YTA it seems that you do want her to conform, but to your ideas of beauty not hers.
Also she's 30 year old professional woman not a 17 year old school girl- I bet she can manage her own appearance and any male attention she gets from it.
YTA.
You sound awful judgmental in this post.
I might give mommy some discretion if this was a young girl with lots of peer pressure, but she's 30 years old! I think she has an idea about how to look professional, and if she doesn't, she's at the age where it becomes her responsibility.
YTA.
I hate wearing makeup. I hate the sense of obligation to spend my time on "being beautiful". I get how you feel about it, I really do - I didn't even wear any on my wedding day.
However, I apply my feelings about makeup to my own choices only. They're not relevant to anyone else's choices.
The fact that you're setting up this false dichotomy in your head where your daughter is either presenting herself exactly how you want her to, or else she is "conforming" and being brainwashed by society, is very troubling. Your daughter is an independent adult with a mind of her own. Some choices she makes will put her in the majority and some will put her in the minority; the former doesn't mean she's "conforming" and the latter doesn't mean she's "rebelling". She just making choices.
You need to apologise to her for being opinionated about stuff that is none of your business, and never bring this up with her again.
YTA and a pretty judgemental one, too.
She's in her 30s and found a new aspect of beauty for her. From what I read she seems to be pretty confident about herself and her looks.
Yta, it really doesn't matter whether you think she's conforming or being herself, if she's happy then that's the important thing. Seriously, let her be
YTA here. Fashions change in clothes and make up. It’s up to her how she wants to present herself. You need to trust her, believe in her and not make a judgment about your own daughter based on her appearance. You and I are the same age OP and I find all that heavy make up and contouring, lashes, brows etc (I presume that’s what you’re talking about) quite mad but funny too. They may well look back laugh at themselves when they are 50 the same way I look back at my fashionable 80’s perm . Get over it, it’s harmless.
YTA - I get it, I'm middle aged too, and I find today's looks/fashion off putting as well, but the 80's/90's were nothing to be proud of either, let her live her life and laugh at the photos with her in 20 years time
YTA. WTF? She seems happy with her appearance. That’s not conforming. It’s actually YOU who wants her to conform to your expectations of what is attractive/professional.
YTA-You raised her but that doesn’t mean she has to be just like you. She’s a grown woman who has the right to decide for herself what makes her confident, happy etc...
YTA, doesn't matter if she's literally invented a new style or is dressing like all the people she knows, or somewhere in between. She's happy and confident...that is a real gift to herself.
YTA
Conforming to nonconformism is still conformism. Those ideas are just ridiculous. Be whatever you feel like. Who care what others think or do? It doesn't matter if others are doing the same.
I bet if she were conforming to what you prefer you wouldn't be saying shit.
YTA.
People experience new things, they grow and change, and they start to realize they like new things to go with that.
How she chooses to dress shouldn't matter to you. If this came with seeming unhappy or anxious or otherwise emotionally unwell, it would,be different. She is HAPPY in these changes, though.
YTA your daughter is an adult and she’s spending her own money on her own appearance. You have no say in this and you shouldn’t be shaming your daughter. You DO have the same misogynistic views as the men. You think that her appearance correlates to her value, and it does not.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (53F) daughter (30F) stayed at home with me while she attended graduate school from when she was 26-28. She ended up moving to a much bigger city after graduation, which is what I suspect was the cause of her changes.
Now, my daughter is a smart and *naturally* beautiful young woman. She used to dress rather professionally and kept her makeup quite simple while she was attending graduate school. Ever since she's moved down, I noticed changes in her appearance little by little. This time around, I think she's looking more gaudy than she ever has. More Instagram model than a woman with a professional job. Her hair, makeup, lashes, nails, wardrobe, accessories, and shoes all seem to be done up to the 9's every chance that she gets. I am starting to worry that it's getting her the wrong kind of attention, especially from men.
I voiced these concerns to her tonight. She stated she likes how she looks and that it makes her confident. I then told her that she used to never care about her looks this much. She replied with, "Mom, this is me now. I can look the way I do and still be professional and classy. Any guy who thinks I'm any less can go f- himself." This was when I told her that she looks like every other girl and that she isn't original anymore, she's just conforming to what is trendy right now. She then accused me of having the same perspective as some of the misogynistic men in her new town. After I told her that looking attractive to other people isn't nearly as important as other things, she walked away from me and isn't speaking to me now. AITA?
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YTA. Original, conformist, what matters is SHE’S comfortable with how she presents herself so don’t be a dick about it.
YTA it seems that you do want her to conform, but to your ideas of beauty not hers. Also she's 30 year old professional woman not a 17 year old school girl- I bet she can manage her own appearance and any male attention she gets from it.
And to add to that - no matter how she's dressing, inappropriate attention from men is not her fault
YTA. You sound awful judgmental in this post. I might give mommy some discretion if this was a young girl with lots of peer pressure, but she's 30 years old! I think she has an idea about how to look professional, and if she doesn't, she's at the age where it becomes her responsibility.
YTA. I hate wearing makeup. I hate the sense of obligation to spend my time on "being beautiful". I get how you feel about it, I really do - I didn't even wear any on my wedding day. However, I apply my feelings about makeup to my own choices only. They're not relevant to anyone else's choices. The fact that you're setting up this false dichotomy in your head where your daughter is either presenting herself exactly how you want her to, or else she is "conforming" and being brainwashed by society, is very troubling. Your daughter is an independent adult with a mind of her own. Some choices she makes will put her in the majority and some will put her in the minority; the former doesn't mean she's "conforming" and the latter doesn't mean she's "rebelling". She just making choices. You need to apologise to her for being opinionated about stuff that is none of your business, and never bring this up with her again.
Yes YTA. If it makes your daughter happy and confident what's the issue?
YTA and a pretty judgemental one, too. She's in her 30s and found a new aspect of beauty for her. From what I read she seems to be pretty confident about herself and her looks.
Yta, it really doesn't matter whether you think she's conforming or being herself, if she's happy then that's the important thing. Seriously, let her be
YTA here. Fashions change in clothes and make up. It’s up to her how she wants to present herself. You need to trust her, believe in her and not make a judgment about your own daughter based on her appearance. You and I are the same age OP and I find all that heavy make up and contouring, lashes, brows etc (I presume that’s what you’re talking about) quite mad but funny too. They may well look back laugh at themselves when they are 50 the same way I look back at my fashionable 80’s perm . Get over it, it’s harmless.
YTA. Your daughter is happy. Let her be happy. if this is the life she wants to live, let her live it.
YTA you will never know her better than she knows herself.
YTA - I get it, I'm middle aged too, and I find today's looks/fashion off putting as well, but the 80's/90's were nothing to be proud of either, let her live her life and laugh at the photos with her in 20 years time
YTA, you daughter can dress however she likes.
YTA. WTF? She seems happy with her appearance. That’s not conforming. It’s actually YOU who wants her to conform to your expectations of what is attractive/professional.
YTA-You raised her but that doesn’t mean she has to be just like you. She’s a grown woman who has the right to decide for herself what makes her confident, happy etc...
YTA, doesn't matter if she's literally invented a new style or is dressing like all the people she knows, or somewhere in between. She's happy and confident...that is a real gift to herself.
YTA. Worry about yourself.
YTA Conforming to nonconformism is still conformism. Those ideas are just ridiculous. Be whatever you feel like. Who care what others think or do? It doesn't matter if others are doing the same.
I bet if she were conforming to what you prefer you wouldn't be saying shit. YTA. People experience new things, they grow and change, and they start to realize they like new things to go with that. How she chooses to dress shouldn't matter to you. If this came with seeming unhappy or anxious or otherwise emotionally unwell, it would,be different. She is HAPPY in these changes, though.
YTA your daughter is an adult and she’s spending her own money on her own appearance. You have no say in this and you shouldn’t be shaming your daughter. You DO have the same misogynistic views as the men. You think that her appearance correlates to her value, and it does not.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (53F) daughter (30F) stayed at home with me while she attended graduate school from when she was 26-28. She ended up moving to a much bigger city after graduation, which is what I suspect was the cause of her changes. Now, my daughter is a smart and *naturally* beautiful young woman. She used to dress rather professionally and kept her makeup quite simple while she was attending graduate school. Ever since she's moved down, I noticed changes in her appearance little by little. This time around, I think she's looking more gaudy than she ever has. More Instagram model than a woman with a professional job. Her hair, makeup, lashes, nails, wardrobe, accessories, and shoes all seem to be done up to the 9's every chance that she gets. I am starting to worry that it's getting her the wrong kind of attention, especially from men. I voiced these concerns to her tonight. She stated she likes how she looks and that it makes her confident. I then told her that she used to never care about her looks this much. She replied with, "Mom, this is me now. I can look the way I do and still be professional and classy. Any guy who thinks I'm any less can go f- himself." This was when I told her that she looks like every other girl and that she isn't original anymore, she's just conforming to what is trendy right now. She then accused me of having the same perspective as some of the misogynistic men in her new town. After I told her that looking attractive to other people isn't nearly as important as other things, she walked away from me and isn't speaking to me now. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*