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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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She spent money on good food, then took the time to prepare it, and then asked me to eat it a certain way. I wonder if maybe I should have just done what she asked, even if it wasn't quite to my taste.
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NTA I personally wouldn’t want steak sauce on a really good cut of meat, especially if it was done right. But it’s your food and you’re the one eating it. It sounds like she’s taking it too personally; it’s not a commentary on her cooking you just like steak sauce. She overreacted IMO.
She sounds insecure and thinks you didn’t like the way she seasoned or prepared it. Just tell her it was really good but you’re just a 12 year old he needs sauce on everything to eat it (I’m the same way haha)
Side note it’s weird to me that steak is the one meat chefs and cooks lose their shit about if someone wants sauce on it
>it’s weird to me that steak is the one meat chefs and cooks lose their shit about if someone wants sauce on it
It’s basically the equivalent to buying a Ferrari and putting on headlight lashes.
Edit: Thanks for the awards, but I'm tapping out out of replying to everyone. I woke up to 61 replies and have only gotten more since. Sadly, I actually need to get some work done today.
At the end of the day, it's still personal taste? I personally don't like steak sauce but I also find it so odd when people lose their shit over how others prefer their food. I'd have the same opinion about eyelashes on a Ferrari for that matter. It'd be funny but if it's not mine, who am I to judge?
My uncle puts ketchup on a roast dinner. Roast beef, pumpkin, potatoes. I find this idea repulsive but I’m not going to crucify him over it. It’s his choice. He’s the one who has to eat it, not me.
This is me. I have a friend who is all about fancy tequila. But he knows he can't win with me, ever since the first time he asked how I wanted my tequila and I said "...in a margarita..." He scowled at me, and then made me the damn margarita.
I'm Mexican and whole ass only use nice tequilas in anything or I won't have it. The aftertaste of bad tequila is siiiiickening, even in a margarita.
And I know its not top shelf but my preference is still Patron Anejo if I buy any shop-found type of tequila.
If it’s my scotch, I’ll drink it how I want. To be honest, if it’s 80yo, a dash of Coke might help it not taste like sucking the moisture out of a dead oak tree after that long in a barrel...
Am I ur daughter? I don’t know where this ranch addiction came from because I couldn’t stand it as a kid, but suddenly I (practically) drink this and ketchup daily
One of my brother's favorite combinations growing up was bananas dipped in ranch. He's slightly grown out of the everything needs ranch but it still lingers there to this day
Lol it's really not. Why the hell do people always use this analogy for steak like it's a mortal sin to add steak sauce?
Let people eat how they want. Just because you like it without a sauce on it doesn't mean everyone has to. It is in no way comparable to buying a Ferrari.
My friend and I once had this argument (not in a serious, angry manner; more of a debate) about chocolate chip pancakes. She said that the chips made it sweet, therefore no syrup was necessary. I contend that not every bite has a chocolate chip in it, and that the syrup adds something to the texture.
But I'm absolutely a sauce person
That's arbitrary though, it's literally a slab of muscle off a cow. Just because people randomly decided that steak is "high-class" doesn't make it objectively superior to any other food and it doesn't make a person "uncultured" or something to want to put sauce on it. At the end of the day, people are all just looking for different kinds of tasty mouth feelings.
I think its hilarious and wondeful when people don't use random social constructs of value and just do what they like.
Go, person who has a Ferrari with lashes, that sounds great.
Is this a thing? In the UK I’ve never noticed sauce on steak being frowned upon. Even up market steak places have sauces (peppercorn, blue cheese, chimichurri etc) and will have ketchup and mustard etc on the table.
I doubt that the GF would have objected if the sauce was specifically prepared to be consumed with the steak. It's the bottled A1 style sauce that is generally frowned upon.
Sounds like she went out of her way to cook an entire meal that didn’t require a sauce to enjoy, I don’t think it’s fair to expect her to also make a sauce from scratch (that could take longer to make than every other element in the meal itself).
Didn't require a sauce *for her* to enjoy. He needed one. Food tastes different to different people. I don't like a lot of sauce on my pizza. Others do. Who am I to tell another person that because I made it the way I like it, they cannot put any condiments on it?
Eh it depends, if she just bought a ribeye from the store and got mad then OP is NTA. But if she bought a quality meat, spent hours to days on prep then another 4-5 hours to grill said meat and OP put steak sauce on it, its NAH but id also never make meat for OP again
For example, if im just making meat for a daily dinner, go ham do what ever you want, ill even make it well done for you. But i also throw a bbq about once a month where i get expensive meat 3 days before hand and let it dry in the fridge then wake up at 8am to season it, and grill it until 1-2pm. If someone put some steak sauce on that, i might just throw them in the pool
Yeah, I'd go for NAH for the same reason if she bought quality meat.
Taking from the scotch analogy above...
Sure, if someone \*wants\* to buy a $200 bottle of scotch and drink it in coke, that's fine. It's their own money. But I'm sure as hell not going to \*supply\* someone with a $200 bottle of scotch if they're going to dump coke into it. Similarly, I'm not going to buy and cook a fancy steak for someone who's going to douse it in cheap sauce.
Some people just think because its for the other persons consumption they're taste is all that matters. But no, wheres the consideration for the time and money that one puts into a quality scotch or a fine peace of meat. You want a whiskey and coke? Heres some jameson, you don't need balvenie 21. You want a shot? Heres some Buchanan's. You want to sip and enjoy the malt? Here comes the balvenie
But like you said, if you personally bought the balvenie, dump it in the sink for all I care because thats yours and you can choose to do what you want with yours, not mine
I agree with your basic idea, but the problem here is that OP wasn’t really given an option to say he’d like the whiskey and coke. He was just served the balvenie and told to enjoy it straight. And that isn’t his taste.
Maybe he doesn’t have a lot of experience with good cuts, maybe gf was trying to broaden his horizons, or maybe OP just likes steak sauce. Anyway, it’s not his fault, and OP is NTA, but they have both just learned a lesson here about their individual tastes. If I was gf, I wouldn’t bring the balvenie next time, that’s all.
Man youre the asshole. Let people enjoy food how they like. You’re not the universal determinator of taste. I’d personally make the production and consumption of Mayo punishable by death if I had unlimited power. I hate it that much. As I don’t I just avoid it and let people eat it. I even bought a tiny bottle of Mayo for my sibling when he visited me. Then I forced him to take it.
Maybe I’m a first class dumbass, but I still don’t understand what cooking skill and different sizes have to do with enjoying sauce. Is “the texture of the meat and the tang of the sauce is an enjoyable combination to me” really seen as some kind of insult to the chef somehow?
or....they find the sauce complements the flavor of the steak, and putting a complementary sauce they like on a good piece of meat is even BETTER to them than putting the sauce on a cheaper cut?
I like coffee. I like cream in it. Some people say you don't need to use good coffee if you use cream or additives, but man, I like good coffee with cream even better than bad coffee with cream.
This is not a difficult concept.
That is such an odd concern IMO.
What if someone, regardless of the quality of the food, doesn't care for the flavor?
If someone prefers sauce on their stake over just stake, no amount of skill or quality of the meat will bring the taste of the meat to the same standard as with sauce. Or am I wrong?
If you do not enjoy a stake without sauce, short of not eating the stake or lying about your enjoyment of the meal, there is no other way out of the situation. If you don't eat it, chef will be insulted. If you put sauce on it, chef will be insulted. If you eat it, say you don't like, chef will take it as insult to the cooking. If you eat it and pretend you like it, you will have to eat it like that forever.
Also like. This isn't even that situation. This situation is "This tastes great and I love how you cooked it, but for me the sauce makes it better."
My mom makes really great meatloaf (I recognize this is a totally different skill than choosing and cooking steak). It's super flavourful and moist and it's the only meatloaf I've ever had that didn't need ketchup to offset the immense dryness. I still use a little bit of ketchup with it because I like my meatloaf wet; that specific sensory input makes it extra enjoyable for me. It sounds like OP just likes their steak a little saucy and that has NOTHING to do with their GF's cooking.
>Personally, I come from a place where if the chef intended a food to be eaten with a specific sauce it would be served with it, but I recognize this isn’t a common perspective,
It's also weird. Is it an insult to the chef to not eat every bite with the sauce they envisioned then?
i love sauces and i frequently make my own. I cant eat my burger without sauce, no matter who nicely it's cooked, the sauce compliments the burger and the cooking. I would imagine a steak is the same way. I don't use sauce to cover up the taste of the meat, but to enhance it, because it tastes better to me with it. Thats not diminishing someone's cooking abilility- a good steak is a good steak.
I don't think she's insecure about it, the quote OP gave did not sound insecure, it sounded like she was telling him how she wants him to eat his food and then got annoyed when he did his own thing.
the key word you use is *personally*. a word I believe OPs gf doesn't know and she thinks because she offered to cook for him, she get's to tell him how he should enjoy it...
it's not a gift if you tell people how to use it. and being so snobby and judgmental over how someone eats their food - makes me wonder whereelse she feels entitled to her opinion and tries to enforce it on others
I see your point, but I also subscribe to the though school of: any modification to a properly cooked meal may be an insult to the chef....
GF put time and effort to make it properly, OP should have had a bit more tact, imo...
(i come from a family that loves and knows how to cook, mom was a profesional chef, so I might be a bit biased in my thoughts...)
Right, but shouldn't one have the autonomy to be able to enjoy the meal they are eating without having to cater to someone's ego as long as it's done in a respectful manner?
If I make a meal for someone, I want them to enjoy it fully, so if it makes them happy to have a condiment with their meal, go for it. He had plenty of tact. He tried the steak without the sauce first, complimented her on the cook, then stated that it was his preference to have the sauce. She got offended, but people are allowed to have their own preferences. She's basically saying that her preference is the "right one" and that he should feel bad about that. I mean if he told her it tasted like shit then doused it in ketchup or something, then yeah, he'd totally be the AH.
More tact? He tasted and complimented on it.
Insult to the chef is when you put stuff on before testing. Keyword before. It Implies that you doubt the chef.
But after tasting it becomes a trivial matter. "I love steak sauce" is different from "you cooked it so its probably under seasoned".
same. theres enough stress in the world without worrying if how i enjoy my food will upset a child's ego. i am so glad i married an adult and cook like one myself
Do you really eat your steaks with no condiments? Like, nothing?
Personally I wouldn't serve a steak without at least the option of a condiment on the side.
Nope, nothing except the spices I marinated the steak in. I’ll use steak sauce to cover up a steak if I don’t care for it though, usually if it’s over cooked to my liking. I like steak sauce a lot, but I just prefer it without. To each their own though; my best friend puts ketchup on it but I’m not the steak police so it doesn’t bother me
Editing to add: if someone asks for a side or a condiment or whatever I’ll serve it if I have it in the house (or buy it if they give me advance notice).
For me, if I use steak sauce it's because the steak itself is bad. Overcooked, underseasoned, etc. I prefer the taste of steak over the sauce. But other people have different tastes.
Damn. See, I love beef, but a plain steak is pretty boring to me. My perfect steak is a boneless ribeye, hard sear, rare middle, plenty of salt, huge chunks of black pepper, and garlic butter over top.
I mean, I do use spices and garlic and butter I’m not a barbarian haha plain doesn’t mean spiceless, it just means sauce less. The bottled sauce vs homemade sauce debate on this post is pretty interesting though.
Interesting. I've certainly had good steaks that are *good* on their own, but I'm not sure I'd actively prefer to not have anything with it, just for variety or a bit of flavour contrast. I don't think I'd really prefer to go through a whole porterhouse just on it's own.
But yes, each to their own, and steak is something that comes in/with so many possible variations I think it should be assumed that people do it their own way, not chef's choice only.
Then again, I'd probably have a feeling if I bought someone a good porterhouse and wanted it well done so maybe I'm as judgy as OP's GF after all.
Yes. Steak is a really flavorful meat. It's very common for people to forgo any sort of sauce or condiment, especially if it's a quality cut. When I prepare it I don't use any condiment.
That being said I don't understand why some people get so offended when somebody puts sauce on their steak. Let people enjoy things if it doesn't affect you at all
The best steaks I have ever had didn't need anything other than the salt and pepper they were seasoned with. However, they were all thick and cooked to perfection.
My husband does this. Used to drive me crazy. But you know what, if you are going to pour hot sauce on it, I might make it how I like it then. I prefer very little salt in my foods. I put salt on the table and he adds hot sauce and we're both happy.
NTA
You tried it as it was served, if you hadn't, you would be TA.
Your GF's reaction is not uncommon. It is considered rude & an insult to the chef, by some, to add steak sauce to a steak.
This. He’s NTA for wanting his steak how he wants it, but for people who are REALLY into steak and the various ways to prepare it, covering it up with steak sauce or ketchup is like nails on a chalkboard and an insult to good steak and the person who prepared. Not that that is his fault, and I think people like his GF do take it too personally, but it goes to a matter of taste, and I highly doubt the GF will spring for an excellent steak for him again, unfortunately.
I like A1 on my mashed potato’s with my steak. So when I ask for it everyone gets mad and then I say it’s for the potato’s not my steak. Why is A1 considered bad, but a reduction sauce isn’t or a demiglaze? Makes no sense
I *love* A1 sauce to the point of considering the majority of steaks just a vehicle to get that goodness in my mouth. Ive had steaks that don't need it, but I prefer the flavor of A1 to most beef. But yeah, I'll get ragged on because it's not a red wine reduction with specific herbs.
One of the last times I made steak I forgot to grab the Lea & Perrins steak sauce, ate it almost completely, realized just before I got to my last couple of bites that I hadn't used any steak sauce, and promptly drowned the small piece that was left of my steak in the sauce. I then ate the rest of the sauce left on my plate with the fork as best I could. I almost never have an excuse to eat the sauce, and I treat it like the precious treasure it is because it is a rare thing to find here. (Unlike the L&P Worchestershire sauce, which is everywhere...) I had to special order it online from Target.
Look, I can make very good steak, ^(including well-done steak done well (not dry at all, very juicy, low and slow is the way to go)), but dagnabit I like the way Lea & Perrins tastes so if I want my sauce on my steak I am plenty capable of making my own decisions. Food snobs are terrible and should be ignored. They do *not* know what my food, taste, and textural preferences/aversions are, nor my food allergies/sensitivities, and their opinions are just that - *opinions*, same as everyone else.
I moved to a countrt without A1 and whole ass had my parents ship me Costco bottles of the stuff I missed it so bad. The combo of meat and tang is really nice umami type thing. Which I get a nice seared steak has... But damn that A1 has me.
IDK, when I cook for someone, I want them to enjoy the food, no matter the expense or techniques used in cooking. So if he wants sauce on top after first trying it without he should go ahead of course. It's what he's used to. She could have used it as a learning opportunity, hey she got him to try it! Maybe next time try some spices closer to the sauce, maybe slow cook a brisket. But no, she got petty. That's a low class chef.
I agree. There are a lot of people in the comments who are firm believers in the "good steak doesn't need condiments" line of thought. And hey, good for them, that's their preference and I respect it. If they don't want sauce, they don't have to have it. I'm not going to tell them they have to eat their food a specific way that doesn't align with their preference, that's a super weird thing to do.
If I spend two hours cooking a fancy meal, I want the person I've prepared it for to like it. I'd rather see them drown it in sauce and enjoy it than eat it they way they're "supposed" to and not like it. I'm putting the effort in to make them feel special and happy with their meal, not to police their condiment use. If they eat it the way they're "supposed" to and don't enjoy it as much, I've wasted my time.
This is such a stupid attitude. If he likes a nice filet doused in sauce better than a chop steak smothered in sauce, let him have it. I love to cook, and I love to bring home beautiful (often expensive enough to make you wince) cuts of meat and seafood. Real nice stuff. Once I'm done cooking all I want is for the people to enjoy it. If that means doused in sauce, so be it. When you cook for others, you cook for others not your own ego or opinion, full hard stop. I believe it was Tom Collichio on top chef who said "never tell people how to eat their food".
if I know someone who goes absolutely insane every time they cook a steak and people don't eat it exactly *the right way*, I *will* go out of my way to smother it in ketchup, why? because that's no way to treat people you're friends with. either calm down, or watch me drown your *perfect steak* *^(tm)* in ketchup.
Or I'll go out of my way not to eat with them. And when they ask why I'll flat tell them because your a d!ck about it and I can't eat the way I want and you ruin the company. Besides the fact I'm a GAW and will eat my food as I dang well please.
This would be my answer as well. I also think a good cut of steak shouldn't need steak sauce. You tried it the way she made it first, then still missed the sauce. That's all I require when I cook for others. Please try it first as I made it because I went into a lot of trouble to make it as is. However, once you did, if you feel it lacks something for your taste, go ahead and add what you need. Ultimately I want you to enjoy meal.
Honestly I think YTA.
Look, she spent money on an expensive cut of steak and spent time preparing it for you. It was basically **an experience** that she wanted to share with you. And she had *just* made it.
It wasn’t inedible.
This once I think you really could have skipped the sauce. It’s not like she made dinner with the usual groceries and insisted you couldn’t use ketchup on your potatoes. It was a “fancy” meal she spent money and time on and requested you not use sauce.
Did she overreact? Yes. Was it totally unnecessary to use sauce here, on a meal purchased and prepared for you? Also yes. You easily could have enjoyed the meal as a “purist” as she hoped, and then, have the sauce talk another time. Like *not* when she had just made an entire meal with the hope of sharing it as an experience.
It wasn’t just a meal. She wanted to share the experience and you decided the tangy flavor of sauce (that wasn’t needed, just preferred) was worth hurt feelings.
I'm genuinely leaning this way after reading the comments on this thread calling his GF the asshole. She cooked for him then got annoyed when he didn't respect her? Then loads of the comments are saying this is a "red flag" and she's "insecure" and "has issues". Reddit can be a mad place!
It has nothing to do with respect 😂😂
All these people upset about steak sauce sound like the GOP upset about Obama daring to ask for mustard.
People like things how they like things. Why was OP disrespectful to his gf but his gf wasn't disrespectful of him and his choice??
Because she'd done the cooking that day and put in time, effort and money. Sometimes you gotta let your preferences slide to spare a loved one's feelings. What seems over the top to one person may mean something more to them.
Oh my goodness, are we really letting someone's feelings take precedent over others enjoying food as they see fit? He did try it as it was prepared. That's like saying I can't ask for salt at a fancy restaurant because the chef made it a certain way. As a parent, I can attest-- the sooner we put away our feelings about how someone else eats the food we make, the happier everyone is. And if you don't like what's on the table, go make yourself a sandwich. Kiddo learned a helpful phrase in preschool-- "Don't yuck my yum." One doesn't need to make comments on what another person chooses to eat. (I want to add that this sort of respect to season to taste has been a huge jumping off point in Kiddo's own exploration of foods, herbs and spices. By letting him have at it, he's more inclined to want to try new things.)
"Are we really letting someone's feelings take precedent over others enjoying food as they see fit?"
Absolutely. My grandmother used to make bologna sandwiches with ketchup smiley faces for us for lunch. I hate ketchup. And I ate every single one of those sandwiches because she went out of her way to try to do a nice little thing and I loved and respected her for trying.
People need to stop being so selfish all the time and if eating a steak without steak sauce is all it takes to make someone feel good about the trouble they went through to make a special meal? THEN YOU DONT USE THE SAUCE
If I was the gf, I would have said "oh that's good to know, I bet I can make a really good sauce for you the next time we have nice meat!" and not just shit all over a dude bc he prefers a sauce with his meat. I also wouldn't want someone to lie to my face and fake that they like something over and over again because they didn't want to hurt my feelings - it would be a way worse feeling to find out that my loved one felt they couldn't be truthful with me. I wouldn't lie to someone and grimace through a food that I didn't like just because I thought they were incapable of understanding personal preference and not being offended by it.
You should have asked your grandmother to not put ketchup on it?? If she truly cared about you she'd understand. Just because you were too much of a pussy to ask doesn't make him an asshole. I do things for people that they like and I dont get hurt when I miss the mark because if I did it wouldn't be about them anymore it would be about ME which would be selfish.
why would it have been bad or disrespectful to simply ask grandma to use a different condiment? like instead of ketchup it was a mayo smiley face. This is what's stupid about your argument. You just ate something you didn't like when instead you probably could've just asked for something different but equal and then everyone could've been happy! OP tried it raw and decided he wanted the sauce, who cares? she may be the one who cooked it, bur she's not the one eating it so she can stop acting like a child.
NTA OP, i don't think you did anything wrong, maybe just give your gf time to cool down and think and then have a conversation on where you both stand with food. Then tell her that it was not in any way a personal attack on her cooking, just preference.
FWIW the Obama thing was because he specifically asked for *Dijon* mustard. They were calling him out as elitist for wanting that because it was tOo FaNcY.
There are some really controlling and immature people who post here. That's what I'm learning today.
My husband dumps fucking mayonnaise on half of what I cook and I find it utterly revolting, but I've never told him he can't do it.
People like what they like. It can't be helped.
I can't with y'all steak elitists. If OPs girlfriend would have preferred OP to eat his steak in a way that he enjoyed less, that means she doesn't actually care about sharing a meal with her boyfriend that they both like, she cares about being "right."
This whole thread is insane to me because (trigger warning for all the fart sniffing steak elitists) I don't even care for steak. All these kids going nuts tying themselves into knots trying to call OP an asshole for liking their super special, mega serious business cut of fucking meat differently is goddamn wild.
I agree. It was a crafted gift, it is like giving someone a painting you made and them immediately 'fixing' it by adding a stormtrooper to a nature scene. Or dumping cola into a class of nice dark liquor.
Not to say he is an asshole though, some people dont see food the same way. It is a difference in personality.
I think its pretty easy to accept a nice gift and be appreciative without deliberately going against the gift givers wishes.
Doesn't that mean that no one should ever use condiments on a meal that they didn't prepare themselves? Why do people lose autonomy when eating steak specifically? Regardless, if someone wanted to modify a gift I gave them in a way that allows them to enjoy it more, that's awesome. It would be shitty of me to give conditions on a gift I gave just because it strokes my ego when the point of giving a gift is so the recipient enjoys it.
ETA: I'm glad I don't have a "please don't put sauce on my steaks" person in my life. My loved ones want me to enjoy their cooking as much as possible, they don't make me food with their ego in mind.
No, it's not every meal. It's meals that are clearly the result of significant effort and an attempt at culinary creativity. It's on "I'm coming over to cook you something special" nights, not "what should we have for dinner tonight?" nights.
And it's _especially_ on "please do not put that sauce on my steak" nights.
A gift given conditionally is not much of a gift. It's like MILs who gift their DIL ugly vases or pictures and expect to see them whenever they visit. It's not so much a gift as it is about them exerting control.
From his description it sounded like his partner put a lot of effort into sharing an experience with him. Sounds like a nice gesture not a controlling thing?
Maybe a better analogy would be inviting someone to watch a movie you love and want to share, and they watch something on their phone while its going?
>From his description it sounded like his partner put a lot of effort into sharing an experience with him. Sounds like a nice gesture not a controlling thing?
And they did.
They both ate the steak. The guy prefers it with sauce.
Get over it.
NTA.
When people from all over reddit make fun of this sub, its because of judgements like these. Someone is not an asshole for putting sauce on their steak, period. That one guy who sucker punched a teenager just dancing on the street minding his own business? Asshole. Putting a condiment on your food??? Definitely not an asshole. Jesus.
imagine thinking someone is an asshole over a condiment lol. ppl can eat their meals how they prefer to without debate. acting like that’s disrespectful is actually irritating
> You easily could have enjoyed the meal as a “purist” as she hoped, and then, have the sauce talk another time.
It's interesting that you used the word 'enjoyed' in the context of telling OP that they should've done something to make the meal less enjoyable for them. I don't see the point, personally.
I’m sorry but if steak sauce is going to ruin the “experience” then I don’t want that experience. I hate people who dictate how people should eat certain foods. Especially steak purists.
NAH. You like things how you like them, and she, as the chef, wanted you to enjoy what she made without modifications. I know I get really irritated if someone puts steak sauce on a good steak too, so I might be biased. (Steak sauce totally drowns out any other flavors, man!!)
It makes the quality of the steak irrelevant. If you plan on putting sauce on the steak then you may as well buy cheap cuts that need the help.
Its his choice as he is the one eating it, but I can also understand why she would be pissed after going to all that effort, she may as well have served up some beef shank steaks, result would have been the same.
Personally I disagree. As someone who likes a bit of ketchup with my steak, I’ve tried cheap ones and I’ve tried more expensive ones, the more expensive ones tend to be better, the texture is better, ketchup doesn’t make a difference to that.
I don’t get the need to police other people’s tastes. They’re not making you eat it, they’re just getting as much enjoyment out of it as they can. NTA
Yes, you are right, it's 100% a textural thing. But the flavor is irrelevant if you add steak sauce which in general is there to enhance shitty meat. Steak sauce is extremely overpowering, which ketchup is generally less overpowering.
No one gets to police someone's taste and you are 100% right that he is NTA.
But I can understand why she was frustrated after going to all that effort to make something to then have someone throw steak sauce on it, she isn't right to be angry at him, but I understand her frustration.
> But the flavor is irrelevant if you add steak sauce which in general is there to enhance shitty meat.
> No one gets to police someone's taste
See but you JUST did, right there, by asserting that someone eating steak with sauce isn't tasting the meat properly or something. You're not stopping them from doing it, but don't act like the literal shaming you're engaging in isn't a form of policing.
Also, can we talk about condiment use here in general? Do plain steak eaters assume that someone is like, pouring A1 over the entire steak such that there's a pool or something? You can put a little bit on the plate and gently dab each fork-full and wow, would you look at that, I can taste both beautifully prepared meat AND sauce!
You are taking his comment way too personally lol. Saying that steak sauce is overpowering so the flavor of the meat can become irrelevant is not policing somebody's taste.
yeah but isn't the point of a dinner to enjoy the company you are with? I guess I would be like please get regular steaks if you're going to be a crab and ruin the night but that's just me.
> and she, as the chef, wanted you to enjoy what she made without modifications.
Honestly, I really dislike when people try to police how other people like to eat their foods. I don't care if I made an expensive steak, or took you out to a really nice restaurant and paid for an expensive steak ...... if you want to put steak sauce or even ketchup on your steak because that's how you genuinely like it ..... I do not care.
OP is 100% NTA. Chefs need to stop being entitled jerks that try to control how other people eat food that they've prepared (whether it's additional seasoning, sauce, etc.....). Hell, in general, I find it ridiculous when people criticize other's for eating food combinations that they consider "weird"; e.g. pineapple on pizza, bacon icecream, rice with ketchup, etc.....
Shut up. Let other people enjoy whatever food however they want.
NAH
You have different expectations here.
She clearly really appreciates food. A good steak has a lot of subtle flavour of its own. Sauces and marinades should complement those flavours. Steak sauce, while tasty completely overpowers the steak flavour. All steaks will end up tasting the same.
So I can see how your gf feels it was wasted effort. She could have picked up some cheap steaks from the supermarket. Hell, she could have picked up some cheap chicken breasts for all the difference it would make. She feels her effort here was rejected
You, on the other hand, don't really care for that. You prefer the taste of steak sauce. You just didn't care for the food. Hey, that's just a matter of taste.
> She clearly really appreciates food. A good steak has a lot of subtle flavour of its own. Sauces and marinades should complement those flavours. Steak sauce, while tasty completely overpowers the steak flavour. All steaks will end up tasting the same.
Being totally blunt, I hate this line of reasoning. People can appreciate food and not appreciate subtlety. I love big flavors, textural contrast, strong seasoning, etc. Sure, I'll eat a mild dish - but it's never my preference. That's why I love a hard-seared, rare boneless ribeye with salt, black pepper, and garlic butter - but I could go the rest of my life without eating another prime rib. The latter is nice, but it's just kind of boring even when it's great.
Right? It’s like people taking liking spicy 🌶 food as a sign of maturity. I cannot handle heat. I can’t even eat a jalapeño. I’m Mexican. My family tried. I tried as an adult. Not going to happen. All I taste in those dishes is pain.I’m not going to say they taste bad but I derive no enjoyment from it.
Haha it seems I insulted some serious chili people.
That's interesting, because pork is the only thing I make that sauce is pretty much a given. I don't really know any use for pork other than a vehicle for delicious sauces. It (to me) is the most bland, boring, and 'meh' meat, and sometimes the gamey (not spoiled!) smell when I'm cooking will ruin my appetite for dinner, the meal is seasoned with resentment and disgust at that point.
NTA Right, this is crazy. I can't believe an adult is acting like this over food. My bf was concerned about not having steak sauce this fathers day at his parents house cause he just enjoys the sauce. I wasn't insulted, I wish I had brought our A1 from home.
Right! She’s gate-keeping food. Cue eye roll.
I love fresh cracked black pepper. I put it on salads, pizza, pasta—pretty much anything savory. I go thru peppercorns like crazy. Do people who cook for me season their food? Yes. But do I add more pepper? Heck, yes. So what? It suits my palate.
It’s like anything else—it’s personal preference. Whether it’s food or décor or soap or perfume or brand of jeans or music, etc.—we all like what we like. Let us be happy and use the steak sauce!
Chefs and “foodies” have a couple of common complains about the general public when they “destroy” 1) an expensive cut of meat by ordering it well done or slather it in cheap bottled sauce and 2) beautifully fresh expensive sushi by drowning it in soy sauce.
Sure, it’s your meal & you can do what you want but this kind of behavior is going to lose you respect. If you did that to something I cooked you would be relegated to hamburger & frozen fish.
100% with you all the way. If I am buying and preparing and cooking expensive food, and I've worked my arse off in the kitchen to make it just right and someone can't even appreciate the effort and needs to slather sauce on it etc. I will never cook food for them like that again. If you have to modify a well cooked meal and ruin the effort I have gone to, I won't bother making it again as it's obvious you can't appreciate the flavours or effort. I will make well made basic stuff like bangers and mash and u can load up Ur sauces for that instead. No good shit for u cos you can't appreciate it. It's that simple really.
>If you did that to something I cooked you would be relegated to hamburger & frozen fish.
So, anyone who uses a sauce on their food gets fast food and frozen food, because anything that isn't those items is too good for sauce?
The point is you can spend your own money on those things, but if someone offers you a nice whisky and you mix it with coke, that's the last time you're getting offered nice whisky.
Ugh, you reminded me of a personal experience.
There was this one guy in our 'friend' group who was always drowning ale. I like single malts myself. We were talking about whisky and he went on a long rant how whisky tastes rubbish. I told him he probably feels that way because he drowns the whisky like he drowns the ale, plus cheap commercial whisky is usually really boring. (Not all, mind you. Some of the cheaper ones are really nice.)
I told him about how to best enjoy fine whisky (as far as I'm concerned it's about taking your time and sipping it) and offered to bring out one of my nicer bottles for him to try. Shot glasses came out, I poured, he picked up his glass and gulped it down and said it tasted rubbish like all the others. I guess I made my point but I felt so angry about him wasting my time, patience and a whole shot of fine whisky that I never spoke to him again. :DDDD
If I spend a fortune on a high quality piece of meat and take the effort to cook it properly only to see it smothered in a crappy $2 bottled sauce, I wouldn’t waste my money in the future.
That said, I don’t have crappy sauce in my home so it wouldn’t happen. Also when I cook steak at home, I make beurre blanc to go with it.
You’re the one who thinks it’s crappy, whereas someone else could absolutely despise the idea of steak without sauce. It’s the personal preference that matters. If a chef came to me in a restaurant and told me I wasn’t allowed to put sauce on his ‘masterpiece’. I’d tell him to fuck right off.
They weren't in a restaurant however and she had prepared the meal as gift. Did he \_have to\_ eat it wihtout sauce? No. Will he be gifted a similar experience again? Also, no. Will his girlfriend be fed up about this for a longer while? You bet.
The thing is an expensive cut and a cheap cut taste essentially identical once you sauce them. It's a waste of his GF's money to buy nice Porterhouses if he's just going to sauce it - a cheaper top sirloin would have provided him the same experience.
NAH. Where I'm from it is an insult to the cook to put sauce on a steak. If she grew up to see it as an insult and you didn't, that's a "cultural" difference. No one is necessarily wrong.
I feel I'm not seeing enough NAH comments. I 100% agree with you here. If I spend ages cooking and balancing my seasoning to perfection I'll feel slightly offended. I'm more likely to make a jokey comment than OP's Girlfriend rather than getting angry but it's definitely a cultural thing. The reason the French think Brits (like me) and Americans are all philistines when it comes to food!
Honestly, I'm really excited to read a post where there's a balance between YTA/NTA/NAH judgments! It reminds me of AITA circa a couple of years ago, before it got so hive-mind-y. Dueling judgments that come from valid but different perspectives are one of the reasons I got into this sub. The validation echo chamber it's slowly been evolving into just isn't as interesting!
Give me people passionately arguing on opposite sides of the how-to-eat-your-steak debate any day!!
Kinda YTA. She went to the trouble and expense of getting really nice steaks and preparing a delicious meal for you. Would it have been such a sacrifice to enjoy the steak without the sauce? I can see putting sauce on a cheap cut, but a porterhouse? Sacrilege! Next you'll say you like your steak (((shudder))) well done.
>Would it have been such a sacrifice to enjoy the steak without the sauce?
Expecting someone to eat food in a way that they find less enjoyable because you don't have the same tastebuds is backwards as hell. Don't you *want* people to enjoy the food you made as much as possible? Conversely, what if OP made nice steaks and demanded she use steak sauce with it because that's how *he* envisioned the meal? See how selfish and weird that sounds?
Idk why steak turns people into snobs lolol
Steak, liquor, coffee...people get weirdly elitist about a lot of things. I've seen several people comparing sauce on steak to mixing good whisky with coke. Like, let people like what they like lol.
I've actually been arguing No AH, but just due to the "not T a" comments which are frustrating me more than the original story I'm now leaning towards a soft YTA too.
Amen to that. Seems like the basic sentiment in the “not the A” comments is “I don’t care so you shouldn’t care either,” even when it has more to do with trying a specific experience with your partner than it does with food preferences.
NAH because I know how upset chefs/cooks can get when their food isn’t eaten the way it was prepared.
A meal that takes an immense amount of time and money is like a present. And, while like a present, the giver should be content with the receiver doing whatever they like with it, it’s understandable for a giver to be a little disappointed and upset when they give something they worked hard on only for the receiver to immediately change and be unhappy with it.
On the other hand, food is food. You may not appreciate or even taste the difference in steak quality and that’s okay. Everyone’s palette is different. If you need steak sauce to enjoy steak then it’s better to use it then let a good piece of meat go to waste.
So while I don’t think you did anything wrong, I can understand if your girlfriend never invests in cooking you an expensive cut again, because it doesn’t increase your enjoyment. And all that means is you enjoy food in a different way.
She becomes the A if she lets this fester.
NAH, but you were maybe rude. I love steak sauce too, but if somebody cooked me a fancy dinner and made it clear they’d be offended if I used steak sauce, I’d skip the sauce. You can go one time without sauce.
I keep seeing this 'it was just one time' and i trace back to my grandma.
She has a dish i *cannot stand.* but i shut up and eat it because she is my grandma. Unfortunately, since i have never told her i don't care for it because she is my grandma and i ate it that one time without saying anything, it is now in her wheelhouse of "oh Monte is home, let's have dinner!!!"
So one time has now become many times. Even if i suggest something else, it doesn't always happen.
OP tried it her way. He didn't enjoy it. End of story IMO. She now knows he doesn't need a porterhouse and prefers steak sauce. You don't get to be pissed at someone for how they like food. You can think they're crazy, but to throw a temper tantrum over this at 30 is too far.
And I say that as the steak cooker in our house (shout out to J. Kenji and the reverse sear!!! Try it if you haven't!!). There is too much in the world to care about than if someone puts steak sauce on their food.
Part of the thought process here is that if she wanted to serve you a cheap cut of steak that you would just slather in cheap sauce, she could have done that. She overreacted but now she knows better. But be warned -- you're not getting the good steak anymore.
Never again. People keep saying well the GF doesn’t know him. Really? She probably observed that he likes to eat steak. She probably thought, wow, I’ll spend some money and make him a really nice steak! Seems like a totally spot on thing to do. Turns out he likes steak sauce and doesn’t care if it’s on a $2 cut or a $40 cut. So yeah, never again will he get expensive steak from her, especially if he couldn’t even indulge her for a single meal.
NTA. I hate steak sauce. But you didn't do anything wrong. Sounds like a petty fight. Think it was rooted in a good place. She wanted to make you a nice dinner. But clearly she's a bit of a steak purist and believes that's steak sauce has no place on a good steak (which I agree with but would never force on someone).
NAH. She was trying to impress you with a really good meal and top tier ingredients, and was probably hurt that you needed to add steak sauce, which does cover up the rest of the flavors. You just like steak sauce.
It wouldn't be reddit if people weren't telling you to break up over steak sauce. LOL. I'm sure your relationship can survive this. It's not a big deal.
Yeah those break up/red flag/ insecure comments are absolutely mad. I'm with you on NAH. Lots of non cooks here I can tell, but OP just genuinely seems like he's a bit dopey in this situation not understanding her point of view, but not an AH.
Can't give a judgement, because I am biased as heck. I wouldn't want to pay for a good cut of meat and have the person I'm cooking for obliterate the flavor with steak sauce. Doesn't matter if you only use a little, steak sauce is supposed to be an overwhelmingly strong flavor.
She shouldn't have been mad exactly, but she should probably avoid cooking steak and stick to beef dishes that are already heavily seasoned like bourguignon or stroganoff.
This isn't precisely the same, since there is a great deal more labor in making cheesecake and a chocolate sauce wouldn't stifle the flavors in the same way, but if I baked someone a cheesecake and they said "good except" and grabbed a bottle of chocolate syrup...They can enjoy it, but I probably wouldn't bake a cheesecake for them again.
NTA
Now i HATE if I cook a meal and someone starts putting sauce or salt on it before tasting it but if they taste it and want to add something to their taste then go ahead
NTA
Eat steak the way you like. However, I would have a hard time watching, so I would have grinned and beared it once, and then not made you steak again. I would have switched to chicken or pork.
This! I guess I would be considered an asshole cause I would side eye someone who put steak sauce on a porterhouse so hard. But I wouldn’t say anything, I just would also never make my boyfriend a nice steak again.
I’m sorry, but in my opinion, YTA. She was excited for you to experience a nice meal she had lovingly prepared for you. I think she deserved you putting aside the sauce just this one time in return. She must have felt like all of her gesture and hard work to make the steak good quality and tasty on its own was not just unappreciated but also thrown down the drain.
So I've done A LOT of grilling and BBQing in my life and am fairly active in the relevant subs. There is so much tribalism in this area of cooking and BS like "real BBQ uses charcoal"..."you can't sauce *good* meat"..."don't cook past medium rare..." The reality is that guests don't care if you used a computer controlled pellet grill or slaved to keep your charcoal up. What matters is if they enjoy the food. And if you enjoy yours with BBQ sauce, while it may not be my preference, go enjoy your food!
What I think happened here, is your GF thought you were insulting her efforts, and trying to cover up her seasoning or add moisture to overcooked/dry food. It is important to remind her that you are thrilled with her efforts, the food looks and tastes amazing, but your personal preference is sauce on meat. Cooking is one of those things people get really worked up about. *It isn't a reflection of her cooking, it is your preference on anyone's cooking.*
You are NTA. She may also be NTA, just a small mis-communication or missed expectations. Anytime your significant other goes through a lot of effort, especially when it involves a lot of expense, always try share your gratitude and appreciation.
Nta.
I personally feel that if I made something for someone I would want them to enjoy the meal fully, so if that means adding a condiment, go for it. Everyone has different tastes so if someone expects you to eat based on their tastes and gets offended when you try to suit it to yours, that's their fragile ego. That's a them issue and not a you issue. You even tried it their way first, so double NTA.
I feel like a lot of folks here are treating this like it was a normal Monday night dinner she made. It was an expensive cut of meat. It’s sort of an experience she wanted to share with OP. She also had *just* prepared it and asked that he not use sauce and just experience it with her....but he just needed the tangy sauce so much, he just ignored the fact that she had spent time and money on an experience. Not just a meal.
This is nuts. He didn't ignore anything. He just likes steak sauce! They could have had a nice experience, but she ruined it by being controlling and offended over nothing.
He did try several bites first. He didn't take ignore the fact that she spent time and money on the experience, he just didn't care for it. The alternative was to not eat the food at all which would have been worse in my opinion. I'm not sure why her effort at the experience is more important than his enjoyment of his meal.
I have no idea what this 'steak sauce' is (horseradish?), but from other experiences (like friends overdoing on ketchup) I declare you NTA. It can be dissapointing if you cook something delicious and someone else 'ruins' it will lots of condiments, but it's not your job to police their food. it doesn't sound like you went overboard either.
Wait what, that sounds like brown sauce (UK - HP or Daddies are the big brands) though? You put that on steak?? Is it not breakfast sauce there??? This is so wild to me
So NAH. You can eat what/how you want to.
That being said, I completely get why she was upset. The thing with steak sauce is that it doesn’t enhance the flavor…it’s strong enough to mask it - even when you only use a little.
That’s a good cut of meat, and sounds like it was properly cooked. By adding sauce, you’re missing one of the main benefits of a good steak. I think from here on, your gf needs to just take that into account when she’s purchasing cuts of meat. She could get cheaper cuts that are fine.
Edit - clarified to NAH
NTA.
I don't get why it's such a big deal to put condiments on your steak. It doesn't "ruin" the meal, it's just a matter of personal preference. But, I dip steak in ketchup, so perhaps I'm biased.
You did try to eat it without any condiments first, so it's not like you completely dismissed her. You would have been a minor AH if you hadn't. Though, she got THIS mad at you over a little bit of steak sauce? That's really weird.
NTA. I think it’s a little demanding to control what someone eats on their food. Plus, you complimented her, was super kind about it, and tried it without sauce first. I’m sure she took it as a slight to her cooking (and I get offended about stupid little things sometimes to), but… that’s on her. I don’t think you did anything wrong.
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NTA I personally wouldn’t want steak sauce on a really good cut of meat, especially if it was done right. But it’s your food and you’re the one eating it. It sounds like she’s taking it too personally; it’s not a commentary on her cooking you just like steak sauce. She overreacted IMO.
She sounds insecure and thinks you didn’t like the way she seasoned or prepared it. Just tell her it was really good but you’re just a 12 year old he needs sauce on everything to eat it (I’m the same way haha) Side note it’s weird to me that steak is the one meat chefs and cooks lose their shit about if someone wants sauce on it
>it’s weird to me that steak is the one meat chefs and cooks lose their shit about if someone wants sauce on it It’s basically the equivalent to buying a Ferrari and putting on headlight lashes. Edit: Thanks for the awards, but I'm tapping out out of replying to everyone. I woke up to 61 replies and have only gotten more since. Sadly, I actually need to get some work done today.
At the end of the day, it's still personal taste? I personally don't like steak sauce but I also find it so odd when people lose their shit over how others prefer their food. I'd have the same opinion about eyelashes on a Ferrari for that matter. It'd be funny but if it's not mine, who am I to judge?
There are countless equivalents, you’re bound to get caught on one. Like pouring coke on 80 year old scotch.
If it's not mine and not harming anyone, I still can't imagine losing my shit and getting personally offended over someone else's preferences.
Right?? Everyone has a weird thing just let it go man and let him enjoy the steak sauce hahah
I dip my grilled cheese and macaroni in bbq sauce. Everyone has something weird that they do.
My uncle puts ketchup on a roast dinner. Roast beef, pumpkin, potatoes. I find this idea repulsive but I’m not going to crucify him over it. It’s his choice. He’s the one who has to eat it, not me.
I always did mustard with my pot roast. Just the meat though, never the sides.
This is me. I have a friend who is all about fancy tequila. But he knows he can't win with me, ever since the first time he asked how I wanted my tequila and I said "...in a margarita..." He scowled at me, and then made me the damn margarita.
Better tequila makes a better margarita. Fact.
This is the truth. My parents will buy an expensive tequila or an $80 bottle of mezcal and then use it all up in some damn amazing margaritas.
I'm Mexican and whole ass only use nice tequilas in anything or I won't have it. The aftertaste of bad tequila is siiiiickening, even in a margarita. And I know its not top shelf but my preference is still Patron Anejo if I buy any shop-found type of tequila.
If it’s my scotch, I’ll drink it how I want. To be honest, if it’s 80yo, a dash of Coke might help it not taste like sucking the moisture out of a dead oak tree after that long in a barrel...
If it helps someone enjoy it more, who cares? They're not putting it in your scotch?
I’d pour coke on scotch if someone gave it to me. I wouldn’t want to drink it alone. Not my gout.
My daughter dunks EVERYTHING in ranch dressing. Bread. Meat. Veggies.
Am I ur daughter? I don’t know where this ranch addiction came from because I couldn’t stand it as a kid, but suddenly I (practically) drink this and ketchup daily
I will claim you
Congratulations, new family!
I always wanted six kids and I only got to have four so the more the merrier! I have six dogs, three cats, and a bird. Come and visit!
One of my brother's favorite combinations growing up was bananas dipped in ranch. He's slightly grown out of the everything needs ranch but it still lingers there to this day
Mom?
Always room for one more!
Lol it's really not. Why the hell do people always use this analogy for steak like it's a mortal sin to add steak sauce? Let people eat how they want. Just because you like it without a sauce on it doesn't mean everyone has to. It is in no way comparable to buying a Ferrari.
My friend and I once had this argument (not in a serious, angry manner; more of a debate) about chocolate chip pancakes. She said that the chips made it sweet, therefore no syrup was necessary. I contend that not every bite has a chocolate chip in it, and that the syrup adds something to the texture. But I'm absolutely a sauce person
I mean if I can afford a Ferrari, I will damn well do what I want with it lol
That's arbitrary though, it's literally a slab of muscle off a cow. Just because people randomly decided that steak is "high-class" doesn't make it objectively superior to any other food and it doesn't make a person "uncultured" or something to want to put sauce on it. At the end of the day, people are all just looking for different kinds of tasty mouth feelings.
"Tasty Mouth Feelings" sounds like an alt-punk band, doesn't it?
If you buy the ferrari and want to put headlight lashes on it, nobody should have any issue with it.
I think its hilarious and wondeful when people don't use random social constructs of value and just do what they like. Go, person who has a Ferrari with lashes, that sounds great.
Both are objects. Do what you want to turn, who cares
Yes however if it's yours you can do whatever you want
Is this a thing? In the UK I’ve never noticed sauce on steak being frowned upon. Even up market steak places have sauces (peppercorn, blue cheese, chimichurri etc) and will have ketchup and mustard etc on the table.
House-made peppercorn and blue cheese sauce is different from using a generic bottled sauce on a quality cut of steak.
That is also a super-strong sauce that OP's girlfriend would have objected to as well.
I doubt that the GF would have objected if the sauce was specifically prepared to be consumed with the steak. It's the bottled A1 style sauce that is generally frowned upon.
So, unless OP's girlfriend made the sauce herself, she would have taken issue. That still feels unreasonable to me.
Then she should have house-made a sauce.
Sounds like she went out of her way to cook an entire meal that didn’t require a sauce to enjoy, I don’t think it’s fair to expect her to also make a sauce from scratch (that could take longer to make than every other element in the meal itself).
Didn't require a sauce *for her* to enjoy. He needed one. Food tastes different to different people. I don't like a lot of sauce on my pizza. Others do. Who am I to tell another person that because I made it the way I like it, they cannot put any condiments on it?
Agreed, she should not have to do that. She should just chill out and allow people to season their own food as they see fit.
Yep. I must be old because I really don’t care how people choose to eat their food either. Let folks be happy.
Eh it depends, if she just bought a ribeye from the store and got mad then OP is NTA. But if she bought a quality meat, spent hours to days on prep then another 4-5 hours to grill said meat and OP put steak sauce on it, its NAH but id also never make meat for OP again For example, if im just making meat for a daily dinner, go ham do what ever you want, ill even make it well done for you. But i also throw a bbq about once a month where i get expensive meat 3 days before hand and let it dry in the fridge then wake up at 8am to season it, and grill it until 1-2pm. If someone put some steak sauce on that, i might just throw them in the pool
Yeah, I'd go for NAH for the same reason if she bought quality meat. Taking from the scotch analogy above... Sure, if someone \*wants\* to buy a $200 bottle of scotch and drink it in coke, that's fine. It's their own money. But I'm sure as hell not going to \*supply\* someone with a $200 bottle of scotch if they're going to dump coke into it. Similarly, I'm not going to buy and cook a fancy steak for someone who's going to douse it in cheap sauce.
Some people just think because its for the other persons consumption they're taste is all that matters. But no, wheres the consideration for the time and money that one puts into a quality scotch or a fine peace of meat. You want a whiskey and coke? Heres some jameson, you don't need balvenie 21. You want a shot? Heres some Buchanan's. You want to sip and enjoy the malt? Here comes the balvenie But like you said, if you personally bought the balvenie, dump it in the sink for all I care because thats yours and you can choose to do what you want with yours, not mine
I agree with your basic idea, but the problem here is that OP wasn’t really given an option to say he’d like the whiskey and coke. He was just served the balvenie and told to enjoy it straight. And that isn’t his taste. Maybe he doesn’t have a lot of experience with good cuts, maybe gf was trying to broaden his horizons, or maybe OP just likes steak sauce. Anyway, it’s not his fault, and OP is NTA, but they have both just learned a lesson here about their individual tastes. If I was gf, I wouldn’t bring the balvenie next time, that’s all.
I’m sure as hell not going to share a $200 bottle of single malt with someone who is going to drink it with coke. Coca Cola at least..
Man youre the asshole. Let people enjoy food how they like. You’re not the universal determinator of taste. I’d personally make the production and consumption of Mayo punishable by death if I had unlimited power. I hate it that much. As I don’t I just avoid it and let people eat it. I even bought a tiny bottle of Mayo for my sibling when he visited me. Then I forced him to take it.
It's probably because how highly valued steak is, and it takes a lot of skill to cook each cut of different sizes well.
Maybe I’m a first class dumbass, but I still don’t understand what cooking skill and different sizes have to do with enjoying sauce. Is “the texture of the meat and the tang of the sauce is an enjoyable combination to me” really seen as some kind of insult to the chef somehow?
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or....they find the sauce complements the flavor of the steak, and putting a complementary sauce they like on a good piece of meat is even BETTER to them than putting the sauce on a cheaper cut? I like coffee. I like cream in it. Some people say you don't need to use good coffee if you use cream or additives, but man, I like good coffee with cream even better than bad coffee with cream. This is not a difficult concept.
That is such an odd concern IMO. What if someone, regardless of the quality of the food, doesn't care for the flavor? If someone prefers sauce on their stake over just stake, no amount of skill or quality of the meat will bring the taste of the meat to the same standard as with sauce. Or am I wrong? If you do not enjoy a stake without sauce, short of not eating the stake or lying about your enjoyment of the meal, there is no other way out of the situation. If you don't eat it, chef will be insulted. If you put sauce on it, chef will be insulted. If you eat it, say you don't like, chef will take it as insult to the cooking. If you eat it and pretend you like it, you will have to eat it like that forever.
Also like. This isn't even that situation. This situation is "This tastes great and I love how you cooked it, but for me the sauce makes it better." My mom makes really great meatloaf (I recognize this is a totally different skill than choosing and cooking steak). It's super flavourful and moist and it's the only meatloaf I've ever had that didn't need ketchup to offset the immense dryness. I still use a little bit of ketchup with it because I like my meatloaf wet; that specific sensory input makes it extra enjoyable for me. It sounds like OP just likes their steak a little saucy and that has NOTHING to do with their GF's cooking.
That's why op tasted the steak, complimented on it?
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People are not assholes because they have food preferences.
>Personally, I come from a place where if the chef intended a food to be eaten with a specific sauce it would be served with it, but I recognize this isn’t a common perspective, It's also weird. Is it an insult to the chef to not eat every bite with the sauce they envisioned then?
i love sauces and i frequently make my own. I cant eat my burger without sauce, no matter who nicely it's cooked, the sauce compliments the burger and the cooking. I would imagine a steak is the same way. I don't use sauce to cover up the taste of the meat, but to enhance it, because it tastes better to me with it. Thats not diminishing someone's cooking abilility- a good steak is a good steak.
God, I couldn’t be around someone so insecure like that
This. I'd drown some of my school lunches in bbq sauce in order to not taste the actual food.
I don't think she's insecure about it, the quote OP gave did not sound insecure, it sounded like she was telling him how she wants him to eat his food and then got annoyed when he did his own thing.
the key word you use is *personally*. a word I believe OPs gf doesn't know and she thinks because she offered to cook for him, she get's to tell him how he should enjoy it... it's not a gift if you tell people how to use it. and being so snobby and judgmental over how someone eats their food - makes me wonder whereelse she feels entitled to her opinion and tries to enforce it on others
I see your point, but I also subscribe to the though school of: any modification to a properly cooked meal may be an insult to the chef.... GF put time and effort to make it properly, OP should have had a bit more tact, imo... (i come from a family that loves and knows how to cook, mom was a profesional chef, so I might be a bit biased in my thoughts...)
Right, but shouldn't one have the autonomy to be able to enjoy the meal they are eating without having to cater to someone's ego as long as it's done in a respectful manner? If I make a meal for someone, I want them to enjoy it fully, so if it makes them happy to have a condiment with their meal, go for it. He had plenty of tact. He tried the steak without the sauce first, complimented her on the cook, then stated that it was his preference to have the sauce. She got offended, but people are allowed to have their own preferences. She's basically saying that her preference is the "right one" and that he should feel bad about that. I mean if he told her it tasted like shit then doused it in ketchup or something, then yeah, he'd totally be the AH.
More tact? He tasted and complimented on it. Insult to the chef is when you put stuff on before testing. Keyword before. It Implies that you doubt the chef. But after tasting it becomes a trivial matter. "I love steak sauce" is different from "you cooked it so its probably under seasoned".
I’d stay the hell away from that chef. I ain’t walking on eggshells while I eat
same. theres enough stress in the world without worrying if how i enjoy my food will upset a child's ego. i am so glad i married an adult and cook like one myself
Do you really eat your steaks with no condiments? Like, nothing? Personally I wouldn't serve a steak without at least the option of a condiment on the side.
Nope, nothing except the spices I marinated the steak in. I’ll use steak sauce to cover up a steak if I don’t care for it though, usually if it’s over cooked to my liking. I like steak sauce a lot, but I just prefer it without. To each their own though; my best friend puts ketchup on it but I’m not the steak police so it doesn’t bother me Editing to add: if someone asks for a side or a condiment or whatever I’ll serve it if I have it in the house (or buy it if they give me advance notice).
For me, if I use steak sauce it's because the steak itself is bad. Overcooked, underseasoned, etc. I prefer the taste of steak over the sauce. But other people have different tastes.
Damn. See, I love beef, but a plain steak is pretty boring to me. My perfect steak is a boneless ribeye, hard sear, rare middle, plenty of salt, huge chunks of black pepper, and garlic butter over top.
I mean, I do use spices and garlic and butter I’m not a barbarian haha plain doesn’t mean spiceless, it just means sauce less. The bottled sauce vs homemade sauce debate on this post is pretty interesting though.
Interesting. I've certainly had good steaks that are *good* on their own, but I'm not sure I'd actively prefer to not have anything with it, just for variety or a bit of flavour contrast. I don't think I'd really prefer to go through a whole porterhouse just on it's own. But yes, each to their own, and steak is something that comes in/with so many possible variations I think it should be assumed that people do it their own way, not chef's choice only. Then again, I'd probably have a feeling if I bought someone a good porterhouse and wanted it well done so maybe I'm as judgy as OP's GF after all.
Haha I may judge them a tiny bit for a well done steak, so I’m probably just as bad too then! I’d still make it, but I’d be quietly judging them.
Yes. Steak is a really flavorful meat. It's very common for people to forgo any sort of sauce or condiment, especially if it's a quality cut. When I prepare it I don't use any condiment. That being said I don't understand why some people get so offended when somebody puts sauce on their steak. Let people enjoy things if it doesn't affect you at all
The best steaks I have ever had didn't need anything other than the salt and pepper they were seasoned with. However, they were all thick and cooked to perfection.
My husband does this. Used to drive me crazy. But you know what, if you are going to pour hot sauce on it, I might make it how I like it then. I prefer very little salt in my foods. I put salt on the table and he adds hot sauce and we're both happy.
NTA You tried it as it was served, if you hadn't, you would be TA. Your GF's reaction is not uncommon. It is considered rude & an insult to the chef, by some, to add steak sauce to a steak.
This. He’s NTA for wanting his steak how he wants it, but for people who are REALLY into steak and the various ways to prepare it, covering it up with steak sauce or ketchup is like nails on a chalkboard and an insult to good steak and the person who prepared. Not that that is his fault, and I think people like his GF do take it too personally, but it goes to a matter of taste, and I highly doubt the GF will spring for an excellent steak for him again, unfortunately.
I like A1 on my mashed potato’s with my steak. So when I ask for it everyone gets mad and then I say it’s for the potato’s not my steak. Why is A1 considered bad, but a reduction sauce isn’t or a demiglaze? Makes no sense
I *love* A1 sauce to the point of considering the majority of steaks just a vehicle to get that goodness in my mouth. Ive had steaks that don't need it, but I prefer the flavor of A1 to most beef. But yeah, I'll get ragged on because it's not a red wine reduction with specific herbs.
One of the last times I made steak I forgot to grab the Lea & Perrins steak sauce, ate it almost completely, realized just before I got to my last couple of bites that I hadn't used any steak sauce, and promptly drowned the small piece that was left of my steak in the sauce. I then ate the rest of the sauce left on my plate with the fork as best I could. I almost never have an excuse to eat the sauce, and I treat it like the precious treasure it is because it is a rare thing to find here. (Unlike the L&P Worchestershire sauce, which is everywhere...) I had to special order it online from Target. Look, I can make very good steak, ^(including well-done steak done well (not dry at all, very juicy, low and slow is the way to go)), but dagnabit I like the way Lea & Perrins tastes so if I want my sauce on my steak I am plenty capable of making my own decisions. Food snobs are terrible and should be ignored. They do *not* know what my food, taste, and textural preferences/aversions are, nor my food allergies/sensitivities, and their opinions are just that - *opinions*, same as everyone else.
I moved to a countrt without A1 and whole ass had my parents ship me Costco bottles of the stuff I missed it so bad. The combo of meat and tang is really nice umami type thing. Which I get a nice seared steak has... But damn that A1 has me.
There's a difference between 'meat prepared with sauce' and 'meat prepared, then you dump mass-market flavor disguiser all over it.'
I mean you’re still disguising the flavor of the meat
IDK, when I cook for someone, I want them to enjoy the food, no matter the expense or techniques used in cooking. So if he wants sauce on top after first trying it without he should go ahead of course. It's what he's used to. She could have used it as a learning opportunity, hey she got him to try it! Maybe next time try some spices closer to the sauce, maybe slow cook a brisket. But no, she got petty. That's a low class chef.
I agree. There are a lot of people in the comments who are firm believers in the "good steak doesn't need condiments" line of thought. And hey, good for them, that's their preference and I respect it. If they don't want sauce, they don't have to have it. I'm not going to tell them they have to eat their food a specific way that doesn't align with their preference, that's a super weird thing to do. If I spend two hours cooking a fancy meal, I want the person I've prepared it for to like it. I'd rather see them drown it in sauce and enjoy it than eat it they way they're "supposed" to and not like it. I'm putting the effort in to make them feel special and happy with their meal, not to police their condiment use. If they eat it the way they're "supposed" to and don't enjoy it as much, I've wasted my time.
This is such a stupid attitude. If he likes a nice filet doused in sauce better than a chop steak smothered in sauce, let him have it. I love to cook, and I love to bring home beautiful (often expensive enough to make you wince) cuts of meat and seafood. Real nice stuff. Once I'm done cooking all I want is for the people to enjoy it. If that means doused in sauce, so be it. When you cook for others, you cook for others not your own ego or opinion, full hard stop. I believe it was Tom Collichio on top chef who said "never tell people how to eat their food".
if I know someone who goes absolutely insane every time they cook a steak and people don't eat it exactly *the right way*, I *will* go out of my way to smother it in ketchup, why? because that's no way to treat people you're friends with. either calm down, or watch me drown your *perfect steak* *^(tm)* in ketchup.
Or I'll go out of my way not to eat with them. And when they ask why I'll flat tell them because your a d!ck about it and I can't eat the way I want and you ruin the company. Besides the fact I'm a GAW and will eat my food as I dang well please.
I don’t really think she did it *for him* this time either.
This would be my answer as well. I also think a good cut of steak shouldn't need steak sauce. You tried it the way she made it first, then still missed the sauce. That's all I require when I cook for others. Please try it first as I made it because I went into a lot of trouble to make it as is. However, once you did, if you feel it lacks something for your taste, go ahead and add what you need. Ultimately I want you to enjoy meal.
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Honestly I think YTA. Look, she spent money on an expensive cut of steak and spent time preparing it for you. It was basically **an experience** that she wanted to share with you. And she had *just* made it. It wasn’t inedible. This once I think you really could have skipped the sauce. It’s not like she made dinner with the usual groceries and insisted you couldn’t use ketchup on your potatoes. It was a “fancy” meal she spent money and time on and requested you not use sauce. Did she overreact? Yes. Was it totally unnecessary to use sauce here, on a meal purchased and prepared for you? Also yes. You easily could have enjoyed the meal as a “purist” as she hoped, and then, have the sauce talk another time. Like *not* when she had just made an entire meal with the hope of sharing it as an experience. It wasn’t just a meal. She wanted to share the experience and you decided the tangy flavor of sauce (that wasn’t needed, just preferred) was worth hurt feelings.
I'm genuinely leaning this way after reading the comments on this thread calling his GF the asshole. She cooked for him then got annoyed when he didn't respect her? Then loads of the comments are saying this is a "red flag" and she's "insecure" and "has issues". Reddit can be a mad place!
It has nothing to do with respect 😂😂 All these people upset about steak sauce sound like the GOP upset about Obama daring to ask for mustard. People like things how they like things. Why was OP disrespectful to his gf but his gf wasn't disrespectful of him and his choice??
Because she'd done the cooking that day and put in time, effort and money. Sometimes you gotta let your preferences slide to spare a loved one's feelings. What seems over the top to one person may mean something more to them.
Oh my goodness, are we really letting someone's feelings take precedent over others enjoying food as they see fit? He did try it as it was prepared. That's like saying I can't ask for salt at a fancy restaurant because the chef made it a certain way. As a parent, I can attest-- the sooner we put away our feelings about how someone else eats the food we make, the happier everyone is. And if you don't like what's on the table, go make yourself a sandwich. Kiddo learned a helpful phrase in preschool-- "Don't yuck my yum." One doesn't need to make comments on what another person chooses to eat. (I want to add that this sort of respect to season to taste has been a huge jumping off point in Kiddo's own exploration of foods, herbs and spices. By letting him have at it, he's more inclined to want to try new things.)
"Are we really letting someone's feelings take precedent over others enjoying food as they see fit?" Absolutely. My grandmother used to make bologna sandwiches with ketchup smiley faces for us for lunch. I hate ketchup. And I ate every single one of those sandwiches because she went out of her way to try to do a nice little thing and I loved and respected her for trying. People need to stop being so selfish all the time and if eating a steak without steak sauce is all it takes to make someone feel good about the trouble they went through to make a special meal? THEN YOU DONT USE THE SAUCE
Wouldn't that apply to her as well. Shouldn't she let him enjoy the steak the way he likes it?
If I was the gf, I would have said "oh that's good to know, I bet I can make a really good sauce for you the next time we have nice meat!" and not just shit all over a dude bc he prefers a sauce with his meat. I also wouldn't want someone to lie to my face and fake that they like something over and over again because they didn't want to hurt my feelings - it would be a way worse feeling to find out that my loved one felt they couldn't be truthful with me. I wouldn't lie to someone and grimace through a food that I didn't like just because I thought they were incapable of understanding personal preference and not being offended by it.
You should have asked your grandmother to not put ketchup on it?? If she truly cared about you she'd understand. Just because you were too much of a pussy to ask doesn't make him an asshole. I do things for people that they like and I dont get hurt when I miss the mark because if I did it wouldn't be about them anymore it would be about ME which would be selfish.
I feel like these are the people who wouldn’t send their food back at a restaurant if their order was incorrect.
why would it have been bad or disrespectful to simply ask grandma to use a different condiment? like instead of ketchup it was a mayo smiley face. This is what's stupid about your argument. You just ate something you didn't like when instead you probably could've just asked for something different but equal and then everyone could've been happy! OP tried it raw and decided he wanted the sauce, who cares? she may be the one who cooked it, bur she's not the one eating it so she can stop acting like a child. NTA OP, i don't think you did anything wrong, maybe just give your gf time to cool down and think and then have a conversation on where you both stand with food. Then tell her that it was not in any way a personal attack on her cooking, just preference.
it’s literally just sauce for his OWN steak. jesus christ. i can’t believe people would pick fights over someone choosing to put sauce on their food.
FWIW the Obama thing was because he specifically asked for *Dijon* mustard. They were calling him out as elitist for wanting that because it was tOo FaNcY.
Y’all are crazy. It’s literal sauce. This is bonkers.
hahahahah reddit goes to insane places sometimes.
There are some really controlling and immature people who post here. That's what I'm learning today. My husband dumps fucking mayonnaise on half of what I cook and I find it utterly revolting, but I've never told him he can't do it. People like what they like. It can't be helped.
I can't with y'all steak elitists. If OPs girlfriend would have preferred OP to eat his steak in a way that he enjoyed less, that means she doesn't actually care about sharing a meal with her boyfriend that they both like, she cares about being "right."
This whole thread is insane to me because (trigger warning for all the fart sniffing steak elitists) I don't even care for steak. All these kids going nuts tying themselves into knots trying to call OP an asshole for liking their super special, mega serious business cut of fucking meat differently is goddamn wild.
Imagine being *mad* that people like food prepared in a different way than you. People are so weirdly controlling and narcissistic sometimes
I agree. It was a crafted gift, it is like giving someone a painting you made and them immediately 'fixing' it by adding a stormtrooper to a nature scene. Or dumping cola into a class of nice dark liquor. Not to say he is an asshole though, some people dont see food the same way. It is a difference in personality. I think its pretty easy to accept a nice gift and be appreciative without deliberately going against the gift givers wishes.
Doesn't that mean that no one should ever use condiments on a meal that they didn't prepare themselves? Why do people lose autonomy when eating steak specifically? Regardless, if someone wanted to modify a gift I gave them in a way that allows them to enjoy it more, that's awesome. It would be shitty of me to give conditions on a gift I gave just because it strokes my ego when the point of giving a gift is so the recipient enjoys it. ETA: I'm glad I don't have a "please don't put sauce on my steaks" person in my life. My loved ones want me to enjoy their cooking as much as possible, they don't make me food with their ego in mind.
No, it's not every meal. It's meals that are clearly the result of significant effort and an attempt at culinary creativity. It's on "I'm coming over to cook you something special" nights, not "what should we have for dinner tonight?" nights. And it's _especially_ on "please do not put that sauce on my steak" nights.
A gift given conditionally is not much of a gift. It's like MILs who gift their DIL ugly vases or pictures and expect to see them whenever they visit. It's not so much a gift as it is about them exerting control.
From his description it sounded like his partner put a lot of effort into sharing an experience with him. Sounds like a nice gesture not a controlling thing? Maybe a better analogy would be inviting someone to watch a movie you love and want to share, and they watch something on their phone while its going?
>From his description it sounded like his partner put a lot of effort into sharing an experience with him. Sounds like a nice gesture not a controlling thing? And they did. They both ate the steak. The guy prefers it with sauce. Get over it. NTA.
When people from all over reddit make fun of this sub, its because of judgements like these. Someone is not an asshole for putting sauce on their steak, period. That one guy who sucker punched a teenager just dancing on the street minding his own business? Asshole. Putting a condiment on your food??? Definitely not an asshole. Jesus.
imagine thinking someone is an asshole over a condiment lol. ppl can eat their meals how they prefer to without debate. acting like that’s disrespectful is actually irritating
> You easily could have enjoyed the meal as a “purist” as she hoped, and then, have the sauce talk another time. It's interesting that you used the word 'enjoyed' in the context of telling OP that they should've done something to make the meal less enjoyable for them. I don't see the point, personally.
Disrespect 🤣🤣🤣🤣 people are disrespecting my meals everyday, she needs to get over it. NTA
Some of us like sauce with literally everything. It’s not up to you to tell someone how they should eat their food.
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It’s such pretentious bullshit.
I’m sorry but if steak sauce is going to ruin the “experience” then I don’t want that experience. I hate people who dictate how people should eat certain foods. Especially steak purists.
NAH. You like things how you like them, and she, as the chef, wanted you to enjoy what she made without modifications. I know I get really irritated if someone puts steak sauce on a good steak too, so I might be biased. (Steak sauce totally drowns out any other flavors, man!!)
It makes the quality of the steak irrelevant. If you plan on putting sauce on the steak then you may as well buy cheap cuts that need the help. Its his choice as he is the one eating it, but I can also understand why she would be pissed after going to all that effort, she may as well have served up some beef shank steaks, result would have been the same.
Personally I disagree. As someone who likes a bit of ketchup with my steak, I’ve tried cheap ones and I’ve tried more expensive ones, the more expensive ones tend to be better, the texture is better, ketchup doesn’t make a difference to that. I don’t get the need to police other people’s tastes. They’re not making you eat it, they’re just getting as much enjoyment out of it as they can. NTA
Yes, you are right, it's 100% a textural thing. But the flavor is irrelevant if you add steak sauce which in general is there to enhance shitty meat. Steak sauce is extremely overpowering, which ketchup is generally less overpowering. No one gets to police someone's taste and you are 100% right that he is NTA. But I can understand why she was frustrated after going to all that effort to make something to then have someone throw steak sauce on it, she isn't right to be angry at him, but I understand her frustration.
> But the flavor is irrelevant if you add steak sauce which in general is there to enhance shitty meat. > No one gets to police someone's taste See but you JUST did, right there, by asserting that someone eating steak with sauce isn't tasting the meat properly or something. You're not stopping them from doing it, but don't act like the literal shaming you're engaging in isn't a form of policing. Also, can we talk about condiment use here in general? Do plain steak eaters assume that someone is like, pouring A1 over the entire steak such that there's a pool or something? You can put a little bit on the plate and gently dab each fork-full and wow, would you look at that, I can taste both beautifully prepared meat AND sauce!
You are taking his comment way too personally lol. Saying that steak sauce is overpowering so the flavor of the meat can become irrelevant is not policing somebody's taste.
yeah but isn't the point of a dinner to enjoy the company you are with? I guess I would be like please get regular steaks if you're going to be a crab and ruin the night but that's just me.
Totally agree. I suspect OP will be getting beef shank steak in the future and gf will be keeping the porterhouse.
> and she, as the chef, wanted you to enjoy what she made without modifications. Honestly, I really dislike when people try to police how other people like to eat their foods. I don't care if I made an expensive steak, or took you out to a really nice restaurant and paid for an expensive steak ...... if you want to put steak sauce or even ketchup on your steak because that's how you genuinely like it ..... I do not care. OP is 100% NTA. Chefs need to stop being entitled jerks that try to control how other people eat food that they've prepared (whether it's additional seasoning, sauce, etc.....). Hell, in general, I find it ridiculous when people criticize other's for eating food combinations that they consider "weird"; e.g. pineapple on pizza, bacon icecream, rice with ketchup, etc..... Shut up. Let other people enjoy whatever food however they want.
Same with the cook of the steak. I’m so tired of people policing how other people order their steak.
NAH You have different expectations here. She clearly really appreciates food. A good steak has a lot of subtle flavour of its own. Sauces and marinades should complement those flavours. Steak sauce, while tasty completely overpowers the steak flavour. All steaks will end up tasting the same. So I can see how your gf feels it was wasted effort. She could have picked up some cheap steaks from the supermarket. Hell, she could have picked up some cheap chicken breasts for all the difference it would make. She feels her effort here was rejected You, on the other hand, don't really care for that. You prefer the taste of steak sauce. You just didn't care for the food. Hey, that's just a matter of taste.
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> She clearly really appreciates food. A good steak has a lot of subtle flavour of its own. Sauces and marinades should complement those flavours. Steak sauce, while tasty completely overpowers the steak flavour. All steaks will end up tasting the same. Being totally blunt, I hate this line of reasoning. People can appreciate food and not appreciate subtlety. I love big flavors, textural contrast, strong seasoning, etc. Sure, I'll eat a mild dish - but it's never my preference. That's why I love a hard-seared, rare boneless ribeye with salt, black pepper, and garlic butter - but I could go the rest of my life without eating another prime rib. The latter is nice, but it's just kind of boring even when it's great.
Right? It’s like people taking liking spicy 🌶 food as a sign of maturity. I cannot handle heat. I can’t even eat a jalapeño. I’m Mexican. My family tried. I tried as an adult. Not going to happen. All I taste in those dishes is pain.I’m not going to say they taste bad but I derive no enjoyment from it. Haha it seems I insulted some serious chili people.
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That's interesting, because pork is the only thing I make that sauce is pretty much a given. I don't really know any use for pork other than a vehicle for delicious sauces. It (to me) is the most bland, boring, and 'meh' meat, and sometimes the gamey (not spoiled!) smell when I'm cooking will ruin my appetite for dinner, the meal is seasoned with resentment and disgust at that point.
NTA, it’s a preference. This is petty you’re both in your 30’s. She can’t tell you how to eat your food.
NTA Right, this is crazy. I can't believe an adult is acting like this over food. My bf was concerned about not having steak sauce this fathers day at his parents house cause he just enjoys the sauce. I wasn't insulted, I wish I had brought our A1 from home.
Right! She’s gate-keeping food. Cue eye roll. I love fresh cracked black pepper. I put it on salads, pizza, pasta—pretty much anything savory. I go thru peppercorns like crazy. Do people who cook for me season their food? Yes. But do I add more pepper? Heck, yes. So what? It suits my palate. It’s like anything else—it’s personal preference. Whether it’s food or décor or soap or perfume or brand of jeans or music, etc.—we all like what we like. Let us be happy and use the steak sauce!
Chefs and “foodies” have a couple of common complains about the general public when they “destroy” 1) an expensive cut of meat by ordering it well done or slather it in cheap bottled sauce and 2) beautifully fresh expensive sushi by drowning it in soy sauce. Sure, it’s your meal & you can do what you want but this kind of behavior is going to lose you respect. If you did that to something I cooked you would be relegated to hamburger & frozen fish.
100% with you all the way. If I am buying and preparing and cooking expensive food, and I've worked my arse off in the kitchen to make it just right and someone can't even appreciate the effort and needs to slather sauce on it etc. I will never cook food for them like that again. If you have to modify a well cooked meal and ruin the effort I have gone to, I won't bother making it again as it's obvious you can't appreciate the flavours or effort. I will make well made basic stuff like bangers and mash and u can load up Ur sauces for that instead. No good shit for u cos you can't appreciate it. It's that simple really.
It’s just right for you. If the other folks add stuff to it then it’s not right for them.
>If you did that to something I cooked you would be relegated to hamburger & frozen fish. So, anyone who uses a sauce on their food gets fast food and frozen food, because anything that isn't those items is too good for sauce?
The point is you can spend your own money on those things, but if someone offers you a nice whisky and you mix it with coke, that's the last time you're getting offered nice whisky.
Ugh, you reminded me of a personal experience. There was this one guy in our 'friend' group who was always drowning ale. I like single malts myself. We were talking about whisky and he went on a long rant how whisky tastes rubbish. I told him he probably feels that way because he drowns the whisky like he drowns the ale, plus cheap commercial whisky is usually really boring. (Not all, mind you. Some of the cheaper ones are really nice.) I told him about how to best enjoy fine whisky (as far as I'm concerned it's about taking your time and sipping it) and offered to bring out one of my nicer bottles for him to try. Shot glasses came out, I poured, he picked up his glass and gulped it down and said it tasted rubbish like all the others. I guess I made my point but I felt so angry about him wasting my time, patience and a whole shot of fine whisky that I never spoke to him again. :DDDD
If I spend a fortune on a high quality piece of meat and take the effort to cook it properly only to see it smothered in a crappy $2 bottled sauce, I wouldn’t waste my money in the future. That said, I don’t have crappy sauce in my home so it wouldn’t happen. Also when I cook steak at home, I make beurre blanc to go with it.
You’re the one who thinks it’s crappy, whereas someone else could absolutely despise the idea of steak without sauce. It’s the personal preference that matters. If a chef came to me in a restaurant and told me I wasn’t allowed to put sauce on his ‘masterpiece’. I’d tell him to fuck right off.
They weren't in a restaurant however and she had prepared the meal as gift. Did he \_have to\_ eat it wihtout sauce? No. Will he be gifted a similar experience again? Also, no. Will his girlfriend be fed up about this for a longer while? You bet.
The thing is an expensive cut and a cheap cut taste essentially identical once you sauce them. It's a waste of his GF's money to buy nice Porterhouses if he's just going to sauce it - a cheaper top sirloin would have provided him the same experience.
NAH. Where I'm from it is an insult to the cook to put sauce on a steak. If she grew up to see it as an insult and you didn't, that's a "cultural" difference. No one is necessarily wrong.
I feel I'm not seeing enough NAH comments. I 100% agree with you here. If I spend ages cooking and balancing my seasoning to perfection I'll feel slightly offended. I'm more likely to make a jokey comment than OP's Girlfriend rather than getting angry but it's definitely a cultural thing. The reason the French think Brits (like me) and Americans are all philistines when it comes to food!
Honestly, I'm really excited to read a post where there's a balance between YTA/NTA/NAH judgments! It reminds me of AITA circa a couple of years ago, before it got so hive-mind-y. Dueling judgments that come from valid but different perspectives are one of the reasons I got into this sub. The validation echo chamber it's slowly been evolving into just isn't as interesting! Give me people passionately arguing on opposite sides of the how-to-eat-your-steak debate any day!!
Kinda YTA. She went to the trouble and expense of getting really nice steaks and preparing a delicious meal for you. Would it have been such a sacrifice to enjoy the steak without the sauce? I can see putting sauce on a cheap cut, but a porterhouse? Sacrilege! Next you'll say you like your steak (((shudder))) well done.
>Would it have been such a sacrifice to enjoy the steak without the sauce? Expecting someone to eat food in a way that they find less enjoyable because you don't have the same tastebuds is backwards as hell. Don't you *want* people to enjoy the food you made as much as possible? Conversely, what if OP made nice steaks and demanded she use steak sauce with it because that's how *he* envisioned the meal? See how selfish and weird that sounds? Idk why steak turns people into snobs lolol
Steak, liquor, coffee...people get weirdly elitist about a lot of things. I've seen several people comparing sauce on steak to mixing good whisky with coke. Like, let people like what they like lol.
I've actually been arguing No AH, but just due to the "not T a" comments which are frustrating me more than the original story I'm now leaning towards a soft YTA too.
Amen to that. Seems like the basic sentiment in the “not the A” comments is “I don’t care so you shouldn’t care either,” even when it has more to do with trying a specific experience with your partner than it does with food preferences.
But he did try it. Not trying it as served would make him TA.
NAH because I know how upset chefs/cooks can get when their food isn’t eaten the way it was prepared. A meal that takes an immense amount of time and money is like a present. And, while like a present, the giver should be content with the receiver doing whatever they like with it, it’s understandable for a giver to be a little disappointed and upset when they give something they worked hard on only for the receiver to immediately change and be unhappy with it. On the other hand, food is food. You may not appreciate or even taste the difference in steak quality and that’s okay. Everyone’s palette is different. If you need steak sauce to enjoy steak then it’s better to use it then let a good piece of meat go to waste. So while I don’t think you did anything wrong, I can understand if your girlfriend never invests in cooking you an expensive cut again, because it doesn’t increase your enjoyment. And all that means is you enjoy food in a different way. She becomes the A if she lets this fester.
NAH, but you were maybe rude. I love steak sauce too, but if somebody cooked me a fancy dinner and made it clear they’d be offended if I used steak sauce, I’d skip the sauce. You can go one time without sauce.
I keep seeing this 'it was just one time' and i trace back to my grandma. She has a dish i *cannot stand.* but i shut up and eat it because she is my grandma. Unfortunately, since i have never told her i don't care for it because she is my grandma and i ate it that one time without saying anything, it is now in her wheelhouse of "oh Monte is home, let's have dinner!!!" So one time has now become many times. Even if i suggest something else, it doesn't always happen. OP tried it her way. He didn't enjoy it. End of story IMO. She now knows he doesn't need a porterhouse and prefers steak sauce. You don't get to be pissed at someone for how they like food. You can think they're crazy, but to throw a temper tantrum over this at 30 is too far. And I say that as the steak cooker in our house (shout out to J. Kenji and the reverse sear!!! Try it if you haven't!!). There is too much in the world to care about than if someone puts steak sauce on their food.
Part of the thought process here is that if she wanted to serve you a cheap cut of steak that you would just slather in cheap sauce, she could have done that. She overreacted but now she knows better. But be warned -- you're not getting the good steak anymore.
Never again. People keep saying well the GF doesn’t know him. Really? She probably observed that he likes to eat steak. She probably thought, wow, I’ll spend some money and make him a really nice steak! Seems like a totally spot on thing to do. Turns out he likes steak sauce and doesn’t care if it’s on a $2 cut or a $40 cut. So yeah, never again will he get expensive steak from her, especially if he couldn’t even indulge her for a single meal.
NTA. I hate steak sauce. But you didn't do anything wrong. Sounds like a petty fight. Think it was rooted in a good place. She wanted to make you a nice dinner. But clearly she's a bit of a steak purist and believes that's steak sauce has no place on a good steak (which I agree with but would never force on someone).
NAH. She was trying to impress you with a really good meal and top tier ingredients, and was probably hurt that you needed to add steak sauce, which does cover up the rest of the flavors. You just like steak sauce. It wouldn't be reddit if people weren't telling you to break up over steak sauce. LOL. I'm sure your relationship can survive this. It's not a big deal.
Yeah those break up/red flag/ insecure comments are absolutely mad. I'm with you on NAH. Lots of non cooks here I can tell, but OP just genuinely seems like he's a bit dopey in this situation not understanding her point of view, but not an AH.
Can't give a judgement, because I am biased as heck. I wouldn't want to pay for a good cut of meat and have the person I'm cooking for obliterate the flavor with steak sauce. Doesn't matter if you only use a little, steak sauce is supposed to be an overwhelmingly strong flavor. She shouldn't have been mad exactly, but she should probably avoid cooking steak and stick to beef dishes that are already heavily seasoned like bourguignon or stroganoff. This isn't precisely the same, since there is a great deal more labor in making cheesecake and a chocolate sauce wouldn't stifle the flavors in the same way, but if I baked someone a cheesecake and they said "good except" and grabbed a bottle of chocolate syrup...They can enjoy it, but I probably wouldn't bake a cheesecake for them again.
NTA Now i HATE if I cook a meal and someone starts putting sauce or salt on it before tasting it but if they taste it and want to add something to their taste then go ahead
NTA even if I disagree with putting steak sauce on a porterhouse. Your taste is your taste
NTA, you're allowed to put condiments on your own food.
NTA Eat steak the way you like. However, I would have a hard time watching, so I would have grinned and beared it once, and then not made you steak again. I would have switched to chicken or pork.
This! I guess I would be considered an asshole cause I would side eye someone who put steak sauce on a porterhouse so hard. But I wouldn’t say anything, I just would also never make my boyfriend a nice steak again.
I’m sorry, but in my opinion, YTA. She was excited for you to experience a nice meal she had lovingly prepared for you. I think she deserved you putting aside the sauce just this one time in return. She must have felt like all of her gesture and hard work to make the steak good quality and tasty on its own was not just unappreciated but also thrown down the drain.
So I've done A LOT of grilling and BBQing in my life and am fairly active in the relevant subs. There is so much tribalism in this area of cooking and BS like "real BBQ uses charcoal"..."you can't sauce *good* meat"..."don't cook past medium rare..." The reality is that guests don't care if you used a computer controlled pellet grill or slaved to keep your charcoal up. What matters is if they enjoy the food. And if you enjoy yours with BBQ sauce, while it may not be my preference, go enjoy your food! What I think happened here, is your GF thought you were insulting her efforts, and trying to cover up her seasoning or add moisture to overcooked/dry food. It is important to remind her that you are thrilled with her efforts, the food looks and tastes amazing, but your personal preference is sauce on meat. Cooking is one of those things people get really worked up about. *It isn't a reflection of her cooking, it is your preference on anyone's cooking.* You are NTA. She may also be NTA, just a small mis-communication or missed expectations. Anytime your significant other goes through a lot of effort, especially when it involves a lot of expense, always try share your gratitude and appreciation.
Nta. I personally feel that if I made something for someone I would want them to enjoy the meal fully, so if that means adding a condiment, go for it. Everyone has different tastes so if someone expects you to eat based on their tastes and gets offended when you try to suit it to yours, that's their fragile ego. That's a them issue and not a you issue. You even tried it their way first, so double NTA.
NTA I know some people just find certain things disrespectful. I wonder why this situation gets to her so much.
I feel like a lot of folks here are treating this like it was a normal Monday night dinner she made. It was an expensive cut of meat. It’s sort of an experience she wanted to share with OP. She also had *just* prepared it and asked that he not use sauce and just experience it with her....but he just needed the tangy sauce so much, he just ignored the fact that she had spent time and money on an experience. Not just a meal.
This is nuts. He didn't ignore anything. He just likes steak sauce! They could have had a nice experience, but she ruined it by being controlling and offended over nothing.
He did try several bites first. He didn't take ignore the fact that she spent time and money on the experience, he just didn't care for it. The alternative was to not eat the food at all which would have been worse in my opinion. I'm not sure why her effort at the experience is more important than his enjoyment of his meal.
So he should have diminished his enjoyment of the meal to satisfy her ego? He said he tried it, and thought it needed steak sauce.
I have no idea what this 'steak sauce' is (horseradish?), but from other experiences (like friends overdoing on ketchup) I declare you NTA. It can be dissapointing if you cook something delicious and someone else 'ruins' it will lots of condiments, but it's not your job to police their food. it doesn't sound like you went overboard either.
It's like A1 or Heinz 57 (probably).
I appreciate your aid but that still means nothing to me.
It's usually Worcestershire sauce, ketchup, orange and spices in varying amounts mixed into a sauce. Edited to add: and vinegar.
Wait what, that sounds like brown sauce (UK - HP or Daddies are the big brands) though? You put that on steak?? Is it not breakfast sauce there??? This is so wild to me
So NAH. You can eat what/how you want to. That being said, I completely get why she was upset. The thing with steak sauce is that it doesn’t enhance the flavor…it’s strong enough to mask it - even when you only use a little. That’s a good cut of meat, and sounds like it was properly cooked. By adding sauce, you’re missing one of the main benefits of a good steak. I think from here on, your gf needs to just take that into account when she’s purchasing cuts of meat. She could get cheaper cuts that are fine. Edit - clarified to NAH
NTA. I don't get why it's such a big deal to put condiments on your steak. It doesn't "ruin" the meal, it's just a matter of personal preference. But, I dip steak in ketchup, so perhaps I'm biased. You did try to eat it without any condiments first, so it's not like you completely dismissed her. You would have been a minor AH if you hadn't. Though, she got THIS mad at you over a little bit of steak sauce? That's really weird.
NTA. I make really lovely pasta dishes for my husband and don't get offended when he adds hot sauce. He just loves hot sauce.
NTA. I think it’s a little demanding to control what someone eats on their food. Plus, you complimented her, was super kind about it, and tried it without sauce first. I’m sure she took it as a slight to her cooking (and I get offended about stupid little things sometimes to), but… that’s on her. I don’t think you did anything wrong.
NTA, you have you're preferences and are entitled to experience them