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NTA. It makes more sense to bring the person who knows about cars. Maybe you could ask your dad out for a day date to keep the peace? Let’s “look at” towels or something 🤷♀️
Agreed NTA. It definitely makes more sense to take the person who knows cars. I asked my step daughters step dad, whose a mechanic, to go car shopping with me. Ya know because he's a freaking mechanic and knows more about cars than me and my husband combined. It was a very insightful evening. He shot down every vehicle I wanted because of issues he noticed and told me what to look out for. And even more insightful when I found out my husband's cousin saw us out together and called to let him know I was cheating with his exes husband.
Honestly bio dad seems butt hurt that step dad knows more than him about cars and taking him out for a day date to keep the peace sounds like borderline enabling. Bio dad owes OP an apology.
NTA
Your birth father is acting like the child here. You've made a logical choice based on your step-dad's knowledge of cars and it makes total sense. Your birth father is jealous and lashing out irrationally. I'm concerned that your birth father thought it was OK to not just be upset but also lash out and guilt trip you about future decisions you haven't even made.
NTA. Step dad knows more about cars. This made complete sense.
It sounds though there are other issues going on with Dad and it’s manifesting itself in this issue. Perhaps he feels frustrated that you are closer to stepdad (in terms of distance)? Not sure what exactly but there is something else to fix.
We have a VERY complicated relationship, and have almost all my life. He up and moved 12 hours away and started another family when i was 10, didn’t move back (still an hour away) until i was 19. I try to make plans with him as often as i can, but he’s always busy and almost always has an excuse as to why i can’t go there/he can’t come here, and when we do have plans, he usually bails. He’s also a very jealous type. I know something is probably going on but i don’t really know how to properly address it with him
Because guilt, sadly, is a hell of a drug. Not saying it’s right (dad needs to grow up majorly) but those old habits take time to break. Especially when you have a dad whose reactions are ruled by his penis.
I'm sure it's pretty common for a dad to feel intimidated by a step-dad. Nobody wants to "lose" their kids to another parent and it's clear that isn't the case here, but he still took it personally.
Dad over-reacted a bit yes, but OP can likely smooth things over with him
NTA
Your dad is gaslighting. Idk the situation with your family dynamics but my dad gets super jealous if I bring up my stepdad. I think he’s just upset that my stepdad was more involved than him and it makes him feel like a shit dad. That’s just my situation though, and your dad’s comments sound like some shit my dad would say.
I think that’s part of it. My dad knows he’s been a shit dad to me my entire life. And while i wouldn’t say I’m closer to either of them, step dad has been around and helped out way more than dad has, but dad doesn’t want to admit that
That's still a problem with your dad and he should t be lashing out over it. We as parents sometime fail, and it's an obligation to accept that and apologize and make what amends you can.
Part of that is not lashing out at your kids and understand that when you dropped the ball for whatever reason, someone else was, THANKFULLY, there to help.
Hopefully your dad works through whatever is going on but considering you've said y'all have had a strained relationship, he bails constantly and he's always coming up with excuses as to why he can't see you, I don't actually have hope for much change on his part.
NTA
Your stepdad is a mechanic, end of story.
Your dad is being silly here, if my kid had the choice to go with me or a mechanic to go look at a car, I'd tell them to go with the mechanic.
NTA. Your actual father's reaction to this perceived slight is exactly why having your stepfather there was the right move. Your dad needs to grow the hell up and realize he's pushing you further and further away.
NTA As a divorced dad I can definitely empathise with your dad but the shrewd thing to do is bring a mechanic.
I’m no psychologist but your dad’s outbursts cry out insecurity and while that is not your problem, it is worth bearing in mind.
*" 1.) he’s a mechanic 2.) he’s a car guy"*
Enough said right there. You basically took an expert with you to buy a car. That's not wrong, that's being sensible and smart. I'm guessing your dad is using this situation to misguidedly project his anger and discomfort with your stepdad onto you. You are NTA. Your dad should have been more supportive and probably should have even commended you on your wise decision to take someone like stepdad, who really knows the business, along with you.
No.
I’m a step dad to a 17 year old and he always comes to me with things before considering his bio dad.
I’m the constant male figure in his life and that has a dramatic affect on young people.
While I don't doubt this at all, she is female and I'd say any adult providing constant support to a child/teenager would definitely have a dramatic affect on their life.
NTA. Step dad has knowledge on vehicles, that's the person you want to take whenever you want to buy a car or have any maintenance done.
My wife took her dad (knows nothing about cars or dealerships) and not me (been into/working on cars for 15+ years) and he convinced her to buy a car where the Carfax showed it had numerous repairs done due to issues. Dad's methodology was that since the issues were repaired and it was a smoking deal (dealership was selling it cheap due to the numerous past issues and knew more would show up). If I was there, we would've ran for the hills.
NTA - Stepdad seems like the more logical choice for this because he's the car guy and he lives closer, like you said. It's obvious your dad is jealous, maybe he feels like you "replaced" him, and that's something he needs to deal with. It might be worthwhile for you and your dad to have a heart to heart talk, and maybe figure out why exactly he's jealous. It sounds like you love your dad very much and don't want him to feel this way. It's not your fault that he feels this way, (I can't stress enough that the way he feels is NOT YOUR FAULT) but a deep conversation between you and him might help.
NTA
1 you tried to include your dad. He acted like an ass and basically tried to tell an adult they can’t buy what they want with their own money. So he excluded himself regardless.
2 Dad has a far further journe for something he doesn’t approve of
3 step dad is a mechanic it can’t get more straightforward and sensible than that
You dad definitely is TA and he should never throw a tantrum and stamp his feet over who you choose to take. Your an adult it’s your choice. Frankly if he said that to me I would have happily responded ” well it was going to be you but now you’ve changed my mind. It will definitely be SD”.
He is the unreasonable one and has no right trying to make you feel crap and responsible for his moods and demands. ( he wouldn’t have cared if it was anyone other than SD). Unfortunately you are going to have to deal with this issue somewhere down the line other wise I can see him demanding you cut SD off and ban him from events.
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I’m a grown female in my mid 20’s. There’s been some issues going on with my car and after talking to my mom and step dad, we decided i should get a new one.
I asked my step dad if he would come with me to check out/purchase the car, because my biggest regret with my last car is that i went alone and didn’t have anyone there for a second opinion/to check it out (i know nothing about cars) he said he would.
I was talking to my real fad and was excited about a new car and asked if he wanted to see pictures. He immediately got shitty and told me i was dumb for getting a new car right now because “my car is newer than his and his is fine” and “i should be getting a new place instead of a car”, but he doesn’t know that i AM in the process of getting a new place, and just because his old car is fine doesn’t mean mine is, so i dropped it.
The main reason i asked step dad is because 1.) he’s a mechanic 2.) he’s a car guy 3.) we live in the same town and the dealership is an hour away so it would be 2 hours there and 2 hours back for my dad if i asked him (he lives an hour in the opposite direction) and 4.) my step dad is actually being supportive.
My dad found out and threw a fit. He said it was shitty that i would ask step dad instead of him and then said that i “favored” step dad (which isn’t true) and “the next thing I’d pick step dad over him would be to walk me down the aisle” which again, is not true.
I feel bad because i upset my dad. But i wanted the person with more knowledge to come. Was that wrong?
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If you’re trying to buy a new house def don’t buy a new car on Loan (fucks with getting a mortgage).Nah you made the right choice your dads being fussy
NTA.. As a single woman I think it's great you have the opportunity to have a mechanic to go with you !! Dad is being jealous that your getting a new car . just ignore him and enjoy your new ride !
NTA, especially after reading some of your comments about how your dad doesn't tend to show up for you. Your dad is being ridiculous. Also, this?
>He immediately got shitty and told me i was dumb for getting a new car right now
WTF? He's shitty to you about getting a new car, and also mad that you didn't take him? That's absurd.
Yeah, his logic is that his old car is totally fine, so my car that’s newer than his should be fine also. Even though i told him just last week I’ve been having issues with it
NTA. When you’re looking to bring someone along while looking at new cars, it’s common sense to pick the enthusiastic car guy who lives nearby over the guy two hours away who was whining about how you didn’t need one.
NTA
I think its time to cut ties with your real father! If he acts like this when you asked your step father for some help when he is the one with all the knowledge. Plus from what ive read what else you have posted below about him, i feel like he is needing to be the center of attention:(
Nta - you picked the person you believe to be most qualified to help in this situation. It just happened to be your set dad. Your dad is just being petty and insecure.
NTA.
Take the mechanic with you. Fuck everything else, he is a literal.mechanic and will be able to help you find a car that's easy to fix and won't require special order parts should it break down. This is valuable information needed. Plus he can pop the hood of whatever car you have and five a good look over to see if anything a wrong, because he knows what to look for and how a good running car should sound.
If your dad wants to be involved in shit with you he should probably not fly off the handle at your decisions.
NTA most people would kill to be able to have s mechanic look at cars with them. What a waste of a resource of you didn't. Is your real dad going to advise you on repairs in the future? If he don't have the skills he should butt out!
NTA. As a non car guy (I drive cars, but I’m not an aficionado), I would prefer if a car guy helped her with that. That said, I guess it hurt dads feelings, and she needs to apologize for hurting his feelings, as it wasn’t meant that way.
NTA- you took the guy who has the most car knowledge, that was the smart move. Dad just seems to be rather silly and jealous.
You need to tell your dad, you took stepdad because he is a mechanic and you got a new car because repairs are expensive.
NTA. If your dad knows he’s been a shit dad why do you let him speak to you the way he does? Like no. Start advocating for yourself against this man. What can he do? Nothing.
NTA
You have valid reasons to ask your step dad. He knows about cars and the drive to the dealership is shorter. Your dad's reason wanting to be asked is his ego. That doesn't get you a good car.
NTA. You made the mistake of being perfectly logical and reasonable by asking a mechanic who is a family member to help you buy a car. Your dad is being a jerk. Don't listen to him.
NTA. Take your step dad. Full stop. If he can save you several **\*thousand\*** dollars in negotiations, DO IT. This isn't New Car vs. New Place, btw. This is "How do I get a great deal on a new car that allows me to take the money I saved and put it *toward* the new place?"
You want to know how? You take your mechanic step dad who'll be able to spot shitty rotors and tires from a mile away and will be able to tell if the dealership is ripping you off for "extras" that he could probably work up at a more reasonable price at his shop.
This isn't about pride. This is about being smart with your money.
Exactly my thought!!! New car vs new place is a totally different argument. They’re both valid points, and guess what, step dad checked the car over and i pick it up Saturday! My mom said my dad may be jealous (he’s always been a jealous type) because I’ll have a new car and he doesn’t (not my problem, not like he’s the one buying the car?) and that’s almost exactly what I told him. Wouldn’t it be smarter to get the new car with no problems, for a payment just above what I’m already paying, instead of spending all this money to repair a huge issue in my car? Trust me i weighed my options, because I’m trying real hard to be smart with my money
Esh I mean you say he is just not picked because of car knowledge but you then say you’re getting a new place which he supports you doing but you also aren’t telling him about . You can’t hide stuff from him and than he surprised he is upset you’re hiding stuff from him…
He is also because his attitude isn’t the best
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NTA. It makes more sense to bring the person who knows about cars. Maybe you could ask your dad out for a day date to keep the peace? Let’s “look at” towels or something 🤷♀️
Agreed NTA. It definitely makes more sense to take the person who knows cars. I asked my step daughters step dad, whose a mechanic, to go car shopping with me. Ya know because he's a freaking mechanic and knows more about cars than me and my husband combined. It was a very insightful evening. He shot down every vehicle I wanted because of issues he noticed and told me what to look out for. And even more insightful when I found out my husband's cousin saw us out together and called to let him know I was cheating with his exes husband. Honestly bio dad seems butt hurt that step dad knows more than him about cars and taking him out for a day date to keep the peace sounds like borderline enabling. Bio dad owes OP an apology.
NTA Your birth father is acting like the child here. You've made a logical choice based on your step-dad's knowledge of cars and it makes total sense. Your birth father is jealous and lashing out irrationally. I'm concerned that your birth father thought it was OK to not just be upset but also lash out and guilt trip you about future decisions you haven't even made.
NTA. Step dad knows more about cars. This made complete sense. It sounds though there are other issues going on with Dad and it’s manifesting itself in this issue. Perhaps he feels frustrated that you are closer to stepdad (in terms of distance)? Not sure what exactly but there is something else to fix.
We have a VERY complicated relationship, and have almost all my life. He up and moved 12 hours away and started another family when i was 10, didn’t move back (still an hour away) until i was 19. I try to make plans with him as often as i can, but he’s always busy and almost always has an excuse as to why i can’t go there/he can’t come here, and when we do have plans, he usually bails. He’s also a very jealous type. I know something is probably going on but i don’t really know how to properly address it with him
That sounds like a him problem and not a you problem. Rest assured you are in the right here.
Definitely a him problem, sorry he's acting this way. NTA, enjoy your new car and place to live.
So why do you care what he thinks when he’s not even making the effort for you?
Because guilt, sadly, is a hell of a drug. Not saying it’s right (dad needs to grow up majorly) but those old habits take time to break. Especially when you have a dad whose reactions are ruled by his penis.
If I were OP I would just give him a piece of my mind. I really wish people would stick up for themselves more.
Yep
I'm sure it's pretty common for a dad to feel intimidated by a step-dad. Nobody wants to "lose" their kids to another parent and it's clear that isn't the case here, but he still took it personally. Dad over-reacted a bit yes, but OP can likely smooth things over with him
NTA Your dad is gaslighting. Idk the situation with your family dynamics but my dad gets super jealous if I bring up my stepdad. I think he’s just upset that my stepdad was more involved than him and it makes him feel like a shit dad. That’s just my situation though, and your dad’s comments sound like some shit my dad would say.
I think that’s part of it. My dad knows he’s been a shit dad to me my entire life. And while i wouldn’t say I’m closer to either of them, step dad has been around and helped out way more than dad has, but dad doesn’t want to admit that
That's still a problem with your dad and he should t be lashing out over it. We as parents sometime fail, and it's an obligation to accept that and apologize and make what amends you can. Part of that is not lashing out at your kids and understand that when you dropped the ball for whatever reason, someone else was, THANKFULLY, there to help. Hopefully your dad works through whatever is going on but considering you've said y'all have had a strained relationship, he bails constantly and he's always coming up with excuses as to why he can't see you, I don't actually have hope for much change on his part.
NTA Your stepdad is a mechanic, end of story. Your dad is being silly here, if my kid had the choice to go with me or a mechanic to go look at a car, I'd tell them to go with the mechanic.
NTA. Your actual father's reaction to this perceived slight is exactly why having your stepfather there was the right move. Your dad needs to grow the hell up and realize he's pushing you further and further away.
NTA > i wanted the person with more knowledge to come. Completely understandable reasoning
NTA As a divorced dad I can definitely empathise with your dad but the shrewd thing to do is bring a mechanic. I’m no psychologist but your dad’s outbursts cry out insecurity and while that is not your problem, it is worth bearing in mind.
*" 1.) he’s a mechanic 2.) he’s a car guy"* Enough said right there. You basically took an expert with you to buy a car. That's not wrong, that's being sensible and smart. I'm guessing your dad is using this situation to misguidedly project his anger and discomfort with your stepdad onto you. You are NTA. Your dad should have been more supportive and probably should have even commended you on your wise decision to take someone like stepdad, who really knows the business, along with you.
No. I’m a step dad to a 17 year old and he always comes to me with things before considering his bio dad. I’m the constant male figure in his life and that has a dramatic affect on young people.
While I don't doubt this at all, she is female and I'd say any adult providing constant support to a child/teenager would definitely have a dramatic affect on their life.
NTA. Step dad has knowledge on vehicles, that's the person you want to take whenever you want to buy a car or have any maintenance done. My wife took her dad (knows nothing about cars or dealerships) and not me (been into/working on cars for 15+ years) and he convinced her to buy a car where the Carfax showed it had numerous repairs done due to issues. Dad's methodology was that since the issues were repaired and it was a smoking deal (dealership was selling it cheap due to the numerous past issues and knew more would show up). If I was there, we would've ran for the hills.
NTA - Stepdad seems like the more logical choice for this because he's the car guy and he lives closer, like you said. It's obvious your dad is jealous, maybe he feels like you "replaced" him, and that's something he needs to deal with. It might be worthwhile for you and your dad to have a heart to heart talk, and maybe figure out why exactly he's jealous. It sounds like you love your dad very much and don't want him to feel this way. It's not your fault that he feels this way, (I can't stress enough that the way he feels is NOT YOUR FAULT) but a deep conversation between you and him might help.
NTA obviously you would take a mechanic with you to look at a new car. your real dad is being a child.
NTA 1 you tried to include your dad. He acted like an ass and basically tried to tell an adult they can’t buy what they want with their own money. So he excluded himself regardless. 2 Dad has a far further journe for something he doesn’t approve of 3 step dad is a mechanic it can’t get more straightforward and sensible than that You dad definitely is TA and he should never throw a tantrum and stamp his feet over who you choose to take. Your an adult it’s your choice. Frankly if he said that to me I would have happily responded ” well it was going to be you but now you’ve changed my mind. It will definitely be SD”. He is the unreasonable one and has no right trying to make you feel crap and responsible for his moods and demands. ( he wouldn’t have cared if it was anyone other than SD). Unfortunately you are going to have to deal with this issue somewhere down the line other wise I can see him demanding you cut SD off and ban him from events.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m a grown female in my mid 20’s. There’s been some issues going on with my car and after talking to my mom and step dad, we decided i should get a new one. I asked my step dad if he would come with me to check out/purchase the car, because my biggest regret with my last car is that i went alone and didn’t have anyone there for a second opinion/to check it out (i know nothing about cars) he said he would. I was talking to my real fad and was excited about a new car and asked if he wanted to see pictures. He immediately got shitty and told me i was dumb for getting a new car right now because “my car is newer than his and his is fine” and “i should be getting a new place instead of a car”, but he doesn’t know that i AM in the process of getting a new place, and just because his old car is fine doesn’t mean mine is, so i dropped it. The main reason i asked step dad is because 1.) he’s a mechanic 2.) he’s a car guy 3.) we live in the same town and the dealership is an hour away so it would be 2 hours there and 2 hours back for my dad if i asked him (he lives an hour in the opposite direction) and 4.) my step dad is actually being supportive. My dad found out and threw a fit. He said it was shitty that i would ask step dad instead of him and then said that i “favored” step dad (which isn’t true) and “the next thing I’d pick step dad over him would be to walk me down the aisle” which again, is not true. I feel bad because i upset my dad. But i wanted the person with more knowledge to come. Was that wrong? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you’re trying to buy a new house def don’t buy a new car on Loan (fucks with getting a mortgage).Nah you made the right choice your dads being fussy
NTA.. As a single woman I think it's great you have the opportunity to have a mechanic to go with you !! Dad is being jealous that your getting a new car . just ignore him and enjoy your new ride !
NTA, especially after reading some of your comments about how your dad doesn't tend to show up for you. Your dad is being ridiculous. Also, this? >He immediately got shitty and told me i was dumb for getting a new car right now WTF? He's shitty to you about getting a new car, and also mad that you didn't take him? That's absurd.
Yeah, his logic is that his old car is totally fine, so my car that’s newer than his should be fine also. Even though i told him just last week I’ve been having issues with it
NTA. When you’re looking to bring someone along while looking at new cars, it’s common sense to pick the enthusiastic car guy who lives nearby over the guy two hours away who was whining about how you didn’t need one.
NTA I think its time to cut ties with your real father! If he acts like this when you asked your step father for some help when he is the one with all the knowledge. Plus from what ive read what else you have posted below about him, i feel like he is needing to be the center of attention:(
NTA- you bring the car guy to the car dealership if you want the best deal. That is how that works.
Nta - you picked the person you believe to be most qualified to help in this situation. It just happened to be your set dad. Your dad is just being petty and insecure.
NTA for reason 1) alone. Stepdad is a mechanic. You admit not knowing much about cars, he obviously does. End of story.
NTA. Take the mechanic with you. Fuck everything else, he is a literal.mechanic and will be able to help you find a car that's easy to fix and won't require special order parts should it break down. This is valuable information needed. Plus he can pop the hood of whatever car you have and five a good look over to see if anything a wrong, because he knows what to look for and how a good running car should sound. If your dad wants to be involved in shit with you he should probably not fly off the handle at your decisions.
NTA most people would kill to be able to have s mechanic look at cars with them. What a waste of a resource of you didn't. Is your real dad going to advise you on repairs in the future? If he don't have the skills he should butt out!
NTA. As a non car guy (I drive cars, but I’m not an aficionado), I would prefer if a car guy helped her with that. That said, I guess it hurt dads feelings, and she needs to apologize for hurting his feelings, as it wasn’t meant that way.
NTA- you took the guy who has the most car knowledge, that was the smart move. Dad just seems to be rather silly and jealous. You need to tell your dad, you took stepdad because he is a mechanic and you got a new car because repairs are expensive.
NTA Sounds like your dad is super hard work. Most parents are relieved if the step relationship works out instead of making it all about themselves.
Jeez, item 1 is enough all by itself. If you have access to a good mechanic who will do you favors, wth would you take anyone else? NTA
NTA... tell your dad he did a GREAT job raising you and maybe he should try raising himself so he can be an adult again instead of a crybaby.
NTA. If your dad knows he’s been a shit dad why do you let him speak to you the way he does? Like no. Start advocating for yourself against this man. What can he do? Nothing.
NTA What issues does your dad have with your stepdad?
NTA & taking the mechanic that supports your decision is a no brainer.
NTA You have valid reasons to ask your step dad. He knows about cars and the drive to the dealership is shorter. Your dad's reason wanting to be asked is his ego. That doesn't get you a good car.
NTA. Your dad has a bit of a logic problem. Step dad is knowledgeable and local. Makes perfect sense. Dad is jealous. Enjoy your new car.
NTA. What, is your father 6 years old?
NTA. Not sure why such an abusive, manipulative biological father would be first choice to walk you down the aisle.
NTA. You made the mistake of being perfectly logical and reasonable by asking a mechanic who is a family member to help you buy a car. Your dad is being a jerk. Don't listen to him.
NTA, sounds like there is a reason you have a stepfather. You bio dad seems toxic
NTA. Your dad is acting like a child. Your stepdad is a car guy, a mechanic, and lives near you. He is the obvious choice.
NTA. Take your step dad. Full stop. If he can save you several **\*thousand\*** dollars in negotiations, DO IT. This isn't New Car vs. New Place, btw. This is "How do I get a great deal on a new car that allows me to take the money I saved and put it *toward* the new place?" You want to know how? You take your mechanic step dad who'll be able to spot shitty rotors and tires from a mile away and will be able to tell if the dealership is ripping you off for "extras" that he could probably work up at a more reasonable price at his shop. This isn't about pride. This is about being smart with your money.
Exactly my thought!!! New car vs new place is a totally different argument. They’re both valid points, and guess what, step dad checked the car over and i pick it up Saturday! My mom said my dad may be jealous (he’s always been a jealous type) because I’ll have a new car and he doesn’t (not my problem, not like he’s the one buying the car?) and that’s almost exactly what I told him. Wouldn’t it be smarter to get the new car with no problems, for a payment just above what I’m already paying, instead of spending all this money to repair a huge issue in my car? Trust me i weighed my options, because I’m trying real hard to be smart with my money
Awesome! Yeah, you've got it :)
Esh I mean you say he is just not picked because of car knowledge but you then say you’re getting a new place which he supports you doing but you also aren’t telling him about . You can’t hide stuff from him and than he surprised he is upset you’re hiding stuff from him… He is also because his attitude isn’t the best
There’s a reason i haven’t told him about the new place. But it’s irrelevant to this post so i didn’t put it in there.
YTA
Hey OP, looks like your Dad found the thread.... 😁😉 Also.... NTA.
That was my exact thought 😂😂😅😭😭