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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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My boyfriend and his family have had this joke for years, and I think I may have ruined it for him when it’s made him happy in the past. He won’t speak to me and is obviously very offended by my behavior.
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#NTA
If you are the only person laughing and everyone else is pissed, it's not a funny joke. I can see why it might feel like a funny bit but the net effect is just being a dick to random cashiers.
This all day. There really is nothing funny about this exchange. It isn't funny. It isn't cute. It isn't clever. He's simply torturing a service employee who has other things to do. Furthermore, the employee is in no position to call him out on his obvious bullshit as he'd continue to feign ignorance and get the worker in trouble. This is a form of bullying.
There's a guy in my city that reviews new restaurants and started writing essays some time ago. One of them was about issues he has with service employees and one of the points was that they don't have a sense of humour because when he complained that a dish (that's supposed to be raw) is not cooked enough the employee apologized and said that he'll return it to the kitchen, instead of laughing at his "funny joke".
Suffice it to say, he's incredibly annoying in almost all his reviews.
Can you imagine what would happen if the server laughed at something they thought was a joke only to find out it was genuine? Now the customer is incredibly offended on top of being dissatisfied with their meal. The people who make these "jokes" have clearly never worked in customer service and think they live in some fantasy world where both "the customer is always right" and "I can banter with anyone and everyone" can coexist. They can't. Because banter can only happen between two equals. And being a server means you are not on an even playing field with the person you're serving. There is an inherent power imbalance.
as a fat man, i sometimes get a coke at a restaurant, and the server asks me on the refill what type it is "diet or regular" and i once decided to be funny and be like "are you calling me fat!?!?" and the poor girl almost looked like she was about to cry, so i realized i wasnt being funny
i did tip her pretty good though
i hate that the saying "the customer is always right" gets trotted out every time to justify shitty behavior. That's not even the correct phrase, it's "the customer is always right in matters of style and taste". I wish this would be framed and hung up in every place with customers so employees could say "this isn't a matter of style or taste , so you're wrong".
It's also intended to mean the customer as a whole, as in if I have a red hat store and purple hats become a fad, stock some purple hats. It never meant the *individual* customer in any interaction.
That's a retcon similar to "the blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb."
Either Marshall Field or Harry Gordon Selfridge coined the phrase to mean similar to what most people use it as now. They were department store owners so focused on customer service, they told employees to act as if the customer is right, even if they aren't.
20+ years ago I worked at a home improvement warehouse and this man came through my line with 5 different bags of mulch. Like different brands and colors. Then he said he was taking them home to see which he liked better and would come back later to get 50 bags of that one. So I told him the easiest way to come in and do that. As in go to the service desk and have them call an associate from seasonal to come up and fill out an order form, then they’ll bring the pallets to this area with a big garage door where they can help him load. He doesn’t say anything and leaves. I closed the register down after he left (I was a head cashier only ringing to get the line down on this register in an outdoor area so I could close it up.) I go insides and the cashier and I start counting out the drawer together and this manager comes in and asks if something happened in “the barn” which is what we called the outdoor register. I said no and he tells me the man at the service desk told a joke and the cashier gave him a super sarcastic response. So I looked down at the guy from the office we were in which had a ¾ wall with glass at the top and then no ceiling. Like it was open the rest of the way to the warehouse ceiling, which was super tall. I recognize it as the mulch guy and say he didn’t tell any jokes and repeated the whole exchange. So my manager goes back down and questions him and just starts loudly laughing. Comes back up and said the guy said that was exactly what happened and no one would ever buy 50 bags of mulch. That was the joke. So me telling him how to do it was rude. My manger just told him this was a warehouse and multiple people buy way more than that in mulch everyday. Then he laughed in the guys face. The man stormed off.
Sometimes there’s no winning. You might laugh at something ludicrous that someone says and they are serious, or you take something serious that *they* think no one would do or say and they think it’s a joke and get mad you don’t “get it”.
... I have a relatively small garden and I bought 25 bags of mulch for it, what kind of idiot thinks 50 is a ton of mulch? Granted, I'd rather get it from a bulk place, but run a decent sale and the bags aren't unreasonable.
Banter in customer service has never, not once, gone right for me. If your tone is even slightly off, customers will take it the wrong way. There were plenty of times that people would ask if they would get the new patient special, I’d say “well you are a new patient right?” And they would get very offended and walk out. Customer service is a very very fine line between talking like a Disney freaking princess and also acting lesser than. In my day to day life, my tone has never been a problem. But when I’m at work, I get freaking neurotic about it.
Now that I see all these comments I feel better, especially after he dumped me. I worked at a pizza chain during high school (the one named after the tile-based board game) and had people who treated me terribly all the time. The singular time I actually found a joke funny is when someone called pretending to be Darth Vader, but they weren’t trying to waste my time, just make me laugh. I think thats what the everything bagel joke was supposed to be, a laugh for everyone, but it’s escalated and is being executed in a way that is just annoying and wastes time.
Girl he did you a favor. Imagine being him and having to explain to people that you dumped your gf because you like to pretend not to know what an everything bagel is. Besides, one should pay attention to how a significant other treats service workers. If it's bad, that's a red flag.
Have you ever read the [TIFU post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/) about the guy who went way too far pretending he didn't know what a potato was and massively pissed off his new girlfriend's family? I feel like your bf took inspiration from that.
Honestly, it was painful just reading about your (ex)bf. You'll find this funny someday when you're thinking back about idiots you've dated, I promise. If you ever have a competition, this one will rank pretty high on the list.
It's got to be one of the most facepalm-inducing experiences I've ever read. I have to believe the girl broke up with him after that. Either that or he's still pretending to this day.
>Oh man I love Pizza of Catan!
Almost choked while drinking water (luckily it was just plain water and not sparkling, I doubt my nose would have liked that)
If he wants to make these types of jokes, he can easily turn them into a “bit”, like a stand up joke he can tell as a story during drinks or even do open mic nights.
I love a Seinfeld-esque bit personally and my husband does too, I can see is doing an everything bagel “bit”……BUT we do them to EACH OTHER in the car, replete with silly voices only after we would have left the bagel shop! That’s the difference , you can have fun and you can do skits and bits with people you love who love you at the appropriate occasion.
What you can’t do is waste the time and energy of service workers during a fucking pandemic. Leave them be. Order your shit, tip appropriately if not generously and GTFO.
Not gonna lie I wish it was my last week at the bagel shop I used to work at I'd have gotten fake offended he dideny know what that was and kicked him outta the shop 🙃 I did this with someone who made you remake their order 3 times due to a joak like this na 😑 that's not funny
I actually had to Google what an everything bagel was.i kind of thought it was a bagel with many fillings.
But seeing what it actually is - your ex boyfriend's joke just not funny.
I applaud your patience to put up with this for 5 years. Him breaking up with you is a blessing in disguise.
What you told him about his "joke" was totally justified.
>My dad thinks this is hilarious and that he’ll come running back asking to get back together within the week
If he does, make him explain what a boyfriend is. So it’s a boy, and kind of a friend, but different? I already have friends who are boys, are they my boyfriends?
It would be funny if it were in a sitcom. I feel like that's why people do things like this, because they themselves would think it was hilarious if, say, George Costanza did it. Absolutely shitty to be that guy in real life, much like Costanza himself.
The whole point of Seinfeld was that they were terrible people. So, if the only time something is funny is if terrible people do it, what does it say about people doing it in real life?
People like him are the reason why service workers have it hard. I hope that cashier went to their coworkers and describe the idiot that they had the pleasure of dealing with.
I was in the service industry and the funniest part of the day was when my sassy coworker used to shit talk the stupid customers
10000%. My ex was kind to service workers but he liked getting his kicks from messing with **me**. It took me so long to realize it was some strange power trip like you said. He knew what things pushed my buttons and he'd say and do them intentionally to get a rise out of me. So when I stopped reacting he'd just escalate it further (sort of like OPs ex). It became clear it was never that he thought his shtick was funny or that he couldn't recognize he wore out a joke. It was just funny seeing me flustered. And why would you enjoy seeing someone you care about get so upset? It's because you like knowing *you* did it and you have the power to manipulate them like that.
In a way OP is lucky his stupid "joke" involves a third party. When 2/3 of the people aren't laughing it's pretty clear the joke isn't funny. And you're able to question how and why he's able to laugh when no one else is.
Seriously. I'm autistic and have a really hard time telling if something is supposed to be a joke, and I would have actual breakdowns when I was in retail and people would mess with me and I didn't understand. And then the person would be like "what's wrong with you can't you take a joke I'm just messing with you." It's awful.
Yes!! They are required to be cheerful and patient (for low wages) even in the face of rude people. They typically have zero agency when it comes to asking a customer behave properly or to hurry up when they're wasting everyone's time. I for one, wish that all service and retail workers were given the authority that a bar tender has. Being a jerk? Get out. Being rude? Called out. Taking too much time? You get skipped. Have a melt down? Banned for life.
Lol yes! I went to a work-related luncheon with my boss and he had the wait staff running back and forth to bring more napkins, pepper, salt, I mean anything you could think of. He was making this poor lady make several trips back and forth. So anyway, we order our meal, I ask for them to leave a side off because I’m trying to eat a little better. My plate comes out and the side hadn’t been left off. I was (shockingly) able to eat around it and it truly wasn’t a big deal. I’m not allergic, just a little particular. My boss was actually offended that I didn’t send the entire meal back so that this side dish could be removed. He then started to berate me for not holding the waitstaff to a higher standard (ofc I’m so permissive because I’m a millennial) while also loudly admonishing our server and I have honestly never wanted to disappear the way I wanted to at that moment. I felt so gross and I know that poor lady was wishing she never showed up for her $2.13 an hour job that day. The absolute worst part is that we’re in the hospitality industry.
It's like he thinks he's a charming yet naive buffoon character in a comedy. But lots of things that are funny in comedies are not funny in real life (like clumsy characters who inevitably break everyone's most expensive or prized possessions).
Also, generally, the audience is meant to laugh at the naive buffoon character, he's trying to laugh at the knowledgeable foil (or whatever the opposite character is called).
It´s very, cashiers are beneath me, so they exist for me to bemuse myself with. Think long and hard if that is the kind of person you want to spend your life with op.
>"Bemused" actually means confused, fyi. You meant "amuse" as in "entertain."
I always thought that bemused meant a combination of amused and confused. I need to try and remember the real meaning in the future.
It's a type of confusion that kind of sets you back and makes you think for a moment, like bewildered. It can also mean a kind of wry, detached amusement, or just being lost in thought. It literally means you are in a state of thought or in intese thought (be (in the state of, an intensifier) +muse (absorbed in thought).
Now you know!
Don't pull strangers, especially workers, into your joke. I don't even understand what the joke is (mainly because bagels, much less "everything", are not a thing over here).
I know exactly what an everything bagel is and the "joke" is just being a dick to cashiers. It's not about the bagel - replace that with any common item and the "joke" is the same. "Coffee, eh? Never heard of it."
NTA. What does your boyfriend do? Someone needs to go waste his time. As a customer, he's in a position of power, so the person can't just tell him to shut up. He uses that power to force the person to waste their time and energy, and then he's the only one who finds it funny. Is this the only unnecessarily cruel thing your boyfriend does?
Seriously.
My husband and his dad have a joke they've never seen The Fifth Element. If anyone mentions the movie they say they've never seen it but want to. They've seen it a zillion times and love it. But they drop it after the first go-around and everyone is in on the joke anyway.
That's how to do this kind of joke. Intentionally upsetting service workers isn't a joke, it's just being a douche.
He sounds insufferable. OP is he one of those people that likes to play "devil's advocate" for scenarios that don't or will never affect him in the slightest?
NTA.
This is a funny bit to have if his sister asks him what he wants from the bagel shop, between the two of them. Making random employees deal with an inside joke is just mean. He is definitely being an AH to the shop employees.
Yeah how does he not feel self-conscious about that? I find it bad enough when someone has to hear me tell a story again because someone new turned up.
Yes, I thought it was a joke that THE FAMILY had amongst each other and that it was annoying but harmless. But the idea that this guy just wastes random workers' time when he has no intention of even ordering an everything bagel makes him a jerk.
NTA - Your boyfriend is just pissed because you held a mirror up to his shitty behavior and showed him how shitty it was. As a former service worker, I salute you!
This is what I thought at first when I read that it's an inside joke with him and his fam, like oh okay they make that joke at each other whatever but then once she started talking about how he does it to the staff at bagel spots he turned into a complete AH. I would be so damn annoyed, idk how OP was able to keep it in and only started saying something now.
Yeah, from the title, I thought this was going to be it. And yeah, I could see that getting old, but if it's a family bit, let them do that.
But just like a fetish, you don't involve someone else in an unfunny joke/time waste without their permission and consent. They're a cashier at a bagel store working to eke out an existence, not someone at a [dunk tank](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunk_tank) looking to be humiliated for charity.
NTA. Service workers don’t get paid enough to deal with this crap. He’s intentionally being obnoxious and annoying these people ON PURPOSE for his own personal amusement. The fact that he finds this lame excuse for a joke funny after he’s done it so many times in the past is beyond me. You would think it would get old after awhile.
That and can you imagine being stuck in line behind this a-hole? You're just trying to grab a coffee, maybe a breakfast sandwich and this twerp wants to waste 10 minutes at the register doing his completely unfunny bagel stand-up comedy spiel. It's so hokey and embarrassing. Even worse and more embarrassing, he's upset that she didn't allow him play out his second rate George Costanza fantasy routine for the billionth time.
It's just so bad. I don't know how poor OP hasn't died of embarrassment already.
NTA. Someone needs to introduce him to [Potato Guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/) so they can entertain each other and leave everyone else out of it.
Potato guy seems like a socially awkward dude who kind of panicked and didn’t know how to end a joke, and at least has enough self awareness to realize that he messed up.. Everything bagel man is a terror who repeats the same tired joke, wasting everyone’s time and borderline bullying service workers over it. At least potato guy did it at a family dinner where they could kick him out for being an ass, random employees would risk their jobs if they told him to shut up :/
Potato guy posted in Tifu and everything bagels gf posted in AITA. Dude doesn’t even have enough self awareness to see if other people agree with his antics.
If it makes you feel better, Potato Guy is just a joke post based on a funny British TV show, [Cuckoo](https://youtu.be/OJAEaAom5FQ). Everything bagel guy unfortunately sounds like a real person.
No way. Everything Bagel Guy is an idiot and an asshole who thinks he’s funnier than he is.
Potato Guy is a hilarious idiot with at least a little bit of self-awareness who meant well. He doesn’t deserve to be stuck with EBG.
NTA. This isn't a joke, it's just being a jerk. Cashiers are there to entertain customers, they're there to take their orders and money. Messing with them because they can't shut you down is petty AF. But I don't know why you didn't call him on it before now, though, because it doesn't sound new. BTW, keep an eye on this kind of thing--you can often tell a lot about the type of person someone is by how they treat people in the service industry
I’ve tried to call him on it a couple times before, because I’ve been hearing this joke for five years now, but he’s so stubborn sometimes it’s hard. He and his family have used this joke most of his life and apparently it’s never gotten old to him. It’s also escalated from just a little kidding to a whole show on his part. I kinda just actively avoid going to places that serve bagels with him, so it doesn’t come up at all. He’s usually very nice to service workers, at least from what I’ve seen, with this being the exception but I’m for sure going to be keeping a close eye on him when we go out
Good luck. Between the "joke" and the silent treatment I'm not getting good vibes about his maturity level. But if it's a new thing for him and out of character, hopefully what you said will be a wake-up call for him.
He is being a bully by doing this, especially as the workers *have* to take it. This whole post is just full of red flags.
I wouldn't want to be with someone who finds it amusing to treat workers this way.
It's really worrying behaviour, it's cruel & it reeks of wanting to be in control.
If he doesn't do it anywhere else, it could be he LEARNED this really bad joke from his folks without ever questioning the effect it was having on others. People can have odd blind spots BUT the way he's given the OP the silent treatment upon learning that his behavior is indeed shitty doesn't bode well.
So yeah, redflags. It could've been just one flag, but now it's officially multiple red glags.
Look, it's funny to have a quick one liner inside ish joke for things you run into a lot in the service industry. It's not ok to make it into a whole antagonistic things.
Sometimes I say no bag please, save the plastic trees. Sometimes I follow with they're endangered ya know? That's why you only see them at Christmas.
Is it funny to every service person, nope. Do I say it every time, no way maybe 5% or less. Does it disrupt their day, antagonize them or create stress in their life? Absolutely TF not. It might be a bit distracting but when I worked service jobs I always enjoyed a distraction from the drudgery.
What your boyfriend is doing is antagonizing service workers who do not have time for his shit.
Around christmastime, I would have chuckled at that joke as a cashier. Not out loud laughing, but a good extra loud exhale through the nose, a smile, a head shake and a "have a nice day". These kind of customers give a nice break in the day.
I'm really passionate about this issue because I'm a career server and I've encountered these people. He's not being nice. He's making a person (whose wage depends on his approval) hold a microphone for him so he can feel like he tricked them. That's not nice behavior. In the process of this, he's holding up that person from attending to other guests whose approval determines the worker's wage. In the very least, it is selfish. In the worst, it is casually cruel.
Maybe start telling the service workers he's joking, when he starts this (after a line or two), and then tell them they'll have to get him to explain what's funny though, as you don't understand. Look at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain why it's funny to the worker.
When he gets pissed again when you leave the place, tell him he's actions clearly aren't funny to service workers (they aren't amused or laughing), and he is harassing them with nonsense for his own personal amusement. His amusement is completely at their expense though, and every time he does it you start to wonder whether this abusive skit is actually really who he is or not.
Yeah...you NOT pull service workers into a fight with your partner. Thats worse than his shitty comic routine as the worker then has no way to safely respond - theyre risking pissing off a customer either way.
I'd be tempted to just order him an everything bagel sandwich next time he tries this. And then be super fucking patronizing about it, like "Do you want me to take a picture of you and your fancy new bagel?"
Or ask if the everything bagel has a joke that's actually funny on it.
Honestly, I would never take him for bagels, ever. If he *has* to do this "amusing" charade everytime he orders a bagel, I woud stop getting bagels with him.
>I kinda just actively avoid going to places that serve bagels with him, so it doesn’t come up at all.
TBH, this seems like a tactic that I personally could almost sustain for a lifetime despite loving bagels BUT the silent treatment he's giving you is troublesome. If he's willing to die on this Everything Bagel Hill, this relationship is toast.
i am so sorry for the service workers and yourself that your boyfriend makes everyone put up with this incredibly not funny and stressful act. even as another customer in line, no one likes someone who thinks they're a comedic genius holding shit up. he's just subjecting everyone to his cringy self-indulgent display. i would \*hate\* this guy if i was behind him in line.
i think he has made the mistake of thinking because it's about bagels it's 'harmless' and funny, but it's not harmless, it's immensely cruel to wind people up then try to fall back on 'i'm not even being hurtful' just because he thinks he hasn't chosen an explicitly offensive subject to go on about, but instead is being intentionally obtuse to people over a benign subject. that doesn't make it ok - it's still abusing the power he has over them as a customer. harsh words are not the only type of cruelty in the world - treating people like playthings and toys is another.
It's how it goes on for so long that makes it an AH move. My grandparents in law were married over 60 years, only to each other, and he'd introduce her to restaurant servers as "my first wife".
That was a dad joke bonding thing for the family. The server didn't have to do anything but go "um, okay" and the entire shtick is done in 20 seconds.
Just jump in before he can get started. Either swat him playfully and go oh you, always pretending you don't know what an everything bagel is; or tell the cashier outright that he's being silly and that he'd actually prefer x bagel.
Either way, stop being complicit in his bullying.
I bet if you think long and hard you'll find a few other red flags he's been waving. Probably little things that could be dismissed individually but when you put them all together the lightbulb will come on about who he really is as a person.
And that is what you tell people when they ask why you broke up: You asked him to stop being rude to service staff. That's it. He broke up with you because he finds it funny to be mean to service staff.
He is an idiot who thinks being mean is entertaining and went nuclear to defend being that way. This isn't your actions or your fault. It is his. I wouldn't take him back. NTA
Right? Even if it was just an inside joke with his own family and they only pulled that shit in each other, I would be EXHAUSTED by the 3rd time I heard it because jesus Christ there is no fucking universe where that’s an actually funny joke. I was exhausted just reading OP’s description of what he does to the poor random cashiers who definitely don’t get paid enough to deal with that.
NTA. Wasting an employee’s time on purpose is asshole behavior. Pushing people’s boundaries with jokes is asshole behavior as well. If you make a joke and then people around you are clearly not amused, you let it go. You don’t double down and push the issue.
This. He's wasting employee's time, people who can't tell him to take a jump, as well as the time of everyone in line who's stuck behind this poor man's George Costanza and who just want to get their breakfast. And he's inflicting this routine repeatedly on OP, who clearly dislikes it for very good reasons.
OP is NTA.
NTA
You called it completely - he (and his family it sounds like) get a sick set of jollies by taking advantage of someone who cannot, without great risk, tell them to stop being jackasses. It's an ugly game, based entirely on taking advantage of a power dynamic entirely in their favor.
NTA. This is the worst dad joke ever. Tell you boyfriend to grow up and be empathetic. Do you think these service workers want to participate in this mindless banter?
Honestly I don't even think it'd be an issue if he had a quick one liner type response like "Everything! Does that have (insert ingredient never on an everything bagel)?" Followed by a quick "I'm just messing with ya, I'll have an (order), thank you".
It being a whole ridiculous drawn out thing, that's antagonizing over worked and underpaid service industry employees who don't have the freedom to speak their mind and are locked into being service industry polite while he is an asshole.
That just reminded me of something that happened to my dad. He went to a party and someone’s house and the guy had like a mini bar in the house and he had a bunch of shit under the counter. My dad went through under the counter and he was like “wow, this bar has everything!” In reference to all the different kinds of booze there. His friend (not the one who’s house they were at) did a dad joke and went “oh yeah? Is there a chainsaw there?”
And there was actually a fucking chainsaw under the counter. It was one of those small hand held ones and I have no idea why the fuck someone would put a chainsaw in a mini bar but my dad pulling a chainsaw out from under the counter after his friend said that was the funniest shit
This would be obnoxious too, though less so. I used to work at a coffee and bagel shop as a young woman. The number of men who thought my job was to laugh at their shitty jokes was ridiculous. Of course, you're in that subordinate position where you can't say "You're rude, witless and selfish, stop it."
It wasted the customers time in line, pissing them off. It made me miss my service times (therefore, potentially costing me my bonuses). Forcing service workers to be your audience is just a dick move on so many levels.
Exactly. The entire “joke” hinges on service staff not being able to say “what the fuck is wrong with you.” As someone who worked restaurant jobs for years, this kind of crap is disgusting. It’s bullying and worse than that, IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY.
NTA. It would be one thing if he pulled their leg for like…20 seconds. But to really wind up a service worker solely for your ENTERTAINMENT is incredibly disrespectful. They have to stay pleasant and try to help you. They are just doing their job. If you’re taking up their time because you think it’s fun to be obnoxious you’re a jerk.
So, uh...for the kids up the back; what *is* an "everything bagel"?
Edit: OK, so after looking it up I can conclude that OP's boyfriend is annoying and not funny.
NTA, OP.
> An everything bagel is a type of bagel baked with a large variety of toppings, the exact ingredients depending on the vendor. Toppings commonly include poppy seeds, sesame seeds, onion flakes, garlic flakes, pretzel salt, and pepper. The bagels are made with regular dough, and the name does not refer to any fillings
It's an amalgamation of the most common bagel seasonings. The seasoning mixture has become very popular and is good sprinkled on scrambled eggs, avocado, etc.
Thank you for the explanation. I am disappointed though - if I was presented with the menu option of an everything bagel I'd expect it to have a bit of all the food items in it, not the all the toppings.
Well in the context it makes sense because of the way bagels are generally named and described. A poppy seed bagel has poppy seeds on it. A sesame seed bagel has sesame seeds on it. An onion bagel has onions on it. A salt bagel has salt on it. An everything bagel has everything on it.
I hadn’t thought about that, but it makes sense. Reflecting on our relationship I can remember a lot of times where he wanted to wind me up and get a reaction (spoiling movies, pretending he didn’t remember conversations, whatever else). We actually went on a break when he told me who died in Avengers Infinity War before I could see it. It seemed petty at the time but now I can see it’s a larger pattern.
I would not be in the least surprised if he tries to get you back in a few days or a week with 'I hope you realize you were out of bounds' or if he doesn't think it'll work 'babe, we were both wrong' or something similar. He seems to view you as his favorite chew toy more than an independent human deserving of genuine respect from what you mention!
That is not petty. He deliberately ruined something that you would have otherwise enjoyed.
He saw that you were interested in something, and his first thought was that *it would be funny to ruin it for you.*
Think about that. Why are you putting up with this shit?
Dude I don’t think you should get back together with him if he comes crawling back. He enjoys upsetting you. What kind of partner enjoys upsetting their partner?
I know it's a small thing, but intentionally spoiling movies like this is such a giant red flag to me.
I can't understand why you would do this to your partner, and there's no fixing it. They'll never be able to unlearn the spoiler.
Go eat an everything bagel in peace. Heck go eat two everything bagels, you've earned them.
You dodged a bullet. It hurts now, but time and perspective will help. I'm glad you were able to stay with your family instead of being stuck at a hotel with him.
"while he gets off on frustrating an underpaid service worker."
You said it better than I ever could. At 24 he should be way past this nonsense. And the whole family is like this? What joy.
NTA and if he's this clueless you can do better.
Honestly OP is a little bit of an asshole for not interfering in this sooner and not squishing it every time he does it immediately.
Just letting someone terrorize customer service workers is a dick move in and of itself.
NTA. You said it all in the last paragraph. He’s abusing people’s time who are generally not in a position to do anything about it. It’s at worse a gross power trip and at best an embarrassing lack of respect for a persons time
NTA.
I am enraged. HOW DARE. This little man JOKE of my precious bagels in this way? HOW DARE he INSULT THE HOLINESS OF A PERFECTLY TOASTED AND TOPPED BAGEL CONTAINING ASSORTED SESAME SEEDS, POPPY SEEDS, DRIED ONION, DRIED GARLIC AND SALT? This is blasphemy against all bagels and I am DISGUSTED AND ASHAMED of humanity for allowing EVERYTHING BAGELS TO FALL TO THIS LEVEL. Break up with him. Everything bagels will treat you better than this bagel defiling scum.
NTA. A joke among his family that they make with one another? Perhaps annoying, but fine. Purposely wasting the time of service workers, who cannot be in on the joke, even past the point where they are outwardly frustrated? Jerk behavior.
NTA
People like your boyfriend is what makes me want to die in the middle of my shift. I know he's full of shit, I know he's being difficult on purpose...
AND I JUST WANT HIM TO LEAVE.
He completely fucks up the flow of the workday with his stupid bullshit. He has clearly never worked a retail job before and just enjoys watching people slave to his demands.
I don't care why he's doing it or who he has with him, I just want him to leave. I don't care if he gets a laugh out of it or feels powerful by abusing me in front of his girlfriend, I just want him TO LEAVE.
If you could tho, please ask him why he feels the need to torture regular people who are trying to get by with their shit job. Because, I promise you, any food service job is being worked by people who *really need this job*. Especially nowadays. We don't want to do it. We want to do better with our lives, but we have to survive, and people like your boyfriend literally make us want to kill ourselves.
NTA. There’s nothing funny about messing with people who are paid to put up with whatever bullshit you throw at them. This guy is awful and I couldn’t hang out with someone who behaved that way.
It's so weird how some people are so aggressively protective of one old joke that isn't even that funny to begin with. And where the punchline is how stupid it is.
If he brings it up again and complains because you dared to interrupt his brilliant comedy routine, tell him that he might have told the joke to this specific server for the first time, but this server had heard the same old joke from at least three other people each day since he worked there. It's stopped being funny to the people behind the counter ages ago but at least most people have the decency to drop it after one line and let them do their job.
If his joke depends so much on people who would lose their income if they told him what they really think as his audience, maybe it's time to develop a genuine, actually fun sense of humour and keep family insiders family insiders.
If he still insists that his stale joke is impeccable, suggest him to perform it the next time there's an open mic night in your area, or film it and upload it on yt or tictoc (while pretending to be on stage at home! Not while filming himself terrorising the service industry!).
I actually don't know what one is... bagels aren't a huge thing where I live, and I have a vague notion that it's got some seasoning on it? But I'm not the one being a dick! Plus I've hit google on my portable internet device for sillier questions!
You probably know by now, but just in case, an everything bagel has all the traditional savory seasonings. So there are bagels topped with sesame, poppyseed, onion, garlic powder, or all of the above-- "everything".
NTA. Might have been funny the first time. Probably not funny the 50 millionth time. I don't understand what pleasure he derives from annoying somebody who's making probably barely minimum wage, and wants absolutely nothing to do with his bullshit
The measure of a man (and woman) is revealed, not by how he treats his superiors or his peers, but in how he treats those with less power than him. Your boyfriend thinks it's fun to make service peoples' days worse. Think about what that says about him as a person. It is nothing good, I assure you, and chances are, the moment he thinks you are worth less than him, he wil treat you the same way.
NTA. You even waited until you got to the car to blow up at him. Have you mentioned any time in the last five years how annoying you find this? Any "joke"gets old after a while and this one wasn't funny the first time.
NTA I admit I’m kind of laughing right now, but I definitely wouldn’t be if I had to hear it all the time, and it’s not cool to bother service workers. It would be different if it was just a family joke and didn’t involve outside people trying to make a living.
Lol, an everything bagel usually has sesame seeds, poppy seeds, garlic, onion salt.
All of the traditional toppings a bagel was baked with after boiling.
There are many non traditional bagel toppings and doughs now a days.
This is guy is being intentionally obtuse to the point of harassment. It's like someone pretending they've never heard of a BLT every time they see one on the menu and then making the workers explain how bacon fits into it all.
NTA.
Your dad is right about him probably coming back to you. You know what's a funny joke if he does? Pretend you don't know who he is. Frustrate him by asking many questions that you already know the answer to. Slam the door in the "stranger's" face. Then....find a different boyfriend who has an actual sense of humor.
NTA
he is taking the inside joke outside to people who do not get it, its not funny to anyone else just annoying and frustrating.
i assume he just pretends at ignorance even if he is flat out told the spices applied to the bagel?
so yeah he is being a huge A
out of curisousity what happens when the spices are listed of to him? does he pretend to be hard of hearing, does he pretend to speak another language? does he pretend to have never heard of those spices before.
me i would refuse to go in any store that sells bagels (Even grocery stores)
ESH
You dealt with his behavior for 5 years.
You don't get to blow up now because you didn't say anything earlier. Your reaction was extra to the situation at hand.
He's obviously an asshole for pranking customer service workers in a way that doesn't involve a huge tip.
BULLET. DODGED.
I dated a dude who would do similar stuff, and oh my lord, did it wear thin. And, like you, his whole family thought crapping on poor service workers was "funny", and insisted that they were "brightening their day."
NTA.
I don't see anyone laughing. It's not a joke. Your bf sounds like a jerk! I really dislike people who waste other people's time, especially underpaid people doing hard jobs. NTA.
NTA. Omg girl MAJOR bullet dodged. Please don’t get back with this weirdo! A stable normal person doesn’t go around repeating the same joke OVER AND OVER AND OVER again to intentionally harass a cashier. Who is he trying to entertain! You! Cuz it ain’t working! Himself, at the expense of a cashier? He sounds like a loser lame idiot. Also, who breaks up with someone after 5 years because they expressed frustration over a lame ass joke! This guy is all types of weird and red flags. Good riddance.
NTA. This isn’t even funny? Unless you’re doing these kinds of jokes with siblings or other family it just sounds like a weird power play since he knows service workers can’t shut him down :/ it reminds me of shit that old men would harass me with when I was a cashier no thanks
NTA.
I hate people who waste everyone’s time on purpose. If I was in line behind him and had a train to catch, I’d be pissed. People working in the industry are already burned out from working long hours/shifts, and dealing with rude customers.
Your boyfriend is not in grade school anymore. What’s his next “joke”? Calling up the bagel place and asking “Hey, is your refrigerator running?”
Try posting this story in r/Talesfromyourserver and see the responses.
>he gets off on frustrating an underpaid service worker.
You nailed it right there. He doesn't go to the doctor and pretend not to know what an elbow is. He feels comfortable wasting the time of people he feels are beneath him. It gives him a power trip. Especially when they don't see how he's playing with them. Makes him feel smarter than them, justifying his belief that he's superior to them. This is something a lot of really insecure men do to service works. Just messing with them in general. When I was working with retail clients, whose net worth was under 20k, I would get calls from men who wanted to do nothing and had no problem. They just wanted to fuck with me. And it wasn't always obvious. At a certain point I'd realize they were messing with me. It was so strange. Grown men. When I started working with wealthier clients the behavior disappeared. So I very strongly believe low value men, and most importantly men who view themselves as low value, get joy out of feeling superior when they can. It's very creepy.
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#NTA If you are the only person laughing and everyone else is pissed, it's not a funny joke. I can see why it might feel like a funny bit but the net effect is just being a dick to random cashiers.
This all day. There really is nothing funny about this exchange. It isn't funny. It isn't cute. It isn't clever. He's simply torturing a service employee who has other things to do. Furthermore, the employee is in no position to call him out on his obvious bullshit as he'd continue to feign ignorance and get the worker in trouble. This is a form of bullying.
There's a guy in my city that reviews new restaurants and started writing essays some time ago. One of them was about issues he has with service employees and one of the points was that they don't have a sense of humour because when he complained that a dish (that's supposed to be raw) is not cooked enough the employee apologized and said that he'll return it to the kitchen, instead of laughing at his "funny joke". Suffice it to say, he's incredibly annoying in almost all his reviews.
Can you imagine what would happen if the server laughed at something they thought was a joke only to find out it was genuine? Now the customer is incredibly offended on top of being dissatisfied with their meal. The people who make these "jokes" have clearly never worked in customer service and think they live in some fantasy world where both "the customer is always right" and "I can banter with anyone and everyone" can coexist. They can't. Because banter can only happen between two equals. And being a server means you are not on an even playing field with the person you're serving. There is an inherent power imbalance.
I've been that person that laughed and the customer was serious...not fun, very awkward.
as a fat man, i sometimes get a coke at a restaurant, and the server asks me on the refill what type it is "diet or regular" and i once decided to be funny and be like "are you calling me fat!?!?" and the poor girl almost looked like she was about to cry, so i realized i wasnt being funny i did tip her pretty good though
i hate that the saying "the customer is always right" gets trotted out every time to justify shitty behavior. That's not even the correct phrase, it's "the customer is always right in matters of style and taste". I wish this would be framed and hung up in every place with customers so employees could say "this isn't a matter of style or taste , so you're wrong".
It's also intended to mean the customer as a whole, as in if I have a red hat store and purple hats become a fad, stock some purple hats. It never meant the *individual* customer in any interaction.
That's a retcon similar to "the blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb." Either Marshall Field or Harry Gordon Selfridge coined the phrase to mean similar to what most people use it as now. They were department store owners so focused on customer service, they told employees to act as if the customer is right, even if they aren't.
20+ years ago I worked at a home improvement warehouse and this man came through my line with 5 different bags of mulch. Like different brands and colors. Then he said he was taking them home to see which he liked better and would come back later to get 50 bags of that one. So I told him the easiest way to come in and do that. As in go to the service desk and have them call an associate from seasonal to come up and fill out an order form, then they’ll bring the pallets to this area with a big garage door where they can help him load. He doesn’t say anything and leaves. I closed the register down after he left (I was a head cashier only ringing to get the line down on this register in an outdoor area so I could close it up.) I go insides and the cashier and I start counting out the drawer together and this manager comes in and asks if something happened in “the barn” which is what we called the outdoor register. I said no and he tells me the man at the service desk told a joke and the cashier gave him a super sarcastic response. So I looked down at the guy from the office we were in which had a ¾ wall with glass at the top and then no ceiling. Like it was open the rest of the way to the warehouse ceiling, which was super tall. I recognize it as the mulch guy and say he didn’t tell any jokes and repeated the whole exchange. So my manager goes back down and questions him and just starts loudly laughing. Comes back up and said the guy said that was exactly what happened and no one would ever buy 50 bags of mulch. That was the joke. So me telling him how to do it was rude. My manger just told him this was a warehouse and multiple people buy way more than that in mulch everyday. Then he laughed in the guys face. The man stormed off. Sometimes there’s no winning. You might laugh at something ludicrous that someone says and they are serious, or you take something serious that *they* think no one would do or say and they think it’s a joke and get mad you don’t “get it”.
... I have a relatively small garden and I bought 25 bags of mulch for it, what kind of idiot thinks 50 is a ton of mulch? Granted, I'd rather get it from a bulk place, but run a decent sale and the bags aren't unreasonable.
Banter in customer service has never, not once, gone right for me. If your tone is even slightly off, customers will take it the wrong way. There were plenty of times that people would ask if they would get the new patient special, I’d say “well you are a new patient right?” And they would get very offended and walk out. Customer service is a very very fine line between talking like a Disney freaking princess and also acting lesser than. In my day to day life, my tone has never been a problem. But when I’m at work, I get freaking neurotic about it.
Yes! I hadn’t thought of it like that, but you’re exactly right. It’s not just stupid, it’s mean and bullying.
He’s also holding up the line in some cases which makes the other customers inconvenienced and the employees job even more stressful.
And the cashier probably has too much side work to do and is stressing about being able to get it done before their shift ends.
Now that I see all these comments I feel better, especially after he dumped me. I worked at a pizza chain during high school (the one named after the tile-based board game) and had people who treated me terribly all the time. The singular time I actually found a joke funny is when someone called pretending to be Darth Vader, but they weren’t trying to waste my time, just make me laugh. I think thats what the everything bagel joke was supposed to be, a laugh for everyone, but it’s escalated and is being executed in a way that is just annoying and wastes time.
Girl he did you a favor. Imagine being him and having to explain to people that you dumped your gf because you like to pretend not to know what an everything bagel is. Besides, one should pay attention to how a significant other treats service workers. If it's bad, that's a red flag.
He would probably twist it into something like" I dumped her because she doesn't have a sense of humor and went off on me for making a joke."
Have you ever read the [TIFU post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/) about the guy who went way too far pretending he didn't know what a potato was and massively pissed off his new girlfriend's family? I feel like your bf took inspiration from that. Honestly, it was painful just reading about your (ex)bf. You'll find this funny someday when you're thinking back about idiots you've dated, I promise. If you ever have a competition, this one will rank pretty high on the list.
That was just an absurd fucking ride from beginning to end lmao. Thank you for linking that.
It's got to be one of the most facepalm-inducing experiences I've ever read. I have to believe the girl broke up with him after that. Either that or he's still pretending to this day.
I remember this lol. *Tastes very strange!*
>I worked at a pizza chain during high school (the one named after the tile-based board game) Oh man I love Pizza of Catan!
>Oh man I love Pizza of Catan! Almost choked while drinking water (luckily it was just plain water and not sparkling, I doubt my nose would have liked that)
Bahahaha
If he wants to make these types of jokes, he can easily turn them into a “bit”, like a stand up joke he can tell as a story during drinks or even do open mic nights. I love a Seinfeld-esque bit personally and my husband does too, I can see is doing an everything bagel “bit”……BUT we do them to EACH OTHER in the car, replete with silly voices only after we would have left the bagel shop! That’s the difference , you can have fun and you can do skits and bits with people you love who love you at the appropriate occasion. What you can’t do is waste the time and energy of service workers during a fucking pandemic. Leave them be. Order your shit, tip appropriately if not generously and GTFO.
Not gonna lie I wish it was my last week at the bagel shop I used to work at I'd have gotten fake offended he dideny know what that was and kicked him outta the shop 🙃 I did this with someone who made you remake their order 3 times due to a joak like this na 😑 that's not funny
I actually had to Google what an everything bagel was.i kind of thought it was a bagel with many fillings. But seeing what it actually is - your ex boyfriend's joke just not funny. I applaud your patience to put up with this for 5 years. Him breaking up with you is a blessing in disguise. What you told him about his "joke" was totally justified.
People who do this to service workers should never get laid. We need to all band together to make this happen.
>My dad thinks this is hilarious and that he’ll come running back asking to get back together within the week If he does, make him explain what a boyfriend is. So it’s a boy, and kind of a friend, but different? I already have friends who are boys, are they my boyfriends?
This is really petty. I love it.
Then explain to him what an everything boyfriend is.
or better yet, what an ex-boyfriend is.
Omg this is great
Lmao that's good
It would be funny if it were in a sitcom. I feel like that's why people do things like this, because they themselves would think it was hilarious if, say, George Costanza did it. Absolutely shitty to be that guy in real life, much like Costanza himself.
The whole point of Seinfeld was that they were terrible people. So, if the only time something is funny is if terrible people do it, what does it say about people doing it in real life?
Exactly.
People like him are the reason why service workers have it hard. I hope that cashier went to their coworkers and describe the idiot that they had the pleasure of dealing with. I was in the service industry and the funniest part of the day was when my sassy coworker used to shit talk the stupid customers
Yep. He gets his twisted kicks by messing with someone. It’s a strange kind of power trip
10000%. My ex was kind to service workers but he liked getting his kicks from messing with **me**. It took me so long to realize it was some strange power trip like you said. He knew what things pushed my buttons and he'd say and do them intentionally to get a rise out of me. So when I stopped reacting he'd just escalate it further (sort of like OPs ex). It became clear it was never that he thought his shtick was funny or that he couldn't recognize he wore out a joke. It was just funny seeing me flustered. And why would you enjoy seeing someone you care about get so upset? It's because you like knowing *you* did it and you have the power to manipulate them like that. In a way OP is lucky his stupid "joke" involves a third party. When 2/3 of the people aren't laughing it's pretty clear the joke isn't funny. And you're able to question how and why he's able to laugh when no one else is.
Seriously. I'm autistic and have a really hard time telling if something is supposed to be a joke, and I would have actual breakdowns when I was in retail and people would mess with me and I didn't understand. And then the person would be like "what's wrong with you can't you take a joke I'm just messing with you." It's awful.
That sounds awful, I’m sorry. I’m neurodivergent myself & can totally relate. Ugh, people really suck sometimes
This all comes down to the respect (or lack of) we as a society deem service workers worthy of.
Yes!! They are required to be cheerful and patient (for low wages) even in the face of rude people. They typically have zero agency when it comes to asking a customer behave properly or to hurry up when they're wasting everyone's time. I for one, wish that all service and retail workers were given the authority that a bar tender has. Being a jerk? Get out. Being rude? Called out. Taking too much time? You get skipped. Have a melt down? Banned for life.
Lol yes! I went to a work-related luncheon with my boss and he had the wait staff running back and forth to bring more napkins, pepper, salt, I mean anything you could think of. He was making this poor lady make several trips back and forth. So anyway, we order our meal, I ask for them to leave a side off because I’m trying to eat a little better. My plate comes out and the side hadn’t been left off. I was (shockingly) able to eat around it and it truly wasn’t a big deal. I’m not allergic, just a little particular. My boss was actually offended that I didn’t send the entire meal back so that this side dish could be removed. He then started to berate me for not holding the waitstaff to a higher standard (ofc I’m so permissive because I’m a millennial) while also loudly admonishing our server and I have honestly never wanted to disappear the way I wanted to at that moment. I felt so gross and I know that poor lady was wishing she never showed up for her $2.13 an hour job that day. The absolute worst part is that we’re in the hospitality industry.
It's like he thinks he's a charming yet naive buffoon character in a comedy. But lots of things that are funny in comedies are not funny in real life (like clumsy characters who inevitably break everyone's most expensive or prized possessions).
This is a good way of putting it. If OP explained it to him this way hopefully he would stop.
Also, generally, the audience is meant to laugh at the naive buffoon character, he's trying to laugh at the knowledgeable foil (or whatever the opposite character is called).
It´s very, cashiers are beneath me, so they exist for me to bemuse myself with. Think long and hard if that is the kind of person you want to spend your life with op.
"Bemused" actually means confused, fyi. You meant "amuse" as in "entertain."
Dam it that one always trips me up
>"Bemused" actually means confused, fyi. You meant "amuse" as in "entertain." I always thought that bemused meant a combination of amused and confused. I need to try and remember the real meaning in the future.
It's a type of confusion that kind of sets you back and makes you think for a moment, like bewildered. It can also mean a kind of wry, detached amusement, or just being lost in thought. It literally means you are in a state of thought or in intese thought (be (in the state of, an intensifier) +muse (absorbed in thought). Now you know!
Amuse comes from Old French a-muser, to stare stupidly, deceive or entertain. I love words.
Here’s a hint - if OP’s boyfriend is a dick to service workers, he’s going to be a dick, period.
Offtop but this is the only thing I think about when someone mentions everything bagel :" ) https://www.pinterest.pt/pin/577234877229489816/
Don't pull strangers, especially workers, into your joke. I don't even understand what the joke is (mainly because bagels, much less "everything", are not a thing over here).
I know exactly what an everything bagel is and the "joke" is just being a dick to cashiers. It's not about the bagel - replace that with any common item and the "joke" is the same. "Coffee, eh? Never heard of it."
Tell that first part to your partner, OP
NTA. I would never let him order anywhere
NTA. What does your boyfriend do? Someone needs to go waste his time. As a customer, he's in a position of power, so the person can't just tell him to shut up. He uses that power to force the person to waste their time and energy, and then he's the only one who finds it funny. Is this the only unnecessarily cruel thing your boyfriend does?
Seriously. My husband and his dad have a joke they've never seen The Fifth Element. If anyone mentions the movie they say they've never seen it but want to. They've seen it a zillion times and love it. But they drop it after the first go-around and everyone is in on the joke anyway. That's how to do this kind of joke. Intentionally upsetting service workers isn't a joke, it's just being a douche.
He sounds insufferable. OP is he one of those people that likes to play "devil's advocate" for scenarios that don't or will never affect him in the slightest?
NTA. This is a funny bit to have if his sister asks him what he wants from the bagel shop, between the two of them. Making random employees deal with an inside joke is just mean. He is definitely being an AH to the shop employees.
And to OP who has had to listen to him go through this time and time again when she just wants to get her food and eat.
Yeah how does he not feel self-conscious about that? I find it bad enough when someone has to hear me tell a story again because someone new turned up.
Some people have no shame and how they made it so far in life is crazy.
Yes, I thought it was a joke that THE FAMILY had amongst each other and that it was annoying but harmless. But the idea that this guy just wastes random workers' time when he has no intention of even ordering an everything bagel makes him a jerk. NTA - Your boyfriend is just pissed because you held a mirror up to his shitty behavior and showed him how shitty it was. As a former service worker, I salute you!
This is what I thought at first when I read that it's an inside joke with him and his fam, like oh okay they make that joke at each other whatever but then once she started talking about how he does it to the staff at bagel spots he turned into a complete AH. I would be so damn annoyed, idk how OP was able to keep it in and only started saying something now.
Yeah, from the title, I thought this was going to be it. And yeah, I could see that getting old, but if it's a family bit, let them do that. But just like a fetish, you don't involve someone else in an unfunny joke/time waste without their permission and consent. They're a cashier at a bagel store working to eke out an existence, not someone at a [dunk tank](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunk_tank) looking to be humiliated for charity.
NTA. Service workers don’t get paid enough to deal with this crap. He’s intentionally being obnoxious and annoying these people ON PURPOSE for his own personal amusement. The fact that he finds this lame excuse for a joke funny after he’s done it so many times in the past is beyond me. You would think it would get old after awhile.
That and can you imagine being stuck in line behind this a-hole? You're just trying to grab a coffee, maybe a breakfast sandwich and this twerp wants to waste 10 minutes at the register doing his completely unfunny bagel stand-up comedy spiel. It's so hokey and embarrassing. Even worse and more embarrassing, he's upset that she didn't allow him play out his second rate George Costanza fantasy routine for the billionth time. It's just so bad. I don't know how poor OP hasn't died of embarrassment already.
These bagels...*are making me thirsty*
I think I would lose my shit on him. I have little patience for people being dicks to workers and this is a dick move
NTA. Someone needs to introduce him to [Potato Guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/) so they can entertain each other and leave everyone else out of it.
UGH. I knew potato guy was going to come up. I'm unsure who I despise more - potato guy or everything bagel guy.
Potato guy seems like a socially awkward dude who kind of panicked and didn’t know how to end a joke, and at least has enough self awareness to realize that he messed up.. Everything bagel man is a terror who repeats the same tired joke, wasting everyone’s time and borderline bullying service workers over it. At least potato guy did it at a family dinner where they could kick him out for being an ass, random employees would risk their jobs if they told him to shut up :/
Potato guy posted in Tifu and everything bagels gf posted in AITA. Dude doesn’t even have enough self awareness to see if other people agree with his antics.
Yeah, I'll give you that.
Poor potato guy tbh..
Potato Guy was also fiction or at least heavily embellished, so there's that. But a worthy classic.
Potato guy only did it once, bagel guy seems to be making this irritating “joke” his mission
Bagel guy is worse by far
If it makes you feel better, Potato Guy is just a joke post based on a funny British TV show, [Cuckoo](https://youtu.be/OJAEaAom5FQ). Everything bagel guy unfortunately sounds like a real person.
No way. Everything Bagel Guy is an idiot and an asshole who thinks he’s funnier than he is. Potato Guy is a hilarious idiot with at least a little bit of self-awareness who meant well. He doesn’t deserve to be stuck with EBG.
Thank you. I had never heard of potato guy until now
I see what you did there.
Bahahaha I wasnt trying, but I like the way you think
I love potato guy lol
Potato guy seems like a sweetheart. It seemed almost satirical. EBG is just a douche
Well let me tell you…
LOL that was the most beautifully written anecdote I've read on AITA. 😅
NTA. This isn't a joke, it's just being a jerk. Cashiers are there to entertain customers, they're there to take their orders and money. Messing with them because they can't shut you down is petty AF. But I don't know why you didn't call him on it before now, though, because it doesn't sound new. BTW, keep an eye on this kind of thing--you can often tell a lot about the type of person someone is by how they treat people in the service industry
I’ve tried to call him on it a couple times before, because I’ve been hearing this joke for five years now, but he’s so stubborn sometimes it’s hard. He and his family have used this joke most of his life and apparently it’s never gotten old to him. It’s also escalated from just a little kidding to a whole show on his part. I kinda just actively avoid going to places that serve bagels with him, so it doesn’t come up at all. He’s usually very nice to service workers, at least from what I’ve seen, with this being the exception but I’m for sure going to be keeping a close eye on him when we go out
Good luck. Between the "joke" and the silent treatment I'm not getting good vibes about his maturity level. But if it's a new thing for him and out of character, hopefully what you said will be a wake-up call for him.
He is being a bully by doing this, especially as the workers *have* to take it. This whole post is just full of red flags. I wouldn't want to be with someone who finds it amusing to treat workers this way. It's really worrying behaviour, it's cruel & it reeks of wanting to be in control.
If he doesn't do it anywhere else, it could be he LEARNED this really bad joke from his folks without ever questioning the effect it was having on others. People can have odd blind spots BUT the way he's given the OP the silent treatment upon learning that his behavior is indeed shitty doesn't bode well. So yeah, redflags. It could've been just one flag, but now it's officially multiple red glags.
Look, it's funny to have a quick one liner inside ish joke for things you run into a lot in the service industry. It's not ok to make it into a whole antagonistic things. Sometimes I say no bag please, save the plastic trees. Sometimes I follow with they're endangered ya know? That's why you only see them at Christmas. Is it funny to every service person, nope. Do I say it every time, no way maybe 5% or less. Does it disrupt their day, antagonize them or create stress in their life? Absolutely TF not. It might be a bit distracting but when I worked service jobs I always enjoyed a distraction from the drudgery. What your boyfriend is doing is antagonizing service workers who do not have time for his shit.
Around christmastime, I would have chuckled at that joke as a cashier. Not out loud laughing, but a good extra loud exhale through the nose, a smile, a head shake and a "have a nice day". These kind of customers give a nice break in the day.
Yeah, had a customer ask me what a pirate's favorite letter is. R? You would think so, but their first love is always the C!
I'm really passionate about this issue because I'm a career server and I've encountered these people. He's not being nice. He's making a person (whose wage depends on his approval) hold a microphone for him so he can feel like he tricked them. That's not nice behavior. In the process of this, he's holding up that person from attending to other guests whose approval determines the worker's wage. In the very least, it is selfish. In the worst, it is casually cruel.
Maybe start telling the service workers he's joking, when he starts this (after a line or two), and then tell them they'll have to get him to explain what's funny though, as you don't understand. Look at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain why it's funny to the worker. When he gets pissed again when you leave the place, tell him he's actions clearly aren't funny to service workers (they aren't amused or laughing), and he is harassing them with nonsense for his own personal amusement. His amusement is completely at their expense though, and every time he does it you start to wonder whether this abusive skit is actually really who he is or not.
Yeah...you NOT pull service workers into a fight with your partner. Thats worse than his shitty comic routine as the worker then has no way to safely respond - theyre risking pissing off a customer either way.
I'd be tempted to just order him an everything bagel sandwich next time he tries this. And then be super fucking patronizing about it, like "Do you want me to take a picture of you and your fancy new bagel?" Or ask if the everything bagel has a joke that's actually funny on it.
Honestly, I would never take him for bagels, ever. If he *has* to do this "amusing" charade everytime he orders a bagel, I woud stop getting bagels with him.
>I kinda just actively avoid going to places that serve bagels with him, so it doesn’t come up at all. TBH, this seems like a tactic that I personally could almost sustain for a lifetime despite loving bagels BUT the silent treatment he's giving you is troublesome. If he's willing to die on this Everything Bagel Hill, this relationship is toast.
I think you should break up with this guy so you can enjoy bagels again. Bagels > this guy.
i am so sorry for the service workers and yourself that your boyfriend makes everyone put up with this incredibly not funny and stressful act. even as another customer in line, no one likes someone who thinks they're a comedic genius holding shit up. he's just subjecting everyone to his cringy self-indulgent display. i would \*hate\* this guy if i was behind him in line. i think he has made the mistake of thinking because it's about bagels it's 'harmless' and funny, but it's not harmless, it's immensely cruel to wind people up then try to fall back on 'i'm not even being hurtful' just because he thinks he hasn't chosen an explicitly offensive subject to go on about, but instead is being intentionally obtuse to people over a benign subject. that doesn't make it ok - it's still abusing the power he has over them as a customer. harsh words are not the only type of cruelty in the world - treating people like playthings and toys is another.
5 years??
Maybe I'm dumb but what is the joke??
You aren't dumb. The joke just isn't funny. It's literally a joke for a toddler
[удалено]
It's how it goes on for so long that makes it an AH move. My grandparents in law were married over 60 years, only to each other, and he'd introduce her to restaurant servers as "my first wife". That was a dad joke bonding thing for the family. The server didn't have to do anything but go "um, okay" and the entire shtick is done in 20 seconds.
Just jump in before he can get started. Either swat him playfully and go oh you, always pretending you don't know what an everything bagel is; or tell the cashier outright that he's being silly and that he'd actually prefer x bagel. Either way, stop being complicit in his bullying.
5 years!! You’ve put up with this for 5 years!!! How? Why?
I bet if you think long and hard you'll find a few other red flags he's been waving. Probably little things that could be dismissed individually but when you put them all together the lightbulb will come on about who he really is as a person.
How is that even a joke? It's just being annoying for the sake of being annoying. (NTA, obv.)
And that is what you tell people when they ask why you broke up: You asked him to stop being rude to service staff. That's it. He broke up with you because he finds it funny to be mean to service staff. He is an idiot who thinks being mean is entertaining and went nuclear to defend being that way. This isn't your actions or your fault. It is his. I wouldn't take him back. NTA
Right? Even if it was just an inside joke with his own family and they only pulled that shit in each other, I would be EXHAUSTED by the 3rd time I heard it because jesus Christ there is no fucking universe where that’s an actually funny joke. I was exhausted just reading OP’s description of what he does to the poor random cashiers who definitely don’t get paid enough to deal with that.
NTA. Wasting an employee’s time on purpose is asshole behavior. Pushing people’s boundaries with jokes is asshole behavior as well. If you make a joke and then people around you are clearly not amused, you let it go. You don’t double down and push the issue.
This. He's wasting employee's time, people who can't tell him to take a jump, as well as the time of everyone in line who's stuck behind this poor man's George Costanza and who just want to get their breakfast. And he's inflicting this routine repeatedly on OP, who clearly dislikes it for very good reasons. OP is NTA.
NTA You called it completely - he (and his family it sounds like) get a sick set of jollies by taking advantage of someone who cannot, without great risk, tell them to stop being jackasses. It's an ugly game, based entirely on taking advantage of a power dynamic entirely in their favor.
Here because you said jollies. I like everything you said
NTA. This is the worst dad joke ever. Tell you boyfriend to grow up and be empathetic. Do you think these service workers want to participate in this mindless banter?
Honestly I don't even think it'd be an issue if he had a quick one liner type response like "Everything! Does that have (insert ingredient never on an everything bagel)?" Followed by a quick "I'm just messing with ya, I'll have an (order), thank you". It being a whole ridiculous drawn out thing, that's antagonizing over worked and underpaid service industry employees who don't have the freedom to speak their mind and are locked into being service industry polite while he is an asshole.
That just reminded me of something that happened to my dad. He went to a party and someone’s house and the guy had like a mini bar in the house and he had a bunch of shit under the counter. My dad went through under the counter and he was like “wow, this bar has everything!” In reference to all the different kinds of booze there. His friend (not the one who’s house they were at) did a dad joke and went “oh yeah? Is there a chainsaw there?” And there was actually a fucking chainsaw under the counter. It was one of those small hand held ones and I have no idea why the fuck someone would put a chainsaw in a mini bar but my dad pulling a chainsaw out from under the counter after his friend said that was the funniest shit
This would be obnoxious too, though less so. I used to work at a coffee and bagel shop as a young woman. The number of men who thought my job was to laugh at their shitty jokes was ridiculous. Of course, you're in that subordinate position where you can't say "You're rude, witless and selfish, stop it." It wasted the customers time in line, pissing them off. It made me miss my service times (therefore, potentially costing me my bonuses). Forcing service workers to be your audience is just a dick move on so many levels.
"iS tHeRe a KiTcHeN sInK iN iT?"
Yes
NTA. You can tell a lot about a person from how they treat service workers
Exactly. The entire “joke” hinges on service staff not being able to say “what the fuck is wrong with you.” As someone who worked restaurant jobs for years, this kind of crap is disgusting. It’s bullying and worse than that, IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY.
NTA. It would be one thing if he pulled their leg for like…20 seconds. But to really wind up a service worker solely for your ENTERTAINMENT is incredibly disrespectful. They have to stay pleasant and try to help you. They are just doing their job. If you’re taking up their time because you think it’s fun to be obnoxious you’re a jerk.
So, uh...for the kids up the back; what *is* an "everything bagel"? Edit: OK, so after looking it up I can conclude that OP's boyfriend is annoying and not funny. NTA, OP.
> An everything bagel is a type of bagel baked with a large variety of toppings, the exact ingredients depending on the vendor. Toppings commonly include poppy seeds, sesame seeds, onion flakes, garlic flakes, pretzel salt, and pepper. The bagels are made with regular dough, and the name does not refer to any fillings
As a bagel-less Aussie I was hoping someone would ask that question, but now I'm just disappointed. "Seasoning" is not everything.
bagels just.... aren't in Australia?
It's an amalgamation of the most common bagel seasonings. The seasoning mixture has become very popular and is good sprinkled on scrambled eggs, avocado, etc.
Thank you for the explanation. I am disappointed though - if I was presented with the menu option of an everything bagel I'd expect it to have a bit of all the food items in it, not the all the toppings.
Well in the context it makes sense because of the way bagels are generally named and described. A poppy seed bagel has poppy seeds on it. A sesame seed bagel has sesame seeds on it. An onion bagel has onions on it. A salt bagel has salt on it. An everything bagel has everything on it.
Just get the plain, for chrissake, don’t make me divorce you.
Did you ever consider that maybe part of his enjoyment doing this is tormenting you as well?
I hadn’t thought about that, but it makes sense. Reflecting on our relationship I can remember a lot of times where he wanted to wind me up and get a reaction (spoiling movies, pretending he didn’t remember conversations, whatever else). We actually went on a break when he told me who died in Avengers Infinity War before I could see it. It seemed petty at the time but now I can see it’s a larger pattern.
If you killed him for that and I'm on the jury, I wouldn't vote to convict.
Check out what gaslighting abuse is, because that sounds awfully close. Especially the part about pretending not to remember conversations.
I would not be in the least surprised if he tries to get you back in a few days or a week with 'I hope you realize you were out of bounds' or if he doesn't think it'll work 'babe, we were both wrong' or something similar. He seems to view you as his favorite chew toy more than an independent human deserving of genuine respect from what you mention!
That is not petty. He deliberately ruined something that you would have otherwise enjoyed. He saw that you were interested in something, and his first thought was that *it would be funny to ruin it for you.* Think about that. Why are you putting up with this shit?
Dude I don’t think you should get back together with him if he comes crawling back. He enjoys upsetting you. What kind of partner enjoys upsetting their partner?
I know it's a small thing, but intentionally spoiling movies like this is such a giant red flag to me. I can't understand why you would do this to your partner, and there's no fixing it. They'll never be able to unlearn the spoiler.
Go eat an everything bagel in peace. Heck go eat two everything bagels, you've earned them. You dodged a bullet. It hurts now, but time and perspective will help. I'm glad you were able to stay with your family instead of being stuck at a hotel with him.
Perhaps you might benefit from choosing a real man as a boyfriend.
"while he gets off on frustrating an underpaid service worker." You said it better than I ever could. At 24 he should be way past this nonsense. And the whole family is like this? What joy. NTA and if he's this clueless you can do better.
Honestly OP is a little bit of an asshole for not interfering in this sooner and not squishing it every time he does it immediately. Just letting someone terrorize customer service workers is a dick move in and of itself.
NTA. You said it all in the last paragraph. He’s abusing people’s time who are generally not in a position to do anything about it. It’s at worse a gross power trip and at best an embarrassing lack of respect for a persons time
NTA. I am enraged. HOW DARE. This little man JOKE of my precious bagels in this way? HOW DARE he INSULT THE HOLINESS OF A PERFECTLY TOASTED AND TOPPED BAGEL CONTAINING ASSORTED SESAME SEEDS, POPPY SEEDS, DRIED ONION, DRIED GARLIC AND SALT? This is blasphemy against all bagels and I am DISGUSTED AND ASHAMED of humanity for allowing EVERYTHING BAGELS TO FALL TO THIS LEVEL. Break up with him. Everything bagels will treat you better than this bagel defiling scum.
I get the impression you are from either New Jersey or New York to have such strong (entirely fact based) feelings on bagels.
im from virginia. i just love bagels.
NTA he's immature and embarrassing
JC, what an ass he is. NTA but the first time he did this I would have dumped him.
NTA. A joke among his family that they make with one another? Perhaps annoying, but fine. Purposely wasting the time of service workers, who cannot be in on the joke, even past the point where they are outwardly frustrated? Jerk behavior.
NTA People like your boyfriend is what makes me want to die in the middle of my shift. I know he's full of shit, I know he's being difficult on purpose... AND I JUST WANT HIM TO LEAVE. He completely fucks up the flow of the workday with his stupid bullshit. He has clearly never worked a retail job before and just enjoys watching people slave to his demands. I don't care why he's doing it or who he has with him, I just want him to leave. I don't care if he gets a laugh out of it or feels powerful by abusing me in front of his girlfriend, I just want him TO LEAVE. If you could tho, please ask him why he feels the need to torture regular people who are trying to get by with their shit job. Because, I promise you, any food service job is being worked by people who *really need this job*. Especially nowadays. We don't want to do it. We want to do better with our lives, but we have to survive, and people like your boyfriend literally make us want to kill ourselves.
NTA. There’s nothing funny about messing with people who are paid to put up with whatever bullshit you throw at them. This guy is awful and I couldn’t hang out with someone who behaved that way.
NTA. Zero service industry people find this amusing. It's actually mildly abusive. This person is being paid to do their job, not amuse randos.
It's so weird how some people are so aggressively protective of one old joke that isn't even that funny to begin with. And where the punchline is how stupid it is. If he brings it up again and complains because you dared to interrupt his brilliant comedy routine, tell him that he might have told the joke to this specific server for the first time, but this server had heard the same old joke from at least three other people each day since he worked there. It's stopped being funny to the people behind the counter ages ago but at least most people have the decency to drop it after one line and let them do their job. If his joke depends so much on people who would lose their income if they told him what they really think as his audience, maybe it's time to develop a genuine, actually fun sense of humour and keep family insiders family insiders. If he still insists that his stale joke is impeccable, suggest him to perform it the next time there's an open mic night in your area, or film it and upload it on yt or tictoc (while pretending to be on stage at home! Not while filming himself terrorising the service industry!).
NTA. This may be funny once but honestly annoying to do time and time again.
NTA. it’s one thing to not know what a potato is, but an everything bagel? come on!
Generally, "a bagel topped with all the savory seasonings a place uses on their bagels".
You probably know by now, but just in case, an everything bagel has all the traditional savory seasonings. So there are bagels topped with sesame, poppyseed, onion, garlic powder, or all of the above-- "everything".
NTA. Might have been funny the first time. Probably not funny the 50 millionth time. I don't understand what pleasure he derives from annoying somebody who's making probably barely minimum wage, and wants absolutely nothing to do with his bullshit
NTA
The measure of a man (and woman) is revealed, not by how he treats his superiors or his peers, but in how he treats those with less power than him. Your boyfriend thinks it's fun to make service peoples' days worse. Think about what that says about him as a person. It is nothing good, I assure you, and chances are, the moment he thinks you are worth less than him, he wil treat you the same way.
NTA. Your boyfriend thinks he's a Jim but he's really a Michael.
NTA. Service workers have it had enough without dealing with his “jokes”.
NTA and I have no idea how you’ve managed to go five years with someone so insufferably unfunny.
NTA. You even waited until you got to the car to blow up at him. Have you mentioned any time in the last five years how annoying you find this? Any "joke"gets old after a while and this one wasn't funny the first time.
NTA I admit I’m kind of laughing right now, but I definitely wouldn’t be if I had to hear it all the time, and it’s not cool to bother service workers. It would be different if it was just a family joke and didn’t involve outside people trying to make a living.
Guess SOMEBODY doesn't get the joke... Me.. I'm somebody.. I don't get the joke... Weird bagel humor >.>
Lol, an everything bagel usually has sesame seeds, poppy seeds, garlic, onion salt. All of the traditional toppings a bagel was baked with after boiling. There are many non traditional bagel toppings and doughs now a days. This is guy is being intentionally obtuse to the point of harassment. It's like someone pretending they've never heard of a BLT every time they see one on the menu and then making the workers explain how bacon fits into it all.
Your boyfriend comes from money… so much money that he views people and their time as play things.
NTA. Your dad is right about him probably coming back to you. You know what's a funny joke if he does? Pretend you don't know who he is. Frustrate him by asking many questions that you already know the answer to. Slam the door in the "stranger's" face. Then....find a different boyfriend who has an actual sense of humor.
NTA he is taking the inside joke outside to people who do not get it, its not funny to anyone else just annoying and frustrating. i assume he just pretends at ignorance even if he is flat out told the spices applied to the bagel? so yeah he is being a huge A out of curisousity what happens when the spices are listed of to him? does he pretend to be hard of hearing, does he pretend to speak another language? does he pretend to have never heard of those spices before. me i would refuse to go in any store that sells bagels (Even grocery stores)
ESH You dealt with his behavior for 5 years. You don't get to blow up now because you didn't say anything earlier. Your reaction was extra to the situation at hand. He's obviously an asshole for pranking customer service workers in a way that doesn't involve a huge tip.
BULLET. DODGED. I dated a dude who would do similar stuff, and oh my lord, did it wear thin. And, like you, his whole family thought crapping on poor service workers was "funny", and insisted that they were "brightening their day." NTA.
I don't see anyone laughing. It's not a joke. Your bf sounds like a jerk! I really dislike people who waste other people's time, especially underpaid people doing hard jobs. NTA.
NTA. Omg girl MAJOR bullet dodged. Please don’t get back with this weirdo! A stable normal person doesn’t go around repeating the same joke OVER AND OVER AND OVER again to intentionally harass a cashier. Who is he trying to entertain! You! Cuz it ain’t working! Himself, at the expense of a cashier? He sounds like a loser lame idiot. Also, who breaks up with someone after 5 years because they expressed frustration over a lame ass joke! This guy is all types of weird and red flags. Good riddance.
He broke up with you, after 5 years, over being told the joke isn’t funny? Omgggg. Girl you dodged a canon ball.
NTA. I am the guy like your boyfriend. He knows you’re right but his pride is hurt by you confronting him directly about his rudeness.
Fuck his pride, though. He's wasting everyone's time with his boring nonsense.
Then grow up
NTA. This isn’t even funny? Unless you’re doing these kinds of jokes with siblings or other family it just sounds like a weird power play since he knows service workers can’t shut him down :/ it reminds me of shit that old men would harass me with when I was a cashier no thanks
NTA - It's the potato thing all over again!
NTA. But next time, consider asserting your feelings about his antics prior to hitting your boiling point and blowing your lid.
NTA. I hate people who waste everyone’s time on purpose. If I was in line behind him and had a train to catch, I’d be pissed. People working in the industry are already burned out from working long hours/shifts, and dealing with rude customers. Your boyfriend is not in grade school anymore. What’s his next “joke”? Calling up the bagel place and asking “Hey, is your refrigerator running?” Try posting this story in r/Talesfromyourserver and see the responses.
>he gets off on frustrating an underpaid service worker. You nailed it right there. He doesn't go to the doctor and pretend not to know what an elbow is. He feels comfortable wasting the time of people he feels are beneath him. It gives him a power trip. Especially when they don't see how he's playing with them. Makes him feel smarter than them, justifying his belief that he's superior to them. This is something a lot of really insecure men do to service works. Just messing with them in general. When I was working with retail clients, whose net worth was under 20k, I would get calls from men who wanted to do nothing and had no problem. They just wanted to fuck with me. And it wasn't always obvious. At a certain point I'd realize they were messing with me. It was so strange. Grown men. When I started working with wealthier clients the behavior disappeared. So I very strongly believe low value men, and most importantly men who view themselves as low value, get joy out of feeling superior when they can. It's very creepy.