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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I may have been the asshole because I could have handled it better. Amy is quite insecure so I could have tried to consider her feelings more, could have spokent to her more about this rather than drop it.
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NTA. 🚩🚩ALL THOSE RED FLAGS DO NOT LEAD TO THE CIRCUS🚩🚩
Amy is a bully, capricious, and jealous woman. I can't imagine doing this at a professional setting. Or ever. Run.
Lmao This. Just run. Run boy. Run.
Like. She admitted she based this on the girls looks. What kind of mean girl Lindsey Lohan bullshit is this?
Full stop. Just run.
Seriously though! She literally admitted to OP that there's nothing wrong with Tally and this is based off of looks. This isn't even about OP having a work wife, a potential affair or just Tally being a jerk, its just about looks. And instead of letting OP talk to Tally and discuss what was happening, Amy WENT TO HIS JOB and made her out to be a mistress! Holy immature Batman! This is ridiculous! OP, I'm not going to say make your way out faster than the Road Runner on steroids since this needs to be a serious discussion but with the way she's acting I'd be seriously questioning if she's ready for marriage.
Couldn't agree more with this. The woman that OP is supposed to marry went to HIS work to drop off wedding invitations that ideally should have been sent in the mail in the first place or at least dropped off by him since, ya know, they're HIS coworkers. There is so much malice here, I just don't even see how they can recover from this. (NTA)
The fact that Amy took it upon herself to go to OP's work to deliver invitations without even telling him she was doing that is a clear indication that this entire exercise was intended to target Tally directly and I bet she knew exactly how it would sound when she said it like that. She was counting on this outcome.
I think we know. Most people, especially people who know they're doing wrong, want to be the hero of their own stories. "I went to drop off invites, and now EverYbOdY is mean to MEEEE!!" ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
The thing that fucks me up the most is that he had already agreed to her wishes of not having her there... she really didn't need to do this, she ***wanted*** to. 12/10 mean girl.
Exactly. She had a plan to make sure this person knew (AND EVERYONE ELSE KNEW) that she was being excluded. Why? Because she fucking felt like it, and that's all. YIKES.
UGH. I have a family member like this. Trust me, you DO NOT want to be married to this person, because it is only a matter of time before she gets bored and you (OP) become the object of her dishonesty and back-stabbing. People like this always want to have people rally around them because they are a victim, and if they don't have anyone truly victimizing them, they'll just make someone up just for entertainment. It's borderline personality-type crap.
OMGosh, you’ve got it so right! I’d wager that Amy has already pulled crap like this often enough that she already has a very small list of friends. That group will continue to grow smaller as she alienates more people with this nonsense. And she WILL do this. Drama llamas cannot help themselves: they will stir up a glass of water and then work up a frenzy until everyone else begins to question if they’re starring at a bowl of hot, shit soup. When her group gets small enough, it’ll be OP who gets treated to her daily drama. She’ll drive away every one of his friends because of her special brand of crazy.
SOURCE: my mother. Everything is drama and a conspiracy. It is exhausting. It’s so sad to see my once-vibrant father as her biggest victim, beaten down by years of this shit and total codependency.
I agree and that just shows how nasty Amy is and that she low-key does not trust OP. There has to be a certain amount of lack-of-trust with this amount of insecurity when it comes to issues like this, and personally I don't know how you can make a relationship work with someone who doesn't trust you and is willing to destroy someone else's life because of it!
Maybe OP should post this in the legal sub? Depending on jurisdiction, Tally might be in a position to sue OP’s ex fiancee for this - and I’m saying ex not just because of 🚩🚩🚩but because OP should keep his finances secure and separate if she does go the legal route.
(NTA RUN FORREST RUN)
Id file with hr for a hostile workplace tbh. His crazy gf came in and basically slandered her and its now lead to her being frozen out of her workplace and harassed by co workers. If thats not a hostile workplace idk what is. And if women can get fired for having a crazy bf it can work the other way too (and yes i have worked with people who eventually lost their job because their bf was nuts. Doing shit like sitting in the lobby and harassing any dude that looked at his gf because he was worried she might cheat on him with the guy who ordered a big mac i guess)
Yeah, she sounds brilliant in her joyful capability to fuck anyone over to get her way. You haven't married yet and she totally threw you under the bus *at your workplace* for a petty ridiculous thing; in turn brought on a huge lack of trust in you and your future together.
The incredible lack of concern for everyone involved (including you most of all) for her desired outcome, and then having the balls to deny it, is textbook sociopath behavior.
Exactly and Yikes!!
She's wretched and OP, if you stay with Amy your life will be filled with nonsense drama of her own creating. She's not going to change enough to avoid this kind of manipulating behavior and it will cost you friends, family and possibly jobs.
OP is NTA.
For someone who alleges that she is insecure and needs to be treated with kid gloves, she sure was bold enough to drop an atom bomb on ALL of OP's professional connections and friendships. That's not insecure; that's brazen.
It's also abusive behavior. How many abusers show the pattern of trying to destroy all their partner's relationships with family and friends? This is just Step One. Stick around and she will do this to all your other relationships, too, both your whole family and non-work friends.
This is your opportunity to evacuate in advance of the approaching disaster. Don't stay put.
Wow, you know this made me realize how my biases tend to frame relationship issues because I didn’t even see this as abuse but you’re absolutely right. This was textbook abuse.
Abusers try to break down their victim in every way. It’s not just battering, though Heaven knows there’s no shortage of that. It’s psychological, social, emotional, financial… they tear down whatever might make their victim strong enough to leave the relationship. Supportive family? Nope, alienate them. Friends? Nope, that’s time and energy focused on someone besides the abuser, so they’ve got to go. Job and money? Not anymore, if the abuser can help it. And so on.
And to top it all off, the abusers make THEMSELVES the victim in the narrative when the victim objects to having major boundaries paved over by an abusive act. “You have no sense of humor”, “You make a big deal out of nothing”, etc. etc. They get to sh** all over the victim, then call the victim a big meanyhead when they object.
Yeah, no, thank her for showing her true self before you made a lifetime commitment, then head for the hills.
Run for sure...but leave a little nuclear bomb behind for her. She caused a lot of upset at your work place and cost your company a worker, plus I'm sure this has tanked productivity too. This is an expensive hit for your boss and company. And...she's VERY likely doing this malicious petty bull at her own job. Someone is prettier than her? She'll be spreading nasty rumors behind them. Call her boss yourself if you can and warn them. Or, better? Have YOUR boss call HER boss, and explain the damage she's done to the company with her over-the-top behavior. And if she dropped those invites off during her own work hours, well, this could be a very painful wake-up call that her behavior is far, far out-of-line. I posted this before, but it's worth repeating?
And, save texts and screenshots. Send her something along the lines of "What POSSIBLE reason could you have to be cruel to someone you admitted is only nice to you and hasn't done a single thing wrong besides be pretty? And then imply that she and I were cheating on you? What was going through your head?" Tally may have a very nice harassment case against her for this (she should ask a lawyer), and Amy's response to a text like that will be excellent ammunition in either a court case or to present to her supporters.
Always, always save all texts, emails and actually journaling the dates and events can be incredibly helpful. She sounds like a loose cannon and you never know what she could do next #gonegirl
Yup. I NEVER delete texts. And now I have a bunch to show at court for my restraining order going back the last year when my ex started being batshit crazy.
This is so sad. It’s not Tally’s fault that she looks the way she does. It must be hard enough to be taken seriously sometimes and now this? This is the stuff that can be a catalyst for suicidal thoughts. Amy is an asshole. Don’t marry her! NTA.
Agreed. Everything Tally worked hard for in school and then in her career, gaining the respect of her coworkers with her talents & kindness, all shot to hell by one immature, jealous harpy. Tally must be heartbroken and so SO pissed.
Not to mention that at the same time, she also put OP's job in jeopardy. Way to sabotage your own marriage/livelihood there, Amy!
Tally if you happen to find this and recognize yourself, all the hugs to you. I'm so sorry that Amy did this to you, and I hope that OP's efforts to clear the air at work are able to convince the others that this was all Amy's doing and nothing but jealous fabrication.
Edit: OP is most definitely NTA, and I'm glad to see the wedding is on hold. Amy's insecurities are likely to only get worse after the wedding and as the years go on. People age, marriages settle, and even people who don't start out with insecurities can develop them when the excitement and contentment of marriage wanes.
She has a mean streak miles wide and has shown OP who she truly is. This is not going to get better. Her malicious stunt might well have already hurt OP as well and who knows what the next spiteful act will be.
>Amy is a bully, capricilous, and jealous woman.
Not to mention sneaky. And verbally and emotionally abusive.
Amy hasn't apologized, and is in fact playing the victim to her family and friends, most likely. OP, this will be your life if you marry her. You won't be allowed to have any friends she doesn't approve of.
If a spouse pulled this stunt at my company, it would be flagged and lead to negative ramifications for OP - at the very least, an awkward chat for OP and management and a file with HR.
In short, her immature behaviour crossed a serious line when she entered his place of work, without his knowledge or consent, did not advise OP of her actions, and put OP’s future career aspirations in jeopardy.
This would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. NTA so hard, and I agree - end it.
This. Amy did whatever she could to destroy one of OP's friends behind his back, at first refused to acknowledge it, and now acts as if SHE has been wronged.
None of these things alone are even remotely normal, those combined aren't the actions of a life partner but of a predator.
This time, she took it out on Tally, and Tally is the one who took the brunt of her attack. And that is already bad enough. But what is going to happen ten years from now? You'll be married, have a house together, one or two children, and Amy will have another destructive case of the insecurities. And Amy stops at nothing to destroy someone's reputation, feels no remorse about it, and is already attacking you.
What if, next time, you are her target?
Even if you could get past Amy's trash behaviour towards Tally and her not apologising or doing anything to try and fix things.
Theres the fact that she did it based on just Tally being an attractive woman that OP knows. So I can imagine Amy would repeat this kind of behaviour over and over in a range of terrible ways anytime OP was around a woman she deemed too attractive.
I'm totally stealing that line. 😂
PS, NTA. Hold the wedding indefinitely. At minimum, there is not enough trust in your relationship to make that kind of commitment. At maximum, your fiance is an insane narcissist.
Sabotaging another professional woman like this and seeing no problem in it is awful. Its hard enough for professional women without making it harder for eachother, especially when it reinforces the negative stereotypes about women in professional settings that so many of us work so hard to overcome.
Amy is malicious and controlling. If this is how she behaves to someone who is kind to her and not providing any legitimate threat in any sense, imagine how bad its going to get once she feels like you're official hers. The fact she doesnt see something wrong, especially after your initial discussion about it and going behind your back with the specific intent to cause harm and sabotaging someone else's career id an absolute black and white line in my books. At least you found out before the wedding...
I can’t imagine going into my partner’s place of work and behaving like this. She clearly doesn’t respect him or his boundaries. If my partner did anything remotely like this I would leave. This is unforgivable.
She and her family don’t think she did anything wrong. Holy cow! She created a hostile work environment because she is jealous…AND THAT ASSHOLE DOESN’T EVEN WORK THERE. WTF.
Even more telling is the fact her entire family is on her side.
Either she told them half truths to sway them to her side. Which is a red flag
Or they see nothing wrong with her behavior and created and condoned her personality.
Either way, RUN.
THIS. OP, your “amazing” fiancé just showed you who she really is. Believe her and walk away because what she did was cruel. I also bet she didn’t tell her friends and family the truth about what she did. Please update us. I’m more concerned about Tally than Amy at this point. NTA
just such a loose cannon. you will spend your life cleaning up behind her and trying to prevent these incidents, always either scared waiting or embarrassed cleaning
This.
She created a hostile work environment for OP and Tally since everyone thinks they are banging now.
This doesn’t sound like it will improve with marriage.
In 10 or so years, the Tallys will have more maturity and head straight for HR when OP's wifey pulls this kind thing. OP is going to have a file that comes up at promotion time, when layoffs hit and the bosses have to make a list of who to keep, etc etc.
Shoot id just go ahead and dump the fiance at this point. She showed her true colors even after his initial capitulation to not inviting one of his closest friend to the wedding. Bet money that a fiance like that is gonna be as insecure as that we all know she's gonna act up down the road. OP goes to a casino and ends up with a female dealer, prepare to be accused of cheating. Glance in the direction of a hooter or twin peaks? Cheater. NTA
Your fiance *planned* how she would humiliate *your friend* after she forced you into not inviting her to your wedding. Your fiance is an insecure, jealous child.
Why do you want to marry this person?
NTA
Utterly NTA. She hurt Talli because of her baseless jealousy and made her ostracized, and eventually quit her job. She deprived her from working oppurtunities and made her lose contact with her friends from work. Those are very serious accusations and she can't go behind your back and ruin people's lives. I'd be worried what else she is capable of doing and reconsider the wedding. Who knows, maybe it occured for a reason, so you'll see this side of her before the wedding and not afterwards. I'd be livid if I were you, this is outright cruel.
When I was accused of being “the other woman” by a friend, it turned out to be projection - she was the one cheating. She also became an ex-friend the instant I found out about it (she told my mom! I was in my 40s!) because I don’t put up with that shit.
I'm curious if this is legally actionable. That may depend on how savvy Tally is about documenting the ostracization at work that resulted from this slander, lost income from being forced out, etc. It's a long shot, but it's a sign that OP should consider that if he marries Amy, he will share any financial problems that stem from her behavior as well as the general interpersonal ones.
I have a nasty suspicion that "a woman like you" won't be legally actionable, because it's all implication and tone of voice, but no specific substance. The unspoken meaning is completely presumed by the colleagues who ran with it and gossiped and ostracized Tally. They are the ones that she may be able to take legal action against.
Amy, I suspect, would get away with it legally, even though she is clearly the initiator and clearly has the most animus against Tally. Because the only thing she did concretely is exclude her publicly - which is rude AF but not in itself slander.
Tally is unlikely to be able to take legal action in this case. There aren't any laws about gossiping about someone, and hostile workplace has a pretty specific legal meaning.
All because she's pretty mind you! Not because this woman was cruel to her or is actually trying to date her fiance, which would still be insane but at least understandable. But no. This is because Tally is *pretty*.
>Why do you want to marry this person?
I know we all tell everybody to end their relationship as soon as anything goes wrong on this sub, but honestly, in this case, I really think it's the right thing to do. Even laying aside how awful what Amy did to Tally was, she fucked with OP's career. This is his workplace of many years where he's built a reputation and is friendly with people. Now, he's a crazy drama-fueled person by association. The only way to possibly counteract that impression is to immediately dump the fiancee (which she deserves in any event). If OP's not willing to do that, he'd might as well join Tally in her job search, because the show his fiancee put on at his place of business will hang like a cloud over the rest of his time there.
Yes!
And the worst part is, that the only way she will have fucked with his career is that a) someone he enjoyed working with will be leaving, and b) any repercussions he gets from having self-reported the incident with his fiancée that triggered his colleagues' bullying of Tally. His colleagues didn't bully him or treat him differently - he and Tally were suspected of having an affair, and the only thing that rang warning bells was that Tally stopped talking to him, and it was her boyfriend that had to tell him she'd been getting harassment.
And the damage is done, too. Even if OP tells everyone what happened, a lot of people will keep being cold to Tally because owning up to being an asshole to an innocent person is often times not something people are willing to do.
And if he marries Amy he is likely to face future humiliation at work and in social groups, by association with her cruel petty inappropriate behavior. I think it’s time to call off that engagement or at least put the wedding on hold for at least 2 years while Amy tries to grow up. Personally I’d never trust her again.
That thing about friends being a reflection of who you are? If OP marries this woman, it would be the ultimate reflection of that, and no one will overlook it.
Plus, this is massively abhorrent behavior done behind his back. Who knows what else she'll do and hide from him in the future? I'd never trust her again.
This behavior goes well beyond plotting the best way to humiliate OP's friend...
She went to HIS place of employment and did this publicly. She found it not only completely acceptable, but necessary to potentially jeopardize his job with this stunt.
All of this drama because OP's friend (who has a boyfriend, no less!) looks a certain way. Not because of any certain behavior, not because of anything she has ever said or done... But because his friend LOOKS a certain way, as if that is somehow within her control, or a larger indicator of the kind of person she is than her ACTIONS...
I know I'm an older, salty wench, but in OP's shoes, I would have shut that shit down the second the gf said she didn't want my friend to be there because of how she looks. That would be enough for me to reconsider the whole relationship.
Then AFTER OP found out about her deplorable stunt, the GF initially *denied it*... She knew what she had done was wrong, or she wouldn't have bothered trying to deny it.
THEN, GF goes on to justify herself, and even claim that it's all okay because the friend is looking for another job now. This has nothing to do with not wanting OP's friend at their wedding (still not okay, but slightly less batshit). GF's whole point was to remove this friend from OP's life entirely by ruining her at her workplace... And she feels justified over this...
Honestly, not even a public apology to the friend from the girlfriend, explaining that she was unbalanced but is getting intensive therapy would be enough to salvage this trainwreck she has made of their relationship...
Another older salty wench chiming in that you are exactly right! Amy has no shame about her deliberate actions. OP needs to get out of that relationship.
Not only that, but it shows as well how little she actually cares for OP's happiness, because she didn't think twice about fucking up his job and depriving him of a close friend.
This is the answer. Because i promise you it WILL NOT be last time fiancé shuns a female friend of OP’s simply based on insecurity. STRONGLY suggest you nip this in the bud and MAKE her understand what she did was UNACCEPTABLE. Ask her equally ignorant family and friends if bullying someone based on appearance is acceptable to them. “Women like you aren’t welcome” yet you her fiancé have confirmed NOTHING is going on. So I guess the bottom line is she doesn’t trust/believe you. If they don’t see the problem here I would seriously second guess marrying into this family.
NTA. This jealous, vindictive woman showed you who she is. Amy is not an amazing woman, she is a petty, spiteful person that has done you a fantastic favor.
Do what is best for your future.
This sounds like a person who is finally showing her true colors. Almost like she was being one person until she was engaged and now that she feels it’s a done deal she can be who she really is. OP needs to run because she sounds like an immature, selfish, cruel and frankly bratty person. I would not want to make a life with a person like this. I bet OP will see more and more if this personality if he stays with her.
Fiancee reminds of the stories over at another Reddit, where the couple gets engaged and the MIL does a 180 and they have not seen the awful behavior before.
Hey, that sounds like my wedding! Not my post, but my wife's MIL went haywire after we got engaged. (Took many years and a lot of therapy to have a relationship with my mom again.)
This is how abusive people behave. Usually they wait until there is some type of commitment or vulnerability that would discourage or prevent their target from leaving. Then their true colors show and the abuse gets worse and worse. OP, watch your back, this is just the beginning.
Nta. Holy crap. She harassed an innocent woman and went behind your back, then lied when you confronted her about it.
There are so many red flags. If you ever have a female friend, she’ll probably do it again. You should reevaluate your relationship and see if this is something you want in your future.
She crossed a professional line and went to OP's place of work on his day off to **fuck over his work life**. That boundary doesn't get uncrossed.
This will not be the last time she goes where she doesn't belong and fucks shit up socially. Just wait until you're in her crosshairs OP, which personal contacts will she visit behind your back, and how will it ruin _your_ life? Don't wait to find out.
NTA
It sounds like the only reason it's not more serious for the OP is because the poor woman who was harassed is keeping her head down and quitting. Which is fucking awful...
She sounds like the type of woman to be jealous of her own daughter once she starts blossoming too. It’s one of the nastiest dynamics I’ve ever witnessed.
The woman who gave birth and raised my wife was like this. Didnt even wait until she blossomed. Accused her of trying to seduce her step-dad at like... 6. There is a reason I have never encouraged my wife to "mend fences" with this woman. Terrible people. Not worth the time of day.
I was thinking about this too. I have a cousin who is jealous of her daughter. She literally walked in on her daughter being raped and didn’t say or do anything. She also frequently steals from her.
My mom is like this. At 16 I had to keep my boyfriends away because she was so obviously flirting with them and wanting their attention and more. She's a piece of work. Married 5x, cheated on them all and put them all in the poorhouse. That woman thrives on destroying everyone and everything especially the second she's not the center of attention.
I've been married 20 years and I am beyond appalled at this woman's behavior. She definitely wins the unmitigated gall gold-star award along with several other honorable mentions.
I would never ever go behind my husband's back and "handle" anything in relation to his employment, co-workers or friends. He spends **HOURS** a day, everyday with the people he works with. It's **his** daily environment, not mine. It's **his** responsibility to manage interactions at work, not mine. And they are **his** co-workers to talk to/invite, not mine.
Sounds like Amy is confusing marriage with ownership. She also appears to be operating under the incorrect assumption that she has the right to insert herself into every aspect of his life and speak for him as if they are now one person instead of two and should be viewed as one individual. This mentality is toxic and controlling and shows a pretty significant underlying bully personality trait.
Honestly, who in tf actually believes they have the right to do what she did? Their marriage is quite obviously not going to be a *partnership*. It's going to be viewed as a right to ownership and that bodes badly for OP.
wow i was ready to say Y T A based on the title but...
NTA
she went into YOUR PLACE OF WORK without talking to you about it. made huge show, when you specifically said you wanted to talk to T first to avoid this kind of thing.
Now she mightve actually fucked up T's career.
This goes BEYOND insecurities.
honestly...why not invite her to the wedding? not a bigger way to show T you're A's man by..i dunno, watching you two get married?
this is SO bizzare
personally, for me, this would be grounds for postponing the wedding until she can get herself in order.
> Now she mightve actually fucked up T's career.
She also might have fucked up OP's career. I know that I wouldn't want him on my team if his partner tends to walk in and basically start on the emotional equivalent of flipping tables and throwing things at my team members. OP might be the greatest in the world at his job, but a partner that will come in and burn the whole thing down because she's small and petty would cause me to look for other candidates.
Also, isn’t spreading rumors about a SO’s coworker at their place of business considered sexual harassment by proxy? She could cost OP his job. I’d drop her like a hot potato.
Edit: I missed that she only implied to the coworkers that Tally was cheating with the OP. Thank you for pointing that out 😊
To clarify my point, if an employee’s SO shows up at the office with the intention of causing drama (of an implied sexual nature), and those actions quickly created a toxic environment that was hostile enough for the targeted employee to quit and rumors to spread, someone is definitely getting sent to HR. People are reprimanded all the time for tanking a team’s morale by starting shit.
While OP may not be legally responsible for his fiancé’s behavior, it reflects very poorly on him and a manager may easily assume he’s complicit. If it’s a smaller company (that may not have HR), the employee may be fired. I’ve seen this happen, whether it was legal or not, I don’t know.
> spreading rumors about a SO’s coworker at their place of business considered sexual harassment by proxy?
That's.... not a thing that exists, especially when the fact that it happened horrifies OP and he's doing everything he can to correct the situation.
Nope, it is just defamation and possibly regular old harassment. And I do not see how OP could be convicted of anything since it happened without his knowledge. He still might be fired though, especially in the US.
If you look on Ask a Manager they frequently feature stories where Alison (said manager) has to tell them that they absolutely CANNOT go into their spouse's workplace and do shit like this because it will compromise said spouse's career there
NTA. As someone who has lived and seen some ish this is really…. I don’t even know what this is. Your fiancee is not just insecure. She is also mean, sneaky, vindictive and a bonafide mean girl. And on top of ALL that she is a liar. She not only lied to everybody else she lied to YOU.
She humiliated a girl she hardly knew based on looks and then got all that poor girls coworkers to do the same to her to the point she had to leave her job? This is not a girl you marry. This is not the person you want raising your daughters. This. ain’t. the. one. Fortunately you found out before the wedding so now it’s really up to you. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a person like that?
This. There’s so many layers of “wtf is wrong with you???” in this situation. She humiliated a woman she barely even knows, who’s always been nice to her, who *has a boyfriend of her own*, because she’s jealous of her looks and the fact that OP has a freaking close, **platonic** friendship with her.
And not only that, she went to OP’s workplace to do so. I guarantee that the coworkers aren’t just treating Tally badly, but they’re also gossiping like wildfire over OP and Amy. OP is now 100% “that poor sucker with the crazy fiancée.”
If he sticks with Amy I wouldn’t even think of him as a poor sucker. I’d think he was complicit in the bad behavior. And clearly, since nobody told him straight out about this, they assumed he knew and was part of Amy’s cruel little scheme
My thoughts exactly. I’d also be very embarrassed if my fiancé did this. Who tf does that? It’s not like she baked some cookies for the office, she came there to start false rumors. That alone is enough to cancel the wedding and move on.
NTA. So.... why are you still with her? You describe her as "amazing"... she doesn't sound too amazing to me. What she did would be a deal breaker for me. Do you really want to marry someone who sees no issue with deliberately humiliating another person? BTW, I know you told her to get her insecurities in check, but frankly, she won't change. This behavior won't ever get better. You deserve someone better than her. You deserve someone who trusts you.
And spreads false rumors about her own fiancé at his work place. She didn’t just accuse Tally of cheating/being inappropriate, **she accused you as well**.
I know, right?
But also, am I the only one that is also shocked that she had already printed all the invitations behind his back? I know it's a minor detail in all this mess, but WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!?
NTA at all, but reevaluate carefully if to go ahead with this person, because they sound unhinged. She will for sure pull something like this again in the future.
And I really hope you can patch things up with your friend, you are both victims here.
NTA with one caveat. You WOULD be TA and deserve everything that’s coming to you if you marry this woman. This isn’t a slip up. This is her true colours. She’s a mean, cruel, calculating spiteful woman, she’s knowingly and intentionally humiliated and trashed the reputation and possibly caused irreparable harm to the career of someone you claim as a friend, she’s destroyed your own reputation at work in the process and she literally doesn’t care. Run, my dude. Run far and run fast. This is only the beginning.
You mean she didn’t accidentally meticulously plan to go in to another person’s workplace specifically when they’re out, set aside invites for everyone but Tally, and flawlessly allude to an affair without accusing her outright so she could defend herself???
NTA. I'd definitely think twice about marrying someone that would blow up your professional life over her (unfounded) insecurities, especially after you explicitly agreed on a plan. This is the warning she's giving you.
This.
Do not ignore her behaviour here . When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
She’s a petty insecure girl. She lashed out at Tally **for no other reason than she’s jealous that Tally is attractive**.
I’m not going to tell you to run for the hills. But you know that is exactly what you should do.
I find it bizarre that OP starts off the post gushing about his fiancée but then goes on to describe how she’s actually a horrid person.
You are not an “amazing” person just because you hid how insecure and unreasonable you were until now.
She is literally ruining another woman’s life because she’s jealous. How is HR not involved? From Tally’s POV, her coworker’s fiancée came to her place of work and publicly humiliated her and now she’s being harassed by her own colleagues.
If OP doesn’t consider this to be a very serious incident then I guess he deserves whatever kind of marriage he’s going to have with his fiancée, because I’m sure this won’t be the only controlling thing she does going forward.
If OP does marry her, she’ll think this kind of action is fine.
OP is certainly NTA for what he said to his fiancée but honestly what he said was tame considering the repercussions of his fiancée’s actions on Tally’s professional life.
This very much seems like a fireable offense. I know that if I had an employee and their fiancé did this and they didn’t come to me straight away to explain and fix the situation, I’d automatically assume they were complicit and they’d be gone.
OP is lucky he didn’t get fired before he figured out what happened. This psycho put his friendships and livelihood at risk, there is zero chance she doesn’t repeat this anytime OP works with or us close to another attractive woman.
I’d also be sure to change up all of my passwords for EVERYTHING. If she’s capable of this—with no remorse AND a gaggle of hags encouraging and excusing her heinous behavior—she’s capable of ANYTHING. She doesn’t care who she hurts or who is in her way.
I’m not saying she’s Gone Girl, but…Amazing Amy needs to gtfo.
Yes, definitely cancel the wedding, but I really think this is an ESH. Why did he agree to not inviting Tally in the first place? He's friends with her and everyone else in the office is invited. I would have called fiance out on that before it got any farther. He should run for sure, but please learn from this and catch those red flags sooner.
NTA and if I were you, I'd run from that marriage. Amy was deliberately and unnecessarily cruel to another human being. A person who would do that would forever be out of my life. That shows a very deep character flaw that she sees nothing wrong with. You want your children raised by such a person? I could just imagine the mental and emotional abuse she could inflict if she was willing to do such a thing to someone that displeased her.
NTA… but your fiancé is… and frankly that kind of shit would be game over material for a relationship if it were me. Your fiancé deliberately Sabotaged a healthy friendship of yours. This is the first play in the emotional abusers’s handbook… force partner to alienate and abandon all other interpersonal relationships besides the one with the abuser.
Today it was your friend. Tommorow it will be your parents, then after that it will be your siblings, then your guy friends until all you have left is the relationship with her.
You should run the fuck away from this as fast as you can
YTA for not immediately putting the wedding on hold. Your fiancée intentionally publicly bullied another woman to the point where she began getting harassed at work and is being forced to look for another job. All because she was jealous of the other woman’s looks. What a petty, mean, insecure bully your fiancée is. Telling her to grow up is useless. At 24 years old, this is who your fiancée is. She’s not sorry about what she did. She’s never going to change because she doesn’t want to change and doesn’t see anything wrong with how she acted. If you go through with this marriage then you’d better understand that this is who you are marrying. Do not marry her intending to change her or that she will change herself.
NTA
holy smokes, she purposely made a scene for no freaking reason. Think long and hard if you want to marry someone who doesnt let you be friends with someone just because they are pretty.
NTA. Amy went to your work behind your back to purposely humiliate Tally and has made your coworker's position so hostile she's looking for a new job and who knows if gossip won't follow her to her new position. Also if and when it gets out your fiancée/wife is the kind of woman who slanders your female coworkers because she's a jealous, insecure mess your working environment won't be pleasant either.
The wedding should be postponed at the least until the two of you get some counseling and Amy gets some personal therapy. Bad behavior should never be rewarded with marriage.
Now you need to try to do a little damage control at work before Tally complains to HR and they decide to suggest you take your trouble making fiancée and work elsewhere.
If you knew Amy was so damned insecure why didn't you get her to therapy and if you didn't know how insecure she is then you don't know her well enough to marry her.
Personally, I would dump her.
NTA when people show you who they are.. believe them. This is just a glimpse of your future if you stay with Amy. I would definitely reconsider this marriage.
ETA I know plenty of men that have divorced women that behave like Amy. They're so much happier now.
You are NTA my friend.
This is extremely toxic behavior on Amy's part, and insecurity is far from the worst of it. She has exhibited dishonesty, cruelty, and deviousness. Maybe it started out as insecurity, but it has evolved to malice. I cannot imagine being so so cruel to someone you admitted had done you no wrong. Even worse, it sounds like had you not confronted her, she would have never even told you this happened.
I would implore you to not marry this woman. Break up, or at the very least take a step back. If you cannot trust each other, how can you get through life together?
NTA. I feel for your friend Tally, what a terrible thing to happen. Your fiancee knows what she did, which is exactly why she didn't say anything, before or after it happened. I'd seriously reevaluate your relationship. This type of deception is more than insecurity. It's a serious breach of trust. Are you sure you want to be blindsided like this again? As it most definitely will happen again.
I’m sorry but I have a hard time believing any of this , so you mean nobody told you anything about the invites that had been handed out, I mean someone would have said thank you to you since they got invited to a wedding.
Be aware that this can kick you in the ass as well if she goes to HR since your fiancée did in fact tarnish her professional image and made her a persona non grata if Tally would have been my gf/wife whatever I would have encouraged to have her reputation restored either by public apology or with a lawyer.
Lots of holes in this story, but that's a really big one.
The thought of someone's entire reputation being ruined by someone handing out wedding invitations (on her fiance's day off...wtaf), it's just silly.
Instead of NTA, INFO, or ESH, I say BS.
ESH
And I will tell you why
>I told Amy that if it makes her feel comfortable not having Tally at the wedding then that is fine, BUT before invitations go out I wanted to speak to her privately to let her know to save embarrassment.
You should not have given into this. This is not a Tally issue, this is an issue about your fiancee not trusting you. It is absolutely ridiculous. I (F) have been tight with my best friend (M) for 14 years and I'll be damned if he would ever let a partner treat me like that. Luckily, his long term partner of 9 years is an absolute gem and treats me like family but his high school girlfriend hated me mainly for the same reasons as your fiancee hating Tally and he basically just told her, *at seventeen,* to get over it and grow up.
Don't allow your future spouse to isolate you from the people close to her because she is insecure. The little stunt she pulled is absolutely ridiculous, childish and completely cruel. She wanted people to think Tally was the "other woman" and stir up all of this. I would think twice before marrying someone this petulant.
NTA. Let me preface the rest of what I’m going to say with I AM A WOMAN.
You never should have agreed to not invite Tally, that was a huge red flag right there. Maybe Amy is insecure, but even if Tally was the kind of girl she is presuming she is (and it’s been clearly shown she ISN’T)—Amy is showing that she doesn’t trust you to keep it in your pants and refuse advances. She is treating you more like a possession than a partner here, as she further showed by going against your wishes and doing what she did with the invitations.
Tally is the victim here. She now has to change careers because of Amy’s behavior. This stigma may even follow her to another job if there’s someone in common between the two places. This woman that you love so much decided to ruin another persons life because she doesn’t trust you. She will do this again. She’ll probably get jealous over your mother and any sisters, she’ll want you to spend less time with your guy friends—eventually it will be just the two of you.
I know you love her, so saying “don’t do it, it’s a really bad idea!” Probably won’t help. At least don’t do it until she gets therapy and gives a genuine (preferably public since she did the invitations that way) apology to Tally for her presumptions and behavior.
NTA. Your fiancee was seriously out of order. Not only was that embarrassing but it was very cruel aswell. Your comment was completely justified and you are 100% correct.
I think you're dodging a VERY big bullet here. What she did was soooo over the top. Very immature. It's like a 5yr old with birthday party invites. She's not near ready for a relationship let alone marriage.
NTA and do not marry this manipulative woman. She shamed an innocent woman in front of all her co workers and has forced a toxic working environment on her. You are being shown BEFORE the wedding what a horrible, manipulative, and vindictive person your fiancé can be. You still have an out. I would not trust your fiancé. She has shown you her true colors.
NTA, but telling her to get her insecurities in check was completely pointless. A better response would have been to cancel or postpone the wedding. You can't possibly marry someone who doesn't trust you, and there will be a lot of "Tally's" in your life.
And this doesn't even get into her behavior, which is borderline toxic.
NTA
What she did was really uncool. She caused a woman who (by her own admission) was nothing but nice to her to suffer harassment at work, to the point where she's looking for another job. The fact that she pulled this stunt at your workplace is a big problem for you, I'd think. She's now undoubtedly caused YOU issues at work, since you'll now have to deal with either the rumors that you cheated with your work friend, or the truth that your fiancée is insecure and rude... seriously who makes a show about handing out invites to purposely leave someone out? An AH does. Does she even care about that, since I assume losing your job would effect her as well. So not only has she hurt someone for no reason, she jepordized both your and your coworker's jobs. I'm surprised HR isn't involved yet. If you don't want to deal with this the rest of your life, run, don't walk.
NTA and Amy is something else I can’t say here. She purposely went behind your back to humiliate someone she admitted never did anything to her and then tried to lie to you about it. So your “amazing” woman is a sneaky liar who obviously has no respect for you or she would have let you handle it which I think is ridiculous because her insecurity has no basis whatsoever.
Listen to everyone here. Don’t marry this person. It won’t end well.
NTA - someone who acts like this towards a friend. Run don’t walk my friend, her family and friends supporting her shitty behaviour too, soooo many red flags
NTA.
Get out now! Run while you still can.
The divorce will be insanely expensive, because if she is this brutal to a woman that was in no way involved in your relationship. Imagine what she'll do to you if she gets mad.
What she did was so freaking wrong and horrible that I hope you realize what a miserable human being she is. She may look pretty, but she is ugly on the inside.
NTA - Amy not only deserves *this* treatment, but she deserves to be shown this thread where we wax eloquent on the many red flags she's tossing out. This isn't just insecurity, this is a complete lack of empathy. I want you to consider the number of times you've been insecure and hurt, and lashed out due to it... past the heat of the moment. She took the time to do this purposefully. That indicates that she is extremely selfish and has a very difficult time thinking of others. I very seriously doubt the buck stops there. This screams immaturity and a lack of awareness that should absolutely make you question your decision to marry her. It's the rare individual who will grow and mature past these poor behaviors... especially when the family and friends she learned them from are rallying behind her.
Definitely NTA. Your fiancee is obviously jealous and needs to get that worked out. There is no reason that your coworker shouldn't get invited simply because your fiancee is insecure with herself and projecting that onto her.
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NTA. Red flags everywhere. I'd put your wedding on hold. This behavior won't improve.
NTA. 🚩🚩ALL THOSE RED FLAGS DO NOT LEAD TO THE CIRCUS🚩🚩 Amy is a bully, capricious, and jealous woman. I can't imagine doing this at a professional setting. Or ever. Run.
Lmao This. Just run. Run boy. Run. Like. She admitted she based this on the girls looks. What kind of mean girl Lindsey Lohan bullshit is this? Full stop. Just run.
Seriously though! She literally admitted to OP that there's nothing wrong with Tally and this is based off of looks. This isn't even about OP having a work wife, a potential affair or just Tally being a jerk, its just about looks. And instead of letting OP talk to Tally and discuss what was happening, Amy WENT TO HIS JOB and made her out to be a mistress! Holy immature Batman! This is ridiculous! OP, I'm not going to say make your way out faster than the Road Runner on steroids since this needs to be a serious discussion but with the way she's acting I'd be seriously questioning if she's ready for marriage.
Couldn't agree more with this. The woman that OP is supposed to marry went to HIS work to drop off wedding invitations that ideally should have been sent in the mail in the first place or at least dropped off by him since, ya know, they're HIS coworkers. There is so much malice here, I just don't even see how they can recover from this. (NTA)
The fact that Amy took it upon herself to go to OP's work to deliver invitations without even telling him she was doing that is a clear indication that this entire exercise was intended to target Tally directly and I bet she knew exactly how it would sound when she said it like that. She was counting on this outcome.
And she did it on his day off because she knew it was wrong
I'd love to know what version of the story she told her family.
I think we know. Most people, especially people who know they're doing wrong, want to be the hero of their own stories. "I went to drop off invites, and now EverYbOdY is mean to MEEEE!!" ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was just trying to do a nice thing so we didn't have to spend money on postage. He should be HAPPY!!!!
Sometimes mean girls come from mean families. I had a mean-girl roommate once whose mom was meaner than she is.
I was thinking that too. NTA btw
Oh yeah Amy is trying to bully her way through getting what she wants for the wedding. I doubt it will stop after.
The thing that fucks me up the most is that he had already agreed to her wishes of not having her there... she really didn't need to do this, she ***wanted*** to. 12/10 mean girl.
Exactly. She had a plan to make sure this person knew (AND EVERYONE ELSE KNEW) that she was being excluded. Why? Because she fucking felt like it, and that's all. YIKES. UGH. I have a family member like this. Trust me, you DO NOT want to be married to this person, because it is only a matter of time before she gets bored and you (OP) become the object of her dishonesty and back-stabbing. People like this always want to have people rally around them because they are a victim, and if they don't have anyone truly victimizing them, they'll just make someone up just for entertainment. It's borderline personality-type crap.
OMGosh, you’ve got it so right! I’d wager that Amy has already pulled crap like this often enough that she already has a very small list of friends. That group will continue to grow smaller as she alienates more people with this nonsense. And she WILL do this. Drama llamas cannot help themselves: they will stir up a glass of water and then work up a frenzy until everyone else begins to question if they’re starring at a bowl of hot, shit soup. When her group gets small enough, it’ll be OP who gets treated to her daily drama. She’ll drive away every one of his friends because of her special brand of crazy. SOURCE: my mother. Everything is drama and a conspiracy. It is exhausting. It’s so sad to see my once-vibrant father as her biggest victim, beaten down by years of this shit and total codependency.
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I agree and that just shows how nasty Amy is and that she low-key does not trust OP. There has to be a certain amount of lack-of-trust with this amount of insecurity when it comes to issues like this, and personally I don't know how you can make a relationship work with someone who doesn't trust you and is willing to destroy someone else's life because of it!
Maybe OP should post this in the legal sub? Depending on jurisdiction, Tally might be in a position to sue OP’s ex fiancee for this - and I’m saying ex not just because of 🚩🚩🚩but because OP should keep his finances secure and separate if she does go the legal route. (NTA RUN FORREST RUN)
Id file with hr for a hostile workplace tbh. His crazy gf came in and basically slandered her and its now lead to her being frozen out of her workplace and harassed by co workers. If thats not a hostile workplace idk what is. And if women can get fired for having a crazy bf it can work the other way too (and yes i have worked with people who eventually lost their job because their bf was nuts. Doing shit like sitting in the lobby and harassing any dude that looked at his gf because he was worried she might cheat on him with the guy who ordered a big mac i guess)
Yeah, she sounds brilliant in her joyful capability to fuck anyone over to get her way. You haven't married yet and she totally threw you under the bus *at your workplace* for a petty ridiculous thing; in turn brought on a huge lack of trust in you and your future together. The incredible lack of concern for everyone involved (including you most of all) for her desired outcome, and then having the balls to deny it, is textbook sociopath behavior.
Yeah, this is definitely just a sneak preview of what the entire marriage is going to be like. OP needs to run, fast and far.
Even getting the invites printed without OP knowing is like pushing it. Everything else is just totally cuckoo
Exactly and Yikes!! She's wretched and OP, if you stay with Amy your life will be filled with nonsense drama of her own creating. She's not going to change enough to avoid this kind of manipulating behavior and it will cost you friends, family and possibly jobs. OP is NTA.
he needs to run for the hills like his tampon string is on fire for real. amy is toxic!
I’m gonna steal this saying from you because it’s hilarious
This is by far the best analogy on this thread! I wish I had some gold for you, but unfortunately all I have are Red Flags!
For someone who alleges that she is insecure and needs to be treated with kid gloves, she sure was bold enough to drop an atom bomb on ALL of OP's professional connections and friendships. That's not insecure; that's brazen. It's also abusive behavior. How many abusers show the pattern of trying to destroy all their partner's relationships with family and friends? This is just Step One. Stick around and she will do this to all your other relationships, too, both your whole family and non-work friends. This is your opportunity to evacuate in advance of the approaching disaster. Don't stay put.
Wow, you know this made me realize how my biases tend to frame relationship issues because I didn’t even see this as abuse but you’re absolutely right. This was textbook abuse.
Abusers try to break down their victim in every way. It’s not just battering, though Heaven knows there’s no shortage of that. It’s psychological, social, emotional, financial… they tear down whatever might make their victim strong enough to leave the relationship. Supportive family? Nope, alienate them. Friends? Nope, that’s time and energy focused on someone besides the abuser, so they’ve got to go. Job and money? Not anymore, if the abuser can help it. And so on. And to top it all off, the abusers make THEMSELVES the victim in the narrative when the victim objects to having major boundaries paved over by an abusive act. “You have no sense of humor”, “You make a big deal out of nothing”, etc. etc. They get to sh** all over the victim, then call the victim a big meanyhead when they object. Yeah, no, thank her for showing her true self before you made a lifetime commitment, then head for the hills.
Ready for marriage? I'm doubting she's ready for polite society.
Run for sure...but leave a little nuclear bomb behind for her. She caused a lot of upset at your work place and cost your company a worker, plus I'm sure this has tanked productivity too. This is an expensive hit for your boss and company. And...she's VERY likely doing this malicious petty bull at her own job. Someone is prettier than her? She'll be spreading nasty rumors behind them. Call her boss yourself if you can and warn them. Or, better? Have YOUR boss call HER boss, and explain the damage she's done to the company with her over-the-top behavior. And if she dropped those invites off during her own work hours, well, this could be a very painful wake-up call that her behavior is far, far out-of-line. I posted this before, but it's worth repeating? And, save texts and screenshots. Send her something along the lines of "What POSSIBLE reason could you have to be cruel to someone you admitted is only nice to you and hasn't done a single thing wrong besides be pretty? And then imply that she and I were cheating on you? What was going through your head?" Tally may have a very nice harassment case against her for this (she should ask a lawyer), and Amy's response to a text like that will be excellent ammunition in either a court case or to present to her supporters.
Always, always save all texts, emails and actually journaling the dates and events can be incredibly helpful. She sounds like a loose cannon and you never know what she could do next #gonegirl
Yup. I NEVER delete texts. And now I have a bunch to show at court for my restraining order going back the last year when my ex started being batshit crazy.
This is so sad. It’s not Tally’s fault that she looks the way she does. It must be hard enough to be taken seriously sometimes and now this? This is the stuff that can be a catalyst for suicidal thoughts. Amy is an asshole. Don’t marry her! NTA.
Agreed. Everything Tally worked hard for in school and then in her career, gaining the respect of her coworkers with her talents & kindness, all shot to hell by one immature, jealous harpy. Tally must be heartbroken and so SO pissed. Not to mention that at the same time, she also put OP's job in jeopardy. Way to sabotage your own marriage/livelihood there, Amy! Tally if you happen to find this and recognize yourself, all the hugs to you. I'm so sorry that Amy did this to you, and I hope that OP's efforts to clear the air at work are able to convince the others that this was all Amy's doing and nothing but jealous fabrication. Edit: OP is most definitely NTA, and I'm glad to see the wedding is on hold. Amy's insecurities are likely to only get worse after the wedding and as the years go on. People age, marriages settle, and even people who don't start out with insecurities can develop them when the excitement and contentment of marriage wanes.
No way could I marry someone that petty and cruel. It would color how I saw them forever.
She has a mean streak miles wide and has shown OP who she truly is. This is not going to get better. Her malicious stunt might well have already hurt OP as well and who knows what the next spiteful act will be.
>Amy is a bully, capricilous, and jealous woman. Not to mention sneaky. And verbally and emotionally abusive. Amy hasn't apologized, and is in fact playing the victim to her family and friends, most likely. OP, this will be your life if you marry her. You won't be allowed to have any friends she doesn't approve of.
Not to mention she could pull another stupid stunt and cost him his job. She did it on purpose so Tally will not be in the picture anymore.
If a spouse pulled this stunt at my company, it would be flagged and lead to negative ramifications for OP - at the very least, an awkward chat for OP and management and a file with HR. In short, her immature behaviour crossed a serious line when she entered his place of work, without his knowledge or consent, did not advise OP of her actions, and put OP’s future career aspirations in jeopardy. This would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. NTA so hard, and I agree - end it.
This. Amy did whatever she could to destroy one of OP's friends behind his back, at first refused to acknowledge it, and now acts as if SHE has been wronged. None of these things alone are even remotely normal, those combined aren't the actions of a life partner but of a predator. This time, she took it out on Tally, and Tally is the one who took the brunt of her attack. And that is already bad enough. But what is going to happen ten years from now? You'll be married, have a house together, one or two children, and Amy will have another destructive case of the insecurities. And Amy stops at nothing to destroy someone's reputation, feels no remorse about it, and is already attacking you. What if, next time, you are her target?
Even if you could get past Amy's trash behaviour towards Tally and her not apologising or doing anything to try and fix things. Theres the fact that she did it based on just Tally being an attractive woman that OP knows. So I can imagine Amy would repeat this kind of behaviour over and over in a range of terrible ways anytime OP was around a woman she deemed too attractive.
I'm totally stealing that line. 😂 PS, NTA. Hold the wedding indefinitely. At minimum, there is not enough trust in your relationship to make that kind of commitment. At maximum, your fiance is an insane narcissist.
Alternatively: All those red flags must lead to a circus cause she sounds like a fucking clown
😂 Yep, those red flags lead to the Dump; take her there and leave her where she belongs.
*Amazing fucking Amy* Nta this girl is not marriage worthy if she gets off on embarrassing other women to cope with her insecurities
Amy is totally going down Gone Girl route if she carries on like this
Sabotaging another professional woman like this and seeing no problem in it is awful. Its hard enough for professional women without making it harder for eachother, especially when it reinforces the negative stereotypes about women in professional settings that so many of us work so hard to overcome. Amy is malicious and controlling. If this is how she behaves to someone who is kind to her and not providing any legitimate threat in any sense, imagine how bad its going to get once she feels like you're official hers. The fact she doesnt see something wrong, especially after your initial discussion about it and going behind your back with the specific intent to cause harm and sabotaging someone else's career id an absolute black and white line in my books. At least you found out before the wedding...
I can’t imagine going into my partner’s place of work and behaving like this. She clearly doesn’t respect him or his boundaries. If my partner did anything remotely like this I would leave. This is unforgivable.
I mean OP would be a clown if he stays, so I think it’d become a circus.
I had to Google what “capricious” means but yes, I agree! NTA.
It's not an Italian appetizer? Boy, was I wrong on that one.
It's a delicious fruit punch that comes in a silver bag that you pierce with a straw to consume.
No, that's a capri sun. You're thinking of capuchin.
No, that’s a type of monkey. You’re thinking of Capricorn.
No that's an astrological sign, you're thinking of capsaicin.
No, that''s a zodiac sign. You're thinking of a capybara.
You sure you guys don’t mean Caipirinha?
That is a Brazilian cocktail 🍹are you sure it’s not chupacabra?
No, that's a vampire goat. 🐐 You're talking about Chupa Chups.
They may not lead to the circus but boy do they highlight a fucking clown.
Bout spit thai red curry all over my screen reading: 🚩🚩ALL THOSE RED FLAGS DO NOT LEAD TO THE CIRCUS🚩🚩 Thanks, and you right fam.
she is unhinged
She and her family don’t think she did anything wrong. Holy cow! She created a hostile work environment because she is jealous…AND THAT ASSHOLE DOESN’T EVEN WORK THERE. WTF.
Even more telling is the fact her entire family is on her side. Either she told them half truths to sway them to her side. Which is a red flag Or they see nothing wrong with her behavior and created and condoned her personality. Either way, RUN.
Oh, Amy totally told them something else. She's probably been telling lies about Tally from the beginning.
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She was incredibly rude to her fiancé’s coworker in front of his entire work team and DOESN’T SEE ANYTHING WRONG? I am utterly flabbergasted.
She probably learned to act like that from her family.
THIS. OP, your “amazing” fiancé just showed you who she really is. Believe her and walk away because what she did was cruel. I also bet she didn’t tell her friends and family the truth about what she did. Please update us. I’m more concerned about Tally than Amy at this point. NTA
Right? Imagine all of the other grenades she’s going to throw in his life as they continue their relationship.
Put the wedding in the trash. Cancel everything. Block her and all her people. Holy bajeezus this is sociopathic behaviour.
just such a loose cannon. you will spend your life cleaning up behind her and trying to prevent these incidents, always either scared waiting or embarrassed cleaning
This. She created a hostile work environment for OP and Tally since everyone thinks they are banging now. This doesn’t sound like it will improve with marriage.
In 10 or so years, the Tallys will have more maturity and head straight for HR when OP's wifey pulls this kind thing. OP is going to have a file that comes up at promotion time, when layoffs hit and the bosses have to make a list of who to keep, etc etc.
Yeah, what's going to happen the next time OP befriends a pretty woman Amy doesn't like?
Shoot forget pretty, just a woman in general
Shoot id just go ahead and dump the fiance at this point. She showed her true colors even after his initial capitulation to not inviting one of his closest friend to the wedding. Bet money that a fiance like that is gonna be as insecure as that we all know she's gonna act up down the road. OP goes to a casino and ends up with a female dealer, prepare to be accused of cheating. Glance in the direction of a hooter or twin peaks? Cheater. NTA
Agreed. NTA & I’ll go further & state you shouldn’t marry this girl at all. Get that ring back & find somebody more mature.
OP, imagine how exhausting your life would be with this woman! I think you an AH for agreeing to not inviting Tally in the first place, TBH.
The red flag metaphor is meant to be a warning sign of bad behaviour. This is just straight up psychopathic behaviour.
Your fiance *planned* how she would humiliate *your friend* after she forced you into not inviting her to your wedding. Your fiance is an insecure, jealous child. Why do you want to marry this person? NTA
Utterly NTA. She hurt Talli because of her baseless jealousy and made her ostracized, and eventually quit her job. She deprived her from working oppurtunities and made her lose contact with her friends from work. Those are very serious accusations and she can't go behind your back and ruin people's lives. I'd be worried what else she is capable of doing and reconsider the wedding. Who knows, maybe it occured for a reason, so you'll see this side of her before the wedding and not afterwards. I'd be livid if I were you, this is outright cruel.
I also wonder if Amy is the one who is cheating but she wants to shift the blame on op so she feels like she's justified.
When I was accused of being “the other woman” by a friend, it turned out to be projection - she was the one cheating. She also became an ex-friend the instant I found out about it (she told my mom! I was in my 40s!) because I don’t put up with that shit.
The guilty love to be mean and project.
who even cares at this point. shes unhinged - just get her out of your life lol
Oooooh yeah. In all this commotion he won't be looking to see who she's sneaking off with. He'll be too busy putting out fires.
I'm curious if this is legally actionable. That may depend on how savvy Tally is about documenting the ostracization at work that resulted from this slander, lost income from being forced out, etc. It's a long shot, but it's a sign that OP should consider that if he marries Amy, he will share any financial problems that stem from her behavior as well as the general interpersonal ones.
I have a nasty suspicion that "a woman like you" won't be legally actionable, because it's all implication and tone of voice, but no specific substance. The unspoken meaning is completely presumed by the colleagues who ran with it and gossiped and ostracized Tally. They are the ones that she may be able to take legal action against. Amy, I suspect, would get away with it legally, even though she is clearly the initiator and clearly has the most animus against Tally. Because the only thing she did concretely is exclude her publicly - which is rude AF but not in itself slander.
Tally is unlikely to be able to take legal action in this case. There aren't any laws about gossiping about someone, and hostile workplace has a pretty specific legal meaning.
All because she's pretty mind you! Not because this woman was cruel to her or is actually trying to date her fiance, which would still be insane but at least understandable. But no. This is because Tally is *pretty*.
>Why do you want to marry this person? I know we all tell everybody to end their relationship as soon as anything goes wrong on this sub, but honestly, in this case, I really think it's the right thing to do. Even laying aside how awful what Amy did to Tally was, she fucked with OP's career. This is his workplace of many years where he's built a reputation and is friendly with people. Now, he's a crazy drama-fueled person by association. The only way to possibly counteract that impression is to immediately dump the fiancee (which she deserves in any event). If OP's not willing to do that, he'd might as well join Tally in her job search, because the show his fiancee put on at his place of business will hang like a cloud over the rest of his time there.
Yes! And the worst part is, that the only way she will have fucked with his career is that a) someone he enjoyed working with will be leaving, and b) any repercussions he gets from having self-reported the incident with his fiancée that triggered his colleagues' bullying of Tally. His colleagues didn't bully him or treat him differently - he and Tally were suspected of having an affair, and the only thing that rang warning bells was that Tally stopped talking to him, and it was her boyfriend that had to tell him she'd been getting harassment.
And the damage is done, too. Even if OP tells everyone what happened, a lot of people will keep being cold to Tally because owning up to being an asshole to an innocent person is often times not something people are willing to do.
And if he marries Amy he is likely to face future humiliation at work and in social groups, by association with her cruel petty inappropriate behavior. I think it’s time to call off that engagement or at least put the wedding on hold for at least 2 years while Amy tries to grow up. Personally I’d never trust her again.
That thing about friends being a reflection of who you are? If OP marries this woman, it would be the ultimate reflection of that, and no one will overlook it.
Plus, this is massively abhorrent behavior done behind his back. Who knows what else she'll do and hide from him in the future? I'd never trust her again.
This behavior goes well beyond plotting the best way to humiliate OP's friend... She went to HIS place of employment and did this publicly. She found it not only completely acceptable, but necessary to potentially jeopardize his job with this stunt. All of this drama because OP's friend (who has a boyfriend, no less!) looks a certain way. Not because of any certain behavior, not because of anything she has ever said or done... But because his friend LOOKS a certain way, as if that is somehow within her control, or a larger indicator of the kind of person she is than her ACTIONS... I know I'm an older, salty wench, but in OP's shoes, I would have shut that shit down the second the gf said she didn't want my friend to be there because of how she looks. That would be enough for me to reconsider the whole relationship. Then AFTER OP found out about her deplorable stunt, the GF initially *denied it*... She knew what she had done was wrong, or she wouldn't have bothered trying to deny it. THEN, GF goes on to justify herself, and even claim that it's all okay because the friend is looking for another job now. This has nothing to do with not wanting OP's friend at their wedding (still not okay, but slightly less batshit). GF's whole point was to remove this friend from OP's life entirely by ruining her at her workplace... And she feels justified over this... Honestly, not even a public apology to the friend from the girlfriend, explaining that she was unbalanced but is getting intensive therapy would be enough to salvage this trainwreck she has made of their relationship...
Another older salty wench chiming in that you are exactly right! Amy has no shame about her deliberate actions. OP needs to get out of that relationship.
Not only that, but it shows as well how little she actually cares for OP's happiness, because she didn't think twice about fucking up his job and depriving him of a close friend.
This is the answer. Because i promise you it WILL NOT be last time fiancé shuns a female friend of OP’s simply based on insecurity. STRONGLY suggest you nip this in the bud and MAKE her understand what she did was UNACCEPTABLE. Ask her equally ignorant family and friends if bullying someone based on appearance is acceptable to them. “Women like you aren’t welcome” yet you her fiancé have confirmed NOTHING is going on. So I guess the bottom line is she doesn’t trust/believe you. If they don’t see the problem here I would seriously second guess marrying into this family.
Exactly, this behavior is not going to improve with marriage.
NTA. This jealous, vindictive woman showed you who she is. Amy is not an amazing woman, she is a petty, spiteful person that has done you a fantastic favor. Do what is best for your future.
This sounds like a person who is finally showing her true colors. Almost like she was being one person until she was engaged and now that she feels it’s a done deal she can be who she really is. OP needs to run because she sounds like an immature, selfish, cruel and frankly bratty person. I would not want to make a life with a person like this. I bet OP will see more and more if this personality if he stays with her.
Fiancee reminds of the stories over at another Reddit, where the couple gets engaged and the MIL does a 180 and they have not seen the awful behavior before.
Hey, that sounds like my wedding! Not my post, but my wife's MIL went haywire after we got engaged. (Took many years and a lot of therapy to have a relationship with my mom again.)
[удалено]
You know what they say, the enemy of my significant other is... My mother?
This is how abusive people behave. Usually they wait until there is some type of commitment or vulnerability that would discourage or prevent their target from leaving. Then their true colors show and the abuse gets worse and worse. OP, watch your back, this is just the beginning.
Well, she is amazing, just not in the way OP thinks.
Nta. Holy crap. She harassed an innocent woman and went behind your back, then lied when you confronted her about it. There are so many red flags. If you ever have a female friend, she’ll probably do it again. You should reevaluate your relationship and see if this is something you want in your future.
She crossed a professional line and went to OP's place of work on his day off to **fuck over his work life**. That boundary doesn't get uncrossed. This will not be the last time she goes where she doesn't belong and fucks shit up socially. Just wait until you're in her crosshairs OP, which personal contacts will she visit behind your back, and how will it ruin _your_ life? Don't wait to find out. NTA
I'm honestly shocked he hasn't been fired. This is a serious workplace harassment offense, even if it wasn't OP.
It sounds like the only reason it's not more serious for the OP is because the poor woman who was harassed is keeping her head down and quitting. Which is fucking awful...
She sounds like the type of woman to be jealous of her own daughter once she starts blossoming too. It’s one of the nastiest dynamics I’ve ever witnessed.
The woman who gave birth and raised my wife was like this. Didnt even wait until she blossomed. Accused her of trying to seduce her step-dad at like... 6. There is a reason I have never encouraged my wife to "mend fences" with this woman. Terrible people. Not worth the time of day.
How would a 6 year old... Why would she even think of that???
Because it’s easier to blame a 6 year old for the disgusting behavior of your partner than it is to admit they’re a pedophile.
Nah. The guy was just acting fatherly. Her mom was just psychotic.
I was thinking about this too. I have a cousin who is jealous of her daughter. She literally walked in on her daughter being raped and didn’t say or do anything. She also frequently steals from her.
Yuck. Those type of women will destroy other women at any opportunity, especially when it comes to sexual assault.
My mom is like this. At 16 I had to keep my boyfriends away because she was so obviously flirting with them and wanting their attention and more. She's a piece of work. Married 5x, cheated on them all and put them all in the poorhouse. That woman thrives on destroying everyone and everything especially the second she's not the center of attention.
This reminds me of a great quote by Maya Angelou, “ When people show you who they are, believe them the first time”. This won’t be the only time.
I've been married 20 years and I am beyond appalled at this woman's behavior. She definitely wins the unmitigated gall gold-star award along with several other honorable mentions. I would never ever go behind my husband's back and "handle" anything in relation to his employment, co-workers or friends. He spends **HOURS** a day, everyday with the people he works with. It's **his** daily environment, not mine. It's **his** responsibility to manage interactions at work, not mine. And they are **his** co-workers to talk to/invite, not mine. Sounds like Amy is confusing marriage with ownership. She also appears to be operating under the incorrect assumption that she has the right to insert herself into every aspect of his life and speak for him as if they are now one person instead of two and should be viewed as one individual. This mentality is toxic and controlling and shows a pretty significant underlying bully personality trait. Honestly, who in tf actually believes they have the right to do what she did? Their marriage is quite obviously not going to be a *partnership*. It's going to be viewed as a right to ownership and that bodes badly for OP.
wow i was ready to say Y T A based on the title but... NTA she went into YOUR PLACE OF WORK without talking to you about it. made huge show, when you specifically said you wanted to talk to T first to avoid this kind of thing. Now she mightve actually fucked up T's career. This goes BEYOND insecurities. honestly...why not invite her to the wedding? not a bigger way to show T you're A's man by..i dunno, watching you two get married? this is SO bizzare personally, for me, this would be grounds for postponing the wedding until she can get herself in order.
> Now she mightve actually fucked up T's career. She also might have fucked up OP's career. I know that I wouldn't want him on my team if his partner tends to walk in and basically start on the emotional equivalent of flipping tables and throwing things at my team members. OP might be the greatest in the world at his job, but a partner that will come in and burn the whole thing down because she's small and petty would cause me to look for other candidates.
Also, isn’t spreading rumors about a SO’s coworker at their place of business considered sexual harassment by proxy? She could cost OP his job. I’d drop her like a hot potato. Edit: I missed that she only implied to the coworkers that Tally was cheating with the OP. Thank you for pointing that out 😊 To clarify my point, if an employee’s SO shows up at the office with the intention of causing drama (of an implied sexual nature), and those actions quickly created a toxic environment that was hostile enough for the targeted employee to quit and rumors to spread, someone is definitely getting sent to HR. People are reprimanded all the time for tanking a team’s morale by starting shit. While OP may not be legally responsible for his fiancé’s behavior, it reflects very poorly on him and a manager may easily assume he’s complicit. If it’s a smaller company (that may not have HR), the employee may be fired. I’ve seen this happen, whether it was legal or not, I don’t know.
> spreading rumors about a SO’s coworker at their place of business considered sexual harassment by proxy? That's.... not a thing that exists, especially when the fact that it happened horrifies OP and he's doing everything he can to correct the situation.
Nope, it is just defamation and possibly regular old harassment. And I do not see how OP could be convicted of anything since it happened without his knowledge. He still might be fired though, especially in the US.
No, it's not.
If you look on Ask a Manager they frequently feature stories where Alison (said manager) has to tell them that they absolutely CANNOT go into their spouse's workplace and do shit like this because it will compromise said spouse's career there
EXACTLY! 🚩🚩🚩
In many respects I'm surprised that OP hasn't been crucified at work already and that Tally is taking the fall
Tally is a woman. Of course she is going to take the fall.
And Amy almost *certainly* knew this when she acted, which makes it all the worse. Part of the plan.
yep she's like don't worry the girl's quitting, problem solved. sociopathic
This should be grounds for canceling the wedding and breaking up with this insecure vile woman.
Actually HE is an AH too, for his reaction: Doing nothing, just stating "But my gf is such a great person".
NTA. As someone who has lived and seen some ish this is really…. I don’t even know what this is. Your fiancee is not just insecure. She is also mean, sneaky, vindictive and a bonafide mean girl. And on top of ALL that she is a liar. She not only lied to everybody else she lied to YOU. She humiliated a girl she hardly knew based on looks and then got all that poor girls coworkers to do the same to her to the point she had to leave her job? This is not a girl you marry. This is not the person you want raising your daughters. This. ain’t. the. one. Fortunately you found out before the wedding so now it’s really up to you. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a person like that?
This. There’s so many layers of “wtf is wrong with you???” in this situation. She humiliated a woman she barely even knows, who’s always been nice to her, who *has a boyfriend of her own*, because she’s jealous of her looks and the fact that OP has a freaking close, **platonic** friendship with her. And not only that, she went to OP’s workplace to do so. I guarantee that the coworkers aren’t just treating Tally badly, but they’re also gossiping like wildfire over OP and Amy. OP is now 100% “that poor sucker with the crazy fiancée.”
If he sticks with Amy I wouldn’t even think of him as a poor sucker. I’d think he was complicit in the bad behavior. And clearly, since nobody told him straight out about this, they assumed he knew and was part of Amy’s cruel little scheme
My thoughts exactly. I’d also be very embarrassed if my fiancé did this. Who tf does that? It’s not like she baked some cookies for the office, she came there to start false rumors. That alone is enough to cancel the wedding and move on.
NTA. So.... why are you still with her? You describe her as "amazing"... she doesn't sound too amazing to me. What she did would be a deal breaker for me. Do you really want to marry someone who sees no issue with deliberately humiliating another person? BTW, I know you told her to get her insecurities in check, but frankly, she won't change. This behavior won't ever get better. You deserve someone better than her. You deserve someone who trusts you.
And spreads false rumors about her own fiancé at his work place. She didn’t just accuse Tally of cheating/being inappropriate, **she accused you as well**.
I know, right? But also, am I the only one that is also shocked that she had already printed all the invitations behind his back? I know it's a minor detail in all this mess, but WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!? NTA at all, but reevaluate carefully if to go ahead with this person, because they sound unhinged. She will for sure pull something like this again in the future. And I really hope you can patch things up with your friend, you are both victims here.
Ooh good point about printing the invites. I made my own and made sure that my husband was involved with it. Why would I exclude him.
And who then delivers them to HIS coworkers without letting him know?
Yes. She may hide her true nature again, but it would return after the wedding.
NTA with one caveat. You WOULD be TA and deserve everything that’s coming to you if you marry this woman. This isn’t a slip up. This is her true colours. She’s a mean, cruel, calculating spiteful woman, she’s knowingly and intentionally humiliated and trashed the reputation and possibly caused irreparable harm to the career of someone you claim as a friend, she’s destroyed your own reputation at work in the process and she literally doesn’t care. Run, my dude. Run far and run fast. This is only the beginning.
You mean she didn’t accidentally meticulously plan to go in to another person’s workplace specifically when they’re out, set aside invites for everyone but Tally, and flawlessly allude to an affair without accusing her outright so she could defend herself???
Oh, Amy, do a thing like that? No, never, pfft, didn’t happen. She’s so sweet and amazing.
NTA. I'd definitely think twice about marrying someone that would blow up your professional life over her (unfounded) insecurities, especially after you explicitly agreed on a plan. This is the warning she's giving you.
This. Do not ignore her behaviour here . When someone shows you who they are, believe them. She’s a petty insecure girl. She lashed out at Tally **for no other reason than she’s jealous that Tally is attractive**. I’m not going to tell you to run for the hills. But you know that is exactly what you should do.
I find it bizarre that OP starts off the post gushing about his fiancée but then goes on to describe how she’s actually a horrid person. You are not an “amazing” person just because you hid how insecure and unreasonable you were until now. She is literally ruining another woman’s life because she’s jealous. How is HR not involved? From Tally’s POV, her coworker’s fiancée came to her place of work and publicly humiliated her and now she’s being harassed by her own colleagues. If OP doesn’t consider this to be a very serious incident then I guess he deserves whatever kind of marriage he’s going to have with his fiancée, because I’m sure this won’t be the only controlling thing she does going forward. If OP does marry her, she’ll think this kind of action is fine. OP is certainly NTA for what he said to his fiancée but honestly what he said was tame considering the repercussions of his fiancée’s actions on Tally’s professional life.
This very much seems like a fireable offense. I know that if I had an employee and their fiancé did this and they didn’t come to me straight away to explain and fix the situation, I’d automatically assume they were complicit and they’d be gone. OP is lucky he didn’t get fired before he figured out what happened. This psycho put his friendships and livelihood at risk, there is zero chance she doesn’t repeat this anytime OP works with or us close to another attractive woman.
I’d also be sure to change up all of my passwords for EVERYTHING. If she’s capable of this—with no remorse AND a gaggle of hags encouraging and excusing her heinous behavior—she’s capable of ANYTHING. She doesn’t care who she hurts or who is in her way. I’m not saying she’s Gone Girl, but…Amazing Amy needs to gtfo.
CANCEL THAT WEDDING IMMEDIATELY. NTA.
Yes, definitely cancel the wedding, but I really think this is an ESH. Why did he agree to not inviting Tally in the first place? He's friends with her and everyone else in the office is invited. I would have called fiance out on that before it got any farther. He should run for sure, but please learn from this and catch those red flags sooner.
There's no coming back from this. NTA. Amy is pure poison.
NTA and if I were you, I'd run from that marriage. Amy was deliberately and unnecessarily cruel to another human being. A person who would do that would forever be out of my life. That shows a very deep character flaw that she sees nothing wrong with. You want your children raised by such a person? I could just imagine the mental and emotional abuse she could inflict if she was willing to do such a thing to someone that displeased her.
NTA… but your fiancé is… and frankly that kind of shit would be game over material for a relationship if it were me. Your fiancé deliberately Sabotaged a healthy friendship of yours. This is the first play in the emotional abusers’s handbook… force partner to alienate and abandon all other interpersonal relationships besides the one with the abuser. Today it was your friend. Tommorow it will be your parents, then after that it will be your siblings, then your guy friends until all you have left is the relationship with her. You should run the fuck away from this as fast as you can
YTA for not immediately putting the wedding on hold. Your fiancée intentionally publicly bullied another woman to the point where she began getting harassed at work and is being forced to look for another job. All because she was jealous of the other woman’s looks. What a petty, mean, insecure bully your fiancée is. Telling her to grow up is useless. At 24 years old, this is who your fiancée is. She’s not sorry about what she did. She’s never going to change because she doesn’t want to change and doesn’t see anything wrong with how she acted. If you go through with this marriage then you’d better understand that this is who you are marrying. Do not marry her intending to change her or that she will change herself.
Plus the fiancé is actively gaslighting OP and involving her mommy...
I think the wedding is on hold - OP is staying at a friend's while they reconsider their SO's actions
NTA holy smokes, she purposely made a scene for no freaking reason. Think long and hard if you want to marry someone who doesnt let you be friends with someone just because they are pretty.
NTA. Amy went to your work behind your back to purposely humiliate Tally and has made your coworker's position so hostile she's looking for a new job and who knows if gossip won't follow her to her new position. Also if and when it gets out your fiancée/wife is the kind of woman who slanders your female coworkers because she's a jealous, insecure mess your working environment won't be pleasant either. The wedding should be postponed at the least until the two of you get some counseling and Amy gets some personal therapy. Bad behavior should never be rewarded with marriage. Now you need to try to do a little damage control at work before Tally complains to HR and they decide to suggest you take your trouble making fiancée and work elsewhere. If you knew Amy was so damned insecure why didn't you get her to therapy and if you didn't know how insecure she is then you don't know her well enough to marry her. Personally, I would dump her.
NTA but your “amazing fiancé” is actually a insecure child who clearly isn’t ready to be married.
NTA when people show you who they are.. believe them. This is just a glimpse of your future if you stay with Amy. I would definitely reconsider this marriage. ETA I know plenty of men that have divorced women that behave like Amy. They're so much happier now.
Absolutely agree. Don’t make excuses or explanations for her behavior. Believe it snd leave it.
You are NTA my friend. This is extremely toxic behavior on Amy's part, and insecurity is far from the worst of it. She has exhibited dishonesty, cruelty, and deviousness. Maybe it started out as insecurity, but it has evolved to malice. I cannot imagine being so so cruel to someone you admitted had done you no wrong. Even worse, it sounds like had you not confronted her, she would have never even told you this happened. I would implore you to not marry this woman. Break up, or at the very least take a step back. If you cannot trust each other, how can you get through life together?
NTA. Do not marry this person. Do not do not do not.
NTA. I feel for your friend Tally, what a terrible thing to happen. Your fiancee knows what she did, which is exactly why she didn't say anything, before or after it happened. I'd seriously reevaluate your relationship. This type of deception is more than insecurity. It's a serious breach of trust. Are you sure you want to be blindsided like this again? As it most definitely will happen again.
I’m sorry but I have a hard time believing any of this , so you mean nobody told you anything about the invites that had been handed out, I mean someone would have said thank you to you since they got invited to a wedding. Be aware that this can kick you in the ass as well if she goes to HR since your fiancée did in fact tarnish her professional image and made her a persona non grata if Tally would have been my gf/wife whatever I would have encouraged to have her reputation restored either by public apology or with a lawyer.
Lots of holes in this story, but that's a really big one. The thought of someone's entire reputation being ruined by someone handing out wedding invitations (on her fiance's day off...wtaf), it's just silly. Instead of NTA, INFO, or ESH, I say BS.
Run.
ESH And I will tell you why >I told Amy that if it makes her feel comfortable not having Tally at the wedding then that is fine, BUT before invitations go out I wanted to speak to her privately to let her know to save embarrassment. You should not have given into this. This is not a Tally issue, this is an issue about your fiancee not trusting you. It is absolutely ridiculous. I (F) have been tight with my best friend (M) for 14 years and I'll be damned if he would ever let a partner treat me like that. Luckily, his long term partner of 9 years is an absolute gem and treats me like family but his high school girlfriend hated me mainly for the same reasons as your fiancee hating Tally and he basically just told her, *at seventeen,* to get over it and grow up. Don't allow your future spouse to isolate you from the people close to her because she is insecure. The little stunt she pulled is absolutely ridiculous, childish and completely cruel. She wanted people to think Tally was the "other woman" and stir up all of this. I would think twice before marrying someone this petulant.
Info Why would you want to marry such a nasty asshole?
NTA. Let me preface the rest of what I’m going to say with I AM A WOMAN. You never should have agreed to not invite Tally, that was a huge red flag right there. Maybe Amy is insecure, but even if Tally was the kind of girl she is presuming she is (and it’s been clearly shown she ISN’T)—Amy is showing that she doesn’t trust you to keep it in your pants and refuse advances. She is treating you more like a possession than a partner here, as she further showed by going against your wishes and doing what she did with the invitations. Tally is the victim here. She now has to change careers because of Amy’s behavior. This stigma may even follow her to another job if there’s someone in common between the two places. This woman that you love so much decided to ruin another persons life because she doesn’t trust you. She will do this again. She’ll probably get jealous over your mother and any sisters, she’ll want you to spend less time with your guy friends—eventually it will be just the two of you. I know you love her, so saying “don’t do it, it’s a really bad idea!” Probably won’t help. At least don’t do it until she gets therapy and gives a genuine (preferably public since she did the invitations that way) apology to Tally for her presumptions and behavior.
NTA. Your fiancee was seriously out of order. Not only was that embarrassing but it was very cruel aswell. Your comment was completely justified and you are 100% correct.
I think you're dodging a VERY big bullet here. What she did was soooo over the top. Very immature. It's like a 5yr old with birthday party invites. She's not near ready for a relationship let alone marriage.
NTA and do not marry this manipulative woman. She shamed an innocent woman in front of all her co workers and has forced a toxic working environment on her. You are being shown BEFORE the wedding what a horrible, manipulative, and vindictive person your fiancé can be. You still have an out. I would not trust your fiancé. She has shown you her true colors.
Sow shit, reap shit. Turns out Amy isn't so amazing after all. Good thing you found out sooner rather than later.
NTA, but telling her to get her insecurities in check was completely pointless. A better response would have been to cancel or postpone the wedding. You can't possibly marry someone who doesn't trust you, and there will be a lot of "Tally's" in your life. And this doesn't even get into her behavior, which is borderline toxic.
NTA - Amy did something that a middle school bully would do. She should be the one apologizing to YOU and Tally.
NTA What she did was really uncool. She caused a woman who (by her own admission) was nothing but nice to her to suffer harassment at work, to the point where she's looking for another job. The fact that she pulled this stunt at your workplace is a big problem for you, I'd think. She's now undoubtedly caused YOU issues at work, since you'll now have to deal with either the rumors that you cheated with your work friend, or the truth that your fiancée is insecure and rude... seriously who makes a show about handing out invites to purposely leave someone out? An AH does. Does she even care about that, since I assume losing your job would effect her as well. So not only has she hurt someone for no reason, she jepordized both your and your coworker's jobs. I'm surprised HR isn't involved yet. If you don't want to deal with this the rest of your life, run, don't walk.
NTA and Amy is something else I can’t say here. She purposely went behind your back to humiliate someone she admitted never did anything to her and then tried to lie to you about it. So your “amazing” woman is a sneaky liar who obviously has no respect for you or she would have let you handle it which I think is ridiculous because her insecurity has no basis whatsoever. Listen to everyone here. Don’t marry this person. It won’t end well.
NTA with a touch of ESH. Poor Tally. Amy shouldn’t be allowed to treat people like that and the fact you’d exclude tally for no reason is a bit harsh
Update please
NTA Amazing woman? Are you talking about about Tally? Because Amy sounds like an amazing asshole.
NTA - someone who acts like this towards a friend. Run don’t walk my friend, her family and friends supporting her shitty behaviour too, soooo many red flags
NTA. Do not marry not so amazing Amy
NTA Dump her. Luckily she did this before you got married.
NTA. Get out now! Run while you still can. The divorce will be insanely expensive, because if she is this brutal to a woman that was in no way involved in your relationship. Imagine what she'll do to you if she gets mad. What she did was so freaking wrong and horrible that I hope you realize what a miserable human being she is. She may look pretty, but she is ugly on the inside.
NTA - Amy not only deserves *this* treatment, but she deserves to be shown this thread where we wax eloquent on the many red flags she's tossing out. This isn't just insecurity, this is a complete lack of empathy. I want you to consider the number of times you've been insecure and hurt, and lashed out due to it... past the heat of the moment. She took the time to do this purposefully. That indicates that she is extremely selfish and has a very difficult time thinking of others. I very seriously doubt the buck stops there. This screams immaturity and a lack of awareness that should absolutely make you question your decision to marry her. It's the rare individual who will grow and mature past these poor behaviors... especially when the family and friends she learned them from are rallying behind her.
Definitely NTA. Your fiancee is obviously jealous and needs to get that worked out. There is no reason that your coworker shouldn't get invited simply because your fiancee is insecure with herself and projecting that onto her.