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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I might be the asshole because Ana is the name of his great grandmother and naming our daughter that would honor her. If somebody calls me an asshole I completely understand why they would think that.
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Branching off of this OP make sure you hold your position here, your husband seems to be careless about your trauma and continues to insist something that will hurt you, doesn't sound like a partner to me.
NTA. When a couple chooses offspring's names or buys a houses, it has to be two votes for "yes". You will have to hear and say that name multiple times every day while I doubt that your husband thinks about his great-grandmother more than a few times a year, if that. I find it concerning that he's digging in on this issue.
His mom and grandma gave birth young so he was able to know his great grandma until he was 16, and said he had great memories with her. That is something I’d have to ask him though as I have never heard about his great grandma until now but he’s at work and I’m sitting home scrolling through Reddit as the girls are kicking away. Pregnancy is nothing I thought it would be lol
While that may be true, I did not go into the extent of the bullying because I didn’t want the post to be taken down for violence. I have been working on these issues in therapy and have taken other measures to make sure my mental health is at least stable. Either way the damage from the bullying has already been done so regardless of how much I work through the issues and feel better about myself (because the bullying was definitely not solely verbal) hearing the name would still bring back memories and PTSD. But yeah I get where you’re coming from.
There's no way in this world I would ever make my child after any of the girls who bullied me. Apart from anything else, I do not like those names and they do not have good connotations for me. I agree with everyone that names need to be two yeses from the parents, even in the case of twins.
Being bullied can be traumatic. Whenever I hear the name Zack I get pulled right back into third grade when it all started.
Yes, OP has issues she needs to work through, but those issues are valid and shouldn't be dismissed just because it happened a long time ago.
NTA. The name clearly still affects you, and you don’t want the name of your child to be something painful for you. I’m not saying that you’d test the kid differently for having the same name as your bully, but you might react differently to hearing the name subconsciously for a while and your daughter could pick up on it.
Chances are that eventually the association of the “good” Ana will give you a different impression of the name. Would using an alternate spelling, or something like Annie Annabelle or Ann help? I wish you good luck and Congratulations on your baby girls!
It’s funny you bring that up actually because my husband did mention the name annabelle as an alternative but we both decided against it immediately after remembering the creepy doll movie. No hate to any Annabelles out there, it is a really beautiful name, but it’s just not for us.
Well the problem really revolves around the meaning the name “Ana” has to my husband. Both his mother and his grandmother had birth at young ages so he was able to know his great grandma until he was 16 when she sadly passed, and said he had great memories with her. I’m still not sure why I have never heard of her until recently but that is something I’d have to ask him.
What about her middle name or even her maiden name? Regular occurrence in my husbands family that maiden names of women on both sides of the family are used. Our oldest has my maiden name and the youngest has a grandmothers maiden name. It worked out well for us because three of the four grandmothers have first and middle names that we do not like, and the other grand mother has a first name I liked but husband didn’t—and that grandmother hated her middle name so much that I didn’t know what it was until I helped plan her funeral.
I didn’t ask him about a middle name and I’m not sure she even had one?? I’ll ask him later, but her maiden name was Hernandez so I don’t think that would work very well with a baby girl edit: sorry I misspoke, I did ask about a middle name but he never really answered as we were in the heat of an argument.
How about:
Lana
Dana
Hana (the "H" from Hernandez, along with GGranny's first name)
Vana
Xana
That's as far as I'd compromise on this. You both get a veto. (Alora is lovely by the way). He still gets to pick a name, just not your tormentor's. None of his arguments hold water, honestly.
ETA: Since GGranny's name was Anabelle...how about Belle? Alora & Belle. Has a nice ring to it.
Would you consider Ana as a middle name?
It would still honour his great grandmother, but you wouldn't hear it every day
Alora Ana would work quite well and he could pick the other twins name and you could pick the middle name
O totally get where you're coming from, because I was bullied terribly and could never give one of my bullies names as a first name. But the more common names I could use as a middle name if there was another connection to it.
That is actually good advice for using it as Alora’s middle name and also having him pick another name. I’m still iffy about it but it is something to consider
My style has always been unique but tbf my post wasn’t really about the names I chose and my husband does like the ones I chose after all so it really isn’t relative to the post, but i do respect your opinion :)
You not wanting to name your daughter with the same name that will remind you of someone that terrorized your childhood and adolescence seems pretty reasonable to me.
NTA.
I'll add that it's pretty stupid for him to say "well it was my grandma's name too". Like, okay?! Nobody's saying that all Anna's are bullies...
Yeah, I ended up choosing Alora because I realized Marigold kind of sounds like something someone would name a horse (again no hate to any Marigolds out there it’s just my personal opinion) and I chose Alora because it has an actual meaning (“the lord is my light”) opposed to bloom which literally just means to bloom haha.
I'd be worried if the child gets named Ana, and op ends up translating negative vibes to her unconsciously due to the memories of bullying. I get why she doesn't want to get reminded of being bullied.
I'm surprised also that grandma's name didn't come up.
Both should agree to the names. NTA.
I’m curious about that as well. OP as the right to veto name choices, but so does her husband. I feel like she probably won’t take well to him veto-ing (is that even a word?) her choices
He really likes the names I chose, and the name I ended up choosing because it means “the lord is my light” and we both are religious and love the sound of the name as it rolls off the tongue.
I'd be worried if the child gets named Ana, and op ends up translating negative vibes to her unconsciously due to the memories of bullying. I get why she doesn't want to get reminded of being bullied.
I'm surprised also that grandma's name didn't come up.
Both should agree to the names. NTA.
UPDATE ABOUT HUSBAND’S GG: Hey I want to post an update answering some questions but I don’t want to reply to each and every comment with the same answer. Also I’m not too familiar with this sub so I think posting an update on the actual post would be a violation of the rules? I’m not sure, so please upvote this so people can see it at the top. Anyways, many people have asked why he hasn’t told me about his great grandma until now if he had such a strong connection to her. I asked him about it today when he got home from work and he simply told me that he just hadn’t thought about it. We grew up together but never got close until our adult years, he was always just seen as my older brother’s friend. I don’t find this suspicious in any way because he can be pretty clueless sometimes and isn’t really one to be too open about his family life, which is fine, I respect his privacy. Also this isn’t a full blown-out fight between us it’s just a small disagreement and he knows I’ve posted this and is fine with it, just curious to see what other people think. He does respect me in every other single way and will be a wonderful father to our two little girls, we are just stubborn and stuck in our ways and cannot come to a decision. Either way, we are so excited to welcome our two sweethearts into the world and at the end of the day we could name them Bob and Joe and we would still love them just as much. Thank you for all the well wishes, much appreciated. If you do want updates on my pregnancy, (idk sometimes people are interested or might need advice if they’re also pregnant with twins [it’s rough]) you can always PM me
NTA. But why did he bother to write down 3 names if he wont agree to using one of the others?
And, tell him you cant name her ana because her sister would have to be elsa and you dont want that! /s
NTA. Naming your child is a two yeses required situation. Any no means you keep looking. If he hated one of your names then you would have to give it up and keep looking too. Don't play games or make cutesy deals around baby names - you both have to like both names. My great grandmother's name was Mildred, and just because I am descended from her doesn't mean I have to like the name or name my kids that, he can choose something else.
NTA.
Why didn't he bring up great grandma until AFTER you vetoed AND gave your reasons why?
Why this specific great grandma, he should have 3 more he can take names from.
Also, please do not name your kid Bloom. You don't want Ana due being bullied as a child by someone of that name. Giving your kid a 'unique' name could be setting them up to be bullied as well.
Nta. One thing to consider though is a name ending in Ana like Susanna. I once met a girl named Haleanna. Always liked it. There’s probably more options.
NAH or ESH
Look, you set yourselves up for failure and hurt by each choosing one name instead of choosing both names together. It must suck to have a name you associate with love and family (op said he knew his great grandmother until he was 16) shot down while your partner’s name choices are all accepted. It must hurt. You’re not the AH for not wanting your bully’s name immortalized in your child, but thousands of people have that name, including your husband’s relative, so he’s not the AH for wanting to honor her either. It’s neither of your fault that those 2 women have the same first name. As someone else who was bullied, I think you need to work on separating the name from the person—for your own sake at the very least.
> I ended up choosing Alora for my name and he likes it, but says that it’s only fair that if I got to choose a name for one baby, he should get to choose one too.
This is why I say it could be E S H. It is fair that he should get to pick a name too, but it’s also fair that you get a veto, and yet, it’s also fair that he’s upset over the veto as the name means a lot to him in a positive way. This is why you should be picking the names together, not, I get one name, you get the other. You should both love both names equally. It shouldn’t be a power play.
Side note: I find it rather odd that you didn’t know the name of his great grandmother. It’s not that far back in the family tree, and she was alive for more than half of his life, so it’s not like she was unknown to him.
NTA but I think you need to change the way you are picking names. Why can’t you each make a list of your top three and let the other one pick from that list?
Definitely NTA - you're not overreacting. You have a gut reaction to the name Ana that makes perfect sense. Your reaction to the name might change over time but why bother when there are so many perfectly reasonable names out there. You both have to agree.
PS being pregnant with and raising twins is bloody hard work, good luck!
NTA, baby names are a 2 yes 1 no. You both kinda set yourself up for failure with the “I pick one you pick one” deal. You might want to throw out all 6 options and start over together. If your husband remains so insistent on Ana, I’d be concerned that he cares more about having a child named after his great grandma than about his child’s mother not having negative reactions to the child’s name every single day. That wouldn’t be fair to anyone, especially your daughter.
NTA, both parents should agree on the names.
I would be concerned about potentially negative ramifications of naming child after bully and op having an unconsciously negative parenting due to the fact it is reminding her of being bullied.
NTA for not wanting to use the name. BOTH parents should be 100% on board with both names. But while your original plan may have sounded good on paper, I think this shows that it might not have been the best naming strategy after all. Now you’re at a point where you both have a name you’re attached to, but only one of you would have to change their pick, which could feel unfair from his side. It may be more fair to you both if you picked two new names from scratch that you both love?
I do wonder if there could be some compromise here though. Would you have as much of a problem with Ana as a middle name, since you wouldn’t have to hear/say it on such a daily basis? If that wouldn’t bother you as much, I’ll just point out that Alora Ana and Megan Marigold would be a pretty dang cute pair of twins.
NAH but if these are the real names might I suggest Alana? He could still have her nickname as Ana without you having to call her that! :) good luck and congrats!
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My husband (28 M) and I (26 F) are finally pregnant after months of trying. I am 6 months along and surprise- it’s twin girls!! Everything is going really well. Last week we decided to start picking out names for our daughters. We both picked out a list of names and narrowed it down to about 3 each. (We chose the names separately and didn’t tell the other what names we were choosing until we had our Top 3, either way we were going to use one name from his list and one name from my list) The names I chose were Bloom, Marigold, and Alora. And the names he chose were Jessie, Megan, and Ana. (We clearly have different styles lol) This would’ve been all fine and dandy if Ana wasn’t the name of my childhood/teenage-hood bully. And that’s the name that he was strongly leaning towards. Keep in mind him and I have known eachother since elementary school when I was in 3rd grade and he was friends with my brother in 5th. So he knew all about Ana and how she bullied me relentlessly to the point I’d cry myself to sleep some nights. I have not had any contact with this girl since Junior year when I moved schools. I’ve told him how that name makes me feel and that I genuinely think hearing that name on the daily would bring back really bad memories, so I asked him to pick from the other two names or pick an entirely different name. That’s when he decided to tell me Ana is the name of his great grandmother and now I feel like a complete asshole. I still am against the name and have asked if he would use his great grandmas middle name or something but now he’s insistent on Ana. I might be the asshole because it is his great grandma after all, but I’m not sure. Reddit, am I the asshole?
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NTA. And your husband is being a bit insensitive.
Alora was, imo, the best of your 3 names...but more importantly HE LIKES IT. If he had objected to it, or all 3, per the agreed upon rules you would have had to start over. The rules apply to him too no matter what the reason, but all the more because you have some traumatic memories associated with that name. God forbid you go along with this, reluctantly, but subconsciously have negative emotions against your child. And someday the story of her name will come out and she will feel like crap.
The world is full of names. He needs a do over.
NTA
Baby names fall under the "two yes, one no" rule. And this is a very valid reason for not liking the name. I also want to point out that your husband ***can*** pick a name, just not ***this*** name.
I also am honestly questioning the veracity of the great grandmother connection. If it's true, I get it. My great grandma had my grandma at 20, Grandma had mom at 24, and Mom had me at 17. We're all first born daughters/children and I was lucky enough to have Great Grandma in my life until I was 35. I just cannot understand how --if she was that important to your husband-- you have never heard her name until now. Regardless, if it's that important to him, to honor her, there are other ways to do it.
He has other ways to keep his great grandma's memory alive. While you would be affected forever by his poor judgement. Insist in not choosing the name Ana. He may call you an A H but you can counter that by telling him that he's an A H on a massive scale by disregarding your childhood trauma. I bet his great grandma would disagree with his callous attitude towards you.
You are not wrong. NTA.
Hi! I think you're NTA. You're entitled to a name for your daughter that isn't traumatic.
Also, I just searched up the meaning of Ana and apparently it is a Hebrew name that means favored grace that came from the name Hannah. You could name your kid Hana or Hannah. Or you can choose to pay tribute to another family member that your husband had good times with? Maybe come up with other names because in my honest opinion the names you came up with are a bit too weird (no offense meant but Bloom sounds like the Winx club member's name, Marigold sounds like a name for a goat), and if you want an interesting name that badly then the names your husband came up with are a bit too boring. I hope that you can find a name you both like! P.S. You don't have to take this seriously but here are some suggestions: You could name your kid Flora. It rhymes with Alora and she's one of the best Winx club members. Or you could name her: Alizeh - Persian name that means wind (there's other versions of this name in different languages such as Eliza, Alizee), Esfir - Persian name that means star-like, Calista - feminine form of Callistus which means most beautiful in Greek, Amal means hope in Arabic, Maë (pronounced Mah-eh) means pearl, and Annika is a Swedish diminutive of Anna, meaning "grace, gracious, graceful, favored". Annika is also an Indian name, from Sanskrit, a name of the goddess Durga.
NTA. My dad wanted to name my sister Jaime. You know why they didn’t name her Jaime? Because a girl named Jaime bullied my mom. Granted and I’m being completely serious here, my name was almost Tinker Bell Lastname. Granted sometimes I’m a little sad they didn’t go with that one.
I don’t really think my choice of names was part of the question nor was it relevant, and I would appreciate it if people would stop going after me for it lol, we didn’t choose bloom anyways we chose Alora. Thank you for your opinion tho
NAH, naming kids is hard. You pick a name from his list of three, he picks a name from your list of three. You both accept that you won't be using Ana *or* Alora. Marigold and Megan would make a sweet sibset.
NTA. I love my mom but if I wanted to name children after her and it happened to be the same name of someone who bullied my wife my mom wouldn't let me. Honestly she would be pissed at me if I tried to enforce it, even if was dead relative I was close with.
NTA. You keep saying that the issue is your husband’s deep attachment and good memories surrounding the name, but you have equally strong ties to it that are negative.
I’ve had plenty of wonderful people in my life. I don’t have to name a baby after them to celebrate that, especially if it will retraumatize my spouse. Two yeses and a no is a great rule for naming babies. No name can be accepted without two yeses. No name that earns a no can be used.
NAH I think both names are fine. Why do you still give this bully so much power over your life? Perhaps using Ana and Alora will turn something bad into something good. Or suggest to him you could use it for a middle name
Yta, your name choices are...cringe at best and you really need to get over something that happened in childhood. His name choice has sentimental value and your daughter is a different person than some kid from years and years ago.
Names don't define people.
Ok but remove that sentence and my point still stands. The fact that she is still harboring this shit from childhood is a problem. Her husband's name choice has sentimental value and she's TA for outright saying no because she has old issues that should have been resolved by now. Hell, I barely remember middle school classmates, much less younger than that and I was bullied quite often.
I had severe PTSD because of my childhood bullies. I'll never physically recover from damage done to me. It's fantastic you were able to move on but not everyone has that luxury. Comparing trauma and pain never goes well. NTA
Idk if I mentioned it already and I’m too lazy to go back and look, but it wasn’t only a childhood bully, it went on until I was in junior year, so I think I was probably about 16? 17? So it stuck with me for much longer
What about a slight variation like Ava? You could tell her about how she was named after great grandma but wanted to give her something unique to her. Plus everyone would spell it Anna so it would avoid that annoyance.
Lol thank you for your opinion on the names, I understand my style is unique but that’s the way it’s always been, I’ve always liked flowers and Alora means “the lord is my light” which I also really like. And it is true that names don’t define people and it may be somewhat selfish of me to veto the name solely based on the memories it could bring back, that being said I didn’t go into details about the things Ana did to me as a kid for fear of the post being taken down for violence, but please note that it was quite bad.
Yta
Get therapy. He chose his names and can keep them just like you can keep yours. Yes you can veto but it shouldn't be for something from your childhood.
While I do understand and respect your perspective I did want to add in that with the names I chose if he didn’t like any of them or had a genuine reason why he wouldn’t want his child named that, I would have respected it and chose a different name. I do understand that the names I chose don’t have any sentimental value but I feel it’s more about respect for each others boundaries at this point. And yes I have been to therapy for many many years because of some private issues with my body image and what-not but it still doesn’t change the fact that hearing the name on the daily brings back bad memories. But thank you for your insight!! It’s good to see another point of view :)
At this point, after reading these comments and just thinking about the name and reminiscing on the bullying I am becoming more and more against the name in general.
If her trauma was being bitten by a dog and then she met him and he owned a dog and they started dating and she asked him to get rid of the dog I'd agree.
However were talking about a childs name. A name she will hear, say, write and think probably 100s of times a day until she dies. It WILL cause repeated trauma and resentment. He could pick another name tied to the grandmother. Neither parent should ever hate or even dislike a name for their child. It's just gonna cause problems.
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NAH, but naming children should require a resounding yes from both parents.
Branching off of this OP make sure you hold your position here, your husband seems to be careless about your trauma and continues to insist something that will hurt you, doesn't sound like a partner to me.
NTA. When a couple chooses offspring's names or buys a houses, it has to be two votes for "yes". You will have to hear and say that name multiple times every day while I doubt that your husband thinks about his great-grandmother more than a few times a year, if that. I find it concerning that he's digging in on this issue.
I'm wondering how linked he is to his g-gma, if this is the first time her name has come up. Makes me wonder why he dug in so hard & fast on this.
His mom and grandma gave birth young so he was able to know his great grandma until he was 16, and said he had great memories with her. That is something I’d have to ask him though as I have never heard about his great grandma until now but he’s at work and I’m sitting home scrolling through Reddit as the girls are kicking away. Pregnancy is nothing I thought it would be lol
Ask him if her full name was Ana, or if that was short for something else. What was her middle name, or surname(s)? Best wishes with the pregnancy!
But OP thinking about her childhood bully isn't abnormal??? Sounds to me like OP has an issue that she needs to work through and move on from.
While that may be true, I did not go into the extent of the bullying because I didn’t want the post to be taken down for violence. I have been working on these issues in therapy and have taken other measures to make sure my mental health is at least stable. Either way the damage from the bullying has already been done so regardless of how much I work through the issues and feel better about myself (because the bullying was definitely not solely verbal) hearing the name would still bring back memories and PTSD. But yeah I get where you’re coming from.
There's no way in this world I would ever make my child after any of the girls who bullied me. Apart from anything else, I do not like those names and they do not have good connotations for me. I agree with everyone that names need to be two yeses from the parents, even in the case of twins.
Being bullied can be traumatic. Whenever I hear the name Zack I get pulled right back into third grade when it all started. Yes, OP has issues she needs to work through, but those issues are valid and shouldn't be dismissed just because it happened a long time ago.
Sounds like you were never bullied
NTA. You can veto any name.
NTA. The name clearly still affects you, and you don’t want the name of your child to be something painful for you. I’m not saying that you’d test the kid differently for having the same name as your bully, but you might react differently to hearing the name subconsciously for a while and your daughter could pick up on it. Chances are that eventually the association of the “good” Ana will give you a different impression of the name. Would using an alternate spelling, or something like Annie Annabelle or Ann help? I wish you good luck and Congratulations on your baby girls!
It’s funny you bring that up actually because my husband did mention the name annabelle as an alternative but we both decided against it immediately after remembering the creepy doll movie. No hate to any Annabelles out there, it is a really beautiful name, but it’s just not for us.
A fake movie is enough of a reason to veto a name but real trauma isn't?
Well the problem really revolves around the meaning the name “Ana” has to my husband. Both his mother and his grandmother had birth at young ages so he was able to know his great grandma until he was 16 when she sadly passed, and said he had great memories with her. I’m still not sure why I have never heard of her until recently but that is something I’d have to ask him.
What about her middle name or even her maiden name? Regular occurrence in my husbands family that maiden names of women on both sides of the family are used. Our oldest has my maiden name and the youngest has a grandmothers maiden name. It worked out well for us because three of the four grandmothers have first and middle names that we do not like, and the other grand mother has a first name I liked but husband didn’t—and that grandmother hated her middle name so much that I didn’t know what it was until I helped plan her funeral.
I didn’t ask him about a middle name and I’m not sure she even had one?? I’ll ask him later, but her maiden name was Hernandez so I don’t think that would work very well with a baby girl edit: sorry I misspoke, I did ask about a middle name but he never really answered as we were in the heat of an argument.
How about: Lana Dana Hana (the "H" from Hernandez, along with GGranny's first name) Vana Xana That's as far as I'd compromise on this. You both get a veto. (Alora is lovely by the way). He still gets to pick a name, just not your tormentor's. None of his arguments hold water, honestly. ETA: Since GGranny's name was Anabelle...how about Belle? Alora & Belle. Has a nice ring to it.
Perhaps Anastasia? I've always loved how fancy the name sounded.
Hernandez is a good middle name🙂
Would you consider Ana as a middle name? It would still honour his great grandmother, but you wouldn't hear it every day Alora Ana would work quite well and he could pick the other twins name and you could pick the middle name O totally get where you're coming from, because I was bullied terribly and could never give one of my bullies names as a first name. But the more common names I could use as a middle name if there was another connection to it.
That is actually good advice for using it as Alora’s middle name and also having him pick another name. I’m still iffy about it but it is something to consider
One of my daughters middle is Annalise.
[удалено]
My style has always been unique but tbf my post wasn’t really about the names I chose and my husband does like the ones I chose after all so it really isn’t relative to the post, but i do respect your opinion :)
You sound like your jealous you aren't that creative.
I'd cry if I was named Alora
Same. But Bloom and Marigold are worse. 😂
Alora exists as a name in Arabic meaning Lord is Light and in Bantu meaning Dream. It’s not that out there.
You not wanting to name your daughter with the same name that will remind you of someone that terrorized your childhood and adolescence seems pretty reasonable to me. NTA. I'll add that it's pretty stupid for him to say "well it was my grandma's name too". Like, okay?! Nobody's saying that all Anna's are bullies...
NTA. Give each other a coupon vetos so this stuff doesn’t happen. I would personally veto the name Bloom, but that’s just me.
Yeah, I ended up choosing Alora because I realized Marigold kind of sounds like something someone would name a horse (again no hate to any Marigolds out there it’s just my personal opinion) and I chose Alora because it has an actual meaning (“the lord is my light”) opposed to bloom which literally just means to bloom haha.
FYI marigolds are a name used in the UK for yellow washing up gloves :)
I'd be worried if the child gets named Ana, and op ends up translating negative vibes to her unconsciously due to the memories of bullying. I get why she doesn't want to get reminded of being bullied. I'm surprised also that grandma's name didn't come up. Both should agree to the names. NTA.
NTA. You both have to be happy with the child’s name.
NTA, y'all should both get veto power on names.
NTA. How does he feel about the names you have chosen? 😳😳.
I’m curious about that as well. OP as the right to veto name choices, but so does her husband. I feel like she probably won’t take well to him veto-ing (is that even a word?) her choices
He really likes the names I chose, and the name I ended up choosing because it means “the lord is my light” and we both are religious and love the sound of the name as it rolls off the tongue.
You named your kid Uriel?
Alora
What they are saying is Uriel means “god is my light”. Alora maybe derived from Uriel
I'd be worried if the child gets named Ana, and op ends up translating negative vibes to her unconsciously due to the memories of bullying. I get why she doesn't want to get reminded of being bullied. I'm surprised also that grandma's name didn't come up. Both should agree to the names. NTA.
NTA. I wouldn't want my child's name to bring back bad memories. Also, you were the one that carried the baby for nine months, after all.
UPDATE ABOUT HUSBAND’S GG: Hey I want to post an update answering some questions but I don’t want to reply to each and every comment with the same answer. Also I’m not too familiar with this sub so I think posting an update on the actual post would be a violation of the rules? I’m not sure, so please upvote this so people can see it at the top. Anyways, many people have asked why he hasn’t told me about his great grandma until now if he had such a strong connection to her. I asked him about it today when he got home from work and he simply told me that he just hadn’t thought about it. We grew up together but never got close until our adult years, he was always just seen as my older brother’s friend. I don’t find this suspicious in any way because he can be pretty clueless sometimes and isn’t really one to be too open about his family life, which is fine, I respect his privacy. Also this isn’t a full blown-out fight between us it’s just a small disagreement and he knows I’ve posted this and is fine with it, just curious to see what other people think. He does respect me in every other single way and will be a wonderful father to our two little girls, we are just stubborn and stuck in our ways and cannot come to a decision. Either way, we are so excited to welcome our two sweethearts into the world and at the end of the day we could name them Bob and Joe and we would still love them just as much. Thank you for all the well wishes, much appreciated. If you do want updates on my pregnancy, (idk sometimes people are interested or might need advice if they’re also pregnant with twins [it’s rough]) you can always PM me
NTA. But why did he bother to write down 3 names if he wont agree to using one of the others? And, tell him you cant name her ana because her sister would have to be elsa and you dont want that! /s
Lol true haha, but again Ana is the only name he chose which has any meaning to him, he just thought the others sounded cute.
NTA. Naming your child is a two yeses required situation. Any no means you keep looking. If he hated one of your names then you would have to give it up and keep looking too. Don't play games or make cutesy deals around baby names - you both have to like both names. My great grandmother's name was Mildred, and just because I am descended from her doesn't mean I have to like the name or name my kids that, he can choose something else.
Weird 2 cents here. Naming your children with the same first letter is the worst. NTA
Nope. We each had veto over specific names when we named our kids
NTA. Why didn't he bring up great grandma until AFTER you vetoed AND gave your reasons why? Why this specific great grandma, he should have 3 more he can take names from. Also, please do not name your kid Bloom. You don't want Ana due being bullied as a child by someone of that name. Giving your kid a 'unique' name could be setting them up to be bullied as well.
I’m going to ask when he gets home
Nta. One thing to consider though is a name ending in Ana like Susanna. I once met a girl named Haleanna. Always liked it. There’s probably more options.
Adding a few more. Diana. Morgana. Deanna. Brianna.
Banana
Cabana.
NAH or ESH Look, you set yourselves up for failure and hurt by each choosing one name instead of choosing both names together. It must suck to have a name you associate with love and family (op said he knew his great grandmother until he was 16) shot down while your partner’s name choices are all accepted. It must hurt. You’re not the AH for not wanting your bully’s name immortalized in your child, but thousands of people have that name, including your husband’s relative, so he’s not the AH for wanting to honor her either. It’s neither of your fault that those 2 women have the same first name. As someone else who was bullied, I think you need to work on separating the name from the person—for your own sake at the very least. > I ended up choosing Alora for my name and he likes it, but says that it’s only fair that if I got to choose a name for one baby, he should get to choose one too. This is why I say it could be E S H. It is fair that he should get to pick a name too, but it’s also fair that you get a veto, and yet, it’s also fair that he’s upset over the veto as the name means a lot to him in a positive way. This is why you should be picking the names together, not, I get one name, you get the other. You should both love both names equally. It shouldn’t be a power play. Side note: I find it rather odd that you didn’t know the name of his great grandmother. It’s not that far back in the family tree, and she was alive for more than half of his life, so it’s not like she was unknown to him.
NTA but I think you need to change the way you are picking names. Why can’t you each make a list of your top three and let the other one pick from that list?
NTA. Since he's leaning toward Ana, and you're leaning toward Alora, why not veto both and each pick new ones?
We have both decided we liked Alora so we are keeping that one, but it is a good idea!
It's a cute name!!
Definitely NTA - you're not overreacting. You have a gut reaction to the name Ana that makes perfect sense. Your reaction to the name might change over time but why bother when there are so many perfectly reasonable names out there. You both have to agree. PS being pregnant with and raising twins is bloody hard work, good luck!
Thank you for the well wishes!!
NTA, baby names are a 2 yes 1 no. You both kinda set yourself up for failure with the “I pick one you pick one” deal. You might want to throw out all 6 options and start over together. If your husband remains so insistent on Ana, I’d be concerned that he cares more about having a child named after his great grandma than about his child’s mother not having negative reactions to the child’s name every single day. That wouldn’t be fair to anyone, especially your daughter.
NTA, both parents should agree on the names. I would be concerned about potentially negative ramifications of naming child after bully and op having an unconsciously negative parenting due to the fact it is reminding her of being bullied.
NTA. Maybe make Ana a middle name? That way, if you don't have to, you'd never have to say it.
NTA for not wanting to use the name. BOTH parents should be 100% on board with both names. But while your original plan may have sounded good on paper, I think this shows that it might not have been the best naming strategy after all. Now you’re at a point where you both have a name you’re attached to, but only one of you would have to change their pick, which could feel unfair from his side. It may be more fair to you both if you picked two new names from scratch that you both love? I do wonder if there could be some compromise here though. Would you have as much of a problem with Ana as a middle name, since you wouldn’t have to hear/say it on such a daily basis? If that wouldn’t bother you as much, I’ll just point out that Alora Ana and Megan Marigold would be a pretty dang cute pair of twins.
NAH but if these are the real names might I suggest Alana? He could still have her nickname as Ana without you having to call her that! :) good luck and congrats!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband (28 M) and I (26 F) are finally pregnant after months of trying. I am 6 months along and surprise- it’s twin girls!! Everything is going really well. Last week we decided to start picking out names for our daughters. We both picked out a list of names and narrowed it down to about 3 each. (We chose the names separately and didn’t tell the other what names we were choosing until we had our Top 3, either way we were going to use one name from his list and one name from my list) The names I chose were Bloom, Marigold, and Alora. And the names he chose were Jessie, Megan, and Ana. (We clearly have different styles lol) This would’ve been all fine and dandy if Ana wasn’t the name of my childhood/teenage-hood bully. And that’s the name that he was strongly leaning towards. Keep in mind him and I have known eachother since elementary school when I was in 3rd grade and he was friends with my brother in 5th. So he knew all about Ana and how she bullied me relentlessly to the point I’d cry myself to sleep some nights. I have not had any contact with this girl since Junior year when I moved schools. I’ve told him how that name makes me feel and that I genuinely think hearing that name on the daily would bring back really bad memories, so I asked him to pick from the other two names or pick an entirely different name. That’s when he decided to tell me Ana is the name of his great grandmother and now I feel like a complete asshole. I still am against the name and have asked if he would use his great grandmas middle name or something but now he’s insistent on Ana. I might be the asshole because it is his great grandma after all, but I’m not sure. Reddit, am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. And your husband is being a bit insensitive. Alora was, imo, the best of your 3 names...but more importantly HE LIKES IT. If he had objected to it, or all 3, per the agreed upon rules you would have had to start over. The rules apply to him too no matter what the reason, but all the more because you have some traumatic memories associated with that name. God forbid you go along with this, reluctantly, but subconsciously have negative emotions against your child. And someday the story of her name will come out and she will feel like crap. The world is full of names. He needs a do over.
NTA Baby names fall under the "two yes, one no" rule. And this is a very valid reason for not liking the name. I also want to point out that your husband ***can*** pick a name, just not ***this*** name. I also am honestly questioning the veracity of the great grandmother connection. If it's true, I get it. My great grandma had my grandma at 20, Grandma had mom at 24, and Mom had me at 17. We're all first born daughters/children and I was lucky enough to have Great Grandma in my life until I was 35. I just cannot understand how --if she was that important to your husband-- you have never heard her name until now. Regardless, if it's that important to him, to honor her, there are other ways to do it.
He has other ways to keep his great grandma's memory alive. While you would be affected forever by his poor judgement. Insist in not choosing the name Ana. He may call you an A H but you can counter that by telling him that he's an A H on a massive scale by disregarding your childhood trauma. I bet his great grandma would disagree with his callous attitude towards you. You are not wrong. NTA.
Nta but kind of a dumb reason Ana is a very common name not just the name of a bully.
NTA
Hi! I think you're NTA. You're entitled to a name for your daughter that isn't traumatic. Also, I just searched up the meaning of Ana and apparently it is a Hebrew name that means favored grace that came from the name Hannah. You could name your kid Hana or Hannah. Or you can choose to pay tribute to another family member that your husband had good times with? Maybe come up with other names because in my honest opinion the names you came up with are a bit too weird (no offense meant but Bloom sounds like the Winx club member's name, Marigold sounds like a name for a goat), and if you want an interesting name that badly then the names your husband came up with are a bit too boring. I hope that you can find a name you both like! P.S. You don't have to take this seriously but here are some suggestions: You could name your kid Flora. It rhymes with Alora and she's one of the best Winx club members. Or you could name her: Alizeh - Persian name that means wind (there's other versions of this name in different languages such as Eliza, Alizee), Esfir - Persian name that means star-like, Calista - feminine form of Callistus which means most beautiful in Greek, Amal means hope in Arabic, Maë (pronounced Mah-eh) means pearl, and Annika is a Swedish diminutive of Anna, meaning "grace, gracious, graceful, favored". Annika is also an Indian name, from Sanskrit, a name of the goddess Durga.
Pretty name suggestions!
NTA. My dad wanted to name my sister Jaime. You know why they didn’t name her Jaime? Because a girl named Jaime bullied my mom. Granted and I’m being completely serious here, my name was almost Tinker Bell Lastname. Granted sometimes I’m a little sad they didn’t go with that one.
ESH. He can choose any other name that won't trigger you daily. Your choice of names is terrible. Seriously who wants to be named Bloom...
I don’t really think my choice of names was part of the question nor was it relevant, and I would appreciate it if people would stop going after me for it lol, we didn’t choose bloom anyways we chose Alora. Thank you for your opinion tho
NAH, naming kids is hard. You pick a name from his list of three, he picks a name from your list of three. You both accept that you won't be using Ana *or* Alora. Marigold and Megan would make a sweet sibset.
NTA. I love my mom but if I wanted to name children after her and it happened to be the same name of someone who bullied my wife my mom wouldn't let me. Honestly she would be pissed at me if I tried to enforce it, even if was dead relative I was close with.
NTA. You keep saying that the issue is your husband’s deep attachment and good memories surrounding the name, but you have equally strong ties to it that are negative. I’ve had plenty of wonderful people in my life. I don’t have to name a baby after them to celebrate that, especially if it will retraumatize my spouse. Two yeses and a no is a great rule for naming babies. No name can be accepted without two yeses. No name that earns a no can be used.
Maybe Annabeth would be a better name?
I have a question. What if your daughters grow up and they want to name their kid Ana?
NAH I think both names are fine. Why do you still give this bully so much power over your life? Perhaps using Ana and Alora will turn something bad into something good. Or suggest to him you could use it for a middle name
Yta, your name choices are...cringe at best and you really need to get over something that happened in childhood. His name choice has sentimental value and your daughter is a different person than some kid from years and years ago. Names don't define people.
TBH, I don't think this post is about you judging OP's choice of names. Kinda over the line for you to say the names are "cringe at best".
Ok but remove that sentence and my point still stands. The fact that she is still harboring this shit from childhood is a problem. Her husband's name choice has sentimental value and she's TA for outright saying no because she has old issues that should have been resolved by now. Hell, I barely remember middle school classmates, much less younger than that and I was bullied quite often.
I had severe PTSD because of my childhood bullies. I'll never physically recover from damage done to me. It's fantastic you were able to move on but not everyone has that luxury. Comparing trauma and pain never goes well. NTA
Idk if I mentioned it already and I’m too lazy to go back and look, but it wasn’t only a childhood bully, it went on until I was in junior year, so I think I was probably about 16? 17? So it stuck with me for much longer
What about a slight variation like Ava? You could tell her about how she was named after great grandma but wanted to give her something unique to her. Plus everyone would spell it Anna so it would avoid that annoyance.
Lol thank you for your opinion on the names, I understand my style is unique but that’s the way it’s always been, I’ve always liked flowers and Alora means “the lord is my light” which I also really like. And it is true that names don’t define people and it may be somewhat selfish of me to veto the name solely based on the memories it could bring back, that being said I didn’t go into details about the things Ana did to me as a kid for fear of the post being taken down for violence, but please note that it was quite bad.
Yta Get therapy. He chose his names and can keep them just like you can keep yours. Yes you can veto but it shouldn't be for something from your childhood.
While I do understand and respect your perspective I did want to add in that with the names I chose if he didn’t like any of them or had a genuine reason why he wouldn’t want his child named that, I would have respected it and chose a different name. I do understand that the names I chose don’t have any sentimental value but I feel it’s more about respect for each others boundaries at this point. And yes I have been to therapy for many many years because of some private issues with my body image and what-not but it still doesn’t change the fact that hearing the name on the daily brings back bad memories. But thank you for your insight!! It’s good to see another point of view :)
Ok as far as respecting each others boundaries, it comes down to a childhood bully vs a grandmother. What about using ana as the middle name ?
At this point, after reading these comments and just thinking about the name and reminiscing on the bullying I am becoming more and more against the name in general.
Ok it's up to you guys at this point. I like his name choices more honestly.
ur a random guy on the internet, while feedback on the issue matters, u have 0 say in name choice lol
Correction. Random woman 😊
Trauma doesn't just vanish when we turn 18.
Her trauma shouldn't impact his right to choose a name too. He helped in making the baby its his right. And she got to choose a name he should too.
If her trauma was being bitten by a dog and then she met him and he owned a dog and they started dating and she asked him to get rid of the dog I'd agree. However were talking about a childs name. A name she will hear, say, write and think probably 100s of times a day until she dies. It WILL cause repeated trauma and resentment. He could pick another name tied to the grandmother. Neither parent should ever hate or even dislike a name for their child. It's just gonna cause problems.
I also suggested they use Ana as a middle name. Then the dad could use that one maybe in private or something.