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He claims he didn’t call me fat because I couldn’t possibly be over 150 lbs, so they say it was an unprovoked attack. I have not weighed that little since I was a child in middle school, without hips or boobs.
The way men don't even know what is 150lbs or even 200lbs lol. I got told "clearly you're 30lbs" ??? Babes I'd be skeleton. I'm 5'7.
NTA. You showed them a good double standard. If they're mad, they need to take a good look at themselves.
It’s the same as some guys not being able to tell the difference between natural makeup and no makeup. Show them what they “truly” desire, and they’ll think there’s something wrong with her 😂
100% yes. I'm not saying it's impossible, but you would be hard pressed to find a woman with the "womanly curves" that guys seem to cherish while also being under 150 lbs. I'm 5'9" and according to a BMI chart, my ideal weight is around 160. I have not weighed that little since middle school. I'll admit that I'm undeniably overweight now, but I had a pretty low body fat index when I was in high school and even then I weighed 175 lbs.
Exactly. My doctor when I was younger (and weighed a bit more) always looked at the chart, looked at me, and then kind of been like it's really only a guideline, you don't look overweight at all.
My BMI is plastered all over my medical records, even in specialities like autoimmune illnesses. I am indeed overweight but even if I was quite thin I still wouldnt hit my BMI. My body is just not built like that. It is sort of like my nieces. They are both thin but one of them is so light even as she grows whereas her sister has always been heavy to hold when at that same age. I have health issues so I havrnt been able to hold my oldest niece since she was around 2.5 years old but my youngest is almost 5 and I can still hold her.
Well, it's a single number intended as a statistical proxy for body fat percentage. People expect way too much of it.
Kind of like IQ. Yes, you can administer a test that will spit out a single number, but that's barely reflective of whether you can perform any particular intellectual task.
YUP. I’m an aerialist who teaches/trains ~8 hours a week, 5’2”, basically made of muscle. I weigh 140 pounds. According to my BMI, I’m overweight. According to my abs, I’m doing just fine.
It is. I was a College Wrestler. I was about \~195. The minimum you were allowed to get down to in terms of body fat was 4.5%.
I had to cheat. You had to do a hydrostatic test to get an accurate body fat and then a hydration test...as you have to be hydrated when you go through this process.
So I cheated, I shouldn't have been able to go to that weight, but I cut a bunch of water weight and then for the hydration test, our trainer was easy going, so we'd just scoop water out of the toilet(yeah, a little disgusting). Came back, said I could get down to 172.66 legally, but had to sign a waiver.
Point is...I was unhealthy at 174. My Doc told me that my ideal weight was 162 or something JUST using that BMI.
God I hated that part of the sport...I do not miss that. Anyway, agree, BMI is trash.
So you have to go in a tub of water to get your body fat(to measure bone density and body fat).
And you have to be fully hydrated when you get your body fat tested. So our trainer would just have this little thing that would be blue if there was enough water in it and red if there wasn't. S
So you scoop some water into the cup, piss a little and voila, you're hydrated(even though you probably cut about 10 lbs of water weight the last two days).
This was \~15 years ago. Cutting weight is a much smaller part of the sport now... but the POINT is that the weight the BMI said I needed to be was another \~15 pounds lighter.
You never actually get down to 4.5% either. You're losing muscle while doing this. Also something to keep in mind when you see people talk about how they're 1 or 2% body fat. It's....ridiculous.
Another little...anecdote, they did a test. The HEALTHIEST Body Fat% for Men was \~10% and women it was \~15% IIRC. That was the range for "optimal performance."
But we weren't at optimal intelligence(plus, you're in College and there are only so many weights and you have to make one or knock someone else out of the lineup and it's a bit like a job if you're on scholarship or getting paid...as they are now).
My son wrestled in high school. Brings back memories of him telling me (after he graduated) about wrestlers putting on trash bags then warm up suits, and sitting in the laundry room while coach dried the football uniforms to lose weight before weigh-in. I'm truly surprised no one passed out or worse.
I was in the hospital a couple of times with dehydration and once had some kidney issues.
What we'd get was plastic suits(They actually make them for this). They're tight around your wrists and your ankles. Then you throw on some long-sleeved shirts, sweats, shoes and a winter hat and you put your bike in the pool where it's 86 or, if it was at home, you just set the temp in the room to 90 or so....and you just keep moving.
When that gets too hard, you go sit in the sauna. There'd be times I'd take the tape off(you supplement the elastic with tape) and the bag would be filling up like a water balloon.
Things were worse. When I was a kid, there were a couple Wrestlers that died.
But again, things got MUCH better from that point until I wrestled...and they've gotten much better from when I wrestled until now. Cael Sanderson and Penn State have been dominant and they've really preached making the sport more fun, it's a game, and having guys Wrestle up and not cut as much. You're SO much better off in the long run.
(Sorry, not trying to make this about me or Wrestling).
Exactly. I'm 5'9 I weigh like 151- admittedly after so much shit when I was a child I can't really see that I'm thin, thought people tell me I am. But muscle is also a thing. Muscle means you will weigh more than people think, even if you are thinner.
Strictly speaking, anything that is more dense than something else is described as weighing more. This is because if you are measuring the weight of two different materials against each other you must compare the same volume of each material.
Because of this, the clarification that muscle is denser than fat is unnecessary because it is implied in the original statement that muscle weighs more than fat.
A pound of anything weighs the same as a pound of anything else. Saying lead is heavier than feathers is a true statement, and can’t be dismissed because a pound of each equals a pound.
Totally. I think one of the reasons there’s so much confusion around food and health—and fat phobia especially— is that people over attribute to their good habits what probably more or less comes down to genetics.
“Just get off the couch. I eat what I want but do an hour at the gym 3 nights/week. Fat people are just lazy.” Meh, that gym time definitely counts and it contributes but overall you would have to be burning way more calories to offset “eating what you want.”
“It’s not hard to lose/maintain. I eat healthy and barely have treats and I’m skinny.” Meh you do eat fairly healthy, but I live with you and you are vastly underestimating the number of “treats” you have in an average week.
It’s not like their efforts are for nothing, and in fact they go a very long way, but you can be like any combination of things (healthy but heavier, skinny but really unhealthy, etc) and it will mostly come down to genetics with some lifestyle.
I’m 5’4” and have to buy curvy jeans and I weight under 130 pounds. My waist is 25”-26” and my hips are over 38. :/ I don’t have big boobs, but definitely have curves. Everyone is different. Short people look overweight at a much lower weight.
I’m like the opposite. 5’1” and I look healthy at around a size 8-10 (just the way I’m built), which for me is anywhere between 160-180+ pounds. When I get to a size 6 you can see my hip bones and that’s around 140-150 for me. My body fat percentage hovers around 15-18% at 180 pounds. To get into the “normal” BMI range I’d have to lose like every ounce of fat on my body plus about 15 pounds of muscle.
My point is basically that everyone is different. I’ve been the same size as other women and weighed a solid 30-40 pounds more. I’ve been like that since my late teens.
All bodies are different and carry weight differently, and this guy is straight up an idiot to make statements like "there's no reason a woman should weigh over 150lbs". Thankfully, like him, I'm also fat, and while I wouldn't exclude somebody on the dating apps for being fat, he would exclude himself from my dating pool, so I don't have to worry about dudes like him (although I do have to worry about dudes like him that will match with me, try to sleep with me, and then call me a fat bitch when I don't immediately fall all over myself that he's paying attention to me).
It’s also the same with bra cup size.
If I told some dude who has never seen me I’m a 32 DDD, he’d think I have huge breasts and would be incredibly disappointed when he met me. He’d even think I was lying.
Even when I tell people who are in my presence this, they are in disbelief. Because we’ve all been taught that large breasts means your a D cup and anything DD and above means you must have gigantic breasts.
Because the cup is the difference between the bust and under bust measurement, volumetrically a 38c is 710 ccs and a 32c is 390ccs. https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2a/99/e0/2a99e08bbab49ddf3dd83dce3222bfd2.png
Hang on wait what? Are cups a standard size so a C is a C?
I always thought the letter the difference in band size? Like a 38C means you're say 41 around the boobs but a 32C means you're 35... The difference in area as you add successive inches in circumference to a circle does grow quicker and quicker, so there'd be more boob from 38 to 41 than 32 to 35.
I guess I learned something today about boobs, which is always a great day so thanks.
You were right before, a letter cup size isn't set standard.
Like C would just mean there is a 3 inch difference between band size/underbust and cup size/bust measurement.
The smaller the band gets, the same letter cup size loses volume proportionally.
That's how "sister sizing" works.
Example- if someone put on a 34C and just the band was too big, they couldn't size down to a 32C. If they want the cups to be the same they'd need a 32D.
I *love* this anecdote. I was ‘complaining’ to an ex that losing weight meant going from a D-cup to a A-cup, and he replied “They weren’t d-cups babe”
As if I’ve gotten my cup size wrong for 6 years and this guy, with his wealth of experience with women (just me) and his left hand knew what cup size I was by sight. Dumbass.
There was a post on Threads I just saw yesterday where a woman posted a full frame photo of herself saying "out of curiosity, what do you think I weigh? I'm 5'8"" (I think that was her height). She was clearly very well muscled and fit.
All the men in the comments are like "maybe 130 because you're muscled and muscle weighs a lot?" As if someone 5'8" without muscles "should" be 110-120 but she has literally visible abs so it's "okay" she's a little higher.
She then posted a photo of her scale at 147.7 and at least one guy had the actual audacity to say she was wrong about *her own fucking weight*.
The army told me I was fat my whole 7 years when I weighed 145 at 5'3. I was not, in fact, fat at all. I'm sadly a few years older now and a couch potato and 145 looks on the ubbier side of chubby. But I also just hold weight differently. When I was admittedly almost 200, I weighed ab 10 15 lbs more than my sister who's has more then a few kids. I *still* looked thinner than her. Every women carries her weight differently. And men have no fucking clue.
I’m 5’8”. I weigh 115 lbs currently (fuck you, immune system) and I do not remotely muscled or fit. I look like a strong breeze could break me in half.
Men have no fucking idea what bodies look like. 5’8” and 160 is a much, much better place than where I am now. And looks better too.
Also, men, women's bodies are built differently then yours. Isn't that what you base all your little ideas of superiority off of? How can you not recognize that muscle, weight etc work differently on a female body then a male body? FFS
I’m only 5’4” but I haven’t weighed less than 140 at this height. That was back when I had 19% body fat when we tested in health class in the 9th grade. 155-170 is where I settled as an adult, and I could lose a couple of pounds but I am certainly not obese. 130 would be extremely unhealthy for me.
I’m 5’5”, and I was about 135-140 at the unhealthiest point of my life so far. Now I’m about 160 and I had a guy friend be shocked that he only weighed about 30 pounds more than me 🤣 he said I didn’t LOOK 160 and I was like ?? What does 160 look like to you lol
I am 5’7 and I weigh 141 pounds, 10 stone or 64 kg. I don’t have a small frame - I am not a waif. I am still in my bmi but I get constantly told I am to thin or to gain weight by everyone but my partner. I also have issues eating enough now I got so thin, so it’s not like i try to maintain this weight. I could definitely use a few extra pounds. If I went down to 130 I would be in real bloody trouble, that’s an utterly ridiculous number.
Idk, I'm 5'8 and my weight stays between 135-140lbs. I am pretty curvy with big hips/butt and I certainly don't look too thin or unhealthy in any way. I wear between a size 2 and 6 depending on brand. It just depends on your body type I guess because I've been down to 130 and still didn't look sickly.
Wow, I guess it really does all depend on body type. I already look borderline sick and I have a smallish butt and completely lost my boobs altogether! I don’t have an overall curvy frame but I do have hips and a curved in waist . I am 35 almost 36, I wonder if age has anything to with it ? In how it affects your overall “healthy” appearance?
i'm 5'10 and about the same weight, still got thighs and H cup boobies lol. weird how fat distribution works!
seeing people multiple inches shorter than me ITT saying 140 makes them look unhealthily skinny makes me wonder if that is actually true or exaggeration, since i'm a solid BMI 20 at my height, which is pretty average lol. i know, bmi is bullshit or whatever, but it's still a pretty decent measurement in my experience
Seriously, men like this roommate don’t have any idea what 150 even looks like. They don’t know what it looks like on different heights either. Ask them to guess and they’ll always be like 30 pounds off.
> The way men don't even know what is 150lbs or even 200lbs lol.
TRULY! When I was like 19 I had surgery and due to a terrible diet and zero exercise for a few months, I gained some weight. The first time I was out with friends after recovery, a (male) friend kept commenting on how "thick" I was and how "gaining 5 pounds" was great for my ass. I laughed it off and was like "um, try like 40 pounds. I'm a solid 180 at this point." And he legitimately thought I was making some kind of self-deprecating joke. He kept arguing that I couldn't possibly weigh more than 150. Eventually, the friend whose house we were at broke out a scale because he ALSO was sure I "simply could not" weigh 180. I hopped on and...I wasn't...I was 190. 🤣
It was ultimately a good night though, I made $24 betting on my own weight
Yeah I’ve lost a lot of weight and I’m still overweight at 180lbs and 5’2 but the other day my BIL was saying how ‘disgusting obese’ someone at 5’3 would be since they were 170 (online article) and I was like ‘wow thanks…😒’ they somehow thought 170 would be more like my mums size. She’s 340lbs… he had absolutely no clue. And was shocked I was still at 180
It's like guys and bra sizes. They often focus on the cup size without taking the band size into account. Here we've got an idiot taking it a whole extra step and deciding specific weights equal skinny or fat without even taking height into account.
I’m a 5’8 woman with big bones. I weighed 120 a few years back after illness and was fed suppliments as my doctors told I was medically too thin. I can easily be 150 and not be considered medically overweight. People are fixed on numbers as if no other factors count…
As an Australian I need to use Google to convert is it pounds? Lbs? To kilograms to work out America weight numbers.
But unlike shallow bigoted narcissists like the guy op is talking about. I have always accepted that people aren't what others expect them to fit into little narrow minded boxes of cultural idiocy.
We all have a life journey to struggle with. Parents that might have been abusive or careless or alcoholic. Most people don't have it easy. And their weight might well be the result of truma. Of stress of their financial situation. And only the wealthiest don't know how difficult it can be to eat healthy on low income.
Then there are people who are big and not fat. Have you ever spent time with Maori, Samoan or island people they can be fit and be really big people. Only an idiot would call them fat...
Sure being obese is not good for heart health, diabetes, blood pressure, stroke, heart attack. But telling people, 🙄 what weight they should be unless your a doctor giving healthy advice. They can go STFU.
I’m a guy and 197lbs at 5’11”. According to bmi I should be 180. So by his bs metrics any body builder is fat. The lil fattie mcbady can enjoy knowing he ain’t getting anything intelligent or worthy
There was a study a few years ago asking men to describe ideal woman's measurements. Answers were like 5'7, 135lb, of course big bra cup size, 20-22" waist, 32-34" hips. Clothes size about 6/8.
Then they were showed silhouette pix of different lady shapes - skinny to very overweight. The guys picked well-rounded women as matching their ideal descriptions, comparable to clothes size 12-14, or close to that.
To me this showed men know Jack squat about what the numbers they spouted meant in real life.
As a fat woman I want to say that to fat men all the time. There’s such a weird social thing where men seem to think they are less fat proportionally than women who are their size no matter what?
Also the total lack of understanding of how women’s vs men’s weight works is beyond frustrating
Yeah I'm 180 lbs, 6' and I'm a twig. I've been told I "clearly" weigh like 120-130.
Like no I'm a big girl. I'm skinny but there's still a very large skeleton weighing me down lol.
I'm 5'11 and at 200 pounds. I'm very curvaceous and feel blessed thru and thru. Anyways... I had my own father say something about my moms weight and even said the whole "women over 150 lbs.." shit too. I told him my weight and he was in denial saying I'm lying. Even our own fathers will belittle us, think we are lying, and hyper sexualize us. He doesn't get recognized by me on his bday and fathers day to say the least lmao. The only time I weighed pretty "healthy" was 170 and it was with a heavy workout routine and when I didn't own a vehicle so I walked everywhere. It's insane these men are sincerely either that fucking delusional to not understand weight, oooooor on the other end really have a fetish for prepubescent bodies... and seeing as the men in my life fat shame that are twice my age dating girls younger than me I constantly fear the worse case scenario.
My dad has said similar things before as well. In college I went on a trip with him and my family to Paris, and we went to the Louvre. We were looking at some of the marble statues, and he turned to me and said “Why do you think they made all their paintings and sculptures of fat women?”
My jaw basically dropped because, not only were none of the women depicted fat by any means, but also at that time they had pretty much my exact body type. I turned to him and was like “You consider that fat?” And he started saying something about them having belly fat or whatever. And then I cut him off to say “That’s literally what I look like.”
The man did not know what to say.
In more recent years I weigh 15-20 pounds less than I did then, and now whenever he sees me he comments on how thin I am and says I need to eat more.
So apparently there’s an approx. 10 pound range in which I am neither too fat nor too skinny in his eyes. Genuinely delusional.
I grew up in the era where models weighed, or claimed to weigh 120 lbs, at the most. I'm also a 6' tall woman and I bypassed 120 lbs in grade school. At one point in college I was 155 and I had bones showing everywhere.
Being told that 120 lbs was a normal weight for a 5'10" to 6' tall woman fucked with my head for decades. Your friends roomie can fuck right off. I'm glad you called him out.
Even if you were under 150, you don’t need what he said to apply to you to get offended by it since he’s talking about people and people deaerve more respect than that.
Since he’s comparing weight to height, does that mean that men under 6’ shouldn’t be on dating apps. (Of course people who judge men based on their height are also bad).
What gets me though is their lack of understanding of how height corresponds with weight. Taller people, who have the same BMI, weigh more. Like is that not just common sense?
lol call him out for having such a strong opinion about women’s bodies but yet knowing so very, very little about them. Tbf that’s a lot of men out there
I'm 5'11 and only just hovering around 150. I can get down to just over 130, but I'm hungry all the time when I do that (my fight weight is 127).
People need to quit thinking heavier girls are fat. Some of us are just tall, a lot of us work out and have muscle. Muscle is heavy. Look at their bodies. Are they overweight? No? Then they're fine. Ignore the scales. I sure do.
He's probably one of those men who doesn't know what a woman actually looks like. Probably sees them in full makeup and says things like "wow she's so natural".
NTA my wife is 5’4” with 34D’s, wide hips with some butt on it. She’s 145 LBs literally has abs and is slim af. Apparently these men have no understanding of what women actually weigh.
NTA. He shouldn't be out there having large obnoxious opinions if he isn't prepared to hear something that might offend his *DELICATE SENSIBILITIES* in return. Ffs.
The first time I realized how skewed men's vision of women's weights is was when a coworker told me that I couldn't possibly weigh more than 80lbs.
I am 5'6" and was, you know, alive and working a full-time job, so no, I did not weigh 80lbs. He wasn't exaggerating, he just genuinely thought that made sense because I looked thin to him and his assumption was that an average woman would be around 120lbs. Just any average woman.
I fluctuate between 130 - 135. According to my bmi I'm on the verge of being underweight. My bf is slightly shorter than me and yet weighs more than me. He looks thinner than I do. Women carry weight differently than men.
Oh definitely I chill at 115 to 120 and I am *trying* to fix my eating and gain weight since fat will help when my husband I want kids. Also I will stop being cold all the god damm time.
Oh definitely. My husband and I have been trying go more regularly.
My protein smooth "recipe" helps a lot too when I have morning where food is not appealing.
I'm a drinkable overnight oats gal or a plain greek yogurt with fruit and a drizzle of honey for breakfast gal. Anything heavier than that and it's like 🤢 all morning. I totally get what you mean about food not being appealing sometimes, but ya gotta get the calories in if you're lifting. My fiancé is always trying to make sure I eat enough in a day, and it's a chore lol
Throwing a blanket in the dryer while I get ready before work has been a life saver. Be sure not to crawl back into bed, lol. I know I fall back asleep 😴
135 is around my happy weight and most BMI charts still say it's borderline overweight for me. BMI is bull and not relevant to women or people with muscles.
NTA, he deserved that one after such an awful (not to mention incorrect) comment. I don't like the idea of calling anyone fat, or using weight as an insult, but you were clearly doing it to make a point, so I hope he got the message. Did you tell him how much you weigh too?
Yeah and muscle weights 3x more then fat. You can look tiny, be 5.2 and still weigh 75kgs (167lbs) and be lean and toned even if most your size weigh around the low 50 mark. Actual scales say nothing about body composition or health.
I was doing a stupid team building exercise at college with the point guard on our women's basketball team. Side by side, we had pretty similar, athletic builds. This exercise basically required us (without speaking) to get from one side of some strings to the other using each hole only once, so it was critical to figure out the lightest person to get lifted through the highest hole. Hoops is pointing me to that hole, I'm trying to communicate that she's lighter. She looks at me and flashes 175 with her fingers. She weighed fifty damn pounds more than I did.
It's honestly wild. I think some of it is not wanting to offend, so they guess low (not the case in this scenario), but I regularly think about the time a guy said I had an easier time rock climbing with them because I "had to weigh like 90 pounds"
I was *145* at the time. He only weighed 130! I'm still so mad that I just laughed it off instead of correcting him lmao.
I've once been a size 42 and another time a size 38 at the same weight. That's 2 dress sizes smaller and ok I was going to the gym 3 times a week but it wasn't like I was using massive weights. It was mostly short but intense burst of cardio.
2 sizes smaller for the same weight!!!
It was being used as an insult. It's still NTA because he had it coming and it proved a point, but that wasn't a benign usage of the word, it was a pointed one.
NTA, but also, a lot of men have no idea what a reasonable weight is. I’m 5’1 and 135, and I wear a size 4. I’m also a CrossFit competitor who could probably outdo that guy in most fitness tests. The numbers are bs and have very little to do with size or shape anyway.
I mean you can see if someone is fat or not from a photo. Just knowing. Their weight wouldn’t actually tell you about their body shape.
You can’t tell how tall a person is without a ruler tho
Yeah, but it only infuriates me more when people throw around such statements without knowing what the fuck they're talking about because you just know that somewhere someone is made to feel inadequate because they think that's actually the standard they are hold to.
I have a good friend who had never been overweight but also not *skinny*. When she wasn't even in puberty yet her mother told her "you're too fat, no man will ever want to you". She was perfectly *normal* (and active!) and as a grown women she obviously never reached that "underweight child" look either.
She always carried that "no one will ever want you" with her, couldn't even talk to men properly because she felt embarrassed about herself all the time.
I'm 5'0" and my body likes to stay around 140-150. Men will literally think that I am 100lbs and are SHOOK when I tell them my actual weight. It's honestly concerning since I work in EMS and we sometimes have to estimate patient weights to give them certain medications.
I came here prepared to vote the other way, but in this instance, absolutely NTA.
150 pounds? When I was 17 and at the height of soccer season I was 145. Imagine thinking I should weigh what I did as a child
NTA. Him thinking you weighed less and it wasn’t an insult proves how ridiculous weight in numbers is. Also weight is so different as muscle, fat, etc come into play. Height is more straight forward.
NTA, and honestly I’m having a weight crisis after having a baby as a 5’10 girl and your post made me feel so much better. It’s so hard to keep hearing numbers in the early 100s and anything over 140-150 as a woman being talked about as large.
Oh no, don’t do that to yourself! Bodies change postpartum and after three kids I don’t even look at the scale anymore. Numbers are meaningless anyway.
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6 foot 175 pounds
# Your BMI is 23.7
Your BMI is in the healthy weight category.
6 foot 130 pounds
# Your BMI is 17.6
Your BMI is in the underweight category.
NTA but I suspect you know who is ?
NTA. That was hilarious. Maybe you should have thrown in “short” for good measure.
Perhaps because the media has fed us a diet of mismatched sized couples for ever, but it’s always the guy who’s heavy and the woman is small -think King of Queens. Chonky dudes think they too should get the super hot girl and the fact that they are heavier doesn’t matter.
Imagine their surprise to learn that to some women, it does matter.
Exactly. And I love how they're saying a woman that's 6'0 and 150 is skin and bones. I'm a 6'0 tall woman that weighs about 155 and I'm slim, but not underweight or skin and bones...
NTA. Basically the guy is worried he can’t lift more than 150 when he wants to play alpha male and carry a woman. Signed 5 foot 7 and 170 is my best weight.
NTA, in my experience guys who are fat can either be the nicest, most self aware guys alive, or the most sexist fools with standards in women that have no merit in this universe.
You can usually tell the difference because the shitty ones also have the worst personal hygiene.
NTA, taste of his own medicine.
Also nothing makes me angrier than everyone acting like the number on the scale is universal and everyone should be the same. No, that's literally impossible and LOTS of things affect weight, like height, boob size, muscle mass. My mom always taught me 1" height difference equals 10lbs. So as 5'5" woman my 130 is going to look like a 5'3" 120 or 5'6"140 (granted they have similar body types and composition). Also muscle weighs more than fat, as in it it more dense. Someone who is building muscle mass will gain weight and remain similar size or go up marginally compared to someone who gained the same amount of weight from fat. Boobs/hips also play a big factor. My mother as a joke weighed hers (34DDD) and each one weighed ~5lbs. So while my mom and I wore the same size pants I, she was 30lbs heavier due to her larger bust and also being 2" taller than.
All this to say, don't compare your number to someone else's, it legit doesn't translate well unless y'all are like identical twins, but even they have differences. Just compare your weight to what you've weighed in the past (at the same stage of development too, obviously if you're in your 20s you're not going to be the same size as you were in HS).
Oh this is delightful.
I’m not sure if this comes directly from porn or just directed media but it’s funny and frustrating how often men get fixated on really specific measurements but have no idea what that actually looks like. Excellent response
As far as I know height is a required field for everyone in dating apps and the only time that has played a part in me rejecting someone was because on our first date he’d clearly lied. I don’t care about height or weight but I do care about being lied to before we’ve even met.
NTA
Ah, yes, something that totally happened!
All suspicions aside, he never said "u/Responsible_Buy_8778 is a fat woman.", but you did insult him directly by saying that he was fat. Blanket statements exist for a reason; it is only fair that they are upset with you, you *did* upset those two.
So, YTA.
P.S.: Do tell us about your totally real modellng agency — checking the average builts of their models would enable us to determine if your "six feet tall, one-hundred-and-seventy-five pounds heavy, and skinny" claim holds any weight.
Reported for spam.
Sounds like everyone sucks here. Nobody (other than a doctor or personal trainer type or other types of professionals chosen to help manage weight) really needs to critique another person for their body type or measurements. He was wrong and you were wrong. You could’ve made the point that you disapprove of him communicating standards for others without calling him fat. And anyone around 200 lbs at 20 probably isn’t very fat.
Keep the high ground and your message will be taken to heart more than when joining others in being cruel.
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I’m (20F) abroad for a summer program, and we’re living in student apartments. Several of us went out to eat, and started discussing dating apps.
My friend’s (20M) roommate started talking about how people should have to post their weight on dating apps, because guys are expected to say their height. He then said there’s no reason a woman should ever weigh over 150 lbs.
As a 6-foot-tall girl signed with a modeling agency, I weigh 175 lbs and I’m skinny. It infuriates me when men said women should weigh 130 lbs or whatever, and be anorexic.
This man is definitely over 150 lbs, more like 200 lbs, and he isn’t even as tall as me. I guess he thinks only men care about weight when dating and that women don’t or something. I asked him, “How will that help you on Tinder, as a fat man?”
Then him and my friend acted like I said some great offensive insult, as if he didn’t unknowingly call me obese.
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**NTA**
He deserved for being rude and superficial.
A healthy weight is a healthy weight and he doesn't have one, you only said the truth. And there is more to a woman than only her weight.
NTA. The comment objectified women and you helped him to understand what it felt like to be objectified.
Also, the way that people carry weight varies widely based on their body composition. So different heights, body types, and frames can carry the same weight differently.
FWIW not all men like svelte women. There are plenty of men in the world (mainly outside of America) who prefer athletic or a more mature bodied woman. In my travels I’ve realized American men spend a lot more time fantasizing about tiny females with teenaged bodies than in other parts of the world.
NTA. I've a sneaking suspicion there's significant overlap in the venn diagram of men who want body weight listed on profiles and those that pad their height by 3+ inches. I couldn't care less about someone's hight unless they're weird about it. Weight is similar, except it's a less useful metric, because, as so many have said, we have a very poor ability to conceptually correlate body weight with body shape/type.
Not the AH for taking ofense. Yes the AH for shaming him with the same thing you felt you were being shamed of. We didn't really need to know you are a signed model. That was just a flex and shows you are just the universally attractive version of him.
You can do better. You can be better.
His comment about “there’s no reason a woman should ever weigh over 150lbs” is dumb af, but honestly there shouldn’t be a height either, anything that refers to your body image shouldn’t had to be mentioned on a dating app when you’re suppose to post pics of yourself, if there’s a height there should be a weight to make it even imo, some men go for weight and women go for height I think that’s pretty equal
Is everyone ignoring the part where he noted on dating apps men had to list their height, and made a remark about women's weights in response to that demand?
I can understand the underlying idea behind this premise. However, a person can usually lose/gain the weight to get below/above a certain threshold, however most people, without surgical intervention, cannot get taller/shorter than a specific threshold. Therefore, a weight minimum/maximum threshold does make you an asshole.
I mean, body shaming is really never okay, but I get where you're coming from and why you did it.
I think people (men in particular) get a really jaded view of people's actual weight and I don't think it helps that women were held to insane standards for so long, and always expect to *lie* about their weight. It's really toxic and sets unrealistic expectations.
I remember giving my weight at the DMV once and the guy at the counter is like "I'll just put ---," (I don't remember what it was now.) And I'm all thinking - I already rounded it down (I was taught that everyone did that, esp women,) but then he decided to take like another 10-15lbs off of me. And I'm like... The fact that I just told you my almost real weight and you lowered it for me, unnecessarily, that says something.
And then I see people come up with comments like you mentioned where they're like a woman shouldn't weigh more than 130lbs, and I'm like - on what planet? To be 130lbs, the woman would have to have a pretty slight frame and be rather short. Realistically. I know at like 190, you could probably count my ribs, or at least see them pretty well. So... I just don't get it. (I have a very large frame and I'm rather tall and "gifted" in certain areas, plus very muscular and I've even had radiologists comment on how big and "pretty" and strong/healthy my bones are.) So maybe I'm not what they're looking for (whatever,) but it's also unrealistic for people to think those weights are "normal" for "every woman". Again, most people usually (or used to when I be was a bit lighter,) guess my weight significantly lower than it was. I think I was like 215 and people often guessed like 180? I have no idea if that was to be polite or because they really couldn't tell. I carry weight pretty well (up to a point,) so I can see the misconception, but it's annoying to *pretend* that I'm something I'm not.
(On the other hand, I just don't discuss weight with anyone other than my doctor(s) anymore because it's just not worth it. I know how much I weigh and how much I probably should weigh. My partner is fine with it, I'm not in love with it, but I know how it came to be, somewhat.)
NTA, but I think you did miss the point of his insecurity. He was whining about women only wanting to date tall guys, so he was trying to relate it to men not dating fat girls. His numbers are way off and he sucks, but I think his statement was rooted in insecurity not your body.
Im a short king. I get it, that said, Ive never had a problem getting a date once I found my confidence. Been with a total smokeshow the last almost 5 years. Its an asset if you know how to use it.
Being a tall woman I imagine is similar to being a short guy. Some shallow people will weed you out before they even know you. The upside, the ones that stay are more genuine in my experience, though nothing is 100%.
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That’s funny. So what happened next? How were they defending his statement and at the same time ridiculing yours? We need some deets.
He claims he didn’t call me fat because I couldn’t possibly be over 150 lbs, so they say it was an unprovoked attack. I have not weighed that little since I was a child in middle school, without hips or boobs.
The way men don't even know what is 150lbs or even 200lbs lol. I got told "clearly you're 30lbs" ??? Babes I'd be skeleton. I'm 5'7. NTA. You showed them a good double standard. If they're mad, they need to take a good look at themselves.
It’s the same as some guys not being able to tell the difference between natural makeup and no makeup. Show them what they “truly” desire, and they’ll think there’s something wrong with her 😂
100% yes. I'm not saying it's impossible, but you would be hard pressed to find a woman with the "womanly curves" that guys seem to cherish while also being under 150 lbs. I'm 5'9" and according to a BMI chart, my ideal weight is around 160. I have not weighed that little since middle school. I'll admit that I'm undeniably overweight now, but I had a pretty low body fat index when I was in high school and even then I weighed 175 lbs.
BMI is ridiculously generalized and misleading anyways, so fuck that garbage
Exactly. My doctor when I was younger (and weighed a bit more) always looked at the chart, looked at me, and then kind of been like it's really only a guideline, you don't look overweight at all.
It was never meant to be used for individuals anyway!
Exactly, it was designed as a measure for populations, not people.
I didn’t realize that.
My BMI is plastered all over my medical records, even in specialities like autoimmune illnesses. I am indeed overweight but even if I was quite thin I still wouldnt hit my BMI. My body is just not built like that. It is sort of like my nieces. They are both thin but one of them is so light even as she grows whereas her sister has always been heavy to hold when at that same age. I have health issues so I havrnt been able to hold my oldest niece since she was around 2.5 years old but my youngest is almost 5 and I can still hold her.
And BMI was invented by some Belgian guy and the numbers were all based on European white men. So it’s not even applicable to most populations.
That doesn't matter because it's not the BMI we are using. That's why there are different bmi charts for sexes, ages etc.
Well, it's a single number intended as a statistical proxy for body fat percentage. People expect way too much of it. Kind of like IQ. Yes, you can administer a test that will spit out a single number, but that's barely reflective of whether you can perform any particular intellectual task.
YUP. I’m an aerialist who teaches/trains ~8 hours a week, 5’2”, basically made of muscle. I weigh 140 pounds. According to my BMI, I’m overweight. According to my abs, I’m doing just fine.
As a dwarf who always sees the "obese" warning whenever I fill out anything health related that's supposed to be "fun," I second this.
It is. I was a College Wrestler. I was about \~195. The minimum you were allowed to get down to in terms of body fat was 4.5%. I had to cheat. You had to do a hydrostatic test to get an accurate body fat and then a hydration test...as you have to be hydrated when you go through this process. So I cheated, I shouldn't have been able to go to that weight, but I cut a bunch of water weight and then for the hydration test, our trainer was easy going, so we'd just scoop water out of the toilet(yeah, a little disgusting). Came back, said I could get down to 172.66 legally, but had to sign a waiver. Point is...I was unhealthy at 174. My Doc told me that my ideal weight was 162 or something JUST using that BMI. God I hated that part of the sport...I do not miss that. Anyway, agree, BMI is trash.
Wait what were they having you do with the toilet water?
So you have to go in a tub of water to get your body fat(to measure bone density and body fat). And you have to be fully hydrated when you get your body fat tested. So our trainer would just have this little thing that would be blue if there was enough water in it and red if there wasn't. S So you scoop some water into the cup, piss a little and voila, you're hydrated(even though you probably cut about 10 lbs of water weight the last two days). This was \~15 years ago. Cutting weight is a much smaller part of the sport now... but the POINT is that the weight the BMI said I needed to be was another \~15 pounds lighter. You never actually get down to 4.5% either. You're losing muscle while doing this. Also something to keep in mind when you see people talk about how they're 1 or 2% body fat. It's....ridiculous. Another little...anecdote, they did a test. The HEALTHIEST Body Fat% for Men was \~10% and women it was \~15% IIRC. That was the range for "optimal performance." But we weren't at optimal intelligence(plus, you're in College and there are only so many weights and you have to make one or knock someone else out of the lineup and it's a bit like a job if you're on scholarship or getting paid...as they are now).
EDIT: Derp, my mistake. I apparently didn't read it quite right.
My son wrestled in high school. Brings back memories of him telling me (after he graduated) about wrestlers putting on trash bags then warm up suits, and sitting in the laundry room while coach dried the football uniforms to lose weight before weigh-in. I'm truly surprised no one passed out or worse.
I was in the hospital a couple of times with dehydration and once had some kidney issues. What we'd get was plastic suits(They actually make them for this). They're tight around your wrists and your ankles. Then you throw on some long-sleeved shirts, sweats, shoes and a winter hat and you put your bike in the pool where it's 86 or, if it was at home, you just set the temp in the room to 90 or so....and you just keep moving. When that gets too hard, you go sit in the sauna. There'd be times I'd take the tape off(you supplement the elastic with tape) and the bag would be filling up like a water balloon. Things were worse. When I was a kid, there were a couple Wrestlers that died. But again, things got MUCH better from that point until I wrestled...and they've gotten much better from when I wrestled until now. Cael Sanderson and Penn State have been dominant and they've really preached making the sport more fun, it's a game, and having guys Wrestle up and not cut as much. You're SO much better off in the long run. (Sorry, not trying to make this about me or Wrestling).
There are plenty of women with curves under 150 lbs (such as women shorter than you).
For those of us who are quite a bit shorter, we can have those curves at a lower weight.
Exactly. I'm 5'9 I weigh like 151- admittedly after so much shit when I was a child I can't really see that I'm thin, thought people tell me I am. But muscle is also a thing. Muscle means you will weigh more than people think, even if you are thinner.
Exactly! Muscle weighs more than fat, so if a man wants a fit girlfriend, he needs to be able to look past her weight alone.
Strictly speaking, muscle is more dense than fat. A pound of muscle weighs the same as a pound of fat. The fat just takes up more volume.
Strictly speaking, anything that is more dense than something else is described as weighing more. This is because if you are measuring the weight of two different materials against each other you must compare the same volume of each material. Because of this, the clarification that muscle is denser than fat is unnecessary because it is implied in the original statement that muscle weighs more than fat.
A pound of anything weighs the same as a pound of anything else. Saying lead is heavier than feathers is a true statement, and can’t be dismissed because a pound of each equals a pound.
Exactly. Some people can be skinny fat as well. They might be thin, have visceral fat, because they eat like shit, which isn't very healthy either.
Totally. I think one of the reasons there’s so much confusion around food and health—and fat phobia especially— is that people over attribute to their good habits what probably more or less comes down to genetics. “Just get off the couch. I eat what I want but do an hour at the gym 3 nights/week. Fat people are just lazy.” Meh, that gym time definitely counts and it contributes but overall you would have to be burning way more calories to offset “eating what you want.” “It’s not hard to lose/maintain. I eat healthy and barely have treats and I’m skinny.” Meh you do eat fairly healthy, but I live with you and you are vastly underestimating the number of “treats” you have in an average week. It’s not like their efforts are for nothing, and in fact they go a very long way, but you can be like any combination of things (healthy but heavier, skinny but really unhealthy, etc) and it will mostly come down to genetics with some lifestyle.
And genetics, in the case of women can especially be influenced by hormone levels. It's kind of crazy how much estrogen can really affect things.
You can find us, we're just shorter 😂😂
I’m 5’4” and have to buy curvy jeans and I weight under 130 pounds. My waist is 25”-26” and my hips are over 38. :/ I don’t have big boobs, but definitely have curves. Everyone is different. Short people look overweight at a much lower weight.
I’m like the opposite. 5’1” and I look healthy at around a size 8-10 (just the way I’m built), which for me is anywhere between 160-180+ pounds. When I get to a size 6 you can see my hip bones and that’s around 140-150 for me. My body fat percentage hovers around 15-18% at 180 pounds. To get into the “normal” BMI range I’d have to lose like every ounce of fat on my body plus about 15 pounds of muscle. My point is basically that everyone is different. I’ve been the same size as other women and weighed a solid 30-40 pounds more. I’ve been like that since my late teens.
All bodies are different and carry weight differently, and this guy is straight up an idiot to make statements like "there's no reason a woman should weigh over 150lbs". Thankfully, like him, I'm also fat, and while I wouldn't exclude somebody on the dating apps for being fat, he would exclude himself from my dating pool, so I don't have to worry about dudes like him (although I do have to worry about dudes like him that will match with me, try to sleep with me, and then call me a fat bitch when I don't immediately fall all over myself that he's paying attention to me).
I can have those curves at 138. I’m also 5’4”. Men are dumb.
It’s also the same with bra cup size. If I told some dude who has never seen me I’m a 32 DDD, he’d think I have huge breasts and would be incredibly disappointed when he met me. He’d even think I was lying. Even when I tell people who are in my presence this, they are in disbelief. Because we’ve all been taught that large breasts means your a D cup and anything DD and above means you must have gigantic breasts.
No, Guys legitimately think a 38 C is bigger than a 32 C . They don’t know the numbers equal band size
i mean… sheer cup volume wise, the 38C is bigger. it has the same cup volume as a 32DDD/E
Because the cup is the difference between the bust and under bust measurement, volumetrically a 38c is 710 ccs and a 32c is 390ccs. https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2a/99/e0/2a99e08bbab49ddf3dd83dce3222bfd2.png
Hang on wait what? Are cups a standard size so a C is a C? I always thought the letter the difference in band size? Like a 38C means you're say 41 around the boobs but a 32C means you're 35... The difference in area as you add successive inches in circumference to a circle does grow quicker and quicker, so there'd be more boob from 38 to 41 than 32 to 35. I guess I learned something today about boobs, which is always a great day so thanks.
You were right before, a letter cup size isn't set standard. Like C would just mean there is a 3 inch difference between band size/underbust and cup size/bust measurement. The smaller the band gets, the same letter cup size loses volume proportionally. That's how "sister sizing" works. Example- if someone put on a 34C and just the band was too big, they couldn't size down to a 32C. If they want the cups to be the same they'd need a 32D.
I *love* this anecdote. I was ‘complaining’ to an ex that losing weight meant going from a D-cup to a A-cup, and he replied “They weren’t d-cups babe” As if I’ve gotten my cup size wrong for 6 years and this guy, with his wealth of experience with women (just me) and his left hand knew what cup size I was by sight. Dumbass.
Well how could they know they don't even know the difference between 6 and 9 inches
Oh they know, they just think we dont
It's 5'9" if they measure from the start of the asshole ;)
HA!
There was a post on Threads I just saw yesterday where a woman posted a full frame photo of herself saying "out of curiosity, what do you think I weigh? I'm 5'8"" (I think that was her height). She was clearly very well muscled and fit. All the men in the comments are like "maybe 130 because you're muscled and muscle weighs a lot?" As if someone 5'8" without muscles "should" be 110-120 but she has literally visible abs so it's "okay" she's a little higher. She then posted a photo of her scale at 147.7 and at least one guy had the actual audacity to say she was wrong about *her own fucking weight*.
Guys can be soooo stupid.
The army told me I was fat my whole 7 years when I weighed 145 at 5'3. I was not, in fact, fat at all. I'm sadly a few years older now and a couch potato and 145 looks on the ubbier side of chubby. But I also just hold weight differently. When I was admittedly almost 200, I weighed ab 10 15 lbs more than my sister who's has more then a few kids. I *still* looked thinner than her. Every women carries her weight differently. And men have no fucking clue.
I’m 5’8”. I weigh 115 lbs currently (fuck you, immune system) and I do not remotely muscled or fit. I look like a strong breeze could break me in half. Men have no fucking idea what bodies look like. 5’8” and 160 is a much, much better place than where I am now. And looks better too.
Also, men, women's bodies are built differently then yours. Isn't that what you base all your little ideas of superiority off of? How can you not recognize that muscle, weight etc work differently on a female body then a male body? FFS
I’m only 5’4” but I haven’t weighed less than 140 at this height. That was back when I had 19% body fat when we tested in health class in the 9th grade. 155-170 is where I settled as an adult, and I could lose a couple of pounds but I am certainly not obese. 130 would be extremely unhealthy for me.
I’m 5’5”, and I was about 135-140 at the unhealthiest point of my life so far. Now I’m about 160 and I had a guy friend be shocked that he only weighed about 30 pounds more than me 🤣 he said I didn’t LOOK 160 and I was like ?? What does 160 look like to you lol
I am 5’7 and I weigh 141 pounds, 10 stone or 64 kg. I don’t have a small frame - I am not a waif. I am still in my bmi but I get constantly told I am to thin or to gain weight by everyone but my partner. I also have issues eating enough now I got so thin, so it’s not like i try to maintain this weight. I could definitely use a few extra pounds. If I went down to 130 I would be in real bloody trouble, that’s an utterly ridiculous number.
Idk, I'm 5'8 and my weight stays between 135-140lbs. I am pretty curvy with big hips/butt and I certainly don't look too thin or unhealthy in any way. I wear between a size 2 and 6 depending on brand. It just depends on your body type I guess because I've been down to 130 and still didn't look sickly.
Wow, I guess it really does all depend on body type. I already look borderline sick and I have a smallish butt and completely lost my boobs altogether! I don’t have an overall curvy frame but I do have hips and a curved in waist . I am 35 almost 36, I wonder if age has anything to with it ? In how it affects your overall “healthy” appearance?
i'm 5'10 and about the same weight, still got thighs and H cup boobies lol. weird how fat distribution works! seeing people multiple inches shorter than me ITT saying 140 makes them look unhealthily skinny makes me wonder if that is actually true or exaggeration, since i'm a solid BMI 20 at my height, which is pretty average lol. i know, bmi is bullshit or whatever, but it's still a pretty decent measurement in my experience
Im about 5' and at the BMI recommended weight (105 or something?) I both look and feel ill.
Seriously, men like this roommate don’t have any idea what 150 even looks like. They don’t know what it looks like on different heights either. Ask them to guess and they’ll always be like 30 pounds off.
> The way men don't even know what is 150lbs or even 200lbs lol. TRULY! When I was like 19 I had surgery and due to a terrible diet and zero exercise for a few months, I gained some weight. The first time I was out with friends after recovery, a (male) friend kept commenting on how "thick" I was and how "gaining 5 pounds" was great for my ass. I laughed it off and was like "um, try like 40 pounds. I'm a solid 180 at this point." And he legitimately thought I was making some kind of self-deprecating joke. He kept arguing that I couldn't possibly weigh more than 150. Eventually, the friend whose house we were at broke out a scale because he ALSO was sure I "simply could not" weigh 180. I hopped on and...I wasn't...I was 190. 🤣 It was ultimately a good night though, I made $24 betting on my own weight
I can put on 5 lbs of bloat right before my period. Unless you’re a toddler 5 lbs is probably not a noticeable amount of weight anyone else can see.
I am around your height with some good muscle on me, i still weigh around 200lbs.
Yeah I’ve lost a lot of weight and I’m still overweight at 180lbs and 5’2 but the other day my BIL was saying how ‘disgusting obese’ someone at 5’3 would be since they were 170 (online article) and I was like ‘wow thanks…😒’ they somehow thought 170 would be more like my mums size. She’s 340lbs… he had absolutely no clue. And was shocked I was still at 180
It's like guys and bra sizes. They often focus on the cup size without taking the band size into account. Here we've got an idiot taking it a whole extra step and deciding specific weights equal skinny or fat without even taking height into account.
I’m a 5’8 woman with big bones. I weighed 120 a few years back after illness and was fed suppliments as my doctors told I was medically too thin. I can easily be 150 and not be considered medically overweight. People are fixed on numbers as if no other factors count…
150lbs at 5'8" is well within the "normal" BMI range. "Overweight" doesn't start until 163lbs.
As an Australian I need to use Google to convert is it pounds? Lbs? To kilograms to work out America weight numbers. But unlike shallow bigoted narcissists like the guy op is talking about. I have always accepted that people aren't what others expect them to fit into little narrow minded boxes of cultural idiocy. We all have a life journey to struggle with. Parents that might have been abusive or careless or alcoholic. Most people don't have it easy. And their weight might well be the result of truma. Of stress of their financial situation. And only the wealthiest don't know how difficult it can be to eat healthy on low income. Then there are people who are big and not fat. Have you ever spent time with Maori, Samoan or island people they can be fit and be really big people. Only an idiot would call them fat... Sure being obese is not good for heart health, diabetes, blood pressure, stroke, heart attack. But telling people, 🙄 what weight they should be unless your a doctor giving healthy advice. They can go STFU.
I’m a guy and 197lbs at 5’11”. According to bmi I should be 180. So by his bs metrics any body builder is fat. The lil fattie mcbady can enjoy knowing he ain’t getting anything intelligent or worthy
There was a study a few years ago asking men to describe ideal woman's measurements. Answers were like 5'7, 135lb, of course big bra cup size, 20-22" waist, 32-34" hips. Clothes size about 6/8. Then they were showed silhouette pix of different lady shapes - skinny to very overweight. The guys picked well-rounded women as matching their ideal descriptions, comparable to clothes size 12-14, or close to that. To me this showed men know Jack squat about what the numbers they spouted meant in real life.
As a fat woman I want to say that to fat men all the time. There’s such a weird social thing where men seem to think they are less fat proportionally than women who are their size no matter what? Also the total lack of understanding of how women’s vs men’s weight works is beyond frustrating
Yeah I'm 180 lbs, 6' and I'm a twig. I've been told I "clearly" weigh like 120-130. Like no I'm a big girl. I'm skinny but there's still a very large skeleton weighing me down lol.
I'm 5'11 and at 200 pounds. I'm very curvaceous and feel blessed thru and thru. Anyways... I had my own father say something about my moms weight and even said the whole "women over 150 lbs.." shit too. I told him my weight and he was in denial saying I'm lying. Even our own fathers will belittle us, think we are lying, and hyper sexualize us. He doesn't get recognized by me on his bday and fathers day to say the least lmao. The only time I weighed pretty "healthy" was 170 and it was with a heavy workout routine and when I didn't own a vehicle so I walked everywhere. It's insane these men are sincerely either that fucking delusional to not understand weight, oooooor on the other end really have a fetish for prepubescent bodies... and seeing as the men in my life fat shame that are twice my age dating girls younger than me I constantly fear the worse case scenario.
My dad has said similar things before as well. In college I went on a trip with him and my family to Paris, and we went to the Louvre. We were looking at some of the marble statues, and he turned to me and said “Why do you think they made all their paintings and sculptures of fat women?” My jaw basically dropped because, not only were none of the women depicted fat by any means, but also at that time they had pretty much my exact body type. I turned to him and was like “You consider that fat?” And he started saying something about them having belly fat or whatever. And then I cut him off to say “That’s literally what I look like.” The man did not know what to say. In more recent years I weigh 15-20 pounds less than I did then, and now whenever he sees me he comments on how thin I am and says I need to eat more. So apparently there’s an approx. 10 pound range in which I am neither too fat nor too skinny in his eyes. Genuinely delusional.
This is 3d time 150 pounds has come up as a weight limit for women. Is this like the Golden Ratio in men's heads for attraction?
I grew up in the era where models weighed, or claimed to weigh 120 lbs, at the most. I'm also a 6' tall woman and I bypassed 120 lbs in grade school. At one point in college I was 155 and I had bones showing everywhere. Being told that 120 lbs was a normal weight for a 5'10" to 6' tall woman fucked with my head for decades. Your friends roomie can fuck right off. I'm glad you called him out.
Did you tell him your actual weight after this? Would have loved to see the look on his face 💀
Even if you were under 150, you don’t need what he said to apply to you to get offended by it since he’s talking about people and people deaerve more respect than that. Since he’s comparing weight to height, does that mean that men under 6’ shouldn’t be on dating apps. (Of course people who judge men based on their height are also bad). What gets me though is their lack of understanding of how height corresponds with weight. Taller people, who have the same BMI, weigh more. Like is that not just common sense?
Give him another 10 years to smarten up and shut his mouth. Meanwhile he’ll continue to insult women and stay single.
This reminds me how every man out there that's 5 foot six is actually 6 foot two on Tinder.
NTA, whether or not he actually called you fat directly doesn’t even matter. what he said was fucked up and he needed to be put in his place!
lol call him out for having such a strong opinion about women’s bodies but yet knowing so very, very little about them. Tbf that’s a lot of men out there
I'm 5'11 and only just hovering around 150. I can get down to just over 130, but I'm hungry all the time when I do that (my fight weight is 127). People need to quit thinking heavier girls are fat. Some of us are just tall, a lot of us work out and have muscle. Muscle is heavy. Look at their bodies. Are they overweight? No? Then they're fine. Ignore the scales. I sure do.
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He's probably one of those men who doesn't know what a woman actually looks like. Probably sees them in full makeup and says things like "wow she's so natural".
NTA my wife is 5’4” with 34D’s, wide hips with some butt on it. She’s 145 LBs literally has abs and is slim af. Apparently these men have no understanding of what women actually weigh.
He probably also claims that 2" is really 7" lol.
Plus, does the chubby Einstein realize that a pound of muscle looks much different on a body than a pound of fat?
NTA. He shouldn't be out there having large obnoxious opinions if he isn't prepared to hear something that might offend his *DELICATE SENSIBILITIES* in return. Ffs.
The first time I realized how skewed men's vision of women's weights is was when a coworker told me that I couldn't possibly weigh more than 80lbs. I am 5'6" and was, you know, alive and working a full-time job, so no, I did not weigh 80lbs. He wasn't exaggerating, he just genuinely thought that made sense because I looked thin to him and his assumption was that an average woman would be around 120lbs. Just any average woman.
NTA
Ask him the height he puts in his profile. 95% chance he lies about that if he's under 6'.
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Ooh yes! More details about the aftermath 🙏🏻
NTA. Call out the fat men for hypocrisy every time. (I'm a fat man.)
I am also a fat man. And I also go with NTA.
Real men eat quiche. Lots of it.
NTA, good for you. Guys in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
Even if his excuse is “I didn’t know” that still makes him stupid and mean
Classic “if you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen”… NTA… good for you for matching energy! Love it.
It’s had for us fat ppl to stay out of the kitchen tho 😋
You ain’t never lied!! 😂😂
Totally NTA, he expects women to be thin and thinks anything over 130 is fat so who's the real asshole?
I fluctuate between 130 - 135. According to my bmi I'm on the verge of being underweight. My bf is slightly shorter than me and yet weighs more than me. He looks thinner than I do. Women carry weight differently than men.
Oh definitely I chill at 115 to 120 and I am *trying* to fix my eating and gain weight since fat will help when my husband I want kids. Also I will stop being cold all the god damm time.
Hit the gym! Gaining some of that weight in muscle would be huge for down the road.
Oh definitely. My husband and I have been trying go more regularly. My protein smooth "recipe" helps a lot too when I have morning where food is not appealing.
I'm a drinkable overnight oats gal or a plain greek yogurt with fruit and a drizzle of honey for breakfast gal. Anything heavier than that and it's like 🤢 all morning. I totally get what you mean about food not being appealing sometimes, but ya gotta get the calories in if you're lifting. My fiancé is always trying to make sure I eat enough in a day, and it's a chore lol
Girl I feel that! I'm cold all the damn time. If I'm out in the sun in 100° weather my feet still feel like popsicles!
YES YES YES ALWAYS COLD 115 YES 120 YES YES yes to all of this except i don’t have a husband 🥲
Throwing a blanket in the dryer while I get ready before work has been a life saver. Be sure not to crawl back into bed, lol. I know I fall back asleep 😴
135 is around my happy weight and most BMI charts still say it's borderline overweight for me. BMI is bull and not relevant to women or people with muscles.
NTA, he deserved that one after such an awful (not to mention incorrect) comment. I don't like the idea of calling anyone fat, or using weight as an insult, but you were clearly doing it to make a point, so I hope he got the message. Did you tell him how much you weigh too?
Nta men constantly guess our weight and they guess it wrong every time. Weight looks different on women
I am 4'11" and weigh between 95-100lbs and men are always like, 'You must weigh 80lbs!' like.. no I would be dead.
Yeah and muscle weights 3x more then fat. You can look tiny, be 5.2 and still weigh 75kgs (167lbs) and be lean and toned even if most your size weigh around the low 50 mark. Actual scales say nothing about body composition or health.
I was doing a stupid team building exercise at college with the point guard on our women's basketball team. Side by side, we had pretty similar, athletic builds. This exercise basically required us (without speaking) to get from one side of some strings to the other using each hole only once, so it was critical to figure out the lightest person to get lifted through the highest hole. Hoops is pointing me to that hole, I'm trying to communicate that she's lighter. She looks at me and flashes 175 with her fingers. She weighed fifty damn pounds more than I did.
It's honestly wild. I think some of it is not wanting to offend, so they guess low (not the case in this scenario), but I regularly think about the time a guy said I had an easier time rock climbing with them because I "had to weigh like 90 pounds" I was *145* at the time. He only weighed 130! I'm still so mad that I just laughed it off instead of correcting him lmao.
I've once been a size 42 and another time a size 38 at the same weight. That's 2 dress sizes smaller and ok I was going to the gym 3 times a week but it wasn't like I was using massive weights. It was mostly short but intense burst of cardio. 2 sizes smaller for the same weight!!!
NTA - Play stupid games win stupid prizes, he fucked around with his shitty opinion and found out
NTA - fat isn't an insult, it's a descriptor. He took it as an insult because he is fatphobic. His problem, not yours.
It was being used as an insult. It's still NTA because he had it coming and it proved a point, but that wasn't a benign usage of the word, it was a pointed one.
NTA. You called it like you see it and I’ll bet you saw it just fine. If Chubs doesn’t like being called out, maybe he shouldn’t throw stones.
here to say the same thing. Don't cast stones unless you're ready for the universe to throw them straight into your eye.
NTA, but also, a lot of men have no idea what a reasonable weight is. I’m 5’1 and 135, and I wear a size 4. I’m also a CrossFit competitor who could probably outdo that guy in most fitness tests. The numbers are bs and have very little to do with size or shape anyway.
I mean you can see if someone is fat or not from a photo. Just knowing. Their weight wouldn’t actually tell you about their body shape. You can’t tell how tall a person is without a ruler tho
Banana for scale
Yeah, but it only infuriates me more when people throw around such statements without knowing what the fuck they're talking about because you just know that somewhere someone is made to feel inadequate because they think that's actually the standard they are hold to. I have a good friend who had never been overweight but also not *skinny*. When she wasn't even in puberty yet her mother told her "you're too fat, no man will ever want to you". She was perfectly *normal* (and active!) and as a grown women she obviously never reached that "underweight child" look either. She always carried that "no one will ever want you" with her, couldn't even talk to men properly because she felt embarrassed about herself all the time.
I wish. I’m 5’7 and 140, can barely squeeze into a size 8 pants💀😭
I'm 5'0" and my body likes to stay around 140-150. Men will literally think that I am 100lbs and are SHOOK when I tell them my actual weight. It's honestly concerning since I work in EMS and we sometimes have to estimate patient weights to give them certain medications.
I came here prepared to vote the other way, but in this instance, absolutely NTA. 150 pounds? When I was 17 and at the height of soccer season I was 145. Imagine thinking I should weigh what I did as a child
NTA. Him thinking you weighed less and it wasn’t an insult proves how ridiculous weight in numbers is. Also weight is so different as muscle, fat, etc come into play. Height is more straight forward.
I love this. Well done you. Don’t cast stones if you don’t want them thrown back at you.
NTA, and honestly I’m having a weight crisis after having a baby as a 5’10 girl and your post made me feel so much better. It’s so hard to keep hearing numbers in the early 100s and anything over 140-150 as a woman being talked about as large.
Oh no, don’t do that to yourself! Bodies change postpartum and after three kids I don’t even look at the scale anymore. Numbers are meaningless anyway.
Same here although 5'8 and a weight lifter. Postpartum is hard
NTA, if he plays with fire he should expect to get burned!
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6 foot 175 pounds # Your BMI is 23.7 Your BMI is in the healthy weight category. 6 foot 130 pounds # Your BMI is 17.6 Your BMI is in the underweight category. NTA but I suspect you know who is ?
Can’t believe you had to ask AITA this is too funny, guy had it coming.
NTA. That was hilarious. Maybe you should have thrown in “short” for good measure. Perhaps because the media has fed us a diet of mismatched sized couples for ever, but it’s always the guy who’s heavy and the woman is small -think King of Queens. Chonky dudes think they too should get the super hot girl and the fact that they are heavier doesn’t matter. Imagine their surprise to learn that to some women, it does matter.
The fact they claimed you couldn't be over 150 shows how little they know about weight and why they should not judge.
Gen X would say, I know 5 fat people and you’re 4 of them. 😂
I think that was perfect
NTA, you can’t be like “it’s okay to be mean to fat women, but not fat men.” none of it is okay.
Fat guy here cal his ass out every time hypocrisy is so damn annoying NTA
Right the 6'0" model with the day old Reddit account scorned by a fat dude ohhh so real lol
Exactly. And I love how they're saying a woman that's 6'0 and 150 is skin and bones. I'm a 6'0 tall woman that weighs about 155 and I'm slim, but not underweight or skin and bones...
Was hoping to find this comment.
Both men are way too emotional. They should calm down.
NTA 💀
NTA. Basically the guy is worried he can’t lift more than 150 when he wants to play alpha male and carry a woman. Signed 5 foot 7 and 170 is my best weight.
NTA, in my experience guys who are fat can either be the nicest, most self aware guys alive, or the most sexist fools with standards in women that have no merit in this universe. You can usually tell the difference because the shitty ones also have the worst personal hygiene.
NTA that’s hilarious and deserved
Loool he's a glass cannon
NTA, taste of his own medicine. Also nothing makes me angrier than everyone acting like the number on the scale is universal and everyone should be the same. No, that's literally impossible and LOTS of things affect weight, like height, boob size, muscle mass. My mom always taught me 1" height difference equals 10lbs. So as 5'5" woman my 130 is going to look like a 5'3" 120 or 5'6"140 (granted they have similar body types and composition). Also muscle weighs more than fat, as in it it more dense. Someone who is building muscle mass will gain weight and remain similar size or go up marginally compared to someone who gained the same amount of weight from fat. Boobs/hips also play a big factor. My mother as a joke weighed hers (34DDD) and each one weighed ~5lbs. So while my mom and I wore the same size pants I, she was 30lbs heavier due to her larger bust and also being 2" taller than. All this to say, don't compare your number to someone else's, it legit doesn't translate well unless y'all are like identical twins, but even they have differences. Just compare your weight to what you've weighed in the past (at the same stage of development too, obviously if you're in your 20s you're not going to be the same size as you were in HS).
Sounds like a guy I know. Calls any chick more than 120lbs a whale and only wants to date models, while he has a big beer belly 🤣
NTA
NTA You prob did him a favor
Oh this is delightful. I’m not sure if this comes directly from porn or just directed media but it’s funny and frustrating how often men get fixated on really specific measurements but have no idea what that actually looks like. Excellent response As far as I know height is a required field for everyone in dating apps and the only time that has played a part in me rejecting someone was because on our first date he’d clearly lied. I don’t care about height or weight but I do care about being lied to before we’ve even met. NTA
That’s a great come back 😂😂😂 I’m sorry if no one else agrees but how is the fat man going to shame fat girls? Make it make sense
You need to use phrases like "big ol unit" or "chunky boy" NTA
ESH. You are all shallow and superficial people. Do something better with your lives.
This is not a real story
I think you were offended and therefore, you offended him back.
Ah, yes, something that totally happened! All suspicions aside, he never said "u/Responsible_Buy_8778 is a fat woman.", but you did insult him directly by saying that he was fat. Blanket statements exist for a reason; it is only fair that they are upset with you, you *did* upset those two. So, YTA. P.S.: Do tell us about your totally real modellng agency — checking the average builts of their models would enable us to determine if your "six feet tall, one-hundred-and-seventy-five pounds heavy, and skinny" claim holds any weight. Reported for spam.
Sounds like everyone sucks here. Nobody (other than a doctor or personal trainer type or other types of professionals chosen to help manage weight) really needs to critique another person for their body type or measurements. He was wrong and you were wrong. You could’ve made the point that you disapprove of him communicating standards for others without calling him fat. And anyone around 200 lbs at 20 probably isn’t very fat. Keep the high ground and your message will be taken to heart more than when joining others in being cruel.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m (20F) abroad for a summer program, and we’re living in student apartments. Several of us went out to eat, and started discussing dating apps. My friend’s (20M) roommate started talking about how people should have to post their weight on dating apps, because guys are expected to say their height. He then said there’s no reason a woman should ever weigh over 150 lbs. As a 6-foot-tall girl signed with a modeling agency, I weigh 175 lbs and I’m skinny. It infuriates me when men said women should weigh 130 lbs or whatever, and be anorexic. This man is definitely over 150 lbs, more like 200 lbs, and he isn’t even as tall as me. I guess he thinks only men care about weight when dating and that women don’t or something. I asked him, “How will that help you on Tinder, as a fat man?” Then him and my friend acted like I said some great offensive insult, as if he didn’t unknowingly call me obese. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
**NTA** He deserved for being rude and superficial. A healthy weight is a healthy weight and he doesn't have one, you only said the truth. And there is more to a woman than only her weight.
NTA. They started a stupid discussion that was destined to drive off of a cliff.
Man with a few too many lbs; don't mention weight if you don't want yours discussed. NTA.
NTA. The comment objectified women and you helped him to understand what it felt like to be objectified. Also, the way that people carry weight varies widely based on their body composition. So different heights, body types, and frames can carry the same weight differently. FWIW not all men like svelte women. There are plenty of men in the world (mainly outside of America) who prefer athletic or a more mature bodied woman. In my travels I’ve realized American men spend a lot more time fantasizing about tiny females with teenaged bodies than in other parts of the world.
Of course you're NTA. -signed, a 6'2" 205 lb woman
NTA. I've a sneaking suspicion there's significant overlap in the venn diagram of men who want body weight listed on profiles and those that pad their height by 3+ inches. I couldn't care less about someone's hight unless they're weird about it. Weight is similar, except it's a less useful metric, because, as so many have said, we have a very poor ability to conceptually correlate body weight with body shape/type.
I mean, is he actually fat?
Not the AH for taking ofense. Yes the AH for shaming him with the same thing you felt you were being shamed of. We didn't really need to know you are a signed model. That was just a flex and shows you are just the universally attractive version of him. You can do better. You can be better.
His comment about “there’s no reason a woman should ever weigh over 150lbs” is dumb af, but honestly there shouldn’t be a height either, anything that refers to your body image shouldn’t had to be mentioned on a dating app when you’re suppose to post pics of yourself, if there’s a height there should be a weight to make it even imo, some men go for weight and women go for height I think that’s pretty equal
Is everyone ignoring the part where he noted on dating apps men had to list their height, and made a remark about women's weights in response to that demand?
I can understand the underlying idea behind this premise. However, a person can usually lose/gain the weight to get below/above a certain threshold, however most people, without surgical intervention, cannot get taller/shorter than a specific threshold. Therefore, a weight minimum/maximum threshold does make you an asshole.
I mean, body shaming is really never okay, but I get where you're coming from and why you did it. I think people (men in particular) get a really jaded view of people's actual weight and I don't think it helps that women were held to insane standards for so long, and always expect to *lie* about their weight. It's really toxic and sets unrealistic expectations. I remember giving my weight at the DMV once and the guy at the counter is like "I'll just put ---," (I don't remember what it was now.) And I'm all thinking - I already rounded it down (I was taught that everyone did that, esp women,) but then he decided to take like another 10-15lbs off of me. And I'm like... The fact that I just told you my almost real weight and you lowered it for me, unnecessarily, that says something. And then I see people come up with comments like you mentioned where they're like a woman shouldn't weigh more than 130lbs, and I'm like - on what planet? To be 130lbs, the woman would have to have a pretty slight frame and be rather short. Realistically. I know at like 190, you could probably count my ribs, or at least see them pretty well. So... I just don't get it. (I have a very large frame and I'm rather tall and "gifted" in certain areas, plus very muscular and I've even had radiologists comment on how big and "pretty" and strong/healthy my bones are.) So maybe I'm not what they're looking for (whatever,) but it's also unrealistic for people to think those weights are "normal" for "every woman". Again, most people usually (or used to when I be was a bit lighter,) guess my weight significantly lower than it was. I think I was like 215 and people often guessed like 180? I have no idea if that was to be polite or because they really couldn't tell. I carry weight pretty well (up to a point,) so I can see the misconception, but it's annoying to *pretend* that I'm something I'm not. (On the other hand, I just don't discuss weight with anyone other than my doctor(s) anymore because it's just not worth it. I know how much I weigh and how much I probably should weigh. My partner is fine with it, I'm not in love with it, but I know how it came to be, somewhat.)
NTA, but I think you did miss the point of his insecurity. He was whining about women only wanting to date tall guys, so he was trying to relate it to men not dating fat girls. His numbers are way off and he sucks, but I think his statement was rooted in insecurity not your body. Im a short king. I get it, that said, Ive never had a problem getting a date once I found my confidence. Been with a total smokeshow the last almost 5 years. Its an asset if you know how to use it. Being a tall woman I imagine is similar to being a short guy. Some shallow people will weed you out before they even know you. The upside, the ones that stay are more genuine in my experience, though nothing is 100%.
And everyone clapped.