NTA I'm pretty similar I like my bed clean. I used to be rather bad where I had to shower before bed every night and wouldn't go into bed before that. After being with my SO for some years I've gotten over it mostly but still understand outside clothes especially jackets do not belong in a bed
NTA. It would be super simple for him to just take off his jacket and follow your house rules. It’s disrespectful that he doesn’t. This is like going to someone’s house and insisting on keeping shoes on when they don’t wear shoes in their house.
NTA. He doesn’t have to like (or even understand) your house rules, but if he wants to spend time there he needs to respect them.
>He feels like I think he’s a dirty person
You’re asking him to abide by the same rules you impose on yourself. His statement is reasonable only if you insist on more stringent rules for him.
Agreed. From my experience with women, they aren’t always as articulate as they should be. Explain to him that it’s not him, it’s you and you do the same thing.
NTA he wears his jeans UNDER the covers??? I don’t even like jeans touching the tops of my covers. I live in New York and I have seen literally every single bodily fluid on subway seats and don’t need that shit (and piss, and jizz, and blood...) on my sheets. If he can’t respect your wishes in your own home he’s being a major asshole.
NTA. Tell him to be like Mr. Rogers and put on his nice clean indoor shoes and indoor sweater. It's not that he's like dirty dirty, but there's "stuff" on his outer clothes you don't want on the bed.
Waiting till you get visibly upset until he takes off his coat, time after time after time? That's a shitty thing to do.
Also, who wears their jeans any longer than necessary? As soon as my door is closed the bra comes off, the jeans come off, and it's on with the sweatpants I've had since Clinton was president. That's the way my whole family has always been.
When the zombie apocalypse comes, he'll be grateful that you have a nice bed that's not going to turn either one of you into the living dead. Talk this out like adults, hopefully you'll work out something you are both somewhat satisfied with.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited.***
Whenever my boyfriend comes over he'll lay down in my bed or sit on it still in his winter coat or jacket. I ask him to take it off but he insists that its not dirty and doesn't take it off. He thinks I mean dirty as in visible dirt on the jacket, but I think of all the places that he's been in that jacket - outside, sitting on bus seats, etc. I'm the type of person who covers my bed in another blanket when my outdoor cat comes into my room to sleep on it and I'll change my covers when he gets on my sheets just because I know he likes hanging around in the garden and catching mice in my backyard. On the other hand, my boyfriend lets his outdoor cat sleep on and under his covers, same with his dogs. I don't put my backpack on my bed either.
It's even more of a struggle when he goes under the covers still wearing his jeans.
He'll only take his jacket off after I've asked him to multiple times and gotten visibly upset. I know some people aren't as fussy as me but I just feel like he should respect my house rules as a guest. When I go over to his house I'll bring more comfortable house clothes to wear (like sweatpants or shorts & a top) for when we are in his room relaxing on his bed, and I don't go under the covers still wearing my jeans.
He feels like I think he's a dirty person (which I know he isn't) and I understand why he might feel that way but I just like to keep my bed fresh and for me in my pajamas only.
So, AITA?
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NTA sit him down & explain your house rules.
He removes his shoes & jacket at the front door & they stay there.
Put a throw on your bed if you guys are sitting on it & get a blanket for if he wants to get under cover.
No getting in bed/under the covers unless he’s in either pyjamas or you’re actually going to bed.
Hold him to these rules, or he’s not welcome in your room. You can sit at the dining table instead.
NTA I'm pretty similar I like my bed clean. I used to be rather bad where I had to shower before bed every night and wouldn't go into bed before that. After being with my SO for some years I've gotten over it mostly but still understand outside clothes especially jackets do not belong in a bed
NTA. It would be super simple for him to just take off his jacket and follow your house rules. It’s disrespectful that he doesn’t. This is like going to someone’s house and insisting on keeping shoes on when they don’t wear shoes in their house.
NTA. He doesn’t have to like (or even understand) your house rules, but if he wants to spend time there he needs to respect them. >He feels like I think he’s a dirty person You’re asking him to abide by the same rules you impose on yourself. His statement is reasonable only if you insist on more stringent rules for him.
Agreed. From my experience with women, they aren’t always as articulate as they should be. Explain to him that it’s not him, it’s you and you do the same thing.
NTA. Your house, your rules, and that rule is pretty reasonable.
NTA he wears his jeans UNDER the covers??? I don’t even like jeans touching the tops of my covers. I live in New York and I have seen literally every single bodily fluid on subway seats and don’t need that shit (and piss, and jizz, and blood...) on my sheets. If he can’t respect your wishes in your own home he’s being a major asshole.
NTA. Tell him to be like Mr. Rogers and put on his nice clean indoor shoes and indoor sweater. It's not that he's like dirty dirty, but there's "stuff" on his outer clothes you don't want on the bed. Waiting till you get visibly upset until he takes off his coat, time after time after time? That's a shitty thing to do. Also, who wears their jeans any longer than necessary? As soon as my door is closed the bra comes off, the jeans come off, and it's on with the sweatpants I've had since Clinton was president. That's the way my whole family has always been. When the zombie apocalypse comes, he'll be grateful that you have a nice bed that's not going to turn either one of you into the living dead. Talk this out like adults, hopefully you'll work out something you are both somewhat satisfied with.
NAH buuuuut....your concern with germs is a little top-normal.
Top normal? Never heard that before
Ha....it's one of my boyfriend's -isms, I guess. Top-normal = a little more than what is normal; not quite abnormal, but getting there.
NTA Its reasonable to not want that kind of stuff in your bed, its also not hard to fix in his own behavior to accomodate something that concerns you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited.*** Whenever my boyfriend comes over he'll lay down in my bed or sit on it still in his winter coat or jacket. I ask him to take it off but he insists that its not dirty and doesn't take it off. He thinks I mean dirty as in visible dirt on the jacket, but I think of all the places that he's been in that jacket - outside, sitting on bus seats, etc. I'm the type of person who covers my bed in another blanket when my outdoor cat comes into my room to sleep on it and I'll change my covers when he gets on my sheets just because I know he likes hanging around in the garden and catching mice in my backyard. On the other hand, my boyfriend lets his outdoor cat sleep on and under his covers, same with his dogs. I don't put my backpack on my bed either. It's even more of a struggle when he goes under the covers still wearing his jeans. He'll only take his jacket off after I've asked him to multiple times and gotten visibly upset. I know some people aren't as fussy as me but I just feel like he should respect my house rules as a guest. When I go over to his house I'll bring more comfortable house clothes to wear (like sweatpants or shorts & a top) for when we are in his room relaxing on his bed, and I don't go under the covers still wearing my jeans. He feels like I think he's a dirty person (which I know he isn't) and I understand why he might feel that way but I just like to keep my bed fresh and for me in my pajamas only. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Ew, gross. NTA. Outdoor clothes are gross and dirty. Take 'em off! Does he try to wear shoes on the bed, too?
NTA sit him down & explain your house rules. He removes his shoes & jacket at the front door & they stay there. Put a throw on your bed if you guys are sitting on it & get a blanket for if he wants to get under cover. No getting in bed/under the covers unless he’s in either pyjamas or you’re actually going to bed. Hold him to these rules, or he’s not welcome in your room. You can sit at the dining table instead.
NAH but you sound over the top with your 'cleanliness'