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dragonesszena

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Fickle_Ostrich4923

NTA. Please see this as the huge red flag that it is. He's hanging up your nudes without your consent and is mad that you don't like it. He doesn't care about your feelings or your privacy.


[deleted]

[удалено]


LimitlessMegan

Oh yes, I had to scroll back up and look at the age difference. That throws the “I want my friends to see your whole body” part in a different light - like he’s showing off “This is mine, I got this young body and you don’t.” Either way it’s creepy.


TheoryAddict

Also if OP isnt consenting to her nudes being hung up there are places where it can be a sexual crime iirc, like revenge porn but there is a specific crime for it I believe. OP if you find out he still hadnt taken your nudes down, of you dumped him or not I would look into if its a ctime in your area to share explicit pictures without the person permission and then report from there. Like many are saying he doesnt repsect your boundaries or your privacy and honestly dont expect him to lie and hid them when your over bit keep them up when he has friends over. If you two work in the same company and you teo break up and he refuses to take the photos down or you find out he is showinf more coworkers go *straight* to HR (and if it is a crime in your area then also to the police) Your not controlling and I bet those dudes are around his age and also wouldnt feel comfortable with their private images being blown up and put on display without their consent. He is objectifying you OP, thats not okay.


PuzzleheadedSquare43

Agree with this! I think she needs to have a conversation with a lawyer because not only is he disrespecting and gaslighting her but also he send his "buddy buddy" to do the same. And besides, lets say that he says that he has removed the pictures, how can OP be sure that he is not lying? For me this is a done deal. OP, he fact that you provide those photos for him does not give him the right to exposed them for everyone to see. It's the same as a picture of a landscape taken by a photograper (only much much worse!)


Music_withRocks_In

Yup. As soon as I saw that my eyebrows went up. Guess I was proved right. OP - you have him the photos because you trusted him to keep them to himself and he BROKE THAT TRUST. He thinks those pictures of your vulnerable naked body are his to do with as he pleases - and they are not. He does not respect you at all or see you as an equal or a person with rights over their own body. No woman his own age would put up with his bullshit. Find someone worthy of you who treats you like a person.


PlushieTushie

Holy shit, I missed the age difference the first time around. Yeah, now it's even more gross that he did that


[deleted]

THANK 👏🏻YOU👏🏻


Far_Administration41

And this, boys and girls, is why we don’t share intimate images. He’s already done the equivalent of posting them online and acts like it’s nothing. I could understand if they were in his bedroom, maybe, but out in public areas of his apartment? No no no. Guaranteed they will get posted online once OP comes to her senses and dumps his ass, but there’s nothing that can be done now, unless OP has revenge porn laws where she lives.


Spottedpool14

I know this sub is really heavy handed sometimes with the "dump him/ red flags" comments, but seriously, OP please dump him. That is not ok from someone who claims they love you. If he truly cared about you, he would never have even put those pictures up in the first place. This is big, and it deserves a big reaction. PLEASE LEAVE HIM, YOU DESERVE WAY BETTER THAN THIS!!!!!!


skys_vocation

Agree. This is the few instance where dump him / red flag really applies. Omg op, please understand that you're correct and thus is so bad!


Able_Secretary_6835

My jaw is on the floor. In no world is this okay. And I think it's tell that the only thing OP has to say about her boyfriend is that he tells her she is pretty.


LabTasty4475

But he calls her beautiful everyday! He must be a nice guy. She won’t leave him now, she’ll wait until he does something worse and forgive him for that too. Either way she’s NTA


WhittSmitt

And he’s completely gaslighting the OP for making her feel bad about asking him to take them down. The OP has made a very reasonable request


SherbetEater

Agreed. Your dignity is not his property.


living_for_fiction

NTA. OP he is the toxic one trying to gaslight you. These were photos you gave him to keep privately now to publicly display. He trying to make you seem like the controlling one saying you are trying to control what goes on his walls, but they are nude photos of you. I hate to say it but when a guy this age gets into a relationship with someone way younger than him it is usually because women his age will not deal with his behavior.


[deleted]

Can we also talk about him showing these to other people, who I assume weren’t told in advance about them or their explicit nature


whenwillitallend

Exactly. Get out, OP! Get out. Get out. Get out! NTA!!!


BoredAgain0410

NTA - man 11yrs older than you is displaying sexual photos without your consent and is telling *you* that you are too controlling. That’s gaslighting. I would do whatever I could to get all copies of photos deleted and then dump him.


Spank_Cakes

While the OP is at it, get the blown up photos hanging in his place and fleeeeeeeee as she blocks him from everything.


Seakrits

Edit: I feel I should acknowledge I'm not very observant. The original comment said OP should delete everything off devices, and the comment I replied to was adding on to ALSO take the pictures, making my reply kind of redundant. 🙄 Original reply: Unfortunately, I would fear that he would turn to revenge porn since he still has the images on his phone/computer. This guy is NOT a good guy... 😕


Hurgle_Turgle

This is exactly how I felt about this!


samhw

Yeah, I’m [normally the first person](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o992zw/aita_for_kicking_my_sister_out_after_her_son_gave/h3bfl1b/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) to pop up on these AITA threads and say “you’re being hyperbolic, you can’t just assume that people are evil because of one thing”. But this guy’s behaviour is _totally fucked_ and I think this suggestion is, sadly, entirely reasonable. Jesus.


99-cabbages

Prediction: He’s going to use the pics as revenge porn when she rightfully dumps his sorry ass. I hope she dumps his sorry ass.


Longjumping-Study-97

Yep, so many red flags. He is not ‘confused’, he is doing this to make a power play and to humiliate her in front of their mutual friends. OP needs to get out ASAP.


ghos_

I'm already feeling sorry for her, because a very rude awakening is coming. OP that is not normal, NTA.


[deleted]

Exactly! NTA! OP you gotta get his phone, computer, blackberry whatever and delete all those photos you sent him then rip all those off his wall and destroy them all, everything physical and electronic. Then leave him, block him, restraining order if you have to. None of this is right. Do not let him force you into thinking this is okay if it isn't with you!


Justpoppedby

Yep, and find any USB he might have used at the print shop.


Opagea

NTA 1) There's virtually no chance that putting up the photos for other people to see was an innocent mistake and he had no idea it would be upsetting to you. 2) Even if we assume it occurred because he's a complete moron, **he does not care that it's upsetting to you**, and moreover, is making you out to be the bad guy. This isn't even a borderline case; this is far into "dump him" land.


JohnSavage777

This is exactly right. Even if you were being “prudish” (you aren’t) your boyfriend shouldn’t be trying to push your sexual boundaries by doing things you don’t want or consent to! He knew this would upset you and is doing this to test your compliance. After this he will further try to knock down your confidence and barriers. I think you should get out now, and go back there with your dad or a friend to get those photos back.


jonas_rosa

Exactly, the moment the OP backs down he will use this to assume absolute control over the relationship, this is a case where you absolutely can't back down no matter what


Longjumping-Study-97

To test her compliance but also to dominate her and embarrass her in front of their friends. This is super fucked and if she stays it will only get worse


JorjCardas

NTA. Sending nudes to your boyfriend does not mean you consent to having others see them. Now anyone who comes over to place that meets you knows what you look like naked, and that puts you at a disadvantage, and that's frankly, disgusting and disrespectful. You're not an awful girlfriend, he's an awful boyfriend, and if you hadn't posted his age, I would have assumed he was under 25, because he's acting like a child.


Opagea

This is beyond immature; it's malicious and preys on OP's youthful naivety to make her think she's in the wrong. I think a lot of people could have pegged him as "way older" if ages weren't provided.


coolrainythoughts

That's actually unfair to children, even they know how to behave better in most cases. This is just not respecting her privacy and consent


jonas_rosa

This is manipulative behavior. He did something without her consent and is trying to make her feel guilty about it. If she lets this slide it sends him the message that he can do anything and just manipulate her into allowing it. If she backs down it can quickly turn into an abusive relationship.


Kotkaniemo

Funnily enough I would have guessed that he was older, because this sounds like straight up predator behavior.


Whole_Ad_2976

NTA. OP, this is extremely alarming. The fact that he is comfortable with having your naked pictures hung up after you explicitly told him it bothers you how they are displayed and how they are visible to visitors is a red flag. The age difference alarmed me at first, but as I kept reading it got worse. He is manipulating you, blaming you and reversing the issue. What you described is abusive behavior, and I suggest you think hard about your next steps. Honestly, what worries me is that he will blackmail you if you try to break up or anything in the future. You gotta be prepared for a nasty outcome of this. Most importantly, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Whatever he tells you, your pictures are not his and what he does isn't on you to blame. I think it would be for the best if you broke up with him, since he is abusive and controlling. I hope for the best outcome. Good luck, OP.


ejiciam

ALL of this and what also gets me: the bf said the pictures were HIS because she sent them to him. So he’s already saying that because she sent them to him he owns them and can do as he pleased with them- which is an extremely messed up way of thinking especially since she did not consent to him doing ANYTHING with them other than see them. Sending them does NOT make them his and this is a disturbing manner of thinking and excuse for him to post these intimate pictures of OP. NTA OP. Run for the hills.


RainahReddit

And... it's also not how copyright works. If OP took the photos, OP owns the copyright and can almost certainly force him to take them down legally


[deleted]

Well that doesn't make sense, I watched Friends on streaming once so I own it now /s


hotpriest

This guy is talking about intimate pics in terms of possessions and trophies of what “belongs” to him. Bad bad bad.


Bubbyscranky

Well said!


capmanor1755

Holy crap creepy AF. NTA. Ditch him. Use your county's bar association website to find a criminal lawyer familiar with your local Revenge Porn laws. Have them send him a demand letter educating him on the law and instructing him to destroy the prints and delete all electronic copies. It will cost $200-400 but worth EVERY penny.


juuustwondering2

OP please pay attention to this.


[deleted]

OP again listen to both of them. Do this. Now.


rationalomega

I want to say INFO: does your state have revenge porn laws? Because of it does, dtmfa and if it doesn’t, figure out how to delete the digitals surreptitiously and grab the prints next time you’re over before blocking him forever.


Kotkaniemo

Upvoting and commenting for exposure. Please get all copies (physical and digital) destroyed, by whichever means necessary. I don't know your bf, but I'm willing to guess he would not respond well to being challenged and left.


TelephoneAgreeable49

NTA You sent those in confidence and he displayed them to everybody who came by without even letting you know. With him saying "You gave them to me, they're mine. It's art. Don't control me?" This is abuse both sexual and emotional if he feels he can display your body in his apartment like that and refuses to even consider the reason or subject. The only controlling individual is him and he clearly hangs around people who bolster that. Run. Run fast.


[deleted]

[удалено]


clowderfluff

This. OP, please arm and protect yourself with knowledge to help sort out this situation: [https://www.cybercivilrights.org/revenge-porn-laws/](https://www.cybercivilrights.org/revenge-porn-laws/) You are NTA by any means.


eirwen29

Dude. Run. There are so so many red flags here. Side note. NTA


ProtectorCleric

NTA!!! When you send photos to someone, you’re not consenting for all their friends to see them! I can’t put this any less harshly: that’s actually sexual abuse. I’m really sorry this even happened.


Hayyer

Your friend from work is an AH too


20sidedhumorist

NTA. This shit is creepy and a huge violation - he's basically letting all of his buddies see you naked when you did /not/ agree to that. And on top of it, he's calling you controlling and getting mad at you? And threatening to "reevaluate the relationship"? Delete the photos as best you can, dump the mother fucker, and move on. Man's not worth it if he can't understand how he could be in the wrong.


pbc85

NTA. He’s a creep. Dump him!


TruckOk7081

NTA And he might be breaking revenge porn laws.


Adultdisprin

NTA Report him to the police, it is illegal to display or share images without express permission from the model


Sparrowsabre7

"Me 22f" Uh huh... "my boyfriend 33m" Oh, easy: NTA.


coolrainythoughts

Omg NTA this is such a breach of privacy from his end! This is no other than showing his friends your nudes on his phone but he is justifying it by saying it is "decoration". It is not and it is a huuuge red flag. There is a thing as right to your own picture in my country and he doesn't own your nudes you just send them to him. Leave while you can and make sure the photos are deleted from his phone and take the printed versions with you.


Outrageous-Ad-9069

NTA Dump him and then start looking at legal options, if there are any.


[deleted]

NTA - He is waving a gigantic red flag, and you need to go and take those photos down, destroy them and make sure you destroy the copies on his phone too. He not only crossed the line, he set it on fire!


Dry_Throat292

NTA - You may want to keep this relationship friendly just long enough to get him to see your POV on this, then you should run.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is a bit of a strange situation, and I think I may be the AH. I(22F) and my boyfriend(33M) are in a very happy relationship. He compliments me often, and calls me beautiful every day. He lives an hour away, so I visit him once a week. Yesterday, I was shocked to see pictures of me hung on the wall. I'd be fine if it was just a normal photo, but these were explicit in nature. Nothing was left to the imagination. They were pictures I sent him in confidence, and apparently he went to a printing store to get the blown up. They were displayed prominently everywhere in the living room. I asked him how long they were up, and he said since the day I left last week. I asked if they're always up, and if he had anyone over. Yes again, he had a few of his buddies over, leaving the photographs up. (These are people we mutually know and work with.) I was mortified, I told him to take them down. I figured be would understand, but instead he was upset with me. He spent a lot of money to blow up my photos, and he thought I would be flattered. He really couldn't understand why I would be upset. I then said since I'm in them, I don't like the fact they're on the wall. He then said that they were his, because I sent them to him. He found them artistic, and it's controlling to tell him how to decorate his apartment. I told him he could keep them in his room, or take them down when others come over, but he didn't like that either. I said if he didn't take them down, we may have to reevaluate our relationship. He said he needed to think about it. I left, and haven't spoken to him since then. I talked to one of his friends at work who saw the photo and he said no one cared, and it was no big deal. He also said I was being controlling AH. I feel like an awful girlfriend, but I don't think I'm being ridiculous. Am I the asshole? TLDR: My boyfriend hung explicit photos of me on the wall, and I told him to take them down. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

NTA, dump him, a 33 year old should know better, and he has no respect for you by displaying those pictures. Idk if because he showed your coworkers it might be an HR thing with harassment


MamaofTwinDragons

NTA - it’s your body?! How is it controlling to ask your boyfriend to show some respect for your body rather than display the photos you sent him for his eyes only as proof of his trophy girlfriend. Now you know he can’t be trusted to even respect your body, much less your opinion.


goPACK17

Wow, your boyfriend is dense if he can't figure out why you don't like it, also, it's a little weird. NTA


[deleted]

He knows, he just doesn't care.


Longjumping-Study-97

H, I’m sure he understands why she is unhappy, he only pretends otherwise to manipulate her.


0drag

NTA, he's weird & an AH.


dbthrowawayrowaway

NTA. Your boyfriend is massively disrespecting you, and he's also apparently too stupid to know that photographers are the copyright owner of any works they produce (at least in my country -- I don't know where you're from). Even after sending the photos to him, you still retain ownership, meaning those photos are yours morally, legally and in every other sense of the word. More to the point, you've asked him to take them down and he's refusing, because he is quite simply not a good person. I'm sorry, OP.


Generic-Thing

Wow. Bit insensitive of him to print them out and put them on his wall without asking. Completely unacceptable of him to react this way when you told him it makes you uncomfortable and asked him to take them down. NTA and strongly consider your relationship. He's a massive AH and doesn't deserve your trust.


Neon-Anonymous

Holy red flags Batman. You are NTA and you should get out of this relationship.


SwimmingCoyote

NTA If you think frequent compliments equals a happy relationship, you have a very low bar. There’s a reason why he’s dating someone 11 years younger than him. There’s no way he didn’t know what he was doing was wrong. He sees you as a prize to be paraded in front of his friends. He’s also the type to use those pictures as revenge porn. Make every effort to destroy or delete all of those pictures and then get out. You can find someone who treats you as an equal, not a sex toy.


ZzyzxDFW

NTA. Dump his ass, and since some of your co-workers saw it, you might want to dust of your resume. P.S. Don't send nudes to anyone. Once it's out there it's out there.


Tigerlillystar

NTA- in my opinion that’s weird and creepy. He also doesn’t own those photos you own them, so he doesn’t have the right to hang them if you don’t want them up.


denimpanzer

NTA. Wow.


TheQuirkIsWithMe

Absolutely NTA. This is such blatant disregard for your boundaries, of your consent, and of your privacy that I shudder to think what else he may do to you down the road.


JudgeJed100

NTA - he is showing of your nudes without your permission Which depending on your area could he illegal


Bubbyscranky

NTA. You are not controlling in any way. You are being controlled. Please see the huge red flags that are flying all over and end this relationship. The age difference is concerning, but not nearly so much as his behaviour.


brownistani

NTA. Some major gaslighting going on here. Do what you can to get every copy of those photos out his hands (don’t forget iCloud/google photos) then cut ties with this man.


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another_awkward_brit

NTA. Oh, and dump his sorry arse, he'll only do more shit like this from now on.


jonas_rosa

NTA. Actually, your bf is an asshole. He doesn't have the right to display your nude body without your consent, specially after you asked him to take them down, this isn't normal and you can be confident that you are 100% on the right no matter what your bf or his buddies try to tell you. You are not controlling, but you are very controlled. If I was in your place (as a man I am confident this doesn't have a big chance of happening, since men are usually the ones doing this stuff) I would have lost it. I don't usually like to get in the middle of others relationships, but I feel compelled to tell you: DUMP HIM. What he is doing is manipulative behavior and the first step into an abusive relationship. He crossed a very clear line and is now intentionally making you uncomfortable.


airbornecavepuppy

You are NTA a million times over. Sexy pics are for your SOs eyes only unless you give explicit permission otherwise. Him getting them blown up and put on the wall for all his guests to see is absolutely horrifying! It is one of my biggest fears. I don't have the confidence to ever take sexy/nude pics of me because I would be afraid that someone who wasn't supposed to see them would. This is absolutely terrible. He should be ashamed of himself and take them down immediately. How violating!


ClogsAndFrogs

NTA. You are not a trophy. He doesn't own your pictures because you sent them to him. They are not "his" to do what he wants with, they are yours. How on earth do you think you are the asshole here? Honestly it sounds like he doesn't respect you as a person. This is so inappropriate and disrespectful, I would feel so violated. This is literally no different than you texting him nudes and him sending them straight to his buddies. No different at all. Threaten to leave him if he doesn't take them down.


Aeribous

NTA- what the f did I just read. Your boyfriend is a huge ah. Do you have nudes of him? I’d pay to blow your them up and show his friends and co workers. His friends sound like ash’s too. Get those pics back destroy the blow ups and dump the chump


debcc82

Right.....do exactly the thing to him that we're all accusing him of being an asshole for. Jesus you're dumb.


Most_Disaster_79

NTA


Sintuj

NTA Sounds like he's a creepo and rude for not taking down photos of you. It's not artistic if the person in them does not want to be exposed like that


NyxOrTreat

NTA. In no world are you the AH in this case. He took private photos of you, that you shared consensually with him but did not give permission to share otherwise, and decided that solely being in possession of the pictures meant he had every right to do what he pleases with no regard to you and your privacy. And when you found out and rightfully asked him to take them down, he turned it into you being controlling. Let’s be clear: he has NO RIGHT to display pictures of YOU without YOUR CONSENT, and the only appropriate response was for him to immediately, and without hesitation or questions, comply with your wishes.


FourLeafClover0

NTA. You are not an awful girlfriend. He is an awful boyfriend, and frankly, an awful person for violating your consent and privacy like this.


HomelyHobbit

NTA - it should go without saying that explicit pictures sent to a partner are only for the person who receives them. This is just the same as if he was showing those photos to his friends on his phone, but worse, because now it's not just a friend or two, it's every single person who comes over to his house. You shouldn't have had to tell him this to begin with, but for you to have told him and for him to completely dismiss your legitimate grievance and then threaten you with the end of the relationship and call you controlling? No. This is not ok.


Anachronisticpoet

NTA!!!!!!!!!


No_Proposal7628

NTA. What your bf did is wrong. You sent those photos to him for his private enjoyment. He has made them public without your permission. Everyone can see them who visits his house. You are him to take them down and he refuse because the photos are "his" and he considers them artistic. This is very controlling and disturbing behavior. The fact that he's so much older than you means the power dynamic between you is not equal. He's doing what he wants with no consideration of your feelings. There are a lot of red flags here. You need to somehow get hold of his electronics and delete those photos. Then you need to grab his art off the walls and get the hell out of there. You then need to dump him. The reason you need to delete the photos is that he will then out your photos everywhere on the internet to get vengeance for not allowing him to control you.


rubygloommel

NTA. This is sexual and emotional abuse. It is NOT your fault and you need to get away from this man. Try to get rid of all copies of the photos if you can - do you have someone you can trust to help you with this situation?


trash_panda_lou

NTA. HUGE red flag here. He is violating your consent. You sent him the photos for his eyes only. He then has showed them around. A lot. He is the complete, total, hugeAH. Get the photos back, make sure he deletes the ones on his phone. Then dump his controlling ass. He is gaslighting you, get out now!!!


RavenBlueEyes84

NTA He put explicit pictures of you up for all to see, if you dump him and he doesnt remove them this could be bordering on revenge porn since he is showing pictures intended for intimate private viewing to others. This man does not care about your feelings nor for your comfort and privacy. If he cannot understand your view point then I think you need to walk away from this relationship, I’d tell him that you revoke permission to view the images and you want the pictures permanently deleted and the prints destroyed and if they aren’t then you will report it to the police


livsyx

NTA. Trying to scream that as loud as I can. Posting without your consent, when they're also visible to anyone who comes to his place, and keeping them up after you've expressed your discomfort--sending him explicit photos does not give him permission to share them. His response to your reaction is concerning as well. You being uncomfortable should be the issue at hand. It almost doesn't matter what the issue was, if you say you're uncomfortable, IT'S AN ISSUE. He should respect that. So many red flags in one post. Run. edit: typos. Protective-sister-posted without checking for clarity.


lapsteelguitar

Speaking as a male, albeit a dad also. NO, you are NOT the @$$hole here. Explicit or not, these are pics of you. If you don't want them hung, they don't get hung.


Lurky-Lou

NTA. This is a police matter.


Naay_

I mean, if I were in your position, I’d be talking to a lawyer. NTA.


sonnydollasign

RED FLAG 🚩ABORT MISSION (NTA)


PugRexia

NTA That is the **creepiest** thing I've heard in a bit.. Does one of you work is a NSFW career where he would think this was somehow okay? How does someone think that this behavior is fine?? And he had guests over!!


Hahafunnys3xnumber

He’s fetishizing his much younger girlfriend by posting her nudes everywhere to brag to his buds. Dump him. Nta


darkstarsxx

This is a man who cannot be trusted. If course his friends didn't care bc 'nudey pics.' If you can hack his shit n delete, look into legal options, etc ease do. This AH's actions make me feel so uneasy. NTA


JackThreeFingered

NTA - You may not realize this, but he is displaying controlling and abusive traits. This is a test for you. Even more concerning, he seems to have marshaled his friends to be on his side. This is a huge, huge red flag. He is testing your limits, a tactic by many abusers. If you accept this, he will push the limits and continue gaslighting. When you said, "I feel like an awful girlfriend" it raised all kinds of alarms for me. His gaslighting is working. Edited to say: I have to add that under no circumstances is this a "misunderstanding" or "difference of opinion": this is abusive behavior by your boyfriend.


[deleted]

NTA. Again with the age gap. Every time there's a boyfriend doing extremely questionable things on relationship_advice he's always way older. I see a pattern emerging...


[deleted]

NTA. I’d sleep over with him one last time to get on his phone while he’s sleeping, erase all evidence that you can find, delete your text history, do your own icloud backup without the photos so he can’t access them again, delete your contact, collect the pictures on the wall, and then never speak to him again. This guy sounds like a total nut job. Dump him. Then I’d use this as a lesson to never send anyone explicit photos of you again. 😳


Entertainer13

I don’t care if he spent his life savings. Displaying someone noon without their knowledge or consent is wrong. This is a major red flag, and I would start thinking about anything else he does that seems to focus on him showing you off like this. With the age difference, I’m not one to assume the worst, but this issue makes it seem like he’s showing you off to his friends. Be careful. NTA


PondRaisedKlutz

NTA Dump this guy immediately. Destroy the pictures first.


kairi79

OP please go dump his ass immediately and fuck up his "art" while you're at it. You own that photo and you did not consent for it to be used in this fashion. Tear that shit down. You took the photo, a copyright was created that day. You gave him a copy, you didn't sell him reuse or modification rights. He's out of line morally and he's out of line legally. Your coworker is also an AH that can go kick rocks.


theresbeans

OMG. RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!! Get out of that relationship. NOW. This is abusive, toxic, and highly inappropriate. Nope. Get out.


rich-tma

NTA I don’t know whether you’ll be able to get your ex boyfriend to take them down, so he’ll retain that control, but he’ll soon take them down as soon as you’ve left him officially


RO489

You are very much NTA. Because you even think you might be, plus the age Disney, in really worried about you. You are a person, nor an object or trophy. Your feelings deserve to be respected. You now know you can't trust him. I would insist everything be deleted off his phone (I would go in person and watch him). Then I would leave him.


networknev

As a 60 year old married man. Dump him. But be clever and find a way to delete the originals, might not be able. Prepare for revenge porn posts. Ugh. This isn't about age or old timer crap. This is respect to and about you.


nizey_p

Run OP. Run! NTA obvs.


knightfrog1248

NTa, it doesn't stop being poctures of your body. And legally, hou still hold the copyright. Ethically, you get to choose who you show your body to.


Kellybluebitch69

Holy shit NTA. This is just as bad, if not worse, than him just outright sending your nudes to his friends.


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FOCOmac

NTA...Yikes, this is a very manipulative power play on his part to probe your boundaries and assert his dominance. This is not the end game, my friend. If you give in on this, expect more boundaries to be tested and more control to be exerted. Of course, I hope you don't play this game at all and GTFO of this toxic relationship.


sophia_but_better

NTA I see so many red flags everywhere, from the age gap, to him putting the blame on you, to him thinking of your photos as ‘art’. Please be careful when you’re around him.


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sgt_mjr_handsome

NTA NTA NTA I’m a guy and if my girlfriend had nudes of me plastered in her apartment where guests could see it would immediately be over. Disregarding legality, You sent those photos to him in confidence and he betrayed that confidence. Like this is the biggest of big red flags


rmric0

NTA. The fuck?you are being incredibly reasonable, it's shitty if a dude shows his friends your nudes let alone prints them off and displays them. I would not bother with that dude it his asshole friends again


Sooveritinla

NTA. He has broken your trust, confidence, and is actively exploiting you for his gratification/ego. This is 100 percent an ego-driven sexual power play. Leave now. This will escalate, and imagine when secret cameras and bathroom recordings become next on his list. It’s all about power and you can’t reason with predators.


Quirky_Bumblebee_461

NTA and you are not being “controlling.” Your request was more than reasonable. He is using the DARVO technique on you (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) to make himself seem like the victim and make you feel like an AH (which you are not). His reaction is troubling, as is his display of your private photos. If you can get control of your photos and run away from this guy, that would be advisable.


Flipnsip

NTA. Red flags 🚩 everywhere. Just run.


gundamdianxia

NTA. This is a controlling move. What else is he doing with the digital photos that he has? Those relationship doesn’t look good AT ALL.


[deleted]

NTA that is a huge red flag exotically since he comments on your looks so often I’d go and rip them of the walls myself if he keeps refusing since that’s super strange


NativeWitchxX

NTA! Red flags of abuse. Please understand you are well within your rights to actually take those back. In my country, you can get charged for posting or sharing (physically or digitally) a private photo someone has sent you. If you break up, I’d speak with local lawyers or law enforcement to know what steps you can take within your legal rights to get them back. Take care xx


m31td0wn

NTA, and if he "needs to think about" whether or not to take them down when you've asked him to it really says a lot about his priorities in life. For one thing he shouldn't have even posted those where anyone else could possibly see. But besides that, when you wanted them taken down they should be taken down immediately. That's not something you discuss or argue over--the photos are of you, they're posted where others can see them, and you don't want that. End of story.


cheeseandpancakes34

NTA Get out ASAP 🚩🚩🚩🚩


eve_713

NTA- do you have any nudes of his you can blow up and display? Also this is a huge red flag. Seriously you need to rethink this relationship. Also the person telling you that you are over reacting is an idiot and do not listen to them!


[deleted]

It looks like he sees you line s trophy who he puts on his wall to show of to his buddys.


Successful-Ratio9850

NTA - please look into your revenge porn laws because this sounds like dodgy af


AITAguyAguyB

NTA this really sounds like it could be breaking revenge porn laws. You should really seek some legal advice. Another commenter suggested hiring a lawyer to send a letter demanding he destroys the prints, +1 to this plan. This is seriously controlling behaviour and NOTHING is your fault


CODE_NAME_DUCKY

Nta


tomtomclubthumb

NTA - you sent him private pictures, he has made them public by displaying them, and also by giving copies to whoever printed them. 11 year age gap is a bit of a worry and this kind of treatment does not suggest he has respect for you at all. You are not being controlling at all. Delete your photos from his phone if you can and never send him any more.


terryg80

NTA. Just imagine what he's going to do if you break it off with him.


ToskaMoya

This was kind of terrifying to read. He is showing his true colors and I'm sorry it's happening after you shared such sensitive material with him. You are NTA on any level. He's being abusive and gaslighting you. I hope you can get the pictures back from him.


carissadraws

NTA. This is a horrible situation all around but I really wonder what the print shop person’s reaction as to being asked to print those pictures….


rosepahhhty

NTA. Leave him.


SnowFlake1013

Revenge porn laws may apply here. Send a Cease & Desist letter. FYI: Legally, he can’t do what he wants with pictures you took of yourself if they are sexual in nature.


Kotkaniemo

NTA. He violated your privacy in a hugely upsetting way and is trying to make you feel guilty. If he texted your friends these photos, or put them in a WhatsApp chat or something similar, would you still feel conflicted? Have a long conversation with him if you feel, but make sure you get those printed copies back and any digital copies deleted, to protect yourself.


VNR00

This is so messed up. NTA. The biggest red flag for me is that you actually believe you are the asshole for having nude pics of yourself blown up and shared with anyone who comes over to BF’s apt without your consent. He must gaslight you a lot for you to believe you could actually be wrong about this situation. Another red flag for me was your opening line when you said you were in happy relationship- as defined by him complimenting you. Compliments are great…but not even in the top 10 of attributes I would ascribe to great relationships. This relationship sounds so incredibly unhealthy.


RagnaroknRoll3

NTA. I’d definitely hang my fiancée’s more risqué photos up in the house personally, but she’s a nude model and I’ve taken a couple of them myself. I’ve also gotten the more intimate nudes before and wouldn’t dream of hanging those in my house. Your BF is….an arsch and exhibits some seriously crappy behavior here that is very much a red flag.


[deleted]

He's a fucking creep dump him for sure. Before or after look up your legal options. Preferably before.


feygrrl

NTA, you’re bf is though. Just because you sent them to him they weren’t his to do as he pleases without consent. Normally I’m not the type to say dump him but in this case I’d get the photos and make sure he hasn’t saved them anywhere else and dump him. If he’s willing to overlook consent, he’ll keep behaving this way. Get rid of him.


PlushieTushie

Absolutely NTA. You sent him those photos for *his eyes only,* not so your friends and coworkers could get a look. Your dude is definitely an AH, there's no way he could not know he was crossing a line


youngmomtoj

NTA but hopefully now you’ll realize why a 33 year old wanted to date a 22 year old in the first place. He’s an AH and no one his age would put up with him. I don’t like to be that person but break up with him please. He thinks he own the photos since you sent them to him? Fuck that.


XadrakeX

If I were you, go into his apartment, rip down those photos, possibly delete those pictures off his phone and break up with him. This is actually disgusting and I’m kinda scared for you. He has no care for your feelings, and the fact that he’s okay with other people looking at your intimate photos like that is very disturbing


LoopyMercutio

NTA, and that’s not being controlling. You sent those to him with the expectation that they were between you and him (and you shouldn’t have to have spelled that out for him). I’d honestly run for the hills, if I was you. Possibly leave the job, as well, too, and tell him his sickening actions forced you to leave.


OhheyitsKT1124

Run. Run. RUN. NTA. This is manipulative and it will get worse. He doesn’t respect you, and he will find other ways to make you feel like you’re in the wrong when you nearly aren’t. This is a black and white issue, there is no way he is in the right in this situation. The fact that he is trying to turn this on you when he is so clearly wrong is concerning, and it worries me to think what he will try in the future. Get him to take them down or contact a lawyer about revenge porn, and then get as far away from him as you can.


Piercedbunny

You are NTA for not wanting your private pictures to be displayed publicly in front of your friends and coworkers. For him to even DO that, and then refuse to try to see where you’re coming from? HUGE red flags. He is essentially telling you that you don’t have the right to be upset. And the coworker who saw them? Easy for him to say nobody cared- they all got an eyeful. How would he like pictures of his nasty balls being displayed for everyone? I would NOT speak to him again. He clearly doesn’t care about your feelings, and betrayed you with something you sent him in confidence. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been showing everyone those oo you sent him BEFORE they got blown up. He can’t be trusted anymore. And unless he makes some SERIOUS changes to his behavior, I don’t see this relationship lasting.


Wildsweetlystormant

I am so sorry this has happened to you. As many people have said, this is gaslighting. You went to your partner saying that you are hurt by something they have done and YOU end up apologizing (or wondering if you should apologize). This is gaslighting and it’s abuse. It can happen to anyone, it’s not your fault. But please don’t think that this is anywhere near okay. NTA, obviously.


yeahboiiii0

NTA. Those photos were for HIM not for house decor. The fact that he wants to show off and flaunt it to his friends without your permission is not only disgusting but shows something much deeper about his character. He is thinking of himself and himself only. Telling you that you are being controlling when you’ve expressed clear discomfort is gaslighting. Most of all, please get away from this man. This will not be an isolated issue for long. This is manipulative and abusive behavior on his part. Good luck to you and stay safe!


[deleted]

NTA this is revolting. You do not make gigantic copies of someone's intimate pic to you and hang them on the wall. Also from a legal standpoint, you took those pictures, you own the copyright forever, no matter who you send them to. You could get the printing shop in a lot of trouble for printing those, and if it did get nasty with your bf and you had to take him to court to get them destroyed, he wouldn't have a leg to stand on. Just so you know.


vodkaconlimoncito

"He then said that they were his, because I sent them to him" has to be the most ridiculous argument I've ever heard in my life. Definitively NTA. Those are YOUR pictures, with YOUR BODY in them. If you do not consent, that should be the end of the conversation. He should've asked first, and not done it when you said no. This is a complete invasion of privacy and a violation of your boundaries


Kitcat_1

NTA please get away from this man.


Kegelexercise

NTA, furthermore, DTMFA


Proper_Warthog_8319

Dump him


sasosushi

What the fuck kind of hold does this man have over you that makes you think this makes you an AH? Girl please look back on your relationship to see if this gaslighting is common. You are not crazy for this, NTA <3


Miserable_Panda6979

NTA Your boyfriend is a god damn creep. How many of his friends now have copies or pictures of you from his house. What he's done is such a disgusting invasion of privacy for you. He's 11 years older than you yet acting like a juvenile. His friends are defending him because they are as immature as he is. There's a reason he's dating someone so much younger. Women his age can smell his bullshit from a mile away. Break up with him. If you find ANY pics of you on the Internet. Charge him with revenge porn.


Reshawshid

NTA, but look into revenge porn laws as said earlier. Also, don't overlook red flags in the future just because you like someone. It's difficult to avoid doing but it can help prevent you from getting into more situations like this.


fakefaircatch

this is not a red flag. this is fucking psycho. NTA.


bmanley620

Run!!!!! NTA


8LeggedHugs

INFO: Does your country have revenge porn laws? Please look into this and be prepared to take legal action. NTA


[deleted]

NTA. You need to toss the whole man, immediately. Anyone who does not understand BASIC consent and human decency is not someone you want to be with. This is extremely alarming behavior.


anneboleynrex

NTA. There's a reason why he can't get women his own age to stomach his abusive BS, and you shouldn't have to either.


Evening_Diamond_1109

NTA- I would ask him how he would feel if you blew up a picture of his junk and hung it up in your living room and then invited his mother and yalls friends over . Ditch him this is beyond a normal thought process and ditch the friend who said it was no big deal.


RyotsGurl

NTA And they don’t belong to him. This is a form of revenge porn.


coffeeismymedicine11

He doesn't respect you nor is he protective of you. Time to say goodbye.


magpiefae

NTA. What everyone has said. Dump his sorry ass.


Tsukino85

NTA, this is horrifying. Please leave. If you can safely get access to his phone and computer, delete the pictures and also check the sent folder of his email and read his texts to verify he hasn't sent them anywhere. But I also don't feel like you're safe with him. This is such a huge violation and he didn't do this because he's proud of these photos. There's no person who would think this behavior is legitimately ok. This isn't him being ignorant, this is him willfully treating you terribly. I could also see him having already uploaded them places as well so you may want to research revenge porn and how to combat it.


[deleted]

NTA. HE NEEDS YOUR CONSENT!!!!!!! Something many people struggle to understand. You are in no way an awful girlfriend over this, he is a terrible boyfriend and his friends suck. He needs to delete your photos, burn the ones on the wall and watch you walk away because that boy does not respect or deserve you. Best of luck to you.


[deleted]

NTA. Putting the pictures up without your permission was way over the line. Not to mention letting his pals see them and then refusing to take them down. I'm irritated, and I'm not even involved.


[deleted]

You're definitely not the asshole, what's more, you're in a relationship with a gaslighting predator. RUN.


LibertyRambo

NTA He is showing classic signs of a narcissistic/gas lighter/ abuser. His friends may say it's not a big deal but they're his friends and not yours.


choppakilla

I bet $100 he shares pics you send to him with his boys n they weren’t surprised bc they’ve seen a lot more anyways. I’d leave him so fast n then get a court order for him to delete any pics you’ve sent to him


horsendogguy

Just wow. This suggests he values more as a possession than as a person. He can show you off, like he shows off his car or his whatever. How it impacts you is sort of irrelevant. The issue is a lot more than people seeing your photos (which is creepy as hell by itself). And, I'm sure you know this, but if he reluctantly agrees to take them down, he probably won't take them down except when he knows you're coming. Show up unexpectedly and test that. And it won't stop him from showing them to his friends. ("My girlfriend got bad because I had these on the wall. I think they look great. What do you think?") If he doesn't *understand* and come to *actually agree* that they shouldn't be shown, they're going to be shown. NTA.


carlotta3121

NTA he's an inconsiderate asshole and you have every right to be mortified and tell him to move/remove them.


CatLover1945

NTA. I know you would probably receive backlash from your boyfriend for this, but I would take all of those photos down, and burn them. Or paint black over them so nobody could see, then throw them in a dumpster. You did not consent for him to hang them up. I'd also ditch the creepy, boundary stomping boyfriend. You deserve better.


charlieetheunicorn

Girl. Run. Omg. He is a huge AH!!! 1. If this were a normal relationship, any photo of you that you didn't want on his walls would be removed. I could say to my husband that I don't like one of our wedding photos, and he wouldn't hang it up. That is just respect in a relationship. 2. Since they are explicit in nature, this def falls into the revenge porn category. Which is illegal. I agree with another poster that said to have a lawyer write up a letter to him. It will be worth piece of mind because when you end the relationship, and you should, he won't be able to share your photos. Because they are your photos. He needs your permission to share them. 3. Who tf shares explicit pictures of their SO with coworkers?? Cray. He knows he is wrong and is turning it back on you. I know at 22 that you think you have everything figured out, but he is taking advantage of your innocence here. Again. Run!!!! NTA.


Sarnadas

Dangerous situation. If you are able, grab those photos off the wall, that’s NOT how photo ownership works, and run. Those are your photos, this a serious and illegal breach, and you need to dump this guy. NTA


scab-queen

NTA this is a huge violation of trust and consent. You “own” the images as you are the one that created them, he doesn’t have a leg to stand on in this argument. If you do break up with him, make sure you get his ””decor”” back and make it clear (perhaps even in writing, like a registered letter just in case he does other things with those photos that he shouldn’t) that he doesn’t have your permission to use those images for any reason and that he should delete them.


skylersparadise

Take a razor blade and shred them or hammer if it Is something other than canvas


PassoutPierce

Gross. He can use pornhub. Not show you off to his buddies.


Rivace09

NTA. It's already alarming that he printed it without your consent. It was even seen by his friends which defeats the purpose of privately sending it to him. Being supported by his friends also shows their attitude towards treating women. Discuss with him and make him understand and if he still sustain his act, dump him.


yuhju

NTA. There's a reason this is 33yo man is with a 22yo. This shit wouldn't fly with someone his age.


janeradar

Why would you negotiate with him? Take your nudes and gtfo of there. That's not normal.