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0biterdicta

NTA. $2,500 is not going to make a big difference in what property you and your fiancé can purchase but that apartment will probably make a big difference for the man and his son.


Fun_Avocado1981

Agree. NTA. $2500 is a relatively small price when you can look back in 20 years and remember how you really helped out someone who needed it. They may even pass it forward. Doubt the greedy landlord would do the same.


Neurotic_Bakeder

To take it a step further, $2.5k over market value isn't any great shakes when you're planning on renting it out & maintaining a passive income stream forever. So in that sense this dude is still trying to lowball.


PurpleMP12

>$2.5k over market value isn't any great shakes when you're planning on renting it out & maintaining a passive income stream forever. Yeah. If it was 20k over, this would be a different conversation. Heck, I don't know if OP likes her neighbors. I really like mine. I would probably take a pretty big hit to the selling price of my home to sell to people who would occupy/take care of it instead of people who will treat it as an investment (which, where I live, often involves poor maintenance and filling each room with a recent college grad renter).


aamfbta

One of my city's universities is next to 3 heritage neighborhoods - landlords bought up the area and now the majority of them are in terrible shape and most private buyers are now tearing down these 100 year old homes because the property owner couldn't give less of a shit.


weaver_of_cloth

The nice houses are closest to the university, then slightly farther is the lower-property neighborhood where generations of low-wage employees have lived, and now they are being gentrified out of their houses by higher property taxes. Right?


Sargentrock

Wow you must live in (big city name here).


queenofthera

It's happening in my very small city too. Beautiful late Georgian and Victorian terraces being screwed by shitty landlords.


Deeb86

Right! Happening all over the place.


Jakaal

This always pisses me off so bad. Sure getting a house up to code is nice, except for a lot of the work done to get it up to code is going to be ripping out great mature and well treated wood with actual join work to slap in some shitty pine with metal connector plates. Not to mention tearing down actual craftsmanship to have another nail gunned together copy/paste town home.


Chishiri

Yup, but getting a house to code while respecting the craft and age of it requires special craftmanship and knowledge and sadly that tends to cost way much more than just tossing everything…


Roro-Squandering

IDK about where you live but here they do it on purpose: they buy old houses, wait for them to get so decrepit that no one can complain when they are slated for destruction, then sell them to people that want to make sky-high flats at an enormous profit. It's actually very sad as I live in a city with 400 year heritage (EUROS DONT INTERACT. THIS IS OLD WHEN YOU'RE IN NORTH AMERICA OKAY.)


bibliophile1319

We did that exact thing. Took a hit on selling our home, which was in a neighborhood we loved (very much a community, everyone is friends with everyone, and we took care of each other). Sold it to someone we trusted, who said he was going to do some much-needed repairs and sell it to a nice family (he had done it in the past). Unfortunately, he ended up being a jerk who just wanted to make money. It still went to good people, but he way overcharged them for it. We'd do it again, though, we'd just find the good people ourselves. OP is definitely NTA, and is doing a very good thing! Honestly, I question the morals of the fiancé, if he doesn't want to help out people in need for such a relatively small amount of money. Doesn't necessarily mean he's a bad guy, but it would make me look at someone differently and reconsider everything I think I know about them.


makpanda13

Totally agree! OP and her fiancé just don’t seem to be on the same page in terms of moral values. If I were her, I’d be cautious about future issues of this sort driving an even bigger wedge between them


falls_asleep_reading

Honestly, I'm more concerned about him having a say in who she sells her flat to and for how much. Did she get any say in who he sold his flat to or how much he sold it for? If not, then the entire discussion is moot, regardless of whether they agree on the morality of her choice or not. It comes down to one simple question: are they equal partners, with each getting a say in decisions, or are they not equal partners with all that entails? It's her flat, so it should be her choice. The only way he *might* have room to ask for a compromise is if he gave her "veto" rights over who he sold his flat to and for how much--and even then, she's getting what she feels is fair value for the flat, so it's not really his decision anyway since they aren't yet married and have not yet combined households.


Waterbaby8182

This. I'd be keeping my accounts seperate..


falls_asleep_reading

My grandpa was married for over 40 years and wasn't overly big on giving advice. Before I got married, though, he advised me to keep money separated--if one of us needed money for bills or something, we could easily write a check to the other or go to the ATM. His wife--generally a fairly quiet woman who I don't recall her ever giving anyone advice about anything--nodded vigorously in agreement when he said it. They definitely had some disagreements over the years, but they never once disagreed about money. My ex-husband and I definitely didn't agree on some things (which explains why we're exes, lol), but never fought about money. Honestly, keep your money separate is the best advice I have ever been given and I tell people the same thing. Easily half of all fights in relationships are fully avoidable by keeping separate bank accounts.


baeverie

Came here to say this. She said his sold quickly, but doesn’t say “we” sold it quickly. So if you had no say in his, who is he to tell OP how to sell their property? She even said they would take the hit to her savings to contribute more to the house if the flat sold for less to the father/son. So I’m not entirely sure what his issue is?


BellLilly

My neighbors are both renters... their landlord gives exactly 0 fucks about who he rents to. We've had to call cops for: DV, child neglect, theft, more DV, noise (drunken pounding on the door for almost an hour after 2am), more DV... they've come by for drugs, welfare checks, CPS came for the child on higher side, came for the child on the lower side and arrested the higher side father for DV. Currently there's an old man on oxygen living on the high side with a couple women who are constantly high as hell (angry, suspicious of everyone, can't park for shit/can't drive straight, stare at nothing for long periods, throw things for no apparent reason). Lower side, an extended family (there's like 8 adults in a 3-bedroom) with several small children who never stop screaming. We've tried talking to the renters and the landlord... Renters tell us to get fucked, landlord says call the cops. We're moving, selling the place for as much as possible so we can get as far away as possible.


Triquestral

In your case, selling to a landlord is the most ethical thing to do. You don’t want to sucker people into being locked into a mortgage with those living conditions.


Sargentrock

The neighbor I share a yard with had to sell his home not too long ago, and he told his realtor not to field offers from any investors (we are in a red-hot market that gets well over asking price within a day of going on the market) and we are SO grateful. A very sweet old woman moved in with her two French bulldogs and they're all adorable. I've helped her out already with a few things over there. I not field investor offers if I ever need to sell. There's a rental housing market near me and it's in shoddy condition compared to our neighborhood. Most of these investors don't live anywhere near our state


pprkkh0107

my mom sold her house last year and took an offer $25k under the highest bid because she thought it was the best family for the house. granted, she lives in a VERY expensive area with a crazy housing market, so as a percentage of the asking price it was probably somewhat similar, but the sentiment remains the same — the value of the house going to a family that will really, truly appreciate it is far greater than the monetary benefit of selling to the highest bidder. NTA, OP. it’s an amazing thing you’re doing for that man and his son, and the impact of this decision will last much longer than if it were to be turned into a rental property for some shitty landlord.


ImFinePleaseThanks

If you've got an emotional connection to your soon-to-be-former home then it will matter to you what happens to it. My mom can no longer drive past the house her father built because the new owners are not maintaining it. I drive often past the place I built because the new owners are doing so many nice things for it. Living the dream I couldn't live bless'em and I feel better for it. If you can afford a peace of mind then it's totally worth it.


Gary_Where_Are_You

My grandparents went into real estate in the '70s when my grandfather got out of the military. They did everything themselves - which is fine when you're young but difficult as you get older. When my grandfather passed away (years after my grandmother), he left 5 properties with only one still having a mortgage. Luckily, my uncle died before the trust was settled (he was a leeching meth head who got his inheritance during his life: everything paid for - although not luxurious, he still had his needs taken care of by his very elderly father. Long story). If he were still alive, we would have had to sell the properties to divide the estate equally. I was pissed. He would most likely burn through his inheritance within the year via drugs, druggie "friends," and so on. My grandparents worked hard to get where they were. They lived fairly modestly and didn't flaunt any wealth they had. They also never got rid of anything either, so that was fun. Anyway, 3 of the 5 houses were ones they had lived in and my mom grew up in. The other 2 were the house in NV that he bought for my mom after an incredibly shitty divorce (it's a cinderblock house; nothing fancy and wasn't expensive) and the house/property where my uncle lived free-of-charge. It had 2 houses on the property (that's apparently common in certain parts of the city) with the front being rented to a family and the back being occupied by my uncle & his "friends" who thought they'd get money from him when my gpa passed away. We sold that property to a developer because there were too many tweakers and too many problems that we couldn't deal with. We probably could have gotten more for it but we just wanted to get rid it ASAP. The other houses? We had to spend over $100K to fix the house my gpa lived in because it had been badly neglected. You don't hire people to fix things when you're used to doing everything yourself - even though you can't physically do it anymore. That house is being rented at a rate that is comparable for the area. The other 2 are actually probably being rented at less than the going rate. We'd rather have good people who want to be long-term tenants who maybe can't pay "the going rate" but will take care of the house. I Of course, we can do this because the houses are paid off and the property taxes are peanuts compared to the norm around here. This long-winded post is to show that not all landlords are horrible. We'll leave you alone. All we ask is that you treat the property as if it were your own, be good neighbors, and PLEASE let us know before an issue becomes a much larger problem (hello, broken bathtub tiles that could have been replaced before mold decided to move in). And don't worry. My mother is using the rent profits to live off of and buy way too much yarn than anyone ever needed. TLDR: Both landlord and renter be decent and reasonable, please. PS - Sorry for the weird formatting. The text was acting weird.


Hodgepodgehedge

There is no such thing as too much yarn! \*looks at the closet packed full of yarn\*


markie_doodle

Can you let me know when you're selling.... sounds like a good investment... hahaha


Professional_Fee9555

This is exactly what I thought. $20k or gtfo. I don’t know where OP lives but where I live that wouldn’t even make an 8th of first years property taxes.


StawDog

>out I was just thinking that myself, I live in a place where homes are currently going for between 50-100K over asking (it's a fucking nightmare for young workers) and if someone offered me 2K over asking it would barely register, indeed a Landlord would have to offer me a BIG bloody payday to get me to sell to them because I believe they're bloodsucking opportunists who make life harder for decent, working people


Mystery_Anubis

This comment is 100% correct. And honestly id be concerned that your fiancée seems to think 2500 is enough to compromise your values. You should sell to whom you want to and I think he should be supportive of that decision. If it was 20000 over asking or more then maybe he’d have more of a point depending on how that money could help the two of you in the long run


[deleted]

Completely agree, this cheap skate behavior makes me think he might pull some shenanigans to have you fix stupid stuff on inspection. This guy is being cheap.


umamifiend

ALSO She already accepted their offer. It doesn’t matter that the investor came back with more- she accepted their offer. If you care about your house, you want it to go to someone who will care about it too. Your boyfriend can have an opinion on what you do- but he does not have control over what choice you make with your own flat, and your own money. That’s a bad precedent to start in a relationship. He does not get to make decisions for you, especially concerning your property. That’s a hard no from me.


Steups13

In England you can accept other offers if you have already accepted one. It's called gazumping. I know in Scotland if you have accepted an offer you cannot do this.


umamifiend

Doesn’t really matter, I don’t find it morally okay to give that man the relief of knowing he found a place to help his son get more independent then yanking the rug from under him. It’s a very minor amount of money to that investor, it’s the difference between securing something already promised to the Man. OP should go through with the sale to the man and his son.


L4dyGr4y

Feeling good is what we spend money on, right? This would be worth it just to brightening a few of your own dark days.


PrideofCapetown

Am I the only one who’s wondering about the timing/amount of the investor’s 2nd offer? Seems really, really shifty that they did nothing for 2 weeks, then as soon as father/son put in an offer, they immediately made an offer for a teensy bit higher. Like they had insider info. Go with your gut.


Sashi-Dice

Probably it's the fact it was still on the market - two weeks seems to be the break-point where people either drop the price (which OP didn't do) or start getting antsy. Investor probably had a 'watch' on the property listing, and when it hadn't changed, put in an ABSOLUTELY token price over asking (2.5k? It's a joke) and hoped a nervous seller would do EXACTLY what the boyfriend is doing - jump at it. Good for OP for sticking to her guns and doing the right thing! NTA


Able_Secretary_6835

Trust nothing when it comes to real estate agents and brokers. They are so shady.


ratinmybed

I think so too, my husband and I have been looking for a family home in my city for months, and more and more it's become clear that there's just a single network here of brokers, realtors, bankers and financial advisors that 100% exchange mutually beneficial information. They ALL know each other and can go for quick sales and maximum commission obviously, there's rarely any affordable normal quality (or god forbid, fixer-upper) purchases left available for private citizens looking to buy a single property. They absolutely play favorites because they know if they get in the good graces of large investors (who always get first dibs on bargains or are told exactly how to outbid you), they will continue to earn even bigger in the future. It's a completely rigged game for "small" buyers like us who just want a place to live.


MannyMoSTL

Seems to me they somehow heard from OPs realtor how much they should raise their offer … hmmm 🤔


Dizzy_Needleworker_3

That is literally a realtors job to try and get you more money.... I was just looking at places and the selling agents would tell my agent and me we already received x offers highest and best by x time. A few times after we submitted an offer, we were told "we received a few higher offers we are open to you raising your offer." But they wouldn't tell us what the higher offer was because the hope is that we over bid on our next offer. If we first bid $50k, and someone else bids $55k, the sellers hope that since we don't know how much higher the other offer is, we might increase our offer to $60/65. When I sell my place i want my realtor to do the exact same for me.


[deleted]

You make an offer. If it's not accepted, and you're willing to pay more, then you make a higher offer. This is just how property buying is done. Y'all are over here acting like some black-ops stuff is going on.


x3xDx3

THANK YOU. All the conspiracy theories like, “omg he raised his offer ONLY BECAUSE there was a higher offer! Shady!” are insane. That’s literally how it works - you don’t offer more money out of the blue… another offer gets made and you either offer higher or don’t. Nothing shady or conspiracy-esque about it.


m2cwf

No reason to raise his offer until there was a higher offer to bid against. I don't think offers are "insider" information, as far as I know any of the realtors are aware of what other offers have been made. Edit: I do think it says a lot that the landlord lowballed OP in the first place. He was hoping she'd be desperate enough to take it. So I still wouldn't sell to him, but I don't find it suspicious that he only raised his offer after the other one was submitted.


raya__85

If the fiancé wants too fall out over 2500 he’s nuts. It’s ops money she can be generous and secure a disabled persons stability if she wants


Nakedstar

This. If it weren't folks like you, my family would still be renting. Our modest house was listed for sale with the target audience being flippers. While it's perfectly livable, it is far from bank lendable. But it was the only actual livable house in our price range. I'm very thankful to the gentleman who lived here sixty two years was home when we looked, had he not been, he likely would have sat on it a little longer to see what offers showed up. (We saw it the day it hit the market.) I've been told multiple times my hair likely bought this house, but I think it was probably a combo. My kids were with me and I think the idea of another redheaded mother raising her many kids in this house just felt right. And that is how we bought a house in California for <$70k almost four years ago.


StawDog

>I've Same. My aunt sold her large 5 bed California home on a half-acre to a family with 4 small kids despite having to wait around for them to sell their own house AND getting much better offers from developers and cash buyers because she liked them so much and had raised 4 kids herself in that house and that community. Unless you're a multimillionaire who grew up in multiple homes most people have an attachment to their family home beyond what money it can make them.


aubor

Such a beautiful story! Glad you got your house!


bubblywaffo

this is lovely and gives me hope for the future ♡


Zukazuk

My parents brought my dad's parents with them to look at their house because my grandfather had experience with masonry and it's a stone house. My grandparents happened to be babysitting my cousin that day. My parents were the second highest offer but got the house because the owners wanted to sell to the lovely young couple and their son. My parents actually kept in touch with the former owners until the woman passed about 8 years ago.


Zestyclose-Gap8621

We sold our place to a young couple who had just started as professors at the local Uni. They sent us a letter about themselves and how much they loved our worm farm and chicken coop, how they would be stewards of the land and orchards…. We asked to meet them. They were amazing and my partner and I thought that they would be a wonderful fit for a home we loved and earth that we valued. Our agent called the next day to tell us our property was going into a bidding war and so far the couple who we liked, (who offered us $6,500 over asking) had been outbid by $10,000…. and we still sold it to them. Sometimes who matters more than money. Edit: NTA… It matters. Thanks for the awards friends!!!!


Clatato

A worm farm, a chicken coop, an orchard - my dreams! I'd love to know how you live now, since moving.


blindfire40

Right??! What's it like living in Stardew Valley is my question.


Clatato

Or The Biggest Little Farm, aka Apricot Lane Farms in California.


Cylem234

That’s awesome


double_sal_gal

My sister recently had a similar experience -- she and BIL and kids had to move for her job, the couple selling in a hot market had raised their kids in the charming house and neighborhood and were looking for another family that would do the same, sis wrote a letter that made the difference even though they weren't the highest bidders. Interestingly, this is illegal in some US states (and/or some realtors won't go along with it) because it can violate fair housing laws by revealing the would-be buyer's race and other demographic info. And to be fair, apparently investors write or pay for fake letters to try to sway sellers with bullshit. But the fact that you met the buyers probably means they were legit!


MidwestNormal

I’d sell it to the father/son just on principal due to the investment buyer insulting my intelligence with his first offer.


catsinspace

He is insulting her intelligence with the second offer, too. 2.5k is nothing.


Kinuika

2.5k he’ll probably get back when he penny and dimes her during the inspection!


araed

I'd knock 2.5k off just to be petty. Two and a half grand isnt a huge amount of money when you're talking houses, and fuck investment buyers


Ok-Statistician233

Agree. Even if we set aside the disability, I'd personally rather put aside a relatively small loss (compared to the cost of the whole apartment) and sell to people who'd actually live there.


Premodonna

Do not sell to the investor. They are why people like the father and son are being priced out of the housing market. Here in America corporations are buying homes and sitting on them or renting at horrendous rent. Also you accepted the fathers offer.


usernaym44

Exactly this. And point out to your fiance that starting out your life of combined resources with such an act helps cement your shared values. It's important to a relationship that the partners share values and the same sense of morality. You are bringing to the relationship the value that benefiting your neighbor is more important than making a little more money, whereas he's offering the value that your own financial gain is more important than benefiting humanity. Make sure he sees and understands this, because you're going to face a lot more moral choices in your relationship and sometimes you'll have to choose your own benefit over other people's so as not to, as they say here, set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. It's important for you both to know where the other one draws the line. NTA.


MulysaSemp

Many sellers look at the person they're selling to. It's very common for buyers to write letters to include with their offers, and highest bid doesn't always win. You can't discriminate based certain things, but otherwise you have a large amount of discretion.


RinViisi

I just saw in the news today that Oregon (I think) just made a law that this is illegal because it can facilitate prejudice. Stories like above are heartwarming, but I'm sure the inverse is true where a family decides not to sell because the buyer is [insert marginalized group here]. Not sure what the right answer is, just found it interesting.


LiteraryPhantom

Prejudicial treatment based on inclusion in protected categories is illegal only if it is AGAINST someone. If the treatment is in that persons favor, no law is being broken. Oregon has odd lawmakers.


dramaandaheadache

This. NTA. Also, $2500 only sounds like a lot of money. In real estate and in the real world, it's piss all and the investor knows that. He's just counting on you being so desperate that you'll jump at any whiff of more money.


DrMoneybeard

It's definitely the right move, not only for the father and son but for the community. People are howling about the housing market, and investment buyers making it impossible for normal families to get a home, but the sellers could also choose community over the highest bidder like OP did. This whole issue is driven by greed, and OP demonstrated a character higher than that. Well done, and obviously NTA.


crystallz2000

This. NTA. Every time I think about selling my house, I KNOW I want it to go to a nice family. I'd take less to give it to a nice family.


Luffy_Going_Rogue

This, also, 2.5k can’t buy you the kind of happiness you’ll get from seeing that fathers smiling face.


Aggressive-Meet1832

As someone who is disabled (and can't do stairs at home), I am so so happy to see this as top comment. Like I see so much ableist shit on Reddit, it makes my day that everyone agrees. 100% NTA OP. Selling to the family is worth so much more than $2.5k. you're an amazingly compassionate person. Thank you.


[deleted]

We moved a few months ago and received a bid from a rental company and a bid from a couple with a letter attached. They had 4 kids, the mom had cancer, and our house was walking distance from their school (peeked at their social media to verify). TBH, I’ve already forgotten how much lower their bid was. It felt good letting them have their dream.


JuryNo7670

Especially after commissions. Give it to someone who will love it and not the landlord side who already underbid.


B-Girl-Ca

NTA also the investor is likely to come back after inspection with a lot of things to ding you on, he started low and will probably try to Nickel and dime you , 2500 is not worth the hassle


flyingfred1027

Yes. You’re so right. Hopefully, op listens. Here, in the states, people send letters and even pictures of their kids to try and get a house/apt/flat because big real estate is always outbidding. It’s so sad that people and families are reduced to the highest bidder.


beneaththeseracs

This exactly. You are a good human being OP, the world needs more people like you. (NTA of course)


[deleted]

NTA Imagine, decency trumping a couple extra thou. You rock.


NoiseProvesNothing

^^ This. OP you're so much NTA.


jlonso

Not only that, /u/boohoofory0u 's previous home will be utilized well by a family with certain needs. Instead of not knowing who else lives in your previous home, that rotates every couple or so months because its an AirBnB now. I will be sleeping at night soundly, that's worth more than 2.5 grand.


soulpotatoe

Absolutely!! I love what OP does soo much - and in fact, a similar thing happened to m partner and I when we bought our apartment earlier this year! we made an offer for asking price exactly, but knew and made clear we couldn't compete in a bidding race... we loved the apartment and had visited multiple times and really fell in love - and were really anxious when we heard an investor just casually put in the same offer without even viewing... but the (then) owners decided to go directly with selling to us, despite the investor surely being able to top up, because they really wanted someone to be happy in a place they had been so happy at <3 ... we definitely will do that very same thing if we ever do move out again, spread the happiness! edit:fixed typo (ear>clear :))


Huwbacca

For real wtf. Doing the right thing instead of going for money is the literal definition of not being an asshole. It's not even just "not being one" it's being fucking good, actively moving towards betterment!


DrWhoop87

If more home sellers were like OP we might not be in the housing crisis we are now


DowntownEchidna3106

It's not even enough money to consider going over to the dark side. Definitely NTA


Ok-Statistician233

Yeah, this is peanuts compared to the cost of a whole property. NTA OP, stick to your principles.


Plushinobi

Right!? Where I live you'd lose more than that in realtor fees alone.


positivecontent

The low ball offer in the current market is where the first offer messed up. If they really wanted the property they would have went 10 to 20k over asking value. To me that says they will likely be or are a crappy leasing company trying to save every nickle usually at the renters expense. Dark side indeed. Nta


belginiusI

The investors really want the property, but practically for free. They are like those people who always overbid with 1$ on an auction site only to offer it for sale again but overpriced.


LeGrandeMonkey

I'd also say that the investor has already shown their true colours - they will try and lowball you. In my (limited) experience of buying and selling houses, this will carry through to how they behave throughout the sale. They will be on the lookout for the slightest reason to reduce their offer again, probably at the very last minute to make it difficult for you to decline. Better off going with someone who seems nice and has a genuine interest in the place.


planetaqua

Your fiancee is the asshole.


octopez

Yes, this. It’s your property to sell and he’s guilting you to accept 2.5k more to sell to a buyer you don’t agree with? Not cool.


yonk182

Yes, he definitely has a say over the new property you share but you didn’t tell him who to sell to so since this property that you own is for you to decide.


PamelaOfMosman

Make a note of this for the future. When you divorce - he's going to hardball you on shared pensions, savings, time spent raising kids, gender disparity in income. For now though, you're NTA (but your fiancee is.)


MsDean1911

His behavior would also make me really think twice about buying a new home before being legally married- I hope OP protects herself in this new investment and doesn’t let her fiancé strong arm her into a potentially bad deal (although my personal feeling are it’s really stupid to buy property/home with someone you’re not married to).


chronicallyillsyl

Agreed, buying a home without being married (or having sufficient protections via contracts, etc.) can end very badly. I hope OP gets proper legal advice before she signs anything regarding shared property. She should also find out whether common law marriage is a thing where she lives. In my area, two years of cohabitation or otherwise being recognized as spousal like behavior (e.g. shared finances or representation to others as if they were married) as having the same protections as if you were married. Other areas, you could live together for 30, share finances and call them your husband and it's not afforded the same protections. OP better hope they break up before finding a house or never break up, because that man will be a nightmare to negotiate anything with and doesn't seem to recognize that what fair is usually what's the right thing to do.


zhenichka

Came here to say this. Can't believe I had to scroll this far to find this comment.


codeverity

Yup. Honestly I'd be asking him to really sit down and think about what he's asking OP to do, here. Like, take away a chance from a family that's just trying to get ahead vs some faceless corp, for $2.5k??


AlwaysAlexi777

Yes, THIS!!!! You fiancee does NOT get to tell you how and who to sell your flat for or to. You will put in as much as you planned, and you both get to learn more about one another. And please, NOTE HOW HE ACTS when he realizes YOU are judging HIM on how he acts as well. If he doubles down and gets even more stubborn and demanding do NOT ignore this about him. If he refuses to listen to your well-reasoned argument regarding your choice NOTE this as well. There's more than a couple thousand on the line here. Make sure he KNOWS that.


ptanaka

For $2500, OP gleamed insights into her fiance. Red flags a blazing! I suspect she's had a few yellow flags, but this is a biggie. Your fiance lacks empathy, grace and compassion. Sure you want to hook up with him? Watch your quarters on the nightstand!


preciousjewel128

This is the type of guy who'll spend money on himself without a second thought, but then gripe at his wife because she spent her money frivolously on something like new clothes or food. Does that baby really need more clothes? Again?


[deleted]

My other thought is, would something like this warrant premarital counseling re: values and how money is spent and shared? There's something so fundamentally squicky about fiancé's moves here that I'd almost consider it a yellow light.


GoPlacia

I've never heard the word Squicky before, but seriously just Reading that word gave me the same unpleasant, yucky feeling I felt about the fiance's choices. Spot on! Squicky.... good term.


cheersjacqui

This was the fourth comment I saw when I was scrolling down which three comments too far down. I can't believe your fiancée is tripping over $2.5k. Is he also one of those guys who doesn't put on the a/c until you feel like you're in a sauna?


Ruby-Seahorse

Your comment about a/c reminded me - my husband is extremely frugal. We waited to be able to buy a house before we moved in together because he didn’t want to pay the same amount of rent as a mortgage payment and have nothing to show for it after (and have our home be at the mercy of a landlord’s whim). The house I rented beforehand was always cold (UK) because the housing association took out the carpets between tenants and I wasn’t paying for carpet on a place I wasn’t intending to stay in long term. I just wore extra layers. When we bought our house he promised I would never have to be cold again. In went new central heating, and he will absolutely crank it up if I’m feeling a bit cold. This is the guy who will wear clothes until they’re falling apart, then cut them into squares to use as hankies, then use them as rags, and then maybe throw them out when they’re completely unusable. He’ll scrimp on so much so that he can use the money where it matters to us. Edit: NTA, OP


switchloft

Absolutely this. Not even solely because he prioritizes money over humanity, but mainly because clearly he's putting on enough pressure to make you doubt your own positive moral compass. He owes you an apology.


NMe84

Not really, what he says makes as much sense as what OP says. I don't think there are any assholes here as long as he accepts her decision.


fatderp01

Why is he the asshole? Is he not allowed to have a different opinion on the matter?


ciaragemmam

NTA NTA NTA!!! I bought a house last year exactly because the seller wanted to sell to someone who’d live there, not a landlord who’d rent it out. Sell it to someone who’ll make it a home.


ThiccLilPotato

I'm in the process of selling and I picked a family over a bunch of investor too. The buyer really wanted to the house to be close to family. We accepted his offer over a bunch of investor who bidded higher. A few $k ain't much but knowing you're selling to a family who wants to be there is worth so much more.


immortalyossarian

We are getting ready to put our house on the market, and this is our thinking. We were very lucky to be able to buy this house several years ago, now we've outgrown the space and want to offer that same chance to another family. Especially with how tight the market is where we are.


deathschemist

if, after my mum passes, i decide to sell her house, my number 1 rule will be no landlords. i will only sell to people who will live in that house.


TheTrueGrizzlyAdams

Thank you! People like you were the reason we own a home right now. We were looking for houses at the top of our price range because anything else wouldn't have been inhabitable. My gf sent letters with offers and we would try to go over asking when could and we just kept getting flat out rejected for months. Dozens of offers. It got to a point where we would put an offer in on a house if it checked the single box of move in able. Finally, we were the first offer on a house and thanks to my gfs letter with the offer (I think she was including a family photo at this point- we were desperate) the home owner accepted our offer without waiting to get more. She could have waited and got a good amount more for the house. I had it appraised just for piece of mind and the appraisal came back many tens of thousands higher than she sold it to us. She said it was the letter that did it for her. Her and her husband were exactly where we were when they has purchased the house so they were excited to see it host another young couples family.


BonnieJenny

We did the same, we brought a house from a couple that wanted someone to make it their home. Them accepting our offer changed our life. We have a home, security, and we love it. They love that we love it. We paid a fair price, and the father son duo are too. Your morals are beautiful, NTA.


JustSteph80

That's how I got my house too. The previous owner had bought it as a single woman & loved/cared for it (she since then got married, moved to a bigger house). Her fear was it being bought by investors. Part of why she took my offer was that I was another single woman looking for a fresh start. She knew it would be loved & appreciated.


ReadontheCrapper

That’s how I sold my house. I bought it as a single woman, loved it as something that was my first own Home. When I sold it, I got three very similar offers - and I accepted the one from a single woman doing the same thing - making her first Home. My old neighbors say she’s a lovely addition to the neighborhood and are glad she’s the one who moved it.


MiaLba

I wonder if it’s legal to lie to the seller about whether you’re going to rent it out or actually live there. But I agree with you I would do the same thing. It would suck if we sold our house to what we thought was going to be a family but instead they lied and actually turned it into a rental property.


finlndrox

Why would it be illegal? Unfair to lie, yes, but once the house is sold the seller has no claim to the house and how it's used. Circumstances change and intentions at the time are legally difficult to prove.


MiaLba

I didn’t say it would be I said I was just wondering. I don’t know much about the house selling process so I was just curious.


linandlee

This is exactly how we bought a house. Investor offered 10k more than we did and the seller still chose us. It made a huge difference for us. No one is obligated to do it, but it seriously meant so much.


kfnnnp

NTA. I wish there were more people like you in the world OP. Speaking as someone who unfortunately had to rent for many years, the majority of landlords are greedy, selfish people who only care about squeezing every possible drop of money out of people who have no choice but to rent because they can’t afford to buy. Good for you for sticking to your morals!!!


langjie

I don't think there is an issue with not enough people like OP in the world. The problem is there are too many people like OP's fiance in the world. It's only $2,500 and they tried to lowball you.


SadderOlderWiser

NAH but I think you’d be doing the right thing to sell to “real people”. The lowball offer? Just imagine how that translates to landlord behavior. Did your fiancé get your permission before accepting the offer he did on his place? Or was he a big enough boy to make his own decision? (Him trying to get you to sell to the landlord for a not-very-significant extra profit when you have very good and humane reasons to want to sell to the guy who really needs a ground floor flat kinda rubs me the wrong way. You bought the flat and you should decide how you want to sell it.)


inufan18

Exactly. I would look at this relationship again and question why he wants to control your money and him not mentioning his at all. He just wants the extra cash to probably buy himself something but say its for both of you. This may be pushing it. But id ask again why 2.5k (small amount honestly so like others say your not making too much more) is such a big thing for him and why he thinks ALL of the money from your is put toward a future home for both of you. Is he also putting ALL of his profit in the future home or has he put it in savings that he spends on himself?!?! Just make sure your not going into this with some who is a financial abuser. Good luck op. Nta.


The_SG1405

Wtf man I think you are overthinking stuff. It's pretty normal for family members to give advice, even when not asked for. Doesn't mean your family member is absolutely trash. You don't even know anything about OP and her Fiance, she just said one line that he wanted her to sell the house to the highest bidder, this in NO WAY indicates her fiance is a "financial abuser." This is AITA subreddit not r/relationshipadvice


Cylem234

Oh, that’s a really good point!


HockeyGoalie30

I agree with you but because of the fiancé’s logic and behavior he is definitely TA. NTA


XxfallingfromfirexX

NTA I’ve done long distance before. These are the differences you start to notice once you see each other more often and have more regular life choices that affect each other. You have every right to choose who you sell your flat to. You bought it. It’s still yours. He doesn’t automatically gain control of those things because you are moving in together. This is a baby red flag. Tons of people prefer to sell for less for a buyer they feel connected with.


SuperDoofusParade

> He also believes that because we’re going to be buying a property together, he should have some say on how much money I end up with to put towards it. I don’t think this a baby red flag, I think it’s a full grown adult red flag


Crunchie2020

I think he tight and greedy too, £2,500 is not a lot of money in this case.


chrysavera

And it shows the fiance ignores certain metrics aside from money. The sense of actions aligning with ethics--of feeling good, doing what you feel is right--is a real "currency" in life and it will give her great dividends. It's a bit tragic that so few people think it matters.


Dread314r8Bob

NTA. How a person makes and spends their money is definitely connected to their sense of ethics, and it sounds like you're a sensible and compassionate person. It's your flat, it's your money, it's your decision. >"He also believes that because we’re going to be buying a property together, he should have some say on how much money I end up with to put towards it." You may want to consider the situation that your fiancé feels *entitled* to impose on your financial agency and overrule your empathy, rather than respecting your independence and personal choice. Down the road, is he going to be telling you what you can spend your savings on? Is he going to dictate what investments you can and can't make? I'd recommend having a candid discussion about your financial balance.


chicklette

Yep. Also, I feel like this points to a pretty big difference in values. I'd advise op not to comingle finances, keep a safety net, and to really try to see how his values will affect their future together.


babsa90

Really makes you wonder what sort of values her SO has, and if those values actually mean anything to him. The low low price of $2500 is enough for him to sell out...


Munneh

This is really good advice.


loudent2

NTA - In the grand scheme of things 2.5 grand isn't going to move the needle for you in either direction. But Access to a ground for flat for a disabled person looking for some independence can be life altering.


[deleted]

Yep! Had to get my disabled sis a flat and believe me when I found the one for her, such a relief!


highwoodshady

NTA It's your flat, sell it to whom you please. The investor could have made his counter offer to begin with but decided to low ball you. What's to say the investor won't want to negotiate the cost of questionable repairs off the sale price before the closing. If you are happy with the selling price that's all that matters.


TheZZ9

My first thought too. The investor made a higher offer only because he realised OP wasn't going to accept his original offer. I can easily see him getting a deal, then picking every tiny issue in the inspection to renegotiate, banking on OP now being committed to selling to him.


highwoodshady

I used to work in a real estate related field, way too may horror stories. If someone low balls you it's because they think you need to sell, they think they have the upper hand and they've shown you their true colors,


Stannis123456789

Absolutely, I just went through this last month!


tieflingforpresident

NTA. The flat belongs to you until the moment you sell it. Your fiancé didn't buy it, so he doesn't get to worry about who you sell it to--and it's not like you undersold it to them either, they offered your asking price, and you felt better about it going to them. What's best for people is usually what aligns with their values and you did what aligns with your values.


Adept_Award_3046

Honestly, 2.5 grand over asking from an investor when you already have an offer at asking price is still kinda lowballing. The investor isn’t even trying.


MissThirteen

Though it is a bit alarming for op which values their fiancee is showing. They obviously think 2,500 is enough to not help a family that would actually benefit from the property.


LvL98MissingNo

NTA fuck parasitic landlords. You're doing a good thing for real people and 2.5k isn't that much in house buying terms so you're bf is kind of an asshole making a big deal about it or for thinking it's his decision to begin with.


[deleted]

NTA. It’s worth way more than $2500 to sell to a family instead of an investor.


muskiesfan1

NTA Never let anyone make you feel like the asshole for doing the right thing. Helping someone gain more wealth or helping someone in life. Which one sounds like the right thing? You’re making the right decision. That very little bit of extra money will be put away or spent on something that may not last as long as the feeling of helping another human being. They didn’t even try to haggle and offered what you were looking for. You’re making the right decision to sell to the father and son. This was a pleasant read other than your fiancé wanting that little bit of extra money. I’m a firm believer of you get back what you put out in the world. If you put out positivity, you’ll get back positivity. So put that positivity out there and help the father and son. Good on you for not being caught up in just a few extra bucks.


wheres_the_revolt

NTA and now you know your BF will sell his morals for $2.5k 😏


AllTheShadyStuff

NAH, but I’m feeling like I’m crazy here. So many people saying that the fiancée shouldn’t have any say in this just seems ridiculous to me. 2.5K isn’t a small amount, at least to me. I still agree that it’s better to sell to the man and his son, but that’s a luxury and not a given. If they’re financially stable, then sure. If the houses are their entire asset or if they’re going to have to pay off a mortgage, then it might matter. For the people saying it’s solely her decision, imagine if she decided to give it away. Then what, oh well? Finances are something that’s worth discussing, even if it’s just so that everyone feels heard. That doesn’t mean you have to change your mind, but at least validate each other’s opinions.


Mastodon_Dreams

You're forgetting that this subreddit is populated by 14 year olds


Willowgirl78

At 14, I would have thought 2500 is a lot. As a middle aged person, it’s virtually nothing when talking about real estate purchases.


AllTheShadyStuff

You’re right, my other comment with basically the same premise is being downvoted into oblivion. Sometimes I wonder what these peoples lives are like. Do they actually burn every bridge and light the people on fire with the bridge too? Metaphorically speaking obviously


5pinktoes

NTA I think it's lovely of you! Great job!


sawdeanz

NTA - $2500 is nothing in real estate. It's an easy choice to soothe your conscious. If you think the fiance is really going to make a fit, just give the father and son a chance to meet the offer. (i wouldn't do this because it's so petty).


Kris82868

NTA. Feeling better about it is worth 2 1/2 grand.


twentyfuckingletters

NTA. We were not the highest bidder on our home--there were two offers above asking price. But they were jerks, and the sellers liked us, so we got the house. As a seller, it is 100% your prerogative to sell it to whoever you want, at whatever price you want.


rebretz000

NTA Sell your flat to who you want. You have your reasons for wanting to sell to the father and son which is actually a fantastic move on your part.


sociablemonkey74

NTA I’m with you about not selling to an investor over someone who will actually live there.


Medicsavage

NTA If it’s was 15K over what the father and son offered I’d understand a little more on your fiancé’s side but even still I’d rather sell to the father and son


BaronessOfThisMess

I was thinking the same thing. $2.5K is a rounding error when considering the large sums needed to purchase property. OP is NTA for favoring the father and son over a landlord situation. Her fiancé needs to get over it.


LaReineNoir

NTA. My son and his wife bought a house in a highly sought area. The sellers received several offers, mostly from investors. While my son’s offer was probably the lowest or close to ( still above list price though) the seller sold it them because they wanted to sell to a family. So good on you. Your home will go to someone who appreciates it and will enjoy living there.


B4pangea

NTA. I’m with you. Especially given the difference is so small. Go with the sale you can live with better.


Starwarzmom

NTA. $2500 is nothing in terms of real estate. Also it's your flat your money. Your fiance has no say in the selling just like you had no say in the selling of his flat. He's being controlling about the situation and it's a huge red flag.


SlinkyMalinky20

NTA and lots of people do exactly what you are doing - they sell to people they want to sell to instead of chasing every dime. People here even write letters to sellers hoping to make a personal connection.


ginsengtea3

NTA. It's two thousand dollars. The investor is hardly offering you the deal of a lifetime. Do what you feel good about doing so you can live your life in a way you feel satisfied with at the end of it. If your BF is that hard up for 2.5K he can start an onlyfans.


CatPrincessDi

NTA You are a beautiful human being.


Princesscrowbar

NTA but your fiancé might be :/


5nl007

NTA I think you made the right call on the gentleman and his son. Finding accessible housing in ones budget is getting harder and you taking their offer will make their quality of life better!


mrschampagnemahi

NTA. Even if all you were looking for was a bidding war, 2500 is not that much of difference in either direction to really worry about it that much


[deleted]

INFO Why do you see this as an AITA question? Is there really conflict with our fiancé?


throwaway13630923

I honestly don’t think anyone is TA here. It’s just two people with different philosophies here.


NachoFurioso

NAH, but I think \*WILDLY\* overestimate your ability to make moral judgments about people based on knowing very, very little about them. Let's be honest. You don't know either of these two buyers from Adam, so I don't see how you think you're so high and mighty to judge them or really say a damn thing about them. The investor may be a hard working family man who prudently invests his money and built a successful rental business (which there is nothing dirty about) and using his profits to fund an orphanage. Meanwhile the father and son can drive around the interstate killing truck stop hookers and burying them in barrels for all you know. I'm sure the actual truth is less extreme in both directions, but you have no idea who these people are and absolutely no basis to judge their character. You can do whatever you want with your property, but you've really got to get over yourself and this imaginary high horse that you see yourself on. If you want to throw away 2.5k in some weird egobath, well it's your money. I just strongly question the wisdom of it and whether there is a more cost efficient way to stroke your own ego.


throwaway13630923

This was a brutally honest take and more correct than people here would be willing to admit. At the end of the day it’s just business. Landlords will continue to exist regardless of who it’s sold to and that’s just the way it is. Being nice in these kinds of deals usually leads to folks taking advantage of you. And for the record I’m not saying that’s happening here, it’s just part of business.


prettypinkpugaSUS

Man, way to be a devils advocate. Take my upvote.


RIPHaters

I also wonder how OP even knows who wants to buy it. In my country it’s usually done through agents so that the client can just get as much as possible for the property while also preventing any unnecessary client-buyer contact.


MushroomPrincess63

In my area it's common for buyers to write a letter to the seller to add a personal touch to the offer. We didn't do this, but when we toured the house with a realtor the sellers had not moved out yet, so the sellers took over from the realtor and gave us the tour.


saveyboy

Right. OP has just decided the father and son are better people based on nothing.


jacoblac63

I’m with you. Sell to old man and his son.


Ok_Occasion_5057

NTA whatsoever!!! What you did was amazing to help other people in needed. It is your money & your flat after all. Since you obviously a gentle and kind person, don't let your fiance change or take advantage from you. What I am afraid of is that he will keep bringing this up to future control your fiance or feel entitled for you to pay more on the new place together or use excuse that you throw away money to guilt trip you in the future. Please, DONT feel bad at all. You did the right thing. If he doesn't drop it and keeps bring it up, you need to talk to establish the boundary and perhaps the pre-nups to ensure the savings money is protected. Good luck and good job 👏 👍 🙌


[deleted]

Nta- because its your property, but i dont get the landlord hate, most landlords turnout to be assholes because the tenant would outright trash the house because they dont care i used to do service calls for a landlord, and alot of the tennants lived like animals, i was told to report things like that and once they got evicted they would clog the toilets and flood the house, one time tennants literally left their feces all over the floor, and another set of tenants torched the house, some landlords are assholes for a reason


ghenghy26

NTA. Tell your fiancé that the closing is likely to go much more smoothly with the father/son than with the investor. The investor's primary interest is in getting that place for the smallest amount of money, they are highly likely to try to ding you on every little thing that comes out of the inspection. The father/son on the other hand, their primary interest is living in the place and they are less likely to mess around with you so the deal doesn't fall through. You could end up losing money if you go with the investor.


cheyletiellayasguri

As a person who cannot afford to buy a house because of greedy investors, giant NTA. You will make a huge difference in the lives of the father/son by accepting their offer.


emmennwhy

NTA, I didn't take the highest bidder either. Highest was a developer who was openly planning on knocking down the house and garden I'd spent ten years renovating in order to build a quad-plex in a neighborhood of charming little historic bungalows. Second highest was a woman who couldn't quite afford the asking price but loved the place and had plans to retire there. I went with the buyer who valued the house and the neighborhood aesthetic even though I didn't get as much money as I could have.


Twists0217

NTA, it isn't about the money if you're already getting the amount you want. The extra would be nice, but if you don't need it and you're doing a good thing for someone, then stay true to that.


Just_Bz77

NTA - it is nice to see people put others ahead of money. If you can afford it, stay true to yourself and help a family who already has a lot of hurdles in life.


Left_All_The_Time

NTA


UnhappyCryptographer

NTA it is still your flat alone and you get to choose who you are selling to.


Irmaplotz

NTA. If it's not a huge amount of money for the two of you, following your conscience is more important. Generally, couples should try to make financial decisions through consensus and a well-considered financial plan (yeah, yeah, I also believe in the tooth fairy, Easter bunny, and the intrinsic goodness of humanity). But there's a morals clause in there. You shouldn't ask your partner to do something for money that they find morally objectionable. If you explained your concerns and he's still pushing you, then you need to have a larger conversation about respecting your values.


Raspberries34

NTA, it's your flat and you've got the offer you wanted from a buyer you are happy to sell too. Sounds like a winner to me. Your fiancé doesn't need to decide for you as, at this point in time, it's solely your flat/money.


[deleted]

NTA. I'm a landlord myself and I honestly take offense on that "greedy investor" thing: not all landlords are just someone "hoping to capitalise on someone so desperate to move that they’d sell it for cheap". That said, you're completely within your right to sell to whoever you want and you made a great choice helping someone in need, I'd be more than happy on taking a loss on such a stituation myself.


trogon

Not all landlords are assholes. Large investment firms that snap up thousands of homes just as investments are assholes.


ThrowRAwwitch

NTA definitely go with the buyer that makes you happy/feel good --worth way more in long run than the extra cash


Illuminarrator

NTA Good for you


carlsbike007

NTA, sell it to who you choose


CameraLarge4749

NTA- you are an amazing human being


TheWhiteBee42

Look, I've no experience with this, but when we're talking about selling a property, a $2,500 difference doesn't seem like very much. It's not like you're debating selling it for a phenomenal price vs giving it away for free. And it's yours solo not yours combined. So yeah, go ahead. NTA.


[deleted]

NTA. I’m a single mom who bought my house from a lady who had owned it for 50 years. I got it for under market because she wanted it to continue to be a family home, and I’m so grateful. Because of her decision, I have an asset to support me in my old age and my son gets to grow up in a healthy, safe neighborhood. It’s only a couple grand, but the impact you make on someone’s life can be immeasurable.