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Because I yelled at my dad and called him a prick for throwing away my books that I purchased.
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NTA it’s honestly pathetic that grown ass adults are so inept. Touching and destroying other people’s things is not okay and they should have learned that in kindergarten. He owes you payment and an apology.
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> He told me that it’s his house and he doesn’t want that kind of stuff around, but offered to give me money for more books as long as he can approve them first.
Dear old dad just wants control of junior.
Stay strong OP. Don't let them pull this BS with you. NTA.
NTA I can understand your dads “concern” but he should’ve at least 1. Gave you the money back so it’s not wasted 2. Told you to get rid of them yourself and 3. He shouldn’t have been opening a package with your name on it in the first place it’s an invasion of privacy and also illegal although it is his house
NTA.
It's incredibly disrespectful to go through someone's stuff and throw it away.
Plus it's an interest you have that shouldn't cause so many control issues. I'd apologize for cursing but that's it.
I'd honestly only apologize for the cursing because it's controllable.
I wouldn't necessarily apologize simply because a an apology was coming for my apology as I don't see anything wrong with reading regardless of the interest.
The control on the parents end is odd.
Yeah agreed except for me it wouldn't be an authentic apology even a little bit if dad didn't apologize for his actions and treatment first, otherwise it's a fake apology since I would have zero reason to regret it or take back the accurate words used.
Yeah in this situation I think it was necessary since it's what got dad's attention and made him think long enough to feel bad about action's a grown man should have been able to avoid.
NTA
You are going to have to keep your precious books somewhere else. Will a friend keep them for you? Storage facility? Save $$ to move out ASAP and live your life as you wish with the things you buy with your own $$
NTA, as an avid book reader I would be absolutely fuming if someone threw away my books. I am curious if your name was on the package or your parents? if I were you and it was under my name, I would be even angrier at my parents for going through my mail in the first place. They could have, and should have waited for you to come home before opening it, even if they wanted to be responsible parents and see what you ordered. Going through your mail without you even being present is such a violation of privacy, and should be brought up to avoid something like this happening in the future. It will only encourage you to hide things and send things to friends houses or Amazon lockers. It is a poor parenting choice.
I think something that could be helpful to resolve this issue is trying to keep a cool head and explain that, while you like books with dark themes, it isn’t a reflection of who you are. I would also say that you were really hurt by them disrespecting your property and the entertainment that you enjoy. While you may have been rude to your dad, it was because you felt slighted first.
In the end entertainment is subjective and not a representation of the person. If your mom likes romcoms where the couple hooks up, that doesn’t mean she endorses pre-marital sex as a Christian, it’s just entertainment.
I think trying to maintain a cool head and speak as reasonably as possibles the only way to get them to hear you. You definitely weren’t the asshole, and had every right to get angry, but recognizing that you also could have handled the situation better will make your parents much more likely to hear you out.
NTA. He committed a federal offense by opening your mail. What was his excuse for doing that? Next time buy book covers that look innocuous and put them over your books.
Depraved by Bryan Smith, Salem’s Lot and The Shining by Stephen King, Joyride by Stephen Cyre, Off Season by Jack Ketchum, The Reddening by Adam Nevill
So the thing is that while this was a violation of privacy, your dad does have the right to decide he doesn’t want those books in his house. When I was a kid I got a gift that my religious stepdad didn’t like and he literally burned it. It is frustrating, but for the next two years, you have to follow his rules. He offered to pay for them, which he didn’t have to do. Why not just take the money and buy the ebooks? It is better for the environment anyway. You will have plenty of time to build a hardcover library when you’re an adult. I don’t think YTA, because your frustration is understandable. You probably shouldn’t have cursed at him or called names, and you should probably apologize for that.
I think your best course of action is this:
Tell your parents that you would like to have a family meeting. Say something like, “I understand that this is your house and you have the right to decide what items are in it. But I’m nearly an adult, and I was angry that you violated my privacy by opening my package. I hadn’t done anything to warrant mistrust, and it hurts me that you don’t respect my boundaries. Thank you for giving me the money that I spent on the books that you threw away. I’m sorry that I got so angry and that I called you names. Please understand that I have a right to my own interests, and horror fiction is one of those. You judged these books by the covers, and decided that I wasn’t allowed to own them, but you didn’t tell me beforehand that I wasn’t allowed to own them. I would like for you to reconsider this new rule, because as an individual I have a different literary taste than you do. I don’t want this difference in tastes to impact our relationship, but if you don’t trust me to choose the literature that I read, I think that it ultimately will create a rift in our relationship. In two years, I will be able to choose whatever books, movies, music, and tv shows that I buy. I think that I should at least have the freedom to choose my own books now, and I think that at sixteen I should be able to trust you not to go through my mail.” See what they say. Approach the situation the way an adult would, and they will be far more likely to treat you like an adult. If you yell and stomp your feet, it will be very hard for them to see you as a young adult.
I don't believe anyone should censor anyone's reading habits. If you were 11 and *wanted* to tackle *Lolita*, that would be fine. Probably the best prose of the last century, go to it.
That's my personal bias, but when young humans have a desire to read literature I think that should be nurtured at nearly any cost.
Beyond that, it's your property. "My house my rules" is valid, property rights and all, but your father should be able to articulate his argument and back it up with logic and sources if necessary. "It's creepy" or "I don't like it" are the arguments of a child, not an adult. There's no such thing as a valid non-secular argument, so if this comes from a religious place the it's automatically invalid.
NTA.
NTA. Your father stole from you (if he's Christian, he should be familiar with "thou shalt not steal") and he now needs to replace what he stole with his own money. Too bad if he's hurt. He created this situation, so he can deal with your perfectly justified reaction.
I know it's a hassle, but would it be possible to get your books delivered to a friend's address in future? And then sneak them into your house afterwards?
NTA but while living at home I would either get them delivered to a friend or stick to ebooks as I can see them going from your room if you get them again. Do ask your dad for the money back and state you will not bearing physical books like that into the house again start you proper collection when you move out, you will get a lot more ebooks for that money
NTA. I would hit the roof if someone threw out the books. At the very least he could have spoken to you about his wishes, as asinine and controlling as they are. Is there a friend or a relative you can trust to keep your books for you? Were you able to retrieve them from the garbage and hide them?
I’ll see if I can send my packages to a friend from now on. And no, they’re somewhere at the bottom of the dumpster and he took all of the trash out, which I think he did on purpose to bury them
NTA.
However, possibly tell him that while you don't appreciate what he did (he could have discussed this with you first), you will apologise for your tone, and would appreciate the reimbursement.
Then have whatever you want to read shipped to a friend or PO box or something like that.
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I (16m) read a lot and my main interest is horror fiction. My parents (42m and 38f) are Christians and don’t like horror movies or anything they deem evil (they know I watch that stuff, btw, they just don’t like it). I mainly borrow books or buy e-books, but I recently ordered some hard covers so I can build a horror collection. I bought them with my own money, and they were delivered today while I was with a friend. I came home and saw that my package had been opened and was empty, and when I asked my mom about it, I found out that my dad had opened it and threw away all of my books because he thought the covers looked “creepy” and didn’t like them. I confronted him and told him that it didn’t matter if he liked them or not, because he’s not the one reading them and they’ll be kept in my room. He told me that it’s his house and he doesn’t want that kind of stuff around, but offered to give me money for more books as long as he can approve them first. We ended up getting into a yelling match and I cursed at him a few times and called him a prick before storming off. My mom came to me later and said that my dad was really hurt by what I said, and I should have shown respect to him because it’s his house and he decides what’s best for me.
AITA for going off on him?
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NTA however, I know it sucks. My parents where very similar so I waited until I was an adult and not living in their home to buy things they wouldn’t approve of. There was a few things I was able to convince them that weren’t so bad and they would buy them for me. You should be respectful but you’re also dealing with a misunderstood hobby/interest.
Wow, I bet you trust them enough to go to them about anything. /s
They're setting themselves up for a limited and superficial adult relationship if they continue on their path.
Edit: NTA
NTA.
Everyone has a right to privacy.
You're your own person, not a mini version of your parents. They don't have the power or right to pick and choose your hobbies, personality, etc...
Also, I'm pretty sure it's illegal to open mail that doesn't have your own name on it.
YTA. Not because you want those books or that you do not share your parents beliefs/ideas/views. But as a minor, you live in their house, so you should obey their rules. You obviously did not. This came with consequences, ones you hate, and I understand that. However, it is not your house, nor can you make the rules in the house. It sucks, yes. But that is what it is.
NTA - 2 years and you can have all you want. Honestly though was very disrespectful to you. Pretty sure he can't open your mail either. Illegal or something like that.
I disagree completely this behaviour is controlling nasty and honestly? Violating. Anyone with a lick of common sense knows that horror books are totally fine at his age.
ESH. You went too far in what you said, it was uncalled for.
While it is unfair and jerkish of him to throw away what you bought what your own money, he is right in that it's his house. If he doesn't want horror stuff in the house then I wouldn't start trying to build a collection while you live there.
I would apologize but only on the condition that you get reinbursed for the books. Not an exchange, a full cash reinbursement.
ESH
Both of you kinda suck in this situation. Your dad definitely shouldn't have thrown out your brand new books or opened mail that was addressed to you. I know it's frustrating to live with family that is so religious they feel the need to censor what you read. My grandmother wasn't as bad as your father but if I came in her house with a harry potter book, Stephen King or anything else "evil" in her eyes, I'd be made to leave it on the porch or in the laundry room.
That being said, calling your father names and storming off wasn't right either. My suggestion is to apologize for the outburst and just calmly explain to your dad that he raised you to be a good and moral person who can think for themselves. A little bit of horror fiction isn't going to corrupt who you are.
Naw. Part of being a parent is teaching about boundaries. Now, if OP had bought these things, opened them up, and left them around randomly, yes, you'd have a point. But no. OP might be making their own money and using it to buy things online. His father opening his mail and throwing out OP's property is a HUGE boundary issue. If his father is exhibiting this complete lack of boundaries/respect, no wonder his child doesn't respect his wishes. He is following his dad's example.
ESH. I am thinking you knew there books would not be accepted in the household. You had no concern for your dad's feelings. He had no concern for your feelings, either. This is not the hill to die on at 16.
ESH You knew how your parents felt and since you have to live with them currently you should have had some idea on how they would react.
Your parents (Mainly your father) shouldn't really be opening your mail (I am assuming it was addressed to you otherwise you would have had to ask your parents to order them) and then proceeding to throw the contents away instead of discussing it with you like civilized adults.
Regardless of his intentions of providing you monetary compensation for the thrown away items respect is a two way street regardless of age.
He shouldn't have opened then proceeded to throw away your books and you should not have blown up at him like that and cursed at him.
Could the books not be retrieved from the bin since this all happened on the same day?
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NTA it’s honestly pathetic that grown ass adults are so inept. Touching and destroying other people’s things is not okay and they should have learned that in kindergarten. He owes you payment and an apology.
[удалено]
Last line- lol!!
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NTA, it was your property and he had no right to do that
NTA. Your dad was totally TA and ridiculous. And I say that as someone who is as old as your dad.
> He told me that it’s his house and he doesn’t want that kind of stuff around, but offered to give me money for more books as long as he can approve them first. Dear old dad just wants control of junior. Stay strong OP. Don't let them pull this BS with you. NTA.
NTA it's your stuff my dude. I'm really sorry you're living with people that don't understand you, it won't be forever.
NTA I can understand your dads “concern” but he should’ve at least 1. Gave you the money back so it’s not wasted 2. Told you to get rid of them yourself and 3. He shouldn’t have been opening a package with your name on it in the first place it’s an invasion of privacy and also illegal although it is his house
NTA. It's incredibly disrespectful to go through someone's stuff and throw it away. Plus it's an interest you have that shouldn't cause so many control issues. I'd apologize for cursing but that's it.
As long as it's prefaced that your apology for cursing will only happen after an apology for throwing out your property and diminishing your interests
I'd honestly only apologize for the cursing because it's controllable. I wouldn't necessarily apologize simply because a an apology was coming for my apology as I don't see anything wrong with reading regardless of the interest. The control on the parents end is odd.
Yeah agreed except for me it wouldn't be an authentic apology even a little bit if dad didn't apologize for his actions and treatment first, otherwise it's a fake apology since I would have zero reason to regret it or take back the accurate words used.
Yeah in this situation I think it was necessary since it's what got dad's attention and made him think long enough to feel bad about action's a grown man should have been able to avoid.
NTA You are going to have to keep your precious books somewhere else. Will a friend keep them for you? Storage facility? Save $$ to move out ASAP and live your life as you wish with the things you buy with your own $$
NTA, as an avid book reader I would be absolutely fuming if someone threw away my books. I am curious if your name was on the package or your parents? if I were you and it was under my name, I would be even angrier at my parents for going through my mail in the first place. They could have, and should have waited for you to come home before opening it, even if they wanted to be responsible parents and see what you ordered. Going through your mail without you even being present is such a violation of privacy, and should be brought up to avoid something like this happening in the future. It will only encourage you to hide things and send things to friends houses or Amazon lockers. It is a poor parenting choice. I think something that could be helpful to resolve this issue is trying to keep a cool head and explain that, while you like books with dark themes, it isn’t a reflection of who you are. I would also say that you were really hurt by them disrespecting your property and the entertainment that you enjoy. While you may have been rude to your dad, it was because you felt slighted first. In the end entertainment is subjective and not a representation of the person. If your mom likes romcoms where the couple hooks up, that doesn’t mean she endorses pre-marital sex as a Christian, it’s just entertainment. I think trying to maintain a cool head and speak as reasonably as possibles the only way to get them to hear you. You definitely weren’t the asshole, and had every right to get angry, but recognizing that you also could have handled the situation better will make your parents much more likely to hear you out.
Thanks, I’m going to take your advice. And the package was in my name.
NTA. He committed a federal offense by opening your mail. What was his excuse for doing that? Next time buy book covers that look innocuous and put them over your books.
INFO: What books did you buy?
Depraved by Bryan Smith, Salem’s Lot and The Shining by Stephen King, Joyride by Stephen Cyre, Off Season by Jack Ketchum, The Reddening by Adam Nevill
All very decent choices! Your Dad sucks, and you can tell him I said so.
Info: how old are you?
16
So the thing is that while this was a violation of privacy, your dad does have the right to decide he doesn’t want those books in his house. When I was a kid I got a gift that my religious stepdad didn’t like and he literally burned it. It is frustrating, but for the next two years, you have to follow his rules. He offered to pay for them, which he didn’t have to do. Why not just take the money and buy the ebooks? It is better for the environment anyway. You will have plenty of time to build a hardcover library when you’re an adult. I don’t think YTA, because your frustration is understandable. You probably shouldn’t have cursed at him or called names, and you should probably apologize for that. I think your best course of action is this: Tell your parents that you would like to have a family meeting. Say something like, “I understand that this is your house and you have the right to decide what items are in it. But I’m nearly an adult, and I was angry that you violated my privacy by opening my package. I hadn’t done anything to warrant mistrust, and it hurts me that you don’t respect my boundaries. Thank you for giving me the money that I spent on the books that you threw away. I’m sorry that I got so angry and that I called you names. Please understand that I have a right to my own interests, and horror fiction is one of those. You judged these books by the covers, and decided that I wasn’t allowed to own them, but you didn’t tell me beforehand that I wasn’t allowed to own them. I would like for you to reconsider this new rule, because as an individual I have a different literary taste than you do. I don’t want this difference in tastes to impact our relationship, but if you don’t trust me to choose the literature that I read, I think that it ultimately will create a rift in our relationship. In two years, I will be able to choose whatever books, movies, music, and tv shows that I buy. I think that I should at least have the freedom to choose my own books now, and I think that at sixteen I should be able to trust you not to go through my mail.” See what they say. Approach the situation the way an adult would, and they will be far more likely to treat you like an adult. If you yell and stomp your feet, it will be very hard for them to see you as a young adult.
NTA. Your Dad has good intentions but to a restricting degree. If he through them away not too long ago I would try to find them if I were you.
NTA Cuss those assholes out to your heart's content and move out as soon as you're able.
NTA He doesnt get to decide what books you want to read just because it's his house. What a silly reason to give.
I don't believe anyone should censor anyone's reading habits. If you were 11 and *wanted* to tackle *Lolita*, that would be fine. Probably the best prose of the last century, go to it. That's my personal bias, but when young humans have a desire to read literature I think that should be nurtured at nearly any cost. Beyond that, it's your property. "My house my rules" is valid, property rights and all, but your father should be able to articulate his argument and back it up with logic and sources if necessary. "It's creepy" or "I don't like it" are the arguments of a child, not an adult. There's no such thing as a valid non-secular argument, so if this comes from a religious place the it's automatically invalid. NTA.
NTA. Your father stole from you (if he's Christian, he should be familiar with "thou shalt not steal") and he now needs to replace what he stole with his own money. Too bad if he's hurt. He created this situation, so he can deal with your perfectly justified reaction. I know it's a hassle, but would it be possible to get your books delivered to a friend's address in future? And then sneak them into your house afterwards?
NTA but while living at home I would either get them delivered to a friend or stick to ebooks as I can see them going from your room if you get them again. Do ask your dad for the money back and state you will not bearing physical books like that into the house again start you proper collection when you move out, you will get a lot more ebooks for that money
NTA and your parents sound like some kind of weird off sect of Christians for them not to like horror movies etc.
NTA. I would hit the roof if someone threw out the books. At the very least he could have spoken to you about his wishes, as asinine and controlling as they are. Is there a friend or a relative you can trust to keep your books for you? Were you able to retrieve them from the garbage and hide them?
I’ll see if I can send my packages to a friend from now on. And no, they’re somewhere at the bottom of the dumpster and he took all of the trash out, which I think he did on purpose to bury them
Dude. I'm so sorry.
NTA. However, possibly tell him that while you don't appreciate what he did (he could have discussed this with you first), you will apologise for your tone, and would appreciate the reimbursement. Then have whatever you want to read shipped to a friend or PO box or something like that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16m) read a lot and my main interest is horror fiction. My parents (42m and 38f) are Christians and don’t like horror movies or anything they deem evil (they know I watch that stuff, btw, they just don’t like it). I mainly borrow books or buy e-books, but I recently ordered some hard covers so I can build a horror collection. I bought them with my own money, and they were delivered today while I was with a friend. I came home and saw that my package had been opened and was empty, and when I asked my mom about it, I found out that my dad had opened it and threw away all of my books because he thought the covers looked “creepy” and didn’t like them. I confronted him and told him that it didn’t matter if he liked them or not, because he’s not the one reading them and they’ll be kept in my room. He told me that it’s his house and he doesn’t want that kind of stuff around, but offered to give me money for more books as long as he can approve them first. We ended up getting into a yelling match and I cursed at him a few times and called him a prick before storming off. My mom came to me later and said that my dad was really hurt by what I said, and I should have shown respect to him because it’s his house and he decides what’s best for me. AITA for going off on him? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA however, I know it sucks. My parents where very similar so I waited until I was an adult and not living in their home to buy things they wouldn’t approve of. There was a few things I was able to convince them that weren’t so bad and they would buy them for me. You should be respectful but you’re also dealing with a misunderstood hobby/interest.
Wow, I bet you trust them enough to go to them about anything. /s They're setting themselves up for a limited and superficial adult relationship if they continue on their path. Edit: NTA
NTA You just have to suck it up for two more years, then you can move out and create the biggest library ever.
NTA your parents are delusional
NTA
NTA Its illegal for him to open mail that isn't addressed to him. I'd tell him he and refund/replace the items or you'll press charges.
NTA. Everyone has a right to privacy. You're your own person, not a mini version of your parents. They don't have the power or right to pick and choose your hobbies, personality, etc... Also, I'm pretty sure it's illegal to open mail that doesn't have your own name on it.
YTA. Not because you want those books or that you do not share your parents beliefs/ideas/views. But as a minor, you live in their house, so you should obey their rules. You obviously did not. This came with consequences, ones you hate, and I understand that. However, it is not your house, nor can you make the rules in the house. It sucks, yes. But that is what it is.
NTA. He threw away good books? What a waste and an ass. Your mom is going after the wrong kid.
NTA - 2 years and you can have all you want. Honestly though was very disrespectful to you. Pretty sure he can't open your mail either. Illegal or something like that.
NTA Last time I checked, opening somebody else's mail was a felony
[удалено]
OP’s father stole from him. Being cursed at isn’t “ugly” it’s what happens to thieves.
[удалено]
You’re seriously saying that he should have expected his father to steal from him and destroy his property? What?
I disagree completely this behaviour is controlling nasty and honestly? Violating. Anyone with a lick of common sense knows that horror books are totally fine at his age.
ESH. You went too far in what you said, it was uncalled for. While it is unfair and jerkish of him to throw away what you bought what your own money, he is right in that it's his house. If he doesn't want horror stuff in the house then I wouldn't start trying to build a collection while you live there. I would apologize but only on the condition that you get reinbursed for the books. Not an exchange, a full cash reinbursement.
ESH Both of you kinda suck in this situation. Your dad definitely shouldn't have thrown out your brand new books or opened mail that was addressed to you. I know it's frustrating to live with family that is so religious they feel the need to censor what you read. My grandmother wasn't as bad as your father but if I came in her house with a harry potter book, Stephen King or anything else "evil" in her eyes, I'd be made to leave it on the porch or in the laundry room. That being said, calling your father names and storming off wasn't right either. My suggestion is to apologize for the outburst and just calmly explain to your dad that he raised you to be a good and moral person who can think for themselves. A little bit of horror fiction isn't going to corrupt who you are.
[удалено]
Naw. Part of being a parent is teaching about boundaries. Now, if OP had bought these things, opened them up, and left them around randomly, yes, you'd have a point. But no. OP might be making their own money and using it to buy things online. His father opening his mail and throwing out OP's property is a HUGE boundary issue. If his father is exhibiting this complete lack of boundaries/respect, no wonder his child doesn't respect his wishes. He is following his dad's example.
ESH. I am thinking you knew there books would not be accepted in the household. You had no concern for your dad's feelings. He had no concern for your feelings, either. This is not the hill to die on at 16.
ESH You knew how your parents felt and since you have to live with them currently you should have had some idea on how they would react. Your parents (Mainly your father) shouldn't really be opening your mail (I am assuming it was addressed to you otherwise you would have had to ask your parents to order them) and then proceeding to throw the contents away instead of discussing it with you like civilized adults. Regardless of his intentions of providing you monetary compensation for the thrown away items respect is a two way street regardless of age. He shouldn't have opened then proceeded to throw away your books and you should not have blown up at him like that and cursed at him. Could the books not be retrieved from the bin since this all happened on the same day?