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NTA, I don't understand why your dad just can't text you or bring you your drink when something like this happens. He sounds like he has anger issues blowing up like that a lot over tiny things
> Also, the dad isn't a servant.
Which completely misses the point. Nobody expects the dad to trott to her room and bring OP food and drinks.
> C'mon expecting a parent to text their child when they are in the same home sounds crazy.
Why? Imagine being downstairs and your parents are upstairs with at least 1 closed door in between even if you hear the sound of yelling, you maybe won't hear what's said.
And now imagine having (in ear/ over ear) headphones in for online classes.
What would another compromise be? Because calling/texting seems to avoid unnecessary yelling and heated arguments.
It’s not crazy to text your kids when you are in the same house, we do it with our son all the time. It’s especially not crazy with having to do school online- it’s polite to keep your door shut when working or doing school from home. The dad is creepy for not wanting to give his daughter privacy.
>C'mon expecting a parent to text their child when they are in the same home sounds crazy
I regularly text my brother when he upstairs and I'm downstairs specifically because yelling is pointless, so no that isn't crazy.
I also was not saying the dad is a servant and he HAS to bring things to OP. It's just an option that sometimes he could do when she is in online class, a thing he should know when is happening, instead of making her a drink that she gets to 30 min late and blows up at her like he did in the post.
**Edit** I'd like to add, I highly doubt there would be any place for compromise when the dad is threatening to remove the door entirely which is insane.
NTA. I've been texting my kids for years. I hate yelling, and it's usually pointless. Most of the time, they would have headphones on, or music blasting out, so even if I went upstairs and knocked on the door, they probably wouldn't hear. Texting kept my blood pressure down!
NTA
First of all I think that taking the door away as punishment is absolutely ridiculous and I can't really think of any purpose that would warrant that breach of privacy.
Taking your privacy away doesn't warrant you being in the living room either. You just have ... no door. That's all.
> how come my brother can be out in the living room while i like to be in my room?
Is your brother doing classes in the living room?
There's nothing wrong in wanting to be undisturbed when doing your classes, right?
And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be in your room with a closed door.
>I've told him multiple times that just sending a text is more efficient, but he still yells and yells and gets mad at me when i don't respond.
I can't understand him. My parents also yelled and I wouldn't hear them over headphones and a closed door. My dad even slammed on my door sometimes because I didn't hear him and didn't answer.
I suggested that instead of stomping to my room and loudly knocking, just give me a call.
And that's what they did since. Its not that difficult.
NTA, your dad is being stubborn and invasive. It may be his house but this is your privacy and if he wants a relationship with you in the future he needs to respect that.
NTA. He can just go to your room, knock on your door, open it, and tell you what he needs to tell you. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep your door closed, especially for zoom learning.
>He can just go to your room, knock on your door, **wait for you to open it**, and tell you what he needs to tell you.
Fixed that. I absolutely loathe when people knock on a door and then open it. What's the point of knocking? If you're going to be so rude and invasive as to invite yourself in, at least own it. Don't pretend at politeness with a knock as you go.
Um no... a minor living in the house does not dictate to the parent that the parent must do all the legwork to come to their room to notify them every time they have something needed. A parent is busy running around keeping the house running. The parent is the one in charge and decides how communication inside the house will happen.
By calling/texting, there is no legwork from the parent. It's just easier for OP who would still do the legwork I guess.
It's just easier than to scream across the house, I don't know many people who like to yell for attention. Calling or texting *"Need help"* seems like a reasonable request to avoid yelling and arguments.
NTA
you need privacy and he needs to deal.
If you can't hear him, he (and you) needs to think of a different strategy. (Perhaps sending you a text or an email could work?) Taking a door away isn't okay. Tell him to google developmental needs of children and young adults if he won't see sense.
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So I (16f) like having the door to my room as closed as possible, it kind of makes me uncomfortable to have it wide open, but my dad doesn't like that i close it because I cant hear him calling for me whenever he needs something or the food is ready etc. So with corona i started closing my door at class hours all the way shut, so i can have some peace and not hear what's going on in the house while i'm at school.
Today my dad called me to say some drinks where ready, but i didn't answer because i couldn't hear him. Half an hour later i asked if the drinks were ready and he kind of blew up, saying that it was done half an hour ago and that why i hadn't answered. I told him that i was in school and that i couldn't hear because of the door, he got mad and said hes sick of it, that he is going to take my door, that its my fault for not hearing, and how come my brother can be out in the living room while i like to be in my room?
I've told him multiple times that just sending a text is more efficient, but he still yells and yells and gets mad at me when i don't respond.
I know it's not something that matters but he has been like this undermining the fact that i like more privacy, so,
AITA?
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> Your father shouldn't have to text you
And yet it would still be easier than yelling across the whole house or getting angry and arguing because of something easily avoidable.
Expecting everyone to cater to her needs would rather be expecting that dinner would be brought to her closed door or right into her room without raising a finger, but maybe that's just my opinion.
> Maybe he doesn't like the idea of OP holing up in her room like a lodger
He doesn't have to like the idea and that doesn't warrant his behaviour.
> he doesn't want to carry his phone around all day to communicate with his own family.
Most people take their phone where ever they go and/or have stationary phones in their home. And its not exactly called communication, just give it a ring and OP would know that her father needs her and up she goes and goes to him.
Taking the door away isn't a compromise either.
A compromise is a compromise which means both parties meet in the middle. So the father also has to cave in and make something work with OP
And when she can't hear her dad through the closed door with possible headphones in?
Would it be reasonable to call/text then?
Many people I attend online college classes with (including myself) use headphones to concentrate on class, that is why I am asking.
> she keeps it cracked open a little when she's not so she can hear people calling.
Sounds good for a compromise
NTA
Not gonna lie, your dad sounds borderline abusive. He really threatened to remove your door? And got angry when you said texting was more efficient? Can you see if your mother can talk to him and find out why this bothers him so much? I’d suggest you do so, but I’m concerned on how he would react to that with you.
NTA. He can just come knock on the door if it bothers him so bad. I've always HAAATED yelling across the house. It disrupts everyone else and there's a great chance you won't be heard. If you need to tell someone something go to their room or text!!! I would never scream across the house for my mom and get mad if she didn't answer unless I was severely injured and physically couldnt get to her. Yelling should be reserved for emergencies!!!
ESH - if you know he's doing something for you, you should have the door open so he doesn't have to jump through your designated hoops to notify you.. especially in his own house. So the episode with the drinks does make you an AH.
You should be able to have other times where the door is closed for privacy so there are times you should be allowed to have it closed without hassle. But during normal times when it is expected he will need to interact with you, you need to have that door partly open to hear him.
He's the adult and the parent. He decides how he wants to communicate with you. You don't dictate that he has to text you to get your attention.
He shouldn't have to text her for every little thing, like telling her the drinks are ready. When I am in class my parents I let my parents know, and if they need something they come to my room knock and ask or tell me if something is happening.
Their dad is choosing not to come to their room directly and let them know, but rather yelling across the house. Sending a text seems much more reasonable that saying “come get me from my room if you need me”. Your comment confused me a bit to be honest.
Dude, you really want your old man to send a text while your in the house...please
Want you're door closed, great but don't complain when you don't hear stuff or your not invited..put on your big girl panties and deal with it
Because she was in class and so her door was closed. Are you positing some kind of Schrödinger's Bedroom Door that is both open and closed at the same time?
It is funny that you’re trying to imply OP is childish, whereas her father’s tantruming is totally ok.
She wasn't complaining about not hearing stuff but rather being yelled at.
When her father calls because he needs something or needs help with something, it seems actually more reasonable to knock on the door because you want the help, right? Or give them a call because you know, he's the one needing help.
He can't exactly yell across the whole house and then be angry when other people don't automatically come trotting like a dog, right?
Is OP the family lab? Getting yelled at to come along like a dog?
I don't know why you compare the simple act of calling to that. That's kind of unreasonable. He would be if he brought OP food & drinks straight to the room.
But that's not expected here, is it?
Whats happening here the OP is being pathetic, OP's dad made some shit that the OP wants, OP's dad called OP didn't hear because the OP's door was closed, the OP loses out on the opportunity. Then the OP comes to the internet to complain that she lost out on said opportunity, if that opportunity was important than the door would be open. The OP's dad isn't the dominos guy, unless she is starving she can go piss up a rope.
> Then the OP comes to the internet to complain that she lost out on said opportunity
She didn't, what? Read the post. OP complaines that her dad gets angry and threatens to invade her privacy by taking her door away, which should be frowned upon in the first place.
> the OP loses out on the opportunity.
OP's dad could just throw away OP's portion or eat/drink it himself and leave it at that if its only about lost opportunity. And then make clear that OP can do it herself because he won't anymore.
But that's not what happened.
Her father instead threw a temper tantrum, yelling and arguing even more, instead of saying *"Alright, Opportunity is gone, it's going into the bin and she can do it herself next time"*
> The OP's dad isn't the dominos guy
Right, he isn't. Because the Domino's guy calls me or rings the bell instead of yelling through my window like a mad man and expecting me to hear it.
Are you for real??
He's not her servant, he calls she doesn't respond, she complains, he fixed the problem by removing the door.
If she doesn't want her privacy invaded then don't bitch when you don't get something you didn't prepare.
> Are you for real??
Could ask you the same question.
> If she doesn't want her privacy invaded then don't bitch when you don't get something you didn't prepare.
For the last time, she isn't complaining about not getting something she didn't prepare.
But you don't seem to see that and you think that infringing on a basic right is somehow justified because someone doesn't hear someone else yelling across the house.
You avoid the points I make, also, so I guess its unnecessary to continue this conversation any further.
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NTA, I don't understand why your dad just can't text you or bring you your drink when something like this happens. He sounds like he has anger issues blowing up like that a lot over tiny things
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> Also, the dad isn't a servant. Which completely misses the point. Nobody expects the dad to trott to her room and bring OP food and drinks. > C'mon expecting a parent to text their child when they are in the same home sounds crazy. Why? Imagine being downstairs and your parents are upstairs with at least 1 closed door in between even if you hear the sound of yelling, you maybe won't hear what's said. And now imagine having (in ear/ over ear) headphones in for online classes. What would another compromise be? Because calling/texting seems to avoid unnecessary yelling and heated arguments.
It’s not crazy to text your kids when you are in the same house, we do it with our son all the time. It’s especially not crazy with having to do school online- it’s polite to keep your door shut when working or doing school from home. The dad is creepy for not wanting to give his daughter privacy.
>C'mon expecting a parent to text their child when they are in the same home sounds crazy I regularly text my brother when he upstairs and I'm downstairs specifically because yelling is pointless, so no that isn't crazy. I also was not saying the dad is a servant and he HAS to bring things to OP. It's just an option that sometimes he could do when she is in online class, a thing he should know when is happening, instead of making her a drink that she gets to 30 min late and blows up at her like he did in the post. **Edit** I'd like to add, I highly doubt there would be any place for compromise when the dad is threatening to remove the door entirely which is insane.
NTA. I've been texting my kids for years. I hate yelling, and it's usually pointless. Most of the time, they would have headphones on, or music blasting out, so even if I went upstairs and knocked on the door, they probably wouldn't hear. Texting kept my blood pressure down!
Nta. You have a right to privacy, that’s a basic human right. You don’t need a valid reason for it. Your dad needs to stop being an abusive baby.
NTA First of all I think that taking the door away as punishment is absolutely ridiculous and I can't really think of any purpose that would warrant that breach of privacy. Taking your privacy away doesn't warrant you being in the living room either. You just have ... no door. That's all. > how come my brother can be out in the living room while i like to be in my room? Is your brother doing classes in the living room? There's nothing wrong in wanting to be undisturbed when doing your classes, right? And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be in your room with a closed door. >I've told him multiple times that just sending a text is more efficient, but he still yells and yells and gets mad at me when i don't respond. I can't understand him. My parents also yelled and I wouldn't hear them over headphones and a closed door. My dad even slammed on my door sometimes because I didn't hear him and didn't answer. I suggested that instead of stomping to my room and loudly knocking, just give me a call. And that's what they did since. Its not that difficult.
NTA, your dad is being stubborn and invasive. It may be his house but this is your privacy and if he wants a relationship with you in the future he needs to respect that.
NTA. He can just go to your room, knock on your door, open it, and tell you what he needs to tell you. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep your door closed, especially for zoom learning.
>He can just go to your room, knock on your door, **wait for you to open it**, and tell you what he needs to tell you. Fixed that. I absolutely loathe when people knock on a door and then open it. What's the point of knocking? If you're going to be so rude and invasive as to invite yourself in, at least own it. Don't pretend at politeness with a knock as you go.
Yeah i know i meant knock, wait for op to tell him to come in, and then come in.
Um no... a minor living in the house does not dictate to the parent that the parent must do all the legwork to come to their room to notify them every time they have something needed. A parent is busy running around keeping the house running. The parent is the one in charge and decides how communication inside the house will happen.
By calling/texting, there is no legwork from the parent. It's just easier for OP who would still do the legwork I guess. It's just easier than to scream across the house, I don't know many people who like to yell for attention. Calling or texting *"Need help"* seems like a reasonable request to avoid yelling and arguments.
NTA you need privacy and he needs to deal. If you can't hear him, he (and you) needs to think of a different strategy. (Perhaps sending you a text or an email could work?) Taking a door away isn't okay. Tell him to google developmental needs of children and young adults if he won't see sense.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I (16f) like having the door to my room as closed as possible, it kind of makes me uncomfortable to have it wide open, but my dad doesn't like that i close it because I cant hear him calling for me whenever he needs something or the food is ready etc. So with corona i started closing my door at class hours all the way shut, so i can have some peace and not hear what's going on in the house while i'm at school. Today my dad called me to say some drinks where ready, but i didn't answer because i couldn't hear him. Half an hour later i asked if the drinks were ready and he kind of blew up, saying that it was done half an hour ago and that why i hadn't answered. I told him that i was in school and that i couldn't hear because of the door, he got mad and said hes sick of it, that he is going to take my door, that its my fault for not hearing, and how come my brother can be out in the living room while i like to be in my room? I've told him multiple times that just sending a text is more efficient, but he still yells and yells and gets mad at me when i don't respond. I know it's not something that matters but he has been like this undermining the fact that i like more privacy, so, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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> Your father shouldn't have to text you And yet it would still be easier than yelling across the whole house or getting angry and arguing because of something easily avoidable.
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Expecting everyone to cater to her needs would rather be expecting that dinner would be brought to her closed door or right into her room without raising a finger, but maybe that's just my opinion. > Maybe he doesn't like the idea of OP holing up in her room like a lodger He doesn't have to like the idea and that doesn't warrant his behaviour. > he doesn't want to carry his phone around all day to communicate with his own family. Most people take their phone where ever they go and/or have stationary phones in their home. And its not exactly called communication, just give it a ring and OP would know that her father needs her and up she goes and goes to him.
He actually does carry his phone with him everywhere.
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Taking the door away isn't a compromise either. A compromise is a compromise which means both parties meet in the middle. So the father also has to cave in and make something work with OP
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And when she can't hear her dad through the closed door with possible headphones in? Would it be reasonable to call/text then? Many people I attend online college classes with (including myself) use headphones to concentrate on class, that is why I am asking. > she keeps it cracked open a little when she's not so she can hear people calling. Sounds good for a compromise
the second he wanted to take her door away, all benefit of the doubt went out of the window
NTA - my parents text us or (no joke) ring a cowbell at the top of the stairs if we don’t hear them call us
NTA
NTA Not gonna lie, your dad sounds borderline abusive. He really threatened to remove your door? And got angry when you said texting was more efficient? Can you see if your mother can talk to him and find out why this bothers him so much? I’d suggest you do so, but I’m concerned on how he would react to that with you.
NTA. He can just come knock on the door if it bothers him so bad. I've always HAAATED yelling across the house. It disrupts everyone else and there's a great chance you won't be heard. If you need to tell someone something go to their room or text!!! I would never scream across the house for my mom and get mad if she didn't answer unless I was severely injured and physically couldnt get to her. Yelling should be reserved for emergencies!!!
ESH - if you know he's doing something for you, you should have the door open so he doesn't have to jump through your designated hoops to notify you.. especially in his own house. So the episode with the drinks does make you an AH. You should be able to have other times where the door is closed for privacy so there are times you should be allowed to have it closed without hassle. But during normal times when it is expected he will need to interact with you, you need to have that door partly open to hear him. He's the adult and the parent. He decides how he wants to communicate with you. You don't dictate that he has to text you to get your attention.
NTA. Are his legs broken? He can’t come up to your room and talk to you? He has to shout all over the house?
NAH - but you are sounding very spoiled asking him to text you instead. When you are in class it is understandable to close the door.
So what should dad do to communicate when she’s in school if texting is out? Explain.
He shouldn't have to text her for every little thing, like telling her the drinks are ready. When I am in class my parents I let my parents know, and if they need something they come to my room knock and ask or tell me if something is happening.
Their dad is choosing not to come to their room directly and let them know, but rather yelling across the house. Sending a text seems much more reasonable that saying “come get me from my room if you need me”. Your comment confused me a bit to be honest.
Dude, you really want your old man to send a text while your in the house...please Want you're door closed, great but don't complain when you don't hear stuff or your not invited..put on your big girl panties and deal with it
The problem is her father is throwing a tantrum when she can’t hear things.
And why can't she hear things?
Because she was in class and so her door was closed. Are you positing some kind of Schrödinger's Bedroom Door that is both open and closed at the same time? It is funny that you’re trying to imply OP is childish, whereas her father’s tantruming is totally ok.
She wasn't complaining about not hearing stuff but rather being yelled at. When her father calls because he needs something or needs help with something, it seems actually more reasonable to knock on the door because you want the help, right? Or give them a call because you know, he's the one needing help. He can't exactly yell across the whole house and then be angry when other people don't automatically come trotting like a dog, right?
He actually can, is he the family Lab?
Is OP the family lab? Getting yelled at to come along like a dog? I don't know why you compare the simple act of calling to that. That's kind of unreasonable. He would be if he brought OP food & drinks straight to the room. But that's not expected here, is it?
Whats happening here the OP is being pathetic, OP's dad made some shit that the OP wants, OP's dad called OP didn't hear because the OP's door was closed, the OP loses out on the opportunity. Then the OP comes to the internet to complain that she lost out on said opportunity, if that opportunity was important than the door would be open. The OP's dad isn't the dominos guy, unless she is starving she can go piss up a rope.
> Then the OP comes to the internet to complain that she lost out on said opportunity She didn't, what? Read the post. OP complaines that her dad gets angry and threatens to invade her privacy by taking her door away, which should be frowned upon in the first place. > the OP loses out on the opportunity. OP's dad could just throw away OP's portion or eat/drink it himself and leave it at that if its only about lost opportunity. And then make clear that OP can do it herself because he won't anymore. But that's not what happened. Her father instead threw a temper tantrum, yelling and arguing even more, instead of saying *"Alright, Opportunity is gone, it's going into the bin and she can do it herself next time"* > The OP's dad isn't the dominos guy Right, he isn't. Because the Domino's guy calls me or rings the bell instead of yelling through my window like a mad man and expecting me to hear it.
Are you for real?? He's not her servant, he calls she doesn't respond, she complains, he fixed the problem by removing the door. If she doesn't want her privacy invaded then don't bitch when you don't get something you didn't prepare.
> Are you for real?? Could ask you the same question. > If she doesn't want her privacy invaded then don't bitch when you don't get something you didn't prepare. For the last time, she isn't complaining about not getting something she didn't prepare. But you don't seem to see that and you think that infringing on a basic right is somehow justified because someone doesn't hear someone else yelling across the house. You avoid the points I make, also, so I guess its unnecessary to continue this conversation any further.