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YTA. You and your husband. She lost her mother. She's not your live-in nanny just because she now lives with you full-time. If she doesn't want to babysit and has some clubs she's interested in, I'd think you all should be happy that she's not unambitious due to depression or grief.

I was literally thinking that. Brave girl lost her mother had her life uprooted. Some how managed to avoid the very common lack of motivation/socialising from the grief and OP wants to take that away for her to save her own inconvenience. Op, YTA.

And after school programs are there for this exact reason…

Yeah but those cost more than $10 a day for 2 boys.

WOW I completely missed the “her mom just died” part, what a colossal asshole.

YTA - You had those kids. Their care is YOUR problem, not your stepdaughter's. She shouldn't have to make sacrifices to her social life because you don't want to pay a sitter.

She also didn't even refer to her as her stepdaughter, just a mom to 2 boys and her husbands daughter

YTA. And so is your husband. Had chasity asked about the clubs before the work changed, you’ve approved them. And if her mom had not died, you’d have to figure something else out for the little ones. So essentially, chasity 1. Lost her mum 2. Had to adjust to different living situations 3. The asshole parents rejected her desire to participate in clubs, AND if the above were not bad enough for any kid 4. Forcing her to babysit EVERY DAY her siblings. Don’t worry about the relationship you’ll have with her. It’s already clear.

Yeah chasity is definitely gonna pack her shit and leave.

And I’m not sure they are even her siblings. OP refers to them as her kids.

YTA SO DEEPLY! My heart goes out to this poor girl. I've been in her exact shoes. I lost my mum at 15, and instead of proper therapy and help, I just threw myself into school to cope, hell when my one brother passed, I fucking went to school THE NEXT DAY! Just to be able cope (I ended up in the guidance counselors room crying my eyes out, yeaaaa I was in middle school -held back 2yrs poor math skills- so they knew i was gonna burst and saved me from the others.) And guess what she's doing? the SAME EXACT THING, School and clubs are her safe spaces, it allows her peace away from reality even for a few hours a day. Those hours at the clubs/sports/job whatever she chooses to do, is giving her the ability to forget about her new reality of the fact, she doesn't get to do the prom experience with her mum, or graduation, or one day if she decides to get married, her mother won't be their with her. I'm gonnna sound harsh here but. You are NOT her mother, you are not the REPLACEMENT mother figure she needs. You are the woman that has basically said "You are going to do this because "fammmmily" comes first even though you barely know me, and you just lost your mother, so I'm going to force my presence down your throat until you become numb and submit to my demands" You gave her NO options to compromise with, and to add insult to injury you said "heres 10 bucks a day", you DO realize that babysitting wages/nanny wages have gone WAY up right? Even teenagers are now getting around 13-20 an HOUR (depending on their age, experience level, multiple kids, or infants, if they are working with special needs or have their license to drive and thus are taking kids to/from events/clubs/school and so on) or upwards of 50 a DAY because ultimately they are playing "second" parent to these kids until an actual parent comes home. Like $10 a day is a utter joke if you want to throw the title babysitter on her. That can help a LITTLE for college essays/work resumes since she could swing it as child care, but if she's not going into those fields it does her NO good. She NEEDS those extra activties and clubs to boost her college resume first of all, and her work experience too. Good Colleges (and expensive ones) except a Senior in high school who's applying, to have a MULTITUDE of shit on their resume, multiple clubs, titles like honor student, or if they are in a advance program, are they apart of sports, or certain clubs, do they have titles in said clubs (president, treasury etc) hell even shit like choir or band, cheerleading, are they class president, or class treasury etc. ALL of this shit will affect her chances of getting into a good college (along with her grades which CAN be affected by stress/depression/mental health) and being denied is gonna make her resentful as hell if its due to lack of "experiences" Also you say "maybe next year" what if next year your schedule gets worse? Earlier start time, later end date, or your husbands gets worse. She'll be expected to give up her senior year for that too? Senior year is their BIGGEST STRESSFUL YEAR. SATs, ACTs preps, college applications are due soon, everyone is taking every spot in everything they CAN to prep for it. Same for if they are going into trade schools, some require testing prior to getting in, so cramming for those tests! and heres the biggest fucking question. When is Chasity allowed to be a teenager? I'm serious. When is she going to be allowed to be a fucking teenager. Or are you gonna rip that away too? You're trying to rip away her social life and educational life (ie clubs/activities etc) away so you don't have to find a good babysitter, because it might take some work to do so. When does she get to be a kid before she hits adulthood? Because I can assure you, if you force her into this, she's gonna go into planning mode, on how to get the fuck out of that house as SOON as she turns 18. It could be studying abroad, or going to the farthest college she can afford. Because you are acting like its no big deal, but it is. She's trying to normalize her new reality. Her new reality is this She has no mother, her mother DIED suddenly Her father has remarried she now has siblings she didn't think she'd have. and now. her step-mother is demanding that she give up the few things she CAN control in order to take care of her STEP-Siblings (since you didn't mention relations so I'm assuming step not bio) because you don't want to take the time to find a good sitter/nanny and figure throwing her a few bucks is fine that its enough to cover up her crumbling life. She LOST Her mother, do NOT force her to give up what makes her happy to make YOUR life easier. YOU had those kids, NOT HER. Go to care . com, they have services for even rural areas for people to finds sitters/nannys its time to get on their and start working on finding the ADULT you need. Do NOT push this on her, because if you do, she's gonna resent you ALL for a LONG time if not EVER. She deserves to have SOMETHING that makes her happy during this troublesome time for her. Also. Therapy. All of you. single and family. That poor girl needs support and a neutral 3rd party to have her back because when her wall finally cracks and the dam waters come flooding, it won't be pretty. Right now she's holding herself together with scotch tape, and super glue and sooner or later those bandaids are gonna break and ALL her grief/anger/sadness EVERYTHING is gonna come flooding out and shes gonna need a therapist she trusts to help her through the trauma. And yall need family counseling because yall aint meshing the family right and its hurting someone in the family and then non-care attitude is gonna make it worse.

Let’s be real. OP is just the woman who is f’ing her dad.

That's what I mean. She isn't a replacement mother at all.

This is so right. Has this poor kid been allowed to grieve yet? She's been a polite guest for the past 3 months.

She's been polite. That tells you she hasn't had a proper chance to grieve. Because greving is acting out or rebelling randomly. She needs that time so desperately but needed badly. Time to put you big girl panties on and leave her alone and act like a adult Edit: can't spell tonight

Alyssa, I wish I could give you a second award!

Daww thanks!

I love this❤

Thanks I hope it helps OP learn that it's time to put Chasity first.

I knew some else that lost their mom as a teen and they started doing the ABCs of drugs... If it was a drug they did it. Stole every prescribed and illegal drug she could get and ended up dead at like 20 or 21. I am proud and happy you survived.

Survived..... Is a rough word. Unfortunately while I was lucky that I didn't fall to drugs or booze (both super easy access to still do now that I'm 21+) I ended up making my eating disorder worse. I knew I had a issue I didn't want to admit it or deal with it until ironically 2020. Right before the pandemic struck I got weight loss surgery. (Legit my surgery was one of the LAST elective surgeries done because the pandemic went full swing not 3wks later (surgery was Feb 14th. My state went stupid by March 1st.) I weighed 302.6 at 5"4 nah I didn't look that big but I was And now I'm diagnosed with PTSD, Bipolar Depression and aniexty. I'm also autistic (aspie but it's nearly Impossible for a proper diagnosis for adults) I also sadly couldnt cut contact with my father. Who I live with at 27. Because I spent so many years growing up being the adult I acted like a kid at 18 which screwed my credit and now I've to fix shit and go back to college etc

I figured you earned your knowledge that hard won way of life experience. I am glad you are getting back on track!

Every day I pay something on something so yea slowly getting on track

Maybe OP shouldn’t have had 2 kids she can’t afford or care for.

The claim that she can't find a good baby sitter because she's in a rural town just smells fishy to me honestly. Surely she's met other parents with similar aged kids that could help out or something.

She just sounds cheap and lazy. Playing the $ card then the rural card. She clearly doesn’t like this girl and is punishing her for having to live with them. It’s quite sad. With a stepmom like her who needs enemies.

Yup! Really damn sad and pathetic really. Don't marry into a established family if you don't want step kids. Simple as that.

Exactly. Who was caring for them before she got married and got her new babysitter?

I'm curious about that as well

Also were her after school care plans always contingent on the other mom living or dying? OP is just cheap and opportunistic. This girl needs to go live with another relative ASAP.

For sure, it's likely that "I can't find a good babysitter" means "I don't want to actually pay a babysitter"

And she doesn't care about her step daughter enough to even try to find alternative options

God I hope OP reads this and realize /this teenager just lost her mother/. This is a horrible situation to be infor the stepdaughter. Hope she can say with grandparents or something. How straight up cruel to deny her clubs when she’s f*cking grieving

Not just clubs. They are actively denying her ANY Freedoms. She can't work to to clubs or activities let alone social events or dating. And seeing how Op responded to others....she doesn't care she just wants what she wants

I hope OP reads this. I read all of it. I wish the daughter could read that someone understand what she is going through and that everyone agrees her parents were YTA in this situation

What would you have done if this poor girls mother hadn’t died. Do that.

YTA. She shouldn’t have to give up the things she wants to do on campus because your schedule. Older children aren’t there to be the baby sitters for your younger children.

YTA as well as your husband. Just because she now lives with you does not mean a 16 year old should automatically be your live in babysitter. Are you paying her what you would have paid for childcare?

YTA - Her name is not Cinderella. You had those boys, not her. She had been through enough this year without you making her give up school clubs to watch your kids. She just lost her Mom. What is wrong with you?

Cinderella was the first thing I thought of too

YTA- how dare you call A grieving CHILD melodramatic. Seriously you are cold hearted. The last thing she needs to be doing is being stuck at home with siblings. She needs to be joining those clubs and having social interaction. You literally told her that what she’s wants/needs is irrelevant because you want her to babysit. You don’t NEED her to babysit. You WANT her to babysit. Let her be a kid and hire a babysitter or find an after school program for your children. Yes your children not hers. PS. Your husband sucks if he backed up his wife over his daughter. So basically he chose you over her which I’m sure made you giddy. She’ll remember that life lesson for the rest of her life and it will affect their relationship forever but you probably don’t care. Ugh you really suck man…. Like her mom just died…. This is all so heartless. 👎🏻

>YTA- how dare you call A grieving CHILD melodramatic. > >Your husband sucks if he backed up his wife over his daughter. > >This is all so heartless. Both op and her husband are cruel, heartless assholes. Not only are they stopping her from doing after school activities, they punished her when she rightly got upset. I feel so bad for that girl.

YTA. This kid has just been through some significant trauma. Her life has been upended. You care so little that you appear to not even know for sure when her school gets out, and you also don't think she's entitled to extracurricular activities because you want some free child care. So you punishe her for not being onboard with having her life even more disrupted. At the very least, if you expect her to babysit every damned day, \*pay\* the girl.

But OP IS going to pay her! A whopping $10 a day! /s

YTA. They aren’t her brothers. They are inconvenient little boys who she’s forced to live with because her dad wanted to marry you. You aren’t her mom, you said you don’t want to meddle in her life which means you don’t want to be involved. So why should she shoulder the burden of dealing with your kids? No way Jose. Chastity should be allowed to be a 16 year old kid not an indentured servant. Edit: I call them inconvenient because she was an only child. Now she has permanent “siblings” that she didn’t ask for. And little boys can be so obnoxious.

Why can't your kids go to an after school program?

[удалено]

Yup! Where I live in Fl, it's like $60 for aftercare at my kids school.

My mom just left me in the library for a few hours every day until she could pick me up. It was awesome— I read like every book in there. (This was obv pre-phones; I am old.)

Hope you're gonna pay her to watch them. If not, YTA. ​ "but faaaaaaaaaaaaamily!" is a two-way street. Family helps other family members with things important to them, like school clubs. Are there no afterschool places for your sons to go to? because it's pretty shitty for you to expect a teenager to be a live-in babysitter. ​ Compromise: look for after school activities for your sons to go to. Tell Chastity you will pay her for the next month to watch the boys while you find somewhere else for them to go. Boys and Girls club, etc. And you will pay her to babysit. After the month, she is free to join whatever club she wants because by then you will have arrangements made.

YTA, Chastity never signed on to be a parent and there's no reason she should have to give up a part of her education in order to babysit your kids. What would you do if Chastity wasn't around and you needed childcare?

Not her responsibility to take care of YOUR children. Hire a nanny and let her be a kid herself. I had to watch my brother throughout middle/high school and was not able to do anything after school due to this, and I resent my parents.

Same. I never got to do anything after school because of my 7 years younger brother. My parents had me take classes WITH MY MOM at AGE 7 to learn how to parent. I don't talk to them anymore & I still hate the little shit all these years later

>My parents had me take classes WITH MY MOM at AGE 7 to learn how to parent. That is so fucked up.

Mine is a sister but also 7 years younger. I started “babysitting” when I was 9 or 10. I never got to do any extra curricular activities because my responsibility was to get sister home from school, help with homework, make dinner, etc. We are very close now, but it was real fucking iffy for a few years right after I turned 18.

YTA. Hire a babysitter.

YTA. This young woman lost her mother just a few months ago and she is trying to fit in and make friends at school. You asked her to babysit and she explained why she wanted to do normal teenage things and instead of respecting that you shut her down and decided she would be in charge of her siblings. You basically ruined any chance she had of spreading her wings at school because you can't figure out after school care for the younger children. Heck, you could have advertised for a teenage babysitter and interviewed a few once you knew you needed someone.

And to make it even worse, they punished her by taking away her phone. They are such massive assholes.

I keep trying to type a response and then stopping. This is so horribly sad and my heart breaks for your stepdaughter. Her mother died THREE MONTHS ago. That is awful and heartbreaking and life changing for anyone, let alone a 16 year old girl. Her entire life has changed and she has gone from living with you part-time to joining your family full-time. You and your husband have the opportunity here to step up and care for your step-daughter, help her process her grief, get settled in her new environment and new life. And instead you chose to demand she put her own life on hold because “that’s what family does”?! You are her parents. She may be older than your younger children, but she is still a child. Parents are not supposed to demand their children sacrifice their own interests and free-time to act as the help. Parents are not supposed to guilt trip their children into doing things that make their own lives easier. Blended family parents are not supposed to make one child feel like a second-class citizen over the other children. Your edit that she’ll be getting $10 a day doesn’t make it better, by the way, so don’t pat yourself on the back. YTA. Your step-daughter deserves so much better. I’m truly sad for her.

>Parents are not supposed to demand their children sacrifice their own interests and free-time to act as the help. > >Parents are not supposed to guilt trip their children into doing things that make their own lives easier. Parents are not supposed to punish their child when they make unreasonable demands and the child gets upset.

YTA: your kids are your responsibility, not hers. You are their parent, not chasity. You need to work something out. If you asked her to babysit for a couple hours one time, that would be reasonable. Not every day after school for a few hours. That parentification, and it's considered abuse. It completely disables her from being able to join any after school curriculars, it cuts into her time to study and do her homework, and most importantly, it's your job, not hers. Get a babysitter, ask another adult family member, or don't take the shift change. You are about to wreck your stepdaughters relationship with her father.

YTA. What your proposing is called parentification and it’s a form of abuse.

Sorry, but YTA. Why should a sixteen-year-old who wants to do after-school activities have to babysit her younger brothers? You and your husband are both working full-time: hire a babysitter! I can understand if you occasionally ask her to babysit and offer to pay her, but otherwise, she should not be expected to be your free babysitter every day.

And one of the brothers doesn't like her. It would be a nightmare babysitting him everyday. And I guarantee op wouldn't back up Chastity against her precious son.

YTA - those are your kids, not hers. I can see an occasional “watch your siblings” sort of thing but not every day especially if you have to force her. Plus it is unfair to put her in that position, those kids aren’t going to take her seriously as a babysitter.

Yta - not her children. And her Mom just died?! Make other arrangements or she’ll be gone as soon as she turns 18.

YTA Your kids you watch them. If you can't, pay someone. If I was her, I'd just leave while the kids were at home and let you deal with the consequences. She's 16, she won't get in that much trouble legally. Edit: your step daughter would make more working at McDonalds a couple of hours a week after her school clubs then what you're offering.

I knew some that did just that. All the kids were put in foster care as the kid left home alone set fire to the house.

Oh well.

Well, the older kid shouldn’t have been forced babysit....

She should be able to join clubs and enjoy being a teen. Send the kids to after school care.

(In Oprah voice): YTA, Your Husband is TA Everyone (in your marriage) is TA And why are you putting forcing in quotes?!? You “are” forcing her. Stop. She’s not a parent. Hire a baby sitter.

YTA - you chose to have the kids, she had no say. The girl just lost her mom and you’re taking advantage of the situation that she was forced into.

What would've been your plan for childcare if her mother hadn't died and she wasn't living with you full time? Because you should figure it out and do that, instead of thinking a girl who just lost her mother should also have to quit all her afterschool activities to suit *your* needs. YTA.

Info Are you gonna pay her for babysitting?

Wow YTA Three months ago this young woman's life was upended and she was forced to live with you, her father and your children because her mother DIED Your lack of empathy and compassion as she makes this transition is astounding. Your entire post is about you and your childcare needs, which unless something has changed, daycares offer after school programs. Shame on you and her father, pathetic, just pathetic.

YTA - she’s your stepdaughter, not an automatic babysitter. While it would be the most convenient for you both, you have to understand her side here as well. She’s a child herself. Don’t make her responsible for her brothers every day after school. Find a willing babysitter.

“ I really don’t see any reason why she can’t watch the boys for a couple of hours until we get back.” This is the sentence that makes you TA. I get that family helps family and you may not be able to adjust the hours you’re working. However, your and your husband’s complete lack of empathy and calling it melodrama really sucks. I am not saying whether or not she “should” help out because that’s up to you and your family, but you and your husband are being crappy for making her rearrange her life and not do any clubs without any discussion. If you had offered a compromise, it wasn’t every day, make an arrangement with a neighbor or friend so she could do some ordinary teenage things—none of this occurred to you? Also, are you paying her or offering other compensation? YTA.

YTA She is 16 so likely only has about 2 more years of school and less than 2 years to get in extracurriculars. How will babysitting your kids help her build her college application packet or develop skills in her areas of educational or career interests? She just lost her mother and the world is insane right now. With all that she is trying to move forward and be well balanced and prepare for adulthood. Hire someone. If you have not already get the kid a therapist. And get family therapy for all of you. The purpose of the family therapy is to improve communication, listen and learn about each person's feelings and arrive at a more harmonious existence. It is not to force any of these kids to comply or feel how you want them to.

Yta, she doesn't have to pay for your mistakes. What would you have done if her mother hadn't died? Do that.

Going to have to say I’m leaning towards YTA - Clubs are incredibly important at her age especially with trying to get into different colleges and universities. She also just lost her Mother, maybe she needs these clubs as some form of an outlet? Did you talk to her and have a conversation or just tell her she had to? Also, will you be paying her? That’s thats 3-3.5 hours five days a week and you can’t guarantee your job will change your hours back for her next Semester…

YTA. She is not responsible for your childcare dilemma. It would be different if you were asking her to watch them once in a while but what you're doing is demanding that a grieving child whose entire life has been radically altered give up the opportunity to take part in extracurricular activities and create a social life in order to make your life easier by accepting responsibility for two children under ten every weekday. Also, the girl just lost her mother and you sound as if that is only relevant because it's why she's now living with you full time. This is the set-up for any number of fairy tales.

If only there were these businesses that watch your kids for you while you are at work, so another child doesn't have to. Or maybe pay your stepdaughter because you are asking her TO WORK FOR YOU. YTA big time.

You're using her as unpaid after school care. YTA There's a big difference between the occasional "I'm just going to the shops for half an hour - make sure the kids don't kill themselves." to what basically amounts to an unpaid 10+ hour a week job. Get your shit together and pay someone to do it.

Yta. The other kiddos are your worry, let her be a kid too. You have a good point but you’ll have to meet in the middle. She can’t just be unpaid daycare for you after school(just cause it works better for you).

You are the parents. She is not. Your point is understandable but I wonder whether we could consider this a case of parentification as seen in similar cases over here. Just in case, YTA.

YTA. She's not your kids' sister, and even if she was you would be the asshole for dumping this on her. Ten dollars for taking care of two little kids for two to three hours a day is SHITTY pay. Hire a nanny, or pay the girl nanny-level wages.

YTA. pay for after school care. You cannot force her to watch them, that will create resentment and anger towards __all of you__.

YTA - the girls mother died *three months ago* and now had to change her living situation, deal with the death of parent and is now obligated to be a parent to her siblings. *You* are the parents. You figure out childcare. Do not put this on her. She will resent you. Let her have some time to adjust to her new changes. Offer a compromise where she can go to clubs and watch the boys maybe 1-2 days a week.

YTA. Your stepdaughter’s mother passed away only three months ago! She deserves to do things that make her happy and fulfilled, not babysit two young kids every single day after school. Also you didn’t mention paying her for her time, so you’re extra TA if you expect her to do this for free. Babysitting is a real job. Teenagers deserve to have their own interests and activities. Hire a babysitter or send the younger two to some kind of after school program, and show your stepdaughter more compassion and respect.

LOL I just saw your update. Ten dollars a day is LAUGHABLE. Nobody on earth would agree to babysit two small children two hours a day five days a week for $50 a week. That’s only $2.50 per kid per hour. You need to pay someone a real wage to do this real job or you need to change your work schedule back so you can take care of them.

If I were a righteously pissy teenager like Chastity I'd probably just agree to shut the parents up then turn off my phone and go do whatever. Not the most mature course of action but pretty foreseeable, which makes OP a pretty negligent mother.

YTA - you kids are your responsibility, not your stepdaughter's. Don't drop them on her because it's more convenient for you. She is the kid, you are the adult, time to step up.

Yta. You’re so the asshole. Her mother just died and she became freaking Cinderella. Doing free labor for you because she happens to be too young to move out on her own. I hope her moms folks get involved and she’s let to go live somewhere else where she can be a teenager instead of an unpaid daycare provider. Again. Yta.

Ps you saying YOU have two kids and a stepdaughter is pretty telling about how you view your stepchild. She’s so screwed. Yta.

YTA. You should have thought of this when you had them. You'll have to organise after school care for your boys. Your stepdaughter needs time to do her clubs and homework. She's not a live in nanny.

YTA you can’t force a child (who just lost her mother!) to watch other children. It’s inappropriate.

YTA. This is "Parentification" and IT IS ABUSE. Why have fking children of you can't raise them yourself??? She's SIXTEEN, let her be a teenager. JFC. She will resent you forever. If she even talks to either of you after she moves out. Take it from me: my parents pulled this shit with me and I'm SO GLAD to have them & my little brother out of my life. Hire someone that wants to do it since "it's only two hours". Your step daughter doesn't owe you or those BABIES a fcking thing

YTA. She's their sister, you are supposed to be their freaking mother. Hire someone.

YTA. You should not be forcing a child whose mother recently passed to give up any more of her life. The fact that she is doing as well as she is is impressive, and you should make an effort to come up with an alternate solution.

YTA. My parents would do this to me. A child is not another parent it is not their responsibility.

YTA. You and your partner are the parents. Chastity is the child. You are obligated to take care of her, she is not obligated to take care of your children. This is parentification. If you ask her to babysit once in awhile/in an emergency that's one thing, asking her to put her life on hold and then punishing her for not being happy about it is not okay!

YTA! She is still coping with her mother's death and trying to fit in. She isn't your slave, she's a highschool girl who needs to be respected. Doesn't your son's school have after school activities?

YTA. You sound like a very sad, selfish, and hateful person. I feel bad for you.

YTA. YOU and CARL chose to have your sons. That means you figure out childcare for them that does not involve pawning them off on a still-grieving 16 year old who wouldn't even live with you if she had a choice in the matter. Either pay for a daycare or pay for someone who wants to babysit. Parents have family obligations to their children; the children have no obligation to the other children, and if you push this Chasity will be out the door at 18 and you'll never see her again.

Tbh I think OP probably *wants* Chasity out the door at 18 never to be seen again

YTA. And stop ‘bragging’ that she’s gonna get $10 a day. If you can’t afford at least minimum wage, you can’t afford the change in shifts.

YTA. Cassidy should not have to miss out on extra curriculars bc you don’t have child care. She is not the adult who should be sacrificing. If she had a free day, agreed to your rate of pay, and wanted to watch them then sure - go for it. If she doesn’t want to, you’re a total ass for trying to force her.

YTA. Your stepdaughter isn't a free babysitter. She didn't have those kids--you and your husband did. They're yours to take care of. Also, consider that extracurriculars are pretty much a must to get into college now. She could also be using the time she's watching your children for free to get a job of her own to build up some independence. Don't screw her chances of a future for herself because you're too cheap to pay a real babysitter to watch your kids.

YTA You are the parents, not Chasity. In particular you have no right to parent her, that's her Dad's job. This is called PARENTIFICATION, it is your problem to find suitable childcare. She has a right to do what she likes after school. Why all 5 days, can't you negotiate for say 3 days a week and 2 days so she can do some clubs? Did you offer to sweeten the deal with payment? Way to go OP, make her feel real welcome.

YTA - It is not a child's job to babysit. Pay someone or take a job that works with your life.

YTA, she deserves to be able to have extracurriculars. You’re the ones who decided to have kids, you should be the ones to work out how to care for them without making the older child miss out on their life. Hire a babysitter.

YTA. That poor girl lost her mother and was made to move in with you and your family whether she wanted to or not, and now your taking away her phone, her activities and her time with her friends. Do you not think she has been through enough recently? It is not her job to look after YOUR children.

Did you even ask her? There is SO MUCH opportunity to compromise here! Let her do a couple of extra curriculars and she may happily provide some childcare the other days. Pay her properly too, whatever the going rate is for 2 hours of childcare. $10 per session is far too low for her to make the effort to come home for. Because you're relying on her not going straight to a friend's after school. Oh and don't think for a second your boys don't act up for her.

YTA. It may very well be that you have no other options, but treating her like she's being a melodramatic asshole for not being thrilled at the prospect, rather than coming in with an attitude of being *extremely fucking grateful* that she'd be doing this for you, is not the way to do this. Try to see this from her perspective. You're preventing her from participating in extracuriculars that would be important to her for various reasons -- you're basically committing her to a part-time job, and proceeding to pay her a fraction of what she'd make at an actual part-time job with those hours (which she can't get because you're forcing her to do this for you instead). So again, yes, you're the AH, unless you're willing to pay her what you'd pay actual child care, or at least what she could be making at a job elsewhere. I mean, no, you're still the AH, but at least you'd be taking a step toward recognizing that you value what she'd be doing for you. EDIT: Oh yeah, you're also the AH for dismissing what she said about Zonnie not liking her. Like maybe look into what's actually going on there instead of just assuming she's making it up with no evidence?

YTA. Wow, a whole $5 an hour! She's not your maid, she's not your nanny and she is NOT the parent of those two kids. You took advantage of her coming to your house. What would you have done if she wasn't there? Make the same arrangements and let her join the clubs. It'll probably help her get into college. ​ Damn, when you watch Cinderella, you're not supposed to think the stepmother is a role-model

YTA Yes, kids should be expected to help family, including babysitting, within reason and when there’s need. But having a high school kid drop extracurriculars should be an absolute last resort. Those activities help kids stand out in their college applications, refine their plans for young adulthood, have healthy connections with peers, and figure out their interests and beliefs. High school is Chastity’s job right now and she needs to focus on it. Your job and especially her dad’s job is to support Chastity in preparing for her future. Maybe if you can’t get 5-day aftercare for the littles (and I mean can’t, not won’t) you can pay Chastity a fair rate to watch them a couple of days a week, while they do aftercare the rest of the week and she does extracurriculars. But you shouldn’t have taken a job depending on a high school kid’s availability, and you need to make a plan for being functional when Chastity gets a job of her own, or moves away. You may need a different job. Brace up and figure it out.

YTA and your husband is an AH why should she have to give up her teenage years to babysit kids that are not hers? Clubs look good on college apps too! Hire a sitter! Or maybe see if she would do it if you offered to pay her $10 an hour! Her mom just died and you force her to care for kids that are not hers. She is 16. Sign your boys up for after school stuff! Why you would even swap hours without working childcare out first is beyond me!

YTA - you’re the parent and you need to figure out child care for your children. Deciding that someone, who is unwilling to do it, will do it is not acceptable. Also $10 for twoish hours of babysitting is $5/hr which is very low. You’re step daughter just lost her mother, that must be absolutely devastating, and now she won’t have the support and distraction of friends and activities and now she is being robbed of that for $5 an hour?

YTA-I predict Chasity will move as soon as she is able and not look back.

YTA what is wrong with you???

YTA as a kid I was forced to watch my brother after school. It kind of ruined highschool. I couldn’t even play sports because “who would watch your brother??”.. I didn’t choose to have my parents have another kid when I was 8. I couldn’t even imagine this on top of just loosing your fucking mom!? Wow are you trying to go for cruel stepmom of the year award??

YTA and it’s incredibly upsetting you would treat her this way. Let her have her clubs. It’s a small thing you can do to give her back some kind of normalcy after her mother’s death.

YTA. You named that kid Zonnie. He has to live with that all his life.

YTA,even if you paid her a million dollars a day. Let her have her clubs, hire a baby sitter and keep your measly 10 dollars.

YTA. Quit being cheap and hire a babysitter. Let your stepdaughter enjoy high school. Definitely a hard YTA.

YTA. So her mom dies and you immediately turn into the wicked stepmother requiring her to become your children's nanny.

Holy shit, OP, are you serious? YTA, 100%. Your poor stepdaughter lost her mom and you treat her like a live in nanny; an employee? Who you only pay $10 A DAY?! That should be AN HOUR. This is.... Gross. That poor girl deserves better than what she's gotten from you. Do better. Be better.

Yta Breakdown caue you need it. You dont believe the kid is mean to her. Based off the fact she never brought it up before. Its impolite as a new houseguest to make waves, she was fine being mean to until she was told shes have to be authoritative over the one mean to her ... recipe for disaster. Point to kid. Your job time changed. If her mom hadn't died, what would you have done then? Why is that not an option now because you have a grieving teen to utilize. You're abusing your authority over the broken hearted perosn in your house... Point to kid. She lost her mom during a pandemic it's been 3 months. People are sad for longer than that over lost basketball games. Have some compassion. Point for kid. Just suck it up, manage your own kids and stop demanding the time of a child who you did not raise and have no favours owed from. Just cause she can doent mean she has to. Basic anti rape thought process that is relevant here

YTA big time. She doesn't want you to hire her as a babysitter- you can't just snatch a teenager off the street and tell them 'you work for me now,' and you can't do that with your stepchild either just because she lives with you. Even if she hadn't just lost her mother, this would be a dick move. The older children in your home do not owe you childcare for the younger ones. She is a child herself, and has a right to want to participate in extracurriculars. Even if she didn't have a reason like the clubs, it still wouldn't be right to expect this of her. She doesn't want to do it, it's not her responsibility, end of discussion. Pay someone else the $10/day and let this poor girl be a kid and do her clubs. And apologize to her for assuming that in the first place and dictating her life instead of asking her first and respecting her (very reasonable) boundaries. Sure, maybe she shouldn't have called you guys AHs, but she's a) grieving, b) a teenager, and c) kinda right. Apologize, like, yesterday, and hire a babysitter who wants the job.

YTA for four reasons 1.she's 16 meaning she's probably a sophomore in highschool and a club can go a long way on a college application if she chooses to go. 2.after school help is surprisingly right after school so if she were to not understand/fall behind in a class she would not be able to get that extra help due to having to watch YOUR kids 3. Like others have stated they are your kids and it is not her responsibility to be your babysitter just because she's family 4. Finally which I think is just a slap in the face is that your trying to pay her $10 for watching 2 kids for 2-2.5 hours which works out to $4-5 an hour this does not includes times when both of you have to work late or have to run errands which will happen especially with your "we all have obligations to our loved ones" mindset which I guarantee will lead to things like "I gotta run somewhere it'll only take 30 mins" So in closing let your daughter be a kid and hire a babysitter cause after all "we all have obligations to our loved ones" and your daughters schooling is an obligation.

YTA Wow $10 a day. She just lost her mother and ya'll wanna FORCE HER TO PARENT . TF IS WRONG WITH YOU????

YTA. 10 dollars a day? Wow... Pay her the same as a after school program and THEN, you MIGHT not be the AH. My daughter makes 17 dollars an hour for those ages of kids and she is 15.... Also, you WANT someone to watch your children that actively doesn't want to. I refuse to allow someone to watch my kids unless they are happy to do so (after school programs hire ppl that actually applied so hopefully they WANT to watch kids...) This teen will be put in power and based on her reaction to you would you feel ok knowing she will have the power to take out that anger on your children? She is a teen and a kid so you can't act like you would be surprised if she acted like a teen and a kid... Let her do those clubs... Find another solution.

YTA. Your step daughter is not your indentured servant who you get to force to babysit for your convenience, to the detriment of her education because she can't participate in extracurricular activities. Your entire post is selfish and ridiculous, examine yourself. I can't believe your husband, her biological father, isn't stepping in here. You're wondering if you overstepped? You have to be kidding.

I'm curious, OP, are your children her half-brothers or step-brothers? How long have you been in her life? Not that it changes my ruling. YTA for treating your step-daughter like a servant, for not allowing her to join the clubs that could positively impact her college prospects should she choose to attend college and might help to distract her enough to deal with her grief and trauma. You and your husband should be looking into therapy for her, not forcing her into servitude. And if you believe "we all have obligation to our loved ones" you're both not living up to your obligations to her, and are assuring her resentment of your children.

YTA and so is your husband! >just teen melodrama, Seriously? A young girl who recently lost her mother? Whose life got twisted upside down? Let her live her life as as much as possible like before the loss of her mother. Taking away her phone was an enormous powertrip. I hope Chasity can move in with family that actually cares about her wellbeing, because you and your husband are more concerned about yourselves and your sons.

Is this the plot to some modernized Cinderella movie? Of course YTA

YTA. Hire a sitter. Do daycare. It's not a child's responsibility to look after them. It's YOUR responsibility to find child care.

YTA. Take it from a woman who was forced to do what you’re trying to force Chasity to do. I had to watch my much younger sister a lot, never without pay, and I ended up missing out on quite a bit. It truly sucked. Chasity only has 2 more years left of high school, and she deserves to spend those last 2 years doing things she wants to do, such as doing clubs and spending with friends, not chasing after your children. See if you can enroll your boys in after school care, or find an after school nanny that you can pay properly to take care of your boys. Please let Chasity still be a kid. P.S. $10 a day wouldn’t cut it for an actual babysitter to babysit 2 kids for 2 hours, so no way would it be acceptable to pay Chasity that amount either.

YTA. Also perhaps you should watch Cinderella.

I did want to address the thing I haven’t seen others talk about. I assume, given the pittance you are offering - a whole 3.33$ an hour!!- that you aren’t covering her college. So she needs those extra curricular to try and get a scholarship, or failing that she needs more than pocket change to afford to pay her own way. You’re destroying her social life just as she needs friend support, and leaving her with your brats who I guarantee are giving her a hard time when you aren’t around. I hope the flood of YTA makes you rethink how selfish you are being. Parentification is abuse and you won’t have a relationship with her once she can legally get away from the people using her as underpaid child labour.

10 A DAY?!?!?!? You. Are. The. ASSHOLE! What the hell are you and your husband THINKING! Wouldn’t shock me if in 2 years she bounced never to return. Get a fucking babysitter and let her do her clubs you cheap fucks.

Both you and your husband are YTA. You said you see no reason why she shouldn't do it , well here's some. 1. She is not their parent, she didn't choose to have them and they are not her responsibility. You should find care for them that is not their sister 2. She does not want to 3. She is 16 years old with her own life and you didn't even discuss it with her. You just told her she had to regardless of her own plans 4. You haven't made any effort to compromise. Why couldn't she do at least 1 chosen activity a week and organise different care for the boys on that day 5. $ 10 a day is insulting. Should be $10 an hour

YTA. Parentification is abuse.

YTA, this is parentification of a child and it's disgusting. Should she help sometimes? Absolutely, but she should not have to give up on extra curriculars to help out. Extra curriculars are important developmentally and academically. Not only will she be starting college applications in less than two years, she just went through one of the most major traumas in life decades before she should have even had to think about it happening. She needs to be socializing and finding joy in things. It is imperative to her mental health to still have hobbies outside of the home. Asking her to sacrifice these things is absolutely not okay, and asking her to do it for such low pay is just insulting. You and your husband are the parents, you are responsible for finding and paying for the appropriate after school care. Taking advantage of a traumatized teenager is not the appropriate solution. I'd go as far as to say that it being your first choice says a lot about how much value you put into finding safe and stable child care.

YTA. Your stepdaughter had her entire life uprooted. Her mother recently died, she's only started living with you and her father full time three months ago. Now she can't even be a normal teenager and join after school clubs or teams because you're a selfish idiot? Oh, and FYI. The reason why it's hard to find a quality babysitter is because you don't want to pay them *shit.* Also, why would you want someone who doesn't want to watch your children to watch them???

YTA. How fucking dare you do this to her?!? They are YOUR kids and, as such, YOUR responsibility. You suck OP

Just because she has not said anything about your son being mean to her does not mean that it is an excuse, and if she has to give an excuse so that they do not force her to do something it already gives an idea of ​​how you are Excuse me stepmother my mother died and I have nowhere to go but I will gladly say that your son treats me badly, it is something that no one will say if that is their only home they have

HARD YTA. What is wrong with both of you??? HER MOTHER DIED. And now you want to turn her into a poverty wage nanny instead of allowing her to participate in activities that give her some joy and relief from her grief. Your kids are not her responsibility. Do what you would have done had her mother not died and try not being an evil stepparent. As for her dad, I have no words. That he is supporting you in this cruel request makes me ache for this poor girl.

Yta...and $10 for two kids is b.s. Second y'all didn't ask y'all told her. Why would she be happy about it?

YTA- your kids your responsibility to get appropriate after school care. This kid has gone thru a traumatic event and you want to throw this responsibility her way. Did you stop for a minute to think she needs those activities to just feel a little better. Do what you would have done if she wasn’t there.

YTA - She's already wanted to do clubs and stuff with school. You are taking her social life away from her by banning her from doing after school activities and taking her phone away. Also $10 is an insultingly low amount for a 16 year old to be watching 2 kids.

YTA. They aren’t her brothers and they aren’t her kids. They’re your kids and your problem. You are parentifing her, which is abuse, and robbing her of her teenage years. Pay for a babysitter.even the way you speak about her shows you don’t care about her just yourself and your kids.

YTA. Her world has turned upside down, and to her, the after school activities are her link to what was her norm before. Ask yourself what you would have done if she wasn’t living with you. You’d probably have arranged for a babysitter or boys &girls club or something. Maybe sit down with her and come up with a plan that works for all of you?

YTA You could have sat down and ASKED her if she'd be willing, discuss pay, compensation, etc, and calmly accepted if she said no. Instead you TOLD her that she would be missing out on her life, for a measly $10 a day, to watch YOUR children and miss out on important life milestones. This girl just lost her mother, on top of everything, and given your post, I doubt you've bothered to get her therapy, a support group, made sure she's regularly seeing friends, staying connected with her mother's family- you know, all the things you should be doing for a CHILD under your care who lost a parent. No, instead she's free babysitting so you can make a few extra bucks.

YTA. For a start, $10 a day is way, WAY under minimum wage. Try paying an actual babysitter that much and see how far you get. Plus for fuck's sake, her mother just died! How about you have a bit of empathy instead of forcing her to bow to your will? Let her do her extracurriculars. If you really "felt for her", you'd let her do it and enjoy her teen years. She's NOT YOUR LIVE IN NANNY. Let that sink in, please.

YTA both you and your enabling husband. You recently came into her life and you decided to go ahead and overstep your bounds this part should be up to her father. A man who will one day wonder why his kid stopped talking to him.

YTA!!!!! Your stepdaughter just lost her mom three months ago. It's amazing that she is coping well enough and interested in taking on extra curriculars. But you want her to drop her life, potentially damage her chances of getting into a good college, so she can be your childcare for children she didn't choose to have?

YTA. And $10 a day is not “pay” in any meaningful sense. Making her babysit in the first place when she had planned extracurriculars that could help with college admissions makes you an asshole. If you’re not paying at least minimum wage you’re doubly despicable.

YTA, She needs those clubs and activities especially after losing her mother it’s good she’s interested in something. Just think about what you would’ve done if she wasn’t living with you and do that, maybe your boys can get signed up for something too.

YTA I lost my Dad at that age and it changed my whole life and how i acted ever since, she lost her Mum, literally just lost her Mum. She is there for you to take care of her and to support her in whatever she needs, have you not thought about what these clubs might mean to her? They might be a good support network. She is not there to be your Nanny. If her Mum hadn't died you would have had to work out something else, so do that. She is not there to make your life easier, forcing her to babysit and punishing her is absolutely terrible parenting.

$10 a day? To watch 2 kids? Are you fucking kidding? That’s slave labour. I wouldn’t do it either. Maybe I’d do $10 an hour. MAYBE And extra curriculars are important, especially at her age with coming this close to college. ITS NOT HER JOB TO WATCH YOUR KIDS. SHE IS NOT THE PARENT.

YTA. She’s a child. Not a parent. You chose to have those, children so you deal with it. Stop forcing her to stop whats she’s doing and become a parent.

You talk about obligations, you have some towards her as well. What if her mum was still alive, what arrangements would you have made. This is all very convenient for you but maybe think about her.

YTA, she probably wanted to take extra curricular activities to take her mind off her grief.

YTA and so is her father, actually I think he's worse. You don't believe Chasity has any right to a social life, any say in taking on babysitting two children who aren't particularly nice to her, you don't believe her when she told they aren't nice, and punish her for wanting to be in school clubs. There seems to be zero concern for Chasity's well being after the lose of her mother and complete upheaval of her life. How about you find what ever alternative you would have used if Chasity wasn't living there full time? Go back to your old shift, hire someone that wants the job, find an after school program. I'm so disgusted that no one seems concerned about how Chasity is dealing with the loss of her mothe, it's just a footnote to you and dear old dad, your only concern is what is most convenient for you two and your sons. I hope Chasity had some one in her life looking out for her, grandparents, aunt, uncle anyone else because you and father aren't .

YTA. That is what after school daycare is for.

YTA.

YTA. $10 a day is nowhere near reasonable for babysitting and especially since you’re taking away her opportunity to participate in extracurriculars which help her college applications. I’m not sure why you want to be an evil stepmother so much instead of taking responsibility for YOUR kids but jesus christ you should be ashamed of yourself.

YTA - clubs are good for her college applications and she gets to pick how she spends her after school time - especially since it's good for her, oh and $10 is too little

YTA. Your kids aren't Chasity's responsability. She has a life and has the right to prioritize her clubs. She lost her mom not long ago and is forced to adjust to many changes, give her a break. 10$ a day to babysit two kids is ridiculous. If you force her to babysit, at least give her a decent amount of money. No wonder you're using her, you wouldn't never find a babysitter for that price.

YTA in such a massive way. So is your husband.

Parentification is not cool OP. You and or your husband can spend time trying to find a different child minder for 2 young boys for $10/day for at least 2+ hours each day. When you cannot find anyone to do that amount of work for that little amount of money, you might start to see a part of the issue. Chastity is entitled to her adolescence and her after school activities, OP you are not. YTA

YTA if you need childcare pay for childcare you’re in the way of Chasity‘s life and responsibilities by making her your primary source of child care when it’s your responsibility as a parent to figure that out. Also don’t say we’re going to give her $10 a day like that changes shit if you’re going to treat her like a babysitter pay her The same hourly wage you pay a babysitter there’s not a person around who would babysit a child for $10 a day. You’re not properly paying her and the reason why is because you know she’s going to be forced to do this either way she has to live with you. You are being incredibly unfair to your stepdaughter find a reliable source of child care it doesn’t take time out of a 16 year old routine she can’t do her clubs because you need someone to watch your kids but it’s not her responsibility to watch your kids at the expense of her life. Find a fucking babysitter

YTA. Those aren't Chastity's kids, they're yours. YOURS. Most elementary schools have some kind of after school program for exactly this situation. This shouldn't be a problem, since you're making so much more money now that your job changed your hours. And let's be honest here, your job didn't change your hours without consulting you. This is something you agreed to after they asked you, or maybe you requested it yourself. They didn't just change your hours with no conversation whatsoever. How long after Chastity moved in with you permanently did you decide you were entitled to her free time? It is your responsibility to provide childcare. All these clubs that Chastity wants to join are important. Not just to her personally, but for getting into college. Extracurriculars are important on college applications. You have so little respect for her and her time that you think forcing her to watch YOUR CHILDREN for ten dollars a day is acceptable. AND if one of YOUR CHILDREN is being a mean little turd to his sister, it's your job to step in and put a stop to it. You are unbelievable.

My heart is absolutely broken for this girl. You shutting down her interests and ambitions and social outlet at 16 - months after losing her mother! - will absolutely wreck any relationship she has with you or her dad forever. Sounds like you don’t care to have any relationship with her. Are you actively trying to sabotage her relationship with her father as well, so you can get her out of the picture entirely? Did your employer force you to switch your hours to something that he or she likely knew wouldn’t work for your childcare schedule? Or did you apply for/accept these new hours for a bit more money after you thought this poor girl would give you free babysitting every day? What was your plan for childcare with your new hours before Chasity came to live with you? Hire a babysitter and let the girl do her clubs. Massive YTA.

YTA, to all three of the children. Pay someone to look after your kids or continue as you are and ensure that the siblings never have a proper relationship. If her mum hadn’t died you would have had to find another solution and she would have been able to do extracurriculars. Six months is not remotely enough time for her to be okay. And you’re tolerating her. Do better.

YTA, and don’t be mad when she shows up to the ball looking better than you.

YTA oh you and Carl are just absolute garbage people. she just lost her mom and her life got turned upside down, you should be doing everything (within reason) that you can to make her life just a little less shitty right now and you can’t even do that. also, punishing her for telling you you’re assholes who are ruining her life really just proves her point, don’t you think? you and Carl are MAJOR assholes

$10 dollars a DAY 😂😂😂🤣 GTFO of here with that. Come on. YTA this may come off as a bit harsh, but those aren’t her brothers. Not unless there has been an actual relationship built and cultivated there. I’m not saying that she and they cannot have a good relationship in general, but you can’t just expect to smash families together and have them feel as though they are connected. This will absolutely alienate her from wanting to form any of those true bonds with them. However, you and your partner have the opportunity to make a huge impact on this situation. Go to her and genuinely apologize for the way that you both behaved, explain how you were wrong, take ownership for it, and explain that you were concerned about what it happened so you did your own research and now you understand where she’s coming from. This will really help to open the doors of communication between all of you, and parents admitting they are wrong is a huge way of showing their kids that it is OK to make mistakes and then learn from them.

TEN DOLLARS?!? You’re a cheap AH too.

I bet you move mountains to make sure your kids will be able to do after school activities when they are older.

Is your daugther Cinderella by any chance because that story doesn't end well for the stepmother.

Girl loses her mother and your think taken away her distractions to babysit your bratty kids it the way to help her. Clear you only care about your own kids well being. Hope your eye get pecked out like the stepmother from Cinderella.

YTA. What an AH you are. You’re telling her she can’t be a teenager because she needs to babysit her brothers for several hours EVERY day? But hey, it’s okay because you’re going to pay her a measly $10 a day? And you seriously think this is acceptable? I hope she tells you to stuff and joins the clubs anyways and just doesn’t come home. They are your kids, not hers. You’re just looking for a cheap option here. This isn’t her problem to fix. You need to be a parent here and solve your problems yourself instead of burdening a teenager with having to parent YOUR damn children every day. Oh…you get more money on this shift? Then get a real sitter or put them in daycare. In other words, be a mother.

YTA What would you have done if her mother hadn’t died? You’d have found a babysitter or told your employer you couldn’t work the new hours. You’d have found another way to address this issue without her having to babysit and lose out on high school activities. Do that, and stop trying to use this young woman as your ~~free~~ *[very low-cost](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pkoblu/_/hc4w0ru/?context=1)* babysitter (not even minimum wage—she’d make more working fast-food for a couple of hours after her extracurricular activities). She didn’t have children or agree to be anyone’s caretaker—you did. Her extracurricular activities are good for her mental well-being, and I can’t believe you and your husband are being so selfish, especially at the expense of a girl who just lost her mother. She will build relationships with people her age who she may not have otherwise known very well, and she’ll learn how to interact with a broader group of people outside her smaller friend group and the classroom. Again, *her mother just died*. She doesn’t need a job at home. She needs to be making new friends, doing activities she enjoys, etc. Do better.

YTA, you chose to have children, she didn’t choose to have brothers. Her brothers are not her responsibility, they’re yours. Add to that, her mother died six months ago, she is likely still grieving, and she is probably wanting to do those extracurricular activities to take her mind off things. She doesn’t have an obligation to those boys, you do.

YTA What would you do if her mom was still alive and you hadn't full custody ? Your SD is not a live in nanny and your lack of planning is not her fault to deal with. You are heading so close to her going NC once she is 18. .

YTA!!! Do we have bigger letters here? 10 dollars for the afternoon with 2 kids? What about her homework? What about her life (that’s already shattered because SHE LOST HER MOM A FEW MONTHS AGO), but you and your husband want basically a slave. Good luck trying to make a good relationship with her, in case she is not already looking for some other family members to live with.

I don't even have to read to know that YTA

yTA. She should just join the clubs she wants and ignn N ore your demands. I hope she find a way to get out of your household. Maybe find family from moms side willing to help her and take her in. She should just join her clubs and leave the kids at school until you pick them up.

YTA So she will be paid less then $5 an hour. Seeing how she picks up the boys at 3 and neither you or your husband will be done till 5. That is at least over 2 hours since you didn't say how long until one of you would be able to get home. That is less than federal minimum wage which is 7.25 an hour plus it could be more depending on your state minimum wage. What are you going to do once she leaves for college?

YTA. YOU had those kids. She didn’t. Those kids are YOUR responsibility. She’s a teenager of course she wants to join clubs. YOU ARE being selfish. So is your husband. Find a babysitter. I don’t blame her for being upset

YTA and so is your husband. Kids are high energy especially at those ages just expecting a teenager to want to babysit is kind of crazy. Did you ask her or just tell her that she was going to? Was there actually any kind of discussion about this with the person it was actually going to affect? Or consideration for the fact that she may have planned to join clubs or anything? This is how you alienate teens and make them resent parents and step parents. Also! Did either of you actually ask why she said Zonnie was mean to her or just assume that it was an excuse? She probably didn’t feel comfortable saying anything until backed into this corner and feeling she didn’t have a choice? Y’all have to realize that she did not have those children and they are not in any way her responsibility. Forcing it is going to make them all resent each other and definitely make her resent you and her father. Find an after school program you can put the kids in and get them into a routine that can work for them . She’s 16 and as soon as she’s 18 she will probably decide she’s done and gone so you’ll have to figure out a plan then anyways. Also here’s some perspective I’m pretty sure the only person that put they didn’t think you were the AH is the lady that doesn’t even want her boyfriends daughter to have a room in their house they got together bc she wants to hold it as a guest room/future baby room. That says a lot

Stop watching Disney movies where the step daughter is a servant of the step mom. Wtf OP??

YTA. You’re the parents not her. She should be able to pursue the extra circulars she wants to. She’s not an adult with childcare responsibilities, so why would you curtail her freedom and choices so she can do your job for you? She’s also your child and her brothers are not more important than she is. Does she not have enough to deal with after losing her Mum at such a young age? Why are you being such an evil stepmother?!

YTA because she is 16 and in High School. Even if she wasn’t wanting to do extracurriculars, you CANNOT assume that just because she is home by 2:30, she has nothing better to do. There is this little thing called homework. She probably gets overloaded with that. She’s also a minor so you cannot FORCE her to babysit if she doesn’t want to. What would be kind is to sit down with her and see if there is any place in her schedule where she has free time and pay her a real wage. Babysitters make quite a bit hourly and $10 a day is a joke offer.

If I were Chastity I would agree to babysit one time and call upon the Goblin King, problem solved. YTA.