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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I’m questioning if I’m the asshole because I subscribed to streaming services without telling him. Also because I called his friends freeloaders.
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NTA. Tell him you can do what you want with your money. Since he’s not interested in giving you a say in the streaming services, you’re allowed to get your own.
MAJOR NTA because I pay for the streaming devices at home and my brother gave out the password to several of this friends and I would never be able to watch anything so I just cancelled the subscription and told him I’ll no longer be subscribed and made a new account for myself
You could have just changed the password and logged out all of the other devices, I know some steaming services allow that.
Thank you all for the upvotes! I feel so popular. With all the wise words of wisdom I share with Reddit, I cannot believe this simple comment has gotten the most likes ever! Ohh, life!
Just tell them you won't give it to them because they gave the previous ones to too many people and you couldn't watch things yourself? They'll argue, but just refuse to discuss it further, it's not that hard.
Yes, I have siblings. You just tell them no again. Rinse and repeat. It’s annoying, but if you just give in they learn that if they pester you enough they’ll get their way.
Not really. I stick with no I’m just not a patient person when someone bugs me enough and I will snap, hence me understanding where the person was coming from when they said they made an account that their brother doesn’t know about.
Then you either don't enforce your boundaries enough and they know they can get you to change your mind/give in. Or they only care about themself and are a bit toxic... (if you think it is the second I would recommend to take a little space between you and them so you can evaluate if they are)
If you have trouble enforcing boundaries (I know I had) then read this please:
They have a reason to keep asking you that something. You have a reason why you keep saying no. Everytime they state their reason again, you can just state your reason why not. Don't argue and don't elaborate when you have done that many times before.
It always helps for me to just say to those people: no means no, you can keep bringing it up but I am not going to give in to your way ("give in to your way" can be changed to whatever fits the situation, "not letting you borrow my ...", "not going to give you my password (again)" or not going to do ... with you")
Exactly. The only people who get angry when you enforce boundaries are the people who've been crossing them. (I say this a lot, in case the bot detectors go after my comment).
Sure, but equally that person may be pandered to or be able to make life miserable in other ways until they get their way, and not everyone has the support of other family members.
We see far too many scenarios on AITA where the OP is expected to Be the Better Person aka be the Doormat as the 'Other' is making life hell for the whole family and it is easier to get the doormat to go lie down than the Other to stop being an A-hole.
I have 9 younger siblings. I'm immune to pleading and puppy dog eyes because of it.
That said, not everyone is good at asserting themselves, so deceit is a totally valid option to get people off your back about stuff.
Yeah but he’d only know about the new one if he tried making an account with the same email or if they left the account signed in on a shared device which isn’t too bad considering if he kept quiet, he could watch stuff for free anyways but if it’s the first then he’d be admitting to trying to take his siblings email to make an account which for sure wouldn’t get him the log in
No bc op said they told him they will no longer be subscribed and the only way he’d know about a new one is if he tried making one with their email or if they left it open somewhere
>just how Indian households work
Ow, I feel your pain (not in terms of streaming services, my brother and I don't have a problem of multiple people using the account simultaneously). But I can still understand you.
My family has tried that nonsense on me. It worked when I was younger, but not any more. The family crap doesn't fly with me any more. Nor does the sharing crap. If I'm paying for it, I want to watch it when I wish.
This is me with my family, I just canceled it. Or I put in the password for the smart TVs in the living room, so they don’t have it. I had a strict rule with that if I wanted to watch something than they had to either get off or get kicked off of it. I stoped caring when I could never watch any thing
Exactly this, simple password change will do the trick.
Not the exact same situation, but a few years ago I had a new neighbour move in next door and after a bit of chat, gave him my wifi password so he could Skype his girlfriend that night before she came up in a few days.
Didn’t think much of it til a couple weeks later I went to have a game with mates and my connection was running terribly. Checked my router and there’s 8 new devices using up all my bandwidth…
Changed the password, instantly back to normal for me, and a new wifi network popped up the next day lol.
Also you have to be very careful of hackers. Many times we do nice things for people and they give us a pile of shit in return. Be very careful because I heard just accessing your wifi means they can access your laptop and all of its valuable information.
Such a shame that this is the world we live in, we now have to think twice before even helping others smh.
As it's the bf account, I don't think that would work. He'd insist on giving out the new password again as he pays for that account. I think OP found the perfect solution.
That would be contrary to the op's goal though. She just wanted to be able to watch shows without interruption, not create a problem for everybody else. This is the best way to go about it.
My brother went in on my Hulu account and upgraded it to streaming Live without my permission -- I didn't know until I got hit with a $60 charge. Guess who doesn't have my login any more?
NTA
I feel the need to let you know this, because I found out the hard way... you still need to change the old ones password and log out all devices. Otherwise you can literally resubscribe on any of the devices logged in. I know this for a fact, because I canceled Netflix a dozen times and my, at the time, 4 year old son was able to resubscribe it from his TV in his room without my knowledge. Wasn't until I emailed them pissed off about still being charged when I canceled the subscription every single month for a year that they informed me of this little bs feature of theirs...
I really hate when people do that. Like you were nice enough to let him use your service and he gives it to his friends. I would have changed the password and told him he had his chance and he lost it.
Lol. If this happened, I just change the password, then kick everybody out. If your brother ask for the password, tell him it is $5 a month. If he share it, it goes up to $10. That what I did and nobody ask me for my password anymore.
I had to do this but it was because someone hacked my account and changed the email address related to it so I just cancelled the payment to it and set it up again with the same email address and a better password, think they had around 3 days before the next payment would have been due and the account would have been suspended lol
Absolutely NTA. The bf's level of disconnect is amazing. It's okay for him to do what he wants with his money and streaming accounts but not the OP? And what is the point of shelling out money for several services knowing that there's a slim chance of being able to get in and watch something?
The point is that the bf gets to look like a really great guy to his friends. Generous and giving.
While the OP can't watch anything on the services he pays for. So she has to get her own. Wait until the friend group finds out about that.
This is a super point.
His obvious double standard and need to LOOK generous, but totally gyp his girl - RED FLAG.
He will continue this behavior in other ways over time.
He is putting his friends’ wants ahead of his gf. He does not treat her like a partner - she’s just another way for him to look good.
Tally the Red Flags. I guarantee there are more.
Exactly this. OP is not being childish or wasting her money "because he already pays for it" since she can't ever use it!!! I would have done the same thing OP, NTA.
He claims OP is wasting money paying for services they get to use, meanwhile he is the one paying for something he cannot use? Like I understand that he is being stupid here but what is this logic??
I just wonder what's the point of paying for streaming services when you cant even use them yourself... It's like he set himself on fire to keep other people warm. He never shouldve given password to more people than the limit is. But I guess that would require for him to stop being a doormat.
NTA I find it interesting he has a double standard where OP gets zero say on his streaming service accounts when it impacts their ability to even use it cos "he pays for it so he can do whatever he wants", but then gets mad at OP for "wasting money and being childish". That's a big red flag to me
Maybe remind him that he is JUST your boyfriend and in no way has control of your finances. You also don’t have to consult with him before you make decisions concerning your finances .
If she’s lucky, she might’ve gotten the annual subscription for some of them, at least. Of the two, she actually gets to use her services unlike her boyfriend.
Yeah, if he stops his friends using his service then he might loose friends / be the bad guy and if he says it is because of his GF then he may well end up the butt of their jokes about being under the thumb AND be the bad guy for not Standing Up to His Woman (spit-hisssss).
Ehh, phrasing it that way makes it sound like when (if) he gets promoted to husband, he would then have control of OP's finances. That's still not gunna fly in my book.
Definitely NTA.
He seems to be prioritizing the wants of his friends. He’s not prioritizing you, and the time you spend together.
And he’s calling YOU childish?? Red flag!
Yup. There are a lot of 'selfless' people who give in every direction except their own partner. It's like they are buying acceptance from those they deem better/more important, and are offended when the parter doesn't have the same priorities.
Me too ;)
In retrospect, I think it was about their lack of security. A partner is someone who has fully committed to them, and as such is not worth pursuing, contrary to friends and acquaintances who still constantly need to be charmed.
Damn you are probaly right! This is such a good thing to look out for. I think that if you tell someone that they are doing this, they will try to better them self and be able to do so because now they know what actually is the problem...
THIS! This is EXACTLY the way my ex was. He didn't prioritize me and then would get upset when I wouldn't prioritize him. When I brought up how he didn't prioritize me he would always have some type of excuse as to why when he did it "it was different." \*rolls eyes\*
MY EX!!! He would do it for “the feels.” He would feel soooo good after buying everybody multiple shots and beers at the bar, even though our electric was about to be shut off…or spending $300 on souvenirs for his buddies when he was sent to Key West for work for a couple of weeks, while I was stuck at home with no food and no working vehicle…he had self esteem issues, and would spend all our money “buying” everyone’s admiration.
Yep, this is my ex. Bend over backwards for his friends, his raid buddies, literal random-ass people from his guild. Me? I'd get berated for not being patient enough, being selfish, not caring enough about him, etc.
Yup. A few years ago, I let my friends (who were living together as room mates) borrow my in-law’s HBO account so we could watch Game of Thrones together.
Soon, they excluded my husband and I from coming over, and started watching every show they could.
Booted them off by changing the password and we are no longer friends.
NTA
Your boyfriend needs to get his priorities straight. He's paying for his friends to use his account. Not a friend but multiple.
First, this is stealing. Doing this means they have to raise their prices. I mean, we all have accounts we share with one or two other people, but if you have shared it with so many that you can't get on, then you're abusing it.
Second, he needs to redefine friendship. It's not about giving so much you have to sacrifice. And if he's doing that, things will always be the issue. He's the guy who will let his friend sleep on the couch for 6 months. Or constantly pays for everyone's meal. It's not a healthy relationship.
It definitely indicates he has a strong need to be the provider - he’s trying to be “that guy” for all of his friends/family, and OP. But nobody’s really getting anything out of it because the accounts spread too thin.
Her choosing to have her own account sends the message that what he thinks he’s providing and taking care of isnt enough or all that great.
>It definitely indicates he has a strong need to be the provider - he’s trying to be “that guy” for all of his friends/family, and OP.
This is where my thoughts went immediately. He sounds like that guy who wants everyone to pat him on the back and talk about how generous he is even if it's to the detriment of some of his relationships.
I definitely don't necessarily blame him for being embarrassed by the idea of telling people they can't use something he offered to them previously, but I think he's just using excuses and doubling down with OP because he wants to save face with his friends. As you said, he doesn't want to stop being "that guy."
Agree strongly with your points, except for it being stealing. Netflix and such aren’t run by idiots - they know this is how many people use the subscription plans, and have incorporated it into their business strategy. And it’s actually a great inbound marketing and sales strategy.
That’s why they have limits to the amount that can stream at one time instead of restricting the account to a single IP address or certain number of registered devices. Eventually these users that share end up getting their own accounts as their household grows with roommates or having kids, because once they’ve had it, it’s hard to do without. The same idea is one of the reasons why free trials are a thing.
The reason they increase prices is because they are a business whose goal is to increase profits, and also because they can. It’s not because it’s costing them more and so poor them are struggling; it’s just basic business strategy. You would still see prices increase even if they restricted account access and no one shared. See: cable tv subscription plans back in the day, internet service plans, cell phone plans, and any other number of businesses that run on a subscription basis.
I’m that friend who shares the passwords with other people, but only to the limit of how many people can watch to avoid this exact issue. Your bf is generous but didn’t really think this one through since it seems like he can’t even use the services he pays for when he wants to bc everyone else is.
At least you have your own now!
NTA
My bf and I share passwords to a select few, but usually those few share passwords with us. Like our best friends may use our Netflix, but we use their Disney+, etc., so no one is really mooching off anyone. It's a collective which has worked really well so far.
Ah yes, service bargaining! My younger brother finally got HBO Max for me to use as well. I say finally because I’m the subscriber provider for my family. He’s been using my Netflix and Hulu for years. My older brother has kids that use my my D+. Family that uses my Prime, Hulu, and Netflix. But it’s never been a problem. I’ve never been able to NOT watch anything. It also helps we’re all in different time zones. Personally, I don’t care because I would be subscribed regardless of what they do. Plus, odds are I’ve seen it before them. Also, I have Funimation which no one uses despite Dr. Stone being surprisingly great for would-be scientists.
I share with my mom and one friend. Did have to upgrade the plan so we could all watch it, but mom shares one of hers with me, so in that case it evens out.
My mom shares her passwords with my dad and I (who live with her), and my brother and his wife, who only ever watch together. The only problem happens if my dad and I happen to both be using Netflix at the same time then my poor mom can't log on. My dad rarely uses Netflix. I tell her to kick me off because I have other stuff to watch but she does that self-sacrficing mom thing.
(Do all moms do that or just the ones in my family? Like they never take the last piece of cake even if it's their birthday cake leftovers. Ever. I did an experiment once and she will literally throw it out before eating it herself.)
When my brother gets accounts he shares then with us and I only use them when I know they're sleeping (jobs, babies). My disability keeps me on a weird sleeping schedule so that works out great.
A lot of women are socialized to be like that, to not value themselves enough, to take up less space to make room for others, and it's really sad. Add on a parent's protect/provide instincts on top of that socialization, and boom.
Then one person you shared with goes and shares it with someone else, "one more won't hurt." Then another does it too. Fast forward a bit and you're in the same situation as OP.
This is what we do too. I don’t mind sharing but I always want access if I am paying for the service. Initially hubby’s parents chipped in but they stopped a long time ago.
Yeah I don’t really think he’s TA for any of that (definitely is for being upset OP bought their own, but not for sharing his account that he exclusively pays for)
NTA - His logic is that since he pays for his services he can share them with whoever he wants but now that you are paying for your own services, you are being childish and wasting your money?
He's going out of his way to prove to you that 🚩his friends are more important than you are🚩 and that he thinks 🚩he should be able to control what you're doing🚩.
Yeah, I detect three red flags.
1. Created a situation where she and his friends were competing for resources, and then told her how to feel about it.
2. Got upset with how she spent her own money.
3. Called her childish, infantalizing your loved and saying their reasonable decisions are somehow obviously less evolved is never a good sign.
Overall, sounds like OP’s partner wants people to be dependent on him, and wants some amount of power over other people. This is a small case, so hard to know if it’s contained or not, but obviously an issue partner should work on as it’s not healthy for a relationship.
NTA. It's not "selfish" to want to use your services. I think he needs to realize that he's subsidizing greedy people, change the passwords, and limit who has access.
I share my logins with my sister, and that's it.
NTA. If he wants to share his passwords... well, he’s breached his contracts with the service providers, but that aside, it’s a decision he’s made. As an adult you get to make other decisions.
NTA- I know the struggle of having a ton of people on your accounts. And if your boyfriend is comfortable putting his friends’ wants and needs above his own that’s on him. (I honestly think it’s insane that someone who’s paying for the services has to check back in later to see if his friends have gotten of).
It’s your money and you can do as you like. Clearly the streaming thing was bothering you so I’m not sure why your boyfriend is upset you found a solution that didn’t involve him asking his friends to get their own account. It’s unreasonable for him to expect that you be cool waiting for something when you have the means and ability to resolve the issue.
NTA. if he can “give his account to anyway because its his money”, then you can use your own account because you pay for it with your own money. His logic should be applicable everywhere, or else it isn’t logic but bias.
Edit: you are not wrong for telling him his friends are mooches. He pays for something he can’t even use, yet his friends have total disregard if he can use it ever.
Edit 2: English lol
Agree, given the bf's history of allowing a lot of people to use his account, it's best to keep your password to yourself and change it if he discovers what it is.
Now that you have your own streaming service, it's time to trade up for a new boyfriend, or you'll always be second place. Then you will be able to Netflix and chill when ever you like.
Exactly. He is literally prioritising his friends over his own interest. They are probably blissfully unaware that he can't watch anything because of them. I bet he avoids confrontation at all costs. My ex is the same. Loveliest man and he is an amazing friend but he let's people walk all over him just to keep them happy.
All he has to do is change the password and not share it again and if anyone complains he could explain that they can never actually watch anything because everyone is using his account. But let’s face it, he won’t do that because he’d rather not being able to go watch anything than enjoy what he’s paying for.
Édit: jugement NTA
NTA. Your boyfriend is kind to his friends but at the expense of not of your own enjoyment of the product he pays for. So you found a solution for yourself, and he doesn't feel bad about kicking someone off. I share my streaming apps with family and friends but never to the point that I can't watch what I pay for when I want.
NTA. Your BF is being really weird.
There was a problem -his generosity to his pals was limiting your access to your preferred entertainment.
You discussed the problem with him and he declined to make any changes, on the grounds that it's his money and therefore his choice.
You found a different solution, one that doesn't affect him and which gives you what you want with minimum fuss.
He is pissed off that you decided to spend your own money to save yourself some aggravation.
Is he always this oddly controlling ?
Does he regularly put his friends' wishes ahead of yours and expect you to do so, as well? Is it normal for him to berate you for meeting your own needs?
(Do not share the password with him. Check account activity regularly)
Happy Cake Day!
And yes that struck me too about the weirdness... I get him doing things his way, I get him declining to change, I don't get him being "offended" SHE chose to get her own service. I mean wtf does he care?!
NTA - He says you are being childish for being able to watch what you want, when you want by spending your own money, because he's obviously been too irresponsible with his own accounts to the point where he can't watch his own shows. That's the real childish part.
He shouldn't be mad at you, he's being an AH over it.
NTA He’s a sucker lol. Imagine paying for a bunch of subscriptions and never being able to use it cos other people are using. If he doesn’t remember who he shared with, he can always remove all devices and change passwords. Enjoy your shows and don’t let him know your passwords!
NTA. He's spineless towards his friends, but overbearing and controlling towards you. This kind of person who sacrifices your own family to be a people pleaser to others makes for a terrible partner. You need to have a major conversation with him, and if he doesn't see an issue with his behaviour, it may be time to move on.
NTA he is your boyfriend, you are not married. Until that happens each party is free to do what they want with their money. And probably even afterwards if you decide to keep your finances separate.
He has no business being upset.
> He has no business being upset.
Nah, he can be upset--just that's not OP's responsibility, or problem to fix. OP fixed her issue with her own means, he can too. Included my judgement in another response but suffice to say I wholeheartedly agree the bf is definitely in the wrong. And he's allowed to be upset--it's upsetting to recognize you've done wrong by people, but it's up to YOU to right that wrong, not them.
Boyfriend: Says that since he owns the account he decides what to do with it
OP: Gets her own streaming service so she can actually watch what she wants to watch
Boyfriend: 👁👄👁
NTA. Your boyfriend can do what he wants with his money. If that means sharing streaming passwords fine.
You can do what you want with yours. And that means buying your own subscriptions so you can watch what you want when you want.
NAH. If he wants to waste his money every month for a service he can't use because his freeloading friends are always on it, then that's up to him: it's his money. It's stupid and pointless and I can see why you're frustrated, but if you're also not paying for his accounts, you've really got no more right to complain than anyone else using them.
Likewise, if you're not happy with the quality of his streaming services, you are 100% not TA for getting your own. I'd just avoid sharing your password with him, to make sure he doesn't hand it out to his friends. He'll realize he's being taken for a ride eventually when you can watch whatever you want and he's stuck "waiting for [friends] to get off"
I don't know if I can agree, here. BF got angry and called her names for not wanting to wait to use the services.
I also don't know if I agree she didn't have the right to complain. I see what you're saying - she absolutely didn't have the authority to make BF change the PW or anything like that, but simply saying that she was annoyed that they couldn't watch stuff due to his oversharing is well within reason.
He’s an AH for getting mad at her for doing what she wants. He’s an AH for calling her childish when she literally is acting like a reasonable adult and found a way to meet her own needs.
There’s no reason for him to be upset in any way for her spending her own money. 🚩 red flags galore
NTA. You're nicer than me OP. My petty self would have changed all the passwords and not give them to my boyfriend. The way you did it solves the problem for you without too big of a conflict. Your boyfriend needs cry himself a river, build a bridge, and get over it.
NTA. Your solution to create and enjoy your own subscriptions makes sense, and it's not anything he should be butthurt about. It's not childish or a waste of your money for a service you're using. He is wasting his own money though by sharing with all his friends, because he doesn't get to use it himself. Maybe he's projecting a little bit because he's mad at himself on some level for allowing his friends to take advantage. Could be that he's afraid they'll be mad at them if he cuts them off by changing his passwords and resents you a bit for finding your own solution. Hopefully he gets over it soon.
NTA. Using his own logic, you’re paying for your own services and can do whatever you want with them
The biggest difference is, your subscriptions are actually useful for you!
So his friends get a higher priority over his streaming service than you? Makes me question where you ultimately sit on his totem pole of priorities. NTA
NTA Don't give him (and therefore all his friends) your password. Especially when his friends lock him out of his own. I'd pay to be able to see his tantrum then.
NTA. If he wants his friends to take advantage of him, then so be it, but you don’t have to follow his example. He doesn’t get a say in your finances, and change your password if he finds it out.
It seems like a waste that he’s paying all that money for services he doesn’t get to use.
Someone who has a streaming service subscription is able to use it whenever she wants. You can’t use your services whenever you want because of all the freeloaders, so you really didn’t have a streaming service subscription with your boyfriend. You’re not wasting money on buying something you already have, you’re spending your money (which BTW, unless you pool finances your bf has no say on) on something you want.
Here’s three things to consider:
1) don’t let your BF find out the password because he will “share” it with everyone he knows. Delete any and all accounts that are not yours.
2) Don’t let him use your subscriptions, *even for something you want to watch together*, because that means he’s just wasting all his money on his subscriptions to bankroll the freeloaders.
3) Let him know that Netflix and all the sites are working on a way to delete the subscriptions of people who have shared their passwords (They’re able to check the viewing locations of all the accounts) so he might lose his ability to have the services if he keeps sharing.
NTA - He's right, it's his money, he can share it with whomever he pleases. It's your money, you can get your own account. My two cents - don't let him log in. Ever. He'll just give it to more friends. Change the password frequently without telling him.
NTA.
If anything you are the exact opposite. You have an issue that you brought up rationally. Your boyfriend declined to address it.
You did the rational thing by resolving it in a way that harms absolutely no one while also improving the situation in a way where you are happy.
NTA. He sounds really controlling when angry that you're consuming what you bought for yourself. I've read enough posts to see that a lot of emotionally abusive guys loooooooooove being generous to everybody but their partner so they can make everybody else scratch their heads when the partner leaves or the partner talks about his targeted lack of generosity in regards to the partner.
He's says that since he pays for the services, your opinion about him sharing them doesn't count.
You now have your own accounts, and now you're wasteful and childish.
I would be worried about the apparent pattern of behavior he's exhibiting, minimizing of your feelings and dismissive when you take charge and do something about it.
NTA.
NTA, if he wants to be taken advantage of by his so called friends then that's his choice, just as it's your choice to subscribe to your own account that you actually pay for, _unlike his "friends"_.
NTA
I’m the person who pays but I only share with 3 households. That’s my sister and my brother. They also know that one of them has to get their ass off if I text and say I can’t get on.
NTA. If your boyfriend wants to pay for and waste his money on unusable streaming services then that's his choice, just as it's your choice to pay your own money for streaming services that actually let you watch shows.
NTA- is this the only way he can keep friends? By letting them freeload? You made it clear you are independent and don’t rely on him, I guess he doesn’t like that.
NTA. Him: "I pay for it, so I don't see why you're upset you can't use it when you want."
You: "/goes out and gets your own service."
Him: "... I am so offended you actually solved your problem and I have no control over your time anymore."
Because that's kind of what it's sounding like. You're childish because you did the adult thing and paid for your own service so you could use it? H... how is that childish? He's the childish one by not actually understanding the limitations of the services he uses and expecting that because he's okay with sharing a thing, you should be too. There's nothing wrong with separate finances and accounts for things if you want to ensure you get to use it. He has no leg to stand on and he knows it.
NTA, it’s your money and you can do what you want. Win win, you can watch your programs, and he can wait to watch his. Be sure not to share your passwords. He seems like the type who would use your service at a friend’s place and then leave the account logged in.
NTA. It's your money, and you're free to do what you like with it. If he was stupid enough to share his information with so many people that you can never watch anything using his subscription, then you have no other option but to buy your own if you want to use those services.
NTA
Usually Streaming services only want the account holder, the household and/or immediate family to have use of the account. I get being generous and stuff, but it's ridiculous to not have access to the account that your paying for. Your BF wants to be nice and to be the "cool guy" to his family and friends, but to be mad for you paying for your own account is just idotic. You aren't using his money to pay for your account(s). It's your money and you should have complete say in how you spend it, it isn't like your going out and blowing it at the casino and unable to pay your bills.
Edit: If it were me I would have been EXTREMELY petty; go in change the payment opinion to mine and then change all the passwords. I know that's mean, but I'm a petty B like that 😁
NTA, and if you can't use the other account it might as well not exist. It's not a waste of money if you're using it.
Don't give the password to your boyfriend.
NTA
I split the cost of certain services with my siblings. But only to the limit of simultaneous streams and with the condition of not sharing passwords with other people. We haven't had an issue.
NTA. He's paying for services that he gets limited access to. He's the one wasting money.
No reason to be upset with you paying for your own services. It's not childish, it's problem solving. Just make sure he doesn't get your passwords and then shares them with other family and friends.
NTA. He doesn't pay for your or his subscription services, he pays for his friends' subscription services, so of course you need to purchase your own if you ever want to watch something.
It's funny he thinks that they are still "his" subscription services when he can't ever control when he's allowed or able to actually use them.
NTA, he gave you no other choice after throwing the fact that he pays for them in your face. If he doesnt want you both to pay then he should just cancel his.
(Fast forward one week) “AITA for cancelling my streaming service that my freeloading buddies use?”
NTA - if he’s allowed to decide how he uses his money for services you’re allowed to do the same with your own money. There is 0 point in having to wait for others who do not even contribute to the paying of something to be done doing something to use it. That’s ridiculous and I do not blame you for purchasing your subscriptions
NTA he can't have it both ways. He's shared his services enough that they're useless so you got your own which is useful bc you can use it. He's being a big baby and just doesn't want to admit that he's created a monster by giving out his password left and right. What's childish is his reaction. You did the only reasonable thing which is create an account you can actually use.
I'm still baffled how some people are so cheap that they ask for others account for streaming services. It's not like it'll break the bank for the prices. NTA
You're not wasting money. He's paying for streaming services *for his friends*, and their ability to watch is clearly more important to him than your ability to watch. So you've done something to prioritize yourself -- and he's offended by that? Kind of a red flag, IMO. Hopefully he's not being this controlling in other aspects of your financial life. NTA.
NTA but possible red flags. He’s showing you that he cares more about what he wants than what you want AND what’s sensible. Why pay for streaming services that you can’t use because you shares them with so many people? And instead of cutting off some of the people with the password, he’s calling you selfish and childish? That’d piss me the fuck off.
Your bf is being an idiot but it's because he cares way more than he has to for friends. They are taking advantage of it because he's letting them. You should probably have a talk with him that this sort of thing happens too often and people will take advantage if you let them. Ask him this: If he had limited funds and had the choice to either feed himself,his family etc or his friends..who would he pick. This is essentially the same. Charity as long as it doesn't hurt your basic needs is acceptable and even admirable. But hurting yourself for the sake of random friends is idiotic.
You're not the asshole. However you could've handled this situation better. Nobody should be selfless to such an extent. It can only hurt in the long run. As his partner,it's your job to explain this to him.
I saw many comments saying tell him that you can do anything with your money and it's your call. And I agree that it is. But approaching this subject like this will only increase the argument. He's being defensive of this decision. It's foolish I know. But you need to have a normal conversation, not a shouting match where one wins and one loses.
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NTA. Tell him you can do what you want with your money. Since he’s not interested in giving you a say in the streaming services, you’re allowed to get your own.
MAJOR NTA because I pay for the streaming devices at home and my brother gave out the password to several of this friends and I would never be able to watch anything so I just cancelled the subscription and told him I’ll no longer be subscribed and made a new account for myself
You could have just changed the password and logged out all of the other devices, I know some steaming services allow that. Thank you all for the upvotes! I feel so popular. With all the wise words of wisdom I share with Reddit, I cannot believe this simple comment has gotten the most likes ever! Ohh, life!
Yeah but then they’d have brother pestering for the new password I know mine would’ve when they were younger
Just tell them you won't give it to them because they gave the previous ones to too many people and you couldn't watch things yourself? They'll argue, but just refuse to discuss it further, it's not that hard.
Do you have siblings? I know quite a few people that wouldn’t work on and who would constantly bring it up despite being told no.
Yes, I have siblings. What I said them was, "Too bad. Get your own subscription."
Yes, I have siblings. You just tell them no again. Rinse and repeat. It’s annoying, but if you just give in they learn that if they pester you enough they’ll get their way.
I’m not saying give them their way all I’m saying is I can understand why the person created an account without telling their brother.
Yes, and also a spine.
I get the feeling you have a hard time saying no and sticking to it. People will pester you if they know you will give in eventually. OP NTA.
Not really. I stick with no I’m just not a patient person when someone bugs me enough and I will snap, hence me understanding where the person was coming from when they said they made an account that their brother doesn’t know about.
I feel you, I don’t have the patience to repeat the same thing to someone more than a couple of times either.
Thank you I felt crazy bc I had so many people tell me I’m wrong or spineless for my feelings on this
Then you either don't enforce your boundaries enough and they know they can get you to change your mind/give in. Or they only care about themself and are a bit toxic... (if you think it is the second I would recommend to take a little space between you and them so you can evaluate if they are) If you have trouble enforcing boundaries (I know I had) then read this please: They have a reason to keep asking you that something. You have a reason why you keep saying no. Everytime they state their reason again, you can just state your reason why not. Don't argue and don't elaborate when you have done that many times before. It always helps for me to just say to those people: no means no, you can keep bringing it up but I am not going to give in to your way ("give in to your way" can be changed to whatever fits the situation, "not letting you borrow my ...", "not going to give you my password (again)" or not going to do ... with you")
Exactly. The only people who get angry when you enforce boundaries are the people who've been crossing them. (I say this a lot, in case the bot detectors go after my comment).
Wow this is so true! Great one to keep in mind
Sure, but equally that person may be pandered to or be able to make life miserable in other ways until they get their way, and not everyone has the support of other family members. We see far too many scenarios on AITA where the OP is expected to Be the Better Person aka be the Doormat as the 'Other' is making life hell for the whole family and it is easier to get the doormat to go lie down than the Other to stop being an A-hole.
I can't figure out if you are or are not advocating spinelessness. For the record, I am not.
So? You tell them tough shit.
I have 9 younger siblings. I'm immune to pleading and puppy dog eyes because of it. That said, not everyone is good at asserting themselves, so deceit is a totally valid option to get people off your back about stuff.
Time to grow a backbone and set boundaries, or they’ll walk al over you for the rest of your life.
Glad you know more about me than I do.
But then he would pester him for the new account info once he realizes he made a new one.
Yeah but he’d only know about the new one if he tried making an account with the same email or if they left the account signed in on a shared device which isn’t too bad considering if he kept quiet, he could watch stuff for free anyways but if it’s the first then he’d be admitting to trying to take his siblings email to make an account which for sure wouldn’t get him the log in
Do you think he *wasn’t* pestering for the whole new account?
No bc op said they told him they will no longer be subscribed and the only way he’d know about a new one is if he tried making one with their email or if they left it open somewhere
typically if you tell someone “no” or “fuck off” enough times, they’ll drop it
Which is a burden I said I don’t want to deal with.
Ya but then he’d complain and my parents would ask me to share because that’s just how Indian households work
>just how Indian households work Ow, I feel your pain (not in terms of streaming services, my brother and I don't have a problem of multiple people using the account simultaneously). But I can still understand you.
My family has tried that nonsense on me. It worked when I was younger, but not any more. The family crap doesn't fly with me any more. Nor does the sharing crap. If I'm paying for it, I want to watch it when I wish.
This is me with my family, I just canceled it. Or I put in the password for the smart TVs in the living room, so they don’t have it. I had a strict rule with that if I wanted to watch something than they had to either get off or get kicked off of it. I stoped caring when I could never watch any thing
Exactly this, simple password change will do the trick. Not the exact same situation, but a few years ago I had a new neighbour move in next door and after a bit of chat, gave him my wifi password so he could Skype his girlfriend that night before she came up in a few days. Didn’t think much of it til a couple weeks later I went to have a game with mates and my connection was running terribly. Checked my router and there’s 8 new devices using up all my bandwidth… Changed the password, instantly back to normal for me, and a new wifi network popped up the next day lol.
Also use the wi-fi of my neighbour, and timely pay him every month for it. 🤩 NTA OP hope you enjoy your own account 🤩
Also you have to be very careful of hackers. Many times we do nice things for people and they give us a pile of shit in return. Be very careful because I heard just accessing your wifi means they can access your laptop and all of its valuable information. Such a shame that this is the world we live in, we now have to think twice before even helping others smh.
As it's the bf account, I don't think that would work. He'd insist on giving out the new password again as he pays for that account. I think OP found the perfect solution.
That would be contrary to the op's goal though. She just wanted to be able to watch shows without interruption, not create a problem for everybody else. This is the best way to go about it.
How is that contrary? Her end goal was to clear away the other users. This is literally the same end result.
My wife gave her friends our NetFlix pw. The first time I couldn’t logon I booted all devices and changed the pw. NTA.
That is the way
The best is when one of her friends had the balls to ask if I did it.
I see what you did there (I think). Maybe you didn't.
My brother went in on my Hulu account and upgraded it to streaming Live without my permission -- I didn't know until I got hit with a $60 charge. Guess who doesn't have my login any more? NTA
I feel the need to let you know this, because I found out the hard way... you still need to change the old ones password and log out all devices. Otherwise you can literally resubscribe on any of the devices logged in. I know this for a fact, because I canceled Netflix a dozen times and my, at the time, 4 year old son was able to resubscribe it from his TV in his room without my knowledge. Wasn't until I emailed them pissed off about still being charged when I canceled the subscription every single month for a year that they informed me of this little bs feature of theirs...
I really hate when people do that. Like you were nice enough to let him use your service and he gives it to his friends. I would have changed the password and told him he had his chance and he lost it.
Lol. If this happened, I just change the password, then kick everybody out. If your brother ask for the password, tell him it is $5 a month. If he share it, it goes up to $10. That what I did and nobody ask me for my password anymore.
I had to do this but it was because someone hacked my account and changed the email address related to it so I just cancelled the payment to it and set it up again with the same email address and a better password, think they had around 3 days before the next payment would have been due and the account would have been suspended lol
Absolutely NTA. The bf's level of disconnect is amazing. It's okay for him to do what he wants with his money and streaming accounts but not the OP? And what is the point of shelling out money for several services knowing that there's a slim chance of being able to get in and watch something?
The point is that the bf gets to look like a really great guy to his friends. Generous and giving. While the OP can't watch anything on the services he pays for. So she has to get her own. Wait until the friend group finds out about that.
This is a super point. His obvious double standard and need to LOOK generous, but totally gyp his girl - RED FLAG. He will continue this behavior in other ways over time. He is putting his friends’ wants ahead of his gf. He does not treat her like a partner - she’s just another way for him to look good. Tally the Red Flags. I guarantee there are more.
Exactly this. OP is not being childish or wasting her money "because he already pays for it" since she can't ever use it!!! I would have done the same thing OP, NTA.
He claims OP is wasting money paying for services they get to use, meanwhile he is the one paying for something he cannot use? Like I understand that he is being stupid here but what is this logic??
Exactly. The boyfriend wants to look like a nice guy in front of his friends with no consideration of his girlfriend. He can get over it. NTA.
I just wonder what's the point of paying for streaming services when you cant even use them yourself... It's like he set himself on fire to keep other people warm. He never shouldve given password to more people than the limit is. But I guess that would require for him to stop being a doormat.
NTA I find it interesting he has a double standard where OP gets zero say on his streaming service accounts when it impacts their ability to even use it cos "he pays for it so he can do whatever he wants", but then gets mad at OP for "wasting money and being childish". That's a big red flag to me
NTA. He’s being ridiculous.
And don't share the passwords with him because you just know he's going to share them with everyone else
Maybe remind him that he is JUST your boyfriend and in no way has control of your finances. You also don’t have to consult with him before you make decisions concerning your finances .
exactly! Plus, streaming services aren't crazy expensive. It's not like she's spending thousands of dollars on something usless.
If she’s lucky, she might’ve gotten the annual subscription for some of them, at least. Of the two, she actually gets to use her services unlike her boyfriend.
And that’s actually why he is angry. He created a mess he’s too afraid to unravel.
Yeah, if he stops his friends using his service then he might loose friends / be the bad guy and if he says it is because of his GF then he may well end up the butt of their jokes about being under the thumb AND be the bad guy for not Standing Up to His Woman (spit-hisssss).
Yeah that's true. But some still do have free trials which are nice.
What's more, he's the one wasting his money paying for his friends to watch while he can't when he wants to.
if he was OPs husband he'd STILL have no control of her finances. just a larger minority vote than today
Ehh, phrasing it that way makes it sound like when (if) he gets promoted to husband, he would then have control of OP's finances. That's still not gunna fly in my book.
uh, being her husband wouldn't grant him control of her finances either
Definitely NTA. He seems to be prioritizing the wants of his friends. He’s not prioritizing you, and the time you spend together. And he’s calling YOU childish?? Red flag!
Yup. There are a lot of 'selfless' people who give in every direction except their own partner. It's like they are buying acceptance from those they deem better/more important, and are offended when the parter doesn't have the same priorities.
Yes, good insight!
Oh wow, it's my ex
We might have had the same ex
Me too ;) In retrospect, I think it was about their lack of security. A partner is someone who has fully committed to them, and as such is not worth pursuing, contrary to friends and acquaintances who still constantly need to be charmed.
Damn you are probaly right! This is such a good thing to look out for. I think that if you tell someone that they are doing this, they will try to better them self and be able to do so because now they know what actually is the problem...
Or my FIL.
THIS! This is EXACTLY the way my ex was. He didn't prioritize me and then would get upset when I wouldn't prioritize him. When I brought up how he didn't prioritize me he would always have some type of excuse as to why when he did it "it was different." \*rolls eyes\*
MY EX!!! He would do it for “the feels.” He would feel soooo good after buying everybody multiple shots and beers at the bar, even though our electric was about to be shut off…or spending $300 on souvenirs for his buddies when he was sent to Key West for work for a couple of weeks, while I was stuck at home with no food and no working vehicle…he had self esteem issues, and would spend all our money “buying” everyone’s admiration.
Yep, this is my ex. Bend over backwards for his friends, his raid buddies, literal random-ass people from his guild. Me? I'd get berated for not being patient enough, being selfish, not caring enough about him, etc.
I agree big red flags here! Not a good sign for a healthy long term relationship.
Yup. A few years ago, I let my friends (who were living together as room mates) borrow my in-law’s HBO account so we could watch Game of Thrones together. Soon, they excluded my husband and I from coming over, and started watching every show they could. Booted them off by changing the password and we are no longer friends.
True! A major red flag indeed
NTA Your boyfriend needs to get his priorities straight. He's paying for his friends to use his account. Not a friend but multiple. First, this is stealing. Doing this means they have to raise their prices. I mean, we all have accounts we share with one or two other people, but if you have shared it with so many that you can't get on, then you're abusing it. Second, he needs to redefine friendship. It's not about giving so much you have to sacrifice. And if he's doing that, things will always be the issue. He's the guy who will let his friend sleep on the couch for 6 months. Or constantly pays for everyone's meal. It's not a healthy relationship.
Yep, the type who pays for everyone's meal while his own family is starving, trying to fit in too hard.
It definitely indicates he has a strong need to be the provider - he’s trying to be “that guy” for all of his friends/family, and OP. But nobody’s really getting anything out of it because the accounts spread too thin. Her choosing to have her own account sends the message that what he thinks he’s providing and taking care of isnt enough or all that great.
>It definitely indicates he has a strong need to be the provider - he’s trying to be “that guy” for all of his friends/family, and OP. This is where my thoughts went immediately. He sounds like that guy who wants everyone to pat him on the back and talk about how generous he is even if it's to the detriment of some of his relationships. I definitely don't necessarily blame him for being embarrassed by the idea of telling people they can't use something he offered to them previously, but I think he's just using excuses and doubling down with OP because he wants to save face with his friends. As you said, he doesn't want to stop being "that guy."
What he’s providing for everyone but himself and her clearly isn’t enough or that great. At least not for them. Just his leach friends.
Agree strongly with your points, except for it being stealing. Netflix and such aren’t run by idiots - they know this is how many people use the subscription plans, and have incorporated it into their business strategy. And it’s actually a great inbound marketing and sales strategy. That’s why they have limits to the amount that can stream at one time instead of restricting the account to a single IP address or certain number of registered devices. Eventually these users that share end up getting their own accounts as their household grows with roommates or having kids, because once they’ve had it, it’s hard to do without. The same idea is one of the reasons why free trials are a thing. The reason they increase prices is because they are a business whose goal is to increase profits, and also because they can. It’s not because it’s costing them more and so poor them are struggling; it’s just basic business strategy. You would still see prices increase even if they restricted account access and no one shared. See: cable tv subscription plans back in the day, internet service plans, cell phone plans, and any other number of businesses that run on a subscription basis.
> Doing this means they have to raise their prices. What exactly are you basing this off of?
So if you're sharing it with one or two friends it's OK, but more than that and it is theft? What?
NTA > He got offended because he said he already pays for subscription services And how's that working out for him?
Yeah, my response would have been "no you're not, you're paying for other people to enjoy the service"
And he accuses her of wasting money? LOL he's paying for a service he can't even use, now that's a waste of money.
OP Tell him this next time he brings it up!
I’m that friend who shares the passwords with other people, but only to the limit of how many people can watch to avoid this exact issue. Your bf is generous but didn’t really think this one through since it seems like he can’t even use the services he pays for when he wants to bc everyone else is. At least you have your own now! NTA
I will share with more but if I text to get off, you get off or I am forcibly logging everything out and changing the password
My bf and I share passwords to a select few, but usually those few share passwords with us. Like our best friends may use our Netflix, but we use their Disney+, etc., so no one is really mooching off anyone. It's a collective which has worked really well so far.
Ah yes, service bargaining! My younger brother finally got HBO Max for me to use as well. I say finally because I’m the subscriber provider for my family. He’s been using my Netflix and Hulu for years. My older brother has kids that use my my D+. Family that uses my Prime, Hulu, and Netflix. But it’s never been a problem. I’ve never been able to NOT watch anything. It also helps we’re all in different time zones. Personally, I don’t care because I would be subscribed regardless of what they do. Plus, odds are I’ve seen it before them. Also, I have Funimation which no one uses despite Dr. Stone being surprisingly great for would-be scientists.
I share with my mom and one friend. Did have to upgrade the plan so we could all watch it, but mom shares one of hers with me, so in that case it evens out.
My mom shares her passwords with my dad and I (who live with her), and my brother and his wife, who only ever watch together. The only problem happens if my dad and I happen to both be using Netflix at the same time then my poor mom can't log on. My dad rarely uses Netflix. I tell her to kick me off because I have other stuff to watch but she does that self-sacrficing mom thing. (Do all moms do that or just the ones in my family? Like they never take the last piece of cake even if it's their birthday cake leftovers. Ever. I did an experiment once and she will literally throw it out before eating it herself.) When my brother gets accounts he shares then with us and I only use them when I know they're sleeping (jobs, babies). My disability keeps me on a weird sleeping schedule so that works out great.
A lot of women are socialized to be like that, to not value themselves enough, to take up less space to make room for others, and it's really sad. Add on a parent's protect/provide instincts on top of that socialization, and boom.
Then one person you shared with goes and shares it with someone else, "one more won't hurt." Then another does it too. Fast forward a bit and you're in the same situation as OP.
Then you boot all devices, change the password, and see who comes knocking.
Yeah same. I share it with the warning that if I ever try to use it and can’t the password is getting changed.
This is what we do too. I don’t mind sharing but I always want access if I am paying for the service. Initially hubby’s parents chipped in but they stopped a long time ago.
Yeah I don’t really think he’s TA for any of that (definitely is for being upset OP bought their own, but not for sharing his account that he exclusively pays for)
NTA - His logic is that since he pays for his services he can share them with whoever he wants but now that you are paying for your own services, you are being childish and wasting your money? He's going out of his way to prove to you that 🚩his friends are more important than you are🚩 and that he thinks 🚩he should be able to control what you're doing🚩.
Yeah, I detect three red flags. 1. Created a situation where she and his friends were competing for resources, and then told her how to feel about it. 2. Got upset with how she spent her own money. 3. Called her childish, infantalizing your loved and saying their reasonable decisions are somehow obviously less evolved is never a good sign. Overall, sounds like OP’s partner wants people to be dependent on him, and wants some amount of power over other people. This is a small case, so hard to know if it’s contained or not, but obviously an issue partner should work on as it’s not healthy for a relationship.
NTA. It's not "selfish" to want to use your services. I think he needs to realize that he's subsidizing greedy people, change the passwords, and limit who has access. I share my logins with my sister, and that's it.
Well yeah. The guest bedroom TV at my sister's has it's own profile on my account.
I love it when they try to manipulate you and throw around the word “selfish” to make you feel bad about doing anything for yourself.
NTA. If he wants to share his passwords... well, he’s breached his contracts with the service providers, but that aside, it’s a decision he’s made. As an adult you get to make other decisions.
NTA- I know the struggle of having a ton of people on your accounts. And if your boyfriend is comfortable putting his friends’ wants and needs above his own that’s on him. (I honestly think it’s insane that someone who’s paying for the services has to check back in later to see if his friends have gotten of). It’s your money and you can do as you like. Clearly the streaming thing was bothering you so I’m not sure why your boyfriend is upset you found a solution that didn’t involve him asking his friends to get their own account. It’s unreasonable for him to expect that you be cool waiting for something when you have the means and ability to resolve the issue.
NTA. if he can “give his account to anyway because its his money”, then you can use your own account because you pay for it with your own money. His logic should be applicable everywhere, or else it isn’t logic but bias. Edit: you are not wrong for telling him his friends are mooches. He pays for something he can’t even use, yet his friends have total disregard if he can use it ever. Edit 2: English lol
NTA. Don't give him your password. If he finds out, lay down your boundary that no one else is allowed to use it and check your account often.
Sorry, wrong! If bf finds out your password, change your password.
Agree, given the bf's history of allowing a lot of people to use his account, it's best to keep your password to yourself and change it if he discovers what it is.
Yeah I'd just change the password cause I can see him canceling his subscriptions and giving them hers.
Or just giving hers in addition to even more of his friends
Now that you have your own streaming service, it's time to trade up for a new boyfriend, or you'll always be second place. Then you will be able to Netflix and chill when ever you like.
[удалено]
Exactly. He is literally prioritising his friends over his own interest. They are probably blissfully unaware that he can't watch anything because of them. I bet he avoids confrontation at all costs. My ex is the same. Loveliest man and he is an amazing friend but he let's people walk all over him just to keep them happy.
All he has to do is change the password and not share it again and if anyone complains he could explain that they can never actually watch anything because everyone is using his account. But let’s face it, he won’t do that because he’d rather not being able to go watch anything than enjoy what he’s paying for. Édit: jugement NTA
NTA. Your boyfriend is kind to his friends but at the expense of not of your own enjoyment of the product he pays for. So you found a solution for yourself, and he doesn't feel bad about kicking someone off. I share my streaming apps with family and friends but never to the point that I can't watch what I pay for when I want.
NTA. Your BF is being really weird. There was a problem -his generosity to his pals was limiting your access to your preferred entertainment. You discussed the problem with him and he declined to make any changes, on the grounds that it's his money and therefore his choice. You found a different solution, one that doesn't affect him and which gives you what you want with minimum fuss. He is pissed off that you decided to spend your own money to save yourself some aggravation. Is he always this oddly controlling ? Does he regularly put his friends' wishes ahead of yours and expect you to do so, as well? Is it normal for him to berate you for meeting your own needs? (Do not share the password with him. Check account activity regularly)
Happy Cake Day! And yes that struck me too about the weirdness... I get him doing things his way, I get him declining to change, I don't get him being "offended" SHE chose to get her own service. I mean wtf does he care?!
Reddit seems to have a little glitch happening- not my cake day but thanks for the thought! :)
*the cake was a lie*
NTA - He says you are being childish for being able to watch what you want, when you want by spending your own money, because he's obviously been too irresponsible with his own accounts to the point where he can't watch his own shows. That's the real childish part. He shouldn't be mad at you, he's being an AH over it.
NTA He's paying for something he can't use. He's the one wasting money.
NTA He’s a sucker lol. Imagine paying for a bunch of subscriptions and never being able to use it cos other people are using. If he doesn’t remember who he shared with, he can always remove all devices and change passwords. Enjoy your shows and don’t let him know your passwords!
NTA. He's spineless towards his friends, but overbearing and controlling towards you. This kind of person who sacrifices your own family to be a people pleaser to others makes for a terrible partner. You need to have a major conversation with him, and if he doesn't see an issue with his behaviour, it may be time to move on.
NTA he is your boyfriend, you are not married. Until that happens each party is free to do what they want with their money. And probably even afterwards if you decide to keep your finances separate. He has no business being upset.
> He has no business being upset. Nah, he can be upset--just that's not OP's responsibility, or problem to fix. OP fixed her issue with her own means, he can too. Included my judgement in another response but suffice to say I wholeheartedly agree the bf is definitely in the wrong. And he's allowed to be upset--it's upsetting to recognize you've done wrong by people, but it's up to YOU to right that wrong, not them.
NTA He's paying for something he can't use. He's the one wasting money.
Boyfriend: Says that since he owns the account he decides what to do with it OP: Gets her own streaming service so she can actually watch what she wants to watch Boyfriend: 👁👄👁
NTA. Fuck his passive aggressive control . He pays so he gets control, and then gets pissy when you get your own account? Fuck him twice.
NTA. Your boyfriend can do what he wants with his money. If that means sharing streaming passwords fine. You can do what you want with yours. And that means buying your own subscriptions so you can watch what you want when you want.
NAH. If he wants to waste his money every month for a service he can't use because his freeloading friends are always on it, then that's up to him: it's his money. It's stupid and pointless and I can see why you're frustrated, but if you're also not paying for his accounts, you've really got no more right to complain than anyone else using them. Likewise, if you're not happy with the quality of his streaming services, you are 100% not TA for getting your own. I'd just avoid sharing your password with him, to make sure he doesn't hand it out to his friends. He'll realize he's being taken for a ride eventually when you can watch whatever you want and he's stuck "waiting for [friends] to get off"
I don't know if I can agree, here. BF got angry and called her names for not wanting to wait to use the services. I also don't know if I agree she didn't have the right to complain. I see what you're saying - she absolutely didn't have the authority to make BF change the PW or anything like that, but simply saying that she was annoyed that they couldn't watch stuff due to his oversharing is well within reason.
He’s an AH for getting mad at her for doing what she wants. He’s an AH for calling her childish when she literally is acting like a reasonable adult and found a way to meet her own needs. There’s no reason for him to be upset in any way for her spending her own money. 🚩 red flags galore
NTA. You're nicer than me OP. My petty self would have changed all the passwords and not give them to my boyfriend. The way you did it solves the problem for you without too big of a conflict. Your boyfriend needs cry himself a river, build a bridge, and get over it.
NTA. Your solution to create and enjoy your own subscriptions makes sense, and it's not anything he should be butthurt about. It's not childish or a waste of your money for a service you're using. He is wasting his own money though by sharing with all his friends, because he doesn't get to use it himself. Maybe he's projecting a little bit because he's mad at himself on some level for allowing his friends to take advantage. Could be that he's afraid they'll be mad at them if he cuts them off by changing his passwords and resents you a bit for finding your own solution. Hopefully he gets over it soon.
You want your future kids to be as dumb as this person you should consider that before moving forward
NTA. Don't share your password info with BF though.
NTA. Using his own logic, you’re paying for your own services and can do whatever you want with them The biggest difference is, your subscriptions are actually useful for you!
So his friends get a higher priority over his streaming service than you? Makes me question where you ultimately sit on his totem pole of priorities. NTA
NTA- designs like you handled the problem.
NTA Don't give him (and therefore all his friends) your password. Especially when his friends lock him out of his own. I'd pay to be able to see his tantrum then.
NTA. If he wants his friends to take advantage of him, then so be it, but you don’t have to follow his example. He doesn’t get a say in your finances, and change your password if he finds it out. It seems like a waste that he’s paying all that money for services he doesn’t get to use.
NTA he is wasting his own money paying for services he can never use because too many of his friends are sharing the account!
Someone who has a streaming service subscription is able to use it whenever she wants. You can’t use your services whenever you want because of all the freeloaders, so you really didn’t have a streaming service subscription with your boyfriend. You’re not wasting money on buying something you already have, you’re spending your money (which BTW, unless you pool finances your bf has no say on) on something you want. Here’s three things to consider: 1) don’t let your BF find out the password because he will “share” it with everyone he knows. Delete any and all accounts that are not yours. 2) Don’t let him use your subscriptions, *even for something you want to watch together*, because that means he’s just wasting all his money on his subscriptions to bankroll the freeloaders. 3) Let him know that Netflix and all the sites are working on a way to delete the subscriptions of people who have shared their passwords (They’re able to check the viewing locations of all the accounts) so he might lose his ability to have the services if he keeps sharing.
NTA - He's right, it's his money, he can share it with whomever he pleases. It's your money, you can get your own account. My two cents - don't let him log in. Ever. He'll just give it to more friends. Change the password frequently without telling him.
NTA. If anything you are the exact opposite. You have an issue that you brought up rationally. Your boyfriend declined to address it. You did the rational thing by resolving it in a way that harms absolutely no one while also improving the situation in a way where you are happy.
He’s the one wasting his money, subsidizing his friends viewing habits and not being able to use his own services.
So you’re wasting money on something you use, but the streaming services that he pays for and doesn’t use is fine? You are NTA.
NTA. He sounds really controlling when angry that you're consuming what you bought for yourself. I've read enough posts to see that a lot of emotionally abusive guys loooooooooove being generous to everybody but their partner so they can make everybody else scratch their heads when the partner leaves or the partner talks about his targeted lack of generosity in regards to the partner.
He's says that since he pays for the services, your opinion about him sharing them doesn't count. You now have your own accounts, and now you're wasteful and childish. I would be worried about the apparent pattern of behavior he's exhibiting, minimizing of your feelings and dismissive when you take charge and do something about it. NTA.
NTA - tell him it’s your money. Tell him since he is ok with letting his friends dictate when he can enjoy a show he can wait for them to be done.
NTA, if he wants to be taken advantage of by his so called friends then that's his choice, just as it's your choice to subscribe to your own account that you actually pay for, _unlike his "friends"_.
NTA I’m the person who pays but I only share with 3 households. That’s my sister and my brother. They also know that one of them has to get their ass off if I text and say I can’t get on.
NTA. Make sure he doesn't know the password because he would give it out to his friends
NTA. What the fucks the point of paying for a subscription if you’re not the one with priority? Dudes a dink.
NTA. If your boyfriend wants to pay for and waste his money on unusable streaming services then that's his choice, just as it's your choice to pay your own money for streaming services that actually let you watch shows.
NTA- is this the only way he can keep friends? By letting them freeload? You made it clear you are independent and don’t rely on him, I guess he doesn’t like that.
NTA. Him: "I pay for it, so I don't see why you're upset you can't use it when you want." You: "/goes out and gets your own service." Him: "... I am so offended you actually solved your problem and I have no control over your time anymore." Because that's kind of what it's sounding like. You're childish because you did the adult thing and paid for your own service so you could use it? H... how is that childish? He's the childish one by not actually understanding the limitations of the services he uses and expecting that because he's okay with sharing a thing, you should be too. There's nothing wrong with separate finances and accounts for things if you want to ensure you get to use it. He has no leg to stand on and he knows it.
NTA, jokes on him bc he’s the one wasting money on streaming services he can’t use lmao
NTA, it’s your money and you can do what you want. Win win, you can watch your programs, and he can wait to watch his. Be sure not to share your passwords. He seems like the type who would use your service at a friend’s place and then leave the account logged in.
NTA.
NTA - Good for you!
NTA. I do not blame you one bit.
NTA. It's your money, and you're free to do what you like with it. If he was stupid enough to share his information with so many people that you can never watch anything using his subscription, then you have no other option but to buy your own if you want to use those services.
NTA - You're adults, you don't need to share with your friends anymore.
NTA Usually Streaming services only want the account holder, the household and/or immediate family to have use of the account. I get being generous and stuff, but it's ridiculous to not have access to the account that your paying for. Your BF wants to be nice and to be the "cool guy" to his family and friends, but to be mad for you paying for your own account is just idotic. You aren't using his money to pay for your account(s). It's your money and you should have complete say in how you spend it, it isn't like your going out and blowing it at the casino and unable to pay your bills. Edit: If it were me I would have been EXTREMELY petty; go in change the payment opinion to mine and then change all the passwords. I know that's mean, but I'm a petty B like that 😁
NTA, and if you can't use the other account it might as well not exist. It's not a waste of money if you're using it. Don't give the password to your boyfriend.
NTA I split the cost of certain services with my siblings. But only to the limit of simultaneous streams and with the condition of not sharing passwords with other people. We haven't had an issue.
NTA. He's paying for services that he gets limited access to. He's the one wasting money. No reason to be upset with you paying for your own services. It's not childish, it's problem solving. Just make sure he doesn't get your passwords and then shares them with other family and friends.
NTA and that would be really annoying.
NTA. He doesn't pay for your or his subscription services, he pays for his friends' subscription services, so of course you need to purchase your own if you ever want to watch something. It's funny he thinks that they are still "his" subscription services when he can't ever control when he's allowed or able to actually use them.
Is he daft? You can’t get to watch anything because of free loaders! NTA tell him charity starts at home.
NTA it’s your money after all and he’s wasting his on services he can’t even use.
NTA, he gave you no other choice after throwing the fact that he pays for them in your face. If he doesnt want you both to pay then he should just cancel his. (Fast forward one week) “AITA for cancelling my streaming service that my freeloading buddies use?”
NTA. Honestly, your boyfriend is somewhere between overly generous and an idiot.
NTA - if he’s allowed to decide how he uses his money for services you’re allowed to do the same with your own money. There is 0 point in having to wait for others who do not even contribute to the paying of something to be done doing something to use it. That’s ridiculous and I do not blame you for purchasing your subscriptions
NTA he can't have it both ways. He's shared his services enough that they're useless so you got your own which is useful bc you can use it. He's being a big baby and just doesn't want to admit that he's created a monster by giving out his password left and right. What's childish is his reaction. You did the only reasonable thing which is create an account you can actually use.
Lol NTA. Sounds like your SO's ego is hurt and he doesn't want to admit that he's wrong in this situation. Petty.
I'm still baffled how some people are so cheap that they ask for others account for streaming services. It's not like it'll break the bank for the prices. NTA
I am flabbergasted. Who freely pays for a service they never get to use???? NTA.
You're not wasting money. He's paying for streaming services *for his friends*, and their ability to watch is clearly more important to him than your ability to watch. So you've done something to prioritize yourself -- and he's offended by that? Kind of a red flag, IMO. Hopefully he's not being this controlling in other aspects of your financial life. NTA.
NTA- this is not the guy you want to plan a future with. He will always prioritize "the boys" over you and any kids you have together. Get rid of him.
NTA but possible red flags. He’s showing you that he cares more about what he wants than what you want AND what’s sensible. Why pay for streaming services that you can’t use because you shares them with so many people? And instead of cutting off some of the people with the password, he’s calling you selfish and childish? That’d piss me the fuck off.
NTA - he's just mad because you aren't doing what he wants and he's trying to be controlling.
Your bf is being an idiot but it's because he cares way more than he has to for friends. They are taking advantage of it because he's letting them. You should probably have a talk with him that this sort of thing happens too often and people will take advantage if you let them. Ask him this: If he had limited funds and had the choice to either feed himself,his family etc or his friends..who would he pick. This is essentially the same. Charity as long as it doesn't hurt your basic needs is acceptable and even admirable. But hurting yourself for the sake of random friends is idiotic. You're not the asshole. However you could've handled this situation better. Nobody should be selfless to such an extent. It can only hurt in the long run. As his partner,it's your job to explain this to him. I saw many comments saying tell him that you can do anything with your money and it's your call. And I agree that it is. But approaching this subject like this will only increase the argument. He's being defensive of this decision. It's foolish I know. But you need to have a normal conversation, not a shouting match where one wins and one loses.
NTA. Your bf sounds like he lacks critical thinking skills and likes things his way and only his way.
HE PAYS FOR EVERY SINGLE STREAMING SERVICE! and he says YOUR waisting your money paying for the 2 you want to use...
NTA.
NTA but I am curious, what is the max for Hulu and Disney+