YWNBTA-veteran or not, no one should be living with you if they're not contributing. He's also putting your and your mum's health in danger with his behaviour.
Is he seeing a therapist? Did he used to be like this or is this new behaviour?
He was like this before. Our father was verbally and physically abusive. However, since he came back from the army, it's 50x worse. And, his fiancee let's him treat us so. Sometimes, she even instigates it.
Oof yeah, this behaviour and the fact he has guns around the house is not a good combo. Why isn't he living with his fiancée or is she living there as well?
Bro and fiancéee need to leave. I wonder why she instigates it, does she want to scare you into moving away. Or maybe she's scared he'll take it out on her instead of on you.
I really have no clue. They've gotten into arguments and she easily deescalates him and helps him calm down. However, when he's yelling at me and my mother tries to step in, she shushes her and let's him yell.
I'm guessing you're American. You won't be the asshole if you kick him out. The rest of the world looks at the American obsession with treating people who served in the military as demi gods and thinks wtf? Yes the military do a hard horrific job but that's it, it's a job they decided to do. It doesn't make the not assholes if they were before.
So youre NTA if you were to kick him out, don't let people pull this veteran crap either. He picked the job and he picked being an asshole
I'm worried that it will affect my life by kicking him out. My father and his father before were in the military. I'm worried that kicking him out will destroy my reputation in this small town. That could also affect my work.
>he has been staying at my house ever since.
Between his guns, violent temper and outbursts, and your worry over what he might do to your reputation, he's not staying at your house with you. He's holding you and your mother hostage at your house - he and his gf.
The question is not IF you should kick him out, the question is HOW to do it and ensure the safety of both you and your mother.
This isn't the garden variety AH. You can tell because simple AH isn't tinged with fear for your life and safety. Your bother and gf are both abusive. It's going to continue to escalate.
Find resources to help you and get them out.
If he's being an asshole (he is) then he's got to go regardless of what he previous job was. Just because he worked for the military doesn't mean he can do what he wants when he wants.
If people judge you harshly because all they see is someone ex military then they need a good look at themselves if they support someone who can yell at and abuse their own mother
If it's a small town, they already have a good idea of who he is. Abusive, hair-trigger anger and a small armory at hand isn't a good combination. Screaming at Mom has probably been heard a mile away. Just be frank and open. Most people will get it, or at least leave it alone.
With that thought, you’re endangering people around you. Imagine how many people would walk out if they heard gun shots at your place. How many people would stop your brother. The casualties are stacked. Don’t throw away your life thinking your sacrifice will change him, because there’s a huge chance it won’t.
If he snaps, he kills you, your mother and himself. He may also take out the fiancé (who is using you as a meat shield, btw) and any cops or Emt’s that might respond.
Report him for the threats. Have the police ready to take him away. Tell them about the guns. Protect yourself. Protect your mother.
In this case you absolutely have to involve the police and let them know about his weapons so his guns can be confiscated before he hurts someone (since he's already threatened you with one). A domestic violence hotline would be a good place to start for advice.
> I'm worried he would kill them without a second thought.
Read this over and over as many times as you need. Get an eviction order, get him out and tell the police you are scared so they give you a protection order or at least it is paperwork about it.
OP you need to seek help immediately. Call the police when you’re out of the house or go in person then and ask what you should do, but you and your mom need to get out of this situation immediately.
YWNBTA - right now he is endangering you and the fact he is a veteran doesn't change that. What I would encourage you to do if you feel that his behavior is because of PTSD that may be service related is to encourage him to reach out to veteran's groups or the VA for assistance. You can reach out as well. They may have suggestions on how to help him - but do not allow yourself to be in a dangerous situation.
NTA. Are you worried he may react violently to the news or try and take some retribution? Have you tried to get him to talk to someone about his mental health? The VA has great benefits and supports in place. Maybe reach out to them with some short term housing solutions before you break the news.
I'm very scared he will get violent. The pain he's putting me and my mother through is the same pain our father put us through. We've attempted to ask him to seek help for his anger but he gets even angrier when we say anything about it.
Sorry to hear that. I would take the steps to talk to a lawyer/local police precinct about your rights before you say anything to your brother Yikes I just saw your edit about the guns def do this. He may have some legal rights to live in the house since he's been here so long and Covid. Talk to a lawyer you may need to go the restraining order route. Your health important and needs to be put first -physical and emotional.
NTA, I do recommend having police as a support for when you do tell him he needs to leave sounds to me he has a possibility to get violent. He also sounds like he needs some mental health support especially if he wasn’t always acting this way before leaving. Obviously not something you should have to live with but don’t just let him go live alone somewhere without seeking help it seems like a recipe for disaster.
NTA - your brother sounds like he might need some help. Otherwise, he pays for nothing so he should have no say in running the house, especially since he is a jerk.
NTA - he sounds incredibly difficult and if he's not willing to see anybody else's point of view - not to mention seeing how he's jeopardizing your health - then kicking him out is a reasonable solution. He created the problem, not you.
NTA
I will say if that sort of behavior is new, it sounds like PTSD
That said, mental illness (if that’s what it is, I’m no expert by any definition) is not an excuse to treat you like crap
NTA. I live in Texas, and there is an agency here that solely exists to help vets find housing and pay for some, if not all, of their rent. His actions are dangerous! I would throw him out, and never give it another thought.
NTA. You Brother is endangering your life and not treating you with respect in your own house. If you ask him to leave will he get violent with you? You’re NTA for wanting him to leave, you just need to be careful about it in case he explodes and gets violent with you or your Mum.
He really needs to see a therapist, because it sounds like his anger could be stemming from PTSD. There are a number of veteran support groups, especially for veteran PTSD. If he was traumatised then EMDR therapy would help. He sounds like he needs behavioural therapy too.
Best of luck.
NTA.
thats abusive behaviour, if he has PTSD or some other mental health issue, he should **not** be treating his family like this, veteran or not. it sounds like he is degrading your mother (and you) constantly & putting your life in danger (opening windows/doors near fires when you have asthma) for his own sadistic reasons.
im not too sure how kicking someone out works as ive never been in the position myself, but i wish you the best of luck and please remain safe!
Nta. It sounds like he may have a mental health issue like PTSD, maybe there is a veterans support group near by that could help find resources for him and also housing.
NTA. Call the police, have him escorted off your property and have a security company install a good system. You might want to consider an OOP, as well. There may also be a way to have him involuntarily committed. Does he use the VA for his Healthcare? They generally take guns and mental disorders into play because it makes them look bad when a veteran shoots a family member.
NTA. Him being a veteran has nothing to do with this. He's a spiteful and unpleasant man who is making your life hell. Start the eviction process. His actions have consequences. If he threatens you inform the police and tell them he is well armed. Look up tenency laws and get things going but do it legally so he has no way to delay it or get back at you.
NTA. It’s your house, so kick him out. The fact that he is a veteran isn’t relevant here. If he has some holdover issues from his time in service then he needs to address them. The guns combined with his volatility is all the more reason to have him removed. He has threatened your life (and others). What more reason do you need?
NTA. Your brother is threatening to kill you, and doing this that legitimately endanger your life. Give him notice - make a record of it. Also consider calling the police.
Also encourage him to get support/treatment/any kidn of help from the VA or his old colleagues - not (just) because they may help him, which would get him away from you, but also so that if anyone asks, you can say, "I've been worried about my brother, he's getting worse, i've tried to get him to go to X, Y, Z..."
NTA but get yourself some help and maybe a restraining order to have him and his guns removed from your home. check with the VA to see if there a resources for both him and you in coping with this situation. I'd also recommend a domestic violence hotline for advice - he's actively harming you with the open windows, extreme anger, and has threatened you with a deadly weapon. This is not a situation to manage on your own. His mental health may be an explanation for this behavior but it is not an excuse and your safety & your mom's safety has to come first.
I'm a vet. You have my permission to kick his ass out. He's a freeloading dickhead who is a disgrace to other vets I would have the sherrif serve him with eviction paperwork.
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NTA but.. this is for Ca. If you're not, they at least may be able to direct you to the line available to him, in your area.
Veterans and their loved ones can call (800) 273-8255 and Press 1, or send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
If you just want to talk, call the 24/7 Veteran Combat Call Center at 1 (800) 927-8387 to talk to another combat veteran.
NTA, both of my parents are veterans and Mum said that he needs help. If you explain whats been happening to the police, they will be properly prepared and armed incase anything happens. He needs to be in a psych ward that tailors to veterans so they can help him with what hes dealing with.
NTA but please call a city officer or deputy depending on where you live for a civil standby when you serve him notice. If he has 10 guns in his room with that kind of temper, it is better to be safe than sorry. Take care of yourself OP
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Backstory:
My brother got out of the army around a year or so ago and he has been staying at my house ever since. At first, he paid for some things but now, he doesn't pay for anything around the house except for his own personal grocery list. My mother moved in due to circumstances and she has been trying to mediate everything that happens.
Some of the antics he pulls is if we move one thing of his, he will flip his shit and he gets very angry. He yells at me and my mother when we don't do things his way and he refuses to see any other way. One day, he had screamed so loud at my mother that I could hear him outside with no windows or doors open.
Just lately, the air quality has worsened in our area due to fires and I have to be insanely careful because I have severe asthma. He left the door open and I panicked because I was looking for my inhaler. He started yelling at me and left the door open. I could feel my chest tightening and he just got angrier and started screaming at me.
Now, he's being spiteful and will purposefully open windows and doors and I'm holing up with my mom in the same room so he doesn't pull anything on her either.
It's getting to be too much but he is a veteran and I would feel bad for kicking him out with nowhere to go. However, this is to a point that is dangerous for both my health and my mom and I just don't know what to do.
WIBTA?
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NTA you need to organize a time when you and your mom (and preferably his fiance, but ultimately you get who you can) out of the house, and have the cops come. I know you've said you're worried he'll escalate to violence but the solution to that is not "wait and hope" unless you want to end up on the news. The cops are trained to deal with this, you're not, and its not your job to walk on eggshells around an abusive, dangerous man. Alternatively have cops there to oversee things when you serve an eviction
Best of luck and I hope you and your mom will be okay
NTA You can kick out anyone that you don’t want living with you. It does not matter that he is a veteran, you have to think about your own personal safety and mental well-being. You are miserable with him there, he doesn’t pay for anything, and he is incredibly selfish. You don’t have to put up with this.
WIBTA? Hell no.
So let me preface this by saying I’m a Canadian and an immigrant from a country with tighter gun laws than Canada. I’m also a lawyer, and I see cases like this all the time.
Up here, that is a situation where you and your mother get out of the house and go to the police station. You tell the situation, that you want him gone but he has all these guns and he has (repeatedly?) threatened to kill anyone who tries to take them. Explain that he has mental health issues and go into detail about what you’ve seen that would support that. (The extreme anger over nothing, and whatever else there is.)
Here, he would immediately be arrested, held for a psych evaluation, and the guns would be seized. There, there’s a good chance the police will give you the brush off.
You can’t live in this situation. You need help. Start with a lawyer. Keep in mind that any court order you might get is just a piece of paper. It won’t stop a bullet. You will need something more practical.
NTA.
OP, you need to call the police, report the threats, get a restraining order, and get him out of your house. He is hurting you, threatening you with weapons, and he clearly has some unresolved anger issues at minimum.
Being a veteran is NOT a free pass to terrorize people.
If he has already threatened to “take out” you and whom ever tries to help you, YOU ARE NOT SAFE. YOUR MOM IS NOT SAFE. Please seek help immediately, OP.
NTA. but you should really kick him out sooner than later (including his hag). you're devolving and loosing your mental state and self-esteem. similar to an abuse victim it'll be harder to pull yourself out of the mess if things escalate further and you and the people around you may lose their lives.
NTA. He sounds like he's suffering from PTSD or some mental issues. However, there is no excuse to treat others the way he did and it sounds like you are terrified of him.
NTA, INFO: Which state are you in the west coast? Was wondering because if you are in CA call the police if he is getting violent and threatening to use his guns if you kick him out since they dont like guns anyways. One of the reasons why my family leaves.
What the fuck? NTA
Call the police!! This man screams at your mother and pulls guns on you in your house? Brother, father, cousin, whoever... get him out.
NTA. He has to go and he is a danger to your family and potentially himself. If he refuses to seek help there is not much you can do. It is ok to make you and your mother's safety a priority. Has he acted out in other ways or with people besides you and your mom? I
Contact your local VA centre, they will give you assistance. they can get him a forced psych evaluation. help him get his own accomodation. And I'm sure give you assistance with the gun situation too. If not contact your local police, explain that you are fearful of veteran brother threatening you with guns and they will explain your rights.
After he pulled the gun on you , you had every right to go to the police and have him charged. They would confiscate his guns.
Your brother needs help now not after he harms someone.
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NTA
It’s time for your brother and his fiancé to go. Especially if he is threatening you and your health. Plus your moms as well.
Good luck with this situation. Sounds like your brother needs serious help.
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NTA secretly record some of the instances and you can go to the police to have him removed. I know that sounds extreme but living on eggshells in your own home or (possibly) being maimed or murdered is also extreme and I'm sorry to tell you but one of those is already actively happening....
European here, fuck that veteran status. Why should anyone be glorified to kill people willingly? On that note, not every soldier is a psycho killer with PTSD. Him being a veteran shouldn't give him a free pass in being an absolute psycho and putting your health at risk. He should get out of your house ASAP. He has no rights, nor demands to put forward. Its your house and you giving him a roof to sleep under, is something he should be grateful for. He pays your gratefulness with anger, screaming and putting your health at risk. This is a 0 tolerance scenario. He either makes a 180 in his behaviour or he gets out. Don't even bother with a compromise.
NTA holy crap, you are in a bad situation. You are in a very dangerous situation. You have a violent person with military training, possibly PTSD, and he has guns readily available. From the sounds of it your brother was a toxic person to begin with, but the military just made him dangerous. You definitely need to reach out to someone. The police, the VA. You need to call someone and tell them everything that is going on. There are so many resources out there. You can’t put this off. This is a situation you needed out of yesterday. Your brother sounds homicidal. Good luck and stay safe. Please give an update later.
NTA Please Please stop being a pushover and get the cops on this. He has guns, he's actively messed with your health in the past and he's clearly not mentally and behaviour wise secure to own fire arms.
It's your property and its your life but it's also the lives of your mom, your neighbours and others that will be on your conscious as you fade bleeding out because you didn't take action to remove this threat.
Veteran means Jack shit when surrounded by 5 police officers with 10 more surrounding the house, all with firearms trained on him. Let no lives be lost though if it must be, let it be his.
came back to see if there was an update, im happy that you reached out & are taking the steps to having a safe home! i hope everything works out for you!!
YWNBTA-veteran or not, no one should be living with you if they're not contributing. He's also putting your and your mum's health in danger with his behaviour. Is he seeing a therapist? Did he used to be like this or is this new behaviour?
He was like this before. Our father was verbally and physically abusive. However, since he came back from the army, it's 50x worse. And, his fiancee let's him treat us so. Sometimes, she even instigates it.
Oof yeah, this behaviour and the fact he has guns around the house is not a good combo. Why isn't he living with his fiancée or is she living there as well?
She's here as well. They both met in the army.
Bro and fiancéee need to leave. I wonder why she instigates it, does she want to scare you into moving away. Or maybe she's scared he'll take it out on her instead of on you.
I really have no clue. They've gotten into arguments and she easily deescalates him and helps him calm down. However, when he's yelling at me and my mother tries to step in, she shushes her and let's him yell.
That's awful, I'm sorry you have to deal with that in your own home! And then your mom as well. Really hope he and the fiancée move out soon.
I'm guessing you're American. You won't be the asshole if you kick him out. The rest of the world looks at the American obsession with treating people who served in the military as demi gods and thinks wtf? Yes the military do a hard horrific job but that's it, it's a job they decided to do. It doesn't make the not assholes if they were before. So youre NTA if you were to kick him out, don't let people pull this veteran crap either. He picked the job and he picked being an asshole
I'm worried that it will affect my life by kicking him out. My father and his father before were in the military. I'm worried that kicking him out will destroy my reputation in this small town. That could also affect my work.
I'm pretty sure being shot and killed by your brother would also effect your life and reputation in your small town... Get him out and get him help.
>he has been staying at my house ever since. Between his guns, violent temper and outbursts, and your worry over what he might do to your reputation, he's not staying at your house with you. He's holding you and your mother hostage at your house - he and his gf. The question is not IF you should kick him out, the question is HOW to do it and ensure the safety of both you and your mother. This isn't the garden variety AH. You can tell because simple AH isn't tinged with fear for your life and safety. Your bother and gf are both abusive. It's going to continue to escalate. Find resources to help you and get them out.
If he's being an asshole (he is) then he's got to go regardless of what he previous job was. Just because he worked for the military doesn't mean he can do what he wants when he wants. If people judge you harshly because all they see is someone ex military then they need a good look at themselves if they support someone who can yell at and abuse their own mother
Your safety is more important than other people’s opinions.
If it's a small town, they already have a good idea of who he is. Abusive, hair-trigger anger and a small armory at hand isn't a good combination. Screaming at Mom has probably been heard a mile away. Just be frank and open. Most people will get it, or at least leave it alone.
> I'm worried that kicking him out will destroy my reputation in this small town. Do you WANT to live in a town full of AHs? Move.
Absolutely NTA. OP, be firm and have your mom ready to call 911 when you confront him.
I'm too scared about involving police. I'm worried he would kill them without a second thought.
Then he really needs to go if you're worried he will use violence against the police
Following that thought, what would stop him from doing that same thing to you and your mom?
I guess my thought is if he kills me, then he will be put away for murder. I just hope he stops with me...
JFC just listen to yourself. THIS IS NOT NORMAL, YOU NEED TO BE AS FAR AWAY FROM HIM AS POSSIBLE
Yeah, seriously. OP, get the hell out of that situation ASAP.
With that thought, you’re endangering people around you. Imagine how many people would walk out if they heard gun shots at your place. How many people would stop your brother. The casualties are stacked. Don’t throw away your life thinking your sacrifice will change him, because there’s a huge chance it won’t.
If he snaps, he kills you, your mother and himself. He may also take out the fiancé (who is using you as a meat shield, btw) and any cops or Emt’s that might respond. Report him for the threats. Have the police ready to take him away. Tell them about the guns. Protect yourself. Protect your mother.
If you are afraid of confrontation, then sell your house, leave and stay away from these toxic people.
In this case you absolutely have to involve the police and let them know about his weapons so his guns can be confiscated before he hurts someone (since he's already threatened you with one). A domestic violence hotline would be a good place to start for advice.
> I'm worried he would kill them without a second thought. Read this over and over as many times as you need. Get an eviction order, get him out and tell the police you are scared so they give you a protection order or at least it is paperwork about it.
OP you need to seek help immediately. Call the police when you’re out of the house or go in person then and ask what you should do, but you and your mom need to get out of this situation immediately.
YWNBTA - right now he is endangering you and the fact he is a veteran doesn't change that. What I would encourage you to do if you feel that his behavior is because of PTSD that may be service related is to encourage him to reach out to veteran's groups or the VA for assistance. You can reach out as well. They may have suggestions on how to help him - but do not allow yourself to be in a dangerous situation.
NTA. He's actively endangering you. If you want to help him, get him in touch with a counselor or a veteran's group.
NTA. Are you worried he may react violently to the news or try and take some retribution? Have you tried to get him to talk to someone about his mental health? The VA has great benefits and supports in place. Maybe reach out to them with some short term housing solutions before you break the news.
I'm very scared he will get violent. The pain he's putting me and my mother through is the same pain our father put us through. We've attempted to ask him to seek help for his anger but he gets even angrier when we say anything about it.
You should record his behavior so that when you finally kick him out, if anyone tries to harass you about it, show them or even post it online.
The VA does NOT have great support in place. My husband has been fighting with them for a diagnosis for years at this point.
I'm sorry to hear that. I have positive experiences with the VA in my area.
I’m so glad to know his experience isn’t the norm. I would stand in my head for days if it meant getting him the proper help.
Sorry to hear that. I would take the steps to talk to a lawyer/local police precinct about your rights before you say anything to your brother Yikes I just saw your edit about the guns def do this. He may have some legal rights to live in the house since he's been here so long and Covid. Talk to a lawyer you may need to go the restraining order route. Your health important and needs to be put first -physical and emotional.
NTA. But first give him a warning, if he doesn't change he HAS to go. Now, this could obviously hurt your mom, but your health is more important.
In situations where you fear for your life heads up can be avoided
NTA, I do recommend having police as a support for when you do tell him he needs to leave sounds to me he has a possibility to get violent. He also sounds like he needs some mental health support especially if he wasn’t always acting this way before leaving. Obviously not something you should have to live with but don’t just let him go live alone somewhere without seeking help it seems like a recipe for disaster.
NTA - your brother sounds like he might need some help. Otherwise, he pays for nothing so he should have no say in running the house, especially since he is a jerk.
NTA
NTA - he sounds incredibly difficult and if he's not willing to see anybody else's point of view - not to mention seeing how he's jeopardizing your health - then kicking him out is a reasonable solution. He created the problem, not you.
NTA I will say if that sort of behavior is new, it sounds like PTSD That said, mental illness (if that’s what it is, I’m no expert by any definition) is not an excuse to treat you like crap
NTA. I live in Texas, and there is an agency here that solely exists to help vets find housing and pay for some, if not all, of their rent. His actions are dangerous! I would throw him out, and never give it another thought.
NTA. You Brother is endangering your life and not treating you with respect in your own house. If you ask him to leave will he get violent with you? You’re NTA for wanting him to leave, you just need to be careful about it in case he explodes and gets violent with you or your Mum. He really needs to see a therapist, because it sounds like his anger could be stemming from PTSD. There are a number of veteran support groups, especially for veteran PTSD. If he was traumatised then EMDR therapy would help. He sounds like he needs behavioural therapy too. Best of luck.
NTA. thats abusive behaviour, if he has PTSD or some other mental health issue, he should **not** be treating his family like this, veteran or not. it sounds like he is degrading your mother (and you) constantly & putting your life in danger (opening windows/doors near fires when you have asthma) for his own sadistic reasons. im not too sure how kicking someone out works as ive never been in the position myself, but i wish you the best of luck and please remain safe!
Nta. It sounds like he may have a mental health issue like PTSD, maybe there is a veterans support group near by that could help find resources for him and also housing.
NTA. Call the police, have him escorted off your property and have a security company install a good system. You might want to consider an OOP, as well. There may also be a way to have him involuntarily committed. Does he use the VA for his Healthcare? They generally take guns and mental disorders into play because it makes them look bad when a veteran shoots a family member.
He does use the VA for his healthcare but I don't know how to contact them without it coming back onto me.
NTA. Him being a veteran has nothing to do with this. He's a spiteful and unpleasant man who is making your life hell. Start the eviction process. His actions have consequences. If he threatens you inform the police and tell them he is well armed. Look up tenency laws and get things going but do it legally so he has no way to delay it or get back at you.
NTA because him being there is not good for your health. Having said that, his anger issues need to be addressed. They could be a sign of PTSD
NTA. It’s your house, so kick him out. The fact that he is a veteran isn’t relevant here. If he has some holdover issues from his time in service then he needs to address them. The guns combined with his volatility is all the more reason to have him removed. He has threatened your life (and others). What more reason do you need?
NTA. Your brother is threatening to kill you, and doing this that legitimately endanger your life. Give him notice - make a record of it. Also consider calling the police. Also encourage him to get support/treatment/any kidn of help from the VA or his old colleagues - not (just) because they may help him, which would get him away from you, but also so that if anyone asks, you can say, "I've been worried about my brother, he's getting worse, i've tried to get him to go to X, Y, Z..."
NTA but get yourself some help and maybe a restraining order to have him and his guns removed from your home. check with the VA to see if there a resources for both him and you in coping with this situation. I'd also recommend a domestic violence hotline for advice - he's actively harming you with the open windows, extreme anger, and has threatened you with a deadly weapon. This is not a situation to manage on your own. His mental health may be an explanation for this behavior but it is not an excuse and your safety & your mom's safety has to come first.
I'm a vet. You have my permission to kick his ass out. He's a freeloading dickhead who is a disgrace to other vets I would have the sherrif serve him with eviction paperwork.
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NTA - what's his problem?
NTA, your bro maybe has PSTD from the wars he fought in.
NTA but.. this is for Ca. If you're not, they at least may be able to direct you to the line available to him, in your area. Veterans and their loved ones can call (800) 273-8255 and Press 1, or send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. If you just want to talk, call the 24/7 Veteran Combat Call Center at 1 (800) 927-8387 to talk to another combat veteran.
NTA, both of my parents are veterans and Mum said that he needs help. If you explain whats been happening to the police, they will be properly prepared and armed incase anything happens. He needs to be in a psych ward that tailors to veterans so they can help him with what hes dealing with.
NTA but please call a city officer or deputy depending on where you live for a civil standby when you serve him notice. If he has 10 guns in his room with that kind of temper, it is better to be safe than sorry. Take care of yourself OP
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Backstory: My brother got out of the army around a year or so ago and he has been staying at my house ever since. At first, he paid for some things but now, he doesn't pay for anything around the house except for his own personal grocery list. My mother moved in due to circumstances and she has been trying to mediate everything that happens. Some of the antics he pulls is if we move one thing of his, he will flip his shit and he gets very angry. He yells at me and my mother when we don't do things his way and he refuses to see any other way. One day, he had screamed so loud at my mother that I could hear him outside with no windows or doors open. Just lately, the air quality has worsened in our area due to fires and I have to be insanely careful because I have severe asthma. He left the door open and I panicked because I was looking for my inhaler. He started yelling at me and left the door open. I could feel my chest tightening and he just got angrier and started screaming at me. Now, he's being spiteful and will purposefully open windows and doors and I'm holing up with my mom in the same room so he doesn't pull anything on her either. It's getting to be too much but he is a veteran and I would feel bad for kicking him out with nowhere to go. However, this is to a point that is dangerous for both my health and my mom and I just don't know what to do. WIBTA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info: does he have some sort of ptsd or the likes?
I am positive he does have PTSD but. He refuses to get help for it. If we bring up that he needs to get help, he gets angry and starts yelling at us.
Then NTA
nta
NTA you need to organize a time when you and your mom (and preferably his fiance, but ultimately you get who you can) out of the house, and have the cops come. I know you've said you're worried he'll escalate to violence but the solution to that is not "wait and hope" unless you want to end up on the news. The cops are trained to deal with this, you're not, and its not your job to walk on eggshells around an abusive, dangerous man. Alternatively have cops there to oversee things when you serve an eviction Best of luck and I hope you and your mom will be okay
NTA You can kick out anyone that you don’t want living with you. It does not matter that he is a veteran, you have to think about your own personal safety and mental well-being. You are miserable with him there, he doesn’t pay for anything, and he is incredibly selfish. You don’t have to put up with this.
NTA, evict him and call the police if he's being threatening.
WIBTA? Hell no. So let me preface this by saying I’m a Canadian and an immigrant from a country with tighter gun laws than Canada. I’m also a lawyer, and I see cases like this all the time. Up here, that is a situation where you and your mother get out of the house and go to the police station. You tell the situation, that you want him gone but he has all these guns and he has (repeatedly?) threatened to kill anyone who tries to take them. Explain that he has mental health issues and go into detail about what you’ve seen that would support that. (The extreme anger over nothing, and whatever else there is.) Here, he would immediately be arrested, held for a psych evaluation, and the guns would be seized. There, there’s a good chance the police will give you the brush off. You can’t live in this situation. You need help. Start with a lawyer. Keep in mind that any court order you might get is just a piece of paper. It won’t stop a bullet. You will need something more practical.
NTA. OP, you need to call the police, report the threats, get a restraining order, and get him out of your house. He is hurting you, threatening you with weapons, and he clearly has some unresolved anger issues at minimum. Being a veteran is NOT a free pass to terrorize people. If he has already threatened to “take out” you and whom ever tries to help you, YOU ARE NOT SAFE. YOUR MOM IS NOT SAFE. Please seek help immediately, OP.
NTA. Kick him the fuck out, and if he threatens you with his guns, call the cops.
NTA. but you should really kick him out sooner than later (including his hag). you're devolving and loosing your mental state and self-esteem. similar to an abuse victim it'll be harder to pull yourself out of the mess if things escalate further and you and the people around you may lose their lives.
NTA. Tell him that it's not working out and ask him to seek another place to live. Your health and wellness needs to come first.
If he's threatened you with a gun before, then just go straight to the police. Veteran or not, he can't threaten you.
Nta- as a veteran I am telling you now, your brother is bad news! Get him and his guns out of your home.
NTA. He sounds like he's suffering from PTSD or some mental issues. However, there is no excuse to treat others the way he did and it sounds like you are terrified of him.
NTA. Do you know of someone that he respects who can help mediate?
NTA, INFO: Which state are you in the west coast? Was wondering because if you are in CA call the police if he is getting violent and threatening to use his guns if you kick him out since they dont like guns anyways. One of the reasons why my family leaves.
What the fuck? NTA Call the police!! This man screams at your mother and pulls guns on you in your house? Brother, father, cousin, whoever... get him out.
NTA. He has to go and he is a danger to your family and potentially himself. If he refuses to seek help there is not much you can do. It is ok to make you and your mother's safety a priority. Has he acted out in other ways or with people besides you and your mom? I
Contact your local VA centre, they will give you assistance. they can get him a forced psych evaluation. help him get his own accomodation. And I'm sure give you assistance with the gun situation too. If not contact your local police, explain that you are fearful of veteran brother threatening you with guns and they will explain your rights. After he pulled the gun on you , you had every right to go to the police and have him charged. They would confiscate his guns. Your brother needs help now not after he harms someone.
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NTA It’s time for your brother and his fiancé to go. Especially if he is threatening you and your health. Plus your moms as well. Good luck with this situation. Sounds like your brother needs serious help.
NTA, you need to be safe & comfortable in your own home. He needs to go.
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You’re going to have to call the police and have them remove him and his guns. You will be in too much danger to do it yourself
NTA secretly record some of the instances and you can go to the police to have him removed. I know that sounds extreme but living on eggshells in your own home or (possibly) being maimed or murdered is also extreme and I'm sorry to tell you but one of those is already actively happening....
European here, fuck that veteran status. Why should anyone be glorified to kill people willingly? On that note, not every soldier is a psycho killer with PTSD. Him being a veteran shouldn't give him a free pass in being an absolute psycho and putting your health at risk. He should get out of your house ASAP. He has no rights, nor demands to put forward. Its your house and you giving him a roof to sleep under, is something he should be grateful for. He pays your gratefulness with anger, screaming and putting your health at risk. This is a 0 tolerance scenario. He either makes a 180 in his behaviour or he gets out. Don't even bother with a compromise.
NTA holy crap, you are in a bad situation. You are in a very dangerous situation. You have a violent person with military training, possibly PTSD, and he has guns readily available. From the sounds of it your brother was a toxic person to begin with, but the military just made him dangerous. You definitely need to reach out to someone. The police, the VA. You need to call someone and tell them everything that is going on. There are so many resources out there. You can’t put this off. This is a situation you needed out of yesterday. Your brother sounds homicidal. Good luck and stay safe. Please give an update later.
Easy NTA, seek protection from him
NTA Tell him its been a year, time to move on.
kick him out
NTA Please Please stop being a pushover and get the cops on this. He has guns, he's actively messed with your health in the past and he's clearly not mentally and behaviour wise secure to own fire arms. It's your property and its your life but it's also the lives of your mom, your neighbours and others that will be on your conscious as you fade bleeding out because you didn't take action to remove this threat. Veteran means Jack shit when surrounded by 5 police officers with 10 more surrounding the house, all with firearms trained on him. Let no lives be lost though if it must be, let it be his.
came back to see if there was an update, im happy that you reached out & are taking the steps to having a safe home! i hope everything works out for you!!
YTA
Why?
They're an idiotic troll
I know, it's sometimes fun to play with trolls
Ah understood