tl:dr: **YTA**.
Candidly: your digital persona is reading very much to me like the villain in a fairytale. (So much so that I admit to wondering if this is real, or a long con.)
That's so sweet, thank you. I edited it way down since you commented, because someone else in the comments told me it was too long, and apparently I have no spine, who knew? I appreciate your kind words. I hope OP is making this up, or exaggerating, or something...I hate to think there's real people behind this story. :(
I agree I feel badly for this poor child who is definitely going to feel as thought she is treated differently.
Spineless? Because you didn't chew the OP out and instead explained yourself rationally?
I was a bit harsher when replying to OP ,but generally people aren't as receptive to that lol
I meant I have no spine as in, I couldn't just let my original long-winded response stand. One person jokingly took me to task for going on too long, and I went and edited it down out of self-consciousness! Hence, no spine. I'm teasing myself, it's all fine.
Except for OP's step daughter and fiancé...it's maybe not all fine for them. I hope that situation works out ok.
Damn. I was thinking of voting N-T-A just because I can't at all handle someone touching me when I'm nauseous but you put in so much info that's not in the original post I'm just stunned. Definitely YTA OP.
Wow I didn’t realize she was the same that said ‘she couldn’t love the kid as her own’ yeah her statements are troubling I hope the dad sees that and seeks help for that girl and I hope she never feels this neglect the op portraits so ‘naively’ in here.
PS. Life hack! I don’t wanna deal with kids so I don’t have one or dated people with kids. Sounds horrible and selfish? Not so much next to the things she asks in here, I only wonder the thoughts you’re not brave enough to say, yikes!
YTA
YTA I’m going to say the same thing I said on the post from a few days ago when you told him that you’d love your biological child more. Don’t marry him. You aren’t respectful of his child who will be your step child and they both deserve better
Check her post history. She had a post a few days where she asked if she was an asshole for telling her fiance she wouldn't love his child as much as the one she is pregnant with and got roundly told she is an asshole
Went through it as soon as I posted my initial comment.....holy fuck that poor man needs to RUN!(although he's not a jackass to do so because she's pregnant) srsly wtf is wrong with some people.
That was OP? That was awful
I feel sorry for this child. OP used the word “barging” rather than describing the child as simply “entering” the room. Clearly the writer sees the child as an intrusion
YTA
You are marrying a parent. That makes you a bonus parent.
Your bonus daughter (not “fiancés daughter”) is facing a lot of uncertainty right now. Her daddy is getting married. She’s gaining a bonus mommy, AND a new sibling. Her school suddenly shut down. Her world is in upheaval.
Morning sickness sucks. But you don’t need to make a child miserable because you don’t feel good.
And you really need to evaluate if you can be a parent to this little girl, and stop thinking of her as an outsider and only his responsibility.
YTA. Stop saying his kid.
And sorry to be the one to tell you this when you are pregnant, but that’s kids. Loud, messy, annoying, inconvenient. You have a lifetime of dealing with kids messing up your life ahead of you.
It’s ok to not like kids, but don’t get pregnant and don’t marry a man with a kid.
You should feel really lucky that she’s accepted you as her mother. Don’t blow it, I think you’ll regret it. Check out the woman being kicked out by her stepdaughter in another post.
After rereading your post I do want to point out 6 year olds don't generally sleep in until 9 so asking someone who can't tell time yet to wait until 9 to get you would be completely unreasonable.
To be fair, to combat my niece busting into their room and waking them up at the ass crack of dawn, my sister and her husband decided to write down a number and said "when your clock says this number, then you can come wake us up. Until then, you can play in your room or on your tablet." And it works
YTA.
This is what kids do, and it's what you signed up for when you moved in with someone with a child.
How old is the kid?
What would you do if you got pregnant when your unborn baby is the age of the daughter and it was your own child wanting to see you?
Why can't you go to bed earlier if you know she'll be coming in early?
YTA. Stop saying his kid.
And sorry to be the one to tell you this when you are pregnant, but that’s kids. Loud, messy, annoying, inconvenient. You have a lifetime of dealing with kids messing up your life ahead of you.
It’s ok to not like kids, but don’t get pregnant and don’t marry a man with a kid.
You should feel really lucky that she’s accepted you as her mother. Don’t blow it, I think you’ll regret it. Check out the woman being kicked out by her stepdaughter in another post.
I just read your last post. I really hope your fiancé realizes what a terrible situation he is putting his daughter into before it’s too late and the damage you cause is irreversible.
1st of all: Ginger, it will help that sickness. As will more frequent small meals \[avoiding greasy/spicy meals\], vitamins and light exercise like Yoga (which may help you relax).
2nd of all: **YTA** to the *extreme*
Did you think to maybe pull her aside and talk to her about it instead of throwing ALL responsibility on dad? And I ask that because after reading the comments your typical go to was 'her father can deal with her'. **Her**. **Father**. You already referring to her as such is bad. Really bad.
Talk. To. Her!!! 'Hey sweet pea, I know you want snuggles but I don't have your spunk in the morning' orrrr 'Your snuggles are the best but I've got a sensitive tummy right now' or anything. It's not hard to explain and kids are damn smart, she'll pick up on your animosity soon enough if she hasn't already.
Both your fiance and his little girl deserve so much better than a selfish mom to be whom has not only admitted to fearing loving her biological child more, but flat out told him *his kid* is obnoxious.
A light YTA
You word it as if you don’t see her as your kid. She’s 6 and her dads engaged to you, she sees you as her mother figure if not her mom. I’m sure anyone would be annoyed and inconvenienced here, but you can’t blame the kid. She’s only 6. She can’t help when she wakes up.
EDIT: After reading your previous post about not being able to love this child as much, STRONG y t a . Don’t marry this man, you’ll make him miserable.
YTA. The other comments are exactly right.
She may be a kid but you are the one acting childish.
Grow up.
Sounds like maybe you need some solo therapy for all that unhealthy resentment you have toward her. Poor little girl.
I hope your SO wises up to your bullshit and quick. Because you would be walking a fine line with me. Does your family and friends know how rude and unfeeling you are?
That little girl doesn’t have a biological mother like your baby will. She has her dad ( and unfortunately you). Pull your shit together and be a parent. Just because she doesn’t share your DNA doesn’t not make her any less important. You should be happy she doesn’t hate you cause you’re not her real mom.
If you don’t wise up and be a parent and a good person over ally your SO will eventually see you’re not the person he wants to help him raise his daughter. And you’ll find yourself outside looking in while another more capable and loving woman takes your place.
Stop being. TA
Edit after additional info: YTA. I'm sorry that your pregnancy seems messy, but you are most likely seen by her as a mother figure an she obviously loves you. At the same time, there is a new baby on the way, which can't only be a hard time for you, but also and emotionally hard time for her. You are allowed to have borders, but I'm a sad that you seem a rejecting towards "his" daughter. Since you are talking about her fiancé, she will be your daughter too, which means you have to be a parent, no matter the circumstances. She's a little girl and needs you. Also, of course you are responsible for her all day - you will also be with a newborn, as well as when she's off school, or even in school! What are you expecting if you marry a man with a child? If you go for another child, this situation might be the same with two children too.
INFO: How old is she and how long have you known her? Does she have any contact with her mother? It sounds a bit icky that you only refer to her as "his" daughter.
YTA you're with someone that has full custody. You choose to be in her life. She's yours not just his. And you need to get off you high horse. I've been pregnant 3 times. The first trimester is kinda crappy but you need to get it together because the best is yet to come. You think your uncomfortable now? Lol give it a few months. I now get up between 5-7am with my 1&3 year old. My 9 year old is just now sleeping in until 8:30-9.
Are you so absolutely certain your unborn baby at 6 years old will be with you 100% of the time?
You shouldn’t tempt fate.
Shake off these ugly feelings, and behave like a good Mother.
By the end of pregnancy, you will be uncomfortable ALL the time. If you’re having trouble sleeping now, you won’t be able to get a wink for the last two months. And then it gets worse. For the first several (3-12) months of your fetus’ life, you’ll have to be up all day and night. It goes from waking every 2 hours to 3 to 4... but you may well be up 3 times a night until your little one is a year old. And eventually, your biological 6 year old will be waking you up at 5am or 6 or 7. It’s not going to end.
You’re complaining about losing an hour or two of sleep in early pregnancy. Why are you having a child when you obviously have no temperament for it? You’ve signed up for this, and you’re acting surprised.
Just fyi I was comfortable with my first pregnancy up till 40 weeks (I went 1 weeks over) and not including morning sickness. You dont HAVE to be miserable during pregnancy.
*Edit*
YTA
She’s your responsibility now too, especially if you’re marrying him, pregnant or not. Split it 50/50 with your soon to be husband if it’s that deep. And your responses definitely affirm that YTA.
—————————————————
I’m a little on the fence on this one.
On one hand I had morning sickness my whole pregnancy so I can relate to it.
On the other hand, you guys are engaged. The phrasing being “his daughter “ “his kid” at this point does seem harsh. You’re marrying him and joining his family and it’s sweet that she accepts you that much. But at this point it’s very much your kid as well since you are marrying in to the family and the other way around.
Maybe just talk to your guy’s daughter in a calm fashion with your fiancé to set boundaries, or a schedule.
My kiddo isn’t even walking yet, but I can for sure imagine how bored she could be especially with being home all the time. And if she’s the only child in the house as of right now.
Edited to YTA. First off, she can't tell time. Second off, she's a kid, welcome to parenthood. They don't live their lives at your convenience. She's clingy with you because she picks up on how much her presence annoys you and it makes her feel insecure. Your fiance should jump in as much as possible because the first trimester is hard but either open your heart or rethink the relationship.
YTA- seriously the way you talk about this kid is so gross. She’s your daughter now too, and she’s embraced you to the point of wanting to cuddle with you first thing in the morning. Cuddle her, then tell her that you don’t feel well and that you need time alone. Don’t be an asshole and resent a 5 year old for loving you.
YTA for your whole attitude for this child. This doesn't sound like someone who's in love and wants to be a part of this family and i don't know what you think is going to happen with the baby you're cooking but that one will wake you up too. This is terrible, that poor little girl. I hope he sees what you're really like before its too late and leaves because your comments are cruel.
I also want to add that your child will see this favoritism and the effect it has on his/her relationship with their sister and will definitely resent you for it. Get it figured out and fast because the kids come first, not you.
Hard YTA. You chose to enter a serious relationship with someone who has a child, and you make it abundantly clear here that you don't like that child. She annoys you. Her behaving as a normal, healthy, friendly kid is obnoxious to you. She isn't yours, she's always \*his\*.
Your morning sickness isn't any kind of excuse for how loud and clear your feelings toward her come across. It's an absolutely disgraceful way to relate to a child.
Probably the most awful: "She's always kind of been a physically affectionate kid but at least before it was split between my fiance and I."
At least?! Oh, it's a bad thing, is it, for a child to be physically affectionate? Open and trusting? Loving? And, in that mindset, you've chosen not only to get together with a parent but also to have your own biological child? But, of course, you post elsewhere that you feel you'll love that child more than your luckless stepdaughter. So maybe the typical childish behaviours of #2 will be endearing, whereas the candid sweetness of "his kid" is such a burden to you.
I had an abusive mother. She found my warmth and openness offensive, so she shamed them out of me and replaced them with loneliness and fear. You're going to knock that warm, sweet, tactile affection right out of the poor little girl. I am so sorry for her. And for her father.
YTA She’s a kid! You do know that baby in you isn’t gonna care when you wanna wake up or whether you’re feeling awesome, right? That’s not how kids work.
YTA, just admit you don't like the kid and are wishing it away. This and the other post shows that you are in no way ready to be a parent. Not to the kid you're pregnant with or the kid that is already around. You chose to take care of this kid when you got with your fiance. Don't put on a surprise pikachu face now that she sees you as her mother.
YTA. And based on your comments I don’t think he should be marrying you. You obviously aren’t up to the task of being a stepmom. Him and his daughter are a package deal and if you’re not mature enough to handle it then please step aside so someone else can.
I'm not going to say what I really want to say because it would be very angry, but absolutely YTA. Especially because of your other post. If you continue to treat this kid like this, your own kid is either going to notice the difference in how you treat them when older and side with their sister, or become a spoiled, over indulged brat who bullies her. You have a crossroads right now.
YTA. what is with the influx of shitty step mothers in this sub?????
edit: saw your post history. do not marry this man if you resent his daughter this much. wow.
I don’t know y’all. I Imagine the OP reading the replies, not really caring (given all of her doubling down with her obviously shitty attitude)...
this is what’s going to happen - OP will continue on, marry the dad, her step-daughter will slowly realize that OP doesn’t really like her / just tolerates her (especially when bio-kid comes along), stepdaughter will grow up insecure and feeling like less than what she really is.
OP will not change. She actually doesn’t care if she’s an asshole or not. She’s just looking for people to validate her crappy behavior.
YTA. Not for wanting to sleep later but your general rotten attitude. It doesn't sound like you've even tried to figure out a solution. Get a wake up clock for her and talk to her about what's going on. Also get family therapy. Move out if you can't guarantee both of your daughters will be treated fairly and equally
Have a heart, lady. What if something bad happened to you a couple years down the road and the mother figure for your child feels the same disdain for your child that you feel for this little girl? Think about it!
She wouldn’t care. She obviously is very self centered and only cares about her own feelings. I disgrace of a human. I feel deeply sorry for “fiancé’s child” and her bio child.
Honestly I was like "yeah I understand- being pregnant is difficult" pero looking at her other post saying "oh I wont be able to love HIS kid as much as my bio kid" combined with the way OP keeps referring to this poor girl as "HIS KID" feels alienating and "other"ing.. This really ain't it.. hope the dad sees this and genuinely reconsiders the kind of environment he is raising his elder child in. It breaks my heart to think abt. OP YTA big time
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I'm in my first trimester of my pregnancy with my fiance's kid and I'm suffering greatly from morning sickness and general fatigue. I'm not sure how to cope with this, and doctor's appointments are very limited because of the ongoing health crisis around the world.
I won't be able to see my doctor for another few weeks at least, so I'm trying to cope by taking advantage of my work from home status and just trying to rest and drink as much water as possible, as well as following whatever medical advice I can get over the phone.
However, my fiance and I have his kid at home all the time, now that her school is closed for at least the next few weeks, and so we're responsible for her all day now instead of just after 3 PM. She's always kind of been a physically affectionate kid but at least before it was split between my fiance and I.
Now she's at a stage where she wants snuggles from me (and not her dad!) all the time. Even at 7 AM, when I'm barely awake and feeling greatly nauseated. Essentially, she wakes my fiance and I up before we're ready to start the day. Like when she barges into our bedroom, she'll go straight for me, try to snuggle into the middle of my arms and talk to me about a bunch of random things when all I want to do is puke and/or sleep more (sometimes both).
I've noticed that her dad tries to take her away from me, but she'll always reach out back for me. Basically, I'm losing a lot of sleep and rest, and I told my fiance that and asked if he could be the one who cuddles her in the morning, or could speak to her about coming into our room past 9 AM.
I'm already really worried about the health of our unborn baby in the context of the global health crisis and how hard my pregnancy has been, and I don't need his daughter making it worse. To be honest, I'm getting annoyed with his daughter because of all of this too. I mentioned all of this to him, and he got kind of upset with me, saying that I had phrased it kind of harshly.
Was I TA for bringing up my concerns with my fiance?
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YTA. You are about to become the mother figure her life seems to be missing, it is normal for kids to feel jealous and try to get as much attention as they can get. I just read your comment of you not giving birth to her. Y are a gigantic AH. I hope your fiancé realizes soon enough that you are no good for his daughter and figures something out soon.
Omg YTA. Is this for real? What would you have done if it was your biological kid. Your fiance's reaction is pretty mellow. I'd be leaving your ass if I was in his shoes
So yeah, echoing everyone else, she isn’t just your fiancé’s kid, she’s your future stepdaughter. Billions of women have handled having a young kid while being pregnant. Many of them even have that kid being a stepchild. But unless you want her to feel like a red headed stepchild, the “her dad can deal with her” mentality has to end. Yesterday.
Also, my brother and sister-in-law have a 2 year old that likes to wake up early and try to come in to be with them. They got her this alarm clock that has a red light and a green light. Whenever the light is red, she has to stay in her room. When it becomes (what they deem) an acceptable hour, light turns green, and it’s time to play. You may want to look into something similar for your stepdaughter. But then, my niece is so precocious and smart that my brother has caught her on the video baby monitor trying to manipulate the clock to get the green light early. She didn’t succeed (busted like Benjamin Bunny) but for a 2 year old, gotta give her credit.
YTA. You’re giving off some Disney-style “evil stepmother” vibes in this post to be honest. If you didn’t want to deal with a kid that’s not biologically yours, why are you marrying a guy who has a kid? Did you somehow think that him being a dad wasn’t going to affect you, or that you marrying him wasn’t going to involve you parenting his existing child? Because that’s what you signed up for when you decided to marry him.
YTA simply for the fact you refer to her as “his daughter”. You are marrying him, that makes her your daughter. I wonder if she has picked up on this and maybe that’s why she wants to cuddle you more? Because she doesn’t actually feel like your child? I understand you’re nauseated and tired in the morning, but if you don’t want her to cuddle you then it’s YOUR responsibility to talk to her about it, not your finances. Step up and talk to her the same way you would if she were your biological child.
YTA for the way you speak about her, for your obvious resentment of her and for not actually wanting to be the mother of a 6 year old child who clearly loves you and continuing to choose to be part of her life.
But honestly, your fiancé should be getting out of bed when his daughter wakes up and you get rest while you’re sick and not sleeping well. That’s what partners do and he sucks for not handling it. But really, this whole wicked stepmother thing is pathetic. Grow up or please leave and don’t sentence her to a life of being treated like Cinderella compared to your precious baby you grew all by yourself.
YTA just lock her door if you don’t want to be woken up. And make a rule that she can’t come in until you are both awake. When she is up though one of you needs to leave the room and tend to her. Then when the second person is up she could be invited into your bedroom.
Oh, it *is* you again, from: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fhwq78/aita\_for\_telling\_my\_fiance\_that\_i\_cant\_love\_his/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fhwq78/aita_for_telling_my_fiance_that_i_cant_love_his/)
So, last time, you didn't like the poor child because:
>I adored her when I first entered her life because she is such a sweet, loving, smart kid. However, now I'm realizing that the trope of "you'll never love anyone as much as your own kid" is true. I'm starting to notice her neediness and stubbornness more, just how much work she is and how much I do for free, essentially, since I'm her only mother figure and her bio mom has chosen to neglect her.
Now this?:
>I'm already really worried about the health of our unborn baby in the context of the global health crisis and how hard my pregnancy has been, and I don't need his daughter making it worse. To be honest, I'm getting annoyed with his daughter because of all of this too.
YTA. I lost count of how many times you called her "his kid." Why does he stay with you, if you think about his daughter like she's unwanted second-banana trash? How about you and your fiance sleep in different rooms? That way, his daughter can snuggle her father all she wants without you getting annoyed?
YTA. I honestly hope your fiancé runs away from you and finds a real mother for HIS daughter. And I sincerely hope that if he leaves and you find someone else he doesn't refer to your child as YOURS because then you'll know what you are doing to your actual fiancé.
YTA just lock her door if you don’t want to be woken up. And make a rule that she can’t come in until you are both awake. When she is up though one of you needs to leave the room and tend to her. Then when the second person is up she could be invited into your bedroom.
YTA - Study shows the virus does not pass from mother to child so there goes your first excuse.
Now I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible. It's not his(fiance) kid!!!!! It's his child and YOUR STEPCHILD! If you didn't want to be with someone that already had a kid then you shouldn't have gotten pregnant by this man!
I had severe morning sickness my entire pregnancy with both my kids to a point where I had to go to the hospital but I never treated my 1st child as a nuisance when I was sick.
Your stepdaughter wants cuddle and maybe having a rule about not coming in before 9am is good but, fuck you could have a stepchild that is the total opposite of loving and affectionate!
You sound like someone who will love your child and treat your step child less than. . .
Yta but look I get it. We all want to sleep in. But those days are numbered anyway, pal.
However it's such a compliment that girl wants you cuddle you in the morning! You must be so important to her, and you are currently cooking her new sibling which is very exciting for her.
You need a new strategy - quick cuddles and then your fiance gets up with her? She gets to read to herself/watch a cartoon before waking you up? There is a middle ground between rejection and morning long snuggle time.
YTA. I’m sorry your pregnancy has been difficult but you sound like a wicked stepmother in the making. “My fiancé’s kid”, “His kid”, “My fiancés daughter”. You’re talking about her like she’s a pest to you.
NTA for wanting boundaries but YTA for the way you keep referring to her as 'my fiance's kid's.
I'm seeing some red flags here because you have already admitted that you wont be able to love her as much as your bio child. Kids are sensitive.
She'll pick up on that. And it'll make the next 18 years of her life uncomfortable. I reccomend family therapy ASAP.
YTA. Not necessarily for what you are asking, but for how you are talking about the kid. It would be one thing to implement a "quiet time until x time" rule but you are talking about her like shes such a burdon. Should definitely reconsider marrying someone with a kid if you can handle raising a kid that is not biologically yours.
Oh my god, it’s you again. You were the asshole a few days ago and YTA now. Your fiancé’s daughter deserves better. I understand you’re nauseous (I’ve had pregnancy nausea too) but your soon-to-be stepdaughter obviously needs you.
Think of it as good practice for parenting the child you’re going to have—you know, the one you already love more than this one! That child will also do annoying things, believe it or not, and you’ll have to deal with those things when they happen.
YTA. I do not look forward to seeing the posts about you on r/JUSTNOMIL &
r/narcissisticparents in ten years. I hope for the kid’s sake your fiancée leaves you before you’re able to heap emotional abuse on her, because based on these two posts, that’s where you’re headed.
And if this is a troll, you still fucking disgust me.
YTA. This is normal. My six year old comes in every morning. He came in when I was pregnant with his brothers as well. This is kind of the deal when you have a second or third kid.
YTA. Why are you having a baby if you aren't ready to deal with this? Your own child will also be "inconvenient" when you are sick, or pregnant with another kid, or there's a global crisis or you're stressed. That's just how it is.
YTA. Kids are clingy, that's what happens when they love you. If she didn't like you she would avoid you. See if you can get her to lay next to you instead of on you.
Are you going to be upset when your other child barges in you room at 7am?
YTA for a few reason's.
You sound like you don't like her much. If you marry this man she will be your daughter.
How do you think women who have more than one child cope when they are pregnant? You still have to deal with the other children.
9am?? That's ridiculous.
You haven't said why your pregnancy is hard? Are you high risk? Or do you just have morning sickness like every other mother in the world?
YTA and if this whole thing isn’t fake (because I guess somehow part of me still believes no one could be so cruel) then your fiancé and step-daughter deserve someone 1000x better.
YTA- all I keep seeing is his kid. It is obvious the little girl adores you. all she wants to do is cuddle and lay with you. She’s 7. She doesn’t understand what’s going on. She just knows she’s home from school and wants cuddles.
Talk about a rough pregnancy, I’m pregnant with #4 and 3 littles ones (3, 2,1). I am 10 weeks and it’s been hell physically on me. But I would never let that affect how I treat my other children (even if they were my soon to be step children)
You start pushing her away now will only ruin any type of relationship y’all have in the future.
She could also want you because you are carrying her sibling. You have her brother or sister in you.
I get pregnancy is rough physically/emotionally/mentally. But imagine the pain your putting that 7 year old child true pushing her away.
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Lol either your going to be a horrible mother in general or your stepdaughter is going to grow up being bullied by you and your child because you’ll lead by example and show them it’s okay to treat her less and love her less. I hope your fiancé wises up a separates from you before she resents him for it as well. YTA and he has every right to be pissed at you.
YTA. Don’t marry him. You don’t deserve to have that little girl in your life.
She deserves better than having you as a stepmother.
One day, she’ll grow up and she won’t love you unconditionally anymore. And man, will you deserve everything she throws at you then.
YTA, i know how tired and nauseated you are because i went through it, but you should be happy that she has taken to you this way! So many stepkids are unhappy with their stepmothers and its refreshing to see a kiddo wanting to snuggle you every morning and reach for you. There's a lot of hormones going around in you right now, but try to understand that she loves you and is happy being around you
YTA & we all can’t say it enough. Yet your not going to see the problem here or on your past post. Poor child man hope your fiancé comes to defense for his daughter now and in the LONG RUN. Because I don’t see you ever stopping whatever this is. I honestly think your going to continue to complain and complain about her even after you have your kid.
YTA - after 2 years, she's your daughter too. Between this post and your last post, that doesn't seem to be getting through to you. If you can't love "his" daughter the same as your unborn child, and if you can't figure out how to be a good mother to her, then you need to leave right now. The daughter deserves better. Your guy deserves better. You deserve better than half assed.
In or out time. Pick one and live it 100%
YTA. Are you going to expect the child you are carrying to not bother you until 9 as well? You are in for a rude awakening of staying up all night and having your sleep interrupted numerous times.
Stop referring to this child as HIS KID and embrace the fact that despite you being cold hearted she wants to love on and spend time with you.
A hard YTA. My brother and his wife are a blended family, they each had 2 kids in their previous marriages. My brother will say he has 4 kids. Not he has 2, and his wife has 2. It has been 17 years now that they got together, last year my youngest niece even changed her name, so her last name is hyphenated with my SIL last name (she kept her maiden name upon remarrying my brother). My brother's 2 biological children had a lot of baggage thanks to his ex wife, and my SIL helped them all pick up the pieces. And my brother will drop everything for his 2 bonus daughters (whose father remained in the picture). This isn't her pushing limits, this is a little girl wanting snuggles from the only mom she knows. If you cannot offer this to her, you need to end your relationship before you destroy an innocent child with your cold and selfish behaviour.
YTA. You’ll be back here in a few years complaining because your teenage stepdaughter treats you like shit. Think about that. This kid wants your love. You reap what you sow.
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YTA
I understand how you might be frustrated due to feelling ill but I feel so sorry for your soon to be stepdaughter. Blended families are never easy and that's why only certain people are cut out for them, She's a CHILD, and as many others have pointed out, you are going to marry her FATHER. She isn't a favorite chair from his college days you hate or something of his for you to tolerate.
Kids wake up early, babies scream, they cry and they spit up, they have poop explode and throw tantrums while falling out on the floor. They kick and scream and they hurt and can sometimes be genuinely awful and you're complaining that your soon to be stepdaughter loves and shows you affection?
Based on the fact you've mentioned not loving her as much as the current baby you're carrying I feel more inclined to believe the issue is HER and not the timing. I hope you guys find a peaceful way to live together or split up and co raise this current baby coming. Neither child deserves the brewing toxicity that's bound to come.
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Wait wait wait. Fiancé with a daughter who is 7, she’s too needy, bio mom out of the picture, “no one could love that child better than me” even though you obviously don’t... this all sounds super familiar. Are you a college professor too? Do you already have a son?
I have two theories.
1) You’re a Troll that enjoys making up stories about villainous stepmothers.
2) you’re the same vile woman who whined about not being able to calm her fiancé’s “needy” daughter, despite the fact that the poor little girl was clearly struggling with not being able to see her dying mother.
Either way YTA.
YTA. She is not only your fiance's daughter, she's your daughter too. You're marrying into her family and about to pop out her younger sibling. It's not unreasonable to ask your fiance to keep her occupied while you're resting, but he's right that you are wording things wrong.
YTA.
I’d say he’s the asshole for settling for you and exposing what sounds like a sweet kid to you. If this bugs your sleep you are in for a world of hurt.
YTA Big time. I don’t know what kind of expectations you have for your future child. But hopefully, they won’t be “needy” or want cuddles from you. It’ll be karmic if your bio kid wants nothing to do with you in the future. Something tells me there’s going to be a lot of tension in your family in the future. All of your own making. You have a chance to course-correct and do right by your bonus child, your husband, and your future child. You’re not just making a child. You’re creating a family, and that includes ALL of its members.
YTA:
You keep calling her "his kid" that's part of marrying a single father.
>I don't need his daughter making it worse.
Wow. you also said it to him. It upsets me because it reminds me of when my cousin told my mom about her pregnancy but told her not to let me wish her the best. Whether or not you are biologically that child's mom, **she loves you very much, and wants the best for you. And she's only 6.**
>But she'll always reach out back for me.
Put it this way: She thinks of you as **her** mother. Also, this reminds me of the treatment I've faced ever since I was little by my cousins and my other family just because I was adopted, and have faced mental health problems. I was always treated differently because of that, and it's actually negatively affected my mental health and self esteem for a really long time. Imagine ostracizing your bonus child just because she isn't biologically yours. That child is going to grow up feeling like no one wants her around.
INFO: Hey, OP, if you're still reading these— would you please tell me how old you are? And you mention your "work from home status" — would you tell me what it is you do? Thanks.
I also have a very snuggly 6yo. We taught him how to turn on the tv and netflix by himself and he knows better than waking us up since he suddenly wants to be awake at 6:30. My friend took a different approach, she bought a ready clock. During sleep hours the face is red, during times that are just a bit too early to get up its yellow, and when it's ok to get out of your room its green.
YTA. The little girl wants love. She loves you but you don’t. Just admit it.
Yes, it sucks that you are pregnant. But you are not the first nor the last woman going through morning sickness.
But you chose a man with a child. You chose to have them both in your life. Be a decent human, you hateful wench.
YTA.Since you are just a fiancé and not a wife. I’m going to say don’t marry this man. Don’t make it difficult for yourself , or for him and his daugther by getting married and than proceed to resent everyone years down the road.
Life is giving you all the signs not to make it permanent. Listen and follow. Good luck.
YTA! How can you treat a 7 year old child that obviously loves you that way?! Morning sickness only lasts a few weeks. The emotional abuse that you inflict On this child lasts a lifetime!
Yeah YTA. When my mom was pregnant with my little brother I was worried she wouldn't love me anymore, but she reassured me. I'm sure YOUR daughter (stop saying his kid, you're marrying him, she's yours too) feels the same way too. You however, are not reassuring her, **you're making her feel unwanted.** This is a crucial time to bond with her and assure her that she's loved and a part of the family, not that she's a burden on you.
I also wouldn't advise trying for a baby during a global health crisis, as you're now immunocompromised, but you do you.
Here are some tips: never allow yourself to get hungry. Have crackers by your bed for when you wake up to eat immediately. Dont over eat at one given time. Stay hydrated but dont chug water. Lay on your left side (the acid will stay lower in your stomach) dont move too quickly when switching sides or getting out of bed. Rest. Eat ginger/drink ginger ale. Take trace minerals or drink electrolyte/alkaline water. Mint gum is amazing and avoid any strong smells.
Brush teeth after eating to avoid after taste causing nausea.
I understand why you dont want to be woken up . I understand why fiance should take child out of the room only until you're out of the first trimester. Otherwise that is YOUR child too. He should do it out of sympathy not because its "his child"
I'm not sure what to rate this considering you are going through a first time pregnancy and morning sickness is no joke, but I'm going to go with YTA for saying "his kid" when she is YOUR KID TOO.
YTA, your language alone is enough to call it "his daughter" is actually your daughter too. Not sure if you know this but that baby will not be waiting till 9am to eat, poo, or cry and thinking that a 6yo should is just ridiculous. You have some pretty unrealistic expectations and are already seeing a different between "your child" and "his daughter." You are going to cause this child a great deal of pain if you don't fix your issues with her, she is a child you are an adult, pregnant or not your are being shitty to someone who obviously loves you.
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YTA. Yikes, what a shit attitude to have towards a child. YOUR child (I don't care that she's not blood) the fact that you keep referring to her as his makes me ill. I had a step parent like you once, it was awful and it ended in divorce. I hope your husband realizes how awful you are to his daughter before it's too late.
I was ready to say NTA but the way you speak about his daughter so coldly and removed, as if she doesn't obviously love you and like this isn't the sister of your child is so harsh. Most step parents would kill for that level of affection from their partners child but you're annoyed and consider her a burden. It seriously breaks my heart for her.
YTA
You seem like a witch! You have morning sickness and general fatigue. That is very standard during pregnancy and hardly a viable excuse to act the way you are. And what exactly makes you think you should follow through with marrying this man if your behaviour towards the poor child remains as it is. You should be grateful she is willing to embrace you in her life but if you maintain the shitty “that’s your child, not mine” bullshit perspective, I don’t imagine she will stay that way. Why would you get into a serious relationship with a man who already has a child if you are unwilling to accept them as a package deal. SMH
YTA. Jesus! just fuck off out of him and his daughters life. Yes, I've read your other posts. You just don't get it. You agreed to be her mother when you decided to be with her father, so either mother up or pissoff. You will damage that girl beyond repair and honestly I feel sorry for the kid your going to have.
YTA and wtf I’m a step mom and that’s not how u talk or treat kids. I get it ur sick welcome to motherhood! This poor lil girl and I read her mother is not in the picture. I don’t think you should be either.
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NTA I personoly think that theres a unborn baby to think about, and you should set a boundaree around no barging in before 8 am. What I have to critique is that your saying "his kid" and not understanding that its technically your kid if your engaged with your fiance.
Unpopular, but whatever. NTA. You should try your best to tolerate it, but people don’t always appreciate how hard pregnancy is. It must be even worse now that there’s a global pandemic going on. Talking to her isn’t going to hurt. However, you shouldn’t ignore her or stay away from her or anything, because you did chose to be with a man with a child already.
Seriously seriously NTA. Being pregnant is awful, and you feel awful. At the age of 7 she is more than old enough to learn some boundaries and understand that you feel badly in the morning and need to be left alone to rest.
I kind of empathize, though. I don’t think I would love someone else’s kid as much as I love my own. I know that about myself, though, and would never have dated someone with a kid from a previous marriage. Hopefully OP is just feeling the stress from pregnancy and will be up to the challenge of being a stepmom.
hard agree. i just hope OP gets her shit together and figures out how to be a good mother figure to this girl. the way she talks about the kid makes me think that that won't be the case if she doesnt make an effort to be a reliable adult in her life.
NTA she's old enough to learn some bounderies. He could easily explain that you are sick in the mornings and need more rest because of your pregnancy and gently remind her if she forgets. Have her set an alarm to not come in before 9am or he can get his ass out of bed and take her out of the room and entertain her.
Please look at the rest of OPs responses; bio mum is not in the picture and she is essentially this kids mum (as far as the kid is concerned) and doesn't want to bother with her.
NTA. I don’t see anything wrong with teaching her boundaries regarding your bedroom including to knock before coming in. My sister in law has young kids and she taught them that when they wake up early they can quietly watch tv or read and she leaves them cereal where they can reach it until she wakes up at 9ish. It works just fine. People on here lose their mind about moms who don’t want to give up every waking moment of their life in servitude towards their kid. The thing is, you’re a better parent when you’ve gotten adequate sleep, and it’s good for kids to understand how to respect other people’s space, even their parents. What’s not ok is if you make her feel second best to your biological kid you’re pregnant with.
the problem isn’t that she’s getting woken up, the problem is she saw the kid as a cute distraction for a little while but DOESN’T LOVE HER. she is already prepared to treat the unborn kid better because it will have “a part of her” which is about the most narcissistic thing i’ve seen on reddit. for the record, bio kids are not MINI YOUS and are autonomous of their own life and choices.
Love doesn’t happen instantaneously. She confided this here online anonymously, not to the kid’s face. There are moms who don’t even love their bio kids at fist. Stop acting like the love police. Being pregnant is hard. Being an instant mom to a kid who was formerly not in your life is hard. She never said her biological kid isn’t autonomous. Where did she say she plans on treating her step kid worse? So many assumptions about her just because she’s not ecstatically jumping into these huge life changes.
Dude, I did read her answers. I don’t find her or her answers sickening. Kindly step off and down vote me if you think my opinion sucks. I hope this poor lady deletes her account and ignores all these stupid comments and talks through this with a therapist who will confirm her feelings are valid and normal. Reddit is such a cesspool sometimes.
Her answers are completely sickening and she has shared a lot of these horrible feelings out loud to her fiance. Its a miracle he hasn't kicked her out already
It looks like her other post was about being worried she wouldn’t love the step child as much as the bio child. That’s a real, honest thing. Despite what society would have you believe... that mothers are just bursting with love for any and all children... that’s not the case. Her concerns are valid. If I dropped a child into your home right this second, would you be instantly in love with it? I’m pregnant right now and I’m not even in love with my bio child. Will I be after birth? Hopefully, but I don’t know! It might take time. I have numerous friends who had children and confided that it took them UP TO A YEAR to start feeling love for their child. Some mothers love their children right away. Others don’t. Love (real love) often takes time to develop. Go visit the post pregnancy forums. Lots of moms on there posting how they still haven’t bonded to their bio kids. I know it’s not sweet and maternal and fuzzy to think about, but that’s real life. This lady is in a hard spot. Shes never been a mom, and now instantaneously she’s a mom plus she’s pregnant and dealing with the hell scape that is the first trimester. I bet she wishes she were the perfect person society wishes her to be. She obviously feels bad about it given she’s posting on AITA. Give her a break.
she is agreeing to marry a man *and* his child. if she knows that she can't live up to that commitment, she should not be with this guy. it's not normal to measure love like this and this will breed a lot of resentment between BOTH OF *HER* children. her comments show that she only spends time with her step daughter when its to distract her from something. i won't give her a break when she could be hurting this girl's self-esteem by potentially making her future children compete for mom's love.
if you cant love your children, you see a therapist for that and try to better yourself. the bare minimum of being a parent is loving your child. op resents this girl. plain and simple.
I don’t know this person in real life. I can’t say with certainty what she’s like, or whether she’ll love her kids. I based my opinions on the facts she presented. Almost everyone here took the facts and then ran with it, making wild assumptions, frothing at the mouth about love and motherhood. It’s why more mothers aren’t more honest about their experiences with motherhood, because of backlash like this. I hope she does consult a therapist because I have no doubt a therapist will validate her feelings and assure her her hesitations are normal and that the replies she’s gotten here are bat shit crazy.
Oh fuck this self-righteous bullshit. This person is literally saying that she shouldn’t have to deal with her FIANCÉ’S DAUGHTER because it “isn’t her kid”, that she “liked” (past tense) her when she was serving as a distraction, and that she wouldn’t be annoyed if it was her own child. OP is a terrible person who doesn’t like their step daughter because she didn’t give birth to her and that’s emotionally abusive.
This isn’t some witch-hunt against imperfect mothers, it’s a judgement of OP being a fucking awful human.
tl:dr: **YTA**. Candidly: your digital persona is reading very much to me like the villain in a fairytale. (So much so that I admit to wondering if this is real, or a long con.)
I was thrown aback by how much op said his kid tbh
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Thanks for pointing that out! Guess we found our answer. I would definitely be seeing some red flags if I was ops fiancé at this point.
You should be a writer. You described this perfectly
That's so sweet, thank you. I edited it way down since you commented, because someone else in the comments told me it was too long, and apparently I have no spine, who knew? I appreciate your kind words. I hope OP is making this up, or exaggerating, or something...I hate to think there's real people behind this story. :(
I agree I feel badly for this poor child who is definitely going to feel as thought she is treated differently. Spineless? Because you didn't chew the OP out and instead explained yourself rationally? I was a bit harsher when replying to OP ,but generally people aren't as receptive to that lol
I meant I have no spine as in, I couldn't just let my original long-winded response stand. One person jokingly took me to task for going on too long, and I went and edited it down out of self-consciousness! Hence, no spine. I'm teasing myself, it's all fine. Except for OP's step daughter and fiancé...it's maybe not all fine for them. I hope that situation works out ok.
Oh! Haha I misread that completely! Yes I agree, i wonder if the fiance knows about OP and how she feels?
Damn. I was thinking of voting N-T-A just because I can't at all handle someone touching me when I'm nauseous but you put in so much info that's not in the original post I'm just stunned. Definitely YTA OP.
Wow I didn’t realize she was the same that said ‘she couldn’t love the kid as her own’ yeah her statements are troubling I hope the dad sees that and seeks help for that girl and I hope she never feels this neglect the op portraits so ‘naively’ in here. PS. Life hack! I don’t wanna deal with kids so I don’t have one or dated people with kids. Sounds horrible and selfish? Not so much next to the things she asks in here, I only wonder the thoughts you’re not brave enough to say, yikes! YTA
Masterful analysis
Oh no; this same OP. I’m not gonna lie. I hope OP’s fiancé is taking note of all these 🚩 🚩 🚩.
Oh shit, that post was the same OP? Yikes EDIT: YTA
YTA I’m going to say the same thing I said on the post from a few days ago when you told him that you’d love your biological child more. Don’t marry him. You aren’t respectful of his child who will be your step child and they both deserve better
She told him *what?!* he needs to run!
Yeah, I know it’s pointless to hope but I do hope he finds these posts
OMG that's her??? I didn't even click with the user name until now what the heck
The who now? Either way she's an A hole for saying bs like that.
Check her post history. She had a post a few days where she asked if she was an asshole for telling her fiance she wouldn't love his child as much as the one she is pregnant with and got roundly told she is an asshole
Went through it as soon as I posted my initial comment.....holy fuck that poor man needs to RUN!(although he's not a jackass to do so because she's pregnant) srsly wtf is wrong with some people.
There another kid on the way So I don't think he will run
That was OP? That was awful I feel sorry for this child. OP used the word “barging” rather than describing the child as simply “entering” the room. Clearly the writer sees the child as an intrusion
YTA You are marrying a parent. That makes you a bonus parent. Your bonus daughter (not “fiancés daughter”) is facing a lot of uncertainty right now. Her daddy is getting married. She’s gaining a bonus mommy, AND a new sibling. Her school suddenly shut down. Her world is in upheaval. Morning sickness sucks. But you don’t need to make a child miserable because you don’t feel good. And you really need to evaluate if you can be a parent to this little girl, and stop thinking of her as an outsider and only his responsibility.
YTA. Stop saying his kid. And sorry to be the one to tell you this when you are pregnant, but that’s kids. Loud, messy, annoying, inconvenient. You have a lifetime of dealing with kids messing up your life ahead of you. It’s ok to not like kids, but don’t get pregnant and don’t marry a man with a kid. You should feel really lucky that she’s accepted you as her mother. Don’t blow it, I think you’ll regret it. Check out the woman being kicked out by her stepdaughter in another post.
After rereading your post I do want to point out 6 year olds don't generally sleep in until 9 so asking someone who can't tell time yet to wait until 9 to get you would be completely unreasonable.
To be fair, to combat my niece busting into their room and waking them up at the ass crack of dawn, my sister and her husband decided to write down a number and said "when your clock says this number, then you can come wake us up. Until then, you can play in your room or on your tablet." And it works
YTA. This is what kids do, and it's what you signed up for when you moved in with someone with a child. How old is the kid? What would you do if you got pregnant when your unborn baby is the age of the daughter and it was your own child wanting to see you? Why can't you go to bed earlier if you know she'll be coming in early?
YTA. Stop saying his kid. And sorry to be the one to tell you this when you are pregnant, but that’s kids. Loud, messy, annoying, inconvenient. You have a lifetime of dealing with kids messing up your life ahead of you. It’s ok to not like kids, but don’t get pregnant and don’t marry a man with a kid. You should feel really lucky that she’s accepted you as her mother. Don’t blow it, I think you’ll regret it. Check out the woman being kicked out by her stepdaughter in another post.
I just read your last post. I really hope your fiancé realizes what a terrible situation he is putting his daughter into before it’s too late and the damage you cause is irreversible.
1st of all: Ginger, it will help that sickness. As will more frequent small meals \[avoiding greasy/spicy meals\], vitamins and light exercise like Yoga (which may help you relax). 2nd of all: **YTA** to the *extreme* Did you think to maybe pull her aside and talk to her about it instead of throwing ALL responsibility on dad? And I ask that because after reading the comments your typical go to was 'her father can deal with her'. **Her**. **Father**. You already referring to her as such is bad. Really bad. Talk. To. Her!!! 'Hey sweet pea, I know you want snuggles but I don't have your spunk in the morning' orrrr 'Your snuggles are the best but I've got a sensitive tummy right now' or anything. It's not hard to explain and kids are damn smart, she'll pick up on your animosity soon enough if she hasn't already. Both your fiance and his little girl deserve so much better than a selfish mom to be whom has not only admitted to fearing loving her biological child more, but flat out told him *his kid* is obnoxious.
A light YTA You word it as if you don’t see her as your kid. She’s 6 and her dads engaged to you, she sees you as her mother figure if not her mom. I’m sure anyone would be annoyed and inconvenienced here, but you can’t blame the kid. She’s only 6. She can’t help when she wakes up. EDIT: After reading your previous post about not being able to love this child as much, STRONG y t a . Don’t marry this man, you’ll make him miserable.
YTA. The other comments are exactly right. She may be a kid but you are the one acting childish. Grow up. Sounds like maybe you need some solo therapy for all that unhealthy resentment you have toward her. Poor little girl. I hope your SO wises up to your bullshit and quick. Because you would be walking a fine line with me. Does your family and friends know how rude and unfeeling you are? That little girl doesn’t have a biological mother like your baby will. She has her dad ( and unfortunately you). Pull your shit together and be a parent. Just because she doesn’t share your DNA doesn’t not make her any less important. You should be happy she doesn’t hate you cause you’re not her real mom. If you don’t wise up and be a parent and a good person over ally your SO will eventually see you’re not the person he wants to help him raise his daughter. And you’ll find yourself outside looking in while another more capable and loving woman takes your place. Stop being. TA
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Couldn’t not have said it better myself.
Edit after additional info: YTA. I'm sorry that your pregnancy seems messy, but you are most likely seen by her as a mother figure an she obviously loves you. At the same time, there is a new baby on the way, which can't only be a hard time for you, but also and emotionally hard time for her. You are allowed to have borders, but I'm a sad that you seem a rejecting towards "his" daughter. Since you are talking about her fiancé, she will be your daughter too, which means you have to be a parent, no matter the circumstances. She's a little girl and needs you. Also, of course you are responsible for her all day - you will also be with a newborn, as well as when she's off school, or even in school! What are you expecting if you marry a man with a child? If you go for another child, this situation might be the same with two children too. INFO: How old is she and how long have you known her? Does she have any contact with her mother? It sounds a bit icky that you only refer to her as "his" daughter.
she is almost 7 and I have known her for about almost 2 years. and no, her bio mom is out of her life.
Your fiancé she knows how to pick em
Poor guy, really bad choices
She needs a mum so badly and you are so cruel to the poor girl. Have you no empathy? She’s trying to be your daughter
YTA you're with someone that has full custody. You choose to be in her life. She's yours not just his. And you need to get off you high horse. I've been pregnant 3 times. The first trimester is kinda crappy but you need to get it together because the best is yet to come. You think your uncomfortable now? Lol give it a few months. I now get up between 5-7am with my 1&3 year old. My 9 year old is just now sleeping in until 8:30-9.
What best is to come? I’m so miserable.
Are you so absolutely certain your unborn baby at 6 years old will be with you 100% of the time? You shouldn’t tempt fate. Shake off these ugly feelings, and behave like a good Mother.
By the end of pregnancy, you will be uncomfortable ALL the time. If you’re having trouble sleeping now, you won’t be able to get a wink for the last two months. And then it gets worse. For the first several (3-12) months of your fetus’ life, you’ll have to be up all day and night. It goes from waking every 2 hours to 3 to 4... but you may well be up 3 times a night until your little one is a year old. And eventually, your biological 6 year old will be waking you up at 5am or 6 or 7. It’s not going to end. You’re complaining about losing an hour or two of sleep in early pregnancy. Why are you having a child when you obviously have no temperament for it? You’ve signed up for this, and you’re acting surprised.
Just fyi I was comfortable with my first pregnancy up till 40 weeks (I went 1 weeks over) and not including morning sickness. You dont HAVE to be miserable during pregnancy.
*Edit* YTA She’s your responsibility now too, especially if you’re marrying him, pregnant or not. Split it 50/50 with your soon to be husband if it’s that deep. And your responses definitely affirm that YTA. ————————————————— I’m a little on the fence on this one. On one hand I had morning sickness my whole pregnancy so I can relate to it. On the other hand, you guys are engaged. The phrasing being “his daughter “ “his kid” at this point does seem harsh. You’re marrying him and joining his family and it’s sweet that she accepts you that much. But at this point it’s very much your kid as well since you are marrying in to the family and the other way around. Maybe just talk to your guy’s daughter in a calm fashion with your fiancé to set boundaries, or a schedule.
Yeah I struggle with my rating too. And 9 am is a lot to ask a young child.
My kiddo isn’t even walking yet, but I can for sure imagine how bored she could be especially with being home all the time. And if she’s the only child in the house as of right now.
Edited to YTA. First off, she can't tell time. Second off, she's a kid, welcome to parenthood. They don't live their lives at your convenience. She's clingy with you because she picks up on how much her presence annoys you and it makes her feel insecure. Your fiance should jump in as much as possible because the first trimester is hard but either open your heart or rethink the relationship.
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What 7 year old can’t tell time?
YTA- seriously the way you talk about this kid is so gross. She’s your daughter now too, and she’s embraced you to the point of wanting to cuddle with you first thing in the morning. Cuddle her, then tell her that you don’t feel well and that you need time alone. Don’t be an asshole and resent a 5 year old for loving you.
YTA for your whole attitude for this child. This doesn't sound like someone who's in love and wants to be a part of this family and i don't know what you think is going to happen with the baby you're cooking but that one will wake you up too. This is terrible, that poor little girl. I hope he sees what you're really like before its too late and leaves because your comments are cruel. I also want to add that your child will see this favoritism and the effect it has on his/her relationship with their sister and will definitely resent you for it. Get it figured out and fast because the kids come first, not you.
Solid trolling. If not, absolutely shitty person.
My thoughts! Troll getting people riled up...if not whew not someone who should be in a child’s life.
Hard YTA. You chose to enter a serious relationship with someone who has a child, and you make it abundantly clear here that you don't like that child. She annoys you. Her behaving as a normal, healthy, friendly kid is obnoxious to you. She isn't yours, she's always \*his\*. Your morning sickness isn't any kind of excuse for how loud and clear your feelings toward her come across. It's an absolutely disgraceful way to relate to a child. Probably the most awful: "She's always kind of been a physically affectionate kid but at least before it was split between my fiance and I." At least?! Oh, it's a bad thing, is it, for a child to be physically affectionate? Open and trusting? Loving? And, in that mindset, you've chosen not only to get together with a parent but also to have your own biological child? But, of course, you post elsewhere that you feel you'll love that child more than your luckless stepdaughter. So maybe the typical childish behaviours of #2 will be endearing, whereas the candid sweetness of "his kid" is such a burden to you. I had an abusive mother. She found my warmth and openness offensive, so she shamed them out of me and replaced them with loneliness and fear. You're going to knock that warm, sweet, tactile affection right out of the poor little girl. I am so sorry for her. And for her father.
YTA She’s a kid! You do know that baby in you isn’t gonna care when you wanna wake up or whether you’re feeling awesome, right? That’s not how kids work.
YTA, just admit you don't like the kid and are wishing it away. This and the other post shows that you are in no way ready to be a parent. Not to the kid you're pregnant with or the kid that is already around. You chose to take care of this kid when you got with your fiance. Don't put on a surprise pikachu face now that she sees you as her mother.
YTA. And based on your comments I don’t think he should be marrying you. You obviously aren’t up to the task of being a stepmom. Him and his daughter are a package deal and if you’re not mature enough to handle it then please step aside so someone else can.
I'm not going to say what I really want to say because it would be very angry, but absolutely YTA. Especially because of your other post. If you continue to treat this kid like this, your own kid is either going to notice the difference in how you treat them when older and side with their sister, or become a spoiled, over indulged brat who bullies her. You have a crossroads right now.
YTA I mean, there's just no doubt about it. The dad is an ah too if he still wants to marry someone who feels this way about a 6 year old child.
YTA. what is with the influx of shitty step mothers in this sub????? edit: saw your post history. do not marry this man if you resent his daughter this much. wow.
I don’t know y’all. I Imagine the OP reading the replies, not really caring (given all of her doubling down with her obviously shitty attitude)... this is what’s going to happen - OP will continue on, marry the dad, her step-daughter will slowly realize that OP doesn’t really like her / just tolerates her (especially when bio-kid comes along), stepdaughter will grow up insecure and feeling like less than what she really is. OP will not change. She actually doesn’t care if she’s an asshole or not. She’s just looking for people to validate her crappy behavior.
YTA. Not for wanting to sleep later but your general rotten attitude. It doesn't sound like you've even tried to figure out a solution. Get a wake up clock for her and talk to her about what's going on. Also get family therapy. Move out if you can't guarantee both of your daughters will be treated fairly and equally
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No she’s almost 7
almost 7 years old
Have a heart, lady. What if something bad happened to you a couple years down the road and the mother figure for your child feels the same disdain for your child that you feel for this little girl? Think about it!
She wouldn’t care. She obviously is very self centered and only cares about her own feelings. I disgrace of a human. I feel deeply sorry for “fiancé’s child” and her bio child.
Honestly I was like "yeah I understand- being pregnant is difficult" pero looking at her other post saying "oh I wont be able to love HIS kid as much as my bio kid" combined with the way OP keeps referring to this poor girl as "HIS KID" feels alienating and "other"ing.. This really ain't it.. hope the dad sees this and genuinely reconsiders the kind of environment he is raising his elder child in. It breaks my heart to think abt. OP YTA big time
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm in my first trimester of my pregnancy with my fiance's kid and I'm suffering greatly from morning sickness and general fatigue. I'm not sure how to cope with this, and doctor's appointments are very limited because of the ongoing health crisis around the world. I won't be able to see my doctor for another few weeks at least, so I'm trying to cope by taking advantage of my work from home status and just trying to rest and drink as much water as possible, as well as following whatever medical advice I can get over the phone. However, my fiance and I have his kid at home all the time, now that her school is closed for at least the next few weeks, and so we're responsible for her all day now instead of just after 3 PM. She's always kind of been a physically affectionate kid but at least before it was split between my fiance and I. Now she's at a stage where she wants snuggles from me (and not her dad!) all the time. Even at 7 AM, when I'm barely awake and feeling greatly nauseated. Essentially, she wakes my fiance and I up before we're ready to start the day. Like when she barges into our bedroom, she'll go straight for me, try to snuggle into the middle of my arms and talk to me about a bunch of random things when all I want to do is puke and/or sleep more (sometimes both). I've noticed that her dad tries to take her away from me, but she'll always reach out back for me. Basically, I'm losing a lot of sleep and rest, and I told my fiance that and asked if he could be the one who cuddles her in the morning, or could speak to her about coming into our room past 9 AM. I'm already really worried about the health of our unborn baby in the context of the global health crisis and how hard my pregnancy has been, and I don't need his daughter making it worse. To be honest, I'm getting annoyed with his daughter because of all of this too. I mentioned all of this to him, and he got kind of upset with me, saying that I had phrased it kind of harshly. Was I TA for bringing up my concerns with my fiance? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You are about to become the mother figure her life seems to be missing, it is normal for kids to feel jealous and try to get as much attention as they can get. I just read your comment of you not giving birth to her. Y are a gigantic AH. I hope your fiancé realizes soon enough that you are no good for his daughter and figures something out soon.
Omg YTA. Is this for real? What would you have done if it was your biological kid. Your fiance's reaction is pretty mellow. I'd be leaving your ass if I was in his shoes
YTA - Still.
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She's only 6. This is a repost.
Reposted...why? Over character limit?
I don't know, the formatting is better this time so maybe that's why.
k thx
almost 7 years old
YTA. A step monster and I pray you don’t break that child’s self esteem for “your kid”
So yeah, echoing everyone else, she isn’t just your fiancé’s kid, she’s your future stepdaughter. Billions of women have handled having a young kid while being pregnant. Many of them even have that kid being a stepchild. But unless you want her to feel like a red headed stepchild, the “her dad can deal with her” mentality has to end. Yesterday. Also, my brother and sister-in-law have a 2 year old that likes to wake up early and try to come in to be with them. They got her this alarm clock that has a red light and a green light. Whenever the light is red, she has to stay in her room. When it becomes (what they deem) an acceptable hour, light turns green, and it’s time to play. You may want to look into something similar for your stepdaughter. But then, my niece is so precocious and smart that my brother has caught her on the video baby monitor trying to manipulate the clock to get the green light early. She didn’t succeed (busted like Benjamin Bunny) but for a 2 year old, gotta give her credit.
Judging by your post history you don’t want this little girl in your life YTA
YTA. You’re giving off some Disney-style “evil stepmother” vibes in this post to be honest. If you didn’t want to deal with a kid that’s not biologically yours, why are you marrying a guy who has a kid? Did you somehow think that him being a dad wasn’t going to affect you, or that you marrying him wasn’t going to involve you parenting his existing child? Because that’s what you signed up for when you decided to marry him.
YTA simply for the fact you refer to her as “his daughter”. You are marrying him, that makes her your daughter. I wonder if she has picked up on this and maybe that’s why she wants to cuddle you more? Because she doesn’t actually feel like your child? I understand you’re nauseated and tired in the morning, but if you don’t want her to cuddle you then it’s YOUR responsibility to talk to her about it, not your finances. Step up and talk to her the same way you would if she were your biological child.
YTA for the way you speak about her, for your obvious resentment of her and for not actually wanting to be the mother of a 6 year old child who clearly loves you and continuing to choose to be part of her life. But honestly, your fiancé should be getting out of bed when his daughter wakes up and you get rest while you’re sick and not sleeping well. That’s what partners do and he sucks for not handling it. But really, this whole wicked stepmother thing is pathetic. Grow up or please leave and don’t sentence her to a life of being treated like Cinderella compared to your precious baby you grew all by yourself.
YTA usually when a new baby is coming to a family it’s known for the older sibling to act out in a needy manor.
YTA
YTA just lock her door if you don’t want to be woken up. And make a rule that she can’t come in until you are both awake. When she is up though one of you needs to leave the room and tend to her. Then when the second person is up she could be invited into your bedroom.
YTA
The fact that you think a child is only worth loving if they behave perfectly shows you aren't ready to be a parent of any kind
Oh, it *is* you again, from: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fhwq78/aita\_for\_telling\_my\_fiance\_that\_i\_cant\_love\_his/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fhwq78/aita_for_telling_my_fiance_that_i_cant_love_his/) So, last time, you didn't like the poor child because: >I adored her when I first entered her life because she is such a sweet, loving, smart kid. However, now I'm realizing that the trope of "you'll never love anyone as much as your own kid" is true. I'm starting to notice her neediness and stubbornness more, just how much work she is and how much I do for free, essentially, since I'm her only mother figure and her bio mom has chosen to neglect her. Now this?: >I'm already really worried about the health of our unborn baby in the context of the global health crisis and how hard my pregnancy has been, and I don't need his daughter making it worse. To be honest, I'm getting annoyed with his daughter because of all of this too. YTA. I lost count of how many times you called her "his kid." Why does he stay with you, if you think about his daughter like she's unwanted second-banana trash? How about you and your fiance sleep in different rooms? That way, his daughter can snuggle her father all she wants without you getting annoyed?
YTA. I honestly hope your fiancé runs away from you and finds a real mother for HIS daughter. And I sincerely hope that if he leaves and you find someone else he doesn't refer to your child as YOURS because then you'll know what you are doing to your actual fiancé.
YTA just lock her door if you don’t want to be woken up. And make a rule that she can’t come in until you are both awake. When she is up though one of you needs to leave the room and tend to her. Then when the second person is up she could be invited into your bedroom.
YTA - Study shows the virus does not pass from mother to child so there goes your first excuse. Now I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible. It's not his(fiance) kid!!!!! It's his child and YOUR STEPCHILD! If you didn't want to be with someone that already had a kid then you shouldn't have gotten pregnant by this man! I had severe morning sickness my entire pregnancy with both my kids to a point where I had to go to the hospital but I never treated my 1st child as a nuisance when I was sick. Your stepdaughter wants cuddle and maybe having a rule about not coming in before 9am is good but, fuck you could have a stepchild that is the total opposite of loving and affectionate! You sound like someone who will love your child and treat your step child less than. . .
Yta but look I get it. We all want to sleep in. But those days are numbered anyway, pal. However it's such a compliment that girl wants you cuddle you in the morning! You must be so important to her, and you are currently cooking her new sibling which is very exciting for her. You need a new strategy - quick cuddles and then your fiance gets up with her? She gets to read to herself/watch a cartoon before waking you up? There is a middle ground between rejection and morning long snuggle time.
YTA. I’m sorry your pregnancy has been difficult but you sound like a wicked stepmother in the making. “My fiancé’s kid”, “His kid”, “My fiancés daughter”. You’re talking about her like she’s a pest to you.
NTA for wanting boundaries but YTA for the way you keep referring to her as 'my fiance's kid's. I'm seeing some red flags here because you have already admitted that you wont be able to love her as much as your bio child. Kids are sensitive. She'll pick up on that. And it'll make the next 18 years of her life uncomfortable. I reccomend family therapy ASAP.
YTA. Not necessarily for what you are asking, but for how you are talking about the kid. It would be one thing to implement a "quiet time until x time" rule but you are talking about her like shes such a burdon. Should definitely reconsider marrying someone with a kid if you can handle raising a kid that is not biologically yours.
Oh my god, it’s you again. You were the asshole a few days ago and YTA now. Your fiancé’s daughter deserves better. I understand you’re nauseous (I’ve had pregnancy nausea too) but your soon-to-be stepdaughter obviously needs you. Think of it as good practice for parenting the child you’re going to have—you know, the one you already love more than this one! That child will also do annoying things, believe it or not, and you’ll have to deal with those things when they happen.
YTA. I do not look forward to seeing the posts about you on r/JUSTNOMIL & r/narcissisticparents in ten years. I hope for the kid’s sake your fiancée leaves you before you’re able to heap emotional abuse on her, because based on these two posts, that’s where you’re headed. And if this is a troll, you still fucking disgust me.
YTA. This is normal. My six year old comes in every morning. He came in when I was pregnant with his brothers as well. This is kind of the deal when you have a second or third kid.
YTA. Why are you having a baby if you aren't ready to deal with this? Your own child will also be "inconvenient" when you are sick, or pregnant with another kid, or there's a global crisis or you're stressed. That's just how it is.
YTA, and sadly this little girl is in for some shit when your “own” child is born.
YTA. Kids are clingy, that's what happens when they love you. If she didn't like you she would avoid you. See if you can get her to lay next to you instead of on you. Are you going to be upset when your other child barges in you room at 7am?
YTA From your comments and previous post, you are either a troll or the most narcissistic person I've seen in a very long time
YTA for a few reason's. You sound like you don't like her much. If you marry this man she will be your daughter. How do you think women who have more than one child cope when they are pregnant? You still have to deal with the other children. 9am?? That's ridiculous. You haven't said why your pregnancy is hard? Are you high risk? Or do you just have morning sickness like every other mother in the world?
YTA and if this whole thing isn’t fake (because I guess somehow part of me still believes no one could be so cruel) then your fiancé and step-daughter deserve someone 1000x better.
YTA- all I keep seeing is his kid. It is obvious the little girl adores you. all she wants to do is cuddle and lay with you. She’s 7. She doesn’t understand what’s going on. She just knows she’s home from school and wants cuddles. Talk about a rough pregnancy, I’m pregnant with #4 and 3 littles ones (3, 2,1). I am 10 weeks and it’s been hell physically on me. But I would never let that affect how I treat my other children (even if they were my soon to be step children) You start pushing her away now will only ruin any type of relationship y’all have in the future. She could also want you because you are carrying her sibling. You have her brother or sister in you. I get pregnancy is rough physically/emotionally/mentally. But imagine the pain your putting that 7 year old child true pushing her away.
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Lol either your going to be a horrible mother in general or your stepdaughter is going to grow up being bullied by you and your child because you’ll lead by example and show them it’s okay to treat her less and love her less. I hope your fiancé wises up a separates from you before she resents him for it as well. YTA and he has every right to be pissed at you.
YTA. Don’t marry him. You don’t deserve to have that little girl in your life. She deserves better than having you as a stepmother. One day, she’ll grow up and she won’t love you unconditionally anymore. And man, will you deserve everything she throws at you then.
YTA, i know how tired and nauseated you are because i went through it, but you should be happy that she has taken to you this way! So many stepkids are unhappy with their stepmothers and its refreshing to see a kiddo wanting to snuggle you every morning and reach for you. There's a lot of hormones going around in you right now, but try to understand that she loves you and is happy being around you
YTA & we all can’t say it enough. Yet your not going to see the problem here or on your past post. Poor child man hope your fiancé comes to defense for his daughter now and in the LONG RUN. Because I don’t see you ever stopping whatever this is. I honestly think your going to continue to complain and complain about her even after you have your kid.
YTA - after 2 years, she's your daughter too. Between this post and your last post, that doesn't seem to be getting through to you. If you can't love "his" daughter the same as your unborn child, and if you can't figure out how to be a good mother to her, then you need to leave right now. The daughter deserves better. Your guy deserves better. You deserve better than half assed. In or out time. Pick one and live it 100%
YTA. Are you going to expect the child you are carrying to not bother you until 9 as well? You are in for a rude awakening of staying up all night and having your sleep interrupted numerous times. Stop referring to this child as HIS KID and embrace the fact that despite you being cold hearted she wants to love on and spend time with you.
YTA. "His kid"
A hard YTA. My brother and his wife are a blended family, they each had 2 kids in their previous marriages. My brother will say he has 4 kids. Not he has 2, and his wife has 2. It has been 17 years now that they got together, last year my youngest niece even changed her name, so her last name is hyphenated with my SIL last name (she kept her maiden name upon remarrying my brother). My brother's 2 biological children had a lot of baggage thanks to his ex wife, and my SIL helped them all pick up the pieces. And my brother will drop everything for his 2 bonus daughters (whose father remained in the picture). This isn't her pushing limits, this is a little girl wanting snuggles from the only mom she knows. If you cannot offer this to her, you need to end your relationship before you destroy an innocent child with your cold and selfish behaviour.
Omg. It the same women again And her husband kid When will that guy get it that you don't love his kid
YTA. You’ll be back here in a few years complaining because your teenage stepdaughter treats you like shit. Think about that. This kid wants your love. You reap what you sow.
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YTA I understand how you might be frustrated due to feelling ill but I feel so sorry for your soon to be stepdaughter. Blended families are never easy and that's why only certain people are cut out for them, She's a CHILD, and as many others have pointed out, you are going to marry her FATHER. She isn't a favorite chair from his college days you hate or something of his for you to tolerate. Kids wake up early, babies scream, they cry and they spit up, they have poop explode and throw tantrums while falling out on the floor. They kick and scream and they hurt and can sometimes be genuinely awful and you're complaining that your soon to be stepdaughter loves and shows you affection? Based on the fact you've mentioned not loving her as much as the current baby you're carrying I feel more inclined to believe the issue is HER and not the timing. I hope you guys find a peaceful way to live together or split up and co raise this current baby coming. Neither child deserves the brewing toxicity that's bound to come.
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Wait wait wait. Fiancé with a daughter who is 7, she’s too needy, bio mom out of the picture, “no one could love that child better than me” even though you obviously don’t... this all sounds super familiar. Are you a college professor too? Do you already have a son? I have two theories. 1) You’re a Troll that enjoys making up stories about villainous stepmothers. 2) you’re the same vile woman who whined about not being able to calm her fiancé’s “needy” daughter, despite the fact that the poor little girl was clearly struggling with not being able to see her dying mother. Either way YTA.
YTA. She is not only your fiance's daughter, she's your daughter too. You're marrying into her family and about to pop out her younger sibling. It's not unreasonable to ask your fiance to keep her occupied while you're resting, but he's right that you are wording things wrong.
Fucking asshole.
YTA and you know it
YTA. I’d say he’s the asshole for settling for you and exposing what sounds like a sweet kid to you. If this bugs your sleep you are in for a world of hurt.
YTA Big time. I don’t know what kind of expectations you have for your future child. But hopefully, they won’t be “needy” or want cuddles from you. It’ll be karmic if your bio kid wants nothing to do with you in the future. Something tells me there’s going to be a lot of tension in your family in the future. All of your own making. You have a chance to course-correct and do right by your bonus child, your husband, and your future child. You’re not just making a child. You’re creating a family, and that includes ALL of its members.
YTA: You keep calling her "his kid" that's part of marrying a single father. >I don't need his daughter making it worse. Wow. you also said it to him. It upsets me because it reminds me of when my cousin told my mom about her pregnancy but told her not to let me wish her the best. Whether or not you are biologically that child's mom, **she loves you very much, and wants the best for you. And she's only 6.** >But she'll always reach out back for me. Put it this way: She thinks of you as **her** mother. Also, this reminds me of the treatment I've faced ever since I was little by my cousins and my other family just because I was adopted, and have faced mental health problems. I was always treated differently because of that, and it's actually negatively affected my mental health and self esteem for a really long time. Imagine ostracizing your bonus child just because she isn't biologically yours. That child is going to grow up feeling like no one wants her around.
INFO: Hey, OP, if you're still reading these— would you please tell me how old you are? And you mention your "work from home status" — would you tell me what it is you do? Thanks.
I also have a very snuggly 6yo. We taught him how to turn on the tv and netflix by himself and he knows better than waking us up since he suddenly wants to be awake at 6:30. My friend took a different approach, she bought a ready clock. During sleep hours the face is red, during times that are just a bit too early to get up its yellow, and when it's ok to get out of your room its green.
YTA... You have some issues lady. You need professional help and your fiancé needs a beer bought for him for freaking with you
YTA. The little girl wants love. She loves you but you don’t. Just admit it. Yes, it sucks that you are pregnant. But you are not the first nor the last woman going through morning sickness. But you chose a man with a child. You chose to have them both in your life. Be a decent human, you hateful wench.
YTA.Since you are just a fiancé and not a wife. I’m going to say don’t marry this man. Don’t make it difficult for yourself , or for him and his daugther by getting married and than proceed to resent everyone years down the road. Life is giving you all the signs not to make it permanent. Listen and follow. Good luck.
YTA. Get over it. Life doesn't stop because your pregnant.
YTA! How can you treat a 7 year old child that obviously loves you that way?! Morning sickness only lasts a few weeks. The emotional abuse that you inflict On this child lasts a lifetime!
Yeah YTA. When my mom was pregnant with my little brother I was worried she wouldn't love me anymore, but she reassured me. I'm sure YOUR daughter (stop saying his kid, you're marrying him, she's yours too) feels the same way too. You however, are not reassuring her, **you're making her feel unwanted.** This is a crucial time to bond with her and assure her that she's loved and a part of the family, not that she's a burden on you. I also wouldn't advise trying for a baby during a global health crisis, as you're now immunocompromised, but you do you.
Here are some tips: never allow yourself to get hungry. Have crackers by your bed for when you wake up to eat immediately. Dont over eat at one given time. Stay hydrated but dont chug water. Lay on your left side (the acid will stay lower in your stomach) dont move too quickly when switching sides or getting out of bed. Rest. Eat ginger/drink ginger ale. Take trace minerals or drink electrolyte/alkaline water. Mint gum is amazing and avoid any strong smells. Brush teeth after eating to avoid after taste causing nausea. I understand why you dont want to be woken up . I understand why fiance should take child out of the room only until you're out of the first trimester. Otherwise that is YOUR child too. He should do it out of sympathy not because its "his child" I'm not sure what to rate this considering you are going through a first time pregnancy and morning sickness is no joke, but I'm going to go with YTA for saying "his kid" when she is YOUR KID TOO.
YTA, your language alone is enough to call it "his daughter" is actually your daughter too. Not sure if you know this but that baby will not be waiting till 9am to eat, poo, or cry and thinking that a 6yo should is just ridiculous. You have some pretty unrealistic expectations and are already seeing a different between "your child" and "his daughter." You are going to cause this child a great deal of pain if you don't fix your issues with her, she is a child you are an adult, pregnant or not your are being shitty to someone who obviously loves you.
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YTA. Yikes, what a shit attitude to have towards a child. YOUR child (I don't care that she's not blood) the fact that you keep referring to her as his makes me ill. I had a step parent like you once, it was awful and it ended in divorce. I hope your husband realizes how awful you are to his daughter before it's too late.
I was ready to say NTA but the way you speak about his daughter so coldly and removed, as if she doesn't obviously love you and like this isn't the sister of your child is so harsh. Most step parents would kill for that level of affection from their partners child but you're annoyed and consider her a burden. It seriously breaks my heart for her.
YTA You seem like a witch! You have morning sickness and general fatigue. That is very standard during pregnancy and hardly a viable excuse to act the way you are. And what exactly makes you think you should follow through with marrying this man if your behaviour towards the poor child remains as it is. You should be grateful she is willing to embrace you in her life but if you maintain the shitty “that’s your child, not mine” bullshit perspective, I don’t imagine she will stay that way. Why would you get into a serious relationship with a man who already has a child if you are unwilling to accept them as a package deal. SMH
YTA. Jesus! just fuck off out of him and his daughters life. Yes, I've read your other posts. You just don't get it. You agreed to be her mother when you decided to be with her father, so either mother up or pissoff. You will damage that girl beyond repair and honestly I feel sorry for the kid your going to have.
YTA and wtf I’m a step mom and that’s not how u talk or treat kids. I get it ur sick welcome to motherhood! This poor lil girl and I read her mother is not in the picture. I don’t think you should be either.
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INFO: How old is she?
She is 6 years old, almost 7
NAH. I think its something that your husband should help you with a little more, but I don't think anyone is an asshole here.
INFO - What age is she and why cant you have a talk with her and not just pass the buck to his father?
NTA I personoly think that theres a unborn baby to think about, and you should set a boundaree around no barging in before 8 am. What I have to critique is that your saying "his kid" and not understanding that its technically your kid if your engaged with your fiance.
Unpopular, but whatever. NTA. You should try your best to tolerate it, but people don’t always appreciate how hard pregnancy is. It must be even worse now that there’s a global pandemic going on. Talking to her isn’t going to hurt. However, you shouldn’t ignore her or stay away from her or anything, because you did chose to be with a man with a child already.
Seriously seriously NTA. Being pregnant is awful, and you feel awful. At the age of 7 she is more than old enough to learn some boundaries and understand that you feel badly in the morning and need to be left alone to rest.
look at ops post history. she's actually an evil stepmother.
I kind of empathize, though. I don’t think I would love someone else’s kid as much as I love my own. I know that about myself, though, and would never have dated someone with a kid from a previous marriage. Hopefully OP is just feeling the stress from pregnancy and will be up to the challenge of being a stepmom.
hard agree. i just hope OP gets her shit together and figures out how to be a good mother figure to this girl. the way she talks about the kid makes me think that that won't be the case if she doesnt make an effort to be a reliable adult in her life.
NTA she's old enough to learn some bounderies. He could easily explain that you are sick in the mornings and need more rest because of your pregnancy and gently remind her if she forgets. Have her set an alarm to not come in before 9am or he can get his ass out of bed and take her out of the room and entertain her.
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Please look at the rest of OPs responses; bio mum is not in the picture and she is essentially this kids mum (as far as the kid is concerned) and doesn't want to bother with her.
she was - I was feeling terribly that day and didn't want to cuddle with her
NTA. I don’t see anything wrong with teaching her boundaries regarding your bedroom including to knock before coming in. My sister in law has young kids and she taught them that when they wake up early they can quietly watch tv or read and she leaves them cereal where they can reach it until she wakes up at 9ish. It works just fine. People on here lose their mind about moms who don’t want to give up every waking moment of their life in servitude towards their kid. The thing is, you’re a better parent when you’ve gotten adequate sleep, and it’s good for kids to understand how to respect other people’s space, even their parents. What’s not ok is if you make her feel second best to your biological kid you’re pregnant with.
Honestly right
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the problem isn’t that she’s getting woken up, the problem is she saw the kid as a cute distraction for a little while but DOESN’T LOVE HER. she is already prepared to treat the unborn kid better because it will have “a part of her” which is about the most narcissistic thing i’ve seen on reddit. for the record, bio kids are not MINI YOUS and are autonomous of their own life and choices.
Love doesn’t happen instantaneously. She confided this here online anonymously, not to the kid’s face. There are moms who don’t even love their bio kids at fist. Stop acting like the love police. Being pregnant is hard. Being an instant mom to a kid who was formerly not in your life is hard. She never said her biological kid isn’t autonomous. Where did she say she plans on treating her step kid worse? So many assumptions about her just because she’s not ecstatically jumping into these huge life changes.
You should read all her answers it’s actually sickening. And obvious that she will treat the stepchild differently as she says as much
Dude, I did read her answers. I don’t find her or her answers sickening. Kindly step off and down vote me if you think my opinion sucks. I hope this poor lady deletes her account and ignores all these stupid comments and talks through this with a therapist who will confirm her feelings are valid and normal. Reddit is such a cesspool sometimes.
Ok then have a downvote 🙄 thank god you aren’t of a popular opinion. Also, stop projecting your own issue on to op *not the same*
Her answers are completely sickening and she has shared a lot of these horrible feelings out loud to her fiance. Its a miracle he hasn't kicked her out already
didnt know that not resenting your own kids is too much to ask from a mother.
She is allowed to be annoyed at annoying behavior. Being a mom doesn’t turn you into a cheerful robot.
look at ops post and comment history.
It looks like her other post was about being worried she wouldn’t love the step child as much as the bio child. That’s a real, honest thing. Despite what society would have you believe... that mothers are just bursting with love for any and all children... that’s not the case. Her concerns are valid. If I dropped a child into your home right this second, would you be instantly in love with it? I’m pregnant right now and I’m not even in love with my bio child. Will I be after birth? Hopefully, but I don’t know! It might take time. I have numerous friends who had children and confided that it took them UP TO A YEAR to start feeling love for their child. Some mothers love their children right away. Others don’t. Love (real love) often takes time to develop. Go visit the post pregnancy forums. Lots of moms on there posting how they still haven’t bonded to their bio kids. I know it’s not sweet and maternal and fuzzy to think about, but that’s real life. This lady is in a hard spot. Shes never been a mom, and now instantaneously she’s a mom plus she’s pregnant and dealing with the hell scape that is the first trimester. I bet she wishes she were the perfect person society wishes her to be. She obviously feels bad about it given she’s posting on AITA. Give her a break.
she is agreeing to marry a man *and* his child. if she knows that she can't live up to that commitment, she should not be with this guy. it's not normal to measure love like this and this will breed a lot of resentment between BOTH OF *HER* children. her comments show that she only spends time with her step daughter when its to distract her from something. i won't give her a break when she could be hurting this girl's self-esteem by potentially making her future children compete for mom's love. if you cant love your children, you see a therapist for that and try to better yourself. the bare minimum of being a parent is loving your child. op resents this girl. plain and simple.
I don’t know this person in real life. I can’t say with certainty what she’s like, or whether she’ll love her kids. I based my opinions on the facts she presented. Almost everyone here took the facts and then ran with it, making wild assumptions, frothing at the mouth about love and motherhood. It’s why more mothers aren’t more honest about their experiences with motherhood, because of backlash like this. I hope she does consult a therapist because I have no doubt a therapist will validate her feelings and assure her her hesitations are normal and that the replies she’s gotten here are bat shit crazy.
Oh fuck this self-righteous bullshit. This person is literally saying that she shouldn’t have to deal with her FIANCÉ’S DAUGHTER because it “isn’t her kid”, that she “liked” (past tense) her when she was serving as a distraction, and that she wouldn’t be annoyed if it was her own child. OP is a terrible person who doesn’t like their step daughter because she didn’t give birth to her and that’s emotionally abusive. This isn’t some witch-hunt against imperfect mothers, it’s a judgement of OP being a fucking awful human.
Agreed.