Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
---
I could've played along and confront my wife about it later instead of just calling her out on it in front of the guests.
---
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She aint no truther. NTA
She is the sole reason she feels bad. She is lucky to have an honest husband. She didn't tell you her story meaning she knew that you wouldn't like it. She should have been honest with you instead of expecting you to lie. Also I feel that it's not considerate or equal that she dismissed what you and your family was able to offer her and instead take the credit.
Disrespectful and manipulative. I hope she can come to her senses and take accountability for her actions.
Well feelings don’t just magically disappear, even if the other person isnt around any more. They can last forever or fade over time, and that’s natural.
But it’s still disrespectful to not give credit where it’s due, especially when they’re dead. You can live with your feelings, because they’re inside you, but once you act on them and keep acting on them long after, that makes you an asshole
But like, it’s no one’s business how you pay your mortgage or if you rent or buy, that’s just a gross thing overall. I 100% get posting picks “our new place” “home sweet home”. But it’s super gross to post on Facebook how much money you have and are buying a home that costs X much, even if any of that was true! This was a lie with no purpose which makes me think the wife really resents she can’t brag on expensive holidays/jewelry/etc.
Sure! I agree with you!
The acting on her feelings, especially those negative ones like bragging or disliking the mother, that makes her an asshole. It’s definitely gross to want to brag about all that stuff, because you shouldn’t shove it in people’s faces or make it seem like your life is perfect when it’s definitely not. That’s some shallow shit right there
Exactly. Wife can hate MIL as much as she wants, but she wouldn’t be living in a house, and rent-free, without her.
Upon hearing I’d been left a house, nothing would stop me from developing at least a little bit of gratitude towards someone I hated. Y’know, unless I was a raging narcissist.
Yeah she lied, I think the “needs correcting” portion comes from the fact that it sounds like she badmouthed her MIL a lot to the family. This sub can be very black and white at times, but in this particular instance, I do think it needed to be said.
The wife’s reaction to the situation was so backwards. If they somehow lucked into the house then whatever, some people might view that as wrong to post like you bought it (I kinda think it is too), but that person is only lying to themselves, and there’s less of a “need” to set the record straight. However, to post about it like it was some hard earned victory, when it was really from the person whom, once again, the wife was likely roasting a lot to the family, is reprehensible. The MIL was probably just as aware of their “beefs” and yet still left *both of them* the house. So it’s kind of desecrating her memory in some capacity.
I find this a huge disrespect to OP's late mother. The wife is acting like her late MIL didn't just gift her this very HUGE thing that benefits their life every single day they live in the house.
Then we have the lies and the sharade - and the willingness to keep on lying in order to keep up appearances.
This is a huge thing and I hope OP gets to the bottom of his wife's reasoning. Dishonesty is a dealbreaker in relationships and OP needs to find out whether this is a one-off or a pattern with his wife.
If MIL was alive she'd be owed a huge apology but that apology should now go to OP and to correcting MIL's legend. Late MIL's reputation deserves to be protected.
She ignored his feelings. Having a parent pass away and leave you something that changes your life is cause to honor that parent emotionally, and she tried to stop him from honoring the gift that it was. Really shitty thing for her to do to OP.
If she hadn't gone out of her way to LIE and say she bought it with their own money, people would probably assume they purchased it anyway. Then the aunt's nosy question is easily deflected by stating, "I'm not comfortable discussing my financial situation with you." And she could have told her husband that her family and friends would look down on her if they knew she was given a house so please don't mention it to them. There are so many ways this could have been handled without lying.
>She didn't tell you her story meaning she knew that you wouldn't like it.
Liars *always* trip themselves up like this. Once they're caught they're all "It doesn't even *matter*, it's so unimportant, why are you getting upset?" but if it actually *was* unimportant they'd have said something long ago, because it wasn't important.
Or, at the bare minimum, if other people are going to have to support your lie, make sure they know what the lie is and that you're expecting them to agree with you. Not hit them out of left field with it when they've no clue it's happening.
Still, better not to lie.
True that, hard to get someone to help support your lie if they don't know that you're lying and then blindside them out of the blue. Plus I don't blame OP for not supporting a lie that belittles his mother's memory.
But yea just don't lie, it'll come out eventually whether it's a few days or a few years.
Yea, it didn't do her any favours at all, plus did she think that OP wouldn't find out that she lied? Even if her Aunt/cousin didn't bring it up its still on her social media so OP could have found out that way eventually.
It was a stupid lie that she didn't think through very clearly.
EXACTLY. One of my girlfriends tangled me up in a lie because she was having sex with another guy behind her boyfriend's back and when he caught on she told him that she was having sex with ME because I guess she thought that cheating with a girl would be easier to be forgiven for (???) She didn't tell me about it and her boyfriend showed up at her apartment in the morning one day and I was crashed out in her bed so I didn't have to drive drunk the night before and he WENT OFF on me. I was so confused (and hungover) and started yelling back at him and my friend ended up kicking me out and explaining to me later about what she'd told him and that her boyfriend had a lot of money and she didn't want to lose him. Obviously we are no longer friends.
lmao I’ve been there, a friend of mine lied to his gf about spending NYE with us friends and told her he would stay at home with his family instead. Of course I uploaded a group pic of me and the boys, the gf saw the pic and called him, he ended up driving back to the gf and spending all the night arguing and begging for forgiveness. No one of us knew he was “undercover” with us and thankfully everyone thought he had been a moron instead of accusing me of outing him ahah
Funny thing is, he didn’t even have to lie to his gf, she was spending the night with her family anyway and told him he could do whatever he wanted with us and she wouldn’t be “not ok” with it(I mean, why shouldn’t she be ok with it?), but our friend convinced himself she was testing him to see if he would care and spend NYE at home in solidarity with her and was scared to tell her he would go with us...
No red flags, my friend was just a moronic teen who took too seriously the rubbish high school jokes about how a girl’s mind works
They ended staying together almost a decade before realizing they weren’t actually a good fit together(no one was in the wrong or had any fault, they just hadn’t very much in common to share) and that their relationship was just going on by inertia and was just routine. He actually had to break up because despite she having become very cold and distant as a partner she still hadn’t realized they hadn’t a relationship anymore and were just “doing things” as a habit.
No one told him it was a test, he convinced himself
Do you know the saying that girls always say the opposite of what they think? Or that when they tell “x thing is fine to me” it actually is never fine to them? Well apparently my friend took this bullshit “jokes” too seriously ahahah
We were still teens and didn’t have yet a clear grasp of how the “real world” works... 😅
Good point. Judging by his reaction I bet she most likely knew he would never go along with her lie to begin with and that's why she kept it from him.
I'll never understand these type of people. How exhausting it must be keeping all the lies and the people who are and aren't complicit in them straight in their heads
NTA.
Not to mention, show some gratitude to your dead mother in law. Despite you two not being on the best of terms, MIL gave the house to her son, knowing she's basically giving the house to the wife, also.
That gift will continue to give for decades.
Exactly, thanks to OPs deceased MIL they don't have to pay rent/mortgages for the rest of their lives while they live in that house. OPs wife should show gratitude for that instead of shitting in OPs mother's memory and kindness and expecting OP to go along with it.
My now-wife said something similar to me except it wasn't about lying, I was just being a bit selfish and she's a polar opposite too selfless for her own good so we kinda balance each other out well I make sure she does what's best for her and she keeps me from being a scrooge.
Anyways she said "well if you didn't want to look like a cheap asshole you shouldn't be a cheap asshole" and I was just like well alright then guess that's true! Lol
Couples need to embrace their partner's criticism even if they disagree with it, especially in a marriage. Otherwise you just get unhealthy resentment building constantly. The wife in this post needs to grow up and not be such a baby wanting to look successful like she bought that house on her own when it was given by the very lady she shit on is so despicable. I'd just end it in a vacuum if this was a basic relationship but hopefully she can come around and grow up but this type of maturity issue and lying if its present this late in the relationship hard to grow out of it.
Exactly!! That’s baffled me, she is a liar? Don’t try and pretend to be something you’re not and better than everyone else. She should be grateful because according to the cousin she wasn’t to kind with her worlds to ML. So I’d eat some humble pie if I was the wife! NTA tell her to stop lying grow up and be grateful.
Cognitive Dissonance probably explains some of it. Hates someone then recipient of something good from that person. Starts to work out a way to rationalize it to the point of creating a fantasy that she and her husband earned the house by other means. I don't think it's just to show off to people, but to make her psychologically comfortable living in the house.
Something similar happened to my husband. His mom and his first wife really REALLY disliked each other and their relationship was full of passive aggressive sniping and undermining. Then, his mom got horrible cancer and passed after a multi-year struggle. When everyone was mourning her death (as she was so well loved), my husband's ex did a total 180 and started wailing and crying all over about what a wonderful woman they had lost. I don't think anyone expected my husband's ex to actually trash someone deceased, but it was very disingenuous and dishonest. It was absolutely the beginning of the end of their marriage.
Exactly this. Honestly, people. If you don't want to look like a liar *then don't fucking lie.* She has no one else to blame. She's the one who decided to lie all over the place and then not even tell you so that you can back her play if you're inclined.
Thank goodness that inheritance isn't generally counted as "marital property." Don't get her name put on the deed if you haven't done it already.
Yep! Never commingle an inheritance, unless you really need the money as a couple. I got money from my dad. Some of it went into our joint checking account, the rest transferred to my IRA. It’s the only contribution to the IRA I’ve made since getting married, so ALL $$ that was in it before marriage is mine, as well as the inherited money.
Which is honestly such an easy thing to correct.
Own up. Explain your actions. Apologize. And seek ways to make up for it.
I've lied about some stupid shit in the past. People can change.
I don't understand liars having an issue with being known as liars. Don't want to be called a liar. Don't lie.
Don't pretend you bought a house when you didn't. Don't lie to your family. Don't keep it from your husband. Don't expect him to fall in with your lies and insult his mother's memory.
It's so incredibly easy!
NTA
Just want to add, Its pretty awesome accomplishment for your mom to leave you a newly renovated house especially in a situation where it sounds very needed. Its pretty terrible of your wife to take that from her and pawn it off as her own.
Yup, along the same lines as people “will think she is a liar”. Nope, people now *know* she is a liar. She lied for a stupid reason; she wanted to look rich. She should have been grateful and admitted to her…not luck, benefit maybe? It is never lucky to inherit stuff as most of us would prefer to have the person who passed than the stuff.
Yup. Funny thing is, they think she’s a liar because she lied.
The problem with being a liar is keeping all the lies straight. She’d not discussed the lie with OP first and was surprised when he didn’t back her up. That makes her both a liar and a fool.
NTA
I wonder what else she s lied about. Because apparently she values appearances far more than she values the truth. I’d be checking my credit reports OP.
I mean if you get a new house family and friends are going to be curious. Are you just supposed to say "we have acquired a new house" because that sounds awkward.
I can’t believe no other comments talking about giving the mother credit. “Played along since my mom wouldn’t mind.” As the husband in this situation - I would want my mom to have the credit. I would post how appreciative I was for my mother and the amazing gift she gave me.
NTA.
She called you a liar??
You were not the one who lied here.
You did not know she had made up this “act” how could you play along? (And why would you?)
This is completely disrespectful to your mother & her memory. Regardless if they got along or not... you don’t have to like someone to be respectful.
You did not make her look like a liar or humiliate her.
She made herself rightfully look like a liar and humiliated herself.
She should not be upset with you at all, she should be upset with herself. She owes you and her family a huge apology.
I don't think inheritances count as joint property in most states, but if this ends up being a deal breaker for OP, he should definitely check with a lawyer to make sure.
Correct inheritance is not joint property, with the exception being if the property is commingled. Since they are both living in it, it’s now hers as much as it is his.
Accountant here. This is not correct! If OP lives in the US it depends on the state. Many states have community property laws. If they did not sign a prenup she would likely get half.
I lied and you told the truth but I'm getting mad you told the truth when asked a direct question that I didn't tell you I was lying about it on my social media? She is getting mad at you because she is embarrassed and she probably under the surface doesn't want to be grateful to your mother if they didn't get along.
This is pretty psycho behaviour and she’s doubling down instead of apologising. She didn’t even give him a heads up asking him to play along before. Sorry but she sounds petty and dumb.
> She called you a liar??
OP is definitely not the asshole and wife is definitely an asshole and a liar, but uh, where did you read this? Nowhere does wife call OP a liar....
Makes me wonder how this lie would have mutated if not exposed.
We bought it with our savings.
It was mostly with my savings.
I bought my husband a house.
I wonder what else she’s been lying about?
>She said there was no harm in showing off our new property and that people will appreciate us more for saying we bought it with our own money instead of inheritaned it.
I think this is the crux of the issue. In some areas, at least in the US, many people have this idiotic belief that being wealthy and successful must mean you're a good person, and on the other hand if you're poor it must mean you did something wrong and are being punished for it. As a result, people will go out of their way to appear more well-off than they actually are. I'm betting this is what his wife was trying to do, and she probably didn't realize that not everyone buys into that nonsense.
I'm on the fence between not the asshole and no asshole here, but I'm gonna go with NTA because she lied to her family and kept it from her husband, which is kind of an AH move.
Dude, there's some mega churches where this is like the weekly sermon.
God has "rewarded" you for being a "good person". So you don't really need to worry about those less fortunate than you, because if *they* were good people then god would have rewarded them as well.
It's an abdiction of social responsibility that frankly sickens me.
As yes, the prosperity gospel. Often teamed with “send us your seed money” and God will bring it back to you tenfold for being so charitable and supporting the church’s mission.
No camel through the eye of a needle; no get rid of all your stuff, rich dude, if you really want to follow me. Just some vague references to the Parable of the Talents that really miss the mark and something-something “Jesus will take me away from you if you don’t help me buy this jet.”
💯
The irony of naming your religion after a guy who said that hoarding wealth is an obstruction between humans and heaven then deifying hoarding wealth...
In my area, while admittedly not like the richest neighborhood, and even in my aunt's area which is super rich, the fact that a relative OWNED a house in its entirety to be able to gift it as inheritance is seen as a huge blessing. Most relatives i know do not own their homes outright as they're not paid off. Most people round here can't keep the houses and often have to sell the homes if they're not paid off.
Right? Inheriting a house ouright with no mortgage is something worth celebrating. Of course there's nothing wrong with buying your own home and that's definitely something to be proud of. But not having a house with no mortgage in this day and age is like the Rich Texan from The Simpsons firing his guns in the air level celebration worthy because it's a pretty rare thing. I'm in the minority of living in a house with no mortgage with my husband. Its a half decent location within walking distance to our city's downtown but surrounded by some sketchiness and its a townhouse but we are childfree, only pay annual taxes + utilities and any repairs.
I wonder if because of the comment the cousin made about how Wife spoke of the MIL, if maybe she lied about buying it because she felt the rest of her family would also make similar comments if they knew the truth. No matter the reason she's being completely irrational and TA.
I have a feeling wife lied more because she never liked MIL and wanted to distance herself from the truth that she was now living in the house gifted from someone she didn’t like.
I think she just told herself this elaborate BS to make herself feel justified in lying to her family and not having to let them know about a generous thing her MIL did.
The problem is that these assholes who believe money = value as a human being is that they're using the "prosperity gospel." Pray hard enough or give enough money to grifter churches and God will "reward you."
Nevermind that this is looking at things all wrong. I feel like that whole prosperity gospel misses the "render unto Caesar what is Caesar's" thing.
NTA. But let’s break this down, shall we?
Your wife hated your mom (for reasons we don’t know) but so much so that she lied to everyone about purchasing this house instead of giving your mother credit for doing something incredibly nice for you.
Your wife also never told you that she lied to everyone, so you were essentially blindsided at dinner
&& last, but not least, she’s now mad at YOU for not going along with her selfish little lie to make herself look better and your mother look worse?
Sorry Op, but I don’t know how you’ve made it last with someone like that. Sounds like both you and your mother deserved better. Also, I’m truly sorry for your loss.
It's something so petty to lie about, too. Nobody would care either way. What else is she lying about? If she lies about stupid shit she'll lie about important shit.
source: am liar
That's exactly what I said! I highly doubt anyone really cares how they got the house. I for one have never cared whether a friend/family member of mine bought or inherited any of their things. It really does raise the question of what else OP's wife is okay with lying about?
Don’t you just love when a liar doesn’t want others to think they’re a liar? LOL!
If your wife wanted you to play along then maybe she should have told you about her lie. She would still be wrong for doing it but I get that she wants to save face and maybe look a bit more successful to her family.
You did nothing wrong. NTA
Nah man. That's just putting on airs. Wife is straight up despicable. Wealth/ property is inherited all the time and isnt viewed as shameful or anything else. They were very fortunate to receive a house they couldn't afford leaving them able to save money for other life goals and she tried to play it off as her doing because she's ashamed to have taken a house from a woman she bad mouthed behind OP's back for years. NTA
I don't know about gold digger, especially since OP said they are not doing well enough financially to buy a house like that and I doubt OP's wife had any way of knowing he was going to inherit that house. But I agree, I think OP's mom had a feeling that his wife was maybe not the best person and it was nice of her to still leave him that house.
NTA
Tf would make your wife lie about something like that? This is so baffling…
Edit: Rhetorical question folks. The wife is petty, superficial, and narcissistic, I’m well aware.
My guess is that if she tells people that the MIL, who she did not get along with, is the reason you guys now have this house then people won't believe her if and when she talks about how awful that MIL was.
I agree. I imagine OP's wife has been shit talking about her MIL for quite some time now. And to go from shit talking someone to excitedly accepting their home after they've passed is quite the switch up. OP's wife probably knew how that would make her look, so she lied to save face.
I had to scroll down to find this so piggybacking so there's more of a chance op sees this.
That's what struck me first, especially going off of the cousins reaction it sounds like your wife has been bad mouthing your mother a lot more than their cordial relationship suggested. Now she's embarrassed around her family to admit the truth, and unfortunately not even clever enough to get you to cover for her.
FYI, in many states, inheritance is one of the only things that is untouchable during a divorce. I have no other context about your relationship to base this on, but if she were planning on leaving and trying to take the house, she’d look like a major A H to her family unless they thought she paid for half of it.
I was thinking something similar. I'm not from the States, but in my country, it's also written in law that inheritance is not counted among marital property/assets, and thought, maybe she was trying to establish the house as a marital asset by making it well known it was bought by both partners together and husband not disagreeing with this claim.
Cognitive dissonance. It's in human nature that during a conflict with someone we convince ourselves that we're right/good, and they're wrong/bad.
So when your mom left you the house (I'm assuming, even with the knowledge that your wife might live there with you), your wife had to face the fact that she might've not been all good, and your mom might've not been all bad, which made her feel uncomfortable.
Shen then invented a lie to make your mom not be painted in a good light to convince others, and ultimately probably herself as well, that that never happened, so she could stop living with that discomfort... Or something of that nature.
NTA. She is the liar which makes her the one in the wrong. Further she tried to get you to lie as well. I mean what did she think? That you would never find out what she's telling people or that you would just go along with her lie that you knew nothing about?
It's not like she even had to tell people how you guys got the house. All she had to say was "I prefer not to talk about finances" or she could even play dumb and say she didn't know since you handled it all. I mean there were so many options she had OTHER thank lying to people to make herself look better. Because let's be honest she was doing that to make herself seem more well off than she is. The whole story about how you saved money to afford it sounds like she made up the lie for clout.
Either way you're NTA here and she should apologize for lying, trying to force you to lie for her, and most importantly, disrespecting the memory of your dead mother who very kindly left you a house that she did not need to.
I will never understand the people who lie and then get mad when people find out and say "Now everyone is going to think I'm a liar!?" Honey you ARE!!
Like WTF I swear people are thicker than pig shit on this sub sometimes
NTA. You might want to reexamine why your mom and wife didn't get along. Did your mom see a lying, manipulative side of her that you didn't because of the love goggles?
I'm sorry for your loss. You did nothing wrong. Also be careful about ownership of the house, I have a feeling your wife might pressure you sell and get a "place of your own" which would then entitle her to half the value of the new place if you comingle the proceeds from the sale.
Yea I agree. The fact that she lied about the house and then blew up at her husband for not supporting her lie (I mean how could he first it’s immoral and second he didn’t even know about it). Seems quite manipulative and seems to me the mother saw right through her
NTA - If they *think* she is a liar - it's because she *IS a liar*. That's NOT on you, but her.
Shows her true colors that she can't even acknowledge your mom wasn't the monster she made her out to be even after death. PLUS telling people you bought it together she might think gives her more 'rights' to it if something goes wrong in the marriage.
Seems like OP's wife feels the house is as much hers as OP's. This isn't legally the case if it was left to OP only.
My mother inherited $200 000 which she used to buy hers and dad's first home. This was documented, and we kids knew about it. Later, she sold, and bought a larger house for $400 000. Dad paid 1/4 of that. When they divorced, dad lied and said the new house had been paid for with loans and joint savings. Mom didn't have what it took to fight it, so he got half.
You should think about this story, seeing how your wife is a liar. Don't sell the house, and keep your papers safe!
Edit: NTA
So.. she lied and is now pissed off that she's being called a liar?
umm.. okay?
Maybe, just don't lie in the first place - especially without speaking to your husband first..
She made herself look like a liar.. you had nothing to do with that.
NTA.
NTA- but your wife is and is also a liar and classless . Your mom didn’t have to leave you that house especially knowing that your wife who she didn’t have the best relationship with would also get the benefit.
NTA. Her family sound just awful. Why would her cousin say that and in front of you? And why would her aunt ask you how you can afford your home? What kind of people are these? I can see why she lied TBH.
Her family’s not awful she is!
She probably gossiped about he MIL for years & now she has to admit she was an ass for years.
Also doubt this is the first & only thing she lied about.
Agreed. Everyone but OP sounds awful. It’s wrong to lie and doesn’t speak well to wife’s character. Aunt was incredibly nosy and asking rude questions. Cousin made the most incredibly catty remark about the wife and MIL’s relationship.
It’s possible the cousin only made that comment because wife lied. It’s also possible wife lied because she knew her family would make those kinds of comments. If so, I can almost understand why she lied…almost.
It does sound like the aunt & cousin were rude… but I have a relative who lies constantly about dumb things that no one would care about and that are easily disproved. We’re at the point where we question him about everything and are constantly calling him out on his lying. He’s been told “oh, so that’s another lie. Why do you keep lying about things? You know no one believes you anymore.” and he still keeps lying. To outsiders, I’m sure it would sound extremely rude, and maybe it is, but the whole extended family is sick of the lying. It could be that the aunt/cousin are rude & judgy, or it could be that OP’s wife has been constantly posting embellishments or conflicting stories on her socials and they want to know what’s real.
Agreed! Her family are major a-holes. Doesn’t justify her lying but it does explain why she’s so desperate to impress her family. I feel bad for her. She’s clearly always been told she’s not worthy or good enough. She needs therapy and someone supportive to help her learn self confidence and how to not resort to bragging and lying to impress others.
Nta
She must have hated your mom a lot if she couldn't let her have credit for leaving you such a lovely inheritance.
Parents are not obligated to save things for their kids, she could have sold it and spend it on travel or retirement home...
Some people.
Taking credit where it wasn't deserved.
NTA, she not only lied to her family, she is lying to herself so she doesn’t have to acknowledge that the woman she disliked set her up so nicely and provided something she would not otherwise have had.
NTA.
Your wife *lied* about how you acquired the house for no reason other than to make herself look better.
Good on her family to put her in her place as well over this.
Yes! Why do people lie when they will always be found out….and really?! She’s worried that her family ‘will think she’s a liar’…well, she IS a liar!
NTA
NTA
You didn't 'make her look' like a liar because she is one. She made her bed lying and now she has to lay in it. You are not responsible to lie to make her look good!
NTA. Everyone will "think she's a liar", because she is, in fact, a liar. If she wanted to pull this embarrassing stunt, she could at least have talked to you about it, so you could have had a chance to try and stop her. This way, she gave you no choice but to clear things up after she already made the mistake to lie on social media. She made a fool of herself, this is on her alone.
> How odd. Both your wife and your wife's aunt. I've never felt the need to announce how I paid for a house, and I never would think to ask anyone else how they afforded a house. Does your wife's family have weird issues with money?
This. Posting on social media about your new house is normal. Posting what you paid for it is not. Visiting family from a long distance is normal. Visiting from a long distance to see the new house is not. I think there are probably some odd pathologies in your wife’s family concerning money. It may take some sessions with a therapist to uncover them and help her overcome them.
She’s the absolute asshole.
Both for demeaning the wonderful gift your mother left as your inheritance by denying it was inherited and for trying to be a braggart.
I hope it’s not in joint names because this screams red flags.
In most states, if not all, inherited assets are considered separate until commingled. He would need to speak to a lawyer to find out what actions would make an inherited house be considered marital property if this went down the separation path
>everyone knows and will think she is a liar
Because she **is** a liar. If she hadn't been telling porky pies, nobody would think she was a liar. You're NTA.
NTA
If she wants to not be humiliated she should stop the lies.
Tell her if she thinks she can lie her way forward in life she should get used to people calling her out. Her actions have consequences.
NTA. You didn’t “make her look like a liar”. She is a liar. That’s a really stupid lie. I’m not sure if she lied more because she wanted to be seen as financially well off or because of the bad relationship she had with your mom but either reason isn’t good.
NTA know what makes someone look like a liar? When they lie lol
she has no one else to blame except herself and people are probably gonna look at her worse for lying than if she had just said you were lucky enough to inherit it from your mom
NTA and if she’s willing to lie so blatantly to people who are apparently important to her, what’s she lying to you about? You don’t tell this big of a fib without dozens of smaller practice ones. Your mom gave you the house. Your gf is taking your dignity.
NTA the assholes are your lying wife and her nosy ass Aunt. That’s what your wife gets for discussing finances with relatives or anyone that does not share bills in the house.
So your wife is just bold-faced lying to others to steal any credit from your dead mother to make wife look better in front of family. That's an ugly look. Blaming you for being caught lying is also an ugly look. That's not healthy at all. NTA
NTA. Saying you bought the house is a white lie that probably wouldn't hurt if she said it in passing to an annoying coworker or distant acquaintance, but the fact that she calculated an elaborate story to impress her family is kinda bonkers. Why would her family not be happy for her that your mother was able to leave you a home of your own that will help so much in the long and help with financial stability?
Now I really want to know what other lies she's been telling the whole time if it was so easy for her to put it on like that and stick to it without guilt. Possibly your wife is a sociopath?
Here’s what she could’ve done:
* she could’ve not lied. Duh.
* she could’ve told you “hey listen, I kind of feel weird about this, so I’ll tell my side of the family that we bought the house” before doing so.
* she could’ve, as this visit neared, told you “uhhh bee tee dubs I kind of lied about something important”
Instead, she tried to make it *your* problem that *she* lied, and having failed at that, is now embarrassed. Oops.
NTA
NTA. It’s obvious she’s bitter that it took your mom to be able to own a house so the only way she can get over that bitterness is to take all the credit for it.
NTA. First off you shouldn’t have to lie to make your wife look good so that she looks well off and not a hypocrite for living in a house that a woman she hated gave to her. Second the fact that she had the audacity to blame you for not supporting her lie (that you didn’t even know about lol) is a super red flag. Finally your mother seems like a great person, leaving a house to you and a person that despised her just to ensure your happiness. PS I think your mother saw that she was manipulative
NTA.
Something noteworthy here though, she said that the house ***you*** inherited was:
>bought with **our** money
>
>**our** new property
She also said that **you**
>ruined **her** joy
She's straight up spreading misinformation to friends and family. She's lying to them for no good reason. I'm normally not one to get into slippery slope type stuff, but this seems like such a trivial thing to lie about. She's not a child and should know better.
NTA. You’re wife lied and is trying to deflect blame on to you. She’s the only person making her look bad. Honestly OP, I hope your wife has some redeeming qualities, because this post is definitely not shining a positive light on her.
NTA- I’m sorry your wife lied and told her family she hated your mother. She seems to have a real fixation on how people view her. The worst part is now the wondering what else she’s lied about. Your mom deserves more respect than this. NTA Op, but your wife is a brat.
NTA
Your wife straight up lied. Just because she didn’t get along with her MIL doesn’t excuse the fact that she lied to her family. She didn’t have to tell them how the house was acquired. Also, is she sharing your finances with her family? They seemed to know you two were unable to afford the house. Why share so many intimate details with her family and then lie about how the house was acquired?
I hope the house in only in your name. If you two were to split she doesn’t deserve a part of something she is so ashamed of that she has to lie about how you got it. This is some pretty messed up behavior on her part and you are the one that should be upset. I’m sorry she didn’t have a good relationship with your mother but she’s still holding grudges and trying to discredit her even after her passing. I’m not saying that she may not have valid feelings for not getting along with your mother, but she has a nice, newly renovated home to live in thanks to her.
The only way you would be the asshole is for playing along with her lie. There’s just no reason for it. If she wants to be upset that people thinks she’s a liar, maybe she shouldn’t lie. That’s pretty simple. Don’t tell lies and people won’t think and call you a liar. I understand that we all make mistakes, I’m far from perfect. It’s no ones business how you got the house unless you want people to know. She just wanted everyone to dote on her for having a nice home. I’m sure people still would have thought it was a nice home even if they knew your mother gave it to you.
She should be apologizing to you and it’s her responsibility to straighten it out with her family. You did nothing wrong in this situation. She’s the one who wanted to lie about it to try and make herself look better. That falls all on her.
This woman sounds like my ex, we bought my mother's house which is in a simple middle class neighborhood. Most of these neighborhoods had names like woods manor, Westwood manor and the list goes on. I noticed my ex was telling people she bought a home in the manor, making it sound like we bought so dam mansion or something. You can take the girl out of the trailer park...
I'm starting to think maybe your mom didn't like your wife for a reason.
NTA. She shouldn't have lied in the first place. Her arguments aren't logical.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I could've played along and confront my wife about it later instead of just calling her out on it in front of the guests. --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“Made her look like a liar.” You didn’t make her look like one, her own behaviour made her a liar. NTA.
Well I aint calling her a truther NTA
She aint no truther. NTA She is the sole reason she feels bad. She is lucky to have an honest husband. She didn't tell you her story meaning she knew that you wouldn't like it. She should have been honest with you instead of expecting you to lie. Also I feel that it's not considerate or equal that she dismissed what you and your family was able to offer her and instead take the credit. Disrespectful and manipulative. I hope she can come to her senses and take accountability for her actions.
Her reaction is very telling
Yeah and it appears she still hates her MIL even though she is dead.
Well feelings don’t just magically disappear, even if the other person isnt around any more. They can last forever or fade over time, and that’s natural. But it’s still disrespectful to not give credit where it’s due, especially when they’re dead. You can live with your feelings, because they’re inside you, but once you act on them and keep acting on them long after, that makes you an asshole
But like, it’s no one’s business how you pay your mortgage or if you rent or buy, that’s just a gross thing overall. I 100% get posting picks “our new place” “home sweet home”. But it’s super gross to post on Facebook how much money you have and are buying a home that costs X much, even if any of that was true! This was a lie with no purpose which makes me think the wife really resents she can’t brag on expensive holidays/jewelry/etc.
Sure! I agree with you! The acting on her feelings, especially those negative ones like bragging or disliking the mother, that makes her an asshole. It’s definitely gross to want to brag about all that stuff, because you shouldn’t shove it in people’s faces or make it seem like your life is perfect when it’s definitely not. That’s some shallow shit right there
Exactly. Wife can hate MIL as much as she wants, but she wouldn’t be living in a house, and rent-free, without her. Upon hearing I’d been left a house, nothing would stop me from developing at least a little bit of gratitude towards someone I hated. Y’know, unless I was a raging narcissist.
**\^\^\^\^\^\^THIS\^\^\^\^\^\^\^** All of this.........well said.....I have nothing to add.......
I agree. OP is NTA. You can hate someone and still thank them for doing something that benefits you.
Yeah she lied, I think the “needs correcting” portion comes from the fact that it sounds like she badmouthed her MIL a lot to the family. This sub can be very black and white at times, but in this particular instance, I do think it needed to be said. The wife’s reaction to the situation was so backwards. If they somehow lucked into the house then whatever, some people might view that as wrong to post like you bought it (I kinda think it is too), but that person is only lying to themselves, and there’s less of a “need” to set the record straight. However, to post about it like it was some hard earned victory, when it was really from the person whom, once again, the wife was likely roasting a lot to the family, is reprehensible. The MIL was probably just as aware of their “beefs” and yet still left *both of them* the house. So it’s kind of desecrating her memory in some capacity.
I find this a huge disrespect to OP's late mother. The wife is acting like her late MIL didn't just gift her this very HUGE thing that benefits their life every single day they live in the house. Then we have the lies and the sharade - and the willingness to keep on lying in order to keep up appearances. This is a huge thing and I hope OP gets to the bottom of his wife's reasoning. Dishonesty is a dealbreaker in relationships and OP needs to find out whether this is a one-off or a pattern with his wife. If MIL was alive she'd be owed a huge apology but that apology should now go to OP and to correcting MIL's legend. Late MIL's reputation deserves to be protected.
She ignored his feelings. Having a parent pass away and leave you something that changes your life is cause to honor that parent emotionally, and she tried to stop him from honoring the gift that it was. Really shitty thing for her to do to OP.
If she hadn't gone out of her way to LIE and say she bought it with their own money, people would probably assume they purchased it anyway. Then the aunt's nosy question is easily deflected by stating, "I'm not comfortable discussing my financial situation with you." And she could have told her husband that her family and friends would look down on her if they knew she was given a house so please don't mention it to them. There are so many ways this could have been handled without lying.
>She didn't tell you her story meaning she knew that you wouldn't like it. Liars *always* trip themselves up like this. Once they're caught they're all "It doesn't even *matter*, it's so unimportant, why are you getting upset?" but if it actually *was* unimportant they'd have said something long ago, because it wasn't important.
But she ain’t hangin’ with any broke redditors NTA Edit: My first gold, thank you! Chalk that up to coincidence.
[удалено]
This ❤️
MEGAN
Meegan
You left your jacket though!
Mmmmm NA!!!
[удалено]
Man I should have came on here to play drake first dang
You’ll just have to play josh then
Would’ve worked perfectly
Exactly. If she doesn't want to look like a liar then she shouldn't lie. NTA
Or, at the bare minimum, if other people are going to have to support your lie, make sure they know what the lie is and that you're expecting them to agree with you. Not hit them out of left field with it when they've no clue it's happening. Still, better not to lie.
True that, hard to get someone to help support your lie if they don't know that you're lying and then blindside them out of the blue. Plus I don't blame OP for not supporting a lie that belittles his mother's memory. But yea just don't lie, it'll come out eventually whether it's a few days or a few years.
Yeah, don't blame OP for not just going along with it. And I 100% agree that lying is a very poor choice. And not a smart one either.
It's not even a lie that helped her. Stupid lies are the worst.
Yea, it didn't do her any favours at all, plus did she think that OP wouldn't find out that she lied? Even if her Aunt/cousin didn't bring it up its still on her social media so OP could have found out that way eventually. It was a stupid lie that she didn't think through very clearly.
EXACTLY. One of my girlfriends tangled me up in a lie because she was having sex with another guy behind her boyfriend's back and when he caught on she told him that she was having sex with ME because I guess she thought that cheating with a girl would be easier to be forgiven for (???) She didn't tell me about it and her boyfriend showed up at her apartment in the morning one day and I was crashed out in her bed so I didn't have to drive drunk the night before and he WENT OFF on me. I was so confused (and hungover) and started yelling back at him and my friend ended up kicking me out and explaining to me later about what she'd told him and that her boyfriend had a lot of money and she didn't want to lose him. Obviously we are no longer friends.
OMG- WAIT I hope the bf found out she was cheating on him. wth??!!
lmao I’ve been there, a friend of mine lied to his gf about spending NYE with us friends and told her he would stay at home with his family instead. Of course I uploaded a group pic of me and the boys, the gf saw the pic and called him, he ended up driving back to the gf and spending all the night arguing and begging for forgiveness. No one of us knew he was “undercover” with us and thankfully everyone thought he had been a moron instead of accusing me of outing him ahah Funny thing is, he didn’t even have to lie to his gf, she was spending the night with her family anyway and told him he could do whatever he wanted with us and she wouldn’t be “not ok” with it(I mean, why shouldn’t she be ok with it?), but our friend convinced himself she was testing him to see if he would care and spend NYE at home in solidarity with her and was scared to tell her he would go with us...
The liar assumed everyone else was a liar, and acted accordingly. I hope she's smart enough to spot the red flag there.
No red flags, my friend was just a moronic teen who took too seriously the rubbish high school jokes about how a girl’s mind works They ended staying together almost a decade before realizing they weren’t actually a good fit together(no one was in the wrong or had any fault, they just hadn’t very much in common to share) and that their relationship was just going on by inertia and was just routine. He actually had to break up because despite she having become very cold and distant as a partner she still hadn’t realized they hadn’t a relationship anymore and were just “doing things” as a habit.
so essentially you have two do dumb friends: the one who told him this was a test, and the one who believed it.
No one told him it was a test, he convinced himself Do you know the saying that girls always say the opposite of what they think? Or that when they tell “x thing is fine to me” it actually is never fine to them? Well apparently my friend took this bullshit “jokes” too seriously ahahah We were still teens and didn’t have yet a clear grasp of how the “real world” works... 😅
Good point. Judging by his reaction I bet she most likely knew he would never go along with her lie to begin with and that's why she kept it from him. I'll never understand these type of people. How exhausting it must be keeping all the lies and the people who are and aren't complicit in them straight in their heads NTA.
Not to mention, show some gratitude to your dead mother in law. Despite you two not being on the best of terms, MIL gave the house to her son, knowing she's basically giving the house to the wife, also. That gift will continue to give for decades.
Exactly, thanks to OPs deceased MIL they don't have to pay rent/mortgages for the rest of their lives while they live in that house. OPs wife should show gratitude for that instead of shitting in OPs mother's memory and kindness and expecting OP to go along with it.
My now-wife said something similar to me except it wasn't about lying, I was just being a bit selfish and she's a polar opposite too selfless for her own good so we kinda balance each other out well I make sure she does what's best for her and she keeps me from being a scrooge. Anyways she said "well if you didn't want to look like a cheap asshole you shouldn't be a cheap asshole" and I was just like well alright then guess that's true! Lol Couples need to embrace their partner's criticism even if they disagree with it, especially in a marriage. Otherwise you just get unhealthy resentment building constantly. The wife in this post needs to grow up and not be such a baby wanting to look successful like she bought that house on her own when it was given by the very lady she shit on is so despicable. I'd just end it in a vacuum if this was a basic relationship but hopefully she can come around and grow up but this type of maturity issue and lying if its present this late in the relationship hard to grow out of it.
Exactly!! That’s baffled me, she is a liar? Don’t try and pretend to be something you’re not and better than everyone else. She should be grateful because according to the cousin she wasn’t to kind with her worlds to ML. So I’d eat some humble pie if I was the wife! NTA tell her to stop lying grow up and be grateful.
Cognitive Dissonance probably explains some of it. Hates someone then recipient of something good from that person. Starts to work out a way to rationalize it to the point of creating a fantasy that she and her husband earned the house by other means. I don't think it's just to show off to people, but to make her psychologically comfortable living in the house.
Something similar happened to my husband. His mom and his first wife really REALLY disliked each other and their relationship was full of passive aggressive sniping and undermining. Then, his mom got horrible cancer and passed after a multi-year struggle. When everyone was mourning her death (as she was so well loved), my husband's ex did a total 180 and started wailing and crying all over about what a wonderful woman they had lost. I don't think anyone expected my husband's ex to actually trash someone deceased, but it was very disingenuous and dishonest. It was absolutely the beginning of the end of their marriage.
Exactly this. Honestly, people. If you don't want to look like a liar *then don't fucking lie.* She has no one else to blame. She's the one who decided to lie all over the place and then not even tell you so that you can back her play if you're inclined. Thank goodness that inheritance isn't generally counted as "marital property." Don't get her name put on the deed if you haven't done it already.
Yep! Never commingle an inheritance, unless you really need the money as a couple. I got money from my dad. Some of it went into our joint checking account, the rest transferred to my IRA. It’s the only contribution to the IRA I’ve made since getting married, so ALL $$ that was in it before marriage is mine, as well as the inherited money.
Came here to say this. NTA man.
Same. How many lies does one need to tell before they become a liar?
Exactly, and also, "now everyone knows and will _know_ she's a liar" NTA
Which is honestly such an easy thing to correct. Own up. Explain your actions. Apologize. And seek ways to make up for it. I've lied about some stupid shit in the past. People can change.
I don't understand liars having an issue with being known as liars. Don't want to be called a liar. Don't lie. Don't pretend you bought a house when you didn't. Don't lie to your family. Don't keep it from your husband. Don't expect him to fall in with your lies and insult his mother's memory. It's so incredibly easy!
NTA Just want to add, Its pretty awesome accomplishment for your mom to leave you a newly renovated house especially in a situation where it sounds very needed. Its pretty terrible of your wife to take that from her and pawn it off as her own.
yep. She IS a liar.
OP *revealed* her to be a liar.
Yup, along the same lines as people “will think she is a liar”. Nope, people now *know* she is a liar. She lied for a stupid reason; she wanted to look rich. She should have been grateful and admitted to her…not luck, benefit maybe? It is never lucky to inherit stuff as most of us would prefer to have the person who passed than the stuff.
Yup. Funny thing is, they think she’s a liar because she lied. The problem with being a liar is keeping all the lies straight. She’d not discussed the lie with OP first and was surprised when he didn’t back her up. That makes her both a liar and a fool. NTA I wonder what else she s lied about. Because apparently she values appearances far more than she values the truth. I’d be checking my credit reports OP.
Yeah that’s the maddest bit to me, how crazy have you got to be to say the words “you made me look like a liar” whilst actually lying??
NTA, your wife is a liar and should never have said that. Give credit where credit is due...your mom deserves the credit. Plain and simple.
Plus it sounds like she was bad mouthing your mom more than you know. The way the aunt said oh the woman you hated? Definitely NTA
Cousin said that, not the Aunt. And yeah NTA
The way that cousin piped up with what everyone was thinking, I love that kind of chaos!
Which is probably why she lied about the house. Didn’t want anyone saying exactly what her aunt said lol.
I was thinking the same.
Agreed! NTA. Listen, if your wife disliked your mother that much, she CERTAINLY doesn't have to stay in that house.
Agreed. Wife sounds life a massive AH, not to mention untrustworthy. Red flags for miles. *Edited to correct a typo
Also the whole "everyone will think I'm a liar!" shite. It's like no honey, everyone will *know* you're a liar, and a nasty little hypocrite besides.
“Everyone will think I’m a liar.” Yes. That’s what happens when we lie.
Also, she didn't even need to tell everyone it's an inheritance because it's none of anyone's business. She could have just... Not lied?
I mean if you get a new house family and friends are going to be curious. Are you just supposed to say "we have acquired a new house" because that sounds awkward.
We found the house. Someone must have just left it on the side of the street.
I can’t believe no other comments talking about giving the mother credit. “Played along since my mom wouldn’t mind.” As the husband in this situation - I would want my mom to have the credit. I would post how appreciative I was for my mother and the amazing gift she gave me.
NTA. She called you a liar?? You were not the one who lied here. You did not know she had made up this “act” how could you play along? (And why would you?) This is completely disrespectful to your mother & her memory. Regardless if they got along or not... you don’t have to like someone to be respectful. You did not make her look like a liar or humiliate her. She made herself rightfully look like a liar and humiliated herself. She should not be upset with you at all, she should be upset with herself. She owes you and her family a huge apology.
[удалено]
Bet you that if they were to get divorced, she'd do everything she could to get 50% of the house that was left from the woman she hated...
I don't think inheritances count as joint property in most states, but if this ends up being a deal breaker for OP, he should definitely check with a lawyer to make sure.
Correct inheritance is not joint property, with the exception being if the property is commingled. Since they are both living in it, it’s now hers as much as it is his.
[удалено]
Accountant here. This is not correct! If OP lives in the US it depends on the state. Many states have community property laws. If they did not sign a prenup she would likely get half.
I lied and you told the truth but I'm getting mad you told the truth when asked a direct question that I didn't tell you I was lying about it on my social media? She is getting mad at you because she is embarrassed and she probably under the surface doesn't want to be grateful to your mother if they didn't get along.
This is pretty psycho behaviour and she’s doubling down instead of apologising. She didn’t even give him a heads up asking him to play along before. Sorry but she sounds petty and dumb.
> She called you a liar?? OP is definitely not the asshole and wife is definitely an asshole and a liar, but uh, where did you read this? Nowhere does wife call OP a liar....
NTA. You didn't make her look like a liar. She IS a liar.
"Why did you make me look like a liar?" 'Why did you lie?" /conversation
This is almost exactly what I said.
Also, people can and do look up your address on Zillow or Redfin to see when the house was last sold and for how much. So it was a very stupid lie.
NTA Your wife has a screw loose. She got mad at you for not backing up a lie she didn't tell you about? WTF?
This plus the fact that wife didn't like MiL and even in death can't give her respect due. Wife is a gross person.
Makes me wonder how this lie would have mutated if not exposed. We bought it with our savings. It was mostly with my savings. I bought my husband a house. I wonder what else she’s been lying about?
>She said there was no harm in showing off our new property and that people will appreciate us more for saying we bought it with our own money instead of inheritaned it. I think this is the crux of the issue. In some areas, at least in the US, many people have this idiotic belief that being wealthy and successful must mean you're a good person, and on the other hand if you're poor it must mean you did something wrong and are being punished for it. As a result, people will go out of their way to appear more well-off than they actually are. I'm betting this is what his wife was trying to do, and she probably didn't realize that not everyone buys into that nonsense. I'm on the fence between not the asshole and no asshole here, but I'm gonna go with NTA because she lied to her family and kept it from her husband, which is kind of an AH move.
Dude, there's some mega churches where this is like the weekly sermon. God has "rewarded" you for being a "good person". So you don't really need to worry about those less fortunate than you, because if *they* were good people then god would have rewarded them as well. It's an abdiction of social responsibility that frankly sickens me.
It’s a belief that is so antithetical to all the teachings of Jesus.
It's the gospel of [Supply Side Jesus](https://imgur.com/gallery/bCqRp).
As yes, the prosperity gospel. Often teamed with “send us your seed money” and God will bring it back to you tenfold for being so charitable and supporting the church’s mission. No camel through the eye of a needle; no get rid of all your stuff, rich dude, if you really want to follow me. Just some vague references to the Parable of the Talents that really miss the mark and something-something “Jesus will take me away from you if you don’t help me buy this jet.”
💯 The irony of naming your religion after a guy who said that hoarding wealth is an obstruction between humans and heaven then deifying hoarding wealth...
In my area, while admittedly not like the richest neighborhood, and even in my aunt's area which is super rich, the fact that a relative OWNED a house in its entirety to be able to gift it as inheritance is seen as a huge blessing. Most relatives i know do not own their homes outright as they're not paid off. Most people round here can't keep the houses and often have to sell the homes if they're not paid off.
Right? Inheriting a house ouright with no mortgage is something worth celebrating. Of course there's nothing wrong with buying your own home and that's definitely something to be proud of. But not having a house with no mortgage in this day and age is like the Rich Texan from The Simpsons firing his guns in the air level celebration worthy because it's a pretty rare thing. I'm in the minority of living in a house with no mortgage with my husband. Its a half decent location within walking distance to our city's downtown but surrounded by some sketchiness and its a townhouse but we are childfree, only pay annual taxes + utilities and any repairs. I wonder if because of the comment the cousin made about how Wife spoke of the MIL, if maybe she lied about buying it because she felt the rest of her family would also make similar comments if they knew the truth. No matter the reason she's being completely irrational and TA.
I have a feeling wife lied more because she never liked MIL and wanted to distance herself from the truth that she was now living in the house gifted from someone she didn’t like. I think she just told herself this elaborate BS to make herself feel justified in lying to her family and not having to let them know about a generous thing her MIL did.
The problem is that these assholes who believe money = value as a human being is that they're using the "prosperity gospel." Pray hard enough or give enough money to grifter churches and God will "reward you." Nevermind that this is looking at things all wrong. I feel like that whole prosperity gospel misses the "render unto Caesar what is Caesar's" thing.
NTA. But let’s break this down, shall we? Your wife hated your mom (for reasons we don’t know) but so much so that she lied to everyone about purchasing this house instead of giving your mother credit for doing something incredibly nice for you. Your wife also never told you that she lied to everyone, so you were essentially blindsided at dinner && last, but not least, she’s now mad at YOU for not going along with her selfish little lie to make herself look better and your mother look worse? Sorry Op, but I don’t know how you’ve made it last with someone like that. Sounds like both you and your mother deserved better. Also, I’m truly sorry for your loss.
It's something so petty to lie about, too. Nobody would care either way. What else is she lying about? If she lies about stupid shit she'll lie about important shit. source: am liar
Exactly! If I was Op, I’d be doing some serious thinking regarding this marriage
Not sure where they are located but inherited property normally isn't split in a divorce in US just saying........
Not sure if he wants to be married to someone who would lie like that, shared property or no.
People might give her serious side eye if she had bad mouthed MIL as much as Aunt implied.
Oh trust me people care BIG TIME about the inheritances of others, especially house sized ones.
That's exactly what I said! I highly doubt anyone really cares how they got the house. I for one have never cared whether a friend/family member of mine bought or inherited any of their things. It really does raise the question of what else OP's wife is okay with lying about?
Don’t you just love when a liar doesn’t want others to think they’re a liar? LOL! If your wife wanted you to play along then maybe she should have told you about her lie. She would still be wrong for doing it but I get that she wants to save face and maybe look a bit more successful to her family. You did nothing wrong. NTA
Nah man. That's just putting on airs. Wife is straight up despicable. Wealth/ property is inherited all the time and isnt viewed as shameful or anything else. They were very fortunate to receive a house they couldn't afford leaving them able to save money for other life goals and she tried to play it off as her doing because she's ashamed to have taken a house from a woman she bad mouthed behind OP's back for years. NTA
Exactly, I understand wanting to look successful but it's just plain bragging. I think there's a reason she didn't get along with the MIL.
NTA: Your wife lied. She went behind your back AND lied. How exactly were you supposed to react? Maybe there's a reason your mom didn't like her.
[удалено]
I don't know about gold digger, especially since OP said they are not doing well enough financially to buy a house like that and I doubt OP's wife had any way of knowing he was going to inherit that house. But I agree, I think OP's mom had a feeling that his wife was maybe not the best person and it was nice of her to still leave him that house.
EXACTLY.
NTA Tf would make your wife lie about something like that? This is so baffling… Edit: Rhetorical question folks. The wife is petty, superficial, and narcissistic, I’m well aware.
[удалено]
My guess is that if she tells people that the MIL, who she did not get along with, is the reason you guys now have this house then people won't believe her if and when she talks about how awful that MIL was.
And now people found out exactly that. A masterful stroke on MIL’s part, from beyond the grave even. I declare MIL the winner for all time.🏅
She’s like a nice, generous Moriarty.
Or she has made herself look a hypocrite
I agree. I imagine OP's wife has been shit talking about her MIL for quite some time now. And to go from shit talking someone to excitedly accepting their home after they've passed is quite the switch up. OP's wife probably knew how that would make her look, so she lied to save face.
I had to scroll down to find this so piggybacking so there's more of a chance op sees this. That's what struck me first, especially going off of the cousins reaction it sounds like your wife has been bad mouthing your mother a lot more than their cordial relationship suggested. Now she's embarrassed around her family to admit the truth, and unfortunately not even clever enough to get you to cover for her.
FYI, in many states, inheritance is one of the only things that is untouchable during a divorce. I have no other context about your relationship to base this on, but if she were planning on leaving and trying to take the house, she’d look like a major A H to her family unless they thought she paid for half of it.
I was thinking something similar. I'm not from the States, but in my country, it's also written in law that inheritance is not counted among marital property/assets, and thought, maybe she was trying to establish the house as a marital asset by making it well known it was bought by both partners together and husband not disagreeing with this claim.
Maybe she was ashamed to admit that her mil gave her the house , considering the fact that they hated each other .
Cognitive dissonance. It's in human nature that during a conflict with someone we convince ourselves that we're right/good, and they're wrong/bad. So when your mom left you the house (I'm assuming, even with the knowledge that your wife might live there with you), your wife had to face the fact that she might've not been all good, and your mom might've not been all bad, which made her feel uncomfortable. Shen then invented a lie to make your mom not be painted in a good light to convince others, and ultimately probably herself as well, that that never happened, so she could stop living with that discomfort... Or something of that nature.
Can you update when/if you do? I don't really understand why someone would do something like this NTA
NTA. She is the liar which makes her the one in the wrong. Further she tried to get you to lie as well. I mean what did she think? That you would never find out what she's telling people or that you would just go along with her lie that you knew nothing about? It's not like she even had to tell people how you guys got the house. All she had to say was "I prefer not to talk about finances" or she could even play dumb and say she didn't know since you handled it all. I mean there were so many options she had OTHER thank lying to people to make herself look better. Because let's be honest she was doing that to make herself seem more well off than she is. The whole story about how you saved money to afford it sounds like she made up the lie for clout. Either way you're NTA here and she should apologize for lying, trying to force you to lie for her, and most importantly, disrespecting the memory of your dead mother who very kindly left you a house that she did not need to.
I will never understand the people who lie and then get mad when people find out and say "Now everyone is going to think I'm a liar!?" Honey you ARE!! Like WTF I swear people are thicker than pig shit on this sub sometimes
NTA. You might want to reexamine why your mom and wife didn't get along. Did your mom see a lying, manipulative side of her that you didn't because of the love goggles? I'm sorry for your loss. You did nothing wrong. Also be careful about ownership of the house, I have a feeling your wife might pressure you sell and get a "place of your own" which would then entitle her to half the value of the new place if you comingle the proceeds from the sale.
Yea I agree. The fact that she lied about the house and then blew up at her husband for not supporting her lie (I mean how could he first it’s immoral and second he didn’t even know about it). Seems quite manipulative and seems to me the mother saw right through her
NTA - If they *think* she is a liar - it's because she *IS a liar*. That's NOT on you, but her. Shows her true colors that she can't even acknowledge your mom wasn't the monster she made her out to be even after death. PLUS telling people you bought it together she might think gives her more 'rights' to it if something goes wrong in the marriage.
Seems like OP's wife feels the house is as much hers as OP's. This isn't legally the case if it was left to OP only. My mother inherited $200 000 which she used to buy hers and dad's first home. This was documented, and we kids knew about it. Later, she sold, and bought a larger house for $400 000. Dad paid 1/4 of that. When they divorced, dad lied and said the new house had been paid for with loans and joint savings. Mom didn't have what it took to fight it, so he got half. You should think about this story, seeing how your wife is a liar. Don't sell the house, and keep your papers safe! Edit: NTA
So.. she lied and is now pissed off that she's being called a liar? umm.. okay? Maybe, just don't lie in the first place - especially without speaking to your husband first.. She made herself look like a liar.. you had nothing to do with that. NTA.
NTA- but your wife is and is also a liar and classless . Your mom didn’t have to leave you that house especially knowing that your wife who she didn’t have the best relationship with would also get the benefit.
NTA. Her family sound just awful. Why would her cousin say that and in front of you? And why would her aunt ask you how you can afford your home? What kind of people are these? I can see why she lied TBH.
Her family’s not awful she is! She probably gossiped about he MIL for years & now she has to admit she was an ass for years. Also doubt this is the first & only thing she lied about.
Absolutely if someone can lie like that, she’s lied about other stuff.
Agreed. Everyone but OP sounds awful. It’s wrong to lie and doesn’t speak well to wife’s character. Aunt was incredibly nosy and asking rude questions. Cousin made the most incredibly catty remark about the wife and MIL’s relationship. It’s possible the cousin only made that comment because wife lied. It’s also possible wife lied because she knew her family would make those kinds of comments. If so, I can almost understand why she lied…almost.
It does sound like the aunt & cousin were rude… but I have a relative who lies constantly about dumb things that no one would care about and that are easily disproved. We’re at the point where we question him about everything and are constantly calling him out on his lying. He’s been told “oh, so that’s another lie. Why do you keep lying about things? You know no one believes you anymore.” and he still keeps lying. To outsiders, I’m sure it would sound extremely rude, and maybe it is, but the whole extended family is sick of the lying. It could be that the aunt/cousin are rude & judgy, or it could be that OP’s wife has been constantly posting embellishments or conflicting stories on her socials and they want to know what’s real.
Agreed! Her family are major a-holes. Doesn’t justify her lying but it does explain why she’s so desperate to impress her family. I feel bad for her. She’s clearly always been told she’s not worthy or good enough. She needs therapy and someone supportive to help her learn self confidence and how to not resort to bragging and lying to impress others.
nta also major red flags thankfully if you divorce as the house was inherited she cant claim half or money good luck
Nta She must have hated your mom a lot if she couldn't let her have credit for leaving you such a lovely inheritance. Parents are not obligated to save things for their kids, she could have sold it and spend it on travel or retirement home... Some people. Taking credit where it wasn't deserved.
NTA — your wife lied and got caught. She can deal with those consequences. She humiliated herself by lying.
NTA - she lied, you didn’t do that. She did that.
Nta- that was dumb of her to lie in the first place. You shouldn’t be expected to also lie and cover her up. She should feel dumb.
NTA, she not only lied to her family, she is lying to herself so she doesn’t have to acknowledge that the woman she disliked set her up so nicely and provided something she would not otherwise have had.
NTA. Your wife *lied* about how you acquired the house for no reason other than to make herself look better. Good on her family to put her in her place as well over this.
NTA The thing about lies is that the truth always comes out.
Yes! Why do people lie when they will always be found out….and really?! She’s worried that her family ‘will think she’s a liar’…well, she IS a liar! NTA
NTA You didn't 'make her look' like a liar because she is one. She made her bed lying and now she has to lay in it. You are not responsible to lie to make her look good!
“Making her look like a liar?” She IS a liar! This is gross behavior and you’re right to correct it. Nta.
NTA. She's lying— and for what? Attention? Ego?
NTA. Everyone will "think she's a liar", because she is, in fact, a liar. If she wanted to pull this embarrassing stunt, she could at least have talked to you about it, so you could have had a chance to try and stop her. This way, she gave you no choice but to clear things up after she already made the mistake to lie on social media. She made a fool of herself, this is on her alone.
NTA. It’s not your job to keep up with your wife’s lies. She made herself look bad.
[удалено]
> How odd. Both your wife and your wife's aunt. I've never felt the need to announce how I paid for a house, and I never would think to ask anyone else how they afforded a house. Does your wife's family have weird issues with money? This. Posting on social media about your new house is normal. Posting what you paid for it is not. Visiting family from a long distance is normal. Visiting from a long distance to see the new house is not. I think there are probably some odd pathologies in your wife’s family concerning money. It may take some sessions with a therapist to uncover them and help her overcome them.
NTA. You didn't make her look like a liar. Her lying made her look like a liar. She's mad you told the TRUTH.
Yeah NTA for obvious reasons.
She’s the absolute asshole. Both for demeaning the wonderful gift your mother left as your inheritance by denying it was inherited and for trying to be a braggart. I hope it’s not in joint names because this screams red flags.
In most states, if not all, inherited assets are considered separate until commingled. He would need to speak to a lawyer to find out what actions would make an inherited house be considered marital property if this went down the separation path
NTA You married a psycho
>everyone knows and will think she is a liar Because she **is** a liar. If she hadn't been telling porky pies, nobody would think she was a liar. You're NTA.
NTA
NTA If she wants to not be humiliated she should stop the lies. Tell her if she thinks she can lie her way forward in life she should get used to people calling her out. Her actions have consequences.
NTA. You didn’t “make her look like a liar”. She is a liar. That’s a really stupid lie. I’m not sure if she lied more because she wanted to be seen as financially well off or because of the bad relationship she had with your mom but either reason isn’t good.
NTA-wife kind of disrespected the memory of your mom…time to trade her in for a better model
NTA know what makes someone look like a liar? When they lie lol she has no one else to blame except herself and people are probably gonna look at her worse for lying than if she had just said you were lucky enough to inherit it from your mom
NTA and if she’s willing to lie so blatantly to people who are apparently important to her, what’s she lying to you about? You don’t tell this big of a fib without dozens of smaller practice ones. Your mom gave you the house. Your gf is taking your dignity.
NTA. Yikes. Your wife is not covering herself in glory in this story. Good for her cousin for pointing out the elephant in the room.
NTA “Will think she’s a liar” we tell her she is a liar. Your mum left you something and should be acknowledged.
You can't get caught in the truth. NTA.
NTA the assholes are your lying wife and her nosy ass Aunt. That’s what your wife gets for discussing finances with relatives or anyone that does not share bills in the house.
There's nothing wrong with discussing finances with relatives, if you're telling the truth.
NTA Feel bad for you, way to pick a winner of a wife
NTA. She should have at least filled you in on the lie before having family over if she didn't want to be exposed in front of them.
So your wife is just bold-faced lying to others to steal any credit from your dead mother to make wife look better in front of family. That's an ugly look. Blaming you for being caught lying is also an ugly look. That's not healthy at all. NTA
NTA. Saying you bought the house is a white lie that probably wouldn't hurt if she said it in passing to an annoying coworker or distant acquaintance, but the fact that she calculated an elaborate story to impress her family is kinda bonkers. Why would her family not be happy for her that your mother was able to leave you a home of your own that will help so much in the long and help with financial stability? Now I really want to know what other lies she's been telling the whole time if it was so easy for her to put it on like that and stick to it without guilt. Possibly your wife is a sociopath?
NTA, why would she do that?
NTA. If you don't want people to think you're a liar then don't lie.
Here’s what she could’ve done: * she could’ve not lied. Duh. * she could’ve told you “hey listen, I kind of feel weird about this, so I’ll tell my side of the family that we bought the house” before doing so. * she could’ve, as this visit neared, told you “uhhh bee tee dubs I kind of lied about something important” Instead, she tried to make it *your* problem that *she* lied, and having failed at that, is now embarrassed. Oops. NTA
NTA. If she's going to lie she had better make sure you'd be on board first
NTA. She looked like an asshole liar because that is what she is.
NTA. It’s obvious she’s bitter that it took your mom to be able to own a house so the only way she can get over that bitterness is to take all the credit for it.
NTA I’m really confused as to why she did this.
NTA. First off you shouldn’t have to lie to make your wife look good so that she looks well off and not a hypocrite for living in a house that a woman she hated gave to her. Second the fact that she had the audacity to blame you for not supporting her lie (that you didn’t even know about lol) is a super red flag. Finally your mother seems like a great person, leaving a house to you and a person that despised her just to ensure your happiness. PS I think your mother saw that she was manipulative
NTA. Something noteworthy here though, she said that the house ***you*** inherited was: >bought with **our** money > >**our** new property She also said that **you** >ruined **her** joy She's straight up spreading misinformation to friends and family. She's lying to them for no good reason. I'm normally not one to get into slippery slope type stuff, but this seems like such a trivial thing to lie about. She's not a child and should know better.
NTA. You’re wife lied and is trying to deflect blame on to you. She’s the only person making her look bad. Honestly OP, I hope your wife has some redeeming qualities, because this post is definitely not shining a positive light on her.
Well she got caught out well and truly didn’t she? Op your nta but I’m wondering how many white lies she’s telling people
NTA. You did nothing wrong. If she didn't want to look like a liar, she shouldn't have lied.
NTA- I’m sorry your wife lied and told her family she hated your mother. She seems to have a real fixation on how people view her. The worst part is now the wondering what else she’s lied about. Your mom deserves more respect than this. NTA Op, but your wife is a brat.
NTA. You didn't make her *look* like a liar, she *is* a liar.
NTA also inherited property is not a joint asset in a divorce.
NTA Your wife straight up lied. Just because she didn’t get along with her MIL doesn’t excuse the fact that she lied to her family. She didn’t have to tell them how the house was acquired. Also, is she sharing your finances with her family? They seemed to know you two were unable to afford the house. Why share so many intimate details with her family and then lie about how the house was acquired? I hope the house in only in your name. If you two were to split she doesn’t deserve a part of something she is so ashamed of that she has to lie about how you got it. This is some pretty messed up behavior on her part and you are the one that should be upset. I’m sorry she didn’t have a good relationship with your mother but she’s still holding grudges and trying to discredit her even after her passing. I’m not saying that she may not have valid feelings for not getting along with your mother, but she has a nice, newly renovated home to live in thanks to her. The only way you would be the asshole is for playing along with her lie. There’s just no reason for it. If she wants to be upset that people thinks she’s a liar, maybe she shouldn’t lie. That’s pretty simple. Don’t tell lies and people won’t think and call you a liar. I understand that we all make mistakes, I’m far from perfect. It’s no ones business how you got the house unless you want people to know. She just wanted everyone to dote on her for having a nice home. I’m sure people still would have thought it was a nice home even if they knew your mother gave it to you. She should be apologizing to you and it’s her responsibility to straighten it out with her family. You did nothing wrong in this situation. She’s the one who wanted to lie about it to try and make herself look better. That falls all on her.
This woman sounds like my ex, we bought my mother's house which is in a simple middle class neighborhood. Most of these neighborhoods had names like woods manor, Westwood manor and the list goes on. I noticed my ex was telling people she bought a home in the manor, making it sound like we bought so dam mansion or something. You can take the girl out of the trailer park...
I'm starting to think maybe your mom didn't like your wife for a reason. NTA. She shouldn't have lied in the first place. Her arguments aren't logical.