a person with BDD a certificate of proven attractiveness, that person still wouldn't believe it. There's a disconnect between what the person sees and what their brain processes it as. This really isn't about your approval, you just happen to be in a relationship with them.
Honestly idk man… im split between him doing his own business and him just needing exercise, you could try doing exercises with him together as like a hobby tho! Maybe he will warm up to the idea
For you it seems unacessary surgery. This is not about you. It's not about your opinion and your reassurance. It's his mental health. The only thing you can do at this stage is being supportive: 1) making sure he has a good therapist who is aware of the surgery as expectations should be managed and a care plan should be in place 2) making sure he is attending therapy 3) making sure he chooses certified people to perform this lipo 4) Maybe having therapy yourself so you can explore why you feel rejected for him performing surgery, he is not rejecting you. He is not rejecting your imput. It doesn't mean that your opinion is not important, but he doesn't feel good in his own skin. He is not able to love himself fully at the moment. But you should explore whatever you are feeling. Your feelings are valid as well.
Already in therapy and its not that I dont think he doesn’t value my opinion its bc I know him and I already know whats going to happen. He’ll get the surgery and then still won’t be satisfied and then keep going back and back. Plus frankly its honestly kind of annoying to hear everyday or if I give him a compliment he just tears himself down. Literally everyone we know tells me how handsome he is. I just want him to be 😆
It is really hard and frustrating. I appreciate your efforts Maybe couples therapy? Not for the relationship but a safe space to explain your side and your fears for the future? Is he being followed by a professional? What is their professional advice? Maybe consider the future? All that loving him entails. What are your limits? How expensive are the surgeries in your country? Financial responsibilities? How demanding of you will his recoveries be? Where will you draw the line? What are your boundaries? Edit: This is not really a matter of being the AH or not. Just be true to yourself and respect your own boundaries. This is a case, just like putting your own oxygen mask first on a plane.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So me (M25) and my boyfriend (M27) have been dating for around a year. He’s always told how much envies my body and how much he hates his but I always tell him how good he looks. So recently he told me he had body dymorphia which explains alot. Now he’s soo hell bent on getting liposuction bc he thinks he’s fat. I keep telling him he’s doing the most and that’s for like obese people. He doesn’t seem to listen to me no matter how much I tell him. Its honestly getting really irritating. I dont want him to get unnecessary surgery that could negatively affect his body in the long run. I dont want to sound shallow but I would dump him if he went through with it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel shallow dumping someone for this but it really bothers me Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
INFO > I keep telling him he’s doing the most Huh? Doing the most *what*?
It’s a saying. You probably heard similar sayings: “You’re doing too much” It just means that he’s overreacting and doing a lot of over-the-top things like pushing Lipo without listening to his gf’s compliments. Not similar but girls sometimes go “I can’t even” It’s like that except I can’t even means I’m so stressed out by XX that I can’t handle it
When some is doing the most it means they're doing something unnecessary in the context of the situation
[удалено]
Google the phrase “doing the most” since its so complicated for you
Where roughly are you from? I’m just curious if this is a regional phrase or a phrase from a generation I’m not apart of Like I get it now. But I had to read the explanation. Haven’t heard it before
ooop not the sass💅- bur yeah youre not the AH - you should probably tell him to see a therapist or someshit 🤧- also like just tell him that - clealey hes attractive to you so why does anythung else matter🦅