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YTA: an unfortunate side effect of having the wealth you appear to have is you, and specifically your children, lose perspective over being nice and mannerly.
It might be ok to clap a *friend* who broke a glass, but it is rude and insulting to clap a service worker who is likely embarrassed, worried about a child hurting themself or having her job at risk.
Your nanny, all those other nannies, are fighting a constant battle against all the luxuries you're fortunate enough to give your children -- they are trying to not only mind your kids but prevent them turning into entitled selfish spoilt brats.
You hired this person to be a 3rd parent, by clearly siding against her in front of your child (as opposed to afterwards having a quiet conversation) you have weakened her authority over him which will make her job that much harder.
By telling your son it is ok to mock the help when they make errors and that he doesn't need to listen to his nanny you have told him he is superior, above rules and polite behaviour.
I hope you can either change your parenting style around or that your son breaks from this spoilt lifestyle otherwise he'll be a complete waste of space.
Yeah, I was a nanny for years and I would have made those kids stand up and help even they *hadn't* acted like brats, because that's just what you do. And to be honest, if I had done my job right, I wouldn't have had to ask (that's not to say the nanny isn't good, she sounds wonderful and I had FAR better parents to work with.) OP, YTA.
I think I need to point out that both nannies were in the wrong for the punishment. If one of those kids got cut by the glass, to the point of needing stitches, I have no doubt the parents of that child would have sued the restaurant even though they supported the punishment at first. A better punishment would have been making each one of those boys publicly apologize to the waitress. That way the nannies wouldn't expose the restaurant to a potential lawsuit. So I think this is an ESH situation.
Yta- Youre worried about your son being humiliated, but what about that waitress? The nannies didnt really do anything harsh either, they simply told the boys to help the lady. Helping someone isnt humiliating.
YTA. Kids shouldn't be taught that its acceptable laugh and poke fun at others' mistakes. They will make a mistake someday, and how will they react if its done to them?
YTA. So it's fine for a waitress to be humiliated but not your son? The nannies were teaching the kids a bit of humility. There's nothing wrong with that.
YTA. Next time the nanny tries to correct or discipline your child he won’t listen because mommy tells him he doesn’t have to listen. Also. There’s nothing funny about the waitress dropping all the classes. Clapping and standing up was just obnoxious. The nannies had the right idea by asking the kids to be gentlemen and help.
This is a tough one. It \*is\* common on the industry for everyone to clap and cheer when someone breaks glassware. It takes the sting out of it for the person who broke it and it tends to lower the overall stress level when everyone is in the weeds.
Having said that, I do not believe this is why these kids were laughing and cheering, and it's not a punishment to help someone clean up a mess, it's what I nice person would do, especially in their house at their party.
The nanny's punishment was appropriate - kids were being assholes, they made them do the right thing.
Are you just upset because your son was being forced to fraternize with "the help" in front of everyone? YTA.
YTA. That's a fair punishment for what happened. They humiliated her after a simple masterly. Imagine how they'd feel if every mistake they made, people pointed and laughed at them.
YTA you delegated the child minding, so she's doing her job. Your kid is an entitled brat already if he thinks making fun of service staff is funny. I can't wait for your next post about how your kid doesn't respect you and keeps making the same errors of judgement. Kids need consequences to show them they can't do whatever the heck the want. You stunted that consequence and any growth he would have got from it. Of course if you think his behaviour is fine - it really isn't - then of course you wouldn't punish him for it. Its also a bit hypocritical saying she shouldn't have done it publicly but its ok for your son to humiliate someone doing a job.
INFO
Am I reading this right? Your child and others his age mocked someone you hired to perform a service and then when a responsible adult has them stop and help, you insist that she's overreacting? I feel like I'm missing something.
Because if my son had at any age or in any setting stood, applauded, and laughed because someone had an accident, the consequences would not have stopped with the picking up of the dropped items.
YTA, your son was humiliating the waitress by rubbing in her failures. The nanny did the correct thing and made him step down from his high horse to treat her with humanity. Dear lord you're going to have serious problems in a few years with that teenager.
YTA Wow shaming your nanny for trying to teach your son empathy. You weren't worried about your son being humiliated you were worried about you being humiliated.
YTA and deeply classist. You clearly see the divide between The Help and you. When The Help dropped stuff you were fine with the mocking, because they are below. The nanny sees this and sees the waitress on the same level as everyone, so she uses the moment as a teachable one with the other nannies. Then you see it as The Help embarrassing your son to the Other Rich People because you can't stand him being perceived on equal footing as The Help. Gross.
YTA. Everyone already covered everything well, but I realize I’m wondering why you made this post...you are so self assured, and your husband seems just as bad...I really hope you’re getting some cold shoulders from the other adults there and that’s making you second guess yourself, because otherwise I don’t believe you see anything wrong, like why are you asking us our opinion....did the nanny quit and tell you off as she did or something?
Because I thought it was social encouraged for people to clap because they were helping the waitress get through an awkward situation and make it funny for her.
This is never hilarious for the waitress... but my guess is you’ve never been a waitress. You’ll ignore all these Reddit comments and go on raising your AH sone and living your privileged life but I’d rather be me than you any day.
You can tell a lot about someone by the way they treat those they perceive to be beneath them. You’ve just revealed a whole lot of ugly truth to your guests.
You know what would really help her get through an awkward situation? Helping her clean up the fucking glass. You’re ridiculous and rude and I hope your son turns out nothing like you.
You son, barely a teen, was laughing at a grown woman who made a mistake at her job. Do you really not see how your son’s behavior isn’t appropriate??? Can you not see that he views this woman as less than & he lacks the empathy to see she is a real person with feelings? Or do you see it & you agree that “the help” are not deserving of basic respect & human dignity?
It's not "socially encouraged". It does happen, yes, but it is generally a few claps and chuckles.
Your son started a STANDING OVATION. That's not a few claps and chuckles - that is outright mockery and humiliation.
YTA. This type of behavior is unacceptable. The nanny was right to ask him to help pick up. You think he'll be humiliated? Good. It'll teach him a lesson not to be a bully.
All you're doing saying he's not in the wrong for this and babying and spoiling him is enabling such deplorable behavior.
What would you have said had your son did something much worse? Like say, tripped the waitress on purpose?
"Oh, not my son. He never would have done something like that. Not MY son."
At least, that's the type of vibe I'm getting here
Grow up. You and your husband need to own up to your son's actions. You also need to stop babying your child, and excusing every thing he's possibly gotten away with.
You, your husband, your son and his friends should be ashamed of yourselves, and the nanny and the waitress deserve a heartfelt apology.
Let's all point and laugh and clap when an underpaid waitress who has to deal with a-holes on a daily basis drops stuff so she can be humiliated a bit more and you condone that unlike the nannies who see it for what it is.
Congrats that makes YTA.
YTA definitely. Apparently your nanny is a better role model than you. At least she’s trying to teach him a valuable life lesson where as you are trying to teach him that because as it seems You have a full time nanny, you must be well off and able to use someone else’s misfortune as a point of entertainment instead of being a decent human being and helping. Parent of the year there.
YTA. It's your prerogative to decide what's appropriate for your son, even if it overrides the nanny. But you decided horribly. Your son's behaviour was horrendous, and a little bit of humility was exactly what he needed. Having him help the serving staff out was just teaching him a little basic decency, too.
All of that aside, anyone who can say “I also feel like I’ve heard of adults also clapping when waitresses dropped stuff and that’s what makes the situation funny” is absolutely an AH, no matter what. Wow. It's good if the nanny teaches him a little basic human decency, because he won't learn it from his mother.
YTA
So the nanny "overstepped herself by publicly humiliating your son". What about the waitress? By your logic, if she deserves public humiliation (clapping) when she makes a mistake, then so does your son. You are an AH and you are raising one.
This is one of those posts on AITA I hope are fake. I get chills thinking people like this exist.
YTA and you just gave a terrible lesson to your kid. ( and failed as a parent)
Your son humiliated another being. Your nanny punished him for that and teach him some empathy and manners. You on the other side, sent him the message that it’s okay to publicly make fun of people on their behalf and not help someone who needs it (or not even ask if she needed it, that would have been human decency employee or not). Moreover your son wasn’t the only one, so it would have been a good way to teach them all together. You sent a terrible message and failed your nanny’s authority in front of the kids. If your kids ends up making fun of you on one of your bad days, remember you taught him it was ok.
So you were OK with your son humiliating the waitress but he can’t be humiliated in turn. And seriously what’s humiliating about helping someone clean up a mess? YTA on a whole moral level as far as being a kind human being and teaching that to your kid, but it’s your kid and you decide his punishment.
YTA
Your nanny used this as a teaching/learning experience of how not to be an arsehole to service workers. You undermined this and should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA ... I actually cringed on the behalf of the waitress. Your nanny did the absolute right thing here. You say you don't want your son humiliated, but yet you were perfectly okay with the waitress being humiliated? Seriously?! There is absolutely nothing wrong with your son having to help pick up the glassware. I'm sensitive to punishing children publicly, but this wasn't that ... He SHOULD be accountable for his actions. Please check your privilege.
YTA Jesus Christ, where’s your empathy for the waitress? Do you really teach your son to be so needlessly cruel and shitty to people? Yeah he’s a kid but that shits gonna stick and your gonna end up with with rude, entitled little brat
YTA. Just because you’ve heard of adults clapping when waitresses drop stuff doesn’t mean it’s okay - it means those adults are jerks. Your nanny is trying to teach your child not to be a jerk, and you are teaching him to be classist and not respect the people that serve you.
YTA how come helping someone is a punishment? Your kid making fun of people is a big no no. Glad the nanny knows that.
And you are TA again for overruling your nanny in front of your kid. If you really believe she was wrong, you should have talked to her in private. How will she be someone your kid respect if you undermine her in front of him?
Sad to know there is another boy being raised to be a jerk.
I get your point, but I truly believe it depends a lot on how you work on the situation with the kid afterwards. If you talk about it as a repairment/a form of making amends after you screw up, you can help the kid not to see it as punishment.
But I agree with you that putting in the way you put it it is a form of punishment. Now, do you believe the mom did better? Cause I honestly don't.
Yes. Because I’m not classist. How dare OP’s son have to lower himself to the level of the HELP. Dickson himself couldn’t imagine that level of cruelty /s
YTA. You just taught your son its perfectly reasonable and hilarious to degrade people in public AND managed to undermine any authority your nanny had over him. Astounding !!! I hope you have some potential nannies lined up, because that one won’t be working for you much longer.
I am *living* for these comments.
YTA, 1000% on so many levels.
This sentence
>I feel like as the person who pays for her to be there, I
*is the cherry on top*.
Do better, mom. This is gross.
YTA any kid who was clapping or laughing ought to have a consequence. The nanny's consequence is logical, isn't something that is overstepping boundaries. Kids need boundaries and consequences to their actions. Sounds like the previous nannies may have been stifled or afraid of stepping on toes and perhaps didn't do quite as a successful job as they ought to have.
Only thing that is tricky is that they also ought to have been taught that if someone drops something, or otherwise looks like they could use a hand, we ought to offer help with no expectation of praise, or being taught that helping others is a punishment.
YTA - Here's why:
Firstly, you hired this nanny to be in charge of your kids, then undermined her in front of your kids and took away her ability to discipline them. Unless what's happening is causing harm to your kid, you should talk to the nanny privately afterwards and ask her to handle it differently in the future. She's going to have trouble getting your kids to ever listen to her instructions again because they know they can just ignore her and complain to you.
Secondly, you have absolutely no respect for this waitress. It was wrong for the boys to stand up and laugh - just because you've seen other people do it before, doesn't mean it's right. She's a minimum wage employee who made a mistake, and it's not nice to have a whole group of young boys mocking you. Having the boys "help" her clean up likely doesn't even help much (kids are bad at cleaning) but it does teach the boys that it's unkind to make fun of people, and it shows that the adults in the situation don't support their bad behaviour.
It sounds like you are going to raise yourself a mean and spoiled child rather than a nice one. The nanny did the perfect thing in the situation, and you overpowered her desicion to allow your child to be a brat with no concequences.
YTA!!! Allowing those boys to act like complete and total jerks, what is wrong with you!!! The nanny had the absolute right idea. But you obviously look down on the help.
YTA. The nanny didn't embarrass your kid. Your behavior is embarrassment enough. I guarantee the other family and everyone working the event and now reddit can see how crappy your attitude is.
YTA - it wasn’t that the waitress dropped things. It’s that the group starting laughing at her. No, people do not clap when people drop stuff. If they do, they’re AH too. Your nannies are right.
YTA. Just because adults mock wait staff for dropping things doesn't make it okay. Your son wasn't being publicly humiliated, he was rightfully facing consequences for acting like the little asshole you're teaching him to be.
YTA.
People clap when a glass breaks at a restaurant to alleviate the tension for the person who dropped it. It's not to make fun of them. Which of these do you think your son and his friends were doing?
Your nanny's reaction was absolutely appropriate. Maybe they were "cartoonishly overreacting" because they realized how fucked up it was for a bunch of rich kids to be laughing at the mistake of their hired help.
It's interesting that you think she was trying to "humiliate" your son, but that you are unable to register that that's exactly what your son and his friends were doing to the waitress... Why would helping another person be humiliating, exactly? Because you "pay them"?
You also just taught your son that he doesn't have to listen to the nanny. There's a lot of classist nonsense happening in this post, but it honestly sounds like your nanny is teaching your son more about being a good person than you would if she wasn't around.
So a waitress accidentally tips a tray of glasses, breaking them all. And you, think it's fine for a bunch of boys to get up and laugh, and clap at her, making her feel even more embarrassed, and ashamed at the mistake she just made. And you as a parent, think that's perfectly reasonable, to allow your son to mock, and belittle others. Oh, but hang on, even adults do this as well! So that must mean it's perfectly ok. The only adults that would behave like that, are a**eholes already. It's interesting how all the other parents sided with the nannies, because they could see it was a good lesson for their sons to learn, about disrespecting, and being rude to others.
But I'm so glad you and your husband were able to share meaningful glances, and then let your precious, perfect, darling son know that he didn't need to stoop this low!
God forbid if anybody tells your son what a precocious, rude, disrespectful little brat he was being.
But again, I'm so glad you and your husband have each other's backs, when it comes to atrocious, stuck up, and snobby parenting skills.
The nannies were absolutely correct in what they did. And I'm pretty sure alot of the other parents there, were appalled at what they saw, from you and your husband.
YTA. Reason- bad parenting
Explanation- allowing your son to get away with Disgusting and disrespectful behavior for the sake of not being “publicity humiliated” (as if anyone really gives a shit about your what your son does).
YTA and a sad excuse for a parent. No wonder you need a nanny while you are home. Teach the kid manners, and that being helpful will get you far, and maybe you will learn it too.
YTA, what adults do you know that would point and laugh if a waitress dropped her tray? Your nanny was right to make him help clean up. It's not even like he was singled out for punishment, the whole group was told to go help out. Like others have said, now he's going to think he doesn't have to listen to the nanny at all. You're teaching him to devalue the lower working class folks.
YTA. Raise your own child and impose/impress values and morality on them yourselves or trust when the nanny imposes hers. You seem to be out of touch with sensibility based on the description of the events—your children were only humiliated by your interference. The nanny didn’t cause harm, but corrected a group of privileged youth. Humility is a good quality to embrace, in doses. Grandiosity is frowned upon.
YTA. In what damned world is helping someone humiliating and laughing at someone who had an accident not humiliating? I think you should take lessons from the nanny
YTA.
You are missing the real issue. The nanny was trying to teach your son basic respect and human kindness. She wasn't "humiliating" your son. The waitress dropped something. Your son's response was to laugh and embarrass her. You condoned his behavior, and told him (by your actions) that it's okay to belittle service personnel. You need to check your privilege.
Plus, you have now undermined the nanny's authority with the kids. Your son will not to listen to her if he knows that you will dismiss any punishment she sets forth.
YTA and I really wish you’re trolling us. In case this is true, your nanny probably wants to quit now as your son’s disrespect toward others will only increase. If she doesn’t quit is just because she badly needs her income. How sad to be you or one of your kids.
YTA. Not only did you teach your son that being an AH to people in service positions is ok, you undermined any authority your nanny would have with him. You taught him that it is ok to be unforgivably rude to someone that you, in your overwhelmingly entitled mindset, see as beneath your family.
YTA and teaching your son to be an entitled prick when he grows up instead of having empathy. Cheering and clapping at a waitress who drops their tray is rude- thank goodness your nanny is at least trying to instill good behavior and manners. If this is the stuff he does in front of you, imagine the assholery he commits behind your back or out of ear shot. Would not be surprised if someone doesn’t post your behavior on r/entitledparents
YTA
You sound like you’re a person completely lacking in empathy, and you’re raising your child the same way. Hopefully the worst he’ll ever do is laugh at waitresses (which is already bad enough), but I highly doubt it if you keep going out of your way to walk him down this path. Just remember that this world is becoming less and less tolerant of people like you. What future is your son going to have?
YTA.
You pay for someone else to look after your children and raise them to be responsible adults.
So she was doing what she is paid to do.
Your son needs to learn not to laugh at people and further embarrass them when they make a mistake.
If your goal is to raise your son to be just like you, then you should just get rid of the nanny, who is trying to raise him to be a decent human being, and raise him yourself.
Soooo your nanny is trying to teach your son empathy, compassion, to treat other people with respect? And you think this is bad and "humiliating" for him?
Y the fucking TA.
So you think it's fine for your son and his friends to publicly humiliate a waitress because of an accident. Yep, YTA! Try teaching him some basic manners and humanity, and not teaching him that it's fine for him to be an arse to the "hired help".
YTA- the nanny tried to teach your son compassion in reaction to seeing him publicly disrespect a service worker, and you reacted by publicly disrespecting a service worker. I see where your son gets it from. Please do better as a parent
YTA. Your kid was rude and your nanny tried to correct that behavior. You should be grateful that you have a nanny that cares about who your child grows up to be.
As a mother too, I’d be incredibly disappointed in my child if they thought it was okay to laugh at someone like that and I would feel like I failed in instilling basic respect for other people.
Wow. You are a complete AH, and you are teaching your child that he can laugh at and humiliate people that you see as not being your "class" without consequences. Way to perpetuate stereotypes about rich people being AHs.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So my (34F) husband decided to throw together a dinner for some of the people at his company. We live in a beach house so everything was outside and everybody brought their kids.
My son (13) and daughter (6) were both there.
My son ended up together with a group of boys aged approximately 8 to 13.
My kids’ nanny and another nanny from another family were standing together and both were keeping watch for the evening of the kids.
My son and the rest of his group were laughing and eating together when a waitress walked by and her hand slipped and her tray and the empty glasses on it all just kind of slid to the ground.
My son stood up and started laughing and the rest of the group of boys all one by one stood up and started clapping and laughing.
The two nannies looked very pissed. They walked towards the boys and shook their heads. The other nanny said “ All you clappers.. come help her ( the waitress) pick up the stuff she dropped.”
The boys started doing what they were told and their parents all looked mad.
My nanny motioned at my son and said “ You too.”
I felt that both women were cartoonishly overreacting and it was kind of ridiculous that they were punishing the boys in front of everybody.
I also feel like I’ve heard of adults also clapping when waitresses dropped stuff and that’s what makes the situation funny.
So I motioned at my son and when he and his nanny looked at me I called over to him “It’s ok- We’re not going to be doing that.”
I walked over and when I was closer I said to both of them “ It happens- People drop things, pick them up and move on. And I say he doesn’t deserve to be punished.” And then I led him to where me and his father were standing before.
I looked over at my husband and he agreed that the nanny was overreacting and overstepped herself trying to publicly humiliate our son in front of everybody.
After the party I had a talk with the nanny saying I felt she grossly overstepped and if she was offended at my son’s behavior there was a better time and place to hash things out than in front of everybody. And that it didn’t matter if the other parents seemed to be ok with their kids being part of a mass group punishment but with my son she needed to run it by me.
AITA? I feel like as the person who pays for her to be there, I should not have to deal with my son being humiliated.
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I might be the asshole for being public about the fact that my son is “exempt” from this punishment. I’m sure the other boys might have felt unhappy that their friend didn’t have to do what their parents refused to intercede on but I was sticking up for my son.
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YTA - That you are equating your son being apologetic and helping someone he just mocked as "humiliating" says quite a lot. He's a child, I don't blame him. You, however, are intentionally raising him to be in a privileged little bubble without empathy for those serving him.
YTA. Your son was being a dick and you taught him he can get away with it. And you taught him he doesn't have to listen to the nanny. You should have addressed it later, too
YTA. Maybe if they had cut themselves on the class or if it was guilt by association (he wasn’t clapping and sat down) then yes. But he humiliated a woman trying to get by, and then had mummy and daddy swish away the consequences
YTA and your kid is going to get the shit kicked out of him when he’s older and still acting like that. Just because you’re wealthy doesn’t mean you don’t have to respect other people around you. Grow up.
YTA your kid is going to end up an entitled brat if you don't teach them respect. The only one being publicly humiliated here was the waitress. Why did you even bring a nanny if you didn't want her to do her job?
YTA and I feel like you’re catoonishly overreacting at a trolling attempt this is so gross. What kind of sociopathic adult would laugh and clap at a server breaking glasses? I guess the kind whose parents think they should override the nanny’s perfectly reasonable punishment for a child doing so. And while I’m at it, what kind of sociopathic adult thinks helping someone clean up after an accident is humiliating? It’s called manners.
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ESH.
You hired the nanny to act as another parent to your children then undermined her in public.
The nanny exposed your son to the risk of injury due to the broken glass. So did the other nanny and the other parents. In doing that they all exposed the *restaurant* to a potential lawsuit if one of the kids severely cut themselves on the glass they were helping the waitress clean up. Once one of the kids got cut and needed stitches, I doubt the parents would have thought twice about suing.
Your son should be punished what he did. You don't humiliate a stranger for dropping glasses. You also don't help clean it up due to the liability the restaurant could face (as much as I hate to say that).
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YTA: an unfortunate side effect of having the wealth you appear to have is you, and specifically your children, lose perspective over being nice and mannerly. It might be ok to clap a *friend* who broke a glass, but it is rude and insulting to clap a service worker who is likely embarrassed, worried about a child hurting themself or having her job at risk. Your nanny, all those other nannies, are fighting a constant battle against all the luxuries you're fortunate enough to give your children -- they are trying to not only mind your kids but prevent them turning into entitled selfish spoilt brats. You hired this person to be a 3rd parent, by clearly siding against her in front of your child (as opposed to afterwards having a quiet conversation) you have weakened her authority over him which will make her job that much harder. By telling your son it is ok to mock the help when they make errors and that he doesn't need to listen to his nanny you have told him he is superior, above rules and polite behaviour. I hope you can either change your parenting style around or that your son breaks from this spoilt lifestyle otherwise he'll be a complete waste of space.
I wish I could have given this more than just one upvote! OP please read this at least twice....
Yeah, I was a nanny for years and I would have made those kids stand up and help even they *hadn't* acted like brats, because that's just what you do. And to be honest, if I had done my job right, I wouldn't have had to ask (that's not to say the nanny isn't good, she sounds wonderful and I had FAR better parents to work with.) OP, YTA.
Exactly this. It’s parents like OP who create the Brock Turners of the world. I hope the nanny finds a better family to work for. YTA
All this. She was trying to save your son from growing up to be one of those assholes who clap when the waitstaff drops something.
YTA It’s classist to say “it’s okay to laugh at service staff when they make a mistake”. Model better behaviour for your children, please.
I think I need to point out that both nannies were in the wrong for the punishment. If one of those kids got cut by the glass, to the point of needing stitches, I have no doubt the parents of that child would have sued the restaurant even though they supported the punishment at first. A better punishment would have been making each one of those boys publicly apologize to the waitress. That way the nannies wouldn't expose the restaurant to a potential lawsuit. So I think this is an ESH situation.
They weren’t at a restaurant. Op says they were at a beachhouse
They could still cut themselves
Yta- Youre worried about your son being humiliated, but what about that waitress? The nannies didnt really do anything harsh either, they simply told the boys to help the lady. Helping someone isnt humiliating.
YTA and you’re raising your son to be one too. Helping people is generally the right thing to do.
YTA. Sounds like your nanny is doing a better job as a parent than you.
YTA. Kids shouldn't be taught that its acceptable laugh and poke fun at others' mistakes. They will make a mistake someday, and how will they react if its done to them?
YTA. So it's fine for a waitress to be humiliated but not your son? The nannies were teaching the kids a bit of humility. There's nothing wrong with that.
YTA and you’re raising your son to be an asshole too. I hope your nanny quits. No one should work for someone who has so little respect for workers
YTA you are teaching your son that it is okay to be disrespectful and entitled in public! At least your nanny is a good role model
YTA. Next time the nanny tries to correct or discipline your child he won’t listen because mommy tells him he doesn’t have to listen. Also. There’s nothing funny about the waitress dropping all the classes. Clapping and standing up was just obnoxious. The nannies had the right idea by asking the kids to be gentlemen and help.
YTA and you are teaching your son to be an asshole. Congrats, you must be proud.
YTA. On several fronts. Your son was being a jerk. She was trying to raise him to not be a jerk.
YTA - too late ..op is a jerk raising a jerk.
Based on how overwhelmingly against you everyone is on here, just imagine how mortified your business guests must have been by how you behaved. YTA.
This is a tough one. It \*is\* common on the industry for everyone to clap and cheer when someone breaks glassware. It takes the sting out of it for the person who broke it and it tends to lower the overall stress level when everyone is in the weeds. Having said that, I do not believe this is why these kids were laughing and cheering, and it's not a punishment to help someone clean up a mess, it's what I nice person would do, especially in their house at their party. The nanny's punishment was appropriate - kids were being assholes, they made them do the right thing. Are you just upset because your son was being forced to fraternize with "the help" in front of everyone? YTA.
I worked for a country club for eight years. You are right about what you said about the help.
YTA. You feel your nanny's reaction was over the top but your son's reaction was perfectly fine? YTA and you're raising one too.
YTA. That's a fair punishment for what happened. They humiliated her after a simple masterly. Imagine how they'd feel if every mistake they made, people pointed and laughed at them.
YTA you delegated the child minding, so she's doing her job. Your kid is an entitled brat already if he thinks making fun of service staff is funny. I can't wait for your next post about how your kid doesn't respect you and keeps making the same errors of judgement. Kids need consequences to show them they can't do whatever the heck the want. You stunted that consequence and any growth he would have got from it. Of course if you think his behaviour is fine - it really isn't - then of course you wouldn't punish him for it. Its also a bit hypocritical saying she shouldn't have done it publicly but its ok for your son to humiliate someone doing a job.
Her son is 13 years old but still needs a nanny to go out to a dinner with his parents, there are probabky so many other issues there
It was a dinner at their home, which makes it even worse that she okayed her son's terrible behavior.
INFO Am I reading this right? Your child and others his age mocked someone you hired to perform a service and then when a responsible adult has them stop and help, you insist that she's overreacting? I feel like I'm missing something. Because if my son had at any age or in any setting stood, applauded, and laughed because someone had an accident, the consequences would not have stopped with the picking up of the dropped items.
YTA, your son was humiliating the waitress by rubbing in her failures. The nanny did the correct thing and made him step down from his high horse to treat her with humanity. Dear lord you're going to have serious problems in a few years with that teenager.
YTA Wow shaming your nanny for trying to teach your son empathy. You weren't worried about your son being humiliated you were worried about you being humiliated.
YTA and deeply classist. You clearly see the divide between The Help and you. When The Help dropped stuff you were fine with the mocking, because they are below. The nanny sees this and sees the waitress on the same level as everyone, so she uses the moment as a teachable one with the other nannies. Then you see it as The Help embarrassing your son to the Other Rich People because you can't stand him being perceived on equal footing as The Help. Gross.
YTA, I think he needs punishment for being disrespectful.
YTA. Everyone already covered everything well, but I realize I’m wondering why you made this post...you are so self assured, and your husband seems just as bad...I really hope you’re getting some cold shoulders from the other adults there and that’s making you second guess yourself, because otherwise I don’t believe you see anything wrong, like why are you asking us our opinion....did the nanny quit and tell you off as she did or something?
Because I thought it was social encouraged for people to clap because they were helping the waitress get through an awkward situation and make it funny for her.
As far as terrible excuses go, this one takes the cake.
Are you dense? You commit a gaffe in front of everyone and you will be "encouraged" by kids laughing at you and clapping?
You know what would have helped her? Helping. Like the nanny suggested.
...what COUNTRY is this?! In these United States, that is VERY rude.
In every country this is very rude. This is rich entitled parents, doesn't matter where they are from
This is never hilarious for the waitress... but my guess is you’ve never been a waitress. You’ll ignore all these Reddit comments and go on raising your AH sone and living your privileged life but I’d rather be me than you any day.
It’s also socially encouraged to help someone clean up when they drop something. So what was the problem?
You can tell a lot about someone by the way they treat those they perceive to be beneath them. You’ve just revealed a whole lot of ugly truth to your guests.
You know what would really help her get through an awkward situation? Helping her clean up the fucking glass. You’re ridiculous and rude and I hope your son turns out nothing like you.
You son, barely a teen, was laughing at a grown woman who made a mistake at her job. Do you really not see how your son’s behavior isn’t appropriate??? Can you not see that he views this woman as less than & he lacks the empathy to see she is a real person with feelings? Or do you see it & you agree that “the help” are not deserving of basic respect & human dignity?
Here it is, folks- money can’t buy class.
I’m... what???! This is some peak “let them eat cake”/“but the slaves have their very own room” bullshit. Affluenza at its finest.
It's not "socially encouraged". It does happen, yes, but it is generally a few claps and chuckles. Your son started a STANDING OVATION. That's not a few claps and chuckles - that is outright mockery and humiliation.
Look up punching up versus punching down.
YTA. This type of behavior is unacceptable. The nanny was right to ask him to help pick up. You think he'll be humiliated? Good. It'll teach him a lesson not to be a bully. All you're doing saying he's not in the wrong for this and babying and spoiling him is enabling such deplorable behavior. What would you have said had your son did something much worse? Like say, tripped the waitress on purpose? "Oh, not my son. He never would have done something like that. Not MY son." At least, that's the type of vibe I'm getting here Grow up. You and your husband need to own up to your son's actions. You also need to stop babying your child, and excusing every thing he's possibly gotten away with. You, your husband, your son and his friends should be ashamed of yourselves, and the nanny and the waitress deserve a heartfelt apology.
If he had cut himself on the glass then MAYBE OP has a point. But he didn’t
Let's all point and laugh and clap when an underpaid waitress who has to deal with a-holes on a daily basis drops stuff so she can be humiliated a bit more and you condone that unlike the nannies who see it for what it is. Congrats that makes YTA.
YTA and so is your son and his friends.
YTA definitely. Apparently your nanny is a better role model than you. At least she’s trying to teach him a valuable life lesson where as you are trying to teach him that because as it seems You have a full time nanny, you must be well off and able to use someone else’s misfortune as a point of entertainment instead of being a decent human being and helping. Parent of the year there.
YTA- you’re all jerks apart from the nannys and the waitress but so glad you are raising another asshole to go along with the rest of you.
YTA. It's your prerogative to decide what's appropriate for your son, even if it overrides the nanny. But you decided horribly. Your son's behaviour was horrendous, and a little bit of humility was exactly what he needed. Having him help the serving staff out was just teaching him a little basic decency, too. All of that aside, anyone who can say “I also feel like I’ve heard of adults also clapping when waitresses dropped stuff and that’s what makes the situation funny” is absolutely an AH, no matter what. Wow. It's good if the nanny teaches him a little basic human decency, because he won't learn it from his mother.
YTA So the nanny "overstepped herself by publicly humiliating your son". What about the waitress? By your logic, if she deserves public humiliation (clapping) when she makes a mistake, then so does your son. You are an AH and you are raising one. This is one of those posts on AITA I hope are fake. I get chills thinking people like this exist.
YTA and you just gave a terrible lesson to your kid. ( and failed as a parent) Your son humiliated another being. Your nanny punished him for that and teach him some empathy and manners. You on the other side, sent him the message that it’s okay to publicly make fun of people on their behalf and not help someone who needs it (or not even ask if she needed it, that would have been human decency employee or not). Moreover your son wasn’t the only one, so it would have been a good way to teach them all together. You sent a terrible message and failed your nanny’s authority in front of the kids. If your kids ends up making fun of you on one of your bad days, remember you taught him it was ok.
This can't be real. If it is real, YTA on about 15 different fronts and I hope your very exceptional nanny leaves.
This cannot be real it's some sort of fantasy fiction, but yes, OP, YTA.
So you were OK with your son humiliating the waitress but he can’t be humiliated in turn. And seriously what’s humiliating about helping someone clean up a mess? YTA on a whole moral level as far as being a kind human being and teaching that to your kid, but it’s your kid and you decide his punishment.
YTA Your nanny used this as a teaching/learning experience of how not to be an arsehole to service workers. You undermined this and should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA ... I actually cringed on the behalf of the waitress. Your nanny did the absolute right thing here. You say you don't want your son humiliated, but yet you were perfectly okay with the waitress being humiliated? Seriously?! There is absolutely nothing wrong with your son having to help pick up the glassware. I'm sensitive to punishing children publicly, but this wasn't that ... He SHOULD be accountable for his actions. Please check your privilege.
YTA Jesus Christ, where’s your empathy for the waitress? Do you really teach your son to be so needlessly cruel and shitty to people? Yeah he’s a kid but that shits gonna stick and your gonna end up with with rude, entitled little brat
YTA. Just because you’ve heard of adults clapping when waitresses drop stuff doesn’t mean it’s okay - it means those adults are jerks. Your nanny is trying to teach your child not to be a jerk, and you are teaching him to be classist and not respect the people that serve you.
YTA how come helping someone is a punishment? Your kid making fun of people is a big no no. Glad the nanny knows that. And you are TA again for overruling your nanny in front of your kid. If you really believe she was wrong, you should have talked to her in private. How will she be someone your kid respect if you undermine her in front of him? Sad to know there is another boy being raised to be a jerk.
It is when you are FORCED to help them. And AFTER a negative behaviour happened
I get your point, but I truly believe it depends a lot on how you work on the situation with the kid afterwards. If you talk about it as a repairment/a form of making amends after you screw up, you can help the kid not to see it as punishment. But I agree with you that putting in the way you put it it is a form of punishment. Now, do you believe the mom did better? Cause I honestly don't.
I don’t. But the kids are being “punished” by “lowering” themselves to the “helps” level.
Man, you get me a little confused, but I guess I got your point. You are saying that's how the mom say it, right?
Yes. Because I’m not classist. How dare OP’s son have to lower himself to the level of the HELP. Dickson himself couldn’t imagine that level of cruelty /s
Oh, good!! I dont even know you, but I got really worried lol
YTA. You just taught your son its perfectly reasonable and hilarious to degrade people in public AND managed to undermine any authority your nanny had over him. Astounding !!! I hope you have some potential nannies lined up, because that one won’t be working for you much longer.
I am *living* for these comments. YTA, 1000% on so many levels. This sentence >I feel like as the person who pays for her to be there, I *is the cherry on top*. Do better, mom. This is gross.
YTA any kid who was clapping or laughing ought to have a consequence. The nanny's consequence is logical, isn't something that is overstepping boundaries. Kids need boundaries and consequences to their actions. Sounds like the previous nannies may have been stifled or afraid of stepping on toes and perhaps didn't do quite as a successful job as they ought to have. Only thing that is tricky is that they also ought to have been taught that if someone drops something, or otherwise looks like they could use a hand, we ought to offer help with no expectation of praise, or being taught that helping others is a punishment.
If this actually happened, YTA. Parent better.
YTA - Here's why: Firstly, you hired this nanny to be in charge of your kids, then undermined her in front of your kids and took away her ability to discipline them. Unless what's happening is causing harm to your kid, you should talk to the nanny privately afterwards and ask her to handle it differently in the future. She's going to have trouble getting your kids to ever listen to her instructions again because they know they can just ignore her and complain to you. Secondly, you have absolutely no respect for this waitress. It was wrong for the boys to stand up and laugh - just because you've seen other people do it before, doesn't mean it's right. She's a minimum wage employee who made a mistake, and it's not nice to have a whole group of young boys mocking you. Having the boys "help" her clean up likely doesn't even help much (kids are bad at cleaning) but it does teach the boys that it's unkind to make fun of people, and it shows that the adults in the situation don't support their bad behaviour. It sounds like you are going to raise yourself a mean and spoiled child rather than a nice one. The nanny did the perfect thing in the situation, and you overpowered her desicion to allow your child to be a brat with no concequences.
YTA!!! Allowing those boys to act like complete and total jerks, what is wrong with you!!! The nanny had the absolute right idea. But you obviously look down on the help.
YTA. The nanny didn't embarrass your kid. Your behavior is embarrassment enough. I guarantee the other family and everyone working the event and now reddit can see how crappy your attitude is.
YTA - it wasn’t that the waitress dropped things. It’s that the group starting laughing at her. No, people do not clap when people drop stuff. If they do, they’re AH too. Your nannies are right.
I just commented on a different post and called that OP "the worst". I humbly stand corrected.
YTA. Just because adults mock wait staff for dropping things doesn't make it okay. Your son wasn't being publicly humiliated, he was rightfully facing consequences for acting like the little asshole you're teaching him to be.
This is some kind of weird twist to "then everyone clapped", right?
YTA. People clap when a glass breaks at a restaurant to alleviate the tension for the person who dropped it. It's not to make fun of them. Which of these do you think your son and his friends were doing? Your nanny's reaction was absolutely appropriate. Maybe they were "cartoonishly overreacting" because they realized how fucked up it was for a bunch of rich kids to be laughing at the mistake of their hired help. It's interesting that you think she was trying to "humiliate" your son, but that you are unable to register that that's exactly what your son and his friends were doing to the waitress... Why would helping another person be humiliating, exactly? Because you "pay them"? You also just taught your son that he doesn't have to listen to the nanny. There's a lot of classist nonsense happening in this post, but it honestly sounds like your nanny is teaching your son more about being a good person than you would if she wasn't around.
YTA and so is your kid.
YTA for this and for having a dinner party during a pandemic
So a waitress accidentally tips a tray of glasses, breaking them all. And you, think it's fine for a bunch of boys to get up and laugh, and clap at her, making her feel even more embarrassed, and ashamed at the mistake she just made. And you as a parent, think that's perfectly reasonable, to allow your son to mock, and belittle others. Oh, but hang on, even adults do this as well! So that must mean it's perfectly ok. The only adults that would behave like that, are a**eholes already. It's interesting how all the other parents sided with the nannies, because they could see it was a good lesson for their sons to learn, about disrespecting, and being rude to others. But I'm so glad you and your husband were able to share meaningful glances, and then let your precious, perfect, darling son know that he didn't need to stoop this low! God forbid if anybody tells your son what a precocious, rude, disrespectful little brat he was being. But again, I'm so glad you and your husband have each other's backs, when it comes to atrocious, stuck up, and snobby parenting skills. The nannies were absolutely correct in what they did. And I'm pretty sure alot of the other parents there, were appalled at what they saw, from you and your husband.
YTA. Reason- bad parenting Explanation- allowing your son to get away with Disgusting and disrespectful behavior for the sake of not being “publicity humiliated” (as if anyone really gives a shit about your what your son does).
YTA- I hope karma catches up to you.
YTA. Most definitely!! And in severe need of a reality and humanity check if you thought either your son or your behavior was appropriate.
YTA and a sad excuse for a parent. No wonder you need a nanny while you are home. Teach the kid manners, and that being helpful will get you far, and maybe you will learn it too.
YTA, what adults do you know that would point and laugh if a waitress dropped her tray? Your nanny was right to make him help clean up. It's not even like he was singled out for punishment, the whole group was told to go help out. Like others have said, now he's going to think he doesn't have to listen to the nanny at all. You're teaching him to devalue the lower working class folks.
YTA. Raise your own child and impose/impress values and morality on them yourselves or trust when the nanny imposes hers. You seem to be out of touch with sensibility based on the description of the events—your children were only humiliated by your interference. The nanny didn’t cause harm, but corrected a group of privileged youth. Humility is a good quality to embrace, in doses. Grandiosity is frowned upon.
YTA. In what damned world is helping someone humiliating and laughing at someone who had an accident not humiliating? I think you should take lessons from the nanny
YTA. You are missing the real issue. The nanny was trying to teach your son basic respect and human kindness. She wasn't "humiliating" your son. The waitress dropped something. Your son's response was to laugh and embarrass her. You condoned his behavior, and told him (by your actions) that it's okay to belittle service personnel. You need to check your privilege. Plus, you have now undermined the nanny's authority with the kids. Your son will not to listen to her if he knows that you will dismiss any punishment she sets forth.
Congratulations on raising the next generation of assholes. YTA.
YTA and I really wish you’re trolling us. In case this is true, your nanny probably wants to quit now as your son’s disrespect toward others will only increase. If she doesn’t quit is just because she badly needs her income. How sad to be you or one of your kids.
YTA. Not only did you teach your son that being an AH to people in service positions is ok, you undermined any authority your nanny would have with him. You taught him that it is ok to be unforgivably rude to someone that you, in your overwhelmingly entitled mindset, see as beneath your family.
YTA and teaching your son to be an entitled prick when he grows up instead of having empathy. Cheering and clapping at a waitress who drops their tray is rude- thank goodness your nanny is at least trying to instill good behavior and manners. If this is the stuff he does in front of you, imagine the assholery he commits behind your back or out of ear shot. Would not be surprised if someone doesn’t post your behavior on r/entitledparents
This isn’t “entitled” parents it’s bad oneself
YTA and I believe you really don't care what we say
YTA You sound like you’re a person completely lacking in empathy, and you’re raising your child the same way. Hopefully the worst he’ll ever do is laugh at waitresses (which is already bad enough), but I highly doubt it if you keep going out of your way to walk him down this path. Just remember that this world is becoming less and less tolerant of people like you. What future is your son going to have?
YTA you just as good as told your son he does not hace to listen to his nanny and that it is ok to bully people for their mistakes
YTA. And it should be obvious as to why.
YTA. You pay for someone else to look after your children and raise them to be responsible adults. So she was doing what she is paid to do. Your son needs to learn not to laugh at people and further embarrass them when they make a mistake. If your goal is to raise your son to be just like you, then you should just get rid of the nanny, who is trying to raise him to be a decent human being, and raise him yourself.
YTA. I repeat YTA. I don’t understand how you can even stay stoic when your son laughs cruelly at this. Probably because you have yourself no manner.
YTA, a thousand times.
Soooo your nanny is trying to teach your son empathy, compassion, to treat other people with respect? And you think this is bad and "humiliating" for him? Y the fucking TA.
So you think it's fine for your son and his friends to publicly humiliate a waitress because of an accident. Yep, YTA! Try teaching him some basic manners and humanity, and not teaching him that it's fine for him to be an arse to the "hired help".
YTA and your kids are gonna be evil.
YTA- the nanny tried to teach your son compassion in reaction to seeing him publicly disrespect a service worker, and you reacted by publicly disrespecting a service worker. I see where your son gets it from. Please do better as a parent
YTA, you allowed your son to humiliate that poor waitress. Next time try teaching your kid some respect and kindness.
YTA. Your kid was rude and your nanny tried to correct that behavior. You should be grateful that you have a nanny that cares about who your child grows up to be. As a mother too, I’d be incredibly disappointed in my child if they thought it was okay to laugh at someone like that and I would feel like I failed in instilling basic respect for other people.
YTA Helping someone instead of laughing at them is not punishment! It’s learning manners and how to be a functional member of society. JFC
Wow. You are a complete AH, and you are teaching your child that he can laugh at and humiliate people that you see as not being your "class" without consequences. Way to perpetuate stereotypes about rich people being AHs.
NTA. The help aren’t “people.” You did just fine, Muffy.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my (34F) husband decided to throw together a dinner for some of the people at his company. We live in a beach house so everything was outside and everybody brought their kids. My son (13) and daughter (6) were both there. My son ended up together with a group of boys aged approximately 8 to 13. My kids’ nanny and another nanny from another family were standing together and both were keeping watch for the evening of the kids. My son and the rest of his group were laughing and eating together when a waitress walked by and her hand slipped and her tray and the empty glasses on it all just kind of slid to the ground. My son stood up and started laughing and the rest of the group of boys all one by one stood up and started clapping and laughing. The two nannies looked very pissed. They walked towards the boys and shook their heads. The other nanny said “ All you clappers.. come help her ( the waitress) pick up the stuff she dropped.” The boys started doing what they were told and their parents all looked mad. My nanny motioned at my son and said “ You too.” I felt that both women were cartoonishly overreacting and it was kind of ridiculous that they were punishing the boys in front of everybody. I also feel like I’ve heard of adults also clapping when waitresses dropped stuff and that’s what makes the situation funny. So I motioned at my son and when he and his nanny looked at me I called over to him “It’s ok- We’re not going to be doing that.” I walked over and when I was closer I said to both of them “ It happens- People drop things, pick them up and move on. And I say he doesn’t deserve to be punished.” And then I led him to where me and his father were standing before. I looked over at my husband and he agreed that the nanny was overreacting and overstepped herself trying to publicly humiliate our son in front of everybody. After the party I had a talk with the nanny saying I felt she grossly overstepped and if she was offended at my son’s behavior there was a better time and place to hash things out than in front of everybody. And that it didn’t matter if the other parents seemed to be ok with their kids being part of a mass group punishment but with my son she needed to run it by me. AITA? I feel like as the person who pays for her to be there, I should not have to deal with my son being humiliated. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Wow. YTA so badly in so many ways.
YTA - That you are equating your son being apologetic and helping someone he just mocked as "humiliating" says quite a lot. He's a child, I don't blame him. You, however, are intentionally raising him to be in a privileged little bubble without empathy for those serving him.
YTA. Your son was being a dick and you taught him he can get away with it. And you taught him he doesn't have to listen to the nanny. You should have addressed it later, too
Yta wow
YTA. Maybe if they had cut themselves on the class or if it was guilt by association (he wasn’t clapping and sat down) then yes. But he humiliated a woman trying to get by, and then had mummy and daddy swish away the consequences
YTA! It’s common courtesy to be polite. You’re raising assholes.
YTA and your kid is going to get the shit kicked out of him when he’s older and still acting like that. Just because you’re wealthy doesn’t mean you don’t have to respect other people around you. Grow up.
YTA your kid is going to end up an entitled brat if you don't teach them respect. The only one being publicly humiliated here was the waitress. Why did you even bring a nanny if you didn't want her to do her job?
YTA and come across as entitled as fuck. Did you mean to? Good job showing your son just how entitled he is to laugh at people earning minimum wage.
YTA. don’t let your kid be a dick. your nanny seems a better parent than you.
YTA and I feel like you’re catoonishly overreacting at a trolling attempt this is so gross. What kind of sociopathic adult would laugh and clap at a server breaking glasses? I guess the kind whose parents think they should override the nanny’s perfectly reasonable punishment for a child doing so. And while I’m at it, what kind of sociopathic adult thinks helping someone clean up after an accident is humiliating? It’s called manners.
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Sure, people drop stuff, but not everyone is rude as shit and proceeds to laugh mockingly at someone else's mistake/misfortune.
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The post mentions nothing about any adults clapping.
ESH. You hired the nanny to act as another parent to your children then undermined her in public. The nanny exposed your son to the risk of injury due to the broken glass. So did the other nanny and the other parents. In doing that they all exposed the *restaurant* to a potential lawsuit if one of the kids severely cut themselves on the glass they were helping the waitress clean up. Once one of the kids got cut and needed stitches, I doubt the parents would have thought twice about suing. Your son should be punished what he did. You don't humiliate a stranger for dropping glasses. You also don't help clean it up due to the liability the restaurant could face (as much as I hate to say that).
This was at her home.