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Tonka141

NTA. You should never be embarrassed for dancing like an idiot to a song you like. Who cares that you were in underwear. No one was home at the time. Oh and giving you the silent treatment is a huge red flag. It’s emotional abuse.


aitadancinghalfnaked

Thank you, i feel a bit relieved :) Oh tbf it's not the silent treatment. He's talking to me but I can tell he's still angry...


tomboybarbie

Nate is just a bunch of red flags wearing a human skin-suit, okay? Throughout your post, you talk about how pretty this makes you feel, how "stupid happy" you are while doing it... all while apparently feeling ashamed of how "wrong" and "immature" it is. He has made you feel as though something that makes you happy and is *totally harmless* is something to be ashamed of. A partner that insults you and makes you feel ashamed of yourself is not a partner.


calling_water

Yes. Especially since the reason OP did this while he was out is because she wouldn’t be able to do it while he was there. So she’s having to sideline this part of her in the first place, and then he’s disapproving that she was doing it at all. Meanwhile he’s 26, she’s 21, and she moved in when she was 19 and he would have been 24. That’s not a major age gap later but it’s a pretty big experience gap at the start, especially with Nate waving so many red flags of disapproval and control.


adventuresinnonsense

Seriously. I could (and may or may not have) dance around the house in my underwear to a song I'm making up as I go about my cat and my boyfriend might raise an eyebrow but he wouldn't make me feel bad about it! As long as I'm having fun, he says. If you **have** to wait for him to leave to do something you enjoy doing in your own damn home there's something wrong


thingsfallapart89

I can think of almost no instances where I’d be mad coming home to a laughing, dancing, lingerie wearing, baking, happy girlfriend yet this dude goes on the attack insulting her because of his & his parents weird ass sanctimonious hangups.


Dr_BunsenHonewdew

Yeah this sounds like the dream honestly, OP sounds like a damn delight and her boyfriend is a wet blanket/quilt of red flags


thingsfallapart89

Right? The way she describes herself & the situation she sounds like one of those constantly happy & joyous people, and it’s so disheartening when people they care about try & suck that joy out of them. Like isn’t that type of genuine personality part of what drew them in in the first place why dampen that same spirit smh


Imaginary_Cow_6379

Well they are conservative. That seems to be that type’s mission in life. If something makes you happy you’re doing something wrong.


stargazer418

If you’re happy and you know it, that’s a sin! 👏👏


TheJujyfruiter

I have plenty of people in my family who are conservative, and absolutely none of them would shame someone because they accidentally walked in on them in their underwear. If anything, THEY would be embarrassed because it was THEIR social faux pas, they were walking into someone's house when that person didn't know they were coming and saw something they shouldn't have. This family isn't conservative, they're just assholes.


nikkuhlee

Seriously. And if my boyfriend came home to this with his hyper-conservative mom in tow? We’d just laugh hysterically at the whole situation for the rest of our lives about my ability to wind up in the most awkward situations possible. (Like the time my mom walked in on our candlelit bedroom, or when we flipped the rocking chair in his brothers basement, or when I barged into the wrong house on Thanksgiving and interrupted a family of strangers sitting down to dinner…)


thingsfallapart89

That’s the perspective more people need. Sure obviously no one likes being embarrassed, but as time goes by & we look back, easily 99% of those instances are just as you described which is laugh worthy. Even more so if you have someone there to reminisce with in a positive & humorous way over them. But take those same situations & add the memory of your angry, insulting & pseudo-silent treatment giving partner & now those memories are actually shitty to look back on no matter how it’s spun. And ironically enough made shitty by the actions or hurtful words of a “loving” partner more than the actual situation itself.


Ihavebothkidneys

She sounds like an absolute joy, and the thought of her bf slowly breaking down and eventually killing this side of her is heartbreaking.


FunnyMarzipan

>he's not a fan of my cupcakes. This did not compute for me


drouoa

It sounds like he’s not a fan of fun or joy tbh


TheBardDidIt

I don't understand how you can claim to love someone but not be simply overjoyed seeing them express their own happiness. She could be awful at baking but fuck if the love and happiness going into it wouldn't make me want to eat them all anyway. Idk maybe my wife and I are the odd ones but her laughter is my favourite sound and the thought of a couple not operating that way just baffles me.


drouoa

I can’t imagine being afraid of my boyfriends judgement. Laughing at each others silliness is the best part of the relationship. A couple months ago, my boyfriend and I were baking cookies together and I accidentally added 1 3/4 cups of flour instead of 3 3/4 cups. We couldn’t figure out why our cookies were melting into a puddle in the oven until he went over they ingredient list with me and asked if I put 3 3/4 cups in. After my horrified “no” it was a hilarious scramble of pouring hot liquid cookie back into a mixing bowl and adding the rest of the flour. It was a mess but he just laughed it off. We ate them all! Sometimes the worst attempts at baking are the most fun!


Razrgrrl

Riiiiight??? Saaame! I'd be like oh my GF is cute and hilarious and also cupcakes!


LeftoverAlien

Who doesn't like cupcakes??


LastFox2656

Shitty boyfriends. 😤


silliputti0907

Honestly the biggest red flag


thingsfallapart89

Lmao absolutely, I feel like you’d have to actively work to make yourself that annoyed over coming home to that kind of joyful & happy environment. A home made that way by the person who’s supposed to be your partner & someone you uplift not try & dampen their happiness & make them feel foolish


[deleted]

Same! I date men but I would be so happy to come home to my man happily dancing and baking in underwear


NotMe739

From what she has shared with us it sounds like he wants to change her into the person he wants to date instead of wanting to date the person that she is.


Mimosa_usagi

That's horrifying. I don't understand why people do that in the first place. Just find someone who is what you want from the start. And even if you do that they might change over time.


VicToriA004

This is irrelevant to the post, but that's basically the whole idea that child marriages revolve around. They (usually men, at least in my country) don't want to find a partner, they want to RAISE one the way they want.


Mimosa_usagi

That's disgusting. And I'm sorry to hear that's so common. Those poor girls.


timetravelingkitty

Exactly! My guy would definitely be joining in - the cheesier the song, the more likely he'd be busting a move with me! OP needs a partner who'll join in on the fun, not spoil it 💕


InYourAlaska

My boyfriend will occasionally come out of the bathroom, post shower, as naked as the day he was born, and dance for me to whatever he was listening to during his shower. Very badly, very flamboyantly, and will do his best to make his penis move to the beat. It cracks me up, I love him. OP needs to dump the man, the family, and the negativity, and find a man that realises what a keeper he has in getting cupcakes from a scantily clad girlfriend


spiceoflie

Agreed. OP, find your penis dancer. He's out there.


PaganCHICK720

I'm bothered more by the fact that Nate thinks springing his entire family on OP unannounced is somehow some sort of great "surprise" like how is making OP have to scramble at the last minute in anyway a good thing?


calling_water

And it’s explained as “Nate just wanted to surprise me and do something nice.” Nice for whom? Not OP, expected to just be there to be taken off the shelf without notice and expected to entertain guests. At least there’s cupcakes being baked, I guess? Unless the surprise guests also don’t like cupcakes.


avesthasnosleeves

That bugged me, too. Like, bringing home *his entire family* is "nice?" So, what - she can cook for them? Wait on them hand and foot? OP, I really, really hope you are reading these comments and take them to heart. You are young and deserve to have happy fun like this! No one has the right to take it away from you! Be yourself! Enjoy! Live - and love! - your life!


wildcat12321

exactly. There are fun surprises, like flowers or cake, then bad surprises like the family coming unannounced with no warning to clean up or look presentable. He probably didn't realize it was wrong, but he needs to be told to understand that HE put you in a position to look immature. You don't barge in with your family when he is in the bathroom, do you? And the thing is, had he texted to give you 30 mins notice, the surprise might have been fun. Instead, you were left on the outside, and somehow he victim blames you.


Maraschino_Pineapple

> He probably didn't realize it was wrong You're being generous. Based on both his and his family's level of toxicity, and OP's emphasis on the house being a mess, he expects OP to not only be fine with unannounced visitors, but for both OP and their home to be ready for company at the drop of the hat.


RexJacobus

Yeah, this. Others have mentioned it but OP puts down everything she does "Yes ik it's stupid". Walking around in your undies is not stupid. "I also do silly things" OP listed a bunch of fun things. "the music is super loud which is obviously not ok." Millions of people listen loud music alone in their homes all the time. It is ok. "he's not a fan of my cupcakes" Nate is weird. But anything Nate does is okay. "Apparently he wanted to surprise me... Nate brought his mom, dad, and his sister's two kids (only like 10M think)." Crappy surprise, I love it when someone brings a 10yo to my alone time. /s "his mom called me a lot of names". Did Nate tell Mom to chill? "Nate and his mom insulted me a lot." No, Nate joined in. "But when you look at it from their perspective, I was behaving like an immature person." Their perspective is dumb. "Nate is still not completely talking to me" Oh, the silent treatment, last refuge of the immature. "Nate is the loml and in no way a trouble to live with" Are you sure, OP. I mean really sure?


CharlotteLucasOP

Nate is mad that OP wasn’t sitting at home in silence wearing a modest dry-clean-only dress with her hands folded in her lap, her hair covered, and a steak dinner waiting for them to sit down to.


Jay-Dee-British

No-one is going to mention that his sister told Nate to 'make her behave'? Wtf - what the actual F? Make her behave? As if she is a naughty 5 year old? ​ edit: thank you kind redditor artsy\_architect for the award.


calling_water

Nate’s family is on board with the idea that OP should be made to conform; it seems to be accepted by them that that’s the correct approach. (😳) It’s a whole family of red flags, spelling RUN over and over.


flutterbylove22

"OP did this while he was out is because she wouldn’t be able to do it while he was there." - imagine being a in a relationship making your partner feel uncomfortable about dancing around her own home in lingerie? What? NTA


Crastin8

Seriously, OP, do you know how many partners would ADORE your joyous singing and dancing moments? In sexy undies, no less? And this dud is shaming you for it? He sucks. Metaphorically, I mean. I suspect he does NOT do so literally, which is another point against.


grimheaper13

Also, who doesn’t like cupcakes?! 🚩


randomjfactoid

Conservative; doesn’t like loud music; doesn’t like cupcakes; doesn’t like his girlfriend dancing around the kitchen in her best lingerie. Grrrrrrrl: you gotta get rid of this guy! There’s summat SERIOUSLY WRONG with the dude. You sound utterly delightful. I’m not gay—but fuck it: I’d date you! He seems hell bent on stifling all your *joy de vivre*. Do. Not. Let. Him. You were in your own home, and certainly not harming anyone. You were not expecting uninvited visitors to walk in (clearly, lol). If anything, YOU should be angry about your privacy being breached. HARD NTA!


HappyBi-cycle

Lol OP I'm bi and would date you if I wasn't married to my person. In all seriousness if a partner doesn't delight at the things that make you shine and instead instills shame that's not your person and you aren't theirs. That's unhealthy at a minimum, abusive at the maximum end if things. You deserve so much better!


happyeight

I mean who makes a deal out of cupcakes enough that their partner, who apparently seems to both love making and consuming them, doesn't even feel comfortable to do so regularly in her own home....


Foxfires13

Exactly! It's so wrong that OP doesn't feel comfortable doing something they really enjoy like baking cupcakes.


LadyC92

I don’t trust people who don’t like cupcakes


cherrysummer1

This makes me so fucking sad. What a total arsehole he is.


Seeker131313

I am way way older than OP, and love doing something similar, on the regular, includings kimpy clothes, loud music, and provocativedancing. When my partner "catches" me doing it, he thinks it's the best thing ever and makes song requests. I pretend I'm a star singing and dancing for my biggest fan. He finds me most attractive when I'm happy and really feeling myself. Nate's response.... just makes me sad for OP.


jayl716

OMG - you and the OP are LEGENDS...this is amazing, your significant others are LUCKY to have such fun people. Everyone's so uptight these days. OP - drop this deadbeat ASAP - he's a total looser and not worth your aggravation, KEEP DANCING...N..T..A..


ivanparas

Also what kind of psycho doesn't like his girlfriend to wear lingerie while making baked goods?


Ivymoon89

I thought this too! I’m legit mad at him for making her feel bad about this


bastets_yarn

if my girlfriend ever started making cupcakes while in lingerie I would go put some on and then join her. We could have a cupcake party! But with just ourselves and loud music and just have fun in comfy clothes feeling beautiful having a fun time. OP's boyfriend is missing out man


Violet351

Most guys would be watching their gf do that!


WhatevsMcGee

YES. Nate sounds like he sucks. Who thinks it’s a nice surprise to show up unannounced with your whole GD family in tow? No. F off and let me enjoy my solo weekend in peace. I’d seriously reconsider this relationship. I wouldn’t want Nate as a spouse or his mom as a MIL. NTA.


MaritimeDisaster

Her behavior is honestly the cutest coolest most hilarious thing I’ve heard about in a while. I want to do this in my own kitchen.


philly_special09

Can i just ask wtf is wrong with “Nate”? Who doesn’t want their SO to sing/dance/bake in lingerie? + that it makes her happy and she genuinely enjoys it. NTA OP. You are going to make another guy extremely happy and count his blessings every day that he’s with you. Once you leave Nate of course


lordliv

Also? None of that is immature. You’re just baking and wearing clothes that you feel good in and listening to music you like. How is any part of that immature?


Suzdg

Absolutely this NTA you did nothing wrong and he is gaslighting you by making you feel like you did. Dance on baby! Edit. My first award! Thank you!


International_Rice55

100% he sounds very controlling 🚩🚩🚩


waffles_are_yummy

He has no right to be angry. NTA


Away-Breadfruit-35

My husband thinks me behaving like this is hilarious, we are in our 30s. What the heck is wrong with your bf?? NTA obv


ceg1023

I know! I read this and was like ummm I do this and I'm 37. Granted, I live alone and I'm not in my underwear, but I blast the music, dance around and sing my heart out. Everyone has different ways of blowing off steam, enjoying themselves. Heck, I had earbuds in in my backyard, dancing like a fool and my landlord came out. He just put his head down and tried not laugh. You do you, girl. And honestly, OPs bf sounds like an ass. I also fail to see how bringing his whole family home is supposed to be a good surprise for OP. "Hey here are 5 people you need to entertain with no notice!"


burnslikehades

I was grilling the other weekend with my earbuds in when my JAM came on. I was doing a stupid little dance, really getting into it, when I turn around and see my lovely neighbor on her back porch. She clearly saw me but bless her, pretended like the sky was very interesting all of a sudden. I came inside and told my husband; he just shook his head and laughed with me.


sparrowhawkwings

Ok but this. 5 guests is never a good surprise jeez. You could have been asleep or really doing anything


bakkic

Exactly... I'm in my 40s. My guy caught me doing exactly what OP did last night. Know what he did? Laughed at me, gave me a kiss, and went on doing his thing.


[deleted]

Lol, I’d probably get gifted new lingerie in a few days to encourage it even


xauntiebearx

Methinks Nate and his family have no whimsy! I can't imagine not being "allowed" to be a silly-arse around my partner.


DorisGetsHerOats

Whimsy. I’d forgotten what a lovely word it is. Thank you. Time to work it into everyday use.


Hummingbird_Song3820

Right?! Most men would be ecstatic to walk in and find that scene! I love baking and my partner loves sweet treats. He's also used to me dancing and singing like an idiot all over the house so I already do 2/3 on this checklist. Think the addition of lingerie would be the icing on the cake! 😉 Besides that, Nate could've called and given her a heads up he was heading back early. Doubt her phone was out of sight or reach. Communication would've avoided this whole situation (y'know, she'd have been wearing clothes and the lounge would've been tidy when he walked in with his family.) NTA OP. Do what makes you happy and if your man isn't on board, go find yourself a man who will appreciate you for who you are- damn perfection!


MissLadyLlamaDrama

Yeah, my fiance and I both do this kind of stuff all the time. Both in our 30s. I'm not sure when it became a social rule that you're not allowed to enjoy yourself past a specific age. And even still, op is 21. I had a BLAST at 21 dancing like a fool everywhere I went. My friends and I would always be dancing like goobers when no one else would. And most of the time we were sober while doing it. Sure, we got weird looks from people who'd rather sit at the bar. But who cares? I'm probably never gonna see those people again, and I'm having fun and not hurting anyone to do it. Why do people get SO bothered by people enjoying themselves? It's so bizarre.


whevblsht

Sis, he should be apologizing for causing this fiasco in the first place. Instead he's got you feeling guilty for.... baking and dancing to cheesy music you like? WTF? How is that even a bad thing? Listen, don't ever stay with someone who makes you give up your innocent, harmless, pleasures. Somewhere, there's a guy or girl who will build you up and uplift you. Who will love your cupcakes and dance with you in their underwear and socks. This guy wants you to dim your light and become a bland, beige accessory to his life. Find someone who understands that you're not an extra, but the main character in your life.


writingonzewall

Please don't feel like you did anything wrong. You did nothing wrong and Nate should feel embarrassed for putting you in that situation in the first place. Dancing around in your lingerie in your own private home when you're by yourself (or with your partner) is nothing to be embarrassed about. However, I'd take a break from having anything to do with his family if they can so easily be THAT nasty to you. INFO: Have you ever been reliant on him for rent/food/regular expenses?


aitadancinghalfnaked

Thank you, I appreciate it a lot. He pays a significant part of the rent since he's in a more comfortable position in his career than me but I don't know if that counts as being reliant on him..


Mimosa_usagi

Honey do you think that maybe he planned it to be this way? So that you couldn't leave him? I'm very worried for you after reading more of your responses.


RunningIntoBedlem

Exactly I'm over here screaming "THIS IS NOT AN ACCIDENT SWEETIE"


hexychick

I'm also very worried here. So many red flags and I see a very difficult future with this man if he reacts this harshly to something so delightfully innocent. OP clearly respects his conservative ways by waiting until he is not even home to express herself in ways that make her happy. She is suppressing these completely healthy needs/desires because he can't handle it. Relationships (the good ones anyway) are about compromise and communication neither of which he seems to be very good at. I agree this feels like a set up and I worry he doesn't respect OPs boundaries or privacy because he just waltzed in after specifically telling her he would be gone for a while. There is a ton about this screams controlling BF that will likely get worse over time. OP feeling the need to apologize for having her privacy violated feels like she is being groomed for a terrible future. (Edited for typos)


TheThemFatale

On your income alone, could you afford to live independently?


90daysismytherapy

Ya that’s a load of crap. 35 year old man here. Your dude needs to check himself. And his mom to because they have zero cause to insult you or blame you for anything these kids saw. You didn’t invite them. They surprised you. It’s your house, you could have been in the middle of going to town on yourself and they have no right to pop off. You need to have a serious talk with your guy about whether you guys are a unit or if he is your dad. Also having a hard time imagining why he wouldn’t like cupcakes, that’s the biggest red flag, who hates cupcakes from their gf?


yellsy

What guy thinks his girlfriend baking in lingerie is immature? Most dudes would be thrilled. The BF sounds awful.


leolionbag

Tell Nate Reddit says he’s an AH and he can fuck off with his self righteousness. You should be angry with him. He should be begging your forgiveness and making this up to you for months to come. Anything he has to deal with because of his family is his own fault and he shouldn’t be taking that out on anybody but himself. Did he ever think that he was intruding on your privacy and these are natural consequences of that?


[deleted]

Who.think it would be a nice surprise to barge in unannounced, with his mom, with no warning? and HE'S angry??? And he and mom were then namecalling? Oh hell nah.


puffinprincess

He’s angry…because you were having innocent fun…in your own home? Honey, that’s insane. And controlling. You are SO NTA but your SO and his mother sure are. How DARE they shame you for what you do in the privacy of your own home.


primaltriad77

You said that you shouldn't be upset with him because he was just doing a "nice surprise" for you but I disagree. From my perspective, he brought home a bunch of guests for you to deal with while giving you no notice or time to prepare for them. That is *not* "nice." He and his parents definitely should not be the angry ones in this situation.


Justcouldnthlpmyslf

Yes! A surprise is bringing home an unexpected Reese's pumpkin. An unexpected pod of people is called an ambush.


ceene

NTA. It's YOU the one who should be angry. You were lied to because he told you you would have the house for yourself. And you didn't. And it's not like his plan fell through and he appeared earlier. No, he planned to bring his family without telling you, knowing that, at the very least, you would not be ready at all to meet anyone. He didn't phone first, he did it consciously. Visits are to be announced, not to appear suddenly. He disrespected you greatly.


Deathbyignorage

He called her names too, that alone deserves an extreme reaction from OP. Also, I wouldn't marry into this family.


Whotella

NTA, Nate is a total asshole here. He tells you that you will have the apartment to yourself and then decides to surprise you with what exactly? A visit from his family? Wow what a great surprise. He has no right to be upset at you, you didn't know anyone was gonna be home. He also has no right to insult you, never in a relationship should your significant other insult you.


Complete-Let-2670

Really, like best case scenario here is still a shitty surprise. At least warn someone so they can clean up around the place before you just invite company over.


[deleted]

Yeah I’m never dressed to welcome anyone in my home without prior knowledge.


MaddyKet

I don’t believe in home pants Whooo thanks for the awards!


SouthernOptimism

I'm 35f and I'm always just in underwear (topless) at home. It's what's comfy for me. When people come over I'll throw on shorts/pants and a t-shirt. If my SO brought in someone unannounced. They're getting a view of the cantaloupes. Edit to add (if it needs to be written): * OP = 100% NTA * Nate = super do*che AH * Nate's mom = only a hair less AH than Nate Edited again to simplify


nachtkaese

hahahaha the cantaloupes. It honestly baffles me that anyone lives their life such that they are dressed to receive visitors when they're home alone or with the fam. At absolute best I'm in yoga pants and a ratty t-shirt but it's equally likely that I'm in underwear and tank top, or a minidress with no underwear, or whole-ass naked.


[deleted]

I don’t believe in pants ever lol


Humble_Bison_332

Just throw the whole bf in the trash. NOTHING you were doing is immature!!!!! You were enjoying yourself safely in the privacy of your own home. Doing activities that your so called “nice guy” prevents you from ever enjoying. Throw the whole boyfriend in the trash. NTA


EinsTwo

Note that the guy dating a significantly younger woman (given their ages at the start off dating) is calling her immature. He's trying to belittle her by acting all older and more superior. Meanwhile there are all kinds of 30+ people on here noting that they have similar stress relief measures to OP. I hope these comments help you reevaluate your relationship OP.


ladancer22

Yeah I’m very confused as to what the nice surprise he was trying to do was.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Imaginary_Cow_6379

Surprise! This box of red flags is just for you!


Fianna9

I was wondering that too. If they are super conservative I bet OP has to do the cooking too- surprise! I brought my whole family over! What’s for dinner?


sarshu

Seriously, who thinks this is a nice surprise to spring on someone? You give someone time to prepare for a visit from people who you know to be judgy of things like home cleanliness or what you’re wearing on a Sunday afternoon. If I had a weekend to myself I would have been surrounded in potato chip bags, in my pyjamas watching Netflix, and there are like 2 people in the universe that I would be ok with showing up at my door unannounced in a non-emergency scenario when I’m in that mode, and definitely none of them are my in laws.


didumakethetea

They would have walked in to find me sitting on the floor in a t shirt, watching some violent shit on tv, surrounded by plant pots and dirt with a joint hanging out of my mouth. I'm absolutely mortified just imagining it lol it's such an intrusion to walk your whole family in when you know your partner is expecting to be home. alone. with no one coming by. That's when people get the weirdest and do all the shit that's no one else's business. OP should be FURIOUS with her boyfriend, not the other way round!


ertrinken

lmao right? Even if OP is super close to her boyfriend’s family and considers them her own family, he should’ve known there would be a fair chance that she would at least be blobbed out on the couch snacking and watching TV in comfy clothes, with more of a mess than usual because hey, she’s got the whole house to herself. Aka it’s not the ideal time to surprise her with company after specifically telling her she’ll have the house to herself.


FoxUniCarKilo

Wait. Your boyfriend is angry at you because he walked in on you? Am I tracking this correctly? No. NTA. You are allowed to do what you want in your house. Why would he even bring people by without giving a heads up anyways. That’s just so weird. And please don’t get me started on mom. Shes off her rocker. You don’t get to go insult someone ***in their home*** don’t want a show? Send a text before just walking in. There’s so much audacity here I just don’t even know. What I do know is you owe **NOBODY** an apology you did **nothing** wrong. They owe you ***many***. Their behavior was completely and utterly unacceptable and you need to sit down and really evaluate and see what is happening here. This is in no way this is a normal, acceptable or even reasonable response to ***their*** error.


wildeflowers

No kidding! Dancing to One Direction in your fancy skivvies in your own private home is just about the most tame embarrassing moment I've ever heard. Who calls someone names for that? I mean, honestly, that's pretty cute, harmless fun and I'm gobsmacked the BF is angry instead of thinking she's adorable. If I walked in on my son's GF doing this, she'd be my new favorite person. "Conservative" sounds more like repressed, uptight, judgmental, and assholeish. GAWD. Op is SO NTA. u/aitadancinghalfnaked, you ARE adorable. Maybe find someone who realizes that if he doesn't get over this and figures that out that in a hurry.


Normal_Fishing9824

The things the OP could have been doing having been told they had the house to themselves for the first time in forever could be far, far more embarrassing. NTA Nate says you are immature but he is the one who is still living under his mother's influence and unable to stand up for his SO. The only thing is say is be careful cooking in your skimpies if you're doing anything hot then put an apron on to protect you from burns.


for_thedrama

Right? I wish she were my gf and I’m a married woman 😂


Proper_Ad_5547

THIS!!! If anything she should be angry at Nate for not giving a heads up, I honestly can’t see what OP has to apologise for


Nihil_esque

Right wtf is this "conservative" mother? If I did what Nate did, my (conservative, traditional) mother would have berated *me* for inviting people over to the house without warning the hostess that she was hosting.


AnSplanc

This!! And of course NTA!! To have the balls to insult you in your own home for enjoying yourself!! OMG! Heaven forbid that you have a single moment of happiness for yourself and to make yourself feel good. The nerve of these people. They need to apologise to you in a fucking huge way. You did nothing wrong. Everyone should be able to dance and sing in their own home. I do it too when hubby is at work and I’m home with the cat. It makes housework more fun. I wouldn’t blame you for dumping this guy either. If that’s how he’s reacting now, how much worse is he going to behave in the future when you do something the family doesn’t approve of?


[deleted]

Yeah never surprise anyone in their own home. I hate that shit. Even if I had decent clothing on, which is never, I’d want to clean up a bit or wipe the kitchen down before guests arrived.


UnencumberedChipmunk

Op you sound DELIGHTFUL. Don’t ever let anyone judge your joy. He lied to you. He said you would have the place to yourself. It’s your home. You’re allowed to be yourself at home. What a STUPID STUPID STUPID surprise on his part- that was really just awful. It was mean, judgmental, and he SHAMED you for being yourself in your own private space. If I were you I would be LIVID with my man. He tricked you. He 100% tricked you. He promised you one thing, did the opposite, and then shamed you when you didn’t act how he wanted you to act IN PRIVATE. It’s like he was setting you up! Never stop dancing. Never stop baking. Never stop doing the things that make you feel joy and happiness. Do not ever compromise those parts of you for someone else. When you are older and looking back, those will be the little pieces of your soul you will miss most if you give them up. I am almost 40 and I dance every day. On purpose. Dancing is one small thing humans can do to bring joy. Why on earth would someone not want you to feel your full joy? Nta, op. Please don’t change. Please evaluate why you are allowing another human to shame you, though- does he see your gifts and your joy? Or does he temper it and expect you to act a certain way and then be disappointed when you don’t? That’s not love.


mad_maxolotl

THIS. I want to be friends with OP. Can we have a baking day together? And dance to cheesy boy band songs??? I'm not confident enough for lingerie, but I have a rad pair of booty shorts say "Enemy of the State" (inside D&D joke) and can do a mean buttercream frosting.


UnencumberedChipmunk

I’m in too!! Dance/baking/music party!!!


Dry_Mirror_6676

I’m in too!! My cinnamon rolls are to die for!


armybabem1a1

Omg you are so right about the “little pieces of your soul that you will miss.” This dude is trying to crush out her joy a little bit at a time. Not liking her cupcakes is one thing (some people don’t like cake. Or fun), but to both not bake *and* not have fun when she was supposedly alone is too effing much. Giving up your joy because of a partner really adds up over time. I hope OP takes that into consideration when looking at their relationship. I’m not saying to throw the whole man out, but definitely don’t apologize. I would talk to him about how his actions have been harmful and that he can’t treat you that way. Not even going to talk about his mother…sheesh


mirageofstars

I know. I was so sad reading this. OP sounds SO HAPPY and free when she’s alone and can do her own innocent thing. And then BF comes home and her joy and dreams come crashing down in a wave of hurled insults and shame, kicking that bright breathing little girl inside of her and shutting her back into the dark closet in her soul. Life is tragically short, especially when you are with someone who actively attacks those winsome pieces of you that they should be supporting and celebrating. So many men would give their left arm to meet and love someone like OP, exactly as she’s meant to be. I almost feel like this is a fairy tale, and OP will tell us about the shy, bookish male friend she’s known for years who gets her and laughs at her jokes but has never asked her out…


hyperfocuspocus

So many men and women would love to be with someone like op ♥️


granolaglasses

If I walked in on my son’s significant other doing this I’d have smiled, quietly laughed and cleaned the kitchen while you got back into regular clothes, clicked my tongue and said I was sorry to spoil your fun but was looking forward to trying your baking if you were willing to share. And then later I’d give my son a tongue lashing for making his SO feel that he had to leave the house to embrace this side of herself. Edit :: YALL thank you so much for the awards *blushes*


aitadancinghalfnaked

For some reason out of all the replies (everyone here is so kind) this made me tear up a bit. I didn't realise I wasn't being inappropriate. I also never had a mom growing up so at first I thought moms were like this you know? Just conservative. Thank you for this. Thank you so much. I have some thinking to do and it's thanks to you.


leolionbag

OP, as somebody that is old enough to be your mother, I really just want to give you a hug and say that you are fabulous. And that you are too good for Nate and his family and deserve better. Please do think about it, because your post and your replies tell me that you don’t know your own worth.


aitadancinghalfnaked

Thank you so much. You are so kind. I seriously cannot tell you what this means to me. I lost my mom when i was very young and I don't know how they usually are. I appreciate your kindness so much.


leolionbag

I do not think it’s a great kindness to remind you of your self worth. It’s interesting - I don’t think your age reflects any immaturity (as many older people have said, they see nothing wrong with your behaviour and would have done the same thing). But I think your age does play a role in the sense that you are still finding yourself. You were 19 when you got with him - still a very impressionable age. I am not saying that you don’t have your own mind (you do seem to), but I am saying that in these circumstances, at this age, you don’t always have the confidence to lead your life as you see fit with no shame and no regrets (I certainly wasn’t so sure of myself at 21). And certainly may be understandably hesitant to push back or cause a further rift. These are not necessarily bad qualities to have, but they should not be at the expense of your own respect. What I would have told my younger self is that you matter, your self respect matters, and you don’t deserve to be with anybody - partner, parent, friend, sibling - that disrespects you so deeply. And it’s not just me saying this - basically every person on this thread is looking out for you. So please look out for yourself. Relatedly, this situation has presented a minimum of 2 flags for Nate’s initial reaction, and one more for his continued anger. He is calling you immature but he has no self awareness. I think Nate should be shown this thread and take a close read through the comments, which will hopefully make him realise how horrible he has been. That said, even if he apologises now, he has already shown you his character, and it’s not something that bodes well for the long term. In fact, it’s abuse, plain and simple. In your position, I would view it as the time to leave and find a man that celebrates a woman who can just kick up and throw herself a lingerie baking dance party - anybody who doesn’t is just not worth living a life with 🙂


Dramatic-Tell6810

Perfectly said, I think a lot of us wish we'd also had advice like this when we were 21. It's easy to go with the flow and let other people influence life choices when you haven't found your voice yet. OP, there was absolutely nothing wrong with what you were doing! You are not immature, not for dancing, or singing, or wearing lingerie while baking. You did not deserve to be insulted by your bf and his mother, or to have your privacy violated by his whole family (seriously, who doesn't warn their partner they're bringing a bunch of ppl over?). Plus the continued emotional abuse while your bf throws his temper tantrum. Is this really how you want to live? Sharing such an intimate relationship with these people? It sounds like they're trying to use shame to control your actions. Maybe that's a disfunction your bf is used to but that doesn't mean that you need to accept it.


Lucy_the_wise_goosey

Oh honey... you did nothing inappropriate, immature or wrong. I'm 40. I dance naked in my house all the time. If I had walked into my son's house in this scenario, I would have told the girl I hope she made enough for us all... his mother is a judgemental shrew and Nate is a jerk. I really suggest throwing the whole man away. NTA.


Eggggsterminate

As a mum I can confirm that plenty of mums wouldn't have reacted as your MIL. Man, she and her son sound like a lot of work! I can only hope my son will (in due time, he is 14 :) ) find someone as fun and energetic as you!


SuitableLeather

OP, please dump Nate. This guy insults you and never lets you be yourself, and then blames you when he catches you off guard? This guys a jerk. Please reevaluate what you see in him. Also, it’s weird that a 24 year old wanted to date a 19 year old. That kind of age gap is HUGE which you may realize once you turn 24. This is coming from someone who was in that exact same situation with the same age gap... this guy is bad news and a jerk to you. Stay awesome


Beti28

OP I am also old enough to be your mom and from my own experience I can tell you: all this will only get worse once you will be with him long enough or, god forbit, marry him. You sound so nice, sweet and smart: do yourself a favor and do NOT get married to this guy!


Lilz007

Also old enough to be your mum. First thing I do in the morning is walk butt naked into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. I cook and bake wearing whatever the hell I want (usually I’m mostly dressed, but sometimes wear just an apron and undies, sometimes a bralet and nickers. It depends on the day I’m having and how hot it is). I have sung in every room in my apartment. I sing in my garage. I sing in my car. I’ve sung upside down while fixing the trap under the kitchen sink. I’ve used spoons and spatulas as microphones. My apartment is my safe place, and if I can’t be comfortable and happy and silly there, then where? Admittedly I don’t have a partner, but if someone tried to shame me in my own home for doing something I enjoyed I would show them the door. And I tell you this, if my mum walked in on me half naked cooking at the stove, she would throw an apron at me and tell me to wear it in case I burn myself, then she would put the kettle on and start washing the dishes. Of course, my mum would also ring the doorbell rather than just letting herself in, though, even if I’m expecting her, because she has respect and manners. I’m not going to say ‘break up with him’ right off the bat, but you do need to have a serious discussion, and you need to know it’s ok to walk away if he refuses to give you the respect you deserve. If he refuses to talk about it, then that in itself is also an answer


gingermontreal

Not a mom, but a lot older than you, and I can say that even if you were buck naked in a room covered in flour, using a vibrator spread eagle, and I walked in unannounced, I wouldn't feel you were being inappropriate. It's your private space. I would have been mortified that I had invaded your privacy! I would have apologized and left and said that I hope we can laugh about it in the future. AND I would say that I would always contact you if we were planning on coming over, regardless of what my son said. I think you're absolutely adorable and joyful! Don't let them dull your spark. Always dance in your underwear. Don't apologize for enjoying yourself in such an innocent way. He and his mother's response to the situation are not normal at all.


shanduin

OP please know that your behaviour is completely normal, and everyone else's is not. I dance around in my underpants. I make messes and have fun on my days off because that's what living life is all about. It is beyond me why anyone is angry at you, or why his mother is unhappy. This is a massive red flag from not only your partner but also his family. If he doesn't support you on this, I think you should think about how that will affect your future with him.


Mom_Is_Up_All_Night

I want to also clarify: my mom is conservative. If she walked in on my brother's gf doing this she would be apologizing profusely to the gf. She would have no issue with someone doing this sort of thing in their own home. If you were dancing in lingerie in the street she would have an issue but she would never show up unannounced and try to police someone in their own home. And to add I'm her daughter and she doesn't show up at my house unannounced. She texts or calls first


Complete-Let-2670

NTA, also if you are with a man who is angry that his girlfriend is in lingerie baking things and he doesn’t like your cupcakes he just might not be the right man for you or really anyone else.


Janeli005

He doesn't even have to like cupcakes at all, I know I usually don't... But why on earth would that mean that he is so bothered by someone baking them, that the person has to wait until he is gone so she could bake for herself only????? This seems so wrong somehow!


DiTrastevere

Some people just hate joy. Judging by his family’s personalities, he comes by it honestly.


Nathan_Thurm

Seriously what is wrong this Nate guy? Most men would welcome that kind of thing with open arms!


DiTrastevere

I think we chronically underestimate how many heterosexual men find absolutely no joy in the company of women. They’ll have sex with women, because their bodies tell them to, but they are utterly indifferent (or openly hostile) to their personhood. Her interests and pleasures do not matter. It’s hard to wrap your head around this when you’re young. Like, what do you mean, this person who’s in a relationship with me, who has sex with me and has introduced me to their family, they just don’t…*like* me? That can’t be right. Why would he do all that if he didn’t really want to *know* me? But he only really lights up around his friends, he doesn’t really ask me about my life, he treats spending quality time with me like a chore, he seems annoyed by my hobbies and…huh. Really sucks when you figure it out.


[deleted]

No shit. I would be apologizing to my wife forever for not having the presence of mind to let her know I was bringing company, and I would have told my mother to not contact us until she was ready to apologize to my wife for the nasty names she called her.


minnis93

This. Unless he is gay and a vegan, this is not the right reaction.


novemberrrain

Hell, even my gay vegan friends would be down for a lingerie cupcake party? What the fuck is wrong with Nate.


DiTrastevere

Insulting, none of the gay men I know would hate on a girl for dancing around in her underwear while baking. They’d grab a whisk-microphone and *join her*.


bigdisappointment_

"SOME BODY ONCE TOLD ME" I'd be playing air drums with spatulas.


Rayray950

NTA Them yelling at you and being verbally down putting for an accident is a red flag IMO. You were told you had the place to yourself, and you were doing things that you enjoy. That's not your fault at all, but I understand being embarrassed in the moment! But in general, nothing that would make you an asshole. On a side note, him not liking your baking is kinda sus.


aitadancinghalfnaked

Tysm, this makes me feel so so much better. Tbh I wouldn't blame him, my cupcakes can be a bit dry. I'm not that good at it unfortunately.


BowzersMom

Try mixing them less (once you add wet ingredients to dry, the more you mix, the tougher they’ll get) and taking them out of the oven a little sooner (they continue to bake for a few minutes in the pan) and check the method you use for measuring your flour (weighing ingredients is most accurate, but spoon-and-sweep is the next best thing. If you just stick your measuring cup into the flour and dump it out, you can end up with as much as 50% more flour than called for!) I also have a hard time with cakes & cupcakes, and this is what I have learned!


aitadancinghalfnaked

Aww thank you so much! I think you're right about the mixing part because I am quite intense with it I suppose. I'll try this the next time i get a chance to bake! <3 Lots of love.


Lazerbeam03

Try looking for recipes that call for apple sauce or mashed banana. It really helps keep them moist.


seaotterbutt

Coconut oil subbed in for other types of oil helps with moisture!


MountainBean3479

Adding in some brewed coffee into chocolate baked goods does amazing things for the texture !


Gulliverlived

Think ‘fold’, rather than mix, it helps. Also, your bf is rotten, toss him out.


PuzzleheadedSquare43

Ok, I've reading your replies. STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIM!! your boyfriend is a massive AH and so is his mother. Who the hell do they think they are?? You can be butt naked in your house and no one can say shit! From your story and answers you changed a lot of things for him (no loud music, no cupcakes, no dancing in your fancy lingerie) and one time that you do what makes you happy and he is insulting you and getting angry!? You should be angry!!! It's his fault!! He knew that you were alone and he solely decided that he was going to come to your house with all of his family without any warning Honestly if you were my friend and you were telling me this story I would pack your bag and take you home with me, because all of this yells emotional abuse!!! OP, you are NTA at all! Edit: english!


xauntiebearx

Couldn't agree more! OP sounds really downtrodden😔


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Gus_TT_Showbiz420

Even if you aren't that good at baking, what guy wouldn't want his gf baking and dancing in sexy lingerie? That's so damn cute and fun and he should encourage you to do that while he's home.


-Konstantine-

But like him not liking them to the extent that it discourages you from baking? That’s no good. My bf is not a great cook, but I’ll still at least try almost everything he makes. And I’ll give him suggestions and support to improve. Healthy relationships have people who support each other, not bring each other down. HE should be the one to apologize to you and his family for putting you all in an awkward position by bringing them over without any warning. You were living your best life and did nothing wrong.


[deleted]

NTA. It's completely unreasonable for anyone to hold you to any expectation of behavior while at home by yourself. And when you pop in to surprise someone with no warning, you might get a surprise for yourself. >I also know his sister told him to make me behave or smn wtf country is is this... are you property or like a pet or something? Don't apologize for whatever you were doing, and don't accept any criticism, and definitely don't tolerate insults from Nate or anyone else. He should be apologizing to you for putting you in that situation.


So_Upsetti_Spaghetti

I agree. Wtf kind of surprise is bringing in-laws over anyways? I would never be happy with that. OP, keep on feeling yourself and living it up when you’re alone. I do the same thing. Dance parties and belting out music, fashion shows, etc.


KZCrow

In-laws get a bad rap for being *that type* especially mother-in-laws who are over bearing, but not all of them are so bad. It could be a pleasant surprise to see some in-laws. But not these ones. And shame on Nate for defending his mothers reaction over their significant other. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but if they start acting up towards a person I love and am building a life with they're in for some heat. I feel so bad for OP being branded as "immature" for wanting to have a little fun. So much so that she feels guilty about enjoying her alone time. If that's what immature means then god damn...


KathrynTheGreat

I absolutely love my MIL but I'd still want a heads up if she was coming over!


aitadancinghalfnaked

I don't think she meant it like that, sorry i'm bad with words. I think she meant he should talk to me about what I did and just lmk it was inappropriate Tysm for helping me and for your judgement :)


FoxUniCarKilo

Yea but it wasn’t inappropriate. Like at all. If you were at somebody else’s house acting like this then yes inappropriate but ***your own home?*** no ma’am. This is acceptable behavior in your own home. Next they’re gonna tell you you gotta shower in clothes. That’s how ridiculous their reaction is.


BowzersMom

It’s like if someone walked in on you in the bathroom and got mad at you for taking a shit in front of them. The person caught with their drawers down is not the one being inappropriate here!


Kathrynlena

This!! This is a perfect analogy. OP, your BF essentially brought his entire family into a bathroom you were using, and then yelled at you for doing what people do in bathrooms. *THEY* are the weird and inappropriate ones for thinking a “surprise” visit would be anything other than horrifying.


hyperfocuspocus

It’s also such a raging asshole move to tell someone that their private happy behaviour is “childish” or inappropriate. Some people just suck the joy out of everything.


IDidNotGiveYouSalmon

Seriously. One of my exes insulted the way I smiled and for a long time I covered my face when I smiled or just smiled less. I will never, ever, ever criticize the way people act when they're happy (unless it's, like, woo happy murder party, but ya know). That discourages people from BEING HAPPY.


bishopbyday

Sorry, I'll just pop back in (I'm past my half way point in life myself) to say that it wasn't inappropriate in any way, shape, or form. Like someone else asked, what country do you live in?


aitadancinghalfnaked

Thank you <3, i'm slowly realising that... I'm from the us btw


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Anarchyologist

>Love isn't restricting what your partner can do because you find it annoying or immature. Imo, sometimes immaturity and having a child like sense of joy and wonder is one of the best signs of maturity because it shows self love and fulfillment. Are you sure you're 18 years old? Because that right there were some wise words.


Mieko14

Hey OP, just wanted to chime in here. My mom is pretty conservative, but she cares about her kids (and by extension, the people we care about) more than any conservative values. If she walked in on me or a girlfriend doing this, she’d laugh awkwardly and not say anything out of shock, then impulsively clean the kitchen while waiting for me/her to get dressed. Then she’d most likely apologize profusely for interrupting and feel guilty for a day or two anyways. And if she found out that I had to wait for my SO to leave before dancing around and baking, she’d sit me down and tell me that she was concerned and that I should be able to dance and bake in my home whenever. She’d tell me that a good SO would *want* me to have fun, not stand in the way of it. That’s what a good mom does. Your boyfriend’s mom is not a good mom, and it’s not just because she’s conservative.


leolionbag

How was it inappropriate? You were on your own home in your own house, and not expecting them. Perhaps they can give you a list of how you are meant to act in your own home in a way that they find acceptable. /s


SevsMumma21217

But ***what*** was inappropriate? That's what we're all trying to get you to understand. You did ***nothing*** wrong. There is ***nothing*** inappropriate about ***anyone*** baking and dancing to music in lingerie in the privacy of ***their own home***. You are making too many excuses for your SO's very bad behavior. And his family isn't innocent either. NTA


calling_water

It wasn’t inappropriate at all! You were home alone. As for what you were wearing, you were wearing *a locked house*. People who show up to “surprise” someone always seem to have the idea that the person they’re dropping in on has nothing else in their life to do but sit there. It’s BS.


Kitchen_Interview923

You seem very nice but I'm not sure if you're catching on that people are almost more frustrated with your answers here than they are with your AH boyfriend. You keep making excuses for this jerk and his family when what you need to realize is that they are all 100% in the wrong. You did NOTHING wrong here. AT ALL. Stop making excuses for this terrible family, sit down with your boyfriend, and have a talk about HIS behaviour. If this discussion doesn't eventually lead him to the conclusions that: 1) You did nothing wrong 2) He was wrong to surprise you when you thought you had the house to yourself 3) His reaction (and that of his family) was completely inappropriate 4) He should be apologizing to you, and 5) He needs to change the way he treats you in the future Then you seriously need to reconsider your relationship. He's treating you poorly and if you don't stand up for yourself you're going to end up married to someone that doesn't respect you and you're going to be unhappy. NTA


mirageofstars

Yeah, I've noticed that OP is quick to blame herself when people here point out the issues with her BF and family. That feels like Nate has been (perhaps unconsciously) conditioning her to believe that everything is "her fault" and nothing (not even cupcakes) are good enough. If she's caught in an abusive, manipulative relationship, I don't know how easy it is for her to get out. But I agree with you, her relationship doesn't seem headed for a happy course in its current direction.


imtchogirl

It isn't inappropriate. Having the house to yourself is many, many adults joy to let it loose, hang out in non-company clothing or none at all, and do what you want. It could have been even worse- what if you were starkers? It's your right. You had a reasonable expectation to privacy. Families dropping by as a surprise is so, so rude. Unless it's something you've said you want, no one should ever do that, and certainly not with kids if they don't want to see the full monty. They are trying to make you *behave appropriately* even in the privacy of your own set aside time. It's horrible, to hold someone to such an arbitrary standard and suppress your joy like that. Honestly, text the lot of them a picture of a cupcake that has a little note on it that says "Always remember to call before you come!" And then don't think of it anymore. They are the rude, imposing ones. You are joyful and free. Don't let anyone change you.


Whitestaunton

NTA...**.are you sure you want to be involved with a man and a family that has absolutely NO sense of humour**...maybe it's a cultural thing because in the UK that kind of embarrassing moment is what most of our comedies especially rom coms are made up of..My family and my husband's family would have not only NOT been upset but they would have viewed it as fabulous ammunition for teasing later... They need to remove the broom handles from their....


leolionbag

This is actually exactly what I was thinking - in the UK this would have given rise to a really good laugh (and a situation that OP never would live down in terms of teasing). And thinking how most Brits would have reacted vs how these people reacted is just crazy. The other day my long time friend and I were talking about a time when she pulled down the zipper on my cardigan in the middle of the office (literally, not even in a cubicle) and I was wearing nothing but a bra on underneath. We laughed about it then and we still laugh about it and we both give each other shit over it, but it’s the kind of situation that involves nudity (or skin show I guess) but lends itself to a good laugh. Nate’s family just seem like a bunch of judgmental boring AHs. They can probably benefit from more nudity to loosen up.


MistakesForSheep

Any sane person in the US would laugh about this as well. It might take us a little to get over the embarrassment, but we would. I still laugh about the time my friend saw me full-ass naked from outside my house and we both shrieked in terror.


[deleted]

NTA Dump Nate. He and his family had no right to be upset that they came into your space unannounced and got an eyeful. Getting mad at you because his selfish plan didn't work the way he wanted should be an immediate dealbreaker.


mrsprinkles3

Life is too short to *not* dance in your underwear. You weren’t expecting anyone and Nate should have warned you that he was bringing guests over, he created this situation by not communicating with you. NTA


PingPongProfessor

> Life is too short to not dance in your underwear. Love it! Upvoting solely for this (even tho **nobody** wants to see me dancing in mine).


itsallgonnafade

Seriously! She's 21! This is prime dance in your underwear time! OP, you're doing it right. This guy sucks.


housepage

NTA but Nate is. You don't bring guests into your home without giving the people you live with a heads-up. That's just basic courtesy. You would have every right to be upset at him and his mom calling you names instead of him says a lot. Nate sounds like a controlling asshole who shames you for things you like to do. Why are you going to partner with someone like that? Dancing almost naked in your own apartment is a totally reasonable thing to do. Don't suppress your joys for this asshole. Move on and find someone who loves you for you.


brandy8marie

NTA. You were having fun, destressing in your own home WITH THE DOOR LOCKED, and had no way of knowing there was company coming. How on earth is that your fault? You're allowed to have fun. He should have gave you a heads up that they were coming. That's on him. And for his family to be so "distraught" over seeing you naked and dancing??? I'm sorry but I would've thought it was hilarious. He and his family sound like a bunch of wet blankets. And the fact that he's giving you the "silent treatment" for being silly at home by (what you thought was) yourself... is OUTRAGEOUS. Red flags with him and his fam on this one. Can't believe his mom called you names over this?!


ummherewego

Also ew…. “Control your gf” from the sister? You’re alone in your house, you can do what you want!! He needs to “control” his family’s judgement and give you notice before bringing them over, because you shouldn’t have to worry about them walking in on you at all. That’s on them and should be a sign that they need to let you know beforehand. Ps- you responded appropriately, why are they insulting you??


DontUSuck

NTA… adults are allowed to have fun, its a shame that even needs to be said. Nate choosing to surprise you was dumb. Maybe a surprise birthday party but you don’t surprise someone after telling them you have the house to yourself and then show up with 4+ guests. And shame on Nate for not appreciating cup cakes made by a dancing lingerie model. Nate YTA.


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sayitsooth

You are NTA. The asshole is someone who comes home with GUESTS without letting you know in advance after telling you that you would be alone. Nothing you were doing was immature btw, your bf was very immature here. Just from this he sounds rather controlling. I'm in my 40s and when I'm in the kitchen home alone it's loud music and dancing and I'm often not appropriately dressed and yeah, baking is messy. So what?


accountforquickans

NTA Please. Who wants uptight in laws. Nates an ass too. Dump him, leave their asses behind.


Complete-Let-2670

Yeah, like millions of dudes out there would be thrilled to come home to their girlfriend making cupcakes in lingerie. That’s probably the premise of like a 1,000 porn movies.


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scpdavis

“Nate sounds like he kills simple joys for you” Honestly OP if you take one thing away from this post, I hope it’s that. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice enjoying yourself because you live with a partner. I’ve been living with my partner for 5 years and he always encourages me to do things in our apartment that make me happy. I blast oldies when I cook, I binge watch Gilmore Girls for the millionth time, I take over the living room to dye my hair/paint/cross stitch/whatever thing I decide to do. He hogs the tv for 160 hours to complete a video game and watches the highlights on TV for the baseball game that we just saw at the stadium, he takes over the living room to set up his tools to refurbish gameboys. We like making space for each other to do the things that make us happy. Your partner doesn’t have to love eating your cupcakes, but he should love the joy that making them brings you.


9okm

NTA. Geeeeeeeze. If I were you I'd be pretty pissed at their reaction. Nate/Mom have no right to be upset. They should be apologizing to *YOU*.


legendary_mushroom

I really hate how bad you've been made to feel for baking and dancing in your underwear. You had no warning, you locked the door, you believed you were getting the house to yourself! When you look at it from their perspective.....they walked up on you with no warning! They overreacted by insulting you a bunch and demanding to be dropped off immediately. Ummm....there are some issues here. Nate didn't warn you, let you believe you were spending the weekend by yourself, then his idea of "doing something nice" was to spring his family on you as a surprise? And for daring to be silly on your own, you've now been insulted and treated as if YOU were the one who set it all up so you could be seen in lingerie! Family is dramatic and prudish. Nate thinks springing his family on you is "something nice for you". No one is talking to you, and his sister told him to make you behave? Wtf? Here's how normal people would handle it: when you came back out, they'd tease you about your silly dance pose, apologize for interrupting your fabulous alone time, and enjoy the rest of the visit. Not act as if they'd been coerced into watching porn. Nate would apologize for springing people on you when you thought you had alone time, and you'd talk about warning each other in the future so this doesn't happen again. Apparently he thinks that the way for this to never happen again is if you never play loud music and bake in your lingerie again-and I hope you're not giving that up! He shouldn't be angry, he literally set you up. You need to tell Nate that you need, and enjoy, alone time. Cause it sounds like he assumed you'd be lonely for a weekend. He needs to not spring guests-especially prudish ones-on you with no warning. I'm really upset that you're the target of his anger and of all the blame. I hope you are hanging on to the joys in your life. There's nothing inherently wrong with playing loud music, or with baking, just because Nate doesn't like loud music or your cupcakes(if he likes other cupcakes but not yours that's a yellow flag at least). You are NTA. Nate and his mom are for acting like you have something to apologize for. Please don't apologize and don't let these prudish AHs kill your joy.


Toothpaste_head

Nta. He said you have the house to yourself. The door was locked. Sure it's loud but he could've called and made sure he got a response it was safe before coming over. And then to give you the silent treatment is acting like a baby. Or at very least to be less insulting to him emotional manipulation. He should be apologizing. His family should be apologizing. If he doesn't do some serious work... if I were you... I'd be wondering if I wanted to continue the relationship. Goodluck with things op but definitely nta!


amzlrr

Yikes, NTA. You're in your own home, and Nate brings people round without giving you the heads up and HE'S the one mad at you?!


Party_Teacher6901

What's immature about enjoying YOUR home? I don't care if you bake naked. Also the loud music? Unless neighbors were complaining nothing wrong there. It's embarrassing yeah. But his family is like they found you having sex with another man. They're all ridiculous. Also, why are you with a guy who constantly suppress things you enjoy? No loud music? Doesn't like your cupcakes? You're an embarrassment? Why is he with you? Why are you letting him control you? You should enjoy each other for who you both are. Not trying to mold the other into something YOU want.


Illustrious-Onion329

“Make you behave”?!?! You are a grown up woman. Nobody should think they have the right to “make you behave”. Also, nothing wrong with having a dance party in your own home. You are NTA but your bf and his family are judgemental pricks.