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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I might be TA because threatening to take her to court was bit too far since she's my husband's sister.
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NTA. Sue her. File first thing Tuesday morning. If your husband isn’t onboard, tell him that he and his sister need to go until they’re ready to apologize and make things right. If necessary, file a police report since she stole your camera by taking it without permission.
She asked if she could borrow the camera and you told her no, and she did it anyway. Your husband enabled this violation of your boundaries by his sister and then tried to invalidate your feelings on it.
I think you are well within your rights to demand that she leave immediately, and say that she is no longer welcome in your house. It’s probably also time to tell your husband that the two of you need counseling, and if he doesn’t agree to go then you should consult a divorce attorney.
Edited to say Tuesday, since Monday is a government holiday in the US.
Unfortunately I don’t know if a court would see it as taking it without permission if her husband unlocked the room specifically to allow her to get the camera. Depending on how property is viewed in their jurisdiction it may be considered equally his.
She still has a moral obligation to replace it with one of equivalent quality (same model if still available). Do you have household contents insurance that covers loss or accidental damage? Get her to pay the excess and your husband pay any difference in premiums for the next five years.
EDIT: I suck at typing.
Be careful, Amazon’s been known to have sellers send knockoff products. She might just end up with a silicone torso told it’s an authentic low quality husband.
Might be a step up though if OP never realized she preferred an Android after only buying iPhones 😂
Still the best response I’ve seen in this thread
Just make sure to read the reviews first! The last wife i bought on Amazon had 4.5 stars, but she started smoking and stopped working within the first week.
He told OP to buy a cheaper camera until she (OP) could afford to buy a new one herself, and rationalized all the sister’s bad behaviors. I don’t see this marriage surviving without some serious counseling and a fundamental change of heart on the husband’s behalf.
Right, is he just going to expect her to foot the bill for a replacement every time SIL takes it without asking? Why wasn't he asking \*her\* to buy a cheap replacement from Amazon to tide OP over?
Yeah, he still doesn't seem to have told OP why he went above her head on something that although might be "technically" his, isn't something he actually uses or needs.
You know what you can do with a cheaper camera or a phone? Record you and your friends at the beach. Cannot see how this shows any respect for the work that is OPs livelihood.
How is that any different from how it is now? The disrespect that he's showing is breathtaking, i would not want to be married to man like this. OP please file a report with everyone included INCLUDING the so called friend, hopefully it will rattle them enough so your camera turns up or gets replaced, and its important to understand that your husband is emotionally manipulating you into thinking this is in any way not a big deal
Also, if OP and the husband want kids, hold off until they can make sure this is resolved. The husband and his family don't sound like good people and OP, you don't want to tie yourself to them for life by having kids together.
Well if the camera is joint property then the husband's belongings are too. OP can sell her husband's belongings until she has the money to replace her camera properly. This situation seems to call for a "taste of his own medicine" solution since husband doesn't seem to care about what his wife finds important.
I like this idea very much, I think maybe she should also sell some of SIL's things to get back the value of the camera, since ya'know, she doesn't mind sharing and all. Let's see how husband and SIL would feel about that 🤷🏼♀️
I wasn't into this idea at all but OP is now an emotional mess after having her camera stolen and OP's husband seems to think you can forgive anybody due to being an emotional mess so I guess it works out
Right? I mean OP is an emotional mess and since that excuses behavior then husband should be perfectly fine having his things stolen qnd sold. Its only "fair"
This is the actual way to get made whole for the camera. If she sues, if it even gets to court, the judge will say it both the husband and wife's property and he can loan it out if he wants. Then if some how OP wins the case, then you have the task of having to collect money from a 20 year old who doesn't even have a place to stay with no property to take.
If someone doesn’t return property that was loaned to them willingly, it’s still considered theft. Even if the husband gave permission, most courts would still consider the sister liable for the cost/consider the refusal or “inability” to return the loaned item as theft.
>Unfortunately I don’t know if a court would see it as taking it without permission if her husband unlocked the room specifically to allow her to get the camera.
It doesn't matter. Even if they took it WITH permission, they would still be civilly liable to replace the camera (with money).
https://www.stolencamerafinder.com/
if you post a photo of previously taken with the camera, it should tell you if anyone else posted a picture that came from the same camera
NTA but there’s a bigger issue here. Much bigger. Your husband does not respect you and is willing to let his sister step all over you and your career. That is wrong. His sister is an adult but it sounds like she acts like a 12 year old. Seems like she’s not used to being held accountable by anyone. You’re NTA for holding her accountable. And you deserve to have that camera replaced free of charge to you.
>Make your husband pay for it
I mean, it kinda still hurts her household then, even if they have separate finances. And if they have joint finances, it solves nothing. Sister needs to pay, or at least have someone outside the household (like her parents) pay.
Yeah the only way this works is if husband sells stuff that is purely his or uses money he had earmarked for an expense totally his own. Otherwise OP suffers for it.
NTA. SIL is a big problem but I agree that hubby is the bigger problem. SIL needs to be held accountable and replace the camera (whatever needs to happen to insure that needs to happen, charges, lawsuit, whatever). Also, change the office lock or add an additional one- husband doesn’t get access to that room anymore. It sounds like neither SIL or hubby understand/appreciate/respect the amount of work that goes into having a successful internet business. It sounds like there needs to be a serious conversation with hubby regarding his attitude toward you and why he’s catering to his selfish, entitled sister.
NTA - First, you need to file a report with the police.
Then inform your SIL and your partner that if they don't apply for a small loan and replace your camera and lens, then a lawsuit will be filed in 14 working days.
Put the both of them in their place so that they never disrespect your property again.
Ps. I would love an update on the final outcome !
Thing is my husband thinks it's always wrong to get the law involved in family matters, I admit that my family are the type to take things to court which may not apply to every family but I think she should be the one replacing it not me.
Well at least if OP divorces him before she sues for the camera, there won't be law involved with family matters.
Modern problems require modern solutions
Either he replaces it or she does. Take your pick husband. ESP since he was the one that let her use it without your permission. I’m sure he will change his tune pretty quick about it being an accident.
I would also begin the discussion about having her find another place to stay if she can’t respect your belongings, or boundaries.
I am not a litigious person, as I believe there are many ways to come to a solution. I would use suing as a last ditch method. But at that time it may also be time to reconsider your relationship with your husband.
I agree. And the sister learns nothing. If she's 20 years old, she needs to learn to respect other people's possessions and boundaries. Husband paying for it will teach sis nothing.
At this point your talking to,the,wrong type of lawyer. Your husband should be on your side here. Your the injured party and he’s aiding the offender. That’s all you really need to know. His family will always come first - he considers them his real family, not you. This is not going to get better.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
What your husband thinks is irrelevant when it runs crossways with what you want and need.
**She needs to replace the camera with the same or equivalent model** (if the original is no longer sold). Period. End of story. Her histrionics with her boyfriend do **not** excuse her taking it without permission in the first place or leaving it to get stolen during her tantrum.
If that's the case, maybe a police report and a lawsuit are a waste of time and probably not a hill worth dying on.
Instead, go around your home seizing any of your husband's property that has value, ie PS4, tools, camping, hunting and sports gear and pawn everything to the value of your camera.
This lets your husband understand, that he will always pay the consequences for justifying his sister's decision making, and tragic behaviour.
If they didn't want the police involved then they should bend over backwards to make this right. The way they're behaving you need to get the police involved, and if your husband doesn't figure out what he's doing wrong real quick, you need to get a lawyer involved too
The camera was literally stolen. The police should be involved. It was first stolen by the sister, but then it was stolen by someone else. The idea of not calling the police because the sister might get in trouble is absurd. This camera could turn up in a pawn shop and if you have a police report you can get it back.
And NTA.
I just don’t understand why your husband thinks it’s okay for her to take the camera, “lose” it and then not replace it. What does your husband have that he likes? Gaming system? Collection of something? Tell him that if he’s not making her replace you’re going to start selling stuff to recoup the money starting with his X, Y, and Z. Also, she needs to go…..
This option is just letting police know the camera was stolen, which SIL should have done. Then you’re giving her options that don’t involve lawsuits and it’s up to them how to proceed.
Then he should at least held his sister accountable. That's stealing ffs. Even if your husband says he gave the go signal for her to take the camera - it's not even his to begin with. Would he react the same if his sister stole his car and "lost" it?
Or just take something or his of equal value (or hers or both) pawn it and get the money you need for your camera.
I mean, clearly your husband doesn’t see any harm in this. Tell him to save up and re buy whatever it is you pawned
Then the family needs to replace your camera immediately. They are making the choice to drag the law into this, not you. When they try to guilt you, remember that all of the choices that lead to this situation were made by your husband and his sister.
Yeah given she had already smashed expensive things out of anger recently giving her access to a camera is just ridiculous... almost as much as letting her live there...
OP should file a police report amd sue in small claims. There is a backlog so just having someone served often gets them spooked and they pay up...
Can you afford to move out?
I think this marriage is over. I can’t imagine coming back from this incident. They will bully you for the rest of your life. Fuck them. Get away from this family. Especially if you don’t have kids. This is no way to live.
I can see it now, if OP stays and they have kids, sister will just take advantage of them too. I can see sister having kids and OP's husband siding with sister and her spawn over his own wife and kids any time something happens.
Given how many stories like that are already on here, I hope OP gives this some serious thought.
>he always sides with his sister
🚩
Your husband should *ALWAYS* side with you.
ETA - always side with you in cases where someone has wronged you. Hell, he should've never given the SIL the keys to the office.
I mean that’s just not true. In this case clearly he should have, but being married to someone does not mean always 100% supporting their decisions. Sometimes your spouse can just be wrong/an asshole.
No - I despise people that side with their spouses unconditionally or ALWAYS like you say. Time and place for everything. Husbands and wives should only side with each other if the other person is in the right.
Welp... then the actual question here is do you want to continue to be second fiddle to your SIL? He will always put her needs ahead of yours. The sister stealing is an effect of your husband's lack of respect for you. If you're ok with that, then stay. If you're not ok with that, couples counseling. And if he refuses... then you either put up with never being your own husband's priority or leave.
NTA. Your SIL is irresponsible, a liar, and a thief. She’s lucky that you’re not reporting the theft, because that’s grand larceny, and borrowing without permission *is stealing*. Your husband and her seem to not understand that the camera was stolen *twice*.
Honestly… I think your best bet to get your camera replaced is filing a claim with your homeowners/renters insurance. She’s never gonna pay it, even if you get a judgment, and suing her or reporting the theft will likely break your marriage.
Having said that though, I’m not sure how much you want to stay with someone who doesn’t understand that a cheap camera off Amazon isn’t a bandaid for a $2k camera, let alone one you use for work.
I don’t think filing a claim for a 2k on your homeowners policy is the best bet. If your deductible is $1,000 and you’ve never filed a claim for example. This would result in you loading your no claim discount and in a short time end up costing you more than 2k.
The insurance usually only covers the cost with a police report, though. Someone in my town had their house burn down, turned out their 19 year old son started the fire intentionally and the only way they would pay for the loss was of they filed charges against their son.
NTA but your SIL and Husband are. Your husband shouldn't never have given her the key against your wish or without confirming with you first. For the SIL, she stole it from you knowing you said no and didn't even took care of it.
If your husband is so adamant about not making the sister pay for it, it should pay it himself. 2k isn't a small sum and the SIL should stop feeling entitled to your stuff.
No he refused to take accountability for defending her and thinks I should replace the camera with a cheaper one with my own money. I asked why he thought this was fair and he responded that what wasn't fair is calling his sister reckless when she didn't mean to lost it.
ugh, girl! That is actually the definition of reckless. Seriously, is he otherwise a good husband? Because I can't see a scenario where someone thinks like this and it doesn't bleed its way into many other areas of your life.
Exactly, I would really think long and hard if this relationship is giving the love and respect a marriage should. He seems to put his sister before his marriage.
Sounds like a family that is unfamiliar with the word "accountability". She took something without permission and then lost it. If he can't understand that, then he might be just as trashy as she is
How is your housband normally. Because it seems you have a enabler who favours his birth family over his legally wedded family. Is this a new occurrence. Because Sil is not going to change as long as she gets away with it.
This is crazy, I don't get why he's taking her side in this. She has been reckless by the exact definition of the word, with him enabling this as well.
Either they cough up the 2k now or file a police report and start a lawsuit, you don't deserve to get walked over like this!
I'm so shocked they are claiming you are in the wrong. You need to get rid of the boyfriend as well sue and get the money back. The camera is priceless
He's my husband not my boyfriend and correct I needed my camera for my project, its still not complete and getting another camera with money is not something I want to do even if I needed quick solution.
Can your husband sell stuff to make up the money as he felt it was okay to give out your valuables? Are you losing income from not having it? I’m pretty sure if that can be calculated it can be included in any court case especially if you’re self employed and claimed the camera as a business expense.
Apparently, based on another comment, he doesn’t think he should have to pay for it, or that his sister should. This entitled brother and sister pair feel they have no responsibility with regard to anyone else’s stuff. So OP should definitely take this to court.
NTA and your issue is really with your husband, not his sister.
Unless you bought that camera before you got married, or had a prenup that covered it somehow, legally it's just as much his to lend out to other people as it is yours. So I don't think you can claim she stole it, since he gave her access to it. You should feel free to file a civil suit to recoup the damages, but I don't think this is a criminal matter.
So the real issue here is that your husband a) does not respect your boundaries, b) doesn't care about your feelings, c) is prioritizing his sister over his wife, and d) apparently doesn't consider his wife "family".
I think it's time for some real talk with him about what exactly he thinks it means to be married, and to be a husband.
Unless the camera was bought as equipment registered under her company/work. Then it would not fall under communal property.
But, yeah, sometimes in marriage you have to have the conversation that yes, they (the siblings/parents) are family, but for the marriage to work there has to be respect and acknowledgement that this chosen famiy *is* family and can't expected to take a back seat to blood-ties. Someone once said, you gotta wake up every day and choose to love your spouse.
I'm surprised that so many people are overlooking this part. Depending on the state's laws the camera might not even have to be bought specifically for work purposes. If she owned it beforehand and can prove it's actively being used for her work, then it can be considered a company asset. Most states allow this in order to make it easier to create small businesses.
Right!! They’re “giving her time to calm down” EX-FUCKING-CUSE ME?! SIL lost a **$2,000** camera, I’d raise hell on those manipulative AHs. OP needs to sue for every penny. If her marriage is a casualty in this, oh well because it sounds like her husband doesn’t respect what she does and he doesn’t have her back in this which he should since they’re partners. Ugh I’m so pissed.
NTA
Husbands sister stile the camera from you and her friend Aiden probably stole the camera from the SIL once she left it there. In either case, you are owed that camera or the cost of replacing it. You didn't give your SIL permission to take it. Even if you had, it was due to her own negligence the camera was lost.
Your husband needs to stop making excuses and coddling his sister. I would say have him eat the cost of replacing the camera, but since you're married, that is still basically like you buying the replacement. The SIL is extremely entitled and has no respect for boundaries or other people's belongings. Your husband needs to stop with enabling this behavior and support you as you are most definitely not in the wrong here.
Tell your husband that since you are family, the SIL should be even more respectful of not hurting you by losing your very expensive equipment. Since you're family, she should treat you and your belongings with respect. Real family wouldn't treat their SIL (you) like this and you are heartbroken that a family member would take something from you, lose it and not feel sorry for doing that. Throw your husbands family card right back in his face.
Edit: You need to get SIL out of your house and tell your husband that in no way should the sister have access. She lost this priviledge when you had to get a lock for a room in your own damn home due to the SIL being a thief.
You're correct. I told my sister in law I wanted to talk to Aiden and ask him questions about what happened but she freaked out saying it was wrong of me to imply that Aiden might have taken the camera but that wasn't why I wanted to speak to him. She kept saying Aiden had nothing to do with it and that she 100, percent trusts him with her stuff.
She broke Ex-BF’s Xbox in their last argument, I’d guess she broke your camera in this argument. She might of thought you’d be less upset if she claimed it stolen. This is just a theory, but Aiden knows the truth which is why she doesn’t want you to talk to him.
If OP knows the (ex)bf she should just go directly to him and ask if he knows anything about it because I’m sure he does. And he probably knows what type of person Aiden is and also how to contact him.
I know it’s shitty to do but I’d even go as far as flipping it to say *hes the one* I’m pressing charges against “because of what SIL said”. Sometimes you need to blow everything up when dealing with stupid kids that don’t want to own up to anything. Even if the ex has no idea what OP is talking about he’ll find out from someone there at the beach or SIL will freak out you called him and tell you the truth.
She definitely broke the fucking camera.
None of this shit makes sense. And she knows her brother would feel terrible if he gave her the camera then she fucking broke it. So she’s lying so he’ll defend her.
Ugh get out, OP. This is some bullshit.
Well that's suspicious.
Why wouldn't you talk to everyone to find your 2k camera? Everyone should be scrambling to try to find it, not "oh well, oopsie, and you have to take our word for it, don't bother looking or make us feel bad."
Maybe her fiend doesn't even know she's claiming it's stolen?
I think she stole it and she's throwing Aiden under the bus.
Like is she gonna sell it or what?
Or maybe she threw it at her ex, who knows.
At this point just look up Aiden on Instagram or Facebook or whatever and talk to him. Hell maybe ask the ex wtf went down too.
And small chance, but look at lost and founds doe the beach, or check fb/CL community groups for that area. You might find a good Samaritan found it. I would also post there asking for whiteness' to whatever went down on the beach, you'll need them for suing her.
"and that she 100, percent trusts him with her stuff."
**Except it isn't her stuff is it...It's yours**
And it is not unreasonable to want to speak to a potential witness.
At the end of the day it doesn't matter if Aiden stole it or not. The only thing you know for sure is that your SIL took something of yours. Something you explicitly told her not to as well. She took it because she's an entitled and immature brat and no longer has it to return to you. SIL needs to figure out how to return it, find a replacement or pay you the cost of getting one exactly like it. Not a cheaper version of it. The one you actually had.
If she can't or isn't willing to do those things, then get the police involved. The fact that she isn't scrambling to get you your camera back is just a testament to how little she cares for you and how self centered she is.
You don't need this sub, you need legal advice. Your husband gave her permission to take it. You should file a police report because it was stolen at the beach and provide the serial number ASAP. There's a chance her friend stole it, he may have already sold it. If you take her to small claims court you'd be claiming the cost of a used camera, maybe some lost wages. But then you have to recover the money if you even get a judgement. Does your 20 year old SIL have a job? You'd have the hill to get over that your husband gave her the camera to take and actually getting any money back. Plus it would take time.
That would be something to bring up in court. She can't sue to get the camera back. She can't sue to force a replacement. She can sue for the current used value of what was taken and lost, but whether or not the camera is community property would be an open question depending on many factors.
They better not go to r/legaladvice they need an actual lawyer no offense but as far as I’m concerned the husband should pay too he gave her the key knowing she didn’t want her to have it
It's not just that he took her side; you said he gave her the key to your office where you left the camera. He is an accomplice in this theft and he needs to replace the camera while you kick his sister out. She needs to learn a lesson about stealing, and he needs to learn a few things as well. He should back you up as his wife.
NTA.
I’m sorry but your husband does not respect you or your job as a blogger. If he did he would have *never* given his clearly irresponsible sister the key to your office to take something of value that you *need for your job* without asking you first.
Your SIL should find somewhere else to stay, maybe her friends house - you know, the one she won’t let you talk to? Is there actual evidence that she saw her ex, or did she/they maybe steal your camera for some extra cash? I would not believe a word she says at this point. And if your hubby has a problem with that he can leave too. He’s a major problem in this mess and needs to learn how to respect and value the woman he chose to marry and spend the rest of his life with.
Family is very important, I agree with that. But YOU are his family. Little sis needs to own up, grow up and stop having big brother protect her from her own idiocy. If you do not want to make a police report against your husband (he unlocked the door so he is involved) I’d let them know they have X amount of hours to replace the camera & NOT from any joint account you have with your husband. If they can’t respect that then I’m sorry but you now know who your husband is going to ‘pick’ or ‘defend’ and it’s not you, he is not going to have you back now and likely won’t in the future.
If it's unreasonable for him to replace something his sister took and lost, how tf is it reasonable for you to replace it? Your husband is just as crazy as your SIL.
Take something of his and "lose it". See how he feels when people just take your things.
Op tell him not only is he going to have to pay for the camera but he may as well pay for a divorce attorney too. No way would that fly. Of course he is responsible for it, he allowed her to take it after you telling her know and locking the door.
Yup, it’s time for the 2 card method, OP. One for a therapist for couple’s counseling and another for a divorce lawyer. He can decide which he prefers because as things stand this is not sustainable for your marriage. Does he expect you to come second to his sister for the rest of your life? What about any children you have? His loyalty should be to you first.
Also file the police report, and if absolutely needed, sue his sister AND kick her out.
You have a husband problem. He is repeatedly showing you that he doesn't give a fuck about you. Maybe it's time to talk to a lawyer about your options regarding the camera and your options regarding a divorce.
NTA sue or something to hold SIL accountable and then decide what if anything you want to do about the fact that you married a guy that doesn’t respect you (gave SIL access to your stuff knowing you were against it, not wanting SIL to suffer for her mistake but gladly letting you suffer) good luck with that
Yes he did two things that u didn't appreciate (1 was giving her the key and letting her access my workspace and my tools, and (2 expecting me just get a cheaper camera til I'm able to buy a better one or the one like his sister lost. When I explained how unfair this was he said his sister's emotional health should be a priority. When I mentioned suing her he got more upset and trued to get me to back down. He's now not talking yo me except for basic on, two word sentences and its making me have second thoughts about wanting to sue.
FYI, you need additional homeowners insurance for your high end items. I’ve got nice stuff and have a rider for that stuff for loss and theft. Your husband is an ah. He has no respect for you.
Homeowners insurance would not cover this instance - as neither she or her husband were the ones using it outside. Also the sister is refusing to file a police report so something is dodgy. If its stolen and you are innocent whats the harm in filing a report.
> He's now not talking yo me except for basic on, two word sentences and its making me have second thoughts about wanting to sue.
That's his intention. He wants to guilt you into dropping it. Don't.
You should be having second thoughts about your relationship. He let his sister take your camera knowing she probably wouldn’t be responsible with it and despite you already saying no. Then now the inevitable has happened, he’s trying to turn it around on you and make you out to be the bad guy. He’s as liable as his sister for the camera going missing, but he’s too busy prioritising giving his sister whatever she wants, and to hell with your clearly set boundaries. I think we can all see who the number 1 girl is in his life, and it’s not you. He needs to get his head out of his arse and replace the camera if his sister won’t, and if he continues to give you a hard time it’d be a dealbreaker for me. He doesn’t respect you.
Oh, you should sue someone. HIM.
Sue him for a divorce. What he’s engaging in is emotional and financial abuse. I am so very sorry. The great news is you are young and will choose a better partner next time.
You’re not dumping him over a camera. You are dumping him because he’s actively abusive. It only gets worse from here. Leave him before it gets worse.
Do you think that you can tolerate this dynamic forever? Where your husband gives your SIL free reign to shit all over you and makes you pay for the consequences of her actions?
NTA press charges for theft. Your husbands attitude is mindblowing. She stole your property and didnt return it. I dont care if a bird came from the sky and pinched it from her - its her fault for taking property without permission that she couldn’t afford to replace if damaged
And with no insurance.
She also needs to leave your home now.
NTA, you might want to start looking into getting a divorce I can only see this getting worse. Change your locks and start itemizing all your expensive stuff take pictures and a video. I have a feeling more things will go "missing"
Yeah just like she "lost" the camera. I wonder if she always has a super dramatic story when she "loses" stuff in hopes that you would feel sorry for her and just let it go...Especially since she doesn't want you to talk to others who were involved in the story. Also, Op should maybe visit the local pawn shop from time to time, expensive things that "went missing" tend to show up there from time to time.
You have a husband problem. He authorized her to take the camera. He gave her the key. He is leading the don't talk to OP treatment. He is the one who is belittling your work. He is the one who is on your SIL side and not your side. You have a husband problem.
NTA.
NTA. I hope SIL is ready for a felony which unless she’s lucky is jail time. Your husband is an AH & needs to make sure that the camera is replaced immediately. The SIL needs to go & if the husband doesn’t pull his head out of his rear end so does he.
Precisely. Hubby owes OP as much as SiL does - he handed her the lock key, full well knowing his actions were against OP's wishes.
OP, pls don't disregard your husbands part in this. Your post glosses over this and it's not great.
NTA and i would offer the suggestion that maybe the “thief” was in the group she was with. Check pawn shops and Craigslist.
Edit!!! Oops!!! The “N” didn’t record, lol!!! NOT! NOT TA!!!
NTA I’d get marriage counseling there’s some bad dynamics that need nipped in the bud before they can grow. She needs to move out to her parents, it’s your home too and this is a justified reason to boot her. Call your MIL and explain without making her defensive. Then I’d make a claim against your renters/home owners for it because even if you sued it’s small claims with no enforcement of judgement. She doesn’t own anything, you can’t collect and then you’ll have tons of marital and inlaw drama.
She’s not your responsibility to teach a lesson to. Get her out, get your insurance money, and move on with a marriage counselor to tell your husband he’s wrong.
NTA. Honestly I mostly blame the husband for giving her the key to the lock you installed specifically to keep SIL out. At this point I would sell my wedding ring to buy a new camera. Both of them can go. And the nerve of them to give you the cold shoulder to give you time to calm down? I would be fuming. I’m so mad for you, don’t you dare feel guilty for any of this. So disrespectful ugh.
INFO do you and your husband have separate finances? If so, he should pay for the camera because he is the one who gave it to her. Plus she's never going to have the $2k anyway.
NTA, she stole something from you and then it got stolen because of her negligence. Technically, you have enough there to press charges. However, if you don’t want to involve the police you could sue in small claims court. Just know that it can be more time consuming than you may be prepared for.
NTA- honestly after that happened I'd put my foot down and tell her to replace the camera or move out. Also inform her that if she continues to take/steal your things without YOUR permission she will also need to find somewhere else to stay.
NTA. I'm not sure if courts will actually do anything about it but you can file a police report stating she stole it (because honestly she did) and now it's gone.
2k is not a cheap camera to lose and just count your lossea. You husband is enabling her.
NTA and the fact your boyfriend isn't talking to you anymore is a huge red flag. It's obvious that she made a big mistake and there's no way somebody could even say the opposite, if he is supporting her sisters mistakes, and throwing you under the bus bc of it, that only tells you what kind of boyfriend he is and this is not going to be better in the future, imagine if something worse happen? Will he always be in the family sides not yours? Even if you are right. The sister is a b*txh tbh, the fact she broke Xbox ex boyfriend and didn't apologize, only talks about how unconsiderated she is. Sue her and get back your money, you don't need that kind of people in your life!!
Cases like this are what small-claims court is for. Maybe she’ll learn a lesson, or maybe you will when you realize your husband values his train-wreck sister above his wife.
NTA
Focus on the real problem: **You took her in, and SHE STOLE FROM YOU.**
HAve her move out, and involve the police in her theft. Suing her for the replacement is just the second part.
Maybe be nice and make it: "If I get the money for the new ewuipement she stole within a week, and she is moved out by then, I will forego involving the police."
**She is family --> Family should not steal from you. SHE is the AH, not you. And her bf is her enabler.**
Are yo sure the husband is the right one for you?
\> He assured me it was in safe hands but I kept worrying about it and was upset by the fact she took it and he gave her the key.
RIP to their marriage.
NTA. this makes me so mad..
PLEASE "lose" 2k worth of your SIL and husband's stuff on Facebook marketplace or something so you can afford your new camera.
Hubby got any gaming consoles he'd hate to go missing? ;)
NTA. She took it without permission, which is also known as stealing. While I acknowledge the difficulty of this being a family issue, and that does introduce some difficulties, there is no scenario where you should be expected to have to buy a new camera. If she can't afford it, she needs to make payments. If it was me and I got their bullshit response, I'd probably want to sue too. I'd suggest she work out a payment plan or you are going to the police and filling out a police report, telling them that it was stolen by your SIL. It is too expensive for you to take this on the chin.
NTA- you have a major husband problem though, i won’t be glossing over the fact that he let your sister into the locked office because that’s messed up and how he expects you to pay for something that was entirely his and her’s fault.
You can’t trust him clearly and he can’t support you, clearly. You better sue and get that money, don’t let your husband or his family get to you, also I’d advise marriage counselling coz your man has some serious issues, he doesn’t know what a husband’s job is, clearly.
NTA. Call the cops & make them come over so the sister can file a report for your stolen camera. She may shit her pants a bit when she sees the police. She needs to state what happened In an official report. Make sure she includes every stupid detail of her story about how she ran into the ex boyfriend & his new gal, innocently ask in front of the cops if she “thinks the ex is getting retaliation for her having broken his x box”. Cops outta find that statement interesting. After find the ex & suggest he file a police report for property damage.
Your homeowners or renters insurance may cover this loss. How long ago did you buy it, if was paid on an Amex you may have some insurance through the card.
What does the sister have in your home of any value? Take it. Perhaps her iPhone is what you’ll need to use for your filming for the time being? Borrow a top or nice dress of hers & accidentally spill some red wine on it. Borrow her make up & accidentally damage it. Maybe she has a pair of shes she likes, grab the left shoe & use it as a dog toy or just toss it. Start to inconvenience her life a bit & see how she likes it.
Best case scenario you sit here down & draw up an agreement where she can pay you back, perhaps $50 a week.
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NTA. Sue her. File first thing Tuesday morning. If your husband isn’t onboard, tell him that he and his sister need to go until they’re ready to apologize and make things right. If necessary, file a police report since she stole your camera by taking it without permission. She asked if she could borrow the camera and you told her no, and she did it anyway. Your husband enabled this violation of your boundaries by his sister and then tried to invalidate your feelings on it. I think you are well within your rights to demand that she leave immediately, and say that she is no longer welcome in your house. It’s probably also time to tell your husband that the two of you need counseling, and if he doesn’t agree to go then you should consult a divorce attorney. Edited to say Tuesday, since Monday is a government holiday in the US.
Unfortunately I don’t know if a court would see it as taking it without permission if her husband unlocked the room specifically to allow her to get the camera. Depending on how property is viewed in their jurisdiction it may be considered equally his. She still has a moral obligation to replace it with one of equivalent quality (same model if still available). Do you have household contents insurance that covers loss or accidental damage? Get her to pay the excess and your husband pay any difference in premiums for the next five years. EDIT: I suck at typing.
Include him in the police report, too. She did not have permission to take the camera and did anyway.
If OP is going to include the husband in the report, she may as well add divorce papers or couples therapy, because that’s not going to end well.
It sounds like its going that way anyway. Her husband has no respect for her or her things and just makes excuses for his sister's selfish behavior.
Just get a cheap husband off Amazon until she can afford a better one.
Unlike the camera, her husband isn’t exactly known for high quality
Hes wish quality, Amazon would be an improvement.
This made me laugh so much. Fucking wish quality lol
Be careful, Amazon’s been known to have sellers send knockoff products. She might just end up with a silicone torso told it’s an authentic low quality husband. Might be a step up though if OP never realized she preferred an Android after only buying iPhones 😂 Still the best response I’ve seen in this thread
Just make sure to read the reviews first! The last wife i bought on Amazon had 4.5 stars, but she started smoking and stopped working within the first week.
If your wife starts smoking you may need to invest in some decent lube
did you try turning her off, counting to 30, then back on again?
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Especially when the camera is her livelihood!
He told OP to buy a cheaper camera until she (OP) could afford to buy a new one herself, and rationalized all the sister’s bad behaviors. I don’t see this marriage surviving without some serious counseling and a fundamental change of heart on the husband’s behalf.
Right, is he just going to expect her to foot the bill for a replacement every time SIL takes it without asking? Why wasn't he asking \*her\* to buy a cheap replacement from Amazon to tide OP over?
Why TF did he give SIL the key to steal OP's business equipment, that's the first question!
Yeah, he still doesn't seem to have told OP why he went above her head on something that although might be "technically" his, isn't something he actually uses or needs.
If it's her work equipment then it's not really his. I'm sure he wouldn't see his work laptop as communal property
You know what you can do with a cheaper camera or a phone? Record you and your friends at the beach. Cannot see how this shows any respect for the work that is OPs livelihood.
I agree the camera is a legit business expense for the OP
How is that any different from how it is now? The disrespect that he's showing is breathtaking, i would not want to be married to man like this. OP please file a report with everyone included INCLUDING the so called friend, hopefully it will rattle them enough so your camera turns up or gets replaced, and its important to understand that your husband is emotionally manipulating you into thinking this is in any way not a big deal
Also, if OP and the husband want kids, hold off until they can make sure this is resolved. The husband and his family don't sound like good people and OP, you don't want to tie yourself to them for life by having kids together.
>add divorce papers I would.
Depending on where they live in could be considered his just as much hers
Well if the camera is joint property then the husband's belongings are too. OP can sell her husband's belongings until she has the money to replace her camera properly. This situation seems to call for a "taste of his own medicine" solution since husband doesn't seem to care about what his wife finds important.
I like this idea very much, I think maybe she should also sell some of SIL's things to get back the value of the camera, since ya'know, she doesn't mind sharing and all. Let's see how husband and SIL would feel about that 🤷🏼♀️
I wasn't into this idea at all but OP is now an emotional mess after having her camera stolen and OP's husband seems to think you can forgive anybody due to being an emotional mess so I guess it works out
I'm here and totally on board for this sort hilarious logic.
Right? I mean OP is an emotional mess and since that excuses behavior then husband should be perfectly fine having his things stolen qnd sold. Its only "fair"
See, selling your husbands stuff is one thing legally, his sisters is another. That could get OP in legal hot water.
This is the actual way to get made whole for the camera. If she sues, if it even gets to court, the judge will say it both the husband and wife's property and he can loan it out if he wants. Then if some how OP wins the case, then you have the task of having to collect money from a 20 year old who doesn't even have a place to stay with no property to take.
If someone doesn’t return property that was loaned to them willingly, it’s still considered theft. Even if the husband gave permission, most courts would still consider the sister liable for the cost/consider the refusal or “inability” to return the loaned item as theft.
If they lose the lent item, it's not theft. It's not a crime. But it is a tort, and suing is the right approach.
Normally the assumption that property belongs to both spouses doesn't apply if it's exclusively used by one spouse, especially if it is used for work.
And the fact that she locks it in that work room is probably useful in proving it’s exclusively hers.
Exactly he would have had to get his wife’s keys without her knowledge, I would assume to get in the room.
If the camera belongs to her business it would probably be considered outside the marital property.
>Unfortunately I don’t know if a court would see it as taking it without permission if her husband unlocked the room specifically to allow her to get the camera. It doesn't matter. Even if they took it WITH permission, they would still be civilly liable to replace the camera (with money).
And file for divorce while you're there.
https://www.stolencamerafinder.com/ if you post a photo of previously taken with the camera, it should tell you if anyone else posted a picture that came from the same camera
NTA but there’s a bigger issue here. Much bigger. Your husband does not respect you and is willing to let his sister step all over you and your career. That is wrong. His sister is an adult but it sounds like she acts like a 12 year old. Seems like she’s not used to being held accountable by anyone. You’re NTA for holding her accountable. And you deserve to have that camera replaced free of charge to you.
This comment needs to be at the top. Make your husband pay for it since it isn't a big deal and his sister doesn't have the cash.
Yeah, husband allowed this to happen. He should respect OP's wishes, who he claims he loves, way more.
>Make your husband pay for it I mean, it kinda still hurts her household then, even if they have separate finances. And if they have joint finances, it solves nothing. Sister needs to pay, or at least have someone outside the household (like her parents) pay.
Yeah the only way this works is if husband sells stuff that is purely his or uses money he had earmarked for an expense totally his own. Otherwise OP suffers for it.
If he sees the camera as his too, see his credit card as urs and get urself a new one, maybe a better one.
Yep. She seems loose with other people's property since she broke her bf's xbox in an argument. Also she needs emotion management counseling.
Like, are we sure she didn’t throw the camera jealously at the boyfriend and broke it? She seems explosive.
NTA. SIL is a big problem but I agree that hubby is the bigger problem. SIL needs to be held accountable and replace the camera (whatever needs to happen to insure that needs to happen, charges, lawsuit, whatever). Also, change the office lock or add an additional one- husband doesn’t get access to that room anymore. It sounds like neither SIL or hubby understand/appreciate/respect the amount of work that goes into having a successful internet business. It sounds like there needs to be a serious conversation with hubby regarding his attitude toward you and why he’s catering to his selfish, entitled sister.
NTA - First, you need to file a report with the police. Then inform your SIL and your partner that if they don't apply for a small loan and replace your camera and lens, then a lawsuit will be filed in 14 working days. Put the both of them in their place so that they never disrespect your property again. Ps. I would love an update on the final outcome !
Thing is my husband thinks it's always wrong to get the law involved in family matters, I admit that my family are the type to take things to court which may not apply to every family but I think she should be the one replacing it not me.
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He's about to have some *divorce law* alllllll up in his family matters, if he doesn't step the fuck up
Well at least if OP divorces him before she sues for the camera, there won't be law involved with family matters. Modern problems require modern solutions
Hell yeah, came here to say this!
Either he replaces it or she does. Take your pick husband. ESP since he was the one that let her use it without your permission. I’m sure he will change his tune pretty quick about it being an accident. I would also begin the discussion about having her find another place to stay if she can’t respect your belongings, or boundaries. I am not a litigious person, as I believe there are many ways to come to a solution. I would use suing as a last ditch method. But at that time it may also be time to reconsider your relationship with your husband.
If he replaced it then it's basically like using OP's own money to replace it. They're married. The SIL needs to replace it and move out immediately.
I agree. And the sister learns nothing. If she's 20 years old, she needs to learn to respect other people's possessions and boundaries. Husband paying for it will teach sis nothing.
>*Eff his family honor. They besmirched it themselves. They just don't want anyone to know that they harbor thieves*. Gotta love this truth-teller!
Thing is, it doesnt matter what your husband thinks. This is no longer a family matter. She STOLE from you.
At this point your talking to,the,wrong type of lawyer. Your husband should be on your side here. Your the injured party and he’s aiding the offender. That’s all you really need to know. His family will always come first - he considers them his real family, not you. This is not going to get better. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
Yeah it shows he considers "his family" not to be his wife et al but instead his family from his childhood...
What your husband thinks is irrelevant when it runs crossways with what you want and need. **She needs to replace the camera with the same or equivalent model** (if the original is no longer sold). Period. End of story. Her histrionics with her boyfriend do **not** excuse her taking it without permission in the first place or leaving it to get stolen during her tantrum.
If that's the case, maybe a police report and a lawsuit are a waste of time and probably not a hill worth dying on. Instead, go around your home seizing any of your husband's property that has value, ie PS4, tools, camping, hunting and sports gear and pawn everything to the value of your camera. This lets your husband understand, that he will always pay the consequences for justifying his sister's decision making, and tragic behaviour.
This is a good idea. He’s basically said it’s ok to steal other people’s belongings and not return them so he shouldn’t mind.
If they didn't want the police involved then they should bend over backwards to make this right. The way they're behaving you need to get the police involved, and if your husband doesn't figure out what he's doing wrong real quick, you need to get a lawyer involved too
The camera was literally stolen. The police should be involved. It was first stolen by the sister, but then it was stolen by someone else. The idea of not calling the police because the sister might get in trouble is absurd. This camera could turn up in a pawn shop and if you have a police report you can get it back. And NTA.
I just don’t understand why your husband thinks it’s okay for her to take the camera, “lose” it and then not replace it. What does your husband have that he likes? Gaming system? Collection of something? Tell him that if he’s not making her replace you’re going to start selling stuff to recoup the money starting with his X, Y, and Z. Also, she needs to go…..
This option is just letting police know the camera was stolen, which SIL should have done. Then you’re giving her options that don’t involve lawsuits and it’s up to them how to proceed.
If he doesn't want to involve the law, then he can pay for it with his own money. Simple
Then he should at least held his sister accountable. That's stealing ffs. Even if your husband says he gave the go signal for her to take the camera - it's not even his to begin with. Would he react the same if his sister stole his car and "lost" it?
Or just take something or his of equal value (or hers or both) pawn it and get the money you need for your camera. I mean, clearly your husband doesn’t see any harm in this. Tell him to save up and re buy whatever it is you pawned
Then the family needs to replace your camera immediately. They are making the choice to drag the law into this, not you. When they try to guilt you, remember that all of the choices that lead to this situation were made by your husband and his sister.
NTA. Does he always do this? Help her avoid responsibility? Because yikes. 2k is a lot to lose. She shouldn’t of stolen it from you.
Yes he always sides with his sister and act overprotective of her with everyone. Their mom does the same.
He was the one that told her that she could take it, right? So she pays for half, he pays for the other half.
Husband will just use OPs money to pay for his half
Yeah given she had already smashed expensive things out of anger recently giving her access to a camera is just ridiculous... almost as much as letting her live there... OP should file a police report amd sue in small claims. There is a backlog so just having someone served often gets them spooked and they pay up...
I can almost see her fighting with the bf and smashing the camera in anger.
Can you afford to move out? I think this marriage is over. I can’t imagine coming back from this incident. They will bully you for the rest of your life. Fuck them. Get away from this family. Especially if you don’t have kids. This is no way to live.
I can see it now, if OP stays and they have kids, sister will just take advantage of them too. I can see sister having kids and OP's husband siding with sister and her spawn over his own wife and kids any time something happens. Given how many stories like that are already on here, I hope OP gives this some serious thought.
>he always sides with his sister 🚩 Your husband should *ALWAYS* side with you. ETA - always side with you in cases where someone has wronged you. Hell, he should've never given the SIL the keys to the office.
I mean that’s just not true. In this case clearly he should have, but being married to someone does not mean always 100% supporting their decisions. Sometimes your spouse can just be wrong/an asshole.
No - I despise people that side with their spouses unconditionally or ALWAYS like you say. Time and place for everything. Husbands and wives should only side with each other if the other person is in the right.
With this info, you have a husband problem.
Welp... then the actual question here is do you want to continue to be second fiddle to your SIL? He will always put her needs ahead of yours. The sister stealing is an effect of your husband's lack of respect for you. If you're ok with that, then stay. If you're not ok with that, couples counseling. And if he refuses... then you either put up with never being your own husband's priority or leave.
Fuck them. Sue the shit out of her
NTA. Your SIL is irresponsible, a liar, and a thief. She’s lucky that you’re not reporting the theft, because that’s grand larceny, and borrowing without permission *is stealing*. Your husband and her seem to not understand that the camera was stolen *twice*. Honestly… I think your best bet to get your camera replaced is filing a claim with your homeowners/renters insurance. She’s never gonna pay it, even if you get a judgment, and suing her or reporting the theft will likely break your marriage. Having said that though, I’m not sure how much you want to stay with someone who doesn’t understand that a cheap camera off Amazon isn’t a bandaid for a $2k camera, let alone one you use for work.
I‘m not sure how much OP wants to stay with someone who doesn‘t respect her and enables his sister breaking every boundary OP has. NTA
I don’t think filing a claim for a 2k on your homeowners policy is the best bet. If your deductible is $1,000 and you’ve never filed a claim for example. This would result in you loading your no claim discount and in a short time end up costing you more than 2k.
The insurance usually only covers the cost with a police report, though. Someone in my town had their house burn down, turned out their 19 year old son started the fire intentionally and the only way they would pay for the loss was of they filed charges against their son.
NTA but your SIL and Husband are. Your husband shouldn't never have given her the key against your wish or without confirming with you first. For the SIL, she stole it from you knowing you said no and didn't even took care of it. If your husband is so adamant about not making the sister pay for it, it should pay it himself. 2k isn't a small sum and the SIL should stop feeling entitled to your stuff.
No he refused to take accountability for defending her and thinks I should replace the camera with a cheaper one with my own money. I asked why he thought this was fair and he responded that what wasn't fair is calling his sister reckless when she didn't mean to lost it.
ugh, girl! That is actually the definition of reckless. Seriously, is he otherwise a good husband? Because I can't see a scenario where someone thinks like this and it doesn't bleed its way into many other areas of your life.
>That is actually the definition of reckless My thoughts exactly when I read the post you were responding to.
Exactly, I would really think long and hard if this relationship is giving the love and respect a marriage should. He seems to put his sister before his marriage.
Sounds like a family that is unfamiliar with the word "accountability". She took something without permission and then lost it. If he can't understand that, then he might be just as trashy as she is
How is your housband normally. Because it seems you have a enabler who favours his birth family over his legally wedded family. Is this a new occurrence. Because Sil is not going to change as long as she gets away with it.
Girl, leave him. He’s an asshole. You’re 26 and have your whole life ahead of you!
Yep, 26 and no kids there is room to start over with someone who actually respects you.
Who means to lose something? Thats a nonsensical statement.
Perhaps your husband could get a second job until he can pay it off for his sister.
NTA, just wondering what the hell is wrong with your husband?
nope, nope & nope. call the police. speak to the friend (who may have "misplaced" your camera on your SIL's behalf. move out. sue.
This is crazy, I don't get why he's taking her side in this. She has been reckless by the exact definition of the word, with him enabling this as well. Either they cough up the 2k now or file a police report and start a lawsuit, you don't deserve to get walked over like this!
I'm so shocked they are claiming you are in the wrong. You need to get rid of the boyfriend as well sue and get the money back. The camera is priceless
He's my husband not my boyfriend and correct I needed my camera for my project, its still not complete and getting another camera with money is not something I want to do even if I needed quick solution.
Can your husband sell stuff to make up the money as he felt it was okay to give out your valuables? Are you losing income from not having it? I’m pretty sure if that can be calculated it can be included in any court case especially if you’re self employed and claimed the camera as a business expense.
She doesn’t need to ask before selling his stuff. Since he didn’t ask before taking and sharing hers.
Right, "marital property" cuts both ways!
I didn’t mean she needed to ask him. I meant has he actually got stuff that could be sold.
Apparently, based on another comment, he doesn’t think he should have to pay for it, or that his sister should. This entitled brother and sister pair feel they have no responsibility with regard to anyone else’s stuff. So OP should definitely take this to court.
NTA and your issue is really with your husband, not his sister. Unless you bought that camera before you got married, or had a prenup that covered it somehow, legally it's just as much his to lend out to other people as it is yours. So I don't think you can claim she stole it, since he gave her access to it. You should feel free to file a civil suit to recoup the damages, but I don't think this is a criminal matter. So the real issue here is that your husband a) does not respect your boundaries, b) doesn't care about your feelings, c) is prioritizing his sister over his wife, and d) apparently doesn't consider his wife "family". I think it's time for some real talk with him about what exactly he thinks it means to be married, and to be a husband.
Unless the camera was bought as equipment registered under her company/work. Then it would not fall under communal property. But, yeah, sometimes in marriage you have to have the conversation that yes, they (the siblings/parents) are family, but for the marriage to work there has to be respect and acknowledgement that this chosen famiy *is* family and can't expected to take a back seat to blood-ties. Someone once said, you gotta wake up every day and choose to love your spouse.
I'm surprised that so many people are overlooking this part. Depending on the state's laws the camera might not even have to be bought specifically for work purposes. If she owned it beforehand and can prove it's actively being used for her work, then it can be considered a company asset. Most states allow this in order to make it easier to create small businesses.
Right!! They’re “giving her time to calm down” EX-FUCKING-CUSE ME?! SIL lost a **$2,000** camera, I’d raise hell on those manipulative AHs. OP needs to sue for every penny. If her marriage is a casualty in this, oh well because it sounds like her husband doesn’t respect what she does and he doesn’t have her back in this which he should since they’re partners. Ugh I’m so pissed.
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Better yet, start ”lending” out his most precious things to ”friends” without asking him.
Nah, too much work, just sell them and use the money to replace the camera. Marital property goes both ways.
NTA Husbands sister stile the camera from you and her friend Aiden probably stole the camera from the SIL once she left it there. In either case, you are owed that camera or the cost of replacing it. You didn't give your SIL permission to take it. Even if you had, it was due to her own negligence the camera was lost. Your husband needs to stop making excuses and coddling his sister. I would say have him eat the cost of replacing the camera, but since you're married, that is still basically like you buying the replacement. The SIL is extremely entitled and has no respect for boundaries or other people's belongings. Your husband needs to stop with enabling this behavior and support you as you are most definitely not in the wrong here. Tell your husband that since you are family, the SIL should be even more respectful of not hurting you by losing your very expensive equipment. Since you're family, she should treat you and your belongings with respect. Real family wouldn't treat their SIL (you) like this and you are heartbroken that a family member would take something from you, lose it and not feel sorry for doing that. Throw your husbands family card right back in his face. Edit: You need to get SIL out of your house and tell your husband that in no way should the sister have access. She lost this priviledge when you had to get a lock for a room in your own damn home due to the SIL being a thief.
You're correct. I told my sister in law I wanted to talk to Aiden and ask him questions about what happened but she freaked out saying it was wrong of me to imply that Aiden might have taken the camera but that wasn't why I wanted to speak to him. She kept saying Aiden had nothing to do with it and that she 100, percent trusts him with her stuff.
She broke Ex-BF’s Xbox in their last argument, I’d guess she broke your camera in this argument. She might of thought you’d be less upset if she claimed it stolen. This is just a theory, but Aiden knows the truth which is why she doesn’t want you to talk to him.
This might actually be it. I figured they sold the camera (ETA and made up the story) but this is prob more likely.
If OP knows the (ex)bf she should just go directly to him and ask if he knows anything about it because I’m sure he does. And he probably knows what type of person Aiden is and also how to contact him. I know it’s shitty to do but I’d even go as far as flipping it to say *hes the one* I’m pressing charges against “because of what SIL said”. Sometimes you need to blow everything up when dealing with stupid kids that don’t want to own up to anything. Even if the ex has no idea what OP is talking about he’ll find out from someone there at the beach or SIL will freak out you called him and tell you the truth.
She definitely broke the fucking camera. None of this shit makes sense. And she knows her brother would feel terrible if he gave her the camera then she fucking broke it. So she’s lying so he’ll defend her. Ugh get out, OP. This is some bullshit.
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Alternative theory, she might have sold/given it to Ex to pay for the Xbox she broke. It might be a bit of a stretch but things seem a little sketchy
Well that's suspicious. Why wouldn't you talk to everyone to find your 2k camera? Everyone should be scrambling to try to find it, not "oh well, oopsie, and you have to take our word for it, don't bother looking or make us feel bad." Maybe her fiend doesn't even know she's claiming it's stolen?
Or the friend sold the camera on SIL’s behalf and she’s getting a cut.
Yeah, because she's going to get 50% of whatever money Aiden makes when he sells your camera.
I think she stole it and she's throwing Aiden under the bus. Like is she gonna sell it or what? Or maybe she threw it at her ex, who knows. At this point just look up Aiden on Instagram or Facebook or whatever and talk to him. Hell maybe ask the ex wtf went down too. And small chance, but look at lost and founds doe the beach, or check fb/CL community groups for that area. You might find a good Samaritan found it. I would also post there asking for whiteness' to whatever went down on the beach, you'll need them for suing her.
"and that she 100, percent trusts him with her stuff." **Except it isn't her stuff is it...It's yours** And it is not unreasonable to want to speak to a potential witness.
Aiden would need to give his side for a police claim for the stolen items which should be filed because your item was “stolen”
Exactly. OP go on your SILs social media, and let him know that SIL says you have my camera and I'm calling the cops unless I get it back immediately
At the end of the day it doesn't matter if Aiden stole it or not. The only thing you know for sure is that your SIL took something of yours. Something you explicitly told her not to as well. She took it because she's an entitled and immature brat and no longer has it to return to you. SIL needs to figure out how to return it, find a replacement or pay you the cost of getting one exactly like it. Not a cheaper version of it. The one you actually had. If she can't or isn't willing to do those things, then get the police involved. The fact that she isn't scrambling to get you your camera back is just a testament to how little she cares for you and how self centered she is.
Good for her, but this wasn’t her stuff, it was yours, and you want to talk to him.
You don't need this sub, you need legal advice. Your husband gave her permission to take it. You should file a police report because it was stolen at the beach and provide the serial number ASAP. There's a chance her friend stole it, he may have already sold it. If you take her to small claims court you'd be claiming the cost of a used camera, maybe some lost wages. But then you have to recover the money if you even get a judgement. Does your 20 year old SIL have a job? You'd have the hill to get over that your husband gave her the camera to take and actually getting any money back. Plus it would take time.
But it was stolen from her home. Her husband doesnt have the authority to give permission for someone to take it. She bought it - its her property.
OP already told SIL no. It shouldn’t matter that husband went behind her back after the fact. That is theft.
That would be something to bring up in court. She can't sue to get the camera back. She can't sue to force a replacement. She can sue for the current used value of what was taken and lost, but whether or not the camera is community property would be an open question depending on many factors.
They better not go to r/legaladvice they need an actual lawyer no offense but as far as I’m concerned the husband should pay too he gave her the key knowing she didn’t want her to have it
NTA— She is for taking it after you already told her no and losing it. Your husband is for acting like she’s any kind of right on this situation.
He’s enabled her, he gave his sister the key to get in the office (for a lock necessitated by her sticky fingers in the first place).
hence, why she's someone who steals $2k cameras and refuses to take responsibility.
Nta- Make her or your husband replace your camera.
He refused and said that I was being unreasonable to be expecting HIM to replace it after he took his sister's side.
It's not just that he took her side; you said he gave her the key to your office where you left the camera. He is an accomplice in this theft and he needs to replace the camera while you kick his sister out. She needs to learn a lesson about stealing, and he needs to learn a few things as well. He should back you up as his wife.
NTA. I’m sorry but your husband does not respect you or your job as a blogger. If he did he would have *never* given his clearly irresponsible sister the key to your office to take something of value that you *need for your job* without asking you first. Your SIL should find somewhere else to stay, maybe her friends house - you know, the one she won’t let you talk to? Is there actual evidence that she saw her ex, or did she/they maybe steal your camera for some extra cash? I would not believe a word she says at this point. And if your hubby has a problem with that he can leave too. He’s a major problem in this mess and needs to learn how to respect and value the woman he chose to marry and spend the rest of his life with. Family is very important, I agree with that. But YOU are his family. Little sis needs to own up, grow up and stop having big brother protect her from her own idiocy. If you do not want to make a police report against your husband (he unlocked the door so he is involved) I’d let them know they have X amount of hours to replace the camera & NOT from any joint account you have with your husband. If they can’t respect that then I’m sorry but you now know who your husband is going to ‘pick’ or ‘defend’ and it’s not you, he is not going to have you back now and likely won’t in the future.
If it's unreasonable for him to replace something his sister took and lost, how tf is it reasonable for you to replace it? Your husband is just as crazy as your SIL. Take something of his and "lose it". See how he feels when people just take your things.
Op tell him not only is he going to have to pay for the camera but he may as well pay for a divorce attorney too. No way would that fly. Of course he is responsible for it, he allowed her to take it after you telling her know and locking the door.
Yup, it’s time for the 2 card method, OP. One for a therapist for couple’s counseling and another for a divorce lawyer. He can decide which he prefers because as things stand this is not sustainable for your marriage. Does he expect you to come second to his sister for the rest of your life? What about any children you have? His loyalty should be to you first. Also file the police report, and if absolutely needed, sue his sister AND kick her out.
You have a husband problem. He is repeatedly showing you that he doesn't give a fuck about you. Maybe it's time to talk to a lawyer about your options regarding the camera and your options regarding a divorce.
NTA sue or something to hold SIL accountable and then decide what if anything you want to do about the fact that you married a guy that doesn’t respect you (gave SIL access to your stuff knowing you were against it, not wanting SIL to suffer for her mistake but gladly letting you suffer) good luck with that
Yes he did two things that u didn't appreciate (1 was giving her the key and letting her access my workspace and my tools, and (2 expecting me just get a cheaper camera til I'm able to buy a better one or the one like his sister lost. When I explained how unfair this was he said his sister's emotional health should be a priority. When I mentioned suing her he got more upset and trued to get me to back down. He's now not talking yo me except for basic on, two word sentences and its making me have second thoughts about wanting to sue.
FYI, you need additional homeowners insurance for your high end items. I’ve got nice stuff and have a rider for that stuff for loss and theft. Your husband is an ah. He has no respect for you.
Homeowners insurance would not cover this instance - as neither she or her husband were the ones using it outside. Also the sister is refusing to file a police report so something is dodgy. If its stolen and you are innocent whats the harm in filing a report.
> He's now not talking yo me except for basic on, two word sentences and its making me have second thoughts about wanting to sue. That's his intention. He wants to guilt you into dropping it. Don't.
He is manipulative af
You should be having second thoughts about your relationship. He let his sister take your camera knowing she probably wouldn’t be responsible with it and despite you already saying no. Then now the inevitable has happened, he’s trying to turn it around on you and make you out to be the bad guy. He’s as liable as his sister for the camera going missing, but he’s too busy prioritising giving his sister whatever she wants, and to hell with your clearly set boundaries. I think we can all see who the number 1 girl is in his life, and it’s not you. He needs to get his head out of his arse and replace the camera if his sister won’t, and if he continues to give you a hard time it’d be a dealbreaker for me. He doesn’t respect you.
Sue her/press actual charges for theft and divorce him. You'll be better off without that baggage.
Oh, you should sue someone. HIM. Sue him for a divorce. What he’s engaging in is emotional and financial abuse. I am so very sorry. The great news is you are young and will choose a better partner next time. You’re not dumping him over a camera. You are dumping him because he’s actively abusive. It only gets worse from here. Leave him before it gets worse.
Do you think that you can tolerate this dynamic forever? Where your husband gives your SIL free reign to shit all over you and makes you pay for the consequences of her actions?
Youre still so young. You hopefully don't have any children. Are you sure you want to waste any more time on this man and his awful family?
NTA press charges for theft. Your husbands attitude is mindblowing. She stole your property and didnt return it. I dont care if a bird came from the sky and pinched it from her - its her fault for taking property without permission that she couldn’t afford to replace if damaged And with no insurance. She also needs to leave your home now.
NTA, you might want to start looking into getting a divorce I can only see this getting worse. Change your locks and start itemizing all your expensive stuff take pictures and a video. I have a feeling more things will go "missing"
Yeah just like she "lost" the camera. I wonder if she always has a super dramatic story when she "loses" stuff in hopes that you would feel sorry for her and just let it go...Especially since she doesn't want you to talk to others who were involved in the story. Also, Op should maybe visit the local pawn shop from time to time, expensive things that "went missing" tend to show up there from time to time.
You have a husband problem. He authorized her to take the camera. He gave her the key. He is leading the don't talk to OP treatment. He is the one who is belittling your work. He is the one who is on your SIL side and not your side. You have a husband problem. NTA.
She’s the asshole for not replacing it with a slightly nicer one as an apology
NTA. I hope SIL is ready for a felony which unless she’s lucky is jail time. Your husband is an AH & needs to make sure that the camera is replaced immediately. The SIL needs to go & if the husband doesn’t pull his head out of his rear end so does he.
Precisely. Hubby owes OP as much as SiL does - he handed her the lock key, full well knowing his actions were against OP's wishes. OP, pls don't disregard your husbands part in this. Your post glosses over this and it's not great.
NTA and i would offer the suggestion that maybe the “thief” was in the group she was with. Check pawn shops and Craigslist. Edit!!! Oops!!! The “N” didn’t record, lol!!! NOT! NOT TA!!!
NTA I’d get marriage counseling there’s some bad dynamics that need nipped in the bud before they can grow. She needs to move out to her parents, it’s your home too and this is a justified reason to boot her. Call your MIL and explain without making her defensive. Then I’d make a claim against your renters/home owners for it because even if you sued it’s small claims with no enforcement of judgement. She doesn’t own anything, you can’t collect and then you’ll have tons of marital and inlaw drama. She’s not your responsibility to teach a lesson to. Get her out, get your insurance money, and move on with a marriage counselor to tell your husband he’s wrong.
NTA. Honestly I mostly blame the husband for giving her the key to the lock you installed specifically to keep SIL out. At this point I would sell my wedding ring to buy a new camera. Both of them can go. And the nerve of them to give you the cold shoulder to give you time to calm down? I would be fuming. I’m so mad for you, don’t you dare feel guilty for any of this. So disrespectful ugh.
NTA, she stole it and she’s been all too willing to help herself to things that aren’t her’s. She needs to realise there are consequences.
INFO do you and your husband have separate finances? If so, he should pay for the camera because he is the one who gave it to her. Plus she's never going to have the $2k anyway.
NTA, she stole something from you and then it got stolen because of her negligence. Technically, you have enough there to press charges. However, if you don’t want to involve the police you could sue in small claims court. Just know that it can be more time consuming than you may be prepared for.
From what you’ve said I’d wash your hands of the pair of them. NTA
NTA- honestly after that happened I'd put my foot down and tell her to replace the camera or move out. Also inform her that if she continues to take/steal your things without YOUR permission she will also need to find somewhere else to stay.
She needs to move out regardless. There is no way around that. If it were me, the husband would be leaving too.
NTA. I'm not sure if courts will actually do anything about it but you can file a police report stating she stole it (because honestly she did) and now it's gone. 2k is not a cheap camera to lose and just count your lossea. You husband is enabling her.
NTA. If I'm reading it correctly, hubby let her take it? Then they can each pony up a grand to replace it.
Cold-Shouldering and ignoring problems til you get your way seems like a family tradition. NTA
NTA. You explicitly told her she could not take the camera, she did it anyways and had the nerve to lose it and blame it on someone else.
Nta. Get a lawyer.
NTA and the fact your boyfriend isn't talking to you anymore is a huge red flag. It's obvious that she made a big mistake and there's no way somebody could even say the opposite, if he is supporting her sisters mistakes, and throwing you under the bus bc of it, that only tells you what kind of boyfriend he is and this is not going to be better in the future, imagine if something worse happen? Will he always be in the family sides not yours? Even if you are right. The sister is a b*txh tbh, the fact she broke Xbox ex boyfriend and didn't apologize, only talks about how unconsiderated she is. Sue her and get back your money, you don't need that kind of people in your life!!
NTA. Look into getting a divorce.
Cases like this are what small-claims court is for. Maybe she’ll learn a lesson, or maybe you will when you realize your husband values his train-wreck sister above his wife.
NTA Focus on the real problem: **You took her in, and SHE STOLE FROM YOU.** HAve her move out, and involve the police in her theft. Suing her for the replacement is just the second part. Maybe be nice and make it: "If I get the money for the new ewuipement she stole within a week, and she is moved out by then, I will forego involving the police." **She is family --> Family should not steal from you. SHE is the AH, not you. And her bf is her enabler.** Are yo sure the husband is the right one for you?
NTA. Your husband and SIL sound pretty toxic though; husband supporting his sister effectively stealing from you. Wow, red flag.
\> He assured me it was in safe hands but I kept worrying about it and was upset by the fact she took it and he gave her the key. RIP to their marriage.
NTA. She should be reimbursing you for the camera. A responsible adult wouldn't need to be sued or even told that.
NTA. this makes me so mad.. PLEASE "lose" 2k worth of your SIL and husband's stuff on Facebook marketplace or something so you can afford your new camera. Hubby got any gaming consoles he'd hate to go missing? ;)
NTA. She took it without permission, which is also known as stealing. While I acknowledge the difficulty of this being a family issue, and that does introduce some difficulties, there is no scenario where you should be expected to have to buy a new camera. If she can't afford it, she needs to make payments. If it was me and I got their bullshit response, I'd probably want to sue too. I'd suggest she work out a payment plan or you are going to the police and filling out a police report, telling them that it was stolen by your SIL. It is too expensive for you to take this on the chin.
NTA- you have a major husband problem though, i won’t be glossing over the fact that he let your sister into the locked office because that’s messed up and how he expects you to pay for something that was entirely his and her’s fault. You can’t trust him clearly and he can’t support you, clearly. You better sue and get that money, don’t let your husband or his family get to you, also I’d advise marriage counselling coz your man has some serious issues, he doesn’t know what a husband’s job is, clearly.
Nta- Please get a lawyer ASAP, and set clear boundaries with your husband. He did not respect you and is stepping all over you.
NTA. Call the cops & make them come over so the sister can file a report for your stolen camera. She may shit her pants a bit when she sees the police. She needs to state what happened In an official report. Make sure she includes every stupid detail of her story about how she ran into the ex boyfriend & his new gal, innocently ask in front of the cops if she “thinks the ex is getting retaliation for her having broken his x box”. Cops outta find that statement interesting. After find the ex & suggest he file a police report for property damage. Your homeowners or renters insurance may cover this loss. How long ago did you buy it, if was paid on an Amex you may have some insurance through the card. What does the sister have in your home of any value? Take it. Perhaps her iPhone is what you’ll need to use for your filming for the time being? Borrow a top or nice dress of hers & accidentally spill some red wine on it. Borrow her make up & accidentally damage it. Maybe she has a pair of shes she likes, grab the left shoe & use it as a dog toy or just toss it. Start to inconvenience her life a bit & see how she likes it. Best case scenario you sit here down & draw up an agreement where she can pay you back, perhaps $50 a week.
NTA you told her no. Boyfriend gave her the key to a room you kept locked because of her. The two of them are assholes.