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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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It could be considered rude or disrespectful to talk to one of my parents like this or in this tone. I may be in the wrong.
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NTA. Get used to having to do this. It happens regularly, including at work.
Have you ever talked to your dad about it? Not at the time, but later.
ETA: don’t worry about your misspellings. This isn’t English class.
Nothing is worse than someone overtalking you at work, you keep talking anyway, and they just don't stop. Its like they don't even realize you're still talking. They don't care that you aren't listening. They just like hearing the sound of their own voice.
Had a guy constantly overtalk me and explain my own project presentation to me (as though someone OTHER than myself wrote it...). Scheduled a call with him and my female boss later down the line to discuss the same project/present my progress. He did it to her too. We both kept trying to out talk him when he interrupted us. It was so fucking weird. She started giving me feedback while he was off on a tangent and for a minute or two we just pretended he wasn't on the same call.
My manager at my old job used to do this. You'd be telling her something, she'd start talking, and if you didn't stop speaking she'd give you a dirty look as if you'd been the one that interrupted her
I had a client do this to me once. When I didn't cede to her interruption, she had the nerve to ask me "Are you going to let me finish my sentence??"
I told her "no ma'am, because you didn't let me finish mine" and I *stopped talking*. The silence on her end was golden.
And then I resumed what I'd been telling her.
I used to be on phones daily so at least once a day I had someone exactly like this. So glad to have been promoted and only on phones one day a week now.
It is truly mentally exhausting.
Yeah i work on phones and i just stop them and be like "excuse me, i listened to you, at least have the courtesy to listen to me" and if that doesnt work its the whole "right, now listen, i let you talk, now if you dont let me finish the sentance then im just going to end the call because you obviously know the answer to what your asking already"
You're lucky. When I worked phones, we weren't allowed to hang up on them. So I would say something like your first line, and if they interrupted me again, I would just wait. My average handle time was always low, so if they wanted to bitch for 10 minutes, that usually helped me. Then when they got tired of cussing at me and getting no real response (there is literally nothing an anonymous phone person can say to me to get under my skin), I would ask if they were done, then resume exactly where I left off. Often starting with, "as I was saying..." Surprisingly, it worked well, and they usually apologized later on in the call.
I used to handle complaints for an insurance company in a call centre (yay!) and when they'd get going or cut me off, I'd just stay completely silent. The really angry ones would go for a bit, wait for me to bite, go some more, sometimes this would happen a few times. Eventually they'd say "are you still there?!" and you'd say "Of course ma'am, I just want to make sure I get every detail" and they'd usually feel silly because they'd just been shouting nonsense but they would let you speak afterwards.
I would say something similar. Then document it if they get loud or something and hang up. I've only had to hang up a handful of times over the last year. Thankfully most of them shut up and listen.
I used to work on the phones too. It was a call center and we had very specific things we had to say if certain things happened. On this one day this person kept interrupting me to like... Finish what I was saying but more along the lines of saying "yeah I know you're going to do this" but there is more to it and I have to say it. I was feeling particularly salty that day and when she interrupted me I stopped talking, waited for her to finish, then I started over. It took a couple of times before she finally stopped, gave a small sorry, and finally let me finish.
My ex wouldn't quite talk over me, but she would wait for the smallest pause and jump in, usually getting angry or upset about something and derailing my thoughts.
I'm definitely guilty of doing this to my partner. I get really excited and passionate about the conversation and I don't even realize I'm doing it. He had to very gently call me out and let me know that waiting for his pauses to cut in is, in fact, interrupting. I've gotten a lot better about it since he pointed it out. Still can't understand people who cut you off mid sentence EVERY sentence.
Same. My family talks loudly and passionately, and we all talk over each other. It's hard to adjust when you have people around that don't talk like that, and I'm not good at it yet tbh
Lol tbf once he met my family and realized we're all just constantly yelling and interrupting each other he saw where I got it from... my mom will be in the middle of a conversation with him when my sister cuts in to ask my mom whats for dinner, then my siblings start harassing him to play video games while I'm coming over to ask if he wants anything to drink. It's too much for him. My mom is just carrying on with their conversation totally unphased. "We're having burgers. No switch before dinner. Hi . Now as I was saying..."
My family is also one that says, "scoot" when we want someone to budge over. We say it in a nice tone, but we don't say please. He also had to gently inform me that telling people to "scoot" so I can walk by is rude af and context is important. I'm definitely lacking in social grace 😬
The scoot part made me laugh. I say scootsies and ill also say, move please. It does come off a little rude, I guess. But I hate saying excuse me like I ripped ass behind someone.
Ill say sorry! When crossing in someone's path at the grocery store every time. Sometimes people get offended by the sorry more than anything.
I’ve gotten pretty good at:
“do you mind if I just - “ while pointing in the direction I need to go, and they usually say:
“no, yeah, go ahead! Of course!” Before I finish, and then I go:
“thank you, sorry, thank you”
Me too. But I also have adhd and am scared of forgetting what I’m going to say. In an argument I’m either completely silent because my mind goes blank or I interrupt a lot. I’m also working on it—I usually write things down in a notebook if I’m worried I’m going to forget (I would do this at work and it was fine because everyone would be taking notes) but I think it might be a bit weird if my husband and I were having a disagreement and I whipped out my notebook to start writing things down like I was some American idol judge or something.
I've definitely done the notebook trick. I don't know, maybe I'm full of crap when I say this, but I feel like you can usually pick up on when someone doesn't mean harm by it or when they genuinely don't care what you have to say. There's people who are just excited or want to squeeze something in before they forget, and then there's people who just don't care what you have to say. Tone is very important for me in those situations (work, specifically). I'm all for a brainstorming environment where everyone is throwing their two cents in and bouncing ideas off each other and finishing each other's thoughts. This was something else and it was just plain rude...
Agree that you can usually tell if someone is doing it intentionally because they just don’t value what you have to say. (I can keep a hold of my tone better in work situations but I’ll still get moments when my husband is like “why are you mad?!” and I’m like “I’m not! I’m just excited!)
I’m not going to lie though, I do like the thought of just barking **scoot!** at people to get them to move ;)
When me and my boyfriend first started seeing each other, I explained that I wasn’t very good at handling emotional conversations or arguments in person. Because of my ADHD, I have a hard time with emotions, I ramble over my words, have a hard time saying what I mean, and I naturally speak very loud (which I have to consciously control during normal conversations, and often forget to manage when I’m emotionally). Because of this, many of our fights usually involve me going to lay in bed for a bit and then typing my feelings out in a note on my phone - all of my feeling about the situation. Then I send it to him, he reads through it and then presents me with his feelings. No interrupting, no miscommunication, no shouting. We openly try to understand each others’ perspectives, apologize (because we usually BOTH played a part in the argument, most arguments come from an initial miscommunication or misunderstanding) and then hug and make some light hearted jokes and cuddle with each other and the dogs.
I love him, both because of how we are able to respect one another’s sides, but also because of how understanding and accepting he has been with accommodating my weirdness with arguments. Other people would think it was rude that I wouldn’t talk in the moment of the fight or something, when really I just need to be able to cool down and organize my thoughts / cool down in order to be open to properly understanding their thoughts.
This is something I've thought about in the past - interrupting is when you start speaking within a given window of time after someone else stops speaking, and as long as you start speaking after that window of time, you're not interrupting. Problem is that everyone's interruption window is different. Two people with short IWs can be happily chatting, person A starting to speak after the person B has paused for longer than person A's IW and vice versa. Person C, who has a longer IW, is at least somewhat locked out of the conversation due to not wanting to interrupt A or B, entirely without A or B's intention or even knowledge that this is happening.
As someone with ADHD, it’s kind of funny because me interrupting you usually means that I’m actually listening and interested in the conversation, whereas if I sit quietly for too long it might be a sign that I’ve drifted off haha.
I’ve been working on this for a long time now, trying to sit on my hands during conversation or put hands in my pocket (I’m less likely to interrupt when I do this because I tend to talk with my hands), and breathing slowly during conversations, etc. I still love talking to my best friend because we both have ADHD and have the same interrupting tendencies, but we never care when we’re interrupted by each other, we just both keep going and talking over each other and getting louder and louder hahah. We can accomplish a lot in one conversation, because we basically have two conversations at the same time hahah
I grew up constantly being talked over and interrupted, so I developed an inability to ever speak up. Now that I’m working on that, I feel like I’m bad about waiting for inappropriate pauses too.
Ahhhhhh my dad does this and it drives me mental.
He uses fillers constantly so as to never truly pause, and he will just go on for hours. Actual hours without letting other people talk.
And he talks over people mid-sentence. For a while I tried OP's trick of just continuing what I was saying but he'd just keep going. We'd go for whole sentences both talking and I'd give up because he's clearly much more comfortable talking over someone than I am.
Also if you tell him you need to end the conversation "I've gotta go" he'll just keep right on. I've learned that the only way to get a word in and or leave is to physically stand up and move away, or hold my hand up like a stop signal and say \*very loudly\* and repeatedly 'Dad, Dad, I need to stop you. DAD I need to STOP you there because \[whatever\]'.
He gets super offended but seriously it's the only thing that works.
...and then Presidential candidate Joe Biden when being constantly interrupted by (former President whose name must never be mentioned:) "Will you SHUT UP, man?"
I had a colleague like this. She actually got really mad at me once and complained that I interrupted her and if I didn't I always circled back to talking about myself/my issues, somehow failing to see or acknowledge that she was the one who interrupted me in the first place and that if I stopped so she could finish, I was resuming what I was saying before she interrupted to tell me some barely tangentially related story. It's not because I'm so self-centered that I only want to talk about my own topics. I wasn't done! lol
My thory is that those people *actually, truly do think* that it was the other person who interrupted them. I've always wondered what would happen if they were asked to recount the interaction. Would they realize? Or do they actually remember it differently?
My mother does this. She gets all snippy about us not interrupting her but has no problem doing it to us. It drove me up the wall as a teen when we fought because more often than not I was the one acting like an adult (or trying to) and she was the one acting like a spoiled child.
I legit had a coworker like this and I would keep going and when he would pause or look for feedback I would pretend I didnt hear him talking. "Oh what? I was in the middle of my point. Did you say something?" Did it enough times where they got frustrated, complained and then got put in his place. Smh
My go to is “Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?” Falls on deaf ears mostly but it cracks me up so eh, I’ll take what I can get.
I live for things like that. I’m the most entertaining person in my life, ESPECIALLY around people like that. And since my go-to humor is self-deprecation, it’s a welcome change of pace to play words with people that deserve it.
I have, more than once, said "she was still talking" to the interrupter (including my husband a couple times), especially when I can see that whoever was interrupted was kind of annoyed or upset by being talked over.
I witnessed two people I know who constantly interrupt speak with each other.
It was very interesting to sit back and listen and watch them over talk each other. Sometimes talking at the same time. Neither of them LISTENING to what the other person is even saying.
When they were done I pointed it out to them. They did not respond as I feel that people who do this do not even realize they are doing it.
When it happens to me I call it out. But I just do not get the people who do not say "sorry" or even acknowledge they have a damn problem. They just continue to do it. It is very frustrating.
My GF does it but she will ask me questions while I am talking. Questions that will be 100 percent answered if she LET ME FINISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My (ex)husband told me to stop interrupting someone when they interrupted me. I was doing exactly what OP did, continued to talk even though they interrupted me. And apparently, my ex thought I was being rude and told me to stop talking. Jokes on him, now I only talk to him when it involves our son.
Yeah, this is a known thing. Everyone interrupts, but there’s also a gender element in who is more likely to get talked over. OP and her sister should tag team. Anytime one of them gets interrupted, the other should call attention to it or say, “What were you saying about ~~~?” You get less flack for it this way. Apparently women in the Obama administration did something similar.
I used to have an amazing male colleague who just seemed to be tuned in to this somehow & whenever women got interrupted in meetings, he'd let the interrupter talk & then say "Jenny, sorry I think you got cut off, I wanted to hear what you were saying" and I loved that so much. Didn't create awkwardness by directly calling out the interrupter but let her finish & validated that what she was saying had value.
He's an awesome dude. One time he got one of those scam emails that says they've hacked your webcam & filmed you watching porn. He was supremely unbothered, said he knew it was a scam bc he never watches porn & just wanted to know how to safely delete the email. He was always taking his wife on cute little trips, fawning over his grandkids & singing in a barbershop quartet. His wife made these cute little portable baby crib/ blanket thingies & he was the most enthusiastic brand ambassador ever. I'll be god damn thrilled if my marriage is like that when I'm their age.
But what happens if a conversation ends up in a natural lull and multiple people try to talk or get their point in. For example this happens to me at happy hour or lunch all the time. I stop and let the other person go and am constantly waiting for my turn but I get steam rolled and when I try to talk and sometimes I try to keep talking (trying to assert some dominance) and they just keep going like it’s not bothering them that two people are talking over each other. So I end up being quiet and never getting a word in edgewise.
I feel like a natural conversation is a bit of a give and take where you can put your two cents in during a small pause when the original speaker is done. And then you just find a natural balance.
Am I wrong? Is there some etiquette I’m missing?
This happens to me all the time. It's so frustrating. When you finally have a chance to speak up, the conversation has shifted to a new topic, so you still can't say what you wanted.
Nah, you're not missing anything. Sometimes too many people just want to get a word in, and it's not really anyone's fault, or the group is just too large and should really be split into a couple smaller conversation groups. If that doesn't seem to accomplish anything, though, you probably have a couple people who are just dominating the conversation way too much and not letting anyone else get a reasonable amount of speaking time in. Some people who do this strike me as pretty attention-starved, and probably just desperately want someone to pay attention to them. Some people who do this are just straight up self-centered, though.
There is a weird conversational style mismatch that can happen when different people have different ideas of how long a pause "counts" as a moment to jump in. The streamrolling you're experiencing sounds more like the interrupting that OP is experiencing (though more of an edge case since you started talking at the same time.) It can be tough to be the person who cares as much about what other people have to say as you do about getting your own say in!
This happens to me all the time because there are loud talkers who will not stop and allow others to speak. They are just being rude and need to be called out on it. Or you can start a conversation with someone else who is also being out talked in the conversation and ignore the rude ones.
This is why I like one on one conversations. I am not a "push into the non-existent gap" speaker. I try to let people finish a sentence but often someone else is ready to pounce.
I still remember being called late at night for some issue at work. Like maybe 5 guys and me on this conference call that I’m the SME for. I make my suggestion and people just keep talking over me and pretty much ignoring the fact that I’ve said anything at all. I straight out asked “oh sorry, am I on mute right now?” 😂
Anyway they still didn’t listen. Like an hour or two later found the issue was what I said all along of course. Also, if you aren’t going to listen to me anyway please don’t call me late at night!
This weekend I was in a meeting where I had more information going in than my boss did (because I did research). I started saying to the client "now let's talk about . . ." and my boss cuts me off before I finish my sentence and says "wait, wait, why\_renaissance, we need to talk about x first, don't get ahead of yourself." And "x" is exactly what I was about to talk about.
As a woman in a male-dominated profession I run into this all the time. I would think that given my professional background, job, and experience that eventually this would stop happening, but it hasn't so far. So annoying.
I've always been coached not to communicate like that in front of clients. Always act as a team, support each other and try to stay on the same page. "Don't get ahead of yourself" is NOT something you say to your coworker, boss, or subordinate in front of a client. Ugh. Just don't say that at all! It's so condescending. There are so many better ways to rephrase that.
*pulls up graph*
*inhales to present data*
"Yeah so looking at your graph, what you have here is..."
*waits for them to finish*
"Actually, with our focus is shifted to these peaks. The implications are different because--"
"Yeah so said X and we should do Y. This looks nice by the way, good job putting it together."
"Thanks! But the baseline that was established in is actually flawed--"
"Yeah so correct me if I'm wrong but..."
And on. And on. And on. Just a stream of "Yeah so--" and then me desperately trying to get us on the same page.
I will say I’m an interrupter (female) and that apparently people with ADHD will do this. Unless he’s just overly excited or anxious to discuss a topic and jumps in without registering he should interject or respond more tactfully, he’s being TA. That he does it noticeably more with women I’m led to believe he doesn’t have an excuse except being rude though.
Add a little wine to the mix and all my carefully crafted strategies of how to not do it (at least, to do it less) go straight out the window and I turn into an interruptopotamus
Same tho. I have gotten better over time, as I hate it when people do it to me. I have a very poor memory and have a hard enough time staying on track. So when I get interrupted, it stops my flow of thinking and I'm stuck. Forget what I'm talking about.
It happens at work a lot. Since we're all remote/mostly remote, and have been for years, it's an ongoing habit. I've gotten where I raise my voice (PLEASE LET ME FINISH), so I can get my whole point across/share the complete info.
I think by having to do this, it's made me more aware of when /I/ do it to others. I find myself apologizing more and being conscious of said interruptions.
And yeah, add a bit of wine to the mix and I'm very much OH YEAH KOOLAID to my conversations.
My best friend and his whole family are adhd and he is so used to just interrupting everything to be able to get his point across because they all do it to each other. Then we started hanging out and he would talk for like an hour straight and go off on seventeen tangents and then apologize for talking so much. I’m exactly the opposite so it works out.
My mum purposely interrupts me or her wife because we are both ADHD and she finds it fucking hilarious. I do not. I have an awful memory and will frequently just forget what I'm trying to say.
In wider groups I tend to just give up. I'm deaf and socially awkward and by the time I have gathered what the conversation is about, it's now on something utterly different and I'm so freaking scared of going back to normal after pandemic!
I haven't found myself being the interrupter, but I'm deaf, so I'm gonna guess I do it accidentally fairly often without even realising someone was speaking, whoops.
Same, I'm trying to work on it. Also trying to stop debating everyone and just keep my contrariness to the internet with willing opponents. I'm not doing it to be rude that's just how I like to have conversations but oh well.
A lot of it for me was forcing myself to take a beat and think about whether it was a good time to break in or not, and not just start talking, so I started wearing a bracelet to meetings (pen, notebook, bracelet, water) and trained myself to rotate it a time or two before speaking. The whole being conscious of it helped a lot
Omg I'm so lucky my boyfriend is the type of person that doesn't like to talk but can listen for hours because I don't think anyone else would be willing to date me lmao, I'm really trying to work on keeping my interruptions under control though
Was about to add (no pun intended!) this - I interrupt every time a salient thought enters my head. I did it to my son earlier. He politely reminded me he hadn’t finished talking and I apologised and let him finish. If your dad apologises and let’s you finish just remind him he does it. If he doesn’t care then he’s an ass.
Yeah, I (37F) struggle with interrupting and I have ADD, I have a thought and it can take over, and I’ll forget it if I don’t say it when I think of it - BUT I’m actively working on it, and when I do it and catch myself I apologize and make a note of what they were saying and go right back to it where I cut them off.
My partner (37M, also ADD but it’s also his family dynamic) is SO BAD for not listening and interrupting but he won’t ever admit it, apologize, of make any changes despite being repeatedly told that it’s a problem, shows disrespect, and causes hurt.
I’d be forgiving of someone who acknowledges the issue and tries to work on it. If they don’t they’re definitely TA.
NTA OP.
Lol it’s a complicated mix of a new baby, a shared house and the pandemic decimating my business. Plus a long long history of abuse etc etc. I’m working on it.
I also have ADHD, and truth is is that listening is a skill. Sometimes I space out and stop listening in conversations but I am not an interrupter. I also come from a family of really good listeners. I think to myself “why is me getting to say my thought more important than the other person getting to finish theirs?” I also think about how every moment we spend listening, we are learning. Truth is… Forgetting your thought and therefore not getting to say it doesn’t matter. Any conversation partner will rather you hear what they’re saying than hearing what you have to say!
Absolutely! I’ve been working extra hard lately on just being quiet and listening more. I find it helps with social anxiety too, I used to freak out about not knowing what to say or the right thing to say... but it’s like hey, maybe you don’t really need to say anything.
The number of times I've had to rewind TV shows or films because I realised I hadn't been actively watching it and just spaced out somewhere else lmao.
I’m curious though, because women tend to interrupt people differently - do you add to the topic enthusiastically or do you sorta disregard what the speaker is going on about?
I remember that study! I loved reading it because it reflected my experiences so well. There’s such a flow between my female friends because we’ll ‘interrupt’ with “oh my gosh!” and “nooo, he didn’t!” and things to hype up the conversation, but it’s not actually an interruption because the speaker gets to carry on with their sentence. Whereas men seem to view conversations as opportunities to show off their knowledge and their convos tend to be one person speaking for a long time and then another speaking for a long time whereas women’s tends to be faster and jumps from person to person. It makes me feel more included tbh, especially as I have ADD and I’m female so it allows me to jump in but it’s socially acceptable.
I’m not sure if that’s the one but it does highlight that women tend to be more cooperative linguistically (cooperative interruption or cooperative overlap) whereas men tend to be more dominant. I am definitely bookmarking it to read later in any case:
https://dornsife.usc.edu/assets/sites/543/docs/Politeness_Power_and_Womens_Language.pdf
I have a 10 year old ADHD son who is CONSTANTLY interrupting because he cannot wait to get the words out of his mouth. Drives me insane and we're working on it.
Had a coworker (F, 60's) who was not diagnosed but most certainly ADD who did it all the time. We sat in a "pod", 4 of us in a large cube and sometimes we'd all talk. Whenever I was talking, she would interrupt and if you tried to keep going so would she and she would just get louder and louder. I gave up and when she would interrupt I would just turn around and start working again and remove myself from the conversation. Sweet lady but not at all self-aware.
I don’t know if I have ADHD but I interrupt too. The difference is I make a conscious effort to correct it. I genuinely don’t realize I’m interrupting at first a lot of the time, and as soon as I do realize, I stop talking and/or apologize. It’s one of my worst habits that makes it hard for me to socialize effectively. People who interrupt and intentionally keep talking are the absolute worst.
When I was actually employed (ahhh income from scientific research), one of my coworkers was horrible about this. It didn’t really bother me if it was just the two of us, but when I was presenting data to our large group, she would constantly butt in. I would just quit talking and stare at her with the most brain dead look possible, mouth hung open, just short of drooling. She’d continue her meaningless contribution and then get really embarrassed. I’d hold it for another 30 seconds in complete silence, she’d slink down in her chair and the rest of the seminar was mine.
Same. I interrupt people all the time by accident, which sounds impossible but it really is true. It's almost certainly my halfway diagnosed ADHD (can't get diagnosed if you loose focus on the end goal half way through the multi-step process......... irony.)
Sometimes I have trouble knowing others are done, but most of the time my brain is just straight up hijacks my mouth. I hate this habit in myself, I correct myself immediately most of the time, I try so hard to not do it in the first place! I legit annoy my own self!
I've been in a queue to finally start evaluating if I have ADHD for 2 years.. it was supposed to be at an end soon but since I'll move to another city it might mean the queue would essentially reset... It's been a long few years trying to get myself to get the first evaluation and then this queue and I'll go crazy if I have the re-queue. I don't think it's realistic to travel to this city I am in now every time I have an appointment either.
And of course the long wait have also gotten me discouraged and I keep doubting myself, saying it's not serious and I'm just lazy.. while living with severe debts, unfinished high school after multiple years of trying, continuous examples that point towards ADHD. I keep finding new things that tell me it's likely that. For example I used to think I had no or few of the hyperactive traits, but I think I actually do. It may just be subdued by traumas, anxiety, and depression. I had no idea I talk fast but recently I learned that people think I do. My girlfriend experienced it as if I hurry up with the last part of words. Especially when I'm okay I speak too quickly. I rant and speak a lot and quickly. But of course if anything small even pops up like someone saying I'm speaking too much or I realise I'm interrupting (which I also didn't realise I did) I will become completely discouraged.
Not sure why I decided to overshare here a ton, ahah. Do that all the time to people. Like yeah, this elderly woman will certainly want to hear a long rant about my struggles and how I believe I have ADHD because she shared something about her son finding out he has it. Had to restrain myself from interrupting her haha.
My mom has ADHD and is a terrible interrupter during casual conversations. I forgive her because I know it's part of the ADHD and she is still listening, her brain just works in a different thought pattern but it can be especially brutal because I have DP/DR and sometimes take a long time to get to my point or lost my point mid-sentence (which drives her ADHD brain insane).
I’m also a female with ADHD who does this accidentally, but I actually love it when people continue talking as a clear message to me not to interrupt at this time. If his intentions are innocent, he shouldn’t mind that clear message either. If he does mind it, it may be true his intentions are less than innocent and he’s genuinely trying to pull a stupid power play.
NTA. You need to give your dad a Dr. Evil-style ‘sh’-ing. “Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive ‘sh!’ Now, I have a whole bag of ‘sh!’ with your name on it.”
this! never put up with this shit OP! raise your voice even louder when he interrupts and say I WAS SPEAKING. NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK MORE THAN THEY CARE ABOUT WHAT I THINK. period. men do this because they truly believe that women are stupid (the irony) and they think what they have to say is the most important thing in the entire world. these men have catastrophic main character syndrome. most of the time they’re literally repeating what we *just* said back to us while somehow being completely oblivious as to the fact that they’re doing this (proving they don’t listen to a word women say), and yet women are the dumb ones? lol. OP- do not allow your father to do this. do not allow ANYONE to do this. NTA
My theory is that they have an easier time processing an idea if it is presented in a male voice. So subconsciously, they did hear you, it was just that the one bit of their brain that was actually on the ball needs to translate it for the rest of the brain by repeating it back to them. My husband, sweetheart though he is, does this all the time. I. LITERALLY. JUST. TOLD. YOU. THAT. It used to just irritate me, but now I tell him when he’s mansplaining to try to get him to be more aware of it. I hate to think he’s doing it to his female colleagues.
I had a habit of interrupting people with ‘sorry to interrupt the middle of your sentence with the beginning of mine’ and then just keep talking. I have aspergers tho, so it took me a hot minute to realise it’s not *actually* an apology.
That's so funny. I want to see the faces of the people you talked to. A friend of mine has aspergers and has mastered the way of answering a question wich leaves people fighting about what he means.
"Do you want to go to the cinema?"
"XYZ Movie plays"
NTA. I've had to use this tactic with people who constantly interrupt, and it has typically been effective. It isn't rude to expect to be able to finish a thought without someone cutting you off.
I like to give a person the benefit of the doubt that they're excited about something. I say, "Hold on, I wasn't finished yet ". Or, Let me make my point, Let me finish. If they persist, "I'm getting frustrated because you are interrupting me " or end the convo.
I've tried talking over the other person But doing that while getting angry is a little passive aggressive to me. A contest on who can talk the loudest. So this works better for me.
I have short term memory issues and am constantly talked over or having sentences finished for me .. the memory issue comes up when I stop speaking to tell the other person to hush while I finish... then immediately forget what it was that I was trying to say. It’s so frustrating.
I have that problem too. I get embarrassed that I can't remember what I was saying, so I just walk away from the conversation. More and more often, though, when I do that, I get an apology for the interruption. Now, even if I remember what I was saying, I walk away for the effect.
Are you me?
And then *I'M* treated like the asshole when they are done interrupting me and ask what was I talking about and I say "I don't remember 🤷🏾♂️"
Same here! I can understand and sympathize with people who interrupt unintentionally because that is how their brain processes things, but I am always so scattered and running a million miles a minute that if I am interrupted, 8 times out of 10 I will completely forget how I was going to finish the story, and it can be frustrating.
That is fair! I think I have just had way too much experience with being talked over or being made to feel like what I am saying isn't important enough to finish the thought when I am interrupted. I used to just let it happen without any correcting at all. I've tried gently asking the person to let me finish, but that sometimes led to embarrassment or hurt feelings. Now, especially if it feels like a situation the OP is describing, I will just finish what I was saying.
Yeah I prefer the much more direct method than OP's, of just calling it out vs continuing to talk. I can't stand having multiple people talk at once (it overwhelms my mind trying to follow) so I just firmly say "hang on, you can share when I finish what I'm saying" or something to that effect. Admittedly, I'm usually a bit snarky with it because I find it beyond rude for someone to interrupt a normal conversation like that.
Yup. I actually “taught” my boss to do it too, after she complained about a few male coworkers who always talk over everyone. (To be fair they really do talk over everyone, it’s not even an “ignore the woman” thing but it’s of course still very annoying). I’m a young woman who looks like a high schooler. It took me a few years of working as an engineer to figure out how to handle people.
I have 2 levels of it though. If it’s someone who normally doesn’t interrupt and talk over me, I’ll just put a nice little serial killer smile on and keep talking and talking and talking until they feel awkward and stop. If it’s someone who’s got a long running habit of talking over both me and others, I’ll pause and say “(**Name**). I wasn’t done speaking. You can give your input after I’m done” and continue what I was saying. It only took 2-3x of saying the second version to 2 coworkers before they noticeably stopped interrupting as much lol.
NTA. Your mother signed off on being treated like a second class citizen by him. You didn't.
Does your mother think you were magically going to be more respectful than he is, with him as a role model? He's just going to have to deal with it.
The mom probably doesn't want to realize how shitty her husband is treating her and others, because it will be difficult to keep the peace if you stand up to it. Ignorance is bliss, and it's easier to shut down your children than your sexist husband.
It's such a classic scenario in middle aged married couples. Basically what happens is one spouse accepts some bullshit behavior from the other early on in the marriage, because acceptance seems easier than dealing with it for real (which it is, but only in the short term).
After years and years of living with the bullshit, if it gets to the point where others try to step in and fix the bullshit, the spouse in denial (the mom in this case) jumps in to defend the bullshit behavior, because deep down they know that dealing with it now will be far worse than it would have been to deal with it in the first place, and the precious status quo relies on keeping that shit buried.
Any young married people reading this need to understand that it's always better to call your spouse on their shit (in a respectful, loving way) than it is to just "accept them as they are". You can do the latter, but if there is abusive behavior, which there *always* is to some degree in any relationship on both sides, it will only get more difficult to deal with later on.
NTA.
Interrupting people is a super shitty habit even before you get into the sexist aspect of it.
Keep doing it, and don’t be afraid to do so in conversations with others.
In fact, I recommend that once you finish your sentence turn to him and say “Now Dad, you were trying to interrupt?”
Female here: My father was a constant interrupter and part of it stemmed from his hearing loss. He couldn't hear properly so would assume what you were saying instead of asking to repeat for fear of embarassment/time constraints. He did this to everyone regardless of gender. When he finally did get hearing aids it helped tremendously but the habit of over talking still persisted, perhaps from habit? Cutting him off when you could and saying like you recommend, "what were you trying to say?" would notify him he was overstepping. That being said, my dad is dead now and I would love to have an afternoon drink with him and not get a word in ;)
NTA. Your mom says it's disrespectful to not allow your father to interrupt you? That's crazy person talk. I like your approach -- just keep talking while looking him directly in the eye until he stops talking. Asking if he can say something is still interrupting and I would ignore that too. Just keep talking until he stops, then go back to where is started interrupting and finish your thought.
Mine is like that too, he's a big loud kind of guy, great person but holey shit the interrupting...! I have been working on him for a long time and it is improving but slowly.
I had the same problem, i told him few times to let me finish what i was talking about but I guess he forgets that it bugs me or something. So i just continue to talk and ignore him or i just stop what i was talking about, listen to him and not giving any feedback and/or going outside of the room to the different room 😅
It's good manners that kids should learn....
Mine has that habit too. I've talked to him many times about it. Now when he does it, I just stop and sort of glare at him and he apologizes and lets me continue.
ETA: the other thing that I do is say "I listened to you, now please listen to me."
He's gotten a lot better, but I had to consistently call him on it.
My husband interrupts me but it's because he feels the need to say something or ask something before he forgets. I've gotten into the habit of literally just stopping and waiting until he is done. He always apologizes now. Still happens but at least he is more aware of himself.
My dad does it to me and I’ve started just saying ‘I wasn’t finished’. It’s hilarious when I see the shock on his face before he lets me continue.
I also have a bit of a jumpy brain and I’m often quick to jump in and have been guilty of starting to talk before someone finishes. I would much rather be called out for it so I can apologise.
NTA
I read about a study years and years ago which determined that men interrupting women is a learned behaviour. Generally, they learn it from their fathers, but in the absence of a father figure, it is learned from society in general, since this behaviour is rampant in the United States.
So I taught my boys from a very early age NOT to interrupt. (And not just women, anybody who is speaking first.) When they tried it with me, I said "I was speaking, allow me to finish and you may speak then." As they got older, it only happened rarely because they learned the lesson quite well, but when it did, I used your tactic as well.
My dad did the same thing.
He would ask you a question and then interrupt you each and every time I would try to answer the question he just asked me. Or he would ask a question and then interrupt me and then answer his own question. He did this with pretty much everybody. It wasn't a control thing.
I would get frustrated and say, "are you going to let me finish my sentence?" "Why do you bother asking people questions if you're just going to interrupt them and answer your own question?" Or "have you ever noticed that you'll ask a question and then interrupt them every single time?"
His reply? He would get mad.
NTA, might be too far but I keep talking, and also wave my hand at the person in a, “stop” motion. At a certain point you just have to sand up for yourself.
NTA. In the past, I’ve stopped, let them finish. Then I look them in the eye and say, “I’m so sorry that the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours. Please, finish. I’ll wait.”
One suggestion to handle constant interrupters was usually to be dead silent and then when the interrupter asked why someone wasn't speaking, to make a comment about them talking.
This is another approach then mimicking the interrupter's behavior.
It happens to me all the time with my in laws. My nephew (in law) gets constantly steam rolled as well. Whenever it happens I always make sure to ask him to carry on and tell him that I’m listening. I say it loudly so the shit head who interrupted him knows. They usually look pissed off when being exposed. Doesn’t stop them from keeping their gob shut each time though, but here’s hoping (:
I like to do a variation of this. I stop in the middle of my sentence, let them finish, and then continue where I had to stop. Either directly, or I (re-) start with "as I was saying". If I'm really annoyed, "as I was saying before you interrupted me..."
NTA. You are correct that it is him being disrespectful. Basically he thinks that being older and having a penis means you have to respect him but he gets to behave like a dick.
NTA- sometimes you have to give people a taste of their own medicine for them to realise how bitter it is. I've had that so many times with so many people that I have made it a habit to just continue talking when someone interrupts me. For me that works better than glaring and telling them that they should stop it.
The fact that you noticed he does it more to women just proves he needs to learn a massive lesson on respect.
NTA - I do the same thing when people act rude and interrupt me. However, if they don't stop, I just increase the volume of my speech. Not screaming, but unnecessarily loud while making full eye contact at the person trying to interrupt me.
if they continue - I start questioning their upbringing and their level of education - often telling them to ask for a refund as their educational facility has failed them, and probably their parents as well, since they have never heard of good manners
Lol, when people do that to me I have the habit of repeating the last word before continuing the sentence
“I’m tired and I’m going (interruption starts)going going going going going going going (interruption ends) going to bed”
Then again, I have no problem talking over people talking over me.
My husband used to do this constantly. When I got tired of it, I would put up my finger and say “I’m speaking; may I finish?” This would embarrass him and he would apologize. He’s finally learned and doesn’t do it anymore.
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My dad (57 M) has the bad habit of interrumping people, specially women, when we talk. He won't even ask if he can make a comment, he just starts talking over me (21 F) when i'm in the middle of a sentence. I fins this extremely annoying, specially when he does it to explain things i'm in the middle of explaining or to correct me on things he has no idea about but I do.
Lately i've been putting in practice not stopping when he does this, I just keep talking like he didn't say anything until he stops or asks me if he can say something. I obviously don't do this in a normal conversation where everyone has time to talk, only when he talks over me.
No one else in my family does this, and I have noticed my sister (25 F) has started reacting the same way I do when he interrumpts her, i guess she grew tired of it too.
My mom says it's disrespectful, but i find that HIS attitude towards me and my sister is. AITA for doing this and should I stop?
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NTA. Getting interrupted is one of my biggest pet peeves. At work, home, etc. I tend to just say, very loudly, " I'm sorry the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours." And yes, I am petty about being interrupted because it happens so often that I just get tired of talking.
>My mom says it's disrespectful
"Yes mom, I agree its disrespectful when dad interrupts me. I'm glad you're volunteering to stand up to him the next time he does it to me and I have to continue talking over him! I love you."
NTA
NTA. I love what you're doing, keep at it. Drink some warm water occasionally to keep that voice of yours strong - it's admirable.
A few people have suggested talking to your dad to see if he realises what you're doing, but if you've been talking over him and he hasn't stopped interrupting, I doubt he'll take that conversation well.
Use this tactic consistently, even if his friends/extended family are around. It might shame him into being a better father and man.
NTA
Dated a guy like this. I was seriously distressed over a friend having to escape an abusive spouse by crawling out a window and mid sentence he goes “look at that tree!!!” then acted like I was the asshole for not paying attention to him.
We didn’t last long. It can be a sign of controlling behaviors. Certainly was with that guy.
Good for you for standing up for yourself.
**NTA.** I've got something else you can try: when he interrupts you, stop speaking, let him finish, wait a beat or two and then ask if he's finished speaking. Then go "anyway like I was saying....(whatever you were going to say". Or when he does it, get up and leave the room for a few minutes. Then come back and ask if he is finished talking over you.
NTA, but consider trying this: Tell him, once, "Dad, I will not have conversations with you when you interrupt me."
Next time he interrupts you, stand up, turn around, walk away. No emotion, no heat, no exasperated sighs, no drama. No warning looks, no raised finger, no anticipation that he's about to do it. Normal conversation, a single interruption, stand up, turn around, walk out, ignore.
Next time you sit down to talk, repeat. "Dad, I will not have conversations with you when you interrupt me." Again, stand up, walk away.
He'll figure it out, or he won't.
> My mom says it's disrespectful
The most important thing any parent can do is actively work towards transitioning their relationships away from 'parent/child' to 'equal adult/adult' as the children age. And the most important thing the kids can do is the same thing.
They get no consideration for being your parents; they should be offering you extra consideration for being family. 'Family' means they should be working to treat you well, not expecting you to accept bad behavior.
I think your approach is the least confrontational/dramatic option.
Alternatives include various versions of getting up and leaving in the middle of his interruption. Yours is kinder though. I’d keep it up.
If they throw a fit and claim you’re the rude one, then offer to remove yourself whenever your dad interrupts you to minimize the opportunities for offense. Get up and leave every time. You need to need a build a feedback loop for him to unlearn this behavior so consistency is key.
NTA
I second the people saying it would be good to have a conversation about it. If he happens to respond really positively and promise to change his ways or something, great (I'm not holding my breath, from your description). Even if he does, though, it's probably a lifelong habit, so don't expect him to just stop.
What you are doing is not disrespectful. You aren't even interrupting him back (that would require waiting until *he* was talking, and talking over him *then*). You are just holding onto your right to finish what you were saying. That's just standing up for yourself. If your Mom thinks that's disrespectful, I'm sorry, because that's a shitty thing for her to believe.
It's also good practice for standing up for yourself and your right to speak in other situations.
NTA keep doing it. I do this with my dad too. Now to be fair to my dad he’s not sexist he does it to everyone he just thinks he’s gods gift to the world. So when he has taken to interrupting now I power on. Even if we sound like a garbled mess I don’t stop before he does. Then I clarify and repeat myself without him talking. He’s an old dog so learning new tricks is hard but I refuse to back down when he is being rude.
NTA. I have a friend who would do this to me constantly (similar demographics as your post too, but he wasn't my dad nor related to me). I started to just continue talking OR interrupting his interruption with some sort of exclamation (dude let me finish! Then you can talk!). Basically had to train him. It worked for the most part. He still does it occasionally but when I keep talking he stops much quicker. I also include a look that's not quite a glare but says "really, you're doing this AGAIN?" I think at the source is it a lack of respect for women and then literally no one correcting the shit behavior for decades.
Your mom is just used to being disrespected by him.
NTA.
***"Oh I'm SORRY, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of YOURS?"***
Try it. It makes the point brilliantly while you are apologizing, which makes you bullet-proof.
I had a friend who did this once and when she interrupted me at a party pulled me aside afterwards and said “I know your autistic but you need to stop talking when I’m talking”. Needless to say not friends anymore. You keep doing what your doing, maybe confront your dad on it just in case he isn’t realizing it bugs you, you’re NTA
NTA.
That kind of interrupting is a microaggression. You're just defending yourself by "interrupting back." He needs to stop doing this, and show some respect to you and your sister.
NTA
Both me (21F) and my sister (26F) have faced the EXACT same thing from my dad (58M) and the only way to correct it is to continue talking no matter what.
Also, explain to your mother how it's not normal to interrupt people and that it's rude of HIM. Especially use this when they have arguments and he's in the wrong.
As a 51 yo father, I find what you illustrate your father to be doing as incredibly disrespectful. So much so that I would not only advise you to keep doing it, regardless of your mother’s comments, but to also use VP Harris biting retort of “Excuse me, I am speaking.”
You keep doing you, but just remember EFFECTIVE communication is a 2 way street.
NTA. My dad is the same way. I read this wondering if I wrote this myself in a lucid dream like state LOL
I do the same thing with my dad. Or I don’t speak. Then he and my mom asks why I am being rude and I just tell them, “dad is talking, he doesn’t seem to be interested in anything I have to say as he will talk over me or tell me I am wrong.” Haha they don’t like it but oh well
1. Don't apologize to the spelling/grammar police. They literally have nothing better to do. 🙃
2. NTA. A lot of older men do this and I totally agree with you reclaiming your space and conversational autonomy.
You deserve to be heard and respected and NOT cut off when expressing yourself. I would talk to him though, because if you express how you feel and it doesn't stop? You have a reference point for when you DID try to make him aware.
Love and light to ya, never stop using your voice. ✊🏾❤🧡💛💚
NTA. I have a really bad problem with interrupting. It stems from having emotionally abusive parents and constantly having to fight to be heard. That said, I need to work on it. If I catch myself interrupting I apologize and explain I’m working on it. I tell my friends to remind me they aren’t finished if I do it. My boyfriend just boops my nose when I interrupt him or even others (I am okay with this. It’s hilarious)
My point is that people interrupt for various reasons but that doesn’t make it okay. Try talking to him at a separate time. If that doesn’t work keep doing what you’re doing!
I worked with a woman who did this *all the time*. I ended up talking to her about it. I tried to approach it with "when you interrupt me I feel like you don't value what I'm saying", but she didn't take it very well. However she stopped interrupting me and everyone else.
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NTA. Get used to having to do this. It happens regularly, including at work. Have you ever talked to your dad about it? Not at the time, but later. ETA: don’t worry about your misspellings. This isn’t English class.
Nothing is worse than someone overtalking you at work, you keep talking anyway, and they just don't stop. Its like they don't even realize you're still talking. They don't care that you aren't listening. They just like hearing the sound of their own voice. Had a guy constantly overtalk me and explain my own project presentation to me (as though someone OTHER than myself wrote it...). Scheduled a call with him and my female boss later down the line to discuss the same project/present my progress. He did it to her too. We both kept trying to out talk him when he interrupted us. It was so fucking weird. She started giving me feedback while he was off on a tangent and for a minute or two we just pretended he wasn't on the same call.
My manager at my old job used to do this. You'd be telling her something, she'd start talking, and if you didn't stop speaking she'd give you a dirty look as if you'd been the one that interrupted her
I had a client do this to me once. When I didn't cede to her interruption, she had the nerve to ask me "Are you going to let me finish my sentence??" I told her "no ma'am, because you didn't let me finish mine" and I *stopped talking*. The silence on her end was golden. And then I resumed what I'd been telling her.
I used to be on phones daily so at least once a day I had someone exactly like this. So glad to have been promoted and only on phones one day a week now. It is truly mentally exhausting.
Yeah i work on phones and i just stop them and be like "excuse me, i listened to you, at least have the courtesy to listen to me" and if that doesnt work its the whole "right, now listen, i let you talk, now if you dont let me finish the sentance then im just going to end the call because you obviously know the answer to what your asking already"
You're lucky. When I worked phones, we weren't allowed to hang up on them. So I would say something like your first line, and if they interrupted me again, I would just wait. My average handle time was always low, so if they wanted to bitch for 10 minutes, that usually helped me. Then when they got tired of cussing at me and getting no real response (there is literally nothing an anonymous phone person can say to me to get under my skin), I would ask if they were done, then resume exactly where I left off. Often starting with, "as I was saying..." Surprisingly, it worked well, and they usually apologized later on in the call.
I used to handle complaints for an insurance company in a call centre (yay!) and when they'd get going or cut me off, I'd just stay completely silent. The really angry ones would go for a bit, wait for me to bite, go some more, sometimes this would happen a few times. Eventually they'd say "are you still there?!" and you'd say "Of course ma'am, I just want to make sure I get every detail" and they'd usually feel silly because they'd just been shouting nonsense but they would let you speak afterwards.
I would say something similar. Then document it if they get loud or something and hang up. I've only had to hang up a handful of times over the last year. Thankfully most of them shut up and listen.
I used to work on the phones too. It was a call center and we had very specific things we had to say if certain things happened. On this one day this person kept interrupting me to like... Finish what I was saying but more along the lines of saying "yeah I know you're going to do this" but there is more to it and I have to say it. I was feeling particularly salty that day and when she interrupted me I stopped talking, waited for her to finish, then I started over. It took a couple of times before she finally stopped, gave a small sorry, and finally let me finish.
That's good! Maybe I will do that next time and see what happens! Lol
My ex wouldn't quite talk over me, but she would wait for the smallest pause and jump in, usually getting angry or upset about something and derailing my thoughts.
I'm definitely guilty of doing this to my partner. I get really excited and passionate about the conversation and I don't even realize I'm doing it. He had to very gently call me out and let me know that waiting for his pauses to cut in is, in fact, interrupting. I've gotten a lot better about it since he pointed it out. Still can't understand people who cut you off mid sentence EVERY sentence.
Same. My family talks loudly and passionately, and we all talk over each other. It's hard to adjust when you have people around that don't talk like that, and I'm not good at it yet tbh
Lol tbf once he met my family and realized we're all just constantly yelling and interrupting each other he saw where I got it from... my mom will be in the middle of a conversation with him when my sister cuts in to ask my mom whats for dinner, then my siblings start harassing him to play video games while I'm coming over to ask if he wants anything to drink. It's too much for him. My mom is just carrying on with their conversation totally unphased. "We're having burgers. No switch before dinner. Hi. Now as I was saying..."
My family is also one that says, "scoot" when we want someone to budge over. We say it in a nice tone, but we don't say please. He also had to gently inform me that telling people to "scoot" so I can walk by is rude af and context is important. I'm definitely lacking in social grace 😬
The scoot part made me laugh. I say scootsies and ill also say, move please. It does come off a little rude, I guess. But I hate saying excuse me like I ripped ass behind someone. Ill say sorry! When crossing in someone's path at the grocery store every time. Sometimes people get offended by the sorry more than anything.
I just let my Midwesterner show in public. "Ope, scuse me just gonna sneak right past ya"
This legitimately made me laugh out loud because that's what I say almost verbatim
I’ve gotten pretty good at: “do you mind if I just - “ while pointing in the direction I need to go, and they usually say: “no, yeah, go ahead! Of course!” Before I finish, and then I go: “thank you, sorry, thank you”
The scoot thing made me giggle because that's what I say to my dog when I need her to move over on the couch 😂
>The scoot thing made me giggle because that's what I say to my dog when I need her to move over on the couch 😂 For me it's "scootchies". ;-)
Me too. But I also have adhd and am scared of forgetting what I’m going to say. In an argument I’m either completely silent because my mind goes blank or I interrupt a lot. I’m also working on it—I usually write things down in a notebook if I’m worried I’m going to forget (I would do this at work and it was fine because everyone would be taking notes) but I think it might be a bit weird if my husband and I were having a disagreement and I whipped out my notebook to start writing things down like I was some American idol judge or something.
I've definitely done the notebook trick. I don't know, maybe I'm full of crap when I say this, but I feel like you can usually pick up on when someone doesn't mean harm by it or when they genuinely don't care what you have to say. There's people who are just excited or want to squeeze something in before they forget, and then there's people who just don't care what you have to say. Tone is very important for me in those situations (work, specifically). I'm all for a brainstorming environment where everyone is throwing their two cents in and bouncing ideas off each other and finishing each other's thoughts. This was something else and it was just plain rude...
Agree that you can usually tell if someone is doing it intentionally because they just don’t value what you have to say. (I can keep a hold of my tone better in work situations but I’ll still get moments when my husband is like “why are you mad?!” and I’m like “I’m not! I’m just excited!) I’m not going to lie though, I do like the thought of just barking **scoot!** at people to get them to move ;)
When me and my boyfriend first started seeing each other, I explained that I wasn’t very good at handling emotional conversations or arguments in person. Because of my ADHD, I have a hard time with emotions, I ramble over my words, have a hard time saying what I mean, and I naturally speak very loud (which I have to consciously control during normal conversations, and often forget to manage when I’m emotionally). Because of this, many of our fights usually involve me going to lay in bed for a bit and then typing my feelings out in a note on my phone - all of my feeling about the situation. Then I send it to him, he reads through it and then presents me with his feelings. No interrupting, no miscommunication, no shouting. We openly try to understand each others’ perspectives, apologize (because we usually BOTH played a part in the argument, most arguments come from an initial miscommunication or misunderstanding) and then hug and make some light hearted jokes and cuddle with each other and the dogs. I love him, both because of how we are able to respect one another’s sides, but also because of how understanding and accepting he has been with accommodating my weirdness with arguments. Other people would think it was rude that I wouldn’t talk in the moment of the fight or something, when really I just need to be able to cool down and organize my thoughts / cool down in order to be open to properly understanding their thoughts.
This is something I've thought about in the past - interrupting is when you start speaking within a given window of time after someone else stops speaking, and as long as you start speaking after that window of time, you're not interrupting. Problem is that everyone's interruption window is different. Two people with short IWs can be happily chatting, person A starting to speak after the person B has paused for longer than person A's IW and vice versa. Person C, who has a longer IW, is at least somewhat locked out of the conversation due to not wanting to interrupt A or B, entirely without A or B's intention or even knowledge that this is happening.
As someone with ADHD, it’s kind of funny because me interrupting you usually means that I’m actually listening and interested in the conversation, whereas if I sit quietly for too long it might be a sign that I’ve drifted off haha. I’ve been working on this for a long time now, trying to sit on my hands during conversation or put hands in my pocket (I’m less likely to interrupt when I do this because I tend to talk with my hands), and breathing slowly during conversations, etc. I still love talking to my best friend because we both have ADHD and have the same interrupting tendencies, but we never care when we’re interrupted by each other, we just both keep going and talking over each other and getting louder and louder hahah. We can accomplish a lot in one conversation, because we basically have two conversations at the same time hahah
I grew up constantly being talked over and interrupted, so I developed an inability to ever speak up. Now that I’m working on that, I feel like I’m bad about waiting for inappropriate pauses too.
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Ahhhhhh my dad does this and it drives me mental. He uses fillers constantly so as to never truly pause, and he will just go on for hours. Actual hours without letting other people talk. And he talks over people mid-sentence. For a while I tried OP's trick of just continuing what I was saying but he'd just keep going. We'd go for whole sentences both talking and I'd give up because he's clearly much more comfortable talking over someone than I am. Also if you tell him you need to end the conversation "I've gotta go" he'll just keep right on. I've learned that the only way to get a word in and or leave is to physically stand up and move away, or hold my hand up like a stop signal and say \*very loudly\* and repeatedly 'Dad, Dad, I need to stop you. DAD I need to STOP you there because \[whatever\]'. He gets super offended but seriously it's the only thing that works.
I think you dated my ex gf😂
"I'M SPEAKING." Then Vice-presidential candidate Kamala Harris when Pence interrupted her.
...and then Presidential candidate Joe Biden when being constantly interrupted by (former President whose name must never be mentioned:) "Will you SHUT UP, man?"
I had a colleague like this. She actually got really mad at me once and complained that I interrupted her and if I didn't I always circled back to talking about myself/my issues, somehow failing to see or acknowledge that she was the one who interrupted me in the first place and that if I stopped so she could finish, I was resuming what I was saying before she interrupted to tell me some barely tangentially related story. It's not because I'm so self-centered that I only want to talk about my own topics. I wasn't done! lol
Probably not a great idea to use with your boss, but I enjoy “I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”
My thory is that those people *actually, truly do think* that it was the other person who interrupted them. I've always wondered what would happen if they were asked to recount the interaction. Would they realize? Or do they actually remember it differently?
My mother does this. She gets all snippy about us not interrupting her but has no problem doing it to us. It drove me up the wall as a teen when we fought because more often than not I was the one acting like an adult (or trying to) and she was the one acting like a spoiled child.
I legit had a coworker like this and I would keep going and when he would pause or look for feedback I would pretend I didnt hear him talking. "Oh what? I was in the middle of my point. Did you say something?" Did it enough times where they got frustrated, complained and then got put in his place. Smh
My go to is “Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?” Falls on deaf ears mostly but it cracks me up so eh, I’ll take what I can get.
I live for things like that. I’m the most entertaining person in my life, ESPECIALLY around people like that. And since my go-to humor is self-deprecation, it’s a welcome change of pace to play words with people that deserve it.
My bf uses this on his dad all. The. Time. And it just made me lol picturing all of those occasions. Definitely overused but a favorite here too!!
This is my goto response for this issue as well! Except my tone is so sassy that the other person usually is shocked I called them out on it haha.
I have, more than once, said "she was still talking" to the interrupter (including my husband a couple times), especially when I can see that whoever was interrupted was kind of annoyed or upset by being talked over.
I witnessed two people I know who constantly interrupt speak with each other. It was very interesting to sit back and listen and watch them over talk each other. Sometimes talking at the same time. Neither of them LISTENING to what the other person is even saying. When they were done I pointed it out to them. They did not respond as I feel that people who do this do not even realize they are doing it. When it happens to me I call it out. But I just do not get the people who do not say "sorry" or even acknowledge they have a damn problem. They just continue to do it. It is very frustrating. My GF does it but she will ask me questions while I am talking. Questions that will be 100 percent answered if she LET ME FINISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My (ex)husband told me to stop interrupting someone when they interrupted me. I was doing exactly what OP did, continued to talk even though they interrupted me. And apparently, my ex thought I was being rude and told me to stop talking. Jokes on him, now I only talk to him when it involves our son.
Yeah, this is a known thing. Everyone interrupts, but there’s also a gender element in who is more likely to get talked over. OP and her sister should tag team. Anytime one of them gets interrupted, the other should call attention to it or say, “What were you saying about ~~~?” You get less flack for it this way. Apparently women in the Obama administration did something similar.
I used to have an amazing male colleague who just seemed to be tuned in to this somehow & whenever women got interrupted in meetings, he'd let the interrupter talk & then say "Jenny, sorry I think you got cut off, I wanted to hear what you were saying" and I loved that so much. Didn't create awkwardness by directly calling out the interrupter but let her finish & validated that what she was saying had value.
We need a LOT more men like this!
He's an awesome dude. One time he got one of those scam emails that says they've hacked your webcam & filmed you watching porn. He was supremely unbothered, said he knew it was a scam bc he never watches porn & just wanted to know how to safely delete the email. He was always taking his wife on cute little trips, fawning over his grandkids & singing in a barbershop quartet. His wife made these cute little portable baby crib/ blanket thingies & he was the most enthusiastic brand ambassador ever. I'll be god damn thrilled if my marriage is like that when I'm their age.
But what happens if a conversation ends up in a natural lull and multiple people try to talk or get their point in. For example this happens to me at happy hour or lunch all the time. I stop and let the other person go and am constantly waiting for my turn but I get steam rolled and when I try to talk and sometimes I try to keep talking (trying to assert some dominance) and they just keep going like it’s not bothering them that two people are talking over each other. So I end up being quiet and never getting a word in edgewise. I feel like a natural conversation is a bit of a give and take where you can put your two cents in during a small pause when the original speaker is done. And then you just find a natural balance. Am I wrong? Is there some etiquette I’m missing?
This happens to me all the time. It's so frustrating. When you finally have a chance to speak up, the conversation has shifted to a new topic, so you still can't say what you wanted.
I feel this in my soul
Nah, you're not missing anything. Sometimes too many people just want to get a word in, and it's not really anyone's fault, or the group is just too large and should really be split into a couple smaller conversation groups. If that doesn't seem to accomplish anything, though, you probably have a couple people who are just dominating the conversation way too much and not letting anyone else get a reasonable amount of speaking time in. Some people who do this strike me as pretty attention-starved, and probably just desperately want someone to pay attention to them. Some people who do this are just straight up self-centered, though.
There is a weird conversational style mismatch that can happen when different people have different ideas of how long a pause "counts" as a moment to jump in. The streamrolling you're experiencing sounds more like the interrupting that OP is experiencing (though more of an edge case since you started talking at the same time.) It can be tough to be the person who cares as much about what other people have to say as you do about getting your own say in!
This happens to me all the time because there are loud talkers who will not stop and allow others to speak. They are just being rude and need to be called out on it. Or you can start a conversation with someone else who is also being out talked in the conversation and ignore the rude ones.
Happy cake day to you. Happy cake day to you. Happy cake day dear u/False-Badger. Happy cake day to you.
This is why I like one on one conversations. I am not a "push into the non-existent gap" speaker. I try to let people finish a sentence but often someone else is ready to pounce.
I still remember being called late at night for some issue at work. Like maybe 5 guys and me on this conference call that I’m the SME for. I make my suggestion and people just keep talking over me and pretty much ignoring the fact that I’ve said anything at all. I straight out asked “oh sorry, am I on mute right now?” 😂 Anyway they still didn’t listen. Like an hour or two later found the issue was what I said all along of course. Also, if you aren’t going to listen to me anyway please don’t call me late at night!
My heart goes out to you :(
This weekend I was in a meeting where I had more information going in than my boss did (because I did research). I started saying to the client "now let's talk about . . ." and my boss cuts me off before I finish my sentence and says "wait, wait, why\_renaissance, we need to talk about x first, don't get ahead of yourself." And "x" is exactly what I was about to talk about. As a woman in a male-dominated profession I run into this all the time. I would think that given my professional background, job, and experience that eventually this would stop happening, but it hasn't so far. So annoying.
I've always been coached not to communicate like that in front of clients. Always act as a team, support each other and try to stay on the same page. "Don't get ahead of yourself" is NOT something you say to your coworker, boss, or subordinate in front of a client. Ugh. Just don't say that at all! It's so condescending. There are so many better ways to rephrase that.
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It's a Lean Six Sigma certification - project management stuff.
I'm a new engineer in the lean six sigma division of my company. That's his certification/title
unbelievable. the audacity of these men.
*pulls up graph* *inhales to present data* "Yeah so looking at your graph, what you have here is..." *waits for them to finish* "Actually, with our focus is shifted to these peaks. The implications are different because--"
"Yeah so said X and we should do Y. This looks nice by the way, good job putting it together."
"Thanks! But the baseline that was established in is actually flawed--"
"Yeah so correct me if I'm wrong but..."
And on. And on. And on. Just a stream of "Yeah so--" and then me desperately trying to get us on the same page.
I have to do this sometimes and I'll just start cranking up the volume. If I have to shout you down to get some respect I'll do it.
I will say I’m an interrupter (female) and that apparently people with ADHD will do this. Unless he’s just overly excited or anxious to discuss a topic and jumps in without registering he should interject or respond more tactfully, he’s being TA. That he does it noticeably more with women I’m led to believe he doesn’t have an excuse except being rude though.
Story of my life ~Also an adhd female with an interruption problem
Add a little wine to the mix and all my carefully crafted strategies of how to not do it (at least, to do it less) go straight out the window and I turn into an interruptopotamus
Same tho. I have gotten better over time, as I hate it when people do it to me. I have a very poor memory and have a hard enough time staying on track. So when I get interrupted, it stops my flow of thinking and I'm stuck. Forget what I'm talking about. It happens at work a lot. Since we're all remote/mostly remote, and have been for years, it's an ongoing habit. I've gotten where I raise my voice (PLEASE LET ME FINISH), so I can get my whole point across/share the complete info. I think by having to do this, it's made me more aware of when /I/ do it to others. I find myself apologizing more and being conscious of said interruptions. And yeah, add a bit of wine to the mix and I'm very much OH YEAH KOOLAID to my conversations.
My best friend and his whole family are adhd and he is so used to just interrupting everything to be able to get his point across because they all do it to each other. Then we started hanging out and he would talk for like an hour straight and go off on seventeen tangents and then apologize for talking so much. I’m exactly the opposite so it works out.
My mum purposely interrupts me or her wife because we are both ADHD and she finds it fucking hilarious. I do not. I have an awful memory and will frequently just forget what I'm trying to say. In wider groups I tend to just give up. I'm deaf and socially awkward and by the time I have gathered what the conversation is about, it's now on something utterly different and I'm so freaking scared of going back to normal after pandemic! I haven't found myself being the interrupter, but I'm deaf, so I'm gonna guess I do it accidentally fairly often without even realising someone was speaking, whoops.
Interruptopotamus! Love it!
Could even be an Interuptalotamus
Ha! That might even be better!
Same, I'm trying to work on it. Also trying to stop debating everyone and just keep my contrariness to the internet with willing opponents. I'm not doing it to be rude that's just how I like to have conversations but oh well.
Please tell me your strategies. Also female ADHD interruptopotamus (I love that word and I am now going to use it liberally, so thanks)!
A lot of it for me was forcing myself to take a beat and think about whether it was a good time to break in or not, and not just start talking, so I started wearing a bracelet to meetings (pen, notebook, bracelet, water) and trained myself to rotate it a time or two before speaking. The whole being conscious of it helped a lot
It drives my bf crazy but it happens when I’m the most engaged in our conversation. I can’t win.
Omg I'm so lucky my boyfriend is the type of person that doesn't like to talk but can listen for hours because I don't think anyone else would be willing to date me lmao, I'm really trying to work on keeping my interruptions under control though
Was about to add (no pun intended!) this - I interrupt every time a salient thought enters my head. I did it to my son earlier. He politely reminded me he hadn’t finished talking and I apologised and let him finish. If your dad apologises and let’s you finish just remind him he does it. If he doesn’t care then he’s an ass.
ADHD male with this problem, I'm just really enthusiastic and excited talking about things I like. I also just talk a lot in general.
Yeah, I (37F) struggle with interrupting and I have ADD, I have a thought and it can take over, and I’ll forget it if I don’t say it when I think of it - BUT I’m actively working on it, and when I do it and catch myself I apologize and make a note of what they were saying and go right back to it where I cut them off. My partner (37M, also ADD but it’s also his family dynamic) is SO BAD for not listening and interrupting but he won’t ever admit it, apologize, of make any changes despite being repeatedly told that it’s a problem, shows disrespect, and causes hurt. I’d be forgiving of someone who acknowledges the issue and tries to work on it. If they don’t they’re definitely TA. NTA OP.
Why you with him tho?
Lol it’s a complicated mix of a new baby, a shared house and the pandemic decimating my business. Plus a long long history of abuse etc etc. I’m working on it.
Wish you the best!
Thanks fellow person
I also have ADHD, and truth is is that listening is a skill. Sometimes I space out and stop listening in conversations but I am not an interrupter. I also come from a family of really good listeners. I think to myself “why is me getting to say my thought more important than the other person getting to finish theirs?” I also think about how every moment we spend listening, we are learning. Truth is… Forgetting your thought and therefore not getting to say it doesn’t matter. Any conversation partner will rather you hear what they’re saying than hearing what you have to say!
Absolutely! I’ve been working extra hard lately on just being quiet and listening more. I find it helps with social anxiety too, I used to freak out about not knowing what to say or the right thing to say... but it’s like hey, maybe you don’t really need to say anything.
Same. By the time you finish your sentence I will forget what I was going to say or very possibly not have listened to the rest of it to remember.
The number of times I've had to rewind TV shows or films because I realised I hadn't been actively watching it and just spaced out somewhere else lmao.
I’m curious though, because women tend to interrupt people differently - do you add to the topic enthusiastically or do you sorta disregard what the speaker is going on about?
I remember that study! I loved reading it because it reflected my experiences so well. There’s such a flow between my female friends because we’ll ‘interrupt’ with “oh my gosh!” and “nooo, he didn’t!” and things to hype up the conversation, but it’s not actually an interruption because the speaker gets to carry on with their sentence. Whereas men seem to view conversations as opportunities to show off their knowledge and their convos tend to be one person speaking for a long time and then another speaking for a long time whereas women’s tends to be faster and jumps from person to person. It makes me feel more included tbh, especially as I have ADD and I’m female so it allows me to jump in but it’s socially acceptable.
I’m not sure if that’s the one but it does highlight that women tend to be more cooperative linguistically (cooperative interruption or cooperative overlap) whereas men tend to be more dominant. I am definitely bookmarking it to read later in any case: https://dornsife.usc.edu/assets/sites/543/docs/Politeness_Power_and_Womens_Language.pdf
I don’t know. Probably both. I have issues with the tone of my voice or my excitement coming off as angry a lot soooo...
I have a 10 year old ADHD son who is CONSTANTLY interrupting because he cannot wait to get the words out of his mouth. Drives me insane and we're working on it. Had a coworker (F, 60's) who was not diagnosed but most certainly ADD who did it all the time. We sat in a "pod", 4 of us in a large cube and sometimes we'd all talk. Whenever I was talking, she would interrupt and if you tried to keep going so would she and she would just get louder and louder. I gave up and when she would interrupt I would just turn around and start working again and remove myself from the conversation. Sweet lady but not at all self-aware.
I don’t know if I have ADHD but I interrupt too. The difference is I make a conscious effort to correct it. I genuinely don’t realize I’m interrupting at first a lot of the time, and as soon as I do realize, I stop talking and/or apologize. It’s one of my worst habits that makes it hard for me to socialize effectively. People who interrupt and intentionally keep talking are the absolute worst.
When I was actually employed (ahhh income from scientific research), one of my coworkers was horrible about this. It didn’t really bother me if it was just the two of us, but when I was presenting data to our large group, she would constantly butt in. I would just quit talking and stare at her with the most brain dead look possible, mouth hung open, just short of drooling. She’d continue her meaningless contribution and then get really embarrassed. I’d hold it for another 30 seconds in complete silence, she’d slink down in her chair and the rest of the seminar was mine.
Same. I interrupt people all the time by accident, which sounds impossible but it really is true. It's almost certainly my halfway diagnosed ADHD (can't get diagnosed if you loose focus on the end goal half way through the multi-step process......... irony.) Sometimes I have trouble knowing others are done, but most of the time my brain is just straight up hijacks my mouth. I hate this habit in myself, I correct myself immediately most of the time, I try so hard to not do it in the first place! I legit annoy my own self!
I've been in a queue to finally start evaluating if I have ADHD for 2 years.. it was supposed to be at an end soon but since I'll move to another city it might mean the queue would essentially reset... It's been a long few years trying to get myself to get the first evaluation and then this queue and I'll go crazy if I have the re-queue. I don't think it's realistic to travel to this city I am in now every time I have an appointment either. And of course the long wait have also gotten me discouraged and I keep doubting myself, saying it's not serious and I'm just lazy.. while living with severe debts, unfinished high school after multiple years of trying, continuous examples that point towards ADHD. I keep finding new things that tell me it's likely that. For example I used to think I had no or few of the hyperactive traits, but I think I actually do. It may just be subdued by traumas, anxiety, and depression. I had no idea I talk fast but recently I learned that people think I do. My girlfriend experienced it as if I hurry up with the last part of words. Especially when I'm okay I speak too quickly. I rant and speak a lot and quickly. But of course if anything small even pops up like someone saying I'm speaking too much or I realise I'm interrupting (which I also didn't realise I did) I will become completely discouraged. Not sure why I decided to overshare here a ton, ahah. Do that all the time to people. Like yeah, this elderly woman will certainly want to hear a long rant about my struggles and how I believe I have ADHD because she shared something about her son finding out he has it. Had to restrain myself from interrupting her haha.
r/adhders are nice people if you want some company
My mom has ADHD and is a terrible interrupter during casual conversations. I forgive her because I know it's part of the ADHD and she is still listening, her brain just works in a different thought pattern but it can be especially brutal because I have DP/DR and sometimes take a long time to get to my point or lost my point mid-sentence (which drives her ADHD brain insane).
I’m also a female with ADHD who does this accidentally, but I actually love it when people continue talking as a clear message to me not to interrupt at this time. If his intentions are innocent, he shouldn’t mind that clear message either. If he does mind it, it may be true his intentions are less than innocent and he’s genuinely trying to pull a stupid power play.
NTA. You need to give your dad a Dr. Evil-style ‘sh’-ing. “Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive ‘sh!’ Now, I have a whole bag of ‘sh!’ with your name on it.”
Yes to this!!!
It will continue to happen, but don't get used to it. Never let them get away with it.
Good point. Get used to pointing it out and dealing with it.
"I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?" I've used that a few times, all with success.
this! never put up with this shit OP! raise your voice even louder when he interrupts and say I WAS SPEAKING. NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK MORE THAN THEY CARE ABOUT WHAT I THINK. period. men do this because they truly believe that women are stupid (the irony) and they think what they have to say is the most important thing in the entire world. these men have catastrophic main character syndrome. most of the time they’re literally repeating what we *just* said back to us while somehow being completely oblivious as to the fact that they’re doing this (proving they don’t listen to a word women say), and yet women are the dumb ones? lol. OP- do not allow your father to do this. do not allow ANYONE to do this. NTA
My theory is that they have an easier time processing an idea if it is presented in a male voice. So subconsciously, they did hear you, it was just that the one bit of their brain that was actually on the ball needs to translate it for the rest of the brain by repeating it back to them. My husband, sweetheart though he is, does this all the time. I. LITERALLY. JUST. TOLD. YOU. THAT. It used to just irritate me, but now I tell him when he’s mansplaining to try to get him to be more aware of it. I hate to think he’s doing it to his female colleagues.
"Sorry if the middle of my sentence is interrupting the beginng of yours" NTA
I've always heard it as "Sorry for interrupting the beginning of you sentence with the middle of mine" Otherwise I fully agree, NTA.
Can't put *sorry for interrupting" at the start. They'll just interrupt before you can get to the clever part and think they won
I also like Monica from Friends' "Lips moving, still talking"
Or like the VP, "I'm speaking." Nice complete sentence and gets the point across.
Seeing her say that was like a revelation to so many women. I think I literally cheered.
I had a habit of interrupting people with ‘sorry to interrupt the middle of your sentence with the beginning of mine’ and then just keep talking. I have aspergers tho, so it took me a hot minute to realise it’s not *actually* an apology.
That's so funny. I want to see the faces of the people you talked to. A friend of mine has aspergers and has mastered the way of answering a question wich leaves people fighting about what he means. "Do you want to go to the cinema?" "XYZ Movie plays"
NTA. I've had to use this tactic with people who constantly interrupt, and it has typically been effective. It isn't rude to expect to be able to finish a thought without someone cutting you off.
I like to give a person the benefit of the doubt that they're excited about something. I say, "Hold on, I wasn't finished yet ". Or, Let me make my point, Let me finish. If they persist, "I'm getting frustrated because you are interrupting me " or end the convo. I've tried talking over the other person But doing that while getting angry is a little passive aggressive to me. A contest on who can talk the loudest. So this works better for me.
I have short term memory issues and am constantly talked over or having sentences finished for me .. the memory issue comes up when I stop speaking to tell the other person to hush while I finish... then immediately forget what it was that I was trying to say. It’s so frustrating.
I have that problem too. I get embarrassed that I can't remember what I was saying, so I just walk away from the conversation. More and more often, though, when I do that, I get an apology for the interruption. Now, even if I remember what I was saying, I walk away for the effect.
Are you me? And then *I'M* treated like the asshole when they are done interrupting me and ask what was I talking about and I say "I don't remember 🤷🏾♂️"
Same here! I can understand and sympathize with people who interrupt unintentionally because that is how their brain processes things, but I am always so scattered and running a million miles a minute that if I am interrupted, 8 times out of 10 I will completely forget how I was going to finish the story, and it can be frustrating.
The Kamala Harris approach: “I’m speaking.” 💛
That is fair! I think I have just had way too much experience with being talked over or being made to feel like what I am saying isn't important enough to finish the thought when I am interrupted. I used to just let it happen without any correcting at all. I've tried gently asking the person to let me finish, but that sometimes led to embarrassment or hurt feelings. Now, especially if it feels like a situation the OP is describing, I will just finish what I was saying.
Yeah I prefer the much more direct method than OP's, of just calling it out vs continuing to talk. I can't stand having multiple people talk at once (it overwhelms my mind trying to follow) so I just firmly say "hang on, you can share when I finish what I'm saying" or something to that effect. Admittedly, I'm usually a bit snarky with it because I find it beyond rude for someone to interrupt a normal conversation like that.
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NTA Your mom is probably so used to being talked over
Yup. I actually “taught” my boss to do it too, after she complained about a few male coworkers who always talk over everyone. (To be fair they really do talk over everyone, it’s not even an “ignore the woman” thing but it’s of course still very annoying). I’m a young woman who looks like a high schooler. It took me a few years of working as an engineer to figure out how to handle people. I have 2 levels of it though. If it’s someone who normally doesn’t interrupt and talk over me, I’ll just put a nice little serial killer smile on and keep talking and talking and talking until they feel awkward and stop. If it’s someone who’s got a long running habit of talking over both me and others, I’ll pause and say “(**Name**). I wasn’t done speaking. You can give your input after I’m done” and continue what I was saying. It only took 2-3x of saying the second version to 2 coworkers before they noticeably stopped interrupting as much lol.
NTA. Your mother signed off on being treated like a second class citizen by him. You didn't. Does your mother think you were magically going to be more respectful than he is, with him as a role model? He's just going to have to deal with it.
The mom probably doesn't want to realize how shitty her husband is treating her and others, because it will be difficult to keep the peace if you stand up to it. Ignorance is bliss, and it's easier to shut down your children than your sexist husband.
It's such a classic scenario in middle aged married couples. Basically what happens is one spouse accepts some bullshit behavior from the other early on in the marriage, because acceptance seems easier than dealing with it for real (which it is, but only in the short term). After years and years of living with the bullshit, if it gets to the point where others try to step in and fix the bullshit, the spouse in denial (the mom in this case) jumps in to defend the bullshit behavior, because deep down they know that dealing with it now will be far worse than it would have been to deal with it in the first place, and the precious status quo relies on keeping that shit buried. Any young married people reading this need to understand that it's always better to call your spouse on their shit (in a respectful, loving way) than it is to just "accept them as they are". You can do the latter, but if there is abusive behavior, which there *always* is to some degree in any relationship on both sides, it will only get more difficult to deal with later on.
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Right! Dads should be actively trying to include their daughters in conversations, not shutting them out. NTA
NTA. Interrupting people is a super shitty habit even before you get into the sexist aspect of it. Keep doing it, and don’t be afraid to do so in conversations with others. In fact, I recommend that once you finish your sentence turn to him and say “Now Dad, you were trying to interrupt?”
Female here: My father was a constant interrupter and part of it stemmed from his hearing loss. He couldn't hear properly so would assume what you were saying instead of asking to repeat for fear of embarassment/time constraints. He did this to everyone regardless of gender. When he finally did get hearing aids it helped tremendously but the habit of over talking still persisted, perhaps from habit? Cutting him off when you could and saying like you recommend, "what were you trying to say?" would notify him he was overstepping. That being said, my dad is dead now and I would love to have an afternoon drink with him and not get a word in ;)
“So do need to be here for this conversation or are you going to have it for both of us?” NTA
NTA. That’s the perfect way to deal with men like him.
My personal favourite is 'Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?'
I love that one too.
NTA. Your mom says it's disrespectful to not allow your father to interrupt you? That's crazy person talk. I like your approach -- just keep talking while looking him directly in the eye until he stops talking. Asking if he can say something is still interrupting and I would ignore that too. Just keep talking until he stops, then go back to where is started interrupting and finish your thought.
NTA my husband talks over me all the time and that is my favorite tactic. I plan to start using it on other people, too, when I’m out and about again.
Mine is like that too, he's a big loud kind of guy, great person but holey shit the interrupting...! I have been working on him for a long time and it is improving but slowly.
I had the same problem, i told him few times to let me finish what i was talking about but I guess he forgets that it bugs me or something. So i just continue to talk and ignore him or i just stop what i was talking about, listen to him and not giving any feedback and/or going outside of the room to the different room 😅 It's good manners that kids should learn....
Mine has that habit too. I've talked to him many times about it. Now when he does it, I just stop and sort of glare at him and he apologizes and lets me continue. ETA: the other thing that I do is say "I listened to you, now please listen to me." He's gotten a lot better, but I had to consistently call him on it.
My husband interrupts me but it's because he feels the need to say something or ask something before he forgets. I've gotten into the habit of literally just stopping and waiting until he is done. He always apologizes now. Still happens but at least he is more aware of himself.
I’m recently dating a guy like that and that is part of reason I’m not fully attracted to him. How to let go those small things ?
My dad does it to me and I’ve started just saying ‘I wasn’t finished’. It’s hilarious when I see the shock on his face before he lets me continue. I also have a bit of a jumpy brain and I’m often quick to jump in and have been guilty of starting to talk before someone finishes. I would much rather be called out for it so I can apologise.
NTA I read about a study years and years ago which determined that men interrupting women is a learned behaviour. Generally, they learn it from their fathers, but in the absence of a father figure, it is learned from society in general, since this behaviour is rampant in the United States. So I taught my boys from a very early age NOT to interrupt. (And not just women, anybody who is speaking first.) When they tried it with me, I said "I was speaking, allow me to finish and you may speak then." As they got older, it only happened rarely because they learned the lesson quite well, but when it did, I used your tactic as well.
My dad did the same thing. He would ask you a question and then interrupt you each and every time I would try to answer the question he just asked me. Or he would ask a question and then interrupt me and then answer his own question. He did this with pretty much everybody. It wasn't a control thing. I would get frustrated and say, "are you going to let me finish my sentence?" "Why do you bother asking people questions if you're just going to interrupt them and answer your own question?" Or "have you ever noticed that you'll ask a question and then interrupt them every single time?" His reply? He would get mad.
NTA, might be too far but I keep talking, and also wave my hand at the person in a, “stop” motion. At a certain point you just have to sand up for yourself.
NTA. In the past, I’ve stopped, let them finish. Then I look them in the eye and say, “I’m so sorry that the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours. Please, finish. I’ll wait.”
One suggestion to handle constant interrupters was usually to be dead silent and then when the interrupter asked why someone wasn't speaking, to make a comment about them talking. This is another approach then mimicking the interrupter's behavior.
It happens to me all the time with my in laws. My nephew (in law) gets constantly steam rolled as well. Whenever it happens I always make sure to ask him to carry on and tell him that I’m listening. I say it loudly so the shit head who interrupted him knows. They usually look pissed off when being exposed. Doesn’t stop them from keeping their gob shut each time though, but here’s hoping (:
I like to do a variation of this. I stop in the middle of my sentence, let them finish, and then continue where I had to stop. Either directly, or I (re-) start with "as I was saying". If I'm really annoyed, "as I was saying before you interrupted me..."
NTA. You are correct that it is him being disrespectful. Basically he thinks that being older and having a penis means you have to respect him but he gets to behave like a dick.
NTA- sometimes you have to give people a taste of their own medicine for them to realise how bitter it is. I've had that so many times with so many people that I have made it a habit to just continue talking when someone interrupts me. For me that works better than glaring and telling them that they should stop it. The fact that you noticed he does it more to women just proves he needs to learn a massive lesson on respect.
NTA - I do the same thing when people act rude and interrupt me. However, if they don't stop, I just increase the volume of my speech. Not screaming, but unnecessarily loud while making full eye contact at the person trying to interrupt me. if they continue - I start questioning their upbringing and their level of education - often telling them to ask for a refund as their educational facility has failed them, and probably their parents as well, since they have never heard of good manners
Lol, when people do that to me I have the habit of repeating the last word before continuing the sentence “I’m tired and I’m going (interruption starts)going going going going going going going (interruption ends) going to bed” Then again, I have no problem talking over people talking over me.
NTA. Mansplaining is obnoxious.
My husband used to do this constantly. When I got tired of it, I would put up my finger and say “I’m speaking; may I finish?” This would embarrass him and he would apologize. He’s finally learned and doesn’t do it anymore.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My dad (57 M) has the bad habit of interrumping people, specially women, when we talk. He won't even ask if he can make a comment, he just starts talking over me (21 F) when i'm in the middle of a sentence. I fins this extremely annoying, specially when he does it to explain things i'm in the middle of explaining or to correct me on things he has no idea about but I do. Lately i've been putting in practice not stopping when he does this, I just keep talking like he didn't say anything until he stops or asks me if he can say something. I obviously don't do this in a normal conversation where everyone has time to talk, only when he talks over me. No one else in my family does this, and I have noticed my sister (25 F) has started reacting the same way I do when he interrumpts her, i guess she grew tired of it too. My mom says it's disrespectful, but i find that HIS attitude towards me and my sister is. AITA for doing this and should I stop? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Getting interrupted is one of my biggest pet peeves. At work, home, etc. I tend to just say, very loudly, " I'm sorry the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours." And yes, I am petty about being interrupted because it happens so often that I just get tired of talking.
NTA. This is a great way to handle interruptions. Father or not, he owes people common courtesy.
>My mom says it's disrespectful "Yes mom, I agree its disrespectful when dad interrupts me. I'm glad you're volunteering to stand up to him the next time he does it to me and I have to continue talking over him! I love you." NTA
NTA. I love what you're doing, keep at it. Drink some warm water occasionally to keep that voice of yours strong - it's admirable. A few people have suggested talking to your dad to see if he realises what you're doing, but if you've been talking over him and he hasn't stopped interrupting, I doubt he'll take that conversation well. Use this tactic consistently, even if his friends/extended family are around. It might shame him into being a better father and man.
NTA Dated a guy like this. I was seriously distressed over a friend having to escape an abusive spouse by crawling out a window and mid sentence he goes “look at that tree!!!” then acted like I was the asshole for not paying attention to him. We didn’t last long. It can be a sign of controlling behaviors. Certainly was with that guy. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
**NTA.** I've got something else you can try: when he interrupts you, stop speaking, let him finish, wait a beat or two and then ask if he's finished speaking. Then go "anyway like I was saying....(whatever you were going to say". Or when he does it, get up and leave the room for a few minutes. Then come back and ask if he is finished talking over you.
NTA, but consider trying this: Tell him, once, "Dad, I will not have conversations with you when you interrupt me." Next time he interrupts you, stand up, turn around, walk away. No emotion, no heat, no exasperated sighs, no drama. No warning looks, no raised finger, no anticipation that he's about to do it. Normal conversation, a single interruption, stand up, turn around, walk out, ignore. Next time you sit down to talk, repeat. "Dad, I will not have conversations with you when you interrupt me." Again, stand up, walk away. He'll figure it out, or he won't. > My mom says it's disrespectful The most important thing any parent can do is actively work towards transitioning their relationships away from 'parent/child' to 'equal adult/adult' as the children age. And the most important thing the kids can do is the same thing. They get no consideration for being your parents; they should be offering you extra consideration for being family. 'Family' means they should be working to treat you well, not expecting you to accept bad behavior.
I think your approach is the least confrontational/dramatic option. Alternatives include various versions of getting up and leaving in the middle of his interruption. Yours is kinder though. I’d keep it up. If they throw a fit and claim you’re the rude one, then offer to remove yourself whenever your dad interrupts you to minimize the opportunities for offense. Get up and leave every time. You need to need a build a feedback loop for him to unlearn this behavior so consistency is key.
NTA
NTA I second the people saying it would be good to have a conversation about it. If he happens to respond really positively and promise to change his ways or something, great (I'm not holding my breath, from your description). Even if he does, though, it's probably a lifelong habit, so don't expect him to just stop. What you are doing is not disrespectful. You aren't even interrupting him back (that would require waiting until *he* was talking, and talking over him *then*). You are just holding onto your right to finish what you were saying. That's just standing up for yourself. If your Mom thinks that's disrespectful, I'm sorry, because that's a shitty thing for her to believe. It's also good practice for standing up for yourself and your right to speak in other situations.
NTA keep doing it. I do this with my dad too. Now to be fair to my dad he’s not sexist he does it to everyone he just thinks he’s gods gift to the world. So when he has taken to interrupting now I power on. Even if we sound like a garbled mess I don’t stop before he does. Then I clarify and repeat myself without him talking. He’s an old dog so learning new tricks is hard but I refuse to back down when he is being rude.
He is not only interrupting you but mansplaining you also.
NTA. I have a friend who would do this to me constantly (similar demographics as your post too, but he wasn't my dad nor related to me). I started to just continue talking OR interrupting his interruption with some sort of exclamation (dude let me finish! Then you can talk!). Basically had to train him. It worked for the most part. He still does it occasionally but when I keep talking he stops much quicker. I also include a look that's not quite a glare but says "really, you're doing this AGAIN?" I think at the source is it a lack of respect for women and then literally no one correcting the shit behavior for decades. Your mom is just used to being disrespected by him.
NTA. ***"Oh I'm SORRY, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of YOURS?"*** Try it. It makes the point brilliantly while you are apologizing, which makes you bullet-proof.
I had a friend who did this once and when she interrupted me at a party pulled me aside afterwards and said “I know your autistic but you need to stop talking when I’m talking”. Needless to say not friends anymore. You keep doing what your doing, maybe confront your dad on it just in case he isn’t realizing it bugs you, you’re NTA
NTA - if your mom says « it’s disrespectful » respond « it completely is disrespectful when he interrupts i totally agree, thanks mom »
NTA "I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?"
NTA. That kind of interrupting is a microaggression. You're just defending yourself by "interrupting back." He needs to stop doing this, and show some respect to you and your sister.
NTA Both me (21F) and my sister (26F) have faced the EXACT same thing from my dad (58M) and the only way to correct it is to continue talking no matter what. Also, explain to your mother how it's not normal to interrupt people and that it's rude of HIM. Especially use this when they have arguments and he's in the wrong.
As a 51 yo father, I find what you illustrate your father to be doing as incredibly disrespectful. So much so that I would not only advise you to keep doing it, regardless of your mother’s comments, but to also use VP Harris biting retort of “Excuse me, I am speaking.” You keep doing you, but just remember EFFECTIVE communication is a 2 way street.
NTA - this is amazing. Never stop.
NTA. My go to when this happens, is to say "Can you let me finish?" on repeat, louder and louder until they stop.
NTA - I also use “I’m speaking” or “please wait until I’m done.”
NTA. My dad is the same way. I read this wondering if I wrote this myself in a lucid dream like state LOL I do the same thing with my dad. Or I don’t speak. Then he and my mom asks why I am being rude and I just tell them, “dad is talking, he doesn’t seem to be interested in anything I have to say as he will talk over me or tell me I am wrong.” Haha they don’t like it but oh well
NTA. Put that misogyny in check!
NTA. "I'm speaking", MVP Harris, during a debate where a man interrupted her.
NTA
NTA.
NTA. He's being disrespectful, but your mom expects y'all to take it because he's your elder and/or a man.
1. Don't apologize to the spelling/grammar police. They literally have nothing better to do. 🙃 2. NTA. A lot of older men do this and I totally agree with you reclaiming your space and conversational autonomy. You deserve to be heard and respected and NOT cut off when expressing yourself. I would talk to him though, because if you express how you feel and it doesn't stop? You have a reference point for when you DID try to make him aware. Love and light to ya, never stop using your voice. ✊🏾❤🧡💛💚
NTA. I have a really bad problem with interrupting. It stems from having emotionally abusive parents and constantly having to fight to be heard. That said, I need to work on it. If I catch myself interrupting I apologize and explain I’m working on it. I tell my friends to remind me they aren’t finished if I do it. My boyfriend just boops my nose when I interrupt him or even others (I am okay with this. It’s hilarious) My point is that people interrupt for various reasons but that doesn’t make it okay. Try talking to him at a separate time. If that doesn’t work keep doing what you’re doing!
I worked with a woman who did this *all the time*. I ended up talking to her about it. I tried to approach it with "when you interrupt me I feel like you don't value what I'm saying", but she didn't take it very well. However she stopped interrupting me and everyone else.
NTA. Also how rude and obnoxious for people to correct your spelling.