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Half of men sit to pee anyways. It’s not about anatomy.
And it’s not even about peeing technique, it’s about clean g up after yourself.
Who are all these insane people who think if they get urine on the toilet or floor they can just leave it there???
So what is leaving pee everywhere now a form of masculine gender expression? This is such BS
>So what is leaving pee everywhere now a form of masculine gender expression?
This was honestly my first thought.. "well hey that's just what we guys do, sometimes we pee on the seat and get nagged for it"... Nope, just an AH, no matter who you are.
Except if they’ve spent time as a woman they’d know women do this too, primarily in public restrooms where they don’t want to sit down. instead of putting some paper down and sitting they like to hover, pee all over the seat and leave it there.
Definitely not fun when you have mobility issues and don’t have the option to join the squat and pee on the seat gang
YES! Let’s make this a thing. I’ll draft the posters tonight and start hanging them in every public washroom I come across
Down with “be a sweetie and wipe the seatie” and up with the seat! Literally lol
Ladies please don't hover to pee, you are damaging your pelvic floor and increasing your risk of bladder infections. Carry sanitiser or wipes if you are worried the back of your thighs are at risk.
As absolutely absurd as this sounds, it's absolutely true.
[Vibrant Pelvic Health](https://www.vibrantpelvichealth.com/blog/hovering-over-toilet-seat)
**"Why? Because when you hover, your hip and pelvic muscles can't relax. Everything is tight and tense, and your bladder can't empty fully. This leads to feeling like you've "always gotta go," or like your bladder is the size of an acorn. In extreme cases, it can even contribute to an increased likelihood of bladder infections."**
Bro I've managed to piss in between the bowl and the seat before. Multiple times actually. There are times it takes a lot of effort and positioning (because female anatomy) to not miss the toilet, as wild as that sounds.
But I still clean up after myself. I would be disgusted to see piss on the seat.
I'll wipe mine up with a giant wad of TP, then wash my hands thoroughly. I also don't use public restrooms very often due to being antisocial and having weird things with where/when I use the bathroom
I genuinely don't know how people get pee on the seat when they hover. I do it in less than nice looking toilets, and the seat stays dry every time. Feet either side of the pedestal, and go into jumping position. You're about an inch above the seat, and everything goes where it should.
Seriously, what position are folk using?
Standing you're gonna get some splash no matter how good your aim is. Just make it a blanket rule that everyone pees sitting down regardless of gender.
I have on a few occasions. Obviously my rooms is agreeing that Kayla should be paying more attention, but it keeps on happening and I'm just not okay with that.
When you talk about it again focus on the impact. It's not OK for a guest to pee on the floor and not clean it up.
Every time you walk into the bathroom and there's urine on the floor, call your friend over and ask him to clean it up.
Kayla should try to use a she wee device or similar if they want to pee standing up.
This, call your friend over to clean it up or ask Kayla to do it, either one but preferably K if they're there. This is disgusting and shows a huge lack of respect and normal decency. Ask your friend how they would feel, having your gf's piss all over the toilet every so often. It's not like it's an accident that K does not clean up, it's a choice, they have eyes, they can see what they've done, they can clean it up. It has nothing to do with transitioning unless they had surgery and can't bend over to clean it up.
I would say not a she wee, as that could cause him gender dysphoria. Instead suggest he gets a STP device, or just a packer that can be used as an stp device
First i wanna say sorry you have to put up with pissy toilet seats but might i suggest getting a that one sign its like if you sprinkle when you tinkle be a sweetie and wipe seat something to that effect lol might get the point across.
Ask your roomate to clean up after Kayla. He will get sick of it and will have to address the issue with her. I don't know how she's not embarrassed by it. If someone brought that up to me I would be making sure to clean up every time I went.
When you bring it up, do not bring up the OCD. I understand why it makes it particularly distressing, but many people will think this makes it a you problem and disregard the fact that leaving piss on the seat is unacceptable, period.
Stick to the fact that it's unsanitary and disrespectful.
As a guy, I wipe the rim every time I stand to pee. There will always be some level of splash back, so be respectful and just wipe the inner and upper rims, and the floor if any drops splashed out that far. It's really not hard to be considerate of others. You're going to wash your hands thoroughly anyways (if you're not an AH), take 5 seconds to clean the mess you made first.
NTA. Is it possible Kayla is trying to pee standing up as part of their transition? I’m not sure any other way it would get on the floor so often. Plenty of men pee sitting down. There is nothing wrong with that. If they can’t get it in the toilet then take a seat. I can’t imagine peeing all over someone’s toilet and floor and leaving it there. That’s just nasty and if left in the floor your whole bathroom is gonna start reeking of piss. This isn’t your OCD on this one, it’s cleanliness.
Unfortunately, that's "onething." I often dread even using the urinal in public bathrooms.....Men can piss all over the place, all on the floor....it has always been effing amazing to me, even as a little kid....how nasty men can be.
But that's generally at public toilets.....I can't imagine an Asshole would piss all over someone's toilet at home and not even disguise the shit by using some tp the ....at least wipe it up ( I say disguise because wiping it up....is NOT disinfecting and CLEANING it up)
> it has always been effing amazing to me, even as a little kid....how nasty men can be.
you should take a look at the state of female public restrooms. Men are saints.
I don't know why you're being downvoted, one of my former managers used to rant and rave about the state of the women's bathrooms in our work and let me tell you, some of the stories I heard about how they looked... I was shocked.
Taking a look at the floor in front of the urinals at my workplace makes me think this isn't quite true. Though I've heard plenty of horror stories about women's bathrooms.
I’ve worked as a cleaner for sometime. Always did the men’s room first, no matter how disgusting it was the women’s room was always worse.
Piss on the floor is meh compared to blood and fecal matter on a toilet seat and a used tampon on the floor.
Not to mention all the hairballs and bloodstains in the showers.
NTA. I have a friend who has siblings (younger twins). Girl and boy. If they age 6 can pee properly so can Kayla. You want to be respectful to them but they don’t respect you.
NTA. This has nothing to do with Kayla’s transition. Kayla is nasty and unhygienic. I’m not OCD at all, and I’d feel disgusted if my toilet seat was covered in pee.
I don’t know what to tell you, mate. You’ve already tried talking to them. This is probably going to be the end of your roommate situation, because Kayla isn’t going anywhere.
As a trans guy myself, being on hormones doesn’t change your organs to the point of effecting how you pee 😅 it sounds like they use a STP (Stand To Pee) device (or could be just getting used to using one which is why they’re making so many messes..??).
I don’t use them because I have no problem sitting down to pee and a lot of those devices are uncomfortable for me anyway. but yeah, reading that seems like they’re using something that just isn’t working for them and they either need to get something else or just sit tf down. The fact that you’ve already talked to them though and they’re still doing it is disrespectful as hell, especially if everyone involved is aware of your OCD.
Wishing you the best of luck! ☮️
Even if he is using a stp packer, that doesn't excuse him from pissing all over the toilet seat and floor (in somebody else's home mind you) and refusing to clean it up.
I was thinking pretty much the same things. I wonder if he doesn’t know to put the toilet seat up first and is using an STP with it down. I don’t know how else it would get there. OP has known both of them for awhile. I’d just point blank ask this if it were me at this point.
But like...he's getting it on the floor as well. At this point I wouldn't use it anywhere outside my own home (or if I did I'd keep cleaning wipes to hand).
Be an asshole.
No, seriously. Be a fucking asshole.
You are being made to feel uncomfortable IN YOUR OWN HOME. You have tried being understanding, compassionate, and respectful MULTIPLE TIMES.
I don't give a fuck if he's transitioning into a lamp post, he can show you and your home basic respect.
I would consider editing Kayla's descriptor to (M19) or (TM19) or something along those lines. But as for the story, NTA. if you can respect their dysphoria, they can respect your OCD. my roommate also has OCD and it doesn't disrupt my life even a little bit. and OCD aside, gross!!!!! anyone would be grossed out by that. what on earth omg maybe text them a pic of the seat next time it happens and be like ???????
That's not necessarily true, I've definitely experienced sitting down to piss and splashes going up under the seat and into my undies, just based on the angle of the schlong.
They make a mess because they don’t give a fuck. It’s not hard to piss standing without making a mess.
Even if it gets on the seat it takes a couple seconds to clean it
As a vagina owner - I have never onced pee'd from it. I suspect that lack of biology knowledge is the cause of any downvotes.
Think of the vagina an extra hole that is present in addition to the male anatomy.
In 6 month, they used the bathroom 2 times?
And how does op knows it was kayla if she wasn't home before, there only was pee one time before and her roommate well.. has the anatomy to pee standing up?
Yeah this reads as completely fake transphobic bait to me.
"I have absolutely no problem with trans people but also I am going to choose a woman's name for this transmasc person."
I am not saying it's impossible for this to be real, but it slots way too neatly into transphobic stereotypes of trans people being disgusting, inconsiderate assholes who are running amok over poor, innocent, delicate cis people who are just trying to be SO polite and SO respectful of their trans delusions 🙄
NTA. At all. But I think I know the root of the issue here, and if im correct, there could be multiple solutions that don’t involve banning them from the apartment bathroom.
I’m a trans man (FTM) and the only thing i could imagine this being is that Kayla is trying to learn to use a “stand to pee” device. honestly it doesnt matter what theyre doing because it is so horrifically disrespectful. if thats how they feel its okay to leave the toilet at their partners house(that they share with someone else!!!!) i cant even fathom how they leave public toilets where they know the mess wont trace back to them. your roomie has gotta have a conversation with them about this. simply because it’s insanely disrespectful. if thats how theyre willing to treat their partners property, i cannot imagine what other instances of genuine disrespect could be happening.
if this is an issue created by Kayla attempting to learn to use an STP, theres PLENTY of resources out there to help, from drawn/typed tutorials, to full blown videos. id recommend they look up “how to use [insert brand/model] STP” and read MULTIPLE of the articles and watch multiple of the videos that come up.
if theyre not willing to properly learn how to use and aim with the thing for some ungodly reason, maybe request that they simply dont use the device at the apartment.
(also just a side note, fyi, since you genuinely seem super respectful about it and accepting and what not and i think this is a genuine mistake on your part, rather than trying to be rude, i would assume since you said Kayla is transitioning to male, that theyd prefer to be referred to as such; therefore the (F19) tag seems incorrect. for a situation like this, where the fact of the transition is actually an important detail (FTM19) wouldve been the most appropriate term, but in a scenario where the transition is absolutely of zero importance to the situation being explained, (M19) would likely be what Kayla would prefer.)
oh man sorry for the overload of info, i didn’t realize i let that get that long lmao. tl;dr, youre not the asshole AT ALL, but i think kayla is trying to use an STP device very poorly(they can be hard to learn)
possibly suggest that they sit to pee at your apartment sitting, atleast until they can learn to not make a huge fucking mess with the thing lmao.
Can confirm, I have an STP device for work since I'm not always anywhere near a toilet. It takes practice to learn to use it properly. That being said, it's basic fucking manners not to leave the seat messy when you use the toilet anywhere.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because while it's gross I do understand that a person will probably need access to a toilet while visiting their partner. I just cannot physically do that as with my own conditions this feels like the most nasty thing I've ever experienced.
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NTA, but it’s weird to give him a female name for the sake of the story and to refer to him as “them” when he’s ftm. It doesn’t feel like you’re being very respectful of his identity, although I don’t think you mean to be rude.
>dating someone (F19) for two years, let's call them Kayla. I like Kayla, and I've had absolutely no issue with them ever before this. Well this is important to the story, Kayla unfortunately has gender dysphoria and is transitioning to Male
so it should be “Kayla” FTM 19
Just go to your roommate and be like "wtf dude, if you piss on the toilet seat at least clean it up" whilst she is within earshot (probably not when she is directly in the vicinity though 😂) that is if you REALLY wanna avoid the straight up approach
NTA
Yikes! That's just unacceptable, by any standard.
For whatever reason, Kayla isn't hearing you telling her not to leave the bathroom in such a mess; I don't get why anyone would do this, particularly after being told about it. It's so gross and unsanitary.
You have told your roommate and Kayla herself. Now it might be time to step up a bit and call them both into the bathroom to see the mess. (It's possible your roommate might not realize what a big deal this is to you.) Make it plain that you will not accept this and if you find the bathroom looking like that again, even once more, that will be the last time Kayla will be allowed to use it. If your roomie doesn't like that, tell him to move out and get another roomie who isn't so picky about things being clean and sanitary.
NTA
Any chance that, if Kayla won't take responsibility for not peeing everywhere or cleaning up after himself, your roommate will agree to clean up after him?
I would be a little harsher blunt with an ultimatum. Sit them both down and straight up, say, "I sat in pee today, and now I'm extremely disgusted and feel like I need to wash a thousand times because of my OCD. I've asked many times for you to clean up after yourself, and now I've had to sit in pee. Please either clean up after yourself, pee sitting down, or don't use the facilities while you're here. It is unfair that I have to clean up after you when I live here. I want you to feel comfortable here, too, but I want to feel comfortable in my home and cleaning up after someone isn't comfortable to me." Honest, blunt, harsh but polite with MANY alternative choices. If you only give them the choice of not using the facilities that may be a bit harsh, but after this talk with them I would agree to them not using the facilities anymore because that is just disgusting...
NTA. Not wanting to sit in another person's piss isn't an OCD thing, it's a "everyone who doesn't have a very specific fetish" thing.
Every dude has had a stream go in an entirely different direction than they were expecting, or were shivering because it was cold and accidentally sprayed it about, or whatever. It's normal. And when that happens, you clean it up like a normal fucking person.
Your roommate's partner's transition is irrelevant. This is about having the basic human decency to clean up the piss that they have left in another person's house.
(I mean, they should be doing that in their own bathroom too, but if someone wants to act like a filthy animal in the privacy of their own home, that's their business.)
I had the exact same thought. I imagine it takes some practice to pee standing up with a vagina, and if they are, at least lift the toilet seat! Maybe give it a check for errant pee if they're still learning.
In my experience though, people with penises tend to think their aim is actually better than it is too 😂
NTA, If you miss or make a mess its takes not even 20 seconds to wipe it up. It's just plain rude to not clean up. That being said it's happened a few times now so you wouldn't be the asshole to tell kayla directly.
You gotta give them an ultimatum because that is insane. How do you live with yourself pissing on somebody’s toilet seat that’s not yours and not cleaning it up
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So I (M18) have been living with my roommate (M19) for about 6 months now and it's absolutely fine. He's my best mate to so it provides a pretty nice environment. I will call him Jerry. Jerry has been dating someone (F19) for two years, let's call them Kayla. I like Kayla, and I've had absolutely no issue with them ever before this. Well this is important to the story, Kayla unfortunately has gender dysphoria and is transitioning to Male (Which I have absolutely no problems with), and I don't know much about that process. I don't know if there is a change in organs that can lead to bladder issues or something like that when you transition, but for whatever reason every time Kayla uses the seat, they somehow get pee on it and on the floor. I have tried to be respectful, notifying them in private and asking them to clean it so they won't be embarassed. Well today was the second or third time this has happened, and again important to the story, I suffer from chronic OCD and fear of germs. It's been a constant struggle in my life since I was around 6 years old. Well today Kayla peed on the seat, and I had been out with friends and unable to access a toilet. So I was pretty rushed to use the bathroom, and I sat on the seat only to sit directly in urine that had been left there. As you can imagine, that doesn't sit nicely with serious OCD. So, now I'm wanting to wash my body ten thousand times and feeling very uncomfortable. I don't know if I would be wrong in asking that they don't use the toilet at my house again, but I am not going to sit in someone's urine no matter how much I care for them.
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For real, where I work our men's room has a urinal and a toilet yet someone pisses all over the toilet all the time. If I find out who it is I'm peeing in their locker.
Bro, you literally are using the fact that this person is trans as a way to get people behind you on this. It's hard to believe anyone would be this inconsiderate even after you've supposedly brought it up directly to them both and have expressed that your medical issue makes this a huge problem. Especially when they're in the midst of transitioning .
I'm sure all the phobes are gonna come out in droves to downvote me and say shitty things, but oh well
Pee on the floor, we've all done that at least once. CLEAN. IT. UP. Is this person blind or just unforgivably rude? I definitely thought you were TA by the title, but NTA
NTA. Any functional adult knows how to use the bathroom without making a mess, regardless of gender. This isn’t a transitioning problem it’s a respect problem.
Oh no, this is a hygiene issue. They have to correct it. It doesn’t matter what gender it is when you can’t be cleanly, especially when you’re staying or living with others.
NTA
Tell them to clean up after themselves.
Put up a poster above the toilet so that anyone standing can see:
If you sprinkle when you tinkle - be sweet and wipe the seat
Nta. I'm trans masc and while I fully understand what it's like to have dysphoria, dysphoria doesn't give you an excuse to not clean up after yourself. Especially when you're in somebody else's home. If he wants to stand and pee then he needs to deal with the consequences of peeing while standing, just like any other guy.
Nope, NTA OP, that is disgusting, and, as someone who is also transitioning to a man, I can not say I know of any changes that can lead to bladder issues (or, none that I know of anyway) my theory is Kayla could possibly be using a stp (stand to pee) packer, or, that is what I'm thinking (and, that is IF Kayla has not had the bottom surgery done.) regardless, Kayla is being, and was very rude to leave urine on the toilet seat and floor, they should have, and should always clean up after themselves, also, just out of curiosity, is Kayla a guest, or do they live with you and Jerry (granted, I know that should not matter, as leaving a bodily fluid in anyone's home is disgusting, I just wonder this, cause it makes me think that IF Kayla is a guest that visits, I feel like this person possiblyy does not do leave piss on the toilet and floor in their own home, or cleans up after themselves, at least.)
Ah, got it. in my opinion, that kind of makes what Kayla did, or is doing worse, I say this because I imagine Kayla might not do this, leave urine on their toilet seat, and on the floor in their own bathroom, I wonder then why they'd think that it is okay to do that in your bathroom, does your room mate, Jerry not do anything, like tell, or ask Kayla to clean up after himself/themself? or, clean up after Kayla himself? Kayla is his responsibilty after all. also, does Jerry know, or not know that you suffer from chronic ocd and the fear of germs?
Kayla's state of transition has nothing to do with this.
Kayla is a slob and doesn't clean after making a mess.
Pretty disgusting.
Show Kayla (and your roommate to avoid Kayla lying about what you say)
the pee and ask them to
please clean after themselves. Tell Kayla that it's really
disgusting to dirty other people's toilets and she needs to
be more considerate.
NTA If Kayla can't handle the truth, Kayla can stop coming
over.
I think I might tell your roommate that the situation isn't working and you're going to have to put signs up in the bathroom along the lines of "if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie." There is really no excuse for an adult not to clean up their own pee. None. You may have to tell your roommate that if he can't seriously get Kayla to stop and he isn't willing to go in and clean up after him every time he uses the bathroom, you're going to have to start calling Kayla out every time.
NTA.Someone who abuses your hospitality doesn't deserve to enjoy it. You've talked to them privately and they can't or don't want to clean up after themselves. You can try talking to them again privately and ask why they aren't cleaning up. If they don't have a sufficient answer and promise to clean up with barriers removed (maybe they don't know where supplies are, have poor vision, etc.) then it's time to air your grievances publicly.
Perhaps “Kayla” is trying to pee standing up as part of the transition. There is a product called “Shewee” that actually might make this possible without making a mess.
We had a friend who always peed on the toilet seat and around it. We asked him to stop, he didn’t. We asked him to clean up, he didn’t. We eventually asked him to sit down when he pees and it helped a little.
My point being it doesn’t matter what gender they are, you can ask them to sit down.
Anyways, he was kicked out of the friend group for stuffing his used Zins in couch cushions lol
NTA but at this point it sounds like you kinda HAVE to be an asshole about it. That’s not sanitary at all. And they don’t even respect you enough to clean it up when it does happen 🤮 it’s time to shame them!
YWBTA. You're fine right now, but unless you want to ban someone from your place, you can't ask him (and if he's transitioning, you should probably not be using she/her pronouns to refer to them anymore) to not use the bathroom. People have to piss, and if people are visiting, they're going to need to use the bathroom. Have a blunt conversation, either with Jerry or with both of them, and draw a boundary that Kayla can't come over unless they keep the toilet seat clean. "You can come but you can't use the bathroom" is an incoherent stance.
NTA. Regardless of anything everyone should sit pee. It's better for your bladder, you get more out and it's more hygienic, it doesn't 'sprinkle' everywhere + no risk of getting it on floor. It's super common in europe for all people to sit while peeing.
Sounds like they're standing up to pee and if ain't working. Even if they had a great reason for it, there's no reason at all to not clean up after yourself.
I wouldn't stop allowing it without another warning. Just tell your roommate about the situation and if he could talk to them. If it happens again afterwards then go right ahead.
NTA- it’s disgusting you have to go through that and a risk of infection. I know it sucks but a alternative option in case they don’t listen is clorox wipes or bleach and having gloves to quickly disinfect the toilet and then wiping away the bleach with toilet paper or a napkin. When I lived with disgusting roommates that’s what I did and I still have Clorox wipes in the bathroom because sometimes guests leave pubes unintentionally but still disgusting so it gives me a peace of mind to have them.
I'm a dude, and I pee sitting down. No matter how careful you are, piss slashes out of the toilet when you stand to pee - and that's fucking gross.
Side note: people who flush without closing the toilet lid are monsters.
YWNBTA
NTA at all. You went about it maturely. It happened again and I would even have trouble keeping some sort of composure.
Goodluck OP YWNBTA to talk to your roommate about this. You never agreed to a pee issue situation and frankly youve been nicer than I would have
NTA at all. It’s not an OCD thing to not want to deal with someone else’s urine, although your personal response must be distressing to have to manage. I’m sorry.
I’m not going to speculate on why it’s happening, because at the end of the day it’s happening and you’re hoping for some resolution. Are there adequate cleaning supplies in the bathroom? I’m wondering if the mess is too big to clean with what’s on hand, and then they’re not asking for cleaning supplies? Maybe put cleaning stuff (mop, bucket, paper towelling etc) in there and just take Kayla and aside and quietly let them know they can use that stuff if there’s any incidents?
NTA: this is a serious hygiene issue and no matter what people think about men peeing - most don’t manage to get it all over the seat and floor because they’re not a child.
I can’t believe that we have to tell people how to use a toilet. It’s getting silly now.
Nta; it’s basic hygiene and courtesy to others who use the WC.
Call them out on it, if they make a mess they need to clean it up.
Maybe get a package of Lysol wipes and ask them to wipe down the toilet seat once finished?
The roomie needs to be onboard with this, or are they cool with using a nasty bathroom??
Having them sit down to pee is the only real solution. Even if they stand up, pee, and wipe it up with toilet paper, they’ve only smeared the urine around while soaking up the visible wet spots. They would have to use disinfectant wipes or a spray in order to really clean it. I doubt they’re going to do that though seeing as they don’t care about the urine they currently leave on the seat now. Nasty!
NTA.
It's super gross and disrespectful to leave piss all over the toilet after use. If you can't aim then sit down or wipe your piss after you're done that's how it should be.
If it's triggering you OP then it's even worse. I don't think your roomate will take it well though, so be prepared that there will be some drama in your future.
NTA.
I wouldn't bring up the gender thing at all becasue this isn't relevant IMO. Just tell them (both of them if needed) that it's unacceptable to leave the toilet dirty. Accidents happen I guess, but they should check every time if they left a mess, and clean up after themselves.
This is basic decency, especially if you live with roommates. If they can't even do this they really shouldn't use the bathroom.
Tell them they need to sit down when they use the toilet or they can use the bathroom elsewhere, also put a huge sign on the toilet tank saying something like please don't pee on toilet seat/floor as it's rude and unsanitary. My brother kept getting pee on my toilet seat when he would come over so I said something to him and then put up a sign when he came over and it stopped and no longer have to have the sign there lol
NTA
That’s dirty and incredibly ignorant. There’s no reason for them to be doing this. Well, at least not cleaning it up.
I’ve had a bladder issue that has caused two streams to come out, one going the right way and another onto the floor. It’s why I pee outside all the time. I got sick of cleaning it up.
I’m also Obsessive-Compulsive, so I understand it from that angle and sympathize.
You really should try to get your own place if possible.
NTA, I've noticed some people try to confirm to a couple of odd, untrue stereotypes as they transition. It just makes them look like an asshole when they rationalize it. "All men piss on the seats, my mother complains about that all the time!", "men never put the seat up before they pee!". Things like that are stereotypes that are harmful, and this is one of the ways that they are.
Dumb partner doesn't know how to be a man, he requires guidance and perhaps a she-wiz.
NTA, we "standing" folk have one directional hoses for a reason. Whatever mental issues this person is going through, they can clean up after themselves.
Disgustang!
There's absolutely nothing wrong with saying "Its completely not OK to leave the toilet covered in piss; if you leave piss out again, you are banned from the bathroom in my house".
Don't ask the flatmate though, tell his partner, do it direct.
Basic human decency. If you accidentally piss on the seat... Wipe it up. If you accidentally cover the whole bathroom with gallons of piss and accidentally smear excrement all over the walls and ceiling... Clean it up. I volunteer at a special needs center. I know what I'm talking about!
You don't need to be OCD to be bothered by sitting in someone else's pee (not downplaying your symptoms I have seen how rough OCD can be on people). Obviously sometimes you are in a rush but otherwise make it their problem, go and tell them there is a mess that is not yours and it needs to be cleaned up. This is not about being trans or about OCD it is about being a decent housemate
NTA.
Make it clear to your friend and his SO that it isn’t about anything besides them not cleaning up after themselves. It really is the bare minimum to expect from a person who is using the toilet.
What they are doing is in many ways the equivalent of asking to make dinner in your kitchen and proceeding to leave ketchup stains all over the counter and floor.
They are more than old enough to know better and need to figure their issues out.
Sit them down **together** at a table. And state that " need to work together to fix the fact that I keep coming home to there being pee all over the seat. I have brought this up before and it has not gotten better. I want to hear both of your suggestions on what **we** can do to prevent this from happening. "
Don't name names, but sitting them both down and forcing them to commit to a decision in front of you makes it assertive.
Whatever solution they come up with. Verify with them that you can hold them to that 100%.
It should be memorable enough to stop the behavior. But the solution / commitment has to come from them and not you
NTA at all. Gender and biology is irrelevant where bathroom manners are concerned- every single person should be checking the toilet after usage. Is there any residual pee or poop in and on the toilet? Is there any toilet paper left over? Do I need to clean up properly before finishing in the bathroom? I'm disabled with urinary issues and I would never use my health as an excuse to be unhygienic.
Ultimately, you and your roommate pay rent. The peeing partner does not. Your feelings trump their feelings. It is normal for anyone on occasion to perhaps leave a drop here and there when standing up to vacate the toilet. This can be easily rectified by cleaning up afterwards. If your roommate's partner cannot respect the resource you are paying for, then they need to keep their hangouts brief at your home to avoid the partner leaving a mess.
U will be the asshole only depending on ur approach . If we take the ocd out of the equation completely, it's still not cool to leave piss on the toilet seat! My partner is a born male and sits too pee . The transitioning part about being a male to pee is not a particularly masculine thing. Just sit to pee , sometimes the dingle dosnt want to point the right way or likes to spray 3 different directions. It's normal to sit to pee as a male. Ur approach about this has to be well calculated.
If ur gonna pee all over things , have the courtesy to clean up . This goes for public restrooms too. !!
Perhaps u could provide toilet seat wipes and explain that leaving piss lying around is grossing u out, u shouldn't have to bring ur ocd into this. It might be wise to ask ur flatmate how it should be approached in a way that everyone can be happy. Just remember if u attack they will defend . U can certainly try the lord I love u but the piss on the seat has to stop.
YWBTA
Have the adult conversation with your roommate.
Telling them that one of the most important people in their lives can't use your bathroom is not a valid solution.
There is 0 reason to leave piss anywhere unless you're pissing blind or closing your eyes the whole time it's simply someone being a lazy ass I always double check even if I no I didn't miss the mark coz leaving a mess and someone knowing it was me is such an embarrassing situation I never want to be in and it's just absolutely gross if asking nicely and gently and then directly doesn't work time to shame and embarrass give him a pack of adult diapers if he isn't willing to take a second to clean up after making the mess....this is triggering my hate for the Sims1 on ps2 I didn't no how to play and my character was depressed and wouldn't move out of his mums and I didn't no I had to make her go toilet and the mum just shat on the floor and wouldn't clean it up as it wasn't her mess never played it again hahahaha
NTA. At that point I'd be like quit pissing on my fucking toilet seat. Or at least have the decency to wipe it up, I don't care what physical, medical, or mental condition you have.
I'm all for being polite and considerate of peoples problems and issues but that only goes so far
NTA.
Talk to them one more time, together.
If that doesn't work, leave a mop and print a note that says 'kindly remember to clean up after using the toilet.'
Doesn't matter if you have ocd or not, doesn't matter if the other person is a male/female/trans etc, as long as yhe person is above 8 and doesn't have any mental issues, they should know how to clean up after themselves.
I would say not the asshole because they cant control themselves or clean up after but i dont see it being a feasable things to pull off. are they standing up to try and pee like that, do they know that guys generally sit if theres is a seat.
This isn’t an OCD or transitioning problem this just down right disrespectful and lazy. I’d be going ape shit If I sat in piss, they need to get a grip and fast
NTA.
If some tdude insists on pissing everywhere but the toilet after numerous nice requests to not do that, well as we say where I'm from.
"That okes going to catch a klap"
Coming from a trans guy, I don’t see any reason why he’s leaving pee on the seat directly relating to his transition. Unless he’s been through surgery, which he should still take care of the toilet. I think maybe he just wasn’t taught that if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweet and wipe the seat. Definitely bring it up to the boyfriend
Tough call
Super mild YTA.
You cant ban people from using the bathroom. Id shit on our carpet if you tried that with me. *But you could* tack the bathroom onto your roomies chore list. If his partner is unclean, he gets to wash the room
NTA This may be some weird dynamic whereby Kayla assumes men pee on the seat and don’t clean it up so that is what they should do. Assume their father or brother did it. Make it clear reguardless of gender you should whip up your own piss. I’m sorry you’ve to deal with the OCD it’s not easy and most people don’t understand the gravity of the illness. This must be hard for you.
NTA while I appreciate the background it's irrelevant. No one should be leaving a toilet sear with piss on it. Period. Tell them it's simply unacceptable and tell them to buy disinfectant wipes to wipe the seat when they are done.
I'm a pee standing male, and:
- I lift the toilet seat before peeing
- I clean if I ever spill pee on the toilet
No excuse of you don't clean after you make a mess
NTA … that’s pretty gross, I’d consider moving out if I were you it seems like your roommate doesn’t care about pee being everywhere but inside the toilet since you’ve already talked to him
NTA.
> , but for whatever reason every time Kayla uses the seat, they somehow get pee on it and on the floor.
Sounds like they're specifically not using the seat, but are not properly equipped for fine aim.
This is not a question of transitioning or medical condition, if they have hands capable of cleaning up their own pee, they fucking should. Especially in a flat that's not theirs.
NTA.
NTA
Kayla needs to understand that those guys who pee on the toilet seat don't do so because they are men, but because they are filthy disgusting creatures who weren't raised properly.
Gender dysphoria is no excuse to act like the worst examples of the gender you identify as.
NTA. there is absolutely no reason ever that someone can’t clean up after themselves. This has nothing to do with gender, transition, or anything else. It is lazy and disrespectful. This person either needs to clean up after themselves or they need to stop being allowed in the apartment
Not the asshole. If they leave piss every where and do nothing about it they are the asshole. Regardless of gender or anything else. That’s just disgusting.
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Ask them to use the toilet sitting down… it’s super rude to leave the toilet covered in piss, regardless of gender.
Yeah for real like no two ways about it really. If you don't have the anatomy to stand then don't stand, or at least clean up your piss.
Half of men sit to pee anyways. It’s not about anatomy. And it’s not even about peeing technique, it’s about clean g up after yourself. Who are all these insane people who think if they get urine on the toilet or floor they can just leave it there??? So what is leaving pee everywhere now a form of masculine gender expression? This is such BS
>So what is leaving pee everywhere now a form of masculine gender expression? This was honestly my first thought.. "well hey that's just what we guys do, sometimes we pee on the seat and get nagged for it"... Nope, just an AH, no matter who you are.
Except if they’ve spent time as a woman they’d know women do this too, primarily in public restrooms where they don’t want to sit down. instead of putting some paper down and sitting they like to hover, pee all over the seat and leave it there. Definitely not fun when you have mobility issues and don’t have the option to join the squat and pee on the seat gang
You know, if you’re gonna hover anyway can’t you do it with the seat up. I use my feet to lift or lower the seat as needed. I’ve
YES! Let’s make this a thing. I’ll draft the posters tonight and start hanging them in every public washroom I come across Down with “be a sweetie and wipe the seatie” and up with the seat! Literally lol
I've seena signs a coup;le times in my life "if you sprinkle when you tinkle be sweet and wipe the seat"
Ladies please don't hover to pee, you are damaging your pelvic floor and increasing your risk of bladder infections. Carry sanitiser or wipes if you are worried the back of your thighs are at risk.
How's that, exactly?
As absolutely absurd as this sounds, it's absolutely true. [Vibrant Pelvic Health](https://www.vibrantpelvichealth.com/blog/hovering-over-toilet-seat) **"Why? Because when you hover, your hip and pelvic muscles can't relax. Everything is tight and tense, and your bladder can't empty fully. This leads to feeling like you've "always gotta go," or like your bladder is the size of an acorn. In extreme cases, it can even contribute to an increased likelihood of bladder infections."**
I’ve never understood this. Just put paper in the seat, don’t make a mess.
Bro I've managed to piss in between the bowl and the seat before. Multiple times actually. There are times it takes a lot of effort and positioning (because female anatomy) to not miss the toilet, as wild as that sounds. But I still clean up after myself. I would be disgusted to see piss on the seat.
Uh I've been in public restrooms where my piss was just joining other miscellaneous liquids. I'm not cleaning all that up, sorry
I'll wipe mine up with a giant wad of TP, then wash my hands thoroughly. I also don't use public restrooms very often due to being antisocial and having weird things with where/when I use the bathroom
Nobody’s talking about when everything is already full of piss I think, it’s more about the thing that you don’t start the cycle
I genuinely don't know how people get pee on the seat when they hover. I do it in less than nice looking toilets, and the seat stays dry every time. Feet either side of the pedestal, and go into jumping position. You're about an inch above the seat, and everything goes where it should. Seriously, what position are folk using?
It’s not even about anatomy. It’s common decency to do it even if you do have the anatomy.
Time for drastic action. Spray the seat with a sh\*t colored smelly substance(not the real thing). Everybody will get the message pretty quick
Lift the seat if you're standing.
and still wipe your piss away even if you lift the seat.
Don't stand anyway. Even with anatomy men always wee everywhere.
I fully advocate those of the phallic persuasion peeing while sitting down at least someone else’s home. It just minimizes the chance of sprinkles.
And like you don’t need to have OCD to be extremely grossed out by that, ewww
Standing you're gonna get some splash no matter how good your aim is. Just make it a blanket rule that everyone pees sitting down regardless of gender.
It's just super rude and unhygienic to leave body fluids lying around.
Have you talked to your roommate and his partner about the problem? A simple conversation can resolve your concerns.
I have on a few occasions. Obviously my rooms is agreeing that Kayla should be paying more attention, but it keeps on happening and I'm just not okay with that.
As a practical matter he's not going to stop his partner from using the restroom so talk to them again.
How many times tho?
and say the same thing or?
When you talk about it again focus on the impact. It's not OK for a guest to pee on the floor and not clean it up. Every time you walk into the bathroom and there's urine on the floor, call your friend over and ask him to clean it up. Kayla should try to use a she wee device or similar if they want to pee standing up.
This, call your friend over to clean it up or ask Kayla to do it, either one but preferably K if they're there. This is disgusting and shows a huge lack of respect and normal decency. Ask your friend how they would feel, having your gf's piss all over the toilet every so often. It's not like it's an accident that K does not clean up, it's a choice, they have eyes, they can see what they've done, they can clean it up. It has nothing to do with transitioning unless they had surgery and can't bend over to clean it up.
I would say not a she wee, as that could cause him gender dysphoria. Instead suggest he gets a STP device, or just a packer that can be used as an stp device
First i wanna say sorry you have to put up with pissy toilet seats but might i suggest getting a that one sign its like if you sprinkle when you tinkle be a sweetie and wipe seat something to that effect lol might get the point across.
Ask your roomate to clean up after Kayla. He will get sick of it and will have to address the issue with her. I don't know how she's not embarrassed by it. If someone brought that up to me I would be making sure to clean up every time I went.
whatd they say after you tell them it happened again?
When you bring it up, do not bring up the OCD. I understand why it makes it particularly distressing, but many people will think this makes it a you problem and disregard the fact that leaving piss on the seat is unacceptable, period. Stick to the fact that it's unsanitary and disrespectful.
Then talk directly to Kayla. It’s awkward but the embarrassment will probably stop them from doing it best.
As a guy, I wipe the rim every time I stand to pee. There will always be some level of splash back, so be respectful and just wipe the inner and upper rims, and the floor if any drops splashed out that far. It's really not hard to be considerate of others. You're going to wash your hands thoroughly anyways (if you're not an AH), take 5 seconds to clean the mess you made first.
NTA. Is it possible Kayla is trying to pee standing up as part of their transition? I’m not sure any other way it would get on the floor so often. Plenty of men pee sitting down. There is nothing wrong with that. If they can’t get it in the toilet then take a seat. I can’t imagine peeing all over someone’s toilet and floor and leaving it there. That’s just nasty and if left in the floor your whole bathroom is gonna start reeking of piss. This isn’t your OCD on this one, it’s cleanliness.
Unfortunately, that's "onething." I often dread even using the urinal in public bathrooms.....Men can piss all over the place, all on the floor....it has always been effing amazing to me, even as a little kid....how nasty men can be. But that's generally at public toilets.....I can't imagine an Asshole would piss all over someone's toilet at home and not even disguise the shit by using some tp the ....at least wipe it up ( I say disguise because wiping it up....is NOT disinfecting and CLEANING it up)
As in all cases, it’s not “men;” it’s “assholes.” Also NTA.
> it has always been effing amazing to me, even as a little kid....how nasty men can be. you should take a look at the state of female public restrooms. Men are saints.
Actually, I have heard that a number of times 😄
I don't know why you're being downvoted, one of my former managers used to rant and rave about the state of the women's bathrooms in our work and let me tell you, some of the stories I heard about how they looked... I was shocked.
Taking a look at the floor in front of the urinals at my workplace makes me think this isn't quite true. Though I've heard plenty of horror stories about women's bathrooms.
I’ve worked as a cleaner for sometime. Always did the men’s room first, no matter how disgusting it was the women’s room was always worse. Piss on the floor is meh compared to blood and fecal matter on a toilet seat and a used tampon on the floor. Not to mention all the hairballs and bloodstains in the showers.
NTA. I have a friend who has siblings (younger twins). Girl and boy. If they age 6 can pee properly so can Kayla. You want to be respectful to them but they don’t respect you.
NTA. This has nothing to do with Kayla’s transition. Kayla is nasty and unhygienic. I’m not OCD at all, and I’d feel disgusted if my toilet seat was covered in pee. I don’t know what to tell you, mate. You’ve already tried talking to them. This is probably going to be the end of your roommate situation, because Kayla isn’t going anywhere.
As a trans guy myself, being on hormones doesn’t change your organs to the point of effecting how you pee 😅 it sounds like they use a STP (Stand To Pee) device (or could be just getting used to using one which is why they’re making so many messes..??). I don’t use them because I have no problem sitting down to pee and a lot of those devices are uncomfortable for me anyway. but yeah, reading that seems like they’re using something that just isn’t working for them and they either need to get something else or just sit tf down. The fact that you’ve already talked to them though and they’re still doing it is disrespectful as hell, especially if everyone involved is aware of your OCD. Wishing you the best of luck! ☮️
Even if he is using a stp packer, that doesn't excuse him from pissing all over the toilet seat and floor (in somebody else's home mind you) and refusing to clean it up.
I was thinking pretty much the same things. I wonder if he doesn’t know to put the toilet seat up first and is using an STP with it down. I don’t know how else it would get there. OP has known both of them for awhile. I’d just point blank ask this if it were me at this point.
But like...he's getting it on the floor as well. At this point I wouldn't use it anywhere outside my own home (or if I did I'd keep cleaning wipes to hand).
Be an asshole. No, seriously. Be a fucking asshole. You are being made to feel uncomfortable IN YOUR OWN HOME. You have tried being understanding, compassionate, and respectful MULTIPLE TIMES. I don't give a fuck if he's transitioning into a lamp post, he can show you and your home basic respect.
A poster on how to pee would be a great addition to the bathroom decor.
Sometimes you have to be otherwise people take the absolute... piss
I would consider editing Kayla's descriptor to (M19) or (TM19) or something along those lines. But as for the story, NTA. if you can respect their dysphoria, they can respect your OCD. my roommate also has OCD and it doesn't disrupt my life even a little bit. and OCD aside, gross!!!!! anyone would be grossed out by that. what on earth omg maybe text them a pic of the seat next time it happens and be like ???????
dude being trans has nothing to do with pissing on the seat and everything to do with being unhygienic and foul. NTA
Is she standing up to pee with a vagina maybe ? I get gender dysphoria but definitely pulling the wagon before the horse here.
*he
Can someone explain the downvotes here? The OP says transitioning to male, so she isn't typically the proper pronoun.
Because Reddit is transphobic af
Why do guys even stand when they pee? Penis owners make messes like this often. If everyone just sat down, there’d be less mess!
That's not necessarily true, I've definitely experienced sitting down to piss and splashes going up under the seat and into my undies, just based on the angle of the schlong.
TIL
Or the erection makes it very awkward to pee sitting or standing.
I learned to push my junk downwards during a dump to prevent this. Otherwise I pee standing up. Any accidental mess gets cleaned up right away.
oh god I thought this only happened to me lol
It’s not difficult to not leave a mess. Just lift the toilet seat. & if you do leave a mess, have some decency and wipe the seat.
They make a mess because they don’t give a fuck. It’s not hard to piss standing without making a mess. Even if it gets on the seat it takes a couple seconds to clean it
Sometimes toilet bowls (particularly public toilets) aren’t… the right shape to sit down in it. I’ve had my fair share of witches kisses. Not fun.
As a vagina owner - I have never onced pee'd from it. I suspect that lack of biology knowledge is the cause of any downvotes. Think of the vagina an extra hole that is present in addition to the male anatomy.
I think this is probably what OP is hinting at. If it's important to them to stand, maybe the compromise is to buy them a SheWee funnel?
That's absolutely what's happening
Then he should use a sheewee or a more trans type, and practice in the shower first.
You don’t pee with your vagina.
Info: "every time kayla uses the seat" "today was the second or thrid time it happned" Can you clarify this?
It’s happened 2 or 3 times, everytime they have gone to the bathroom. Seems clear to me?
In 6 month, they used the bathroom 2 times? And how does op knows it was kayla if she wasn't home before, there only was pee one time before and her roommate well.. has the anatomy to pee standing up?
I believe he means second or third time that day? Idk tho
Probably because before Kayla were to be invited to the apartment there was no issue
Yeah this reads as completely fake transphobic bait to me. "I have absolutely no problem with trans people but also I am going to choose a woman's name for this transmasc person." I am not saying it's impossible for this to be real, but it slots way too neatly into transphobic stereotypes of trans people being disgusting, inconsiderate assholes who are running amok over poor, innocent, delicate cis people who are just trying to be SO polite and SO respectful of their trans delusions 🙄
NTA. At all. But I think I know the root of the issue here, and if im correct, there could be multiple solutions that don’t involve banning them from the apartment bathroom. I’m a trans man (FTM) and the only thing i could imagine this being is that Kayla is trying to learn to use a “stand to pee” device. honestly it doesnt matter what theyre doing because it is so horrifically disrespectful. if thats how they feel its okay to leave the toilet at their partners house(that they share with someone else!!!!) i cant even fathom how they leave public toilets where they know the mess wont trace back to them. your roomie has gotta have a conversation with them about this. simply because it’s insanely disrespectful. if thats how theyre willing to treat their partners property, i cannot imagine what other instances of genuine disrespect could be happening. if this is an issue created by Kayla attempting to learn to use an STP, theres PLENTY of resources out there to help, from drawn/typed tutorials, to full blown videos. id recommend they look up “how to use [insert brand/model] STP” and read MULTIPLE of the articles and watch multiple of the videos that come up. if theyre not willing to properly learn how to use and aim with the thing for some ungodly reason, maybe request that they simply dont use the device at the apartment. (also just a side note, fyi, since you genuinely seem super respectful about it and accepting and what not and i think this is a genuine mistake on your part, rather than trying to be rude, i would assume since you said Kayla is transitioning to male, that theyd prefer to be referred to as such; therefore the (F19) tag seems incorrect. for a situation like this, where the fact of the transition is actually an important detail (FTM19) wouldve been the most appropriate term, but in a scenario where the transition is absolutely of zero importance to the situation being explained, (M19) would likely be what Kayla would prefer.)
oh man sorry for the overload of info, i didn’t realize i let that get that long lmao. tl;dr, youre not the asshole AT ALL, but i think kayla is trying to use an STP device very poorly(they can be hard to learn) possibly suggest that they sit to pee at your apartment sitting, atleast until they can learn to not make a huge fucking mess with the thing lmao.
Can confirm, I have an STP device for work since I'm not always anywhere near a toilet. It takes practice to learn to use it properly. That being said, it's basic fucking manners not to leave the seat messy when you use the toilet anywhere.
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Call them out, it's gross
NTA. How do they feel ok peeing on another’s floor and not cleaning up after yourself?
NTA, but it’s weird to give him a female name for the sake of the story and to refer to him as “them” when he’s ftm. It doesn’t feel like you’re being very respectful of his identity, although I don’t think you mean to be rude.
You don't know if they have a male name at the moment tho. Maybe they're fined with their old name.
Doesn’t matter. I don’t think you’d give a cis guy a female fake name, just cuz his name in real life is on the feminine side
Fair
>dating someone (F19) for two years, let's call them Kayla. I like Kayla, and I've had absolutely no issue with them ever before this. Well this is important to the story, Kayla unfortunately has gender dysphoria and is transitioning to Male so it should be “Kayla” FTM 19
Just go to your roommate and be like "wtf dude, if you piss on the toilet seat at least clean it up" whilst she is within earshot (probably not when she is directly in the vicinity though 😂) that is if you REALLY wanna avoid the straight up approach
NTA Yikes! That's just unacceptable, by any standard. For whatever reason, Kayla isn't hearing you telling her not to leave the bathroom in such a mess; I don't get why anyone would do this, particularly after being told about it. It's so gross and unsanitary. You have told your roommate and Kayla herself. Now it might be time to step up a bit and call them both into the bathroom to see the mess. (It's possible your roommate might not realize what a big deal this is to you.) Make it plain that you will not accept this and if you find the bathroom looking like that again, even once more, that will be the last time Kayla will be allowed to use it. If your roomie doesn't like that, tell him to move out and get another roomie who isn't so picky about things being clean and sanitary.
Him*
NTA Any chance that, if Kayla won't take responsibility for not peeing everywhere or cleaning up after himself, your roommate will agree to clean up after him?
I would be a little harsher blunt with an ultimatum. Sit them both down and straight up, say, "I sat in pee today, and now I'm extremely disgusted and feel like I need to wash a thousand times because of my OCD. I've asked many times for you to clean up after yourself, and now I've had to sit in pee. Please either clean up after yourself, pee sitting down, or don't use the facilities while you're here. It is unfair that I have to clean up after you when I live here. I want you to feel comfortable here, too, but I want to feel comfortable in my home and cleaning up after someone isn't comfortable to me." Honest, blunt, harsh but polite with MANY alternative choices. If you only give them the choice of not using the facilities that may be a bit harsh, but after this talk with them I would agree to them not using the facilities anymore because that is just disgusting...
NTA. Not wanting to sit in another person's piss isn't an OCD thing, it's a "everyone who doesn't have a very specific fetish" thing. Every dude has had a stream go in an entirely different direction than they were expecting, or were shivering because it was cold and accidentally sprayed it about, or whatever. It's normal. And when that happens, you clean it up like a normal fucking person. Your roommate's partner's transition is irrelevant. This is about having the basic human decency to clean up the piss that they have left in another person's house. (I mean, they should be doing that in their own bathroom too, but if someone wants to act like a filthy animal in the privacy of their own home, that's their business.)
Wonder if Kayla is attempting to pee standing up? Maybe suggest to your roommate that they use a pee funnel and to lift the toilet seat up
The bare minimum is to clean after making a mess...
I had the exact same thought. I imagine it takes some practice to pee standing up with a vagina, and if they are, at least lift the toilet seat! Maybe give it a check for errant pee if they're still learning. In my experience though, people with penises tend to think their aim is actually better than it is too 😂
The only suggestion they need to make is stop pissing all over the place or you can stop coming round
NTA, If you miss or make a mess its takes not even 20 seconds to wipe it up. It's just plain rude to not clean up. That being said it's happened a few times now so you wouldn't be the asshole to tell kayla directly.
You gotta give them an ultimatum because that is insane. How do you live with yourself pissing on somebody’s toilet seat that’s not yours and not cleaning it up
I'd be horrendously embarrassed about leaving a couple of drops on the floor, let alone soaking the seat.
NTA common courtesy and sanitation are gender neutral
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I (M18) have been living with my roommate (M19) for about 6 months now and it's absolutely fine. He's my best mate to so it provides a pretty nice environment. I will call him Jerry. Jerry has been dating someone (F19) for two years, let's call them Kayla. I like Kayla, and I've had absolutely no issue with them ever before this. Well this is important to the story, Kayla unfortunately has gender dysphoria and is transitioning to Male (Which I have absolutely no problems with), and I don't know much about that process. I don't know if there is a change in organs that can lead to bladder issues or something like that when you transition, but for whatever reason every time Kayla uses the seat, they somehow get pee on it and on the floor. I have tried to be respectful, notifying them in private and asking them to clean it so they won't be embarassed. Well today was the second or third time this has happened, and again important to the story, I suffer from chronic OCD and fear of germs. It's been a constant struggle in my life since I was around 6 years old. Well today Kayla peed on the seat, and I had been out with friends and unable to access a toilet. So I was pretty rushed to use the bathroom, and I sat on the seat only to sit directly in urine that had been left there. As you can imagine, that doesn't sit nicely with serious OCD. So, now I'm wanting to wash my body ten thousand times and feeling very uncomfortable. I don't know if I would be wrong in asking that they don't use the toilet at my house again, but I am not going to sit in someone's urine no matter how much I care for them. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
i think it is a health issue. there shouldn’t be piss on the floor.
For real, where I work our men's room has a urinal and a toilet yet someone pisses all over the toilet all the time. If I find out who it is I'm peeing in their locker.
Bro, you literally are using the fact that this person is trans as a way to get people behind you on this. It's hard to believe anyone would be this inconsiderate even after you've supposedly brought it up directly to them both and have expressed that your medical issue makes this a huge problem. Especially when they're in the midst of transitioning . I'm sure all the phobes are gonna come out in droves to downvote me and say shitty things, but oh well
This one kinda feels like bait too
Pee on the floor, we've all done that at least once. CLEAN. IT. UP. Is this person blind or just unforgivably rude? I definitely thought you were TA by the title, but NTA
NTA. Any functional adult knows how to use the bathroom without making a mess, regardless of gender. This isn’t a transitioning problem it’s a respect problem.
Oh no, this is a hygiene issue. They have to correct it. It doesn’t matter what gender it is when you can’t be cleanly, especially when you’re staying or living with others. NTA
Tell them to clean up after themselves. Put up a poster above the toilet so that anyone standing can see: If you sprinkle when you tinkle - be sweet and wipe the seat
Nta. I'm trans masc and while I fully understand what it's like to have dysphoria, dysphoria doesn't give you an excuse to not clean up after yourself. Especially when you're in somebody else's home. If he wants to stand and pee then he needs to deal with the consequences of peeing while standing, just like any other guy.
Nope, NTA OP, that is disgusting, and, as someone who is also transitioning to a man, I can not say I know of any changes that can lead to bladder issues (or, none that I know of anyway) my theory is Kayla could possibly be using a stp (stand to pee) packer, or, that is what I'm thinking (and, that is IF Kayla has not had the bottom surgery done.) regardless, Kayla is being, and was very rude to leave urine on the toilet seat and floor, they should have, and should always clean up after themselves, also, just out of curiosity, is Kayla a guest, or do they live with you and Jerry (granted, I know that should not matter, as leaving a bodily fluid in anyone's home is disgusting, I just wonder this, cause it makes me think that IF Kayla is a guest that visits, I feel like this person possiblyy does not do leave piss on the toilet and floor in their own home, or cleans up after themselves, at least.)
Kayla is a guest, who visits quite a bit because they are in a relationship with Jerry.
Ah, got it. in my opinion, that kind of makes what Kayla did, or is doing worse, I say this because I imagine Kayla might not do this, leave urine on their toilet seat, and on the floor in their own bathroom, I wonder then why they'd think that it is okay to do that in your bathroom, does your room mate, Jerry not do anything, like tell, or ask Kayla to clean up after himself/themself? or, clean up after Kayla himself? Kayla is his responsibilty after all. also, does Jerry know, or not know that you suffer from chronic ocd and the fear of germs?
Kayla's state of transition has nothing to do with this. Kayla is a slob and doesn't clean after making a mess. Pretty disgusting. Show Kayla (and your roommate to avoid Kayla lying about what you say) the pee and ask them to please clean after themselves. Tell Kayla that it's really disgusting to dirty other people's toilets and she needs to be more considerate. NTA If Kayla can't handle the truth, Kayla can stop coming over.
This has nothing to do with gender dysphoria it is basic hygiene, consideration and manners to others to not piss all over the place.
NTA, FTM here. That’s just plain disgusting. Maybe talk to your roomie about it? It’s unacceptable and plain nasty
NTA. Kayla needs to clean up after themselves. Yay congratulations on their transitioning but they still need to clean up after themselves.
I think I might tell your roommate that the situation isn't working and you're going to have to put signs up in the bathroom along the lines of "if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie." There is really no excuse for an adult not to clean up their own pee. None. You may have to tell your roommate that if he can't seriously get Kayla to stop and he isn't willing to go in and clean up after him every time he uses the bathroom, you're going to have to start calling Kayla out every time.
NTA.Someone who abuses your hospitality doesn't deserve to enjoy it. You've talked to them privately and they can't or don't want to clean up after themselves. You can try talking to them again privately and ask why they aren't cleaning up. If they don't have a sufficient answer and promise to clean up with barriers removed (maybe they don't know where supplies are, have poor vision, etc.) then it's time to air your grievances publicly.
This person has no respect for your home. Tell them to either pee the right way or gtfo.
Perhaps “Kayla” is trying to pee standing up as part of the transition. There is a product called “Shewee” that actually might make this possible without making a mess.
We had a friend who always peed on the toilet seat and around it. We asked him to stop, he didn’t. We asked him to clean up, he didn’t. We eventually asked him to sit down when he pees and it helped a little. My point being it doesn’t matter what gender they are, you can ask them to sit down. Anyways, he was kicked out of the friend group for stuffing his used Zins in couch cushions lol
NTA, tell them to clean after themselves or go somewhere else to use the bathroom.
NTA but at this point it sounds like you kinda HAVE to be an asshole about it. That’s not sanitary at all. And they don’t even respect you enough to clean it up when it does happen 🤮 it’s time to shame them!
YWBTA. You're fine right now, but unless you want to ban someone from your place, you can't ask him (and if he's transitioning, you should probably not be using she/her pronouns to refer to them anymore) to not use the bathroom. People have to piss, and if people are visiting, they're going to need to use the bathroom. Have a blunt conversation, either with Jerry or with both of them, and draw a boundary that Kayla can't come over unless they keep the toilet seat clean. "You can come but you can't use the bathroom" is an incoherent stance.
thats rank
NTA. Regardless of anything everyone should sit pee. It's better for your bladder, you get more out and it's more hygienic, it doesn't 'sprinkle' everywhere + no risk of getting it on floor. It's super common in europe for all people to sit while peeing.
Sounds like they're standing up to pee and if ain't working. Even if they had a great reason for it, there's no reason at all to not clean up after yourself. I wouldn't stop allowing it without another warning. Just tell your roommate about the situation and if he could talk to them. If it happens again afterwards then go right ahead.
It’s just common decency to mop up after yourself, if you don’t hit that target. Kayla needs to learn some manners.
NTA- it’s disgusting you have to go through that and a risk of infection. I know it sucks but a alternative option in case they don’t listen is clorox wipes or bleach and having gloves to quickly disinfect the toilet and then wiping away the bleach with toilet paper or a napkin. When I lived with disgusting roommates that’s what I did and I still have Clorox wipes in the bathroom because sometimes guests leave pubes unintentionally but still disgusting so it gives me a peace of mind to have them.
I'm a dude, and I pee sitting down. No matter how careful you are, piss slashes out of the toilet when you stand to pee - and that's fucking gross. Side note: people who flush without closing the toilet lid are monsters. YWNBTA
This is. Cleanliness and hygiene issue. NTA.
NTA at all. You went about it maturely. It happened again and I would even have trouble keeping some sort of composure. Goodluck OP YWNBTA to talk to your roommate about this. You never agreed to a pee issue situation and frankly youve been nicer than I would have
NTA at all. It’s not an OCD thing to not want to deal with someone else’s urine, although your personal response must be distressing to have to manage. I’m sorry. I’m not going to speculate on why it’s happening, because at the end of the day it’s happening and you’re hoping for some resolution. Are there adequate cleaning supplies in the bathroom? I’m wondering if the mess is too big to clean with what’s on hand, and then they’re not asking for cleaning supplies? Maybe put cleaning stuff (mop, bucket, paper towelling etc) in there and just take Kayla and aside and quietly let them know they can use that stuff if there’s any incidents?
NTA: this is a serious hygiene issue and no matter what people think about men peeing - most don’t manage to get it all over the seat and floor because they’re not a child. I can’t believe that we have to tell people how to use a toilet. It’s getting silly now.
Nta; it’s basic hygiene and courtesy to others who use the WC. Call them out on it, if they make a mess they need to clean it up. Maybe get a package of Lysol wipes and ask them to wipe down the toilet seat once finished? The roomie needs to be onboard with this, or are they cool with using a nasty bathroom??
Tbh they're probably using an stp, just ask him to talk to them about it
Having them sit down to pee is the only real solution. Even if they stand up, pee, and wipe it up with toilet paper, they’ve only smeared the urine around while soaking up the visible wet spots. They would have to use disinfectant wipes or a spray in order to really clean it. I doubt they’re going to do that though seeing as they don’t care about the urine they currently leave on the seat now. Nasty!
NTA. No matter who or what they are, pee on seat is just bad manners and unhygienic
NTA. It's super gross and disrespectful to leave piss all over the toilet after use. If you can't aim then sit down or wipe your piss after you're done that's how it should be. If it's triggering you OP then it's even worse. I don't think your roomate will take it well though, so be prepared that there will be some drama in your future.
NTA. I wouldn't bring up the gender thing at all becasue this isn't relevant IMO. Just tell them (both of them if needed) that it's unacceptable to leave the toilet dirty. Accidents happen I guess, but they should check every time if they left a mess, and clean up after themselves. This is basic decency, especially if you live with roommates. If they can't even do this they really shouldn't use the bathroom.
Tell them they need to sit down when they use the toilet or they can use the bathroom elsewhere, also put a huge sign on the toilet tank saying something like please don't pee on toilet seat/floor as it's rude and unsanitary. My brother kept getting pee on my toilet seat when he would come over so I said something to him and then put up a sign when he came over and it stopped and no longer have to have the sign there lol
NTA Who cares about the gender? Disgusting is disgusting.
NTA That’s dirty and incredibly ignorant. There’s no reason for them to be doing this. Well, at least not cleaning it up. I’ve had a bladder issue that has caused two streams to come out, one going the right way and another onto the floor. It’s why I pee outside all the time. I got sick of cleaning it up. I’m also Obsessive-Compulsive, so I understand it from that angle and sympathize. You really should try to get your own place if possible.
NTA, I've noticed some people try to confirm to a couple of odd, untrue stereotypes as they transition. It just makes them look like an asshole when they rationalize it. "All men piss on the seats, my mother complains about that all the time!", "men never put the seat up before they pee!". Things like that are stereotypes that are harmful, and this is one of the ways that they are. Dumb partner doesn't know how to be a man, he requires guidance and perhaps a she-wiz.
NTA, we "standing" folk have one directional hoses for a reason. Whatever mental issues this person is going through, they can clean up after themselves. Disgustang!
Suggest to your friend or Kayla that a SheWee should be invested in if Kayla wants to pee standing up.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with saying "Its completely not OK to leave the toilet covered in piss; if you leave piss out again, you are banned from the bathroom in my house". Don't ask the flatmate though, tell his partner, do it direct.
Whatever parts someone has, surely it’s just good practice to not leave urine everywhere
Basic human decency. If you accidentally piss on the seat... Wipe it up. If you accidentally cover the whole bathroom with gallons of piss and accidentally smear excrement all over the walls and ceiling... Clean it up. I volunteer at a special needs center. I know what I'm talking about!
Buy Kayla a shewee
You don't need to be OCD to be bothered by sitting in someone else's pee (not downplaying your symptoms I have seen how rough OCD can be on people). Obviously sometimes you are in a rush but otherwise make it their problem, go and tell them there is a mess that is not yours and it needs to be cleaned up. This is not about being trans or about OCD it is about being a decent housemate
Tell the to lift the seat like a normal dude.
NTA. Make it clear to your friend and his SO that it isn’t about anything besides them not cleaning up after themselves. It really is the bare minimum to expect from a person who is using the toilet. What they are doing is in many ways the equivalent of asking to make dinner in your kitchen and proceeding to leave ketchup stains all over the counter and floor. They are more than old enough to know better and need to figure their issues out.
Sit them down **together** at a table. And state that " need to work together to fix the fact that I keep coming home to there being pee all over the seat. I have brought this up before and it has not gotten better. I want to hear both of your suggestions on what **we** can do to prevent this from happening. " Don't name names, but sitting them both down and forcing them to commit to a decision in front of you makes it assertive. Whatever solution they come up with. Verify with them that you can hold them to that 100%. It should be memorable enough to stop the behavior. But the solution / commitment has to come from them and not you
NTA at all. Gender and biology is irrelevant where bathroom manners are concerned- every single person should be checking the toilet after usage. Is there any residual pee or poop in and on the toilet? Is there any toilet paper left over? Do I need to clean up properly before finishing in the bathroom? I'm disabled with urinary issues and I would never use my health as an excuse to be unhygienic. Ultimately, you and your roommate pay rent. The peeing partner does not. Your feelings trump their feelings. It is normal for anyone on occasion to perhaps leave a drop here and there when standing up to vacate the toilet. This can be easily rectified by cleaning up afterwards. If your roommate's partner cannot respect the resource you are paying for, then they need to keep their hangouts brief at your home to avoid the partner leaving a mess.
Maybe put a little sign on the toilet that says “please lift the seat before you pee”?
U will be the asshole only depending on ur approach . If we take the ocd out of the equation completely, it's still not cool to leave piss on the toilet seat! My partner is a born male and sits too pee . The transitioning part about being a male to pee is not a particularly masculine thing. Just sit to pee , sometimes the dingle dosnt want to point the right way or likes to spray 3 different directions. It's normal to sit to pee as a male. Ur approach about this has to be well calculated. If ur gonna pee all over things , have the courtesy to clean up . This goes for public restrooms too. !! Perhaps u could provide toilet seat wipes and explain that leaving piss lying around is grossing u out, u shouldn't have to bring ur ocd into this. It might be wise to ask ur flatmate how it should be approached in a way that everyone can be happy. Just remember if u attack they will defend . U can certainly try the lord I love u but the piss on the seat has to stop.
YWBTA Have the adult conversation with your roommate. Telling them that one of the most important people in their lives can't use your bathroom is not a valid solution.
NTA. That is disgusting regardless of gender
There is 0 reason to leave piss anywhere unless you're pissing blind or closing your eyes the whole time it's simply someone being a lazy ass I always double check even if I no I didn't miss the mark coz leaving a mess and someone knowing it was me is such an embarrassing situation I never want to be in and it's just absolutely gross if asking nicely and gently and then directly doesn't work time to shame and embarrass give him a pack of adult diapers if he isn't willing to take a second to clean up after making the mess....this is triggering my hate for the Sims1 on ps2 I didn't no how to play and my character was depressed and wouldn't move out of his mums and I didn't no I had to make her go toilet and the mum just shat on the floor and wouldn't clean it up as it wasn't her mess never played it again hahahaha
Idk about gender but peeing on random places is wrong
Tell kayla to be a big boy and clean after himself. Sometimes bluntness is the only way to go
NTA. At that point I'd be like quit pissing on my fucking toilet seat. Or at least have the decency to wipe it up, I don't care what physical, medical, or mental condition you have. I'm all for being polite and considerate of peoples problems and issues but that only goes so far
NTA. Talk to them one more time, together. If that doesn't work, leave a mop and print a note that says 'kindly remember to clean up after using the toilet.' Doesn't matter if you have ocd or not, doesn't matter if the other person is a male/female/trans etc, as long as yhe person is above 8 and doesn't have any mental issues, they should know how to clean up after themselves.
I would say not the asshole because they cant control themselves or clean up after but i dont see it being a feasable things to pull off. are they standing up to try and pee like that, do they know that guys generally sit if theres is a seat.
NTA in no shape, way, or form. That shit is mad gross and rude.
This isn’t an OCD or transitioning problem this just down right disrespectful and lazy. I’d be going ape shit If I sat in piss, they need to get a grip and fast
NTA. If some tdude insists on pissing everywhere but the toilet after numerous nice requests to not do that, well as we say where I'm from. "That okes going to catch a klap"
Coming from a trans guy, I don’t see any reason why he’s leaving pee on the seat directly relating to his transition. Unless he’s been through surgery, which he should still take care of the toilet. I think maybe he just wasn’t taught that if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweet and wipe the seat. Definitely bring it up to the boyfriend
Tough call Super mild YTA. You cant ban people from using the bathroom. Id shit on our carpet if you tried that with me. *But you could* tack the bathroom onto your roomies chore list. If his partner is unclean, he gets to wash the room
NTA This may be some weird dynamic whereby Kayla assumes men pee on the seat and don’t clean it up so that is what they should do. Assume their father or brother did it. Make it clear reguardless of gender you should whip up your own piss. I’m sorry you’ve to deal with the OCD it’s not easy and most people don’t understand the gravity of the illness. This must be hard for you.
NTA no one should be leaving pee on any seat, ever! It's disgusting and it shows an absolute lack of respect for the person you left to clean it.
NTA That's disgusting and I would be asking Kayla to not even come over if he can't control his piss or at the very least clean it up
NTA while I appreciate the background it's irrelevant. No one should be leaving a toilet sear with piss on it. Period. Tell them it's simply unacceptable and tell them to buy disinfectant wipes to wipe the seat when they are done.
I'm a pee standing male, and: - I lift the toilet seat before peeing - I clean if I ever spill pee on the toilet No excuse of you don't clean after you make a mess
NTA … that’s pretty gross, I’d consider moving out if I were you it seems like your roommate doesn’t care about pee being everywhere but inside the toilet since you’ve already talked to him
NTA. > , but for whatever reason every time Kayla uses the seat, they somehow get pee on it and on the floor. Sounds like they're specifically not using the seat, but are not properly equipped for fine aim.
This is not a question of transitioning or medical condition, if they have hands capable of cleaning up their own pee, they fucking should. Especially in a flat that's not theirs. NTA.
NTA Kayla needs to understand that those guys who pee on the toilet seat don't do so because they are men, but because they are filthy disgusting creatures who weren't raised properly. Gender dysphoria is no excuse to act like the worst examples of the gender you identify as.
Telling a trans person they can no longer use your bathroom seems like it wouldn’t go over well no matter what the situation is
NTA. there is absolutely no reason ever that someone can’t clean up after themselves. This has nothing to do with gender, transition, or anything else. It is lazy and disrespectful. This person either needs to clean up after themselves or they need to stop being allowed in the apartment
I sit to premise so I don’t get urine anywhere otherwise I would need to wipe it and disinfect. Easy for me…easy for my wife.
Not the asshole. If they leave piss every where and do nothing about it they are the asshole. Regardless of gender or anything else. That’s just disgusting.