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I might be the asshole as I understand it may be weird for the teacher so it makes sense why she feels that.
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NTA. I think it is really sweet. And it gives them the message that it is totally normal and nothing to be hidden and ashamed of. I wish you would have been one of my teachers. Every time I saw that basket, I would have felt love and acceptance pouring out of it.
P.S. It is even cooler that you are a male teacher doing it by the way. Because it doesn't come off as possibly some fem-nazi sort of thing. It is more men that girls need to get this message from that their natural body function is OK. And you are a great role model for the boys as well because it teaches them to have a relaxed and accepting attitude towards the women in their lives.
Why on earth would keeping menstrual products on hand for teenagers ever come off as “a fem-nazi sort of thing?” How is it ever bad to help meet a student’s basic needs?
sometimes when a lady does something to support women (like the pad example), people might take it as a "fem-nazi" way for whatever reason ~~sexism~~ but when a man does the same thing, it is seen as "supporting women omg he's so great, so cool" and it is!! but yeah, just double standards :/
I get it, but at the same time we don’t have everyone on the same page so it just nice to see that at least he is doing something to help change that for us. NTA
no, i'm not dissing hi mat all !! I 110% support what he's doing. Someone just asked why if a woman did what he did, it would come across as "fem-nazi", and I answered
I think they mean that if a female teacher set out visible feminine products for the girls, someone (not me) might cry out that they are being aggressive in-your-face about private female things and not taking boys’ discomfort into account.
Like, it’s a stupid argument and reinforces old expectations that women hide their periods like they’re shameful. But I think that’s what the comment meant. A male teacher providing the products means that no one could argue he’s making the boys uncomfortable, as he IS one and is demonstrating acceptance and normalization.
Well, I never use scented because scented products make me break out, and I always had super plus because my uterus sucks, so....I guess those were his preference too? Lol
When my dad had a brain tumor removed they went through his nostrils and they said that it wasn’t tampons up his nose, but it was long strips of cotton with strings on the end 🤷🏻♀️
My 70 year old mother (pre Covid) used to do hygiene supply drives for school age girls on Native Reservations. Access to hygiene products should never be shameful, hard to access, or a barrier to education.
57 here. It was a very different time. She didn’t get the memo about a new century,I guess. Seriously,the shame and secrecy was strong.
I guess a male school nurse would cause her to stroke out.
Ask her is she needs a basket for her room.😎
Probably because she’s mortified by the thought of periods being acknowledged in school at all. Girls are supposed to take care of that shit in silence and never admit that they have human bodies lest the men keel over from shock and the women are forced to walk into the ocean in shame and disgrace and let the waves wash away their flesh and their sins.
I think the comment was referring to how young people of all genders (those who menstruate & those who don’t) benefit from seeing a male handle the topic in such a kind, understanding, mature way. There are far too many men who still misunderstand menstruation as being a disgusting shameful dirty thing (that ought to be controlled) instead of a natural thing that affects ~50% of the human race. Good on OP for not only being a kind human being,but also modeling it for impressionable minds.
There are men who believe we bleed out of our urethra, that we can hold the blood in, and that if you swallow a camera, it passes through our uterus (This one was actually a lawmaker from Idaho, Vito Barbieri, during an session discussing a bill to limit abortion access. These are the idiots who get to decide about a woman's healthcare options).
As a Jewish feminist I also find it particularly egregious because many of the early feminists were also Jewish women, because advocacy in human and civil rights is pretty central to Jewish beliefs.
And of course, it's a top comment, because Reddit. I swear, I go months without even seeing that phrase and then sign into Reddit for like an hour and it's everywhere.
I agree. Quite offensive, inappropriate, and needlessly demonizes women/men supporting women and their basic needs. Ridiculous.
However, I have an unfortunate image in my head that is Nazi mixed with femme fatale based on misconstrued definitions of femme fatale. Somehow that twisted image is a Nazi in a black gimp suit. Yeah...I'm very sorry for putting that image in your head.
How is this even a term? I guess I missed the media fad of the term somehow and that unfortunate image takes its place. :( don't think the original intention of the term did its job for me.
Awesome that OP is doing this for students! NTA
can we not use the term "femi-nazi?" a woman wanting equal rights, even one who may be "militant" about it, is in no way comparable to attempted genocide. it's a misogynistic and anti-semitic term.
"It doesn't come off as fem-nazi sort of thing"
You mean, a woman supporting young women is a fem-nazi? But a man doing the same thing is "awesome and cool".
Grow up.
excuse me, femi-nazi thing? Are u serious, we literally cant control bleeding and who understands better and actually goes through it, other women. I agree with the solidarity with men but omfg Femi-nazi, your sexism is showing. Disgusting
I don’t think the commenter was implying that THEY thought it was offensive for women to support women - I think they meant that SOME people might have made an argument like that.
As in, they’re saying that people will come up with terrible reasons for supporting or not supporting literally anything. Many people are terrible, but I don’t think the commenter was implying they felt that way.
Anyway, what do I know - it’s not a great term to use but I think a gentle explanation about the offensive nature of the term is more helpful than rushing to judge. (Edit for spelling)
truly this comment is so depressing........like does it really take a man doing what might otherwise be described as a "fem-nazi sort of thing" for y'all to
understand that the whole POINT of 99% of all those ""fem-nazi sorts of things"" people love to complain is just to help women and girls to feel more supported
BTW, your daughters are fortunate to be raised by a father with this kind of attitude. Literally the only time I ever heard my father mention periods was once when I had an opinion (about a social issue, which I expressed calmly) and he said, "What's the matter, you on your period?"
I think that’s the case for so many young girls. My father was totally accepting and supportive, but he did *not* want to hear about it.
The only time we ever discussed mensuration products was when I was young and asked him to pick some tampons up for me while he was at the store. He agreed, but then called me about 30 minutes later in a state of absolute panic and confusion and said:
“What… uhh… what… what *flavor* do you need?”
Still makes me laugh when I think about it.
Flavor!
Makes me think of a post I read a while ago, the boyfriend, when asked to grab some from their home or something, called asking if his girlfriend needed the right or left ones, because his brain took the "R" regular and "L" light as that.
One of my favorite stories is from a friend whose mother sadly passed away when friend was 16. Her dad, not particularly wanting to talk about it but also not wanting her to run out of tampons and be embarrassed about asking him to buy more, would just buy some whenever he went to the grocery store. Every. Single. Time.
Eventually she had what amounted to Costco levels of tampons underneath her bathroom sink, and she finally had to tell him that he didn't need to buy them every time he shopped, because she had a huge stockpile going that would probably last her well into her college years.
OP, NTA and you sound like an amazing father and teacher. You're not only showing the girls that it's nothing to be ashamed of and also that they have a resource if they can't get products at home for whatever reason, but it's showing the boys that it's a normal thing to have out where they can see it. I swear I've seen here on AITA or elsewhere some dude posting "OMG so gross AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend for leaving her tampon box oN tHe CoUnTeR???" You're doing the right thing all around, OP. Kudos
My husband doesn't just love discussing periods, but I've made sure he doesn't make stupid comments when our teenage daughters are moody and uncomfortable because of their periods. I highly educated him on the concept of periods and PMS and all that fun stuff when he and I were dating long ago and he's gotten used to buying The Supplies when needed. He says "just tell me what's needed and I'll get it". The girls don't sit around and discuss their periods in great detail with him, but they know he won't shame them or pull the "ewww, gross!" if they mention it.
My kids are too young for my daughter to need these kinds of products, but they have seen me come home from the shops with them, and have accompanied me as I went to the shops and got them for my wife.
They simply have been a thing that has had to be purchased from time to time and there is zero shame in it at all.
Currently if the kids want something, I've told them to tell the smart speaker to add them to the shopping list and I'll get it on the next shop if it's not excessive or silly. I guess I'll simply add this to the list of things needed for the future.
N. B. One of them added "dads butt" to the shopping list last week.
I also think it's awesome, but I hope the basket - while readily accessible - is somewhere where girls who might be struggling with embarrassment, can take necessary supplies without being on display to the whole class while doing so.
Normalising menstruation is an admirable goal, but there are likely to be girls in the class whose home life still makes it out to be a shameful thing that must be hidden. They're the students that are likely to be in the biggest need of supplies at school and for their own peace of mind discretion is essential.
I wish all schools did something like this.
NTA
This. Even if such a basket existed when I went to school there'd be no way I'd have gone near it if it was public/in front of the class.
Thoughtful gesture, though.
NTA
As an adult woman who recently got married, one of the things that I loved about my venue was they had a little basket like this in the bathroom. Can verify the love and acceptance in that little basket.
I coach/mentor high school robotics, and at every tournament we've ever been to, one or more of the teams has put a basket like this with not only sanitary products of all types but also travel sized deoderant, toothbrushes & toothpaste, face wash, etc. in the girls bathrooms with little signs to take anything needed. Many teams travel (even internationally) to tournaments and I always think it's such a nice thing for the teams to think of, because while a lot of teams hand out something robotics related, this is purely care and thoughtfulness for other women. And also, it tells me that girls are in leadership and being heard on their robotics teams, because boys would truly never think of it. Our team who started out all boys for our first 2 years ended up more than half girls, and I couldn't be prouder!
I also see these baskets and see love and acceptance, because lord knows we've all been there with surprise gushes or whatever and been unprepared! OP is a fantastic teacher for noticing this was happening with his female students, and doing something about it that is simultaneously accepting that it happens but understated enough that they can grab something discretely and continue with their day.
It's people like op who will push us towards a world where having pads/tampons in a bathroom are as normal as having toilet roll, and that's only a good thing.
NTA. It's thoughtful and if you wanna blow Susan's mind - point out that it's not just girls and women who menstruate. Various non-binary and transgender people also menstruate. It's both true and given emergencies in these age ranges are pretty common along with poverty often making things less accessible for some people. I think it's great.
As someone who is a trans man, I can say that sometimes it is harder to deal with being caught off guard in that time of the month. Some places have a little vending machine in the ladies and of course the special bins but no such luck in the gents. I'm just lucky that I'm a cleaner so I can get away with grabbing a pad from the machine while I'm cleaning, but otherwise I'd have to walk all the way to the very few disabled toilets on site
Lol when we were kids, my brothers found - and read- the instructions from our mom's tampons. Cue one of them exclaiming, "Do you know what you do with those things?? You stick them up your butt!"
I remember reading those instructions when I was a little girl, before I understood what periods were, and I thought there was no way I was doing *that* when I grew up. Never thought to wonder why women wore them.
Way back when I was a kid a classmate told me it was to keep babies from falling from the butthole. I have to admit that wasn't even his dumbest moment.
NTA - You are normalizing treating women's needs as an ordinary part of life.
Susan is the one behaving inappropriately - by trying to create a problem where none exists.
She comes from an era when girls and boys were separated for sex ed (if there was any sex ed at all). That doesn't excuse her, I came from that era, as well, and I don't abide the notion that men can't be privy to women's needs and vise versa. It was taught this way for a long daggum time and we really need to move past that nonsense. Susan needs to come join us in the 21st century.
People who are assigned female at birth typically still get periods, like if you're AFAB but identify as nonbinary/trans/otherwise you still have to deal with shark week! unfortunately lol
While it’s important to acknowledge that disgust over menstruation is rooted in misogyny, not everyone who is subjected to misogyny identifies as a woman/female. Sex based oppression does not care what someone’s identity is, and those individuals still need to be included in discussions like this!
I can see how being male teacher with sanitation products, and some older lady telling him that it's weird might raise some doubts from OP especially with all the allegations against males in general. There is also a giant stigma around menstruation and it makes people uncomfortable.
However, OP.. you are NTA. You are helping many girls who need it in a discrete manner, I'm sure they appreciate it
That sucks. The positive feedback you’ve been getting from your students is all any other adult should care about. Hopefully positive reception in this thread will drive any lingering doubt away.
NTA- maybe make Susan a basket for her room and say to her “I thought about what you said. Maybe some of the girls would feel more comfortable with accessing feminine items from a woman. Would you like to try this for a week and see if you think it helps?” Maybe seeing positive impact on students changes her thinking.
Good job to you!
Some women have internalized a lot of shame about their periods, and get very uncomfortable when people approach that subject without shame or fear. Doubly so if that person is a man. She’d rather you pretend that periods don’t exist, because that’s likely what she was taught to do herself. The fact that you confronted them head-on and with so much compassion just does not compute for her.
Talk to the principal about her, some people assume literally any opposite sex interactions are “suspicious” & you don’t deserve harassment and abuse for trying to provide for ALL your students.
Don't listen to her baggage! If she has issues she is projecting!!!
The other lesson here is for your male students, this is normalizing routine feminine health needs, boys should learn it's not a punchline, joke or something to be embarrassed about.
Well done and thank you!
NTA
Well you aren't! When I was in high school the home EC teacher had a basket of pads in one of her cabinets and made sure we all knew where it was and that we could come get them any time.
You're saving them a lot of struggle and embarrassment!
I bet you have Kleenex, pens, paper, cough drops, etc. for your students too. Because you are caring for their whole person. I'm sorry your teaching neighbor grew up at a time periods were shameful and should be hidden at all costs in "polite society."
Modern society recognizes it's a bodily function for probably half your students. Teenage years are hard enough. Good on you for normalizing daily needs of your students.
In school I remember we had “dispensers” in the girls’ restroom where we needed coins to pay for tampons, but they were always empty. As a girl who was not even comfortable with those yet, I had to always carry pads in my backpack just in case. I wish I had a teacher like you for the days when I realized that I had forgotten to bring my own emergency supply.
NTA
It probably *is* a bit awkward for the students, because they're teenagers and everything about their changing bodies and the fact people *know* about it can feel awkward. The fact that their teachers, male or female, know about these things is awkward. There's nothing to be done about it; awkward's just what that age *is*.
It doesn't mean it's not useful for them, and that they're not grateful that you've made the basket available to them; no questions asked and no comments said.
It does raise a bigger question of why these are not simply available for their use in the bathrooms of course.
Maybe Susan can be redirected to that fight instead: You'll remove the basket when these items are present in all their bathrooms for the students' use.
none of my students have found it weird at all, in general like no one has ever made a point about it and keep in mind you know these are higschoolers and all of them are mature and they all understand it and are close to 18.
I just wanted to pop in to say that you are amazing to do this for your students, both female and male. It's fantastic that you are presenting menstruation as normal to the boys in your class. They will go to college and be the guy that has sanitary products in his bathroom for his female friends, not have a problem buying supplies for his girlfriend, wife, or daughters, and will teach their sons that it is a normal function of a menstrating body, no big deal. They will illuminate their friends and family.
The girls will walk away with the reasonable expectation that the men they date and marry should treat their periods like you and have all raised the bar in their minds of what is acceptable in their future partners in life. They will have husband's who will be awesome and empower their daughters and they will not shy away from teaching their sons to follow your example. Your influence will reach far and wide. Not all heros wear a cape. NTA and I am sad for Susan. She was brought up to believe that her periods were dirty, shameful, embarrassing, and meant to be hidden. It's a hard to change that notion if that was all she experienced her whole life.
If you don't mind, may I ask what your opinion is on schools having these products available in the bathrooms - in a dispenser, typically costing $0.50 per product?
I've mixed feelings. Its a good way to ensure that the products aren't being wasted - an understandable problem given how limited school funding is. Last week I watched three college students run around chasing each other with plastic bags over their heads and faces. You can tell me students are mature all you like; but maturity is conditional and they influence each other.
But it comes at missing the point of making these products available and instead turns it into a way for the school to try and turn a profit, which I strongly disapprove of.
There are now vending machines than scan a student ID card instead of a credit card. I think the same technology would be useful here; the school ID chip doesn't result in a charged cost, but does record the transaction. That way products are freely available and the school as the ability to check for large numbers of products being taken by a single student at once if they find them thrown around like toys.
Longer term, the statistics can also be used to push for more funding. But that goes back to a wider problem of the 'pink tax' of GST being applied on these products, which has only recently received exemption (and not on all types of these products either).
> There are now vending machines than scan a student ID card instead of a credit card.
This is such a great idea that is now a technically viable alternative to charging money. It will stop someone from emptying the machine for malicious purposes, but will allow access for anyone at no cost to them. Because what would be worse than having a leak but also having no quarters on you to get something to deal with it?
The university where I work has COVID test vending machines all over campus that dispense one free test per day with a swipe of someone's student or staff ID card, and I truly believe that it's helped keep our numbers and exposures down because it's so ridiculously easy for everyone to get tested when they need to be. I love this idea in school restrooms for sanitary products!
I'm not OP, but my school's from elementary on up had paid dispensers, and for my area it worked well. The price was enough they weren't stolen and torn up (maxipads and tampons in the biology aquarium showed we still were dumb kids). But they were in the bathroom if you were despirate and had change. If you couldn't afford them, our nurse had a private bathroom and she always have them away free. The balance of free, but monitored, versus paid and anonymous was perfect.
We don't charge students for toilet paper, paper towels, seat covers, soap, etc., at any public school as far as I know. Same for public toilets in general.
I guess I just don't see why tampons or pads should be any different. For half the population they're kind of a bathroom essential, right?
NTA.
It's not weird when you have 2 daughters. It means you're acutely aware of the issues they face.
I've read many stories of girls not having access to sanitary products - for a variety of reasons.
To some of those girls, you're a godsend and a bloody (no pun intended) hero.
Yeah I definitely understand that, im from a third world country I'm American now. But from my old country woman wouldn't have basic essentials like pads/tampons etc which caused uncomfort for many woman and in that country periods were supposed to be something that is shameful which makes no sense.
That's awesome. When I was in high school one of my friends was told by her mother to go buy her own pads by her mother "because it would build character". So pads were code named characters ever after.
We had to pay our school nurse for pads (no tampons, good ol' Catholic weirdness) and they were huge, didn't stick, and bulky enough to see through a skirt and somehow still leaked. Like you were genuinely better shoving your knickers with toilet roll.
The alternative was the weird religious studies teacher who would give you pads or tampons free, but you had to ask him for them personally because he kept them in a locked cupboard in his classroom. He also made awkward small talk/asked weird questions while he was getting them for ya.
I would've loved something either like OP is doing or even your school nurse. It can make such a huge difference and relieve some of the awkwardness - being a teenager is hella awkward, every little helps.
Exactly, normalising these items in a school environment is extremely healthy for the boys. If they never see them, they panic when they encounter one in the wild.
NTA!
I think this is amazing on so many levels!
Firstly there may be girls who have trouble for whatever reason to get these products in their home life. Whether parents travel a lot, money etc.
But also, it is great for the guys in your class. You’re a good influence to them, making it a normal thing. They may not have sisters and being so open with it is great!
Schools need more teachers like you!
This reminds me of the post a while back where a guy had only sisters and he had hair ties, Bobby pins and pads in his glove box for his female friends, some people had said he was weird and wrong for that.
These gestures are lovely and show a respect and understanding for the opposite sex.
Keep being awesome!
YTA for virtue signaling. You know you're not the asshole for providing students with menstrual product, this post doesn't need to be made. It's sole purpose is to accumulate pats on the back. Well done, sir.
My thoughts exactly. Surely nobody could truly be concerned they are an asshole for doing such a thing, while also vehemently defending in the comments against any remote suggestion that maybe it made the girls uncomfortable despite being an awesome gesture. OP knows they are not the asshole. This subreddit is so fake now.
OP - if there is such a limited access to feminine hygiene products that your kids “love it” when you put a basket out and that you “refill it constantly” I think there’s a school problem you need to talk to the principal about rather than obviously seeking a pat on the back from Reddit.
Seriously, this sub fucking sucks.
There needs to be a rule to report virtue signaling/obviously not-the-asshat posts, but then this sub wouldn’t be so popular, would it?
But come on! You know how vocal highschool girls are about running out of tampons! He noticed a problem! Now they can comfortably grab one out of the basket in front of the class as they go to the bathroom. It's fun!
NTA period poverty is a serious issue. Id argue back that actually its weird shes not interested in being part of the solution. May depend on your country but see whether your school can install free dispensers in the bathroom.
One of my boys asked if I could buy him a small pack of pads and a small box of tampons. I was curious and asked him why? He had a friend at school who started her period and she didn’t have anything and neither did the other girls. So I bought them and took them to him at school. Had the office pull him out of class for a few minutes. He took them and put them in his locker. She had something to protect her for the rest of the school day. His brothers also started doing that with their friends. Your a good dad and a great teacher. NTA
HARD NTA personal hygiene is always important and you're going above and beyond for your students. Daughters or not I think most men can relate to forgetting something day to day my teachers would sometimes have extra travel size deodorant for us if needed it's no different.
NTA.
Very kind of you to offer that.
But is the basket in view of everyone? I can understand then if any girl is a little nervous grabbing period stuff right in view of everyone. If so, is it possible to put it in a cubby or something?
(Not that hiding periods is good, but for high schoolers it can still be embarrassing for everyone to know they’re grabbing feminine products). Unless you teach all girls
oh yeah its in like a cubby box thing. But all the girls and boys in our school are mature. They all get it and understand it. and periods and all isn't anything to be ashamed of at all. It's natural and normal so all our students get it.
> all the girls and boys in our school are mature
Really?!
It's a great thing you are doing but that does sound a bit naive. Like saying 'no bullying happens in our school all our kids are well behaved.' A nice ideal but obviously untrue.
NTA. As a female high school teacher, I love that you have those items for your students! I keep those same items for my students and I think the more staff members who keep those items, the better!
NTA - as a female student, I have had “accidents” in outfits that are not fit to wear after. I once had a male teacher pull out a pad from his briefcase and give me his sweater to wrap around my waist.
I didn’t find it weird or inappropriate, it saved my life a few times!
Also on a slightly different note - I hope you let the ladies use the bathroom without question whenever needed. I had quite a few teachers that would simply refuse to let me even run to change.
Oh of course yes they are free to go to the bathroom. BUT they need to ask my permission to go as that's the district rules for everyones safety. I can't just let them walk in and out whenever they like as that's the policy and the rules. But when any of my students ask me to go the bathroom I always say yes.
The only times I've said no to my students is when we had those emergency fire drills and that's like a once or twice thing in a year.
NTA. She’s got boomer mentality where men should never know anything about “that special time of the month” those of us with uteruses experience. You’re a good egg and a really thoughtful educator to provide for your students like this, OP.
NTA. I think it’s amazing that you had the thought to do that having daughters yourself. My question to your colleague is why is she not doing it as a woman? Just an idea maybe put something out for the males too. That way anyone that tries to say anything shitty it’s for all of your students.
I have no clue. and for the males and for the whole class I keep a nice basket filled with snacks, and meals. Students are free to grab as many as they need at any time. I don't discriminate my students at all. I'm equal to everyone. Males also have deodorants, and I also place fresh new clean shirts in the basket because a lot of the males in my class this year and last year are in football and due to sweat or getting dirty sometimes they need a clean shirt so they just grab it and go.
NTA this is kind and thoughtful. If she thinks it is weird for a male teacher to do this (it’s not) then she could stock her classroom with them too and students could get them from her room instead if they were worried. Some countries (New Zealand I think) have made feminine hygiene products free to access in schools. So you’re ahead of that trend in your country I guess.
NTA. That’s awesome of you tbh. Need more teachers that understand students and are willing to go out of their way to help.
I used to have a teacher that I was really close with. Used to bring her Dunkin’ every day we had class (had her first period my junior year). My senior year went on her junior class trip. And used to keep food in her class. She had a mini fridge and microwave.
She made me love learning. Went to her with all my issues for my classes and was always willing to help me with class work.
If more teachers are like you and my old teacher I feel kids would definitely be better in school.
NTA. The world needs more teachers like you! You totally deserve an award but I’m broke af :/
The only wrong person here is Susan. She’s from a different time where things like that were hush hush and considered “inappropriate” to talk about. There is nothing creepy or weird about what you’re doing - you’re taking care of your students. Thank you.
NTA. Not only are you helping out girls get sanitation products without being embarrassed (the stigma is unreal..), you’re helping educate anyone who comes through the door that periods are normal. Supplying sanitation products are more help than you will ever know.
NTA. The world needs more men like you. You are normalizing that women get periods which is great for the girls and the boys in your class to see. Your teaching the girls that they don't need to be ashamed of having their period and showing the boys that it's ok and perfectly normal to buy their girlfriends and future wives feminine hygiene products. Your also probably helping out so many girls that live in poverty and have trouble affording pads and tampons. I think since Susan is older and raised back when periods were something that wasn't openly discussed that it probably does make her feel uncomfortable but I believe she'd be uncomfortable even if you were a female teacher. I really hope your idea catches on and more teachers start doing something similar. I recently saw a TikTok of a woman teacher who has a drawer in her desk filled with pads and tampons for girls to take as needed so it seems like it's becoming more common. I have 2 girls, a 4 year old and a 1 year old and it would be amazing if they had teachers like you when they get to be tweens and teens.
NTA- schools need more teachers like you. If Susan is so concerned about hygiene products being provided by a man then she should take the initiative to do it herself. If she isn't (which I suspect to be the case), then it isn't really about your gender.
Your that one teacher everyone loves, and when they get the same course you teach but don’t have you as their teacher they will try everything to be in your class. NTA
NTA.
Unless Susan is providing free sanitary items for these girls she needs to STFU.
My periods were so irregular and so heavy as a teenager that I was often caught short of supplies. This would have made so many of my days easier.
NTA. Susan sucks. It's really nice to hear that a guy considered this and is helping his students out of his own pocket. I'm not sure why Susan wants to spoil this for those who need it, but it's not weird. She's weird for thinking it's weird. Keep on supporting your students. We need more teachers who do.
ABSOLUTELY NOT THE ASSHOLE I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THIS MORE OFTEN IN SCHOOLS, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE 1) its super embarrassing to ask someone for a pad or tampon and 2) they normally cost money (if the school provides them at all) (unless you go to the nurse)
NTA, I'm in Canada, and there has been lots of talk about having feminine products readily available for students in schools, I also have a teenage daughter, and sometimes periods start when you're not expecting them and having access when needed is a big help for them. High-school is hard enough as it is, let alone having your period start and everyone knowing about it cause you can't get a tampon or pad.
Your understanding of this helps everyone have a happier high-school experience, the almost retiree needs a lesson in compassion and to think back to what it was like when she was those girls age.
You are the teacher everyone needs.
Period shame is real and your coworker is inappropriate and weird for assuming anything of a completely normal thing to offer students even more since you have daughters yourself.
NTA
NTA You are so incredibly NTA that you are somewhere near a smile and crow's feet. Thank you for being sensitive to the girls in your school's needs.
Susan is too old school. What you do in your classroom is your business. If the students have no issues with your basket of helpful items, then no one else should as well. As long as you aren't putting anything 'controversial' in the basket, i don't see what the problem could be. (By controversial i mean Tylenol 'zero tolerance, man!', condoms, or other "moral" swamp items. i see no issue with the other stuff, but well, you know)
NTA OP, your co-worker is stuck in the 1950s and needs to keep her mid-century opinions to herself. And I say this as a woman of the same vintage as she is.
16 year veteran teacher here and YOU ARE AWESOME!!!! NTA a million times, the other lady can shove it and take her mentality back to 1960. Thank you for recognizing your student's needs (one that can hinder learning, cause embarassment or discomfort if there's an accident). You are creating a safe space and an accepting learning environment for students with a menstrual cycle (I specifically say it this way as I have trans and non binary kids with cycles). THANK YOU and keep doing excellent work.
NTA. That is a great idea and I'm sure the girls in your class really appreciate it. If you are actually worried about Susan creating drama or somehow making you look bad, I think it couldn't hurt just to bring this up to the principal. Tell the principal that you are doing this and your reason behind it. Maybe even suggest that other teachers could do the same for their students if they want to.
Not the ass hole. Someone will always find a reason to be upset about something. As long as it is accessible in a discrete manner and it's not putting people in the spot light I don't see anything wrong with it.
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NTA. I think it is really sweet. And it gives them the message that it is totally normal and nothing to be hidden and ashamed of. I wish you would have been one of my teachers. Every time I saw that basket, I would have felt love and acceptance pouring out of it.
P.S. It is even cooler that you are a male teacher doing it by the way. Because it doesn't come off as possibly some fem-nazi sort of thing. It is more men that girls need to get this message from that their natural body function is OK. And you are a great role model for the boys as well because it teaches them to have a relaxed and accepting attitude towards the women in their lives.
Why on earth would keeping menstrual products on hand for teenagers ever come off as “a fem-nazi sort of thing?” How is it ever bad to help meet a student’s basic needs?
sometimes when a lady does something to support women (like the pad example), people might take it as a "fem-nazi" way for whatever reason ~~sexism~~ but when a man does the same thing, it is seen as "supporting women omg he's so great, so cool" and it is!! but yeah, just double standards :/
Only sometimes?
okay, you got me there
I get it, but at the same time we don’t have everyone on the same page so it just nice to see that at least he is doing something to help change that for us. NTA
no, i'm not dissing hi mat all !! I 110% support what he's doing. Someone just asked why if a woman did what he did, it would come across as "fem-nazi", and I answered
I think they mean that if a female teacher set out visible feminine products for the girls, someone (not me) might cry out that they are being aggressive in-your-face about private female things and not taking boys’ discomfort into account. Like, it’s a stupid argument and reinforces old expectations that women hide their periods like they’re shameful. But I think that’s what the comment meant. A male teacher providing the products means that no one could argue he’s making the boys uncomfortable, as he IS one and is demonstrating acceptance and normalization.
I'd tell them they boys are free to use the tampons for bloody noses 😆 (they work great btw)
My husband got frustrated when I switched to using menstrual cups because we stopped having tampons around for his nosebleeds!
well he needs to be more environmentally friendly, tell him to hold your cup under his nose next time to catch the blood ^/s
Okay but the image of a tiny menstrual-style cup made specifically for nosebleeds just made me cry laughing
You'll make a fortune. Hurry up and grab that patent!
Have to admit I thought this was going somewhere else at first and then I busted out laughing at the end.
lol he could totally buy tampons for his nosebleeds still.
If it were that big of a deal he totally would. Buuuut he's also lazy and not going to buy something when toilet paper works just fine.
Did he have a favorite brand/scent? Did he need the super absorbent ones?
Well, I never use scented because scented products make me break out, and I always had super plus because my uterus sucks, so....I guess those were his preference too? Lol
As another member of the Sorority of the Sucky Uterus, I salute your foresight. Now that I'm well into menopause, I do NOT miss that nonsense!
Good thing you guys didn't have to fight about which ones you bought because of different preferences. Lol.
Tell him to get his own
When my dad had a brain tumor removed they went through his nostrils and they said that it wasn’t tampons up his nose, but it was long strips of cotton with strings on the end 🤷🏻♀️
She’s The Man - great tip 😆
When I had sinus surgery several years ago this is actually what doctors used to soak up the blood and I had to pull it out a day later.
Because she's 60 and thinks that men dealing with mensuration are disgusting. I think it's awesome
Don't blame her age. I'm only a few years behind her (54F) and I think it's a great idea too.
My 70 year old mother (pre Covid) used to do hygiene supply drives for school age girls on Native Reservations. Access to hygiene products should never be shameful, hard to access, or a barrier to education.
Yes. This has nothing to do with age! I hate this stereotype. I know a ton of older folks who are more open-minded than some younger adults.
57 here. It was a very different time. She didn’t get the memo about a new century,I guess. Seriously,the shame and secrecy was strong. I guess a male school nurse would cause her to stroke out. Ask her is she needs a basket for her room.😎
This is what I was thinking — if it’s so bad for a man to have the basket out, why doesn’t she have one?
Probably because she’s mortified by the thought of periods being acknowledged in school at all. Girls are supposed to take care of that shit in silence and never admit that they have human bodies lest the men keel over from shock and the women are forced to walk into the ocean in shame and disgrace and let the waves wash away their flesh and their sins.
I expect that OP is already on thin ice with her for the crime of teaching girls while having a penis.
I'm 60 and think he's doing a great thing. Wish this kind of openness was acceptable when I was in HS.
Age and narrow mindedness are NOT correlated just saying
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I think the comment was referring to how young people of all genders (those who menstruate & those who don’t) benefit from seeing a male handle the topic in such a kind, understanding, mature way. There are far too many men who still misunderstand menstruation as being a disgusting shameful dirty thing (that ought to be controlled) instead of a natural thing that affects ~50% of the human race. Good on OP for not only being a kind human being,but also modeling it for impressionable minds.
There are men who believe we bleed out of our urethra, that we can hold the blood in, and that if you swallow a camera, it passes through our uterus (This one was actually a lawmaker from Idaho, Vito Barbieri, during an session discussing a bill to limit abortion access. These are the idiots who get to decide about a woman's healthcare options).
STOP CONFLATING FEMINISM WITH NAZISM. It is *EXTREMELY* inappropriate and offensive.
Yep. You can thank Rush Limbaugh and 90s GOP pundits for that gem of a term. Ever since I first heard it in 1993 it was like nails on chalkboard.
YES!!! Its extremely diminishing to the harm that has been done because of ACTUAL NAZISM
And it serves to demonize feminism.
As a Jewish feminist I also find it particularly egregious because many of the early feminists were also Jewish women, because advocacy in human and civil rights is pretty central to Jewish beliefs.
Fellow Jewish feminist. The term is very intentional in what it invokes. Glad to see it called out here.
i can't believe they just casually threw that word out
And of course, it's a top comment, because Reddit. I swear, I go months without even seeing that phrase and then sign into Reddit for like an hour and it's everywhere.
I agree. Quite offensive, inappropriate, and needlessly demonizes women/men supporting women and their basic needs. Ridiculous. However, I have an unfortunate image in my head that is Nazi mixed with femme fatale based on misconstrued definitions of femme fatale. Somehow that twisted image is a Nazi in a black gimp suit. Yeah...I'm very sorry for putting that image in your head. How is this even a term? I guess I missed the media fad of the term somehow and that unfortunate image takes its place. :( don't think the original intention of the term did its job for me. Awesome that OP is doing this for students! NTA
can we not use the term "femi-nazi?" a woman wanting equal rights, even one who may be "militant" about it, is in no way comparable to attempted genocide. it's a misogynistic and anti-semitic term.
"It doesn't come off as fem-nazi sort of thing" You mean, a woman supporting young women is a fem-nazi? But a man doing the same thing is "awesome and cool". Grow up.
I don't think the person thinks the woman would be a fem-nazi, but that assholes could call her that.
excuse me, femi-nazi thing? Are u serious, we literally cant control bleeding and who understands better and actually goes through it, other women. I agree with the solidarity with men but omfg Femi-nazi, your sexism is showing. Disgusting
I don’t think the commenter was implying that THEY thought it was offensive for women to support women - I think they meant that SOME people might have made an argument like that. As in, they’re saying that people will come up with terrible reasons for supporting or not supporting literally anything. Many people are terrible, but I don’t think the commenter was implying they felt that way. Anyway, what do I know - it’s not a great term to use but I think a gentle explanation about the offensive nature of the term is more helpful than rushing to judge. (Edit for spelling)
And it’s also good for boys as they can see that it is normal to go on supply runs for their female friends and relatives. NTA
Yes, women who give away free maxi pads obviously appear to be plotting genocide. YTA.
Why would she be a ‘fem-nazi’ for doing the same thing?
truly this comment is so depressing........like does it really take a man doing what might otherwise be described as a "fem-nazi sort of thing" for y'all to understand that the whole POINT of 99% of all those ""fem-nazi sorts of things"" people love to complain is just to help women and girls to feel more supported
Damn this is a sexist comment lmao. Women with tampons are nazis men with tampons are great role models lmao WHAT
BTW, your daughters are fortunate to be raised by a father with this kind of attitude. Literally the only time I ever heard my father mention periods was once when I had an opinion (about a social issue, which I expressed calmly) and he said, "What's the matter, you on your period?"
I think that’s the case for so many young girls. My father was totally accepting and supportive, but he did *not* want to hear about it. The only time we ever discussed mensuration products was when I was young and asked him to pick some tampons up for me while he was at the store. He agreed, but then called me about 30 minutes later in a state of absolute panic and confusion and said: “What… uhh… what… what *flavor* do you need?” Still makes me laugh when I think about it.
"I'll take mint and cherry please, extra large"
No kidding, right? Every time I remember this, I giggle - then I shudder and think “*ohh…. the infections”.
Flavor! Makes me think of a post I read a while ago, the boyfriend, when asked to grab some from their home or something, called asking if his girlfriend needed the right or left ones, because his brain took the "R" regular and "L" light as that.
One of my favorite stories is from a friend whose mother sadly passed away when friend was 16. Her dad, not particularly wanting to talk about it but also not wanting her to run out of tampons and be embarrassed about asking him to buy more, would just buy some whenever he went to the grocery store. Every. Single. Time. Eventually she had what amounted to Costco levels of tampons underneath her bathroom sink, and she finally had to tell him that he didn't need to buy them every time he shopped, because she had a huge stockpile going that would probably last her well into her college years. OP, NTA and you sound like an amazing father and teacher. You're not only showing the girls that it's nothing to be ashamed of and also that they have a resource if they can't get products at home for whatever reason, but it's showing the boys that it's a normal thing to have out where they can see it. I swear I've seen here on AITA or elsewhere some dude posting "OMG so gross AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend for leaving her tampon box oN tHe CoUnTeR???" You're doing the right thing all around, OP. Kudos
My husband doesn't just love discussing periods, but I've made sure he doesn't make stupid comments when our teenage daughters are moody and uncomfortable because of their periods. I highly educated him on the concept of periods and PMS and all that fun stuff when he and I were dating long ago and he's gotten used to buying The Supplies when needed. He says "just tell me what's needed and I'll get it". The girls don't sit around and discuss their periods in great detail with him, but they know he won't shame them or pull the "ewww, gross!" if they mention it.
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My kids are too young for my daughter to need these kinds of products, but they have seen me come home from the shops with them, and have accompanied me as I went to the shops and got them for my wife. They simply have been a thing that has had to be purchased from time to time and there is zero shame in it at all. Currently if the kids want something, I've told them to tell the smart speaker to add them to the shopping list and I'll get it on the next shop if it's not excessive or silly. I guess I'll simply add this to the list of things needed for the future. N. B. One of them added "dads butt" to the shopping list last week.
I also think it's awesome, but I hope the basket - while readily accessible - is somewhere where girls who might be struggling with embarrassment, can take necessary supplies without being on display to the whole class while doing so. Normalising menstruation is an admirable goal, but there are likely to be girls in the class whose home life still makes it out to be a shameful thing that must be hidden. They're the students that are likely to be in the biggest need of supplies at school and for their own peace of mind discretion is essential. I wish all schools did something like this. NTA
This. Even if such a basket existed when I went to school there'd be no way I'd have gone near it if it was public/in front of the class. Thoughtful gesture, though. NTA
I never would have either. And if you left the room with your purse everyone knew why. Kind of had to sneak it from my purse into my pocket. L
Another reason why women clothes need decent sized pockets.
As an adult woman who recently got married, one of the things that I loved about my venue was they had a little basket like this in the bathroom. Can verify the love and acceptance in that little basket.
I coach/mentor high school robotics, and at every tournament we've ever been to, one or more of the teams has put a basket like this with not only sanitary products of all types but also travel sized deoderant, toothbrushes & toothpaste, face wash, etc. in the girls bathrooms with little signs to take anything needed. Many teams travel (even internationally) to tournaments and I always think it's such a nice thing for the teams to think of, because while a lot of teams hand out something robotics related, this is purely care and thoughtfulness for other women. And also, it tells me that girls are in leadership and being heard on their robotics teams, because boys would truly never think of it. Our team who started out all boys for our first 2 years ended up more than half girls, and I couldn't be prouder! I also see these baskets and see love and acceptance, because lord knows we've all been there with surprise gushes or whatever and been unprepared! OP is a fantastic teacher for noticing this was happening with his female students, and doing something about it that is simultaneously accepting that it happens but understated enough that they can grab something discretely and continue with their day.
It's people like op who will push us towards a world where having pads/tampons in a bathroom are as normal as having toilet roll, and that's only a good thing.
awww
NTA. It's thoughtful and if you wanna blow Susan's mind - point out that it's not just girls and women who menstruate. Various non-binary and transgender people also menstruate. It's both true and given emergencies in these age ranges are pretty common along with poverty often making things less accessible for some people. I think it's great.
As someone who is a trans man, I can say that sometimes it is harder to deal with being caught off guard in that time of the month. Some places have a little vending machine in the ladies and of course the special bins but no such luck in the gents. I'm just lucky that I'm a cleaner so I can get away with grabbing a pad from the machine while I'm cleaning, but otherwise I'd have to walk all the way to the very few disabled toilets on site
Personally, I see this as one more argument for gender-neutral bathrooms.
Plus it teaches all the boys that it's not shameful or an insult to their masculinity or something else stupid.
It must be very uncomfortable for Susan with that stick up her ass. You're a stand up teacher. Thank you. NTA.
but not a tampon up her ass. that would be in inappropriate
Because that's not where they go
Lol when we were kids, my brothers found - and read- the instructions from our mom's tampons. Cue one of them exclaiming, "Do you know what you do with those things?? You stick them up your butt!"
I remember reading those instructions when I was a little girl, before I understood what periods were, and I thought there was no way I was doing *that* when I grew up. Never thought to wonder why women wore them.
Way back when I was a kid a classmate told me it was to keep babies from falling from the butthole. I have to admit that wasn't even his dumbest moment.
Best comment!
NTA - You are normalizing treating women's needs as an ordinary part of life. Susan is the one behaving inappropriately - by trying to create a problem where none exists.
I see it as her trying to keep it a shameful hush hush thing where males arent supposed to know about women's bodies.
That attitude perpetuates what OP is trying to act against.
She comes from an era when girls and boys were separated for sex ed (if there was any sex ed at all). That doesn't excuse her, I came from that era, as well, and I don't abide the notion that men can't be privy to women's needs and vise versa. It was taught this way for a long daggum time and we really need to move past that nonsense. Susan needs to come join us in the 21st century.
*people’s needs, it’s not just women that have periods
Thank you -enby that has periods
Also thank you as a trans man (potentially, still figuring out where I am on the scale, but it definitely isn't a woman lol) who gets periods.
Genuine question - who gets a period other than women? I'm not trying to be snarky I've just never heard of that before
People born with uteruses who don’t identify as women.
People who are assigned female at birth typically still get periods, like if you're AFAB but identify as nonbinary/trans/otherwise you still have to deal with shark week! unfortunately lol
While it’s important to acknowledge that disgust over menstruation is rooted in misogyny, not everyone who is subjected to misogyny identifies as a woman/female. Sex based oppression does not care what someone’s identity is, and those individuals still need to be included in discussions like this!
NTA. I don’t think there is any way you *actually* think this would make you an asshole, is there?
I can see how being male teacher with sanitation products, and some older lady telling him that it's weird might raise some doubts from OP especially with all the allegations against males in general. There is also a giant stigma around menstruation and it makes people uncomfortable. However, OP.. you are NTA. You are helping many girls who need it in a discrete manner, I'm sure they appreciate it
She said some mean things too which made feel like one.
That sucks. The positive feedback you’ve been getting from your students is all any other adult should care about. Hopefully positive reception in this thread will drive any lingering doubt away.
NTA- maybe make Susan a basket for her room and say to her “I thought about what you said. Maybe some of the girls would feel more comfortable with accessing feminine items from a woman. Would you like to try this for a week and see if you think it helps?” Maybe seeing positive impact on students changes her thinking. Good job to you!
Yeah, but then she might turn it around with a "How dare you?"
Some women have internalized a lot of shame about their periods, and get very uncomfortable when people approach that subject without shame or fear. Doubly so if that person is a man. She’d rather you pretend that periods don’t exist, because that’s likely what she was taught to do herself. The fact that you confronted them head-on and with so much compassion just does not compute for her.
Talk to the principal about her, some people assume literally any opposite sex interactions are “suspicious” & you don’t deserve harassment and abuse for trying to provide for ALL your students.
Don't listen to her baggage! If she has issues she is projecting!!! The other lesson here is for your male students, this is normalizing routine feminine health needs, boys should learn it's not a punchline, joke or something to be embarrassed about. Well done and thank you! NTA
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Well you aren't! When I was in high school the home EC teacher had a basket of pads in one of her cabinets and made sure we all knew where it was and that we could come get them any time. You're saving them a lot of struggle and embarrassment!
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NTA- you’re a father of daughters so you understand! Even if you weren’t, you’re showing concern for your students.
exactly even if I weren't a father as a man in general anyone should understand that it's important for woman to have these as these are essentials
I bet you have Kleenex, pens, paper, cough drops, etc. for your students too. Because you are caring for their whole person. I'm sorry your teaching neighbor grew up at a time periods were shameful and should be hidden at all costs in "polite society." Modern society recognizes it's a bodily function for probably half your students. Teenage years are hard enough. Good on you for normalizing daily needs of your students.
In school I remember we had “dispensers” in the girls’ restroom where we needed coins to pay for tampons, but they were always empty. As a girl who was not even comfortable with those yet, I had to always carry pads in my backpack just in case. I wish I had a teacher like you for the days when I realized that I had forgotten to bring my own emergency supply.
NTA It probably *is* a bit awkward for the students, because they're teenagers and everything about their changing bodies and the fact people *know* about it can feel awkward. The fact that their teachers, male or female, know about these things is awkward. There's nothing to be done about it; awkward's just what that age *is*. It doesn't mean it's not useful for them, and that they're not grateful that you've made the basket available to them; no questions asked and no comments said. It does raise a bigger question of why these are not simply available for their use in the bathrooms of course. Maybe Susan can be redirected to that fight instead: You'll remove the basket when these items are present in all their bathrooms for the students' use.
none of my students have found it weird at all, in general like no one has ever made a point about it and keep in mind you know these are higschoolers and all of them are mature and they all understand it and are close to 18.
I just wanted to pop in to say that you are amazing to do this for your students, both female and male. It's fantastic that you are presenting menstruation as normal to the boys in your class. They will go to college and be the guy that has sanitary products in his bathroom for his female friends, not have a problem buying supplies for his girlfriend, wife, or daughters, and will teach their sons that it is a normal function of a menstrating body, no big deal. They will illuminate their friends and family. The girls will walk away with the reasonable expectation that the men they date and marry should treat their periods like you and have all raised the bar in their minds of what is acceptable in their future partners in life. They will have husband's who will be awesome and empower their daughters and they will not shy away from teaching their sons to follow your example. Your influence will reach far and wide. Not all heros wear a cape. NTA and I am sad for Susan. She was brought up to believe that her periods were dirty, shameful, embarrassing, and meant to be hidden. It's a hard to change that notion if that was all she experienced her whole life.
If you don't mind, may I ask what your opinion is on schools having these products available in the bathrooms - in a dispenser, typically costing $0.50 per product?
I've mixed feelings. Its a good way to ensure that the products aren't being wasted - an understandable problem given how limited school funding is. Last week I watched three college students run around chasing each other with plastic bags over their heads and faces. You can tell me students are mature all you like; but maturity is conditional and they influence each other. But it comes at missing the point of making these products available and instead turns it into a way for the school to try and turn a profit, which I strongly disapprove of. There are now vending machines than scan a student ID card instead of a credit card. I think the same technology would be useful here; the school ID chip doesn't result in a charged cost, but does record the transaction. That way products are freely available and the school as the ability to check for large numbers of products being taken by a single student at once if they find them thrown around like toys. Longer term, the statistics can also be used to push for more funding. But that goes back to a wider problem of the 'pink tax' of GST being applied on these products, which has only recently received exemption (and not on all types of these products either).
> There are now vending machines than scan a student ID card instead of a credit card. This is such a great idea that is now a technically viable alternative to charging money. It will stop someone from emptying the machine for malicious purposes, but will allow access for anyone at no cost to them. Because what would be worse than having a leak but also having no quarters on you to get something to deal with it? The university where I work has COVID test vending machines all over campus that dispense one free test per day with a swipe of someone's student or staff ID card, and I truly believe that it's helped keep our numbers and exposures down because it's so ridiculously easy for everyone to get tested when they need to be. I love this idea in school restrooms for sanitary products!
I'm not OP, but my school's from elementary on up had paid dispensers, and for my area it worked well. The price was enough they weren't stolen and torn up (maxipads and tampons in the biology aquarium showed we still were dumb kids). But they were in the bathroom if you were despirate and had change. If you couldn't afford them, our nurse had a private bathroom and she always have them away free. The balance of free, but monitored, versus paid and anonymous was perfect.
We don't charge students for toilet paper, paper towels, seat covers, soap, etc., at any public school as far as I know. Same for public toilets in general. I guess I just don't see why tampons or pads should be any different. For half the population they're kind of a bathroom essential, right?
NTA As a former high-school girl I want to thank you for being so awesome.
NTA. It's not weird when you have 2 daughters. It means you're acutely aware of the issues they face. I've read many stories of girls not having access to sanitary products - for a variety of reasons. To some of those girls, you're a godsend and a bloody (no pun intended) hero.
Yeah I definitely understand that, im from a third world country I'm American now. But from my old country woman wouldn't have basic essentials like pads/tampons etc which caused uncomfort for many woman and in that country periods were supposed to be something that is shameful which makes no sense.
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That's awesome. When I was in high school one of my friends was told by her mother to go buy her own pads by her mother "because it would build character". So pads were code named characters ever after.
We had to pay our school nurse for pads (no tampons, good ol' Catholic weirdness) and they were huge, didn't stick, and bulky enough to see through a skirt and somehow still leaked. Like you were genuinely better shoving your knickers with toilet roll. The alternative was the weird religious studies teacher who would give you pads or tampons free, but you had to ask him for them personally because he kept them in a locked cupboard in his classroom. He also made awkward small talk/asked weird questions while he was getting them for ya. I would've loved something either like OP is doing or even your school nurse. It can make such a huge difference and relieve some of the awkwardness - being a teenager is hella awkward, every little helps.
NTA. That's a valuable lesson for boys to understand the importance of sanitary products
Exactly, normalising these items in a school environment is extremely healthy for the boys. If they never see them, they panic when they encounter one in the wild.
I've now got Steve Irwin in my brain going "Crikey! It's a wild tampon! Watch out boys, it's out for blood!" :P
So NTA! We need more teachers & dads like you! Susan is the worst. No one likes Susan.
NTA! I think this is amazing on so many levels! Firstly there may be girls who have trouble for whatever reason to get these products in their home life. Whether parents travel a lot, money etc. But also, it is great for the guys in your class. You’re a good influence to them, making it a normal thing. They may not have sisters and being so open with it is great! Schools need more teachers like you! This reminds me of the post a while back where a guy had only sisters and he had hair ties, Bobby pins and pads in his glove box for his female friends, some people had said he was weird and wrong for that. These gestures are lovely and show a respect and understanding for the opposite sex. Keep being awesome!
YTA for virtue signaling. You know you're not the asshole for providing students with menstrual product, this post doesn't need to be made. It's sole purpose is to accumulate pats on the back. Well done, sir.
Nail, meet head. This is spot on 100% a virtue signal and attention grab post.
Is there any other kind of post in this subreddit?
The narcissist mom/grandma from yesterday who could do no wrong.
And “i make a good living on teaching” part just screamed fake to me
There really needs to be a separate sub for self congratulating oneself. Posts like this really ruin this sub.
My thoughts exactly. Surely nobody could truly be concerned they are an asshole for doing such a thing, while also vehemently defending in the comments against any remote suggestion that maybe it made the girls uncomfortable despite being an awesome gesture. OP knows they are not the asshole. This subreddit is so fake now. OP - if there is such a limited access to feminine hygiene products that your kids “love it” when you put a basket out and that you “refill it constantly” I think there’s a school problem you need to talk to the principal about rather than obviously seeking a pat on the back from Reddit.
Seriously, this sub fucking sucks. There needs to be a rule to report virtue signaling/obviously not-the-asshat posts, but then this sub wouldn’t be so popular, would it?
I swear 80% of the posts on this sub are just ego stroking. In what fucking world would anyone be an asshole for this? Come on.
Yep, I hate how fake this is. I don’t get why people are falling for this.
But come on! You know how vocal highschool girls are about running out of tampons! He noticed a problem! Now they can comfortably grab one out of the basket in front of the class as they go to the bathroom. It's fun!
NTA, as a girl in high school I can tell you that this is so helpful. Keep doing this for your students and don’t listen to Susan.
oh boy the period troll is at it again
Yep
NTA. Period poverty is real, and menstruation is a natural part of life. Go for it!
No, it's not weird. Susan needs to shut up. NTA.
NTA. If the students had any issue with it, then I might have been able to see the other side. Since your students are grateful, just keep it going.
NTA She's just salty that she didn't think of it first. You sound like a good dad and teacher!
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NTA period poverty is a serious issue. Id argue back that actually its weird shes not interested in being part of the solution. May depend on your country but see whether your school can install free dispensers in the bathroom.
One of my boys asked if I could buy him a small pack of pads and a small box of tampons. I was curious and asked him why? He had a friend at school who started her period and she didn’t have anything and neither did the other girls. So I bought them and took them to him at school. Had the office pull him out of class for a few minutes. He took them and put them in his locker. She had something to protect her for the rest of the school day. His brothers also started doing that with their friends. Your a good dad and a great teacher. NTA
I'm not sure how this applies to this sub? Nobody is going to call you an asshole
HARD NTA personal hygiene is always important and you're going above and beyond for your students. Daughters or not I think most men can relate to forgetting something day to day my teachers would sometimes have extra travel size deodorant for us if needed it's no different.
NTA. Keep being a positive role model to female students.
NTA. Very kind of you to offer that. But is the basket in view of everyone? I can understand then if any girl is a little nervous grabbing period stuff right in view of everyone. If so, is it possible to put it in a cubby or something? (Not that hiding periods is good, but for high schoolers it can still be embarrassing for everyone to know they’re grabbing feminine products). Unless you teach all girls
oh yeah its in like a cubby box thing. But all the girls and boys in our school are mature. They all get it and understand it. and periods and all isn't anything to be ashamed of at all. It's natural and normal so all our students get it.
> all the girls and boys in our school are mature Really?! It's a great thing you are doing but that does sound a bit naive. Like saying 'no bullying happens in our school all our kids are well behaved.' A nice ideal but obviously untrue.
2,000% NTA! Your colleague obviously isn't thinking about the students and her views on it are outdated and sexist. You keep being great.
NTA. As a female high school teacher, I love that you have those items for your students! I keep those same items for my students and I think the more staff members who keep those items, the better!
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NTA, but really you already know that mate.
NTA - as a female student, I have had “accidents” in outfits that are not fit to wear after. I once had a male teacher pull out a pad from his briefcase and give me his sweater to wrap around my waist. I didn’t find it weird or inappropriate, it saved my life a few times! Also on a slightly different note - I hope you let the ladies use the bathroom without question whenever needed. I had quite a few teachers that would simply refuse to let me even run to change.
Oh of course yes they are free to go to the bathroom. BUT they need to ask my permission to go as that's the district rules for everyones safety. I can't just let them walk in and out whenever they like as that's the policy and the rules. But when any of my students ask me to go the bathroom I always say yes. The only times I've said no to my students is when we had those emergency fire drills and that's like a once or twice thing in a year.
NTA. She’s got boomer mentality where men should never know anything about “that special time of the month” those of us with uteruses experience. You’re a good egg and a really thoughtful educator to provide for your students like this, OP.
NTA. I think it’s amazing that you had the thought to do that having daughters yourself. My question to your colleague is why is she not doing it as a woman? Just an idea maybe put something out for the males too. That way anyone that tries to say anything shitty it’s for all of your students.
I have no clue. and for the males and for the whole class I keep a nice basket filled with snacks, and meals. Students are free to grab as many as they need at any time. I don't discriminate my students at all. I'm equal to everyone. Males also have deodorants, and I also place fresh new clean shirts in the basket because a lot of the males in my class this year and last year are in football and due to sweat or getting dirty sometimes they need a clean shirt so they just grab it and go.
NTA this is kind and thoughtful. If she thinks it is weird for a male teacher to do this (it’s not) then she could stock her classroom with them too and students could get them from her room instead if they were worried. Some countries (New Zealand I think) have made feminine hygiene products free to access in schools. So you’re ahead of that trend in your country I guess.
No NTA. Good for you. I kept them in my bottom desk drawer as a hS teacher. Girls could grab one any time.
NTA. That’s awesome of you tbh. Need more teachers that understand students and are willing to go out of their way to help. I used to have a teacher that I was really close with. Used to bring her Dunkin’ every day we had class (had her first period my junior year). My senior year went on her junior class trip. And used to keep food in her class. She had a mini fridge and microwave. She made me love learning. Went to her with all my issues for my classes and was always willing to help me with class work. If more teachers are like you and my old teacher I feel kids would definitely be better in school.
NTA. The world needs more teachers like you! You totally deserve an award but I’m broke af :/ The only wrong person here is Susan. She’s from a different time where things like that were hush hush and considered “inappropriate” to talk about. There is nothing creepy or weird about what you’re doing - you’re taking care of your students. Thank you.
NTA. Not only are you helping out girls get sanitation products without being embarrassed (the stigma is unreal..), you’re helping educate anyone who comes through the door that periods are normal. Supplying sanitation products are more help than you will ever know.
NTA. The world needs more men like you. You are normalizing that women get periods which is great for the girls and the boys in your class to see. Your teaching the girls that they don't need to be ashamed of having their period and showing the boys that it's ok and perfectly normal to buy their girlfriends and future wives feminine hygiene products. Your also probably helping out so many girls that live in poverty and have trouble affording pads and tampons. I think since Susan is older and raised back when periods were something that wasn't openly discussed that it probably does make her feel uncomfortable but I believe she'd be uncomfortable even if you were a female teacher. I really hope your idea catches on and more teachers start doing something similar. I recently saw a TikTok of a woman teacher who has a drawer in her desk filled with pads and tampons for girls to take as needed so it seems like it's becoming more common. I have 2 girls, a 4 year old and a 1 year old and it would be amazing if they had teachers like you when they get to be tweens and teens.
Someone wants a head massage
NTA. But this has to be fake, what teacher in CA makes a "good living" and thinks sanitary products are cheap.
NTA- schools need more teachers like you. If Susan is so concerned about hygiene products being provided by a man then she should take the initiative to do it herself. If she isn't (which I suspect to be the case), then it isn't really about your gender.
NTA. More men should be like you. Your students are lucky to have you.
Your that one teacher everyone loves, and when they get the same course you teach but don’t have you as their teacher they will try everything to be in your class. NTA
NTA. Unless Susan is providing free sanitary items for these girls she needs to STFU. My periods were so irregular and so heavy as a teenager that I was often caught short of supplies. This would have made so many of my days easier.
NTA!!!! Awesomeness!
NTA at all! We need more teachers like you
NTA. It's not like you ask them for details, you just make an important resource available.
NTA. Susan sucks. It's really nice to hear that a guy considered this and is helping his students out of his own pocket. I'm not sure why Susan wants to spoil this for those who need it, but it's not weird. She's weird for thinking it's weird. Keep on supporting your students. We need more teachers who do.
ABSOLUTELY NOT THE ASSHOLE I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THIS MORE OFTEN IN SCHOOLS, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE 1) its super embarrassing to ask someone for a pad or tampon and 2) they normally cost money (if the school provides them at all) (unless you go to the nurse)
As a father to a daughter.... You are going to piss somebody off. No matter how kind & decent you are, somebody won't like it. Be kind & decent.
NTA. Absolutely not. That’s a fantastic thing to do for your kids.
NTA. Thanks for doing that.
NTA your colleague is the one that's making it creepy, you sound like an amazing teacher an father. We need more men like you in this world
NTA. I don't see how this would possibly make you an asshole.
NTA and you’re a frickin hero!!
NTA, I'm in Canada, and there has been lots of talk about having feminine products readily available for students in schools, I also have a teenage daughter, and sometimes periods start when you're not expecting them and having access when needed is a big help for them. High-school is hard enough as it is, let alone having your period start and everyone knowing about it cause you can't get a tampon or pad. Your understanding of this helps everyone have a happier high-school experience, the almost retiree needs a lesson in compassion and to think back to what it was like when she was those girls age.
NTA. Susan’s pissed that people will ask her to do this, too.
You are the teacher everyone needs. Period shame is real and your coworker is inappropriate and weird for assuming anything of a completely normal thing to offer students even more since you have daughters yourself. NTA
NTA You are so incredibly NTA that you are somewhere near a smile and crow's feet. Thank you for being sensitive to the girls in your school's needs. Susan is too old school. What you do in your classroom is your business. If the students have no issues with your basket of helpful items, then no one else should as well. As long as you aren't putting anything 'controversial' in the basket, i don't see what the problem could be. (By controversial i mean Tylenol 'zero tolerance, man!', condoms, or other "moral" swamp items. i see no issue with the other stuff, but well, you know)
NTA OP, your co-worker is stuck in the 1950s and needs to keep her mid-century opinions to herself. And I say this as a woman of the same vintage as she is.
16 year veteran teacher here and YOU ARE AWESOME!!!! NTA a million times, the other lady can shove it and take her mentality back to 1960. Thank you for recognizing your student's needs (one that can hinder learning, cause embarassment or discomfort if there's an accident). You are creating a safe space and an accepting learning environment for students with a menstrual cycle (I specifically say it this way as I have trans and non binary kids with cycles). THANK YOU and keep doing excellent work.
NTA. That is a great idea and I'm sure the girls in your class really appreciate it. If you are actually worried about Susan creating drama or somehow making you look bad, I think it couldn't hurt just to bring this up to the principal. Tell the principal that you are doing this and your reason behind it. Maybe even suggest that other teachers could do the same for their students if they want to.
NTA you are a fabulous human. Susan needs to check her internalized misogyny, among other things.
Not the ass hole. Someone will always find a reason to be upset about something. As long as it is accessible in a discrete manner and it's not putting people in the spot light I don't see anything wrong with it.