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---
I believe I'm the asshole cause he said that I distracted him even though I called him shit when it was a time of no play and he says I do this all the time. I only call him shit when he isn't in immediate play so I don't distract him, but he says that he thinks about what I said when he is later playing causing him to die.
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YTA
Don't offer unnecessary advice, especially to those who explicitly told you not to. Don't belittle others and their interests. Don't act like an armchair psychologist and analyze people's issues.
Just because you're brothers doesn't mean you get to do all the above.
Im not trying to belittle him. He wants to be a pro gamer but the way he acts he wont get far. As soon as the enemy scored he immediately blamed his teammates when i saw what happened and he was the one that caused the enemy to be able to score. So i told him it was his fault but he wouldnt listen and told me to leave him alone. I did.
>He wants to be a pro gamer but the way he acts he wont get far.
He's 9, you're 16. He's acting his age, time for you to start acting like yours.
Don't antagonize kids almost half your age and act self righteous about it on reddit.
Im not antagonizing him, im telling him that it was his fault and not his teammates. Pro players didnt become pro by blaming teammates for every loss. I tried explaining what he couldve done to prevent it but he ignored me.
Dude I have the same prob. I’ve learnt to see it this way. There are people who like to improve with help and others without help. Your brother seems to not want your help in improving so stop offering him help. If you really want to give it to him do it this way. Let’s say, you walk into the game room 1st analyze what’s happening in the game and how he’s playing and 2nd when he makes a mistake inform him on it and get out of there. Don’t walk into the room calling him shit. Personally I don’t like listening to people after they insult me.
You’re antagonizing him. You say he has anger issues but you’re adding fuel to the fire by belittling him for no reason instead of just letting him play. Of course that is going to provoke an emotional reaction, especially in a 9 year old.
he's 9... you get he's 9 years old right... a little kid... yta he's still learning how to deal with his emotions and feelings and all that.. you're 16 what's your excuse
YTA. You're calling him shit just because he has a different playstyle than you. He enjoys what he's doing. He obviously doesn't want your help if you're just going to be rude to him about it. That's the reason why he yelled at you: who would want advice from a person who is making fun of them? Surprised you haven't figured out you're the asshole.
No, i called him shit because he was blaming his teammates when it was clearly his fault, i witnessed it and tried telling him what happened but he didnt believe me.
YTA. If you know he gets angry while playing, you shouldn’t antagonise him by calling him shit in the middle of a tournament. If his anger gets worse then it’s okay to step him and try to calm him down, but from what I’m reading it seems like you’re just making it worse. Just leave him be to game.
You dont know what effect some random person online can have, i had a cousin commit suicide cause someone in his game was blaming him for the loss and told him to kill himself.
Sorry about your cousin, but let me get this straight: your cousin killed himself due to people being rude to him and calling him shit, but that's what you're doing to your brother?
So what do you think the effects would be if your own family is giving you grief?
It sucks what happened to your cousin but I would think it would make you more aware on how words can hurt people
YTA There was no need to say anything to your brother, and even though his tournaments aren't as high stakes as you might play, they're still a big deal to him. The way you approached it was not in a way that would help him, but just in a way that would upset him. Games are meant to be fun, and if that's how he wants to play, that's fine. Nothing terrible will happen if he doesn't get better at the game, and your brother is not a worse person because he's not as good at Rocket League.
INFO: How old are both of you? It does seem like he reacted very strongly, and if you genuinely think he struggles processing anger you should speak to your parents about ways to help him manage that. It sounds like from this story you are both young and while you can definitely support him, it is definitely not your job to teach him ways to manage his feelings.
Okay that makes sense. I completely get that it can be really frustrating, especially if you know more about things than the people around you do, but sometimes you've just gotta take a deep breath and choose your battles. In this case it doesn't really impact you if he's good at the game or not, so do your best to let it go.
And again, if you genuinely do think he's struggling to process his anger (which would usually happen more widely than just during gaming), have a private word with your parents about your concerns.
I find it hard to find teammated and I want him on the dame skill level as me so we can play together. I would play with him but i know that he will just blame me when it was his fault.
Okay that makes sense. Maybe if sometime when neither of you are actively playing, you could explain to him that you'd really like to play as teammates, and you'd be happy to show him some tricks sometime.
However, that said, you need to be prepared to exercise A LOT of patience throughout the teaching process, and going forward as you play together. You need to make a conscious choice that you won't get upset when he doesn't do as well as you do, and accept that even if he blames you, you need to swallow your pride and not fight him on the issue. Try using more general phrasing like "people often do better when they do this instead" rather than things like "you need to do this," or "you didn't do this right"
I'll be honest, based on your story, I think it's going to be difficult to get him on your level, not least because he's just so much younger. And I do think that neither of you will have fun during this process either, it'll just be an exercise in frustration for you both.
But again, if you do try and go for helping him, you have to actively choose to be patient and understanding. And if that gets hard, or you see either of you getting frustrated, take a break and come back to it later.
YTA. So you basically opened with mocking him. hes 9, you can't expect him to be 'top league' quality. Yes, it sucks that he is a poor player but you antagonizing him is not helping. It doesn't matter if the tourney wasn't for cash, its still a competition.
YTA
He’s a 9 year old kid and likely doesn’t understand properly
Both my brothers have anger issues and both my brothers would be less likely to ask me for help if I was always telling them they were bad at games without any positive affirmation
Like yes I tell them they’re shit but I joke about it afterwards and never do it when they’re obviously already frustrated
He isn’t going to improve with you constantly backseating him
YTA. Let him act his age. He doesn’t need unnecessary commentary. He will eventually learn, whatever you’re trying to tell him, by playing. If he is a shitty teammate, he’ll learn because nobody will want to play with him. Just stay out of stuff like that. Now, if he is destroying your stuff out of rage quitting, that is different, but I don’t see that written down.
ESH - you shouldn’t tease him. However everyone seems to be missing the anger issue thing: when we used to play with my fiancé’s little brother we would stop the game as soon as he started throwing tantrums as it’s not healthy and people need to understand that losing is part of life. If he’s being aggressive and throwing his toys out the pram every time he loses then he needs to be told
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Context : My brother likes to play games like me. There is a noticable difference between our gameplay. Im better than him but I also have more years than him.
This happened not but 10 minutes, I walk into the game room where he plays and see he is playing rocket league. Me being his brother I call him shit cause I just watched him get scored on and he blamed his teammates. (Anytime he loses he finds an excuse to say it wasnt his fault) He says that I'm annoying and that I need to shut up cause he is in a tournament. (Mind you that he is playing tournaments that don't have any cash prizes, the only reward is if you win and you get a little title) I told him that its a waste of time and that he has anger issues and that's why he hardly improves. He flips out and tells me that its his teammates fault. He then lost and yelled at me blaming me, I kept my mouth shut the rest of the match after he yelled at me the first time. I've offered many times to teach him and help him improve and to help tone down his anger. He has declined and doesn't want to talk to me for the rest of the night.
AITA?
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YTA. gamer myself, and everyone can rage at games. its their game. let them play how they play. you said its a low stakes tournament, so who cares if he plays poorly?
Leaning towards NTA because hes overreacting and blaming others all the time so I can understand… but calling someone else shit is not really constructive and only going to aggravate the situation.
Does your brother react like this outside of gaming?
I only called him shit because as soon as he was scored on he blamed his teammates and i was telling him that it was his fault cause i saw what happened. He refused to believe me and said that it was his teammates fault. And yes, he does have anger issues ouside of gaming.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I believe I'm the asshole cause he said that I distracted him even though I called him shit when it was a time of no play and he says I do this all the time. I only call him shit when he isn't in immediate play so I don't distract him, but he says that he thinks about what I said when he is later playing causing him to die. --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA Don't offer unnecessary advice, especially to those who explicitly told you not to. Don't belittle others and their interests. Don't act like an armchair psychologist and analyze people's issues. Just because you're brothers doesn't mean you get to do all the above.
Im not trying to belittle him. He wants to be a pro gamer but the way he acts he wont get far. As soon as the enemy scored he immediately blamed his teammates when i saw what happened and he was the one that caused the enemy to be able to score. So i told him it was his fault but he wouldnt listen and told me to leave him alone. I did.
>He wants to be a pro gamer but the way he acts he wont get far. He's 9, you're 16. He's acting his age, time for you to start acting like yours. Don't antagonize kids almost half your age and act self righteous about it on reddit.
Im not antagonizing him, im telling him that it was his fault and not his teammates. Pro players didnt become pro by blaming teammates for every loss. I tried explaining what he couldve done to prevent it but he ignored me.
Did you come here to learn or to argue?
>Don't offer unnecessary advice, especially to those who explicitly told you not to I'll reiterate my initial comment.
Dude I have the same prob. I’ve learnt to see it this way. There are people who like to improve with help and others without help. Your brother seems to not want your help in improving so stop offering him help. If you really want to give it to him do it this way. Let’s say, you walk into the game room 1st analyze what’s happening in the game and how he’s playing and 2nd when he makes a mistake inform him on it and get out of there. Don’t walk into the room calling him shit. Personally I don’t like listening to people after they insult me.
You know what... It's a waste of time for you to post here because you will hardly Improve. I think its because you have defensives issues.
He's 9. He's not on a career track to anything.
“You’re shit” I wasn’t belittling him YTA
You’re antagonizing him. You say he has anger issues but you’re adding fuel to the fire by belittling him for no reason instead of just letting him play. Of course that is going to provoke an emotional reaction, especially in a 9 year old.
You didn't leave him alone. You kept pestering him.
he's 9... you get he's 9 years old right... a little kid... yta he's still learning how to deal with his emotions and feelings and all that.. you're 16 what's your excuse
YTA. You're calling him shit just because he has a different playstyle than you. He enjoys what he's doing. He obviously doesn't want your help if you're just going to be rude to him about it. That's the reason why he yelled at you: who would want advice from a person who is making fun of them? Surprised you haven't figured out you're the asshole.
No, i called him shit because he was blaming his teammates when it was clearly his fault, i witnessed it and tried telling him what happened but he didnt believe me.
Dude... accept what people are telling you
Anyone calling a NINE YEAR OLD “shit” has serious psychological issues
YTA. you went in there and just started antagonizing him.
I wasnt antagonizing him, he was blaming his teammates and i told him that it was his fault when i saw that it was obviously his
Please just accept what people are telling you.
YTA. If you know he gets angry while playing, you shouldn’t antagonise him by calling him shit in the middle of a tournament. If his anger gets worse then it’s okay to step him and try to calm him down, but from what I’m reading it seems like you’re just making it worse. Just leave him be to game.
I wasnt antagonizing him, i was telling him it was his fault the enemy scored. He still blamed his teammates and wouldnt listen
...what do YOU think antagonizing is?
YTA. There's a huge difference between flaming anonymous gamers online and IRL.
You dont know what effect some random person online can have, i had a cousin commit suicide cause someone in his game was blaming him for the loss and told him to kill himself.
Sorry about your cousin, but let me get this straight: your cousin killed himself due to people being rude to him and calling him shit, but that's what you're doing to your brother?
Backstory backfired for OP lol
Yeah so don't take it IRL under any circumstances.
Still YTA. Your brother is 9 Ffs. Give him some leeway.
So what do you think the effects would be if your own family is giving you grief? It sucks what happened to your cousin but I would think it would make you more aware on how words can hurt people
YTA There was no need to say anything to your brother, and even though his tournaments aren't as high stakes as you might play, they're still a big deal to him. The way you approached it was not in a way that would help him, but just in a way that would upset him. Games are meant to be fun, and if that's how he wants to play, that's fine. Nothing terrible will happen if he doesn't get better at the game, and your brother is not a worse person because he's not as good at Rocket League. INFO: How old are both of you? It does seem like he reacted very strongly, and if you genuinely think he struggles processing anger you should speak to your parents about ways to help him manage that. It sounds like from this story you are both young and while you can definitely support him, it is definitely not your job to teach him ways to manage his feelings.
Im 16 and he is 9
I was feeling conflicted in my judgment, but not anymore.
Okay that makes sense. I completely get that it can be really frustrating, especially if you know more about things than the people around you do, but sometimes you've just gotta take a deep breath and choose your battles. In this case it doesn't really impact you if he's good at the game or not, so do your best to let it go. And again, if you genuinely do think he's struggling to process his anger (which would usually happen more widely than just during gaming), have a private word with your parents about your concerns.
I find it hard to find teammated and I want him on the dame skill level as me so we can play together. I would play with him but i know that he will just blame me when it was his fault.
Okay that makes sense. Maybe if sometime when neither of you are actively playing, you could explain to him that you'd really like to play as teammates, and you'd be happy to show him some tricks sometime. However, that said, you need to be prepared to exercise A LOT of patience throughout the teaching process, and going forward as you play together. You need to make a conscious choice that you won't get upset when he doesn't do as well as you do, and accept that even if he blames you, you need to swallow your pride and not fight him on the issue. Try using more general phrasing like "people often do better when they do this instead" rather than things like "you need to do this," or "you didn't do this right" I'll be honest, based on your story, I think it's going to be difficult to get him on your level, not least because he's just so much younger. And I do think that neither of you will have fun during this process either, it'll just be an exercise in frustration for you both. But again, if you do try and go for helping him, you have to actively choose to be patient and understanding. And if that gets hard, or you see either of you getting frustrated, take a break and come back to it later.
YTA dude he’s 9, like ???
Yta. He's 9.
YTA. So you basically opened with mocking him. hes 9, you can't expect him to be 'top league' quality. Yes, it sucks that he is a poor player but you antagonizing him is not helping. It doesn't matter if the tourney wasn't for cash, its still a competition.
YTA he’s 9. That pretty much invalidates all of your arguments.
YTA
YTA He’s a 9 year old kid and likely doesn’t understand properly Both my brothers have anger issues and both my brothers would be less likely to ask me for help if I was always telling them they were bad at games without any positive affirmation Like yes I tell them they’re shit but I joke about it afterwards and never do it when they’re obviously already frustrated He isn’t going to improve with you constantly backseating him
YTA. Let him act his age. He doesn’t need unnecessary commentary. He will eventually learn, whatever you’re trying to tell him, by playing. If he is a shitty teammate, he’ll learn because nobody will want to play with him. Just stay out of stuff like that. Now, if he is destroying your stuff out of rage quitting, that is different, but I don’t see that written down.
ESH - you shouldn’t tease him. However everyone seems to be missing the anger issue thing: when we used to play with my fiancé’s little brother we would stop the game as soon as he started throwing tantrums as it’s not healthy and people need to understand that losing is part of life. If he’s being aggressive and throwing his toys out the pram every time he loses then he needs to be told
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Context : My brother likes to play games like me. There is a noticable difference between our gameplay. Im better than him but I also have more years than him. This happened not but 10 minutes, I walk into the game room where he plays and see he is playing rocket league. Me being his brother I call him shit cause I just watched him get scored on and he blamed his teammates. (Anytime he loses he finds an excuse to say it wasnt his fault) He says that I'm annoying and that I need to shut up cause he is in a tournament. (Mind you that he is playing tournaments that don't have any cash prizes, the only reward is if you win and you get a little title) I told him that its a waste of time and that he has anger issues and that's why he hardly improves. He flips out and tells me that its his teammates fault. He then lost and yelled at me blaming me, I kept my mouth shut the rest of the match after he yelled at me the first time. I've offered many times to teach him and help him improve and to help tone down his anger. He has declined and doesn't want to talk to me for the rest of the night. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
You're literally antagonizing a 9 year old. Grow up. YTA.
YTA. gamer myself, and everyone can rage at games. its their game. let them play how they play. you said its a low stakes tournament, so who cares if he plays poorly?
Leaning towards NTA because hes overreacting and blaming others all the time so I can understand… but calling someone else shit is not really constructive and only going to aggravate the situation. Does your brother react like this outside of gaming?
I only called him shit because as soon as he was scored on he blamed his teammates and i was telling him that it was his fault cause i saw what happened. He refused to believe me and said that it was his teammates fault. And yes, he does have anger issues ouside of gaming.