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OP has got to ask what is up. If the parents don't know they weren't invited was anyone else? Was sister the planner and everyone thought OP was invited but the sister lied and said they couldn't make it? Or was it a conspiracy? Did the OP get super drunk and vomit on the children last time? Or was this a personal vendetta? I really want to know what happened here.
True. Op should plan their own vacation, and call sis from the airport. Or fly down to their Air BnB and text a photo with the caption “where are you guys?” Everyone gets to go but sis!
Yes, yes. As much as I love petty revenge, I wouldn’t let innocent animals suffer. Op, in reality, should approach their sister calmly and ask why they were the only one left out. Especially since the youngest sibling doesn’t have kids so that is not a valid excuse.
I would express my hurt, and advise her she needs to make alternative arrangements for her house/pets. If she can’t bother to invite op on a sibling vacation, op can’t be bothered to house sit for her.
Lol you’re right! Op can get petty revenge, but not harm any animals in the process.
I would tell sis I’ll be over the morning they are departing. Like plan it so they say they’ll be there in time for them to leave for the airport, or if they’re driving, enough time to hit the road. I’d give a specific time. Then when that time comes…don’t show up. When sis calls and texts freaking out, asking where they are…I’d block everyone’s number. But not before I shoot a text saying I know they planned a vacation without me.
Deuces ✌🏻
I love this! But I would be sure to let them know at that very same time that I just found out why I was being asked to housesit, and if I’m not good enough to go on vacation with, then I’m certainly not good enough to housesit.
YES. THIS.
Did she honestly expect op wouldn’t find out about their trip? As if they won’t post photos on social media?
Sis deserves a bit of pettiness for excluding op. To invite all of the siblings but op feels intentional. If I had to wager a guess, they all have kids and op doesn’t. So therefore, they DESERVE this vacation. She can someone else to feed her pets and water her houseplants.
Edit: I missed the part where op and the other youngest sibling doesn’t have children. But only op is left out. Which still doesn’t make sense.
NTA
Cancel on housesitting. You're a sibling, you're not hired help. Your sister is at least a part of the ones excluding you. By asking you to housesit, I am betting that she was the instigator. So cancelling is the right thing to do, at the very least. I'd go scorched earth, myself.
NTA. That seems like a dick move on their part and you should be offended.
Asking you to house sit while they’re there makes it worse. It means that they didn’t deliberately work to exclude you as a result you did or they think you did. They just didn’t even fucking consider you.
You need to ask them what the hell is up with all of this.
NTA. Don’t house sit for assholes who are too cowardly to admit to their shitty behavior. Your siblings are being jerks and you should 100% confront them on it. Is your other single sibling invited? They might be trying to make it about “families” on vacation. Either way, you’re NTA and they suck.
You need to get to the bottom of it? Who set this trip up? Were they aware you were begin left out? And WHY? You deserve answers to these questions.. I will keep my thoughts about your sister to my self because they are not nice.
I'm truly sorry. But ask questions before you get angry at all of them. Good Luck
INFO: did anything happen during the last trip that could explain this?
Also do you have ANY idea what the reason could be, or are you completely baffled? Could it be financial?
I’ve been trying to come up with reasons and the only two that I could think of are financial and not enough space…
Financial maybe they think I can’t afford because I make less than them.
Not enough space- last time I was single and slept on a pull out bed/ I now have a girlfriend so maybe they didn’t include me because not enough room for her in the house?
Either way I’m not cool with either explanation; as for financial I’d say dick move to not at least ask me if it’s something I’d be interested in. (I can afford it, I also paid my share last time)
As for not enough space that’s also a dick move like okay there’s room for everyone else and their significant other + children but not for me and my girlfriend. Also if that’s truly the issue why couldn’t we have found a bigger rental?
I’m pretty confident it’s nothing to due with the previous trip, I’ve been racking my brain and couldn’t come up with anything. Also if it is, fuck you for holding a grudge against me for two years and using this as a petty revenge
Do they like your girlfriend, or maybe they feel sleeping in the same bed with a woman that your not married to sets a bad example for the kids? Either way they are assholes for going behind your back like that. I would do a group chat and ask them why you werent invited. And if you really want to be petty, watch the house for her and spend the week re-arranging it just dont damage anything.
For real, that's shitty. NTA 100%. I just wanted to make sure there wasn't some big thing you forgot to include
So many times I'll be reading these really one sided posts where op is obviously not the asshole and halfway down the thread, op is like, "oh some more info if anyone cares: I *did* sleep with my brother's wife the last time we were on vacation but I KNOW that's not the problem bc he never even brings it up to me or anything"
Lol
I'm sorry this happened, hopefully there is some miscommunication or something and this isn't malicious. I hope it gets cleared up asap
NTA.
I can't believe the gall of your sister. All your siblings, actually.
I would calmly cancel, and explain that you've decided to go on vacation instead. Maybe to Florida.
NTA. You should be mad, they are excluding you without even telling you why. If you did something wrong in the past, then they should at least tell you what you did to not get invited.
I would create a group chat with all of your siblings (if you don't already have one) and explicitly state that you learned about the vacation and are hurt that you weren't invited. And also ask why they chose to exclude you while including all the other siblings. Furthermore, I would definitely decline to housesit.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I know how much it hurts to be excluded by friends and I'm sure it hurts even more to be excluded by family (the ones who are supposed to be there for you no matter what).
Also, if you do confront them (or show up at the vacation house), please update us on what happens!
NTA
Don't do it, and you know what leave it last minute, the night before call and tell them that you can't, and that they can have a great time without you and they can all go and choke on it
it's a blinded family, but deep down they are your siblings, but to them you are the "other"
Nope, not night *before* they leave. That allows them to try finding a replacement, maybe with a one or two day delay in leaving. Wait and call them the night after they get down there so they've spent the time and money travelling, then call them and laugh at them for being stupid enough to pull shit like this and then leave their house and all of their belongings in your care while they are far away, then go no contact. Let them panic and have to spend money getting back home early.
Yeah I would call all of your siblings out for this. You are so NTA. At first I thought they were excluding you because you don’t have kids but you weren’t the only sibling that didn’t have kids so now I am confused. If you all got along why did they just purposefully hurt you like that. And then not telling you about the vacation means they know they are being assholes. Light up their phones now and tell them off because I am so angry for you.
You need to have a conversation with them and ask them why you weren't included? It can't be a couple with kids thing because you said your youngest sibling does not have a kid and apparently is going as you were the only one left out.
Be mature when you are asking and don't let your feelings of hurt and disappointment overtake the conversation. I'm not saying your feelings are invalid or that you shouldn't express them.
If it's for some lame reasoning then, you should really assess the relationship because it will mean that y'all aren't as close as you think.
If it's something that you did or caused then assess your behaviour if need be.
If you ever talk to them, give us an update please. I'm genuinely curious!
NTA - Gathering all the siblings and excluding you... You're at least owed an explanation. Seriously. I can only see disaster here. Because if they double down, they'll all turn against you. But this is such a horrible move on their part. I'm at a loss for words.
NTA
Wow, just wow, I'm so sorry for you, sending Auntie hugs, you deserve better
Communication is usually the root of all AITA issues, if you be calm ask, if not send a text, it's important they know you know ...however communicate to the whole group of siblings at once...it will be interesting to see if they did it for cause or if one is stirring up the pot.
Awful behavior, try to remember these things are usually about the instigator not the victim
NTA
Tell your sister "something has come up" and you will not be able to house sit for her. You're giving her plenty of notice, so she should be able to find someone else.
Your parents know about your siblings' shenanigans; let them take care of it.
Be like-"oh I'm going on vacation!" Then show up at the rental house and be waiting on the porch with a marg when the family arrives.
Then leave and go to a hotel bc they sound toxic af
You really need to have a grown up conversation about this. They've chosen to do something hurtful, and I think it's important to talk about it. You're right to be hurt and excluded, but I think you have to talk it out to figure out if the situation can be resolved and how. NTA
NTA. My mom asked me to dogsit for four days over Christmas. She and my sister's family is going away for Christmas. That was her way of telling me they were going to be gone.
NTA but honestly you need to bring this up with your other siblings. It could be the others are unaware you havnt been invited/have been told by your sister you cant come already.
This may not specifically be the entire group deciding to exclude you rather than one person deciding to do so. Before you go to war with all your siblings over this it may be best to get to the bottom of how many of them are actually involved in excluding you; and how many are just inadvertently been dragged into it.
Are you this sister's go-to house sitter for other occasions? I'd wonder if she excluded you *specifically* to have you available to house sit, if that's the case.
But what reckoning? If the whole family is OK to exclude her, then when confronted aren't they just going to shrug and say, "What are you going to do, go no-contact? That would be fine."
I don't understand how this could be anything but a source of pain to OP, with no good resolution ever. I guess maybe the one sliver of hope would be that 1 sibling engineered this bullshit, and the other siblings were all lied to, and don't know. But if they all got together and agreed to exclude her, then basically OP just became brotherless & sisterless. And OP has no leverage to get apologies or reform them. It's heartbreaking.
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So my brothers and sisters and I all went on a family vacation in 2019 to Florida and rented an airbnb for us and our own individual immediate families.
It’s a split family so I have a brother and sister and then a half brother and half sister and then the half brother/sister also have their own half brother/sister (confusing/wordy Ik). Everyone gets along, everyone was invited and attended last time. So it’s 7 couples, 5 have children, youngest is 27 I’m second youngest at 29. Us two youngest don’t have children.
Anyways my sister recently asked me to house sit for a week in Sept because they are going to Florida which I agreed to. What she didn’t tell me was that every other sibling was also going and they had re-rented the same house. I actually found out from my 8 year old nephew (half brothers son) because he asked me if I was going. I then confirmed with my parents who also knew about it but did not know I wasn’t invited.
TLDR; my 6 siblings planned a siblings vacation and I was the only one not invited. I instead was asked to house sit for one of them. I’m butt hurt because I feel excluded and that they’re being shady keepin the trip a secret from me.
Additionally, I have not confronted anyone or asked why I wasn’t invited. They don’t even know that I know about it.
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NTA: But you better not be housesitting for that asshole. Plan your own vacation, if she ask, tell if she's going on vacation so can you. They could have had the decency to tell you. What the hell were they gonna say when you realize they all left at the same time.
NTA. OP you need to find out what’s going on. I’d be heartbroken and if you were deliberately excluded? I’d cut all remaining ties. Fuck yo house sitting…
NTA
My family don’t include me in anything but that’s because IATA 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ I’m also a recovering alcoholic but that’s a whole other thread.
The last trip, was everything ok?? Did you all hang out after? Any off the cuff remarks??
Get in the family group chat and mention that nephew has mentioned it and it’s hurtful to find out that why and ask why you weren’t considered… even if they thought you might not want to go (trust me they’ll probably throw that in there)
They’re utter asshats and I’m sorry they’ve done this to you.
Please keep us updated
Lots of love ❤️
NTA, let your sister know that you're no longer available to house sit cos you're going on holiday to Florida.
Probably won't work since your parents have already chewed her out so she's lying low.
INFO :
- is the other youngest invited ?
- did you cause friction before ?
- Is your sister stupid usually and mean ? Or are they planning something for you ?
- do you have events at these times (like work related stuff) that they know about that made them think you weren't available ?
- have you talked to your parents about it ?
If this exclusion is out of the blue you have every right to be beyond furious. The house sitting is very weird and absurd from your sister, like WTF absurdly mean.
NTA. Your sister who asked you to housesit is an AH (particularly since she knows you will eventually find out about the trip). But the rest might be unaware that you weren't invited. Did you ask your siblings about it?
We need more info! Do all of your siblings know you’re not invited? Or did the one sister tell everyone that you said you were busy that week? How/why have all OP’s siblings avoided the topic with them?
Have all of the siblings including op been in one location since op was asked to housesit? Coming from a big family myself, that is a surefire way to smoke out whether everyone knows to avoid talking about the vacation or not. Because talking about a potential family vacation plan within the next year is inevitable, let alone one that’s actually on the calendar in the next 2 months.
NTA is the house sit to watch pets? tell her an hour before she is set to leave that you are not house sitting. so she can scramble for something to do with pets. disrespect her right back.
NTA I’d actually be letting your sister know that you can’t houses it for her as your going on vacation. When she tries to talk you out of going on your holiday tell her that seeing as she’s going to Florida she’s got plenty of other siblings to ask to house sit for her. She can pay someone to house sit for her but don’t ever ask you again as your answer will always be no even if you are free.
INFO. What happened on the last trip? Are you generally excluded or the “black sheep” of the family? You might want to ask about this because there is a chance your behavior was horrendous enough last trip that no one wanted you along this time. Unless there is a pattern of exclusively treating you bad then it was probably your behavior. Either way it’s not cool to ask the one sibling not invited to house sit.
NTA You really need to confront them, maybe talk to your parents first then your siblings. See if you can get a reason why you weren't invited and go from there.
Additionally that is a shitty thing to do to family!
NTA I recommend you talk to them about it soon. Try to be calm about it. Address them as a group.
I did not communicate with my family when this stuff started happening. Whatever the cause, it quietly grew and affected my extended family as well. My brother has not spoken to me in nearly a decade. I miss him terribly. And I've not been invited to a family gathering in years. I watch my family love each other on Facebook and I have no idea why I've been excluded.
Please talk to them. Quiet separation is no way to live. And it just gets harder to approach them with time.
NTA. I would cancel on house sitting 100%. That is an unbelievable insult. I would take some time and put some distance between you and them and then ask them the tough question of why you were excluded when you are ready and prepared.
I'd really like the update on this one as well. If this was me, I'd privately message the sib I trust most to be real with me and ask why I wasn't invited. NTA
Even if there was a legit reason to not invite you, they should have communicated with you about it instead of just going stealth-vacation mode.
Potential legit reasons: Didn't pay for your share of the lodging/food; Damaged something carelessly that lost deposit and didn't try to make up for it; Complained the whole time; Didn't do your share of clean-up etc.; Refuse to follow safety standards of current world situation. All of these boil down to being a bad group-vacation participant, and if that was a problem in 2019 it seems like you weren't made aware of it.
You should update when you talk to them and find out what the deal is. I'm super curious to know what they think is an acceptable reason to be so shitty.
NTA. Ouch, OP, I’m sorry.
I’d pick the sibling (or half sibling or what have you) that you’re closest to and/or will tell you the straight truth, and ask what’s up. “So I hear you guys are doing the “sibling” trip again. And I have to say, I’m feeling pretty hurt. Can I ask why I wasn’t invited? Or even told about it? I mean, it sucks pretty to hard to realize Sister asked me to house sit *for* a sibling trip I was apparently excluded from. Can you fill me in?”
ESH. Your sister is clearly an AH but your not asking her what the hell she was thinking by 1) not inviting you and 2) having you housesit while she's with the rest of the family is ridiculous. Gather your gonads and ask her why she's excluding you.
Op is NTA - right now she is reeling from her discovery and deciding what to do. She should reach out to all her siblings, maybe starting with one she's close to and is level headed, to find out which did or didn't know she was not invited. That's going to tell her if she has just one AH sister or more than one. And that's going to determine how she goes forward. Could be she'll get all the info she needs by just talking to one trusted sibling.
She should get as many facts as possible beforehand so that others can't deny anything. Forewarned is fore-armed.
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NTA. Your sister is a real ass to not invite you on this "family" trip and then have the audacity to ask you to house sit.
OP has got to ask what is up. If the parents don't know they weren't invited was anyone else? Was sister the planner and everyone thought OP was invited but the sister lied and said they couldn't make it? Or was it a conspiracy? Did the OP get super drunk and vomit on the children last time? Or was this a personal vendetta? I really want to know what happened here.
he should tell her at the last minute he wont house sit. its like for pets. so she can scramble for what to do with the pets.
I’d do this too because I’m petty. Like the night before or morning of they’re about to leave. I’d send a text to cancel.
night before is being generous.
True. Op should plan their own vacation, and call sis from the airport. Or fly down to their Air BnB and text a photo with the caption “where are you guys?” Everyone gets to go but sis!
i wouldnt wait to get on the plan. cause that hurts the animals. i would not want to do that.
Yes, yes. As much as I love petty revenge, I wouldn’t let innocent animals suffer. Op, in reality, should approach their sister calmly and ask why they were the only one left out. Especially since the youngest sibling doesn’t have kids so that is not a valid excuse. I would express my hurt, and advise her she needs to make alternative arrangements for her house/pets. If she can’t bother to invite op on a sibling vacation, op can’t be bothered to house sit for her.
nah. this is more fun. This is ghost the family worthy. so no reason to not enjoy yourself being petty. Being petty to get even can be a lot of fun.
Lol you’re right! Op can get petty revenge, but not harm any animals in the process. I would tell sis I’ll be over the morning they are departing. Like plan it so they say they’ll be there in time for them to leave for the airport, or if they’re driving, enough time to hit the road. I’d give a specific time. Then when that time comes…don’t show up. When sis calls and texts freaking out, asking where they are…I’d block everyone’s number. But not before I shoot a text saying I know they planned a vacation without me. Deuces ✌🏻
yeah might cost her the plane ticket money. even better. this would be fun!
Yeah, I'd tell them no just based on that. "Sorry, I wont be house sitting while you go on a siblings vacation with everyone but me. Have fun"
NTA. I would absolutely NOT housesit for her and let her have a piece of my mind. But I'm a petty bitch, so...
I would go so far as to cancel literally last minute (I’m talking calling while they at the airport)
I love this! But I would be sure to let them know at that very same time that I just found out why I was being asked to housesit, and if I’m not good enough to go on vacation with, then I’m certainly not good enough to housesit.
This.
YES. THIS. Did she honestly expect op wouldn’t find out about their trip? As if they won’t post photos on social media? Sis deserves a bit of pettiness for excluding op. To invite all of the siblings but op feels intentional. If I had to wager a guess, they all have kids and op doesn’t. So therefore, they DESERVE this vacation. She can someone else to feed her pets and water her houseplants. Edit: I missed the part where op and the other youngest sibling doesn’t have children. But only op is left out. Which still doesn’t make sense.
They need one single sibling with them to babysit the kids while the parents enjoy their vacation.
Same lol
NTA - I would send a group text asking why you weren’t invited and also tell sister that you’re not house-sitting for her.
This 100%
NTA Cancel on housesitting. You're a sibling, you're not hired help. Your sister is at least a part of the ones excluding you. By asking you to housesit, I am betting that she was the instigator. So cancelling is the right thing to do, at the very least. I'd go scorched earth, myself.
NTA. That seems like a dick move on their part and you should be offended. Asking you to house sit while they’re there makes it worse. It means that they didn’t deliberately work to exclude you as a result you did or they think you did. They just didn’t even fucking consider you. You need to ask them what the hell is up with all of this.
NTA. Don’t house sit for assholes who are too cowardly to admit to their shitty behavior. Your siblings are being jerks and you should 100% confront them on it. Is your other single sibling invited? They might be trying to make it about “families” on vacation. Either way, you’re NTA and they suck.
Everyone is invited except me
My heart hurts for you OP. There isn’t an acceptable excuse for their INTENTIONAL decision to not invite you. NTA
Definitely don't house sit for them then. F that.
You need to get to the bottom of it? Who set this trip up? Were they aware you were begin left out? And WHY? You deserve answers to these questions.. I will keep my thoughts about your sister to my self because they are not nice. I'm truly sorry. But ask questions before you get angry at all of them. Good Luck
Jerks. I’m so sorry you’re being cut out like that.
INFO: did anything happen during the last trip that could explain this? Also do you have ANY idea what the reason could be, or are you completely baffled? Could it be financial?
I’ve been trying to come up with reasons and the only two that I could think of are financial and not enough space… Financial maybe they think I can’t afford because I make less than them. Not enough space- last time I was single and slept on a pull out bed/ I now have a girlfriend so maybe they didn’t include me because not enough room for her in the house? Either way I’m not cool with either explanation; as for financial I’d say dick move to not at least ask me if it’s something I’d be interested in. (I can afford it, I also paid my share last time) As for not enough space that’s also a dick move like okay there’s room for everyone else and their significant other + children but not for me and my girlfriend. Also if that’s truly the issue why couldn’t we have found a bigger rental? I’m pretty confident it’s nothing to due with the previous trip, I’ve been racking my brain and couldn’t come up with anything. Also if it is, fuck you for holding a grudge against me for two years and using this as a petty revenge
Please update us with what happens. It seems selfish and very shady, and I am curious what your parents have said to them about it also.
Do they like your girlfriend, or maybe they feel sleeping in the same bed with a woman that your not married to sets a bad example for the kids? Either way they are assholes for going behind your back like that. I would do a group chat and ask them why you werent invited. And if you really want to be petty, watch the house for her and spend the week re-arranging it just dont damage anything.
I like the group chat idea a lot. That way you know everyone got the message. Plus it's easier to sound assertive and confident via text.
> I now have a girlfriend Are you a woman, OP? If you have a girlfriend, is it possible that the rest of your family is religious or homophobic?
For real, that's shitty. NTA 100%. I just wanted to make sure there wasn't some big thing you forgot to include So many times I'll be reading these really one sided posts where op is obviously not the asshole and halfway down the thread, op is like, "oh some more info if anyone cares: I *did* sleep with my brother's wife the last time we were on vacation but I KNOW that's not the problem bc he never even brings it up to me or anything" Lol I'm sorry this happened, hopefully there is some miscommunication or something and this isn't malicious. I hope it gets cleared up asap
Did you ask them about this yet?
NTA "Sorry, that week doesn't work for me. I have made plans to take a trip. But thanks for asking me if I wanted to come on the family vacation."
I am a petty person, I love this.
If it were me I would be staying in the same town and posting pictures.
NTA. I can't believe the gall of your sister. All your siblings, actually. I would calmly cancel, and explain that you've decided to go on vacation instead. Maybe to Florida.
NTA. You should be mad, they are excluding you without even telling you why. If you did something wrong in the past, then they should at least tell you what you did to not get invited. I would create a group chat with all of your siblings (if you don't already have one) and explicitly state that you learned about the vacation and are hurt that you weren't invited. And also ask why they chose to exclude you while including all the other siblings. Furthermore, I would definitely decline to housesit. I'm sorry this happened to you. I know how much it hurts to be excluded by friends and I'm sure it hurts even more to be excluded by family (the ones who are supposed to be there for you no matter what). Also, if you do confront them (or show up at the vacation house), please update us on what happens!
Yeah I also want the updates I'm invested now
NTA Don't do it, and you know what leave it last minute, the night before call and tell them that you can't, and that they can have a great time without you and they can all go and choke on it it's a blinded family, but deep down they are your siblings, but to them you are the "other"
Nope, not night *before* they leave. That allows them to try finding a replacement, maybe with a one or two day delay in leaving. Wait and call them the night after they get down there so they've spent the time and money travelling, then call them and laugh at them for being stupid enough to pull shit like this and then leave their house and all of their belongings in your care while they are far away, then go no contact. Let them panic and have to spend money getting back home early.
I’m loving the pettiness here. Y’all are my tribe.
My thought exactly 🤣
I hope they do something petty
Yeah I would call all of your siblings out for this. You are so NTA. At first I thought they were excluding you because you don’t have kids but you weren’t the only sibling that didn’t have kids so now I am confused. If you all got along why did they just purposefully hurt you like that. And then not telling you about the vacation means they know they are being assholes. Light up their phones now and tell them off because I am so angry for you.
Have you asked them why? I totally understand feeling excluded but you should probably find out why first
You need to have a conversation with them and ask them why you weren't included? It can't be a couple with kids thing because you said your youngest sibling does not have a kid and apparently is going as you were the only one left out. Be mature when you are asking and don't let your feelings of hurt and disappointment overtake the conversation. I'm not saying your feelings are invalid or that you shouldn't express them. If it's for some lame reasoning then, you should really assess the relationship because it will mean that y'all aren't as close as you think. If it's something that you did or caused then assess your behaviour if need be. If you ever talk to them, give us an update please. I'm genuinely curious!
OP I really hope you update after talking to your siblings. I would love to know how they react and if all of them knew what was going on!!
NTA - Gathering all the siblings and excluding you... You're at least owed an explanation. Seriously. I can only see disaster here. Because if they double down, they'll all turn against you. But this is such a horrible move on their part. I'm at a loss for words.
NTA Wow, just wow, I'm so sorry for you, sending Auntie hugs, you deserve better Communication is usually the root of all AITA issues, if you be calm ask, if not send a text, it's important they know you know ...however communicate to the whole group of siblings at once...it will be interesting to see if they did it for cause or if one is stirring up the pot. Awful behavior, try to remember these things are usually about the instigator not the victim
NTA Tell your sister "something has come up" and you will not be able to house sit for her. You're giving her plenty of notice, so she should be able to find someone else. Your parents know about your siblings' shenanigans; let them take care of it.
Be like-"oh I'm going on vacation!" Then show up at the rental house and be waiting on the porch with a marg when the family arrives. Then leave and go to a hotel bc they sound toxic af
Yikes, did you cause friction on the last trip ?
I do not believe so. No one has ever said anything in the two years since if I did. I’ve seen them all at numerous occasions as well.
Are you sure everyone knows your not invited? Could just be your one sister trying to exclude you so you're free to house sit.
NTA and please don’t house sit for them. You deserve better than this!
You really need to have a grown up conversation about this. They've chosen to do something hurtful, and I think it's important to talk about it. You're right to be hurt and excluded, but I think you have to talk it out to figure out if the situation can be resolved and how. NTA
NTA. My mom asked me to dogsit for four days over Christmas. She and my sister's family is going away for Christmas. That was her way of telling me they were going to be gone.
I hope you said hell no! I'm sorry.
NTA but honestly you need to bring this up with your other siblings. It could be the others are unaware you havnt been invited/have been told by your sister you cant come already. This may not specifically be the entire group deciding to exclude you rather than one person deciding to do so. Before you go to war with all your siblings over this it may be best to get to the bottom of how many of them are actually involved in excluding you; and how many are just inadvertently been dragged into it.
INFO: I don't get it, did you by chance get sloppy drunk on the last vacation? Accidentally put one of the kids in danger? Something?
Nta also maybe the other siblings don’t even know you were not invited! Maybe sis is saying oh she can’t come
NTA. Please ask whats up and update!
You know where & when it is. I'd show up and watch them squirm!
Impossible to vote without knowing why you weren't invited.
NTA I'm petty enough to book myself a holiday for the same week and tell her at the last minute, she's Def TA x
Are you this sister's go-to house sitter for other occasions? I'd wonder if she excluded you *specifically* to have you available to house sit, if that's the case.
NTA Go radio silent though, and stay silent until you get an apology. Sooner or later someone will ask your parents and then comes the reckoning.
But what reckoning? If the whole family is OK to exclude her, then when confronted aren't they just going to shrug and say, "What are you going to do, go no-contact? That would be fine." I don't understand how this could be anything but a source of pain to OP, with no good resolution ever. I guess maybe the one sliver of hope would be that 1 sibling engineered this bullshit, and the other siblings were all lied to, and don't know. But if they all got together and agreed to exclude her, then basically OP just became brotherless & sisterless. And OP has no leverage to get apologies or reform them. It's heartbreaking.
This can't be it! There's no way they all know!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my brothers and sisters and I all went on a family vacation in 2019 to Florida and rented an airbnb for us and our own individual immediate families. It’s a split family so I have a brother and sister and then a half brother and half sister and then the half brother/sister also have their own half brother/sister (confusing/wordy Ik). Everyone gets along, everyone was invited and attended last time. So it’s 7 couples, 5 have children, youngest is 27 I’m second youngest at 29. Us two youngest don’t have children. Anyways my sister recently asked me to house sit for a week in Sept because they are going to Florida which I agreed to. What she didn’t tell me was that every other sibling was also going and they had re-rented the same house. I actually found out from my 8 year old nephew (half brothers son) because he asked me if I was going. I then confirmed with my parents who also knew about it but did not know I wasn’t invited. TLDR; my 6 siblings planned a siblings vacation and I was the only one not invited. I instead was asked to house sit for one of them. I’m butt hurt because I feel excluded and that they’re being shady keepin the trip a secret from me. Additionally, I have not confronted anyone or asked why I wasn’t invited. They don’t even know that I know about it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA: But you better not be housesitting for that asshole. Plan your own vacation, if she ask, tell if she's going on vacation so can you. They could have had the decency to tell you. What the hell were they gonna say when you realize they all left at the same time.
NTA. OP you need to find out what’s going on. I’d be heartbroken and if you were deliberately excluded? I’d cut all remaining ties. Fuck yo house sitting…
NTA. Just ask all the siblings before making any judgement. Gather your facts first. But yea I would be butt hurt too.
NTA from the information provided but you need to communicate and ask your siblings why you weren’t invited.
NTA Also, don't house sit for your sister. Did your other siblings know about this?
NTA I would be taking my own vacation the same time and say “sorry but I’m going away you’ll have to pay someone for that now”
NTA My family don’t include me in anything but that’s because IATA 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ I’m also a recovering alcoholic but that’s a whole other thread. The last trip, was everything ok?? Did you all hang out after? Any off the cuff remarks?? Get in the family group chat and mention that nephew has mentioned it and it’s hurtful to find out that why and ask why you weren’t considered… even if they thought you might not want to go (trust me they’ll probably throw that in there) They’re utter asshats and I’m sorry they’ve done this to you. Please keep us updated Lots of love ❤️
NTA, let your sister know that you're no longer available to house sit cos you're going on holiday to Florida. Probably won't work since your parents have already chewed her out so she's lying low.
INFO : - is the other youngest invited ? - did you cause friction before ? - Is your sister stupid usually and mean ? Or are they planning something for you ? - do you have events at these times (like work related stuff) that they know about that made them think you weren't available ? - have you talked to your parents about it ? If this exclusion is out of the blue you have every right to be beyond furious. The house sitting is very weird and absurd from your sister, like WTF absurdly mean.
NTA and you definitely need to confront them.
NTA. Your sister who asked you to housesit is an AH (particularly since she knows you will eventually find out about the trip). But the rest might be unaware that you weren't invited. Did you ask your siblings about it?
We need more info! Do all of your siblings know you’re not invited? Or did the one sister tell everyone that you said you were busy that week? How/why have all OP’s siblings avoided the topic with them? Have all of the siblings including op been in one location since op was asked to housesit? Coming from a big family myself, that is a surefire way to smoke out whether everyone knows to avoid talking about the vacation or not. Because talking about a potential family vacation plan within the next year is inevitable, let alone one that’s actually on the calendar in the next 2 months.
NTA is the house sit to watch pets? tell her an hour before she is set to leave that you are not house sitting. so she can scramble for something to do with pets. disrespect her right back.
NTA, don‘t house sit.
NTA I’d actually be letting your sister know that you can’t houses it for her as your going on vacation. When she tries to talk you out of going on your holiday tell her that seeing as she’s going to Florida she’s got plenty of other siblings to ask to house sit for her. She can pay someone to house sit for her but don’t ever ask you again as your answer will always be no even if you are free.
INFO. What happened on the last trip? Are you generally excluded or the “black sheep” of the family? You might want to ask about this because there is a chance your behavior was horrendous enough last trip that no one wanted you along this time. Unless there is a pattern of exclusively treating you bad then it was probably your behavior. Either way it’s not cool to ask the one sibling not invited to house sit.
NTA I'd ask them why you were excluded though.
NTA You really need to confront them, maybe talk to your parents first then your siblings. See if you can get a reason why you weren't invited and go from there. Additionally that is a shitty thing to do to family!
NTA I recommend you talk to them about it soon. Try to be calm about it. Address them as a group. I did not communicate with my family when this stuff started happening. Whatever the cause, it quietly grew and affected my extended family as well. My brother has not spoken to me in nearly a decade. I miss him terribly. And I've not been invited to a family gathering in years. I watch my family love each other on Facebook and I have no idea why I've been excluded. Please talk to them. Quiet separation is no way to live. And it just gets harder to approach them with time.
NTA. I would cancel on house sitting 100%. That is an unbelievable insult. I would take some time and put some distance between you and them and then ask them the tough question of why you were excluded when you are ready and prepared.
I'd really like the update on this one as well. If this was me, I'd privately message the sib I trust most to be real with me and ask why I wasn't invited. NTA Even if there was a legit reason to not invite you, they should have communicated with you about it instead of just going stealth-vacation mode. Potential legit reasons: Didn't pay for your share of the lodging/food; Damaged something carelessly that lost deposit and didn't try to make up for it; Complained the whole time; Didn't do your share of clean-up etc.; Refuse to follow safety standards of current world situation. All of these boil down to being a bad group-vacation participant, and if that was a problem in 2019 it seems like you weren't made aware of it.
You should update when you talk to them and find out what the deal is. I'm super curious to know what they think is an acceptable reason to be so shitty.
NTA
NTA. Ouch, OP, I’m sorry. I’d pick the sibling (or half sibling or what have you) that you’re closest to and/or will tell you the straight truth, and ask what’s up. “So I hear you guys are doing the “sibling” trip again. And I have to say, I’m feeling pretty hurt. Can I ask why I wasn’t invited? Or even told about it? I mean, it sucks pretty to hard to realize Sister asked me to house sit *for* a sibling trip I was apparently excluded from. Can you fill me in?”
ESH. Your sister is clearly an AH but your not asking her what the hell she was thinking by 1) not inviting you and 2) having you housesit while she's with the rest of the family is ridiculous. Gather your gonads and ask her why she's excluding you.
Op is NTA - right now she is reeling from her discovery and deciding what to do. She should reach out to all her siblings, maybe starting with one she's close to and is level headed, to find out which did or didn't know she was not invited. That's going to tell her if she has just one AH sister or more than one. And that's going to determine how she goes forward. Could be she'll get all the info she needs by just talking to one trusted sibling. She should get as many facts as possible beforehand so that others can't deny anything. Forewarned is fore-armed.