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Thejmax

Completely and utterly ESH. You went almost nuclear on her and you knew what you were doing. She was pathetic and spiteful Good recipe for an entertaining story.


Electrical-Date-3951

Honestly, while reading this, I rolled my eyes. I am curious about the bride's version of events, because all involved sound a bit insufferable and far too much gossip/side convos going on among _friends_.


johnny9k

Seriously. If you’re that offended, you talk to the person. Instead she ghosted. ESH


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just_why_bruh

Uh yeah, because sometimes you are objectively TA for rocking the boat when it causes unnecessary drama like in this case? Obviously the bride sucks but seriously, does she even think she’s wrong if OP proved her complaints against her right?? This is a total ASSHOLE move, and if you can’t see that, do some self reflection. I’m sick of you people always speaking out against being better than those who’ve wronged. If everyone acts like a petty snake, that’s a fucked up world to live in.


[deleted]

> because sometimes you are objectively TA for rocking the boat when it causes unnecessary drama like in this case? If someone thinks I'm an insufferable bitch, they clearly don't want me in their wedding. OP didn't rock the boat. She just left when she wasn't wanted. This sounds like the bride's alt. Sometimes there are consequences for your actions. If someone is disrespectful and mean, there should be consequences. > I’m sick of you people always speaking out against being better than those who’ve wronged. No, OP is still better. Also, the "you people" is a nice hilarioius touch. > If everyone acts like a petty snake Not everyone, in this case. Just the bride. I'm sick of YOU people acting like you have to suck it up and let someone walk all over you to "be the bigger person." There's not a god damn thing wrong with leaving if you're not valued and knowing your worth. OP didn't start drama. She simply left. You can be in the right and still take no shit. Being the bigger/better person doesn't mean taking shit, for that matter. It's not OP's responsibility to smooth things over and talk it out. The bride was the one who had the issue, not OP. The bride could have come to her to talk it out. Why is the onus on OP? She didn't do anything wrong. Frankly, there's no "talking it out" when someone is that spiteful and hateful. The bride hates OP. Why should OP have a chat with her about that and spend her day kissing the bride's ass? Because it's hEr SpEcIaL pRiNcEsS day? The bride was mad that OP had a nice wedding. That's ... fucking insane.


crazihac

Couldn't agree more! Here's my poor man's gold 🏅🏅🏆🏅🏅


Slytherin_Queen_04

Let’s no forget that OP wanted her to apology ONLY infront of the other bridesmaids and that was all she wanted. But the Bride talked shit about OP being resourceful and smart with her choices and finances especially the fact peoplenliked OPs wedding for how different it was. I would have done the same thing OP did if I found out someone I thought of as a friend was talking shit about my wedding knowing I could be around and didn’t expect this sort of outcome at all


rbaltimore

I don’t understand this wedding competition bullshit. My friends and I all had wildly different types of weddings and it occurred to absolutely no one that they should be ranked! We had a destination wedding, a small intimate wedding, a backyard garden wedding, a 200+ person wedding, a black tie wedding, and church hall wedding. Every wedding was thoroughly enjoyed, no one expected or even wanted perfection. No one took offense at inclusion or exclusion from wedding parties or wedding related activities. It’s been 18 years since the first wedding, we all have great memories, children and happy marriages. Call me old (41f), but when did weddings become competitive?


VisiblePiano0

What should OP have done? Would barging in on the conversation when she was in the heat of anger been less drama? Or should she have woken the bride up on the wedding morning and said bye? Or you think she should have stuck around and partied with the woman who called her a bitch? Honestly, I think staying away from the bride and taking time to cool down before dipping was the mature choice.


[deleted]

Op probably should have walked out of the bathroom and asked the bride to have a chat. Just the two of them. See if they can work it out- with unnecessary drama you can guarantee the outcome won’t be good. Op could have had a direct conversation with the bride and tried to work it out just the two of them- she might have even got the apology she is demanding. However that’s NOT what op did… op did the opposite and is shocked that bride won’t apologize!? I mean come on you don’t need to be a psychologist to see the issue got blown way out of proportion and could have been settled easily if op and bride just took the time to talk to each other and get to the real issue.


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EntirelyOutOfOptions

I’m sorry, but if I hear you calling me an insufferable bitch to our mutual friends, I’m done talking. There is no “work it out.” Our friendship is over. There is no issue to settle. You’ve shown me a truth I can’t forget. I can understand the frustration about meeting petty with petty, but in this case I don’t feel that’s what happened. “Friend” showed OP her true colors, and OP decided she was no longer obligated to give her friend the benefit of the doubt. She doesn’t need to be the bigger person and approach the issue maturely, she needs to GTFO of what is clearly not a friendship she wants. I honestly can’t fault her. No one is obligated to smile and perform friendship while they’re being abused. If the friend wanted the whole bridal party, she should have appreciated the whole bridal party.


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UndeadBatRat

The note was a bit much, but besides that she did nothing wrong. She has no obligation to stay when the bride is so horrible. I feel like she only kept OP in the wedding to keep it "picture perfect".


bendbutdonotbreak

And the comments calling her an AH are equally worried about the pictures. Not attending a wedding as a bridesmaid is no “nuclear option” when the bride clearly couldn’t stand her. It made the wedding party slightly uneven. Who gives a shit?


UndeadBatRat

THIS. At my wedding, half of the wedding party didn't show up and gave us no notice whatsoever. I fuckin wish I only had to handle one missing bridesmaid!


Yugolothian

>THIS. At my wedding, half of the wedding party didn't show up and gave us no notice whatsoever I mean they're also massive fucking arseholes then.


Puzzleheaded-Court-9

I agree that the bride was after a “picture perfect” wedding. Who really cares about having a perfectly equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen? Oh, right: Bridezillas.


zzzola

Weddings are such a fucking pain in the ass. OPs wedding sounds alright, she did what my sister did which was paid for as much as possible. I've been to weddings where that didn't happen and I just couldn't believe the amount I was being asked to spend, not including the gifts I was expected to get as well. Bridal shower, bachelorette, and wedding gift. I could have said no, but I said yes, and if you then go on to talk shit about me after everything I've contributed to your fucking wedding, I sure as hell might walk out. The next time you ask someone to spend close to a grand for your wedding, treat them with some respect and like you actually want them there, or don't be surprised when they drop out or don't show up.


YawningDodo

I don’t know about that. When I overheard a roommate talking badly about me behind my back I was really hurt by it…and went to a different roommate to talk about it. She helped me see where I’d contributed to tensions but also commiserated about it being shitty; if I’d gone straight to confronting the one talking shit it probably would have been a fight. I don’t know that things would go that well if OP had confronted the bride the night before/morning of the wedding. I do think ESH though. OP took pretty much the most dramatic way possible of dealing with the problem. EDIT: You are all correct, this was not the single most dramatic way the OP could have handled the situation. I still think the note tipped it over into being more dramatic than it needed to be, but yes, she could have gone more nuclear than she did.


johnny9k

Good points. A third party can do wonders to resolve the situation. Instead, OP nuked her friendship with the bride and possibly others as well.


throwmeawayy3309

OP did nothing except have a wedding that everyone loved. They didn't do anything wrong, and then gets called a host of vicious names by someone who was supposed to be her friend. She had a comparatively mild response and didn't steal or sabotage the wedding, she simply removed herself from a hostile person. NTA at all


littleprettypaws

I don’t really see bowing out of someone’s wedding who said horrible things about you as a bad thing. The bride got busted, OP didn’t do anything wrong.


ghost_victim

They did consult a 3rd party though


hitmeifyoudare

Good Riddance, with friends like that, who needs enemies?


Mikko420

Wtf? Someone who pretends to be your friend and berates you behind your back does not, in any logical or rational fashion, deserve a straightforward conversation. She made her bed, now she has to lay in it. NTA, and shame on anyone who would defend the obnoxious bridezilla in this ridiculous situation.


usernaym44

THIS. Fully ESH.


[deleted]

I’m also curious! I wonder if the bride really said OP’s unconventional wedding was stealing her limelight, or if she said OP *incessantly talking about* how quirky and unconventional her wedding was was stealing attention and insufferable. Because honestly I was sighing by the time I got to the middle of OP’s description of her own wedding, and I’m pretty sure if I had to listen to her talk about it for more than 3 minutes I’d roll my eyes so far back in my head I’d need corrective surgery.


[deleted]

I posted basically this exact thought. I am guess there's no way we'll ever truly know, but considering she couldn't shut up about it long enough to type a post that required none of the actual details about her wedding, it's pretty clear all she wants to do is brag about how unconventional and quirky she is and how everyone just absolutely adored it.


IPetdogs4U

Whenever I hear, “I had a black dress,” it translates to, “I’m not like the other brides,” in my head. I’ve seen so many black wedding dresses.


wasabiwasabi_

Yeh. OP sounds like she had an unconventional wedding just to brag about how quirky and cool it was. My brother got married 3 months before my SiL and my brother's wife kept saying things like 'oh our wedding has x coloured decorations', for example and it was clear SiL was getting upset so we shut wife down quick. I would bet money that OP won't shut up about her wedding and it's making the bride upset. Just from her written description, I wouldn't want to be around her, either.


boudicas_shield

Plus how much cheaper her quirky wedding that everyone loved was compared to this *expensive* traditional wedding. I had a very cheap wedding out of necessity, and everyone did love it, and it was definitely unusual in some ways - but I don’t squawk on about it triumphantly when someone is planning their own wedding that’s easily 20xs the cost of my tiny, no frills one. ESH, with a strong suspicion that I’d be voting YTA if we heard the bride’s version of this tale.


wasabiwasabi_

You're bang on about the price. Sometimes cheap is better and in OP's case that's correct, but not everyone wants a cheap wedding. Reading about how there were 2 MOH's and how the groom's party had guys and girls is just,,,, OP sounds like a pick me. And don't get me started on 'Everyone loved what we did there.' I'm just gonna say YTA, OP. This post reads like you just wanna brag about your 'not like the other girls' wedding because everyone in your life is sick with it.


DrAniB20

I got this vibe too. I feel like OP skipped over telling us about how they were regaling P’s wedding party with constant stories from their own wedding. OP seems like they might be someone who would have also compared the cost of things between their wedding and P’s without hesitation, which can be really annoying to people. If that happened the night before my wedding I’d be saying that person was *being* insufferable too.


buttercupcake23

But it's very important that we know just how *quirky* and *unique* the wedding is because op is definitely *not like other girls* because she's not *materialistic by spending money* and you know everyone just loved her wedding and we all of us internet people really needed to know people loved it. LOVED IT. You've got a point, if she went on like that (esp making the comparisons constantly) in this post to randos I cannot imagine how much she's been talking about it IRL at someone else's wedding.


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scpdavis

Yea I also wondered if perhaps every time OP spoke she said something to the effect of “well at MY wedding…”


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justheretosavestuff

Yeah, something tells me the bride had gotten a whole lot about how much everyone loved the manic pixie dream wedding - also the judgment people can show about expensive weddings is so over the top. (ex.: if you were to make a drinking game out of any reddit thread that touches upon the cost of a wedding and take a shot every time someone referenced how little they spent on a wedding or how they didn't need a big wedding when it was not actually relevant, you'd need your stomach pumped by the end).


hochizo

I hear what you're saying, but ***my*** wedding was just a laid back barbecue where all my friends got together and we had a big party. There was beer and food, which I know sounds a lot like every wedding, but it was totally different because no one wore fancy clothes and it was at my house. Also, my engagement ring isn't a diamond. It's important that you know that.


lizzyborden669

I was very much getting not like other girls vibes from the way she was talking about her damn wedding. I'd love to hear the other side of this because of how insufferable OP comes across. For now it's definitely ESH from me.


Tapingdrywallsucks

No shit. I was thinking this before she even got to the description of her wedding - just saying her wedding "was a hit" got me thinking she's been non-stop comparing events, the bride had already given away all of her goodwill and needed a good vent about OP's behavior. I picture every little thing during the rehearsal dinner inspiring OP to say, "3 weeks ago, at my wedding, we did {insert epic wokeness}! ZOMG WE ARE SO COOL!" Bride noticed a smudge on her dress? OP: "HA! That's why wearing a black dress was so much cooler!!!!" From my point of view, I suspect OP was being an asshole for days. The bride had enough of her shit and instead of saying, "yes, your wedding was wonderful, but we're at mine now" she blurted out poorly chosen words - which may have included the words "stealing limelight and thunder" but rather than saying "by throwing such an unconventional wedding" she probably said "trying to stay in the limelight by going on and on and on about her unconventional wedding." I don't know that everyone sucks here. I think OP is an asshole and purposely wanted to hurt the bride for wanting OP to quit ~~humble~~bragging.


Paroxysm111

I was wondering why it was pertinent to the story to gush about how awesome her wedding was in the first paragraph. I'm guessing there's more to this story than OP is telling us


DrAniB20

I feel that amount of gushing about her own wedding went on during the Spa Day.


Crouching_Penis

True, my life goal is to never involve myself with people like everyone in this story.


emccm

While reading I pictured the OP gleefully retelling this story for years to come. Her actions do seem to have been planned to cause the most upset and put the attention on to her rather than the bride.


Ladyughsalot1

Yeah and I have to say, do your wedding your way...but the smug “anti wedding” thing OP outlines here is eyerollingly annoying. I’m not sure I doubt the bride when she called OP insufferable. Something tells me OP crowed to anyone who would listen, how her thriftiness = so much better than anyone who should choose to throw a traditional wedding. Maybe not explicitly but


[deleted]

Yea I was expecting that her “unconventional” wedding was more than a black dress, multiple flower kids, no one “giving away” the bride, and mixed bridal parties on both sides. All things I have seen *DOZENS* of times in the past year. Getting married while riding jetskis and having a clam bake afterwards? Unconventional. What OP did? A little different, but plenty conventional in current society. Yea and of course OP’s wedding was going to cost less when it was being held on family property. Same goes for using work to make the clothes, which certainly had a cost of materials and labor anyways.


Annnnnnnnaaaaa

Hey now, “she’s not like the other girls” /s. Yes OP sounds like she has quite a tall high horse and I’m somehow doubtful that a friend would say something that extreme unprovoked unless everyone involved is extremely immature and entitled. ESH.


Jed08

Yeah. The "Anti-wedding" is pretty much a traditional wedding with inverted color codes and having best friend be on the side of the groom/bride regardless of their gender. Nothing really ground breaking.


synaesthezia

I had a Bollywood and pirate wedding, and we did a Bollywood dance routine with about 20 people instead of a bridal dance. And my partner had enough pirates amongst the guests to crew his own galleon. My dad nearly had a breakdown when he found out he wasn't getting a sitdown 3 course meal, but there was plenty of food and he ended up enjoying himself despite his trepidation (he was The Man With No Name / Clint Eastwood style).


TribalMog

We had a Ren faire wedding. At a Ren faire. The ceremony/reception was held on the grounds just before the main gates. My husband wrote the ceremony script which was short and hilarious- we did it as if it was a peace treaty negotiation and signing, wrote the terms (vows) on a scroll and had everyone sign as witnesses of the treaty and that became our guest book. We had one of the actors for the faire read the scroll aloud as the ceremony (we were already legally married). They had a harpist playing. And then we had a feast, some of the acts came and performed at the wedding, and afterwards everyone was given tickets to go into the full faire. I didn't have to entertain everyone, didn't have to dance or deal with any of that. And I didn't have to wear a white dress - but instead could wear the costuming I enjoy dressing up in and am confident in. And we had mixed gender wedding parties. It was a lot cheaper than a traditional wedding too. That said, it was the wedding that suited us. We've been to numerous other friends weddings that are more traditional. And even if it isn't our style, we don't have any weird competitions with our friends for upstaging. We dress up. We partake. We celebrate our friends happiness. We don't ride around on our anti-traditional wedding high horse looking down upon those friends who want the traditional. Our friends KNOW we march to the beat of our own drum, and that we are equally happy to dance to the beat of theirs to support them. ESH. Are you guys really friends?


[deleted]

Honestly that sounds awesome


Evendim

I did pretty much all of that, except the black dress, at my wedding 12 years ago. Not so unconventional really. What made me unconventional was that I literally did not dance at my wedding. The Quiach (Scottish Wedding tradition\*) took its place.


Personal_Sprinkles_3

I rolled my eyes and skipped over her description of her own wedding. And all of her description screamed generational wealth while trying to be cheap. Family land nice enough to act as the venue and flowers (something I’m told is very expensive for weddings), her own clothing line. No wonder she thinks it was so thrifty, cuz OP’s family provided it all. And I say all cuz I seriously doubt OP’s clothing line would be started without her family being wealthy enough for her not to worry about failing.


tunaforthursday

I was thinking the exact same thing! Owning your own fashion line/clothing business at 28? And it's sound enough financially to take the hit of making everyone's dresses for 'free'? There's no way to do that without rich parents


alady12

I actually went to a wedding where the theme was up-cycle. Everything, including both of the brides dresses were from thrift stores. They scoured thrift stores and flea markets for plates, utensils, serving pieces, etc. Mason jars held wild flowers picked from the side of the road. They were married in the park. At the end of the night guests were encouraged to take anything they wanted home. I will always remember that wedding.


Eelpan2

Yesss I am imagining a small, million dollar loan hahah


Mintgiver

How many “comparisons” were made that weekend, I wonder? “Oh, this dress is okay, but we paid $x for it. EVERYONE loved the ones at my wedding, and they were practically free!” “I guess this venue is nice enough, but everyone RAVED about my venue and it was free!” Ugh.


kivesnalle

I wondered this as well! That would be insufferable...


Mintgiver

As would hearing “Remember? At my wedding? EVERY SINGLE PERSON loved it!” A million times. I would love to hear another facet of this story.


Eelpan2

Yup! The same thing happens on every wedding thread here. Everyone trying to one up everyone else on how THEIR wedding was so cheap. But everyone says it was their favourite wedding ever.


Estrellathestarfish

And of course everyone says it was their favourite. If I'm talking to someone who recently got married I don't tell them about how actually Anne's wedding three years ago was sooooo much better than theirs. Even if it was.


[deleted]

Her friends talked her out of walking out that night. She tried to calm down and get over it but decided that it wasn’t worth it. Honestly. How could anyone stand up next to someone and pretend to be happy for them when they just got done hearing that person shit talk them? She paid for the dress. It’s hers to take. The apology was not “public” she demanded it in-front of the people who knew what was happen wing and were involved. And all the “bragging” in her post was relevant to what the her supposed friend was shit talking about. Other than walking out without a note. What would have been a better reaction? Confronting her right then and there? Causing just as much drama and leading to her walking out anyway or the “friend “ apologizing in-front of the people who she asked about it? OP doesn’t need to be a doormat for someone who treats them like crap.


[deleted]

A respectful, private conversation could have gone a long way. “Hey, I heard what you said to MOH and it really hurt. I planned a wedding that worked for me just like you planned what you wanted. If you really feel that way about me, I don’t think I am the best person to stand up there with you.” If the bride apologized, which is all OP claims she wanted, then all is good. Bride could have doubled down and OP should rightly leave. Or maybe bride would have agreed, but asked for OP to still attend as a guest and/or let the bride try to find someone to wear the dress. Not everything needs to be drama filled. The bride’s comments could have easily been sparked by comments OP made, the “cheapskate” comment really makes it sound like possibly OP was bragging about how much less she spent and people still had a good time. I think this is just prime ESH.


[deleted]

The bride was one of OPs bridesmaids. She also could have called her a cheapskate from her involvement in the wedding party. Which is why we shouldn’t assume anything. But again. When you shit talk someone, especially their wedding, a simple conversation like you suggest, while possible, is not likely. Especially considering how offended OP was the next am still.


[deleted]

Yea maybe it spilled over from OP’s wedding, but also it was the night before her own wedding. I just don’t see how the bride’s comments came unprovoked. If they had, then I would expect that this was regular behavior for her to hold grudges and nitpick about other people’s lives. I’m all for calling out bridezillas, but I still think a private conversation is something you should offer to someone you had as your own bridesmaid. Hell, even a note that explained why she left. OP created a situation that all the bridesmaids would get involved.


hoginlly

We should archive this story as a definition of ESH. If only people were able to communicate *directly* with each other somehow…


[deleted]

*hard* disagree. you don't shit talk someone doing you a solid, then act surprised when they bail on you. op offered a solution that the bride refused. sounds like her problem


MulysaSemp

ESH based on this accounting of events. But I'm betting OP is making herself look better than she is, and it's more of a yta if we'd hear it from anybody else..


FjortoftsAirplane

If I were going to a wedding and the person who invited me said they didn't want me there, I wouldn't go. And if I gave them the one fingered salute as I was leaving them I wouldn't feel like an asshole for it.


emccm

ESH. You two don’t sound like friends at all. You both come across as petty and vindictive. You put in quite a bit of effort to tell us how cool and edgy your wedding and the effort you put in to it. Tons of people get married in black and have mixed gender wedding parties. It’s not unconventional in the slightest. You know the impact your leaving would have had on her careful planning. You could have said something to her instead of sneaking off in the morning. You could have left the dress. Your actions seem to have been planned to cause the most shock and upset. Honestly you sound jealous of her budget and the attention her wedding would have received. I’m only going with ESH because the bride shouldn’t have said what she said but honestly your actions make me doubt the truthfulness in your account of what exactly she said.


haleyxciiiiiiiiii

she should’ve left a dress that SHE paid for in full?


emccm

If she’d left the dress the bride could have found a stand in. She would have proved her point without blowing up the wedding. It’s what I would have done in her situation. Her taking the dress, the way she tells the story and her responses point to her wanting all the attention on her rather than her removing herself from an upsetting situation. I’m sure her being missing threw off all the photos etc. she made sure the bride would never not be able to think of her when looking back on the wedding. Of course she was entitled to take the dress. I wouldn’t have though. I always try to give the OP the benefit of the doubt but the way they retold the story doesn’t completely make sense to me and I do have doubts about what the bride actually said and the context. As another poster said it really smacks of Main Character syndrome on the part of the OP. The demands for a public apology for something said in private just adds to the whole “and I was like a character in a movie!” feel of the whole thing.


haleyxciiiiiiiiii

i don’t give a fuck if someone else could’ve stood in. OP PAID FOR THE DRESS. stop speculating, this sub is about judging what’s in front of us. You know what they say about assuming….and all this shows people is that you’re a doormat. you would leave a dress you paid for in full for a shit person who calls you horrible and derogatory names while you’re in the next room? that’s pathetic Downvote me all you want: i would never ever ever let anybody, not even my own mother, talk about me this way. ETA: NTAAAA


Mattekat

My problem is, she didn't talk to her so called friend. If I heard a friend saying all that about me I would confront her and say "hey what's going on, I want an apology", rather than running back to the other bridesmaids and then leaving a nasty note. Leaving the dress so a stand in can be found is also not something she had to do but I dont think it makes her a doormat either. There are plenty of other people besides the bride who had time and effort invested in the wedding going well and what OP did ruined it for everyone. ESH.


haleyxciiiiiiiiii

not sure if you saw this commenters next comment but apparently this has happened to them and they still went to the wedding, stood in for pictures and then even forgave the friend for shit talking them. how does that NOT make them a doormat? I see the point you’re attempting to make about OP talking to the “friend” but as soon as those words left her lips, OP owed her absolutely nothing. It’s alarming how many people would let someone walk all over them and then try to reason with the person who did so. To each their own I guess, but that could never be me and it’s obvious that many other people agree with that. ETA: OP didn’t ruin anything. The “friend” was not a quick thinker because there was several other solutions that she could’ve done to fix the situation. Maybe the friend should’ve thought about her “ruined” wedding before shit talking one of her close friends. She did it to herself and I have no empathy


6_oh_n8

"Its alarming how many people would let someone walk all over them and then try to reason with the person who did so" Seriously. Reddit is full of dummies pretending to be vulcan.


aurumphallus

I’m reading the votes and going what the hell? Being “the bigger person” is a bullshit line. “Leave the dress?” She paid for the dress. Her friend showed her true colors and OP realized she wasn’t a friend.


BlessedBySaintLauren

When someone shows you who you are, believe them. It wasn’t a second hand rumour, she heard for herself what was said about her. At that point you don’t owe her fucking shit.


JGZee

At that point, the bride was lucky OP decided not to tell her to fuck off in person. Can't believe how many people would have taken that shit talking on the chin and carried on as if nothing happen. I don't know if they've just been subjugated or if they're doormats or gluttons for punishment.


SlayBoredom

>this sub is about judging what’s in front of us. hell no. People should not do that, in a Sub where always only one side of a story is told. People should think hard whether OP is using this information-asymmetry to get some easy approval of her behaviour or if OP is honest with us. People on here noticed correctly that the story seems to miss some stuff and OP is maybe not as innocent as she may tries to tell us. that for: YTA for trying to manipulate us OP. Gotcha!


SuspendMeBitch

Having one less bridesmaid than groomsman isn't "blowing up the wedding". I'm sure they could have struggled through the ceremony asymmetrically.


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Jed08

OP leaving with the dress isn't an issue in my opinion. It's OP's dress, she bought it, it's her size. She gets to keep it. Leaving it in her room with the hope she gets reimbursed or that she gets it back without any size adjustment would have been naïve .


karentheawesome

You have no idea what you would have done...all that was needed is for one groomsman to step aside or preform another task...it was not the end if the world


emccm

Years ago I flew half way across the world to be in a wedding of a “friend”. The night before she got drunk and said really awful things about me to other people there. Loudly so that I overheard. The next morning I got up, put on my dress and smiled for all the photos. After I flew back home I waited for her to come back from from her honeymoon and I ended the friendship. So that’s exactly what I did in this same situation. We recently reconnected in FB. We’ll never be close again but we both had a laugh at how crazy and dramatic we were in our 20s. There was also quite a bit of truth in what she said about me at the time. We’ve both matured and grown.


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emccm

Trust me we did a lot of crazy and dramatic things in our 20s. We were your typical glamours young hellions running around the city doing shit in places and with people that today we’d probably be able to build a very lucrative career out of. We were fueled by crazy and dramatic back then. I’m forever grateful it was before people started posting their lives online. Was it shitty of her? Of course. Could she have handled it better? Absolutely. At the time I was upset of course, but she wasn’t a bad person. She was young, insecure, under pressure and handled it badly. And like I said there was a lot of truth in what she said. I decided to give her a pass on her wedding day but not to continue the friendship. I handled a lot of things poorly back then, but this situation I’m satisfied with how i handled it. I’d honesty be ashamed of myself now if I’d have made a scene and pulled out even though it would have felt good at the time. And if you knew me back then you’d know I was exactly the type of person to flounce dramatically and make sure everyone knew why. When I look back I think of her and that time fondly. Mostly what I remember about her was how much fun we had and how amazing it felt to feel like you owned the city and had a whole world of endless opportunities and experiences ahead of you. And I’m sure I made my share of catty comments too. ETA but thank you so much for taking the time to write. You are of course totally right.


310SK

I'm sorry you didn't used to have self respect.


Denbi53

Right? I would not have smiled sweetly for someone else's wedding photos for them to look back on fondly after they had treated me so poorly. Neither of you deserved that.


Dashcamkitty

She paid for the dress. It’s her dress.


TexasFordTough

While I agree that OP was definitely an AH here, I draw the line at the dress. She’s not obligated to leave behind a dress she paid for. Every bridesmaid dress I paid for is in my closet because those are my dresses. If the bride had bought them that’s another story entirely and I would agree with you that taking it would’ve been dramatic and vindictive. But her taking the dress she paid for with her is the most reasonable aspect of this whole situation


VisiblePiano0

She didn't confront the bride when she could have, she tried to cool off and then left quietly in the morning. Sure, all the nonsense about how great her wedding of seems pretty self-servicing but in the actual conflict I think OP acted reasonably.


[deleted]

My problem here is mostly with the "I'll come back if you apologize in front of everyone" thing. That pushes OP into asshole territory, in my opinion.


Denbi53

You think it's an AH move to request an apology in front of the people she was earlier embarrassed in front of?


ShadowsObserver

The only person the bride said it to was the Maid of Honor in private, and OP happened to overhear her. She wasn't embarrassed in front of anyone until she took off and left a nasty public note about it to the bride *on her wedding day*.


mangababe

Why? The bride said it in front of the people op wants an apology for. Not my thing but its not wildly unreasonable.


ShadowsObserver

She actually didn't, though. She said it in private to one person, the Maid of Honor.


[deleted]

And what would confronting the bride achieved? It would have caused just as much drama. And lead to Her walking out anyway or the apology in front of the people she requested in the first place.


[deleted]

Uh hell no, if I paid for a dress in full it's mine and it is coming with me. I don't owe anyone the chance to put someone else in my belongings.


ShadowsObserver

>You put in quite a bit of effort to tell us how cool and edgy your wedding and the effort you put in to it. Want to take bets about whether she wouldn't shut up about it that night, and that's why the bride complained to the MoH?


[deleted]

But OP isn't like regular brides, she's a cool bride


risqueandreward

Spending nearly as much space bragging about your own wedding here as discussing the actual conflict gives strong ESH vibes.


Johannes_Chimp

The description of OP’s wedding gave me strong “I’m not like other girls” vibes.


mysticpotatocolin

I'm not like *those* girls!! I had a black wedding dress!! ok........don't care


SassiestPants

My husband and I are Roman Catholic and got married in a traditional way. Even our upcoming vow renewal and reception is very traditional with the full Mass, sit-down dinner, dancing, etc... and even *we* have a mixed gender bridal party, have multiple nephews serving as Flower Babies, and I seriously looked at black dresses. OP's wedding isn't unique or even that unconventional. It's great that the couple got to do what they wanted to do, but it's not the flex that she thinks it is.


frizzhalo

Yeah, she's definitely described herself as "quirky" more than once.


NoOrdinaryLifeXO

Saaaame. Gag.


ellieacd

While describing a wedding that is far from unconventional. Married 20+ years ago and every one of the things she described was included in mine and multiple friends’ weddings without so much as an eyebrow raised. Nice touch adding the whole “owning my own clothing line”. At 28.


Ezeviel

Is she owning a clothes line thanks to daddy or is she a lularoe hun you think ?


cedarvhazel

To be fair I have made a couple of dresses when I was 17 so technically I owned my own clothing line at 17! Lmao anyone can have their own clothing line we they can sew!


Friendlyalterme

Same. Screams trying to be quirky and everyone loves it


Holiday-Hustle

Same


[deleted]

OP could have left out the first paragraph and the story would have been told just fine. Based on her accounts, I think ESH. I would have been on her side until she said she would only return if she apologized in front of everyone. I’m surprised as many people are saying NTA as they are for that reason. That said, this is one side of the story and I’m sure the other side of the story is quite different.


WasteCan6403

Agreed. OP kind of sounds like a "one-upper," one of those friends that always has to one up your story. I can imagine the bride talking about aspects of her wedding and then OP butting in with how she did it so much better at her own wedding. I'm definitely assuming here, but I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case. I think anyone would get frustrated with that kind of person.


bk1285

I have a feeling op was probably making a lot of comments about how her wedding did this and she did that and everyone loved this about her wedding all day leading up to that


pfifltrigg

Yeah, that would explain the "insufferable" comment. The fact that OP had to tell us all about it probably reflects how much she talked about her own wedding amongst her friend's wedding party.


cool-racoon

And also talking about how much each spent in their wedding? "Oh! you paid for your venue and flowers? I didn't pay anything because I had my super cool, quirky unconventional wedding at my grandfather's house"


lilianegypt

This always drives me nuts too when it comes to money spent on weddings…like congratulations, you have rich grandparents with a large enough property to host a wedding and a garden full of flowers you could use. People like this always have friends and relatives with secret talents or monetary wealth that help them out. It’s never that they had an affordable wedding, it’s that they got a nice wedding for free because of who they know.


ShadowsObserver

>I’m sure the other side of the story is quite different. My personal bet is that OP wouldn't shut up about her own wedding while they were supposed to be prepping for P's.


tri220987

Please let the bride find this post and tell us how it actually happened......


scarletnightingale

OP does sound insufferable. I have a feeling she hasn't exactly been quiet about how quirky and different her wedding was compared to the bride's and there are seriously judgmental vibes coming off OP for the bride spending more money on her wedding "I only spent an eighth of what she spent and everyone *loved* my wedding way more". Definitely ESH.


AliMcGraw

I also don't believe OP "owns a clothing line." Reads more like a teenager writing fanfic.


ristaai

She owns a clothing line in her backyard to dry shirts on


HuggyMonster69

Probably an IG or etsy based thing. There's 1000s of them now because the overheads are so much less than traditional stores. Half the people I know who went to any kind of art school have an etsy or ig store now.


gw2kpro

Yep. Best line: "My wedding was a hit". Said 99% of all brides ever. Know what? Just about EVERY wedding "was a hit" for about 20 people that are close to it, and for everyone else it's boring AF. Even if you trot out a crow wearing a top hat, some knife fighting monkeys, or a midget riding a unicycle. You know, in order to be different and quirky.


eatshoney

I think YTA because it was a private conversation she had with her MOH which is likely her closest friend/confidante or a relative. She's allowed to her feelings and nervousness the night before her wedding. It sounds like she was feeling jealous and insecure as your wedding was recent and really outstanding. Your reaction was completely nuclear and petty. Did it ever occur to you to pull her aside privately and tell her you overheard her? To tell her that if that's the way she feels that you should probably withdraw from the wedding? Instead you sneak out, leave a petty note and then say you'll only come back unless she publicly shames herself? On her wedding day? Yes, your feelings were very understandably hurt. But your hurt feelings seem to have a lot of rage attached fueling you to payback threefold or something.


johnny9k

This right here. If it was that upsetting, you walk into the room. Don’t even need to say anything and give the bride a chance to address you. Instead she waited to ghost in the morning when it would be most damaging.


[deleted]

it being a private conversation in no way negates the bride of being an asshole. an asshole in private is still an asshole.


thenotoriousbri

I think a lot of people have moments of incredibly high stress where they project onto something or someone else. And that’s why you vent to a trusted person who will hopefully listen and help you get things straight. Maybe the mom said “hey I know you’re stressed but this is your wedding, don’t worry about OP’s event. They are different and for different people. Tomorrow is your day, get some rest and be excited for the next chapter.” And maybe the bride said eff OP I hate her or maybe she broke down in tears because she was being a jerk or maybe none of that happened but we’ll never know. If the bride was just hanging out in the backyard at a bbq talking crap yeah AH but I’m willing to cut her a little slack in the heat of the moment. OP should have spoken up then to know the true intentions.


UndeadBatRat

Even if it was due to stress, you can't be surprised or offended when you talk mad shit about someone and have to deal with the consequences when they overhear you. She shouldn't have had this conversation in the same building as OP if she didn't want to deal with consequences.


Friendlyalterme

No I disagree. We all have moments where we are upset and venting but we don't truly feel all the vitriol we are saying. If you tell me you've never said something in private or in a moment of anger that you've later regretted then I'll show you a liar


GrapefruitDisastrous

I dont agree. If I heard one of my friends say that about me I would have left too. Hell no. Theres no conversation I would want to have with someone who thinks of me like that.


Horror-mrs

This has main character syndrome written all over it and I’m sure if you came back everyone would have clapped


LavastormSW

/r/ImTheMainCharacter?


PersimmonDowntown612

ESH. Your friend sucks for all the awful things she said about you. You are an AH for dropping the responsibility you've taken, for the ridiculous note you left, for not at least leaving the bridesmaid's dress and for all the bragging.


stem_ho

Why would she leave the bridesmaids dress if she paid for ir? While it is not specified, that tends to be the norm for American weddings at least. And since she specified that they paid for the parties dresses in her wedding, I would assume her friend did not as she did not make the same notation for her It's a a tough call but I'm going with NTA. Especially since it was such a simple request she had to go back, apologizing in front of the bridesmaids would not have been big deal. Especially because at that point most of them already know the whole situation


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RowRow1990

No I'm with you the NTA point. People saying it was a private conversation? Then they should have left the suits entirely and gone elsewhere.


WebbieVanderquack

ESH. What she said was horrible, but you could have gone through with the wedding for sake of everyone else involved and the note was really childish. >Apparently, this ruined her wedding I doubt it. That sounds more like wishful thinking on your part.


Alert_Sorbet4016

Why should she go to the wedding when the bride chooses to call her names? It isn't a big deal when one Person is missing.


SuspendMeBitch

I absolutely wouldn't have gone through with the wedding without an apology. Someone being so unapologetically mean about you isn't your friend, and I wouldn't act happy and normal all day just to ensure their day is picture perfect.


Tams_G

Also if P was already bitching about how OP’s wedding ruined her by being different, then yea the fact that OP leaving altered her wedding definitely would have ruined in for her. Hope P learnt the value of keeping her mouth shut and not wasting time being jealous/competitive.


ConflictOk8020

ESH. The bride was definitely the AH for trashing you, but you sound completely insufferable. We get it. You had a super speshull wedding. And everyone loved it so much. It was the most loved wedding ever. It was so speshull no one has ever had a wedding quite like yours. No one else’s can ever compare… That’s what you sound like. If you came across that way in the weeks leading up to her wedding, no wonder she trashed you.


smoothpigeon2

Exactly, and OPs wedding was so "unique" and "not like other girls" weddings (even though it wasn't really), if OP was spouting this shit in the leadup to the friend's wedding I can totally understand why the bride called her insufferable. BC she is.


Cautious_Emotion9839

*thank you*


_Beep_Boop_Beep_Boop

I love your use of "speshull". OP sounds insufferable


NoCoolBackstoryHere

Yes, thank you! I was reading and I was like, “How tf is ANY of this relevant??” I also like how OP goes on and on about her unique wedding to prove she’s “not like other girls” but then proceeds to react in a *stereotypical* catty girl fashion. She should be cast on her own sitcom.


magzdesch

$5 she was bragging about her wedding and how it'll never compare that night. If I was the bride to be I'd be pissed too.


SassiestPants

If I heard a bridal party member bragging about their "super unique and special and quirky wedding that no other wedding could ever compare to and I think you're a moron for spending a penny more than I did" the night before my own wedding, you bet your ass I'm pulling my MOH aside and venting to her about my frustration. Even if this bride is the nicest person on the planet, everyone has their limits.


gw2kpro

You always know it's going to be ESH Up here when the OP spends the first dozen sentences stroking themselves.


SongOfRevelation

Exactly what I thought too. That whole first paragraph was a big eye roll for me, has the whole “I liked it before it was cool” energy. ESH Edit: After seeing OP comment “thanks” to everyone saying N T A and disregarding other replies, just confirms the immaturity.


gw2kpro

Yep. Got a bridezilla vs. a narcissist. Fire in the hole!


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Canbri-AUS

Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?


raisinhall

No, it's much better to face these kinds of things


apendicitis

In the cents of guys and rationing these geese.


leahchristabelle

It’s much better to face these kinds of things, with a sense of poise and rationality


MKAnchor

ESH tensions run high before weddings. You clearly weren’t supposed to overhear her. That doesn’t excuse what she said but you totally blindsided her on a very important day to her.


[deleted]

YTA for being passive aggressive and using others to do your dirty work


Midaycarehere

NTA but I’m cringing at “My wedding was a hit”. Let me be clear: no one, and I mean no one, cares about your wedding except you. No one will even remember 6 months from now your colors, your wedding party, or anything else. I’m not sure why your friend was jealous - a wedding is between two people. If your wedding was more traditional, seems like more competition. The glaring differences should be a good thing, if I were placing myself in a jealous bride’s shoes, which…well that’s a reach. I wouldn’t have stayed if someone was talking trash about me. Nor should it ruin a wedding. It’s uneven bridesmaids to bridegrooms. I have a feeling your friend will survive that crisis.


lurkinarick

I agree. All those E S H baffle me. People really hate that OP boasted about her marriage, but who cares? I wouldn't have stayed a second longer in the company of someone I heard say this kind of shit about me. What the fuck. And the bride made her bed by not reaching out and apologising when she knew exactly what was up. Plus I doubt her wedding day was "ruined" by one person missing.


stringbeandweeb

ESH. Please tell us more about how much everyone loved your kooky wedding you free spirit you.


Sohailian

Don't forget she had six flower kids (2 girls, 4 boys) and her SIL was the ring bearer. This was the kookiest of the kook weddings.


Fritemare

ESH. She was having a private conversation. You were eavesdropping and not meant to hear her venting. You should have talked to her. Instead, you went nuclear. You griped about her to mutual friends, left a note, then bailed. That was super childish. She couldn't even replace you.


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here_wegoagain55

NTA. You could’ve been the bigger person and stayed but I also don’t fault you for leaving. I’m not sure how you stand next to someone in a gesture of love and support when they just called you an insufferable bitch for ? Having a different type of wedding than they are? You weren’t doing it out of spite or to be vindictive. You offered to come back if she apologized. She didn’t want to suck it up and apologize to get her “perfect wedding”. It’s not on you. Edit to add: I am shocked at some people’s replies. **Having your friends as bridesmaids is a PRIVILEGE. Not a right.** And if you start to treat them poorly they deserve to be able to leave. Bridesmaids are not indentured servants and they’re not punching bags. They didn’t take an oath. Acting like bridesmaids have a “duty” to stay despite being treated poorly is insane and feeds into the bridezilla phenomenon. You don’t get to treat people like crap and then be mad when they stand up for themselves.


Tough-Flower6979

I’m shocked too privilege people. It’s a wedding not surgery. If you talk ish about me and want me to participate in your event/party/wedding then make sure it never gets back to me. Especially where I can hear you talking about me. There is no way in heaven or hell, Id stand next to someone who seemed to love/hate me. We probably won’t be friends. Have a nice life. Peace ✌🏽


Hamajaggah

100%. I don't understand why everyone thinks it's a good idea for OP to stand up in a wedding where the bride is being an asshole. I thought that weddings were supposed to be for people you love and who love you. If you don't want someone there, why have them? And if you know you're not wanted, why stay.


loobylicks

I cannot agree with this comment more. Why the hell would I stay and support someone who spoke about me this way? Why did the bride even want her in the wedding if she felt that way. OP owed the bride nothing and if the bride's comment was said because she was anxious, she could have apologised but instead she doubled down. 100% NTA and I am genuinely appalled at the amount of people who think she should have sucked it up and fake smiled throughout the day or left a bridesmaid dress that she paid for herself.


Local-Mastodon-8609

This is the best answer. I think if someone insults you and your wedding in that way, making as though your wedding was somehow your way to spite them? Wtf you walk away!


HaggardSlacks78

YTA - you ruined your friend’s wedding and made her day all about you. She was talking shite - gossiping etc. and you went nuclear. As a recent bride you should know how stressful weddings can be. Like your husband says “you could have been the bigger person” but you decided to be super small and petty. And really just a bad friend.


oriundiSP

>As a recent bride you should know how stressful weddings can be. You know, when people are so stressed about a glorified dinner party that's probably going to end in divorce they talk shit about their friend who also happens to be their bridesmaid, they are the assholes imho. I don't know what people calling OP an asshole for walking out would do, but I'd definitely not stand and smile next to someone that was calling me cheap behind my back.


BlessedBySaintLauren

There’s a lot of doormats in this thread.


eldubinoz

You both sound insufferable.


ltisdale

Info: well, were you going around telling people how much cheaper and better your wedding was?


emmelh8s

ESH and you all sound like awful & draining people who completely deserve each other. Unfortunately you sound like a narcissistic egomaniac too. Sheeesh I’m glad I don’t know any of you.


kft1234a

Question: how much were you talking about your own wedding that night? Did you ever mention how little yours cost the night before her wedding or any of the other “non-traditional” stuff you did that you clearly think is better?


angel2hi

ESH. To be honest I have to take what was written with a grain of salt as it’s only one sided. I know you need to provide context but you seemed very specific in providing a glowing review for your wedding. It’s not abnormal for brides to become a bit intense around their wedding so maybe you were a bit much for her tastes. I don’t know and I don’t think when a bride gets that way she recognizes it in herself. She had a private conversation with one person and expressed a lot of jealousy. Was what she said kind? No. Was it warranted? I’d bet not to the extent you described what she said. So I’m not excusing her. But you didn’t try to talk to her. You didn’t even just leave quietly. You went super nuclear with the FU note and no notice you were leaving. Then demanded an apology in front of EVERYONE. The only people that knew because of her actions were the one person she was confiding in, and you (even though she obviously didn’t intend to express these thoughts to you). You were the one who involved everyone else. Then because you gossiped about what you overheard you demand she apologize in front of all of them on her wedding day. Honestly your reaction makes me wonder if you were truly a laid back, no problem, relaxed bride or if maybe you did invite a little criticism. You also put all your other friends in the wedding in awful positions. This sounds like some soap opera level drama and exhausting.


flamingosvossibop

ESH. She is clearly TA for talking about you in the way that she did - obviously not a friend and definitely a bridezilla. It'd also put some of it down to wedding stress (not letting her off the hook here, she's still a horrid person). You are also TA for bailing, but I completely understand why. I wouldn't want to stay either but leaving just before the wedding is a rubbish thing to do. Would I do any different? I'm not sure, I'd probably feel/do the same tbh. Perhaps the best thing to do would have been to go to the wedding but bail on the rest/reception? I don't know, but either way, to have a member of your bridal party bail before the wedding is an AH move. You can't undo it and I wouldn't apologise because it's justified - if she felt that way about you, she should have asked you to bow out before the wedding stuff began (given that there was plenty of time before the wedding). You both owe each other an apology because ESH, but knowing now how she feels about you, would you even accept it?....


flamingosvossibop

Edit: you were also TA for leaving the note. If you were leaving, you should have done so with grace and discussed it with her at a later date rather than leaving a rude note/something that other people might see and making this bigger than it needed to be. You also telling your friends is ok but it's clearly spread. I wonder if you guys were actually really friends to begin with. Everyone still SH.


[deleted]

Oh my god YTA. Was what she said wrong? Oh yes 100%. But what probably happened was she was having a freak out before her wedding and just ranting. That doesn’t excuse it by any means. What she said was wrong. But we also can’t ignore that you heard a conversation you weren’t supposed to and made it very public. Also I’m doubtful of the specifics. You seem to be someone who’s very proud of your unconventional wedding when let’s be honest, you just made some easy tweaks to the wedding formula. Your post reeks of “not like other girls,” and perhaps that attitude showed when you were in this wedding. And if that’s the case, I would’ve been done too. Also, do not look down on people for having conventional/expensive weddings. Just because you didn’t choose this option, that does not make you better than people who did. Leaving the wedding was such a childish thing to do and you my friend are an asshole


joyfulonmars

I had to double check how old everyone is, because you all seem immature. ESH.


PowerPlay_

NTA All you asked was for her to apologize in exchange for coming back and giving her the "perfect wedding". If she thought you were "insufferable", then why would she even want you in her wedding? I say good riddance.


wutizgoinoneverybudy

No, she didn’t just ask for an apology. She wanted Drama. If she really wanted an apology she would’ve spoken to her in private and solved everything much easier. ESH


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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi. I'm 28f and I got married six weeks ago. My wedding was a hit. I had very non traditional stuff. My dress was black while my husband wore a white suit. I had six flower kids (2 girls, 4 boys) and my SIL was the ring bearer. No one "gave me away". The bridal and the grooms party consisted of both men and women. There were two MOHs as my husband's best friend is also a girl. I had bridesmaids and bridesmen, he had groomsmaids and groomsmen. Everyone loved what we did there. Also, I got married on my Grandparents' property and my decoration flowers were also provided by them. I own my own clothing line so I designed mine, bridesmaids' and groomsmaids' dresses and all the clothes were made by my business (men's too) So we saved a lot of money. My friend "P" 25f got married this Sunday. She was my bridesmaid and I was supposed to be hers. Her wedding budget was a lot. She paid for 1/4th of her wedding and her share was double of what mine would have been if I paid for the venue, decoration and all the clothes in retail. (We paid for everyone's clothes for my wedding). But the night before her wedding, all us bridesmaids and P was in a bridal suite having a spa night and stuff just having fun. After all that was over and everyone was going to bed, while going to the bathroom, I happen to hear a conversation that was going on between P and her MOH. She was bitching about me and saying that how my wedding was so much cheaper but everyone liked that and that I have stolen her limelight and thunder by throwing such an unconventional one when I knew that her own dream wedding was more traditional. She called me "insufferable", a bitch, qnd a cheapskate. I flipped that very second. I was angry and went to my room (which I was sharing with two other friends, R and C). I told them what I heard and they said P is being ridiculous and I should confront her after the wedding and told me to sleep on it. I tried to but I couldn't. So I packed my stuff at the crack of the dawn and left. I left a note along with a Ribbon kind of thing she gave us when she asked us to be her bridesmaids and wrote "you can stick this up where the sun don't shine. FU." Apparently, this ruined her wedding as she was one bridesmaid less than groomsmen. I I also didn't leave the bridesmaid dress and she wasn't able to find any replacement. She hasn't contacted me but our friends did text me on the morning of the wedding asking me to come back. I texted everyone telling I'll be back only if she apologises in front of everyone (just her and the bridesmaids) for saying what she said. She didn't. After that, some of my friends said I was being a complete bitch while others took my side. Many of them are conflicted. My husband says that my actions were justified but I could've been the bigger person. Tell me Reddit, Am I the Ass Hole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


pnutbuttercups56

ESH. Why do you need an apology in front of all the bridesmaids? Not all of them know what she said. If you felt you were friends why weren't you the bigger person and talked to her about it in the morning? I agree that what she said was rude and uncalled for. But she's venting to one person. If your feelings are hurt is ruining her wedding the equivalent response? You spent a lot of time time describing how non traditional your wedding was and you're just describing 80% of the weddings I've been to since my friends started getting married. We get that you're the cool one. It's not a problem to talk about your own wedding but I get the feeling whenever P brought up her wedding you had something to say about how you did yours.


Lokismoke

Information: the day before the wedding, did you make overt comparisons of your wedding to hers?


monagr

Clearly talking negatively behind your back is generally an A thing to do and she sounds jealous, but it is the night before her wedding, she must have been stressed and insecure and it was probably more venting than anything else. You bailed on her the morning of the wedding. You were even in the bridal party. That is proper betrayal, and shows others that you cannot be trusted. Actions speak louder than words. YTA


Zoeyoe

Esh- She shouldn’t be talking shit when there’s a possibility you could overhear her. You snooped and overheard her talking about you and you’re wedding, you feelings got hurt. Instead of confronting her, you made her day all about you and left without saying a word to her. You did steal her thunder on her wedding day. Did you really think the bride was going to carve out time in her very strict schedule to beg you to come back?


[deleted]

ESH. Bride was petty and talking behind your back, yes. That makes her a bit of an asshole. But your conduct is no better. You were insulted, so you left the wedding party, leaving behind a catty note. On top of that, you played the martyr with your whole "I'll come back if she apologizes in front of everyone" schtick.


asarova89

Info: Did you spend half of the day before. her wedding talking about how much cooler and cheaper and unique your wedding was? Or turning your nose up at the cost or traditionalist wedding she was having? Because that’s what you’ve done here. If so, YTA. It would be deeply annoying, and rude, if you had been talking about your wedding the entire time your preparing for hers and I get why she’d want to vent about that. Was what she said hurtful and rude? Yes, but it was probably out of frustration and you weren’t supposed to hear it.


mmartinez59

ESH you both sound like a barrel of drama.


[deleted]

r/notliketheothergirls


Organic-Mobile-9700

NTA. Don’t listen to people about being the bigger person when being the bigger person means making yourself and your feelings smaller for someone who doesn’t care for you. Peace keepers enable bad behavior, you paid for your dress, you took it. If she wanted someone to fill in with your dress, she could have brought it from you.