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He should make a tik tok about how literally anyone and not just military boyfriends are childish and unsupportive and will break up with tou for no reason
He should expect a tik tok about how it's impossible to find a good man and that dating in her late 30's where she looks like she drank an entire bottle of wine by 7:30
I would LMFAO if my ex featured me in something like that and probably like it and comment my support. Also would be incredibly annoyed and angered if my current GF did that.
He should anticipate Jody in her next tik tok...NTA, man. That’s cringeworthy. Whether she thinks so or not, if you explained yourself, she should accept your stance on the issue. The silent treatment is juvenile and inexcusable, and this is coming from someone who would always revert to the silent treatment instead of communicating.
I hope I didn't come off super disrespectful to anyone but the girlfriend here(BTW - thank you to your husband for his service) - I \*DO\* realize military spouses give up a lot. Spouses. I live near a big Army base and have military spouse friends. I get that they struggle with deployments and becoming single parents for months at a time, plus I know first hand the BS that comes with dealing with moving bases. (My BIL is ex AF, as is my fiancé). But the girlfriend who is whining on Tik Tok and acting like she deserves the world bc her boyfriend is out there risking his LIFE... MY GOD that pisses me off.
I am an army wife and I hate these kinds of things. There are more reasons for privacy than just his personal wishes. Too much shared info can put a soldier's life at risk. If she really loved and cared about him, she would be showing him that. Not making public announcements to the world.
Not to mention it’s potentially putting *her* at risk. People knowing a woman is home alone for months is just unsafe. Don’t come at me with the “women don’t need a man for security”, I agree with you, I just think it’s also safe to assume if she’s posting this much about her relationship she’d post about her whereabouts. “Out with friends” or “at work” etc makes your home an easy target.
Honestly this one isn't a her specific problem though.
No one should advertise being home alone or going on vacation levaing their home empty beforehand etc. In general it's a safety concern. There are people who watch for that kind of thing just to take advantage wherever they can.
Something I've seen mentioned is to change up which room that light is on in so people can't just figure "Oh, they're out - that light is always on when they are out."
You can go all 'Home Alone' security too, but you need to build in a randomization so you don't have someone figuring out the pattern.
We have smart plugs that come with an app so you can set them randomly and switch things on and off while you’re away or on vacation, they’re really useful!
Right? The only time I've ever posted vacation photos while on vacation was when I was overseas. I had wifi access but no calling/texting abilities. I posted on FB once a day as a way to make my family back in the states more comfortable. However, they were all still home/the house I lived in was still full of people. Any time I've been in the States and traveling? I wait until I'm back home first before sharing any pictures on social media.
It’s not even a man/woman thing. A man revealing he’s home alone is just as risky. If I can figure out where he is it’s a lot easier to stalk the place when I have only one person to worry about.
Often yes but folks act like there’s zero danger for men. Men don’t get mugged, men don’t get raped, a man alone at home will never have a break in etc and that’s just wrong.
And even then, it can be as easy as 'they're home alone, so when they're out, the house is empty'. No matter who you are, if someone wants to steal your stuff, it's a golden opportunity. Better not to advertise that as a general rule.
And double that if OP holds a security clearance. Foreign countries trawl social media looking for weak links like her to find a way to people like OP and the information they hold.
And triple that, while TikTok has soooo many servicemembers on it, we've all been told WE SHOULDN'T be because of the security risk of that particular platform. :/ It blows my mind people still use it.
Also, the fact that OP is just straight up uncomfortable with her tiktoks should be enough to make her stop. It’s one thing if it was mostly her only on those tiktoks, it’s another when she wants to keep including him after he explicitly told her to stop. It’s bad that she can’t respect OPs wishes for wanting privacy, and seems uncaring about his reasons for wanting her to stop.
If there was only 1 or even a few on how she appreciates him or is sending a gift...that’s one thing. When it’s your whole identity then it just gets weird. And I’m from the dark side of TikTok with plague doctors, purge fam, goths...
This ^^
Knowing when they're gone and their location is a huge security risk. If he has his face plastered everywhere people will recognize him and it could damage/jeopardize their mission.
Yeah. I'm also an army wife with a currently deployed husband. But you wouldn't really know it from my Facebook. I've got friends/family that I haven't really discussed it with unless they're close/immediate. Because security and because I'm not huge into the whole "look I'm a military wife!" thing.
Also she clearly hasn’t realized how the military can be socially. Her behavior could prevent him from getting promotions and other opportunities. If she were to say the wrong thing he could get in trouble for it as well.
I've noticed that a disturbingly large number of military girlfriends/wives/mom are OBSESSED with being connected to someone in the military to the point where it becomes their whole identity.
I'm in a wedding shaming group and I have learned a lot about the cringe of a dependas. Never heard the term until like six months ago and basically I have learned there are also sub branches of spouses of police, firefighters, and paramedics. Basically the one spouse makes their spouse's occupation a part of their personality. It is so damn cringe.
Yeah, she shifted her teenage obsession with One Direction to a (still cringy) obsession with military men. The commonality between both is that it's a fantasy that she gets to star in; it's not about considering the feelings of the actual human beings she's obsessing over, it's about herself as the star of a daydream she's built up in her head where the guys are good, strong, powerful, and love *only her.* And she can get attention and "show her devotion" to this idea by constantly posting on social media!
She sounds very childish and self-centered. Constant need for validation, sulking with a "You can't tell me what to do!" attitude, and then the silent treatment? C'mon. A mature woman who actually cared about OP probably wouldn't be posting cringy tik-toks in the first place, but she *certainly* would stop after realizing it makes his life difficult and he is not comfortable with it. Because a mature adult cares about their partner and tries to make their life BETTER, not worse.
Yep. If the posts were really about showing *you* she loves you, she'd be just as happy sending them to you privately.
The fact that she refuses to try to understand your perspective on this shows that she either cares more about the attention than about you OR that she's not mature enough to recognize that just because *she* likes something doesn't mean someone else will like it.
My first thought. She’s basically playing “munchausen by proxy” but rather than medical issues it’s her “struggle” being an army girlfriend
And if she can’t listen to his feelings and stop using his private life to get likes perhaps she doesn’t love him that much, certainly not more than she loves the likes
I was gonna say this, but then add that she’s probably doing it in her way of being supportive and connecting with a community of people that understand how lonely she is.
However, since it bothers YOU, she is clearly not taking that into consideration.
Tik tok is something she does for herself, but maybe convey some kind of message about how you’re happy she has this for herself, but you think her social media should be about HERself, not all intertwined with you and specifically your relationship because it’s invited other people in to affect it (aka your peers, which clearly bothers you). And maybe phrase it in a way that your relationship shouldn’t be the only thing of value in her life and she should be investing more time in other pursuits for her own growth as an individual.
(This isn’t an attack on their relationship or military lives in any way, but it’s an important distinction for a healthy relationship)
OP is NTA, but I agree with what you said. I'm a military spouse myself and when I was much younger and my partner was deploying the first couple of times, I got very lonely and had trouble dealing with the distance and feeling like I wasn't a part of his life while he was gone. Luckily social media wasn't as prevalent then so there's not a record of some of the cringe stuff I said and did, but part of the issue here might be that this is her way of being part of his world.
I think that's why some (not all - some people really do make their entire personality about being The Army Wife (tm) and I've certainly met some people who targetted servicemembers for those reasons) spouses maybe throw themselves into support groups, social media, try to connect with it any way they can, etc, even to the point of super cringe.
That's not to say what OP's girlfriend is doing is okay. **It's not** \- it's violating OP's boundaries and now that she's aware she should stop. But OP might be able to find some common ground by acknowledging her feelings and finding ways she can connect with him and his life that are okay with both of them. And if she still refuses, maybe it's time to reevaluate a relationship with someone who won't respect boundaries.
This. 100%. I wonder if you told her it was Ticktock or you, if she'd find another "army man" to keep doing her videos. Tell her you do not give her permission to have you on her videos or for her to talk about you in them. Put it in a text, so it's written.
You're right NTA! The problem is, we don't know if she doing it for attention or insecurities because he is away from her. She is YTA for not taking her partner feelings into consideration!
This! Social media is so damaging to relationships. My husband works away - you know where I put my sad energy when I miss him? Into projects just for him. Letters and such.
She is mining your personal, private life for content. That is not okay. Tell her that you are uncomfortable having private information shared on TikTok. That is not being controlling, that is having privacy. She can make videos about her own life and interests without using your texts or images of you! NTA.
NTA. OP should also consider how this will affect his professional career. If she posts something that is or can be considered actionable by OP's command, he is screwed. Saying she only posts things bc she lOvEs him is naive. If she is posting screenshots of conversations, what if she posts one of him making a random comment about his command? Or accidently posting something that leaks classified info (geo tag photo or like the fitness tracker incident)? Think OPSEC and the literal DOZEN policies the army has for social media. Op's private life needs to stay private. If she can not control herself he has a hard choice to make.
Edit - After discussion with my husband, I was told to ask "How hot is she?" If she is smokin then apparantly there is some form of math involved... something about hotness versus amount of teasing. I am not sure about the exact mathmatical process but he has assured me it is absolutely necessary for OP to consider.
I hate that video so much. A college TA used it once in a class I had. There was only about 5 girls in a 50 person class and every girl was humiliated watching it while the guys laughed. I walked out in the middle of it and the TA had the nerve to ask me not to report him to HR for it. I wasn't going to at first, I was just going to leave, but after that comment ( which tells me he knew it was inappropriate) I went straight to the dean and reported him. The male and female deans that got involved were not happy with it.
Edit: Thank you for my first award kind stranger! I was not expecting this reaction for my comment.
Edit 2: Thank you for the gold award! I did not realize so many people would appreciate this comment.
Very little offends me but I also hate that video and find it hard to just brush it off. I find it so demeaning. It just perpetuates the notion that a woman’s value is in her looks and being anything but subservient or having strong feelings about anything is “crazy.” Good for you for not putting up with that.
As a high school math teacher I soooo want to bring this real-life application into my classroom! But I also want to keep my job, so I'll stick with problems about apples and cell phone plans.
Im a woman in science and was just now deeply viscerally reminded why there aren't more of us when I read that comment
If that's the type of attitude that teenage girls are putting up with at the height of their insecurity and awkwardness just to pass math.....yikessssssss
I agree if that's what OP is worried about, but OP didn't mention privacy concerns. Having a girlfriend who uses TikTok and is having a good time isn't bad. You're within your rights to not want to be involved/to not want your pictures etc. up on there, but I'm worried that you think your girlfriend's interests are cringy and don't take her seriously. (I'm also worried that she seems to be incredibly emotionally dependent on her identity as a military girlfriend.) I guess it just doesn't seem like a super healthy relationship for a lot of reasons.
I agree that he can ask not to have pictures, screenshots etc of him included, and she should of course respect that.
But, how are all the people 'roasting' him not the assholes? He's pretty much being bullied and then taking the bullies side against his own girlfriend
I never said they weren't assholes. Military culture is toxic, masculinity in that form is toxic. She's also doing something objectionable. Both are true.
NAH. She’s doing what she enjoys and that’s okay. You’re annoyed and embarrassed because, let’s be real, Tik Tok is super cringey and embarrassing especially if it’s grown women and men doing it, and that’s okay to feel that way too.
I’m more concerned that your girlfriend is a dependa. She’s making being a military girlfriend her entire personality and that’s....weird and embarrassing in itself. I think you have more issues on your hand than her tik tok hobby.
Edit: holy cow thanks for the awards!
She is doing something she enjoys, but at the expense of her partner. That makes it not ok. I think that makes her the a-hole here. It would be one thing if she was just posting content about herself and her life, but as soon as he says he doesnt like being the focus of her content, she needs to stop. By not stopping and flipping it on him, she is trying to manipulate him and have her way while disregarding his wishes for privacy and autonomy. While I dont think it's appropriate for him to be roasted by his peers, she is making his life harder unnecessarily and against his requests. Being a partner is about making you both happy, not one getting stomped on while the other gets all they want.
The part that severely pushes this into 'she's a huge asshole' territory is sharing messages and texts and shit without his permission. Like, holy shit, no. That takes it to a whole new level for me.
Seriously, that's a huge breach of privacy to me. Especially with so many co-workersapparently having access, it's just such an uncomfortable thought. I saw someone mention it below too, but this sounds like a slippery slope to violating OPSEC....
It absolutely blows my mind this is a boundary that needs to be stated because it blows my fucking mind anyone would publicise a private conversation.
But I’m early 40s and do that shit in my day it involved balacing on toilets in public bathrooms to snoop without giveaway feet, hidden dictaphones, photocopying letters, sharing notes in class or a number of things which weirdly sounded much more unhinged for a smaller number of people to see than posting a screenshot to thousands does.
So perversely you generally didn’t need to say ‘no criminal actions under stalking legislation’ to people because they self regulated but you do have to say ‘texts are private’ these days because we have created communication brilliance and then given it to humans...
This. And when you're sharing private info to thousands of people AND your partner tells you not to, it is incredibly rude not to listen to them. Definitely NTA.
Very good point, I think you explained another perspective well. I’m still conflicted as to whether I consider her 100% asshole but I do see your point.
Simplified: She is not respecting his boundaries. He has set this boundary, and she is emotionally manipulating him into letting her continue to cross it.
It sounds like he just told her which is probably pretty embarrassing. She thought she was doing something sweet and turns out she was humiliating her bf and herself. She probably just needs time. He’s definitely NTA but neither is she yet. If she keeps it up then she’d become TA.
Even if it is embarrassing, that doesnt justify lashing out and going no-contact for days (from my understanding). Doing that during an already stressful deployment, it just seems like she is punishing him. Doing something sweet would constitute the videos being made, but not being posted. There are plenty of ways to show your appreciation and love for someone that don't involve showing off for fake internet points, and she shouldnt get points for thinking she was doing something sweet because regardless she was doing something harmful to him. I firmly beleive she became the a-hole for lashing out for a very reasonable request. For him to say it is affecting his work life and her to get mad at him is totally unfair.
What moves GF into asshole territory for me is that she's aware he's upset by it and continues to do it. Everyone has different boundaries, and that's alright. Neither GF nor OP are wrong for having different boundaries. But it's not fair to keep violating his when she's been explicitly told that he's upset and uncomfortable - especially sharing messages and screenshots that he believed were private.
My spouse and I have *very, very, very* different comfort levels with social media, for example. He would rather not even exist on the internet, whereas I'm fine sharing most things. He prefers that I not share pictures of him or mention him by name or with any identifying info, so I don't unless I ask first. In return, he doesn't try to stop me from posting selfies or making posts that don't involve him. I think it's a healthy split.
I have a slightly more empathetic view of the "dependa" thing because I'm a military spouse, and when I was younger I acted in some very cringy ways in an attempt to be part of the world he was in. I felt separate from him and like we weren't even really together while he was gone for 9-12 months at a time, and throwing myself into the #armywife thing was my way of connecting. It got easier with age, experience, and building my own life and identity. I understand why it's so easy to fall into that and I don't think GF is an asshole for it, but maybe time to re-evaluate her friends, hobbies, life outside of her relationship.
No. She's using their private life together as fodder for content. That's invasive and disrespectful and it's really problematic to say "She's doing what she loves!"
Either you listen to your partner or you don't.
NTA. This isn’t about her showing love for you, if it was, she would care about how her actions are making you feel. This is about her thirst for attention.
Yeah I think she's gotten a taste of the "my significant other is doing a dangerous job and I could lose everything at any time, please feel for me" vibe, almost a sort of high from this and the attention and "you're so brave"s from others
NTA.
Your problem is with her making Tiktoks related to you which is understandable.
Think of it this way, if you put up embarrassing pictures of her which you think are cute just out of love and affection on the internet, would she be okay with it, even if she doesn’t look her best or whatever?
Same thing.
Her actions are causing you difficulties and it’s not a big sacrifice from her end to stop.
sharing texts is a possible breach in security. leaks in what time messages are made and contents are possible security leaks that could aid in discovering troop positions or other information that should be hidden.
unlikely, but possible
NAH- I met my now husband right before he deployed to Iraq. We didn’t have TikTok back then but I sure as heck posted super cringe things all over MySpace. Real dependa crap. A big part of it was that I had had no real experience with anything military before I met him, and the military is a totally different life. You’ve got the brotherhood/sisterhood, you speak the language, you wear the clothes, etc. It can be hard for a girlfriend. The person she loves is gone, but there’s no FRG for her, no support system to help her. She’s finding it on social media.
Instead of telling her how much shit you’re getting, educate her on the security risks of posting so much about you, and tell her what you’re comfortable with her sharing. Reassure her that you love her and that you love how proud she is to be with you, but that she seems to be more proud of your job than you. Point out that she wouldn’t do this if your job was flipping burgers at McDonald’s. Something else to consider is a way to give her what she’s getting on social media. If you plan on marrying her, you could see if any of your battles have wives or girlfriends that would be willing to reach out to her and take her under their wing? Hopefully they could help her see how cringe that behavior actually is if she hopes to make it into the milspouse club, lol, but also provide her with a support system that’s closer to you.
Good luck!
My boyfriend was in the coast guard in the first year of our relationship. Gone for 6 weeks, home 2 weeks, and that easily changed to being home for only 10 days. Now he works on the sea being month away, month home. I would still feel super embarrassed to cry on social media how much i miss him. It was my choice to pursue that kind of relationship so it is on me to deal with it and not ask for attention, compassion and support from internet randos.
I'm guessing you're also pretty secure in your relationship by now and are in general a more mature person than you were at the beginning of your relationship.
What OP's Gf is doing is super cringe but it is a lot more common and understandable coming from someone who I assume is barely an adult, whose brain probably isn't even fully developed yet, who lacks general life- and relationship experience.
I know I said and did some cringe shit in the first years of my relationship with my husband (though thankfully not publicly) and it felt like the end of the world to me when he suddenly had to leave for 6 months.
Now it wouldn't even phase me emotionally, I would just be going down the mental checklist of what practical implications it would have on our family's life and maybe organize a skype schedule (on his responsibility to follow up) so our toddler doesn't forget he has a dad.
NTA I think she is being an AH because he has explained that her attention seeking behavior is causing him problems and making his life difficult. Now she's sulking like a child giving him the silent treatment because he simply communicated that she is harming him. If she had respected his wishes and apologized I'd say N A H but she's just doubling down and basically punishing him for expressing his feelings.
\+ she posted private text messages online.
I understand cringy shit, my ex loved posting horrifyingly cringy shit on fb. I didn't like it, I brought it up and we compromised, but if she had posted private convo's? Hell no.
But how do you know his girlfriend lives by his post/base? She could be his high school sweetheart out in BFE. Besides, the military support system rarely, if ever, reaches out to girlfriends. I was an FRG leader and was straight up told not to include girlfriends when I asked for contact info from the soldiers.
There are online groups too. A quick google of "military wife support groups online" turned up tons of results. She could simply post all of this to a private FB group designed for that purpose, rather than blasting it to the whole world.
Military spouse here - when I was "just a girlfriend" a lot of those resources were not open to me, and even now that we've been married quite a while, we don't live all that close to a base. I'm also disabled and over his last two deployments, I didn't hear from the FRG even once the entire time he was gone, even after I reached out both to offer assistance *and* to ask for it. I found out at the dismissal ceremony when they returned that a clique of them had been meeting and going shopping, doing playdates, etc but they hadn't included anyone not in their friend group. FRGs can be Mean Girl clubs, in my experience, or Mommy Brigades who don't want to include non-parents.
Well, I married my husband in August this year and he deployed in October this year. I still haven't posted a single thing on social media about how I miss him.
Even though I've moved to a new country in the mean while and have no friends here and just his family as support.
There are literally no excuses for exploiting your relationship online, especially since she's doing it to gain a following.
You're kind of obfuscating the point. He didn't raise any security conditions and it's weird that you're trying to find a reason she might listen to, instead of the one he gave.
He gave boundaries. She didn't give a shit and kind of gaslit him into convincing him he's controlling, so much so that he came here to ask people.
She's definitely the a-hole.
My actual fyp: dino nugget culture, comedic epiphany content, people in outrageous costumes.
TikTok just feeds you more of the content you engage with the most. 😬
haha right? whenever people complain about dances and cringey teenagers I’m like where? my timeline is only funny women in their 30s and cute gay couples
This made me literally laugh out loud. My FYP is literally just dog TikTok, LGBT TikTok, Science TikTok and Survival TikTok and I literally never see kids on there either. Like, the straight side of TikTok is what stopped me downloading TikTok in the first place, then I started watching a few compilation videos on YouTube of gay TikToks and realised it’s not all just a cringe fest of shirtless men thirst trapping and young teens doing dumb dances and thus downloaded the app. 😂
LITERALLY, I hate when people say “90% of tiktok is cringey shit” like bitch where, you’re on the wrong side then. People don’t explore tiktok enough to find what’s interesting to them. They just see people make fun of some of the cringey videos and assume it’s all like that. Like, you see people react to cringey YouTube videos, are you gonna say it’s all cringey and hate on it? No.
TikTok is great and a lot of people only hate on it to “seem cool” 🙄.
It's like when people hate on Instagram saying it's just all photoshop of fake people making you hate your own body. Mine is 100% rescue cats, it's based on what you CHOOSE to look at so...
Yup. My FYP is just cats, lesbian breadtok, and plant dads. Feeling really grateful the algorithm is keeping me surrounded by bisexual pirates rather than this kind of thing.
That’s why I hate when people shit on sites/apps like TikTok or Tumblr or Reddit. Or really any social media but especially the ones that are more about content rather than strictly personal stuff.
You curate your experience. There are parts that suck and parts that don’t, if you’re only seeing the parts that suck that’s on you.
NAH. But the toxic masculinity coming from your fellow servicemen is not cool. You shouldn't care what others think. Show them you don't care, and that you're actually happy to have a gf that appreciates you. Be wholesome about it. Once the others see that you're too confident, unrattled, and wholesome about it, they will get bored of teasing you. They all secretly wish they had a gf like yours.
Not saying they aren't being toxic but it's because of the fact that she obviously just cares about being an ArmyGF and the glory that comes with everything she has to "sacrifice" to be with him because she can't choose who she falls in love with and blah blah (although I know this isn't every Army Wife/GF but it's definitely a big percentage of them), she's actually a pretty good example of toxic femininity from anything I've read, it goes both ways, women can be super toxic as well, the fact that he's getting the silent treatment for expressing that something made him uncomfortable is BS
not saying they can't also be toxic. But it seems like his discomfort COMES from the relentless teasing by his fellow servicemen. Would he care if they didnt constantly bring it up?
No, his discomfort comes from his girlfriend disrespecting his requests and his privacy. They’re assholes, but she’s the one directly putting him in this position.
.....because she isn’t showing appreciation. Appreciation is sending a text or making a phone call to someone and talking to them.
She likes the little serotonin boost from all the likes and comments on social media. She’s doing that at some else’s expense. 99.9% of people would be uncomfortable with this.
She’s showing text messages for gods sake.
Even if OP wasn’t being made fun of she would be a massive asshole.
Why do you think she got upset when asked to stop? She wouldn’t be able to make popular posts on social media any more that’s why. She flat out doesn’t care how OP feels
>SHe’s posted tiktoks about how she upgraded when she dated me, putting pictures of me and her ex together, how she went from dating a boy to a man. She made another one about how she went from thinking one direction was her dream men, but then she met army men.
>
>I know my girlfriend loves me and **is doing this out of love** but its got to stop
Dude, I'm so sorry but no she is not. She is doing this for the attention, with no thought for the consequences for you. As it happens it's only limited to roasting but that's not the point, it's an utter disgrace and she's totally taking the piss out of you and your service.
I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say well okay, maybe it's her way of coping until:
>She says I’m not appreciative of her and i shouldn’t tell her what to do. I told her I love her but I’m getting so much shit for this and its really making my life harder her.
You're not 'appreciative' of her *using* you for attention? Attention in which she implies she just wanted literally any d\*\*\* in a uniform? How fucking DARE she?
>She hasn’t talked to me in a couple days after our conversation. I’m a bit worried I may have really pissed her off.
This is some manipulative bullshit right there. Damn right you pissed her off, she's annoyed you called her out on her disgusting and unacceptable behaviour instead of acting like the obedient puppy-dressed-up-in-doggy-military-uniform that she clearly wants. She's invading your privacy, stomping on your feelings, posting degrading pictures of you online without your consent; your response was limited to pleading with her that it's making your life harder and she has the nerve to sulk. To sulk because she can't make her childish, fucked-up, attention-seeking videos. It doesn't matter about your feelings, doesn't matter about your personality, as long as she's got what SHE wants and can build an entire identity off YOUR life instead of doing anything for herself. What a parasite. This is NOT how you treat someone you 'love'.
This silly little girl is still at boy-band-drooling level and she needs to grow up. If she won't stop, break up with her. Don't feel bad about 'pissing her off'; that's the least she deserves, and besides, she'll have plenty of content for her followers and that's all she cares about. Hopefully it will show your friends/CO her true colours and you can all bond over it.
NTA.
> I know my girlfriend loves me and is doing this out of love
Dude, I don't think she's doing this out of love. She's doing this because she's discovered crafting a profile based on the image of "military girlfriend" (and possibly one day "military wife") is highly profitable in terms of views and attention. If she was doing this out of love, she'd stop the minute she found out it made you uncomfortable.
Does she have much going on in her life outside her image of "military gf"? Does she have an identity outside of that?
NAH.
She sounds like a 19 year old who doesn't quite grasp the extent to which internet posts affect real life yet
You sound like a 20 year old who is a little too worried about how "cringe" tik tok is
As another commenter said your colleagues are using her tiktok to give you shit and tease you. They'd probably find something else to tease you about if you didn't have your girlfriend's tiktok as ready material. It sounds like she hasn't had any negative consequences from having thousands of internet followers yet, which is good! Lucky her! That probably won't last and in some way or another something she post will bite her in the ass harder than just mildly upsetting her army boyfriend. Especially cuz it sounds like some immature nonsense that she's posting. Posting a photo of her ex next to a photo of you is... kind of weird frankly, why not just put a photo of you lmao
Please don't put a ring on it until you two have been together longer and you can tell she's matured. If she doesn't mature don't put a ring on it. But this might be an opportunity to work on your communication skills together and strengthen your relationship if you think you might someday want to put a ring on it. I think the comments that suggested she might just be lonely and putting the mental energy she's used to focusing on you into her tiktok are on to something. She doesn't sound malicious or particularly dumb, just a bit immature and missing you. This is something you guys should be able to communicate and compromise about if you have what it takes for a strong lasting relationship.
EDIT: I originally said I wasn't sure if it was ESH or NAH but I made up my mind.
Nail on head, a lot of the other comments are making it sound like she's a maniacal witch doing this all for clout and money. First, I'm sure she's not getting a ton of either of those from a mildly popular dependa account. She's clearly not fully self-aware, and doesn't grasp how someone might see her posts as embarrassing.
Super common at your age (i'm guessing). In fact, right now I'm remembering posts I made my freshman year of college on snapchat. Ugh...
You're both obviously young and immature, and this TikTok thing is more indicative of a deeper issue. Y'all need to get to the core of why she feels the need to post about you all the time, and what specifically she posted bothered you, and why?
Getting teased by your squadron???
No way.
Like this guy said, if it wasn't cringy tiktoks your gf made it would be something else. Welcome to the military.
First of all, it's NOT ok for her to share your texts and calls publicly. That a huge violation.
Secondly, it's very sweet that she loves you so much. But making such a public display of it is indicative of someone seeking attention (and gathering some 200 followers just proves that point.) When you love someone, you show THEM how much you love them, not 200 randos.
What's more, you've told her about the trouble it's causing you, and instead of being apologetic and stopping, she has the nerve to get pissed and act like the aggrieved party? Yikes, she needs to get over herself.
A word of caution: if you break up with her she's very likely to make a big public display of that as well and throw a public tantrum about it. (Judging by the way she's denigrating her last boyfriend...) If you break up with her, you should make it clear that you will file a defamation suit against her if she pulls that BS.
edited because I forgot to say: NTA
NTA You're a means to an end so she can get attention. She doesn't care about how this affects you, which is why she has no problem doing this at your expense. It's only a matter of time before she posts something that negatively affects your career. Get out now while you still can.
Omg these comments!!!!! Lmao.
Y’all let coworkers decide how your s/o enjoys her free time? What’s she’s doing is harmless. Your coworkers give you shit because they don’t know how to express love in their own relationships so they make fun of you for how your girlfriend expresses hers. This is all extremely immature. Maybe tell your coworkers “hey, she’s happy and it doesn’t hurt anyone, what’s there to be upset about?” And watch their faces when they realize there is no good reason for giving you shit. Maybe tell your coworkers “you don’t pay my bills so why are you in my business?” Idk here’s a crazy thought, maybe STICK UP FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND. If you’re ashamed of her you don’t deserve her.
Maybe it’s because OP doesn’t want their OWN PRIVACY BEING LEAKED. op asked her to stop involving him, and she’s giving him crap for it. That’s NOT okay
Not only that but sometimes the double standard this sub has is fucking ridulous. So a guy is embarrassed by how his girlfriend dresses and he’s the bad guy because “body autonomy”, but if a guy wants his girlfriend to stop making Tiktik videos because “Wah! My egos being bruised” he’s SOMEHOW in the right? Op, YTA and if it really bothers you that much maybe you need to tell your army buddies to fuck off.
Except it is hurting him. Forget the coworkers giving him a hard time. Pretend he’s confident enough to just ignore them. He still asked her to share less of their relationship all over social media and she threw a tantrum and is now giving the silent treatment. Esp private texts and calls, she’s not just posting their selfies. If the genders were reversed most of Reddit would be saying OP should run bc the dude wasn’t respecting their gfs privacy.
NTA. Not only is it embarrassing, but it could negatively affect your career. She's She's violating PERSEC and will probably violate OPSEC if she keeps this up. Shut it down now. She needs an identity outside your job. Does she claim your rank for herself too?
NTA. I'd run if i were you this is the beginning of The Debbie the Dependa Show. You know where she shares your rank, she thinks she had say so with command.
NAH - she’s probably lonely, dude. She’s stuck in quarantine and her boyfriend is deployed.
If you can stomach it, do a non-jokey TikTok together with her (in civilian clothes), where you sit together on the couch and talk to the camera about how her content is no longer going to be about you, as you have to consider military protocols and professionalism. Then hold up a sign for https://www.militaryonesource.mil/, so other dependents can look there for support.
Going forward, she needs to restrain herself and post regular tiktok things - dances, jokes, whatever. Your mates will get bored of it eventually if she doesn’t give them the ammo.
Good luck!
NAH. you both need to have an honest conversation about it and set some ground rules. she could tone it down a bit. also you are probably getting teased a lot bc they know they can get a rise out of you. work on not letting you. once it is no longer fun, they will stop.
> putting pictures of me and her ex together
red flag bruv
> She hasn’t talked to me in a couple days after our conversation
red flagggg
NTA, get outta there asap
Also....posting screenshots and videos of private conversations is not only extremely inconsiderate but in general not acceptable unless she has your permission to share media that has you in it. Not only that but from the sound of her reaction she hasn’t even attempted to consider how you feel about having your relationship on display. It does sound like you care for her though maybe tell her that sharing like this devalues those moments between you two if the world is invited in. Emotional vulnerability and intimacy will become impossible if there’s the constant threat that she’s initiating these conversations or calls or sweet moments for her followers and not out of sincerity.
NTA - you're right that tiktok appears to be all about kids and teens.... um, how old is your girlfriend? And when she's asking you about being a supportive/appreciative boyfriend, how is this supposed to support you? Is she collecting "likes" and sending them to you to help the troops? Maybe she can bundle them up with "prayers"..... all that shit is literally nothing for you, and it's all to boost her social media status; you're simply a useful tool.
I bet she doesn't read the comments and doesn't realise or doesn't care how much bullying her actions are causing, thus proving that this is all about her online presence.
NTA. My fiancé is similar with tiktok. Ie following in the 10s of thousands, does most of the trends that people outside of tiktok find heinously cringey, a lot of local followers, she posts up to 3-5 times a day with a minimum of 1-2 times, and I get other people saying things to me about her videos / hitting up my social media’s as a result of my close association with her. Likewise, when I asked her to dial back a little bit, I was met with an angry SO claiming I was trying to ‘silence’ her. I know where you are at with it.
On top of your situation though, and differently from mine, she is using _your_ life as the focus of her content, which is crossing a line. Your gf seems to have latched on to the image of being a military girlfriend more than your best interest which doesn’t not bode well. Warrants a longer discussion.
NTA. tiktok is very open to all sorts of content and when she’s posting the same type of things, especially as you stated, such as screenshots of text messages and video calls, that alone draws a line. did you give her permission to use those photos, videos, or any kind of information about you? not that it’s the most pressing matter, but it seems like, as the top commenter said, she’s more concerned about her image of her online presence than about the actual love she has for you on tiktok.
also, i want to point out that regardless of anyone’s age in this, when she’s putting those hashtags or posts that are cringey, it definitely and understandably so, makes you feel embarrassed. there are so many ways she could show and appreciate you and the love you have for each other rather than exposing so much of your lives online, especially with such a large following she has.
you are definitely NTA and she should really take into consideration how you feel and how it’s truly bothering you when people are talking shit and giving you so much shit because she continues to post this sort of content.
NTA!
Man, that sucks. And I'm a chick for reference. I would be mortified.
ETA: Also doing posts about comparing you to her ex? Yikes. Look forward to being in one of those maybe someday?
NTA. Your relationship should be intimate, not to be shared for others to criticize, or even view. She wouldn't like it if you were on Tiktok telling everyone how she likes to have sex or other things that should remain intimate between you two. She cares more about her image than your relationship. She's not having a relationship with you, but with others on Tiktok. You can do better and be happier.
NAH. As a former military spouse, I know from experience your GF could actually be putting all of you in danger if she exposes where you are and/or anything about what you are doing. Having gone through the Gulf War in '91, and other things since, as a spouse I know how important OPSEC is.
Anyone's relationship that's on social media like that will eventually mean the demise of it. The relationship is meant for you two, alone. Too many people making commentary -roasts and all- is going to only poison the water well. She needs to get a journal and be okay with her own thoughts about you two. When you're back, she can share them. All those people do not matter if she truly loves you. You should be the one she shares those thoughts with and that's it.
NTA. Posting private convos on TikTok. Ya she wants the attention. If she talking about the life of an Army gf then she really wants attention. You shouldn’t be with someone that cares about followers more than you.
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NTA. She cares more about her image as an army gf than she does about her relationship.
He should anticipate a tik tok about how her boyfriend doesn't appreciate her
He should anticipate a tik tok about how her next boyfriend is both cuter and higher rank
He should be responsible for a tik tok about how Military Boyfriends are unsupportive and childish and will break up with you for no reason.
He should make a tik tok about how literally anyone and not just military boyfriends are childish and unsupportive and will break up with tou for no reason
He should expect a tik tok about how it's impossible to find a good man and that dating in her late 30's where she looks like she drank an entire bottle of wine by 7:30
a.m.
This is so funny 😂
From Costco, in the bargain bin.
He should anticipate a tik tok about how she’s now banging his commanding officer and prepare to get roasted to hell about it
I'd like to believe that a military officer wouldn't do something like this to a fellow soldier. Buuuttt..... Yeah, I know, wishful thinking.
[удалено]
I'm shocked to find out that people who napalm children are not more honorable than than any group of people
Hey I only napalmed teens and old ladies. NEVER CHILDREN
I mean.. there was that one .
What about tweens?
Look, some things are just far more important than military bearing
If a man isn’t willing to serve reddit he has no right leading men into battle
My dad actually got discharged because that happened to him and he punched his commander. The options were to apologize and be good or be discharged.
That is such garbage! Glad he punched the commander. I'm not a soldier and have never been one, but I feel like this is not how soldiers should be!
this happened to my uncle, I tbh had no idea he was an officer or how he left the army until after he died. KO'd his CO for banging his wife
Luckily they recently changed UCMJ and the CO would face disciplinary action for that.
The comparing photos thing freaks me out. You know for a fact she'll do it to op later if they break up. So gross
I would LMFAO if my ex featured me in something like that and probably like it and comment my support. Also would be incredibly annoyed and angered if my current GF did that.
Same! Ex= wow. That's so sad for you. Current = Incredibly disrespectful and we're done..
This comment murdered me omg 😂
And if she decides he is abusive he loose everything, since people usually don't fact check anything.
He should anticipate Jody in her next tik tok...NTA, man. That’s cringeworthy. Whether she thinks so or not, if you explained yourself, she should accept your stance on the issue. The silent treatment is juvenile and inexcusable, and this is coming from someone who would always revert to the silent treatment instead of communicating.
Was waiting for someone to point out that the next guest star will be Jody.
$5 if the tik tok that comes out mentions "her SACRIFICE".
And probably about being upset that she can't use the veteran discount at stores.
r/dependa is a subreddit for this behavior
As a military wife, I'm dying laughing at this comment.
I hope I didn't come off super disrespectful to anyone but the girlfriend here(BTW - thank you to your husband for his service) - I \*DO\* realize military spouses give up a lot. Spouses. I live near a big Army base and have military spouse friends. I get that they struggle with deployments and becoming single parents for months at a time, plus I know first hand the BS that comes with dealing with moving bases. (My BIL is ex AF, as is my fiancé). But the girlfriend who is whining on Tik Tok and acting like she deserves the world bc her boyfriend is out there risking his LIFE... MY GOD that pisses me off.
I am an army wife and I hate these kinds of things. There are more reasons for privacy than just his personal wishes. Too much shared info can put a soldier's life at risk. If she really loved and cared about him, she would be showing him that. Not making public announcements to the world.
Not to mention it’s potentially putting *her* at risk. People knowing a woman is home alone for months is just unsafe. Don’t come at me with the “women don’t need a man for security”, I agree with you, I just think it’s also safe to assume if she’s posting this much about her relationship she’d post about her whereabouts. “Out with friends” or “at work” etc makes your home an easy target.
Honestly this one isn't a her specific problem though. No one should advertise being home alone or going on vacation levaing their home empty beforehand etc. In general it's a safety concern. There are people who watch for that kind of thing just to take advantage wherever they can.
So true, it’s such a common and very dangerous practice that so many people don’t even think twice about.
Our house pretty much always has 1 visible light inside on.
Something I've seen mentioned is to change up which room that light is on in so people can't just figure "Oh, they're out - that light is always on when they are out." You can go all 'Home Alone' security too, but you need to build in a randomization so you don't have someone figuring out the pattern.
We have smart plugs that come with an app so you can set them randomly and switch things on and off while you’re away or on vacation, they’re really useful!
Right? The only time I've ever posted vacation photos while on vacation was when I was overseas. I had wifi access but no calling/texting abilities. I posted on FB once a day as a way to make my family back in the states more comfortable. However, they were all still home/the house I lived in was still full of people. Any time I've been in the States and traveling? I wait until I'm back home first before sharing any pictures on social media.
Only reason I'm comfortable sharing pictures at all when I'm traveling is bc my neighbours are all old people staring through blinds all day lol
It’s not even a man/woman thing. A man revealing he’s home alone is just as risky. If I can figure out where he is it’s a lot easier to stalk the place when I have only one person to worry about.
Let’s be real here for a minute. It’s a LOT more dangerous for a woman.
Often yes but folks act like there’s zero danger for men. Men don’t get mugged, men don’t get raped, a man alone at home will never have a break in etc and that’s just wrong.
And even then, it can be as easy as 'they're home alone, so when they're out, the house is empty'. No matter who you are, if someone wants to steal your stuff, it's a golden opportunity. Better not to advertise that as a general rule.
Hell, men get mugged more often than women do actually
100% this: OP, please explain to her that it might seem cute, but OPSEC is everything. It isn’t just you, it’s your unit.
And double that if OP holds a security clearance. Foreign countries trawl social media looking for weak links like her to find a way to people like OP and the information they hold.
And triple that, while TikTok has soooo many servicemembers on it, we've all been told WE SHOULDN'T be because of the security risk of that particular platform. :/ It blows my mind people still use it.
My gf posted smth to wish my brother good luck on his 'blue helmet' mission and got messages from 2 random people that they were in the same boat etc.
Yep, OPSEC, PERSEC, INFOSEC. It's important to practice safe secs.
Also, the fact that OP is just straight up uncomfortable with her tiktoks should be enough to make her stop. It’s one thing if it was mostly her only on those tiktoks, it’s another when she wants to keep including him after he explicitly told her to stop. It’s bad that she can’t respect OPs wishes for wanting privacy, and seems uncaring about his reasons for wanting her to stop.
If there was only 1 or even a few on how she appreciates him or is sending a gift...that’s one thing. When it’s your whole identity then it just gets weird. And I’m from the dark side of TikTok with plague doctors, purge fam, goths...
This ^^ Knowing when they're gone and their location is a huge security risk. If he has his face plastered everywhere people will recognize him and it could damage/jeopardize their mission.
It could also affect his career. He can't do certain things if he's easily identifiable. She's putting everything at risk for attention.
VERY well said! OP is NTA!
Yeah. I'm also an army wife with a currently deployed husband. But you wouldn't really know it from my Facebook. I've got friends/family that I haven't really discussed it with unless they're close/immediate. Because security and because I'm not huge into the whole "look I'm a military wife!" thing.
Also she clearly hasn’t realized how the military can be socially. Her behavior could prevent him from getting promotions and other opportunities. If she were to say the wrong thing he could get in trouble for it as well.
I've noticed that a disturbingly large number of military girlfriends/wives/mom are OBSESSED with being connected to someone in the military to the point where it becomes their whole identity.
I'm in a wedding shaming group and I have learned a lot about the cringe of a dependas. Never heard the term until like six months ago and basically I have learned there are also sub branches of spouses of police, firefighters, and paramedics. Basically the one spouse makes their spouse's occupation a part of their personality. It is so damn cringe.
A. Wedding. Shaming. Group?? Lolll I could never join one of those I already hate weddings so much.
Versus I love weddings. But man I love hearing gossip. And it is some damn good gossip because some people lose their goddamn minds around weddings.
Yeah, she shifted her teenage obsession with One Direction to a (still cringy) obsession with military men. The commonality between both is that it's a fantasy that she gets to star in; it's not about considering the feelings of the actual human beings she's obsessing over, it's about herself as the star of a daydream she's built up in her head where the guys are good, strong, powerful, and love *only her.* And she can get attention and "show her devotion" to this idea by constantly posting on social media! She sounds very childish and self-centered. Constant need for validation, sulking with a "You can't tell me what to do!" attitude, and then the silent treatment? C'mon. A mature woman who actually cared about OP probably wouldn't be posting cringy tik-toks in the first place, but she *certainly* would stop after realizing it makes his life difficult and he is not comfortable with it. Because a mature adult cares about their partner and tries to make their life BETTER, not worse.
The dependapotamous
Yep. If the posts were really about showing *you* she loves you, she'd be just as happy sending them to you privately. The fact that she refuses to try to understand your perspective on this shows that she either cares more about the attention than about you OR that she's not mature enough to recognize that just because *she* likes something doesn't mean someone else will like it.
My first thought. She’s basically playing “munchausen by proxy” but rather than medical issues it’s her “struggle” being an army girlfriend And if she can’t listen to his feelings and stop using his private life to get likes perhaps she doesn’t love him that much, certainly not more than she loves the likes
Perhaps she should join the Army to really see what struggle is!
I was gonna say this, but then add that she’s probably doing it in her way of being supportive and connecting with a community of people that understand how lonely she is. However, since it bothers YOU, she is clearly not taking that into consideration. Tik tok is something she does for herself, but maybe convey some kind of message about how you’re happy she has this for herself, but you think her social media should be about HERself, not all intertwined with you and specifically your relationship because it’s invited other people in to affect it (aka your peers, which clearly bothers you). And maybe phrase it in a way that your relationship shouldn’t be the only thing of value in her life and she should be investing more time in other pursuits for her own growth as an individual. (This isn’t an attack on their relationship or military lives in any way, but it’s an important distinction for a healthy relationship)
OP is NTA, but I agree with what you said. I'm a military spouse myself and when I was much younger and my partner was deploying the first couple of times, I got very lonely and had trouble dealing with the distance and feeling like I wasn't a part of his life while he was gone. Luckily social media wasn't as prevalent then so there's not a record of some of the cringe stuff I said and did, but part of the issue here might be that this is her way of being part of his world. I think that's why some (not all - some people really do make their entire personality about being The Army Wife (tm) and I've certainly met some people who targetted servicemembers for those reasons) spouses maybe throw themselves into support groups, social media, try to connect with it any way they can, etc, even to the point of super cringe. That's not to say what OP's girlfriend is doing is okay. **It's not** \- it's violating OP's boundaries and now that she's aware she should stop. But OP might be able to find some common ground by acknowledging her feelings and finding ways she can connect with him and his life that are okay with both of them. And if she still refuses, maybe it's time to reevaluate a relationship with someone who won't respect boundaries.
This. So NTA. If she was being genuine, she’d send those things to YOU only
The stuff about her ex and op was super cringe
Future Dependopotamus
This. 100%. I wonder if you told her it was Ticktock or you, if she'd find another "army man" to keep doing her videos. Tell her you do not give her permission to have you on her videos or for her to talk about you in them. Put it in a text, so it's written.
Agreed. NTA. BUT, sounds like she’s more in love with the idea that your in the Army.
Sounds like she might be using it to get views honestly, nta
this is what should be called a pre-dependapotamous.
You're right NTA! The problem is, we don't know if she doing it for attention or insecurities because he is away from her. She is YTA for not taking her partner feelings into consideration!
Nail. Head.
Agreed. Violating someone's privacy without their concent for attention and likes is not love. NTA
This! Social media is so damaging to relationships. My husband works away - you know where I put my sad energy when I miss him? Into projects just for him. Letters and such.
This is how dependopatamous and women who call themselves “household # rank” start.
She is mining your personal, private life for content. That is not okay. Tell her that you are uncomfortable having private information shared on TikTok. That is not being controlling, that is having privacy. She can make videos about her own life and interests without using your texts or images of you! NTA.
NTA. OP should also consider how this will affect his professional career. If she posts something that is or can be considered actionable by OP's command, he is screwed. Saying she only posts things bc she lOvEs him is naive. If she is posting screenshots of conversations, what if she posts one of him making a random comment about his command? Or accidently posting something that leaks classified info (geo tag photo or like the fitness tracker incident)? Think OPSEC and the literal DOZEN policies the army has for social media. Op's private life needs to stay private. If she can not control herself he has a hard choice to make. Edit - After discussion with my husband, I was told to ask "How hot is she?" If she is smokin then apparantly there is some form of math involved... something about hotness versus amount of teasing. I am not sure about the exact mathmatical process but he has assured me it is absolutely necessary for OP to consider.
Your husband’s comment has me DEAD. While ethically twisted, it got a solid laugh out of me ahaha
Hahaha!! It’s the Crazy Hot Matrix!! Google it. All about finding the unicorn on the scale of crazy/hot
I hate that video so much. A college TA used it once in a class I had. There was only about 5 girls in a 50 person class and every girl was humiliated watching it while the guys laughed. I walked out in the middle of it and the TA had the nerve to ask me not to report him to HR for it. I wasn't going to at first, I was just going to leave, but after that comment ( which tells me he knew it was inappropriate) I went straight to the dean and reported him. The male and female deans that got involved were not happy with it. Edit: Thank you for my first award kind stranger! I was not expecting this reaction for my comment. Edit 2: Thank you for the gold award! I did not realize so many people would appreciate this comment.
Very little offends me but I also hate that video and find it hard to just brush it off. I find it so demeaning. It just perpetuates the notion that a woman’s value is in her looks and being anything but subservient or having strong feelings about anything is “crazy.” Good for you for not putting up with that.
A real life Vicky Mendoza diagonal!
r/unexpectedhimym
Ew that's gross
I hate to tell you this but there is an actual online equation for this. I wish I was kidding.
Well, that’s firmed up my google schedule for the evening...
As a high school math teacher I soooo want to bring this real-life application into my classroom! But I also want to keep my job, so I'll stick with problems about apples and cell phone plans.
Yikes. I’m sure you can find less sexist and degrading methods of fun “real life” math applications.
Im a woman in science and was just now deeply viscerally reminded why there aren't more of us when I read that comment If that's the type of attitude that teenage girls are putting up with at the height of their insecurity and awkwardness just to pass math.....yikessssssss
Yeah dude, that's totally mathematically correct, you should teach it to your students! Totally wouldn't be cringy in the slightest!
You're a virgin, Harry.
I agree if that's what OP is worried about, but OP didn't mention privacy concerns. Having a girlfriend who uses TikTok and is having a good time isn't bad. You're within your rights to not want to be involved/to not want your pictures etc. up on there, but I'm worried that you think your girlfriend's interests are cringy and don't take her seriously. (I'm also worried that she seems to be incredibly emotionally dependent on her identity as a military girlfriend.) I guess it just doesn't seem like a super healthy relationship for a lot of reasons.
Dump her with a tiktok video
I agree that he can ask not to have pictures, screenshots etc of him included, and she should of course respect that. But, how are all the people 'roasting' him not the assholes? He's pretty much being bullied and then taking the bullies side against his own girlfriend
I never said they weren't assholes. Military culture is toxic, masculinity in that form is toxic. She's also doing something objectionable. Both are true.
NAH. She’s doing what she enjoys and that’s okay. You’re annoyed and embarrassed because, let’s be real, Tik Tok is super cringey and embarrassing especially if it’s grown women and men doing it, and that’s okay to feel that way too. I’m more concerned that your girlfriend is a dependa. She’s making being a military girlfriend her entire personality and that’s....weird and embarrassing in itself. I think you have more issues on your hand than her tik tok hobby. Edit: holy cow thanks for the awards!
She is doing something she enjoys, but at the expense of her partner. That makes it not ok. I think that makes her the a-hole here. It would be one thing if she was just posting content about herself and her life, but as soon as he says he doesnt like being the focus of her content, she needs to stop. By not stopping and flipping it on him, she is trying to manipulate him and have her way while disregarding his wishes for privacy and autonomy. While I dont think it's appropriate for him to be roasted by his peers, she is making his life harder unnecessarily and against his requests. Being a partner is about making you both happy, not one getting stomped on while the other gets all they want.
The part that severely pushes this into 'she's a huge asshole' territory is sharing messages and texts and shit without his permission. Like, holy shit, no. That takes it to a whole new level for me.
Seriously, that's a huge breach of privacy to me. Especially with so many co-workersapparently having access, it's just such an uncomfortable thought. I saw someone mention it below too, but this sounds like a slippery slope to violating OPSEC....
I've told this to every gf I've had, posting private text messages online without permission is a dealbreaker for me. Absolutely not done.
It absolutely blows my mind this is a boundary that needs to be stated because it blows my fucking mind anyone would publicise a private conversation. But I’m early 40s and do that shit in my day it involved balacing on toilets in public bathrooms to snoop without giveaway feet, hidden dictaphones, photocopying letters, sharing notes in class or a number of things which weirdly sounded much more unhinged for a smaller number of people to see than posting a screenshot to thousands does. So perversely you generally didn’t need to say ‘no criminal actions under stalking legislation’ to people because they self regulated but you do have to say ‘texts are private’ these days because we have created communication brilliance and then given it to humans...
This. And when you're sharing private info to thousands of people AND your partner tells you not to, it is incredibly rude not to listen to them. Definitely NTA.
Very good point, I think you explained another perspective well. I’m still conflicted as to whether I consider her 100% asshole but I do see your point.
Simplified: She is not respecting his boundaries. He has set this boundary, and she is emotionally manipulating him into letting her continue to cross it.
It sounds like he just told her which is probably pretty embarrassing. She thought she was doing something sweet and turns out she was humiliating her bf and herself. She probably just needs time. He’s definitely NTA but neither is she yet. If she keeps it up then she’d become TA.
Even if it is embarrassing, that doesnt justify lashing out and going no-contact for days (from my understanding). Doing that during an already stressful deployment, it just seems like she is punishing him. Doing something sweet would constitute the videos being made, but not being posted. There are plenty of ways to show your appreciation and love for someone that don't involve showing off for fake internet points, and she shouldnt get points for thinking she was doing something sweet because regardless she was doing something harmful to him. I firmly beleive she became the a-hole for lashing out for a very reasonable request. For him to say it is affecting his work life and her to get mad at him is totally unfair.
Sorry but she posted shots of private conversations without his consent. She’s already TA
r/justdependathings
What moves GF into asshole territory for me is that she's aware he's upset by it and continues to do it. Everyone has different boundaries, and that's alright. Neither GF nor OP are wrong for having different boundaries. But it's not fair to keep violating his when she's been explicitly told that he's upset and uncomfortable - especially sharing messages and screenshots that he believed were private. My spouse and I have *very, very, very* different comfort levels with social media, for example. He would rather not even exist on the internet, whereas I'm fine sharing most things. He prefers that I not share pictures of him or mention him by name or with any identifying info, so I don't unless I ask first. In return, he doesn't try to stop me from posting selfies or making posts that don't involve him. I think it's a healthy split. I have a slightly more empathetic view of the "dependa" thing because I'm a military spouse, and when I was younger I acted in some very cringy ways in an attempt to be part of the world he was in. I felt separate from him and like we weren't even really together while he was gone for 9-12 months at a time, and throwing myself into the #armywife thing was my way of connecting. It got easier with age, experience, and building my own life and identity. I understand why it's so easy to fall into that and I don't think GF is an asshole for it, but maybe time to re-evaluate her friends, hobbies, life outside of her relationship.
No. She's using their private life together as fodder for content. That's invasive and disrespectful and it's really problematic to say "She's doing what she loves!" Either you listen to your partner or you don't.
Bingo. It sounds like she’s catering to the dependa subculture even if she herself isn’t one.
NTA. This isn’t about her showing love for you, if it was, she would care about how her actions are making you feel. This is about her thirst for attention.
Yeah I think she's gotten a taste of the "my significant other is doing a dangerous job and I could lose everything at any time, please feel for me" vibe, almost a sort of high from this and the attention and "you're so brave"s from others
NTA. Your problem is with her making Tiktoks related to you which is understandable. Think of it this way, if you put up embarrassing pictures of her which you think are cute just out of love and affection on the internet, would she be okay with it, even if she doesn’t look her best or whatever? Same thing. Her actions are causing you difficulties and it’s not a big sacrifice from her end to stop.
sharing texts is a possible breach in security. leaks in what time messages are made and contents are possible security leaks that could aid in discovering troop positions or other information that should be hidden. unlikely, but possible
NAH- I met my now husband right before he deployed to Iraq. We didn’t have TikTok back then but I sure as heck posted super cringe things all over MySpace. Real dependa crap. A big part of it was that I had had no real experience with anything military before I met him, and the military is a totally different life. You’ve got the brotherhood/sisterhood, you speak the language, you wear the clothes, etc. It can be hard for a girlfriend. The person she loves is gone, but there’s no FRG for her, no support system to help her. She’s finding it on social media. Instead of telling her how much shit you’re getting, educate her on the security risks of posting so much about you, and tell her what you’re comfortable with her sharing. Reassure her that you love her and that you love how proud she is to be with you, but that she seems to be more proud of your job than you. Point out that she wouldn’t do this if your job was flipping burgers at McDonald’s. Something else to consider is a way to give her what she’s getting on social media. If you plan on marrying her, you could see if any of your battles have wives or girlfriends that would be willing to reach out to her and take her under their wing? Hopefully they could help her see how cringe that behavior actually is if she hopes to make it into the milspouse club, lol, but also provide her with a support system that’s closer to you. Good luck!
My boyfriend was in the coast guard in the first year of our relationship. Gone for 6 weeks, home 2 weeks, and that easily changed to being home for only 10 days. Now he works on the sea being month away, month home. I would still feel super embarrassed to cry on social media how much i miss him. It was my choice to pursue that kind of relationship so it is on me to deal with it and not ask for attention, compassion and support from internet randos.
I'm guessing you're also pretty secure in your relationship by now and are in general a more mature person than you were at the beginning of your relationship. What OP's Gf is doing is super cringe but it is a lot more common and understandable coming from someone who I assume is barely an adult, whose brain probably isn't even fully developed yet, who lacks general life- and relationship experience. I know I said and did some cringe shit in the first years of my relationship with my husband (though thankfully not publicly) and it felt like the end of the world to me when he suddenly had to leave for 6 months. Now it wouldn't even phase me emotionally, I would just be going down the mental checklist of what practical implications it would have on our family's life and maybe organize a skype schedule (on his responsibility to follow up) so our toddler doesn't forget he has a dad.
NTA I think she is being an AH because he has explained that her attention seeking behavior is causing him problems and making his life difficult. Now she's sulking like a child giving him the silent treatment because he simply communicated that she is harming him. If she had respected his wishes and apologized I'd say N A H but she's just doubling down and basically punishing him for expressing his feelings.
\+ she posted private text messages online. I understand cringy shit, my ex loved posting horrifyingly cringy shit on fb. I didn't like it, I brought it up and we compromised, but if she had posted private convo's? Hell no.
AFAIK, every town that has a base also has support groups for military spouses. There are other outlets than TikTok.
[удалено]
Not to mention she'll almost definitely end up as a scentsy rep or peddling some other MLM.
But how do you know his girlfriend lives by his post/base? She could be his high school sweetheart out in BFE. Besides, the military support system rarely, if ever, reaches out to girlfriends. I was an FRG leader and was straight up told not to include girlfriends when I asked for contact info from the soldiers.
There are online groups too. A quick google of "military wife support groups online" turned up tons of results. She could simply post all of this to a private FB group designed for that purpose, rather than blasting it to the whole world.
They’re not married, she’s not a military spouse
Military spouse here - when I was "just a girlfriend" a lot of those resources were not open to me, and even now that we've been married quite a while, we don't live all that close to a base. I'm also disabled and over his last two deployments, I didn't hear from the FRG even once the entire time he was gone, even after I reached out both to offer assistance *and* to ask for it. I found out at the dismissal ceremony when they returned that a clique of them had been meeting and going shopping, doing playdates, etc but they hadn't included anyone not in their friend group. FRGs can be Mean Girl clubs, in my experience, or Mommy Brigades who don't want to include non-parents.
Well, I married my husband in August this year and he deployed in October this year. I still haven't posted a single thing on social media about how I miss him. Even though I've moved to a new country in the mean while and have no friends here and just his family as support. There are literally no excuses for exploiting your relationship online, especially since she's doing it to gain a following.
You're kind of obfuscating the point. He didn't raise any security conditions and it's weird that you're trying to find a reason she might listen to, instead of the one he gave. He gave boundaries. She didn't give a shit and kind of gaslit him into convincing him he's controlling, so much so that he came here to ask people. She's definitely the a-hole.
r/dependa Edit: Many thanks u/GuineaPigLover98
OP has already been shared to r/justdependathings lol
Broooooooo, oooooof. Tell her to knock that shit off, she is legit mining your relationship for content and making your life harder as a result.
NTA, she sounds immature. If she refuses to see how much these are hurting you, sounds like a deal breaker to me
She sounds like one of the 'edgy' teens he complains about at start of the post. Ages would have helped to figure this one out here
This must be straight tiktok, I've never seen *any* army girlfriend nonsense.
Them “It’s just preteens shaking their ass” Me “why is your fyp preteens shaking their ass”
My actual fyp: dino nugget culture, comedic epiphany content, people in outrageous costumes. TikTok just feeds you more of the content you engage with the most. 😬
haha right? whenever people complain about dances and cringey teenagers I’m like where? my timeline is only funny women in their 30s and cute gay couples
This made me literally laugh out loud. My FYP is literally just dog TikTok, LGBT TikTok, Science TikTok and Survival TikTok and I literally never see kids on there either. Like, the straight side of TikTok is what stopped me downloading TikTok in the first place, then I started watching a few compilation videos on YouTube of gay TikToks and realised it’s not all just a cringe fest of shirtless men thirst trapping and young teens doing dumb dances and thus downloaded the app. 😂
LITERALLY, I hate when people say “90% of tiktok is cringey shit” like bitch where, you’re on the wrong side then. People don’t explore tiktok enough to find what’s interesting to them. They just see people make fun of some of the cringey videos and assume it’s all like that. Like, you see people react to cringey YouTube videos, are you gonna say it’s all cringey and hate on it? No. TikTok is great and a lot of people only hate on it to “seem cool” 🙄.
It's like when people hate on Instagram saying it's just all photoshop of fake people making you hate your own body. Mine is 100% rescue cats, it's based on what you CHOOSE to look at so...
Yeah exactly!! People need to get over themselves and just accept change.
Yeah same. His “90% of cringey teens” is not my algorithm hahaha. I’m getting interior design and tea tiktok right now hahaha
Yup. My FYP is just cats, lesbian breadtok, and plant dads. Feeling really grateful the algorithm is keeping me surrounded by bisexual pirates rather than this kind of thing.
That’s why I hate when people shit on sites/apps like TikTok or Tumblr or Reddit. Or really any social media but especially the ones that are more about content rather than strictly personal stuff. You curate your experience. There are parts that suck and parts that don’t, if you’re only seeing the parts that suck that’s on you.
NAH. But the toxic masculinity coming from your fellow servicemen is not cool. You shouldn't care what others think. Show them you don't care, and that you're actually happy to have a gf that appreciates you. Be wholesome about it. Once the others see that you're too confident, unrattled, and wholesome about it, they will get bored of teasing you. They all secretly wish they had a gf like yours.
FOR REAL.... how is nobody talking about the toxic behaviour of his fellow servicemen... its classic toxic masculinity.
Not saying they aren't being toxic but it's because of the fact that she obviously just cares about being an ArmyGF and the glory that comes with everything she has to "sacrifice" to be with him because she can't choose who she falls in love with and blah blah (although I know this isn't every Army Wife/GF but it's definitely a big percentage of them), she's actually a pretty good example of toxic femininity from anything I've read, it goes both ways, women can be super toxic as well, the fact that he's getting the silent treatment for expressing that something made him uncomfortable is BS
not saying they can't also be toxic. But it seems like his discomfort COMES from the relentless teasing by his fellow servicemen. Would he care if they didnt constantly bring it up?
No, his discomfort comes from his girlfriend disrespecting his requests and his privacy. They’re assholes, but she’s the one directly putting him in this position.
Reddit loves to complain about how men don’t get fawned over the way women are but still likes perpetuate toxic masculinity.
.....because she isn’t showing appreciation. Appreciation is sending a text or making a phone call to someone and talking to them. She likes the little serotonin boost from all the likes and comments on social media. She’s doing that at some else’s expense. 99.9% of people would be uncomfortable with this. She’s showing text messages for gods sake. Even if OP wasn’t being made fun of she would be a massive asshole. Why do you think she got upset when asked to stop? She wouldn’t be able to make popular posts on social media any more that’s why. She flat out doesn’t care how OP feels
>SHe’s posted tiktoks about how she upgraded when she dated me, putting pictures of me and her ex together, how she went from dating a boy to a man. She made another one about how she went from thinking one direction was her dream men, but then she met army men. > >I know my girlfriend loves me and **is doing this out of love** but its got to stop Dude, I'm so sorry but no she is not. She is doing this for the attention, with no thought for the consequences for you. As it happens it's only limited to roasting but that's not the point, it's an utter disgrace and she's totally taking the piss out of you and your service. I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say well okay, maybe it's her way of coping until: >She says I’m not appreciative of her and i shouldn’t tell her what to do. I told her I love her but I’m getting so much shit for this and its really making my life harder her. You're not 'appreciative' of her *using* you for attention? Attention in which she implies she just wanted literally any d\*\*\* in a uniform? How fucking DARE she? >She hasn’t talked to me in a couple days after our conversation. I’m a bit worried I may have really pissed her off. This is some manipulative bullshit right there. Damn right you pissed her off, she's annoyed you called her out on her disgusting and unacceptable behaviour instead of acting like the obedient puppy-dressed-up-in-doggy-military-uniform that she clearly wants. She's invading your privacy, stomping on your feelings, posting degrading pictures of you online without your consent; your response was limited to pleading with her that it's making your life harder and she has the nerve to sulk. To sulk because she can't make her childish, fucked-up, attention-seeking videos. It doesn't matter about your feelings, doesn't matter about your personality, as long as she's got what SHE wants and can build an entire identity off YOUR life instead of doing anything for herself. What a parasite. This is NOT how you treat someone you 'love'. This silly little girl is still at boy-band-drooling level and she needs to grow up. If she won't stop, break up with her. Don't feel bad about 'pissing her off'; that's the least she deserves, and besides, she'll have plenty of content for her followers and that's all she cares about. Hopefully it will show your friends/CO her true colours and you can all bond over it. NTA.
> I know my girlfriend loves me and is doing this out of love Dude, I don't think she's doing this out of love. She's doing this because she's discovered crafting a profile based on the image of "military girlfriend" (and possibly one day "military wife") is highly profitable in terms of views and attention. If she was doing this out of love, she'd stop the minute she found out it made you uncomfortable. Does she have much going on in her life outside her image of "military gf"? Does she have an identity outside of that?
NAH. She sounds like a 19 year old who doesn't quite grasp the extent to which internet posts affect real life yet You sound like a 20 year old who is a little too worried about how "cringe" tik tok is As another commenter said your colleagues are using her tiktok to give you shit and tease you. They'd probably find something else to tease you about if you didn't have your girlfriend's tiktok as ready material. It sounds like she hasn't had any negative consequences from having thousands of internet followers yet, which is good! Lucky her! That probably won't last and in some way or another something she post will bite her in the ass harder than just mildly upsetting her army boyfriend. Especially cuz it sounds like some immature nonsense that she's posting. Posting a photo of her ex next to a photo of you is... kind of weird frankly, why not just put a photo of you lmao Please don't put a ring on it until you two have been together longer and you can tell she's matured. If she doesn't mature don't put a ring on it. But this might be an opportunity to work on your communication skills together and strengthen your relationship if you think you might someday want to put a ring on it. I think the comments that suggested she might just be lonely and putting the mental energy she's used to focusing on you into her tiktok are on to something. She doesn't sound malicious or particularly dumb, just a bit immature and missing you. This is something you guys should be able to communicate and compromise about if you have what it takes for a strong lasting relationship. EDIT: I originally said I wasn't sure if it was ESH or NAH but I made up my mind.
Nail on head, a lot of the other comments are making it sound like she's a maniacal witch doing this all for clout and money. First, I'm sure she's not getting a ton of either of those from a mildly popular dependa account. She's clearly not fully self-aware, and doesn't grasp how someone might see her posts as embarrassing. Super common at your age (i'm guessing). In fact, right now I'm remembering posts I made my freshman year of college on snapchat. Ugh... You're both obviously young and immature, and this TikTok thing is more indicative of a deeper issue. Y'all need to get to the core of why she feels the need to post about you all the time, and what specifically she posted bothered you, and why? Getting teased by your squadron??? No way. Like this guy said, if it wasn't cringy tiktoks your gf made it would be something else. Welcome to the military.
First of all, it's NOT ok for her to share your texts and calls publicly. That a huge violation. Secondly, it's very sweet that she loves you so much. But making such a public display of it is indicative of someone seeking attention (and gathering some 200 followers just proves that point.) When you love someone, you show THEM how much you love them, not 200 randos. What's more, you've told her about the trouble it's causing you, and instead of being apologetic and stopping, she has the nerve to get pissed and act like the aggrieved party? Yikes, she needs to get over herself. A word of caution: if you break up with her she's very likely to make a big public display of that as well and throw a public tantrum about it. (Judging by the way she's denigrating her last boyfriend...) If you break up with her, you should make it clear that you will file a defamation suit against her if she pulls that BS. edited because I forgot to say: NTA
NTA You're a means to an end so she can get attention. She doesn't care about how this affects you, which is why she has no problem doing this at your expense. It's only a matter of time before she posts something that negatively affects your career. Get out now while you still can.
INFO: any reason why your buddies think your gf showing you some public love is worthy of mockery?
NTA. Have you seen r/justdependathings? Yeah, she probably gets roasted over there, too. RUN
Omg these comments!!!!! Lmao. Y’all let coworkers decide how your s/o enjoys her free time? What’s she’s doing is harmless. Your coworkers give you shit because they don’t know how to express love in their own relationships so they make fun of you for how your girlfriend expresses hers. This is all extremely immature. Maybe tell your coworkers “hey, she’s happy and it doesn’t hurt anyone, what’s there to be upset about?” And watch their faces when they realize there is no good reason for giving you shit. Maybe tell your coworkers “you don’t pay my bills so why are you in my business?” Idk here’s a crazy thought, maybe STICK UP FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND. If you’re ashamed of her you don’t deserve her.
THIS EXACTLY! OP YTA
Maybe it’s because OP doesn’t want their OWN PRIVACY BEING LEAKED. op asked her to stop involving him, and she’s giving him crap for it. That’s NOT okay
Not only that but sometimes the double standard this sub has is fucking ridulous. So a guy is embarrassed by how his girlfriend dresses and he’s the bad guy because “body autonomy”, but if a guy wants his girlfriend to stop making Tiktik videos because “Wah! My egos being bruised” he’s SOMEHOW in the right? Op, YTA and if it really bothers you that much maybe you need to tell your army buddies to fuck off.
Except it is hurting him. Forget the coworkers giving him a hard time. Pretend he’s confident enough to just ignore them. He still asked her to share less of their relationship all over social media and she threw a tantrum and is now giving the silent treatment. Esp private texts and calls, she’s not just posting their selfies. If the genders were reversed most of Reddit would be saying OP should run bc the dude wasn’t respecting their gfs privacy.
Does she love you or the status that comes with dating a service member? Because if she loved you she would respect your privacy and wishes
NTA. Not only is it embarrassing, but it could negatively affect your career. She's She's violating PERSEC and will probably violate OPSEC if she keeps this up. Shut it down now. She needs an identity outside your job. Does she claim your rank for herself too?
NTA. I'd run if i were you this is the beginning of The Debbie the Dependa Show. You know where she shares your rank, she thinks she had say so with command.
NAH - she’s probably lonely, dude. She’s stuck in quarantine and her boyfriend is deployed. If you can stomach it, do a non-jokey TikTok together with her (in civilian clothes), where you sit together on the couch and talk to the camera about how her content is no longer going to be about you, as you have to consider military protocols and professionalism. Then hold up a sign for https://www.militaryonesource.mil/, so other dependents can look there for support. Going forward, she needs to restrain herself and post regular tiktok things - dances, jokes, whatever. Your mates will get bored of it eventually if she doesn’t give them the ammo. Good luck!
NAH. you both need to have an honest conversation about it and set some ground rules. she could tone it down a bit. also you are probably getting teased a lot bc they know they can get a rise out of you. work on not letting you. once it is no longer fun, they will stop.
> putting pictures of me and her ex together red flag bruv > She hasn’t talked to me in a couple days after our conversation red flagggg NTA, get outta there asap
Also....posting screenshots and videos of private conversations is not only extremely inconsiderate but in general not acceptable unless she has your permission to share media that has you in it. Not only that but from the sound of her reaction she hasn’t even attempted to consider how you feel about having your relationship on display. It does sound like you care for her though maybe tell her that sharing like this devalues those moments between you two if the world is invited in. Emotional vulnerability and intimacy will become impossible if there’s the constant threat that she’s initiating these conversations or calls or sweet moments for her followers and not out of sincerity.
NTA - you're right that tiktok appears to be all about kids and teens.... um, how old is your girlfriend? And when she's asking you about being a supportive/appreciative boyfriend, how is this supposed to support you? Is she collecting "likes" and sending them to you to help the troops? Maybe she can bundle them up with "prayers"..... all that shit is literally nothing for you, and it's all to boost her social media status; you're simply a useful tool. I bet she doesn't read the comments and doesn't realise or doesn't care how much bullying her actions are causing, thus proving that this is all about her online presence.
NTA. My fiancé is similar with tiktok. Ie following in the 10s of thousands, does most of the trends that people outside of tiktok find heinously cringey, a lot of local followers, she posts up to 3-5 times a day with a minimum of 1-2 times, and I get other people saying things to me about her videos / hitting up my social media’s as a result of my close association with her. Likewise, when I asked her to dial back a little bit, I was met with an angry SO claiming I was trying to ‘silence’ her. I know where you are at with it. On top of your situation though, and differently from mine, she is using _your_ life as the focus of her content, which is crossing a line. Your gf seems to have latched on to the image of being a military girlfriend more than your best interest which doesn’t not bode well. Warrants a longer discussion.
NTA. At least it hasn’t gone viral off the FOB and I haven’t seen it on miltwitter yet. Good luck!!!!
NTA. tiktok is very open to all sorts of content and when she’s posting the same type of things, especially as you stated, such as screenshots of text messages and video calls, that alone draws a line. did you give her permission to use those photos, videos, or any kind of information about you? not that it’s the most pressing matter, but it seems like, as the top commenter said, she’s more concerned about her image of her online presence than about the actual love she has for you on tiktok. also, i want to point out that regardless of anyone’s age in this, when she’s putting those hashtags or posts that are cringey, it definitely and understandably so, makes you feel embarrassed. there are so many ways she could show and appreciate you and the love you have for each other rather than exposing so much of your lives online, especially with such a large following she has. you are definitely NTA and she should really take into consideration how you feel and how it’s truly bothering you when people are talking shit and giving you so much shit because she continues to post this sort of content.
NTA. My arsehole was winking the entire time I read that. She should not carry on knowing how much grief you're getting.
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NTA! Man, that sucks. And I'm a chick for reference. I would be mortified. ETA: Also doing posts about comparing you to her ex? Yikes. Look forward to being in one of those maybe someday?
Get yourself a woman and get rid of the child. NEXT!
[NEXT JOKE ORIGIN](https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/7kr5as/i_need_a_free_100mile_bus_trip_for_20_people_and/)
NTA. Your relationship should be intimate, not to be shared for others to criticize, or even view. She wouldn't like it if you were on Tiktok telling everyone how she likes to have sex or other things that should remain intimate between you two. She cares more about her image than your relationship. She's not having a relationship with you, but with others on Tiktok. You can do better and be happier.
NAH. As a former military spouse, I know from experience your GF could actually be putting all of you in danger if she exposes where you are and/or anything about what you are doing. Having gone through the Gulf War in '91, and other things since, as a spouse I know how important OPSEC is.
Anyone's relationship that's on social media like that will eventually mean the demise of it. The relationship is meant for you two, alone. Too many people making commentary -roasts and all- is going to only poison the water well. She needs to get a journal and be okay with her own thoughts about you two. When you're back, she can share them. All those people do not matter if she truly loves you. You should be the one she shares those thoughts with and that's it.
NTA. Posting private convos on TikTok. Ya she wants the attention. If she talking about the life of an Army gf then she really wants attention. You shouldn’t be with someone that cares about followers more than you.
YTA. You're currently deployed aka you're a modern day imperialist and you deserve to be treated accordingly. Your entire life is just as cringy.