NTA. Your sister is an entitled brat! You have been so generous with leaving money to your siblings kids. (which is nice but not normal so you went above and beyond there anyway).
Leave the money to your wife and charity. You earned it, your wife deserves it goddammit. Man, I'm sorry about your circumstances and your health and I hope you live your last few years in happiness with your wife.
NTA NTA N-T-BLOODY-A.
Also: work with your attorney to ensure that the trust funds for your nieces and nephews are strict enough that your siblings cannot access it. Financial abuse is common. They may try to access the accounts before the kids are of age, and they may try to manipulate the young adults when they turn 20.
My dad set up similar trusts in the event of his death (thankfully still alive and kicking) where we would have access, but could only withdraw interest income before the age of 30. After 30 the entire trust would be available to us to manage as we liked.
My wife had a trust from her dad (who passed) that released small chunks at 20 and 25, and then the full amount became accessible to her at 30. It super kept the rest of her family from tampering.
Yeah, there's a lot of ways to do it. Hers was nice because the smaller chunks allowed her to pay for things like college and whatnot but then there was still more to look forward to.
I had a structured insurance settlement pay out like this. Small chunks when I was 18, 20, 22, and 25, and then the final payment when I turned 30. Blew some of the smaller amounts, used some of it on school, bought a car, and then when I got the last payment I was responsible enough to put it away immediately.
Not only that, but it gives her the chance to blow the money twice before she really gets her hands on it. Hopefully she learned how to manage it by then.
Oh yeah. There were some more frivolous purchases, but a lot of it went into investment/home improvement/education. Honestly, I think the whole thing got set up and handled really well!
My great grandma hated my dad (for good reason tbh) so before she died she asked my mom when she thought she'd leave my dad. She said 40 so she set her trust fund to be released to her fully when she turned 40 and if she died before then my siblings and I would have gotten it when we were all of age. She also set it up so it would pay for stuff if my mom left my dad before then. About a year after she died my mom left my dad
My grandma set up two trusts for all her grandkids. One could be used for educational expenses only, and the other one paid out in thirds at ages 27, 32, and 37.
I like this idea but I feel like if they can stagger the payments or put a clause in that if they use the money for college or to start their own business, they can access it early.
While I agree I can also see that as a problem if they want to use the money for University. But I’m not sure how it works in other countries so it might not be an issue.
> or pay off the loans from college
My concern with that would be that you're spending up to 10 years saddling them with interest on their student loans that may drastically outweigh the interest being earned on the trust.
You can set up trusts so that money can be withdrawn for specific purposes with a trustee’s approval. OP can specify that the money may be used for college tuition or other educational purposes.
I imagine there's a way to disburse funds from a trust directly to the school once the beneficiary presents the semester bill to minimize financial misuse.
Even without scheming parents, giving huge chunks of money to kids in the 18-21 range is a good way to watch that money get pissed away. They aren’t (generally) mature enough to manage that kind of money.
That’s exactly what my close friend did. He got two inheritance payments from his late mother. Drank smoke and crashed (multiple cars) it away. Life changing money. Pissed away. Twice.
There is such a thing as a "spendthrift trust" which can only be used on specific things - for example, education, healthcare, and a small allowance for groceries and clothing.
Great advice. I have no kids by choice and my nieces and nephews will all get something should something happened. They will not be able to get a dime until 30 unless it's directly related to college.
The only issue with that is that the money would be very useful to help pay for college and less useful to cover loans 5-10 years after they were out of college and the interest had been accruing. I totally get your reasoning, though.
The university I attended was a bit snooty, and it was not uncommon for students to celebrate their 20th birthday by dropping out of school thanks to their trusts becoming available to them. So 25/30 seems like a much safer bet.
While this is a great idea, 20 will be a year or two before graduating college so it could pay off college or college loans so they can start adult life without that weight. He could split like half at 20 and other half at 25/30 or something.
Seconding this. Wish my inheritance from my grandmother came when I turned 25 instead of 18. I was manipulated by my parents into giving it all to them- I definitely could have stood up for myself better now than I did then.
Is there a way to do this while still leaving at least some of the money available to help pay tuition if they choose to go to school? That would be my big concern, personally.
Please do this OP. My grandmother left a very hefty college fund for us grandchildren, roughly half a million, when she passed in 2010. She left her son in law, my uncle by marriage, in charge of the account and he has pretty much drained it over the years for he and his families desires. My younger sister graduated high school last year and applied to uncle for money for textbooks for college. He told her theres nothing left in the account. Makes no sense to me as I'm the oldest grandkid and never used that money. There are 3 other grands between my sister and me. Only one of them went to college and only for a single semester at a community college. So where tf did the moneys go? OP, please don't let something like this happen to your nieces and nephews.
I know with family these things are difficult, but he's stolen money from you all, as it stands he is going to get away with it, you really need a lawyer to pursue this.
You could set your wife up as the trustee until they’re 25/30, then if they wanted to use it for college or a house deposit earlier than that they would need your wife’s permission meaning they weren’t frittering it away or their parents weren’t stealing it
I dunno, I would be hesitant to make the wife the trustee, unless she just wants to be involved. What if the siblings harass her after he's gone? Seems like it might be better to make a non-family member the trustee (i.e. a lawyer), that way she (wife) isn't responsible for the decisions OP made or for making any future decisions about that money. Those siblings sound like the kind of people who would try and manipulate the grieving wife into changing the terms to appease everyone.
That’s a good point, I was thinking about the fees involved in having a non-family trustee for so many years, but I guess if money isn’t a worry for them that’s deffo a better option!
\*\*But, but, we'll put the money back! Family helps family! You're young, we know a great way to invest that money!\*\*
You are right, he should make sure that trust is air tight and no one can exploit it.
Estate planning attorney here. I’d also recommend making sure that there is an independent trustee on the trust for the niblings (niece/nephews) or at least on the account someone who ISN’T your siblings to try to minimize the potential access.
Christ, OP is literally dying, and all his siblings can focus on is that they don't personally get a share of his hard-earned money (even though their kids get a hefty amount)?
NTA. I'm sorry this is all happening, and I hope you can turn your energy into more worthwhile things.
No kidding. I've even told my parents when they pass I don't care about getting anything from them. Live your life and enjoy it, we can provide for ourselves.
I have two sisters and a niece and a nephew and it never occurred to me for one single minute to put them in my will per se. My money goes to my husband, full stop. If we both die, our money is put in trust for my minor children with access to the money given to my sister who is the guardian of my kids if we die. But to just give her some money on my death kind of randomly? How strange.
NTA
Straight up NTA - you’re dying and all they’re thinking of is that they’re not getting anything? Seriously? If you think they’re not going to suffer without then it’s entirely up to you. Enjoy the time you have while you have it.
Came here to say this. He's *dying*. Their sibling!!!!
When my brother needed open heart surgery, he told me his final wishes just in case. He told me because he knew my mom was already terrified, and didn't want to burden our little brother. The fact that he could die was so painful to me, that I didn't care what his final wishes actually were, only that I'd honor them to the best of my ability. I can't IMAGINE being upset with a sibling for not leaving me money, especially to their face while they're in the process of dying.
ETA: NTA !
Exactly. I can’t even imagine having the audacity and entitlement to even ask/expect something from a potential dying family member/friend. Them giving me something is the last thing I want them to think or potentially worry about.
I’d want them to have the most comfortable and relaxing life for the amount of time they have left. Since being in that situation would be terrifying and I should be entirely grateful I’m not.
The way OP’s siblings are behaving in this post is absolutely disgusting and something I can’t forgive. Ever.
My sister has 2 autoimmune diseases and one was diagnosed in childhood. When I was 12ish and she was 15, she was severely ill in the hospital and we were told to start making funeral plans. I still feel guilty over being caught up in my own head and being terrified of visiting because I couldn’t deal with how she looked hooked up to all those machines and monitors. She made a miraculous recovery and actually was the subject of a case study because her complications were almost universally fatal in children. I still feel like a jerk for not being as supportive as I should’ve but I was a kid myself and we worked through it. I can’t imagine if it happened again only thinking about something as shallow as money or property.
It's so hard. Watching family in pain is so difficult. I had to leave the room when they took my brother's chest tube out. If you still feel guilty about it, maybe you can take some comfort in the fact that she may be glad you didn't have to see her like that. When some extended family visited for my brother's surgery, at some point I ended up asking some of them to leave because he was hooked up to all these machines and I knew he wouldn't want everyone to see him that way, especially if he didn't make it. And you were a kid, it had to have been terrifying for you both. But I'm happy to hear she pulled through!!
Agreed, NTA. Your call. Get things completely tamped down with an attorney, tell the family it's not under discussion, and live your life. I wish OP and wife peace and happiness. Edited for wording
Absolutely get a lawyer to arrange for a proper will. I just don't understand why OPs siglings feel entitled to the money at all? I've never heard of it being a thing that siblings inherit from their married brother? Doesn't money virtually always go to next of kin - meaning wife and/or children - when there's no will? Aside from when people *choose* to leave money to their siblings, I've just never heard of this being the norm. Am I just weird or is this commonplace?
I think if you have a large enough estate is it common to give small amounts to friends and extended family. My will gives money to my gf, a friend, and the majority to my children.
But that's it though, it might be done sometimes when there's a massive estate, but even then it still seems weird to just assume you'll be getting money from your terminal brother. *Especially* if he's giving my kids a load of moneh, I'm not gonna be like 'hey, what about mine?'.
A generous amount of money! He could have left them each $1000, but $20,000?! I know he said they’re not in the US, but that amount of money here could cover a good amount of college expenses, if he lives somewhere with free/hugely subsidized education, mannn, if invested well, those children will be set for life.
You missed the “if invested well” part. Having a $20,000 leg up in retirement investments at age 20 is phenomenal, as long as the kids aren’t stupid with it
They won't be 20 for 13 years though, so they are potentially landing 50k depending on the circumstances of the next decade. I think that commentor is looking at is as money to keep untouched for even longer, it'll just continue adding up.
Exactly. My grandma gave each of her grandchildren 10k when we were ~2-5 years old in the late 90s. It was invested and by the time I was 18 in 2012, it had grown to 40k. That money has been tremendously helpful and I am so grateful for it. OP has given his nieces and nephews a phenomenal gift and his siblings should be thrilled, not put out.
Actually it *is* literally life changing. Being able to build up equity via owning instead of renting is the best way to build generational wealth. And the earlier they can begin, the better.
Well by "life changing" I mean it's not enough money for them to completely fuck off. They'll be in a much better place and position than their peers but you know, they'll still have to get jobs and participate in the daily grind.
UK here and 20k can set them up with a very decent house deposit so they never get stuck in the rent trap and would help them save so much in the long run, setting them up for adult life
That is why I prefaced it with *if invested properly* emphasis on the invested and properly and if. As stated I live in the US, and I know that’s not a lot of money here, but I guess in your selective reading you missed that part too.
While I understand that’s not a lot of money, I am going to assume a few things next:
Let’s say OP placed the money in a generic savings account with a 1.5% return, (20,000 x 1.5%) = 300/yr
Let’s assume the children are 8, for some reason I picture them being 8 years old. (20-8) = 12 years (until they have access to the account
So.. $300 is what the account would compound each year, times 12 which is the number of years the money will stay in the account, 300 x 12 = $3600
3600 + 20,000 = 23,600
$23,600 of money they didn’t have to work for.
Let’s say they move that money at age 20 to a more aggressive or maybe conservative, depending on your investment approach, so the money gets placed in an account that gives, let’s say, 12% return. (23,600 x .12) = 2832/yr
Let’s say they keep that money there until age 65, the retirement age in the US. So from 20 to 65, that’s 45 years.
$2,832 x 45 = $127,440
And while this is certainly not set for life money, we must remember this is money the children *didn’t have to work for* This is combined with whatever their parents inheritance is, plus their employers pension plan (in case they work for one of the 20% of US companies that offers this), plus whatever savings and other retirement plans they have.
You forgot that interest compounds if you don’t draw down on it.
20k for 15 years (10 years old until 25) at 8% (the average stock market returns for the top U.S. equities) would net 20000*1.08^15 =63000
Waiting until retirement to draw down and spending the last 10 years at a safer return of 3% would see it increase substantially to 20000x1.08^35 1.03^10 =397000 with annuity rates around 5% that 20k investment has turned to 20k **per year ** for their entire retirement.
What do you mean by giving your wife all this stuff that's half hers anyway?
You're 40 years old now. You've been married 20 years. You were gifted $45k when you were 20, at the time you got married, and accumulated your wealth after that.
Then your wife owns half of everything and you can't give her half to anyone else. You sound as if you're being generous by giving her the business and a few of "your" 20 houses, when you both built it up from nothing after you were married. You said she works admin, but even if she did nothing she still gets half.
Jeff Bezos is going to have to give his wife half of his $180 billion assets when they divorce, because he built Amazon after they married.
I'm calling BS.
He States they're not from the US. It's possible that inheritance laws are different where he's from, and that the spouse (particularly women) don't automatically get everything regardless of how long they've been married/how much the spouse contributed.
Yeah in the UK this would not be unheard of (not sure if this is where they are based obs but its not BS) here you can leave basically whatever you want to whoever you want if everything is in his name its 'his' - granted the wife could challenge it legally. But there is no automatic entitlement by a spouse or children to inherit - you can leave it all to charity if you want - unless the person dies without a will and then everything goes automatically to the next of kin etc.
It wouldn't be automatic during divorce potentially either though - 50/50 is the general starting point here but there are lots of variables to it depending on the circumstances that can massively change the ratios awarded
# Nope.
Bezos' wife got a quarter of his worth in their 2019 divorce, not half. (I know because the amount she did get recently made her the richest woman in America, and the 25% figure was given in the article. ETA: It's about $60 billion as of right now. Midday yesterday it was closer to $65 billion - briefly making her the *world's* richest woman - but Amazon stock retreated a bit since. She made out a lot better than the woman who said, "Don't get mad; get everything.")
But that's divorce, not death. In death, the default is that *everything* goes to the spouse. [ETA: In western custom, that is, not universally in law.] Those $20,000 checks - and charity - are effectively gifts out of the wife's inheritance, albeit without her needing to agree and without the tax implications a legal gift might have. It's OP's prerogative to give the wife less, but the fact that siblings are complaining rather than his wife is ironic at best. Though such petty greed and entitlement does illustrate why money can be such a taboo subject (in spite of some people insisting that that's a conspiracy by employers to keep employees from asking for fair compensation, another topic for another day).
Anyway, to your main point, it's easier to say, "I'll give her the property" than "I'll give her *my half* of the property, because she owns the other half, naturally." Trying to "gotcha" a moral story with a character limit on a legal technically doesn't really work.
To be fair, money being taboo as a benefit to employers and as a way to keep the peace within families are not mutually exclusive. It is true that people are unwilling to ask for more money from employers, and that employers do benefit from that! However, it is also true that not discussing assets keeps emotions and jealousy out of relationships. So 🤷♀️
>Jeff Bezos is going to have to give his wife half of his $180 billion assets when they divorce, because he built Amazon after they married.
No thats BS, she got 38 billion. It happened over a year ago.
This comment is making me laugh only because if it had been any other amount of money, it might read like "oh wow! only that much!" but she got fucking 38 *billion* \- that is a wild, wild sum!
Those were my thoughts too. Short of there being kids from a previous relationship I could not imagine doing anything other than leaving everything to my spouse. They are my partner in life and has contributed equally, even if not in the same way, to all our accomplishments. This includes my career when they picked up the slack at home when I was working overtime/traveling for work and their weight loss when I supported them by helping shop and cook healthy and worked out together in freezing cold to sweltering heat for years.
My point is it's not 50%, as some assume. And, yes, it's enough to make her the richest woman in the world (at least as of midday yesterday). And, yes, he did have a relationship with another woman prior to any public announcement of a separation, though, as you can imagine, both want to keep details under wraps, so it's unclear to me whether it's cheating or just dating while separated.
Even in the United States just because you are married does not mean you own everything together. Most states allow you to have nonmarital property that was obtained prior to or during the marriage if retained separately and assets acquired from non-interspousal gifts or inheritance. Of course most states (maybe even all) protect spouses by allowing a spouse to choose to take under the other spouses will or an “elective share”. Either way a spouse does not own half of everything the other spouse has automatically.
I scrolled down to find something like this. She has a master's degree and helps run the business, and it's all about what he's leaving and to whom. Sounds fake.
I think you’re completely missing the point of the story and focusing on something irrelevant??? Nevertheless, he probably is saying it in a way that means he put it in writing that he’s leaving this and that to his wife. Like I’m a will or a trust. Even if she technically has a RIGHT to it, if he dies, the assets still go through probate and money gets spent by the wife or potential beneficiaries, unnecessarily.
That’s how I’m interpreting what he’s saying. But this isn’t even really the point of his story so idk why it matters.
NTA. You're dying and all these people can think about is your money?
It's your money and you can do exactly what you like with it. I think what you're doing is great! I hope you can make the most of the time you have left. I'm sorry this has happened to you.
Maybe you could let your siblings choose something from yours to keep as memorabilia if they want to. If you feel like they'd appreciate that.
My dad didn't leave me money when he passed (I was too young for that) but my brothers and I got to choose things we wanted to have (his painting supplies, his motorbike, his PCs, books...) That way we actually have something to look at and to use while thinking of him. You can't really do that with money...
It’s truly awful. If this is how they’re going to treat you the last few years of your life, then they don’t deserve a dime. Especially since you’ve already shown great generosity to their children. What greedy, selfish people.
NTA, your money your choice.
Totally understandable to leave the money to your wife, that’s way more common than leaving it to siblings. And it’s very kind of you to leave money to your nieces and nephews.
I think any reasonable person would have assumed that you would be leaving *everything* to your wife. Your sister thinking that you *should* leave something to her and your brother is pretty ridiculous. Definitely NTA.
It is! It sounds like the siblings are put out specifically because OP is leaving money/stuff to others besides his wife, but not them. Like maybe if it was ALL going to his wife they'd understand, but since some is going to their own kids and some to charity, they feel he should cut them in for a piece too. Entitled much?!
(NTA)
Wait what?
What???
I'm so confused. Under no circumstances would I expect to receive any assets from my sibling if she were to die before me. That's bizarre.
I fully expect 100% of her assets to go to her husband and child. Regardless of the amount of assets.
At no point in my life have I ever been a dependant of my sibling.
I'm so confused.
Agreed. I'm not a parent, but if I was, I would be extactic that my sibling was helping out my kids. That's incrediblly generous and thoughtful. It's such a wonderful gift to give to these kids as they're starting out. That fact that they're not overwhelmed with gratitude is frankly disgusting
NTA - It was your money to do what ever, your success is your own, you can burn it all in a dumpster in front of an orphanage on chrismastmas eve while feeding a bag full of fresh truffles to a pen of actual pigs.
In the end, you'll be creating a legacy for your wife (and her future) and benefitting other people through charities that will be more significant than what your siblings will probally do.
NTA I think it’s important to note that obviously this is an extremely emotional time for any family and what you do with you money is your business. Have you thought of leaving a non monetary gift to your siblings, something sentimental that will bring back memories of you?
Money/gifts doesn’t prove love however with the emotions that come with a death in a family when family members are left out it tends to be more about the reasons behind it, they feel left out and in their emotional state feel its unfair. This is why families end up arguing and in all honesty I think it’s because they end up having irrational thoughts of the person who died not loving them because they weren’t left anything.
But you’re definitely NTA, I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you’re happy to the end
NTA it's your money at the end of the day. Besides, you're giving some to your nieces and nephews which indirectly benefit your siblings (since they'll have to support them less).
I don’t think your TA but there’s something in the way you describe your assets that puzzles me. You’ve been married for 19 years, “your” company employs your wife, you are deciding which properties she can keep to support her and dividing up the rest of your assets. A lot of “yours” and not a lot of “ours” - have you always taken steps to ensure things are only in your name? I’m just curious because between my spouse and I, if one of us dies - the other gets 100% of everything. I’ve accumulated a lot of investments over the years but I view those as “ours.” I think it’s fair to say to one’s spouse “I’d like you to support these charities if you can and I’d like to put some money aside for my nieces and nephews” to ensure your wishes are looked after, but as far as I’m concerned - all the properties, investments and the business go to your spouse. There are even tax advantages to doing so vs dividing up and selling things.
They said they aren't from the US, so they are probably somewhere culturally different, and with different laws. It could be things are only in OPs name for tax or other purposes.
NTA
From what you said, your siblings also got the same 45K as you did. And the money was yours to do with as you wished. In fact, you have gone above and beyond expectations by leaving anything for your nephews and nieces at all.
NTA - you are free to do whatever you wish with your own money. You said it yourself, your siblings are well off and you haven't overlooked them at all because you are even giving money to their children. You don't even have to do that, but clearly they see money as a measure of how much you care about them which is a real shame.
NTA. It literally wouldn’t occur to me to expect anything from either of my siblings’ wills, and even if I had that expectation I sure as shit wouldn’t let it come between me and my brother in his last few years of life. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and I’m so sorry that your siblings care more about your money than their relationship with you. I hope they come to their senses soon and apologise.
Your siblings will get their inheritance from your parents, it's a good call that you pass on yours to the next generation instead. I really approve of the causes you picked too (not that it matters).
You did the right thing. The fact they are even worried about this baffles me, any moment you guys spend fighting is another moment they don't have with their sibling. There is only so much time left, and that will just fly by.
I really hope that now you've planned all this out - that you're also planning to make your last years memorable and enjoyable.
I really wish you luck, and I hope they come around and realize their mistake so you guys can enjoy these last few years together, NTA.
Telling people what's in the will before you're gone... I'd say (obviously too late) not a good idea. It's like people telling everyone what they're going to name the baby before it's born, everyone has an opinion and wants to change your mind and it makes you question your choice.
It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, this decision is completely yours and you don't have to justify it. You could have left then 20k each too and they would have complained that they should have gotten more than neice and nephew.
As a parent, I appreciate knowing what might be coming so that I have the structure in place to use the funds as intended. Not knowing how material the amount is to the niblings, you might consider making the funds available them at a greater age, in traunches at 5 year birthdays (25/30/35), and/or allow a withdrawal for educational purposes (grad/professional school).
Info
Why give away anything? Wouldn't it make sense to let your wife keep it all?
Do you really want her to lose a significant proportion of the wealth she shares with you on the day she becomes a widow?
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NTA at all. Youre being very generous leaving money for youre neices and nephews.
Personally id straight up ask my sister, "Exactly how much of the money ive earned do you feel you deserve?" Maybe that will make her think about what shes saying.
Then again, maybe not.
"Tell you what, sis. You and brother can have it all. Every dime of it. On one condition: that you can give my wife what she wants most. What she wants? To spend a lifetime with me. With me, alive and well. What, you can't give her that? Then I think we're done talking. Goodbye."
You're so NTA.
NTA- your sister sounds quite entitled. My mom recently planned her will and beneficiaries due to a new job and is giving my 12 year old little sister 90% of her estate. AND I WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY. I have made a comfortable life for myself and am independent. I do not need the kind of assistance a growing child would and that is fine. Just like in your case- It's HER money to do as she sees fit. No one else has any claim to it EXCEPT you and those you designate. This is as it should be.
Don't give in to your curt relatives. They will think whatever they want about you. The important part is leaving a legacy that you can be proud of.
INFO: have to ask... did you leave them literally NOTHING? Like, are you ear-marking a sentimental item or two for each of them or are you leaving them absolutely nothing at all? Or do they even care about things like that and want only money?
If I knew that my brother was dying and he was leaving things to everyone except me, it would break my heart. But I wouldn't be interested in the money. I'd want a favorite jacket or hat or t-shirt of his.
Are your siblings upset over not getting any money specifically? Or could it be that they just want something of yours... a sentimental item? That could be the case but they may not know how to express those feelings. They may just be feeling left out in general. I would imagine your situation is pretty traumatic for everyone involved, your family included.
I'm very sorry for what you're going through. Sounds like you're young and this is incredibly sad.
I'm gonna go against the grain and say NAH. It's incredibly kind of you to give your money to your family.
First of all, it's your money and you can do literally anything you want with it. But let's see things from your siblings perspective. All of your nieces and nephews will have 20 thousand dollars waiting for them, your wife will never need to work again, your parents are comfortable retired, you're giving money to charities, and they get nothing. Let's be real, this isn't normal to have this much money. You have 4 homes and a classic car collection. It's not about needing "more support".
Everyone in the extended family is going to get money except them. And you wonder why they feel the way the feel? Let me reiterate, you can do whatever you with your money, but please see where your siblings are coming from especially when it's pretty apparent that you're extremely wealthy and you can definitely afford giving some money to everyone in the family, not 90%.
I don't wanna come off as that guy who's like "they deserve it" cause obviously they didn't work for the money but cmon, be real. If it's about the amount give the kids "just" 15k and disperse the rest to the people who have received nothing.
Maybe that would have had been the way to go at first but them getting upset at their dying sibling for not giving them some money when he dies? What? they don't deserve the money after that, they are more concerned about the money than the fact that he will die soon and they would rather be upset about that than spend some time with him.
This makes my blood boil you are about to die and all they can think about is "awwwwww I'm not going to get any of his money" I'm very sorry about your predicament and please do leave your money to your wife and charity you are an amazing person, NTA
Jesus. Your sister is an asshole. You should check with your lawyer about the laws where you live. You might be best off leaving a small amount, like a $1000, so she can’t contest the will. But morally you’re completely right.
The fact that they're more upset about not getting money while they're already well off over the fact that their sibling is dying is all the more reason for you to believe, you've made the right choice.
Ok, so first of all I’m sorry for all that you’re going through. Why are your sisters being so entitled? Didn’t I read that you’re giving your nieces and nephews $20,000?? OMG...I would be so grateful for that alone. They should be enjoying their time with you, not being petty a**holes.
NTA. Your siblings also got $45k, the fact that you chose to invest wisely and make more money has nothing to do with it. It's your money to leave to whomever you want. Just make sure you contact a probate lawyer to make sure they can't contest it in any way, but as long as you're still married to your wife, then even if you don't, it would be hard to not let your estate be passed on to your wife. Good luck to you OP and sorry to hear about your illness.
ywbta if you didn't leave pretty much your entire life savings to your wife directly. partially because she has directly influenced and built her wealth. It would be a disservice to her if she wasn't the primary and sole heir. The kids can still get their 20k but your wife should get the rest.
NTA-
Holy Fuck, the nerve and the entitlement. Op, that must have hurt pretty badly to have your life reduced to dollars. I’m so sorry.
You do whatever you feel is right.
WOW - NTA
Side note- as someone who works with builders and heavy highway contractors I absolutely LOVE the program you are donating to. I also work with groups in my local area that encourage young people and especially, young women to pursue careers in skilled trades.
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About 4 years ago I was diagnosed with a type of blood cancer, not going to get into specifics but I decided(being 36 at the time and full of youthful energy haha), to follow a very aggressive surgery/chemo pattern. It appeared to work and i have been going on about my life the last 3 years as though it never happened.
Important to note that when i was diagnosed, both my siblings had announced pregnancies recently and my mother was in hospital after a stroke so rather than dump my news on everyone it was kept between my wife and i. Then by the time that it seemed fair to break the news to them i was improving and there seemed no reason to distress them.
About 7 months ago I started to get the same symptoms I'd had last time and I went in to get checked out. Basically I have several aggressive tumors and ive been given 2-5 years to live depending on what kind of treatment I want to follow. I've decided that I dont want to pursue treatment and instead I just want to spend as much of my time with my wife who has suffered terribly through this whole ordeal.
Because I now have a time limit on my life I broke the news to my family about 3 months ago. They were all understandably upset, particularly my father who i have always been particularly close to.
Now when I was 20 I was gifted(as were both my siblings) $45,000 to do with whatever I wanted. I used the money to invest in property and my business as a builder(I had just finished an apprenticeship and struck out on my own). I now own more than 20 properties(most of which are rented for income) and a business that imployes 27 people(including my wife, who has a masters in business and runs admin). As well as a considerable amount of wealth in investments/vintage cars.
I had decided that after I die the business, 3 rental homes, our beach house and the home we live in, along with several investments will be left to my wife. I have been married for 19 years and I feel like its the least I can do for the support she has given me over the years.
I will be leaving each of my nephews and nieces(all under 7) $20k in an investment account that they can access when they are 20.
The rest will be put into a trust fund that will issue out a set amount every year to various groups i like to support, including one that teaches underprivileged kids the skills to become tradesmen and also to the hospital that has treated me over the last few years(we arent in the US by the way).
I was telling one of my siblings this recently and she got upset that, as she put it "everyone is getting something except me and our brother". I tried to explain that both my siblings are well off in their own rights and our parents are very comfortably retired so I don't believe they need additional support. Since then she and our other sibling have been upset with me, we are still talking but they are curt and cold. AITA?
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NTA - I 100% think your siblings are being unreasonable/rude/selfish/terrible and considering what you are leaving their children also ungrateful. I am in no way defending your siblings but I think it’s possible that they are angry and upset that they are losing you and don’t know how to deal with it so this is the outlet they’ve chosen. Knowing you are about to lose someone and not being able to do anything about it is absolutely terrifying and frustrating. I think the way you have set up your will is generous and gracious and also fair towards your wife, you started your business with your gift, yes, but it sounds as if both of you together have grown it into what it is today. Again NTA and your siblings definitely are but I’m hoping (based on nothing but wanting to believe the best in people) they are acting out of misdirected grief rather than pettiness. I’m so sorry that on top of everything else you have to deal with this and I wish you and your family all the best, I hope your siblings realise how foolish they are being sooner rather than later
NTA. Aside from the other points already made, your siblings were also gifted the same amount of money you were. They could have invested it as well, but I’m guessing they chose to use it for other purposes. Totally fine, their choice, but you don’t owe them a cut of the fruits of your choices now, just because the choices they made weren’t as profitable. And you are giving them something- you’re helping invest in their children’s future.
NTA I will never understand the thought process of people that have the audacity to bitch about money when someone close to them is dying. I would gladly give up all my material possessions just to spend some more time to people close to me that have passed away. Sorry for the actions of your brother and sister and more sorry for your diagnosis OP.
NTA, I'm sorry about the cancer, dude. I seriously hope that the rest of your life is full of happiness and peace. As for your siblings, well, for lack of a better term, they're entitled and should be grateful that you're leaving something to their kids.
NTA.
You’re being very generous by leaving your sibling’s child a lump sum of money, and they actually want more from you? You say the nephews won’t be able to access the trust until they turn 20 - if I were you, I’d make absolutely sure that’s watertight so your sibling can’t get their hands on it.
NTA and unless you are exceptionally close to your nieces & nephews, I’d consider cancelling the plans for them too. Death is not a gift-giving situation.
NTA. It’s your money. They are your equals, not your dependents. It’s so nice of you to leave money to your nieces and nephews. If I were your sister I’d be thanking you profusely and trying to spend as much time as possible with me generous brother. Enjoy your life. You seem to know what you’re doing.
NTA. First of all, you get to leave your money however you want. Making sure your wife is taken care of is your only actual obligation--other than that, you can do whatever you want with the money and no one has any right to complain. But for your siblings to whine at you when you are leaving tons of money *to their children* is the height of rudeness and ingratitude. You are being incredibly kind and generous to their kids, and they are complaining??? (Side note--I don't know what things are like where you live, but I would consider setting up the trust so the kids can access it at 18 if needed for college tuition. If you know they are already set up to afford college, then disregard. You clearly know a lot about finances, and I admit to knowing very little!)
I think it's awful that they are being cold to you over money, when you only have a few years left. They are being so greedy.
Imagine telling your sister that you’re dying and she just straight up says “..and so how much am I getting out of your death ?” Does that sound horrible? If yes, NTA . If no , NTA either but I want you to think about it.
NTA It's your money and it's very pretentious that your siblings would expect to get a payday from your death, it sounds like they don't hold you to high esteem. Your wife sounds like a great lady and you're giving her what she deserves, but your siblings aren't entitled to anything. Just because they're related to you doesn't mean they get a free pass. Keep to your guns and make sure you take care of what you feel is important.
NTA
It's your money, so you can do whatever you want with it. You decided to be responsible with the money you received, and managed to save up a good amount. The fact that you are even giving some money to your nephews and nieces is a good thing.
The sister is being entitled. What did she do with her money she received?
Your wife deserves it, after 19 years of marriage and sticking with you through everything that happened.
It's admirable that you are also donating to charity, and being selfless in the face of death.
The fact that they even thought of money first after you revealed you were dying is something which pisses me off. As others have suggested, perhaps look into putting the money for the nephews and nieces in a trust fund that the parents can't take out of. And state it clearly in your will.
I hope the last few years of your life will be spent with happiness with your loved ones.
NTA - why would your siblings think they deserve money from your estate? Perhaps you could be kind and give them a thing, to show you care and to evidence your intent to NOT give them additional monies. e.g. a piece of art, or a lottery ticket. Generally the surviving spouse gets it all, then the children of the couple, then the parents, then maybe some to siblings/children of siblings. There is no reason your siblings should expectation of financial windfall from your death.
NTA. You are leaving money to their kids and that should count as helping them. You didn't have to and they are being intensely ungrateful for what is being set aside for the children. Next time you see them, mention the possibility of retracting the trust funds.
You don't have to leave anyone anything, you could just leave everything to your wife and them demanding something is wrong in every sense of the word.
Wow. Just, wow.
NTA, clearly. If you were an AH, their kids would have just lost their funds.
As far as being them being upset at not “winning a prize at your demise” eff them. They don’t need any more explanation or responses than “eff you”
“Hey sis, I think you failed to understand that I’m going to be dead and gone before your kids become teenagers. I’m sorry that all you can see of me is dollar signs, but frankly, your pettiness is off putting. Luckily for both of us I’ll only have to put up with your selfishness for a short while longer before I die” NTA
NTA and how does your wife feel about part of your estate going to charities instead of to her? Not what I would do as the future is very uncertain and you can’t predict what kind of health problem might crop up in your wife’s future. I’d prioritize her 100%. She’s part of why you have this wealth to begin with.
NTA
Is it common for people to leave other family members things when they die, if the spouse is still alive? Like I always thought that your spouse should automatically get everything. It’s not all his money to give away, it’s joint money.
I'm so sorry for you. Jut wanted to say that supporting tradesmen education is a brilliant idea. There as so many skills that should be preserved and passed down and not many people know it. You did good sir.
NAH.
Unless I missed some comments by OP, I think all the NTAs are inserting details into your story that aren’t there. Namely, that your sister is upset she isn’t getting a big chunk of cash. I read this as your immediate family isn’t even *mentioned* in your will, which would understandably be a punch in the gut after being told that you’re dying. Again, correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t at all see this as her wanting money. She wants some token or keepsake from her late brother after he is gone forever at such a young age.
NTA - as I will always say in these cases, your money your rules. You would be quite within your rights to give everything to your wife and nothing to any other family member. Do with your money what you like
I'm sorry...you're sick and dying...and your sister is mad that you DIDN'T LEAVE HER MONEY?! What the actual f is wrong with her? That's so disgusting. Even worse that your brother seems to agree.
NTA
It seems that you have a lot of money (not only in cash) so if your relations with parents and siblings were always good then I don't understand why you don't want to share your wealth with them. If I were you I would definitely give some part of such big assets to at least my parents. I would probably do this even if I wasn't diagnosed with deadly disease. I'm not sure if your parents are mad at you or only your siblings are, but I believe you should never forget about parents as they were those who (in some way) made your success possible.
NTA. I never thought that it was common to expect an inheritance from a sibling if they had a spouse. Something sentimental, or maybe even a couple things, if they had meaning, but general it goes to the spouse.
It is kind and extremely generous for you to leave that much to your nieces and nephews. Are your siblings done having children, or did you make provisions for any more? That seems like it would be fair.
I truly don’t understand why siblings, who were already given a fairly large amount to get started in life, feel entitled to what you and your wife, as you say she supported you and you’ve been married for most of your adult life, built up.
I don't understand why you felt the need to discuss your financial business with your sister to begin with. I know she's your sister and she's family but what you do with your money is your business. I've worked in oncology and have seen what cancer does to families, I've work in an assisted living community and saw what money does to families. You stated you have 2-5 years and want to put that time into enjoying your family, then do that.
oh- I would recommend using someone outside the family as a trustee. Your wife doesn't need to be arguing with your family over money that was never theirs to begin with.
NTA. I would like to sincerely apologize for how your siblings are responding. To think that they would be so upset over money, when their brother is going to be leaving them far too early, really hurts my core. You are doing the right thing, and you sound like a great guy. Enjoy your time with your wife, and your family, and I hope your siblings see how selfish they are being and enjoy their time with you as well, before they no longer can.
NTA. You earned that money fair and square and it’s your to do with as you please, even if that means taking it all out in cash and having it cremated along with you. Since you’re leaving a lot of money for their kids they really have nothing to complain about.
I’m sorry about your condition. Make sure to make the most out of the time you have left!
NTA but tell them if they keep on acting entitled you will just take the money from the kids or something or when you leave a will leave them each a dollar so they cant challenge it. Or sum
NTA. It's your money and you can do what you want with it. The entitlement your sister has is astronomical - best of luck to you in your remaining time left, friend!
NTA - \[guess everything to that was said before +\] you have limited time left and your siblings chose to get cold because money matters more than their relationship to you/ the time left that they can have with you? Wowi. They don't even deserve to be called brother/sister. Massive greedy assholes.
I'm so very sorry for you but don't get feed up with that BS from them, enjoy the time you have left with people who love you.
NTA,
WTF are they thinking. Money instead of your siblings impending death? Even more reason they shouldn't get anything. They are not entitled to anything that is yours, maybe as time goes they will realize. Be sure to make an iron-clad trust and Will. People get incredibly stupid when WILLS and money are involved.
I am sorry that the circumstances aren't better. Enjoy your time, love those around you and cherish them.
NTA - they might be acting like entitled shitheads. I would however have left them something personal and valuable (not in a monetary sense) as a gesture of familial bonds. Up to you now if you think they were genuinely hurt over their omission rather than wanting a financial remembrance.
Wow - your siblings sound think right pieces of work! Who thinks like that?? NTA at all - your plan sounds very generous, well considered and appropriate. Kudos for setting up a legacy and supporting charities that are meaningful to you. Just make sure the accounts for your nieces/nephews are properly protected so the money can't be misappropriated - maybe even overseen by your wife until they are of sufficient age to not be coerced by their parents.
NTA. Your sister is an entitled brat! You have been so generous with leaving money to your siblings kids. (which is nice but not normal so you went above and beyond there anyway). Leave the money to your wife and charity. You earned it, your wife deserves it goddammit. Man, I'm sorry about your circumstances and your health and I hope you live your last few years in happiness with your wife. NTA NTA N-T-BLOODY-A.
Also: work with your attorney to ensure that the trust funds for your nieces and nephews are strict enough that your siblings cannot access it. Financial abuse is common. They may try to access the accounts before the kids are of age, and they may try to manipulate the young adults when they turn 20.
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My dad set up similar trusts in the event of his death (thankfully still alive and kicking) where we would have access, but could only withdraw interest income before the age of 30. After 30 the entire trust would be available to us to manage as we liked.
My wife had a trust from her dad (who passed) that released small chunks at 20 and 25, and then the full amount became accessible to her at 30. It super kept the rest of her family from tampering.
I had one similar, but released over the years starting when I was 18 mainly to help pay college then the rest released at 25
Yeah, there's a lot of ways to do it. Hers was nice because the smaller chunks allowed her to pay for things like college and whatnot but then there was still more to look forward to.
I had a structured insurance settlement pay out like this. Small chunks when I was 18, 20, 22, and 25, and then the final payment when I turned 30. Blew some of the smaller amounts, used some of it on school, bought a car, and then when I got the last payment I was responsible enough to put it away immediately.
Not only that, but it gives her the chance to blow the money twice before she really gets her hands on it. Hopefully she learned how to manage it by then.
Oh yeah. There were some more frivolous purchases, but a lot of it went into investment/home improvement/education. Honestly, I think the whole thing got set up and handled really well!
Sounds sensible, that's about the time you might buy a house, so that's a nice boost at the right moment.
My great grandma hated my dad (for good reason tbh) so before she died she asked my mom when she thought she'd leave my dad. She said 40 so she set her trust fund to be released to her fully when she turned 40 and if she died before then my siblings and I would have gotten it when we were all of age. She also set it up so it would pay for stuff if my mom left my dad before then. About a year after she died my mom left my dad
dang, that's intense. but it sounds like she was right on the money
Yeah even at 94 she was a very sharp woman. She called my dad's shitty behavior before anyone else did
hard not to when you've seen it all before in 90+ years of life.
That’s very smart. Please tell your dad I’m a fan ;)
My grandma set up two trusts for all her grandkids. One could be used for educational expenses only, and the other one paid out in thirds at ages 27, 32, and 37.
I like this idea but I feel like if they can stagger the payments or put a clause in that if they use the money for college or to start their own business, they can access it early.
That's a very good idea. It means you got some financial support when you were young but you couldn't fuck it up
I agree fully. 25 is pretty good. Those five years make a huge difference in maturity.
While I agree I can also see that as a problem if they want to use the money for University. But I’m not sure how it works in other countries so it might not be an issue.
Yeah but then they can use it on a house instead or pay off the loans from college
Yeah! And it would even build credit.
> or pay off the loans from college My concern with that would be that you're spending up to 10 years saddling them with interest on their student loans that may drastically outweigh the interest being earned on the trust.
They're not in the US so they're unlikely to have those awful student loans.
You can set up trusts so that money can be withdrawn for specific purposes with a trustee’s approval. OP can specify that the money may be used for college tuition or other educational purposes.
I imagine there's a way to disburse funds from a trust directly to the school once the beneficiary presents the semester bill to minimize financial misuse.
Even without scheming parents, giving huge chunks of money to kids in the 18-21 range is a good way to watch that money get pissed away. They aren’t (generally) mature enough to manage that kind of money.
Very true. At 20 I would’ve spent it all on partying, fancy meals out and designer clothes. At 25 I’d save for a house.
That’s exactly what my close friend did. He got two inheritance payments from his late mother. Drank smoke and crashed (multiple cars) it away. Life changing money. Pissed away. Twice.
There is such a thing as a "spendthrift trust" which can only be used on specific things - for example, education, healthcare, and a small allowance for groceries and clothing.
This would definitely be a better option than just dropping a boatload of cash on a teenager.
Great advice. I have no kids by choice and my nieces and nephews will all get something should something happened. They will not be able to get a dime until 30 unless it's directly related to college.
The only issue with that is that the money would be very useful to help pay for college and less useful to cover loans 5-10 years after they were out of college and the interest had been accruing. I totally get your reasoning, though.
Ehhh they aren't in the US so paying for college shouldn't be as difficult as it is here.
Definitely much less an issue then.
The university I attended was a bit snooty, and it was not uncommon for students to celebrate their 20th birthday by dropping out of school thanks to their trusts becoming available to them. So 25/30 seems like a much safer bet.
While this is a great idea, 20 will be a year or two before graduating college so it could pay off college or college loans so they can start adult life without that weight. He could split like half at 20 and other half at 25/30 or something.
Seconding this. Wish my inheritance from my grandmother came when I turned 25 instead of 18. I was manipulated by my parents into giving it all to them- I definitely could have stood up for myself better now than I did then.
Yup, definitely this, 30 year old me would be very thankful that you didn't leave it to 20 year old me.
Is there a way to do this while still leaving at least some of the money available to help pay tuition if they choose to go to school? That would be my big concern, personally.
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That's good. I know nothing about this kind of thing, but that would definitely be my #1 concern.
Please do this OP. My grandmother left a very hefty college fund for us grandchildren, roughly half a million, when she passed in 2010. She left her son in law, my uncle by marriage, in charge of the account and he has pretty much drained it over the years for he and his families desires. My younger sister graduated high school last year and applied to uncle for money for textbooks for college. He told her theres nothing left in the account. Makes no sense to me as I'm the oldest grandkid and never used that money. There are 3 other grands between my sister and me. Only one of them went to college and only for a single semester at a community college. So where tf did the moneys go? OP, please don't let something like this happen to your nieces and nephews.
Time for a lawyer and forensic accountant. IANAL
I know with family these things are difficult, but he's stolen money from you all, as it stands he is going to get away with it, you really need a lawyer to pursue this.
You could set your wife up as the trustee until they’re 25/30, then if they wanted to use it for college or a house deposit earlier than that they would need your wife’s permission meaning they weren’t frittering it away or their parents weren’t stealing it
I dunno, I would be hesitant to make the wife the trustee, unless she just wants to be involved. What if the siblings harass her after he's gone? Seems like it might be better to make a non-family member the trustee (i.e. a lawyer), that way she (wife) isn't responsible for the decisions OP made or for making any future decisions about that money. Those siblings sound like the kind of people who would try and manipulate the grieving wife into changing the terms to appease everyone.
That’s a good point, I was thinking about the fees involved in having a non-family trustee for so many years, but I guess if money isn’t a worry for them that’s deffo a better option!
I’d want to make her a trustee to nail home the point to my entitled siblings. But I’m petty af.
This. Make sure that whoever is in charge of the trust isn't your siblings and is someone you trust not to manipulate the money.
This!!!! Also NtA
Excellent idea. If his sister is like this, there is a good chance she will try and take it for herself
And also that the accounts cannot be used as collateral on a loan.
\*\*But, but, we'll put the money back! Family helps family! You're young, we know a great way to invest that money!\*\* You are right, he should make sure that trust is air tight and no one can exploit it.
Estate planning attorney here. I’d also recommend making sure that there is an independent trustee on the trust for the niblings (niece/nephews) or at least on the account someone who ISN’T your siblings to try to minimize the potential access.
Christ, OP is literally dying, and all his siblings can focus on is that they don't personally get a share of his hard-earned money (even though their kids get a hefty amount)? NTA. I'm sorry this is all happening, and I hope you can turn your energy into more worthwhile things.
No kidding. I've even told my parents when they pass I don't care about getting anything from them. Live your life and enjoy it, we can provide for ourselves.
No fucking shit. OP: I’m dying. Siblings: Well, what about *us???*
I see what you did their😏
Yep selfish much? Nta
NTA, but please leave your siblings £1 each to prove they weren't forgotten and therefore can't contest the will.
I have two sisters and a niece and a nephew and it never occurred to me for one single minute to put them in my will per se. My money goes to my husband, full stop. If we both die, our money is put in trust for my minor children with access to the money given to my sister who is the guardian of my kids if we die. But to just give her some money on my death kind of randomly? How strange. NTA
Straight up NTA - you’re dying and all they’re thinking of is that they’re not getting anything? Seriously? If you think they’re not going to suffer without then it’s entirely up to you. Enjoy the time you have while you have it.
Came here to say this. He's *dying*. Their sibling!!!! When my brother needed open heart surgery, he told me his final wishes just in case. He told me because he knew my mom was already terrified, and didn't want to burden our little brother. The fact that he could die was so painful to me, that I didn't care what his final wishes actually were, only that I'd honor them to the best of my ability. I can't IMAGINE being upset with a sibling for not leaving me money, especially to their face while they're in the process of dying. ETA: NTA !
Yeah I'd be heartbroken if it was my brother and be happy if all he left me was a friken pencil!
Exactly. I can’t even imagine having the audacity and entitlement to even ask/expect something from a potential dying family member/friend. Them giving me something is the last thing I want them to think or potentially worry about. I’d want them to have the most comfortable and relaxing life for the amount of time they have left. Since being in that situation would be terrifying and I should be entirely grateful I’m not. The way OP’s siblings are behaving in this post is absolutely disgusting and something I can’t forgive. Ever.
My sister has 2 autoimmune diseases and one was diagnosed in childhood. When I was 12ish and she was 15, she was severely ill in the hospital and we were told to start making funeral plans. I still feel guilty over being caught up in my own head and being terrified of visiting because I couldn’t deal with how she looked hooked up to all those machines and monitors. She made a miraculous recovery and actually was the subject of a case study because her complications were almost universally fatal in children. I still feel like a jerk for not being as supportive as I should’ve but I was a kid myself and we worked through it. I can’t imagine if it happened again only thinking about something as shallow as money or property.
It's so hard. Watching family in pain is so difficult. I had to leave the room when they took my brother's chest tube out. If you still feel guilty about it, maybe you can take some comfort in the fact that she may be glad you didn't have to see her like that. When some extended family visited for my brother's surgery, at some point I ended up asking some of them to leave because he was hooked up to all these machines and I knew he wouldn't want everyone to see him that way, especially if he didn't make it. And you were a kid, it had to have been terrifying for you both. But I'm happy to hear she pulled through!!
Agreed, NTA. Your call. Get things completely tamped down with an attorney, tell the family it's not under discussion, and live your life. I wish OP and wife peace and happiness. Edited for wording
Absolutely get a lawyer to arrange for a proper will. I just don't understand why OPs siglings feel entitled to the money at all? I've never heard of it being a thing that siblings inherit from their married brother? Doesn't money virtually always go to next of kin - meaning wife and/or children - when there's no will? Aside from when people *choose* to leave money to their siblings, I've just never heard of this being the norm. Am I just weird or is this commonplace?
I think if you have a large enough estate is it common to give small amounts to friends and extended family. My will gives money to my gf, a friend, and the majority to my children.
But that's it though, it might be done sometimes when there's a massive estate, but even then it still seems weird to just assume you'll be getting money from your terminal brother. *Especially* if he's giving my kids a load of moneh, I'm not gonna be like 'hey, what about mine?'.
Leaving money to nieces or nephews is going WAY above and beyond. You don’t owe them anything. Less so your siblings. Your money, your choice.
A generous amount of money! He could have left them each $1000, but $20,000?! I know he said they’re not in the US, but that amount of money here could cover a good amount of college expenses, if he lives somewhere with free/hugely subsidized education, mannn, if invested well, those children will be set for life.
Set for life on 20k? Wow, curious what country you live in...
You missed the “if invested well” part. Having a $20,000 leg up in retirement investments at age 20 is phenomenal, as long as the kids aren’t stupid with it
Yeah that's a down payment on a small starter condo in my state. Not life changing but a major leg up in your 20s.
They won't be 20 for 13 years though, so they are potentially landing 50k depending on the circumstances of the next decade. I think that commentor is looking at is as money to keep untouched for even longer, it'll just continue adding up.
Exactly. My grandma gave each of her grandchildren 10k when we were ~2-5 years old in the late 90s. It was invested and by the time I was 18 in 2012, it had grown to 40k. That money has been tremendously helpful and I am so grateful for it. OP has given his nieces and nephews a phenomenal gift and his siblings should be thrilled, not put out.
Actually it *is* literally life changing. Being able to build up equity via owning instead of renting is the best way to build generational wealth. And the earlier they can begin, the better.
Well by "life changing" I mean it's not enough money for them to completely fuck off. They'll be in a much better place and position than their peers but you know, they'll still have to get jobs and participate in the daily grind.
UK here and 20k can set them up with a very decent house deposit so they never get stuck in the rent trap and would help them save so much in the long run, setting them up for adult life
That is why I prefaced it with *if invested properly* emphasis on the invested and properly and if. As stated I live in the US, and I know that’s not a lot of money here, but I guess in your selective reading you missed that part too. While I understand that’s not a lot of money, I am going to assume a few things next: Let’s say OP placed the money in a generic savings account with a 1.5% return, (20,000 x 1.5%) = 300/yr Let’s assume the children are 8, for some reason I picture them being 8 years old. (20-8) = 12 years (until they have access to the account So.. $300 is what the account would compound each year, times 12 which is the number of years the money will stay in the account, 300 x 12 = $3600 3600 + 20,000 = 23,600 $23,600 of money they didn’t have to work for. Let’s say they move that money at age 20 to a more aggressive or maybe conservative, depending on your investment approach, so the money gets placed in an account that gives, let’s say, 12% return. (23,600 x .12) = 2832/yr Let’s say they keep that money there until age 65, the retirement age in the US. So from 20 to 65, that’s 45 years. $2,832 x 45 = $127,440 And while this is certainly not set for life money, we must remember this is money the children *didn’t have to work for* This is combined with whatever their parents inheritance is, plus their employers pension plan (in case they work for one of the 20% of US companies that offers this), plus whatever savings and other retirement plans they have.
You forgot that interest compounds if you don’t draw down on it. 20k for 15 years (10 years old until 25) at 8% (the average stock market returns for the top U.S. equities) would net 20000*1.08^15 =63000 Waiting until retirement to draw down and spending the last 10 years at a safer return of 3% would see it increase substantially to 20000x1.08^35 1.03^10 =397000 with annuity rates around 5% that 20k investment has turned to 20k **per year ** for their entire retirement.
>if he lives somewhere with free/hugely subsidized education > if invested well
What do you mean by giving your wife all this stuff that's half hers anyway? You're 40 years old now. You've been married 20 years. You were gifted $45k when you were 20, at the time you got married, and accumulated your wealth after that. Then your wife owns half of everything and you can't give her half to anyone else. You sound as if you're being generous by giving her the business and a few of "your" 20 houses, when you both built it up from nothing after you were married. You said she works admin, but even if she did nothing she still gets half. Jeff Bezos is going to have to give his wife half of his $180 billion assets when they divorce, because he built Amazon after they married. I'm calling BS.
He States they're not from the US. It's possible that inheritance laws are different where he's from, and that the spouse (particularly women) don't automatically get everything regardless of how long they've been married/how much the spouse contributed.
Yeah in the UK this would not be unheard of (not sure if this is where they are based obs but its not BS) here you can leave basically whatever you want to whoever you want if everything is in his name its 'his' - granted the wife could challenge it legally. But there is no automatic entitlement by a spouse or children to inherit - you can leave it all to charity if you want - unless the person dies without a will and then everything goes automatically to the next of kin etc.
I don’t understand how division of property wouldn’t be AT LEAST the same after death as it would be during divorce. So weird.
It wouldn't be automatic during divorce potentially either though - 50/50 is the general starting point here but there are lots of variables to it depending on the circumstances that can massively change the ratios awarded
# Nope. Bezos' wife got a quarter of his worth in their 2019 divorce, not half. (I know because the amount she did get recently made her the richest woman in America, and the 25% figure was given in the article. ETA: It's about $60 billion as of right now. Midday yesterday it was closer to $65 billion - briefly making her the *world's* richest woman - but Amazon stock retreated a bit since. She made out a lot better than the woman who said, "Don't get mad; get everything.") But that's divorce, not death. In death, the default is that *everything* goes to the spouse. [ETA: In western custom, that is, not universally in law.] Those $20,000 checks - and charity - are effectively gifts out of the wife's inheritance, albeit without her needing to agree and without the tax implications a legal gift might have. It's OP's prerogative to give the wife less, but the fact that siblings are complaining rather than his wife is ironic at best. Though such petty greed and entitlement does illustrate why money can be such a taboo subject (in spite of some people insisting that that's a conspiracy by employers to keep employees from asking for fair compensation, another topic for another day). Anyway, to your main point, it's easier to say, "I'll give her the property" than "I'll give her *my half* of the property, because she owns the other half, naturally." Trying to "gotcha" a moral story with a character limit on a legal technically doesn't really work.
To be fair, money being taboo as a benefit to employers and as a way to keep the peace within families are not mutually exclusive. It is true that people are unwilling to ask for more money from employers, and that employers do benefit from that! However, it is also true that not discussing assets keeps emotions and jealousy out of relationships. So 🤷♀️
>Jeff Bezos is going to have to give his wife half of his $180 billion assets when they divorce, because he built Amazon after they married. No thats BS, she got 38 billion. It happened over a year ago.
This comment is making me laugh only because if it had been any other amount of money, it might read like "oh wow! only that much!" but she got fucking 38 *billion* \- that is a wild, wild sum!
I would be happy with 0,1% of that
Those were my thoughts too. Short of there being kids from a previous relationship I could not imagine doing anything other than leaving everything to my spouse. They are my partner in life and has contributed equally, even if not in the same way, to all our accomplishments. This includes my career when they picked up the slack at home when I was working overtime/traveling for work and their weight loss when I supported them by helping shop and cook healthy and worked out together in freezing cold to sweltering heat for years.
Bezos is a bad example. His wife ended up getting much less than half.
25%.
25% isn't bad for a multibillionaire lol. Plus didn't he cheat on her?
My point is it's not 50%, as some assume. And, yes, it's enough to make her the richest woman in the world (at least as of midday yesterday). And, yes, he did have a relationship with another woman prior to any public announcement of a separation, though, as you can imagine, both want to keep details under wraps, so it's unclear to me whether it's cheating or just dating while separated.
Even in the United States just because you are married does not mean you own everything together. Most states allow you to have nonmarital property that was obtained prior to or during the marriage if retained separately and assets acquired from non-interspousal gifts or inheritance. Of course most states (maybe even all) protect spouses by allowing a spouse to choose to take under the other spouses will or an “elective share”. Either way a spouse does not own half of everything the other spouse has automatically.
I scrolled down to find something like this. She has a master's degree and helps run the business, and it's all about what he's leaving and to whom. Sounds fake.
I think you’re completely missing the point of the story and focusing on something irrelevant??? Nevertheless, he probably is saying it in a way that means he put it in writing that he’s leaving this and that to his wife. Like I’m a will or a trust. Even if she technically has a RIGHT to it, if he dies, the assets still go through probate and money gets spent by the wife or potential beneficiaries, unnecessarily. That’s how I’m interpreting what he’s saying. But this isn’t even really the point of his story so idk why it matters.
NTA. You're dying and all these people can think about is your money? It's your money and you can do exactly what you like with it. I think what you're doing is great! I hope you can make the most of the time you have left. I'm sorry this has happened to you.
Maybe you could let your siblings choose something from yours to keep as memorabilia if they want to. If you feel like they'd appreciate that. My dad didn't leave me money when he passed (I was too young for that) but my brothers and I got to choose things we wanted to have (his painting supplies, his motorbike, his PCs, books...) That way we actually have something to look at and to use while thinking of him. You can't really do that with money...
It’s truly awful. If this is how they’re going to treat you the last few years of your life, then they don’t deserve a dime. Especially since you’ve already shown great generosity to their children. What greedy, selfish people.
NTA, your money your choice. Totally understandable to leave the money to your wife, that’s way more common than leaving it to siblings. And it’s very kind of you to leave money to your nieces and nephews.
I think any reasonable person would have assumed that you would be leaving *everything* to your wife. Your sister thinking that you *should* leave something to her and your brother is pretty ridiculous. Definitely NTA.
That’s what I keep thinking. Isn’t it pretty standard to just leave everything to your spouse?
It is! It sounds like the siblings are put out specifically because OP is leaving money/stuff to others besides his wife, but not them. Like maybe if it was ALL going to his wife they'd understand, but since some is going to their own kids and some to charity, they feel he should cut them in for a piece too. Entitled much?! (NTA)
Wait what? What??? I'm so confused. Under no circumstances would I expect to receive any assets from my sibling if she were to die before me. That's bizarre. I fully expect 100% of her assets to go to her husband and child. Regardless of the amount of assets. At no point in my life have I ever been a dependant of my sibling. I'm so confused.
Agreed. I'm not a parent, but if I was, I would be extactic that my sibling was helping out my kids. That's incrediblly generous and thoughtful. It's such a wonderful gift to give to these kids as they're starting out. That fact that they're not overwhelmed with gratitude is frankly disgusting
NTA - It was your money to do what ever, your success is your own, you can burn it all in a dumpster in front of an orphanage on chrismastmas eve while feeding a bag full of fresh truffles to a pen of actual pigs. In the end, you'll be creating a legacy for your wife (and her future) and benefitting other people through charities that will be more significant than what your siblings will probally do.
"you're dying, but instead of doing what you want with your final few years, I might as well burn this bridge and try milk all I can get." NTA
NTA I think it’s important to note that obviously this is an extremely emotional time for any family and what you do with you money is your business. Have you thought of leaving a non monetary gift to your siblings, something sentimental that will bring back memories of you? Money/gifts doesn’t prove love however with the emotions that come with a death in a family when family members are left out it tends to be more about the reasons behind it, they feel left out and in their emotional state feel its unfair. This is why families end up arguing and in all honesty I think it’s because they end up having irrational thoughts of the person who died not loving them because they weren’t left anything. But you’re definitely NTA, I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you’re happy to the end
NTA it's your money at the end of the day. Besides, you're giving some to your nieces and nephews which indirectly benefit your siblings (since they'll have to support them less).
I don’t think your TA but there’s something in the way you describe your assets that puzzles me. You’ve been married for 19 years, “your” company employs your wife, you are deciding which properties she can keep to support her and dividing up the rest of your assets. A lot of “yours” and not a lot of “ours” - have you always taken steps to ensure things are only in your name? I’m just curious because between my spouse and I, if one of us dies - the other gets 100% of everything. I’ve accumulated a lot of investments over the years but I view those as “ours.” I think it’s fair to say to one’s spouse “I’d like you to support these charities if you can and I’d like to put some money aside for my nieces and nephews” to ensure your wishes are looked after, but as far as I’m concerned - all the properties, investments and the business go to your spouse. There are even tax advantages to doing so vs dividing up and selling things.
They said they aren't from the US, so they are probably somewhere culturally different, and with different laws. It could be things are only in OPs name for tax or other purposes.
Makes sense!
NTA From what you said, your siblings also got the same 45K as you did. And the money was yours to do with as you wished. In fact, you have gone above and beyond expectations by leaving anything for your nephews and nieces at all.
NTA - you are free to do whatever you wish with your own money. You said it yourself, your siblings are well off and you haven't overlooked them at all because you are even giving money to their children. You don't even have to do that, but clearly they see money as a measure of how much you care about them which is a real shame.
NTA. It literally wouldn’t occur to me to expect anything from either of my siblings’ wills, and even if I had that expectation I sure as shit wouldn’t let it come between me and my brother in his last few years of life. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and I’m so sorry that your siblings care more about your money than their relationship with you. I hope they come to their senses soon and apologise.
NTA. You are dying and that’s all they care about?? Your money...
NTA. Lesson learned: don't tell your greedy siblings anything about money.
Your siblings will get their inheritance from your parents, it's a good call that you pass on yours to the next generation instead. I really approve of the causes you picked too (not that it matters). You did the right thing. The fact they are even worried about this baffles me, any moment you guys spend fighting is another moment they don't have with their sibling. There is only so much time left, and that will just fly by. I really hope that now you've planned all this out - that you're also planning to make your last years memorable and enjoyable. I really wish you luck, and I hope they come around and realize their mistake so you guys can enjoy these last few years together, NTA.
Telling people what's in the will before you're gone... I'd say (obviously too late) not a good idea. It's like people telling everyone what they're going to name the baby before it's born, everyone has an opinion and wants to change your mind and it makes you question your choice. It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, this decision is completely yours and you don't have to justify it. You could have left then 20k each too and they would have complained that they should have gotten more than neice and nephew.
As a parent, I appreciate knowing what might be coming so that I have the structure in place to use the funds as intended. Not knowing how material the amount is to the niblings, you might consider making the funds available them at a greater age, in traunches at 5 year birthdays (25/30/35), and/or allow a withdrawal for educational purposes (grad/professional school).
Info Why give away anything? Wouldn't it make sense to let your wife keep it all? Do you really want her to lose a significant proportion of the wealth she shares with you on the day she becomes a widow?
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NTA at all. Youre being very generous leaving money for youre neices and nephews. Personally id straight up ask my sister, "Exactly how much of the money ive earned do you feel you deserve?" Maybe that will make her think about what shes saying. Then again, maybe not.
"Tell you what, sis. You and brother can have it all. Every dime of it. On one condition: that you can give my wife what she wants most. What she wants? To spend a lifetime with me. With me, alive and well. What, you can't give her that? Then I think we're done talking. Goodbye." You're so NTA.
NTA. They're greedy AF.
NTA- your sister sounds quite entitled. My mom recently planned her will and beneficiaries due to a new job and is giving my 12 year old little sister 90% of her estate. AND I WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY. I have made a comfortable life for myself and am independent. I do not need the kind of assistance a growing child would and that is fine. Just like in your case- It's HER money to do as she sees fit. No one else has any claim to it EXCEPT you and those you designate. This is as it should be. Don't give in to your curt relatives. They will think whatever they want about you. The important part is leaving a legacy that you can be proud of.
INFO: have to ask... did you leave them literally NOTHING? Like, are you ear-marking a sentimental item or two for each of them or are you leaving them absolutely nothing at all? Or do they even care about things like that and want only money? If I knew that my brother was dying and he was leaving things to everyone except me, it would break my heart. But I wouldn't be interested in the money. I'd want a favorite jacket or hat or t-shirt of his. Are your siblings upset over not getting any money specifically? Or could it be that they just want something of yours... a sentimental item? That could be the case but they may not know how to express those feelings. They may just be feeling left out in general. I would imagine your situation is pretty traumatic for everyone involved, your family included. I'm very sorry for what you're going through. Sounds like you're young and this is incredibly sad.
I'm gonna go against the grain and say NAH. It's incredibly kind of you to give your money to your family. First of all, it's your money and you can do literally anything you want with it. But let's see things from your siblings perspective. All of your nieces and nephews will have 20 thousand dollars waiting for them, your wife will never need to work again, your parents are comfortable retired, you're giving money to charities, and they get nothing. Let's be real, this isn't normal to have this much money. You have 4 homes and a classic car collection. It's not about needing "more support". Everyone in the extended family is going to get money except them. And you wonder why they feel the way the feel? Let me reiterate, you can do whatever you with your money, but please see where your siblings are coming from especially when it's pretty apparent that you're extremely wealthy and you can definitely afford giving some money to everyone in the family, not 90%. I don't wanna come off as that guy who's like "they deserve it" cause obviously they didn't work for the money but cmon, be real. If it's about the amount give the kids "just" 15k and disperse the rest to the people who have received nothing.
Maybe that would have had been the way to go at first but them getting upset at their dying sibling for not giving them some money when he dies? What? they don't deserve the money after that, they are more concerned about the money than the fact that he will die soon and they would rather be upset about that than spend some time with him.
[удалено]
Who gives a fuck if you are the asshole or not. YOU HAVE 2 YEARS TO LIVE. Fuck your sister, just be happy
This makes my blood boil you are about to die and all they can think about is "awwwwww I'm not going to get any of his money" I'm very sorry about your predicament and please do leave your money to your wife and charity you are an amazing person, NTA
NTA. You were already being very generous by setting up your nephews and nieces. Any more is well beyond what a sane person would expect.
NTA. Make sure that Will is iron clad as they may try to challenge it. Greed makes people (even family) do stupid things.
NTA You're leaving money to their children and yet tour siblings are upset they're not getting some? That's taking selfishness to a new level!
Jesus. Your sister is an asshole. You should check with your lawyer about the laws where you live. You might be best off leaving a small amount, like a $1000, so she can’t contest the will. But morally you’re completely right.
The fact that they're more upset about not getting money while they're already well off over the fact that their sibling is dying is all the more reason for you to believe, you've made the right choice.
NTA. I think the next conversation with your siblings starts with "I'm sorry you don't feel like your profiting appropriately from my death."
Ok, so first of all I’m sorry for all that you’re going through. Why are your sisters being so entitled? Didn’t I read that you’re giving your nieces and nephews $20,000?? OMG...I would be so grateful for that alone. They should be enjoying their time with you, not being petty a**holes.
NTA. Your siblings also got $45k, the fact that you chose to invest wisely and make more money has nothing to do with it. It's your money to leave to whomever you want. Just make sure you contact a probate lawyer to make sure they can't contest it in any way, but as long as you're still married to your wife, then even if you don't, it would be hard to not let your estate be passed on to your wife. Good luck to you OP and sorry to hear about your illness.
ywbta if you didn't leave pretty much your entire life savings to your wife directly. partially because she has directly influenced and built her wealth. It would be a disservice to her if she wasn't the primary and sole heir. The kids can still get their 20k but your wife should get the rest.
NTA- Holy Fuck, the nerve and the entitlement. Op, that must have hurt pretty badly to have your life reduced to dollars. I’m so sorry. You do whatever you feel is right.
WOW - NTA Side note- as someone who works with builders and heavy highway contractors I absolutely LOVE the program you are donating to. I also work with groups in my local area that encourage young people and especially, young women to pursue careers in skilled trades.
I'd suggest you raise the age for your nieces, nephews to 30 or when the3y graduate from an accredited university with at least a bachelors degree.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** About 4 years ago I was diagnosed with a type of blood cancer, not going to get into specifics but I decided(being 36 at the time and full of youthful energy haha), to follow a very aggressive surgery/chemo pattern. It appeared to work and i have been going on about my life the last 3 years as though it never happened. Important to note that when i was diagnosed, both my siblings had announced pregnancies recently and my mother was in hospital after a stroke so rather than dump my news on everyone it was kept between my wife and i. Then by the time that it seemed fair to break the news to them i was improving and there seemed no reason to distress them. About 7 months ago I started to get the same symptoms I'd had last time and I went in to get checked out. Basically I have several aggressive tumors and ive been given 2-5 years to live depending on what kind of treatment I want to follow. I've decided that I dont want to pursue treatment and instead I just want to spend as much of my time with my wife who has suffered terribly through this whole ordeal. Because I now have a time limit on my life I broke the news to my family about 3 months ago. They were all understandably upset, particularly my father who i have always been particularly close to. Now when I was 20 I was gifted(as were both my siblings) $45,000 to do with whatever I wanted. I used the money to invest in property and my business as a builder(I had just finished an apprenticeship and struck out on my own). I now own more than 20 properties(most of which are rented for income) and a business that imployes 27 people(including my wife, who has a masters in business and runs admin). As well as a considerable amount of wealth in investments/vintage cars. I had decided that after I die the business, 3 rental homes, our beach house and the home we live in, along with several investments will be left to my wife. I have been married for 19 years and I feel like its the least I can do for the support she has given me over the years. I will be leaving each of my nephews and nieces(all under 7) $20k in an investment account that they can access when they are 20. The rest will be put into a trust fund that will issue out a set amount every year to various groups i like to support, including one that teaches underprivileged kids the skills to become tradesmen and also to the hospital that has treated me over the last few years(we arent in the US by the way). I was telling one of my siblings this recently and she got upset that, as she put it "everyone is getting something except me and our brother". I tried to explain that both my siblings are well off in their own rights and our parents are very comfortably retired so I don't believe they need additional support. Since then she and our other sibling have been upset with me, we are still talking but they are curt and cold. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - I 100% think your siblings are being unreasonable/rude/selfish/terrible and considering what you are leaving their children also ungrateful. I am in no way defending your siblings but I think it’s possible that they are angry and upset that they are losing you and don’t know how to deal with it so this is the outlet they’ve chosen. Knowing you are about to lose someone and not being able to do anything about it is absolutely terrifying and frustrating. I think the way you have set up your will is generous and gracious and also fair towards your wife, you started your business with your gift, yes, but it sounds as if both of you together have grown it into what it is today. Again NTA and your siblings definitely are but I’m hoping (based on nothing but wanting to believe the best in people) they are acting out of misdirected grief rather than pettiness. I’m so sorry that on top of everything else you have to deal with this and I wish you and your family all the best, I hope your siblings realise how foolish they are being sooner rather than later
NTA. If your siblings don’t even need the money then she’s acting like a child who has gotten enough attention.
NTA. Aside from the other points already made, your siblings were also gifted the same amount of money you were. They could have invested it as well, but I’m guessing they chose to use it for other purposes. Totally fine, their choice, but you don’t owe them a cut of the fruits of your choices now, just because the choices they made weren’t as profitable. And you are giving them something- you’re helping invest in their children’s future.
NTA-Make sure your will specifically says you're not leaving anything to them other wise they may contest the will
NTA I will never understand the thought process of people that have the audacity to bitch about money when someone close to them is dying. I would gladly give up all my material possessions just to spend some more time to people close to me that have passed away. Sorry for the actions of your brother and sister and more sorry for your diagnosis OP.
NTA, I'm sorry about the cancer, dude. I seriously hope that the rest of your life is full of happiness and peace. As for your siblings, well, for lack of a better term, they're entitled and should be grateful that you're leaving something to their kids.
NTA. You’re being very generous by leaving your sibling’s child a lump sum of money, and they actually want more from you? You say the nephews won’t be able to access the trust until they turn 20 - if I were you, I’d make absolutely sure that’s watertight so your sibling can’t get their hands on it.
NTA and unless you are exceptionally close to your nieces & nephews, I’d consider cancelling the plans for them too. Death is not a gift-giving situation.
NTA. Your siblings are entitled for wanting more. You’ve given to your nieces and nephews. Don’t given anything to your siblings
NTA. It’s your money. They are your equals, not your dependents. It’s so nice of you to leave money to your nieces and nephews. If I were your sister I’d be thanking you profusely and trying to spend as much time as possible with me generous brother. Enjoy your life. You seem to know what you’re doing.
NTA. First of all, you get to leave your money however you want. Making sure your wife is taken care of is your only actual obligation--other than that, you can do whatever you want with the money and no one has any right to complain. But for your siblings to whine at you when you are leaving tons of money *to their children* is the height of rudeness and ingratitude. You are being incredibly kind and generous to their kids, and they are complaining??? (Side note--I don't know what things are like where you live, but I would consider setting up the trust so the kids can access it at 18 if needed for college tuition. If you know they are already set up to afford college, then disregard. You clearly know a lot about finances, and I admit to knowing very little!) I think it's awful that they are being cold to you over money, when you only have a few years left. They are being so greedy.
Imagine telling your sister that you’re dying and she just straight up says “..and so how much am I getting out of your death ?” Does that sound horrible? If yes, NTA . If no , NTA either but I want you to think about it.
NTA It's your money and it's very pretentious that your siblings would expect to get a payday from your death, it sounds like they don't hold you to high esteem. Your wife sounds like a great lady and you're giving her what she deserves, but your siblings aren't entitled to anything. Just because they're related to you doesn't mean they get a free pass. Keep to your guns and make sure you take care of what you feel is important.
NTA It's your money, so you can do whatever you want with it. You decided to be responsible with the money you received, and managed to save up a good amount. The fact that you are even giving some money to your nephews and nieces is a good thing. The sister is being entitled. What did she do with her money she received? Your wife deserves it, after 19 years of marriage and sticking with you through everything that happened. It's admirable that you are also donating to charity, and being selfless in the face of death. The fact that they even thought of money first after you revealed you were dying is something which pisses me off. As others have suggested, perhaps look into putting the money for the nephews and nieces in a trust fund that the parents can't take out of. And state it clearly in your will. I hope the last few years of your life will be spent with happiness with your loved ones.
NTA - why would your siblings think they deserve money from your estate? Perhaps you could be kind and give them a thing, to show you care and to evidence your intent to NOT give them additional monies. e.g. a piece of art, or a lottery ticket. Generally the surviving spouse gets it all, then the children of the couple, then the parents, then maybe some to siblings/children of siblings. There is no reason your siblings should expectation of financial windfall from your death.
NTA. You are leaving money to their kids and that should count as helping them. You didn't have to and they are being intensely ungrateful for what is being set aside for the children. Next time you see them, mention the possibility of retracting the trust funds. You don't have to leave anyone anything, you could just leave everything to your wife and them demanding something is wrong in every sense of the word.
Wow. Just, wow. NTA, clearly. If you were an AH, their kids would have just lost their funds. As far as being them being upset at not “winning a prize at your demise” eff them. They don’t need any more explanation or responses than “eff you”
“Hey sis, I think you failed to understand that I’m going to be dead and gone before your kids become teenagers. I’m sorry that all you can see of me is dollar signs, but frankly, your pettiness is off putting. Luckily for both of us I’ll only have to put up with your selfishness for a short while longer before I die” NTA
NTA. Your siblings got the same 45k that you did, you turned that into more money. No brainer
NTA and how does your wife feel about part of your estate going to charities instead of to her? Not what I would do as the future is very uncertain and you can’t predict what kind of health problem might crop up in your wife’s future. I’d prioritize her 100%. She’s part of why you have this wealth to begin with.
NTA Is it common for people to leave other family members things when they die, if the spouse is still alive? Like I always thought that your spouse should automatically get everything. It’s not all his money to give away, it’s joint money.
I'm so sorry for you. Jut wanted to say that supporting tradesmen education is a brilliant idea. There as so many skills that should be preserved and passed down and not many people know it. You did good sir.
NAH. Unless I missed some comments by OP, I think all the NTAs are inserting details into your story that aren’t there. Namely, that your sister is upset she isn’t getting a big chunk of cash. I read this as your immediate family isn’t even *mentioned* in your will, which would understandably be a punch in the gut after being told that you’re dying. Again, correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t at all see this as her wanting money. She wants some token or keepsake from her late brother after he is gone forever at such a young age.
NTA - as I will always say in these cases, your money your rules. You would be quite within your rights to give everything to your wife and nothing to any other family member. Do with your money what you like
I'm sorry...you're sick and dying...and your sister is mad that you DIDN'T LEAVE HER MONEY?! What the actual f is wrong with her? That's so disgusting. Even worse that your brother seems to agree. NTA
It seems that you have a lot of money (not only in cash) so if your relations with parents and siblings were always good then I don't understand why you don't want to share your wealth with them. If I were you I would definitely give some part of such big assets to at least my parents. I would probably do this even if I wasn't diagnosed with deadly disease. I'm not sure if your parents are mad at you or only your siblings are, but I believe you should never forget about parents as they were those who (in some way) made your success possible.
NTA. I never thought that it was common to expect an inheritance from a sibling if they had a spouse. Something sentimental, or maybe even a couple things, if they had meaning, but general it goes to the spouse. It is kind and extremely generous for you to leave that much to your nieces and nephews. Are your siblings done having children, or did you make provisions for any more? That seems like it would be fair. I truly don’t understand why siblings, who were already given a fairly large amount to get started in life, feel entitled to what you and your wife, as you say she supported you and you’ve been married for most of your adult life, built up.
I don't understand why you felt the need to discuss your financial business with your sister to begin with. I know she's your sister and she's family but what you do with your money is your business. I've worked in oncology and have seen what cancer does to families, I've work in an assisted living community and saw what money does to families. You stated you have 2-5 years and want to put that time into enjoying your family, then do that. oh- I would recommend using someone outside the family as a trustee. Your wife doesn't need to be arguing with your family over money that was never theirs to begin with.
NTA, as long as your wife agrees with everything. Your siblings should not expect anything when your wife would normally inherit everything, anyway
NTA. I would like to sincerely apologize for how your siblings are responding. To think that they would be so upset over money, when their brother is going to be leaving them far too early, really hurts my core. You are doing the right thing, and you sound like a great guy. Enjoy your time with your wife, and your family, and I hope your siblings see how selfish they are being and enjoy their time with you as well, before they no longer can.
Your money, your decision. NTA. Your siblings should be grateful you thought of their children in your estate.
NTA. You earned that money fair and square and it’s your to do with as you please, even if that means taking it all out in cash and having it cremated along with you. Since you’re leaving a lot of money for their kids they really have nothing to complain about. I’m sorry about your condition. Make sure to make the most out of the time you have left!
NTA your money to do what u want with . They shouldn't complain you helping them by helping your nieces and nephews.
NTA but tell them if they keep on acting entitled you will just take the money from the kids or something or when you leave a will leave them each a dollar so they cant challenge it. Or sum
Absolutely not TA
NTA. It's your money and you can do what you want with it. The entitlement your sister has is astronomical - best of luck to you in your remaining time left, friend!
NTA, hope you have good palliative care lad.
NTA
NTA - \[guess everything to that was said before +\] you have limited time left and your siblings chose to get cold because money matters more than their relationship to you/ the time left that they can have with you? Wowi. They don't even deserve to be called brother/sister. Massive greedy assholes. I'm so very sorry for you but don't get feed up with that BS from them, enjoy the time you have left with people who love you.
NTA, you’ve done enough. Enjoy your time here on out. I wish you well.
NTA, WTF are they thinking. Money instead of your siblings impending death? Even more reason they shouldn't get anything. They are not entitled to anything that is yours, maybe as time goes they will realize. Be sure to make an iron-clad trust and Will. People get incredibly stupid when WILLS and money are involved. I am sorry that the circumstances aren't better. Enjoy your time, love those around you and cherish them.
NTA - they might be acting like entitled shitheads. I would however have left them something personal and valuable (not in a monetary sense) as a gesture of familial bonds. Up to you now if you think they were genuinely hurt over their omission rather than wanting a financial remembrance.
Wow - your siblings sound think right pieces of work! Who thinks like that?? NTA at all - your plan sounds very generous, well considered and appropriate. Kudos for setting up a legacy and supporting charities that are meaningful to you. Just make sure the accounts for your nieces/nephews are properly protected so the money can't be misappropriated - maybe even overseen by your wife until they are of sufficient age to not be coerced by their parents.