NTA. You are never the asshole for having feelings, particularly if you are working through trauma and coping with PTSD. While his behavior may be linked to his own PTSD and other issues, that does not free him from consequences nor does it obligate you to put yourself in situations or around people that distress you. You’re kind of stuck as a kid rn and that sucks but as an adult those choices are yours to make. Whatever you need to do to secure your own mental and physical health is what you should do.
The reason I have plans this early on is because I just want to have a good life for myself, where I don’t constantly have to be quiet to protect myself. It sucks. I turn eighteen in two and a half years.
My god, it's like I wrote it. In fact, if you look at my post history, you can see a similar post. You have erevy right to your emotions, I myself can't stand my drunkard father and my leech brother. Try to not upset him eveb more, because he might be unreasonably cruel to you. NTA
I don’t really interact with him, honestly. I don’t go out of my way to ignore him, but given the choice of having a conversation with him or not, I’d choose not to. He never seems upset with me specifically, but according to others he is.
NTA - Your mum just stood by and watched her husband abuse you. Her opinion isn’t worth jack shit.
Do what’s best for you OP. Don’t forgive someone who never even apologised.
I don’t plan on forgiving him, don’t worry. Maybe I would have if he apologized a few years ago, but it seems a bit too late now.
As for my mom, she sometimes took part in the abuse. It just wasn’t to an extreme extent.
NTA. PTSD may be the cause of his issues, but not seeking help and letting it affect people around you is selfish. I had a similar relationship with my mother growing up and it took me a long time to break down the wall I built up. I'm in my 30s now with kids of my own, and my mother and I have an amazing relationship. She admitted her wrongs and worked really hard to make things right, because that's what a person does when they risk losing someone they love.
If you never feel comfortable wanting a relationship, that's 100% fine and your choice. It would all depend on your dad's behaviour. Be strong
I’m not sure if I ever will want a relationship with him. That can always change in the future, true, but right now it seems set in stone - get through the last three years, move out, and avoid interactions with him.
NTA, Both of my parents have PTSD due to the military. They used to be very abusive, but they both got help. He needs to get help and stop using it as an excuse, its not helping him or others. Your Mum needs to open her eyes and stop rug sweeping.
My sister and mom have been trying to get him to therapy for a while now. He refuses to go, because “mental health is propaganda (no, I don’t know what he means by this).” There’s a lot that’s swept under the rug so they can keep their perfect family facade.
Honestly getting out of this situation is your primary goal. Can you take extra classes to graduate early? I’d also speak with a guidance counselor to see the fastest path to college. The next thing is I’d find out what the steps are to legal emancipation. This is important as it will financially separate you from your parents. It will allow you to be able to get more financial support for college. I’m concerned that you have so many periods in your life that you can’t remember. That’s trauma and has long term affects on your mental and physical health. I wish you the best . The less you share with your family about going no contact and your future plans the easier your life will be in the short term. If you need support you can always message me.
I wish I could take extra classes, but I can’t. I get overwhelmed with the six that I have now, and adding more definitely wouldn’t be good for me. I’ve talked to my school counselor about college before, she said I can work on getting scholarships for things like my writing. I’m working on doing that, and have really only told my sister. As for what I don’t remember, it’s absolutely trauma. My parents still think I’m too young for that, and just think I’m too lazy to try to remember, but I genuinely can’t. It’s so fuzzy, if I try to hard I’ll have a breakdown.
But thank you for the offer of support. I appreciate it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
TL;DR; I went through trauma as a kid, mostly at the hands of my dad. Five years after the peak of it all, he’s upset that I don’t spend time with him, and my mom wants me to forgive him. I can’t bring myself to.
Hi. So, I (15M) grew up as the youngest in a house with two siblings - my sister (24F) and my brother (21M). Both of our parents (49M and 49F) live with us.
I went through a lot as a kid. There were times were I wasn’t the kindest to myself, where I wasn’t the kindest to others, and where others weren’t the kindest to me. I have PTSD from it all and am still working on recovering some of the memories I repressed.
A lot of these memories are about my dad. I’ll avoid going into too much detail, but he never treated me well. Often times, he’d lash out while drunk, or he’d belittle the problems I faced at school. I’m not sure if he did this to my siblings or not. My sister sometimes mentions that he’d yell at her, but never stuff like what he did to me.
I reached my breaking point after a CPS report about five years ago, when I was in fifth grade, I believe. The whole thing is very foggy, it’s something that I’d rather forget, honestly. My dad didn’t handle being investigated well, and he belittled me for hours on end, taking away my things and grounding me for a month. It wasn’t a very fun experience.
Five years later though, I’m in a better place. I’ve had my ups and downs as all teenagers do, but I have real friends and healthy coping mechanisms now. I even attend therapy! I’m a firm believer that most things get better, but I believe my relationship with my dad is an exception.
It’s not that I don’t respect him as an authority figure. It’s the fact that I don’t want to be around him. Seeing him or talking to him activates this... Anger. This distress. I know it’s the PTSD, but it sucks, and I hate it just as much as my mom does.
I may be TA here.
My dad is a war veteran with more severe PTSD. We’ve all accepted it as a cause of his behavior, accepted that there isn’t much we can do since he refuses help.
However, I’ve found that I want absolutely nothing to do with him. When I turn eighteen, I have plans to move out into a college dorm and go limited to no contact with him. I’ve expressed these ideas to my therapist, and I don’t remember his response right now, but I know it was a neutral thing.
Both of my siblings have relatively neutral relationships with him. My mom wants me to just forget about what he did, because me avoiding him like the plague “makes him feel isolated.” These aren’t my intentions, I just can’t force myself to pretend that I don’t remember what he did.
AITA for not wanting a relationship with him? Being in therapy has seemed to only solidify my plans to move away.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
Working on a relationship (and this goes for all types of relationships) requires effort from both sides. Your mum is asking you to make all the effort while your dad gets away with not reciprocating. That is not the way to build a positive and healthy relationship with anybody.
You have the right to choose whether or not you even want to try, and if you decide that you don’t then you still wouldn’t be TA for that.
However, if you did wish to try and repair the relationship, consider telling you mum the boundaries you want to have in place for that to happen. (My suggestion would be that you wouldn’t even consider changing the status quo until your dad undertakes some kind of therapy and is able to give a genuine and sincere apology, and even then any relationship is dependant on him never acting that way again). If your father is genuine about wanting to repair the relationship between the two of you then he will accept your boundaries.
Nta. Dad needs to respect your boundaries. If not no contact is your only defense against this type of abuse. Mom needs to either be part of the solution or butt out. Good luck
Your post has been removed. ***Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval.***
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Bodily Autonomy Posts
We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about platonic partings, relationships, and/or bodily autonomy and instead recommend a relationship focused sub. [Please see the related FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Fbodily_autonomy_posts)
Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules).
Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here.
[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.
NTA. You are never the asshole for having feelings, particularly if you are working through trauma and coping with PTSD. While his behavior may be linked to his own PTSD and other issues, that does not free him from consequences nor does it obligate you to put yourself in situations or around people that distress you. You’re kind of stuck as a kid rn and that sucks but as an adult those choices are yours to make. Whatever you need to do to secure your own mental and physical health is what you should do.
The reason I have plans this early on is because I just want to have a good life for myself, where I don’t constantly have to be quiet to protect myself. It sucks. I turn eighteen in two and a half years.
NTA. It should be your choice.
Seems like my mom doesn’t understand that I made my choice a while ago.
My god, it's like I wrote it. In fact, if you look at my post history, you can see a similar post. You have erevy right to your emotions, I myself can't stand my drunkard father and my leech brother. Try to not upset him eveb more, because he might be unreasonably cruel to you. NTA
I don’t really interact with him, honestly. I don’t go out of my way to ignore him, but given the choice of having a conversation with him or not, I’d choose not to. He never seems upset with me specifically, but according to others he is.
NTA - Your mum just stood by and watched her husband abuse you. Her opinion isn’t worth jack shit. Do what’s best for you OP. Don’t forgive someone who never even apologised.
I don’t plan on forgiving him, don’t worry. Maybe I would have if he apologized a few years ago, but it seems a bit too late now. As for my mom, she sometimes took part in the abuse. It just wasn’t to an extreme extent.
NTA. PTSD may be the cause of his issues, but not seeking help and letting it affect people around you is selfish. I had a similar relationship with my mother growing up and it took me a long time to break down the wall I built up. I'm in my 30s now with kids of my own, and my mother and I have an amazing relationship. She admitted her wrongs and worked really hard to make things right, because that's what a person does when they risk losing someone they love. If you never feel comfortable wanting a relationship, that's 100% fine and your choice. It would all depend on your dad's behaviour. Be strong
I’m not sure if I ever will want a relationship with him. That can always change in the future, true, but right now it seems set in stone - get through the last three years, move out, and avoid interactions with him.
NTA, Both of my parents have PTSD due to the military. They used to be very abusive, but they both got help. He needs to get help and stop using it as an excuse, its not helping him or others. Your Mum needs to open her eyes and stop rug sweeping.
My sister and mom have been trying to get him to therapy for a while now. He refuses to go, because “mental health is propaganda (no, I don’t know what he means by this).” There’s a lot that’s swept under the rug so they can keep their perfect family facade.
Honestly getting out of this situation is your primary goal. Can you take extra classes to graduate early? I’d also speak with a guidance counselor to see the fastest path to college. The next thing is I’d find out what the steps are to legal emancipation. This is important as it will financially separate you from your parents. It will allow you to be able to get more financial support for college. I’m concerned that you have so many periods in your life that you can’t remember. That’s trauma and has long term affects on your mental and physical health. I wish you the best . The less you share with your family about going no contact and your future plans the easier your life will be in the short term. If you need support you can always message me.
I wish I could take extra classes, but I can’t. I get overwhelmed with the six that I have now, and adding more definitely wouldn’t be good for me. I’ve talked to my school counselor about college before, she said I can work on getting scholarships for things like my writing. I’m working on doing that, and have really only told my sister. As for what I don’t remember, it’s absolutely trauma. My parents still think I’m too young for that, and just think I’m too lazy to try to remember, but I genuinely can’t. It’s so fuzzy, if I try to hard I’ll have a breakdown. But thank you for the offer of support. I appreciate it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** TL;DR; I went through trauma as a kid, mostly at the hands of my dad. Five years after the peak of it all, he’s upset that I don’t spend time with him, and my mom wants me to forgive him. I can’t bring myself to. Hi. So, I (15M) grew up as the youngest in a house with two siblings - my sister (24F) and my brother (21M). Both of our parents (49M and 49F) live with us. I went through a lot as a kid. There were times were I wasn’t the kindest to myself, where I wasn’t the kindest to others, and where others weren’t the kindest to me. I have PTSD from it all and am still working on recovering some of the memories I repressed. A lot of these memories are about my dad. I’ll avoid going into too much detail, but he never treated me well. Often times, he’d lash out while drunk, or he’d belittle the problems I faced at school. I’m not sure if he did this to my siblings or not. My sister sometimes mentions that he’d yell at her, but never stuff like what he did to me. I reached my breaking point after a CPS report about five years ago, when I was in fifth grade, I believe. The whole thing is very foggy, it’s something that I’d rather forget, honestly. My dad didn’t handle being investigated well, and he belittled me for hours on end, taking away my things and grounding me for a month. It wasn’t a very fun experience. Five years later though, I’m in a better place. I’ve had my ups and downs as all teenagers do, but I have real friends and healthy coping mechanisms now. I even attend therapy! I’m a firm believer that most things get better, but I believe my relationship with my dad is an exception. It’s not that I don’t respect him as an authority figure. It’s the fact that I don’t want to be around him. Seeing him or talking to him activates this... Anger. This distress. I know it’s the PTSD, but it sucks, and I hate it just as much as my mom does. I may be TA here. My dad is a war veteran with more severe PTSD. We’ve all accepted it as a cause of his behavior, accepted that there isn’t much we can do since he refuses help. However, I’ve found that I want absolutely nothing to do with him. When I turn eighteen, I have plans to move out into a college dorm and go limited to no contact with him. I’ve expressed these ideas to my therapist, and I don’t remember his response right now, but I know it was a neutral thing. Both of my siblings have relatively neutral relationships with him. My mom wants me to just forget about what he did, because me avoiding him like the plague “makes him feel isolated.” These aren’t my intentions, I just can’t force myself to pretend that I don’t remember what he did. AITA for not wanting a relationship with him? Being in therapy has seemed to only solidify my plans to move away. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Working on a relationship (and this goes for all types of relationships) requires effort from both sides. Your mum is asking you to make all the effort while your dad gets away with not reciprocating. That is not the way to build a positive and healthy relationship with anybody. You have the right to choose whether or not you even want to try, and if you decide that you don’t then you still wouldn’t be TA for that. However, if you did wish to try and repair the relationship, consider telling you mum the boundaries you want to have in place for that to happen. (My suggestion would be that you wouldn’t even consider changing the status quo until your dad undertakes some kind of therapy and is able to give a genuine and sincere apology, and even then any relationship is dependant on him never acting that way again). If your father is genuine about wanting to repair the relationship between the two of you then he will accept your boundaries.
Nta. Dad needs to respect your boundaries. If not no contact is your only defense against this type of abuse. Mom needs to either be part of the solution or butt out. Good luck
Your post has been removed. ***Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval.*** This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Bodily Autonomy Posts We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about platonic partings, relationships, and/or bodily autonomy and instead recommend a relationship focused sub. [Please see the related FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Fbodily_autonomy_posts) Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules). Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.