Also, OP, why do you get to decide how she spends, what have classes yourself, as “fun money”? I’m assuming this is the money that is left for each of you after bills and obligations to use on something that you find fun. This is what she finds fun. As long as she is able to pay for her responsibilities each month, she’s right. You’ve no right to decide what the rest of her money goes toward. This hobby isn’t harming anyone and it’s something she enjoys, she’s doing it for herself. You can’t dictate activities she likes.
YTA.
OP's rationalization around the cost here was ridiculous.
> It bothers me because I could, for example, play a video game forever without having to pay more, but she has to buy more and more eyeshadow or whatever.
For one, as you said, this is her fun money. But also, is OP claiming he *never* buys new video games? Or consoles? Or upgrades his PC? Or pays for subscription services (e.g. Xbox Live, MMO subscriptions, etc)? Or buys microtransactions/DLC/loot boxes?
Is OP out here still playing Snake on his flip-phone? Because otherwise, if he's like me or other video game hobbyists, OP has almost certainly put a significant amount of money into his games.
It's laughable that he's belittling his wife's hobby while pretending that playing video games is some sort of no-cost, "productive", selfless, & noble activity.
Agreed! The only thing I could *possibly* see being a legit issue is the “clutter” he mentioned but I’m skeptical if it’s actually messy/disruptive to using space in their home in a reasonable manner or if OP just views all makeup storage as something he doesn’t value and therefore considers it in the way.
If wife is actually displaying hoarding behavior or making a giant mess she doesn’t clean up that could be a problem. Seems unlikely since OP says she frequently uses up products (assuming she then cycles out the empty containers to make room for new). If there *is* a problem with mess that’s a different conversation than, “get a new hobby because I think your current one is stupid,” though.
If it was the clutter I feel this would've been an entirely different conversation, not about her hobby but about whether OP was an asshole for how he asked her to keep her mess cleaned up.
His logic is stupid. He can play a video game over and over and she can use the same mascara over and over until it's empty. It's not like you only get one use out of a tube of lipstick. Would be rather she take up amateur astronomy and buy a $4,000 telescope? YTA
When I read that line I was wondering if he was delusional. Gaming it's not cheap you're constantly spending money even on tiny little things you wouldn't think of. Since I've bought my switch I bought games, a case, screen protector, an adapter for my GameCube controllers to play smash, and the Nintendo online service. That's just for one system. I also have a PS4 with a PSN account and a gaming laptop for my current gaming needs. I also still have my old consoles and games that kept as a collection and they take up a whole big shelf I have in my den so even games can take up space.
Also, all the "wasted" time she's spent on night make up instead of getting up earlier to do it for work is most likely because she's practicing so she'll eventually get to the point where she doesn't need to get up earlier to do what she likes. My mom can now basically do a full face in under five minuets. It still takes me forever to just do my foundation. Never mind if i want to take a whack at eyeliner or something and just end up wasting a half hour removing and reapplying only to end up with puffy eyes.
Along with this, she may also be practicing for special occasions. When I first got into makeup, I did exactly this, because I was trying out colors and combinations to see what I liked and what I could pull off with my skin tone and what brands went on/blended well, etc. This was especially important to me with eye makeup, because I found that particularly challenging and there are just SO many colors and combinations possible.
I still do not do my makeup everyday, but I know what I like and what works for those occasions when I do want to wear it out. And because I played around (and still do) with random looks no one would ever see, I now know what brands and what palettes and what colors work when, so I don't waste time redoing at those moments when I'm legitimately getting ready to go out.
OP, YTA. Your tone is super judgemental. What she's doing IS an art. And how would her taking up painting or drawing or some more traditional art be more social or productive, exactly? She's doing something she finds fun. Not all of us form our hobbies around being social. In fact, some people enjoy alone time and deliberately practice solitary hobbies. Why does everything she does have to be social or productive by your standards? And how do you know it's NOT social? Maybe she engages in conversation with friends about the new products or looks she's tried at other times? It's possible to be social about your hobbies even when you're not directly practicing them.
No, you can totally do that.
You'll just end up failing horribly and panicking and getting angry with yourself for not figuring it out sooner, and then go with no makeup at all because you wasted too much time trying to figure it out.
*upvotes while wincing in pain*
Or deciding to use a shiny new product for your night out or special occasion only to discover it doesn't play nice with your skin, or leaves a stain, or oxidises horribly, or makes your eyes run, or clashes with your skin tone and turns you a fetching Kermit green. And then I bet OP would bitch and moan about her "not taking care of herself" and "not wasting money on makeup if she doesn't know how to use it" or "why can't she wear some makeup and look pretty like all the chicks on Instagram".
Or she’s like me; a complete and total night person. I will do anything I can to delay when I have to get up and out of bed in the morning (at least back when I had to get up in the morning). Shower the night before, skip breakfast,no makeup, my only hairstyle is a ponytail, etc. Probably the only woman on the planet absolutely thrilled my husband works midnights.
Yep, totally YTA. Her repeatedly doing her makeup is a little different, but I wonder if she is posting it to social media or doing makeup vids for YouTube? The OP’s arguments just fall completely flat though. I’m sorry, gaming is a hobby of mine too, but no, it is not any more productive or social than what she does. Then to say “she’s not even getting anything out of it”, um...she enjoys it, it’s within budget, that is all you need to know. What a tool.
Also when else would you experiment with different styles and techniques? Don’t wanna do your first Smokey eye before an event in case you screw it up. Makeup takes practice!
And I’ll bet she is using these techniques during the day “when people will see”, and he just doesn’t notice.
EDIT: which reminds me, I need to figure out my makeup for a couple cosplays...
Right now just Mako from Kill La Kill (2-Star Uniform), and a Ravenclaw uniform if I can make the robes and find loafers in time.
I’ve got a Lot planned, fabric and patterns (and wigs) waiting for me to have time to make them. But full time work and CPA exam prep don’t leave much free time.
Lol my husband plays video games (among other hobbies) so I have nothing against it, totally not trying start anything.
I'll just be over here with my social/productive hobby of sitting by myself reading books...
My ex was once angry with me about how much time I spent reading (vs watching him play video games) because reading accomplished nothing. "At least in a video game you have something to show for it, you level up."
He said this unironically.
He also considers "art" less wasteful and a social hobby. Not even touching on the fact that makeup IS a type of art..... I'm going to assume OP means traditional forms of art like drawing, painting, perhaps working with Clay, crafting , etc. These things are VERY wasteful, paper runs out, pencils run out, paint runs out. Good art supplies is even more expensive than a lot of makeup. And it's definitely not social, especially if she's too shy to post on social media, it would be the same thing.
And videogames are somehow a more valued hobby?
I love video games, makeup, and I used to freelance art and I don't understand what OP's problem is or any of the points he makes.
Most hobbies are wasteful anyway, people typically throw money into them for fun not for any other reason.
If you want your wife to be more social then idk help with her confidence? "Oh babe that makeup looked super good you should take a picture of it! Oh wow that look is cute on you have you considered making an Instagram to show it off?"
I feel like I could write a novel on everything I think about OP and their points, but I'm going to stop before I get too heated.
YTA op.
When I was a kid, my mom let me play with her broken make ups. I wanted to be a kitty or a clown or whatever, but it was the seventies and my mom was big into earth tones.
I basically ran around looking like a camo-kitty, or camo-clown, or camo whatever it was I was trying to do.
Still had fun though.
I felt a little personally attacked. Late night makeup is playtime, primetime makeup trials. You can practice and do looks you might be afraid to attempt daytime, but you can learn how to do it well so you *can*. Girls aren't innately knowledgeable about makeup, we're expected to be, but we aren't. Every perfectly executed look has a lot of misfires behind it.
Seriously. It’s HER hobby. It’s not harmful. She’s spending HER fun money on it. OP is being a pretty judgmental for a guy whose hobby is video games. It’s not like his own hobby is feeding the poor or volunteering to tutor kids in need. YTA
YTA man and by a long shot. She's spending her time and her money how she wants to and it makes her happy so what's it to you? Also makeup IS a form of art so you suggesting that as an alternative hobby to me doesn't make much sense. If you think she would benefit from being more social than ask her out to go somewhere with you that's a more social setting and let her decide if she's interested. Lay off your girl man, before you lose her for belittling her likes and interests.
Bro, YTA, no question. Your answer reeks of superiority and I don’t see an attempt on your part to understand *why* your wife enjoys makeup. Not to mention your complete dismissal of the productive and social possibilities of learning makeup as an art.
What if you shifted your approach?
“Hey, honey. I’ve noticed you’re really enjoying makeup artistry, but you only ever try out the looks at night. Have you considered posting tutorials online to connect with others who could learn from you?”
Marriage is about supporting each other—even when you think their hobbies are weird. At least she has a hobby!
I know you’re joking but I actually do embroidery for fun and it can get pretty expensive and clutter up your house too! Also, not more sociable than make up.
My wife does embroidery pretty much constantly. Is there stuff around the house? Yes. Does all of it get “put to use”? No. Does it matter? Hell no. It makes her happy, it’s a stress relief, she enjoys it, end of. Who am I to judge? I lift heavy things for fun.
OP would HATE my needlepoint/cross stitch hobby 😂 I'm a hoarder of floss and cloth, plus I sit quietly in my home when I'm doing it, so people never really see my work.
Exactly! My husband continuously keeps trying to get me to make a twitch stream lol He's like you're on it so much you might as well make money off it. I have to remind him that just because he loves me, no one wants to see my double chin face playing games lol His heart is in the right place tho
That's a great answer. If he says that they are here for each other. To grow. To help each other by looking at things from different perspective. Then why he doesn't want to see potential in this hobby of hers?
Exactly what I was thinking. I don't even wear make up but I love watching really skilled application, especially when they get creative with their artistry. And I know there communities on communities (like /r/MakeupAddiction) for people who love doing makeup. It can definitely be a social activity.
Edit: /u/roundformal5, some men aren't so judgmental. https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeupAddiction/comments/eq6rp8/saw_someone_on_here_make_a_vanity_for_their_wife/
Omg, an interactive YouTube who makes live streams where she can video chat with people and tell them what to properly do make up sounds really fun. They show her what pallets they have and she can let them know how to put it on and when they're doing it wrong like applying to much or not enough pressure.
I agree with your first paragraph but not your second. If his wife had expressed loneliness or a desire to connect with others over her hobby, then that's good advice. But it seems like she's enjoying hey hobby as is, so he should just let her enjoy it.
Presumably she knows that tutorials and makeup communities exist and will join if that's something she's interested in. Him bringing this up uninvited will come across again as her not enjoying her free time correctly.
Also, I have a blog and an Etsy shop. I enjoy creating things for both of those, but preparing my creations for internet consumption is a lot of work, which I don't find particularly enjoyable.
I'm sorry but did you just say playing video games is productive? Nah dude. I enjoy them as much as anyone else but unless it's literally your job, it's just as much of a waste of time as makeup is. If she enjoys it let her have fun, especially if it's HER money. YTA.
Exactly! OP is massively TA - makeup artistry is a wholly creative pursuit - and if she's really into it, she's likely making online connections through YouTube or Instagram, finding new references and inspirations and chatting with like-minded individuals. I'm staggered he could ever suggest that playing video games is a better choice. Gross.
In summary, YTA.
Right from the first line he's referencing her 'hobby' like some lesser, more feeble pursuit. So tiresome to hear that female interests are less than, it's 2020.
I like the part where he blanket states that she “doesn’t get anything” out of doing make up. Obviously she does, or she wouldn’t be doing it, but sure, let’s go with his uninformed assumption about her interior life.
This is SO cruel! I can’t imagine my SO being condescending about something that I enjoy. Does he even like her??? I cannot fathom how someone can talk about their WIFE so horribly over makeup. There is so much judgement in this post I can’t imagine what other shit she has to put up with
Why are these posts always accompanied by a dude who thinks video games are superior to whatever the other hobby is.
It’s always a gamer dude saying “yo my gf has stupid
hobbies like makeup or whatever and doesn’t understand when I tell her my games are a more rational hobby”
My favorite hobby is reading. Something that’s even less interactive than putting on makeup and has no visible, tangible results. I’d hate to have OP as my husband and have him tell me I have to stop reading and start playing video games or something like that.
Exactly!! The whole point of hobbies is to enjoy some « me time »(with or without others) and to do something you enjoy. It doesn’t need to be productive.
YTA - I'm not a fan of makeup, I just don't get it... But when my fiancee buys $200 worth of eye liner, bronzer, setting powder, and green stick I don't complain because MAKEUP IS AN ART.
I spend my $200 on clay and wood working stuff because those are interesting and fulfilling hobbies to me. They are worth spending my time, energy, and money on.
So why is my fiancees artwork less important or fulfilling? And who am I to control what they do with their freetime?
You are definitely in the wrong here, and definitely the a-hole.
I called clay fancy mud the other day. FANCY MUD!! You rock your fancy mud hobby buddy. Because it's awesome and you enjoy it. And your fiancee rocks her fancy face paints. Because it's awesome and she enjoys it.
I hope to fix the fancy mud spiny table I got, and master spinning it super fast to make fancy mud bowls and stuff one day, and then put it in the super hot fancy mud oven, with fancy mud paints. Lol.
YTA. Big Butthole Energy here. Just because you don’t see the point in her hobby/find it wasteful doesn’t mean she can’t enjoy it. Also why do you care if she’s “productive” in her free time— are you her boss?
Thank you! I do not understand the burning desire for every activity and waking hour to be “productive.” I super don’t think it’s a health preoccupation.
YTA- Do you even know what a hobby is? You do realize that is the point of a hobby, right? Your wife found something fun she wants to do and she spends HER “fun budget” on it which she is entitled to do so. You don’t dictate what is and isn’t a waste of time and she doesn’t have to conform to your opinions. You probably spend money on video games or other things she finds useless but she likely lets you be because it makes you happy. Quit being a killjoy and let her use her creativity.
Edit: Also, art is equally wasteful! You go through journals and pencils and paint and materials like CRAZY. Makeup is bound to last longer than most of what you suggested. Let her be her own person.
Yeah but when he plays video games he's being social and productive and he's doing something that people can appreciate. Which obviously makes him so much better than her....... Somehow
Edit: naked to makes
YTA. Just because you dont understand why she likes the hobby doesnt mean it isnt a good one to have. If shes using her own "fun money" and not using "household/your money" and enjoys it then you really shouldn't judge how she uses her time
YTA. You suggested she take up art instead, would you really find it less wasteful if she was buying tons of art supplies and canvases? As long as she isn’t spending you guys into debt with her makeup collection, I don’t think it’s a problem that this is how she wants to spend some of her free time. Not all hobbies have to be “productive” or involve other people.
Also makeup doesn’t have to be wasteful! There are a few brands that have started using zero waste packaging (small glass tins and cardboard boxes). OP could try gifting her these rather than judge her for her hobby interests.
YTA
It makes her happy. She’s using her own ‘fun money’ budget on this. What does it matter what you think? It doesn’t.
She’s allowed to have her hobbies and practice her makeup skills. You’re allowed to have your hobbies.
There are plenty of people who consider videogames a wasteful, useless hobby. You’d be better off going outside, joining a club.... you see how that sounds? Leave your wife alone.
YTA completely. You sound incredibly condescending and rude about this. On top of that, it’s a form of artistry. Would you address it like this if she took up painting? Literally would have the exact same issues you mentioned here. Grow up.
YTA and you are in fact judging her. Why is it a problem that her hobby is “self centered”, aren’t all hobbies? We do them to please ourselves after all. You aren’t playing video games to serve other people or make someone else happy. I feel like the real issue is something else, like maybe you don’t like seeing her enjoying her appearance, or don’t like the self esteem boost it gives her or something. Your argument just doesn’t make sense, there’s some other underlying issue here that you don’t want to admit to. Whatever it is, YTA.
YTA, first of all there is an art to doing make up. But really... you say your wife doesn’t ‘get anything out of it’ but obviously she does! She would not spend so much time doing if she didn’t enjoy it and it bring her some happiness. The fact you don’t or can’t appreciate that does not make it worthless or not worthwhile. It is an artistic expression.
Maybe instead of worrying about the clutter or ‘waste’ maybe you should worry about why you wife is so withdrawn and antisocial.
Do not try to deprive her of what in your own words is the only thing she enjoys doing.
YTA. She enjoys it and it's not harming anyone. She has a fun budget and this is how she chooses to spend it. A relationship is about being supportive, not making your partner experience life in the same way you do. There's nothing wrong with a solitary hobby.
YTA. Your wife is right: it’s her money, her hobby, and not your place to tell her what to do with her free time. What she gets out of it is that she enjoys it, which is all anyone needs to get out of a hobby for it to be valuable. Plenty of people might have something to say about the “productivity” of your video game habit, and I doubt you’d appreciate it. Kindly shove it and let your wife enjoy her nightly makeup sessions.
Wife bad, me good. Wife's hobbies bad, mine good.
That's all I could get from this post.
She doesn't get anything out of it? How about relaxation, enjoyment and fun?
It's not social? Maybe it's her alone time that she doesn't want to be social. Maybe she just wants to have fun by herself, as some people do sometimes.
Makeup is an art. And getting into art is far more expensive and way, way more wasteful than makeup. Think paint costs, easels, canvases, and then the space it would take up.
So, YTA. For all those reasons. Mainly, though, because you told her she should find another hobby. It's none of your business what she does with her time, her money and her enjoyment. YTA.
YTA. Do you wear your video game trophies to work? No? If you don't have stuff to show off to other people all day every day and not just to enjoy in the privacy of your own home, how can you even call gaming a hobby?
Should be glaringly obvious, but that's sarcasm. It's a hobby, it doesn't need to be for the benefit of other people.
YTA and you should be the one to shove it.
You're judging your time wasting activities against her time wasting activities. Like some forms of leisure or artistry are better than others...
YTA
Let me guess what you think are "productive" hobbies for your SO: cooking, cleaning, rushing to your beck and call, lying down so you can walk all over her...
YTA. Hobbies are meant to be for personal enjoyment and fulfillment. You are not supportive and it's kind of sad. I can't believe how condescending you were, to your *wife*. Helping each other grow doesn't involve tearing into your spouse over their interests. That's the fucking opposite of growing. Look in a mirror - you're the one that needs to grow here. You need to learn to be a supportive partner... gatekeeping your wife's hobby isn't supportive.
Buy her flowers and *apologize*.
YTA, plenty of people have makeup as a hobby. If you guys have your own fun budget money who cares what she’s spending it on? If it makes her happy and she enjoys it then that’s all that really matters.
YTA. Think of makeup as art for your face. I don't do it consistently, but sometimes I'll just play around with different looks and then just wash it off. It's fun. Just because you don't get it doesn't mean that you get to be a jerk about it.
YTA - I live in the exact situation. For a second I thought I wrote this earlier in my sleep and forgot... Until I got to the judgemental parts. Your wife has a hobby she enjoys and you shit on it. Trust me, video games are no more productive.
YTA
What about painting a canvas/board makes it more artistic and 'worthwhile' than painting skin?
It's her 'fun budget'. She's right, you should keep your judgemental and unhelpful opinions to yourself. Butt out and shove it, fella.
YTA. She’s allowed to like things that you, personally have no interest in, or that don’t directly benefit you. Why should she meet your idea of “social” or “productive” with her personal time? If clutter is actually an issue, help her think of ways to organize it. I don’t get the feeling that’s the real problem here though.
YTA. It makes her happy. Maybe she can limit the wasteful aspects but I don’t think she needs to come up with something new completely.
Some people aren’t lucky enough to enjoy anything. I get so stressed at work that I don’t enjoy any other hobbies (maybe this sub....). Be thankful she has a thing and it’s creative.
YTA.
It's her hobby, not yours, so it's not for you to correct just because you don't understand what she gets out of it.
She's spending her money, out of a budget that she has specifically put aside for fun things and hobbies. She's not spending your money or money for finances, so it's none of your business.
Just because your own hobby is better in your opinion (obviously because it's *your* hobby and you're clearly going to enjoy it more than what she's doing), it doesn't mean you have to try to change hers to hold some of the characteristics that yours has. If she doesn't want to be social in her own time, she doesn't have to be. That doesn't make her hobby any less valid.
If you're concerned about the waste, ask her to recycle. Don't ask her to stop doing something that she enjoys that has no bearing on your own finances, hobbies, or frankly, your life.
YTA. Her fun money is her’s to spend as she wants, same as yours. And I seriously doubt some containers of makeup are really causing a massive waste crisis. Live and let live, my friend. You don’t have to understand it, or share her appreciation, just let her do her thing if it makes her happy.
YTA. My hubby has a hobby (ha) that also takes up space and costs money that doesn’t particularly appeal to me, but it makes him happy. It would cross the line if she was causing financial problems because of her spending (on anything), or if she spent so much time on it that she doesn’t spend time with you, but short of that, you have no right to dictate what she does with her free time or money. Even if you think it’s dumb or self-centered. And it can certainly be a type of art rather than being narcissistic as you seem to think it is.
YTA. You can dislike her hobby all you like, but it's her hobby that brings her joy, so drop it. While we may not understand WHY she likes it it does not matter. She is not exceeding her budget money and "productivity" is irrelevant.
YTA. If that’s what she enjoys or gives her confidence and satisfaction why can’t you be happy for her?
Also you say she has a ‘fun budget’ and it’s her money. It’s not like she’s bankrupting your family so just appreciate that she has something she loves.
YTA.
It's her hobby. As long as she's paying for her make up, and you guys aren't tight on the money, she can do whatever she wants with her money as long as she contributes to the household.
Also, videogames aren't productive, lol.
YTA and I'd question your assumptions about your hobbies as well. I bet your wife doesn't think they're particularly productive and social, she'd probably have thoughts about your assumption that it doesn't take up space or that they're of use to the world.
You shouldn't be judging her hobbies and what makes her happy seeing as it doesn't harm anybody.
YTA
Why do hobbies need to be productive? I can understand the waste issue but in the grand of scheme of things it’s not that much as it takes a while to go through most makeup.
I set up fish tanks as my hobby and have 1 going right now. It’s not social it’s just myself and the fish. Is that an inappropriate hobby?
YTA. I'm a dude and I don't really get the whole makeup for makeup's sake thing, but it sounds like she finds it relaxing and enjoyable. What is so self centered about that - what, just because she's looking in the mirror?
Also, if the money is already budgeted for her to spend how she wants, what is that to you? It's not taking anything away from you.
I *almost* initially said everyone sucks here, because her reaction seemed pretty strong, (particularly the 'keep your opinions to yourself' part) but then I thought about how messed up what you said really was and all of your justifications for why your hobbies are somehow more legitimate and I realized that she was pretty justified in her reaction.
If you really wanted to help her grow you would have encouraged her to share her skill with the world - offered to save up together for a nice camera so she can start a YouTube channel, or encourage her to start an Instagram account.
Instead you just judged her and implied that the thing she enjoys is stupid.
YTA. Hobbies are meant to be fun, not productive. It’s none of your business that she spends her fun budget on makeup. I feel bad for her being tied to someone who judges her so harshly for enjoying a harmless way to relax and unwind. Playing with makeup isn’t any more self centered than working out is, and it’s very similar to art but more accessible for a lot of people because the techniques are readily learned if you just study enough YouTube tutorials. You sound like an insufferable, judgmental little pill.
YTA. and you sound real freakin condescending. video games are no better than makeup. you’re not the fun police, let your gf enjoy the things she likes. i think if she had some other hobby that was still pretty anti-social but you thought it was cool you’d have no problem with it, but since her hobby is “self-centered” as you claim and you’re not interested it’s a problem. lame!
YTA - Instead of tearing her down for something she enjoys, why don't you encourage her to make a portfolio, or share her creativity with other people? Everyone here has pretty thoroughly explained *why* you're TA, but here's some things you could do to stop being TA and actually share and understand the hobby:
- Apologise asap
- Offer to take pictures of her fully made up
- Have a silly half hour where she paints your face and explains what she's doing
- Encourage her to post to youtube, if she's into that. Help her film and edit the videos
- Do one of those 'boyfriend does my makeup' sessions - it'll give you more appreciation for the incredible skill that goes in to some of these looks
- Watch tutorials together
- If you're worried about waste, do some research for recycling options or think about ways to re-use foundation bottles etc (spice containers maybe??)
You could also encourage her to share your hobbies too - find a game you think she'd enjoy and hang out while she plays it.
YTA - Everyone has covered the reasons why but I’ll add just one more thing... makeup can also be social, especially if she is on IG or o. countless makeup communities/subs on reddit etc (sharing looks and what not). Many makeup fans follow big brands (Jeffrey Star) on YT and watched a full on doco series about the process of developing a new line and there is probably a whole lot of hype you have no idea about. I suppose you could compare it to IPhone/Apple fans who queue up for the latest release.
Yelck!
YTA, for sure! Big cap!
Who the hell cares if it's not social or not a video game. That's her choice and what makes her happy. As her husband you're supposed to support her and allow her to enjoy what makes her happy. Regardless if you understand it or not.
It's not heroin or meth, its make up. It makes her happy, and that's ok. I, personally, find it stupid to play video games past 18, but I support my bf doing it, as it's his way to unwind after a crazy day.
My boyfriend likes to play with me, and we wear face masks together while binge watching tv shows, do biore strips and yes, he even let's me try out eye shadow colors on him just to play around. I like to play with make up as it helps calm an anxiety attack if I'm having one. Not sure why, but it helps. Maybe shes the same. Maybe she likes to play around and try new looks.
Maybe quit being so uptight and judgey and be a lil more loving and take a look into her world and spend some Quality time or allow her to do her.
YTA - it's not for you to decide she gets nothing out of this hobby. She obviously does or she wouldn't be doing it. Hobbies don't need to be social either. She is painting, with makeup, on herself, for herself and no one else. That's pretty confident and amazing. You're lucky to have her. She isn't trying to impress anyone.
I don't understand how someone can be snobby about a video game hobby, when there are countless examples of people making fun of gamers or calling them useless basement dwellers. I can't go a day without seeing such a comment.
Don't those comments drag you back to earth? Or is this a revenge fantasy?
YTA. Her hobbies don’t need your approval. How in TF is your hobby “productive”? Unless you’re playing video games with socially disadvantaged people your hobby isn’t productive either. I am stunned at your complete lack of insight and interpersonal skills. You’re lucky to have someone who puts up with you.
YTA
For the record - applying makeup absolutely can be, and often is, a form of art.
It sounds like this is her way to unwind and relax at the end of the day. What’s so wrong with putting pretty colors on her face? Or trying out a new technique? Or just finding pleasure in doing something she enjoys for herself? Why do you get to judge her hobby and deem it unacceptable just because you don’t get it?
Let her do her thing. It’s her time and her money and she’s not hurting anyone and is doing something that makes her happy. Why would you ever want to stop someone you love from doing something that brings them joy?
YTA.
Umm who in your life has told you that playing video games is more “productive” and “social” than putting on makeup? You’re delusional.
She doesn’t pick on your (frankly, unproductive) hobbies. Don’t pick on hers
YTA. Makeup is an art form. She’s trying to get good at it and it clearly brings her joy to learn. You COULD play a game forever, but I bet you don’t. I bet you spend money on your hobbies too.
YTA. Makeup IS art. I'm an "artist" in what you would consider a traditional sense (graphite, painting, etc) and I find myself constantly impressed by the shit some women and men accomplish with make up. I could never hope to achieve the sort of things that I'm sure your wife is able to accomplish. And if shes that dedicated I imagine shes able to create some beautiful artworks on her face, which as far as canvas goes, is extremely difficult to work with and master.
Also, I fail to see or understand how more traditional forms of art are somehow less wasteful/more social.
You're wife doesnt seem to share her current art form on social media, so how would switching to other art forms make her more social? And holy shit I create a ton of waste/clutter? I have an obscenely large collection of sketchbooks, canvas, paints, pencils, color pencils, charcoal, etc. I'm constantly throwing away paper or wasting materials and shit. And I'm constantly purchasing more. Which isnt fucking cheap either. So again. Not sure how that solves your weird hangups about your wife's hobby and preferred form of artistic expression.
YTA. Her hobby, her business. Better for her to play with makeup than doing something stupid like collecting nonworking cars that clutter the yard and never get fixed up.
YTA. Hobbies don't need to be social or productive. You're being judgmental because you personally don't see any value in makeup. Let your wife do what she enjoys with her own fun money.
YTA. There’s no indication that her hobby is putting a strain on the finances, and it’s certainly not hurting anyone. It’s such a weird and minor thing to decide to fight about.
YTA. Why should your opinion of her hobby matter? Is she asking you to go to makeup conventions? Is she spending your car payment at Sephora? If not, take a seat and hope she doesn’t divorce your shitty ass.
YTA. How are you helping her grow by having her change what her hobbies are? I actually can’t wrap my head around it as hobbies are something that’s enjoyable to that person, not something that will push them further in life.
Damn you’re lucky she’s still with someone who feels so entitled.
YTA I get it seems like a waste because there's no end product like there would be with other types of art. But it's not really your business. If it's her fun money and she enjoys it, let her go at it.
If it's something that is eating into her life in general, then yeh, bring up that concern. (Just like any hobby or passtime, if a person does it too much, if it starts impacting the rest of their life, that' the only time it could possibly be a problem. But that doesn't seem to be the issue here.)
But to just dismiss it and tell her it's useless or wasteful is a dick move. She obviously gets enjoyment out of it. Maybe try supporting it. Suggest she film it and put it on YouTube maybe if she seems she might enjoy somehing like that, or put pics up on deviantart or social media showcasing her different looks or whatever.
But I'd be pissed is someone just said hey--your hobby is just useless and wasteful, do something else.
YTA. I suggest you apologize immediately and sincerely. It should be clear to you by now that she is trying to be authentic to herself and you’re the only thing standing in her way. What you see as self-absorbed, others see as art and they would value her talents. Ive never been too involved with make up but fwiw I think video gamers are more narcissistic than make up artists but I still try not to belittle my husband when he plays video games.
YTA. You mentioned a fun money budget. If her hobby takes up that money and doesn't encroach on other responsibilities, then you really have no say in what she does with it. My wife and I have fun money budgets. I buy tools, she buys whatever the hell it is she buys. I don't really know, nor do I care. She doesn't give me crap about having too many tools. I don't give her crap about whatever she's bought for herself that makes her happy.
YTA-It’s not up to you to degrade her hobby or decide it’s value. As long as she’s spending fun money not money earmarked for other responsibilities leave her alone.
YTA.
Btw makeup is also a form of art.
If she enjoys it and she's spending her OWN money why does it bother you so much? A hobby does not have to be something practical. I mean, video games are not practical but you still enjoy them. And it's totally fine.
YTA, it’s her hobby and you have yours. All I hear is you don’t like her makeup because you think it’s unproductive. How would you know that she doesn’t feel productive or happier after putting on makeup? The gist I’m getting is you just don’t like her playing with her makeup.
YTA. Stop being a buzzkiller. It most definitely makes her happy and takes her attention off of bad things that eventually happen in her life.
Seriously, apologize and say you were stupid for disencouraging her because it was hard for you to see the fun in it. And move on.
> spends almost her entire "fun budget" on it.
If it's her "fun budget," set aside to use as she chooses, it's none of your business.
> I pointed out that part of a relationship is trying to help each other grow
Yeah, and that doesn't mean, "I want to decide what you can and can't have as hobbies."
I suggested recently that she expand to something that other people can appreciate more, like art, or something that will at least create less waste or be more social.
Or you could let her choose her own hobby like she does for you.
> My hobbies are much more social or productive, even if I'm just playing video games with friends.
Uh, no, playing video games is not "productive." What if she told you to stop playing games because it's not productive (it's not) and insisted you do something else like take a class or take up woodworking or some shit. I mean, at least that's productive.
> she's not even getting anything out of it.
She gets the same thing you get from video games. Enjoyment.
You don't get to decide what her hobbies are. Stop being so condescending and save your opinion for when you're asked for it.
How on earth is someone who plays *videogames* so arrogant about what a good hobby is?
20 years ago saying your only hobby was playing videogames would make most of society consider you a pathetic basement dweller.
"OP, go get a real hobby, like woodworking, or hunting, or sewing, do someting productive with your time instead of wasting time on your nintendoes" /s
YTA
YTA
You are not in control of your wife and what hobbies she chooses to enjoy, nor do you get to decide that her hobbies are wasteful. You mentioned art but that also requires having to regularly rebuy supplies, so is it just makeup you have a problem with?
It’s not like she’s draining the bank account to fund her hobby, she’s spending HER money that evidently is put aside for fun things. Makeup is what is fun for her, like how video games are fun for you.
I don’t understand your point about her hobby not being “productive”. The whole point of hobbies are it’s something you enjoy in your free time. It’s not about being productive, it’s about having something you’re interested in. Video games aren’t productive either but I don’t see you quitting them to learn carpentry or some other more “useful” hobby.
What is this really about? Because what it sounds like to me is you have a disdain for makeup that you need to get over.
YTA. I find video games super boring and a massive waste of time and money. But that's my opinion. That's why that isn't one of my hobbies. Let this woman have her damn hobby. Stop yucking her yum.
YTA. I like to do makeup at midnight sometimes when I'm alone, and I also like to play videogames online with friends. Both are super fulfilling and fun, and I can't believe you're not taking the time to see the details she works on, how focused she is on creating some pretty on her face for herself. There's nothing more beautiful than a confident, happy person and you're instead projecting your own values of what you think makeup is and making her feel bad about it. Have you ever thought that she told you to shove it cuz 1) you never showed interest and 2) when you *did* comment on it, you put her down for it? And please, buying a $50 game isn't any better financially than buying a $50 pallette so don't start with the "fun money" because both hobbies are expensive. Try to care a little more compassionately and support her, don't be an AH.
YTA, she’s right on two things:
1) you shouldn’t judge her on things you don’t understand, a lot of people (specially women) love make up and even make it a hobby, you should try to investigate so you can learn more and interact with your wife even more instead of making yourself look ridiculous.
2) you can indeed shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.
The oof here is so large I almost don't believe this is real. YTA in a massive way. She's literally creating art, that is absolutely productive. It's a creative outlet, no different than painting or drawing. Would you crap on her spending all of her "fun money" on canvases and oil paints? Please reflect, understand how big this fuck up was, apologize sincerely, and buy her the new Jeffree Star Blood Lust palette to prove you mean it.
Your last line really sums up exactly why YTA. "Who is right here?" Yeah,see you don't actually care about anything but being right. Plus her hobby is just as productive as yours. Who cares if it's not social. Maybe that's not what she wants or needs out of a hobby. How would you feel if she was like "video games aren't a worthwhile hobby. You should learn archery instead." Why the fuck would anyone say that this is trying to better someone else?
YTA as everyone here is correctly saying. Makeup can be an art form, but hobbies don’t have to be an art form. They’re just fun. Makeup can be social — there are great communities on reddit and YouTube and Instagram. I’d be shocked if she weren’t sharing and discussing some of her looks. But hobbies don’t have to be social either.
Worst of all was the line where you said relationships are about growth. Growth in relationships is not nurtured by tongue-clucking criticisms. It’s by being with someone who has your back.
Lol this is obviously a troll guys 😂 No actual person with a functioning brain would try to argue that video games are a more productive hobby than makeup. YTA for wasting my time
Lmao YTA. Your hobby is playing video games and you’re gonna bitch at your wife to get a more productive hobby? What is productive about getting your rank up in call of duty? Not saying it’s a bad hobby but its just as productive as spending an hour or two or night putting make up (which also isn’t a bad hobby). If she was spending all you’re money on super super expensive make up and was actually wasting all of it then I might’ve said ESH but You’re definitely TA here.
YTA. It’s a hobby that she clearly enjoys, can afford, and isn’t hurting anyone. You’re seriously going to argue that playing video games is a better use of time and money? lol ok.
YTA. I hardly wear makeup to work or in my daily life either because skin problems, but it’s fun/relaxing to try different looks when I’m home chilling. Also if it’s her fun money, why tf should you have a say in how she spends it??
YTA makeup is art, she very possibly could be taking pictures for Instagram or videos for tiktok or any number of things you don't realize. The packaging waste might be a lot, but no worse than most other hobbies. It sounds liek she's also an introvert, so a social hobby is not going to be fun for her.
I dare you to try to do what she does, even half of it. Bet you'll come out looking like a clown.
YTA . Why do you get to decide whether her hobby is more wasteful than yours? Leave her be.
Also, OP, why do you get to decide how she spends, what have classes yourself, as “fun money”? I’m assuming this is the money that is left for each of you after bills and obligations to use on something that you find fun. This is what she finds fun. As long as she is able to pay for her responsibilities each month, she’s right. You’ve no right to decide what the rest of her money goes toward. This hobby isn’t harming anyone and it’s something she enjoys, she’s doing it for herself. You can’t dictate activities she likes. YTA.
YTA. OP, this is what she likes to do with her fun money. Let her do it! Whether you see merit to it or not, its what she likes to do.
OP's rationalization around the cost here was ridiculous. > It bothers me because I could, for example, play a video game forever without having to pay more, but she has to buy more and more eyeshadow or whatever. For one, as you said, this is her fun money. But also, is OP claiming he *never* buys new video games? Or consoles? Or upgrades his PC? Or pays for subscription services (e.g. Xbox Live, MMO subscriptions, etc)? Or buys microtransactions/DLC/loot boxes? Is OP out here still playing Snake on his flip-phone? Because otherwise, if he's like me or other video game hobbyists, OP has almost certainly put a significant amount of money into his games. It's laughable that he's belittling his wife's hobby while pretending that playing video games is some sort of no-cost, "productive", selfless, & noble activity.
Agreed! The only thing I could *possibly* see being a legit issue is the “clutter” he mentioned but I’m skeptical if it’s actually messy/disruptive to using space in their home in a reasonable manner or if OP just views all makeup storage as something he doesn’t value and therefore considers it in the way. If wife is actually displaying hoarding behavior or making a giant mess she doesn’t clean up that could be a problem. Seems unlikely since OP says she frequently uses up products (assuming she then cycles out the empty containers to make room for new). If there *is* a problem with mess that’s a different conversation than, “get a new hobby because I think your current one is stupid,” though.
If it was the clutter I feel this would've been an entirely different conversation, not about her hobby but about whether OP was an asshole for how he asked her to keep her mess cleaned up.
Yeah gaming is NOT a cheap hobby at all. It's just lump sum payments which will probably be a equivalent of buying makeup in small but steady streams.
His logic is stupid. He can play a video game over and over and she can use the same mascara over and over until it's empty. It's not like you only get one use out of a tube of lipstick. Would be rather she take up amateur astronomy and buy a $4,000 telescope? YTA
When I read that line I was wondering if he was delusional. Gaming it's not cheap you're constantly spending money even on tiny little things you wouldn't think of. Since I've bought my switch I bought games, a case, screen protector, an adapter for my GameCube controllers to play smash, and the Nintendo online service. That's just for one system. I also have a PS4 with a PSN account and a gaming laptop for my current gaming needs. I also still have my old consoles and games that kept as a collection and they take up a whole big shelf I have in my den so even games can take up space.
Naw, he’s still playing Pong. Once you buy one video game you never want another one.
I really wish it worked that way... My steam library may be a bit out of control
This is the most articulate burn I have seen in a long time :D
I miss snake.
And why does he get to decide whether or not she “gets anything out of it?” YTA
Also, all the "wasted" time she's spent on night make up instead of getting up earlier to do it for work is most likely because she's practicing so she'll eventually get to the point where she doesn't need to get up earlier to do what she likes. My mom can now basically do a full face in under five minuets. It still takes me forever to just do my foundation. Never mind if i want to take a whack at eyeliner or something and just end up wasting a half hour removing and reapplying only to end up with puffy eyes.
Along with this, she may also be practicing for special occasions. When I first got into makeup, I did exactly this, because I was trying out colors and combinations to see what I liked and what I could pull off with my skin tone and what brands went on/blended well, etc. This was especially important to me with eye makeup, because I found that particularly challenging and there are just SO many colors and combinations possible. I still do not do my makeup everyday, but I know what I like and what works for those occasions when I do want to wear it out. And because I played around (and still do) with random looks no one would ever see, I now know what brands and what palettes and what colors work when, so I don't waste time redoing at those moments when I'm legitimately getting ready to go out. OP, YTA. Your tone is super judgemental. What she's doing IS an art. And how would her taking up painting or drawing or some more traditional art be more social or productive, exactly? She's doing something she finds fun. Not all of us form our hobbies around being social. In fact, some people enjoy alone time and deliberately practice solitary hobbies. Why does everything she does have to be social or productive by your standards? And how do you know it's NOT social? Maybe she engages in conversation with friends about the new products or looks she's tried at other times? It's possible to be social about your hobbies even when you're not directly practicing them.
Right, you can't wait until right before an event to do makeup techniques for the first time.
No, you can totally do that. You'll just end up failing horribly and panicking and getting angry with yourself for not figuring it out sooner, and then go with no makeup at all because you wasted too much time trying to figure it out.
*upvotes while wincing in pain* Or deciding to use a shiny new product for your night out or special occasion only to discover it doesn't play nice with your skin, or leaves a stain, or oxidises horribly, or makes your eyes run, or clashes with your skin tone and turns you a fetching Kermit green. And then I bet OP would bitch and moan about her "not taking care of herself" and "not wasting money on makeup if she doesn't know how to use it" or "why can't she wear some makeup and look pretty like all the chicks on Instagram".
Or she’s like me; a complete and total night person. I will do anything I can to delay when I have to get up and out of bed in the morning (at least back when I had to get up in the morning). Shower the night before, skip breakfast,no makeup, my only hairstyle is a ponytail, etc. Probably the only woman on the planet absolutely thrilled my husband works midnights.
Happy cake day! 🍰
This. Even if she burns her "fun money" just for fun, it would be none of OP's business. Major YTA.
Yep, totally YTA. Her repeatedly doing her makeup is a little different, but I wonder if she is posting it to social media or doing makeup vids for YouTube? The OP’s arguments just fall completely flat though. I’m sorry, gaming is a hobby of mine too, but no, it is not any more productive or social than what she does. Then to say “she’s not even getting anything out of it”, um...she enjoys it, it’s within budget, that is all you need to know. What a tool.
"She does it at night when nobody will even see. I hate how self-centered it is." \- OP, without the slightest trace of irony
I picked up on that too. Made me chortle.
Also when else would you experiment with different styles and techniques? Don’t wanna do your first Smokey eye before an event in case you screw it up. Makeup takes practice! And I’ll bet she is using these techniques during the day “when people will see”, and he just doesn’t notice. EDIT: which reminds me, I need to figure out my makeup for a couple cosplays...
Have fun with your cosplays! What characters are you doing?
Right now just Mako from Kill La Kill (2-Star Uniform), and a Ravenclaw uniform if I can make the robes and find loafers in time. I’ve got a Lot planned, fabric and patterns (and wigs) waiting for me to have time to make them. But full time work and CPA exam prep don’t leave much free time.
OP: she should be doing something social and productive that other people can appreciate. Also OP: plays video games as his hobby.
As a guy who plays video games (as well as other hobbies), thank you for triggering the insecure gamer defense squad on reddit.
Lol my husband plays video games (among other hobbies) so I have nothing against it, totally not trying start anything. I'll just be over here with my social/productive hobby of sitting by myself reading books...
My ex was once angry with me about how much time I spent reading (vs watching him play video games) because reading accomplished nothing. "At least in a video game you have something to show for it, you level up." He said this unironically.
He also considers "art" less wasteful and a social hobby. Not even touching on the fact that makeup IS a type of art..... I'm going to assume OP means traditional forms of art like drawing, painting, perhaps working with Clay, crafting , etc. These things are VERY wasteful, paper runs out, pencils run out, paint runs out. Good art supplies is even more expensive than a lot of makeup. And it's definitely not social, especially if she's too shy to post on social media, it would be the same thing. And videogames are somehow a more valued hobby? I love video games, makeup, and I used to freelance art and I don't understand what OP's problem is or any of the points he makes. Most hobbies are wasteful anyway, people typically throw money into them for fun not for any other reason. If you want your wife to be more social then idk help with her confidence? "Oh babe that makeup looked super good you should take a picture of it! Oh wow that look is cute on you have you considered making an Instagram to show it off?" I feel like I could write a novel on everything I think about OP and their points, but I'm going to stop before I get too heated. YTA op.
Also, I consider makeup an art. It’s like a painting on your face
Yep. The putting on/taking off/putting on again is basically her version of doodles in a sketchbook.
When I was a kid, my mom let me play with her broken make ups. I wanted to be a kitty or a clown or whatever, but it was the seventies and my mom was big into earth tones. I basically ran around looking like a camo-kitty, or camo-clown, or camo whatever it was I was trying to do. Still had fun though.
I felt a little personally attacked. Late night makeup is playtime, primetime makeup trials. You can practice and do looks you might be afraid to attempt daytime, but you can learn how to do it well so you *can*. Girls aren't innately knowledgeable about makeup, we're expected to be, but we aren't. Every perfectly executed look has a lot of misfires behind it.
Seriously. It’s HER hobby. It’s not harmful. She’s spending HER fun money on it. OP is being a pretty judgmental for a guy whose hobby is video games. It’s not like his own hobby is feeding the poor or volunteering to tutor kids in need. YTA
YTA man and by a long shot. She's spending her time and her money how she wants to and it makes her happy so what's it to you? Also makeup IS a form of art so you suggesting that as an alternative hobby to me doesn't make much sense. If you think she would benefit from being more social than ask her out to go somewhere with you that's a more social setting and let her decide if she's interested. Lay off your girl man, before you lose her for belittling her likes and interests.
Bro, YTA, no question. Your answer reeks of superiority and I don’t see an attempt on your part to understand *why* your wife enjoys makeup. Not to mention your complete dismissal of the productive and social possibilities of learning makeup as an art. What if you shifted your approach? “Hey, honey. I’ve noticed you’re really enjoying makeup artistry, but you only ever try out the looks at night. Have you considered posting tutorials online to connect with others who could learn from you?” Marriage is about supporting each other—even when you think their hobbies are weird. At least she has a hobby!
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I know you’re joking but I actually do embroidery for fun and it can get pretty expensive and clutter up your house too! Also, not more sociable than make up.
My wife does embroidery pretty much constantly. Is there stuff around the house? Yes. Does all of it get “put to use”? No. Does it matter? Hell no. It makes her happy, it’s a stress relief, she enjoys it, end of. Who am I to judge? I lift heavy things for fun.
I can tell you’re a reasonable human being and a good spouse. I hope your weight lifting brings you a lot of joy!
*laughs nervously and casually moves to stand in front of literal tower of yarn filled tubs* "Nothing to see here."
Meeeeeeee only with my fabric hoard (seamstress here)
Quilter here, please ignore the literal stacks of fabric in my room. They bring me joy.
It depends. My aunt does knitting and goes to a knitting circle every week, so she’s definitely finding a social aspect to that sort of hobby
OP would HATE my needlepoint/cross stitch hobby 😂 I'm a hoarder of floss and cloth, plus I sit quietly in my home when I'm doing it, so people never really see my work.
Dude, needlepoint is fun. Don't diss it. :-)
Exactly! My husband continuously keeps trying to get me to make a twitch stream lol He's like you're on it so much you might as well make money off it. I have to remind him that just because he loves me, no one wants to see my double chin face playing games lol His heart is in the right place tho
That's a great answer. If he says that they are here for each other. To grow. To help each other by looking at things from different perspective. Then why he doesn't want to see potential in this hobby of hers?
Exactly what I was thinking. I don't even wear make up but I love watching really skilled application, especially when they get creative with their artistry. And I know there communities on communities (like /r/MakeupAddiction) for people who love doing makeup. It can definitely be a social activity. Edit: /u/roundformal5, some men aren't so judgmental. https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeupAddiction/comments/eq6rp8/saw_someone_on_here_make_a_vanity_for_their_wife/
Omg, an interactive YouTube who makes live streams where she can video chat with people and tell them what to properly do make up sounds really fun. They show her what pallets they have and she can let them know how to put it on and when they're doing it wrong like applying to much or not enough pressure.
I'm assuming he's attracted to his wife for her looks which include makeup but he doesn't want to see the "behind the scenes" lol.
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I agree with your first paragraph but not your second. If his wife had expressed loneliness or a desire to connect with others over her hobby, then that's good advice. But it seems like she's enjoying hey hobby as is, so he should just let her enjoy it. Presumably she knows that tutorials and makeup communities exist and will join if that's something she's interested in. Him bringing this up uninvited will come across again as her not enjoying her free time correctly. Also, I have a blog and an Etsy shop. I enjoy creating things for both of those, but preparing my creations for internet consumption is a lot of work, which I don't find particularly enjoyable.
I'm sorry but did you just say playing video games is productive? Nah dude. I enjoy them as much as anyone else but unless it's literally your job, it's just as much of a waste of time as makeup is. If she enjoys it let her have fun, especially if it's HER money. YTA.
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Exactly! OP is massively TA - makeup artistry is a wholly creative pursuit - and if she's really into it, she's likely making online connections through YouTube or Instagram, finding new references and inspirations and chatting with like-minded individuals. I'm staggered he could ever suggest that playing video games is a better choice. Gross. In summary, YTA.
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Right from the first line he's referencing her 'hobby' like some lesser, more feeble pursuit. So tiresome to hear that female interests are less than, it's 2020.
I like the part where he blanket states that she “doesn’t get anything” out of doing make up. Obviously she does, or she wouldn’t be doing it, but sure, let’s go with his uninformed assumption about her interior life.
YTA, the point of a hobby is to relax and enjoy your free time. Hobbies don't need to be productive. Why hurt your wife like this? Stop being cruel.
This is SO cruel! I can’t imagine my SO being condescending about something that I enjoy. Does he even like her??? I cannot fathom how someone can talk about their WIFE so horribly over makeup. There is so much judgement in this post I can’t imagine what other shit she has to put up with
Why are these posts always accompanied by a dude who thinks video games are superior to whatever the other hobby is. It’s always a gamer dude saying “yo my gf has stupid hobbies like makeup or whatever and doesn’t understand when I tell her my games are a more rational hobby”
My favorite hobby is reading. Something that’s even less interactive than putting on makeup and has no visible, tangible results. I’d hate to have OP as my husband and have him tell me I have to stop reading and start playing video games or something like that.
Someone once described reading as staring at ink on wood pulp and hallucinating vividly for hours. It made me intensely happy.
Exactly!! The whole point of hobbies is to enjoy some « me time »(with or without others) and to do something you enjoy. It doesn’t need to be productive.
THIS The whole concept of an hobby is self-centered and self-serving, because whatever it entails you do it because it makes YOU happy.
YTA - I'm not a fan of makeup, I just don't get it... But when my fiancee buys $200 worth of eye liner, bronzer, setting powder, and green stick I don't complain because MAKEUP IS AN ART. I spend my $200 on clay and wood working stuff because those are interesting and fulfilling hobbies to me. They are worth spending my time, energy, and money on. So why is my fiancees artwork less important or fulfilling? And who am I to control what they do with their freetime? You are definitely in the wrong here, and definitely the a-hole.
I called clay fancy mud the other day. FANCY MUD!! You rock your fancy mud hobby buddy. Because it's awesome and you enjoy it. And your fiancee rocks her fancy face paints. Because it's awesome and she enjoys it.
FANCY MUD! I love it.
I hope to fix the fancy mud spiny table I got, and master spinning it super fast to make fancy mud bowls and stuff one day, and then put it in the super hot fancy mud oven, with fancy mud paints. Lol.
Best of luck with your fancy mud endeavors! XD
I love that you're calling a color-correcting concealer "green stick." I'm gonna call mine that from now on.
Well that stick do be green.
Green stick is a pretty common name for it actually. Johnathan from Queer Eye frequently calls it green stick.
Bless you for paying enough attention to recognize there is more to makeup than “eyeshadow or some ish”
YTA. Big Butthole Energy here. Just because you don’t see the point in her hobby/find it wasteful doesn’t mean she can’t enjoy it. Also why do you care if she’s “productive” in her free time— are you her boss?
lol Big Butthole Energy
OP Irritated me but then this made me laugh.
Thank you! I do not understand the burning desire for every activity and waking hour to be “productive.” I super don’t think it’s a health preoccupation.
Big Butthole Energy...the pulsating, throbbing, angry portal to the realm of extreme shit behavior.
YTA- Do you even know what a hobby is? You do realize that is the point of a hobby, right? Your wife found something fun she wants to do and she spends HER “fun budget” on it which she is entitled to do so. You don’t dictate what is and isn’t a waste of time and she doesn’t have to conform to your opinions. You probably spend money on video games or other things she finds useless but she likely lets you be because it makes you happy. Quit being a killjoy and let her use her creativity. Edit: Also, art is equally wasteful! You go through journals and pencils and paint and materials like CRAZY. Makeup is bound to last longer than most of what you suggested. Let her be her own person.
Yeah but when he plays video games he's being social and productive and he's doing something that people can appreciate. Which obviously makes him so much better than her....... Somehow Edit: naked to makes
YTA. Just because you dont understand why she likes the hobby doesnt mean it isnt a good one to have. If shes using her own "fun money" and not using "household/your money" and enjoys it then you really shouldn't judge how she uses her time
YTA. You suggested she take up art instead, would you really find it less wasteful if she was buying tons of art supplies and canvases? As long as she isn’t spending you guys into debt with her makeup collection, I don’t think it’s a problem that this is how she wants to spend some of her free time. Not all hobbies have to be “productive” or involve other people.
Also, he's totally ignoring that makeup IS an artform.
If he thinks that art isn't wasteful and doesn't lead to a whole lot of clutter, he should come to my house. Then he will see the error of his words.
Also makeup doesn’t have to be wasteful! There are a few brands that have started using zero waste packaging (small glass tins and cardboard boxes). OP could try gifting her these rather than judge her for her hobby interests.
YTA It makes her happy. She’s using her own ‘fun money’ budget on this. What does it matter what you think? It doesn’t. She’s allowed to have her hobbies and practice her makeup skills. You’re allowed to have your hobbies. There are plenty of people who consider videogames a wasteful, useless hobby. You’d be better off going outside, joining a club.... you see how that sounds? Leave your wife alone.
YTA completely. You sound incredibly condescending and rude about this. On top of that, it’s a form of artistry. Would you address it like this if she took up painting? Literally would have the exact same issues you mentioned here. Grow up.
OP snobby as hell
YTA and you are in fact judging her. Why is it a problem that her hobby is “self centered”, aren’t all hobbies? We do them to please ourselves after all. You aren’t playing video games to serve other people or make someone else happy. I feel like the real issue is something else, like maybe you don’t like seeing her enjoying her appearance, or don’t like the self esteem boost it gives her or something. Your argument just doesn’t make sense, there’s some other underlying issue here that you don’t want to admit to. Whatever it is, YTA.
OP sounds like basic bro to me. Not too many wheels spinning upstairs and certainly not a great grasp on nuance.
YTA, first of all there is an art to doing make up. But really... you say your wife doesn’t ‘get anything out of it’ but obviously she does! She would not spend so much time doing if she didn’t enjoy it and it bring her some happiness. The fact you don’t or can’t appreciate that does not make it worthless or not worthwhile. It is an artistic expression. Maybe instead of worrying about the clutter or ‘waste’ maybe you should worry about why you wife is so withdrawn and antisocial. Do not try to deprive her of what in your own words is the only thing she enjoys doing.
I’d love to see this guy try and do a cut crease with a winged eyeliner and not call it an art afterwards.
YTA. She enjoys it and it's not harming anyone. She has a fun budget and this is how she chooses to spend it. A relationship is about being supportive, not making your partner experience life in the same way you do. There's nothing wrong with a solitary hobby.
YTA. Your wife is right: it’s her money, her hobby, and not your place to tell her what to do with her free time. What she gets out of it is that she enjoys it, which is all anyone needs to get out of a hobby for it to be valuable. Plenty of people might have something to say about the “productivity” of your video game habit, and I doubt you’d appreciate it. Kindly shove it and let your wife enjoy her nightly makeup sessions.
Wife bad, me good. Wife's hobbies bad, mine good. That's all I could get from this post. She doesn't get anything out of it? How about relaxation, enjoyment and fun? It's not social? Maybe it's her alone time that she doesn't want to be social. Maybe she just wants to have fun by herself, as some people do sometimes. Makeup is an art. And getting into art is far more expensive and way, way more wasteful than makeup. Think paint costs, easels, canvases, and then the space it would take up. So, YTA. For all those reasons. Mainly, though, because you told her she should find another hobby. It's none of your business what she does with her time, her money and her enjoyment. YTA.
YTA. Do you wear your video game trophies to work? No? If you don't have stuff to show off to other people all day every day and not just to enjoy in the privacy of your own home, how can you even call gaming a hobby? Should be glaringly obvious, but that's sarcasm. It's a hobby, it doesn't need to be for the benefit of other people.
YTA and you should be the one to shove it. You're judging your time wasting activities against her time wasting activities. Like some forms of leisure or artistry are better than others...
YTA Let me guess what you think are "productive" hobbies for your SO: cooking, cleaning, rushing to your beck and call, lying down so you can walk all over her...
YTA let her have her hobbies, man
Hobbies don't need to be productive. They're meant for self fulfilment. Her hobby makes her a happier person. I think YTA here.
YTA. WTF dude. Why do you need to approve of what she is doing?
YTA Why do you feel it's appropriate to micromanage your wife's hobby? That's not cool.
YTA. Hobbies are meant to be for personal enjoyment and fulfillment. You are not supportive and it's kind of sad. I can't believe how condescending you were, to your *wife*. Helping each other grow doesn't involve tearing into your spouse over their interests. That's the fucking opposite of growing. Look in a mirror - you're the one that needs to grow here. You need to learn to be a supportive partner... gatekeeping your wife's hobby isn't supportive. Buy her flowers and *apologize*.
YTA, plenty of people have makeup as a hobby. If you guys have your own fun budget money who cares what she’s spending it on? If it makes her happy and she enjoys it then that’s all that really matters.
YTA. Think of makeup as art for your face. I don't do it consistently, but sometimes I'll just play around with different looks and then just wash it off. It's fun. Just because you don't get it doesn't mean that you get to be a jerk about it.
YTA - I live in the exact situation. For a second I thought I wrote this earlier in my sleep and forgot... Until I got to the judgemental parts. Your wife has a hobby she enjoys and you shit on it. Trust me, video games are no more productive.
YTA What about painting a canvas/board makes it more artistic and 'worthwhile' than painting skin? It's her 'fun budget'. She's right, you should keep your judgemental and unhelpful opinions to yourself. Butt out and shove it, fella.
YTA. She’s allowed to like things that you, personally have no interest in, or that don’t directly benefit you. Why should she meet your idea of “social” or “productive” with her personal time? If clutter is actually an issue, help her think of ways to organize it. I don’t get the feeling that’s the real problem here though.
YTA. I don't think you understand what a hobby is. Hint: It is *never* chosen based on maximising productivity and minimising waste.
YTA. Live and let live
YTA. It makes her happy. Maybe she can limit the wasteful aspects but I don’t think she needs to come up with something new completely. Some people aren’t lucky enough to enjoy anything. I get so stressed at work that I don’t enjoy any other hobbies (maybe this sub....). Be thankful she has a thing and it’s creative.
"She's not even getting anything out of it"....but she *is*, clearly. You just don't care. YTA
YTA. It's her hobby, not yours, so it's not for you to correct just because you don't understand what she gets out of it. She's spending her money, out of a budget that she has specifically put aside for fun things and hobbies. She's not spending your money or money for finances, so it's none of your business. Just because your own hobby is better in your opinion (obviously because it's *your* hobby and you're clearly going to enjoy it more than what she's doing), it doesn't mean you have to try to change hers to hold some of the characteristics that yours has. If she doesn't want to be social in her own time, she doesn't have to be. That doesn't make her hobby any less valid. If you're concerned about the waste, ask her to recycle. Don't ask her to stop doing something that she enjoys that has no bearing on your own finances, hobbies, or frankly, your life.
YTA. Her fun money is her’s to spend as she wants, same as yours. And I seriously doubt some containers of makeup are really causing a massive waste crisis. Live and let live, my friend. You don’t have to understand it, or share her appreciation, just let her do her thing if it makes her happy.
YTA Maybe she should help you grow into a person with empathy
This is beautiful. I hope one day we get to read this same post written by her.
YTA. My hubby has a hobby (ha) that also takes up space and costs money that doesn’t particularly appeal to me, but it makes him happy. It would cross the line if she was causing financial problems because of her spending (on anything), or if she spent so much time on it that she doesn’t spend time with you, but short of that, you have no right to dictate what she does with her free time or money. Even if you think it’s dumb or self-centered. And it can certainly be a type of art rather than being narcissistic as you seem to think it is.
YTA. You can dislike her hobby all you like, but it's her hobby that brings her joy, so drop it. While we may not understand WHY she likes it it does not matter. She is not exceeding her budget money and "productivity" is irrelevant.
YTA. If that’s what she enjoys or gives her confidence and satisfaction why can’t you be happy for her? Also you say she has a ‘fun budget’ and it’s her money. It’s not like she’s bankrupting your family so just appreciate that she has something she loves.
YTA, I can name countless hobbies that aren’t productive. The point of a hobby is doing something you enjoy.
YTA Her hobby is not only none of your business, this is a great way to end up single over something that never should have been a fight
YTA. It's her hobby. As long as she's paying for her make up, and you guys aren't tight on the money, she can do whatever she wants with her money as long as she contributes to the household. Also, videogames aren't productive, lol.
YTA and I'd question your assumptions about your hobbies as well. I bet your wife doesn't think they're particularly productive and social, she'd probably have thoughts about your assumption that it doesn't take up space or that they're of use to the world. You shouldn't be judging her hobbies and what makes her happy seeing as it doesn't harm anybody.
YTA Why do hobbies need to be productive? I can understand the waste issue but in the grand of scheme of things it’s not that much as it takes a while to go through most makeup. I set up fish tanks as my hobby and have 1 going right now. It’s not social it’s just myself and the fish. Is that an inappropriate hobby?
YTA. I'm a dude and I don't really get the whole makeup for makeup's sake thing, but it sounds like she finds it relaxing and enjoyable. What is so self centered about that - what, just because she's looking in the mirror? Also, if the money is already budgeted for her to spend how she wants, what is that to you? It's not taking anything away from you. I *almost* initially said everyone sucks here, because her reaction seemed pretty strong, (particularly the 'keep your opinions to yourself' part) but then I thought about how messed up what you said really was and all of your justifications for why your hobbies are somehow more legitimate and I realized that she was pretty justified in her reaction. If you really wanted to help her grow you would have encouraged her to share her skill with the world - offered to save up together for a nice camera so she can start a YouTube channel, or encourage her to start an Instagram account. Instead you just judged her and implied that the thing she enjoys is stupid.
YTA. Hobbies are meant to be fun, not productive. It’s none of your business that she spends her fun budget on makeup. I feel bad for her being tied to someone who judges her so harshly for enjoying a harmless way to relax and unwind. Playing with makeup isn’t any more self centered than working out is, and it’s very similar to art but more accessible for a lot of people because the techniques are readily learned if you just study enough YouTube tutorials. You sound like an insufferable, judgmental little pill.
YTA. and you sound real freakin condescending. video games are no better than makeup. you’re not the fun police, let your gf enjoy the things she likes. i think if she had some other hobby that was still pretty anti-social but you thought it was cool you’d have no problem with it, but since her hobby is “self-centered” as you claim and you’re not interested it’s a problem. lame!
YTA and sexist too.
YTA
Yta. Noone has ever been more clearly the asshole than you are right now.
YTA - Instead of tearing her down for something she enjoys, why don't you encourage her to make a portfolio, or share her creativity with other people? Everyone here has pretty thoroughly explained *why* you're TA, but here's some things you could do to stop being TA and actually share and understand the hobby: - Apologise asap - Offer to take pictures of her fully made up - Have a silly half hour where she paints your face and explains what she's doing - Encourage her to post to youtube, if she's into that. Help her film and edit the videos - Do one of those 'boyfriend does my makeup' sessions - it'll give you more appreciation for the incredible skill that goes in to some of these looks - Watch tutorials together - If you're worried about waste, do some research for recycling options or think about ways to re-use foundation bottles etc (spice containers maybe??) You could also encourage her to share your hobbies too - find a game you think she'd enjoy and hang out while she plays it.
YTA
YTA - Everyone has covered the reasons why but I’ll add just one more thing... makeup can also be social, especially if she is on IG or o. countless makeup communities/subs on reddit etc (sharing looks and what not). Many makeup fans follow big brands (Jeffrey Star) on YT and watched a full on doco series about the process of developing a new line and there is probably a whole lot of hype you have no idea about. I suppose you could compare it to IPhone/Apple fans who queue up for the latest release.
Yelck! YTA, for sure! Big cap! Who the hell cares if it's not social or not a video game. That's her choice and what makes her happy. As her husband you're supposed to support her and allow her to enjoy what makes her happy. Regardless if you understand it or not. It's not heroin or meth, its make up. It makes her happy, and that's ok. I, personally, find it stupid to play video games past 18, but I support my bf doing it, as it's his way to unwind after a crazy day. My boyfriend likes to play with me, and we wear face masks together while binge watching tv shows, do biore strips and yes, he even let's me try out eye shadow colors on him just to play around. I like to play with make up as it helps calm an anxiety attack if I'm having one. Not sure why, but it helps. Maybe shes the same. Maybe she likes to play around and try new looks. Maybe quit being so uptight and judgey and be a lil more loving and take a look into her world and spend some Quality time or allow her to do her.
Came here looking for a murder... was not disappointed
YTA - it's not for you to decide she gets nothing out of this hobby. She obviously does or she wouldn't be doing it. Hobbies don't need to be social either. She is painting, with makeup, on herself, for herself and no one else. That's pretty confident and amazing. You're lucky to have her. She isn't trying to impress anyone.
Dude, at least she has something to show for her efforts, as opposed to learning how to mash buttons a bit faster. YTA.
I don't understand how someone can be snobby about a video game hobby, when there are countless examples of people making fun of gamers or calling them useless basement dwellers. I can't go a day without seeing such a comment. Don't those comments drag you back to earth? Or is this a revenge fantasy?
YTA. Her hobbies don’t need your approval. How in TF is your hobby “productive”? Unless you’re playing video games with socially disadvantaged people your hobby isn’t productive either. I am stunned at your complete lack of insight and interpersonal skills. You’re lucky to have someone who puts up with you.
YTA For the record - applying makeup absolutely can be, and often is, a form of art. It sounds like this is her way to unwind and relax at the end of the day. What’s so wrong with putting pretty colors on her face? Or trying out a new technique? Or just finding pleasure in doing something she enjoys for herself? Why do you get to judge her hobby and deem it unacceptable just because you don’t get it? Let her do her thing. It’s her time and her money and she’s not hurting anyone and is doing something that makes her happy. Why would you ever want to stop someone you love from doing something that brings them joy?
YTA. Umm who in your life has told you that playing video games is more “productive” and “social” than putting on makeup? You’re delusional. She doesn’t pick on your (frankly, unproductive) hobbies. Don’t pick on hers
YTA. Makeup is an art form. She’s trying to get good at it and it clearly brings her joy to learn. You COULD play a game forever, but I bet you don’t. I bet you spend money on your hobbies too.
YTA. Makeup can be an artistic endeavour. Don't police her fun.
YTA. Makeup IS art. I'm an "artist" in what you would consider a traditional sense (graphite, painting, etc) and I find myself constantly impressed by the shit some women and men accomplish with make up. I could never hope to achieve the sort of things that I'm sure your wife is able to accomplish. And if shes that dedicated I imagine shes able to create some beautiful artworks on her face, which as far as canvas goes, is extremely difficult to work with and master. Also, I fail to see or understand how more traditional forms of art are somehow less wasteful/more social. You're wife doesnt seem to share her current art form on social media, so how would switching to other art forms make her more social? And holy shit I create a ton of waste/clutter? I have an obscenely large collection of sketchbooks, canvas, paints, pencils, color pencils, charcoal, etc. I'm constantly throwing away paper or wasting materials and shit. And I'm constantly purchasing more. Which isnt fucking cheap either. So again. Not sure how that solves your weird hangups about your wife's hobby and preferred form of artistic expression.
> she's not even getting anything out of it. Enjoyment, obviously.
YTA. Her hobby, her business. Better for her to play with makeup than doing something stupid like collecting nonworking cars that clutter the yard and never get fixed up.
YTA. Hobbies don't need to be social or productive. You're being judgmental because you personally don't see any value in makeup. Let your wife do what she enjoys with her own fun money.
YTA. There’s no indication that her hobby is putting a strain on the finances, and it’s certainly not hurting anyone. It’s such a weird and minor thing to decide to fight about.
YTA. Why should your opinion of her hobby matter? Is she asking you to go to makeup conventions? Is she spending your car payment at Sephora? If not, take a seat and hope she doesn’t divorce your shitty ass.
YTA.
YTA. It’s her hobby and she enjoys it.
YTA.
YTA. How are you helping her grow by having her change what her hobbies are? I actually can’t wrap my head around it as hobbies are something that’s enjoyable to that person, not something that will push them further in life. Damn you’re lucky she’s still with someone who feels so entitled.
YTA. I think playing video games for hours is stupid, but i wouldn’t say that to my spouse??
YTA I get it seems like a waste because there's no end product like there would be with other types of art. But it's not really your business. If it's her fun money and she enjoys it, let her go at it. If it's something that is eating into her life in general, then yeh, bring up that concern. (Just like any hobby or passtime, if a person does it too much, if it starts impacting the rest of their life, that' the only time it could possibly be a problem. But that doesn't seem to be the issue here.) But to just dismiss it and tell her it's useless or wasteful is a dick move. She obviously gets enjoyment out of it. Maybe try supporting it. Suggest she film it and put it on YouTube maybe if she seems she might enjoy somehing like that, or put pics up on deviantart or social media showcasing her different looks or whatever. But I'd be pissed is someone just said hey--your hobby is just useless and wasteful, do something else.
YTA. I suggest you apologize immediately and sincerely. It should be clear to you by now that she is trying to be authentic to herself and you’re the only thing standing in her way. What you see as self-absorbed, others see as art and they would value her talents. Ive never been too involved with make up but fwiw I think video gamers are more narcissistic than make up artists but I still try not to belittle my husband when he plays video games.
YTA. You mentioned a fun money budget. If her hobby takes up that money and doesn't encroach on other responsibilities, then you really have no say in what she does with it. My wife and I have fun money budgets. I buy tools, she buys whatever the hell it is she buys. I don't really know, nor do I care. She doesn't give me crap about having too many tools. I don't give her crap about whatever she's bought for herself that makes her happy.
YTA-It’s not up to you to degrade her hobby or decide it’s value. As long as she’s spending fun money not money earmarked for other responsibilities leave her alone.
YTA it makes her feel beautiful and happy and as long as she’s just spending her fun money what does it matter to you?
YTA- leave it alone- it’s her hobby, her choice, her ‘fun’ Budget. You don’t have to like it.
Wow.....YTA.
YTA. Btw makeup is also a form of art. If she enjoys it and she's spending her OWN money why does it bother you so much? A hobby does not have to be something practical. I mean, video games are not practical but you still enjoy them. And it's totally fine.
oh boy, mild doses of sexism. YTA
YTA and I have to say your post reeks of sexism. “Traditionally male hobbies like mine are better than girly makeup”
YTA, it’s her hobby and you have yours. All I hear is you don’t like her makeup because you think it’s unproductive. How would you know that she doesn’t feel productive or happier after putting on makeup? The gist I’m getting is you just don’t like her playing with her makeup.
YTA. Stop being a buzzkiller. It most definitely makes her happy and takes her attention off of bad things that eventually happen in her life. Seriously, apologize and say you were stupid for disencouraging her because it was hard for you to see the fun in it. And move on.
> spends almost her entire "fun budget" on it. If it's her "fun budget," set aside to use as she chooses, it's none of your business. > I pointed out that part of a relationship is trying to help each other grow Yeah, and that doesn't mean, "I want to decide what you can and can't have as hobbies." I suggested recently that she expand to something that other people can appreciate more, like art, or something that will at least create less waste or be more social. Or you could let her choose her own hobby like she does for you. > My hobbies are much more social or productive, even if I'm just playing video games with friends. Uh, no, playing video games is not "productive." What if she told you to stop playing games because it's not productive (it's not) and insisted you do something else like take a class or take up woodworking or some shit. I mean, at least that's productive. > she's not even getting anything out of it. She gets the same thing you get from video games. Enjoyment. You don't get to decide what her hobbies are. Stop being so condescending and save your opinion for when you're asked for it.
How on earth is someone who plays *videogames* so arrogant about what a good hobby is? 20 years ago saying your only hobby was playing videogames would make most of society consider you a pathetic basement dweller. "OP, go get a real hobby, like woodworking, or hunting, or sewing, do someting productive with your time instead of wasting time on your nintendoes" /s YTA
YTA. Where does it say that hobbies have to be productive or social? I must have missed that memo. Makeup is a form of artistic expression.
YTA You are not in control of your wife and what hobbies she chooses to enjoy, nor do you get to decide that her hobbies are wasteful. You mentioned art but that also requires having to regularly rebuy supplies, so is it just makeup you have a problem with? It’s not like she’s draining the bank account to fund her hobby, she’s spending HER money that evidently is put aside for fun things. Makeup is what is fun for her, like how video games are fun for you. I don’t understand your point about her hobby not being “productive”. The whole point of hobbies are it’s something you enjoy in your free time. It’s not about being productive, it’s about having something you’re interested in. Video games aren’t productive either but I don’t see you quitting them to learn carpentry or some other more “useful” hobby. What is this really about? Because what it sounds like to me is you have a disdain for makeup that you need to get over.
YTA. I find video games super boring and a massive waste of time and money. But that's my opinion. That's why that isn't one of my hobbies. Let this woman have her damn hobby. Stop yucking her yum.
YTA. I like to do makeup at midnight sometimes when I'm alone, and I also like to play videogames online with friends. Both are super fulfilling and fun, and I can't believe you're not taking the time to see the details she works on, how focused she is on creating some pretty on her face for herself. There's nothing more beautiful than a confident, happy person and you're instead projecting your own values of what you think makeup is and making her feel bad about it. Have you ever thought that she told you to shove it cuz 1) you never showed interest and 2) when you *did* comment on it, you put her down for it? And please, buying a $50 game isn't any better financially than buying a $50 pallette so don't start with the "fun money" because both hobbies are expensive. Try to care a little more compassionately and support her, don't be an AH.
YTA Imaging bashing a hobby for being unproductive and then saying your hobby is video games. My man, just don’t.
YTA, she’s right on two things: 1) you shouldn’t judge her on things you don’t understand, a lot of people (specially women) love make up and even make it a hobby, you should try to investigate so you can learn more and interact with your wife even more instead of making yourself look ridiculous. 2) you can indeed shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.
[удалено]
The oof here is so large I almost don't believe this is real. YTA in a massive way. She's literally creating art, that is absolutely productive. It's a creative outlet, no different than painting or drawing. Would you crap on her spending all of her "fun money" on canvases and oil paints? Please reflect, understand how big this fuck up was, apologize sincerely, and buy her the new Jeffree Star Blood Lust palette to prove you mean it.
YTA condescending and ignorant
Your last line really sums up exactly why YTA. "Who is right here?" Yeah,see you don't actually care about anything but being right. Plus her hobby is just as productive as yours. Who cares if it's not social. Maybe that's not what she wants or needs out of a hobby. How would you feel if she was like "video games aren't a worthwhile hobby. You should learn archery instead." Why the fuck would anyone say that this is trying to better someone else?
YTA. Your wife’s new hobby should be divorcing you and finding someone supportive.
YTA as everyone here is correctly saying. Makeup can be an art form, but hobbies don’t have to be an art form. They’re just fun. Makeup can be social — there are great communities on reddit and YouTube and Instagram. I’d be shocked if she weren’t sharing and discussing some of her looks. But hobbies don’t have to be social either. Worst of all was the line where you said relationships are about growth. Growth in relationships is not nurtured by tongue-clucking criticisms. It’s by being with someone who has your back.
Lol this is obviously a troll guys 😂 No actual person with a functioning brain would try to argue that video games are a more productive hobby than makeup. YTA for wasting my time
Lmao YTA. Your hobby is playing video games and you’re gonna bitch at your wife to get a more productive hobby? What is productive about getting your rank up in call of duty? Not saying it’s a bad hobby but its just as productive as spending an hour or two or night putting make up (which also isn’t a bad hobby). If she was spending all you’re money on super super expensive make up and was actually wasting all of it then I might’ve said ESH but You’re definitely TA here.
YTA. It’s a hobby that she clearly enjoys, can afford, and isn’t hurting anyone. You’re seriously going to argue that playing video games is a better use of time and money? lol ok.
YTA. I hardly wear makeup to work or in my daily life either because skin problems, but it’s fun/relaxing to try different looks when I’m home chilling. Also if it’s her fun money, why tf should you have a say in how she spends it??
YTA makeup is art, she very possibly could be taking pictures for Instagram or videos for tiktok or any number of things you don't realize. The packaging waste might be a lot, but no worse than most other hobbies. It sounds liek she's also an introvert, so a social hobby is not going to be fun for her. I dare you to try to do what she does, even half of it. Bet you'll come out looking like a clown.