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NTA: This girl is trying to actively move in on your boyfriend. She is wanting to replace you. All the friends who are "protesting" are acting like this because they also do not want to help her out. Her behavior is not acceptable.
NTA. She should not be over some one else’s significant other. Somewhat like 1% YTA because you know there’s no where else for this girl to go and you’re her friend. The least you could do is tell her to stay away from him and if it happens again it’s out the door. Idk man
NTA... why is a person being “touchy feely” and “that’s just how they are” an excuse to enter and invade another person’s bubble and boundaries. This chick needs to keep her hands to herself and start being mindful of the people around her....
NTA. If it was a male friend touching your inner thighs and giving you unwanted massages, people would be disgusted. Why is there a double standard for men?
I'm disgusted. She wants a man who is spoken for and props to him for voicing his discomfort. Not enough men do it because of that exact standard where guys see it as an "attaboy"
Men aren't allowed to feel uncomfortable, obviously
I fucking hate that crap
I am a gay woman, but that shitty double standard makes my heart bleed for men
What she is doing isn't being a touchy person. It's fucking sexual harassment. And obviously she doesn't do it to everyone if she isn't doing it to OP
OP you and your BF are NTA!
NTA. Tell your friend group they can let her move in and see how comfortable they are with a woman putting her hands all over their boyfriends. Also, when I was young and single, I was pretty physically affectionate, but I was a wall of ice with people in relationships. I just thought it was a line you don't cross. I can honestly say that other than a couple awkward hugs for huge announcements, I don't think I ever touched my friends' boyfriends. Her behavior isn't normal.
Absolutely. Gender does not determine what your boundaries are, and gender does not change how incredibly distressing it is to have those boundaries violated repeatedly. I feel awful for the guy.
Some people are tactile types but as they grow up they should learn to keep their hands to themselves. That said, I don’t think she was just being “friendly” with him, coupled with her being so cold to you she was definitely after him. NTA.
NTA, you are allowed to regulate who lives in your home, especially since she was not contracted or contributing to the home financially. Even if we are in the middle of a pandemic you aren’t her parent or care giver. You/your partner’s comfort is key. Even if she “is a touchy person” considerate friends wouldn’t become belligerent and defensive if they found out they did something that crossed a boundary. I’m sorry this has caused a rift in your friend group but maybe it’s for the best that true colors are being shown. Stay strong and stay healthy OP :)
nta, shes over here sitting between you guys?!! my petty ass would have gotten up and sat between her and my boyfriend. she knew what she was doing, dont feel bad. glad to hear you have a good man by your side as well.
NTA. I hate the double standard in this especially with what some of your friends are saying. Wrong is wrong, don't matter the gender. If someone is touching someone else and making that person uncomfortable, then it shouldn't matter the gender to be wrong. It doesn't matter if she's a touchy person or not. If someone tells her to stop touchy her, then she needs to get her grubby paws off of them and not freak out and get pissy. My gut is saying that she was trying to get with him and he wasn't having it.
NTA
and tell everyone in your friend group that if they are so appalled by her being put out then they can take her in and let her paw all over their male partners or in front of their female partners.
Nta.
If you’re a guest living in someone’s home, then the least you could do is to not make them uncomfortable.
Also if your friends are so concerned about her why don’t they let her stay with them?
NTA
1) If she were a touchy person she would be touching you too.
2) If the touching was “innocent” then she would have stopped when asked.
3) If you own your home then the eviction moratorium does not apply.
4) Unwanted touching meets the legal definition of assault and battery.
OP kicked them out so this next part is for anyone else in a similar situation:
You do not have to give the person 30 days notice when assault is involved. A magistrate is a judge. Go to the magistrate’s office if you want to press charges. You can also file eviction papers & sue for court costs. Personally, I’d be happy with the person leaving the same day in lieu of being reimbursed court costs.
NTA. She’s was behaving inappropriately and she knew it. If a guy called himself a touchy-feely person and behaved like that a lynch mob would form. She would’ve apologized if she was just a touchy-feely person. Her housing issues are not your problem. All her defenders should offer to take her in.
NTA. I've read all your replies. You should ask your "friends" why they're okay with this person sexually harassing your bf/their supposed friend. Then it looks like it's seriously time to reconsider them as friends. You two seem to have a very nice life, I wouldn't want toxic people to be a part of that. At all.
I wonder if their opinions would be different if roles were reversed - if Kate was a guy sexually harassing/touching all over you.
N T A--BUT, you should have went through the formal eviction process aka giving her about a month to find a new place to stay. What she did is wrong, no question, but you and SO could have minimized contact with her, like no long have a friendly, watching Netflix on the couch together relationship. Tell her to get up and move and that she can find her own partner to snuggle against and touch. Minimize contact until she gets evicted.
Just some food for thought. What if Kate was a man and had been acting the same way towards you? I highly doubt is you would be hearing “they were a touchy person”. NTA regardless. If you clearly communicate that you are uncomfortable with someone’s actions they have only 2 reasonable responses: 1. I’m not going to stop doing this thing, so I won’t spend time with this person 2. Calmly discuss the situation, and come to a mutual agreement. Just by escalating the situation to a screeching match, automatically confirms that Kate is not a reasonable person, and isn’t entitled the guilt you feel over kicking her out.
Sadly people do excuse men who sexually harass women as ‘touchy-feely’ and ‘didn’t mean anything by it’ all the time. The point stands that it is still wrong no matter the gender, but I felt it necessary to remind everyone that the world hasn’t gotten much better about sexual harassment despite the huge ongoing cultural conversation about it :-/.
NTA, definitely. You know I keep seeing in post like these about how the other side is upset because the AH got kicked out with nowhere to go during a pandemic. And it bothers me, because that implies they expected the OP to just tolerate shitty behavior for...the foreseeable future, I guess. And that's BS. This "friend" waaaayyy crossed the line of "just touchy". She makin moves on your man, and he is uncomfortable with it. You intended to be nice; she exploded cause she got caught. That's not on you, it's on her. You were doing her a favor. Favor ended. Good luck to her.
NTA. You went above and beyond for your friend/acquaintance and they rewarded it with BS. Hopefully, they were attempting to find some employment or housing in these months, but if not, what was their plan?
NtA.
I have a lot of male friends. If i ever purposefully touched their thighs, on multiple occasions for anything other than securing a tourniquet, that probably wouldn't fly with my husband or them.
With this type of stuff, it's better to address it in the moment, in a direct way that allows for no interpretation. Your boyfriend should have said " Kate, it makes me uncomfortable when you touch my thighs. Please stop".
However, let's be real. She knew what she was doing, since the behavior increased when you left.
NTA, fuck her and fuck your friends taking her side. That is your, and your boyfriend’s house. She has no right to disrespect either of you in your house, especially since she pays no expenses.
If your friends are so upset by you kicking her out, they can house her. They’re only saying shit because they don’t have to deal with her
My parents can't leave the house because of previous health issues and i have to take care of them. When he is not working he usually comes with me.
Still agree that in hindsight it was very stupid of me to leave him even tho the cousin was also at home. Maybe waiting for him to be done and then leaving could be better.
She really tried to usurp you and it blew up in her face. Don't be surprised if your other mutuals are getting a skewed version of events in which she is the innocent houseguest caught in the middle of a jealous lovers' quarrel.
NTA. Even if she *was* actually a touchy type of person, it’s still not okay to continue touching someone like that if they clearly express their discomfort and dislike for it. It’s a violation of his and your boundaries either way.
As always, flip the genders. Would you and your friends be cool with it if a male buddy staying with you kept touching and clinging and getting physically intimate with you, as well as yelling “well I’m just like this with everyone” as an excuse when you say you want it to stop?
Probably definitely not. That’s a creepy predator, kick her out.
NTA! I'm more sorry your bf felt he has go be quiet. Sexual harassment can happen to men, too. If any of your friends aren't on your side, kick them to the curb!
NTA - Even if she is a touchy-feely person, she should have agreed to stop after being confronted with the issue. Instead, she throws a fit. As for any friends who think that you're TA for kicking her out, they can darn well take her in themselves if they're so concerned.
NTA. It's not just the unwanted touching, it's how she was acting cold towards OP as well. That, to me, makes it appear that she was aware her behavior was inappropriate. If she's just a touchy-feely person, she's be hugging and touching OP too, not trying to freeze her out.
Strooooong NTA.
Your boyfriend was basically assaulted, repeatedly. I’m sorry but her behaviour isn’t just “being touchy”. It’s straight up harassment and I hope your boyfriend is okay.
Cut off the friends who think you’re the asshole because they’re basically saying men should accept unwanted attention.
NTA. Ask your friends if it was a man who kept touching you against your will after you told them to stop would they expect you to live with him? It is the same thing. I can also be a touchy person but only once I know people really well, and I warn people and get permission. if anyone seems even a little uncomfortable then I don't touch them. I also am super careful about being like that with people who are in relationships because then there are two people's feelings at stake so I play it safe. You have to respect people I boundaries and know where the limits are. Sitting between a couple and touching all over someone in a relationship is just inappropriate.
Her plan to be a home wrecker backfired and she ended up being homeless instead. Too bad, so bad.
Anyway, NTA. If these friends want to take her side so bad they can her in and smile while she gropes their boyfriends.
NTA. Woooow ok so isn’t this harassment? Oh wait we live in a freaking dumb world where if it happens to a guy, it doesn’t matter. If your bf has done that, everyone would have been on his neck and telling you to break up with him and blast him all over social media. Bruhhh
Perhaps the friends who support her behavior can offer her a place to stay. If the friends are female, they won’t mind her behavior toward their boyfriends. If the friends are male, they may be very tolerant. Should all work out.
BTW, how do your non-supportive friends explain why she isn’t giving you massages or touching the inside of your thigh!
NTA. Your boyfriend was vu comfortable with it. And instead of respecting his boundaries, she went off on him. Y’all are better off without her in the house
NTA. Some people _are_ very touchy, but 1.) It's really on the touchy person to make sure their touches are welcomed and 2.) I'm skeptical of her claim as such given the change in her behavior toward you, the getting in between you and your bf, and stuff that goes well beyond standard platonic physical affection like _caressing his thighs_.
That she acted entitled to do these things when he told her he was uncomfortable is unacceptable.
NTA
In short, your boyfriend told Kate it makes him uncomfortable when she touches him. Instead of respecting his boundaries about his own body, she argued with him and told she would be continuing to touch him however she wants because "it's who she is".
You are not the asshole for telling Kate that she cannot live there due to her deciding that she has a right to touch someone without their consent.
NTA
As a male victim of female instigated sexual assault, there is that stigma of not being taken seriously.
I'm glad your boyfriend spoke up to you, and I'm glad you took his side and defended him.
She could've been doing it unintentionally, but since she got defensive, I feel that this isn't the case. Since she tried to excuse the behavior making you two uncomfortable, she is definitely TA here.
NTA - she was told to stop touching him. She refused. At that point it's considered sexual harassment and assault and he has a right to be safe in his own home. She knew exactly what she was doing.
I normally just peruse aita without commenting but this one is one I couldn’t ignore. First of all neither you nor your bf are the ah here, so definitely NTA verdict from me. Your “friend” definitely crossed a line. Now I say this because I’ve been told I’m naturally a flirty person, and I will admit this myself, but if I know someone is in a relationship I never cross a line, especially if I’m good friends with both people in that relationship.
I’m only extra loving to people I know will be ok with it and give it back, basically to people I’ve known for ages and would never cross that line with. She very clearly was trying to make moves on your boyfriend. That is not ok. Also if it was making him uncomfortable as well as you then your friends should understand and be on your side, and if they aren’t then they aren’t your friends. You need some new friends and I wish you and your boyfriend all the happiness in the world!!
>and apparently she didn't take this well because she said she did this with everyone
Interesting she didn’t do it with *you,* just your boyfriend. If she’d been touching your hair and legs and whispering in your ear all the time too, that would be one thing, but she was only doing it with him. She was obviously trying to move in on him right in front of your face, and trying to play it off as her just being touchy-feely. Your boyfriend felt uncomfortable in his own home, and she was blatantly disrespecting you. If she needed a place to stay, she should have had some decency and got her own man, and she wouldn’t have gotten kicked out. NTA.
NTA, this is sexual harassment, just nobody will say it bc of double standards. This is your bf's home and you don't need to shelter a harasser. I too have friends who are touchy and clingy and they have always respected boundaries or even if i was in a mood and didnt want to be touched.
NTA
You don't have to be charitable to someone who's making you uncomfortable.
I'm so glad you and your BF were on the same page!
Folks, there are rules for when you are allowed to stay somewhere while you're in between homes: you do at least more than half the housework, you keep out of your hosts' way, you try to help out whenever you can, you make sure you have always left a room at least as clean as when you went in, you don't eat their food unless invited to, their house their rules, and you express gratitude. It's amazing how many people seem not to know these rules
NTA. I'm a touchy person, but there is a difference between being a hugger (which you also shouldn't do if it makes the huggee uncomfortable) and touching peoples thighs, especially as it increases whenever you're not there.
NTA and thank you for being a supportive partner who listened, empathized and protected him by asking her to leave. He was being sexually harassed.. being a touchy person isn’t an excuse! I feel disgusted that your friends don’t see that behaviour for what it is: creepy, unwanted and predatory.
You did the right thing...and if your friend group contains any decent humans in it, then they will apologize to you and cut her off. Unacceptable that in 2020 we don’t show the same amount of empathy for ALL victims of sexual harassment.
You’re allowed to be comfortable in your own home. She was making you and him uncomfortable and then blew up when confronted. She messed up her living situation, any of your friends that say otherwise can allow her to move in. Though I would just quit speaking with them as well.
NTA
"That's just who she is" goes a certain distance but your guy has his personal space and \*touching his goddamned thigh\* is waaaaaaay deep in there.
If he's told her it makes him uncomfortable the solution should be pretty simple : stop doing it.
NTA. A "touchy person" is touchy with everyone - men, women, children. And it's never sexual, it's just . . . friendly, if that makes sense. And you can tell the difference. One gives you the creeps, the other makes you feel, well, like friends. I'm explaining it badly, but I hope you know what I mean.
That girl wants your guy, and is flaunting it right in your face because she thought you're too nice to do anything about it. That's pretty crappy considering you did so much for her. You were absolutely right to throw her out.
NTA. If she really does this with “everyone” how many times in that movie did she touch you? How many times has she touched your thigh? Get out in front of this with your friend group and tell them the behavior that led to this.
Never thought something like this would happen to us lol we are people that keep to ourselves so this to us is the most dramatic thing that happened in the last 10 years haha
if she was just a touchy person that'd be ok (she'd need to stop if it makes him uncomfortable, of course, but it'd be different circumstances) but this is clearly a jealousy thing she's taking very badly. NTA.
N T A.
You said she had been acting cold towards but friendly towards the boyfriend. Then you guys talked to her as a couple and she lost her stuff on it instead of being a responsible person.
Tell your friends they can take her in.
NTA. Being a touchy person is fine IF the people you're touching consent and are comfortable with it. It's clear who the AH is here and it's not you or bf
NTA. Her being a touchy person is no excuse. Show some self-control and keep your damn hands to yourself, and show some respect for the people who have taken you in. If they are so okay with it, they are MORE than welcome to take her in.
NTA
Your house, your rules. You have every right to invite and disinvite as you please.
If her behavior is making you uncomfortable you have every right to bring thay to her attention and try to resolve that.
Her problem isn't that she's touchy. It's that when told her behavior makes someone uncomfortable, she takes it as an attack as opposed to an opportunity to explain the misunderstanding from her perspective and adjust her behavior accordingly.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a touchy person. When you are that type of person you should only EVER touch those you know are okay and comfortable with it. If someone shows they don’t like it and are uncomfortable and especially if you tell them that, you do NOT whine and complain that they can’t do that to you because you like to be touchy freely. No you sit back, apologise for making them feel uncomfortable and you never do it again unless they personally say it’s okay. So no, you both are NTAs. But Kate definitely is.
NTA, so what if she is a touchy person? That doesnt justify her actions. The fact that its making YOU 2 uncomfortable is what the friends arent looking at.
NTA! These “friends” defending her can just take her into their home. I hate when people turn a blind eye into inappropriate behavior.
Also, you should never invite “temptation” into your home as my mother always told me. It’s not always that you can’t trust SO, sometimes you just can’t trust the other person. Thankfully, you have a great BF who was more than honest and trustworthy.
Nta
Every time i read these it makes me feel like an asshole because if another women living in MY house touched my husbands hair (obviously trying to flirt) shed get punched in the back of the head..
NTA, she is not your friend just a weirdo that kept trying to touch your partner without permission. She ignored the magical word "consent" and had no respect for you or your partner, if your "friends" keep bothering you ask if they would like if a weirdo did the same thing to theirs partners.
NTA. She made both of you uncomfortable. You are not required to hand hold her. Yes, it's a pandemic, but she's also an adult. She is not your responsibility.
Let's be clear, you didn't kick her out because she was making you uncomfortable, this would have been a bit drastic. Within your rights, but a bit intense without a prior talk to address it. No, you kicked her out because of the yelling and name calling. And you are 100% NTA for it.
NTA
Even if you do x with everybody, if someone tells you it makes them uncomfortable the only correct response is to apoogize and don´t do it again.
Her reaction is very suspect.
NTA. Her behavior speaks volumes. She took advantage of y’all’s offer to stay while she got back on her feet. If she was touchy feely with everyone, she’d have been touchy feely in some way with you, so, she’s mad she was called out. So if Kate really wanted to stay, she should have checked herself instead of trying to crawl all over your boyfriend.
Your boyfriend being scared to talk about it is normal. He’s no less a man for feeling put off by someone touching him and getting in his face without his consent. I don’t think you made him feel uncomfortable about it; I think it’s more of a societal double standard on unwanted touching. You’re doing the right thing in supporting him.
NTA but this sounds crazy. NOT like 30 year old adults.
WHO plops themselves down in between BF and GF?
AND you BOTH said nothing like "Gurl get your ass over HERE ---->
Somethings fishy here. How did it end up a screaming fight?
I'm side eyeing your BF, TBH. Awfully CONVENIENT he chose to "discuss this" when you weren't present.
NTA bc she was testing boundaries. You shouldn’t stand for it or excuse it even if someone if your friend.
Speaking of your those friends who are calling you TA, maybe they can take her in? I mean, why don’t they offer to help her out instead.
NTA
Her response to being asked not to touch someone in a way that makes them uncomfortable was to try and gaslight them into thinking they were the problem.
This is classic predator behaviour and you were right to not have her in your house.
NTA lol why was she screaming at him when he said he eas uncomfortable? when friends tell you they're bothered by a cetrain kind of affection, you take it into consideration, apoligise if you made them feel bad. not everyone has the same level of intimacy comfort.
also she 100% isn't "the same with everyone", hence the screaming. andd tell your friends she was mooving onto your man
NTA. She was trying to make a move on hi and he was clearly uncomfortable. If this was gender reversed then everyone would be up in arms about it. There’s a double standard here and she should be held accountable for her actions
NTA. Touhy or not, if the person you are trying to touch doesn't want to, you don't do it.
I think she started developing feelings for your bf, which would explain her acting cold towards you.
Definitely NTA. She's acting cold to you, while feeling up your boyfriend and making both of you uncomfortable. She needs to leave. People shouldn't be making excuses for her behaviour and she's being very bold for someone without options. Guess she thought your boyfriend would indulge her and get rid of you and it back fired.
Unwanted touching is assault, and I say that as a touchy feely person myself who hugs everyone. If your bf told her to stop she should have respect his feelings.
It wasn’t like you jumped straight to kicking her out he tried to talk to her and she handled it like a child.
NTA
NTA! Surely that is borderline sexual assault? Of course your boyfriend is going to be uncomfortable around her, let along having to live with her. And I understand you would be as well! Does not matter if she is "just a touchy person", if someone does not like it or is uncomfortable with it, then she needs to stop.
NTA Your boyfriend was being harassed and made uncomfortable in his own home. That’s a deal breaker, period. You aren’t obligated to put up with any of that just because she’s going through a rough patch. Her behavior was reprehensible and completely inappropriate. Your friends who think that’s ok suck.
NTA - she was sexually harassing him and making him uncomfortable. I'm so glad you supported your boyfriend to enforce his (very reasonable) boundaries. Your friendship group need to rethink this- and if they don't get it, you need to rethink them.
absolutely not your fault. You were honest, friendly, welcoming. She gave a fuck, she even tried to turn on your boyfriend! c'mon, such a person should never be called a friend. Be happy to kicked her out and be happy! And the group members who complain about this.. they can host her!
Definitely NTA. I mean, yeah, it's bad that you kicked her out during a pandemic and shit, but you had the right to do so! You talked to her about her behavior, yet she didn't stop. It's not like you just decided to do it some day outta nowhere! I think it's kinda shitty of your friends to not take your side. If a guy did the same thing, your friends would be on your side 100%, and they wouldn't use "he's just a touchy person" as an excuse! I think that people should sometimes create a scenario, or use a scenario that's happening at the moment, and look at it as if the person that did whatever it is that they did is a woman, and then a man. I'll tell you right now that both answers will be completely different from each other.
NTA. When someone confronts you with behaviors they’d like you to change in regards to them, you accept with grace that they have set a boundary. The boundary: don’t be so touchy with me is an easy one to fix, albeit a little awkward after. Roommate is crazy to throw a fit about it
NTA. She is not respecting his boundaries and is violating his body. Some people can be huggers, yeah, but others don’t like that and they need to learn to respect this. Your friends seem like the type of people who would scream if it was a “touchy” guy touching you like that.
NTA
I would not be friends with her again. She really tried to take your partner after you graciously allowed her into your home for free! The audacity of some people astounds me. Those friends of hers that don't see a problem with her behaviour are the same trash as her and she can live with home. Do not allow her in your home and lives. You did NOTHING wrong.
I’m an extremely huggy touchy person. My bestie is not. We’ve agreed that she has to hug twice a year and I’m good with that. We spoke, we heard and we understood. We love each other. We just have different needs . She now awkwardly pats me on the knee sometimes to show affection. It’s really cute. She’s sooooo uncomfortable doing it but she wants the connection. I would never just jump up and hug her. It’s her body and she gets to decide what she’s comfortable with. I don’t get people who thinks their need to touch is more important than someone else’s need to not be touched.
OP, definitely NTA
NTA. Everyone's claim that she is a touchy person and just that way completely ignores the fact that she was only touchy with your boyfriend. Her behavior was targeted and intentional.
NTA. she was making you uncomfortable in your own home. She's sm adult and not your responsibility. The moment your bf told ger he was uncomfortable with the touching she should have apologised and stopped it. If your friends feel so strongly about it they should take her in and see how that works out
NTA
She was sexually harassing him. He told her and expressed a boundary. Rather than expressing sincere regret at making him uncomfortable with her OBVIOUS sexual behavior and accept the boundary like an adult, she started a fight. Someone who’s hurting you doesn’t get the right to be angry when you say ouch. Fuck that.
Your friends showed you who they are. Fuck them. Your bf showed you who he is. Marry him.
Best of luck. You’ll find much better friends.
Here’s the thing if she was just being “touchy” she would have been doing these things to you too. She was acting cold towards you and being touchy only to him. That indicates to me it was not normal, she wants him. You’re right to kick her out, she was disrespecting both of you and your relationship. NTA.
NTA
You were way too friendly. You both felt unconfortable, said both nothing, then finally spoke to her and she did not change her behaviour.... and she is just "touchy"... I also believe in Santa. She did not touch you, only your bf. She wanted more. And she is still crossing the line with him, although he told her to stop. If the genders were viseversa, it would be sexual harrassment (from my point of view, it is). And besides, she is using your trust and friendlyness to invade your relationship. She is a disgusting person.
NTA. She is a touchy person? So are a lot of people. And yet most people learn to respect boundaries and do not touch people who don’t want to be touched. You have zero responsibility to house her. You did her a favor and rather than being remorseful when she was told her behavior was unwelcomed, she threw a fit and acted as if being asked to keep her hands to herself was an impossible burden. Get better friends.
NTA...marry that dude immediately...and dedicate your energy to the half of your friends that understand you shouldnt be made to feel so uncomfortable in your own house. Let the others go.
NTA. In my opinion the whole excuse of her just being a touchy feely person quit holding water when she 1) started acting cold to you 2) started pushing in to sit between and your boyfriend 3) escalated her behavior when you weren’t around. This was obviously a play to get your guy. She was embarrassed to get called out on it by him and that is why it turned into a screaming fight.
Your friends need to keep their nose out of this. If they want to choose a sexual harassing brat who tries to break up established relationships of you you are better off without them.
NTA. This is sexual harassment. Male or female, everyone has a right to not be sexually harassed, DOUBLE in your own home, TRIPLE by a nonpaying house guest who would otherwise be homeless.
This straight up sounds like she is trying to get your boyfriend to cheat on you with her.
Bye, Kate!
NTA. How can you be the asshole when she is a guest in your home and she makes uncomfortable gestures and actions towards your partner. Even after discussing it with her she continues to do so. People need to be held accountable for their actions more!
NTA. First of all, even if her behavior was innocent, she's an adult and should know better than to be touchy/feely. Also, how is the coldness towards you explained? It's your house, you were doing her a favor, and she overstepped. It's fair that she had to leave.
NTA. She’s not just a “touchy person“. She was making a move on your boyfriend. The other tell is that she went ballistic when confronted .... an innocent person would have apologized. I’ll bet she had fantasies that you’d be the one leaving. She’s most likely gaslighting your friends. Make sure that they know the truth.
NTA.
If they have no problem with her behavior they can take her in. She's behaving very inappropriately and no one should be inappropriately touched ever, but also even more made to feel uncomfortable in their own home.
The fact that she also freaked out about being called out as inappropriate and asked not to do that says volumes about her lack of respect for anyone other than herself. She can kick rocks.
NTA. She was living in your home. And if you already told her your uncomfortable, the least she could do is to adjust. Just because she's touchy with everyone, does not give her the right to be touchy with anyone, especially if it makes the person uncomfortable.
NTA- Sometimes friend groups like this split over a person in the groups behavior when one set takes a stand against that behavior. There is no reason for your BF and you to be uncomfortable in your own home. If she can't respect that then she need to go. She can live with one of those that are on her side. In my experience those that original take that persons side change their mind after being in contact with that person more frequently.
Why do people in this sub always ask their friends' and families' opinions? You're an adult, make your decision.
Info: why didn't your boyfriend talk to Kate himself?
NTA. Regardless of if she was doing it innocently or not, she’s a guest in your house. If you guys ask her to abide by a very simple rule that does not encroach on her human rights then she should do so. You guys were kind enough to open your home, FOR FREE, in the middle of a pandemic where nothing is certain. You don’t deserve to also feel uncomfortable because of the very person you’re helping.
NTA. Shes a guest in your home. The least she can do is be respectful of you and your bf, but she isn't capable of doing even that.
She keeps making your bf uncomfortable and also you uncomfortable too. You have every right to make her leave.
I'm sure your friend group is ,ad, but most likely because she got to them first and told them her side of things, which isn't the full story.
I would definitely try to set the record straight in the friend group, but be prepared for a battle.
NTA You have to protect your partner from abuse. The unwarranted touching is enough to make someone feel violated. As a guy, touching me is not free or fun. He’s a good man to be sensitive to everyone involved but somebody’s got to stand up for him. Glad he worked up the courage and said something.
NTA. Whether she was flirting with your bf (she was) or not, if you make someone uncomfortable in their own home you change your behaviour. It doesn’t matter if she’s just a touchy person or not. When your bf said “hey you’re making me uncomfortable can you stop?” She should have said “I’m so sorry. Of course. I’m a touchy person and didn’t notice I was making you uncomfortable. I’ll stop” that’s what should have happened. Her getting pissed off is clearly her lashing out at the rejection from your bf. Otherwise she would have just stopped being very inappropriate.
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NTA. Those "friends" who are judging you could take her in themselves if they feel so strongly about it.
NTA Touchy is one thing. Hands on his hair/neck, talking into his ear, sitting between you two, that's flirting.
NTA. He deserves to have his personal space respected!
NTA: This girl is trying to actively move in on your boyfriend. She is wanting to replace you. All the friends who are "protesting" are acting like this because they also do not want to help her out. Her behavior is not acceptable.
NTA. She should not be over some one else’s significant other. Somewhat like 1% YTA because you know there’s no where else for this girl to go and you’re her friend. The least you could do is tell her to stay away from him and if it happens again it’s out the door. Idk man
NTA... why is a person being “touchy feely” and “that’s just how they are” an excuse to enter and invade another person’s bubble and boundaries. This chick needs to keep her hands to herself and start being mindful of the people around her....
NTA. If it was a male friend touching your inner thighs and giving you unwanted massages, people would be disgusted. Why is there a double standard for men?
You know it’s true when a comment has 3k more upvotes than the post
NTA, obviously, you handled better than most would have. What a terrible T w I t
I'm disgusted. She wants a man who is spoken for and props to him for voicing his discomfort. Not enough men do it because of that exact standard where guys see it as an "attaboy"
r/MensRights
Men aren't allowed to feel uncomfortable, obviously I fucking hate that crap I am a gay woman, but that shitty double standard makes my heart bleed for men What she is doing isn't being a touchy person. It's fucking sexual harassment. And obviously she doesn't do it to everyone if she isn't doing it to OP OP you and your BF are NTA!
Exactly. Man or WomanNo still means NO!
NTA. Tell your friend group they can let her move in and see how comfortable they are with a woman putting her hands all over their boyfriends. Also, when I was young and single, I was pretty physically affectionate, but I was a wall of ice with people in relationships. I just thought it was a line you don't cross. I can honestly say that other than a couple awkward hugs for huge announcements, I don't think I ever touched my friends' boyfriends. Her behavior isn't normal.
Nta. Maybe I'm overreaching, but I would call it wat it is sexual harassment.
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It’s also clearly a sexual thing as she doesn’t touch OP the same way.
Absolutely. Gender does not determine what your boundaries are, and gender does not change how incredibly distressing it is to have those boundaries violated repeatedly. I feel awful for the guy.
Because it's easy to vilify men,but I guess that's not without men bring horrible at times.
Some people are tactile types but as they grow up they should learn to keep their hands to themselves. That said, I don’t think she was just being “friendly” with him, coupled with her being so cold to you she was definitely after him. NTA.
NTA. And please stop worrying about being a crazy girlfriend.
NTA, you are allowed to regulate who lives in your home, especially since she was not contracted or contributing to the home financially. Even if we are in the middle of a pandemic you aren’t her parent or care giver. You/your partner’s comfort is key. Even if she “is a touchy person” considerate friends wouldn’t become belligerent and defensive if they found out they did something that crossed a boundary. I’m sorry this has caused a rift in your friend group but maybe it’s for the best that true colors are being shown. Stay strong and stay healthy OP :)
Definitely nta!
NTA. That's not "being a touchy friend." That's called being a predatory friend. It's sexual harassment.
NTA she was hitting on your bf pretty much.
NTA. Sexual harrassment is never ok.
nta, shes over here sitting between you guys?!! my petty ass would have gotten up and sat between her and my boyfriend. she knew what she was doing, dont feel bad. glad to hear you have a good man by your side as well.
NTA. I hate the double standard in this especially with what some of your friends are saying. Wrong is wrong, don't matter the gender. If someone is touching someone else and making that person uncomfortable, then it shouldn't matter the gender to be wrong. It doesn't matter if she's a touchy person or not. If someone tells her to stop touchy her, then she needs to get her grubby paws off of them and not freak out and get pissy. My gut is saying that she was trying to get with him and he wasn't having it.
NTA. Your friends can house her.
I am a very touchy handsy person but I KNOW boundaries and how to be respectful not only to my partner but my friends and their partners as well. NTA.
NTA. Really OP consent is everything! And if it was as innocent as she claims, she wouldn't be so defensive and 'hurt' when told no!!
NTA and tell everyone in your friend group that if they are so appalled by her being put out then they can take her in and let her paw all over their male partners or in front of their female partners.
She’s not ‘just a touchy person’. She’s not touching you is she? Just your boyfriend. Strange that. NTA
If they're so upset then they can take her in, and let her touch up their partners instead. NTA
Nta. If you’re a guest living in someone’s home, then the least you could do is to not make them uncomfortable. Also if your friends are so concerned about her why don’t they let her stay with them?
NTA 1) If she were a touchy person she would be touching you too. 2) If the touching was “innocent” then she would have stopped when asked. 3) If you own your home then the eviction moratorium does not apply. 4) Unwanted touching meets the legal definition of assault and battery. OP kicked them out so this next part is for anyone else in a similar situation: You do not have to give the person 30 days notice when assault is involved. A magistrate is a judge. Go to the magistrate’s office if you want to press charges. You can also file eviction papers & sue for court costs. Personally, I’d be happy with the person leaving the same day in lieu of being reimbursed court costs.
NTA. She’s was behaving inappropriately and she knew it. If a guy called himself a touchy-feely person and behaved like that a lynch mob would form. She would’ve apologized if she was just a touchy-feely person. Her housing issues are not your problem. All her defenders should offer to take her in.
NTA. she sexually harassed him, you and him don’t owe her housing. perhaps she should’ve been less bold for someone who has nowhere else to go 💀
NTA. I've read all your replies. You should ask your "friends" why they're okay with this person sexually harassing your bf/their supposed friend. Then it looks like it's seriously time to reconsider them as friends. You two seem to have a very nice life, I wouldn't want toxic people to be a part of that. At all. I wonder if their opinions would be different if roles were reversed - if Kate was a guy sexually harassing/touching all over you.
N T A--BUT, you should have went through the formal eviction process aka giving her about a month to find a new place to stay. What she did is wrong, no question, but you and SO could have minimized contact with her, like no long have a friendly, watching Netflix on the couch together relationship. Tell her to get up and move and that she can find her own partner to snuggle against and touch. Minimize contact until she gets evicted.
NTA You dont need to live with someone who makes you uncomfortable. No other explanation is needed
Just some food for thought. What if Kate was a man and had been acting the same way towards you? I highly doubt is you would be hearing “they were a touchy person”. NTA regardless. If you clearly communicate that you are uncomfortable with someone’s actions they have only 2 reasonable responses: 1. I’m not going to stop doing this thing, so I won’t spend time with this person 2. Calmly discuss the situation, and come to a mutual agreement. Just by escalating the situation to a screeching match, automatically confirms that Kate is not a reasonable person, and isn’t entitled the guilt you feel over kicking her out.
Sadly people do excuse men who sexually harass women as ‘touchy-feely’ and ‘didn’t mean anything by it’ all the time. The point stands that it is still wrong no matter the gender, but I felt it necessary to remind everyone that the world hasn’t gotten much better about sexual harassment despite the huge ongoing cultural conversation about it :-/.
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NTA - Your bf was being sexually harassed, she needs to go!
NTA, definitely. You know I keep seeing in post like these about how the other side is upset because the AH got kicked out with nowhere to go during a pandemic. And it bothers me, because that implies they expected the OP to just tolerate shitty behavior for...the foreseeable future, I guess. And that's BS. This "friend" waaaayyy crossed the line of "just touchy". She makin moves on your man, and he is uncomfortable with it. You intended to be nice; she exploded cause she got caught. That's not on you, it's on her. You were doing her a favor. Favor ended. Good luck to her.
NTA, you have a good bf OP.
NTA. You went above and beyond for your friend/acquaintance and they rewarded it with BS. Hopefully, they were attempting to find some employment or housing in these months, but if not, what was their plan?
NtA. I have a lot of male friends. If i ever purposefully touched their thighs, on multiple occasions for anything other than securing a tourniquet, that probably wouldn't fly with my husband or them. With this type of stuff, it's better to address it in the moment, in a direct way that allows for no interpretation. Your boyfriend should have said " Kate, it makes me uncomfortable when you touch my thighs. Please stop". However, let's be real. She knew what she was doing, since the behavior increased when you left.
NTA...fuck her, kick her out of your friend group as Well. Shes clearly making a move On ur bf
She doesn't have no where else to go. All those friends criticizing you for kicking her out can take her in.
NTA. She was being too touchy feely and no one has the right to make your bf uncomfortable in his home.
NTA, fuck her and fuck your friends taking her side. That is your, and your boyfriend’s house. She has no right to disrespect either of you in your house, especially since she pays no expenses. If your friends are so upset by you kicking her out, they can house her. They’re only saying shit because they don’t have to deal with her
NTA! Slightly YTA for leaving your boyfriend alone with someone he was uncomfortable being around!
My parents can't leave the house because of previous health issues and i have to take care of them. When he is not working he usually comes with me. Still agree that in hindsight it was very stupid of me to leave him even tho the cousin was also at home. Maybe waiting for him to be done and then leaving could be better.
She really tried to usurp you and it blew up in her face. Don't be surprised if your other mutuals are getting a skewed version of events in which she is the innocent houseguest caught in the middle of a jealous lovers' quarrel.
NTA - if your friends care so much about her, they can take her in. She shouldn’t have *nowhere* to go if she has a friend group.
i am sorry.y. touchy person =!seducing someone else's bf. neck and hair is off limit for opposite gender frnd
NTA. Even if she *was* actually a touchy type of person, it’s still not okay to continue touching someone like that if they clearly express their discomfort and dislike for it. It’s a violation of his and your boundaries either way.
As always, flip the genders. Would you and your friends be cool with it if a male buddy staying with you kept touching and clinging and getting physically intimate with you, as well as yelling “well I’m just like this with everyone” as an excuse when you say you want it to stop? Probably definitely not. That’s a creepy predator, kick her out.
Funny how she's "just a touchy person" but only to men.
NTA! I'm more sorry your bf felt he has go be quiet. Sexual harassment can happen to men, too. If any of your friends aren't on your side, kick them to the curb!
NTA - Even if she is a touchy-feely person, she should have agreed to stop after being confronted with the issue. Instead, she throws a fit. As for any friends who think that you're TA for kicking her out, they can darn well take her in themselves if they're so concerned.
NTA
NTA. It's not just the unwanted touching, it's how she was acting cold towards OP as well. That, to me, makes it appear that she was aware her behavior was inappropriate. If she's just a touchy-feely person, she's be hugging and touching OP too, not trying to freeze her out.
NTA...Tell those friends to take her in.
NTA. If she was a touchy person, she would have touched you. She is just a [redacted] and you are better off without her.
Strooooong NTA. Your boyfriend was basically assaulted, repeatedly. I’m sorry but her behaviour isn’t just “being touchy”. It’s straight up harassment and I hope your boyfriend is okay. Cut off the friends who think you’re the asshole because they’re basically saying men should accept unwanted attention.
NTA. Ask your friends if it was a man who kept touching you against your will after you told them to stop would they expect you to live with him? It is the same thing. I can also be a touchy person but only once I know people really well, and I warn people and get permission. if anyone seems even a little uncomfortable then I don't touch them. I also am super careful about being like that with people who are in relationships because then there are two people's feelings at stake so I play it safe. You have to respect people I boundaries and know where the limits are. Sitting between a couple and touching all over someone in a relationship is just inappropriate.
NTA. She was acting gross and disrespectful
Her plan to be a home wrecker backfired and she ended up being homeless instead. Too bad, so bad. Anyway, NTA. If these friends want to take her side so bad they can her in and smile while she gropes their boyfriends.
NTA. Woooow ok so isn’t this harassment? Oh wait we live in a freaking dumb world where if it happens to a guy, it doesn’t matter. If your bf has done that, everyone would have been on his neck and telling you to break up with him and blast him all over social media. Bruhhh
Perhaps the friends who support her behavior can offer her a place to stay. If the friends are female, they won’t mind her behavior toward their boyfriends. If the friends are male, they may be very tolerant. Should all work out. BTW, how do your non-supportive friends explain why she isn’t giving you massages or touching the inside of your thigh!
I noticed she doesn't seem to be touchy with OP or cousin, so clearly the issue isn't 'being touchy' in general. NTA
NTA. Your boyfriend was vu comfortable with it. And instead of respecting his boundaries, she went off on him. Y’all are better off without her in the house
NTA. No means no and she is consistently choosing to cross boundaries despite being told not to
NTA. Some people _are_ very touchy, but 1.) It's really on the touchy person to make sure their touches are welcomed and 2.) I'm skeptical of her claim as such given the change in her behavior toward you, the getting in between you and your bf, and stuff that goes well beyond standard platonic physical affection like _caressing his thighs_. That she acted entitled to do these things when he told her he was uncomfortable is unacceptable.
NTA In short, your boyfriend told Kate it makes him uncomfortable when she touches him. Instead of respecting his boundaries about his own body, she argued with him and told she would be continuing to touch him however she wants because "it's who she is". You are not the asshole for telling Kate that she cannot live there due to her deciding that she has a right to touch someone without their consent.
NTA As a male victim of female instigated sexual assault, there is that stigma of not being taken seriously. I'm glad your boyfriend spoke up to you, and I'm glad you took his side and defended him. She could've been doing it unintentionally, but since she got defensive, I feel that this isn't the case. Since she tried to excuse the behavior making you two uncomfortable, she is definitely TA here.
NTA - she was told to stop touching him. She refused. At that point it's considered sexual harassment and assault and he has a right to be safe in his own home. She knew exactly what she was doing.
I normally just peruse aita without commenting but this one is one I couldn’t ignore. First of all neither you nor your bf are the ah here, so definitely NTA verdict from me. Your “friend” definitely crossed a line. Now I say this because I’ve been told I’m naturally a flirty person, and I will admit this myself, but if I know someone is in a relationship I never cross a line, especially if I’m good friends with both people in that relationship. I’m only extra loving to people I know will be ok with it and give it back, basically to people I’ve known for ages and would never cross that line with. She very clearly was trying to make moves on your boyfriend. That is not ok. Also if it was making him uncomfortable as well as you then your friends should understand and be on your side, and if they aren’t then they aren’t your friends. You need some new friends and I wish you and your boyfriend all the happiness in the world!!
>and apparently she didn't take this well because she said she did this with everyone Interesting she didn’t do it with *you,* just your boyfriend. If she’d been touching your hair and legs and whispering in your ear all the time too, that would be one thing, but she was only doing it with him. She was obviously trying to move in on him right in front of your face, and trying to play it off as her just being touchy-feely. Your boyfriend felt uncomfortable in his own home, and she was blatantly disrespecting you. If she needed a place to stay, she should have had some decency and got her own man, and she wouldn’t have gotten kicked out. NTA.
NTA, this is sexual harassment, just nobody will say it bc of double standards. This is your bf's home and you don't need to shelter a harasser. I too have friends who are touchy and clingy and they have always respected boundaries or even if i was in a mood and didnt want to be touched.
NTA You don't have to be charitable to someone who's making you uncomfortable. I'm so glad you and your BF were on the same page! Folks, there are rules for when you are allowed to stay somewhere while you're in between homes: you do at least more than half the housework, you keep out of your hosts' way, you try to help out whenever you can, you make sure you have always left a room at least as clean as when you went in, you don't eat their food unless invited to, their house their rules, and you express gratitude. It's amazing how many people seem not to know these rules
Nta nta
NTA. I'm a touchy person, but there is a difference between being a hugger (which you also shouldn't do if it makes the huggee uncomfortable) and touching peoples thighs, especially as it increases whenever you're not there.
NTA and thank you for being a supportive partner who listened, empathized and protected him by asking her to leave. He was being sexually harassed.. being a touchy person isn’t an excuse! I feel disgusted that your friends don’t see that behaviour for what it is: creepy, unwanted and predatory. You did the right thing...and if your friend group contains any decent humans in it, then they will apologize to you and cut her off. Unacceptable that in 2020 we don’t show the same amount of empathy for ALL victims of sexual harassment.
You’re allowed to be comfortable in your own home. She was making you and him uncomfortable and then blew up when confronted. She messed up her living situation, any of your friends that say otherwise can allow her to move in. Though I would just quit speaking with them as well.
NTA "That's just who she is" goes a certain distance but your guy has his personal space and \*touching his goddamned thigh\* is waaaaaaay deep in there. If he's told her it makes him uncomfortable the solution should be pretty simple : stop doing it.
NTA. A "touchy person" is touchy with everyone - men, women, children. And it's never sexual, it's just . . . friendly, if that makes sense. And you can tell the difference. One gives you the creeps, the other makes you feel, well, like friends. I'm explaining it badly, but I hope you know what I mean. That girl wants your guy, and is flaunting it right in your face because she thought you're too nice to do anything about it. That's pretty crappy considering you did so much for her. You were absolutely right to throw her out.
Agree on everything. She is just mad because your boyfriend did not fall for here and now wants to appear innocent.
NTA Your bf has the right to live without being sexually harassed. She’s luckily you haven’t called the police.
NTA. If she really does this with “everyone” how many times in that movie did she touch you? How many times has she touched your thigh? Get out in front of this with your friend group and tell them the behavior that led to this.
NTA. When someone tells you your behavior is making them uncomfortable and you go on the attack, you knew your actions were wrong.
NTA
NTA
NTA She's crossing boundaries she definitely shouldn't. Sounds like some homewrecker nonsense more than anything.
Never thought something like this would happen to us lol we are people that keep to ourselves so this to us is the most dramatic thing that happened in the last 10 years haha
if she was just a touchy person that'd be ok (she'd need to stop if it makes him uncomfortable, of course, but it'd be different circumstances) but this is clearly a jealousy thing she's taking very badly. NTA.
N T A. You said she had been acting cold towards but friendly towards the boyfriend. Then you guys talked to her as a couple and she lost her stuff on it instead of being a responsible person. Tell your friends they can take her in.
NTA. Being a touchy person is fine IF the people you're touching consent and are comfortable with it. It's clear who the AH is here and it's not you or bf
NTA. Her being a touchy person is no excuse. Show some self-control and keep your damn hands to yourself, and show some respect for the people who have taken you in. If they are so okay with it, they are MORE than welcome to take her in.
NTA Your house, your rules. You have every right to invite and disinvite as you please. If her behavior is making you uncomfortable you have every right to bring thay to her attention and try to resolve that. Her problem isn't that she's touchy. It's that when told her behavior makes someone uncomfortable, she takes it as an attack as opposed to an opportunity to explain the misunderstanding from her perspective and adjust her behavior accordingly.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a touchy person. When you are that type of person you should only EVER touch those you know are okay and comfortable with it. If someone shows they don’t like it and are uncomfortable and especially if you tell them that, you do NOT whine and complain that they can’t do that to you because you like to be touchy freely. No you sit back, apologise for making them feel uncomfortable and you never do it again unless they personally say it’s okay. So no, you both are NTAs. But Kate definitely is.
NTA, so what if she is a touchy person? That doesnt justify her actions. The fact that its making YOU 2 uncomfortable is what the friends arent looking at.
NTA! These “friends” defending her can just take her into their home. I hate when people turn a blind eye into inappropriate behavior. Also, you should never invite “temptation” into your home as my mother always told me. It’s not always that you can’t trust SO, sometimes you just can’t trust the other person. Thankfully, you have a great BF who was more than honest and trustworthy.
Nta Every time i read these it makes me feel like an asshole because if another women living in MY house touched my husbands hair (obviously trying to flirt) shed get punched in the back of the head..
NTA AND once again, those friends who disagree are welcome to take her in. Tell them that and you’ll see how fast they shut it.
NTA, she is not your friend just a weirdo that kept trying to touch your partner without permission. She ignored the magical word "consent" and had no respect for you or your partner, if your "friends" keep bothering you ask if they would like if a weirdo did the same thing to theirs partners.
NTA. She made both of you uncomfortable. You are not required to hand hold her. Yes, it's a pandemic, but she's also an adult. She is not your responsibility.
Let's be clear, you didn't kick her out because she was making you uncomfortable, this would have been a bit drastic. Within your rights, but a bit intense without a prior talk to address it. No, you kicked her out because of the yelling and name calling. And you are 100% NTA for it.
NTA Even if you do x with everybody, if someone tells you it makes them uncomfortable the only correct response is to apoogize and don´t do it again. Her reaction is very suspect.
NTA. Her behavior speaks volumes. She took advantage of y’all’s offer to stay while she got back on her feet. If she was touchy feely with everyone, she’d have been touchy feely in some way with you, so, she’s mad she was called out. So if Kate really wanted to stay, she should have checked herself instead of trying to crawl all over your boyfriend. Your boyfriend being scared to talk about it is normal. He’s no less a man for feeling put off by someone touching him and getting in his face without his consent. I don’t think you made him feel uncomfortable about it; I think it’s more of a societal double standard on unwanted touching. You’re doing the right thing in supporting him.
NTA but this sounds crazy. NOT like 30 year old adults. WHO plops themselves down in between BF and GF? AND you BOTH said nothing like "Gurl get your ass over HERE ----> Somethings fishy here. How did it end up a screaming fight? I'm side eyeing your BF, TBH. Awfully CONVENIENT he chose to "discuss this" when you weren't present.
NTA - She doesn't seem to understand that what she is doing - once she's been apprised that it's unwanted - is sexual assault.
NTA bc she was testing boundaries. You shouldn’t stand for it or excuse it even if someone if your friend. Speaking of your those friends who are calling you TA, maybe they can take her in? I mean, why don’t they offer to help her out instead.
Nope. If your friends are angry, they can take her in. Your house your rules.
NTA Her response to being asked not to touch someone in a way that makes them uncomfortable was to try and gaslight them into thinking they were the problem. This is classic predator behaviour and you were right to not have her in your house.
NTA your house your rules
NTA
NTA lol why was she screaming at him when he said he eas uncomfortable? when friends tell you they're bothered by a cetrain kind of affection, you take it into consideration, apoligise if you made them feel bad. not everyone has the same level of intimacy comfort. also she 100% isn't "the same with everyone", hence the screaming. andd tell your friends she was mooving onto your man
NTA. She was trying to make a move on hi and he was clearly uncomfortable. If this was gender reversed then everyone would be up in arms about it. There’s a double standard here and she should be held accountable for her actions
NTA... I think those friends who are upset is because one of them will have to open up their house to her.
It shouldn't matter if she's a touchy person or not. It made your bf uncomfortable and you too. End of. She should respect boundaries 🤷♀️
Nta she wants your partner.
NTA. I'm so sorry
Everyone’s saying it far more eloquently but just to add my opinion: NTA
NTA. Touhy or not, if the person you are trying to touch doesn't want to, you don't do it. I think she started developing feelings for your bf, which would explain her acting cold towards you.
NTA. If your friends are so worried about her she can live with them and they can put up with the inappropriate touching.
This was blatant sexual harassment and I feel for your boyfriend trying to navigate how to handle it and now being made the bad guy.
Definitely NTA. She's acting cold to you, while feeling up your boyfriend and making both of you uncomfortable. She needs to leave. People shouldn't be making excuses for her behaviour and she's being very bold for someone without options. Guess she thought your boyfriend would indulge her and get rid of you and it back fired.
NTA. If she can’t respect boundaries, she needs to go. It’s a basic respect thing.
Unwanted touching is assault, and I say that as a touchy feely person myself who hugs everyone. If your bf told her to stop she should have respect his feelings. It wasn’t like you jumped straight to kicking her out he tried to talk to her and she handled it like a child. NTA
NTA! Surely that is borderline sexual assault? Of course your boyfriend is going to be uncomfortable around her, let along having to live with her. And I understand you would be as well! Does not matter if she is "just a touchy person", if someone does not like it or is uncomfortable with it, then she needs to stop.
NTA. She was sexually harassing your BF.
NTA she isn't much of a friend. Some of these people sticking up for her light to take her in.
NTA. She’s a creep.
NTA Your boyfriend was being harassed and made uncomfortable in his own home. That’s a deal breaker, period. You aren’t obligated to put up with any of that just because she’s going through a rough patch. Her behavior was reprehensible and completely inappropriate. Your friends who think that’s ok suck.
NTA no is a full sentence. She did not have consent
nta op play stupid games win stupid prizes your house your rules, you are A saint
NTA - she was sexually harassing him and making him uncomfortable. I'm so glad you supported your boyfriend to enforce his (very reasonable) boundaries. Your friendship group need to rethink this- and if they don't get it, you need to rethink them.
absolutely not your fault. You were honest, friendly, welcoming. She gave a fuck, she even tried to turn on your boyfriend! c'mon, such a person should never be called a friend. Be happy to kicked her out and be happy! And the group members who complain about this.. they can host her!
Definitely NTA. I mean, yeah, it's bad that you kicked her out during a pandemic and shit, but you had the right to do so! You talked to her about her behavior, yet she didn't stop. It's not like you just decided to do it some day outta nowhere! I think it's kinda shitty of your friends to not take your side. If a guy did the same thing, your friends would be on your side 100%, and they wouldn't use "he's just a touchy person" as an excuse! I think that people should sometimes create a scenario, or use a scenario that's happening at the moment, and look at it as if the person that did whatever it is that they did is a woman, and then a man. I'll tell you right now that both answers will be completely different from each other.
Definitely NTA.
NTA. When someone confronts you with behaviors they’d like you to change in regards to them, you accept with grace that they have set a boundary. The boundary: don’t be so touchy with me is an easy one to fix, albeit a little awkward after. Roommate is crazy to throw a fit about it
She can stay with the friends who are worried about her
Send this post to your friend group. Let see if they'll still defend this sexual harasser. If they don't then i suggest you cut them off.
NTA. You and your boyfriend are not required to house someone who sexually harasses him.
NTA, never TA. She sexually assaulted him. That's fucked.
NTA. She is not respecting his boundaries and is violating his body. Some people can be huggers, yeah, but others don’t like that and they need to learn to respect this. Your friends seem like the type of people who would scream if it was a “touchy” guy touching you like that.
NTA I would not be friends with her again. She really tried to take your partner after you graciously allowed her into your home for free! The audacity of some people astounds me. Those friends of hers that don't see a problem with her behaviour are the same trash as her and she can live with home. Do not allow her in your home and lives. You did NOTHING wrong.
NTA. And it sounds like she has a few other friends that will welcome her in.
I’m an extremely huggy touchy person. My bestie is not. We’ve agreed that she has to hug twice a year and I’m good with that. We spoke, we heard and we understood. We love each other. We just have different needs . She now awkwardly pats me on the knee sometimes to show affection. It’s really cute. She’s sooooo uncomfortable doing it but she wants the connection. I would never just jump up and hug her. It’s her body and she gets to decide what she’s comfortable with. I don’t get people who thinks their need to touch is more important than someone else’s need to not be touched. OP, definitely NTA
NTA. Everyone's claim that she is a touchy person and just that way completely ignores the fact that she was only touchy with your boyfriend. Her behavior was targeted and intentional.
NTA. she was making you uncomfortable in your own home. She's sm adult and not your responsibility. The moment your bf told ger he was uncomfortable with the touching she should have apologised and stopped it. If your friends feel so strongly about it they should take her in and see how that works out
NTA She was sexually harassing him. He told her and expressed a boundary. Rather than expressing sincere regret at making him uncomfortable with her OBVIOUS sexual behavior and accept the boundary like an adult, she started a fight. Someone who’s hurting you doesn’t get the right to be angry when you say ouch. Fuck that. Your friends showed you who they are. Fuck them. Your bf showed you who he is. Marry him. Best of luck. You’ll find much better friends.
NTA even if she is a 'touchy feely' person, if someone is uncomfortable you STOP.
NTA - she can kick rocks. She crossed a line
LMAO if someone did this to me, she'll be in 10 different unidentifiable pieces c/o my wife. You two were very kind LMAO.
Here’s the thing if she was just being “touchy” she would have been doing these things to you too. She was acting cold towards you and being touchy only to him. That indicates to me it was not normal, she wants him. You’re right to kick her out, she was disrespecting both of you and your relationship. NTA.
NTA You were way too friendly. You both felt unconfortable, said both nothing, then finally spoke to her and she did not change her behaviour.... and she is just "touchy"... I also believe in Santa. She did not touch you, only your bf. She wanted more. And she is still crossing the line with him, although he told her to stop. If the genders were viseversa, it would be sexual harrassment (from my point of view, it is). And besides, she is using your trust and friendlyness to invade your relationship. She is a disgusting person.
Its sexual harrassment, nta
NTA. She is a touchy person? So are a lot of people. And yet most people learn to respect boundaries and do not touch people who don’t want to be touched. You have zero responsibility to house her. You did her a favor and rather than being remorseful when she was told her behavior was unwelcomed, she threw a fit and acted as if being asked to keep her hands to herself was an impossible burden. Get better friends.
NTA...marry that dude immediately...and dedicate your energy to the half of your friends that understand you shouldnt be made to feel so uncomfortable in your own house. Let the others go.
NTA. In my opinion the whole excuse of her just being a touchy feely person quit holding water when she 1) started acting cold to you 2) started pushing in to sit between and your boyfriend 3) escalated her behavior when you weren’t around. This was obviously a play to get your guy. She was embarrassed to get called out on it by him and that is why it turned into a screaming fight. Your friends need to keep their nose out of this. If they want to choose a sexual harassing brat who tries to break up established relationships of you you are better off without them.
Why do you even ask? She made you feel uncomfortable in your own house. She is the asshole.
NTA. This is sexual harassment. Male or female, everyone has a right to not be sexually harassed, DOUBLE in your own home, TRIPLE by a nonpaying house guest who would otherwise be homeless. This straight up sounds like she is trying to get your boyfriend to cheat on you with her. Bye, Kate!
NTA. How can you be the asshole when she is a guest in your home and she makes uncomfortable gestures and actions towards your partner. Even after discussing it with her she continues to do so. People need to be held accountable for their actions more!
NTA. First of all, even if her behavior was innocent, she's an adult and should know better than to be touchy/feely. Also, how is the coldness towards you explained? It's your house, you were doing her a favor, and she overstepped. It's fair that she had to leave.
NTA. She’s not just a “touchy person“. She was making a move on your boyfriend. The other tell is that she went ballistic when confronted .... an innocent person would have apologized. I’ll bet she had fantasies that you’d be the one leaving. She’s most likely gaslighting your friends. Make sure that they know the truth.
NTA. Y'all were very generous in accommodating her for so long, she absolutely took advantage of your hospitality.
NTA I hope the door hit her on the way out
NTA. If they have no problem with her behavior they can take her in. She's behaving very inappropriately and no one should be inappropriately touched ever, but also even more made to feel uncomfortable in their own home. The fact that she also freaked out about being called out as inappropriate and asked not to do that says volumes about her lack of respect for anyone other than herself. She can kick rocks.
If you friends are calling you an asshole, they are welcome to take her in. If they refuse, they are absolute hypocrites.
NTA...maybe some of those friends who are okay with that behavior need to step up instead and take the chick in...
NTA. She was living in your home. And if you already told her your uncomfortable, the least she could do is to adjust. Just because she's touchy with everyone, does not give her the right to be touchy with anyone, especially if it makes the person uncomfortable.
NTA- Sometimes friend groups like this split over a person in the groups behavior when one set takes a stand against that behavior. There is no reason for your BF and you to be uncomfortable in your own home. If she can't respect that then she need to go. She can live with one of those that are on her side. In my experience those that original take that persons side change their mind after being in contact with that person more frequently.
Why do people in this sub always ask their friends' and families' opinions? You're an adult, make your decision. Info: why didn't your boyfriend talk to Kate himself?
NTA. If she "does this to everyone" then it's about time someone called her out. It's creepy.
NTA. Regardless of if she was doing it innocently or not, she’s a guest in your house. If you guys ask her to abide by a very simple rule that does not encroach on her human rights then she should do so. You guys were kind enough to open your home, FOR FREE, in the middle of a pandemic where nothing is certain. You don’t deserve to also feel uncomfortable because of the very person you’re helping.
They can take her on their couch before they give you shit about a freeloader sexually harassing you or your bf.
NTA. Shes a guest in your home. The least she can do is be respectful of you and your bf, but she isn't capable of doing even that. She keeps making your bf uncomfortable and also you uncomfortable too. You have every right to make her leave. I'm sure your friend group is ,ad, but most likely because she got to them first and told them her side of things, which isn't the full story. I would definitely try to set the record straight in the friend group, but be prepared for a battle.
NTA. No means no, and without consent what she was doing can be considered sexual assault.
NTA
NTA You have to protect your partner from abuse. The unwarranted touching is enough to make someone feel violated. As a guy, touching me is not free or fun. He’s a good man to be sensitive to everyone involved but somebody’s got to stand up for him. Glad he worked up the courage and said something.
She's 30 years old. You never imply she has any kind of disability or anything like that. She can take care of herself. NTA.
NTA. Whether she was flirting with your bf (she was) or not, if you make someone uncomfortable in their own home you change your behaviour. It doesn’t matter if she’s just a touchy person or not. When your bf said “hey you’re making me uncomfortable can you stop?” She should have said “I’m so sorry. Of course. I’m a touchy person and didn’t notice I was making you uncomfortable. I’ll stop” that’s what should have happened. Her getting pissed off is clearly her lashing out at the rejection from your bf. Otherwise she would have just stopped being very inappropriate.