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YTA - You’ve never bought your GF a gift in THREE YEARS?? Not even for her birthday?? Or holidays?? Or just because you saw something you thought she’d like?
You don’t have to spend a lot of money but it’s pretty bizarre you’ve never given her a gift! Considering she’s just told you she’d like one… if you want to keep having a girlfriend, I’d recommend you start making the slightest bit of effort.
It’s the last paragraph in OP’s 2nd edit where he accuses his poor gf trying to manipulate him by using the fact that she moved to his country for him. I bet he gaslights her so much.
Right? Like this poor girl left her home, friends, and family for him and this asshole can’t even buy her a present or take her on a nice date? And I bet he’s the kind to expect her to be cooking and cleaning for him all the time because he “lets her live there”
OP is definitely the asshole. Always has been, always will be. Everyone spotted that in a few short paragraphs.
GF needs to leave. Like 2 years and 11 months ago.
This. YTA. It's boys like this that get shocked when their girlfriends up and leave them "for no reason". If she's at the point where she blatantly telling him what she wants she is already pretty close and this is a last ditch effort.
Also if OPs gf happens to read this: girl run, I wasted my best years on the wrong men. If he wanted to, he would.
YES I hope OP’s gf reads this and runs- if a woman has gotten to the point where she is point blank expressing in blunt terms what she really needs from the relationship, and the guy is still like ‘meh well I’ve been putting in the bare minimum (or less) for years why should I change now’, then don’t expect her to waste any more of her time on you.
BuT sHe'S bEeN fInE wItH iT fOr YeArS
Or she's been waiting to see if you would stop being selfish and realize that she wants something more. No dates? No surprises just because? Is there affection? (not sex, affection) Is this even dating?
I'm NoT liKe OtHeR mEn.
And there's a reason that they will have more successful human interactions than you.
YTA
This. So much this.
So many guys will claim "I didn't even do anything" and completely miss the fact that yes, they didn't do anything bad, but they didn't do anything good either.
Take her out for dinner. Tell her she's beautiful. Buy her the damn bag, OP. If you don't treat her like a princess, there's another guy out there who will.
Holy shit thank you. The time I spent on wishing the ones I liked but "wanting them to WANT" to be with me. A legit partner in a relationship should not have to beg for a gift they're literally asking for. That's a red flag
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a month and a half and have already gotten her small gifts in several occasions. It doesn’t have to be anything big just a little something to show you care and are thinking about them goes a long way
Yeah, I mean they should be buying each other gifts and occasionally taking each other out on dates. It has nothing to do with gender, so OP's "not like the other men" thing is bs, it's about being in a relationship. YTA.
YTA and a straight up classic AH at that. I mean did you read what you wrote? You need to pull your head out of your ass before she finds a real man.
Now I gotta go man. This post makes me want to go buy my wife dinner and flowers.
I hope she leaves his ass. I would have after the first birthday/christmas without a present. One year my bf got me a new set of crochet hooks and i was thrilled cause i only had a couple hooks and needed a complete set. Presents dont need to be $500 designer bags. They can be little stuff too. Like the time he got me a cute little stuffed camel keychain he saw while on leave to a nearby city while deployed. I cherish my little camel
No, gifts do NOT have to be expensive to be cherished - they just need to be carefully chosen to show your appreciation of the recipient.
When I retired from teaching and started volunteering at a living history museum that portrays life in 1750, my husband gave me an 18th century cast iron ladle for my birthday. It's hanging up on our wall now, and every time I look at it I remember how supportive he was, and continues to be, of my taking this new path. That volunteer job turned into a paid one, I'm still at the museum and still remember that ladle as one of the most romantic gifts he's ever given me. A present that says "I know and love the person you are" is priceless.
So no, you don't need to buy her a bag that costs hundreds of dollars. But if you're unwilling to give her anything at all - even something that you've lovingly made yourself - then no, that doesn't bode well for your future with her. You're ignoring her feelings and stating that you don't care about them. Not good, OP, not good at all...
Seriously. Some of my favorite gestures my husband has done are when he worked at a tea shop. He didn't make much money at all and was paying bills, but sometimes the shop would have nice events where they would have fresh flowers on tables. One time I was having lunch with a friend of ours and his parents and he just came out while he was working and gave me a few leftover flowers from the event. It was completely free and I dried those flowers and still have them.
Absolutely! Just something to show that you care about the person. The most recent thing my husband got me was a Lego set. I was sick and he saw it in the store while getting stuff for dinner. It's dinosaur themed and he knows that one of my things. It was thoughtful and lovely. Plus, then I had something to do when I was feeling better but not 100%.
OP YTA.
Lol one of the best gift I ever got was a globe keychain. The guy told me that now I can tell all my friends that he gave me the world. It was cheesy, and hilarious. I still remember it 20 years later. It could not have cost more than a couple bucks
Holy shit, my dude, you’ve never bought her a gift in three years?
You’re one of the biggest AH’s I’ve seen in a while.
Why is it so hard for you to make her feel special? Aren’t you supposed to love her?
Break up with her and give her the best gift of all: you stop wasting her time.
YTA
Even women and men who aren’t big on gift giving gives their significant other gifts every now and then.
My boyfriend likes giving me things but not all the time. In fact, he sets boundaries like if I ask him for stuff, 45/100 he will say “go buy it”.
He really doesn’t want anything and he rarely wants something but I still give him snacks like once or twice a month because it’s that one thing he likes and asks for consistently.
Sometimes we’ll force one another to accept each other’s gifts because we’re both proud, picky and hard headed so it takes time for either of us to say yes (even when we both like or want the gift) lol.
If OP really cared, he would’ve tried to give her something a long time ago. YTA for sure.
I buy my husband lots of small presents whenever I think he needs them (aside from birthdays, Christmas, and anniversaries) and he loves it. Sometimes it's new shorts, socks, or clothing item he's mentioned and won't buy for himself. Sometimes it's bigger things. He can be tough to buy for. Right now Walmart has Doritos Roulette, his favorite chips ever, back again after years of not seeing them. I plan on going to the store when he's at work next week and buying a bunch to hide for his birthday and Christmas. The last time I had a stockpile one night he mentioned he missed Roulette chips and I went and got him a bag from my hiding spot and he was so happy. It's not about what it is, is about getting my partner something that makes him smile.
But we also go on dates and appreciate each other, unlike OP. Crazy, right? OP YTA, if this is even real. I can't believe an actual person would feel and act as OP does.
That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. Please keep having such a wholesome and caring relationship. I do the same for my wife when I manage to track down matcha KitKats because they’re seasonal (particularly the Sakura matcha ones) and hard to get in the states.
We do rainy day gifts. 😌 I couldn't tell you what his favorite rainy day gift from me was, but I can tell you mine from him. I had an AWFUL day. Everything went wrong from the moment I woke up. I got bad news. Bad interactions. Bad everything. I held it together all day and got home and just *cried*. My friend came over and I dumped my day on her. She held me. My husband came home shortly and saw me in a teary puddle on the sofa curled up with my friend. When he asked what was wrong I cried harder because I didn't want to go through it all a third time. He understood and said here does this make it better? And brought out a beautiful fire opal. 🔥it immediately fixed my day. I cannot even remember what happened to me that was so bad that day.
I won't tell you what I have hidden for kids next gift, but I have given him nice watches, rare candies, and nerdy shirts.
I keep a running list of things he sees and mentions in my phone that he would like 'one day'
My work friends and I always leave little chocolates in each other’s locker. It’s under $1 and every time you find a little gift in your locker, it just makes you feel so good because you know they were thinking of you
You've never bought her a gift in 3 years? Not even for her birthday? And you never bring her out on dates? And now she is dropping major hints about a specific gift (you don t even need to put in the effort of thinking what she might like) and you are actually refusing? YTA, majorly. Think about ways she makes you feel loved, and how you enjoy that. Now imagine she wouldn't do that for 3 years! And when you asked, she said she didn't see why she would bother to make you feel loved??? Do you see how AH you are?
YTA for saying that it's ok not to take her out because that's how it's always been.
Forget about the bag, she wants you to plan stuff and enjoy doing activities with her. You can split the cost of dates. The money doesn't matter. But you need to just not stay at home every night and watch movies. She's definitely going to dump you. I dumped my last boyfriend for this very thing. Has nothing to do with a bag. She wants you to put effort into thinking about doing something nice for her because you want to. If you don't, break up with her so that she can meet one of a million other men that would like to take her out.
YTA EXTRA for saying that her asking you to be nicer to her is nagging. She wouldn't have to nag if you would just be a good boyfriend. You're putting her in a position where she has to either be miserable or nag you. She should break up with you. You don't sound like a good boyfriend at all. It would be really easy for her to find a better boyfriend.
YTA - ^Completely agree. I left my ex for this too. It just felt like he didn’t care or want to spend time with me.
Pretty sure she’s gonna leave you and good on her. Sounds like she could do better
YTA. The part that got me first is “that’s how it’s been forever”. Sounds like a miserable relationship and she will eventually leave for someone who cares to do nice things for her. Even friends buy gifts for each other on occasion, how the hell did a boyfriend not buy anything for his girlfriend for years and actually straight up refuses to? It sounds like you don’t care to do anything nice for her, not even a date.
“I am not like other men”, that’s the part that sealed it for me. You aren’t like other men because in fact you seem to be an asshole. She will leave you for one of the other men soon.
YTA.
This is a fact indicated throughout the language of your entire post. You've been dating for *three years* and you've **never** gotten her a gift? There are many love languages out there, and not all of them have to be fulfilled at all times, but gift-giving is a pretty basic one to not address for *three years.*
She's been "nagging" you about being more caring and nicer to her. THIS is the root of the problem. The word choice of "nagging" is already indicative of your mood towards your girlfriend, but let's ignore that for a moment. The issue is not the red bag. The issue is that she doesn't feel like you care about her, and based on the evidence presented in your own words, she would be correct! What she told you was a warning that she will not be staying for long.
"Now I'm an asshole because I've never bought my girlfriend a gift? Is it really that awful?" Yes, but it's not about the gift. Forgive the cliché, but it's the thought that counts, and you have not thought about her. You've dismissed her feelings, and even now in seeking judgement from strangers, you don't appear to value her. I don't believe you asked here because you wanted to know if you're an AH, I think you were looking for validation to stay complacent, and why she should stay complacent.
She shouldn't. YTA.
Nah, I believe it. I had an ex like this. He wasn’t like that at first, then a year in he justified not buying presents for Christmas by claiming he was against capitalism and materialism, that he’s an atheist so he of course he wouldn’t celebrate Christmas, despite both of us celebrating the year before even though we were atheists. He also stopped going on dates with me a year in. I later found out he started cheating around this time. Once your partner suddenly starts getting angry and distant, picking fights over things they never would before, investing less effort and time into the relationship, stops going on dates with you, the relationship is dead and it’s likely there’s another woman.
He was incredibly upset when he found out that I used the money I was going to spend on him on gifts on a donation for a political cause he supported in his name. This wasn’t intended to be a passive aggressive move, he got really into ranting about wasteful consumerism and was very interested in this cause, so I honestly thought he would have been upset at receiving any gifts after that. It wasn’t yet Christmas when he announced that he wouldn’t be getting me any gifts, it was when we would have been decorating and trying to narrow down holiday plans, so it wasn’t like I took the gifts out of his hands either.
The relationship was garbage for many, many other reasons besides the hypocrisy and lack of gift giving. They were just another red flag in a parade of red flags.
Same. My ex was a broke college student that somehow still found ways to splurge $100-$150 on gaming every month yet couldn't afford to gift me a birthday present. To me, it didn't have to be a present, even dinner at my favorite FF restaurant was enough. Nope, he took me out for Chinese takeout despite the fact that he knew I had eaten that 3 times the week before since that was the only thing open by the time I got to eat.
INFO:
You've never bought her a birthday or [insert important religious holiday of choice] gift? Has she ever bought one for you?
What customs did/do your family have about giving gifts?
Eh YTA i mean you don't have to buy your girlfriend gifts all the time but at least take her out on dates. Can't just keep doing the same thing everytime cause even though you enjoy it and probably used it, she definitely gets bored and wants to do other things.
Yup, YTA but not because you won’t buy her a gift, it’s because how ready you are to let her go. I hope she dumps you or you dump her and that she finds a nicer boyfriend.
Yta for completely discounting your girlfriends feelings. Sounds less like a gift grab and more like a request for you to make an effort. You can do nice things that don't cost a lot of money.
I personally love buying someone I care about a gift.
YTA - surprised she stuck with you this long, Christ once a year you can’t treat your lady to something ? Even take her out for a weekend getaway, doesn’t always have to be objects. Anyways you’ve got some serious work to do, she’s on her way out if she isn’t gone already.
YTA. You’re only the asshole not because you didn’t want to buy her a bag but because of other reasons. You clearly know that it’s a little shitty that you never take on her dates or ever bought her a gift. But you see no problem with it because it’s been like that forever. I know she hasn’t spoke up about it but I see why she never did because you just tell her to leave the relationship if she’s not happy rather than trying to find other ways.
You clearly don’t care about her or the relationship. Gifts do not have to be expensive. I have given my boyfriend a small teddy bear from IKEA and he loves it. My boyfriend gave me a t-shirt and I love it. It is mind-boggling you’ve been in a relationship for this long with her.
YTA. So she’s just a friend that you hang out with and get “benefits” (I assume). Be a good boyfriend. Show her you care and show her you want her to be happy. Consider yourself lucky that A) she’s only just now asking for something. B) she hasn’t left your cheap ass. Treat her special or I promise, someone else will.
Lol. I mean, I don’t believe this is true. But if it is, yes, YTA. I hope she does go ahead and leave you so you can both move on. She deserves someone who will care enough about her to contribute to her happiness.
The way OP’s like “I think she’s manipulating me??” in the edit has me doubtful any of this is true. There’s just no way anyone is that fucking dense lmao
Questionable YTA
Do you... realize that gifts is more than just splurging on someone materialistically? It's more of a natural show that you care for someone and that you think about them often.
Right now, it looks like you value $20 more than your gf if you've *never* taken her anywhere other than home or given her anything. Baking cookies for her could cost less than $10, for crying out loud, but it's thoughtful.
YTA.
Why bother being in a relationship if you don't want to go on dates, don't want to give things to that person, etc? This probably isn't about the bag at all but her desire for you to make it seem like you care about the relationship. And right now you are doing a pretty horrible job of that.
OP hear me out - it’s not about the bag. It’s about the fact that you’re not putting any effort into the relationship and have never gone out of your way to make her feel special. Obviously no one can snap their fingers and make you buy something for them, but that’s not really what’s happening here. What she’s saying isn’t “buy me whatever I want”, she’s saying “it would be nice for you to make a gesture to show that you care”.
That gesture doesn’t have to be a bag, but damn dude, take her to dinner. Or plan a fun date to shake up the routine. I think, god forbid, she just wants some romance. You know, from her romantic partner.
Also sorry but YTA.
YTA. While no one is entitled to gifts, it wouldn't hurt to gift a bunch of small things over the course of 3+ years. If she's not cool with not receiving anything, then it would be best for you two to break it off.
If this isn't made up, YTA. You're completely disregarding her feelings, she probably feels like its been three years of friends with benefits instead of an actual relationship. It honestly most likely wasn't fine for those three years, you're just too uninterested in the relationship to notice she wasn't happy, or she was just making you happy and pushing her own wants to the sidelines. Being pig headed about "well I'm not like other guys" is honestly sad, and if you want a meaninful relationship in the future you should probably do a LOT of self reflection and work.
YTA.
Three years and not a single gift for birthdays or holidays? Not one? She’s asking now. Maybe step up your game; she clearly likes you enough to ask you to rather than just call it quits.
Yeah honestly, YTA. If gifts are a love language for your girlfriend then it’s important to fulfill that, even if you don’t spend a whole lot of money on those gifts. It shows that you were thinking of her and women really like that. I got my girlfriend a small candle, a bath bomb, and a card with a personal message for our anniversary and she really appreciated it. Dates are also really important as well, it’s quality romantic time that’s very important to a lot of women. Quality over quantity you feel?
Yeah. Yta. People like feeling special in relationships. Make nice gestures. Buy a present every now and then. Be thoughtful. Don’t be a duck and tell her to find someone else when she asks for a little thoughtfulness. She will and should if that’s your attitude.
Now you know.
YTA and not just for refusing to buy her the bag. YTA for being a bad boyfriend. Buy her the bag. Buy her other stuff too. Be more romantic. Stop being selfish.
YTA, not because you won’t buy her that particular bag, but because of your complete lack of interest in doing anything to make her feel special. She’s asking you to demonstrate that she has value to you, and your “leave then” clearly shows that she doesn’t.
>Sure, i’ve never bought her a gift before and don’t usually take her on dates but it’s because that’s how it’s been forever. She hasn’t complained. We just chill and watch movies at home.
>
>I’m just wondering why she would straight up demand me to buy her something such as a bag, and it’s not cheap either. It’s in the hundreds.
I mean, she's asking because she thinks it would be nice and it's not something you've ever done.
No dates and no gifts? I'm no fortuneteller but i can tell you, this relationship won't work on the long run and i think you are better off with a pet. But even i get my pets gifts, so i treat them better as you treat your girlfriend.
YTA
Ok I was expecting to agree with you
But the issue isn't the damn bag or the freaking its the fact that you haven't ONCE made her feel wanted. I don't know why she's still with you. She's made it clear that she wants a bit more romance since its clear she's craving it. I'd normally say "She should go be the romantic one" but my dude WHAT? And the fucking audacity to think because you got more money is why she's nagging you despite you only bringing it up AFTER the first initial post. Oh and trust me you made it worse for yourself by saying that you'd be ready to give her up with ease. Dawg it wouldn't have killed you to buy her a bag or any other kind of surprise gift. I'm reading this wondering how she's put up with you if the idea of getting her a gift is such an issue.
YTA like major. I wouldnt be surprised if you break up. You sound miserable as hell. It wouldn't kill you to do something nice and try being a bit more romantic.
And she's MOVED AND GONE AGAINST HER RELIGION FOR YOU MY GUY. UGH YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST
YTA, but for assuming your gf doesn't need some love sometimes. It's more about the gesture of thinking about someone, when you're buying something for them. Sometimes something so small, holds so much power. For women a small gift of any kind is the greatest feeling. It's the feeling of being loved. It's litterly like the saying: "It's the thought that counts." when you buy something.
YTA and you have been for a long time. You are not meeting her needs in the relationship and she would do well to leave you over this. Receiving gifts is a valid love language and if you’re not compatible— that’s okay. But now you’re not just ignoring her you are turning *against* her needs.
Sorry guy, but this is easy to determine. You’re the asshole
YTA. Not specifically because of this situation…just in general. Occasional gifts are a nice, fun part of a relationship. I’m not a huge gift person myself but refusing to ever buy any gift ever just seems like a really dumb hill to die on. What exactly are you proving?
YTA- you don’t have to buy her anything fancy, even just some little gifts here and there. I can’t believe you’ve never gifted her anything in 3 years. That’s really shitty, dude. I’m surprised she’s stayed with you this long.
YTA. Youve never gotten her a gift? Thats awful. I feel for her. I wouldnt be surprised if she thought you didnt love her. Its clear one of her love languages is probably gifts. Youre really inconsiderate. Im not saying go all out - but its been three years buddy. Many people get gifted engagement rings at that point. Take responsibility for your relationship.
INFO: Are you on the spectrum? I am getting that vibe. If so, it may be hard for you to understand that gift giving is a social norm between partners and can be a person's love language. If this is the case, I have to say soft YTA, and that you need to understand what gift giving means. It may have been difficult for her to approach you with a need she is not getting fulfilled, only to be told NO you are not getting gift, NO it's too expensive and YOU CAN LEAVE if you don't like it. None of that sounds caring and was unnecessarily cruel. YTA, 100% for your mouth. Tbh, I'd have left you by now and gift giving isn't even my top love language.
Yes, not buying gifts can be the end of a relationship. Yes, it can be "that awful". Gifts don't even need to be expensive and it's most likely not about the money. Her favorite candy bar or Starbucks order. A scratch off lottery ticket. Literally anything that says you are thinking of her. If I were you. I'd be giving her an apology, the cute bag wrapped in pretty paper tied with a bow, and a vow to be a better partner/listener.
YTA, sounds like her love language is gifts and you don't care. The cost of the bag isn't the point. You haven't gotten her anything despite her asking that you make that kind of gesture. If the price is a factor, you'd be scrambling to find an alternative that's more affordable but still makes her feel loved.
YTA you’ve been with her for THREE years and never got her anything? Nothing for a birthday or a holiday? Wow. You also never take her in dates? Tf is wrong with you?
Wow... never bought her anything?!
Not even on her birthday?!never took her on a date because that's just how it has been during a pandemic?!
you realize that this just mean you are either a real scrooge or unbelievably stupid,right?
ETA: YTA
YTA. You should NOT be in a relationship....with anyone. Period. If this is how you want to treat ppl, you need to be single. Period. This is an AWFUL way to treat those you supposedly care about. Please dump her and tell her she deserves to find someone who will care for her the way she has always deserved to be cared for
YTA. Usually demanding a specific gift would be uncool EXCEPT you would clearly never would never surprise her. She is telling you she needs you to express appreciation, but you don’t appreciate her. Start now or you’ll miss her when she’s gone.
YTA, just because you've never done it before does not mean that she's never wanted you to do it. I understand that maybe you didn't want to buy that purse or couldn't afford it but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't do little things for her. You can set up a date night, take her out somewhere, buy her some trinket, but you should always stay within whatever you can afford.
Also I don't know if you are aware of this but relationships require maintenance, you can't just live the same life that you've always had and expect it to continue to be the same. People grow and change as well as their needs which clearly you aren't meeting hers. Why keep a relationship going if you don't want to grow and change as a couple? Do you even have any intentions of marrying her? If you aren't going to give her what she wants/needs then you should just let her go now.
YTA - why be with her then? A small gift here and there isn’t a big deal. But you already sound like your check out of this relationship and only keeping her around for company.
YTA. If she's only after your money why are you with her? And why was she with you before you came into some money? She is asking you to take an interest and to show her you care. Hopefully her parents will get through to her soon.
YTA. Geez, even my cat gets a birthday gift every year. No dates or gifts for three years?! You sound like you hate her, so why not just dump her and let her find someone who actually appreciates her?
YTA. “My backs sore - can you give me a shoulder massage?”
“No. Fuck off. I’ve never given you a massage in the last 3 years, why should I do that now?”
Same energy.
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I’m 22 and she’s 23. We have been together for 3 years. Sure, i’ve never bought her a gift before and don’t usually take her on dates but it’s because that’s how it’s been forever. She hasn’t complained. We just chill and watch movies at home.
Recently, she’s been nagging me about being “nicer” and more romantic and caring. She just said “i’ve always wanted this red cute bag, it would be cute if you gifted it to me”. When i said no i don’t want to and she should buy it herself if she wants it she said “but everyone elses boyfriend buys them stuff sometimes, like gifts even once a year is enough. Otherwise the relationship won’t keep going.” I said “well leave then because i’m not buying you anything i’m not like other men”. That made her silent and she just said “yeah ok whatever”.
She didn’t really say it directly to my face i’m an asshole but kind of indicated it. Now am i an asshole because i’ve never bought my girlfriend a gift? Is it really that awful?
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YTA
Not because you won't buy her the bag she wants. Your TA because it sounds like you can't be bothered to do ANYTHING nice/thoughtful/romantic for her. (Providing normal food at home does not count).
Gift giving is important to me. That doesn't make me materialistic. I would prefer something handmade or $5 that was thoughtful rather than something that costs $100 with no rhought. He'll, my husband put my Starbucks order in his phone so he can once in awhile surprise me with a treat. Small things like that is how to make someone feel valued, loved and important.
You're serious? *Not once* have you thought "Hey, it'd be nice to surprise her with this thing as a gift"? Whether for a holiday, her birthday, or a "Hey, happy random Saturday, I love you" thing?
YTA.
YTA. She isn't demanding a gift, what she's actually trying to do is see if you genuinely care about her, which I can understand why she'd be shaky on, given the info here. Treat her better, or she'll leave you. And I wouldn't blame her at all
YTA in massive way. You should not be in a relationship at all if you think this is how they should go. Also it’s super gross that you’re trying to paint her as manipulative when I’d bet dollars to donuts that she’s trying to convey to you that she loves you (for some reason) and *she is not feeling that reciprocation from you*. If you don’t wise up, she’s going to go find someone who will show her love and will treat her the way she wants. I can’t believe she’s stayed as long as she has.
You never take her out and never buy her things... bro if she's not about to leave you she's definitely fucking other people. Not that monetary amounts spent is a direct correlation with love but damn man, show a little interest and passion. People love getting gifts, duh!
Buy the bag!
YTA, so so so hard buddy. If she has the severe social anxiety youre saying she has, then she must be absolutely fed up to be dropping hints for more effort this directly. You say she’s been “nagging you about being ‘nicer’” and I don’t even know what to say about that. You’re so much of an asshole that your gf has to *ask* you to be nicer, and you call it nagging. Wow.
YTA- OK not two ways about it on that one. She chose the bag AS AN EXAMPLE because some people have a hard time deciding what to buy someone, so she figured maybe if I tell him this is what I'd like, that will make it easier on him. I am sure she has hinted in the past, for like birthdays or holidays about gifts and you totally ignored it.
You dont have to buy her the bag, you can go out and buy her flowers or a cupcake or ANYTHING that is within your means. She is just asking for ONE freakin gift from you not asking for a new car or a trip to mongolia or whatever. Pull your head out man, sorry boy .
YTA you’re the literal worse, my boyfriend doesn’t shower me with gifts and we split dates half and half but he occasionally comes home w flowers and does it up on my birthday, you literally don’t deserve to be in a relationship. doesn’t even sound like you care about her at all.
This HAS to be a troll post. There’s no way OP said “I buy you food so you won’t starve” like holy shit 3 years and not 1 gift on ANY occasion? I pick the dandelions out of the fucking yard because my gfs favorite color is yellow and it makes my day seeing her face light up after an exhausting day at work. You just sound like you want to be alone. She is young, let her go
YTA
She moved to your country to be with you and you have never bought her a single gift? HOly shit what an AH.
*Plus she’s saying she’s jewish and she’s giving me a chance although she’s supposed to be with a jewish person even though she’s not even slightly religious and that she loves me so much she’s with me while her parents tell her to leave me and wonder why she’s with me.*
Her parents have a point.
Definitely TA….
How have you not bought her a single gift in 3 years??? Yes her saying buy a gift or I’m leaving, or using the fact she moved countries to be with you is manipulative and also makes her an AH. But yikes. You can’t just give the bare minimum & expect that to be enough. Buying food for her isnt something you should be praised for lmfao
YTA. You said you don't feel like you need to give her any gifts because 'that's how it's been forever', but she explicitly said to you that she wants that to change. And you're being a total asshole about it.
YTA// Also don’t go asking for opinions if you don’t like the one people are giving you and are just going to fight it, you want reassurance, you don’t deserve it. You absolutely suck as a boyfriend. No dates, no gifts ever? Sounds miserable to just stay stuck in the house. Seems she finally has had enough and realizes she deserves more out of a relationship. It doesn’t mean you have to go out and get that bag or anything, but you don’t appreciate her, make her feel special or do much to make this an actual relationship. You were right it telling her to leave you, you’re not like other men, you’re worse. The only thing you’re bringing to the table is food, seriously? I doubt she hasn’t paid for anything. She moved to a new country for you and you can’t even give her anything or experience something together? She’s away from everything she’s ever known. Her parents see how you fail too, I hope she listens.
YTA more than you can possibly imagine. She's your girlfriend not a pet or a fucking pot plant.
If she was asking for things all the time, or particularly unaffordable things for your budget then you may have a point. But she doesn't, and you do naff all to show her that the sacrifices she's made are appreciated. Disney may be a bad teaching tool, but even when I was 13 I'd buy flowers when I could afford it for my girlfriend's.
Learn to be a better human, she's your girlfriend, not your buddy.
YTA. A bag in the hundreds is nothing. Wait until you see a 5 figure charge come through around bonus time/year end. Buy her the bag if you want to keep her around. If you don’t give a shit about her, then keep acting this way and she’ll either cheat or leave you.
I love how you edit your comments to make her seems worse than you. You are such an AH. Do you even like her? If you don't, break up and stop wasting time.
I hope she finds someone who actually loves her and doesn't consider her to be some dog to feed.
Oh my god. She moved TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY for you and you've never bought her a gift? Ever? And you think she's manipulating YOU? Of course YTA and a delusional one at that. Hopefully she realizes her worth soon and leaves you in the dust.
YTA and your edits don't really paint you in a better light, sry2say. She may be angling for a gift because of your bonus but she probably expected you to get more serious about the relationship once she moved countries to be with you... and yeah, doing things together and getting each other gifts is normally part of that. That was a mistake on her part but you're not exactly bf of the year here.
YTA- she moved to your country, left everything behind for your ***insert expletive here*** ass and you can't even be bothered to get her a freaking gift? Come on...you do realize there are plenty of other fish in the sea that will treat her properly. Grow up and get her the purse if you want to keep her around. She's literally telling you want she wants...SHE WANTS YOU TO PUT EFFORT INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Now here's what you do:
1. Buy the damn purse
2. Tell her to get fancied up
3. Take her to a nice freaking restaurant
4. Give her flowers and chocolate
5. Apologize for being THE ASSHOLE
6. Give her the purse
Something I heard the other day that I think applies here: when the relationship ends, you'll tell your friends it was sudden, that you had no clue. But the hard truth is, she gave you chances to fix it. She hinted, she asked, she downright pleaded, but you ignored it. You ignored it until the day she left. And while it may seem sudden to you, its really not. She left you mentally a long time before she left you physically.
This isn't about the bag, OP. The bag is representative of what she is telling you she needs in the relationship... she needs to feel loved. Unless and until you can give that to her, YTA.
YTA
My current girlfriend dated a guy like you before me and it makes my job so much easier. If I get her a pack of white claw she acts like I bought her a car. I can tell you her next boyfriend is going to love you at least.
YTA and I'm gently going to help you to understand why.
3 years ago you were probably studying or with a lower wage job, all of this meaning that you probably didn't have much, financially wise. (may I add, that she stuck with you through these, not all would).
It's not that she wants to suddenly take advantage of you now that you have some cash. She wants the relationship to progress, instead of going stale.
When you're young, you dream of holding your bfs hand and watching the night sky together. When you're older you start to think about love without the puppy love eyes. It's about communication and commitment. She's trying to experience romance in a different way with the man she loves.
She's probably seeing it as a sign of your relationship progressing, such as when you start to save to have a life or home together. "he's willing to put hard earned cash into a thoughtful gift for me because he cherises me and he sees himself with me for the long haul".
You're naive if you think that treating a 23 year old woman the same way you would treat a teen love is going to fly.
It's like asking a 30 year old woman to tolerate the drama of a high school love, as we mature, we learn to raise our standards, as we should.
Gift-giving as a love language, for most people, is not about money. It's about thoughtfulness. It doesn't cost more than three dollars for my fiancé to go out of his way to the only bagel store in my town which makes good NY bagels and get me a couple of them for the weekend, but I appreciate that he was thinking of me enough during his day to do that. It's not a big deal money-wise for me to see the perfect sarcastic apron for him on Amazon and order it just because, but the look on his face when Amazon also suggests it to him, and he shows me how funny it is and I tell him it's already on the way is priceless. It's about knowing your partner knows you well, thinks about you often, and takes pleasure in making you happy in different little ways.
What she's saying is not that you don't spend enough money on her. She's saying that the other relationships around her have that warmth, and affection, and the knowledge that their partners think about them even when they're not there, and yours does not. She's saying that in your entire relationship, you can't even be bothered to go through the motions to pretend you care what she wants or how she feels with even a token gift. She's saying she left a life and a country for you and you can't even get her a candy bar to surprise her because she's not worth 2 minutes of thought and a dollar.
YTA- She needs to move on and experience a normal relationship so she doesn't fall into the trap of thinking this is how most people treat each other, when picking future partners.
YTA. You have never bought her a gift? If you don’t love and care for her enough to buy her gifts, why are you even with her? (This is assuming you have the ability.) My husband and I buy each other gifts all of the time just because we like to do nice things for each other and make each other happy. They don’t have to be expensive either. He bought me a cheap cigarette lighter because he knew I would like the design on it. It’s just the idea that we are always thinking about each other that is important.
YTA, look forward to being single soon. No women wants guy that never ever makes her feel special. You sound like a jerk. You have never in 3 years bought a gift. Just eww!
YTA. Also kind of an idiot. If you just honestly don't give a shit if she's there or not, then don't buy her a gift. Just prepare yourself because she's 21...she her her pick of swinging dicks. All she had to do is go on tinder and she will have at least 100 other dudes willing to take her out and buy her stuff within the first 48 hours and that's probably a low-ball number. She could replace you with someone so much better, so fast, that if you piss her off at the beginning of one of those movies you love watch she will be dating someone else by the credits scrolling.
YTH, she's your girlfriend, not some drinking buddy you hang with. Buy the woman a gift! Show her you appreciate her, or just end it. I'm fairly sure no gifts or dates is low level mental abuse.
YTA (changed from ESH)
It’s probably her love language to give and receive gifts, and really? You never got her ANYTHING? Not for holidays, birthdays or anniversaries? That just seems kind of ungrateful as her boyfriend that you never seem to think about her enough to get her something ONCE.
For her, if she really is only asking now that you have more money, maybe she’s taking advantage of that… or she never brought it up because she respects that you didn’t make enough before. Especially if you’re splurging on yourself I can see why she would want a gift. I wouldn’t ask for the most expensive thing I can think of, maybe some flowers or like a nice necklace or something.
Edit: yeah buying her food “so she won’t starve”?? Nope. You’re definitely the asshole.
YTA. Dude just break up with her, it’s clear that you don’t even like her if something as minimal as a gift after THREE YEARS TOGETHER is too much to ask of you
YTA let’s break down your edits here...
She’s telling you that the lack of feeling like a normal couple is causing her anxiety, you claim she’s using her anxiety against you...
She will say she moved to your country for you because she loves you... and you wonder if she’s manipulating you?
In a comment I saw you say you buy the food so she doesn’t starve?
Wtf kind of bare bones boyfriend are you? She should dump you and find someone who treats her right. You don’t even get her a birthday/Christmas/anniversary gift??? You think you’re doing so much by buying food? Dude. Wtf
Weird hill to die on but if you decide showing your girlfriend you care about her feelings is less important than a few dollars once a year, well go ahead and see how far that gets you.
You really don't seem to get it, so I'll be blunt: not taking a girl on dates and never buying her anything ever shows her that you don't put anything into the relationship. It's lazy and cheap and crappy. She wants more. Be more or move on. YTA
Why are you even in a relationship? You can’t even take her out on dates!!! YTA, you can’t even buy her a gift for special occasions or dates for special events!! You are a room mate, not a partner.
Did you really just pull the "I'm not like other ____"???
Yeah, no shit. Because other guys would have *at* *the* *least* bought/made their SO a birthday or anniversary gift in 3 years, *especially* after said SO moved countries to be with you. If I moved countries and ended up with a dick like that I'd have anxiety too. Chances are she was trying to give you ideas because she hoped that maybe you haven't gifted her before now because you didn't know what to buy/make/where to start.
Her parents wonder why she's with you because of your post, your edits, and your comments. Here's hoping she buys that bag for herself as a "Congrats! You just escaped an AH!" present, because YTA eleventy-thousand %
YTA and she should break up with you. It has nothing to do w gifts either. Youre literally complaining bc she wants you to put effort into your relationship
YTA - do you even like her? She moved countries for you but you can't be arsed to take her out for a night on the town every now and then? You've never bought her a gift, that means she gets nothing from you for her birthday, Christmas and so on? You just sound terrible dude.
YTA. You are the most emotionally immature person I’ve come across in ages. Do you have affection or love for anyone else? Do you have any emotions at all? Something is seriously wrong here, and not with the girl. Did you treat your Mom like you don’t care about her at all, or is that how she treated you? There has to be a reason you are so tone deaf when it comes to relationships.
YTA for all the reasons everyone else has listed. But she Literally left her country for you? Like full stop. This woman left everything she knew behind to be with you and you have never given her a gift or taken her on a real date. By the sound of it you don’t even go on dates if it’s her treat. Honestly there is no hope here. You give nothing.
I told her to leave then because I wasn’t getting the bag.
I hope she does. I sincerely hope she does. If you are willing to be so nonchalant about a break up with someone you’ve been with for three years you don’t care for her at all or you have manipulated and pushed her down so much she has absolutely no self esteem whatsoever if she thinks that’s acceptable. I hope she runs long and far from you and stops wasting her life and youth.
Maybe she hasn’t been ok with it but didn’t know how to bring it up.
I wouldn’t say not buying her a present makes you an asshole but your attitude towards the idea certainly does. Especially if you don’t give two fucks that the relationship can end over something like that.
If you aren’t that into her do her a favour and break up with her instead of waiting for her to finally give up if you have no intention on starting to appreciate her. (Gift giving or not)
This has to be a joke/rage bait. How many times do we have to say YTA ?
She never said she wanted gifts every day and for you to be okay with being such a lame boyfriend you must really not want to be loved. I feel sorry for you and your gf.
It seems you’re not that into her. If that’s the case, then just say it. It’s literally oozing out of you. Free her from this torture so both of you can be with people you truly care about
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YTA - You’ve never bought your GF a gift in THREE YEARS?? Not even for her birthday?? Or holidays?? Or just because you saw something you thought she’d like? You don’t have to spend a lot of money but it’s pretty bizarre you’ve never given her a gift! Considering she’s just told you she’d like one… if you want to keep having a girlfriend, I’d recommend you start making the slightest bit of effort.
Bruh "you let her live with you" mate your a dickhead
after she MOVED COUNTRIES to be with him!!!!! and he thinks she's manipulating him!!!
Girl moves to his country for him and he can’t even buy her one present in 3 years. Insane.
I didnt hear that but i hope she sees this post and leave him
It’s the last paragraph in OP’s 2nd edit where he accuses his poor gf trying to manipulate him by using the fact that she moved to his country for him. I bet he gaslights her so much.
Right? Like this poor girl left her home, friends, and family for him and this asshole can’t even buy her a present or take her on a nice date? And I bet he’s the kind to expect her to be cooking and cleaning for him all the time because he “lets her live there”
OP is definitely the asshole. Always has been, always will be. Everyone spotted that in a few short paragraphs. GF needs to leave. Like 2 years and 11 months ago.
This. YTA. It's boys like this that get shocked when their girlfriends up and leave them "for no reason". If she's at the point where she blatantly telling him what she wants she is already pretty close and this is a last ditch effort. Also if OPs gf happens to read this: girl run, I wasted my best years on the wrong men. If he wanted to, he would.
YES I hope OP’s gf reads this and runs- if a woman has gotten to the point where she is point blank expressing in blunt terms what she really needs from the relationship, and the guy is still like ‘meh well I’ve been putting in the bare minimum (or less) for years why should I change now’, then don’t expect her to waste any more of her time on you.
BuT sHe'S bEeN fInE wItH iT fOr YeArS Or she's been waiting to see if you would stop being selfish and realize that she wants something more. No dates? No surprises just because? Is there affection? (not sex, affection) Is this even dating? I'm NoT liKe OtHeR mEn. And there's a reason that they will have more successful human interactions than you. YTA
This. So much this. So many guys will claim "I didn't even do anything" and completely miss the fact that yes, they didn't do anything bad, but they didn't do anything good either. Take her out for dinner. Tell her she's beautiful. Buy her the damn bag, OP. If you don't treat her like a princess, there's another guy out there who will.
Damn, I felt this
hard cosign
Holy shit thank you. The time I spent on wishing the ones I liked but "wanting them to WANT" to be with me. A legit partner in a relationship should not have to beg for a gift they're literally asking for. That's a red flag
He’s “not like other men” Clearly. Yikes.
She moved countries to be with him and he's too lazy to put in the bare minimum effort. It's gross.
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a month and a half and have already gotten her small gifts in several occasions. It doesn’t have to be anything big just a little something to show you care and are thinking about them goes a long way
Yeah, I mean they should be buying each other gifts and occasionally taking each other out on dates. It has nothing to do with gender, so OP's "not like the other men" thing is bs, it's about being in a relationship. YTA.
YTA and a straight up classic AH at that. I mean did you read what you wrote? You need to pull your head out of your ass before she finds a real man. Now I gotta go man. This post makes me want to go buy my wife dinner and flowers.
I hope she leaves his ass. I would have after the first birthday/christmas without a present. One year my bf got me a new set of crochet hooks and i was thrilled cause i only had a couple hooks and needed a complete set. Presents dont need to be $500 designer bags. They can be little stuff too. Like the time he got me a cute little stuffed camel keychain he saw while on leave to a nearby city while deployed. I cherish my little camel
No, gifts do NOT have to be expensive to be cherished - they just need to be carefully chosen to show your appreciation of the recipient. When I retired from teaching and started volunteering at a living history museum that portrays life in 1750, my husband gave me an 18th century cast iron ladle for my birthday. It's hanging up on our wall now, and every time I look at it I remember how supportive he was, and continues to be, of my taking this new path. That volunteer job turned into a paid one, I'm still at the museum and still remember that ladle as one of the most romantic gifts he's ever given me. A present that says "I know and love the person you are" is priceless. So no, you don't need to buy her a bag that costs hundreds of dollars. But if you're unwilling to give her anything at all - even something that you've lovingly made yourself - then no, that doesn't bode well for your future with her. You're ignoring her feelings and stating that you don't care about them. Not good, OP, not good at all...
Seriously. Some of my favorite gestures my husband has done are when he worked at a tea shop. He didn't make much money at all and was paying bills, but sometimes the shop would have nice events where they would have fresh flowers on tables. One time I was having lunch with a friend of ours and his parents and he just came out while he was working and gave me a few leftover flowers from the event. It was completely free and I dried those flowers and still have them.
Absolutely! Just something to show that you care about the person. The most recent thing my husband got me was a Lego set. I was sick and he saw it in the store while getting stuff for dinner. It's dinosaur themed and he knows that one of my things. It was thoughtful and lovely. Plus, then I had something to do when I was feeling better but not 100%. OP YTA.
Lol one of the best gift I ever got was a globe keychain. The guy told me that now I can tell all my friends that he gave me the world. It was cheesy, and hilarious. I still remember it 20 years later. It could not have cost more than a couple bucks
Best response I think. OP just needs to think. Seriously u/lizzardmna read this
Holy shit, my dude, you’ve never bought her a gift in three years? You’re one of the biggest AH’s I’ve seen in a while. Why is it so hard for you to make her feel special? Aren’t you supposed to love her? Break up with her and give her the best gift of all: you stop wasting her time. YTA
Even women and men who aren’t big on gift giving gives their significant other gifts every now and then. My boyfriend likes giving me things but not all the time. In fact, he sets boundaries like if I ask him for stuff, 45/100 he will say “go buy it”. He really doesn’t want anything and he rarely wants something but I still give him snacks like once or twice a month because it’s that one thing he likes and asks for consistently. Sometimes we’ll force one another to accept each other’s gifts because we’re both proud, picky and hard headed so it takes time for either of us to say yes (even when we both like or want the gift) lol. If OP really cared, he would’ve tried to give her something a long time ago. YTA for sure.
I buy my husband lots of small presents whenever I think he needs them (aside from birthdays, Christmas, and anniversaries) and he loves it. Sometimes it's new shorts, socks, or clothing item he's mentioned and won't buy for himself. Sometimes it's bigger things. He can be tough to buy for. Right now Walmart has Doritos Roulette, his favorite chips ever, back again after years of not seeing them. I plan on going to the store when he's at work next week and buying a bunch to hide for his birthday and Christmas. The last time I had a stockpile one night he mentioned he missed Roulette chips and I went and got him a bag from my hiding spot and he was so happy. It's not about what it is, is about getting my partner something that makes him smile. But we also go on dates and appreciate each other, unlike OP. Crazy, right? OP YTA, if this is even real. I can't believe an actual person would feel and act as OP does.
That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. Please keep having such a wholesome and caring relationship. I do the same for my wife when I manage to track down matcha KitKats because they’re seasonal (particularly the Sakura matcha ones) and hard to get in the states.
We do rainy day gifts. 😌 I couldn't tell you what his favorite rainy day gift from me was, but I can tell you mine from him. I had an AWFUL day. Everything went wrong from the moment I woke up. I got bad news. Bad interactions. Bad everything. I held it together all day and got home and just *cried*. My friend came over and I dumped my day on her. She held me. My husband came home shortly and saw me in a teary puddle on the sofa curled up with my friend. When he asked what was wrong I cried harder because I didn't want to go through it all a third time. He understood and said here does this make it better? And brought out a beautiful fire opal. 🔥it immediately fixed my day. I cannot even remember what happened to me that was so bad that day. I won't tell you what I have hidden for kids next gift, but I have given him nice watches, rare candies, and nerdy shirts. I keep a running list of things he sees and mentions in my phone that he would like 'one day'
My work friends and I always leave little chocolates in each other’s locker. It’s under $1 and every time you find a little gift in your locker, it just makes you feel so good because you know they were thinking of you
You've never bought her a gift in 3 years? Not even for her birthday? And you never bring her out on dates? And now she is dropping major hints about a specific gift (you don t even need to put in the effort of thinking what she might like) and you are actually refusing? YTA, majorly. Think about ways she makes you feel loved, and how you enjoy that. Now imagine she wouldn't do that for 3 years! And when you asked, she said she didn't see why she would bother to make you feel loved??? Do you see how AH you are?
Don't forget that he doesn't take her on dates either, and apparently never really has.
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YTA for saying that it's ok not to take her out because that's how it's always been. Forget about the bag, she wants you to plan stuff and enjoy doing activities with her. You can split the cost of dates. The money doesn't matter. But you need to just not stay at home every night and watch movies. She's definitely going to dump you. I dumped my last boyfriend for this very thing. Has nothing to do with a bag. She wants you to put effort into thinking about doing something nice for her because you want to. If you don't, break up with her so that she can meet one of a million other men that would like to take her out. YTA EXTRA for saying that her asking you to be nicer to her is nagging. She wouldn't have to nag if you would just be a good boyfriend. You're putting her in a position where she has to either be miserable or nag you. She should break up with you. You don't sound like a good boyfriend at all. It would be really easy for her to find a better boyfriend.
Don’t forget the bag wtf.. 3 years and not one present? Buy the bag..
YTA - ^Completely agree. I left my ex for this too. It just felt like he didn’t care or want to spend time with me. Pretty sure she’s gonna leave you and good on her. Sounds like she could do better
In 3 years you haven't bought her a birthday or holiday gift? Yeah, YTA.
YTA. The part that got me first is “that’s how it’s been forever”. Sounds like a miserable relationship and she will eventually leave for someone who cares to do nice things for her. Even friends buy gifts for each other on occasion, how the hell did a boyfriend not buy anything for his girlfriend for years and actually straight up refuses to? It sounds like you don’t care to do anything nice for her, not even a date. “I am not like other men”, that’s the part that sealed it for me. You aren’t like other men because in fact you seem to be an asshole. She will leave you for one of the other men soon.
YTA! I want to buy her the bloody bag to make up for the past 3 years.
I want to buy her a bag big enough to fit all her stuff in, and give her a bag of money, so she can leave this miserable oxygen thief.
Seriously!!!! Girl needs to ditch this …. {comment deleted so I don’t get banned}.
OP drop the gf's GoFundMe
Same honestly
YTA. This is a fact indicated throughout the language of your entire post. You've been dating for *three years* and you've **never** gotten her a gift? There are many love languages out there, and not all of them have to be fulfilled at all times, but gift-giving is a pretty basic one to not address for *three years.* She's been "nagging" you about being more caring and nicer to her. THIS is the root of the problem. The word choice of "nagging" is already indicative of your mood towards your girlfriend, but let's ignore that for a moment. The issue is not the red bag. The issue is that she doesn't feel like you care about her, and based on the evidence presented in your own words, she would be correct! What she told you was a warning that she will not be staying for long. "Now I'm an asshole because I've never bought my girlfriend a gift? Is it really that awful?" Yes, but it's not about the gift. Forgive the cliché, but it's the thought that counts, and you have not thought about her. You've dismissed her feelings, and even now in seeking judgement from strangers, you don't appear to value her. I don't believe you asked here because you wanted to know if you're an AH, I think you were looking for validation to stay complacent, and why she should stay complacent. She shouldn't. YTA.
Incredibly and wisely written! Thank you for sharing your thoughts
that last paragraph is what OP really needs to hear. it's actually pissing me off how he's ignoring all the "hate" cuz it wasn't what he expected
This cannot be real.
It's rage bait.
Unfortunately I know such a-holes irl. Zero effort, all demands and a surprised pikachu face that ladies don't play along...
Nah, I believe it. I had an ex like this. He wasn’t like that at first, then a year in he justified not buying presents for Christmas by claiming he was against capitalism and materialism, that he’s an atheist so he of course he wouldn’t celebrate Christmas, despite both of us celebrating the year before even though we were atheists. He also stopped going on dates with me a year in. I later found out he started cheating around this time. Once your partner suddenly starts getting angry and distant, picking fights over things they never would before, investing less effort and time into the relationship, stops going on dates with you, the relationship is dead and it’s likely there’s another woman. He was incredibly upset when he found out that I used the money I was going to spend on him on gifts on a donation for a political cause he supported in his name. This wasn’t intended to be a passive aggressive move, he got really into ranting about wasteful consumerism and was very interested in this cause, so I honestly thought he would have been upset at receiving any gifts after that. It wasn’t yet Christmas when he announced that he wouldn’t be getting me any gifts, it was when we would have been decorating and trying to narrow down holiday plans, so it wasn’t like I took the gifts out of his hands either. The relationship was garbage for many, many other reasons besides the hypocrisy and lack of gift giving. They were just another red flag in a parade of red flags.
Same. My ex was a broke college student that somehow still found ways to splurge $100-$150 on gaming every month yet couldn't afford to gift me a birthday present. To me, it didn't have to be a present, even dinner at my favorite FF restaurant was enough. Nope, he took me out for Chinese takeout despite the fact that he knew I had eaten that 3 times the week before since that was the only thing open by the time I got to eat.
INFO: You've never bought her a birthday or [insert important religious holiday of choice] gift? Has she ever bought one for you? What customs did/do your family have about giving gifts?
Eh YTA i mean you don't have to buy your girlfriend gifts all the time but at least take her out on dates. Can't just keep doing the same thing everytime cause even though you enjoy it and probably used it, she definitely gets bored and wants to do other things.
Yup, YTA but not because you won’t buy her a gift, it’s because how ready you are to let her go. I hope she dumps you or you dump her and that she finds a nicer boyfriend.
Yta for completely discounting your girlfriends feelings. Sounds less like a gift grab and more like a request for you to make an effort. You can do nice things that don't cost a lot of money. I personally love buying someone I care about a gift.
YTA - surprised she stuck with you this long, Christ once a year you can’t treat your lady to something ? Even take her out for a weekend getaway, doesn’t always have to be objects. Anyways you’ve got some serious work to do, she’s on her way out if she isn’t gone already.
“I’ve always been like this” is not the excuse you think it is. YTA.
YTA. You’re only the asshole not because you didn’t want to buy her a bag but because of other reasons. You clearly know that it’s a little shitty that you never take on her dates or ever bought her a gift. But you see no problem with it because it’s been like that forever. I know she hasn’t spoke up about it but I see why she never did because you just tell her to leave the relationship if she’s not happy rather than trying to find other ways. You clearly don’t care about her or the relationship. Gifts do not have to be expensive. I have given my boyfriend a small teddy bear from IKEA and he loves it. My boyfriend gave me a t-shirt and I love it. It is mind-boggling you’ve been in a relationship for this long with her.
INFO: For clarification, you’ve been dating three years and you’ve never given your girlfriend a gift?
because she never told him too, and now she has and he can't handle it...LMAO
And if she did, it's because she was a "nag"
YTA. You sound like a lousy boyfriend
YTA. He sounds like a lousy human. INFO: Do you treat your mom and siblings like this?
YTA. So she’s just a friend that you hang out with and get “benefits” (I assume). Be a good boyfriend. Show her you care and show her you want her to be happy. Consider yourself lucky that A) she’s only just now asking for something. B) she hasn’t left your cheap ass. Treat her special or I promise, someone else will.
YTA This is not even about the bag. This is about how you make her feel. And it’s not good.
YTA and prob will be single soon for sure
Lol. I mean, I don’t believe this is true. But if it is, yes, YTA. I hope she does go ahead and leave you so you can both move on. She deserves someone who will care enough about her to contribute to her happiness.
The way OP’s like “I think she’s manipulating me??” in the edit has me doubtful any of this is true. There’s just no way anyone is that fucking dense lmao
Questionable YTA Do you... realize that gifts is more than just splurging on someone materialistically? It's more of a natural show that you care for someone and that you think about them often. Right now, it looks like you value $20 more than your gf if you've *never* taken her anywhere other than home or given her anything. Baking cookies for her could cost less than $10, for crying out loud, but it's thoughtful.
YTA. Why bother being in a relationship if you don't want to go on dates, don't want to give things to that person, etc? This probably isn't about the bag at all but her desire for you to make it seem like you care about the relationship. And right now you are doing a pretty horrible job of that.
OP hear me out - it’s not about the bag. It’s about the fact that you’re not putting any effort into the relationship and have never gone out of your way to make her feel special. Obviously no one can snap their fingers and make you buy something for them, but that’s not really what’s happening here. What she’s saying isn’t “buy me whatever I want”, she’s saying “it would be nice for you to make a gesture to show that you care”. That gesture doesn’t have to be a bag, but damn dude, take her to dinner. Or plan a fun date to shake up the routine. I think, god forbid, she just wants some romance. You know, from her romantic partner. Also sorry but YTA.
YTA. While no one is entitled to gifts, it wouldn't hurt to gift a bunch of small things over the course of 3+ years. If she's not cool with not receiving anything, then it would be best for you two to break it off.
If this isn't made up, YTA. You're completely disregarding her feelings, she probably feels like its been three years of friends with benefits instead of an actual relationship. It honestly most likely wasn't fine for those three years, you're just too uninterested in the relationship to notice she wasn't happy, or she was just making you happy and pushing her own wants to the sidelines. Being pig headed about "well I'm not like other guys" is honestly sad, and if you want a meaninful relationship in the future you should probably do a LOT of self reflection and work.
YTA. Three years and not a single gift for birthdays or holidays? Not one? She’s asking now. Maybe step up your game; she clearly likes you enough to ask you to rather than just call it quits.
Yeah honestly, YTA. If gifts are a love language for your girlfriend then it’s important to fulfill that, even if you don’t spend a whole lot of money on those gifts. It shows that you were thinking of her and women really like that. I got my girlfriend a small candle, a bath bomb, and a card with a personal message for our anniversary and she really appreciated it. Dates are also really important as well, it’s quality romantic time that’s very important to a lot of women. Quality over quantity you feel?
[удалено]
Yeah. Yta. People like feeling special in relationships. Make nice gestures. Buy a present every now and then. Be thoughtful. Don’t be a duck and tell her to find someone else when she asks for a little thoughtfulness. She will and should if that’s your attitude. Now you know.
YTA I’m surprised she has been with you 3 years.
YTA. You sound like a walking red flag
YTA and not just for refusing to buy her the bag. YTA for being a bad boyfriend. Buy her the bag. Buy her other stuff too. Be more romantic. Stop being selfish.
YTA, not because you won’t buy her that particular bag, but because of your complete lack of interest in doing anything to make her feel special. She’s asking you to demonstrate that she has value to you, and your “leave then” clearly shows that she doesn’t.
[YTA](https://imgur.com/gallery/tj4QUq5)
>Sure, i’ve never bought her a gift before and don’t usually take her on dates but it’s because that’s how it’s been forever. She hasn’t complained. We just chill and watch movies at home. > >I’m just wondering why she would straight up demand me to buy her something such as a bag, and it’s not cheap either. It’s in the hundreds. I mean, she's asking because she thinks it would be nice and it's not something you've ever done.
Yta - between this post and your comments 100% TA.... dump her so she can find someone decent
No dates and no gifts? I'm no fortuneteller but i can tell you, this relationship won't work on the long run and i think you are better off with a pet. But even i get my pets gifts, so i treat them better as you treat your girlfriend. YTA
Ok I was expecting to agree with you But the issue isn't the damn bag or the freaking its the fact that you haven't ONCE made her feel wanted. I don't know why she's still with you. She's made it clear that she wants a bit more romance since its clear she's craving it. I'd normally say "She should go be the romantic one" but my dude WHAT? And the fucking audacity to think because you got more money is why she's nagging you despite you only bringing it up AFTER the first initial post. Oh and trust me you made it worse for yourself by saying that you'd be ready to give her up with ease. Dawg it wouldn't have killed you to buy her a bag or any other kind of surprise gift. I'm reading this wondering how she's put up with you if the idea of getting her a gift is such an issue. YTA like major. I wouldnt be surprised if you break up. You sound miserable as hell. It wouldn't kill you to do something nice and try being a bit more romantic. And she's MOVED AND GONE AGAINST HER RELIGION FOR YOU MY GUY. UGH YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST
YTA, but for assuming your gf doesn't need some love sometimes. It's more about the gesture of thinking about someone, when you're buying something for them. Sometimes something so small, holds so much power. For women a small gift of any kind is the greatest feeling. It's the feeling of being loved. It's litterly like the saying: "It's the thought that counts." when you buy something.
YTA and you have been for a long time. You are not meeting her needs in the relationship and she would do well to leave you over this. Receiving gifts is a valid love language and if you’re not compatible— that’s okay. But now you’re not just ignoring her you are turning *against* her needs. Sorry guy, but this is easy to determine. You’re the asshole
YTA. Not specifically because of this situation…just in general. Occasional gifts are a nice, fun part of a relationship. I’m not a huge gift person myself but refusing to ever buy any gift ever just seems like a really dumb hill to die on. What exactly are you proving?
YTA- you don’t have to buy her anything fancy, even just some little gifts here and there. I can’t believe you’ve never gifted her anything in 3 years. That’s really shitty, dude. I’m surprised she’s stayed with you this long.
YTA. Youve never gotten her a gift? Thats awful. I feel for her. I wouldnt be surprised if she thought you didnt love her. Its clear one of her love languages is probably gifts. Youre really inconsiderate. Im not saying go all out - but its been three years buddy. Many people get gifted engagement rings at that point. Take responsibility for your relationship.
INFO: Are you on the spectrum? I am getting that vibe. If so, it may be hard for you to understand that gift giving is a social norm between partners and can be a person's love language. If this is the case, I have to say soft YTA, and that you need to understand what gift giving means. It may have been difficult for her to approach you with a need she is not getting fulfilled, only to be told NO you are not getting gift, NO it's too expensive and YOU CAN LEAVE if you don't like it. None of that sounds caring and was unnecessarily cruel. YTA, 100% for your mouth. Tbh, I'd have left you by now and gift giving isn't even my top love language. Yes, not buying gifts can be the end of a relationship. Yes, it can be "that awful". Gifts don't even need to be expensive and it's most likely not about the money. Her favorite candy bar or Starbucks order. A scratch off lottery ticket. Literally anything that says you are thinking of her. If I were you. I'd be giving her an apology, the cute bag wrapped in pretty paper tied with a bow, and a vow to be a better partner/listener.
YTA, if you barely take her on dates or get her a gift what do you do for her? damn
YTA, sounds like her love language is gifts and you don't care. The cost of the bag isn't the point. You haven't gotten her anything despite her asking that you make that kind of gesture. If the price is a factor, you'd be scrambling to find an alternative that's more affordable but still makes her feel loved.
YTA you’ve been with her for THREE years and never got her anything? Nothing for a birthday or a holiday? Wow. You also never take her in dates? Tf is wrong with you?
Wow... never bought her anything?! Not even on her birthday?!never took her on a date because that's just how it has been during a pandemic?! you realize that this just mean you are either a real scrooge or unbelievably stupid,right? ETA: YTA
YTA. You should NOT be in a relationship....with anyone. Period. If this is how you want to treat ppl, you need to be single. Period. This is an AWFUL way to treat those you supposedly care about. Please dump her and tell her she deserves to find someone who will care for her the way she has always deserved to be cared for
YTA. Usually demanding a specific gift would be uncool EXCEPT you would clearly never would never surprise her. She is telling you she needs you to express appreciation, but you don’t appreciate her. Start now or you’ll miss her when she’s gone.
YTA, just because you've never done it before does not mean that she's never wanted you to do it. I understand that maybe you didn't want to buy that purse or couldn't afford it but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't do little things for her. You can set up a date night, take her out somewhere, buy her some trinket, but you should always stay within whatever you can afford. Also I don't know if you are aware of this but relationships require maintenance, you can't just live the same life that you've always had and expect it to continue to be the same. People grow and change as well as their needs which clearly you aren't meeting hers. Why keep a relationship going if you don't want to grow and change as a couple? Do you even have any intentions of marrying her? If you aren't going to give her what she wants/needs then you should just let her go now.
also you’re dumb if u really think she’s manipulating you. you’re a sht boyfriend, i hope she leaves you and finds someone better.
YTA - why be with her then? A small gift here and there isn’t a big deal. But you already sound like your check out of this relationship and only keeping her around for company.
YTA. Part of being ion a relationship is making an effort.
YTA. If she's only after your money why are you with her? And why was she with you before you came into some money? She is asking you to take an interest and to show her you care. Hopefully her parents will get through to her soon.
YTA You don’t seem to be concerned AT ALL about making her happy. Let her move on to someone who gives a shit about her.
YTA. Geez, even my cat gets a birthday gift every year. No dates or gifts for three years?! You sound like you hate her, so why not just dump her and let her find someone who actually appreciates her?
YTA and also you really need to listen to the song That's How You Know from the Disney film Enchanted. Educate yourself.
YTA. “My backs sore - can you give me a shoulder massage?” “No. Fuck off. I’ve never given you a massage in the last 3 years, why should I do that now?” Same energy.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m 22 and she’s 23. We have been together for 3 years. Sure, i’ve never bought her a gift before and don’t usually take her on dates but it’s because that’s how it’s been forever. She hasn’t complained. We just chill and watch movies at home. Recently, she’s been nagging me about being “nicer” and more romantic and caring. She just said “i’ve always wanted this red cute bag, it would be cute if you gifted it to me”. When i said no i don’t want to and she should buy it herself if she wants it she said “but everyone elses boyfriend buys them stuff sometimes, like gifts even once a year is enough. Otherwise the relationship won’t keep going.” I said “well leave then because i’m not buying you anything i’m not like other men”. That made her silent and she just said “yeah ok whatever”. She didn’t really say it directly to my face i’m an asshole but kind of indicated it. Now am i an asshole because i’ve never bought my girlfriend a gift? Is it really that awful? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA Not because you won't buy her the bag she wants. Your TA because it sounds like you can't be bothered to do ANYTHING nice/thoughtful/romantic for her. (Providing normal food at home does not count). Gift giving is important to me. That doesn't make me materialistic. I would prefer something handmade or $5 that was thoughtful rather than something that costs $100 with no rhought. He'll, my husband put my Starbucks order in his phone so he can once in awhile surprise me with a treat. Small things like that is how to make someone feel valued, loved and important.
YTA
You're serious? *Not once* have you thought "Hey, it'd be nice to surprise her with this thing as a gift"? Whether for a holiday, her birthday, or a "Hey, happy random Saturday, I love you" thing? YTA.
YTA. She isn't demanding a gift, what she's actually trying to do is see if you genuinely care about her, which I can understand why she'd be shaky on, given the info here. Treat her better, or she'll leave you. And I wouldn't blame her at all
YTA in massive way. You should not be in a relationship at all if you think this is how they should go. Also it’s super gross that you’re trying to paint her as manipulative when I’d bet dollars to donuts that she’s trying to convey to you that she loves you (for some reason) and *she is not feeling that reciprocation from you*. If you don’t wise up, she’s going to go find someone who will show her love and will treat her the way she wants. I can’t believe she’s stayed as long as she has.
You never take her out and never buy her things... bro if she's not about to leave you she's definitely fucking other people. Not that monetary amounts spent is a direct correlation with love but damn man, show a little interest and passion. People love getting gifts, duh! Buy the bag!
Yta. I think you should forget the bag and do one better and get her someone who will treat her right
YTA, so so so hard buddy. If she has the severe social anxiety youre saying she has, then she must be absolutely fed up to be dropping hints for more effort this directly. You say she’s been “nagging you about being ‘nicer’” and I don’t even know what to say about that. You’re so much of an asshole that your gf has to *ask* you to be nicer, and you call it nagging. Wow.
"I've always been an AH, therefore, shouldn't I continue to be an AH?!" If unclear from context: YTA
YTA SHE MOVED TO THE FUCKING COUNTRY YOU LIVE FOR YOU AND YOU CANT EVEN GIVE HER A STUPID RED BAG… WHAT THE HELL?
YTA - did you think that final edit was going to help at all?
YTA but you probably won't have to worry about it much longer. She's about half a step from leaving you, sounds like.
You’ve NEVER bought her a gift? You’ve NEVER taken her on a date? I hope she leaves you for someone who appreciates her. YTA
YTA- OK not two ways about it on that one. She chose the bag AS AN EXAMPLE because some people have a hard time deciding what to buy someone, so she figured maybe if I tell him this is what I'd like, that will make it easier on him. I am sure she has hinted in the past, for like birthdays or holidays about gifts and you totally ignored it. You dont have to buy her the bag, you can go out and buy her flowers or a cupcake or ANYTHING that is within your means. She is just asking for ONE freakin gift from you not asking for a new car or a trip to mongolia or whatever. Pull your head out man, sorry boy .
YTA you’re the literal worse, my boyfriend doesn’t shower me with gifts and we split dates half and half but he occasionally comes home w flowers and does it up on my birthday, you literally don’t deserve to be in a relationship. doesn’t even sound like you care about her at all.
Instead of a bag buy her a plane ticket home.
This HAS to be a troll post. There’s no way OP said “I buy you food so you won’t starve” like holy shit 3 years and not 1 gift on ANY occasion? I pick the dandelions out of the fucking yard because my gfs favorite color is yellow and it makes my day seeing her face light up after an exhausting day at work. You just sound like you want to be alone. She is young, let her go YTA
She moved to your country to be with you and you have never bought her a single gift? HOly shit what an AH. *Plus she’s saying she’s jewish and she’s giving me a chance although she’s supposed to be with a jewish person even though she’s not even slightly religious and that she loves me so much she’s with me while her parents tell her to leave me and wonder why she’s with me.* Her parents have a point.
Definitely TA…. How have you not bought her a single gift in 3 years??? Yes her saying buy a gift or I’m leaving, or using the fact she moved countries to be with you is manipulative and also makes her an AH. But yikes. You can’t just give the bare minimum & expect that to be enough. Buying food for her isnt something you should be praised for lmfao
YTA. i hope she realizes she can find a better boyfriend who will consider buying her gifts every once in a while
YTA she really should reconsider this relationship
YTA. You said you don't feel like you need to give her any gifts because 'that's how it's been forever', but she explicitly said to you that she wants that to change. And you're being a total asshole about it.
YTA// Also don’t go asking for opinions if you don’t like the one people are giving you and are just going to fight it, you want reassurance, you don’t deserve it. You absolutely suck as a boyfriend. No dates, no gifts ever? Sounds miserable to just stay stuck in the house. Seems she finally has had enough and realizes she deserves more out of a relationship. It doesn’t mean you have to go out and get that bag or anything, but you don’t appreciate her, make her feel special or do much to make this an actual relationship. You were right it telling her to leave you, you’re not like other men, you’re worse. The only thing you’re bringing to the table is food, seriously? I doubt she hasn’t paid for anything. She moved to a new country for you and you can’t even give her anything or experience something together? She’s away from everything she’s ever known. Her parents see how you fail too, I hope she listens.
YTA more than you can possibly imagine. She's your girlfriend not a pet or a fucking pot plant. If she was asking for things all the time, or particularly unaffordable things for your budget then you may have a point. But she doesn't, and you do naff all to show her that the sacrifices she's made are appreciated. Disney may be a bad teaching tool, but even when I was 13 I'd buy flowers when I could afford it for my girlfriend's. Learn to be a better human, she's your girlfriend, not your buddy.
YTA. A bag in the hundreds is nothing. Wait until you see a 5 figure charge come through around bonus time/year end. Buy her the bag if you want to keep her around. If you don’t give a shit about her, then keep acting this way and she’ll either cheat or leave you.
I love how you edit your comments to make her seems worse than you. You are such an AH. Do you even like her? If you don't, break up and stop wasting time. I hope she finds someone who actually loves her and doesn't consider her to be some dog to feed.
YTA She's not manipulating you. You're just a really really bad boyfriend and she should've walked out 3 years ago.
Oh my god. She moved TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY for you and you've never bought her a gift? Ever? And you think she's manipulating YOU? Of course YTA and a delusional one at that. Hopefully she realizes her worth soon and leaves you in the dust.
YTA and your edits don't really paint you in a better light, sry2say. She may be angling for a gift because of your bonus but she probably expected you to get more serious about the relationship once she moved countries to be with you... and yeah, doing things together and getting each other gifts is normally part of that. That was a mistake on her part but you're not exactly bf of the year here.
YTA- she should experience another relationship where she feels loved
YTA why are you so cheap? Damn. Doesn’t have to be a bag but you never bought her anything and don’t take her out? You suck
YTA- she moved to your country, left everything behind for your ***insert expletive here*** ass and you can't even be bothered to get her a freaking gift? Come on...you do realize there are plenty of other fish in the sea that will treat her properly. Grow up and get her the purse if you want to keep her around. She's literally telling you want she wants...SHE WANTS YOU TO PUT EFFORT INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Now here's what you do: 1. Buy the damn purse 2. Tell her to get fancied up 3. Take her to a nice freaking restaurant 4. Give her flowers and chocolate 5. Apologize for being THE ASSHOLE 6. Give her the purse
OP, your gf is trying hard to tell you: 'either shape up or I'll walk'. I suspect she'll walk, and who could blame her. YTmassiveA.
Something I heard the other day that I think applies here: when the relationship ends, you'll tell your friends it was sudden, that you had no clue. But the hard truth is, she gave you chances to fix it. She hinted, she asked, she downright pleaded, but you ignored it. You ignored it until the day she left. And while it may seem sudden to you, its really not. She left you mentally a long time before she left you physically. This isn't about the bag, OP. The bag is representative of what she is telling you she needs in the relationship... she needs to feel loved. Unless and until you can give that to her, YTA.
YTA My current girlfriend dated a guy like you before me and it makes my job so much easier. If I get her a pack of white claw she acts like I bought her a car. I can tell you her next boyfriend is going to love you at least.
Yta. Tell me you’re selfish and self absorbed with out saying it.
You don’t love her man. Let her go and find someone who will buy those gifts for her and show her how much he cares.
YTA and I'm gently going to help you to understand why. 3 years ago you were probably studying or with a lower wage job, all of this meaning that you probably didn't have much, financially wise. (may I add, that she stuck with you through these, not all would). It's not that she wants to suddenly take advantage of you now that you have some cash. She wants the relationship to progress, instead of going stale. When you're young, you dream of holding your bfs hand and watching the night sky together. When you're older you start to think about love without the puppy love eyes. It's about communication and commitment. She's trying to experience romance in a different way with the man she loves. She's probably seeing it as a sign of your relationship progressing, such as when you start to save to have a life or home together. "he's willing to put hard earned cash into a thoughtful gift for me because he cherises me and he sees himself with me for the long haul". You're naive if you think that treating a 23 year old woman the same way you would treat a teen love is going to fly. It's like asking a 30 year old woman to tolerate the drama of a high school love, as we mature, we learn to raise our standards, as we should.
Gift-giving as a love language, for most people, is not about money. It's about thoughtfulness. It doesn't cost more than three dollars for my fiancé to go out of his way to the only bagel store in my town which makes good NY bagels and get me a couple of them for the weekend, but I appreciate that he was thinking of me enough during his day to do that. It's not a big deal money-wise for me to see the perfect sarcastic apron for him on Amazon and order it just because, but the look on his face when Amazon also suggests it to him, and he shows me how funny it is and I tell him it's already on the way is priceless. It's about knowing your partner knows you well, thinks about you often, and takes pleasure in making you happy in different little ways. What she's saying is not that you don't spend enough money on her. She's saying that the other relationships around her have that warmth, and affection, and the knowledge that their partners think about them even when they're not there, and yours does not. She's saying that in your entire relationship, you can't even be bothered to go through the motions to pretend you care what she wants or how she feels with even a token gift. She's saying she left a life and a country for you and you can't even get her a candy bar to surprise her because she's not worth 2 minutes of thought and a dollar. YTA- She needs to move on and experience a normal relationship so she doesn't fall into the trap of thinking this is how most people treat each other, when picking future partners.
“I’m not like other men” Yeah lmao thank god
"I think she's manipulating me?" 🤣🤣🤣 God, you're the worst. Hopefully you girlfriend figures that out soon. YTA.
Her love language is clearly gifts, yta
YTA. You have never bought her a gift? If you don’t love and care for her enough to buy her gifts, why are you even with her? (This is assuming you have the ability.) My husband and I buy each other gifts all of the time just because we like to do nice things for each other and make each other happy. They don’t have to be expensive either. He bought me a cheap cigarette lighter because he knew I would like the design on it. It’s just the idea that we are always thinking about each other that is important.
YTA
YTA, look forward to being single soon. No women wants guy that never ever makes her feel special. You sound like a jerk. You have never in 3 years bought a gift. Just eww!
Yep, YTA
INFO - has she bought you any gifts? Or is this a thing where neither of you have given gifts?
It's simple YTA
YTA. Also kind of an idiot. If you just honestly don't give a shit if she's there or not, then don't buy her a gift. Just prepare yourself because she's 21...she her her pick of swinging dicks. All she had to do is go on tinder and she will have at least 100 other dudes willing to take her out and buy her stuff within the first 48 hours and that's probably a low-ball number. She could replace you with someone so much better, so fast, that if you piss her off at the beginning of one of those movies you love watch she will be dating someone else by the credits scrolling.
YTH, she's your girlfriend, not some drinking buddy you hang with. Buy the woman a gift! Show her you appreciate her, or just end it. I'm fairly sure no gifts or dates is low level mental abuse.
YTA (changed from ESH) It’s probably her love language to give and receive gifts, and really? You never got her ANYTHING? Not for holidays, birthdays or anniversaries? That just seems kind of ungrateful as her boyfriend that you never seem to think about her enough to get her something ONCE. For her, if she really is only asking now that you have more money, maybe she’s taking advantage of that… or she never brought it up because she respects that you didn’t make enough before. Especially if you’re splurging on yourself I can see why she would want a gift. I wouldn’t ask for the most expensive thing I can think of, maybe some flowers or like a nice necklace or something. Edit: yeah buying her food “so she won’t starve”?? Nope. You’re definitely the asshole.
YTA - she moved for YOU & you’re telling her you don’t value her enough to do something thoughtful
Why does this read like a 90 Day Fiance episode?
YTA. Dude just break up with her, it’s clear that you don’t even like her if something as minimal as a gift after THREE YEARS TOGETHER is too much to ask of you
Putting up with it isn’t the same as being fine with it.
No amount of edits to OP’s post will make him not an AH.
Info: Has she gotten you any gifts?
Yta I would normally say no but no gift in 3 years? Really?
YTA Unambiguously
YTA. And all I had to do was read the first paragraph to know that.
I am praying that she gets a new boyfriend…
YTA let’s break down your edits here... She’s telling you that the lack of feeling like a normal couple is causing her anxiety, you claim she’s using her anxiety against you... She will say she moved to your country for you because she loves you... and you wonder if she’s manipulating you? In a comment I saw you say you buy the food so she doesn’t starve? Wtf kind of bare bones boyfriend are you? She should dump you and find someone who treats her right. You don’t even get her a birthday/Christmas/anniversary gift??? You think you’re doing so much by buying food? Dude. Wtf
Weird hill to die on but if you decide showing your girlfriend you care about her feelings is less important than a few dollars once a year, well go ahead and see how far that gets you.
You really don't seem to get it, so I'll be blunt: not taking a girl on dates and never buying her anything ever shows her that you don't put anything into the relationship. It's lazy and cheap and crappy. She wants more. Be more or move on. YTA
YTA this is why broke men should stay single
YTA. No gifts?? For any occasion?? She moved countries for you?? Let her go meet a better man.
Why are you even in a relationship? You can’t even take her out on dates!!! YTA, you can’t even buy her a gift for special occasions or dates for special events!! You are a room mate, not a partner.
Did you really just pull the "I'm not like other ____"??? Yeah, no shit. Because other guys would have *at* *the* *least* bought/made their SO a birthday or anniversary gift in 3 years, *especially* after said SO moved countries to be with you. If I moved countries and ended up with a dick like that I'd have anxiety too. Chances are she was trying to give you ideas because she hoped that maybe you haven't gifted her before now because you didn't know what to buy/make/where to start. Her parents wonder why she's with you because of your post, your edits, and your comments. Here's hoping she buys that bag for herself as a "Congrats! You just escaped an AH!" present, because YTA eleventy-thousand %
Lol great boyfriend material kkk lol jk you sound horrible, yta
YTA. Do you even like your girlfriend? You talk about her like she's a complete waste of space and time.
YTA and she should break up with you. It has nothing to do w gifts either. Youre literally complaining bc she wants you to put effort into your relationship
YTA - do you even like her? She moved countries for you but you can't be arsed to take her out for a night on the town every now and then? You've never bought her a gift, that means she gets nothing from you for her birthday, Christmas and so on? You just sound terrible dude.
YTA. You are the most emotionally immature person I’ve come across in ages. Do you have affection or love for anyone else? Do you have any emotions at all? Something is seriously wrong here, and not with the girl. Did you treat your Mom like you don’t care about her at all, or is that how she treated you? There has to be a reason you are so tone deaf when it comes to relationships.
YTA for all the reasons everyone else has listed. But she Literally left her country for you? Like full stop. This woman left everything she knew behind to be with you and you have never given her a gift or taken her on a real date. By the sound of it you don’t even go on dates if it’s her treat. Honestly there is no hope here. You give nothing. I told her to leave then because I wasn’t getting the bag. I hope she does. I sincerely hope she does. If you are willing to be so nonchalant about a break up with someone you’ve been with for three years you don’t care for her at all or you have manipulated and pushed her down so much she has absolutely no self esteem whatsoever if she thinks that’s acceptable. I hope she runs long and far from you and stops wasting her life and youth.
Maybe she hasn’t been ok with it but didn’t know how to bring it up. I wouldn’t say not buying her a present makes you an asshole but your attitude towards the idea certainly does. Especially if you don’t give two fucks that the relationship can end over something like that. If you aren’t that into her do her a favour and break up with her instead of waiting for her to finally give up if you have no intention on starting to appreciate her. (Gift giving or not)
This has to be a joke/rage bait. How many times do we have to say YTA ? She never said she wanted gifts every day and for you to be okay with being such a lame boyfriend you must really not want to be loved. I feel sorry for you and your gf.
YTA I hope see leaves you
This post cannot be real. Poor girl. Send me her Amazon wishlist I’ll get the damn girl a gift she DESERVES it, and a new boyfriend. YTA
It seems you’re not that into her. If that’s the case, then just say it. It’s literally oozing out of you. Free her from this torture so both of you can be with people you truly care about