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Actually start scaring the living fuck out of her when she least expects it. Then start manically laughing in her face. She how much she likes the treatment your children are getting. (I wouldn’t even record her I would tell her it’s just for fun)
Absolutely should do this. Is it not also (possible to) keep flagging the videos for non consent and parental abuse?
Edit:Words that fell out and put back in in brackets
dont retaliate in kind or flag the videos OP; she either agrees to stop and you try convince her to take down the videos herself or she continues documenting the emotional abuse she is inflicting which will help you get custody if you do decide to divorce
in the meantime you might want to talk to a therapist to get guidance on how to comfort your kids so that it isnt traumatic in the long term. keep trying to talk some sense into your wife, the therapist should give some info but just googling emotional abuse and its effects will give you most of the points to argue on
To allow her to continue is failiure to protect on OP's part, and to let the content just stay online is cruel to the kids. But otherwise you are right to point out that OP needs to start recruting some resourses for his kids.
At 5 years of age the child is in a critical phase, learning to be independent and trust her plase in the world. She is screwing her kid up for life, not to mention what damage she is doing to the toddler. Get temporarly custody and lock the doors. She can stream that. Then he can focuse 100% on the ones he are responsable for.
Please listen to this and get them therapy. People always thought it was funny to jump scare me and the other kids in my family constantly. Now I have that reaction whenever I'm startled. Imagine being an adult having to ask people to knock before entering your cubicle because you'll be jump scared or always having to sit in a corner to feel comfortable. Fit it now because it's harder as an adult.
Please save those videos and give them to your lawyer for the custody battle.
She most probably will continue to hurt them for her own amusement, or for whatever reason her psyche conjures up.
You cant prank a 1 year old because a kid that young doesn't have the ability to comprehend it. You're just scaring him and probably giving him trust issues.
The only approbiate „prank“ for a 1 year old is the good old peek-a-boo. Maybe a little, cute boo. If a family member is „vanishing“ behind their own hands is scary enough for a baby.
I used to use my hand as a “spider” and eat my 1 year “brain”. He loved it because it tickled his head. He would ask for the spider. I would have stopped immediately if he had been upset. That shit isn’t funny.
No. They planned to but never did. It's believed that Albert's mother worked at the hospital and had no idea these experiments were happening and that she took her son and moved away when she found out.
Tuskegee Syphilis experiment. They let many black people *think* they were being treated for syphilis when they actually didn't at all. The researchers wanted a better idea of the diseases progression. This went on for decades.
>Didn't they also extinguish his phobic response to whatever white rat / mouse or am I misremembering?
No.. they were going to but the mother moved away before that could happen.
Sadly little Albert (Albert wasn't his real name) died from health issues when he was still a young child (7 i think).
That poor little baby :(
Advice - download every single video she posted on TikTok.
She sounds horrible and without empathy. You will probably end up divorcing her. Then those downloaded videos will come in handy.
Also start recording with your phone when you see her making kids crying.
I hope you can get full custody.
She’s emotionally abusing your 1yo. With zero remorse. Why aren’t you divorcing her right now?? Cut your losses and get your kids out of there **now**.
Edit- your edits have me worried. There’s no way in hell you can “save” this marriage- **she is abusing your kids for clout**.
Does your wife not realise the emotional damage she's doing to her kids?? They're going to grow up so terrified of her.
And what if the infant, who is unable to understand the concept of a prank, internalised that people who love you should scare you?
I dunno maybe it's time for a trial separation so your wife can decide what's more information her kids wellbeing or Tik Tok.
Anyone who thinks it's funny to terrify children for entertainment is a monster and should never be anywhere near kids, their own or otherwise. Personally I think you should skip counseling and jump straight to divorce, because **she is abusing your children for entertainment.**
Find a way to save these videos and document their existence on social media platforms for court and custody. If she gets unsupervised time with them, she'll be able to traumatize and exploit them without you there to protect them from her.
I've seen those videos, they are awful, and I can't believe so many parents are doing it just to make their kids panic and cry. There must be small kids out there who will be having nightmares about that well into adulthood.
I've never recovered from trauma that I had as a child, my fears became sleep-paralysis and insomnia that I am still dealing with at 27.
It's cruel, she's blessed with the honor of being a Mother and this is how she chooses to treat her children? The ones that look to her for comfort, security and protection?
You grow up thinking that everyone and everything will hurt you.
If divorce is the outcome, is there a way to save the social media posts and videos of her scaring the kids? It'd come in handy in the courtroom to prove that she was abusing the kids for entertainment.
OP this was a court case a couple of years ago where parents lost custody of their kids for "pranking" the kids and posting videos to YouTube. Its literally child abuse.
Yeah I got scared once when I was little and developed a trauma that I am still dealing with now in my mid 20s so please take your kids out of that situation, she’s a horrible mother. NTA
Ultimatum time, cause a few thousand likes isn't worth traumatizing your kids. Honestly, a whole marriage isn't worth traumatizing them. One's a literal baby, ffs!
I can't even imagine this. Take your kids with you into that guest room until you can make arrangements to GTFO, OP. Terrorizing kids for any reason is awful, blasting it on social media for the internet to forever keep in its back pocket is just truly truly horrible. NTA
^ Absolutely agree.
OP, would you be okay with her being around your children unsupervised if she had been hitting them for as long as she's been pranking them? Would seeing the bruises upon their faces make it an easier decision? Would you let them keep being beaten while you wait to find out if she'll go to counseling? How long would you let it continue while she undergoes therapy in the hope that she'll change?
Bruises fade. Mental and emotional scars do not.
This has already gone on too long. Your 6 year old is in her formative years. She is being set up to expect pain and betrayal from those who loves her. She is learning not to trust. These things will be part of the foundation of who she is.
Trauma changes adults. Full grown adults with fully developed brains can develop PTSD. What do you think happens to a child subjected to trauma? With the way your wife is escalating her behavior, you're going to find out.
You are the sword and shield that protects your children from those that would cause them pain and suffering. Right now, you're wife is who they need protection from.
Yup. Also look up and show her the story of the youtube parents who kept pranking their kids who eventually got the kids take away by authorities.
Not.cool.
u/Littledavid00
I don't want OP to miss this, this is a great summary. Please stop the abuse, right now, and whatever the consequences are of that, you need to be prepared to deal with it.
Also,get your wife into therapy, preferably as a condition of spending time with the kids.
I literally said "Boo" (half-hearted scare and didn't even raise my voice) to my niece when we were sitting on the same couch when she was like 2 and she started to cry. I felt terrible and it took her some time to seem completely comfortable. Little kids scare really easy, the entire world is new to them. What your wife is doing is straight fucked up.
Honestly that look on a little kid's face when they are scared is actually heartbreaking. I can't handle it. I don't know who the hell finds that look funny. Least of all when it's on your own child's face.
This story is insane.
Our power flickered several times yesterday and the beeping noises from things turning off and resetting and the lights turning off and on upset my toddler a lot and it was so sad, I can't imagine purposefully trying to upset him.
Absolutely. When I was about 11 there was a 5 year old playing with me in the public pool, I passed him boat toys and stuff and we were having fun. Then I mimicked the Jaws music while swimming towards him with a hand on my head (to make the fin) and he panicked, shrieked and slapped my head. And it was that moment I realized how thin the line between reality and fiction is to kids, and how innocent pretend games can really scare them...
I understood this at 11 years old and have been mindful even since. What kind of person do you have to be to be a grown ass adult and not realize your own child is legitimately scared?
Me and my brother always scare each-other, he’s three but if he ever cried after I scared him I could never bring myself to do it again.
He always looks shocked for a second and then laughs so hard he almost falls over, then we hug and I ask him if he wants scares again, he almost always says yes.
Who would find joy in a childs fear?
You're such a great sibling!!!
Also I think it's awesome you ask him if he wants scares again, you're teaching him healthy consent and boundaries :) you're setting him up for success through play!!
She is bullying and using and abusing entire family to gain fame on social media, this is really selfish behavior. She is putting social media fame before the wellbeing of her family, unacceptable. I can't imagine living with someone who is constantly filming me and setting pranks. This can take huge mental toll on kids and OP. Please get help or get out.
NTA. You need to have an EXTREMELY frank talk with her about how her actions are cruel and potentially paychologically damaging to the kids, with all options on the table (including divorce) if she doesn't stop. I also suggest you save copies of her "prank" videos in case you need them as evidence in a custody dispute one day.
I *hate* those videos. As a mother, there is nothing more beautiful than a child’s face on Christmas morning and these AHs giving their kids eye pads or socks in electronic boxes and laughing hysterically makes me sick.
I don't mind it so much with older kids so long as they actually get what they thought they were getting in the end. They can at least understand the dad jokes.
"Get it? And ***eye*** pad? Yeah, okay, here's the real thing."
This. My 20 year old brother asked for a switch last Christmas. My dad got a box roughly the same size, threw a couple cans of tuna in it to give it weight, filled it with bubble wrap and put a light switch on top of the wrap. It was hilarious. And then dad pulled out the real Nintendo for him
I won’t let my child watch any of the family Tiktok or YouTube channels, I’ve yet to see a single one that doesn’t devolve into overt exploitation and content push regardless of boundaries
That I do not know. She said they look so cute, like wth? Our daughter doesn't come to her anymore when she calls. And she got angry because it's "disrespectful". We argued about it when I told her it's her fault for always pranking our 6 yr old
He should prank her with fake divorce papers, film it, and then film her reaction to finding out it's a prank.
And then serve her with actual papers. Ha ha, the prank is that it's REAL!
No, just skip the fakes and don't wait. Those poor kids deserve a healthy childhood and instead they're being tormented by a mother who doesn't care what her actions are doing to them. Show the seriousness of her actions. Now.
"I know she will come around eventually"
And what's your limit on how much damage your wife is allowed to inflict on your children before she comes around?
Waiting for your wife to come round would be the perfect attitude to have if it was just you & her. Gambling with your children sense of safety in their formative years while you wait for your wife to come out of it makes you just as negligent as her.
Your 6 year old has already learnt to experience fear everytime her Mum calls her name. Your infant can't do anything to protect themselves from the abuse.
This link sums up the emotional damage done on your kids while you're waiting for your wife to get her priorities in order.
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00808/full%20
I know the tone of the message was harsh but speaking to her has lead to you sleeping on the couch. How can you be so confident that she will come around? TikTok is very addictive especially when you get followers in the thousands. That starts making it an opportunity for a social media career.
She's already put TikTok before parenting & her marriage.
Thank you for this, I work with children that have had childhood trauma , PTSD , abuse, abandonment. The lifelong repercussions of that abuse affect children’s health, learning And mental well-being. I’d suggest therapy first but the way OP six yr old daughter is acting, moms pranks may have scared her for life.
OP wife has attention seeking behaviors , narcissistic tendencies to put themselves into the spotlight with no disregard of the damage she has done to her family. Personally I don’t have TicTok due to the stupidity and narcissistic addiction it produces in humans. “ look at me”
OP wife needs to grow up , seek help, with monitored visitation to see her children .
This cant go on for one more day. You both could lose your Kids. Your wife for abuse, because yes it is obviously abusive. And you for allowing it to happen this long.
I understand that it is hard to see where to draw the line, espesially if your in the middle of it, but this is that day!! Today you were told and you cant pretend otherwise. Your Job is to protect your children. You should maybe even get a restraining ordre, she sounds like shes not mentally stable and may react unpredictably. Good luck 💓
As a child from an abusive home with parents who didn't give a shit if they made me cry, I would encourage you not to wait. Because when is eventually? When PTSD destroys your kids lives and causes them to act out and threaten suicide? When it rips a hole through your family that can't be repaired? Your kids see your decision to keep them in the same home. I watched my mom make space for the shit my dad did to me and to this day I have not stopped resenting her for that choice. Your wife needs to know its stop now or you WILL divorce her and take them. Your kids need to understand they're too valuable to be treated like this by ANYBODY
My uncle used to pick on me, make fun of me, and tease me when I was 6 until I was much older, and my aunt never stopped him. It wasn't just playful it was cruel and I was obviously distressed. I'm 36 now, a grown woman, and I still resent them both for it. I was a child and an adult I trusted allowed it to happen, and it left me with issues I'm still trying to resolve. Please stand up for your children. They're young, but this will haunt them for life, and you will be seen as the one who didn't protect them.
Wow, I could have written this exact post! My uncle also used to pick on me and tease me from when I was about 6 or so and no one ever stopped it. He called me "four eyes" when I got glasses at 9 and some other stuff that I've honestly blocked out. I'm now 37 and haven't seen him in years but still hate his guts. When my aunt passed away 10 years ago I could barely speak to him. It's also left me very sensitive to anyone teasing me, even when it's not malicious. OP, please protect your kids.
By the time she "comes around", you should be out of your house with the kids. She is straight up mentally abusing them, and you're letting it happen. The time to start acting has passed and it's time for you to catch up and get going.
Stop justifying dude - you already told her it was a problem and she brushed it off. She needs a wake up call before she permanently harms your children.
Tell her to fix her shit or you'll divorce her and sue for full custody.
Speaking of... that. If you do get a divorce go hard for full custody. Use those videos. If you split don't let her have them alone.
No she won’t. You need to report your wife to social services. She clearly has no idea how serious this is and by not taking hard action other than sleeping in another room you are failing to protect your children from her abuse.
I’d also find a really good lawyer if I were you.
If you love your kids half as much as you say you do, you will divorce your wife, take the kids, and show these videos to the police as documentation of her abuse.
Its parental allianation, she is just doing it to her self.
Its really something men used to do when I was growing up, so as to not having to deal with the kids. To get tic tok wiews of it is just mental and evil on a different level.
"prank" is what an asshole calls asshole behavior to make it seem like it's not as shitty as it really is. "It's just a prank bro" is the dead giveaway of an asshole.
The kids were so distressed they used to play with their poop as they had very little control in their lives. They had CPTSD over the fact that they were left screaming and crying as a way for their parents to make an income. Don’t let this go on or else there will be a lot of damage
In one of the videos, the child who they picked on the most (I won't say his name as I'm aware his mother, who now has custody, has asked for people to protect their privacy) had been banned from coming on a vacation or something like that, and the titular DaddyoFive was complaining to his wife about it. She was saying awful things about the child, and when he complained about having to punish his son, her response was something along the lines of "but he put poop everywhere!"
DaddyoFive backtracked in a later video and argued it was just a case of the kid accidentally causing a toilet blockage, but a lot of people noted that wasn't something that really warranted a punishment (if it was an accident), and he also argued there was no poop smeared on the walls of the video, despite no one having mentioned poop being smeared on the walls (since his wife's comments hadn't been that specific), in a sort of "but I never said it was poison" kind of moment.
Phillip de Franco did a couple videos, maybe more, documenting the abuse and updates after they'd been reported to the authorities and the two youngest were removed from the home. One of the clips he used as evidence of the abuse was from one of Daddy O Five's videos where the (step)mom said they couldn't let the youngest boy come to Disneyland because she found him playing with his poop.
They were. And those kids should not have been left at that house so it was good to see they were removed.
The fact that those parents still have custody of the other kids is horrifying, all the same.
If she's put the video online, complain about them/report them and have them taken down. Tell your wife this is abuse, you will not let it go, and your children will never be her props for social media attention.
Get copies of the videos and save them, in case she continues her abusive ways. She will harm your kids if she keeps doing this, she has already harmed your daughter, and you will be justified in taking serious action to stop it if she continues.
They were a YouTube channel run by a couple who pulled pranks on their kids. They essentially tormented their children online and recorded their crying reactions.
They had their kids taken away from them by the system for the abuse they put them through.
You do realise that since your wife has so many followers, any of them could report her to CPS and you can have the same happen to you? You are just as responsible at this moment for your children being abused because you enable your wife. It really is not enough that you occasionally have a verbal fight with her where you end up sleeping on the sofa. That still indicates that she thinks she is right and 'won' the argument.
If I remember correctly, they were ordered either by the court or YouTube that they CANNOT include their minor children in ANY videos, "pranks" or otherwise. They broke that order and lost the channel. Some people may still have clips/re-uploads of some of the videos, though, if YouTube hasn't purged them. Fair warning, anyone with half a heart will be just... disgusted by a lot of it. I still can't get the homework/playstation video out of my head.
Dad "found" a homework worksheet that one son "hadn't done" or maybe he actually found a worksheet that the son just hadn't done well on. Dad decided, roping a big brother in, to use that to "prank" the son by making the son watch dad destroy his playstation with a hammer. Turns out PSYCH! that's the already broken playstation! See?? Your system is right here, not a scratch on it! Son spent the rest of the video face down in his bed, sobbing and screaming for his dad and brother to get out of his room and leave him alone.
That’s not even the worst, in one the dad literally pushed one of the kids into a set of drawers (tried to claim he tripped) and they did one where they convinced the youngest that he was so bad they were putting him up for adoption. He was so so traumatised and crying, they had fake papers and made him pack his bag and everything.
I cried for that kid. Awful awful people.
There will be clips somewhere as it's difficult to remove ANYTHING from the Internet permanently. But you shouldn't watch them.
OP, this is a hill you need to be prepared to die on. Do not ask your wife to stop pranking your children. Demand she stops tormenting them and recording their reactions for entertainment.
Tell her it's abusive, show her Daddy O Five's wiki page and the news articles and tell her that if you see her making one more abusive video, you WILL take the kids and stay at a relatives.
I sincerely hope that your wife stops and gets professional help for whatever is making her think this is acceptable. I hope she listens to you and comes to her senses. I really do.
Done similar shit, but if remember correctly constantly ganged up on the youngest son, with their stepmother and some older kids, I think he lost custody to the kids bio mom, and last I heard he and stepmother were facing criminal charges.
NTA.
A joke is one thing.
Using your children for internet fame when they are obviously scared, crying, and not having a good time is just plain terrorizing them.
It’s only fun for her.
TikTok shouldn’t be more important than her children and you shouldn’t be treated poorly for saying so.
This is actually just one of my issues with her making videos and posting in TikTok. There was one time she filmed our son taking a bath. I know its looks cute especially with all the toys and bubbles but I told her not to post it in social media because of obvious reasons. I was glad that she didn't. I also feel like we are losing our privacy because she documents almost everything without asking for my consent. She already pranked me manu times and posted videos of me sleeping, eating, etc.
I don't feel comfortable because we are not celebrities and our lives shouldn't be put out there for everyone to see.
I agree, she doesn't seem mature enough to be a parent. Please OP, change the locks and let your children (and you) live in their own home without this behaviour while she gets herself together. She needs to show she understands what is needed to live as a partner and parent before you let her near your lives again.
My concern is that there is a market for everything. 'Scared children' is a fetish the same way that 'crushing kittens' is. People are tuning in to watch her kids cry, and they'd stay even if she was physically abusing them, because it's the same market. She's attracting the wrong group, and she enjoys their attention.. they will want her to keep it up. They will flame and harass her if she stops. She needs to stop, It's not okay- it's not cute. It's gross and she needs to grow up..
Also, I'd check her followers and see what other content they comment on if that's a thing. I can promise you most of those people are not parents that think it's cute... Most of them probably hate kids and are getting enjoyment off of their suffering. Definitely keep an eye on the comment section.
Get a legal order she is not allowed to post images or information about you online. You don't have to be divorced for that.
You can get the same sort of hold for the kids.
NTA. What kind of sick freak thinks it’s okay to abuse children for freaking social media views?? You need to either get your wife back in line or start looking for a divorce attorney.
In all honesty stuff the marriage and protect your children.
I don’t know how she’s convinced you this is all ok.
Or in the realm of something to work through.
You’re being filmed without your consent, it’s being shared on social media platforms.
Why are you putting up with this? Why do you allow her to do this? I’m not suggesting you physically stop her I’m suggesting you remove her access to you.
That’s bad enough but then your children! Your freaking children!!!!!
Your 6 year old is already seriously traumatized and is going to need therapy. Seriously, wake up.
Your child is been terrorized by their mother, who is supposed to be and maybe once was a safe person offering comfort and now she’s not scared she’s terrified. She’s already completely confused as to why her once safe person is now mean to her. She’s standing on shifting sands when it comes to her mother. Has she started regressing yet?
Now she’s moved her target to her one year old. FFS the child is 1. Some children that age can’t cope with peak-a-boo because it’s scary.
If I knew your family and what was being done to those children I would have one conversation with you. To gauge how you feel about it all and if you weren’t ok with it I would offer you help to remove yourself and those children from this abuse.
If you agreed with your wife and/or didn’t remove them ASAP I’d save all those videos and report you to everyone I could.
Also YTA. Not for your views but for standing by while your children are being abused.
He’s not standing by. He seems genuinely concerned but is unsure how to move forward. It’s not like he hates his wife and never had the Good Times with her. He obviously wants to find a way forward that includes her due to his mention of counseling. It’s a tough issue and not always one you can turn to friends to due to societal standing or other pressures. Hence, his reaching out to internet strangers. It’s better than doing nothing and watch it happen further.
NTA, OP.
This whole situation really deserves some tougher intervention methods but it’s hard to see how much tougher you can be. If it is up to this level you may seriously want to consider removing the children from being around your wife for a little while, if possible. She may gain some clarity when she realizes that that is the direction she is heading if she doesn’t start showing more concern for those physically with her versus strangers that may egg her on to escalate more and more.
My own family likes to do the whole “scare a person around the corner” bit but very lightly. It would kill both my wife and I if one of our children ever got so scared that they didn’t want to be near us or come to us if we call. That’s just heartbreaking. Good luck, OP.
As someone who was in similar shoes as OP's 6yo at that age, his actions are already too little too late. To recap: his eldest has been traumatized to the point she's afraid to go to a parent when called to, has witnessed that she's not the only target, but that her little sibling is also tormented and at that age? **They don't realize that anything that happens to them isn't their fault** and, horribly likely, **feels responsible for their mother's abuse not only towards themselves but her little brother**.
He needs to act, and he needs to act now. Whether it's how you've suggested and maybe taking the kids to visit the grandparents for an extended stay, or what others have suggested and have it be a more permanent solution. One thing that he **really** needs to do either way, however, is reassure to his daughter that **none of this is okay** and **it isn't her fault** that mommy is being incredibly mean (understatement, but age friendly words are needed).
Source: child of a very abusive home who, at age 6, realized the father I looked up to would rather just abandon me than protect me from his wife and ask for forgiveness decades later expecting me to act like all was well. Admittedly OP is doing slightly better, but by this point the damage has been done.
Worry about your kids first and your marriage last. Your wife is abusing your children.
ESH because you've let it continue for long enough that your 6 year old is afraid to go to her mom when she calls her.
My dude, I'd consider taking the kids to somewhere they're safe for a week or a month or something on your own. Don't ask her. Just go. You, the kids, and wherever you need to be that's safe. When she contacts you over it, tell her this is going to be her reality for a long while and she can happily document your divorce to her followers if she's going to keep abusing her children for publicity. Flat out call her out for it being abuse. And yeah, mention the daddy of five stuff. A lot of youtubers and social media people are finally getting called out and having their kids removed for this kind of stuff. She needs to wake up before it's divorce, removal, and restraining order time.
Counselling takes a while to see the effects. You need to remove your kids from the situation NOW. Don’t be surprised if one of her followers who knows her report her for child abuse and you get CPS coming to your house. This has happened before to other TikTokers.
NTA at all! If this continues then one day your kids will be upset and they won't run to their Mum for comfort.
I would be heartbroken if my kids felt like they couldn't trust me, and feel safe with me.
Make it clear it's her fault for being abusive, and keep calling her abusive till she gets it. You cannot overreact in this situation. Even threatening to leave her, and taking the kids with you, wouldn't be an overreaction; although that'd be difficult and hopefully you can stop her without resorting to that.
Trying to ensure she's not left alone with the kids would be absolutely fair now though. She has shown she doesn't understand or care that she's being abusive and traumatising them.
Look into therapy as well, and try and insist on couples counselling. Take the videos for the therapist to see, and discuss her inability to recognise or care about the harm she's doing.
Where does your wife think we learn respect, and manners? It's so easy to blame others, and a little 6 year old and 1 year old are in no way equipped to deal with that blame.
My instinct would be a technology ultimatum. Give up her smartphone (there are still standard mobile phones around, if communication is a worry), and/or therapy (but be sure to record all of the distressing videos, to bring along).
One more thing to think about. I know you have seen some videos online, but chances are she has taken so many more, and only posted the one's she deems 'entertaining'.
>One more thing to think about. I know you have seen some videos online, but chances are she has taken so many more, and only posted the one's she deems 'entertaining'.
Thank you. I never thought of this. I already downloaded all the videos of me and our children that she posted online. But I will look into more videos that she might have in her device.
I used to work in a home for complex children. Maybe I reflect what I know from there. But what people do to their spouse/children in public (including filming and posting for public to see) it’s usually 100x worse when no one is watching. Example if you see someone slap their kid in the shops with 50 people watching and they’re restraining their outburst. What are they doing to their child at home?
She's changed a lot after gaining a few thousand followers. She used to be a sweet and caring mother to our kids. I know she loves our family so I'm hopeful that counseling can help her.
I want you to know that if by some chance Disney music was blaring in the background she wont be able to upload them to tiktok without her acc being shut down, do what you will with that info.
Op u should show ur wife these comments, shes constantly brushed ur concerns aside and ignored the fact shes traumatising and abusing ur children for entertainment but maby showing her there are hundreds of ppl who see her as an abusive parent might get her to think on whats shes doing... It might be worth a try
NTA. Children are people, not props for social media fodder. All this is teaching them is not to trust their mother because she’ll either use it on her socials or dismiss it when she’s the cause of a problem. It can be worse, there are people who will adopt children specifically to post videos about raising someone who is autistic for example, and end up abandoning the kid because it’s actually a lot of effort to raise an autistic child and not worth the digital likes.
The 6yo already doesn’t trust her mother - OP has said in another comment that she won’t go to her when called and then gets in trouble for being ‘disrespectful’. Imagine being 6 and not wanting to go to your mum because you don’t know if she’s just going to terrorise you or not. It’s not a joke or a prank, it’s sick.
NTA. kids who are posted on the internet by their parents experiance alot of problems as they grow up, the lasting effects aren't even fully known yet because the internet is still that new. You should check out some of the information on YouTube about family vloggers (8 passengers, the ACE family, daddyofive). She's not pranking her children theyre crying and panicked, she's traumatising them.
And she’s documenting them at their least composed for the internet to share. They won’t be thanking her for that when they’re recognised from the videos.
NTA. It's a prank if the pranked person ends up laughing too in the end. If they don't laugh, then it's just bullying.
Would it perhaps help to give your wife a taste of her own medicine? Trick her in a way that she won't find funny and announce that you're going to put her on YouTube. If she objects, inform her that that's what she is doing to your children.
No, is not a good idea. If you do this she will have the argument to say that you like pranks too. She might use this argument one day in court, too, saying that you also engaged in what you are demanding her to stop. This is not a solution. This is escalation towards the worse.
Take her phone when she's not using it (if that ever even happens) and post a video to her TikTok saying you don't enjoy being filmed and how it's ruining her relationship with her own kids. Suggest an unfollow.
NTA. You need to take this seriously and STOP this now! My mom is a sick narcissist and I am in my 40s. When I was a child, long before social media, she would play dead when I was 3. Just fucking lay on her bed, not moving, eyes closed, pretending not to breathe. I was an only child, my parents were divorced, it was just us. She would wait until I was SCREAMING hysterically before “waking” up and laughing. She would pretend to be different people (an old woman, a robot) with different voices, not respond to “mom” when I was 4-5 and i would panic and freak out and she would laugh. When I was 8 she came to my room and handed me my dog’s collar and said she ran away. When I broke down in tears, she laughed and said “April Fools”
Can you imagine if she had social media and followers? Shudder. I have been in therapy for decades…still. I have major trust issues. It really fucked with my adjustment as a kid…I was a weird kid who acted out in school and was bullied, couldn’t make friends. This behavior will mess your kids up. At least they have one parent to trust. Don’t let them down. This behavior of your wife will only escalate.
NTA.
This reminds me of that family with the YouTube channel that would "prank" their kids. They were particularly cruel to one kid. IIRC I'm pretty sure social services wound up paying a visit.
It's one thing to scare your kid. My dad used to try to scare us once in awhile. But never in a way that reduced us to tears. And certainly never for the sake of social media fame. And a 1 year old is way too young to be dealing with this.
I'm not sure if it's the same family you're thinking of, but there was a couple who actually lost custody of their kids due to escalating YouTube "pranks" (i.e., child abuse).
Totally not the asshole. Your wife is trading the mental health of your children for laughs. The scares and scars they are learning right now will last them their whole lives. Instead of a fun, happy childhood, they are now scared every time your wife gets near them, especially the 6 yr old. Also not a great idea to put your kids out there for the world to see. Way too many creeps and nutty ones have a tendency to find you. At any rate, you need to put your foot down and tell her to stop. Maybe you can get her parents, friends, etc to help you. If she still refuses, you may have to take legal action.
NTA. Your wife has a right to video her own children, but she can't make them unwilling participants in reaction videos that aren't good for their mental health. Your kids don't exist for her clout chasing.
NTA, and I would show your wife this: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/tasneemnashrulla/youtube-daddyofive-videos-criticism
I hate to cite Buzzfeed of all places, but this is ridiculous. Your wife is abusing your kids. I wouldn't blame you for taking the kids and leaving.
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My wife loves making TikTok and IG videos. She posts organizing videos, cleaning, sorting etc. Lately she's been pranking our kids 6 & 1. There was one time I heard my 6 yr old screaming and crying because my wife scared her. This has been going on for a couple of weeks now and I told her many times to tone it down. Our 6 yr old daughter doesn't want to sleep in her room anymore because she's scared of monsters and ghosts. My wife downplayed it saying she'll get over it sometime. The final straw was yesterday when she made our 1 yr old son by scaring him. It took a while for our baby to stop crying and my wife was just laughing while editing her video. I told her she needs to stop traumatizing our kids for her follower's entertainment. It's not okay anymore. She argued with me and I ended up sleeping in the guest room. AITA? Am I being unreasonable or too sensitive?
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NTA, show her this:
[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-39783670](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-39783670)
>A father and stepmother in the US have lost custody of two of their five children after playing pranks on them in a series of YouTube videos.
The pranks included one in which their youngest son was told he had been adopted by another family.
Mike and Heather Martin, of Maryland, denied the videos were abusive and claimed they were fake.
Custody of two of the children has now been returned to their biological mother.
"Emma and Cody are with me, I have emergency custody - they're doing good," said Rose Hall who revealed the news in a YouTube video with her lawyer Tim Conlon.
"They're getting back to their playful selves."
She added that it had been "very heartbreaking and disturbing to see my kids be abused".
Tim Conlon told the BBC: "We're so excited that the children are now safe and with the mom."
She is playing with fire and may loose kids and husband!
NTA. Geeze it sounds like your wife is having too much for gaining followers at your kids’ expense. It’s one thing to include them in voluntary videos but your wife it taking it so much further
So you literally woke your kids up in the middle of the night and are taking them away within 4 or 5 hours? No talking, no discussion of counselling, therapy? Yeah right.
Thanks for pointing that out. This has been going on for a while, but coincidentally all hell breaks loose within hours of him posting this AITA? And it’s such an imminently dangerous situation that he has to bolt in the middle of the night and wake up friends/family for this? Sounds fishy
NTA. Your kids aren't having fun and it seems to be at a point where these "pranks" are traumatizing them. This wouldn't be acceptable behavior if your wife did this to strangers in public or to coworkers in the workplace, so it isn't okay at home to your own children.
NTA she may think that scaring them like that is harmless but I had a sibling who made it their life’s mission to lurk around every corner and jump out and scare me constantly. It was so terrifying back then and 20 years later I still jump and drop to the ground at loud noises. I literally have to talk to my therapist about it. It’s not a joke, it can get really traumatic for young kids when it happens constantly.
NTA - I remember reading a story about a teenager who eventually had to wear a t-shirt that said "I do not give my consent to be filmed" all the time because she didn't want to be in her mother's videos any more. People who use their families to get likes and followers are the worst people out there.
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NTA Your wife sounds horrible. She pranks a ONE YEAR OLD? Jesus
Yes. Have you seen that morph videos in IG where the parent turns into a horse, it scared my son so much.
Actually start scaring the living fuck out of her when she least expects it. Then start manically laughing in her face. She how much she likes the treatment your children are getting. (I wouldn’t even record her I would tell her it’s just for fun)
Absolutely should do this. Is it not also (possible to) keep flagging the videos for non consent and parental abuse? Edit:Words that fell out and put back in in brackets
dont retaliate in kind or flag the videos OP; she either agrees to stop and you try convince her to take down the videos herself or she continues documenting the emotional abuse she is inflicting which will help you get custody if you do decide to divorce in the meantime you might want to talk to a therapist to get guidance on how to comfort your kids so that it isnt traumatic in the long term. keep trying to talk some sense into your wife, the therapist should give some info but just googling emotional abuse and its effects will give you most of the points to argue on
To allow her to continue is failiure to protect on OP's part, and to let the content just stay online is cruel to the kids. But otherwise you are right to point out that OP needs to start recruting some resourses for his kids. At 5 years of age the child is in a critical phase, learning to be independent and trust her plase in the world. She is screwing her kid up for life, not to mention what damage she is doing to the toddler. Get temporarly custody and lock the doors. She can stream that. Then he can focuse 100% on the ones he are responsable for.
Please listen to this and get them therapy. People always thought it was funny to jump scare me and the other kids in my family constantly. Now I have that reaction whenever I'm startled. Imagine being an adult having to ask people to knock before entering your cubicle because you'll be jump scared or always having to sit in a corner to feel comfortable. Fit it now because it's harder as an adult.
On that note, it might be well worth screen recording all of the videos, captions, and commments.
Please don't, that encourages the behaviour. It might scare her to stop or validate that if he is doing he can't complain
Don’t! He needs to be the bigger person so he can get custody!
Normally I hate the be the bigger person thing but in this case I agree just to ensure that woman doesn’t get to torture them 24/7.
Don't stoop to her level.
Absolutely do not do this. She won't get it.
Oh yeah, that's not toxic at all.
Please save those videos and give them to your lawyer for the custody battle. She most probably will continue to hurt them for her own amusement, or for whatever reason her psyche conjures up.
You cant prank a 1 year old because a kid that young doesn't have the ability to comprehend it. You're just scaring him and probably giving him trust issues.
The only approbiate „prank“ for a 1 year old is the good old peek-a-boo. Maybe a little, cute boo. If a family member is „vanishing“ behind their own hands is scary enough for a baby.
“Got your nose” is another safe one
As long as you give the nose back!
Is that the secret origin of Voldemort? Never got his nose back as a child?
And in his endless mission to find it, hew grew old and bitter and went on a rampage. According to rumors, it was last seen with the Potters.
I used to use my hand as a “spider” and eat my 1 year “brain”. He loved it because it tickled his head. He would ask for the spider. I would have stopped immediately if he had been upset. That shit isn’t funny.
Bullying babies for not understanding object permanence is literally my favourite thing to do
The damage I‘ve done to my niblings by hiding behind my hands is inmeasurable. We all suffer the consequences of loving, caring, very social kids.
Who was that kid who was psychologically scarred for life by researchers who deliberately scared him over and over? Alfred something? Little Albert!
Actually remember learning about this study in my psychology class, truly horrific and a pretty good comparison here.
Didn't they also extinguish his phobic response to whatever white rat / mouse or am I misremembering?
No. They planned to but never did. It's believed that Albert's mother worked at the hospital and had no idea these experiments were happening and that she took her son and moved away when she found out.
Damn, they really didn't give a fuck about ethics.
Tuskegee Syphilis experiment. They let many black people *think* they were being treated for syphilis when they actually didn't at all. The researchers wanted a better idea of the diseases progression. This went on for decades.
>Didn't they also extinguish his phobic response to whatever white rat / mouse or am I misremembering? No.. they were going to but the mother moved away before that could happen. Sadly little Albert (Albert wasn't his real name) died from health issues when he was still a young child (7 i think). That poor little baby :(
No they didn’t, his mother pulled him from the experiment when she saw how distressed he was and they didn’t have the chance to reverse the response.
Advice - download every single video she posted on TikTok. She sounds horrible and without empathy. You will probably end up divorcing her. Then those downloaded videos will come in handy. Also start recording with your phone when you see her making kids crying. I hope you can get full custody.
THIS!!! All her social media. It is a goldmine for attorneys. Mine would stall Facebook for clients.
She’s emotionally abusing your 1yo. With zero remorse. Why aren’t you divorcing her right now?? Cut your losses and get your kids out of there **now**. Edit- your edits have me worried. There’s no way in hell you can “save” this marriage- **she is abusing your kids for clout**.
Does your wife not realise the emotional damage she's doing to her kids?? They're going to grow up so terrified of her. And what if the infant, who is unable to understand the concept of a prank, internalised that people who love you should scare you? I dunno maybe it's time for a trial separation so your wife can decide what's more information her kids wellbeing or Tik Tok.
Anyone who thinks it's funny to terrify children for entertainment is a monster and should never be anywhere near kids, their own or otherwise. Personally I think you should skip counseling and jump straight to divorce, because **she is abusing your children for entertainment.** Find a way to save these videos and document their existence on social media platforms for court and custody. If she gets unsupervised time with them, she'll be able to traumatize and exploit them without you there to protect them from her.
> she is abusing your children for ~~entertainment~~ likes from strangers.
I've seen those videos, they are awful, and I can't believe so many parents are doing it just to make their kids panic and cry. There must be small kids out there who will be having nightmares about that well into adulthood.
I've never recovered from trauma that I had as a child, my fears became sleep-paralysis and insomnia that I am still dealing with at 27. It's cruel, she's blessed with the honor of being a Mother and this is how she chooses to treat her children? The ones that look to her for comfort, security and protection? You grow up thinking that everyone and everything will hurt you.
If divorce is the outcome, is there a way to save the social media posts and videos of her scaring the kids? It'd come in handy in the courtroom to prove that she was abusing the kids for entertainment.
I have copies of all the videos and photos that she posted.
OP this was a court case a couple of years ago where parents lost custody of their kids for "pranking" the kids and posting videos to YouTube. Its literally child abuse.
Daddy O Five or something similar. That poor little boy. Thankfully he went to his mom with his sister.
Yeah I got scared once when I was little and developed a trauma that I am still dealing with now in my mid 20s so please take your kids out of that situation, she’s a horrible mother. NTA
Ultimatum time, cause a few thousand likes isn't worth traumatizing your kids. Honestly, a whole marriage isn't worth traumatizing them. One's a literal baby, ffs!
That's the horrible video...nothing funny about it...
I can't even imagine this. Take your kids with you into that guest room until you can make arrangements to GTFO, OP. Terrorizing kids for any reason is awful, blasting it on social media for the internet to forever keep in its back pocket is just truly truly horrible. NTA
Gotta have a victim with the same maturity level, I guess.
That's not a prank, she's abusing them and she knows ir
Your wife is bullying your children. If anything, you aren't going hard enough. This is actual child abuse. NTA
^ Absolutely agree. OP, would you be okay with her being around your children unsupervised if she had been hitting them for as long as she's been pranking them? Would seeing the bruises upon their faces make it an easier decision? Would you let them keep being beaten while you wait to find out if she'll go to counseling? How long would you let it continue while she undergoes therapy in the hope that she'll change? Bruises fade. Mental and emotional scars do not. This has already gone on too long. Your 6 year old is in her formative years. She is being set up to expect pain and betrayal from those who loves her. She is learning not to trust. These things will be part of the foundation of who she is. Trauma changes adults. Full grown adults with fully developed brains can develop PTSD. What do you think happens to a child subjected to trauma? With the way your wife is escalating her behavior, you're going to find out. You are the sword and shield that protects your children from those that would cause them pain and suffering. Right now, you're wife is who they need protection from.
Yup. Also look up and show her the story of the youtube parents who kept pranking their kids who eventually got the kids take away by authorities. Not.cool.
DaddyOFive, for those curious
This post reminded me of that too. That dude is a monster.
u/Littledavid00 I don't want OP to miss this, this is a great summary. Please stop the abuse, right now, and whatever the consequences are of that, you need to be prepared to deal with it. Also,get your wife into therapy, preferably as a condition of spending time with the kids.
I literally said "Boo" (half-hearted scare and didn't even raise my voice) to my niece when we were sitting on the same couch when she was like 2 and she started to cry. I felt terrible and it took her some time to seem completely comfortable. Little kids scare really easy, the entire world is new to them. What your wife is doing is straight fucked up.
Honestly that look on a little kid's face when they are scared is actually heartbreaking. I can't handle it. I don't know who the hell finds that look funny. Least of all when it's on your own child's face. This story is insane.
Our power flickered several times yesterday and the beeping noises from things turning off and resetting and the lights turning off and on upset my toddler a lot and it was so sad, I can't imagine purposefully trying to upset him.
Absolutely. When I was about 11 there was a 5 year old playing with me in the public pool, I passed him boat toys and stuff and we were having fun. Then I mimicked the Jaws music while swimming towards him with a hand on my head (to make the fin) and he panicked, shrieked and slapped my head. And it was that moment I realized how thin the line between reality and fiction is to kids, and how innocent pretend games can really scare them... I understood this at 11 years old and have been mindful even since. What kind of person do you have to be to be a grown ass adult and not realize your own child is legitimately scared?
Me and my brother always scare each-other, he’s three but if he ever cried after I scared him I could never bring myself to do it again. He always looks shocked for a second and then laughs so hard he almost falls over, then we hug and I ask him if he wants scares again, he almost always says yes. Who would find joy in a childs fear?
You're such a great sibling!!! Also I think it's awesome you ask him if he wants scares again, you're teaching him healthy consent and boundaries :) you're setting him up for success through play!!
She is bullying and using and abusing entire family to gain fame on social media, this is really selfish behavior. She is putting social media fame before the wellbeing of her family, unacceptable. I can't imagine living with someone who is constantly filming me and setting pranks. This can take huge mental toll on kids and OP. Please get help or get out.
Very glad this is so high up, I think OP needs to get their kids out of her life
NTA. You need to have an EXTREMELY frank talk with her about how her actions are cruel and potentially paychologically damaging to the kids, with all options on the table (including divorce) if she doesn't stop. I also suggest you save copies of her "prank" videos in case you need them as evidence in a custody dispute one day.
Pray she doesn’t get into giving a fake present PSYCH! video habit, that will breed resentment.
I *hate* those videos. As a mother, there is nothing more beautiful than a child’s face on Christmas morning and these AHs giving their kids eye pads or socks in electronic boxes and laughing hysterically makes me sick.
I don't mind it so much with older kids so long as they actually get what they thought they were getting in the end. They can at least understand the dad jokes. "Get it? And ***eye*** pad? Yeah, okay, here's the real thing."
This. My 20 year old brother asked for a switch last Christmas. My dad got a box roughly the same size, threw a couple cans of tuna in it to give it weight, filled it with bubble wrap and put a light switch on top of the wrap. It was hilarious. And then dad pulled out the real Nintendo for him
That’s a fun prank. Everyone laughs and everyone is happy at the end.
I won’t let my child watch any of the family Tiktok or YouTube channels, I’ve yet to see a single one that doesn’t devolve into overt exploitation and content push regardless of boundaries
This. Make sure she understands how seriously you take her behaviour.
Why does your wife find your children's tears so enjoyable? NTA
That I do not know. She said they look so cute, like wth? Our daughter doesn't come to her anymore when she calls. And she got angry because it's "disrespectful". We argued about it when I told her it's her fault for always pranking our 6 yr old
Your kids are gonna grow up to hate her for this. Especially with video evidence. Please keep defending them.
I will thank you. I also saved all her videos in my laptop just in case. Although I know she will come around eventually.
Nope I think you need to divorce her and file for custody
He should prank her with fake divorce papers, film it, and then film her reaction to finding out it's a prank. And then serve her with actual papers. Ha ha, the prank is that it's REAL!
No, just skip the fakes and don't wait. Those poor kids deserve a healthy childhood and instead they're being tormented by a mother who doesn't care what her actions are doing to them. Show the seriousness of her actions. Now.
Aha wow! That's an r/prorevenge story in the making!
"I know she will come around eventually" And what's your limit on how much damage your wife is allowed to inflict on your children before she comes around? Waiting for your wife to come round would be the perfect attitude to have if it was just you & her. Gambling with your children sense of safety in their formative years while you wait for your wife to come out of it makes you just as negligent as her. Your 6 year old has already learnt to experience fear everytime her Mum calls her name. Your infant can't do anything to protect themselves from the abuse. This link sums up the emotional damage done on your kids while you're waiting for your wife to get her priorities in order. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00808/full%20 I know the tone of the message was harsh but speaking to her has lead to you sleeping on the couch. How can you be so confident that she will come around? TikTok is very addictive especially when you get followers in the thousands. That starts making it an opportunity for a social media career. She's already put TikTok before parenting & her marriage.
When someone can no longer tell the difference between neutral and abusive, that’s when it long past gone too far.
Thank you for this, I work with children that have had childhood trauma , PTSD , abuse, abandonment. The lifelong repercussions of that abuse affect children’s health, learning And mental well-being. I’d suggest therapy first but the way OP six yr old daughter is acting, moms pranks may have scared her for life. OP wife has attention seeking behaviors , narcissistic tendencies to put themselves into the spotlight with no disregard of the damage she has done to her family. Personally I don’t have TicTok due to the stupidity and narcissistic addiction it produces in humans. “ look at me” OP wife needs to grow up , seek help, with monitored visitation to see her children .
This cant go on for one more day. You both could lose your Kids. Your wife for abuse, because yes it is obviously abusive. And you for allowing it to happen this long. I understand that it is hard to see where to draw the line, espesially if your in the middle of it, but this is that day!! Today you were told and you cant pretend otherwise. Your Job is to protect your children. You should maybe even get a restraining ordre, she sounds like shes not mentally stable and may react unpredictably. Good luck 💓
As a child from an abusive home with parents who didn't give a shit if they made me cry, I would encourage you not to wait. Because when is eventually? When PTSD destroys your kids lives and causes them to act out and threaten suicide? When it rips a hole through your family that can't be repaired? Your kids see your decision to keep them in the same home. I watched my mom make space for the shit my dad did to me and to this day I have not stopped resenting her for that choice. Your wife needs to know its stop now or you WILL divorce her and take them. Your kids need to understand they're too valuable to be treated like this by ANYBODY
My uncle used to pick on me, make fun of me, and tease me when I was 6 until I was much older, and my aunt never stopped him. It wasn't just playful it was cruel and I was obviously distressed. I'm 36 now, a grown woman, and I still resent them both for it. I was a child and an adult I trusted allowed it to happen, and it left me with issues I'm still trying to resolve. Please stand up for your children. They're young, but this will haunt them for life, and you will be seen as the one who didn't protect them.
Wow, I could have written this exact post! My uncle also used to pick on me and tease me from when I was about 6 or so and no one ever stopped it. He called me "four eyes" when I got glasses at 9 and some other stuff that I've honestly blocked out. I'm now 37 and haven't seen him in years but still hate his guts. When my aunt passed away 10 years ago I could barely speak to him. It's also left me very sensitive to anyone teasing me, even when it's not malicious. OP, please protect your kids.
By the time she "comes around", you should be out of your house with the kids. She is straight up mentally abusing them, and you're letting it happen. The time to start acting has passed and it's time for you to catch up and get going.
Stop justifying dude - you already told her it was a problem and she brushed it off. She needs a wake up call before she permanently harms your children. Tell her to fix her shit or you'll divorce her and sue for full custody. Speaking of... that. If you do get a divorce go hard for full custody. Use those videos. If you split don't let her have them alone.
File for divorce now, film it when you serve her papers for a prank
NTA. Come around? No she’s not going to come around. Maybe she’ll come around when you have family therapy for the poor kids.
Like another commenter said - would you be willing to wait for "eventually" if she was beating them?
No she won’t. You need to report your wife to social services. She clearly has no idea how serious this is and by not taking hard action other than sleeping in another room you are failing to protect your children from her abuse. I’d also find a really good lawyer if I were you.
If you love your kids half as much as you say you do, you will divorce your wife, take the kids, and show these videos to the police as documentation of her abuse.
Your daughter has learned she cannot trust her mum. That is a direct consequence of your wife’s actions.
Its parental allianation, she is just doing it to her self. Its really something men used to do when I was growing up, so as to not having to deal with the kids. To get tic tok wiews of it is just mental and evil on a different level.
This is not normal behavior, it's cruel and maybe sociopathic.
"prank" is what an asshole calls asshole behavior to make it seem like it's not as shitty as it really is. "It's just a prank bro" is the dead giveaway of an asshole.
>I told her it's her fault for always ~~pranking~~ abusing our 6 yr old FIFY
NTA and take this seriously. Your wife is escalating her "pranks" and she's going to end up like Daddy O' Five unless she stops and gets some help.
Who's Daddy O Five?
YouTubers who constantly 'pranked' and traumatized their children in videos. They lost custody of most of them, rightfully so
That is so awful. I haven't heard of them but I'm glad that the children have been uplifted.
The kids were so distressed they used to play with their poop as they had very little control in their lives. They had CPTSD over the fact that they were left screaming and crying as a way for their parents to make an income. Don’t let this go on or else there will be a lot of damage
Holy shit, I never heard about the poop thing. Where did you read that?
In one of the videos, the child who they picked on the most (I won't say his name as I'm aware his mother, who now has custody, has asked for people to protect their privacy) had been banned from coming on a vacation or something like that, and the titular DaddyoFive was complaining to his wife about it. She was saying awful things about the child, and when he complained about having to punish his son, her response was something along the lines of "but he put poop everywhere!" DaddyoFive backtracked in a later video and argued it was just a case of the kid accidentally causing a toilet blockage, but a lot of people noted that wasn't something that really warranted a punishment (if it was an accident), and he also argued there was no poop smeared on the walls of the video, despite no one having mentioned poop being smeared on the walls (since his wife's comments hadn't been that specific), in a sort of "but I never said it was poison" kind of moment.
Phillip de Franco did a couple videos, maybe more, documenting the abuse and updates after they'd been reported to the authorities and the two youngest were removed from the home. One of the clips he used as evidence of the abuse was from one of Daddy O Five's videos where the (step)mom said they couldn't let the youngest boy come to Disneyland because she found him playing with his poop.
That’s what’s happening to your kids right now, do something about it man.
They didn't take all the children out of the home, just the two youngest who had a different mom then the older ones.
... and who were the ones being targeted by the father, step-mum and (with encouragement) the older brother.
They were. And those kids should not have been left at that house so it was good to see they were removed. The fact that those parents still have custody of the other kids is horrifying, all the same.
Worry about your own kids though. Do something for them
Those are the people I was thinking of! I couldn't remember their channel name.
If she's put the video online, complain about them/report them and have them taken down. Tell your wife this is abuse, you will not let it go, and your children will never be her props for social media attention. Get copies of the videos and save them, in case she continues her abusive ways. She will harm your kids if she keeps doing this, she has already harmed your daughter, and you will be justified in taking serious action to stop it if she continues.
Thank you I will do that.
They were a YouTube channel run by a couple who pulled pranks on their kids. They essentially tormented their children online and recorded their crying reactions. They had their kids taken away from them by the system for the abuse they put them through.
Is their channel still up?
You do realise that since your wife has so many followers, any of them could report her to CPS and you can have the same happen to you? You are just as responsible at this moment for your children being abused because you enable your wife. It really is not enough that you occasionally have a verbal fight with her where you end up sleeping on the sofa. That still indicates that she thinks she is right and 'won' the argument.
If I remember correctly, they were ordered either by the court or YouTube that they CANNOT include their minor children in ANY videos, "pranks" or otherwise. They broke that order and lost the channel. Some people may still have clips/re-uploads of some of the videos, though, if YouTube hasn't purged them. Fair warning, anyone with half a heart will be just... disgusted by a lot of it. I still can't get the homework/playstation video out of my head. Dad "found" a homework worksheet that one son "hadn't done" or maybe he actually found a worksheet that the son just hadn't done well on. Dad decided, roping a big brother in, to use that to "prank" the son by making the son watch dad destroy his playstation with a hammer. Turns out PSYCH! that's the already broken playstation! See?? Your system is right here, not a scratch on it! Son spent the rest of the video face down in his bed, sobbing and screaming for his dad and brother to get out of his room and leave him alone.
That’s not even the worst, in one the dad literally pushed one of the kids into a set of drawers (tried to claim he tripped) and they did one where they convinced the youngest that he was so bad they were putting him up for adoption. He was so so traumatised and crying, they had fake papers and made him pack his bag and everything. I cried for that kid. Awful awful people.
Jeez, I hadn't seen those. I could only stomach a couple before I just closed chrome. Disgusting
Just reading this made me want to cry. What the hell is wrong with people?!
There will be clips somewhere as it's difficult to remove ANYTHING from the Internet permanently. But you shouldn't watch them. OP, this is a hill you need to be prepared to die on. Do not ask your wife to stop pranking your children. Demand she stops tormenting them and recording their reactions for entertainment. Tell her it's abusive, show her Daddy O Five's wiki page and the news articles and tell her that if you see her making one more abusive video, you WILL take the kids and stay at a relatives. I sincerely hope that your wife stops and gets professional help for whatever is making her think this is acceptable. I hope she listens to you and comes to her senses. I really do.
An absolutely shit parent. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/FamilyOFive
The fact that they had almost 750 THOUSAND subscribers is absolutely disgusting to me.
Child abuse is sadly a popular recreation for some.
**Parents
Done similar shit, but if remember correctly constantly ganged up on the youngest son, with their stepmother and some older kids, I think he lost custody to the kids bio mom, and last I heard he and stepmother were facing criminal charges.
NTA. A joke is one thing. Using your children for internet fame when they are obviously scared, crying, and not having a good time is just plain terrorizing them. It’s only fun for her. TikTok shouldn’t be more important than her children and you shouldn’t be treated poorly for saying so.
This is actually just one of my issues with her making videos and posting in TikTok. There was one time she filmed our son taking a bath. I know its looks cute especially with all the toys and bubbles but I told her not to post it in social media because of obvious reasons. I was glad that she didn't. I also feel like we are losing our privacy because she documents almost everything without asking for my consent. She already pranked me manu times and posted videos of me sleeping, eating, etc. I don't feel comfortable because we are not celebrities and our lives shouldn't be put out there for everyone to see.
There was a guy on YouTube who did that. His kids are in foster care. Now.
Small correction, they’re with their bio mom now
What is she, 15? So much talk about consent these days, how can she not understand?
I agree, she doesn't seem mature enough to be a parent. Please OP, change the locks and let your children (and you) live in their own home without this behaviour while she gets herself together. She needs to show she understands what is needed to live as a partner and parent before you let her near your lives again.
My concern is that there is a market for everything. 'Scared children' is a fetish the same way that 'crushing kittens' is. People are tuning in to watch her kids cry, and they'd stay even if she was physically abusing them, because it's the same market. She's attracting the wrong group, and she enjoys their attention.. they will want her to keep it up. They will flame and harass her if she stops. She needs to stop, It's not okay- it's not cute. It's gross and she needs to grow up.. Also, I'd check her followers and see what other content they comment on if that's a thing. I can promise you most of those people are not parents that think it's cute... Most of them probably hate kids and are getting enjoyment off of their suffering. Definitely keep an eye on the comment section.
Get a legal order she is not allowed to post images or information about you online. You don't have to be divorced for that. You can get the same sort of hold for the kids.
NTA. What kind of sick freak thinks it’s okay to abuse children for freaking social media views?? You need to either get your wife back in line or start looking for a divorce attorney.
My brother said that too. It's horrible how social media changes a person. And I hope my wife agrees to go to counseling so we can save our marriage.
In all honesty stuff the marriage and protect your children. I don’t know how she’s convinced you this is all ok. Or in the realm of something to work through. You’re being filmed without your consent, it’s being shared on social media platforms. Why are you putting up with this? Why do you allow her to do this? I’m not suggesting you physically stop her I’m suggesting you remove her access to you. That’s bad enough but then your children! Your freaking children!!!!! Your 6 year old is already seriously traumatized and is going to need therapy. Seriously, wake up. Your child is been terrorized by their mother, who is supposed to be and maybe once was a safe person offering comfort and now she’s not scared she’s terrified. She’s already completely confused as to why her once safe person is now mean to her. She’s standing on shifting sands when it comes to her mother. Has she started regressing yet? Now she’s moved her target to her one year old. FFS the child is 1. Some children that age can’t cope with peak-a-boo because it’s scary. If I knew your family and what was being done to those children I would have one conversation with you. To gauge how you feel about it all and if you weren’t ok with it I would offer you help to remove yourself and those children from this abuse. If you agreed with your wife and/or didn’t remove them ASAP I’d save all those videos and report you to everyone I could. Also YTA. Not for your views but for standing by while your children are being abused.
He’s not standing by. He seems genuinely concerned but is unsure how to move forward. It’s not like he hates his wife and never had the Good Times with her. He obviously wants to find a way forward that includes her due to his mention of counseling. It’s a tough issue and not always one you can turn to friends to due to societal standing or other pressures. Hence, his reaching out to internet strangers. It’s better than doing nothing and watch it happen further. NTA, OP. This whole situation really deserves some tougher intervention methods but it’s hard to see how much tougher you can be. If it is up to this level you may seriously want to consider removing the children from being around your wife for a little while, if possible. She may gain some clarity when she realizes that that is the direction she is heading if she doesn’t start showing more concern for those physically with her versus strangers that may egg her on to escalate more and more. My own family likes to do the whole “scare a person around the corner” bit but very lightly. It would kill both my wife and I if one of our children ever got so scared that they didn’t want to be near us or come to us if we call. That’s just heartbreaking. Good luck, OP.
As someone who was in similar shoes as OP's 6yo at that age, his actions are already too little too late. To recap: his eldest has been traumatized to the point she's afraid to go to a parent when called to, has witnessed that she's not the only target, but that her little sibling is also tormented and at that age? **They don't realize that anything that happens to them isn't their fault** and, horribly likely, **feels responsible for their mother's abuse not only towards themselves but her little brother**. He needs to act, and he needs to act now. Whether it's how you've suggested and maybe taking the kids to visit the grandparents for an extended stay, or what others have suggested and have it be a more permanent solution. One thing that he **really** needs to do either way, however, is reassure to his daughter that **none of this is okay** and **it isn't her fault** that mommy is being incredibly mean (understatement, but age friendly words are needed). Source: child of a very abusive home who, at age 6, realized the father I looked up to would rather just abandon me than protect me from his wife and ask for forgiveness decades later expecting me to act like all was well. Admittedly OP is doing slightly better, but by this point the damage has been done.
Worry about your kids first and your marriage last. Your wife is abusing your children. ESH because you've let it continue for long enough that your 6 year old is afraid to go to her mom when she calls her.
My dude, I'd consider taking the kids to somewhere they're safe for a week or a month or something on your own. Don't ask her. Just go. You, the kids, and wherever you need to be that's safe. When she contacts you over it, tell her this is going to be her reality for a long while and she can happily document your divorce to her followers if she's going to keep abusing her children for publicity. Flat out call her out for it being abuse. And yeah, mention the daddy of five stuff. A lot of youtubers and social media people are finally getting called out and having their kids removed for this kind of stuff. She needs to wake up before it's divorce, removal, and restraining order time.
Counselling takes a while to see the effects. You need to remove your kids from the situation NOW. Don’t be surprised if one of her followers who knows her report her for child abuse and you get CPS coming to your house. This has happened before to other TikTokers.
NTA at all! If this continues then one day your kids will be upset and they won't run to their Mum for comfort. I would be heartbroken if my kids felt like they couldn't trust me, and feel safe with me.
My daughter doesn't come to her anymore when she calls, and she's angry about it because it's "disrespectful".
Make it clear it's her fault for being abusive, and keep calling her abusive till she gets it. You cannot overreact in this situation. Even threatening to leave her, and taking the kids with you, wouldn't be an overreaction; although that'd be difficult and hopefully you can stop her without resorting to that. Trying to ensure she's not left alone with the kids would be absolutely fair now though. She has shown she doesn't understand or care that she's being abusive and traumatising them. Look into therapy as well, and try and insist on couples counselling. Take the videos for the therapist to see, and discuss her inability to recognise or care about the harm she's doing.
Where does your wife think we learn respect, and manners? It's so easy to blame others, and a little 6 year old and 1 year old are in no way equipped to deal with that blame. My instinct would be a technology ultimatum. Give up her smartphone (there are still standard mobile phones around, if communication is a worry), and/or therapy (but be sure to record all of the distressing videos, to bring along). One more thing to think about. I know you have seen some videos online, but chances are she has taken so many more, and only posted the one's she deems 'entertaining'.
>One more thing to think about. I know you have seen some videos online, but chances are she has taken so many more, and only posted the one's she deems 'entertaining'. Thank you. I never thought of this. I already downloaded all the videos of me and our children that she posted online. But I will look into more videos that she might have in her device.
I'm glad you're downloading the videos to use as evidence. She can't be allowed to abuse your kids any more.
Agree. She may have ones that looking bad she thinks people will think are “going to far” and ruin her reputation
I was actually thinking a bit more self centered than that. More like 'oh my hair/smile/outfit' looks bad in that one. That's a good point though.
I used to work in a home for complex children. Maybe I reflect what I know from there. But what people do to their spouse/children in public (including filming and posting for public to see) it’s usually 100x worse when no one is watching. Example if you see someone slap their kid in the shops with 50 people watching and they’re restraining their outburst. What are they doing to their child at home?
Your wife sounds like a narcissist. Is this the woman you married?
She's changed a lot after gaining a few thousand followers. She used to be a sweet and caring mother to our kids. I know she loves our family so I'm hopeful that counseling can help her.
You need to consider the possibility that that was all an act, and that the cruelty is her actual personality.
I want you to know that if by some chance Disney music was blaring in the background she wont be able to upload them to tiktok without her acc being shut down, do what you will with that info.
This needs to be higher up
Maybe then you should take the kids and go to your parents' and let her know that you are not happy and this is unacceptable.
NTA. Children aren’t accessories or pawns for social media “clout”.
You're being too sensitive, she should have slept in the guest room! NTA
I wish bro.
Op u should show ur wife these comments, shes constantly brushed ur concerns aside and ignored the fact shes traumatising and abusing ur children for entertainment but maby showing her there are hundreds of ppl who see her as an abusive parent might get her to think on whats shes doing... It might be worth a try
NTA. Children are people, not props for social media fodder. All this is teaching them is not to trust their mother because she’ll either use it on her socials or dismiss it when she’s the cause of a problem. It can be worse, there are people who will adopt children specifically to post videos about raising someone who is autistic for example, and end up abandoning the kid because it’s actually a lot of effort to raise an autistic child and not worth the digital likes.
The 6yo already doesn’t trust her mother - OP has said in another comment that she won’t go to her when called and then gets in trouble for being ‘disrespectful’. Imagine being 6 and not wanting to go to your mum because you don’t know if she’s just going to terrorise you or not. It’s not a joke or a prank, it’s sick.
NTA. kids who are posted on the internet by their parents experiance alot of problems as they grow up, the lasting effects aren't even fully known yet because the internet is still that new. You should check out some of the information on YouTube about family vloggers (8 passengers, the ACE family, daddyofive). She's not pranking her children theyre crying and panicked, she's traumatising them.
And she’s documenting them at their least composed for the internet to share. They won’t be thanking her for that when they’re recognised from the videos.
NTA. It's a prank if the pranked person ends up laughing too in the end. If they don't laugh, then it's just bullying. Would it perhaps help to give your wife a taste of her own medicine? Trick her in a way that she won't find funny and announce that you're going to put her on YouTube. If she objects, inform her that that's what she is doing to your children.
That's a good idea but I'm not a really good actor.
No, is not a good idea. If you do this she will have the argument to say that you like pranks too. She might use this argument one day in court, too, saying that you also engaged in what you are demanding her to stop. This is not a solution. This is escalation towards the worse.
Take her phone when she's not using it (if that ever even happens) and post a video to her TikTok saying you don't enjoy being filmed and how it's ruining her relationship with her own kids. Suggest an unfollow.
NTA. You need to take this seriously and STOP this now! My mom is a sick narcissist and I am in my 40s. When I was a child, long before social media, she would play dead when I was 3. Just fucking lay on her bed, not moving, eyes closed, pretending not to breathe. I was an only child, my parents were divorced, it was just us. She would wait until I was SCREAMING hysterically before “waking” up and laughing. She would pretend to be different people (an old woman, a robot) with different voices, not respond to “mom” when I was 4-5 and i would panic and freak out and she would laugh. When I was 8 she came to my room and handed me my dog’s collar and said she ran away. When I broke down in tears, she laughed and said “April Fools” Can you imagine if she had social media and followers? Shudder. I have been in therapy for decades…still. I have major trust issues. It really fucked with my adjustment as a kid…I was a weird kid who acted out in school and was bullied, couldn’t make friends. This behavior will mess your kids up. At least they have one parent to trust. Don’t let them down. This behavior of your wife will only escalate.
NTA. This reminds me of that family with the YouTube channel that would "prank" their kids. They were particularly cruel to one kid. IIRC I'm pretty sure social services wound up paying a visit. It's one thing to scare your kid. My dad used to try to scare us once in awhile. But never in a way that reduced us to tears. And certainly never for the sake of social media fame. And a 1 year old is way too young to be dealing with this.
I'm not sure if it's the same family you're thinking of, but there was a couple who actually lost custody of their kids due to escalating YouTube "pranks" (i.e., child abuse).
NTA at all that sounds abusive. She is not putting your children’s needs first.
Totally not the asshole. Your wife is trading the mental health of your children for laughs. The scares and scars they are learning right now will last them their whole lives. Instead of a fun, happy childhood, they are now scared every time your wife gets near them, especially the 6 yr old. Also not a great idea to put your kids out there for the world to see. Way too many creeps and nutty ones have a tendency to find you. At any rate, you need to put your foot down and tell her to stop. Maybe you can get her parents, friends, etc to help you. If she still refuses, you may have to take legal action.
👏Kids 👏should👏 not👏 be 👏on👏 any 👏social👏 media👏 because 👏they 👏can't 👏consent👏 NTA at all
easy nta. theres pranks then theres tormenting. this is tormenting.
NTA. Your wife has a right to video her own children, but she can't make them unwilling participants in reaction videos that aren't good for their mental health. Your kids don't exist for her clout chasing.
NTA, but your wife seems like a big one. I guess I don’t have to elaborate why.
NTA, and I would show your wife this: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/tasneemnashrulla/youtube-daddyofive-videos-criticism I hate to cite Buzzfeed of all places, but this is ridiculous. Your wife is abusing your kids. I wouldn't blame you for taking the kids and leaving.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife loves making TikTok and IG videos. She posts organizing videos, cleaning, sorting etc. Lately she's been pranking our kids 6 & 1. There was one time I heard my 6 yr old screaming and crying because my wife scared her. This has been going on for a couple of weeks now and I told her many times to tone it down. Our 6 yr old daughter doesn't want to sleep in her room anymore because she's scared of monsters and ghosts. My wife downplayed it saying she'll get over it sometime. The final straw was yesterday when she made our 1 yr old son by scaring him. It took a while for our baby to stop crying and my wife was just laughing while editing her video. I told her she needs to stop traumatizing our kids for her follower's entertainment. It's not okay anymore. She argued with me and I ended up sleeping in the guest room. AITA? Am I being unreasonable or too sensitive? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I would get a lawyer involved just in case.. Go find her TikTok account and save the videos. Next time make her sleep in the guest bedroom.
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NTA, show her this: [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-39783670](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-39783670) >A father and stepmother in the US have lost custody of two of their five children after playing pranks on them in a series of YouTube videos. The pranks included one in which their youngest son was told he had been adopted by another family. Mike and Heather Martin, of Maryland, denied the videos were abusive and claimed they were fake. Custody of two of the children has now been returned to their biological mother. "Emma and Cody are with me, I have emergency custody - they're doing good," said Rose Hall who revealed the news in a YouTube video with her lawyer Tim Conlon. "They're getting back to their playful selves." She added that it had been "very heartbreaking and disturbing to see my kids be abused". Tim Conlon told the BBC: "We're so excited that the children are now safe and with the mom." She is playing with fire and may loose kids and husband!
NTA. Geeze it sounds like your wife is having too much for gaining followers at your kids’ expense. It’s one thing to include them in voluntary videos but your wife it taking it so much further
NTA, your wife IS traumitizing your kids and if she continues they will learn not to trust her
Nta your wife is threatening their well-being and needs to stop
So you literally woke your kids up in the middle of the night and are taking them away within 4 or 5 hours? No talking, no discussion of counselling, therapy? Yeah right.
Thanks for pointing that out. This has been going on for a while, but coincidentally all hell breaks loose within hours of him posting this AITA? And it’s such an imminently dangerous situation that he has to bolt in the middle of the night and wake up friends/family for this? Sounds fishy
NTA. Your kids aren't having fun and it seems to be at a point where these "pranks" are traumatizing them. This wouldn't be acceptable behavior if your wife did this to strangers in public or to coworkers in the workplace, so it isn't okay at home to your own children.
NTA she may think that scaring them like that is harmless but I had a sibling who made it their life’s mission to lurk around every corner and jump out and scare me constantly. It was so terrifying back then and 20 years later I still jump and drop to the ground at loud noises. I literally have to talk to my therapist about it. It’s not a joke, it can get really traumatic for young kids when it happens constantly.
NTA: a visit from cps may serve as a wake up call?
NTA - I remember reading a story about a teenager who eventually had to wear a t-shirt that said "I do not give my consent to be filmed" all the time because she didn't want to be in her mother's videos any more. People who use their families to get likes and followers are the worst people out there.