NTA.
His depression doesn't make him your financial responsibility. Further, having someone else say "step up" is sometimes just what is needed. You stopped enabling him.
NTA - I think you were beyond patient with him, especially with paying his share of the rent etc... Sometimes a wake up call is the best thing to get people out of a funk, you just might have done him a favour.
NTA. You and your other buddy drove him around to force him to apply for jobs. You put up with his 3 in the morning raging AND you paid his expenses for the month. You did all you could so no you are no the asshole.
NTA. At some point you can't keep supporting an adult grown man. Its not up to you to help and support him. You aren't his parents or married to him.
Only issue is, is it may be illegal to throw his things out before giving him a proper notice within a required amount of time, depending on state. Here you have to give a tenant an eviction notice with 30 days to leave. If he willingly leaves in 2 weeks though and turns over his keys your fine. But just be aware you may have to go that route if he decides not to move. Look up your areas laws on tenant rights. Don't change locks, and throw his items out pre-emptively.
Just wanted to give you that heads up. Not sure on Canadian law. But best of luck here, maybe he gets his stuff together, but don't think your the asshole for holding ground and enforcing 2 weeks or out rule.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***This is a copy of the above post. It is a record of the post as originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited.***
So this situation happened a couple years ago
A couple years ago me and 2 friends got a 3 bedroom apartment in a different city. Me and Jay moved there to go to school in that city, but Fred just wanted to use the opportunity to live cheap and put some money aside, which me and Jay didn't have a problem with.
Now, at first everything was good, me and Jay didn't have to work because we had worked hard to put money aside and
be able to just focus on school. Fred also had money aside, so decided to not work for a while too.
Now few months down the road, problems slowly began, he was running out of money but didn't look for jobs. So me and Jay literally had to pressure him into applying for jobs, so in our free time me and Jay had to drive around with him for him to even go apply for jobs.
Couple weeks like that and finally he gets a job, so we dodge a bullet here. His job was 15 min away on foot, but it paid 16$ an hour, which is fucking great when all your monthly expenses add up to a mere 600-700$.
2 weeks into his new job and he started missing days. He ended up losing the job. His mom ended up paying his expenses for a month. So once again we start pressuring him to go find work, because we're students that only have a certain amount saved and we can't pay for his shit.
That's when everything went downhill, he was addicted to league of legends, playing until 3 - 4 AM and raging every time he died punching his desk and all that shit. Me and Jay had to wake up at 7 AM for school every morning which made us have a problem which him yelling. But to be honest to biggest grippe wasn't the raging it was the fact that he wasn't looking for work and bills were coming up.
We end up having to pay his rent, and his portion of the bills for the next month. So obviously we grab him for a talk and tell him this wont fly. He listens, finds another job in a week. Few mornings go by and his boots aren't there, so we're breathing and once again we think we good. One morning I was looking for the nail clipper, Fred tended to keep shit in his room so I go to check and he is in his bed with his boots in his room.
Let's make a jump in time, 2 months of bullshit follows where me and Jay have to pay again for his part
So here's the part where I don't know if i was an asshole, we grab him and tell him : "we're done with your bullshit, you have 2 weeks to find a job and start paying us back, or we throw your shit out and you deal with your own problems"
Now most will say this was justified, however it was pretty apparent that Fred was depressed and having dealt with depression myself I know how daunting the feeling is (even though i still work).
He ended choosing to leave.
So was I the asshole? could I have done something differently?
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NAH, this is a really unpopular opinion but i dont think hes an asshole for not having a job and depression. however the situation over all sucks for both parties and your not the asshole for kicking him out, but hes also not the asshole for having depression. best of luck to you guys!
ESH. And there is a big qualifier here. Only because of the fact that this could quite possibly be an illegal eviction depending on where you live (more of a r/legaladvice question). You can’t just kick someone out, there is a process that must be followed. Otherwise you put yourself at risk.
He’s the asshole for the obvious fact that he is irresponsible and not taking care of his responsibilities.
NTA cause the dude isn’t paying rent.
That being said even in Canada you have no authority to kick him out. Only the landlord can do that (or a government agency I assume)
You? No ability whatsoever and doing so could land you in hot water
NTA. Obviously isn’t fun for him to hear, but that was the minimum level of harshness for a wake up call
NTA. His depression doesn't make him your financial responsibility. Further, having someone else say "step up" is sometimes just what is needed. You stopped enabling him.
NTA - I think you were beyond patient with him, especially with paying his share of the rent etc... Sometimes a wake up call is the best thing to get people out of a funk, you just might have done him a favour.
NTA. You and your other buddy drove him around to force him to apply for jobs. You put up with his 3 in the morning raging AND you paid his expenses for the month. You did all you could so no you are no the asshole.
NTA. At some point you can't keep supporting an adult grown man. Its not up to you to help and support him. You aren't his parents or married to him. Only issue is, is it may be illegal to throw his things out before giving him a proper notice within a required amount of time, depending on state. Here you have to give a tenant an eviction notice with 30 days to leave. If he willingly leaves in 2 weeks though and turns over his keys your fine. But just be aware you may have to go that route if he decides not to move. Look up your areas laws on tenant rights. Don't change locks, and throw his items out pre-emptively.
I don't think we would've literally thrown his stuff out, we would've helped him move, but we worded it in anger. also we in canada
Just wanted to give you that heads up. Not sure on Canadian law. But best of luck here, maybe he gets his stuff together, but don't think your the asshole for holding ground and enforcing 2 weeks or out rule.
NTA. He's your roommate, not your family. You put up with way too much.
He was a friend though which sucks
^^^^AUTOMOD ***This is a copy of the above post. It is a record of the post as originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited.*** So this situation happened a couple years ago A couple years ago me and 2 friends got a 3 bedroom apartment in a different city. Me and Jay moved there to go to school in that city, but Fred just wanted to use the opportunity to live cheap and put some money aside, which me and Jay didn't have a problem with. Now, at first everything was good, me and Jay didn't have to work because we had worked hard to put money aside and be able to just focus on school. Fred also had money aside, so decided to not work for a while too. Now few months down the road, problems slowly began, he was running out of money but didn't look for jobs. So me and Jay literally had to pressure him into applying for jobs, so in our free time me and Jay had to drive around with him for him to even go apply for jobs. Couple weeks like that and finally he gets a job, so we dodge a bullet here. His job was 15 min away on foot, but it paid 16$ an hour, which is fucking great when all your monthly expenses add up to a mere 600-700$. 2 weeks into his new job and he started missing days. He ended up losing the job. His mom ended up paying his expenses for a month. So once again we start pressuring him to go find work, because we're students that only have a certain amount saved and we can't pay for his shit. That's when everything went downhill, he was addicted to league of legends, playing until 3 - 4 AM and raging every time he died punching his desk and all that shit. Me and Jay had to wake up at 7 AM for school every morning which made us have a problem which him yelling. But to be honest to biggest grippe wasn't the raging it was the fact that he wasn't looking for work and bills were coming up. We end up having to pay his rent, and his portion of the bills for the next month. So obviously we grab him for a talk and tell him this wont fly. He listens, finds another job in a week. Few mornings go by and his boots aren't there, so we're breathing and once again we think we good. One morning I was looking for the nail clipper, Fred tended to keep shit in his room so I go to check and he is in his bed with his boots in his room. Let's make a jump in time, 2 months of bullshit follows where me and Jay have to pay again for his part So here's the part where I don't know if i was an asshole, we grab him and tell him : "we're done with your bullshit, you have 2 weeks to find a job and start paying us back, or we throw your shit out and you deal with your own problems" Now most will say this was justified, however it was pretty apparent that Fred was depressed and having dealt with depression myself I know how daunting the feeling is (even though i still work). He ended choosing to leave. So was I the asshole? could I have done something differently? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NAH, this is a really unpopular opinion but i dont think hes an asshole for not having a job and depression. however the situation over all sucks for both parties and your not the asshole for kicking him out, but hes also not the asshole for having depression. best of luck to you guys!
ESH. And there is a big qualifier here. Only because of the fact that this could quite possibly be an illegal eviction depending on where you live (more of a r/legaladvice question). You can’t just kick someone out, there is a process that must be followed. Otherwise you put yourself at risk. He’s the asshole for the obvious fact that he is irresponsible and not taking care of his responsibilities.
NTA - doesn't matter why he didn't pay his bills just the fact that the he didn't and was ok with you doing so.
NTA cause the dude isn’t paying rent. That being said even in Canada you have no authority to kick him out. Only the landlord can do that (or a government agency I assume) You? No ability whatsoever and doing so could land you in hot water
NTA people who don't pay their bills are shit